1 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,530 I... I can't hold them off, Rick! Th-There's too many! 2 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:13,618 Richard! 3 00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:16,850 Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam. 4 00:00:16,860 --> 00:00:17,872 Relinquish it at once! 5 00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:19,540 Aah! 6 00:00:25,060 --> 00:00:26,840 Submit, you continental cunt. 7 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,000 - Aah! - Got a better idea. 8 00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:31,269 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 9 00:00:31,270 --> 00:00:32,580 Aah! 10 00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:36,090 Aah! 11 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:37,880 - Happy? - Of course I'm happy. 12 00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:39,020 You're acting like you won, 13 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,630 but this is exactly what I wanted! 14 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,100 I am Mr. Nimbus! 15 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,340 Ugh, whatever. 16 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:46,930 - Come on, Morty. - Man, that was intense. 17 00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:48,960 Yeah, nice work, buddy. 18 00:00:48,970 --> 00:00:50,910 Sorry I had to blow up your bunker. 19 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,575 Not so fast, Sanchez. 20 00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:56,670 It is I, Cookie Magneto. 21 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:57,920 What the fuck? 22 00:00:57,940 --> 00:00:59,560 I'm... I'm not engaging this guy. 23 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:01,220 That's hardly up to you, Rick. 24 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,120 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies? 25 00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,680 - Yes. - Okay, but cookies aren't a substance. 26 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,099 They're more of a name we... we give to... 27 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:09,591 To the things I control. 28 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,380 Do you control cookie ingredients? 29 00:01:11,390 --> 00:01:12,799 Because, y'know, t-that sounds dangerous. 30 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,310 Y'know, everything has sugar in it. 31 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,730 Fight me and find... 32 00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:17,420 Aah! 33 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,270 - Jesus, Rick! - I'm sorry, Morty. 34 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,412 I know you're gonna say it's punching down, but I can't fight 35 00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:23,860 another one of these '90s-style goofball super villains. 36 00:01:23,870 --> 00:01:24,910 I'm not the fucking Tick. 37 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,024 I'm... I'm exhausted. 38 00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:28,920 Okay, but i-if you really have a lot of these guys gunning for you, 39 00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:30,659 maybe you should look into what you're doing to... 40 00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:32,510 Oh, don't start that crap, Morty. 41 00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:35,080 I don't do anything for these dipshits to seek me out. 42 00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,360 I am Mr. Calypso! 43 00:01:37,370 --> 00:01:42,680 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit. 44 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:45,710 Okay, I might look into it. 45 00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:17,533 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 46 00:02:18,540 --> 00:02:19,590 Why don't you have a seat? 47 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,080 'Cause this isn't a therapy session. 48 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,480 I-I'm just asking you what people in your racket say 49 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,810 about handling this particular situation. 50 00:02:25,820 --> 00:02:28,400 First, we'd want you to define the situation. 51 00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:31,120 I'm a walking target for a never-ending sea of angry nerds 52 00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:33,159 that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of... 53 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,400 I don't know, platform? 54 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,620 I mean, look at this guy. 55 00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,320 He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk." 56 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:38,919 Because, of course, that's the angle of attack 57 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,150 that's gonna undo me, right? 58 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,270 You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo. 59 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,490 And you think locking this man in a chamber 60 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:48,650 and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this? 61 00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:50,990 I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation 62 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,410 and maybe set an example. 63 00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,360 But you've set this example many times 64 00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:56,447 and it's not changing your situation. 65 00:02:56,450 --> 00:02:58,359 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're gonna tell me to ignore them. 66 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,992 But guess what? They want that too. 67 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,680 And why would they want to be ignored? 68 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:04,390 You really believe if I let a guy like this do whatever he wants, 69 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:05,900 he gets bored and vanishes? 70 00:03:05,910 --> 00:03:08,793 Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong? 71 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,790 - Yes! - Then show me data. 72 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,131 Ignore them for a week and see what happens. 73 00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:14,966 You're on, bitch. 74 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,200 Is that man dead? 75 00:03:18,070 --> 00:03:19,620 Is everything in here confidential? 76 00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:21,500 - Everything but murder. - Then he's fine. 77 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,690 I mean, I-I think it's pretty big, you know? 78 00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,230 Big step for the big cheese. 79 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,070 - Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed. - Can we not make it a big deal? 80 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,530 It's worth celebrating, Rick. 81 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:32,200 You accepted the concept of therapy 82 00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:34,810 without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly. 83 00:03:34,820 --> 00:03:36,690 Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was a regular fly 84 00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:37,970 in her office that day. 85 00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:40,340 - What the hell? - Riiick! 86 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,250 How 'bout a little piss? 87 00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:45,310 Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn? 88 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,480 - I'm sure he'll tell you. - I am Pissmaster! 89 00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:52,780 Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez. 90 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,630 He's spraying my lavender bush. 91 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,680 My bees need that lavender! 92 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:57,960 Remember five seconds ago 93 00:03:57,980 --> 00:03:59,519 when you guys were stoked about me changing 94 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,230 because it made you feel superior? 95 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,410 Ooh, whole family's here. Who's that redhead? 96 00:04:04,420 --> 00:04:06,610 Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower. 97 00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:07,770 Oh, my God, what? 98 00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:09,100 - Hey! - Okay, that's it! 99 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,249 Jerry, please think about this. 100 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,579 If you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole for not helping 101 00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:13,660 or an asshole for helping. 102 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,980 My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms, 103 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,510 and I'll respond how I choose! 104 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:18,539 - Wait, Dad, don't! - Honey! 105 00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:19,870 Hey. 106 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,657 You want a piece of piss? 107 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,344 If that's your stupid rude way 108 00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:25,210 of saying I have to fight you, I will. 109 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:26,579 Take your shot, pussy. 110 00:04:26,590 --> 00:04:28,670 Don't talk to me that way. Go away! 111 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,980 - Make me. - Go away! 112 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,753 Ow! 113 00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:35,160 Careful, honey! 114 00:04:45,010 --> 00:04:46,030 Just stay down. 115 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,010 - I... I don't even know you. - Yeah, you don't know me. 116 00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:52,180 But I'm gonna know your whole ass, you son of a gun. 117 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,480 - Hey, none of that! - Break it up, guys! 118 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,380 Come on, you dirty motherfucker. 119 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,160 No! No, no, no, no no! 120 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,660 Stop! Aah! 121 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,080 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! 122 00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,840 Stop! I give up! 123 00:05:25,850 --> 00:05:27,510 Apologize to my daughter. 124 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:29,110 For what? 125 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,120 - You know for what! - I'm sorry! 126 00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:34,780 I'm sorry I sexualized you! 127 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,520 It came out wrong! 128 00:05:37,660 --> 00:05:40,611 That's my dad. That's my fucking dad! 129 00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:45,240 Honey, I'm so proud of you. 130 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,160 - Ow! - Oh, sorry. 131 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,270 Thank you, Rick. 132 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,820 Damn, hashtag #FlamingoDad is everywhere! 133 00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,410 Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list 134 00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:57,600 of other people's observations about you, 135 00:05:57,620 --> 00:05:59,750 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis 136 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,090 on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter. 137 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,580 Jezebel's offering a cash reward 138 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,280 for evidence that you're a bad person. 139 00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:06,860 That is their highest honor! 140 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,510 So this is what it's like to trend. 141 00:06:08,530 --> 00:06:10,370 Feels good. Feels right. 142 00:06:10,380 --> 00:06:11,789 Just keep in mind, now a bunch more assholes 143 00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:13,439 are gonna know they can get a rise out of you. 144 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,010 - Boooo! - Rick, let a dog have one day. 145 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,540 I'm letting! I'm letting! 146 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,777 Whoa. Are those orbs? 147 00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:23,140 This is what I'm talking about. 148 00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,230 Some asshole saw that fight and, believe it not, 149 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,280 they were jealous of Pissmaster. 150 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:32,180 I am Blagnar the Eternal. 151 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,630 We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster. 152 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,292 That's my dad, Jerry Smith! 153 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,310 Jerry Smith. 154 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,837 Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice 155 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,500 - and those who deliver it. - Wait, what? 156 00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:44,860 Our great council would like to offer you this silver orb 157 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,178 and with it a place amongst us. 158 00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:48,971 Whoa. It... It... It's sticky. 159 00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:52,230 Yeah, that means it's found a pure heart it wants to bond with. 160 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,970 Y-You guys saw my son-in-law on the news, 161 00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,140 now he gets a sticky orb. 162 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,080 What's the catch? We're not rubes. 163 00:06:57,100 --> 00:07:00,020 Yeah, your power is well known in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez, 164 00:07:00,030 --> 00:07:03,653 and it should come as no surprise that our orbs are unsticky for you. 165 00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:06,350 Oh, no, first I get banned from the Nextdoor app, 166 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,370 now this. 167 00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,850 I'd be honored to join your organization. 168 00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:12,130 S-So what do I do? Rub the orb when I see crime? 169 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,996 Or... Or eat the orb like spinach? 170 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:16,690 The orb is raw power. 171 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,360 Trust your heart, Jerry. 172 00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:20,211 It will know what to do. 173 00:07:25,340 --> 00:07:27,310 Did you turn on the microwave? 174 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,160 No? Maybe? I... I was trying to fly. I... 175 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,307 - What? - I mean, come on, Rick. 176 00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:35,476 Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. 177 00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:36,894 Orbs and goblets. 178 00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:39,160 I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family. 179 00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:40,314 Can you please help me? 180 00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:43,220 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me. 181 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:45,030 Trust me, I'm helping by not helping. 182 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,190 - Wow. - Seriously, Rick? 183 00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:47,210 What the eff, Grandpa? 184 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:49,380 Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing. 185 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:52,220 Now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back from being a hero? 186 00:07:52,230 --> 00:07:54,996 - Are you seriously that petty? - Okay, you know what? Fine! 187 00:07:55,010 --> 00:07:56,800 Here. Here's your goddamn suit. 188 00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:59,630 I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it. 189 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,220 This shooty-thing looks cool. 190 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,580 That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor 191 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,060 - that can blow up planets. - Whoa. 192 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:06,220 - So tight. - Kinda hot. 193 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,280 Okay, show me, uh... 194 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,080 acts of evil happening around the galaxy. 195 00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:12,960 Whoa, Space Hitlers? 196 00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:16,390 "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime." 197 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,730 My God, each one of them is their own type of Hitler. 198 00:08:18,740 --> 00:08:20,559 - Yeah, th-that's a problem. - Oh, shit, do that one. 199 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,820 - Aw, you guys. - That's my parents. 200 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,780 Wow. Well, family, 201 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,760 looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission. 202 00:08:28,780 --> 00:08:31,080 Lawn Flaming-Ho! 203 00:08:32,260 --> 00:08:35,077 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this. 204 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:39,580 Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order. 205 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,520 - A Reich, if you will. - Riddle Hitler me this... 206 00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:45,210 I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now? 207 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,930 Auf wiedersehen, bad guys! 208 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:51,380 - Exterminate him! - Ow! Shit! Oh, Jesus. 209 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,762 One at a time! 210 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:55,860 Ah, oh, my God! 211 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:04,150 Uh, hope there weren't other people on that planet. 212 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,420 And there were no other people on the planet! 213 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:07,630 Only Hitlers! 214 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,000 Each one ready to start their own holocaust, 215 00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:12,560 meaning an estimated 30 billion lives were saved 216 00:09:12,580 --> 00:09:13,750 by a single blast. 217 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,600 And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith. 218 00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,250 Hashtag #FlamingoDad. 219 00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:19,690 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 220 00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,950 Up next... Oh, actually nothing. 221 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,241 I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more. 222 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:28,050 I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless. 223 00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:30,060 I've got so many issues! 224 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,090 Aah! 225 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,134 We need to talk. 226 00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:33,500 Hey. No. 227 00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:34,830 I will not speak with you 228 00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:37,810 if you refuse to treat me and my patients with respect. 229 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,690 Oh, Lord. I was a fly! 230 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,240 So unburdened, so free of shame! 231 00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:47,150 Welp, I'm officially cured! 232 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:48,180 Here. Here's your data. 233 00:09:48,190 --> 00:09:49,860 Hard proof that God hates me. 234 00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:52,020 I ignored a troll, and Jerry beat the guy's ass. 235 00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:54,000 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power 236 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,310 which I gave him to annihilate planets of Hitlers, 237 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,250 and everyone's popping champagne. 238 00:09:58,260 --> 00:10:00,640 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change, 239 00:10:00,650 --> 00:10:01,650 and they're changing. 240 00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:02,665 It's working. 241 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,840 Oh, so if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law 242 00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:06,460 beats up people, it's "working." 243 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,630 But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power? 244 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,131 Rick, listen to yourself. 245 00:10:10,150 --> 00:10:12,069 You're complaining about how you have to be careful 246 00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,440 with your immense power 247 00:10:13,450 --> 00:10:14,950 and that Hitlers are dead. 248 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,020 Everything you're describing is positive. 249 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,480 Oh, shit. Not reacting. That really is the kill move? 250 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,170 I don't know if you need to think about it in terms of murder, 251 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,060 but, yes, just stay the course. 252 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:27,430 Okay, good... good talk. 253 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,240 Well, what you're describing is therapy, 254 00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:31,000 and if you'd like to keep receiving it, 255 00:10:31,020 --> 00:10:33,830 start scheduling your visits with Judy up front. 256 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,800 Thank you, thank you, Flamingo Fam. 257 00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:39,580 Uh, you know, when they asked me if I wanted to be the first human 258 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,380 to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, I thought, "Well, I don't know. 259 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,020 I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast." 260 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,334 But you know what sold me? 261 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,999 The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew. 262 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,940 Morty, Summer, Beth, 263 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,280 - what do you say? - What? 264 00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:57,460 - Are you serious? - Oh, shit, yeah, I love Mitsubishi! 265 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,279 - Me too! I-I've heard of them! - This is so exciting! 266 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,990 Oh, my God! This is so cool! 267 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,350 All right, gang, orbs away! 268 00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:12,250 O me o' my, can it be? 269 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:14,640 A giant piece of shit I see? 270 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,980 I am Mr. Stringbean! 271 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,940 No one resists my rhyming scheme! 272 00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:23,700 Hey, douchebag, why don't you chill out? 273 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:26,320 - Who's this asshole? - I am Doctor Buckles! 274 00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:28,950 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions! 275 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,620 Oh, you wanna see the Bean get mean? 276 00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,100 Aah! 277 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,810 I'll be damned. I'm out. 278 00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,620 I'm out. 279 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,200 I'm... I'm out. 280 00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:47,870 Oh, my God, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on. 281 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,520 Oh! Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car! What a loser. 282 00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:53,580 - Hey, you watching the Pissmaster video? - Yeah. 283 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,410 He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right? 284 00:11:56,420 --> 00:11:57,750 Oh-ho, without a doubt. 285 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,630 Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit? 286 00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:37,160 God damn it. 287 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,550 Fuck, shit, come on, man. 288 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,420 Fuck, come on, where is it? 289 00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:44,060 Shit, shit. 290 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,690 Ugh! Fuck! 291 00:12:49,580 --> 00:12:51,700 Come on, Pissmaster, come on. 292 00:12:53,270 --> 00:12:54,430 Aah! 293 00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:58,960 Damn it. 294 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:07,891 It's me. 295 00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:11,850 Please, please just open up. Dad? 296 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:13,800 Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls 297 00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:15,490 and I'm worried, okay? 298 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,830 I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast. 299 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,612 It's just... I've been so frustrated with you. 300 00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,359 Look, if you were to ever do something, 301 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,290 I'd never stop blaming myself. 302 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:26,600 Just, please. Please let me know you're okay. 303 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:27,940 God damn it. 304 00:13:30,540 --> 00:13:32,080 I'm okay, honey. We're good. 305 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,834 I thought something happened to you. 306 00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:35,980 I can tell you for sure... if anything happens to me, 307 00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:37,440 it's 100% not on you. 308 00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:39,010 It's my own choice. 309 00:13:39,020 --> 00:13:42,410 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad. 310 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:45,095 Just promise you won't, okay? 311 00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:48,700 - Okay, yeah. Promise. - Love you, Dad. 312 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,020 Fuck. 313 00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:04,230 Well, this is it. 314 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,790 I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith. 315 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,830 The Earth man. FlamingoDad. 316 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,280 Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped 317 00:14:12,300 --> 00:14:15,120 made me realize... people just wanna see me fail. 318 00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:20,470 All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong. 319 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:36,880 Help! 320 00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,193 Wait! Who are you? 321 00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:42,570 Pissmaster. 322 00:14:42,580 --> 00:14:45,630 M-Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you. 323 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,440 Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way. 324 00:14:47,450 --> 00:14:50,370 - Not just missiles. - Oh, ugh, okay. 325 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,330 Yo! Pissmaster! 326 00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:55,750 You saving that cat to make people forget you suck? 327 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,630 Nope, just saving it to save it. 328 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,050 Okay, we got nothing. 329 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,290 Dr. Wong, what's up? 330 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:23,810 Rick, you're late for your session. 331 00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,280 - Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good. - You're good? 332 00:15:26,290 --> 00:15:28,029 Yeah, see, I put on the suit of my enemy 333 00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:29,330 and I fucking love it. 334 00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,510 Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city, 335 00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:33,850 and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space. 336 00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:36,874 Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself. 337 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:40,050 He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise never get myself, 338 00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:41,450 nice wet bow on top. 339 00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:43,300 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that, 340 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,830 but I think you might be nailing it. 341 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,470 - What? - If it's free and fun, do it. 342 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,553 It sounds healthy. 343 00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:51,880 Oh, that wasn't my goal, but good to know. 344 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,470 Shit, gotta go. 345 00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:05,860 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing, 346 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,800 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so... 347 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,260 Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, 348 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:15,520 - lot of traffic on the orbway. - Take a seat, Jerry. 349 00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:18,630 We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise. 350 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,090 I mean, who cares, right? 351 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:21,620 Uh, people are talking about him. 352 00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:23,921 He's becoming likable. Good, even. 353 00:16:23,930 --> 00:16:26,760 - But... he's Pissmaster. - People change, Jerry. 354 00:16:26,780 --> 00:16:28,675 Everyone loves a comeback story. 355 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,640 All in favor of offering orbship 356 00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:34,780 to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster? 357 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,351 - Orb-yes. - All those opposed? 358 00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:40,187 - Obviously orb-no. - The orbship has spoken. 359 00:16:42,370 --> 00:16:45,090 You know what, Jerry? I think this is a good test for you. 360 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,540 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough to recruit Pissmaster, 361 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,210 maybe you don't deserve your orb. 362 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,330 And, Jerry... don't come back without him. 363 00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:56,720 Absolute chaos! 364 00:16:56,740 --> 00:16:58,430 No one knows who planted the bomb, 365 00:16:58,440 --> 00:16:59,590 but one thing is clear: 366 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,060 Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans, 367 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,070 now sits on the brink of doom. 368 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,780 The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle it as we speak. 369 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,780 I can't stress enough, 370 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,720 I'm eight years old, I have no idea what I'm doing! 371 00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:16,220 Look! It's Pissmaster! 372 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,030 Oh, no! There's no time to dismantle it! 373 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,730 Come on, it's not safe here. 374 00:17:19,740 --> 00:17:21,210 - Whoa, oh, oh! - Whoo-hoo! 375 00:17:21,220 --> 00:17:23,040 Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop? 376 00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:26,910 - Pissmaster. - Jerry, what are you doing here? 377 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,050 Eugene Michael Piss, 378 00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:30,890 by decree of the Andromeda strain, 379 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:33,010 our great council presents you with this orb, 380 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:34,032 which you have to take. 381 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,060 Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something. 382 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,410 Excuse me? Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given. 383 00:17:39,420 --> 00:17:41,498 - I don't want it! - Well, you have to take it. 384 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:43,440 Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here! 385 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,040 He's flying it into space! 386 00:17:47,065 --> 00:17:48,797 He's gonna sacrifice himself! 387 00:17:50,130 --> 00:17:52,810 Get back here, you ungrateful shit! 388 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:55,220 What is your problem? You're screwing up my hero death! 389 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,100 - Good! - FlamingoDad wants us to blow up? 390 00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:00,200 When did he become a shitheel? 391 00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:01,770 Life comes at you fast. 392 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:04,980 - Jesus, Dad! People are filming! - Yeah, maybe dial it back? 393 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,990 Rick? 394 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,370 - PissSuit! Auto-pilot the payload! - Confirmed. 395 00:18:29,390 --> 00:18:31,256 That's my fucking dad. 396 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,020 - Jerry? - Dad? Are you okay? 397 00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:40,880 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster! 398 00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,643 - Um... - Grandpa? What the hell? 399 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:45,690 Jerry, what is this? 400 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,580 People are saying you turned shitheel? 401 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,020 Well, apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster, 402 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:52,060 - so why don't you ask him? - What the...? 403 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,660 Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster? 404 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,616 - Okay, this is not a good look. - This family, man. 405 00:18:57,630 --> 00:19:00,380 Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit you two are pulling, 406 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,100 but it's completely unstickworthy. 407 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,520 - We're done here. - But I didn't know! 408 00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:07,760 I-I'm a good guy. I... I made you all famous! 409 00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:09,430 I'm 1,000 years old. 410 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,080 You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen? 411 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:13,320 Don't orb us. 412 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:19,120 I don't get it. You... You were Pissmaster the whole time? 413 00:19:19,130 --> 00:19:20,470 Obviously not, Jerry. 414 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,480 I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill... 415 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,393 Uh, when... when you made him... 416 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,064 Uh, yeah. I-I've always been Pissmaster. 417 00:19:29,070 --> 00:19:31,280 But that would mean you let my dad beat you up 418 00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:34,560 just so he could, like, feel more confident? 419 00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:35,600 - Wow. - Damn, Rick. 420 00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:37,290 - Yeah, that's amazing. - Hold on, Wh... 421 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:39,420 Everyone's just accepting this? 422 00:19:39,430 --> 00:19:41,460 Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien? 423 00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:43,169 - He obviously avatar'd it. - Probably a robot. 424 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:45,620 But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that? 425 00:19:45,630 --> 00:19:48,120 Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once, okay? 426 00:19:48,140 --> 00:19:50,210 He's obviously trying to change. 427 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:55,260 You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi. 428 00:19:57,060 --> 00:19:58,340 Proud of you, Dad. 429 00:19:58,350 --> 00:20:00,870 Or should I say: Pissmaster. 430 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,210 Yeah, Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you. 431 00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:06,579 And I guess I'm sorry for trying to stop you from killing yourself 432 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,590 with a nuclear bomb. 433 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,397 I just... really liked having an orb. 434 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,700 Eh. Don't sweat it, Jer. 435 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,020 Piss under the bridge. 436 00:20:14,020 --> 00:20:15,930 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh? 437 00:20:15,940 --> 00:20:18,460 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good. 438 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,870 That's pretty great of you, Rick. 439 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,540 Yeah... that's right, Morty. 440 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,170 That's right. Wait, Morty. 441 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,419 You have to promise not to tell anyone, 442 00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:26,230 but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself. 443 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,420 - Oh, man, what? - Yeah, I mean, I found him dead 444 00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:29,540 and I... I put on his suit, 445 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,250 but look at this... he literally blames your dad. 446 00:20:32,260 --> 00:20:33,940 Holy shit. 447 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,840 Wait, you kept the suicide note? That's so messed up! 448 00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:38,860 I know, I mean, I had to tell someone, Morty. 449 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,579 - I couldn't just sit on that. - And you expect me to? 450 00:20:40,580 --> 00:20:42,390 Morty, no! What are you doing? 451 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:43,680 Aah! 452 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,460 What the hell? He killed himself? 453 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,180 Jesus, Dad, you should've told us! 454 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,620 - Especially if Jerry murdered him! - Wait, don't say that, 455 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,599 - I... I didn't murder! - Hey, I... I thought it was pretty cool 456 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,639 - that I withheld that information. - But you didn't withhold it! 457 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,249 - You're walking around with the note! - Yeah, Grandpa, 458 00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,509 you gotta, like, keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice. 459 00:20:57,510 --> 00:20:58,519 That's the cool move. 460 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,220 I mean, how am I the bad guy? He sprayed piss on us! 461 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,533 - You... You all cheered me on! - Don't drag us into this. 462 00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:04,899 - A man is dead, Dad. - Again, wasn't gonna say it, 463 00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,319 - but I told you this would happen. - Get off your high horse. 464 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:07,939 - Dr. Wong would be so proud. - Go ahead and boo. 465 00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:09,540 I was breathing piss, you think I care? 466 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,130 Is this what it's like to trend? 467 00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:12,380 This is a nightmare! 468 00:21:12,390 --> 00:21:14,600 I should've just let him pee on my daughter! 469 00:21:14,620 --> 00:21:16,379 Ew! What the hell, Dad? 470 00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:21,384 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 471 00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:51,560 How about Jack Miller, aka CarJack? 472 00:21:51,580 --> 00:21:53,319 - He lifted a car off a stranger. - Eh. 473 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:54,330 - I guess. - Next. 474 00:21:54,340 --> 00:21:56,020 - Orb-no. - We're fresh off a dad 475 00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:57,040 and a piss guy. 476 00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:59,300 Maybe we add someone that's already powerful? 477 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,508 We have to be realistic about who we can get. 478 00:22:01,510 --> 00:22:02,634 I have a pitch. 479 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,500 We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson. 480 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:08,730 Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans. 481 00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,851 Oh, I hear he controls the police. 482 00:22:10,870 --> 00:22:11,880 - Wow. - The police? 483 00:22:11,890 --> 00:22:13,920 - Orb-yes. - Ohhh. Guys, I already checked. 484 00:22:13,940 --> 00:22:16,273 His reps say he's really busy right now. 485 00:22:16,290 --> 00:22:17,539 - He just doesn't wanna do it. - Everyone says that. 486 00:22:17,540 --> 00:22:18,900 Oh, and we're not busy?