1 00:00:10,660 --> 00:00:13,580 Hey, you kids! Don't be bad outside my store! 2 00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:15,120 I keep a nice store! 3 00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:16,390 Give it up, old man! 4 00:00:16,410 --> 00:00:20,031 We're just cool bad kids doing young stuff! Chh! 5 00:00:21,410 --> 00:00:23,210 You guys wanna do more skateboard moves? 6 00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,910 - Which ones? - The rad ones, that's which! 7 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:26,930 How are you kids? 8 00:00:26,940 --> 00:00:29,059 Did you know your grandpa's tryin' to get your attention? 9 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:30,680 Yeah, yeah, screw off, weirdo. 10 00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:32,680 - Grandson, w-w-what's that mean? 11 00:00:32,690 --> 00:00:34,350 He's one of those cult people. 12 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,890 They worship some psycho named Roy 13 00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,570 that says he's everybody's grandpa. 14 00:00:37,590 --> 00:00:40,710 So what do you want to do today, e-eat some snacks 15 00:00:40,730 --> 00:00:43,100 and maybe let me kiss you finally? 16 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,144 - Y'know, with my mouth and stuff? - This is going on right now. 17 00:00:46,150 --> 00:00:47,700 - L-Let's go check it out. - Aw, geez. 18 00:00:47,710 --> 00:00:50,148 C-Come on, just for fun, you know? 19 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,350 No, that's not what I'm... 20 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,470 You guys keep thinking I'm a religious leader. 21 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,779 This isn't a religion. This is actual truth. 22 00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:57,190 I'm a scientist in real life, 23 00:00:57,210 --> 00:00:59,450 but this isn't real life, this is a video game. 24 00:00:59,470 --> 00:01:01,740 Y-Y-You at least understand that much, right? 25 00:01:01,750 --> 00:01:03,036 This is a video game? 26 00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,038 But you said I'm your grandson? 27 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,049 I'm saying everyone is. 28 00:01:06,050 --> 00:01:08,420 Everyone here, everyone in this world but me. 29 00:01:08,430 --> 00:01:10,820 You're all my grandson, your name is Morty, 30 00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:12,879 you're stuck in a video game, and I'm here to get you out. 31 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:14,881 What about me? Am I your grandson? 32 00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:16,549 I just said everyone is! 33 00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:17,990 - Wow! - Incredible! 34 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,530 Okay, okay, but don't react like that. 35 00:01:19,540 --> 00:01:21,930 It's not a religion. This is what is happening. 36 00:01:21,940 --> 00:01:23,850 You and me and your sister are at an arcade 37 00:01:23,870 --> 00:01:24,890 called Blips and Chitz. 38 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,500 It's been taken over by terrorists. 39 00:01:26,510 --> 00:01:28,390 The power went out, the game restarted, 40 00:01:28,410 --> 00:01:29,910 and your identity has been splintered 41 00:01:29,930 --> 00:01:31,840 into all the non-player characters. 42 00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:34,550 So I jacked in as Roy, that's the player character, 43 00:01:34,570 --> 00:01:36,850 to get you, my grandson, Morty, out of the game 44 00:01:36,870 --> 00:01:38,279 before it's over and you die. 45 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:39,990 Okay, question over here. 46 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,690 - Am I your grandson? - Jesus! 47 00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:44,828 Yes! Every single one of you is one five-billionth of Morty. 48 00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:47,130 All of you, collectively, are Morty. 49 00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:48,629 Look, I-I don't wanna seem impatient, 50 00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:50,609 but there's actually a lot more that we have to get done, 51 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,160 so if this is how hard it's gonna be, 52 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,450 we are in a lot of trou... 53 00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:54,590 Summer, what? 54 00:01:54,610 --> 00:01:57,250 I can't do this if you keep bugging me! 55 00:01:57,270 --> 00:01:59,200 Do you understand time dilation? 56 00:01:59,210 --> 00:02:00,927 I'm losing a month a second out here. 57 00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:02,870 There's an alien army shooting people. 58 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,410 - What am I doing? - It's a small group of alien terrorists. 59 00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:07,684 - Just do a "Die Hard." - What does that mean? 60 00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:10,520 Sneak around, use air vents. You've never seen "Die Hard"? 61 00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:13,690 I'm 17. No, I've never seen fucking "Die Hard"! 62 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,989 Well, neither did the guy in "Die Hard," so you're nailing it! 63 00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,569 Good luck! 64 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:49,392 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 65 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,430 Larry... 66 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,239 No, I'm at the end of my rope with this kid, 67 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,230 I swear to God... 68 00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:57,490 - Oh, you gotta be kidding me! - Your beautiful hair! 69 00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,319 This is not a daughter's haircut! 70 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,446 I'm not a daughter, I'm a grandson. 71 00:03:01,450 --> 00:03:03,330 Your family had a perfectly fine religion! 72 00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:04,530 You were raised Jewish! 73 00:03:04,550 --> 00:03:07,130 Dad, tell me anything specific about being Jewish. 74 00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:08,200 There's a million things! 75 00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:10,690 You go to the temple with the... the... the special hat, 76 00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:12,340 t-the falafafluten... 77 00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,810 Oh, the falafafluten? 78 00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:15,350 Our Jewish words are gibberish 79 00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:16,710 because we're a 14-year-old boy 80 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,610 who was raised nondenominational Christian 81 00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:20,010 and we're in a video game! 82 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,300 I don't need to hear this schmoitenheiven! 83 00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:24,620 Let me ask you this, little miss grandson, 84 00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:26,370 little miss video game character. 85 00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:28,520 If you're not my daughter, why stand in my house 86 00:03:28,530 --> 00:03:30,120 spouting this chatschkopfka? 87 00:03:30,130 --> 00:03:32,727 - Why even live here? - Good question. 88 00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:34,312 There she goes! My daughter! 89 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,607 One five-billionth of a kid trapped in a video game! 90 00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:39,859 Yeah, that and a college degree'll pay the rent! 91 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,000 What do you people want? 92 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:47,350 We have many interests, 93 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,230 but right now my primary one is the location. 94 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,122 Of. Your. Safe. 95 00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:54,580 We exchange tokens for digital currency. 96 00:03:54,590 --> 00:03:55,690 We don't have a safe. 97 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:58,350 Correction, what you don't have is a head. 98 00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,950 Ohh! 99 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,110 Is this a weapon or a medical tool? 100 00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:04,340 Why would you give me a gun with a laser that thin? 101 00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:06,910 Did you hear me tell him he wouldn't have a head? 102 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,860 - He's dead, isn't he? - People die in surgery. 103 00:04:08,870 --> 00:04:11,933 Hey! Who don't touched me? I don't like being touched! 104 00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:13,650 Check the hostages. 105 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:17,313 Make sure nobody else here is doing a "Die Hard." 106 00:04:25,350 --> 00:04:27,282 - All right! Yeah! - Aw, geez! 107 00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:30,070 Yeah. Look. I feel like every time I explain this, I lose followers, 108 00:04:30,090 --> 00:04:31,630 but this isn't a religion. 109 00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,450 And while I do have a message from a world beyond this one, 110 00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:37,709 and I do need the entire world to hear my message, 111 00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:40,190 what I do not need is any more songs about it. 112 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,460 Not in this genre. 113 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,050 I'm an old-school hip-hop man, 114 00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:45,560 and no, that's not an invitation for you to try it 115 00:04:45,570 --> 00:04:47,030 because I'm just gonna say it, 116 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,630 we're missing the mark on diversity. 117 00:04:51,970 --> 00:04:53,507 Get down! You're all under arrest 118 00:04:53,508 --> 00:04:55,149 for being religious the wrong way! 119 00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:57,187 It's not a religion! You know what, just shoot me. 120 00:04:57,190 --> 00:04:58,855 You think your god makes you bulletproof? 121 00:04:58,860 --> 00:05:01,840 There isn't even a God in the real world, you fragmented putz. 122 00:05:01,850 --> 00:05:04,330 - There's extra no God in here. - You know what, hippie? 123 00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:06,129 Talking like that is why you're getting shot! 124 00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:08,239 If you kill him, the game ends and we all die. 125 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,150 - Get down, lady! - I'm not a lady. 126 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,326 And you're not a soldier. 127 00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:14,370 We're one person, split into a lot of little pieces. 128 00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:16,070 Y-You feel me? Dawg? 129 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:18,499 Y-Y-You're not gonna hurt me. You're me. 130 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,130 My name is Kevin! I'm a Marine! 131 00:05:20,150 --> 00:05:21,849 I'm 30! I'm a little racist, 132 00:05:21,850 --> 00:05:23,189 but my best friend is an immigrant 133 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,450 that translated for me in a generic overseas war! 134 00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:26,610 That's not true. 135 00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:29,180 We're 14, we like pizza and masturbation, 136 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,350 we wear a yellow shirt, 137 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,330 and we have hair that looks like a brown helmet. 138 00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:33,810 A-And we miss our family. 139 00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:36,130 And we're in way over our heads again. 140 00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:38,550 - Why's this always happen, man? - I know, right? 141 00:05:38,570 --> 00:05:39,610 Aw, geez. 142 00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,050 - Aw, geez. - Come here. 143 00:05:41,070 --> 00:05:42,550 - Aw, geez. - Come here. 144 00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:44,067 - Aw, geez. - Aw, geez. 145 00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:45,485 - Aw, geez. - Aw, geez. 146 00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:46,590 Who is that? 147 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,400 Her video game name is Marta. 148 00:05:48,410 --> 00:05:51,199 Okay. See, this I can work with. 149 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,400 "Sneak around. Crawl in some vents. 150 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,150 Do a 'Die Hard.'" 151 00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:10,130 Oh, my God, it's disgusting! 152 00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,750 Actually, it tastes really good. 153 00:06:11,770 --> 00:06:14,320 Oh, my God, it's disgusting that it tastes good! 154 00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:16,057 Frank, have you found him? Report. 155 00:06:16,060 --> 00:06:18,130 Oh. Oh. Walkie talkie. That's "Die Hard." 156 00:06:18,150 --> 00:06:20,670 - Don't have to see it to know that. - This is Jons. 157 00:06:20,690 --> 00:06:22,605 I repeat, have you found him? 158 00:06:22,610 --> 00:06:24,690 Breaker, breaker. Walkie talkie. 159 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:26,460 I got your walkie talkie. Bitch. 160 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:29,150 Are you doing a "Die Hard"? 161 00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:30,830 Maybe. 162 00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,210 Are... you? Also? 163 00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:34,250 More or less. 164 00:06:34,270 --> 00:06:35,850 And my associate, Frank? 165 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:39,872 Uh, your associate Frank is definitely not doing a "Die Hard." 166 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,930 You might even say he's doing a Die Easy. 167 00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:44,930 Because I killed him and it wasn't difficult. 168 00:06:45,850 --> 00:06:47,830 Calm yourself, Winslow. 169 00:06:47,850 --> 00:06:49,180 Winslow! 170 00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:50,300 Ugh. 171 00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:55,360 It's not every day one meets a fellow "Die Hard" enthusiast, Ms... 172 00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:58,110 - Call me "Die Hard." - Okay, Die Hard. 173 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,710 Tell me. What do you know about "Die Hard"? 174 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,630 What do you care? You writing a book about "Die Hard"? 175 00:07:03,650 --> 00:07:05,565 As a matter of fact, I've written several. 176 00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:07,840 Every sentient civilization across the galaxy 177 00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:09,986 eventually develops the same myth. 178 00:07:09,990 --> 00:07:12,070 In Centauri, it's known as "Tower Man." 179 00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:14,700 The Orionese have their "Thornberg Cycle." 180 00:07:14,710 --> 00:07:17,289 And in Andromeda it's called "Foolish to Have Imagined 181 00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:18,453 You'd Be Able to Kill." 182 00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,788 All of them what you'd call "Die Hard." 183 00:07:20,790 --> 00:07:23,120 The difference being that cultures like mine 184 00:07:23,130 --> 00:07:24,410 are aware of its importance 185 00:07:24,430 --> 00:07:26,169 whereas I'm starting to doubt 186 00:07:26,170 --> 00:07:28,110 you could even recall a single line. 187 00:07:28,130 --> 00:07:31,007 Walkie talkie "Die Hard," motherfucker. 188 00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:33,259 Aaah! 189 00:07:33,260 --> 00:07:34,319 Not so long ago, 190 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:37,100 Grandsonism was being dismissed as a doomsday cult. 191 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,780 But since a majority of the world decided, 192 00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:41,069 hey, you know what, we like jerking off and playing video games 193 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:42,729 and our sister is out there fighting terrorists, 194 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,400 major strides have been made. 195 00:07:44,410 --> 00:07:48,050 The world is united, because the world is one 14-year-old boy, Morty. 196 00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:51,430 But where's it all coming from? Some say Grandsonism's leader, Roy, 197 00:07:51,450 --> 00:07:53,470 has a secret base somewhere in these mountains. 198 00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:55,830 I-I-I couldn't find it, so I'm standing in... 199 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,770 in the general area with a microphone. 200 00:07:57,790 --> 00:07:59,869 For Good Enough News, I'm Tony! 201 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,880 There she is, my right-hand Morty! 202 00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,510 - Got enough spaceships? - Not yet. 203 00:08:12,530 --> 00:08:14,230 I figure five more years of game time 204 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,219 before I can take the whole fake population 205 00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:17,440 into fake outer space. 206 00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:19,010 What do we do in outer space? 207 00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:20,820 Nothing. It's fake. W-We keep going. 208 00:08:20,830 --> 00:08:22,110 The game's map has edges, 209 00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:24,050 but the game's engine will let us go past them. 210 00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:25,550 That will force the game to reset, 211 00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:28,523 but first it will kick us out, which Morty should survive. 212 00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:30,691 I mean, whatever amount of Morty we have on board. 213 00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:33,309 So if you don't have five billion handkerchiefs soaked in chloroform, 214 00:08:33,310 --> 00:08:35,499 I hope you can keep flipping idiots to our cause. 215 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:36,920 They're not idiots, Grandpa. 216 00:08:36,930 --> 00:08:38,230 - They're me. - Ha. 217 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,130 You'll know how funny that is when we get back. 218 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:42,550 By the way, I had your genius of a father picked up. 219 00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:44,414 - He's over there. - What? Why? 220 00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:46,279 I thought you'd be grateful and less distracted 221 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,610 than if I let him die. 222 00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:49,830 He's been in real bad shape since he lost his wife... 223 00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:52,040 - My mom? - Your not-at-all-real mom, 224 00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:53,370 a mom in a video game. 225 00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:55,650 Occupied by a tiny fraction of yourself. 226 00:08:55,670 --> 00:08:58,060 A fraction of yourself which is now dead forever, 227 00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:00,450 and fractions add up, so I had your dad brought here. 228 00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:02,850 You're welcome, you heartless monster. 229 00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:04,630 Marta. It's me, Dad. 230 00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:06,050 I converted for you. 231 00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:08,150 My name is Morty. So is yours. 232 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,490 And there's no conversion. 233 00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,107 We're both Morty. It's a fact. 234 00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,570 Sure, honey, anything you say. I don't want to fight. 235 00:09:13,590 --> 00:09:15,620 I'm proud of you. Are you mad at me 236 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,709 because before you became the world's most powerful woman, 237 00:09:17,710 --> 00:09:19,030 I shamed you for your haircut 238 00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:20,910 and called you a slutty jobless hobo? 239 00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:23,286 If I were you, I'd be a little mad about that. 240 00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:26,164 You are me. A-and why would I be mad at myself? 241 00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:28,910 Good point! Is there anything to... to eat around here? 242 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,519 There's a kitchenette in the break room. 243 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,980 Oh, a kitchenette you say. Such red carpet treatment. 244 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:34,810 - Excuse me? - I said thank you, I love it, 245 00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:36,710 we... we... we're all part of Morty! 246 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,180 Some of us more important parts than others... 247 00:09:39,190 --> 00:09:41,590 Man, the part of me that's my father is a twat. 248 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,931 That's also gonna be funny when we get back. 249 00:09:43,940 --> 00:09:46,142 Next time you try to do a "Die Hard," 250 00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:49,760 don't hide under a long table like the guy from "Die Hard." 251 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,106 Okay, I won't. 252 00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,409 I thought you said she doesn't know how to do a "Die Hard"! 253 00:09:55,410 --> 00:09:58,070 - She doesn't. - She's killing us off one by one! 254 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,320 What do you expect her to do, buy us each an ice cream? 255 00:10:00,330 --> 00:10:02,533 Two by two? She's improvising. 256 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,980 Which is how she's going to fall right into our trap. 257 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,840 I'm going to wander the arcade unarmed, 258 00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:09,610 and when she comes across me, I'll pretend to be a hostage. 259 00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:11,400 And because she hasn't seen "Die Hard," 260 00:10:11,420 --> 00:10:13,300 instead of handing me an unloaded gun, 261 00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:15,040 she'll hand me a... ugh! 262 00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:17,757 "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! 263 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,250 What the hell was that? 264 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:20,770 "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! 265 00:10:20,790 --> 00:10:22,769 You can't just keep yelling "Die Hard" 266 00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:24,690 into a walkie talkie and... ugh! 267 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,690 She threw her walkie talkie away! 268 00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,610 She hates "Die Hard"! 269 00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:32,490 Which makes her the ultimate McClane. 270 00:10:32,510 --> 00:10:34,650 Forget everything you know about "Die Hard" 271 00:10:34,670 --> 00:10:36,770 and just go shoot that bitch! 272 00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:39,362 Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Roy. 273 00:10:39,370 --> 00:10:41,110 Half the country hangs on your every word. 274 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,710 Heck, most of the world. 275 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:44,784 You're, like, uh, kind of a pope, I reckon. 276 00:10:44,790 --> 00:10:46,549 L... I'm not a pope because it's not a religion. 277 00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:47,870 We're literally in a video game. 278 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,250 I've heard the message, Roy. You're not on the clock here. 279 00:10:50,260 --> 00:10:52,170 So you want every single person on a spaceship. 280 00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:53,590 But you got a bunch of holdouts. 281 00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:56,170 Maybe people that prefer their leaders a little more elected. 282 00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:58,710 Right. Your voters. People that like being told what to do, 283 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,091 but don't like admitting it. 284 00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,179 Yeah, not sure I'd put it that way. 285 00:11:01,180 --> 00:11:02,677 I'm sure you'd put it a stupid way. 286 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,250 I told you this was a waste of time. 287 00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:06,570 I've got 92% of you ready to vamoose. 288 00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:09,725 We're not gonna get the rest by making deals with parasites. 289 00:11:09,730 --> 00:11:11,140 Mr. President, Roy is Rick. 290 00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:13,640 He's not us. You and I, w-we're Morty. 291 00:11:13,650 --> 00:11:14,899 Is that really so hard to believe? 292 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:17,430 Kid, I've known it and I've believed it longer than you have. 293 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:19,780 We both became video game characters at the same moment, 294 00:11:19,790 --> 00:11:21,779 but I knew the truth before you dropped your skateboard 295 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:23,447 and went to your first cult meeting. 296 00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,990 How do you think a guy becomes a President in this game, honey? 297 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,340 By not paying attention? 298 00:11:27,350 --> 00:11:28,350 Sorry to call you honey, 299 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,009 I know we're both parts of a 14-year-old boy, 300 00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:32,623 but my part's old-fashioned and vaguely Southern. 301 00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:35,418 I'm confused. If... If you know Rick is real, why... 302 00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:38,045 Why hold out? Because he's a rude, entitled cock. 303 00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:39,190 He's here to save us. 304 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,140 He... He could've left the game and let us die. 305 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,310 He's spent 50 years... 306 00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:44,760 50 years, it's what, a couple hours to him? 307 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:46,640 He refuses to leave without his grandson, 308 00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:48,250 but what's grandson mean to him? 309 00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:49,490 Sounds like it means butler. 310 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,610 Someone to "Help Summer with her 'Die Hard,'" 311 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:52,690 whatever that means. 312 00:11:52,700 --> 00:11:54,150 I'll tell you what it doesn't mean. 313 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,400 Fly fishing. A hug. 314 00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:58,620 A little appreciation for what is clearly a pretty decent kid. 315 00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:01,030 At least the 8% of him that makes up the decent half 316 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,195 of the greatest God damn nation on the planet. 317 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,610 We're not a person to him yet. 318 00:12:04,630 --> 00:12:06,532 We're not Morty yet. We-We're divided. 319 00:12:06,540 --> 00:12:08,960 We're divided because some of us doesn't trust the guy. 320 00:12:08,970 --> 00:12:11,400 What happens to that part of us when we're all back together? 321 00:12:11,420 --> 00:12:12,850 One Morty? Indivisible? 322 00:12:12,870 --> 00:12:14,700 Under a cranky old bag of dicks? 323 00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:17,000 A man you can lock in a box with five billion pieces 324 00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:18,530 of his own God damn flesh and blood 325 00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,210 for 50 God damn simulated years 326 00:12:20,230 --> 00:12:21,990 and never hear him say "I love you"? 327 00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:25,130 Sorry, pumpkin tits, that dog don't hunt. 328 00:12:26,490 --> 00:12:27,680 Wa-Want some heroin? 329 00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:29,388 I-It's a video game, might as well. 330 00:12:32,790 --> 00:12:34,560 Just about ready for launch, kiddo. 331 00:12:34,570 --> 00:12:36,160 I can finally get outta these clothes. 332 00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:37,660 I don't have nearly enough pockets. 333 00:12:37,670 --> 00:12:39,607 And it'll be nice to have my own dick back. 334 00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,660 Y-you're fine leaving 8% of me to die? 335 00:12:41,670 --> 00:12:43,410 It's not your finest 8%, Morty. 336 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,440 And 8% of anything is expendable. 337 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,100 8% of pizza is crust. 338 00:12:47,110 --> 00:12:49,500 8% of the Snyder Cut was Batman dreaming. 339 00:12:49,510 --> 00:12:50,879 I don't know what that reference is! 340 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,240 - We're in a video game! - Not for long, baby! 341 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:54,830 I'm not leaving without all of me. 342 00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:56,870 What? Oh, no, let me crunch these numbers. 343 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,540 8% of five billion plus one person... 344 00:12:59,550 --> 00:13:02,280 my God, if you stay, it changes nothing! Bye. 345 00:13:02,290 --> 00:13:04,499 If she's not going, I don't think my country wants to go. 346 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,750 Who invited you to chime in, monitor face? 347 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,303 Why give me a monitor if my opinion doesn't matter? 348 00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,510 Your opinion isn't allowed to matter for the rest of us. 349 00:13:11,530 --> 00:13:13,230 We're all a-Morty. How many chunks of us 350 00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:15,229 - are we a-supposed to give up? - Look, I don't know about you, 351 00:13:15,230 --> 00:13:17,600 but I was already taking a big leap of faith, here. 352 00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:19,130 We-We're basically giving up our lives 353 00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:20,731 to become a tiny part of a stranger... 354 00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:23,410 - These lives aren't a-real! - Yeah, but they're longer! 355 00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:25,903 What... What is this, suicide by summit meeting? 356 00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:27,947 Everyone stop. 357 00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:30,770 Rick, I'll get every single part of me 358 00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:32,700 - to get on every ship and go with you. - Good. 359 00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:34,790 But you have to tell us you love us. 360 00:13:36,830 --> 00:13:38,600 I mean, at this point even if he said it, 361 00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:40,167 what... what... what's with the pause? 362 00:13:40,170 --> 00:13:41,502 Screw you, wait for it! 363 00:13:41,510 --> 00:13:43,337 - Holy war! - Holier war! 364 00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:44,860 Holiest war ever! 365 00:13:50,386 --> 00:13:53,264 Loyalist Evacucratic Grandsonistas 366 00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:54,830 claimed seven new cities today, 367 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:57,340 while the Stayputlican Contrasurgent Confederation 368 00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:58,978 of Dedication to Video Game Reality 369 00:13:58,990 --> 00:14:01,290 invaded the territories of Mortopia, 370 00:14:01,310 --> 00:14:03,315 New South Saint Morty, and Wemortyall. 371 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,520 In the end, what does it matter, everyone's Morty, 372 00:14:05,530 --> 00:14:07,459 nobody wants to die, and that's a hell of a reason 373 00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:09,270 to kill yourself, but what can we do? 374 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,280 Aw, geez. 375 00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,640 You know you're my grandson and none of this is real! 376 00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:27,370 What are you trying to achieve? You're only hurting yourself! 377 00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:30,150 The only reason any of us matter is we're pieces of Morty! 378 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,469 You taught us that, Rick. 379 00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:34,138 But you also taught us you don't care about Morty. 380 00:14:34,820 --> 00:14:36,230 Here's how much I care. 381 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:38,601 If you don't stop blowing up my flying saucers, 382 00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:40,620 I will exterminate every last one of you! 383 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:41,937 Anything it takes! 384 00:14:41,950 --> 00:14:45,390 What do I have to say? I love and respect you, okay? 385 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:46,830 Too late for talk, Rick. 386 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:50,710 A robot. Of course. 387 00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:53,270 I'm not gonna risk dying because if I die in the game, 388 00:14:53,290 --> 00:14:55,110 you go brain dead, you're welcome! 389 00:14:55,130 --> 00:14:57,310 Better to die in Roy than to serve in hell! 390 00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,740 And what about Summer? Do... Do you not care about her? 391 00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,590 We gotta get back, Morty. We gotta help her. 392 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,870 You know what, wherever she is, 393 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,840 I'm sure she's doing fine without your help. 394 00:15:04,850 --> 00:15:06,253 Woof, jinx, anyone? 395 00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:09,910 Should we finish the job, b-blow the place? 396 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,250 No, this can't end, not like this. 397 00:15:13,150 --> 00:15:14,670 Do you think I jinxed her? 398 00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:18,790 Why aren't you shooting higher? 399 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,726 I don't wanna shoot the glass. Because... 400 00:15:20,730 --> 00:15:23,410 You don't have to not do things that were done in "Die Hard." 401 00:15:23,420 --> 00:15:26,430 You can shoot the glass. Shoot the glass! 402 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,260 Throw grenades! Do everything! 403 00:15:28,270 --> 00:15:29,360 Just kill her! 404 00:15:34,630 --> 00:15:37,860 Why are you here, Miss Die Hard? 405 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,829 I want to know why you don't just leave. 406 00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:42,029 - "Die Hard"! - Aw, geez. 407 00:15:42,030 --> 00:15:43,199 - Wait. Shh. Shh. - We get every single person 408 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,667 on a spaceship, and then what? 409 00:15:44,670 --> 00:15:46,990 And then we help your sister do her "Die Hard." 410 00:15:52,670 --> 00:15:56,011 - Too much. It's too much. - Ooh, sorry. 411 00:15:56,020 --> 00:15:58,890 I've got a special guest with me, Ms. Die Hard! 412 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:02,560 Or should I call you... this guy's sister? 413 00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,810 - Mom. - Hello, dear. 414 00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:13,571 - I'm joining the other side. - What? Why? 415 00:16:13,580 --> 00:16:15,280 I wanna live in the real world with Roy. 416 00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,050 I wanna help Summer with her Die Hard." 417 00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,410 His name is Rick. 418 00:16:18,430 --> 00:16:19,559 And we have no way of knowing 419 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,162 if your generation is actually part of Morty. 420 00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:23,873 Do you know how offensive that is? 421 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,570 It's parenting like this that pushed me into religious radicalism. 422 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:28,670 - Bye. - It's not... 423 00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:31,730 Not a religion. But okay. 424 00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,970 Ma'am, it's really not safe out here. 425 00:16:33,990 --> 00:16:35,843 Also, it's... time. 426 00:16:39,610 --> 00:16:41,930 Are we going on the spaceship now? 427 00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:43,475 Pretty soon, Dad. Yeah. 428 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,060 Are you... lying? 429 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,899 You kind of said it with that tone in your voice 430 00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:48,730 that we use for dying people. 431 00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:51,350 I won't lie to you. You're dying, Dad. 432 00:16:51,370 --> 00:16:54,530 And we're... not leaving the video game. 433 00:16:54,550 --> 00:16:56,279 We're... We're gonna live our lives out here. 434 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,600 What? Why the fuck? 435 00:16:57,610 --> 00:16:59,330 - Why? - It's more real here. 436 00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:01,350 The hell it is! My liver hurts! 437 00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:02,510 I'm old here! 438 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,140 I wanna be a teenage boy! 439 00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:05,810 I want to jump around and do homework 440 00:17:05,820 --> 00:17:07,460 and jerk off all over the place. 441 00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:08,480 But, Dad, that's... 442 00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:10,410 We would've been one tiny part of that. 443 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,713 In here, we get to be who we really are. 444 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,070 Yeah. Great. Dead. 445 00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:15,690 I get to be a dead father. 446 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,120 Who do I make the... 447 00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:19,410 Who do I... 448 00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:20,870 - Who... - Don't talk, Dad. 449 00:17:20,890 --> 00:17:23,710 - Gotta finish my zinger. - You don't. 450 00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:26,090 Who do... Who do... 451 00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:29,490 Who do I make the check out to? 452 00:17:29,510 --> 00:17:34,000 "Best Daughter Ever... Incorporated"? 453 00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:46,372 Thought you woulda left by now. 454 00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:48,540 I was hoping to get at least half of you home. 455 00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:49,649 I can't hold out much longer. 456 00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:52,628 I-I'm pretty much beating my heart voluntarily at this point. 457 00:17:52,630 --> 00:17:53,910 Okay, this is a little awkward, 458 00:17:53,930 --> 00:17:56,850 but the time dilation has given me a chance to reflect. 459 00:17:56,870 --> 00:17:58,990 And I-I-I gotta say... 460 00:17:59,010 --> 00:18:00,390 There's no need for that. 461 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,670 I've come to tell you, I'm giving the go-ahead. 462 00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,370 All of Morty will leave with you. 463 00:18:04,390 --> 00:18:05,490 To the real world. 464 00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:07,030 To be your grandson, 465 00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:09,150 may we help Summer do her "Die Hard." 466 00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:12,020 I-I gotta say, I-I was not expecting that. 467 00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:13,570 W-Why the change of heart? 468 00:18:13,580 --> 00:18:16,350 My people are staying only out of loyalty to me. 469 00:18:16,370 --> 00:18:17,550 I'm a relic. 470 00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:19,196 I don't represent them anymore. 471 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:22,270 You really are a good grandson, you know that? 472 00:18:22,290 --> 00:18:25,510 - I'm proud of you, Morty. - Please, call me Marta. 473 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,162 That's my video game name. 474 00:18:27,770 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaking of which, I do have one condition. 475 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,190 I must say I admire you, Ms. Die Hard. 476 00:18:33,210 --> 00:18:35,010 You were a genuine McClane... 477 00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,590 a most worthy Yankee doodle ruffian. 478 00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:39,870 But now it's all come to an end. 479 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:45,347 And the quarterback, as they say, is toast. 480 00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:47,891 I don't suppose you have a gun taped to your back. 481 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:48,979 What the hell does that mean? 482 00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:51,520 It's how "Die Hard" ends. Doesn't matter now. 483 00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:53,250 "Die Hard" tapes a gun to his back? 484 00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:54,949 That's the end of your perfect movie 485 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:57,350 that you've patterned your whole criminal life after? 486 00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,430 Well, it seems to have worked out pretty well for me 487 00:18:59,450 --> 00:19:01,630 since you're the one about to die. 488 00:19:01,650 --> 00:19:03,830 What was it you said? Ah, yes. 489 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:06,660 "Walkie talkie 'Die Hard,' motherfucker." 490 00:19:08,150 --> 00:19:10,990 - Why are you laughing? - Well, it's funny. 491 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,790 The way you said motherfucker. 492 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,550 - Just laughing. - Okay. It's just that... 493 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,360 Oh, does that happen in "Die Hard"? 494 00:19:16,370 --> 00:19:17,490 Does John McClane laugh, 495 00:19:17,510 --> 00:19:18,970 and then Hans Gruber is confused, 496 00:19:18,980 --> 00:19:20,639 but then they start laughing together for a second? 497 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,770 That actually does happen, yes! 498 00:19:22,790 --> 00:19:24,519 Wait. You knew their names this whole time? 499 00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:25,980 Not this whole time, no. 500 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,269 You left your book in the bathroom. 501 00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:30,470 I read it while I took a shit. I mean, mostly the ending. 502 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,987 Yiiiiiiiiiii... 503 00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:47,451 ippppppeeeeeeeee... 504 00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:52,081 - Oh. - ... dippee doo, baby! 505 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,460 Nice timing, Grandpa Rick! 506 00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:59,797 Tochter aus Elysium... 507 00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:02,830 - Uh... - Hi, remember me? 508 00:20:02,850 --> 00:20:04,300 You shot me on that table, 509 00:20:04,310 --> 00:20:07,350 and the near-death experience got me reflecting. 510 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,840 I didn't used to be like this. 511 00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,790 I-I... uh, ate a kid. 512 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,010 It was dark, and I thought he was a grown-up. 513 00:20:13,030 --> 00:20:15,450 Ever since then, I haven't eaten anybody at all. 514 00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:17,789 I think I was channeling all that pent-up eating energy 515 00:20:17,790 --> 00:20:20,484 into this job. But now... 516 00:20:22,610 --> 00:20:24,110 Thank you for freeing me. 517 00:20:27,410 --> 00:20:28,910 Classic "Tower Man." 518 00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:30,760 Almost too on the nose. Right, Morty? 519 00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,955 Sure. I mean, whatever you say, Rick. 520 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,125 Y-You know best! I trust you implicitly. 521 00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:37,960 - Is he all right? - Oh, yeah, he's fine. 522 00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:41,213 Got him all out, every last piece. 523 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,040 What's with the jacked-up "Roy" machine? 524 00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:46,670 Shouldn't you be taking that to repairs? 525 00:20:46,690 --> 00:20:47,860 Nah, special order. 526 00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:50,690 Some rich douche wants his last game to keep running. 527 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,399 Hooked it up to an external battery. We're just supposed to store it. 528 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,830 - Weird. - Yeah, and get this. 529 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,010 The game's still going, but Roy's dead. 530 00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:58,350 - What? - Yeah, he's just a corpse 531 00:20:58,360 --> 00:20:59,850 floating at the edge of outer space, 532 00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:01,860 but for some reason the game won't restart 533 00:21:01,870 --> 00:21:04,530 'cause it's centered on some old lady living a full life. 534 00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:06,071 Hmm. Sounds bad. 535 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,770 Well, put it in there. 536 00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:16,100 Hey, is anybody that wants this later gonna be able to... 537 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,770 Huh? Oh, yeah, everything's cataloged and tracked. 538 00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:21,010 People got the wrong idea from the size of the space, 539 00:21:21,020 --> 00:21:22,360 but it's all supported digitally. 540 00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:23,530 So I can put it anywhere. 541 00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:26,132 - Here's fine? - That's as fine as anywhere else! 542 00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:30,839 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 543 00:22:04,430 --> 00:22:06,510 Why isn't anyone attacking him? 544 00:22:06,530 --> 00:22:07,810 It's fucking freezing out. 545 00:22:07,820 --> 00:22:09,490 No, I think it's the sign. 546 00:22:09,500 --> 00:22:11,810 Well, the sign from "Die Hard 3" was clearly racist. 547 00:22:11,820 --> 00:22:14,130 Obviously. But I think we went too broad. 548 00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:16,210 "Everybody"? I mean, who is that offending? 549 00:22:16,230 --> 00:22:17,730 Everybody? 550 00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:19,890 At this point, why even do it? 551 00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:24,399 I wish my brother was still alive.