Ok, final stage.
Now, manuever your lips through the anxiety field toward Jenny's face.
Go left. Left. Left.
Ki, this is really weird.
Breath mint. Use a breath mint. It's going to boost your confidence.
No. No. Don't hit that.
Guys, guys, guys, I can kiss Jenny on my own, okay? Trust me.
What now?
Nothing. We were just beta testing Ki's new video game.
It's high school game. Video Game High School's video game.
Small part with you in it.
Yeah, that's why I'm here. Ki, I can't get past the flagpole.
Oh, okay. Let me show you.
Hey, so do you want to get some lunch sometime? We should hang out more often.
Hey, uh, wanna play the part of the video game where I'm making out with Ki?
I'm coming, too, guys!
It's just role-playing.
Boom! Matrix and D dominated the Sink Girl Academy's Ponoshers in last night's match.
That makes three wins in a row for the little JV team that could.
I tell you what, Shotty,
if me and the old ball and chain had half the chemistry as these two, I wouldn't be sleeping on the couch
or drunk at ten in the morning!
Ha! Ha! You shouldn't say that again.
Oh.
Oh my gosh.
It's fine.
Well, it's crunch time, so mother is wired in but father could never resist a good parent's day.
Yeah, so when is your dad coming in?
Dude, Ki's dad is coming in like 30 minutes. Pay attention.
We're playing Pokerman.
Yes, that's right. And you two are both invited, especially you, Jenny.
You're my cool friend.
Oh, thanks, Ki! I'll totally be there.
Let me just go get cleaned up because somebody got paint all over me.
Yeah, well, it paints one to know one.
Wow, you just said that.
And we all heard. Later, guys.
Later.
Okay, Ki, so when I meet your dad is it "Hello Mr. Swan" or should I say
"See C out less than, less than, open quote. Hello Mr. Swan! Close quote return zero semi colon."
Ted, you learned C++ kind of!
I know my accent sucks, but
I really want to impress your dad, so I'm bringing out the big guns.
My K-Pop looks, my J-Pop charm, and my big honkin' smart guy brain.
Come on.
Catch you later, Daddio.
Ted, did you just give your dad 5,000 dollars?
I owe him child support. No big.
Just smart and responsible Ted payin' his dad five large.
No. No, Ted, he pays you child support.
No, Brian, I don't mean to make you sound super dumb,
but that would be called father support.
Oh my god, guys. I'm super dumb.
Jenny, I've got some good news.
That doesn't sound good.
The PTA is giving me this "Parent of the Year" thing in the morning.
I'm not going, am I?
The brunch is at 10, and then you give a speech at 11:30.
There's a speech?
Just like a page about how I'm a great mom.
I'm not staying up all night writing a speech about you. I have plans.
Jenny, this is important to me.
The Countess will be there, as in the head of the FPS league. So make it good.
Yeah, I know who she is.
I just don't really feel like talking about you in front of everybody.
Well, it sucks to be you.
See you at 10.
Can't wait to hear that speech.
Okay, I think I've got it.
Each player starts with five cards.
Four cards.
Doh, I'm never going to learn this game in time!
I'm such an idiot!
You are not an idiot!
You're just curious about the world.
Brian, am I just curious about the world?
No, Ted, you're not an idiot.
You're just...
Okay, guys, I've gotta go.
Wait, Brian, you're my back up cool friend!
I'm sorry, Ki. I'll meet your dad tomorrow.
Oh, what he said. I'm outie.
Ted, my dad is going to be here any second!
Exactly. I can't let him see that his daughter is dating a big dumb idiot.
Out of the way, old man!
Swan's the name.
Ken Swan. I'm Ki's father.
Oh! Of course you are!
Please excuse me.
Come in.
You're bluffing.
You're stalling.
You had me sweating for a minute, Kiwi.
Now, about that wager.
Can we play another game? I've got a really great wager.
Isn't it past your bedtime?
Yes. Yes, it is.
Tomorrow then. Deal?
Deal. When we get home.
Home?
Oh, sorry I have class tomorrow.
Honey, your mother and I had a talk, Ki, and we don't think this school is good for you.
Beg your pardon? On what grounds?
We played the game that you sent home. High School Video Game, was it?
Not your best work.
Quite a bit of violence and kissing and more than a few bugs.
Ki, it's not like you.
It's still in beta.
No, I can't leave here.
I'm learning so much. I'm becoming a better designer.
No, you're not.
Your new game sucks.
You heard that sad child, honey.
It's time to come home.
Wait!
I reqeust a performance review.
This isn't up for discussion.
Article 44 A, Section G of the Swan family contract states
"If Ki feels her parents are being mean and unreasonable,
she can request an official review of her performance."
Very well.
We start at 08:00. You have 12 hours to prep your case.
Better get crackin'.
Love you, sir.
Love you, too.
Come on in.
Want a black licorice soda?
My dad sent a care package.
Wait, is he not coming?
Uh, he came last year,
but my mom's here this year, and they don't really "hang." So uh...
What about your parents?
Well, uh, I lost my dad when I was three, and it's Double XP weekend, so
she's probably not coming.
Wow, that's robust!
So, uh, what did you have to write a speech about your mom for?
Oh, she's winning "Mother of the Year" and I'm supposed to introduce her, but
I suck at speeches.
Do you wanna see what I have so far?
Sure. Yeah, fire away.
"What can I say about the incredible Mary Matrix?"
That's it. That's all I got.
Oh, okay, not a bad start.
Are you... if you're asking me for my advice, I would probably start off telling a joke,
and then maybe segue to a couple of heartwarming anecdotes.
I don't really have anything like that.
Well, sure you do. I mean, you know, like fond memories.
Um with your mom. You know, like birthday parties or graduation. Maybe fraggin' noobs together.
Just, you know, like the cute mother-daughter kind of stuff.
You know, just to say something nice about your mom.
I can't.
I mean, I can't think of anything.
I don't have anything to say about my mom.
Jenny.
Hey.
Hey, thanks for listening to my crap last night.
Of course.
Mom!
Mary!
Coach!
Hey Brian. Don't you have some tables to wait on?
Oh, crap. Calhoun is going to kill me!
Just go, Brian.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry.
Um, nothing happened.
Sorry.
Jeez, mom, heard of knocking?
Get down there. Now.
I must say your professor Layten has no understaning of where the puzzle genre fits into Caillois's four categories of play.
They teach you to play games here. It isn't Carnegie Mellon.
Well, clearly. Have you learned anything here?
Of course. Except for Freddie's class, but I dropped that one.
You're dropping classes?!
Oh, look, my RA board.
This is where I schedule activities and chores for the entire floor.
Wendell, did you clean the bathroom?
Um.
Yeah.
Wendell?
Uh, no.
With all this middle management work, I hope you're still finding the time to flex your creative muscles.
Oh, I sure do.
In fact, as RA, I flex my way around creative challenges all the time.
Shane!
I'm a busy man, Ki.
What did you think of my creative ideas for Friday?
I think I don't care about you, your job, or finishing this sentence so...
That's my boss.
He prefers negative reinforcement.
But I saved the most positive reinforcement of the idea of why this school
is really great for me and why I should stay here for last, my boyfriend.
Ted.
Ovulations, old bane.
And why are your assault players using ACOG scopes?
In my day all we needed was a simple four grade.
Countess Kelly, may I present my daughter, Jenny Matrix.
Sorry I 'm late, ma'am.
A good varisty should always be punctual, Jenny.
And barring that they should be able to manufacture a decent excuse.
Yeah, I was up all night with a friend writing a speech about my wonderful mother.
We lost track of time. He and I...
He and I? Am I to understand that you're late for brunch because you had a boy in your room all night?
I am hungry!
Where's Brian?
Ernie! Women are talking!
Now, Jenny, why don't you tell us about this boyfriend of yours who's occupying your valuable time?
Hello.
My name is Brian. I will be your server today.
We'll all have tuna.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I'm allergic to tuna.
Ok.
Hey there, short stack.
Learning a valuable lesson about respecting the people you've hurt in the past?
Well, don't.
Who? What are you?
I'm the best version of you that ever existed.
The prime before the fall.
The cool before the storm.
I'm The Law.
And you're just a stooge. A patsy.
A chubby dillweed every crew jock used to wedgie into their lockers in middle school.
Now, you're just Lawrence Pemperton.
Never say that name to me!
Okay, jeez. Switch to decaf, King Wasabi.
Which is why you must remain focused.
Yes, ma'am, I agree.
A varsity keep her skills leet
and her social calendar cleared so she can practice, practice, practice.
Yes, ma'am, I completely agree.
Especially when she only received her station through her mother's intervention
and the abrupt meltdown of her ex-boyfriend, which leads me back to my point.
No boyfriends!
Okay, lady, you know what?
I agree. If I ever caught two of my players dating, I'd bench them both for the rest of the season.
Got it?
I do!
And I like it.
Just the sort of discipline I'd expect from "Parent of the Year"! Let's eat!
Now, Mary, let's talk kinfe-running.
Ernie!
Is that a bacon cheeseburger?
I didn't... I didn't even order this!
Brian!
I am sorry! I will fix this immediately!
That boy is an idiot!
He's my friend!
I beg your pardon?
Brian, he's my friend.
And my personal life is none your business.
We're not talking about this right now.
Yeah, we are.
You can't just waltz back into my life and tell me...
Yes, I can. I'm your mother.
Since when?
Will someone get that man a tuna?
Well, sorry if I appeared so dumb before, Kenneth.
I'm not.
May I fetch you a pizza dunks?
I'll just have some water. Thanks.
Ah! A water man!
Fine taste. I admire a dad with a sophisticated phallus.
You know what, sport? Let's just get down to brass tax.
Okay.
Ted, that's short for Edward?
Uh, Theodore.
Ah, Greek from "God's gift." Ted Wong,
No thank you. I already ate.
You like my daughter?
Yes, very much.
Do you two get up to much kissing?
No.
Yes.
I mean, maybe perhaps.
Let's get back to those brass taxes!
I mean, do we really need them?
Discuss.
Let's discuss what you do know you do with my daughter.
Well, we go to class.
We talk.
And yoga.
And every Sunday we get up extra early and make those little pancake balls. They're so cute. What are they called again, Ki?
Ebelskivers.
They're called "ebelskivers," and we used to make them every Sunday morning just before our family walk.
I've seen all I need to see.
You can go.
Okay.
It was very nice to meet you.
That was very rude, father.
Let's review.
You stay up late. You eat junk food. You're dropping classes, which doesn't seem to matter because you're not learning anything, but
worst of all your art is suffering.
I like it here.
I'm making friends.
The less said about Ted, the better.
As for your other friends, I don't see hide nor hair of them. Is someone having imaginary friends again?
I am not!
They're real and wonderful and not jerks
like you.
I'm sorry that you feel that way, but you asked for a performance review and you failed it.
You're coming home, Ki.
Hey.
Sorry about... that.
Yikes.
You know, I don't think there's enough ice cream in the entire world to deal with that brunch.
But, I did find a piece of gum. Sugar free.
But, we have to split it because I've had a pretty rough day myself.
Cheers.
I'll give you a thousand bucks to give this speech for me.
You'll be fine.
I mean, it does suck,
but she is your mom, and you have to do this, and you'll deal.
Yeah, I'll deal.
Okay, I have to get back to work.
Kiwi,
I wanted to apologize for earlier. I downloaded some swell Gregorian chants for the ride home.
That's very considerate, father.
Father, do you mind if we play that last game of Pokerman before we go?
Whatever my little girl wants. What's your wager?
My freedom!
Honey, why delay the inevitable? I always win.
But if I win, I stay at VGHS.
If you win, which you won't, I'll do the dishes on Wednesday nights.
Lasagna night? You are desperate.
Very well. Let's Pokerman!
Almost nothing.
Yes!
I'm back!
No one can beat The Law except The Law!
Ki! Your game has problems!
Aw, dude, Law, put some pants on, man! Make an effort or somethin'.
Never again!
What can I say about the great Mary Matrix?
Well, stay away from her meatloaf for one.
You've all heard of Mary Matrix. Some of you might even know her, but
I'm the only one who gets to call her "mom," and right from the beginning I wanted to be my mom.
Frag Bowl '23, Wild Cats vs. Warriors, and she was eight months pregnant with me.
I've seen the clips, mom, you were huge!
So, it's the final round, there's four minutes in the game, and her team is down five points,
and she goes into labor,
but you didn't stop, and you kept playing, and you brought your team a miracle.
The Wild Cats won by three points.
And then you had me right there in the arena. I didn't even give you time to get to the hospital.
I think...
I just wanted to meet you so bad.
The Boston Banshee. The Siren of Death. Twenty-two years old and five championship titles.
Sorry I almost lost you your sixth.
While you were away, dad and I would watch every game, every press conference, every intereview.
Your commitment to the game left me in awe.
So, when I started playing, I took your handle.
Matrix. Jenny Matrix.
Because you weren't just my mom. You were my hero.
Well, you all know the rest of the story. Star player becomes star coach, and now she's here, so
it is my honor to present Mary Matrix with the PTA's "Parent of the Year" award.
I love you, mom.
Was that so hard?
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Well, honey,
here we are again, so
am I bluffing?
Hey guys.
Mr. Swan, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I'm really sorry.
Hey, what's going on?
Ted, what would you do if I had to go home for a while?
Well, I don't know. I'd miss you a whole bunch. I'd be really sad, but
if you really had to leave, I'd understand.
You're a genius.
I fold.
Interesting.
You win, but I'm calling your bluff.
You won't take me home.
If Ted is mature enough to let me leave, then you definitely are.
This isn't about VGHS. This is about me growing up without you.
And it hurts. It's classic "empty nest" syndrome.
I'm sorry, dad, but I'm calling your bluff.
I bet you didn't expect that.
It was expected.
But I didn't expect it so soon.
Father,
I love you.
I love you, too, Kiwi.
Heya Mr. Swan, would it be okay if me and Ki came over on the weekends? We shall make evil beavers.
My daughter's right. You're a genius. "Evil beavers" it is.
Are you sure?