Guess this is how it ends. I thought I was better than this.
Dramatic voiceover while stranded in space?
I guess when you're dying the first thing to go is your creativity.
Citadel's gone…
And-and the saucer we escaped in is out of power
Aw man I'm so scared in here.
The extra Mortys went feral.
Eh, some problems solve themselves.
Been drinking a lot… Morty! I told you to write this down!
I don't have a helmet like that Avengers guy did.
Been drinking a lot of my piss. Portal gun's still broken.
Guess that was all part of Evil Morty's plan.
“Evil Morty.” Can we stop flattering this guy?
His “plan” was to monologue and fuck off,
he basically threw a tantrum to announce he was quitting Twitter.
Nobody quits Twitter.
Hey remember like a second ago, when you pretended not to know who Iron Man was?
Who was that for?
Shush shush Morty. This is how we go.
Bear it with grace.
Spinal cord: Robitussin as a base, then surprise me.
- Mom! - Beth maybe!
Is she trying to say something? We can't hear you.
How dumb are. Beth, you're in a vacuum, sound travels on air.
Why am I yelling?
- Wow, great. - Yeah that's…, really worth it
That was not worth it. It's corny.
You. Corn. Dying of starvation here!
Oh my God. Stop explaining. Stop explaining!
Are you finished?
She's not finished.
- Oh Real mature, real classy - Oh nice.
It was a good line, honey.
I didn't need it to be, I don't care what you think.
Oh my God she found you, here, eat eat eat.
Oh hell yes.
Hold on, buddy, our systems could go into shock from solid food.
Digestibot, convert to nutrient mass.
I'm just gonna risk it.
Since when you do you guys get stranded? Thank you by the way.
- Almost left them out there. - Portal travel's broken.
Are these heirloom tomatoes? Digestibot, try these.
So you can't hop realities anymore.
Does that mean you'll finally have to wash your robe?
Good point, I need to reboot the portal index immediately.
Basically just a hard reset on the fluid.
Hold tight, the Earth's gonna shake a bit.
- Oh shit. - Wait, what's happening?
Instead of resetting portal travel, I may have reset portal travelers.
- Too late to apologize. - Rick, why am I pulsing green?
don't say you don't know because you're pulsing green.
- Rick are we about to die? - No.
- We're about to vanish from this reality. - That's totally dying!
No it isn't, everyone from this reality returning to their reality of origin.
Back to our original universes?
I explained it fine, Morty, you're spoonfeeding spoons!
- Where's Summer? - Oh nice, you guys are back
Summer. Three of us are one-way blind hopping,
you gotta help us get back.
There's a protocol for this in your chore server, filename Booger AIDs.
- Every file is Booger AIDS! - I hate naming things!
Just search for words like “one way blind hop reset nav beacon.”
- Why do I have a “reality of origin?” - There's no time to explain, Jerry!
Counting on you, Summer! One way blind hop beacon protocol!
Here we go!
So there was time to explain.
Don't waste extra precious seconds with your pettiness, Jerry!
Summer, let's run down…
One way blind hop reset beacon booger AIDS.
Cool.
There was so much time to explain!
Yes! Fine, hindsight is twenty twenty! Who has ever taken this long to vanish?
How did I end up not in my own universe?
Oh my god. The Jerryboree!
- The Jerryboree. - Deep cut.
Wait, but… where's our real Dad and our real Morty?
Buried in the backyard!
That's what the possums are after.
Dad's got you in the family business too, huh?
Yeah, Morty's an easy mark but Rick pays me in things like…
Wolverine claws.
Whelp, looks like you got this. See you guys in another, two years?
Or… you could stick around for this one?
Looks like it involves Grandpa's grody citadel,
we could, y'know, break things. Loot stuff.
Should, probably get back to saving the galaxy…
Please.
Guess I could loot some stuff. Fine. Yeah, OK let's make it quick.
Awesome, I've never been. Let's do this, adventure family! Woo! Haha!
Ok.
Fuck.
Excuse me? Bro, Ricks don't pass on this.
Rick? Is that you?
Yeah… Diane.
You've been gone so long. Did you find our daughter's killer?
- Not yet, sorry. Still looking. - You'll find him.
You always do everything you set your mind to.
Except keep your family alive. But that was hardly your fault.
Mute.
If I could be muted, I wouldn't be too good at haunting you,
- would I, you dirty bear? - Yeah, forgot I wanted to be haunted.
I guess you predicted you might. That's where haunting comes in handy, huh?
Very good point, sugar.
Rick?
Hello? Original family? Sorry about last time.
Rick, he was in space prison, we couldn't just…
hello?
Aw jeez.
Fuck. Dammit Morty, there's no doctors anymore.
Dad?
Figures it's underwhelming the one time I visit.
Sorry usually there's cowboy Rick and Mortys and stuff.
Looks like they could use a couple repairman Rick and Mortys, right?
Tight, little scavenger dudes. If they shoot at us I'm allowed to…
do this. Shit yeah.
Space Mom, get in on this!
Cool Mom!
Let's keep it moving, I don't have all day.
I got it!
I got it! I got it! Sorry!
I got it. Sorry!
I was gonna do it.
Terrestrials, am I right?
I kept up the search in your absence.
You want a new list of potential locations?
You're always just one room away?
Remember, you thought if you could see or touch me
it might give you a level of com comfort.
Right. Can't have that. Come on, Summer.
Who's Summer? Should I be jealous?
knows what happens to the people you love.
- Hey Rick. - Hey, Mr. Goldmanbachmajorian.
Still alive, huh? What's up?
I was wondering if you could help me make sense of a note I found this morning?
It's written by someone claiming to be me.
They say my mind is held captive in a time loop,
trapped in the day of a traumatic event by the agony of a formidable intelligence.
But also that my captor forgot about aging…
that my body spoils and yearns for death while my soul remains stuck in place
caught, like a fly in amber.
Right. I used to drink, drink. No clue pal.
That's Ok. I found other notes in the trash just like it.
Poor weirdo. I pity them, wish they could let go, and move on.
- Sounds healthy. - Sure would be.
Sweet death.
Was that symbolic? Are you letting go?
I understand, baby. I forgive you…
You don't get to say that! You're not her.
You're a thing I built to torture myself.
This whole fucking timeline is cursed. I gotta get out of here.
Because you want to move on.
Because I don't. And I have to. I came back on accident.
Guy I'm looking for he's…
he's not findable, Diane.
I live with a version of Beth, now.
Sounds like a version of nice.
We have grandkids. That's who Summer is. She's gonna get me out of here.
She reminds me of you.
Really? Is she dead too?
Bye, Diane.
You're not honestly gonna fly into that rift without coordinates, are you?
Don't give up on us, Rick.
I don't make the rules. Haunters gonna haunt.
Baby? Are you killing yourself?
I'm more embracing the “win win” of risking my life.
Where's Mom and Summer?
They're gone. Sorry, Morty.
Gone gone?
We spent a long time in that ice.
A gentle mutant licked us out but Beth got sick,
and Summer didn't thaw right.
With no one left to blame, I finally had to deal with myself.
Buried my grief at Barnes and Noble.
Four Agreements, Eat Pray Love, Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns.
Learned to accept things for what they are.
In a few of these the whole brain is still intact.
Makes you wonder if some people were still in there, just trapped in the horror.
Anyway it's awesome protein.
I'm so sorry, Dad. But. My real, original Dad beat the apocalypse.
I guess we all underestimated you.
Hey. What's that game we always used to try to play as a family,
y- the one we never finished…
- Downbeat. - Yes! Let's play Downbeat.
I bet I can find it! We can finish now.
Yeah, you should totally do that.
Cool, I got it! We'll play Downbeat…
and we'll camp here tonight and then rebuild the house.
Y'know we got food, fresh water, and we've got family…
Da fuck?
Morty. I wrote this note in advance in case you're wondering how I left so fast.
My plan is to wait for you to turn your back,
then I'm going to grab all your shit and split.
Depending on how long you were out of the room,
you'll probably be thinking I can't be that far away
and you'll want to foll…
Morty, wrote this fast cuz had to set trap,
thought you'd have cooler shit, see other note bye.
Mother fucker…
Slow down! Slow down! Not cool! Oh!
- What the hell, Dad? - Don't take it personal, Morty.
That's one of the Four Agreements. I don't remember the other three,
but I know Commissioner Gordon was cool with Batman moving on.
- Batman doesn't abandon people! - You abandoned us.
I deserve that. But, y'know, it improved you…
Oh, am I cool enough for you now?
Well that was easy, it only cost me fucking everything.
Whoa, hey, I…
You came back and talked about us like we weren't people, Morty!
Then you bailed, and left us to freeze!
- I was apologizing for that earlier… - Your mom and sister died, Morty!
And I moved on. From caring.
And that is the best deal you will ever get.
So take it.
Please don't go. If Rick comes back, we can find you a new reality,
a new Mom, new Summer, a job!
Oh you don't get it, kid.
Except for this conversation, my life is perfect.
Rick was always right… everyone needs to let go.
Aw, you came back… I guess we really did form a bond…
Hey stop it! Get away from me! No, help!
Alright, pin dropped, Grandpa! Come and get us.
Come on, come on, come on!
Baby? Something to keep in mind:
If you were pulled home by whatever happened,
it's likely our target was as well.
It's also likely he's having as much trouble leaving as you are.
He's trapped.
- Grandpa! - Oh fuck yes!
Grandpa?
Summer! Gold star, always believed in you.
- Now the hard part. - Hard part?
Way worse things than me can see that beacon too.
Hunker down and protect it while I grab Morty. Rick out!
Try to survive!
Oh shit. Domestic Mom should hide maybe?
- “Domestic Mom”? - I mean she's the cool space one.
Look I'm not looking to get caught in whatever this is,
you guys can both hide maybe, hash it out.
Oh quit talking down! I'm you with the patience to do laundry.
Mom stop being jealous of our bond!
She ran from our choices, I have to parent them.
It's not like I didn't care, that's what the clone was for.
Moms!
- Morty! - Rick?
I knew it, I knew you wouldn't leave me!
Da fuck?
Morty did you see another Rick here? Nondescript haircut, scifi jacket?
Of course you didn't see him, you'd be dead.
Or you'd be a bomb.
Do you feel bomby? Nah, you woulda blown up by now.
Wasn't the Rick here dead? That's, that's why you pick places right?
Well, your Rick, yeah, not dead, more like, not around.
When I met you I was sorta hoping he might turn up one day,
You son of a bitch! I got you!
- Where are we going? - To kill your grandpa, little buddy.
Wait, what?
I don't understand. My original Rick killed your family?
And you were just waiting for him to come back?
Seems like you understand fine, Morty. That was A+ repiping. We're here.
This guy Morty, he hates being found but loves building elaborate shit.
Like playing a ton of Minecraft but all on a private server.
Am I in a fucking K-hole right now, what is going on?
Whoa, hoho, you found me!
I shoot the first monitor too. Listen, I'm not here. Or am I?
There's the clone you found. Or maybe it's me, all naked!
Just a lil Keyser Söze. I mean why would I admit it's not?
Look at him! Look at him go, look at him dance.
Or me, again, it might be me, Like a Saw thing, I'm very sneaky.
Here's a bunch of killbots to deal with while ya wrestle with that.
Obviously I don't know who I'm talking to here, it's all prerecorded.
But if you got this far, you probably think you're real special.
Tell you what.
There he goes! Maybe that actually was me!
If you follow him down there we can do a big fight.
Fifty percent chance I'm not lying.
We're in trouble asshole! I shouldn't have to beg.
- Wait, my moms are in trouble? - Those versions of them are.
We gotta save them! Rick this is an obvious trap.
If you go down there he's just gonna kill you…
- Good! - What?
Now what?
If you don't care if you die, why do you care if I die
Knock it off! Get out of here!
You did this last season, you're like a suicide bomber!
- Takes one to know one. - Yeah, well, you get it from him, not me.
I don't know him. You're my grandpa, Rick. Rick and Morty. A hundred years.
This place totally might go up by the way.
Here's a bunch of countdowns? One of them's probably accurate.
Fuckin, stupid, 5th dimensional stomach juices.
Sorry for the sitcom fight, and maybe getting us digested.
- You've got incredible timing. - Don't be a bitch,
I'm parenting, makes sense you don't recognize it,
you've been out of practice for awhile.
Good! I'm glad that they have you! I don't want to be “Space Mom”.
You've made that clear.
Just don't let Summer mistake your rejection of her for good taste.
I'm not trying to, it's all her.
Jesus. It'd be cool if you were around more, I don't wanna get married.
I'm seventeen. My affection is the wind, don't try to compete for it.
I could hear every word of that through the helmets.
Thank fuck I only had to kill most of them.
Jesus. That ship really has sailed.
And now we feast!
This emergency was oversold to me.
- Grandpa! Morty! - Moms!
Wait, if they have to wear helmets…
I do childproofing stuff while you're asleep.
Why don't you childproof Dad?
- Great reminder… - Wait!
Time to get Jerry.
Maybe I wouldn't be so uptight if I wasn't married to
an unemployed receptacle of human fear!
Get a job Dad, it's been a decade.
Pretty brutal Jer. I know a good alligator park if you wanna kill yourself.
I got expelled today.
Oh no, you got expelled. Whoa what a horrible thing.
You are so fucking dumb.
Hi hun.
Some real Season 2 vibes in there, y'know what I'm sayin?
You know, never thought I'd say this, but…
I think I'm glad we spent that time divorced.
One second…
…I'll build af ucking swing set in the back yard?
You know, I may technically be from here?
But I'm a goddamn inter dimensional traveler now.
And all of you can kiss my scifi ass.
It gets me every time.
Wow, what an amazing joke I just told. And also, what an adventure.
Y'know I guess it doesn't matter where we're from, if we're together, huh?
Good, good final moral thing.
This is everyone's original dimension' now.
- Great wrap-ups, kids. - You're back.
- Oh shit), Season 2 Jerry! - Look, before you bust my balls,
can someone help with the shower? It's colder than Beth on our anniversary.
Also… Look who I found in Rick's room.
I'm Mr. Frundles!
I don't care how cute he is, we agreed no boogens in the house.
Wait, Season 2 Jerry, don't!
- Mr. Frundles! - Everybody in the car.
I'm Mr. Frundles!
- Wait but I thought HE was Mr. Frundles. - Everybody in the car! Now!
I'm Mr. Frundles! I'm Mr. Frundles! I'm Mr. Frundles! I'm Mr. Frundles!
What thefuck, Dad? Why would you bring that thing into our house?
It was cute! Fuck! We gotta find a new timeline now!
You know how hard that shit is without portals?
We gotta do the thing with the Rift and the beacon again!
The whole fucking episode all over again. Car, fabricate some vomit bags.
Can't we just go back and fix it?
I'm Mr. Frundles.
I can't believe portal travel's broken.
- I'll get to it when I get to it. - Lift with your knees, Mom.
How many times have you done this?
Oh god.
- And you swear they die of natural causes. - Mhmm, yup.
The exact same as our old timeline? Even my stuff?
Bit of a rush job actually so they do say “parmesan” weird.
- How do they say… - Par-mees-ian.
- Jesus Christ. - This fucking sucks.
I could've left you guys! You think the concept of “family” matters to me?
I'm not even your Rick!
- I'm Denial Rick!” - See you inside Dad.
Sorry I was such a Dance Mom about Summer, she's your daughter too.
No, boundaries are good.
But, speaking of maybe I've put up too many.
- Is it Ok if I come around sometimes? - That could be nice.
- That's a cute outfit. - The one we always wear?
- Yes Morty? - You promise I'm not, y'know, bait?
- To make that Rick come back? - What? M-Morty,
for you to be bait the guy'd have to value something,
he truly does not give a shit.
He's the real deal.
- Parmeee-san. - Par-meees-ian. Par-mees-Ian.
- Par, Parmeeeeeesian. - Parmesian.
- Gross. I hate it. - Yeah.
Hello? Morty? That one big rat?
Whoa this is a development.
Litle guy, easy. You're a Jerry right?
Never got too close to the concept. Boy you have really arc'd out.
Were you putting on pants?
What? Oh. Yeah. No, I was naked to fuck with a guy.
Speaking of, did you talk to me, or a little kid around here?
Maybe. Why?
Because if you hate them too… I could be down for a little team up.
I really don't “team up” anymore. Managing people, such a headache…
Fatality… Jerry wins!
God damn dude. Bad ass!
Why are you here?
Buddy, I have been asking myself that exact same question.