1 00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,800 Why are we waiting in line for food? 2 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:14,200 It's a pop-up. It's a rare, pop-up restaurant thing 3 00:00:14,220 --> 00:00:16,210 that only enters our solar system... Rick. 4 00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:17,749 You're gonna spoil your appetite. 5 00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:19,449 That's a weird way to say I'm gonna stop being hungry 6 00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:21,160 by eating food, but whatever. 7 00:00:21,180 --> 00:00:22,600 Three crispy, uh, four wiggling. 8 00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:23,809 You're probably not even hungry. 9 00:00:23,810 --> 00:00:25,979 You just don't like lines because they aren't about you. 10 00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:27,230 Another weirdly aggressive way 11 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,440 to describe a friend respecting themselves. 12 00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:32,080 - Eugh! - What a wonderful thing to say! 13 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:35,820 Ha ha! I was merely inspired by the wonderful thing you said! 14 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,020 Sirs? Guys? You dropped this. 15 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,540 Please, take it as a reward. So courteous! 16 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,380 How nice it will be for you to eat 17 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,360 what you were willing to stand in line for so much sooner. 18 00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:46,400 Oh, no, that's okay. 19 00:00:46,410 --> 00:00:48,260 I came to stand in line and then eat. 20 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,800 I-I wouldn't wanna do it differently. 21 00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:51,000 Hmm... 22 00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:53,080 Dear fellow, I choose this moment 23 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:55,870 to surrender my sword so that you may succeed me 24 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,670 as the newest Knight of the Sun. 25 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,500 What? No. I-I-I didn't even want your sandwich. 26 00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:01,718 I don't want your sword. 27 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,762 Oh, believe me, son. You want it. 28 00:01:03,770 --> 00:01:06,650 I don't understand. You're knights? With a "K"? 29 00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:09,267 Of the Sun with a "U" or... or an "O"? 30 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:11,380 Your alphabet is of no concern here. 31 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,020 We are sworn defenders of Helios, 32 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,960 the center of this system. 33 00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:17,560 Okay, so it's "Sun" with a "U." 34 00:01:17,570 --> 00:01:19,930 Oh, God. Morty, don't take the sword. 35 00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:22,000 Oh, I'm shocked you're against something, Rick. 36 00:01:22,020 --> 00:01:23,959 - You know these guys? - I know how they're dressed 37 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,340 and how boring this sounds. 38 00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:26,370 You take that sword, 39 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,540 you're gonna get sucked into a whole complicated... 40 00:01:28,550 --> 00:01:29,788 Oh, shit! 41 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,680 - Come on, take it. - Uh... 42 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:34,419 I mean, if that kid's not gonna take the sword... 43 00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:35,760 He didn't offer it to you. 44 00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:37,440 Sorry. Can I just ask some stuff? 45 00:01:37,450 --> 00:01:39,005 W-What does a Knight of the Sun do? 46 00:01:39,010 --> 00:01:40,700 He takes the sword, for one thing. 47 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,551 You know what? Maybe you made a bad call. 48 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,679 - He... He doesn't want the sword. - I didn't say that. 49 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,054 Well, you sure aren't taking it. 50 00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:47,389 Would you just take a random... 51 00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:49,440 Obviously I would, yes! And I did! 52 00:01:49,450 --> 00:01:52,080 Best decision of my life! And you're shitting on it! 53 00:01:52,100 --> 00:01:53,850 Excuse me? Is this just a free sword? 54 00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:55,430 - No! - I'm taking the sword. 55 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,940 Thank you, Dawnling. What is your name? 56 00:01:57,950 --> 00:02:01,270 - Morty. - Now it is Sir Mortaniel. 57 00:02:01,290 --> 00:02:02,946 I made it a little knightier. 58 00:02:02,950 --> 00:02:04,390 Good day. 59 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,782 Wait, did he just... 60 00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:07,800 God damn it, Morty! You took the sword? 61 00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:10,350 - So boring! - Oh, like you're not at this point? 62 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,940 You drunk cranky fuck! 63 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,280 Ouch. 64 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,780 You guys still gonna stand in line? 65 00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:20,550 Y-You're not gonna take this food? 66 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,960 The pop-up pays us to stand here. 67 00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:24,800 - To drive up business. - Knew it. 68 00:02:52,410 --> 00:02:56,625 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 69 00:02:59,020 --> 00:03:03,540 Everyone! Sir Helios' successor, Sir Mortaniel! 70 00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,894 Wow, my... my own song! 71 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,220 Now you know why Sir Helios had to change your name 72 00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,030 to something with three syllables. 73 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,530 Welcome, Dawnling, to the Sun! 74 00:03:22,540 --> 00:03:25,278 So it is the Sun, like Earth's sun? 75 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,364 Ah-ha, he's heard of us! 76 00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:29,491 How come I'm not, like, burning to a crisp? 77 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,200 You are currently protected by our powers, 78 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:34,060 but soon they will be yours. 79 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,380 Our flesh is indestructible! 80 00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,400 Our lives are never-ending, 81 00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:40,340 but not even in the dumb vampire way 82 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,540 where after a while you hate it and you can't die. 83 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,130 We can die whenever we want. 84 00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:45,256 We just don't have to. 85 00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:47,090 But you're not allowed to leave, right? 86 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,678 L-Like, I'll... I'll... I'll never see my family again? 87 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:50,940 We leave constantly! 88 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,472 I met you on an asteroid. 89 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,020 Oh, yeah. Between us, that wasn't a deal breaker, 90 00:03:55,030 --> 00:03:56,649 but it's even better that there's options. 91 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:59,650 You'll have more freedom than you've ever known. 92 00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:00,960 Our king. 93 00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:03,470 The Sun is the center of the solar system. 94 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,300 It is the home of the solar Scepter, 95 00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:07,140 around which all worlds revolve. 96 00:04:07,150 --> 00:04:11,080 The men who keep it safe are admired by all and live as gods. 97 00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:14,744 - Any more questions? - Uh, yeah, where do I sign? 98 00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:16,760 Huzzah. 99 00:04:16,780 --> 00:04:17,860 Well, that does it. 100 00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:19,930 Off to the parapet to make this official. 101 00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:21,376 Yeah, let's do this. 102 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,180 Now just cut off your penises and throw them into the Sun. 103 00:04:27,370 --> 00:04:29,592 Oooooooookey-dokey. 104 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,511 I see Mortaniel wants to go first. 105 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:32,710 Uh, not true. 106 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,540 Do I just leave the sword wherever? 107 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,600 - I-Is there a sword bin? - What are you saying? 108 00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:38,979 - You don't want to cut off... - Listen, guys, c-can we not... 109 00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:41,380 It's a terrific and painful sacrifice we all make 110 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,220 for the most important and powerful job in the universe. 111 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,420 We've done it since the dawn of dawns. 112 00:04:46,430 --> 00:04:48,445 Yep. There it is in stained glass. 113 00:04:48,450 --> 00:04:50,990 It's official. A-And I'm not judging it. 114 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,323 And I'm not doing it. 115 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,440 People really live here? This is nuts. 116 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,350 - I thought it was a metaphor. - We have to go. 117 00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:59,450 Ah. Boy. They're not messing around, huh? 118 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:00,582 How are you not burning? 119 00:05:00,590 --> 00:05:03,050 Oh, it's just science, which, unless I'm misinterpreting, 120 00:05:03,060 --> 00:05:04,753 is clearly not a priority here. 121 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:05,860 Okay, c'mon, lil' June bug. 122 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:07,480 I-I won't rub your face in this one. 123 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,219 I-I'm guessing you're feeling pretty stupid. 124 00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:10,880 Yes. Thank you. 125 00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,630 Sir Helios gave his life with that sword. 126 00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:14,800 Mortaniel took it. 127 00:05:14,820 --> 00:05:17,810 He cannot leave unless he bests me in combat. 128 00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:19,840 Hmm. Okay, uh, one sec. 129 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,779 I'm guessing these guys are, like, pseudo-immortalish 130 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,689 since they live on the Sun, so playing by their rules 131 00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,029 might be the fastest way out of this. 132 00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,400 J-Just best him in combat. 133 00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:27,520 - What? - Here. 134 00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:30,120 This sword uses A.I. to learn from an opponent's attacks. 135 00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,490 So I have to get attacked first? 136 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,340 No, no, no, the sword has already seen "Blade." 137 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,140 And loved it. You'll be fine. 138 00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:40,240 - By golly! - Ooh! Crikey! 139 00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,420 Okay, so we're done here. 140 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,380 No. We're not done. 141 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:50,590 I am done. 142 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,092 You are now king of the Sun. 143 00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:54,050 Protect the Scepter always. 144 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,650 No, no, no, no, I don't want to! 145 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,400 Well, how is that supposed to work? 146 00:06:01,410 --> 00:06:03,180 He's king, but he was never even a knight. 147 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,879 - I mean, that's stupid. - Uh, it's... it's definitely a... Sun first. 148 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,233 - A king with a penis? - Well, what do you want from me? 149 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,820 All hail King Mortaniel! 150 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,000 Uhhhhh, as your king, 151 00:06:12,020 --> 00:06:14,760 I hereby declare a vacation, for me. 152 00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:17,560 I'll come visit you guys, on, like, Sun Day... 153 00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:18,660 Sundays. 154 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,180 If I forget, just wait a week. 155 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,872 Keep doing that, keep the crown. Peace. 156 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,560 Hell yeah. See? That's from when he's fighting Deacon Frost. 157 00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:32,450 I don't know. Um, I-I thought it was cool. 158 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:33,700 Okay. So... 159 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,640 So? Oh. So, you dragged me to a fake restaurant, 160 00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,099 yelled at me for not doing what you wanted, 161 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:39,600 then did something I told you not to, 162 00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:42,078 and it almost cost you your pud, but I saved your life, 163 00:06:42,079 --> 00:06:44,359 and now you're waiting for me to make you feel like shit about it. 164 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,160 That's... Yeah, you nailed it. 165 00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:48,950 Morty, I'm sorry I let your opinion of me get this low. 166 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,940 - All right, I get it. - There's nothing to get. 167 00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:53,610 I'm for real. Look, I'm a drunk, I'm a psychopath, 168 00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:54,720 I'm a murderer, but... 169 00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:56,689 - when you called me boring... - I shouldn't have. 170 00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:57,949 I needed to hear it. 171 00:06:57,950 --> 00:07:00,380 And you took the stupid sword, and I was like, "Holy crap, 172 00:07:00,390 --> 00:07:01,600 this is who I am to this kid? 173 00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:03,519 He just does the opposite of my advice now. 174 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,000 I mean, I-I gotta fix that." 175 00:07:05,020 --> 00:07:08,020 So I'm gonna be, like, 22% more agreeable with you 176 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,640 for, like, maybe one episode, or one adventure. 177 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:12,930 - We'll see how it goes. - Is 22% a lot? 178 00:07:12,940 --> 00:07:13,979 Well, I-I'm not gonna tell you 179 00:07:13,980 --> 00:07:16,139 what percentage of our time together I'm usually mean to you 180 00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,539 because it'll hurt your stupid feelings, 181 00:07:17,540 --> 00:07:19,080 but 22% is substantial. 182 00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:20,339 You're gonna feel the difference. 183 00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,600 Okay. I mean, I-I appreciate it. 184 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,939 You should, because you made a real mess with these guys. 185 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:27,100 - Oh, man! - Sire. 186 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,230 - You can't leave. - Go away! 187 00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:32,420 My king, it is our duty to follow you 188 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,560 till the sun sets on our watch. 189 00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:38,140 I mean, it set yesterday, so you're done. Bye. 190 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,201 Sire, the sun never sets on the Sun. 191 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,420 Can you get rid of them? 192 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:43,640 You want me to... 193 00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:46,400 Well... You guys know he can kill you, right? 194 00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,750 I think he'd find that quite difficult, sire, 195 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:50,100 but if it pleases you. 196 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,020 Can't I just tell you it pleases me for you to go away? 197 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,180 No. Not really. 198 00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,380 So you'd rather die than leave me alone? 199 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:57,590 Yes. 200 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:06,640 These guys live on our sun? I've never heard of them. 201 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:09,220 I don't see them doing a lot to earn interplanetary fame. 202 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,700 I beg your pardon, wizard. 203 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,360 The Knights of the Sun protect the solar Scepter... 204 00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:15,720 around which even this world turns. 205 00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:18,270 You do mean that, like, symbolically, right? 206 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,800 Oh, quite literally. 207 00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:22,000 The Scepter is the center of the solar system. 208 00:08:22,020 --> 00:08:24,540 All planets orbit it. We keep it on the Sun 209 00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:27,372 so that Jupiter and Saturn don't bump into each other. 210 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,120 - Omigod. - They don't even know sixth grade science. 211 00:08:31,140 --> 00:08:32,370 That's it! 212 00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:34,020 - Yeah, so there you have it. 213 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,050 Traditions suck ass, 214 00:08:35,060 --> 00:08:37,298 and your most foundational beliefs are total bullshit. 215 00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,520 We're supposed to take your word for it? 216 00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:42,400 Anyone can draw circles on a board and spout numbers. 217 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:45,320 Yes, this sounds like a fun theory, sire, 218 00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:47,399 but it would take more than this for us to give up... 219 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,570 Okay, so how do you guys think it works again? 220 00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,980 - Well, the Scepter... - Oh, you mean this old thing? 221 00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,340 - Gaaah! - You want it? 222 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:54,470 Here. Take it back home. 223 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,360 It's a symbol. It's your culture. 224 00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,278 That's not the same as reality. 225 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,150 Does this mean we cut off our penises 226 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:02,030 for absolutely no reason? 227 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,050 That's the bad news. 228 00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,900 The good news is, you're free. 229 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:08,500 - Ooh, that stings. - Fuck this knights shit. 230 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:09,940 A query? 231 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,220 I just used your "computer phone" to search "despair." 232 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:16,450 - Where can I get this heroin? - I'm not telling you that. 233 00:09:16,470 --> 00:09:18,780 No matter. I'm seeing from most of your song lyrics 234 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,210 that I can get it anywhere. 235 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:26,220 Um, you guys, someone just used critical thinking and basic physics 236 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,460 to destroy their first entire religion. 237 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,050 - Nice. - Good job, Morty. 238 00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:32,100 - So no more sun-tourage? - Yep. All done. 239 00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:34,840 Plus, Rick and I both learned to support each other better. 240 00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:36,858 So that's it. We're done. 241 00:09:36,860 --> 00:09:39,680 Feels early, but w-we're done. 242 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:40,780 What's happening? 243 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,905 Appliances are breaking that I haven't touched. 244 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:47,070 Maybe the sun is... celebrating? 245 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:52,240 Ha ha ha ha! The Sons of the Moon are storming the walkway. 246 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,300 Doesn't matter. 247 00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:54,659 Their aggression will be kept in check 248 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,300 by a host of interplanetary treaties and alliances. 249 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,320 It's very complicated, 250 00:09:58,340 --> 00:10:00,379 but as long as The Knights of the Sun stand together, 251 00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:03,640 the solar system will always have complete political stability. 252 00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,520 Where are the Knights of the Sun, by the way? 253 00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:06,980 I'm done pooping. 254 00:10:06,990 --> 00:10:08,000 Hmm? 255 00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:12,250 Did the, uh, Knights of the Sun... disband? 256 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,150 While I was pooping? 257 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,140 Sunnnn-kward. 258 00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:23,520 How many planets in our solar system have these clowns? 259 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,750 I guess if the sun can support life, any planet can. 260 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,200 I mean, maybe we all descended from a common ancestor. 261 00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:30,240 Haven't you seen, like, all of the universes? 262 00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:32,160 Exactly. So why would I hang out on Pluto? 263 00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:33,749 That's some Jerry-league shit. 264 00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:36,460 If the Sons of the Moon can attack the sun, 265 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:38,600 why should the Viscounts of Venus continue sitting 266 00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:41,130 - in Saturn's shadow? - How's this for a reason? 267 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:44,217 We got all the rings and all the balls. 268 00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:45,340 - Oh, fuck you. - Really? 269 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,940 If the Saturno Venusian détente is no longer honored, 270 00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:51,820 I declare you all moons of Jupiter. 271 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,560 Because that's what you are to us! A bunch of moons! 272 00:10:54,580 --> 00:10:58,260 Do the Knights of the Sun plan to protect Mercury from this chaos? 273 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,800 Because if we're on our own, 274 00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:02,777 there's a new, very tiny sun in town. 275 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,220 It's all you, pal. 276 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:09,580 Um, hello? 277 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:13,121 Don't I have, like, authority over this Sons of the Moon meeting? 278 00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,206 That all depends. Who the hell are you? 279 00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,720 This guy's the king of the Sun. 280 00:11:16,740 --> 00:11:18,543 - Holy shit. - When did this happen? 281 00:11:18,550 --> 00:11:21,045 Ha! Then tell your knights to do their jobs. 282 00:11:21,050 --> 00:11:22,640 Yes, Your Majesty. 283 00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:24,680 We all know the Sun's power lives 284 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:26,320 and dies with your knights. 285 00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:29,760 - Who are you? - Who am... Who... 286 00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:31,720 I am the Marquis of Mars! 287 00:11:31,730 --> 00:11:34,000 And I declare war on all of you! 288 00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:35,560 War on all of you! 289 00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:38,900 Where are the Knights of the Sun when we need them most? 290 00:11:38,910 --> 00:11:40,200 Funny you should ask, uh... 291 00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:42,480 They're gone! 292 00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,600 They've abandoned their duties. 293 00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,270 I see it in the bones. 294 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,680 Damn, the bones nailed it. 295 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,280 Okay, so you have space ships and magic ladies? 296 00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:51,920 Look, I'm not gonna read all the books. 297 00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:55,160 What will it take to let this Sons of the Moon fiasco resolve itself? 298 00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:58,240 Excuse me. How did you become king of the Sun? 299 00:11:58,260 --> 00:11:59,790 You look like an Earthling. 300 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,502 - Santa? - Santa? 301 00:12:01,510 --> 00:12:02,650 What the hell is that? 302 00:12:02,660 --> 00:12:04,672 I'm the Earl of Earth, god damn it. 303 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,720 I agree with Earth on one thing... 304 00:12:06,730 --> 00:12:09,630 Venus questions the legitimacy of this king's authority. 305 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,120 My people say I say aye. 306 00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:13,300 I'm the king. 307 00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:15,769 - I've got the Scepter right here. - What the fuck? 308 00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:17,760 Yeah, yeah, I know you're freaking out 309 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:18,930 because it's not on the sun. 310 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:22,760 No, because whoever has it rules the solar system! 311 00:12:22,770 --> 00:12:24,358 It's up for grabs! Get it! 312 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,760 After it! 313 00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:26,880 Ahhhh! 314 00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:28,800 Yes, yes. I have the Scepter. 315 00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:30,410 Soon Jupiter will be the center 316 00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:32,860 of our solar system's newest dark ages. 317 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:36,760 Fuck that. Mercury will now be the shining beacon of... 318 00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:39,240 Time to throw it all against the wall. 319 00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:41,099 I think you crushed it. 320 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,700 I mean, not just anybody can start Solar War One. 321 00:12:43,710 --> 00:12:45,780 - Stop supporting me. - Can do. 322 00:14:19,340 --> 00:14:21,219 Damn, who would have thought giving the Amish nukes 323 00:14:21,220 --> 00:14:22,750 would threaten the solar system? 324 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,437 Maybe we should just jump universes. 325 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,450 I don't know, buddy. 326 00:14:25,470 --> 00:14:28,480 Feels like we're kind of more about trying out commitment now, ya know? 327 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:29,559 Let's put our heads together. 328 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:30,919 Maybe there's something we haven't tried yet. 329 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,987 - Oh, here's an idea. Fuck you! - Hey! 330 00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:34,060 Rick, I can't take it. 331 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,660 I admit I'm wrong, I screwed up. 332 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,600 You're killing me here yes-and'ing me to death. 333 00:14:37,620 --> 00:14:39,800 What is this, "Vat of Acid" again? 334 00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:41,940 Look, man, I'm sorry I've been such a dick in the past 335 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,497 that you think I'm doing a thing here. 336 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,100 I'm honestly just trying to do better by you. 337 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,400 Are you a robot? 338 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,430 - Morty! - A clone? 339 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,919 Morty, this family's got enough clones and robots in it. 340 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,709 Come on, Morty, stop asking what you're asking 341 00:14:52,710 --> 00:14:54,300 and let's just get back to our crisis. 342 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,219 I'm sorry. It's just been a hard road with you, Rick. 343 00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:58,910 Morty, I get that, but you can trust me 344 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,800 when I say I'm just trying to do right by you. 345 00:15:00,810 --> 00:15:03,800 Okay, Rick. You're right. Maybe... 346 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:06,187 maybe I just need to round up some Knights. 347 00:15:06,190 --> 00:15:07,800 If I disillusioned the old ones, 348 00:15:07,810 --> 00:15:09,680 I'll just have to re-illusion them. 349 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,400 It shouldn't be that hard, right? 350 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,020 Cousins, we need to return to the walkway at once. 351 00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:25,539 Why are you laughing? Did I say something funny? 352 00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:27,040 Oh, Mortaniel. 353 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,280 The only person we bend the knee to these days 354 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,670 is that sweet Black Betty. 355 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,430 Yeah, man, all hail Mr. Brownstone. 356 00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:36,092 And his doctor. Feelgood, that is. 357 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,460 They're talking about heroin, Morty. They like it. 358 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,179 - Obviously. - Obviously? 359 00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:41,450 Apparently living on the Sun 360 00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:44,160 has turned our veins into triple-bonded carbon, 361 00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,500 so try this tale on for size, Mortaniel... 362 00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:47,895 we can't OD! 363 00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,570 C'mon, you guys are a mess. 364 00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:51,470 Well, they actually seem kinda awesome, Morty. 365 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,600 Lemme be your king. 366 00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,610 I admit, I wanted what you once had... 367 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,160 brotherhood, tradition, stability, purpose. 368 00:15:57,180 --> 00:15:59,700 I just... didn't want to cut my dick off for it. 369 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:00,989 Yeah, that's the point. 370 00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:03,040 We were quick to follow this boy before, 371 00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:05,720 without even forcing him to commit to our traditions. 372 00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:09,000 And all he did was break our faith and our walkway. 373 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:12,340 And now this random fucking guy is here again 374 00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,740 to tell us what to do? 375 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:15,256 No fucking way! 376 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,670 What if I cut off my dick? 377 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,280 But you'd be cutting it off for no reason. 378 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,000 Yeah, that's the point of tradition... 379 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:24,600 doing things for no reason, 380 00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:27,940 but it'd be reason enough doing it for you guys. 381 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,440 Well, you do that, that would compete with heroin. 382 00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:34,191 Cool, cool. Can I maybe get a minute? 383 00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:36,560 Buddy, what's up? 384 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,100 Reaching some sad conclusions about your situation? 385 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,100 Yes, but that walkway needs those knights, 386 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,909 those knights need a king, and that king needs no dick. 387 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:46,330 Damn, Morty, you really are stepping up. 388 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,010 Now do you want me to help you 389 00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:49,339 not have to cut your dick off, though? 390 00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,375 - Yes, please. - Then I got you. 391 00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:52,793 Uh, you really mean it, Rick? 392 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,750 Of course, buddy. I'll give you a fake dick 393 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,120 with three layers of fail-safes. 394 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:58,301 They'll never know the difference. 395 00:16:58,302 --> 00:17:01,802 Shh, Morty. We're gonna make your dick so fake, buddy. 396 00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:11,880 The signal! Sir, the Knights of the Sun are once more. 397 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:15,250 Hold fire. If this return to the Old Ways is true, 398 00:17:15,260 --> 00:17:18,540 I'd be willing to return home and put an end to the bloodshed. 399 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:35,260 Sir? Shall we hold off on the antimatter hydrogen bombing? 400 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:38,290 Those crusty knights won't do the Sun much good 401 00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:39,480 without their... Hoo! 402 00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,092 Let's hear them out. 403 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:46,440 I, Lithdor, son of Thrifdor, 404 00:17:46,460 --> 00:17:49,350 personally oversee the stumping of thy king's stem. 405 00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,570 If his stem burns true, 406 00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:54,440 peace will be restored between the spheres. 407 00:17:55,189 --> 00:17:56,607 Yay! 408 00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:01,111 Present the Shears of Stumping! 409 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,980 - Morty the Brave! - You got this, my king! 410 00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:08,360 First things first. 411 00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:09,440 Step through this machine 412 00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:12,200 which checks for nanotechnological hologram dicks. 413 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:13,805 - What? - War opened our eyes 414 00:18:13,806 --> 00:18:15,960 to the wonders of new technologies. 415 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,170 Please, step through, my liege. 416 00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:26,050 Whew! 417 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:27,060 Sorry, my lord, 418 00:18:27,070 --> 00:18:29,439 but we're gonna need you to step through this second machine, 419 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,830 which checks for emergency clone dicks. 420 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:35,860 Oh, wow, you guys really embraced a lot of specific new tech, huh? 421 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,390 - Whoa, a sunspot! - What? Where? 422 00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:43,900 Boy, is... is that a third detector I see, as well? 423 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,760 You'll find out after the second one. 424 00:18:45,780 --> 00:18:46,889 We don't like to reveal them 425 00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:49,720 until the previous detecting threshold has been crossed. 426 00:18:49,740 --> 00:18:50,920 Right. 427 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,800 The third detector is going to scan for a prosthetic dick. 428 00:18:55,820 --> 00:18:58,440 - Oh. Ha ha. Good. - Okay, well, go on through, 429 00:18:58,460 --> 00:19:02,110 and, of course, by "prosthetic" we mean witchcraft dick. 430 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,173 - Shit. - Fuck! 431 00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:04,200 I sense one. 432 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,980 The bones say he's still packin'. 433 00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:11,580 Ha ha, can't get nothin' past the chicken bone lady. 434 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,250 J-Just testing her. 435 00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:16,228 Stump. Thy. Stem. 436 00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:19,740 Morty? Morty, don't answer out loud. 437 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,420 Can you hear me? It's Rick. I'm talking to you with my mind. 438 00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:24,279 - Yeah, I can hear you. - You said that out loud. 439 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,030 - Don't speak. - Sorry. Sorry. 440 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,980 I uplinked a telepathic nano satellite 441 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,409 so we could hear each other's thoughts. 442 00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:31,210 Carefully do everything I tell you 443 00:19:31,220 --> 00:19:33,260 in the exact order I tell you to do it. 444 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,170 - Okay. - Grab the scissors. 445 00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:37,458 Okay. Got the scissors. 446 00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:38,792 Now... run! 447 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,462 - Oh, shit, shit! - Guards, seize them! 448 00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:43,199 Run? You couldn't have just said that? 449 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,509 You don't have to use telepathy anymore. 450 00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:46,740 You can just ask your rhetorical questions out loud. 451 00:19:46,780 --> 00:19:47,920 I don't understand, Rick. 452 00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:50,100 Here's something that's easy to understand, buddy... 453 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,560 I'm proud of you for trying to solve your own shit. 454 00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,224 Ugh, I didn't want to have to do this. 455 00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:57,360 It's okay this time. We don't have any choice. 456 00:19:57,370 --> 00:19:59,647 - I love you, Rick. - Love you, too, buddy. 457 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,360 Whoooooaaa! 458 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,310 And that's when King Morty and Rick 459 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,070 were left with no choice but to leap into the Sun. 460 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:13,200 Such shame he felt for what he'd done to our society, 461 00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:15,160 sacrificing his dick wasn't enough... 462 00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:18,820 He gave his entire body and wizard servant, as well. 463 00:20:18,830 --> 00:20:22,600 And after a while, their sun-proof bones floated up to the top. 464 00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:25,890 We even checked with a royal ladle to ensure it was real sun, 465 00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:28,676 not just them hiding beneath in a vat of fake sun. 466 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,660 Such a violent death. 467 00:20:30,670 --> 00:20:33,280 And finally when our grief could bear no more, 468 00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:36,900 we decided to abolish our medieval act of stem stumping. 469 00:20:36,910 --> 00:20:40,380 And we have King Morty the Molten to thank for that. 470 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,810 Morty the Molten! 471 00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:43,610 King Morty the Molten! 472 00:20:43,620 --> 00:20:45,320 See, Morty? Worked like a charm. 473 00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:47,580 Aren't we risking it all coming back here? 474 00:20:47,590 --> 00:20:49,240 Morty, we had to know. Plus the heat... 475 00:20:49,260 --> 00:20:51,820 - It's good for my joints. - King Mortaniel? 476 00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:52,950 You're alive? 477 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,120 Yeah, go tell everybody. 478 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:56,160 Your reward's gonna be cutting off your own dick. 479 00:20:56,830 --> 00:20:58,920 Right. Point taken. 480 00:20:58,940 --> 00:21:00,960 R.I.P. and cheerio. 481 00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:03,836 Whew! 482 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:09,341 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 483 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,730 One crispy, one wriggling. 484 00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:39,913 Coming right up. Three loozums. 485 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,666 - How 'bout ten years? In jail. - Huh? 486 00:21:42,670 --> 00:21:44,500 Special Agent Mongo Bongo. 487 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,270 You're under arrest for illegal hot dog trafficking. 488 00:21:48,297 --> 00:21:49,798 Oh! 489 00:22:01,630 --> 00:22:05,689 Be free, my little babies. Ahh! 490 00:22:05,690 --> 00:22:06,880 Huh. 491 00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:08,790 Surprised they actually made it. 492 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,528 Kinda thought maybe some birds would swoop down... 493 00:22:11,530 --> 00:22:12,920 Aaahhhhh! Aah! 494 00:22:12,940 --> 00:22:15,115 I jinxed it. Aah! 495 00:22:16,620 --> 00:22:18,118 Did you get any of that?