1 00:00:10,190 --> 00:00:11,740 And in weird things in space news, 2 00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:13,788 that mysterious "rift" is still there. 3 00:00:13,790 --> 00:00:15,840 Not gone yet. You remember that, don't you? 4 00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:16,919 It's probably important. 5 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:17,940 Back to you, Tabitha. 6 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,920 Rick, Mom's working, and Dad's still sleeping. 7 00:00:19,930 --> 00:00:21,119 I'm... I'm... I'm gonna be late. 8 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,131 Yeah, yeah. I-I got you. 9 00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,500 - Here. - Holy shit. 10 00:00:24,510 --> 00:00:26,020 I-Is the portal gun working again? 11 00:00:26,030 --> 00:00:27,302 Yeah, pretty much. 12 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:30,700 Sometimes that happens. 13 00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:36,144 Just get the keys. 14 00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:39,300 It's actually been nice taking a break 15 00:00:39,310 --> 00:00:40,620 from the portal travel stuff. 16 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,709 I-I've been racking up a lot of high-school adventures. 17 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,800 - I have a process, Morty. - Huh? 18 00:00:44,810 --> 00:00:46,959 I'm fixing my portal gun, and every time you bring it up, 19 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,370 it blocks my creative flow. 20 00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:50,460 A-And then I'm forced to take longer on purpose 21 00:00:50,470 --> 00:00:51,929 just to train you to not bring it up. 22 00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:53,650 Geez. Do you know what "projection" is? 23 00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:55,150 - Do you? - No. 24 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,820 I-I-I heard Mom use it. 25 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,760 Lord, no. He's here again? 26 00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:01,670 Morty protocol, children. 27 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,290 Oh, what's it now? 28 00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,020 Brain bugs? Space worms? 29 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:06,508 Have I been "The Faculty'd" again? 30 00:01:06,509 --> 00:01:08,635 You guys don't have to react like this every day. 31 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,920 Last time, the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats. 32 00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:13,080 That's right... made me. 33 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:14,620 I see that look on your faces. 34 00:01:15,940 --> 00:01:18,270 What did you do, ya tiny monster? 35 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,300 This isn't me. 36 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,340 The people demand to know... 37 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,580 Do these visitors come in peace? 38 00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:32,820 But first, "Peter's Pizza Corner." 39 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,800 What slice we reviewing today, Petey? 40 00:01:34,820 --> 00:01:35,954 Cheese. 41 00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:42,940 If these aliens want Earth, 42 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,760 they'll have to go through Egypt. 43 00:01:44,780 --> 00:01:47,382 And they can ask mummies how that goes. 44 00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:51,970 Mummy Mia! 45 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,395 Dinosaurs are back? 46 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,023 Monkeys went bald? 47 00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:34,846 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 48 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:40,829 Shh! 49 00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:42,300 Before we start... 50 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,810 where are the rest of... us? 51 00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:46,540 Uh... 52 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,880 They died. Uh... 53 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:49,460 Long time ago. 54 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,322 Way before us. We didn't see nothin'. 55 00:02:52,330 --> 00:02:56,076 But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind. 56 00:02:57,840 --> 00:02:58,995 Why is he nervous? 57 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,940 Because, uh, you're dinosaurs. 58 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,400 It's weird. 59 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,463 Thought you were dead. 60 00:03:08,470 --> 00:03:13,280 Moving on, we, quote, "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth 61 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:16,340 until our technology was planetarily harmonic. 62 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,270 That being the goal with technology. 63 00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:22,760 After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth, 64 00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:25,560 our best and bravest left to help other planets. 65 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,940 Over millions of years, 66 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,068 we've called many worlds home and helped each one flourish. 67 00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:34,697 Imagine our surprise upon returning home to find our species extinct 68 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:38,451 and Earth now in the care of... you guys. 69 00:03:38,460 --> 00:03:41,329 When we left, you were basically squirrels. 70 00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:43,650 Well, uh, we've come a long way, 71 00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:46,167 and we... We've buried a lot more than nuts. 72 00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:48,710 We've evolved past nonconstructive criticism, 73 00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:50,839 so let's agree you've done your best. 74 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:51,980 You're still alive. 75 00:03:51,990 --> 00:03:54,670 But surely there was some point between gunpowder 76 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,800 and something called Amazon Prime 77 00:03:56,810 --> 00:03:58,080 that you folks had to think, 78 00:03:58,090 --> 00:04:00,120 "Are we supposed to be running a planet? 79 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,650 Wouldn't we rather make... Marvel movies?" 80 00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:04,320 How many Marvel movies have you made? 81 00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:05,895 29, and 14 more on the way. 82 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:07,400 See, you love doing that. 83 00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:10,260 And we love helping new life-forms get their footing. 84 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:14,110 So now that we're back, we can respectfully take it from here. 85 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,659 Now, hold on. If you've seen "Endgame," 86 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:18,445 you know invasion is not something Earth takes lying down. 87 00:04:18,446 --> 00:04:20,000 This is not an invasion. 88 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:23,288 Besides, wouldn't you like to lie down? 89 00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:25,373 Ugh. You must be exhausted. 90 00:04:25,380 --> 00:04:27,710 Put your feet up, get more tattoos, 91 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,003 finish rounding out this "Ant-Man" character. 92 00:04:30,010 --> 00:04:32,580 Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation," 93 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,130 - except permanent. - I think I speak for all world leaders 94 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:37,340 when I say that the poor people would just murder us 95 00:04:37,350 --> 00:04:40,940 if we made you leave, so... 96 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,680 welcome home, dinosaurs. 97 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,580 Oh. I could use a vacation. 98 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,820 - Should we nuke them? - I'm on vacation, Curtis. 99 00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:48,760 Well, you leaned into this fast. 100 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:30,830 Ugh. I can't even pretend to feel useful in a game. 101 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,740 This is how humanity's story ends? 102 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,068 Relieved of duty and sat at the kids' table? 103 00:05:35,070 --> 00:05:36,560 I gotta respect these dinosaurs. 104 00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:37,980 They dominated a whole species 105 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,448 just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time. 106 00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:41,519 They didn't even dominate us 107 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:42,939 because we're not worth a fight to them. 108 00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:44,953 We've become biological Tyler Perry movies. 109 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,029 - All they've done is help. - We didn't need their help. 110 00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:48,220 We were not the problem. 111 00:05:48,230 --> 00:05:49,940 This house recycles. 112 00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:53,500 They sort it at the trash facility. 113 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,690 What the "F"? My dance videos are getting, like, zero likes now. 114 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,250 Oh, yeah. The dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok. 115 00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:00,730 Great. So now I'm broke? 116 00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:02,200 You don't need money anymore. 117 00:06:02,210 --> 00:06:03,300 So what's this for now? 118 00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:05,169 Phone calls? Ugh. 119 00:06:05,170 --> 00:06:06,649 Oh, c'mon, Dad. You don't hate this, too? 120 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:08,800 Why would I? I-I was already doing what I wanted. 121 00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:12,600 I do think it's kind of funny that you're all basically Jerry now. 122 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:14,274 Fuck. 123 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,020 Jerry, how do you do it? 124 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,778 - Yeah, Dad, how do you do it? - How do you do it, Dad? 125 00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,905 - Huh? - How do you do it? 126 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,780 It's finally happened. 127 00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:40,550 - All right. 128 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,840 Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers? 129 00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:45,060 Uhp. 130 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,170 President only pages me if it's an emergency 131 00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:48,558 or he needs Molly. 132 00:06:52,570 --> 00:06:54,620 I'm sure glad you stayed open, Beau. 133 00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:57,317 Wish we could pay, but no more capitalism. 134 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,820 I never make ribs for the money, Mr. President. 135 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:03,000 Oh, um, here ya go. 136 00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:04,460 That's not why I called. 137 00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:06,040 Drugs can't solve this problem. 138 00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,577 I can't live like this anymore. 139 00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:09,480 At first it was fun spending all day 140 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,030 watching whatever YouTube autoplays 141 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,290 after the last one autoplayed, 142 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,700 but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly. 143 00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:15,970 Rick. Please. 144 00:07:15,980 --> 00:07:17,440 You're not bound by morality. 145 00:07:17,450 --> 00:07:19,340 Get rid of them. Slit their necks. 146 00:07:19,350 --> 00:07:21,649 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species. 147 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,610 I won't tell. Help us go back to the old days, 148 00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:25,595 where we pretend to fix the problems we caused. 149 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:26,819 You think I'm gonna side with you 150 00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:28,120 over hyper-intelligent creatures 151 00:07:28,130 --> 00:07:30,020 operating way beyond your comprehension? 152 00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:31,840 I have more in common with them than you. 153 00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:33,920 You pompous autistic cadaver! 154 00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:35,360 You think you're above this? 155 00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:36,939 - I ought to... - Look here, Mr. President. 156 00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:39,490 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious, 157 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:40,860 I pamper them. 158 00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:43,363 See, if you give someone what they want, 159 00:07:43,370 --> 00:07:45,660 they'll give you what you need. 160 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,040 - I'm jus' saying. - I see your point, Beau. 161 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,570 All right, Rick. Ha ha. 162 00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:51,180 Name your price. 163 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,310 - Aw, crap. - God damn it. 164 00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:54,880 How often are you "Westworld-ing" me? 165 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:58,160 Hang on. Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again. 166 00:07:58,180 --> 00:07:59,740 Ol' reliable Rick. 167 00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,880 Always k-knows what to do. 168 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:02,929 - What do you want, Rick? - Trustworthy. 169 00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:04,439 - I won't stoop to answering that again. - Honest. 170 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:05,840 You know exactly what I want. 171 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,012 I can't just snap my fingers and get you that job. 172 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,620 Yeah, yeah. Thanks for lunch. 173 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:10,730 Fine. Fine! 174 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,330 If you get rid of the dinosaurs... 175 00:08:12,340 --> 00:08:13,800 you can host the Oscars. 176 00:08:13,820 --> 00:08:15,500 - Yes! - Righteous R-Rick. 177 00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:17,340 Straight shootin', t-truth-tellin', 178 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,940 never wets the bed. 179 00:08:22,450 --> 00:08:23,820 Goodbye, old friends. 180 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,520 May you rest in peace, 181 00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,710 rather than the tank of an S.U.V. 182 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,419 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers. 183 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:31,536 Can we help you? 184 00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:33,400 Actually, I can probably help you. 185 00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:34,720 See, I'm technically human, 186 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:37,166 but I've come to be more, you know, on your level. 187 00:08:37,170 --> 00:08:38,459 We're fine, thank you. 188 00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:39,790 Maybe I'm being too indirect. 189 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,859 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel, 190 00:08:41,860 --> 00:08:44,298 and I could probably zap you guys to an alternate Earth. 191 00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:46,120 We used portal travel eons ago, 192 00:08:46,143 --> 00:08:47,820 but evolved to a one-universe, 193 00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:50,980 one-truth policy as the highest form of existence. 194 00:08:51,010 --> 00:08:52,990 Sort of a "put your own oxygen mask on 195 00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:55,100 before helping others" type of a thing. 196 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,686 Have you been on a plane? 197 00:08:56,690 --> 00:08:58,354 Yes, I've been on a plane. 198 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,240 We have no problem if you jump dimensions. 199 00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:04,100 Although we sense your gateway device is suboptimal. 200 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,880 - Let us help. - I don't need help. 201 00:09:05,890 --> 00:09:07,620 I-I'm here to help you. 202 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:08,990 What the hell is this? 203 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,380 A "Portal Pistol." 204 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,830 The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl, 205 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:14,600 so now you can see where you're going. 206 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:15,780 Clever girl. 207 00:09:15,790 --> 00:09:17,200 If you'd like, we could patch up 208 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:18,875 your little interdimensional rift too. 209 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,820 No, leave it. I know how to close that. 210 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:22,600 That's there for a reason. Very canonical. 211 00:09:22,610 --> 00:09:23,930 Don't you just want it closed? 212 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:25,339 Morty, whose team are you on? 213 00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:28,419 It's normal to be frustrated. Here. 214 00:09:28,420 --> 00:09:30,019 - Oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me? 215 00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:31,300 - Goodbye. - No. Wait. 216 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:35,299 - What the fuuuuuck! - Ah! 217 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:36,899 - I saw my bones! - Dr. Manhattan high-road assholes 218 00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,799 - teleporting me? - Why... Why wasn't that painful? 219 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,160 They didn't even do it right. My... My... My fly is down. 220 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,700 Your fly was already down. 221 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,850 What are you doing with that? 222 00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:46,000 Rick, it was a better... 223 00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,270 Nothing from them is better. 224 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,960 That thing had uptight Zen snob germs all over it. 225 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,399 So, what, now you're gonna fight them? 226 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,880 And prove we're violent and stupid? 227 00:09:52,890 --> 00:09:54,780 No. We're gonna find out what they're hiding. 228 00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:56,860 Only people who have really fucked up in the past 229 00:09:56,870 --> 00:09:58,320 have to virtue signal this hard. 230 00:09:58,340 --> 00:09:59,370 Look at Sean Penn. 231 00:09:59,380 --> 00:10:01,939 But, Rick, aren't these feelings, like, what they're talking about? 232 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:03,670 Like, life gets, um... 233 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,840 "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution." 234 00:10:06,860 --> 00:10:09,070 Like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy, 235 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,680 but once a species can get enough sugar from a machine 236 00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,110 to give itself diabetes, 237 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:15,180 it's allowed to start thinking beyond conflict. 238 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,020 I mean, it's all in their pamphlet. 239 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,020 Morty, you're a genius. 240 00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:22,120 I clearly mean that in the '90s ironic sense, 241 00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:24,380 but this self-fellating zine is a treasure map 242 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,160 to every fossilized bone in their skeleton closet. 243 00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:28,810 They're gonna call us Laura Dern 244 00:10:28,820 --> 00:10:32,080 because we're about to get elbow deep in Dino doo-doo. 245 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,280 Get it, Morty? The gloves? 246 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,949 - You... You remember the big gloves? - Yeah, no, I get it, Rick. 247 00:10:34,950 --> 00:10:37,150 I said "clever girl" earlier. You didn't even react. 248 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,360 I was angry. 249 00:10:44,530 --> 00:10:48,080 Um, I'm looking for a few of my, uh, friends. 250 00:10:48,090 --> 00:10:49,980 Hmm. Kinda look like the Skullfeet 251 00:10:49,990 --> 00:10:52,000 that used to live on our planet way before us. 252 00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:54,220 - They're long gone now. - Really? 253 00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:55,991 - They're extinct here, too? - Yeah. 254 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,300 We keep their bones in that museum over there. 255 00:10:59,020 --> 00:11:00,470 Um, wow. 256 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,070 These guys aren't gonna be much help. 257 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,710 The leading theory is, the Skullfeet 258 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,660 stepped on their own brains so much they straight-up died. 259 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,060 Such a shame. Would have loved to hear them sing. 260 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:10,110 - Sing? - Yeah. 261 00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:12,090 We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts 262 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,250 in their land amphitheater. 263 00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:14,409 You people are idiots. 264 00:11:14,410 --> 00:11:15,850 Hey. We didn't have much to go by. 265 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,360 Bones aren't big on conversation. 266 00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:18,744 Yeah, neither are you, pal. 267 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:23,240 The majestic Basketsaur. Aren't they incredible? 268 00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:25,920 We're even making a series of increasingly terrible movies 269 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:27,753 about cloning them in a theme park. 270 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:30,130 - So what happened to them? - No idea. 271 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:32,550 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup 272 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:34,300 out of the Great Dirt Bowl. 273 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,053 Starting to see a pattern here. 274 00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:38,848 Breathtaking, aren't they? 275 00:11:38,850 --> 00:11:41,640 It's a common misconception that they roamed our planet. 276 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,311 The truth is, they rolled. 277 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,688 Street-style mostly. Some vert. 278 00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:48,730 Lemme guess. There's a very large, deep circular indentation 279 00:11:48,740 --> 00:11:51,444 in which these "Grindasaurs" used to shred. 280 00:11:51,450 --> 00:11:54,190 We think they had a second brain in their butt 281 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,060 dedicated to pulling 1080s. 282 00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:57,900 Three planets visited by dinosaurs, 283 00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:59,960 three apocalyptic meteor impacts. 284 00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,220 Gi... Gi... Gimme the board. 285 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,560 I'm dropping in for data. 286 00:12:02,570 --> 00:12:03,581 Aah! 287 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:04,699 - Oh! - Rick! That's the hardest thing 288 00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:05,879 - in skateboarding. - Ow! 289 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,753 It looked so easy on... aah... "Pro Skater 3." 290 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,004 Oww. 291 00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:12,820 Hello. 292 00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:15,960 - Jackpot, Morty. 293 00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:17,889 You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide? 294 00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:20,860 No, Morty, they have a reason to hide. 295 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,739 - Come here, ya little whippersnapper. - No, Rick, stop! 296 00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,119 - C'mere, Morty. Come on, gimme a hug. - No, don't touch me. 297 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,939 - Your hands are greasy. - What's the matter with you? 298 00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:29,390 It's become clear your species is having a hard time 299 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,100 adjusting to its reduced accountability. 300 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:36,000 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks, 301 00:12:36,010 --> 00:12:38,540 which you used to launch new phones and religions. 302 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:40,534 Uhp, I see someone's eager to speak. 303 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,120 Hi. Um, what do you do when you want to kill yourself? 304 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,460 You don't do that. 305 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:46,680 Thank you for asking, though. 306 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:47,820 Ver... Very important. 307 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,628 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature 308 00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:52,620 that we think everyone should read. 309 00:12:52,630 --> 00:12:56,020 Holy shit! I'm a famous author! 310 00:12:56,030 --> 00:12:57,426 Wait, where's my name? 311 00:12:57,430 --> 00:13:01,120 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow. 312 00:13:01,130 --> 00:13:03,690 Excuse me. Aren't you gonna say who wrote it? 313 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,580 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit. 314 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,420 It's all here in this book that belongs to everyone. 315 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,660 For free. 316 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,700 You Communist lizard scumbags! 317 00:13:12,710 --> 00:13:15,300 I wrote that. Me, Jerry Smith! 318 00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:19,610 - Hey, hey, hey! 319 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,030 Guess what. Dinosaurs are not secretly evil, 320 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,960 and they're not out to cause anybody trouble, 321 00:13:30,980 --> 00:13:33,963 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them. 322 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,340 Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's showtime. 323 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,260 Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it 324 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,500 is eventually smashed by a huge space rock 325 00:13:41,510 --> 00:13:43,723 that takes out them and most existing life. 326 00:13:43,730 --> 00:13:45,480 What? That can't be true. 327 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,100 It's all right to be frustrated. 328 00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:48,200 Let me explain. 329 00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:51,340 Why would planet-killing meteors follow dinosaurs? 330 00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:53,730 As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels 331 00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:55,500 of loving vegan godhood, 332 00:13:55,510 --> 00:13:58,469 another life-form devolved into an equally selfless, 333 00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:01,450 hate-filled species of barely sentient rocks. 334 00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:04,110 They hurtle through space and do as much damage as they can 335 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,412 to their chosen enemy, which is guess who. 336 00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:08,260 Yup, everywhere these dinos go, 337 00:14:08,270 --> 00:14:10,120 these rocks, they come a-crashing. 338 00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,630 And this one... 339 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,421 is headed directly towards us. 340 00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:18,130 And all of our work? It was for... 341 00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:20,270 Nothing. Bingo. Welcome to life. 342 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:21,699 It's a big boat with a lot of holes, 343 00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:22,849 but we're all in it together. 344 00:14:22,850 --> 00:14:24,180 - Oh, my. - Ohhhhh. 345 00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:26,040 - Mm. - So much death. 346 00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:28,130 Congratulations, primates. 347 00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:30,480 Looks like Earth could have done worse. 348 00:14:30,490 --> 00:14:32,060 Rick out. Oh. 349 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,200 And don't forget to tune in to this year's Oscars. 350 00:14:35,110 --> 00:14:38,861 Well, this is a... a lot to take in. 351 00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:42,865 I like trains now. 352 00:14:42,870 --> 00:14:44,760 Okay, that hurt. 353 00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:46,494 Trains rule! 354 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,940 Dinos drool! 355 00:14:48,790 --> 00:14:51,410 And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors 356 00:14:51,430 --> 00:14:52,625 that followed in your wake? 357 00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:54,400 We just learned about it like you. 358 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:56,086 Truly heartbreaking news. 359 00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:58,360 But I assume you're gonna destroy it 360 00:14:58,380 --> 00:14:59,590 when it arrives here, right? 361 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,000 Um, we're in the process of finding a solution 362 00:15:03,010 --> 00:15:05,137 that, um, doesn't involve violence. 363 00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:07,556 Hold on. You're in the process? 364 00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:09,909 Well, there you have it, Cooperheads. 365 00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,440 An angry species of rock is gonna slam into our... 366 00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:15,640 sorry... their planet, and our new planet runners 367 00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,358 are weighing whether to let it happen. 368 00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:22,600 I mean, no one knows if the meteor species is even real. 369 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:24,060 No. It's very real. 370 00:15:24,070 --> 00:15:26,060 - We all know that. - You know what's real? 371 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,320 A rear naked choke hold. I'll show you. 372 00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:29,370 - Hmm? - What? 373 00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:33,119 Final question... How we doing? 374 00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:36,320 We have come to the conclusion the only way 375 00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:39,780 to ensure humanity will be safe is for us to go. 376 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,710 We are leaving the planet for good. 377 00:16:16,220 --> 00:16:19,580 Maybe it's the Molly, but I fucking love you, Rick. 378 00:16:19,590 --> 00:16:21,750 - It's the Molly. - Isn't this nice? 379 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,560 Rivalries behind us, dinos gone, 380 00:16:24,570 --> 00:16:27,090 two cool guys living in the moment. 381 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,100 So, uh, like, uh 382 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,439 you know what you're gonna wear? Because... 383 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,100 - I can't get another plus-one. - What? 384 00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:34,280 I'm the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch! 385 00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:35,540 I feel this napkin... 386 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,380 Feel this napkin. 387 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,732 So soft. 388 00:16:39,740 --> 00:16:43,560 This is the 95th annual Academy Awards. 389 00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,700 Now, please welcome your host, 390 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:48,560 an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs... 391 00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:51,744 Rick Sanchez. 392 00:16:53,710 --> 00:16:56,700 Suck my gray tits, Hollywood pinkos. 393 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:57,790 Where's the Mic? 394 00:16:57,810 --> 00:16:59,240 The... The... The raising Mic? 395 00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:00,690 Ha. 396 00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:02,171 Bring it up! 397 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:06,840 Tommy. 398 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:08,594 Tom Hanks is here. 399 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,472 C'mon. Do it. 400 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,890 Come on. 401 00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,267 Do ittttt. 402 00:17:15,270 --> 00:17:17,440 Okay, okay, one time. 403 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,520 "Wilson!" 404 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,109 I'm Oscar host Rick. 405 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,060 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool. 406 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,320 - That microphone bit killed. - Yeah, told you it would. 407 00:17:30,330 --> 00:17:31,510 That was all scripted? 408 00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:33,000 Every moment at the Oscars is. 409 00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:34,440 - Even that one thing. - Ha ha! 410 00:17:34,450 --> 00:17:36,460 Look who stole themselves a swag bag. 411 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,166 - Ah, fucking Sprinkles coupon! - We're splitting that. 412 00:17:39,170 --> 00:17:41,400 Hey, so I was thinking it might be funny 413 00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:43,140 to add dinosaurs to the "In Memoriam." 414 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,480 Eh, it feels beneath us. 415 00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,309 It's funnier that they left and we don't even care. 416 00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:49,540 Oh, yeah, they left, but they keep begging for attention. 417 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,610 You haven't heard? 418 00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:52,349 The dinos are just standing up there on Mars 419 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:53,599 with their dicks in their hands. 420 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:54,765 So dramatic. 421 00:17:54,770 --> 00:17:57,760 What, they're just gonna let the meteor hit them a-and die? 422 00:17:57,780 --> 00:18:00,750 Good. If being superior to everyone makes you die, 423 00:18:00,770 --> 00:18:02,420 I call that balance. 424 00:18:02,430 --> 00:18:04,700 It's all in my globally published book 425 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,240 the dinos stripped my name from! 426 00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:08,420 Ugggh. 427 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,300 Oscars are over. Where are my keys? 428 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,560 God damn it, I need to fix portal travel. 429 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,953 And... And I'm going to. I have a process. 430 00:18:18,170 --> 00:18:20,230 Our final act of kindness. 431 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,544 It's been an honor serving the sanctity of life with you all. 432 00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:25,770 Hee-aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh! 433 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:32,950 Rick, what are you doing? 434 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,300 - Standing here with you guys. - You don't want to do that. 435 00:18:35,310 --> 00:18:37,100 We're sacrificing ourselves here. 436 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,350 Then so am I. Y'know? 437 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,920 Elon Musk be damned, we're blowing up Mars. 438 00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:43,220 No. We're doing something selfless. 439 00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:44,890 You're doing it out of pettiness. 440 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:47,120 How is anyone supposed to know the difference? 441 00:18:47,130 --> 00:18:49,319 Consider it a game of virtue chicken. 442 00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:56,600 Okay, if you won't go, we'll make you go. 443 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:00,469 Oh. Sorry. I-I Dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys. 444 00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:02,450 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness 445 00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:03,900 are two sides of the same coin, 446 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,461 so what's the point? 447 00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:16,760 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter 448 00:19:16,770 --> 00:19:18,932 is dying on Mars with an old dickhead. 449 00:19:20,470 --> 00:19:21,602 Hyaaaa! 450 00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,103 Aaaah! 451 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,070 All right! Welcome back. 452 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,275 You obnoxious little twat! 453 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:29,300 Yeah, but you're alive. 454 00:19:29,310 --> 00:19:31,770 No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy. 455 00:19:31,780 --> 00:19:32,940 You don't get to be so smart 456 00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:34,740 that you remove yourself from everybody. 457 00:19:34,750 --> 00:19:37,284 From one god being to another, you're welcome. 458 00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:40,120 Well, as long as we're doing each other favors... 459 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,990 Hey. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? 460 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,360 You fixed my rift? You fucking hypocritical cocks. 461 00:19:50,380 --> 00:19:51,820 I-It was all canonical and shit. 462 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:53,769 We coulda milked that thing for a whole season. 463 00:19:53,770 --> 00:19:56,460 O-Or, like, a three-episode arc at least. 464 00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:57,770 Sorry. That's just us. 465 00:19:57,790 --> 00:19:59,080 We love helping, 466 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,080 god beings to god being. 467 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,936 Seriously. I was gonna fix that. 468 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,060 Shit. They're coming back. 469 00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:12,510 Can we turn on the A.C.? 470 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,740 It's, like, a thousand degrees outside. 471 00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,150 Yes! New follower. 472 00:20:17,170 --> 00:20:19,890 Named... CryptoForBareToes? 473 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:22,120 Not sure I get it, but sounds like business. 474 00:20:22,140 --> 00:20:24,160 - Proud of you, honey. - Is Dad okay? 475 00:20:24,170 --> 00:20:27,167 Yes. I'm just... writing my second book. 476 00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:28,429 I don't know what it's gonna be about, 477 00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:29,780 but I can tell you one thing... 478 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,100 The title is "Jerry Smith Presents: 479 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:33,800 A Book by Jerry Smith." 480 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:35,980 Chapter one... 481 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,660 Fuck! 482 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,810 Morty, get your ass in the garage! 483 00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:51,060 Hoo-ha! Check it out. 484 00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:53,340 A... A dimension where hats wear people. 485 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:55,310 Mmmmm! Oh! 486 00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,989 I did it! I fixed portal travel. 487 00:20:56,990 --> 00:21:00,090 - Oh, shit. - Figured my guy deserves a vacation. 488 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,420 - Boob World! - You're damn right. 489 00:21:01,430 --> 00:21:04,100 - And it's Areola Week. - All right! 490 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,760 Good old-fashioned portal fun. 491 00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:06,989 Yep. Like this. 492 00:21:06,990 --> 00:21:08,000 Ohh! Whoa! 493 00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:10,209 - It's gonna be classic episodes, Morty. - Oh, I'm gonna puke, Rick! 494 00:21:10,210 --> 00:21:12,780 Portaling in. Wrecking shit, portaling out, Morty. 495 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,340 Oh, my Go... Adventures, Morty. 496 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,579 - Aah! Aah! - Social commentary. 497 00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:17,650 Crude characters. Here we go. 498 00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:19,419 Rick and Morty time! 499 00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:23,929 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 500 00:21:51,220 --> 00:21:53,000 This is our home now. 501 00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,080 We shall live out the rest of our days here. 502 00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:58,008 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again. 503 00:21:58,010 --> 00:21:59,520 We are content. 504 00:21:59,540 --> 00:22:00,880 It was a good run. 505 00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:02,638 Speaking of a good run... 506 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,480 I bet I could switch heel onto that Manny pad, 507 00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,840 big spinout, tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail, 508 00:22:06,860 --> 00:22:08,852 drop into the bowl, stalefish into a Christ Air, 509 00:22:08,860 --> 00:22:10,260 and then we get fucking wrecked. 510 00:22:10,270 --> 00:22:12,030 Ho-ho. It's on, Iguanadon.