1 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,410 In 1985, little John Bennett 2 00:00:04,490 --> 00:00:06,240 wished on a shooting star 3 00:00:06,330 --> 00:00:08,750 that his teddy bear would come to life. 4 00:00:08,830 --> 00:00:10,790 Magically, it happened. 5 00:00:10,870 --> 00:00:14,120 Ted was an instant, worldwide phenomenon. 6 00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:16,130 But now, it's 1993. 7 00:00:16,210 --> 00:00:17,710 And like every phenomenon, 8 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,260 eventually, nobody gives a shit. 9 00:00:27,220 --> 00:00:28,850 My words are lazy 10 00:00:28,930 --> 00:00:30,520 My thoughts are hazy 11 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,730 But this is one thing I'm sure of 12 00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:37,360 Everybody needs A best friend 13 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:40,360 I'm happy I'm yours 14 00:00:52,250 --> 00:00:55,040 Fuck, it's not working. Here, let me try something, 15 00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:56,420 You got to blow on it. 16 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,340 That's what I'm doing. 17 00:00:58,420 --> 00:00:59,840 No, no, you got to like really blow on it. 18 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,010 Here. 19 00:01:03,590 --> 00:01:06,220 Wow, you are going to make some guy very happy one day. 20 00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:07,480 Fuck off. 21 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:08,560 Try it again with eye contact. 22 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,520 Fuck you, man. 23 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:11,850 See if it works. 24 00:01:13,020 --> 00:01:14,020 Hey! 25 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:16,230 All right, Mushroom Kingdom. Anybody seen my car keys? 26 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,030 Yeah, they were on the floor. 27 00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:19,700 Dad stepped on them and got mad. 28 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:20,780 What'd he do with 'em? 29 00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:21,860 Think he threw 'em. 30 00:01:21,990 --> 00:01:23,330 Shit. 31 00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:25,620 Hey, are Mario and Luigi supposed to be midgets? 32 00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:26,820 What do you mean? 33 00:01:26,910 --> 00:01:27,910 They're wicked short. 34 00:01:27,990 --> 00:01:29,080 Like, is it part of their character 35 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,330 that they're midgets, or is... 36 00:01:30,410 --> 00:01:32,160 Jesus Christ. Seriously? 37 00:01:32,370 --> 00:01:33,370 What? 38 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:34,500 Little people. 39 00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:35,580 Yeah, that's why I'm asking. 40 00:01:35,670 --> 00:01:37,130 Are they supposed to be midgets? 41 00:01:37,210 --> 00:01:38,920 You don't say "midget." You say "little people." 42 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,750 "Midget" is rude. Why is it rude? 43 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:43,090 Because it just is. It's a fucked-up word. 44 00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,510 I mean, how would you like it if you were a little person 45 00:01:44,590 --> 00:01:45,880 and someone called you that? 46 00:01:45,970 --> 00:01:47,220 Well, I mean, technically... 47 00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:48,970 That's not the same. Why not? 48 00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:50,230 You're a teddy bear. 49 00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,650 So what? Doesn't matter. 50 00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:53,730 Yeah, yeah, you know what? I am a midget. 51 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:56,520 And I will thank you not to tell our community 52 00:01:56,610 --> 00:01:57,900 how to use our word. 53 00:01:57,980 --> 00:01:59,110 Well done, Teddy. 54 00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:00,320 Thank you. 55 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:05,990 Susan, just say it once. 56 00:02:06,070 --> 00:02:07,400 Nope. Just one time. 57 00:02:07,490 --> 00:02:08,870 No. She's not going to do it. 58 00:02:08,950 --> 00:02:09,950 Come on, just one "fuck." 59 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,170 No, she doesn't want to go to hell. 60 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,410 Come on, Susan. 61 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,170 I can express myself without that kind of language. 62 00:02:15,250 --> 00:02:16,540 Thank you. Come on, we got a bet going. 63 00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:18,420 Just one time. What's the bet? 64 00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,210 Oh, that Ted can get Mom to swear. 65 00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:22,000 Oh, wow, so fucking adult. 66 00:02:22,090 --> 00:02:23,680 Hey, we're at dinner. 67 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,260 Just say "shit." 68 00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:26,340 Shoot. 69 00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:27,720 Just give us the finger. 70 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:29,760 There's your finger. 71 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:30,850 Say "Polack." 72 00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:32,100 Ted, really? 73 00:02:32,180 --> 00:02:33,520 It's not a race. You can say it. 74 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,690 Yeah, it's just a bunch of guys. 75 00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:37,110 Okay, just eat your supper, fellas. 76 00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,190 She's not going to swear, man. 77 00:02:38,310 --> 00:02:39,650 I win. Ah, fuck. 78 00:02:39,730 --> 00:02:41,520 Pay up. 79 00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:43,610 Thank you. 80 00:02:43,690 --> 00:02:45,780 Wait, you're not wearing pants. Where'd you get this? 81 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:48,820 Don't you worry about where I'm keeping stuff. 82 00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:51,290 Matty, honey, that's your fourth beer. 83 00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:53,120 Yeah, I had a shit day. 84 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,660 Yeah, four is like a Boston one. 85 00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:55,750 He's okay. 86 00:02:55,830 --> 00:02:57,580 I'm sorry your day was hard, honey. 87 00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:59,670 Yeah, well, sorry doesn't fix the car. 88 00:02:59,750 --> 00:03:01,090 What happened to the car, Dad? 89 00:03:01,170 --> 00:03:02,760 Whole rear fender got smashed. 90 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:03,880 Well, how bad is it? 91 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,290 It's going to be at least 400 bucks. 92 00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:07,510 Who hit it? I didn't see. 93 00:03:07,590 --> 00:03:10,550 But I was parked outside the Hong Kong buffet, so... 94 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,350 Do the math. 95 00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:14,100 I'm sorry, what? 96 00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:15,310 I'm just saying. 97 00:03:15,390 --> 00:03:18,310 Wow, that is such complete bullshit. 98 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,570 Hey, we're at dinner. 99 00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,320 It's a bullshit stereotype. 100 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,690 Tell that to my car. 101 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:26,110 Swear to God, this whole household is so goddamn backward. 102 00:03:26,190 --> 00:03:28,320 Ted has used two derogatory terms this afternoon. 103 00:03:28,410 --> 00:03:29,620 And then there you go 104 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:30,990 topping it off with that ignorant comment. 105 00:03:31,070 --> 00:03:32,450 I said "midget." What was the other one? 106 00:03:32,530 --> 00:03:33,740 Yeah, I don't know. 107 00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:35,250 You're living in my house with my family, 108 00:03:35,330 --> 00:03:37,170 eating our food, and drinking our milk. 109 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,420 Tough shit if you don't like it. 110 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:39,500 That's just... that's great. 111 00:03:39,580 --> 00:03:40,830 I'm so glad you don't count me 112 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,130 as a member of the family, Uncle Matty. 113 00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:44,340 Maybe "Polack"? 114 00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:45,710 No, couldn't be that. That one's fine. 115 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,260 Blaire, you are absolutely a member of this family. 116 00:03:49,340 --> 00:03:52,180 Matty, tell her you're sorry. 117 00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:53,510 Of course he won't. 118 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,100 Because if he did, he'd be admitting I'm right, 119 00:03:55,180 --> 00:03:57,520 which would also be admitting he is a classic Boston racist. 120 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,350 I'm not a racist! 121 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,360 My favorite movie is Rocky. 122 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,280 How the fuck does that make you not racist? 123 00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,150 Uh, Apollo Creed is in the movie. 124 00:04:05,230 --> 00:04:06,520 So? 125 00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:08,860 So he's a Black guy who wins against a white guy. 126 00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:10,330 Oh, my God. 127 00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:12,160 I mean, it's assuming you count Italians as whites, 128 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,580 which I mostly do. 129 00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:15,700 Of course, they weren't white up until the 1960s. 130 00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:18,040 They got a big bump after Korea. 131 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,120 And it wasn't so much they got more white, 132 00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:22,920 the Cubans got more Black, but I was okay with that too. 133 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,250 Isn't this the toast that got you kicked out of Ronny's wedding? 134 00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,590 Again, I was explaining 135 00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:28,460 why it was okay that he married an Italian. 136 00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:29,680 Jesus Christ. 137 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,260 You are literally proving my point. 138 00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:33,050 You are a raging fuckin' racist. 139 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,520 Hey, we're at dinner. 140 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,900 Well, in fairness, Blaire, you can be racist too. 141 00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:40,110 What? Mm-hmm. 142 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,470 No, I'm not. 143 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,770 Do you remember when you were a little girl? 144 00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:46,660 You used to cut the hair off your Barbies? 145 00:04:46,730 --> 00:04:48,070 Yes? 146 00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:50,490 You used to cut the Black Barbie's hair off first 147 00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:51,860 to see how it looked. 148 00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:54,040 Oh, come on. Are you serious with that? 149 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:55,290 And then if you liked it, 150 00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:56,910 then you'd cut the white Barbie's hair. 151 00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:59,080 So you're a little racist too, Blaire. 152 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,910 Wow, that is weirdly so much more damning 153 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,460 than anything else today. 154 00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:04,920 And it started when she was very young too. 155 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,920 Are you guys for fucking real right now? 156 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,750 I mean, that is some sick Nazi doctor shit right there. 157 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,380 Did you? 158 00:05:11,470 --> 00:05:12,760 What? 159 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:14,760 Did you cut the Black Barbie's hair first? 160 00:05:18,010 --> 00:05:21,140 Fine, yes, okay, I cut the Black Barbie's hair, yes. 161 00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:22,520 I was eight years old, okay? 162 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,770 I didn't fucking know any better. 163 00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:25,690 What was the Black Barbie's name? 164 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:30,230 I don't remember. Oh, it gets even worse! 165 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,530 Oh, my God, she can't remember the Black Barbie's name. 166 00:05:31,610 --> 00:05:33,820 But I still love both Barbies equally. 167 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,450 And separately? Yeah, yeah. 168 00:05:35,530 --> 00:05:36,780 What was the water fountain situation like 169 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,540 at the Dreamhouse? Yeah, was there like 170 00:05:38,620 --> 00:05:40,120 a special entrance for the Black Barbie? 171 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,450 Look... Oh. 172 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:42,620 Did you call it the "I Have a Dreamhouse"? 173 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,800 A-ha! Okay, I was a fucking child. 174 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,970 All right? At least I have that excuse. 175 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,460 You guys are adults. 176 00:05:48,550 --> 00:05:50,140 You know what the problem is? 177 00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:51,540 Education. 178 00:05:51,630 --> 00:05:53,840 There is a complete lack of education in this family. 179 00:05:53,930 --> 00:05:55,310 That's not true. I go to school. 180 00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:57,350 I'm taking a pottery class. 181 00:05:57,430 --> 00:05:59,180 What about Ted? Hmm? 182 00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:00,970 He's never had a day of education in his life, 183 00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:03,310 and it shows, using words like "Polack." 184 00:06:03,390 --> 00:06:04,560 Oh, it was "Polack." 185 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,140 The teacher says my ashtray shows promise. 186 00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,650 You should be going to school every day with John. 187 00:06:09,730 --> 00:06:11,230 You'd learn something. 188 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,570 And maybe you wouldn't make all these ignorant comments. 189 00:06:12,650 --> 00:06:14,240 Uh, yeah, no thanks. 190 00:06:14,650 --> 00:06:15,650 Why not? 191 00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:17,030 Because. 192 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,200 TV. 193 00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:19,570 Aunt Suze, help me out. 194 00:06:19,660 --> 00:06:21,410 Well, Ted, you might have fun. 195 00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:22,830 Mm-hmm. 196 00:06:22,910 --> 00:06:24,580 And I'm sure John would love to have you there. 197 00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:26,540 No, no, I would not have fun. 198 00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:28,380 And The Price is Right is on at 10:00 a.m. 199 00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:29,840 and I'd miss Plinko 200 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,210 and Johnny respects me too much to want me to do that. 201 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,590 I do. I respect him. 202 00:06:33,670 --> 00:06:35,470 He tells me all about Plinko when I get home. 203 00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:36,800 That is such a cop-out. 204 00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:39,020 Look, I guard the house when you guys are out. 205 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,520 You do not. 206 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,940 Yeah, I do. How? 207 00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:44,020 If somebody broke in, what would you do? 208 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,100 I... I would tell him all the good stuff's in the backyard 209 00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:49,480 and then I'd lock the door behind him. 210 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,600 This is pointless. I have plans with Sarah. 211 00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:56,490 Oh, Plinko was wonderful today. 212 00:06:56,570 --> 00:06:58,780 Plinko is the best Price is Right game. 213 00:06:58,870 --> 00:06:59,870 It is. 214 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,250 We live in such special times. 215 00:07:08,380 --> 00:07:11,050 $1, 000 total thus far. 216 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,380 Oh, God. Third one is... 217 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:13,750 Oh, God. 218 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:14,880 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, 219 00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:16,720 fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 220 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,760 Yes! Ah! Oh, my God! 221 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:21,680 I want to tell somebody. 222 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,220 No, it's okay. It's all right. 223 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,270 This will be my moment. 224 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,430 All right, another day with the house to myself. 225 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:30,900 What's fun? 226 00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,820 What's fun? What's fun? What's fun? What's fun? 227 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,570 Oh, let's see if we can find where Matty hides his porn. 228 00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:44,950 Jesus, he's got nothing? 229 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,750 25 years of marriage and no porn, 230 00:07:46,830 --> 00:07:48,120 I'd put a bullet in my head. 231 00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,090 Oh, here we go. 232 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,920 Oh, talk about the right to bear arms. 233 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,130 Bear arms bearing arms, right? 234 00:07:55,210 --> 00:07:58,590 Oh, man, everybody's missing all this great stuff. 235 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,680 Oh, wait. Oh, I know what to do with this. 236 00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:19,160 Awesome! 237 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,040 Oh, I am so glad I tried this at home. 238 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,620 What the hell was that? 239 00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:26,200 Oh, it's okay, Mrs. Fechko. 240 00:08:26,290 --> 00:08:28,130 I'm just doing a science experiment. 241 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,910 Is that a gun? 242 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,590 I mean, that's one function of it, yeah. 243 00:08:32,670 --> 00:08:34,130 Well, what are you shooting at? 244 00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:35,210 Nothing. 245 00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:36,300 Are you sure? 246 00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:37,380 Yeah. 247 00:08:37,460 --> 00:08:38,460 All right. 248 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,050 Oops! 249 00:08:46,390 --> 00:08:48,600 Ah, fuck. 250 00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:59,950 The Russian boxer has all this technology, right? 251 00:09:00,030 --> 00:09:02,070 But Rocky's way up in the mountains. 252 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,200 And all he's got is, like, logs and shit. 253 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,990 So it's wicked uneven because the Russians 254 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,790 have machines for, like, every part of Drago's body. 255 00:09:09,870 --> 00:09:14,250 But you know what part they don't have a machine for? 256 00:09:14,330 --> 00:09:16,210 This guy, right here. 257 00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:17,670 Aw, you should have seen it. 258 00:09:17,750 --> 00:09:20,880 I'm sure I still can. It sounds like they filmed it. 259 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,210 I don't know how we started talking about abortion 260 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:23,470 and ended up here. 261 00:09:23,550 --> 00:09:24,640 I don't have to pick you up tomorrow, right? 262 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,720 No, I got the rental. 263 00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:29,600 What the fuck? 264 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,070 Aw. 265 00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:37,690 Oh. Hey, Matty. Hey, Blaire. 266 00:09:37,770 --> 00:09:38,850 What the fuck is this? 267 00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:41,110 Oh, this is Cupcake, Peaches, 268 00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:42,360 and Beef Stroganoff. 269 00:09:42,450 --> 00:09:43,450 Hi. 270 00:09:43,530 --> 00:09:44,700 What happened to the TV? 271 00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:46,450 Oh, I accidentally shot it. 272 00:09:46,530 --> 00:09:47,860 You shot it? 273 00:09:47,950 --> 00:09:49,740 Yeah, and I felt really bad about it. 274 00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:52,620 And then I was like, "Hey, Ted, it was an accident. 275 00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:54,500 "Stop being so hard on yourself. 276 00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:55,910 "It's bad enough that it happened. 277 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,340 "You feeling bad's not going to fix it." 278 00:09:58,420 --> 00:09:59,670 So I called these ladies 279 00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:01,040 because I was trying to make myself feel better. 280 00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:02,880 And I do. I feel better. 281 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,810 See, this is the kind of shit 282 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,380 that wouldn't happen if he was in school. 283 00:10:06,510 --> 00:10:07,550 Wait, what? 284 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,020 You're going to school. 285 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,890 Wait, hang on. That is a serious overreaction. 286 00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:11,970 You're going to school, 287 00:10:12,060 --> 00:10:13,520 and you're going to grow a fucking brain! 288 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,890 Oh, come on! 289 00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:16,570 I think brains are sexy. 290 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,650 Shut up, Beef. 291 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,240 Hey, Johnny, you awake? 292 00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,580 Yeah. 293 00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,370 I was just jerking off. 294 00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:34,660 What? 295 00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:36,670 Relax, I'm fucking with you. 296 00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,630 Holy Jesus. 297 00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:39,920 Wait, you're... you don't do that 298 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,130 when I'm in the room, right? 299 00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:42,880 No. 300 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,920 Not usually. I mean, if you're asleep. 301 00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:49,720 Oh, shit, that's why I had the Spanish galleon dream. 302 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:50,930 What? 303 00:10:51,010 --> 00:10:52,050 I had a dream the other night 304 00:10:52,140 --> 00:10:54,520 that I was rowing on a Spanish slave ship. 305 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,900 And the guy on the drums was pounding faster and faster. 306 00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:59,940 And so I escaped by jumping out a window, 307 00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:01,770 and I swam to a desert island. 308 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:02,940 And when I came ashore, 309 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,070 there you were jerking off. 310 00:11:05,150 --> 00:11:07,860 That's probably why I had that dream. 311 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,790 Okay, goodnight. 312 00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:15,620 Johnny, how bad is school going to suck? 313 00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:17,380 You're not going to like it. 314 00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,290 How bad? 315 00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:21,550 You ever drink orange juice after brushing your teeth? 316 00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:22,630 Yeah. 317 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:23,800 Well, it's like 318 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,630 getting your nuts smashed together so hard, they become just one nut. 319 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,970 Holy shit. And that's every day? 320 00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:31,760 That's every single day. 321 00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,140 But if you die in a drunk driving accident, 322 00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:35,890 you get a whole page in the yearbook. 323 00:11:35,980 --> 00:11:37,110 Not quite Goodnight Moon, 324 00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:39,440 but I'll see you in the morning. 325 00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:47,160 This sucks. 326 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:48,990 We got to lug these things around all day? 327 00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:50,200 Yeah, pretty much. 328 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,490 We look stupid. Nah, we're fine. 329 00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,710 We look like suicide bombers having second thoughts. 330 00:11:54,790 --> 00:11:55,830 Shut the fuck up. 331 00:11:55,910 --> 00:11:57,000 You can't joke about bombs here. 332 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,670 Now let me ask you something. 333 00:11:59,750 --> 00:12:00,830 You ever get self-conscious 334 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,760 being the only white guy at your school? 335 00:12:02,830 --> 00:12:04,710 I dunno, we live in a Boston suburb. 336 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,180 Oh, last year, we had an Indian kid. 337 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:07,390 Oh, yeah? 338 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:08,460 Yeah, but they got him. 339 00:12:08,550 --> 00:12:09,680 What does that mean? 340 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,010 I liked him too. 341 00:12:11,090 --> 00:12:12,340 What do you mean "they got him"? 342 00:12:12,430 --> 00:12:13,680 He used to share his Dunkaroos. 343 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:15,470 Good guy. Fuck this, Johnny. 344 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,560 You know what? I'm going to get expelled. 345 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:18,980 For what? 346 00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:20,440 I don't know yet. I'll come up with something. 347 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,980 Wait, you're going to try and get kicked out? 348 00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:24,770 It's the only way. I'm missing Card Sharks. 349 00:12:27,650 --> 00:12:30,570 Dude, look. 350 00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:31,740 There she is. 351 00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:32,820 What? 352 00:12:33,030 --> 00:12:34,450 Look. 353 00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:36,780 Holy shit, who is that? 354 00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,870 Bethany's sister. She goes to Emerson. Hottest chick on the planet. 355 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,840 Jesus, what's her name? 356 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:43,920 Sheila. 357 00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:45,830 What? No. Yep. 358 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,340 Sheila? Uh-huh. 359 00:12:47,420 --> 00:12:50,510 What the fuck kind of malevolent God would do that? 360 00:12:50,590 --> 00:12:52,180 Yeah, it's like her parents knew she was going to be hot, 361 00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:53,390 and they wanted to level the field. 362 00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:55,060 Think fast, Bennett! 363 00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:56,140 Nice! 364 00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:57,890 Fuck. Hey, dork. 365 00:12:57,970 --> 00:12:59,050 What the fuck you got here? 366 00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:00,560 You're bringing your dolls to school? 367 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:01,680 Hey, fuck you, Clive. 368 00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:03,980 Oh, God, you motherfucker. 369 00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:06,060 Who the hell is this guy? This is Clive. 370 00:13:06,150 --> 00:13:07,570 Nice teddy bear, Bennett. 371 00:13:07,650 --> 00:13:10,450 You got your blankie too? Ooh. 372 00:13:10,530 --> 00:13:12,450 You must be going full gay on us, huh? 373 00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,410 I always knew you were a big queer. 374 00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:16,370 You know, I don't want to speculate on who's gay, 375 00:13:16,450 --> 00:13:19,950 but didn't you just touch his penis twice? 376 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,750 Hey, listen, man, it's nothing to be ashamed of. 377 00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:23,670 It's the '90s. Times are changing. 378 00:13:23,750 --> 00:13:26,250 Hey, anybody else here gay? 379 00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:27,340 How is it? 380 00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:29,260 It's great. It's the fucking tits. 381 00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:31,510 See? There you go. The reviews are in. 382 00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,390 You're still a fucking dork. 383 00:13:34,470 --> 00:13:36,760 Hey, what a dorko. 384 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,600 Let's go. 385 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,220 Hey, you know what, Teddy? 386 00:13:41,310 --> 00:13:42,900 I think I'm really glad you're here. 387 00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:44,070 Yeah, thanks. 388 00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,150 I'm still going to get kicked out. 389 00:13:45,230 --> 00:13:47,360 I know. 390 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,110 From 1814 to 1815, following the writing 391 00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:52,190 of Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, 392 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,780 Lord Byron was the toast of Regency London. 393 00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:57,110 During this period, he wrote The Siege of Corinth, 394 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:01,000 The Bride of Abydos, and what else? 395 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,790 Amanda. Parisina. 396 00:14:02,870 --> 00:14:04,460 Yes. Someone did the homework. 397 00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:05,920 Very good. 398 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,960 I think this guy's lost 40 hairs since class started. 399 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,250 It's weird, right? 400 00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:10,460 It's like they're not falling out. 401 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,220 They're jumping out. 402 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:14,050 Ted. Yes? 403 00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:15,590 Can you complete this verse? 404 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:19,430 "She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes 405 00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:21,010 "and starry skies. 406 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:24,480 "And all that's best of dark and bright..." 407 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,650 Your wife is fucking other guys. 408 00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,570 You think you're funny, but you know what? 409 00:14:33,650 --> 00:14:35,240 Joke's on you, smart guy, 410 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,570 because my wife and I are having problems. 411 00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,580 Oh. Yeah. 412 00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:40,740 I'm sorry to hear that. 413 00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,120 Oh, thank you. 414 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,990 Um, my wife had an affair last year. 415 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,580 And we've both tried to recover, 416 00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:49,710 but fact is, neither one of us has been able to forget it. 417 00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:53,420 So I come in here every day acting like my life is great 418 00:14:53,510 --> 00:14:57,310 when, in reality, it's a train wreck. 419 00:14:57,390 --> 00:14:59,390 My own son doesn't respect his father, 420 00:14:59,470 --> 00:15:02,270 so joke's on you, funny man. 421 00:15:02,350 --> 00:15:04,810 Not really quite sure how the joke's on me, but... 422 00:15:04,890 --> 00:15:06,140 Who's laughing now? 423 00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:07,940 I mean, I think I still am, but... 424 00:15:08,020 --> 00:15:10,020 Life comes with a lot of pain, kids. 425 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,530 So better you learn that right now 426 00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:15,450 and develop some nice, hard calluses over your feelings. 427 00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:17,240 My daughter is having a pregnancy scare. 428 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,990 Anyone want to talk about that? 429 00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:21,450 Well, we're gonna talk about it! 430 00:15:21,530 --> 00:15:24,780 Her last period was five weeks ago! 431 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,620 I know this because 432 00:15:27,710 --> 00:15:30,550 I'm the only one in the house who buys tampons. 433 00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,380 Yeah, I don't think you're going to break Mr. George. 434 00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:33,960 He's already too messed up. 435 00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:35,260 Yeah, I see that. 436 00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:36,470 So what are you going to do? 437 00:15:36,550 --> 00:15:38,590 How are you going to get kicked out? 438 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:44,890 Better put some more franks on. 439 00:15:44,970 --> 00:15:45,970 All right. 440 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:49,940 I'm the king of the wieners! 441 00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:58,860 Ted Bennett, please report to the principal's office. 442 00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,910 Well, don't mind if I do. 443 00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:04,910 Ted, do you know where my last job was? 444 00:16:04,990 --> 00:16:07,200 Um, were you on Night Court? 445 00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:08,370 No. 446 00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:10,710 I was principal at Dorchester High. 447 00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:12,170 Oh, shit. 448 00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:15,170 Wait, isn't their mascot just a guy with a knife? 449 00:16:15,250 --> 00:16:17,000 Technically, Stabbers was a pirate. 450 00:16:17,090 --> 00:16:19,010 But yes, it was a little rough. 451 00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:20,550 I heard there was one girl there 452 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,930 who was only eight years older than her own granddaughter. 453 00:16:23,010 --> 00:16:24,180 I'm afraid that's true. 454 00:16:24,260 --> 00:16:25,470 Well, how'd that work? 455 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,190 Oh, it involved the International Date Line. 456 00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:29,110 But the point is 457 00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:31,030 I watched a lot of students stumble 458 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:33,850 and drift through the system to come out on the other side 459 00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:35,480 without any real education. 460 00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:37,410 Some of them did what you're doing... 461 00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:39,870 testing the boundaries, rebelling, 462 00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:41,410 hoping to get cut loose. 463 00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:42,950 Okay. 464 00:16:43,030 --> 00:16:45,240 Well, I'm not going to let the same thing happen here. 465 00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:47,370 Love that. Don't like where this is going. 466 00:16:47,450 --> 00:16:49,200 You're going to be an example. 467 00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:52,000 I'm not going to suspend you or anything else. 468 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,290 We are going to make a successful student out of you. 469 00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,420 Now hang on a second... 470 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:57,880 And you're the perfect choice. 471 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,550 So if you want to act up again, just know if you do, 472 00:17:01,630 --> 00:17:03,550 it's not going to change your situation. 473 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,810 Oh, man, are you sure I'm the right guy? 474 00:17:05,890 --> 00:17:07,890 There's a fat kid who likes to touch dicks. 475 00:17:07,970 --> 00:17:09,680 You're late for class. 476 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,200 Maybe I could just tell Matty to go fuck himself. 477 00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:18,480 No way, dude, my dad's a sadist. 478 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,240 He thought Vietnam was fun. 479 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:21,610 Jesus, really? 480 00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:22,910 Yeah, he cried when the helicopters came 481 00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:24,120 to pick him up. 482 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,240 You don't want to piss him off, man. 483 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,490 He'll kick you out of the house. You'll starve. 484 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,790 What the hell kind of fucked-up wish 485 00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:30,500 makes it so your teddy bear comes to life, 486 00:17:30,580 --> 00:17:31,910 but he's still got to eat? 487 00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:38,840 Oh, man, there she is. 488 00:17:49,850 --> 00:17:51,100 Did you see that? 489 00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,060 What? That was a joint. 490 00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:54,560 Oh, shit. 491 00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:55,990 Teddy, that's your ticket out of here. 492 00:17:56,060 --> 00:17:57,440 What? What do you mean? 493 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,310 You get caught with drugs in school, you're gone. 494 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,900 It's like zero tolerance here. 495 00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,830 Oh, fuck, wow. 496 00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,110 Hey, you ever smoked weed? 497 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,870 No. Yeah, me neither. 498 00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:08,620 Really? The whole time you were famous? 499 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,290 Yeah, I was afraid my fur would catch on fire. 500 00:18:10,370 --> 00:18:11,790 I got no flame retardant. 501 00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:13,290 All right, well, anyway, you don't got to smoke it. 502 00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:14,460 You just got to get caught with it. 503 00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,040 Well, fuck, let's go talk to her. 504 00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:17,300 You fucking kidding me? 505 00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,800 I'm not going to talk to Sheila Borgwat. 506 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,550 Borgwat? Fucking God, it just keeps getting worse. 507 00:18:21,630 --> 00:18:23,720 No way, man. No, no. I'm not going over there. 508 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,260 Come on, Johnny, you're not asking her out. 509 00:18:25,340 --> 00:18:26,550 You're just asking her for drugs. 510 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:27,890 You said you stare at her every day. 511 00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:30,260 This is the perfect excuse to go talk to her. 512 00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:32,440 No, man. I got you this far, you do it. 513 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:33,900 If you don't come with me, 514 00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:36,440 I will tell her you masturbate to network television. 515 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:37,770 You motherfucker. 516 00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:39,740 I will tell her you watch Full House 517 00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:41,660 so you can jerk off to Lori Loughlin, 518 00:18:41,730 --> 00:18:44,110 but that you can't always predict how long the scene is, 519 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,740 so half the time, you ejaculate to an establishing shot. 520 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:48,110 You wouldn't. 521 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,290 Oh, Lori, oh, Lori! 522 00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:53,000 Oh, Lor... Oh, fuck, a tasteful duplex. 523 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,420 Excuse me. 524 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,250 Hi. Uh, hi, I'm uh... 525 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,680 I'm John Bennett. 526 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:03,760 Hi there. 527 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,550 Ooh, you just, uh, wash your hands? 528 00:19:06,630 --> 00:19:11,840 Uh, yeah, just when I... you know, a while ago, not now. 529 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,560 I had diarrhea. 530 00:19:17,270 --> 00:19:18,360 Hi, I'm Ted. 531 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,440 I'm Sheila. 532 00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:20,940 Oh, let's not ruin things. 533 00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:22,520 Hey, listen, we couldn't help but notice 534 00:19:22,610 --> 00:19:25,070 you were smoking a little pot. 535 00:19:25,150 --> 00:19:27,530 Yeah, midterms, you know? 536 00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:28,820 What, are you going to narc on me? 537 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,450 Oh, we're not judging. No, absolutely not. 538 00:19:30,530 --> 00:19:31,700 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 539 00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:34,740 Teddy and I often partake of... 540 00:19:34,830 --> 00:19:36,120 el bowl. 541 00:19:36,210 --> 00:19:38,880 And the pot inside it, uh... 542 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:39,960 cha-cha-cha. 543 00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:44,510 It wasn't much diarrhea. 544 00:19:44,590 --> 00:19:45,800 Can we have drugs, please? 545 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,760 Sorry? 546 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,220 We're just... we're looking to get some weed. 547 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:50,890 We thought maybe you could help us out. 548 00:19:50,970 --> 00:19:53,890 Yeah, uh, how old are you again? 549 00:19:53,970 --> 00:19:55,260 Sixteen-and-a-half. 550 00:19:55,350 --> 00:19:56,730 Oof. 551 00:19:56,810 --> 00:19:59,190 Yeah, sorry, bro, that's not going to happen. 552 00:19:59,270 --> 00:20:00,600 It's not for him. It's for me. 553 00:20:00,690 --> 00:20:03,030 Look, I get why you can't give a high school kid pot. 554 00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:05,110 But talking teddy bears are all good, right? 555 00:20:05,190 --> 00:20:06,400 We all take drugs. 556 00:20:06,490 --> 00:20:07,870 The fucking Care Bears are all meth addicts, 557 00:20:07,950 --> 00:20:10,620 Paddington's on Quaaludes, and Fozzie's a cokehead. 558 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:12,870 You know he was in the room when John Belushi died? 559 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,580 Look, I can't help you guys out. 560 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,660 But if you want, I can hook you up with my connection. 561 00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,250 Oh, that would be wonderful. 562 00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:21,210 And might I say, you are a very beautiful woman, Shelly... 563 00:20:21,290 --> 00:20:22,420 Sheila. 564 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:23,790 Oh, God, I know. 565 00:20:39,140 --> 00:20:40,390 All right, this is it. 566 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,150 All right, this is my allowance for the month. 567 00:20:43,230 --> 00:20:44,480 If Dad asks where it went, 568 00:20:44,570 --> 00:20:46,110 we bought tickets to see Schindler's List. 569 00:20:46,190 --> 00:20:47,940 What do you mean? That's only like 8 bucks. 570 00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:49,320 Shit, you're right. 571 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,820 Well, what did we do with the rest? 572 00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:54,290 Uh, we were so moved that we donated it to Jew causes. 573 00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:56,500 That is so nice of us. 574 00:20:56,580 --> 00:20:57,750 Maybe we should actually do that. 575 00:20:57,830 --> 00:20:59,040 What, are you fucking crazy? 576 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,370 Get your head in the game. We got drugs to buy. 577 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,540 Shit, sorry. 578 00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:03,460 Just be careful in there, okay? 579 00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:05,330 I hear some of these dealers can be sketchy. 580 00:21:05,420 --> 00:21:06,800 Just don't get shot, buddy. 581 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,800 Will you relax? I'll be fine. I'll see you in a few. 582 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,060 Hi, I'm here for the weed... 583 00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:36,780 No fucking way. 584 00:21:36,870 --> 00:21:37,960 Ted, what the hell are you doing here? 585 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,710 It's you? Who gave you this address? 586 00:21:39,790 --> 00:21:41,540 Fucking Blaire sells pot? 587 00:21:41,620 --> 00:21:43,540 Jesus Christ. Lower your voice. 588 00:21:43,620 --> 00:21:45,330 Get inside. 589 00:21:45,420 --> 00:21:48,380 Oh, un-fucking believable. 590 00:21:48,460 --> 00:21:49,880 The fuck do you want? 591 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,090 Wait, so I can't say midget, but you can sell drugs? 592 00:21:52,170 --> 00:21:54,090 What's with all the noise? 593 00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:55,310 Who's this? 594 00:21:55,390 --> 00:21:56,560 This is Ted. 595 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,350 Ted, this is my friend, Sarah. 596 00:21:58,430 --> 00:22:00,430 Oh, yeah. Blaire mentioned you. 597 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,360 You're that teddy bear that came to life back in the '80s. 598 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,860 Well, yeah, but I've done other stuff since then. 599 00:22:05,940 --> 00:22:07,400 Like what? 600 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,440 Um, I was the stand-in for Ben Stiller in Fresh Horses. 601 00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:11,530 Oh. 602 00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:13,120 Not a tall man. 603 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,500 Um, hey, how come you're selling weed anyway? 604 00:22:16,570 --> 00:22:18,910 Sarah and I grow it here in her apartment, 605 00:22:18,990 --> 00:22:23,450 and we're using the money to help pay for tuition. 606 00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:25,040 Ted, listen to me. 607 00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:27,710 You cannot tell Uncle Matty and Aunt Suze, all right? 608 00:22:27,790 --> 00:22:29,250 They will kick me out of the fucking house. 609 00:22:29,340 --> 00:22:30,680 It's hard enough to pay for school. 610 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,380 I can't afford a higher rent too. 611 00:22:32,460 --> 00:22:34,050 Wait. Matty charges you rent? 612 00:22:34,130 --> 00:22:35,630 Not as much as I pay for an apartment, 613 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,760 but still, 200 bucks a month. 614 00:22:37,850 --> 00:22:40,060 For that crappy room over the garage? 615 00:22:40,140 --> 00:22:42,770 Jesus, Anne Frank wouldn't be caught dead in that place. 616 00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:44,900 I'm allowed to make that joke. 617 00:22:44,980 --> 00:22:46,610 Johnny and I donate to Jew causes. 618 00:22:46,690 --> 00:22:47,900 Okay, well, I still need the room, 619 00:22:47,980 --> 00:22:49,860 so you cannot say a fucking word. 620 00:22:49,940 --> 00:22:51,730 Hey, look, man, I'm not here to bust anybody. 621 00:22:51,820 --> 00:22:54,410 I just want the ganja. 622 00:22:54,490 --> 00:22:56,040 You've never smoked before, have you? 623 00:22:56,110 --> 00:22:57,650 What are you... what are you talking about? 624 00:22:57,740 --> 00:22:59,410 Yeah, I have. I do lots of drugs. 625 00:22:59,490 --> 00:23:01,580 Yeah? Like what? 626 00:23:01,660 --> 00:23:03,120 I'm on coke right now. See? 627 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,750 Grr! Oh, I'm so coked up I just wanna write a novel 628 00:23:05,830 --> 00:23:07,250 and punch everything! 629 00:23:07,330 --> 00:23:09,250 Ow! Ow! Ah, just kidding. 630 00:23:09,380 --> 00:23:10,630 Doesn't hurt 'cause on account of the coke. 631 00:23:10,710 --> 00:23:11,920 Bullshit. 632 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,000 I don't know what I'm talking about. 633 00:23:13,130 --> 00:23:14,300 Please, can I have marijuana? 634 00:23:14,380 --> 00:23:16,090 Fine. You got cash? 635 00:23:16,180 --> 00:23:19,270 No. Wait. Sarah, we're... we're not selling him pot. 636 00:23:19,350 --> 00:23:20,940 Why not? Yeah, why not? 637 00:23:21,010 --> 00:23:22,890 Uh, are you fucking high already? 638 00:23:22,970 --> 00:23:24,890 Your best friend, my little cousin, 639 00:23:24,980 --> 00:23:26,570 is 16 years old. 640 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:27,810 I'm not gonna enable him. 641 00:23:27,900 --> 00:23:29,110 Well, I'm not either. 642 00:23:29,190 --> 00:23:30,610 I'm not even gonna tell him I have it. 643 00:23:30,690 --> 00:23:32,400 It's for me, Blaire. I swear to God. 644 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:33,860 When have I ever lied to you? 645 00:23:33,940 --> 00:23:35,900 Like ten seconds ago when you said you were on coke. 646 00:23:35,990 --> 00:23:37,910 Well, yeah. But since then, I've given it to you straight. 647 00:23:37,990 --> 00:23:40,790 Look, Blaire. We need the money. 648 00:23:40,910 --> 00:23:42,160 Why not just do it? 649 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,950 That's right, Blaire. You need the money, I need this. 650 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,130 Look, do you have any idea what it's like 651 00:23:47,210 --> 00:23:48,960 to be the biggest star in the world 652 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,880 and then nobody gives a shit about you? 653 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,460 I'm friggin' Kirk Cameron. 654 00:23:52,540 --> 00:23:54,040 I gotta escape my demons, 655 00:23:54,130 --> 00:23:56,130 and it's either drugs or the church. 656 00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:58,180 You know what they do to guys my size? 657 00:23:58,260 --> 00:24:01,220 Oh, please, don't make me suck a deacon's dick! 658 00:24:07,850 --> 00:24:09,310 We should smoke it. 659 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,570 Wait, what? 660 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:12,070 Johnny, this is my ticket out of school. 661 00:24:12,150 --> 00:24:13,900 Yeah, I know. I mean, not... not all of it. 662 00:24:13,980 --> 00:24:17,150 Just, you know, we smoke some and save some for the plan. 663 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,370 Well, Johnny, I... I promised Blaire it was just for me. 664 00:24:20,450 --> 00:24:21,990 Teddy, think about it, all right? 665 00:24:22,070 --> 00:24:24,450 I bet I'm the only kid in school who hasn't smoked. 666 00:24:24,540 --> 00:24:25,960 I haven't smoked. I haven't had sex. 667 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,710 I haven't had a girlfriend. 668 00:24:27,790 --> 00:24:30,130 Clive's right. I'm a fucking loser. 669 00:24:30,210 --> 00:24:32,210 I mean, you're like my only real friend, 670 00:24:32,290 --> 00:24:34,330 and we're sitting here with real pot. 671 00:24:34,420 --> 00:24:36,130 It's here in person. 672 00:24:36,210 --> 00:24:38,170 This could be the day I start being cool. 673 00:24:38,260 --> 00:24:40,550 Yeah, today is the day you told a girl you had diarrhea. 674 00:24:40,630 --> 00:24:42,260 Don't put too much weight on today. 675 00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:46,640 Wait. Hang on, hang on. What? 676 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,720 Well, you and me have been best friends 677 00:24:48,810 --> 00:24:50,400 like our whole lives. 678 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,230 We're about to get high together for the first time. 679 00:24:53,310 --> 00:24:54,350 Yeah, so? 680 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,570 Let's do this right. 681 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,290 Should we say grace? 682 00:25:13,380 --> 00:25:14,380 Oh, yeah, good idea. 683 00:25:16,130 --> 00:25:17,300 Hello, God. 684 00:25:17,380 --> 00:25:21,340 It's me, Ted, one of your weirder creations. 685 00:25:21,430 --> 00:25:23,310 Sorry about what I said today. 686 00:25:23,390 --> 00:25:25,180 Not that your deacons aren't attractive, 687 00:25:25,260 --> 00:25:28,350 but I'm saving my mouth for marriage. 688 00:25:28,430 --> 00:25:31,390 Let us not be so high that we have to call an ambulance. 689 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:32,520 Amen. 690 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:33,730 Amen. 691 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:35,690 Okay. 692 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:39,280 Let there be light. 693 00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:28,790 Yeah. 694 00:26:33,210 --> 00:26:34,630 Hell yeah, man. 695 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:42,550 I was so fucking hungry. 696 00:26:42,630 --> 00:26:44,220 I was so hungry too. Mm-hmm. 697 00:26:44,300 --> 00:26:45,390 It's so weird. 698 00:26:45,470 --> 00:26:47,470 You know, this is like the perfect food 699 00:26:47,550 --> 00:26:48,840 for the perfect night. 700 00:26:48,930 --> 00:26:51,770 Yeah, like who invented food? That guy rocks. 701 00:26:51,850 --> 00:26:54,640 Well, if I knew you guys were going to get so gussied up, 702 00:26:54,730 --> 00:26:56,150 I would have made something fancier. 703 00:26:56,230 --> 00:26:59,070 No, Mom. This is perfect. 704 00:26:59,150 --> 00:27:00,650 These are perfect Steak-Umms. 705 00:27:00,730 --> 00:27:02,610 The perfect Steak-Umm. 706 00:27:02,690 --> 00:27:03,730 It's right here. 707 00:27:03,820 --> 00:27:05,660 Just... just feel it. 708 00:27:06,950 --> 00:27:08,700 I can feel your love in this, Ma. 709 00:27:08,780 --> 00:27:11,660 I'm so happy you love it so much. 710 00:27:11,740 --> 00:27:13,120 Jesus, you guys are acting like 711 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,240 it's today's special at Legal Sea Food. 712 00:27:15,330 --> 00:27:17,500 It's fine. 713 00:27:17,580 --> 00:27:20,290 I think it's delicious, Suze. 714 00:27:20,380 --> 00:27:22,130 Can you guys believe 715 00:27:22,210 --> 00:27:24,170 that we're just, like, we're sitting here, 716 00:27:24,260 --> 00:27:26,850 and we're, like, having an experience 717 00:27:26,930 --> 00:27:29,680 and experiencing reality all at once. 718 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:31,300 Hey, Susan. 719 00:27:31,390 --> 00:27:34,690 Susan, I just wanna say you have found your haircut. 720 00:27:34,770 --> 00:27:36,400 What, you think so? 721 00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:37,650 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. 722 00:27:37,730 --> 00:27:40,190 You could ride this to 70, and you'd be fine. 723 00:27:40,270 --> 00:27:43,940 Well, I just took a picture of Tipper Gore into the salon, 724 00:27:44,030 --> 00:27:46,200 and I said, now, I know it can't be like that, 725 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,370 but try to get it as close as you can. 726 00:27:48,450 --> 00:27:50,490 And so well, uh... 727 00:27:50,570 --> 00:27:52,610 Tipper Gore should bring in a picture of you. 728 00:27:52,700 --> 00:27:53,950 Stop it. 729 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:58,000 This night. 730 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,080 Is there a fucking gas leak or something? 731 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,340 It's funny. I ate all those Steak-Umms, and I'm still hungry. 732 00:28:07,420 --> 00:28:09,510 Oh, fuck. These are so good. 733 00:28:09,590 --> 00:28:10,880 So good. 734 00:28:10,970 --> 00:28:12,550 And look at the intricate carvings. 735 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,180 Yeah. 736 00:28:14,260 --> 00:28:15,720 Yeah, is this some Illuminati shit? 737 00:28:15,810 --> 00:28:16,980 That's what I've heard. 738 00:28:17,060 --> 00:28:19,850 Like, if you can decipher what's on an Oreo, 739 00:28:19,940 --> 00:28:21,780 you can know the mind of God. 740 00:28:21,860 --> 00:28:23,860 I heard no two Oreos are alike. 741 00:28:23,940 --> 00:28:25,150 Hey. 742 00:28:25,570 --> 00:28:27,490 What a great conversation. 743 00:28:29,030 --> 00:28:30,160 I fucking knew it. 744 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,780 Oh, shit! Hi, Blaire. 745 00:28:31,870 --> 00:28:33,290 You guys are stoned. 746 00:28:33,370 --> 00:28:35,080 Look, Blaire, Blaire, it's a little more complicated. 747 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,580 No, you fucking swore it was just for you. 748 00:28:37,660 --> 00:28:38,830 All right. Okay. 749 00:28:38,910 --> 00:28:40,410 I didn't wanna have to resort to this. 750 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:41,880 I love you. 751 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,920 See? Now you're not mad at me anymore. 752 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,630 And fuck you, by the way. 753 00:28:45,710 --> 00:28:46,750 I've been trying for two weeks 754 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,090 to get Susan to fix that haircut. 755 00:28:48,170 --> 00:28:50,090 Blaire, listen. It's my fault. 756 00:28:50,180 --> 00:28:51,850 He tried to say no, and I pressured him. 757 00:28:51,930 --> 00:28:53,430 No, no, no. You're 16, all right? 758 00:28:53,510 --> 00:28:55,430 He's a talking teddy bear. It's his fucking fault. 759 00:28:55,510 --> 00:28:57,430 Okay, look, look, look. I think if we all just take 760 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,110 a couple of deep breaths here and just try... 761 00:29:01,270 --> 00:29:02,400 Fuck! 762 00:29:10,820 --> 00:29:12,450 Ted? 763 00:29:12,530 --> 00:29:14,450 Come on, where the hell are you? I just want to talk. 764 00:29:14,530 --> 00:29:16,990 Yeah, bullshit! 765 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:18,370 How the hell did you get up there? 766 00:29:18,450 --> 00:29:19,620 Climbed the drainpipe. 767 00:29:19,710 --> 00:29:21,800 Okay, well, why don't you come on down here 768 00:29:21,870 --> 00:29:23,370 and we can discuss the situation? 769 00:29:23,460 --> 00:29:25,050 No, 'cause you're gonna come at me. 770 00:29:25,130 --> 00:29:26,630 I-I'm not. I promise. 771 00:29:26,710 --> 00:29:27,840 It wasn't my fault. 772 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,550 Oh, my God, your boy, he's on the roof! 773 00:29:30,630 --> 00:29:31,880 It's all right, Mrs. Fechko. 774 00:29:31,970 --> 00:29:33,560 I'll call the fire department! 775 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,020 That's really not necessary. 776 00:29:35,100 --> 00:29:36,850 But your son, he's gonna fall! 777 00:29:36,930 --> 00:29:38,520 He's not. 778 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:39,640 Yeah, there's a lot here 779 00:29:39,730 --> 00:29:41,360 you're not understanding, Mrs. Fechko. 780 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,320 For God's sake, you've been listening to the news? 781 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,530 Eisenhower says we all gotta stay inside! 782 00:29:45,610 --> 00:29:47,490 Oh, my God! 783 00:29:47,570 --> 00:29:50,110 Ted, get down here, okay? 784 00:29:50,190 --> 00:29:51,730 I'm not gonna talk to you like this. 785 00:29:51,820 --> 00:29:52,860 Yeah, well, tough shit. 786 00:29:52,950 --> 00:29:54,120 I'm gonna live up here from now on. 787 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,700 That's insane. You're insane. 788 00:29:55,780 --> 00:29:57,120 No, I'm not. 789 00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,450 I'll get Johnny to bring me food and maybe even soil 790 00:29:59,540 --> 00:30:01,500 so I can grow crops right here in the rain gutter. 791 00:30:01,580 --> 00:30:03,710 And if the weather's temperate, by harvest season, 792 00:30:03,790 --> 00:30:04,920 I'll be able to... 793 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:07,090 Fuck! 794 00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:10,710 Okay, you little shit, you are in a lot of trouble. 795 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:11,800 Look, it was... 796 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,170 You gave pot to a 16-year-old. 797 00:30:13,260 --> 00:30:14,970 I mean, what the fuck were you thinking? 798 00:30:15,050 --> 00:30:16,510 Well, on the bright side, he loved it. 799 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,100 I sold that pot to you. 800 00:30:18,180 --> 00:30:19,260 Yeah, you were wrong to do that. 801 00:30:19,350 --> 00:30:20,730 You do realize I am now responsible 802 00:30:20,810 --> 00:30:23,230 for introducing drugs to my underage cousin? 803 00:30:23,310 --> 00:30:24,770 I could be in really deep shit here. 804 00:30:24,850 --> 00:30:26,980 Boy, it must be cool being this tall all the time. 805 00:30:27,060 --> 00:30:28,940 Get rid of that weed or so help me God, 806 00:30:29,020 --> 00:30:30,230 you are going in the fucking dryer. 807 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:31,860 Oh, big deal. I've been in dryers. 808 00:30:31,940 --> 00:30:33,030 I'll put you in a Matty load. 809 00:30:33,110 --> 00:30:34,240 Okay, fuck. I'll do it. I'll do it. 810 00:30:42,660 --> 00:30:44,540 Okay. So we plant the weed in my locker. 811 00:30:44,620 --> 00:30:46,460 Then you go to the principal and rat me out. 812 00:30:46,540 --> 00:30:49,170 She searches my locker, and boom, it's back to Plinko. 813 00:30:49,250 --> 00:30:51,130 All right. Not yet, not yet. 814 00:30:51,210 --> 00:30:52,340 We gotta wait till the bell rings. 815 00:30:52,420 --> 00:30:54,670 Yeah, sorry. Just act normal. 816 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,050 Right now, we're just two guys 817 00:30:56,130 --> 00:30:57,670 standing here, having a conversation. 818 00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:58,930 Yeah. 819 00:30:59,010 --> 00:31:00,390 About what? 820 00:31:00,470 --> 00:31:03,470 I don't know. Uh, what's the last movie you saw? 821 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,980 Uh, Alive. Which one's that? 822 00:31:06,060 --> 00:31:08,400 Oh, it's the one where the rugby team crashes 823 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,150 in the Andes in the '70s and they ran out of food, 824 00:31:11,230 --> 00:31:12,270 so they had to eat each other. 825 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,820 You're kidding. No, it's a true story. 826 00:31:14,900 --> 00:31:17,440 Like... like, eat each other alive like they're trading? 827 00:31:17,530 --> 00:31:19,490 Like, you give me your hand, I give you my foot? 828 00:31:19,570 --> 00:31:20,740 No, no. 829 00:31:20,830 --> 00:31:22,290 It's like some of the guys died in the crash, 830 00:31:22,370 --> 00:31:24,080 and then the ones that survived had to eat the dead guys. 831 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:25,750 Oh, man. 832 00:31:25,830 --> 00:31:27,120 Yeah, I... I couldn't do that. 833 00:31:27,210 --> 00:31:29,090 Me neither, man. 834 00:31:29,170 --> 00:31:30,920 Plus, it's all dudes, so it's even worse. 835 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,840 Yeah... what? 836 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:34,210 It's all dudes, you know? 837 00:31:34,300 --> 00:31:36,590 You're eating guys. It's like double gross. 838 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,100 Well, I mean... I mean, 839 00:31:38,180 --> 00:31:40,850 I would think it would be objectionable across the board. 840 00:31:40,930 --> 00:31:44,430 No, no. Yeah, it would. It's just like a hat on a hat. 841 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,690 So if you were on a plane that crashed 842 00:31:46,770 --> 00:31:49,520 and Tom Hanks and Diane Keaton were on it too, 843 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,270 and they died and you survived, 844 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:52,570 who would you eat first? 845 00:31:52,650 --> 00:31:54,240 Am I the only other person on the plane? 846 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:55,490 Yeah. What about the pilots? 847 00:31:55,570 --> 00:31:57,280 It's an experimental aircraft, all automated. 848 00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:58,650 Well, maybe that's why it went down. 849 00:31:58,740 --> 00:32:00,410 But the technology still needed more study, yes, 850 00:32:00,490 --> 00:32:01,870 but the Pentagon was getting impatient 851 00:32:01,950 --> 00:32:03,870 and they wanted results, so they pushed up the launch. 852 00:32:03,950 --> 00:32:05,700 Wait, why wouldn't they have a seasoned flight crew on board 853 00:32:05,790 --> 00:32:06,830 instead of two actors? 854 00:32:06,910 --> 00:32:08,290 Oscar-winning actors. 855 00:32:08,370 --> 00:32:10,080 Fair enough. These are taxpayer dollars. 856 00:32:10,170 --> 00:32:11,170 They need the public's interest 857 00:32:11,250 --> 00:32:12,670 or support for the funding dries up. 858 00:32:12,750 --> 00:32:14,750 Wait, since when does the military need public support 859 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,300 to fund experimental aircraft? 860 00:32:16,380 --> 00:32:18,130 Would you eat Tom Hanks or Diane Keaton? 861 00:32:18,220 --> 00:32:20,220 I'd start with Diane and then if I didn't get rescued, 862 00:32:20,300 --> 00:32:21,430 I'd move on to Tom. 863 00:32:21,510 --> 00:32:22,600 Yeah, see? 864 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,810 I think it's weird that you have an opinion one way or the other. 865 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,110 Okay. Here we go. Let me have it. 866 00:32:31,900 --> 00:32:34,190 Man, we really put a dent in this thing, didn't we? 867 00:32:34,270 --> 00:32:36,190 Whoa. What have we got here? 868 00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:37,280 Oh, shit. 869 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:38,610 Bennett, you partake? 870 00:32:38,740 --> 00:32:39,820 Give it back, Clive. 871 00:32:39,910 --> 00:32:41,500 John Bennett gets high. 872 00:32:41,570 --> 00:32:43,700 Maybe you're not as much of a pussy as I thought. 873 00:32:43,780 --> 00:32:45,370 That is a very important bag of weed. 874 00:32:45,450 --> 00:32:46,870 Now, I know where to get a free buzz. 875 00:32:46,950 --> 00:32:47,990 Thanks, Bud. 876 00:32:49,290 --> 00:32:50,670 God damn it, Clive. 877 00:32:50,750 --> 00:32:51,920 We need that weed! 878 00:32:54,130 --> 00:32:55,170 Teddy! 879 00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:57,090 Shit. Teddy, are you okay? 880 00:32:58,550 --> 00:33:00,180 What the hell are you two doing out here? 881 00:33:00,260 --> 00:33:02,350 Get to class now. 882 00:33:02,430 --> 00:33:06,390 Um, 227 sucks balls and so do you. 883 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:10,190 Okay, now, you know I didn't mean that. 884 00:33:10,270 --> 00:33:12,190 I just needed a reason to be dragged in here. 885 00:33:12,270 --> 00:33:14,360 Look, you can trash-talk me, Ted, 886 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,820 but nobody throws shade at Pearl Shay. 887 00:33:16,900 --> 00:33:18,240 Yes. I apologize. 888 00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,320 We have all benefited from her windowsill wisdom. 889 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:21,650 She is a national treasure. 890 00:33:21,740 --> 00:33:23,910 But listen, you gotta kick me out of school. 891 00:33:23,990 --> 00:33:25,580 Ted, I already told you. 892 00:33:25,660 --> 00:33:26,870 I have weed. 893 00:33:26,950 --> 00:33:28,120 What? 894 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,620 I am in possession of marijuana here on school premises. 895 00:33:30,710 --> 00:33:32,210 May I see it? 896 00:33:32,290 --> 00:33:34,880 Well, I... I lost it. 897 00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:36,090 You lost it? 898 00:33:36,170 --> 00:33:37,880 Yeah, but... but he had weed, all right? 899 00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,040 I'm a witness. 900 00:33:39,130 --> 00:33:40,470 I would need to see the marijuana 901 00:33:40,550 --> 00:33:42,180 for there to be consequences. 902 00:33:42,260 --> 00:33:43,550 Look, we are telling you the truth. 903 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,520 Yeah, I'm a bad seed. See? Look. 904 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:46,600 I love you. 905 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,640 Drugs! I love drugs. 906 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:49,930 I'm sorry, boys. 907 00:33:50,020 --> 00:33:51,900 I can't just take your word that you have pot. 908 00:33:51,980 --> 00:33:54,270 Ah, this is bullshit, man. I'm getting railroaded. 909 00:33:54,350 --> 00:33:55,890 All right, look, Clive has it, all right? 910 00:33:55,980 --> 00:33:57,190 Go check. Clive? 911 00:33:57,270 --> 00:33:58,690 Yeah. 912 00:33:58,780 --> 00:34:00,620 Well then, if Clive has it, he's the one in trouble. 913 00:34:00,690 --> 00:34:03,150 No, no. It's not his weed. He was just holding it for me. 914 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,950 Okay. We're done here. 915 00:34:05,030 --> 00:34:06,320 All right. It's okay. 916 00:34:06,410 --> 00:34:09,000 This motherfucking bear's got a backup plan. 917 00:34:15,830 --> 00:34:16,910 All right, it's clear. 918 00:34:18,420 --> 00:34:20,460 Teddy, I don't like this. It's stealing. 919 00:34:20,550 --> 00:34:22,430 What am I supposed to do? Just ask her for it? 920 00:34:22,510 --> 00:34:24,510 She'll shove me in the dryer with Matty's clothes. 921 00:34:24,590 --> 00:34:25,670 Well, how bad could that be? 922 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,260 Matty changed his pants during dinner. 923 00:34:28,350 --> 00:34:29,440 Yeah, that's bad. 924 00:34:29,510 --> 00:34:30,850 All right, let's find it. 925 00:34:36,020 --> 00:34:37,690 Jesus. What? 926 00:34:37,770 --> 00:34:40,610 There's a whole drawer here that's just cans of tuna. 927 00:34:40,690 --> 00:34:41,690 How sad. 928 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:44,360 Wait. Wait. 929 00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:45,660 Oh, fuck yeah. 930 00:34:45,740 --> 00:34:48,120 You found it? Jackpot. 931 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:49,330 Great. Let's go. 932 00:34:52,500 --> 00:34:53,710 Fuck. Shit. 933 00:34:53,790 --> 00:34:55,040 Let's go in here. 934 00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,790 All the way over and dances. 935 00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:01,050 Hang on a sec. 936 00:35:01,130 --> 00:35:02,470 I think I have a pack around here somewhere. 937 00:35:02,550 --> 00:35:04,470 Oh, thank you so much. 938 00:35:04,550 --> 00:35:07,100 The CVS only had the men's razors, 939 00:35:07,180 --> 00:35:10,560 and I think those are only for faces. 940 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,480 There you go. Thank you. 941 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:13,900 You know, it's the '90s, Aunt Suze. 942 00:35:13,980 --> 00:35:16,230 You can go without shaving your legs if you want. 943 00:35:16,310 --> 00:35:20,020 Oh. 944 00:35:20,110 --> 00:35:21,400 When I was in high school, 945 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,190 I used to forget sometimes and I'd get made fun of. 946 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,120 Oh, really? I hate that. 947 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:28,830 It's probably why I'm so self-conscious about it. 948 00:35:31,490 --> 00:35:34,080 Can I ask you something? 949 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:35,750 Yeah, sure. Anything. 950 00:35:36,620 --> 00:35:38,540 One of the girls who used to make fun of me, 951 00:35:38,620 --> 00:35:41,290 her name was Margie Cronin. 952 00:35:41,380 --> 00:35:44,170 She used to call me Sasquatch. 953 00:35:44,260 --> 00:35:46,850 She was so mean to me in school, 954 00:35:46,930 --> 00:35:50,640 and afterward, we didn't see each other for a long time. 955 00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:52,640 And then about a year ago, 956 00:35:52,720 --> 00:35:55,680 I saw in the flatware department at Bradley's. 957 00:35:55,770 --> 00:35:58,940 And I saw that she'd lost a hand. 958 00:35:59,020 --> 00:36:02,820 And I was so happy about it. 959 00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:05,240 Does it make me a terrible person? 960 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,320 I don't... I don't think so. 961 00:36:08,410 --> 00:36:10,910 Because I felt so awful about my feelings. 962 00:36:10,990 --> 00:36:13,700 And I went to confession and Father O'Neill said, 963 00:36:13,790 --> 00:36:17,000 "Well, God wouldn't approve of that." 964 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:20,250 Maybe this Christmas I should make her a mitten. 965 00:36:20,330 --> 00:36:21,870 Uh, maybe. 966 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,630 With a pretty, little card that says, 967 00:36:23,710 --> 00:36:25,550 "I'm sorry for your hand." 968 00:36:25,630 --> 00:36:27,840 I would just let that one lie. 969 00:36:32,100 --> 00:36:33,730 What was that noise? 970 00:36:33,810 --> 00:36:35,480 I think someone's in the closet. 971 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,020 What's that? It's Mace. 972 00:36:39,100 --> 00:36:40,440 Just be careful. 973 00:36:46,780 --> 00:36:48,320 Fuck! What the fuck? 974 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:49,570 Oh, it burns! 975 00:36:49,650 --> 00:36:51,240 Why the fuck do you have Mace? 976 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:52,740 Why the fuck are you in my closet? 977 00:36:52,820 --> 00:36:54,570 What, do you protect your tuna collection with that? 978 00:36:54,660 --> 00:36:55,660 Answer the question. 979 00:36:55,740 --> 00:36:57,580 Why do you have the fucking tuna? 980 00:36:57,660 --> 00:36:59,620 Are you scared to eat our food? What is it? 981 00:36:59,710 --> 00:37:01,000 Answer my question. 982 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:02,870 Teddy! Teddy, where are you? 983 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,080 Oh, my God. 984 00:37:04,170 --> 00:37:06,260 Uh, is that mary-ja-wana? 985 00:37:06,340 --> 00:37:07,550 Oh, shit. 986 00:37:07,630 --> 00:37:09,170 What are you doing with drugs? 987 00:37:09,260 --> 00:37:10,260 Aunt Suze. 988 00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:13,970 This is my fault. 989 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:18,520 We opened our home to you. 990 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,770 We let you stay here in our house 991 00:37:20,850 --> 00:37:22,270 so you could go to that goddamn school. 992 00:37:22,350 --> 00:37:25,520 I know, Uncle Matty. And believe me, I am so sorry. 993 00:37:25,610 --> 00:37:28,110 And you pay us back by dealing drugs to our son? 994 00:37:28,190 --> 00:37:30,570 I never wanted John to get involved, I promise you. 995 00:37:30,650 --> 00:37:31,780 I sold the pot to Ted. 996 00:37:31,860 --> 00:37:33,450 I never should have let Johnny try it. 997 00:37:33,530 --> 00:37:35,620 I have failed in my role as a... a... 998 00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:37,910 a sort of Jiminy Cricket figure. 999 00:37:37,990 --> 00:37:39,370 I don't know what the big deal is. 1000 00:37:39,450 --> 00:37:41,330 You know, weed's gonna be legal in like a year anyway. 1001 00:37:41,410 --> 00:37:44,620 It's a gateway drug! They talk about it on the news! 1002 00:37:44,710 --> 00:37:45,880 Well, what are we supposed to do? 1003 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:47,340 Start with heroin? 1004 00:37:47,420 --> 00:37:51,130 Blaire, why in God's name are you dealing drugs at all? 1005 00:37:51,220 --> 00:37:54,600 My friend, Sarah and I, we grow it in her apartment, 1006 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,890 and we're using the money to help pay for tuition. 1007 00:37:57,970 --> 00:37:59,470 Well, you... you can't work at McDonald's? 1008 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:00,980 It's 15k a year, Matty. 1009 00:38:01,060 --> 00:38:02,940 I'd have to sell myself at McDonald's. 1010 00:38:03,020 --> 00:38:04,900 Oh, you could call it Filet-O-Flesh. 1011 00:38:04,980 --> 00:38:06,020 Is that something? 1012 00:38:06,110 --> 00:38:07,360 She won't even work, and here we are 1013 00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:08,610 putting her up out of the goodness of our hearts! 1014 00:38:08,690 --> 00:38:10,070 Egg McFuckin', maybe? 1015 00:38:10,150 --> 00:38:11,990 The goodness of your hearts and a monthly rent check. 1016 00:38:12,070 --> 00:38:13,450 A Quarter To Pound Her? 1017 00:38:13,530 --> 00:38:15,160 I... should I stop? I feel like there's no traction here. 1018 00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:16,570 Matty? 1019 00:38:16,660 --> 00:38:18,250 You're charging her rent? 1020 00:38:18,330 --> 00:38:19,670 Yes, I am. 1021 00:38:19,740 --> 00:38:22,080 This is my house. I got the right to charge rent. 1022 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:23,660 But, Matty, she's family. 1023 00:38:23,750 --> 00:38:25,130 Susan. She's our niece. 1024 00:38:25,210 --> 00:38:26,880 Susan, will you be quiet and let me handle this? 1025 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,840 Hey, don't talk to her like that. 1026 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:30,090 Excuse me? 1027 00:38:30,170 --> 00:38:31,210 You do this all the time. 1028 00:38:31,300 --> 00:38:32,890 You silence her voice, you belittle her, 1029 00:38:32,970 --> 00:38:35,470 you cut her down, you treat her like shit. 1030 00:38:35,550 --> 00:38:36,720 I do not. 1031 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:39,180 I love my fucking wife, and she knows it. 1032 00:38:39,260 --> 00:38:40,430 Don't you, Susan? 1033 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,610 I can't believe you'd make her pay rent. 1034 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:44,850 Hey, hey, hey, I'm not the one in the hot seat here. 1035 00:38:44,940 --> 00:38:47,530 She's a drug dealer, and I want her out of this house tonight. 1036 00:38:47,610 --> 00:38:48,700 Matty, please. 1037 00:38:48,770 --> 00:38:51,400 End of discussion! Tonight! 1038 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,440 Come on. Wait. 1039 00:38:58,530 --> 00:39:02,160 Christie! That was the Black Barbie's name. 1040 00:39:22,350 --> 00:39:25,850 Hey, Blaire, uh, can we talk to you for a sec? 1041 00:39:25,940 --> 00:39:27,110 Sure. 1042 00:39:27,190 --> 00:39:29,570 Got a couple minutes before I become homeless. 1043 00:39:29,650 --> 00:39:33,360 Hey, listen, Blaire. Uh, I'm really sorry. 1044 00:39:33,440 --> 00:39:34,730 Me too. 1045 00:39:34,820 --> 00:39:37,450 Yeah, well, it's a little late for that. 1046 00:39:37,530 --> 00:39:39,530 We didn't want you to have to leave. 1047 00:39:39,620 --> 00:39:42,210 Even if your bed is the size of a pool table. 1048 00:39:42,290 --> 00:39:44,170 I mean, that's probably about the size of a pool table, right? 1049 00:39:44,250 --> 00:39:46,340 Shut the fuck up, Teddy. 1050 00:39:46,410 --> 00:39:48,620 Look, we know you're mad because Dad gave you the boot. 1051 00:39:48,710 --> 00:39:50,920 But... Yeah, that's not why I'm mad. 1052 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:54,250 You have no idea why I'm mad. 1053 00:39:54,340 --> 00:39:57,550 Do you know all the details of why I've been living here 1054 00:39:57,630 --> 00:40:00,470 when my own family lives 45 minutes away? 1055 00:40:00,550 --> 00:40:02,010 I could easily commute to school, 1056 00:40:02,100 --> 00:40:06,610 but my family is fucked, every one of them. 1057 00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,680 In case you don't get the scope of things, 1058 00:40:09,770 --> 00:40:13,150 my dad, your Uncle Bernie, is a drunk and an asshole, 1059 00:40:13,230 --> 00:40:16,650 my mom's a psycho lunatic, and my brother's in prison. 1060 00:40:16,740 --> 00:40:18,490 Jesus. What about your dog? 1061 00:40:18,570 --> 00:40:19,570 Dead. 1062 00:40:19,780 --> 00:40:20,780 Fuck. 1063 00:40:20,870 --> 00:40:22,790 Mom and Dad are lost causes, but... 1064 00:40:22,870 --> 00:40:26,290 I tried so hard to protect Kevin. 1065 00:40:26,370 --> 00:40:28,120 And I couldn't. 1066 00:40:28,210 --> 00:40:30,670 He's his parents' son, so now he's serving ten years 1067 00:40:30,750 --> 00:40:32,710 for robbing a Mrs. Fields at gunpoint 1068 00:40:32,790 --> 00:40:34,120 and possession of crack. 1069 00:40:34,210 --> 00:40:36,170 Well, I mean, Mrs. Fields and crack. 1070 00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:37,640 It's like what's the difference, right? 1071 00:40:39,260 --> 00:40:40,390 Please, continue. 1072 00:40:40,470 --> 00:40:42,060 Look, I just... 1073 00:40:42,140 --> 00:40:44,690 I don't want the same thing to happen to you. 1074 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,800 And when I moved here, I told myself 1075 00:40:46,890 --> 00:40:48,930 that I was gonna look after you 1076 00:40:49,020 --> 00:40:51,150 and make sure the fucked up Bennett DNA 1077 00:40:51,230 --> 00:40:52,730 didn't get to you too. 1078 00:40:52,810 --> 00:40:54,940 And instead, I introduced you 1079 00:40:55,020 --> 00:40:57,730 to the wonderful world of drugs. 1080 00:40:57,820 --> 00:41:02,450 I'm not mad at you, all right? I'm mad at myself. 1081 00:41:02,870 --> 00:41:05,160 Look, Blaire, I... 1082 00:41:05,240 --> 00:41:07,570 I never expected you to look out for me like that. 1083 00:41:08,710 --> 00:41:13,380 Just take care of yourself, all right? 1084 00:41:13,460 --> 00:41:15,380 Our family is poison. 1085 00:41:15,460 --> 00:41:17,050 Do better than them. 1086 00:41:18,260 --> 00:41:19,340 Where you gonna go? 1087 00:41:20,590 --> 00:41:22,630 Stay with Sarah for a few weeks. 1088 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:24,560 There's an open spot near the sativa. 1089 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:28,850 But after that, I don't know. 1090 00:41:31,270 --> 00:41:32,730 See you. 1091 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,820 God, Lori Loughlin's fucking gorgeous. 1092 00:41:44,910 --> 00:41:46,620 That woman can do no wrong. 1093 00:41:46,700 --> 00:41:48,040 Hey, don't start jerking off. 1094 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,790 Hey, that poster is not for jerking off. 1095 00:41:49,870 --> 00:41:52,210 It's for imagining being married, you sick fuck. 1096 00:41:52,290 --> 00:41:53,290 Wow. Yeah! 1097 00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:55,090 You... you've imagined the wedding? 1098 00:41:55,170 --> 00:41:56,380 Well, yeah. 1099 00:41:56,460 --> 00:41:58,130 The cover of People magazine's a photo of us, 1100 00:41:58,210 --> 00:42:00,260 and it says, "Who's Loughlin now?" 1101 00:42:00,340 --> 00:42:02,180 So you took her name? 1102 00:42:02,260 --> 00:42:04,260 No, no. But they need to sell copies. 1103 00:42:04,340 --> 00:42:06,680 Well, it's good to know you can be both erect 1104 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:08,300 and market-savvy. 1105 00:42:08,390 --> 00:42:10,560 Teddy, this whole Blaire situation 1106 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:11,730 is really shitty. 1107 00:42:11,810 --> 00:42:13,350 Yeah, I know. 1108 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,730 I mean, I never knew she thought of me that way. 1109 00:42:15,810 --> 00:42:17,600 It's like a little brother. 1110 00:42:17,690 --> 00:42:19,070 I always wanted a brother or a sister, 1111 00:42:19,150 --> 00:42:22,610 and there she was, right there all along. 1112 00:42:22,700 --> 00:42:23,990 Yeah. 1113 00:42:24,070 --> 00:42:26,160 I guess under all that complaining about racism, 1114 00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:28,490 there's actually a good person in there. 1115 00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:32,080 Teddy, we gotta do something. I mean, this is our fault. 1116 00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:35,080 Like, maybe I can talk to Dad, get him to change his mind. 1117 00:42:35,170 --> 00:42:36,920 Yeah, good luck. He's never gonna listen. 1118 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,710 I mean, we can't just lay here and let her get fucked over. 1119 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,640 There's gotta be something we can do. 1120 00:42:41,710 --> 00:42:43,500 Wait a minute. You know what? 1121 00:42:43,590 --> 00:42:44,880 There is. 1122 00:42:44,970 --> 00:42:47,260 We are gonna open the box. 1123 00:42:56,020 --> 00:42:58,190 There you go. I'll be right outside. 1124 00:42:58,270 --> 00:42:59,400 Just let me know when you're finished. 1125 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:00,860 Thank you. Thanks. 1126 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:04,860 Did you know that 1127 00:43:04,950 --> 00:43:07,910 textile polymers are so thin nowadays that someone could be 1128 00:43:07,990 --> 00:43:11,660 wearing an adult diaper and no one would even know it? 1129 00:43:11,740 --> 00:43:12,740 What? 1130 00:43:12,830 --> 00:43:13,870 No bulky padding, 1131 00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:16,090 no unsightly bulges in the trousers. 1132 00:43:16,170 --> 00:43:18,260 I... I didn't know that. No. 1133 00:43:18,330 --> 00:43:19,370 It's amazing. 1134 00:43:19,460 --> 00:43:21,880 A person, anyone could be talking to you 1135 00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:25,090 and relieving themselves at the same time. 1136 00:43:25,170 --> 00:43:27,470 And you'd never even know it. 1137 00:43:27,590 --> 00:43:28,800 Okay. 1138 00:43:28,890 --> 00:43:31,020 And that's great news. 1139 00:43:31,100 --> 00:43:32,690 Are you wearing a diaper? 1140 00:43:32,770 --> 00:43:34,560 No. Don't make this weird. 1141 00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,640 Okay. I'm just saying 1142 00:43:36,730 --> 00:43:38,110 the technology has come so far 1143 00:43:38,190 --> 00:43:40,360 that limits practically don't exist. 1144 00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:41,980 It's all about confidence. 1145 00:43:42,070 --> 00:43:43,990 So take that long car ride, 1146 00:43:44,070 --> 00:43:47,320 climb that mountain, have that iced tea refill. 1147 00:43:47,410 --> 00:43:49,080 We... we will. 1148 00:43:52,450 --> 00:43:53,790 What limits? 1149 00:43:56,660 --> 00:43:57,910 Jesus, we gotta switch banks. 1150 00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,420 Yeah, seriously. 1151 00:44:05,670 --> 00:44:06,750 Here it is. 1152 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:08,050 Yep. 1153 00:44:08,130 --> 00:44:09,880 You're sure you wanna do this, right? 1154 00:44:09,970 --> 00:44:11,310 I mean, once Dad finds out you have it, 1155 00:44:11,390 --> 00:44:13,350 there's no going back, like ever. 1156 00:44:13,430 --> 00:44:14,600 He's gonna go nuts. 1157 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:15,760 That's why I never told him. 1158 00:44:15,850 --> 00:44:17,190 I guess deep down, 1159 00:44:17,270 --> 00:44:19,360 I was saving it for a day like this 1160 00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,530 when the chips were down and all hope seemed lost. 1161 00:44:22,610 --> 00:44:24,110 Okay. 1162 00:44:24,190 --> 00:44:26,030 Good. Let's do it. 1163 00:44:26,110 --> 00:44:28,610 All right, we're done! 1164 00:44:28,700 --> 00:44:30,040 Sir? 1165 00:44:30,110 --> 00:44:32,740 I need you to open box 1080. 1166 00:44:32,830 --> 00:44:34,080 There's a pair of jeans in there! 1167 00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,120 What? Just do it! 1168 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:43,380 What, you're just... you're just not gonna... 1169 00:44:43,460 --> 00:44:45,840 not gonna talk to me for the rest of your life, huh? 1170 00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:47,760 Is that it? 1171 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,970 Well, you'd... you've... you've taken 1172 00:44:51,050 --> 00:44:56,060 a... taken a vow of silence, like a... like a monk, huh? 1173 00:44:56,140 --> 00:44:57,980 You're gonna... you're gonna shave your head too? 1174 00:44:58,060 --> 00:44:59,980 'Cause, well, go ahead. 1175 00:45:00,060 --> 00:45:01,230 Go ahead, then you won't... then you won't... 1176 00:45:01,310 --> 00:45:03,480 then you won't clog the shower drain. 1177 00:45:07,490 --> 00:45:08,570 What do you guys want? 1178 00:45:08,650 --> 00:45:09,900 I want to cut a deal. 1179 00:45:09,990 --> 00:45:12,240 What? What are you talking about? 1180 00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:13,820 Let me tell you a story, Matty. 1181 00:45:13,910 --> 00:45:15,250 Back when I was in Hollywood, 1182 00:45:15,330 --> 00:45:18,920 I almost made a movie with Sly Stallone. 1183 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,710 Bullshit. No bullshit. 1184 00:45:20,790 --> 00:45:22,290 "Rocky" Stallone? Yep. 1185 00:45:22,370 --> 00:45:24,370 He came to me with a project and I said yes. 1186 00:45:24,460 --> 00:45:26,550 It was gonna be about this astronaut cop 1187 00:45:26,630 --> 00:45:28,300 and this wisecracking bear. 1188 00:45:28,380 --> 00:45:29,550 I was the bear. 1189 00:45:29,630 --> 00:45:31,760 And they gotta go to space to save Christmas, 1190 00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,130 but then the Challenger exploded, 1191 00:45:33,220 --> 00:45:34,810 so they had to scrap the project. 1192 00:45:34,890 --> 00:45:36,680 Oh, man, what a bummer. 1193 00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,050 I know, right? 1194 00:45:38,140 --> 00:45:39,180 I mean, that's when America could have used 1195 00:45:39,270 --> 00:45:40,940 a movie like that the most! 1196 00:45:41,020 --> 00:45:43,360 Anyway, Stallone felt really bad about it, 1197 00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:45,110 so he gave me this. 1198 00:45:54,740 --> 00:45:55,780 What is it? 1199 00:45:55,870 --> 00:45:58,670 Rocky's mouth guard. 1200 00:45:58,740 --> 00:46:00,370 Fuck you. You're kidding. 1201 00:46:00,450 --> 00:46:01,910 Nope. You're shitting me. 1202 00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:03,130 No shit. 1203 00:46:03,210 --> 00:46:05,300 Wait. Does that mean... 1204 00:46:05,380 --> 00:46:07,470 Yes, the one at Planet Hollywood is a fake. 1205 00:46:07,550 --> 00:46:08,630 Holy... 1206 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,010 Holy shit! 1207 00:46:12,090 --> 00:46:13,550 Holy fucking shit! 1208 00:46:13,630 --> 00:46:16,010 Now, I will give you this priceless item... 1209 00:46:17,350 --> 00:46:19,600 If you give Blaire another chance. 1210 00:46:21,100 --> 00:46:23,850 Huh? Just let her stay. 1211 00:46:23,940 --> 00:46:25,690 Oh. 1212 00:46:26,730 --> 00:46:27,810 I don't know. 1213 00:46:27,900 --> 00:46:29,900 Hey, why don't you put it on? 1214 00:46:31,740 --> 00:46:32,820 Go on. 1215 00:46:32,900 --> 00:46:36,700 That was in Sylvester Stallone's mouth in 1976. 1216 00:46:36,780 --> 00:46:39,070 See how it feels in yours. 1217 00:46:46,420 --> 00:46:47,670 Mmm. 1218 00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,090 Oh. 1219 00:46:52,720 --> 00:46:54,100 Oh, wow. 1220 00:46:55,890 --> 00:46:58,180 I feel him. 1221 00:46:58,260 --> 00:47:00,350 I... I... I feel him in my mouth. 1222 00:47:00,430 --> 00:47:02,310 You gotta go the distance, Matty. 1223 00:47:02,390 --> 00:47:03,980 Rocky would never have given up 1224 00:47:04,060 --> 00:47:05,390 on his brother's wife's daughter. 1225 00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,150 And neither should you. No. 1226 00:47:07,230 --> 00:47:08,230 What do you say? 1227 00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,690 Okay. Okay, what? 1228 00:47:16,780 --> 00:47:17,910 She can stay. 1229 00:47:17,990 --> 00:47:20,530 Oh, Matty, you mean it? 1230 00:47:20,620 --> 00:47:21,790 Yeah, fuck it. 1231 00:47:21,870 --> 00:47:22,870 Oh! 1232 00:47:22,950 --> 00:47:24,830 Oh, honey, and no rent? 1233 00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:26,160 Yeah, yeah. Right? 1234 00:47:26,250 --> 00:47:29,090 Fine, fine. Thank you so much. 1235 00:47:31,130 --> 00:47:32,760 I'm gonna sleep in it. 1236 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:36,720 Nice job, Teddy. 1237 00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:38,640 We did it. Yeah, we did. 1238 00:47:38,930 --> 00:47:40,060 You know, I think you and Stallone 1239 00:47:40,140 --> 00:47:41,430 could still make that movie. 1240 00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:44,100 Oh, God. No way. It was total fucking garbage. 1241 00:47:44,180 --> 00:47:46,390 I don't wanna sound crazy, but I honestly think 1242 00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:48,230 Paramount blew up the space shuttle 1243 00:47:48,310 --> 00:47:49,690 so they wouldn't have to make that movie. 1244 00:47:49,770 --> 00:47:51,110 Jesus, that bad, huh? 1245 00:47:51,190 --> 00:47:53,570 It was that bad, yeah. Shit. 1246 00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:01,410 I don't know how to thank you guys. 1247 00:48:01,490 --> 00:48:05,540 I mean, never in a million years did I expect this. 1248 00:48:05,620 --> 00:48:07,660 You know, I was starting to think 1249 00:48:07,750 --> 00:48:10,130 it was impossible for any of us to break the curse 1250 00:48:10,210 --> 00:48:13,340 of the Bennett blood, but what you did, 1251 00:48:13,420 --> 00:48:16,460 it gives me a lot of hope. 1252 00:48:16,550 --> 00:48:17,760 Thank you. 1253 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:19,380 Ah, we were just trying to make things right. 1254 00:48:19,470 --> 00:48:22,640 No, no, no, no. I... I mean it, though. 1255 00:48:22,720 --> 00:48:25,100 You're not like the rest of the family. 1256 00:48:25,180 --> 00:48:27,140 You've got a shot. 1257 00:48:27,230 --> 00:48:30,020 I think of my dad, drunk on his ratty couch, 1258 00:48:30,100 --> 00:48:32,100 watching Flash Gordon or some shit, 1259 00:48:32,190 --> 00:48:35,400 but that's not gonna be you. 1260 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,980 You... you're gonna do something with your life. 1261 00:48:38,070 --> 00:48:40,610 You're gonna be somebody. 1262 00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:41,700 Thanks, Blaire. 1263 00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,120 Just promise me this. 1264 00:48:49,210 --> 00:48:51,420 No more drugs. Yeah? 1265 00:48:51,500 --> 00:48:52,540 No more drugs. 1266 00:48:52,630 --> 00:48:53,800 No more drugs. 1267 00:48:57,630 --> 00:48:58,630 Besides pot. 1268 00:48:58,720 --> 00:48:59,890 Besides pot.