1 00:00:01,390 --> 00:00:04,390 What kind of parents drag their kids away 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,170 for the entire week of spring break? 3 00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,030 I'm missing Mike Triscuit's drug party. 4 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,689 Look at this. He's already watching 5 00:00:09,690 --> 00:00:10,829 "Euphoria" to pregame. 6 00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:13,380 Pregame. Game. Video game. 7 00:00:13,390 --> 00:00:16,370 Yes, yes, drugs and video games. Poor babies. 8 00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:20,299 What you need is to level up with a bong rip of nature. 9 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:21,939 Trust me, this is good for you. 10 00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:24,039 Can someone just kill me? 11 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,482 Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything. 12 00:00:25,490 --> 00:00:28,079 No, he can't, Summer. We're roughing it. 13 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,709 And that means no sci-fi bullshit. 14 00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:31,350 - Isn't that right, Rick? - Uh-huh. 15 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:38,000 Rick, was that a sci-fi phone call? 16 00:00:38,010 --> 00:00:39,130 Shut up, Jerry. 17 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,180 Damn it, I didn't think she had this number. 18 00:00:41,190 --> 00:00:43,570 Why are you building a Faraday box to block out the signal? 19 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,199 Oh, my God, Grandpa's ghosting someone. 20 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,150 I'm not ghosting. Hey! Give it back, Summer! 21 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,770 "Rick. Please answer me. I'm pregnant"? 22 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,929 Oh, my God, Grandpa, you fuck boi. 23 00:00:52,930 --> 00:00:54,639 I'm not a fuck boi, Summer! 24 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,059 - There's no way those kids are mine. - Wow. 25 00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:58,709 At least we know why Rick actually came on the trip... 26 00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:01,390 - to avoid his fuck-guy problems. - Why would this person lie? 27 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,579 I don't know, honey. She's addicted to what the Rick did. 28 00:01:03,580 --> 00:01:05,038 You know, it's... it's... it's a tale as old 29 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,523 as my huge dynamite penis. 30 00:01:06,530 --> 00:01:07,540 Can we turn the radio on? 31 00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:09,289 I am not letting you abandon those kids 32 00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:11,159 - like you abandoned me. - Oh, my God! 33 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,349 We're going to see this baby mama right now! 34 00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:14,620 What, like, literally now? 35 00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:17,040 Yes, now! That's an order. 36 00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:19,770 Aah! 37 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,200 No! 38 00:01:21,930 --> 00:01:24,299 This is exactly what I was talking about! 39 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:26,569 Rick, I hope you realize the tubing permit 40 00:01:26,570 --> 00:01:27,930 was non-refundable! 41 00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:29,658 Relax, Jerry, we'll be in and out in a minute, 42 00:01:29,660 --> 00:01:31,769 and then you can get right back to your dumb vacation 43 00:01:31,770 --> 00:01:33,460 with a family that doesn't need you. 44 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,710 Kind of expected someone to defend me, 45 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:37,980 but, sure, okay. 46 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,770 Hello, Gaia. Hold on. 47 00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:44,619 Let me just adjust my Seismic-to-English translator. 48 00:01:44,620 --> 00:01:46,139 Rick. You came. 49 00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,648 - W-Where is she? - You're looking at her. 50 00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,319 I-I-I-I don't understand. 51 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,692 Isn't it obvious, Morty? 52 00:01:51,693 --> 00:01:53,359 I fucked a planet. 53 00:02:20,972 --> 00:02:25,185 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 54 00:02:25,190 --> 00:02:27,520 So, what, you just go around knocking up planets now? 55 00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:29,599 I-I-Is that what you do when I'm at school? 56 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,459 I'm a scientist, Morty. I try things. 57 00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:33,860 Sex with a living planet? Big step for mankind. 58 00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:36,469 Yeah, we finally broke the deadbeat dad barrier. 59 00:02:36,470 --> 00:02:38,579 - Ah, where the magic happened. - Gross. 60 00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:40,500 Hey, uh, Gaia, baby, 61 00:02:40,510 --> 00:02:42,661 Big Daddy Rick is here. What's the problem? 62 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,570 Children. Birth cycle. Now. 63 00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:46,080 Okay, gettin' right into it. 64 00:02:48,050 --> 00:02:50,334 - I am! I am! - Jesus Christ! 65 00:02:50,335 --> 00:02:51,836 - I am! - I am! 66 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,040 I am! 67 00:02:53,050 --> 00:02:55,110 Dad, do something! Make it stop! 68 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,238 You think I know how to stop this? 69 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:57,680 I thought she was gonna shit an egg. 70 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:00,729 Cool vacation, guys. 71 00:03:00,730 --> 00:03:02,400 So happy I got to see the human geyser 72 00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:04,169 instead of micro-dosing with my friends. 73 00:03:04,170 --> 00:03:06,699 More coming. Kids. Need father. 74 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,029 Yeah, um, Baby Quakes, how big is your orbit again? 75 00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:10,999 I mean, not to say you get around, but, um... 76 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,339 Are you kidding me? Look at them! 77 00:03:12,340 --> 00:03:13,450 They look just like you. 78 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:15,310 Yeah, and snakes look like dildos, Beth. 79 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,509 - What's your point? - They do? 80 00:03:16,510 --> 00:03:18,139 The fact is even if they were mine, 81 00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:20,670 which they're not, the best parent is evolution. 82 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,078 They'll probably develop harder skin 83 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,579 or maybe even webbed arms. 84 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,719 Man, that'd be cool, huh? Flying squirrel people? 85 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,960 Yeah, Dad, that approach worked out great for me. 86 00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:29,499 Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me. 87 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,129 This is life in the galaxy, okay? 88 00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:32,160 It's totally normal. 89 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,588 Fine. You won't do something, I will. 90 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,600 Welp, there goes the surprise! 91 00:03:37,610 --> 00:03:39,330 I was gonna have us jump on the trampoline 92 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:40,698 - after we caught our first fish. - I am! 93 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:42,059 What? You're stupid. 94 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,479 - I am! - I am! I am! 95 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,099 - Beth, that's not gonna help. - Uh, I hate to agree with Rick, 96 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:47,449 but shouldn't we just let this be? 97 00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:48,688 We're supposed to be on vacation. 98 00:03:48,690 --> 00:03:49,810 You're unemployed, Jerry! 99 00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:51,520 Every day is a vacation for you. 100 00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,318 - Okay, ouch. - You guys do whatever you want. 101 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,819 I'm staying here and fixing this. 102 00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:56,443 - I am! - I am! 103 00:03:56,450 --> 00:03:57,828 Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it, 104 00:03:57,830 --> 00:03:58,980 at least do it right. 105 00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:01,559 Gaia, baby, gonna need a little raw iron and steam. 106 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,699 Whatever you need, baby. 107 00:04:11,070 --> 00:04:13,059 - So much for camping. - Nope. 108 00:04:13,060 --> 00:04:14,510 We are going camping. 109 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:15,650 There's trees over there. 110 00:04:15,660 --> 00:04:17,587 - We're on solid ground. - Mom! 111 00:04:17,588 --> 00:04:19,049 Summer, Morty, go camp with your father. 112 00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,719 - Ohh, son of a bitch. - Son of a bitch. 113 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:21,919 - I am! - I am! 114 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:25,140 - I am! - Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment. 115 00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:28,079 Dad, can we please go back 116 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,619 and hang out with Grandpa's clay people? 117 00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:32,340 Why? Because they might have a Sega Dreamcast? 118 00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,649 Why is it so hard for you two to let nature in? 119 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,050 Because this sucks ass. 120 00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:38,409 Camping is just being homeless without the change. 121 00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,589 Well, that attitude is exactly why we're out here. 122 00:04:40,590 --> 00:04:42,659 You guys wouldn't last two seconds on your own. 123 00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,429 You're only happy when you're penned in 124 00:04:44,430 --> 00:04:47,829 and drugged up like some kind of chicken or lemur. Hey! 125 00:04:47,830 --> 00:04:49,590 I told you kids no phones! 126 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,960 There's not even any service. 127 00:04:50,970 --> 00:04:52,707 Just... Just let us be happy for a minute. 128 00:04:52,710 --> 00:04:54,750 You know, maybe if you two stopped whining 129 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,609 and let your old man take the reins, 130 00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:59,679 you might actually learn something. 131 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,939 Here. Take a bite of this tasty treat. 132 00:05:01,940 --> 00:05:04,510 Oh, you think this s'more makes you special? 133 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:05,610 What? Because someone said, 134 00:05:05,620 --> 00:05:07,749 "good job," to you once when you were 10? 135 00:05:07,750 --> 00:05:10,308 That's actually really sad, Dad. Let's be real. 136 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,759 You've been high-roading us non-stop, 137 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,780 forcing us to do nothing 138 00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,698 in the middle of fucking nowhere because it's the only way 139 00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:16,269 you're gonna level the playing field, isn't it? 140 00:05:16,270 --> 00:05:18,359 Because if you move the bar so low, 141 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,735 you might actually seem like you're worth a fuck. 142 00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:22,959 Huh. 143 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,190 I'm gonna go take a walk. 144 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,412 Jesus Christ, you really need to stop hanging out with Rick. 145 00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:39,048 Okay, so, if we divert the Lawyer Pipeline here, 146 00:05:39,050 --> 00:05:40,238 they should avoid the Ethics Tube 147 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,129 and come out spineless enough to do their job. 148 00:05:42,130 --> 00:05:43,880 Right. Wait, why are the athletes 149 00:05:43,890 --> 00:05:45,058 going through the introvert sector? 150 00:05:45,060 --> 00:05:47,229 Obviously so they can bully the mathematicians 151 00:05:47,230 --> 00:05:49,889 - and give us astronomers. - God, you are such a space nerd. 152 00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:52,150 I'm not a nerd. We're raising a society here, Beth. 153 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,528 If we want them to be self-sufficient, 154 00:05:53,530 --> 00:05:55,649 they need to get out into space. 155 00:05:55,650 --> 00:05:57,139 Birth cycle. Coming. 156 00:05:57,140 --> 00:05:59,319 We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em hard and up the middle! 157 00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:16,019 We got an oversupply of teachers 158 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,529 putting a strain on the literary drive. 159 00:06:17,530 --> 00:06:19,710 Activating playwright converter! 160 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:20,780 Aah! 161 00:06:20,790 --> 00:06:23,230 Nice work, honey. Okay, the therapists are getting bored. 162 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,108 We need to increase their supply of incest porn. 163 00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:26,398 20% wasn't enough? 164 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,719 What the hell is that? 165 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,080 The unproductives. Goddamn it! 166 00:06:29,090 --> 00:06:31,099 - How are there so many of them? - Unproductives? 167 00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,199 Yeah, deejays, foodies, influencers. 168 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:35,349 I just re-circulate them through until... 169 00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,229 Shit, they blew a hole in the human resources department! 170 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:39,238 - You're fired! - Downsizing already? 171 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:40,500 I'm putting this in your file! 172 00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:43,850 We gotta fix this, Dad. 173 00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:45,403 We can't keep recycling them through. 174 00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:47,550 I could add an online college workaround. 175 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,750 Or just push them out through a pipe in the back. 176 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,155 - Same thing. - Same thing. 177 00:06:51,156 --> 00:06:53,590 These kids may not be mine, but you definitely are. 178 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,830 Look at you. My little steampunk overlord. 179 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,040 Eeee! 180 00:06:58,540 --> 00:06:59,549 I don't think he's coming back. 181 00:06:59,550 --> 00:07:01,098 You know, you... you really messed him up, Summer. 182 00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,530 Yeah, well, he called me a lemur. 183 00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:03,710 Let's just go find Grandpa. 184 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,550 Maybe he can portal us home or something. 185 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,390 - Should we leave a note? - Dad is fine. 186 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,769 He's probably sucking off a tree 187 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:11,140 and having the time of his life right now. 188 00:07:12,730 --> 00:07:15,280 Guess you don't want to learn how to skip rocks, either. 189 00:07:15,290 --> 00:07:16,939 Aah! 190 00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:20,109 Aaah! 191 00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:21,970 Whoa! Whoa! Aah! 192 00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:24,310 Aaaaaah! 193 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:25,550 Ohh! 194 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,739 Aaaaaah! 195 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,189 Gah! 196 00:07:29,190 --> 00:07:31,689 Ohhhh! Aaah! 197 00:07:31,690 --> 00:07:33,150 Aah! 198 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,830 Aah! 199 00:07:44,379 --> 00:07:46,422 Aaah! 200 00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:49,210 Ow! Hey! 201 00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:50,850 Aah! 202 00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:53,510 Aaaaah! 203 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,480 Aaaaaaaah! 204 00:07:58,050 --> 00:07:59,226 Ohh! 205 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:06,119 Who are you guys? 206 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,489 We are... unproductives. 207 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,079 Ahh, I get it. 208 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,280 Bunch of bullshit. 209 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,769 What is that? 210 00:08:18,770 --> 00:08:21,800 This? This is camping. 211 00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:23,810 Camping? Ooh! 212 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:24,839 Camping! 213 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,870 Camping! Camping! Camping! 214 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,479 Good work there, TickTock. 215 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,339 Keep whittling. Incredible. 216 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,679 You've almost got smoke over there, Florflock. 217 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,179 There you go, guys! 218 00:09:04,180 --> 00:09:05,349 Pump those cheeks. 219 00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:07,049 That's the camping spirit. 220 00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:08,759 What the... Squeeb! 221 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,049 This is not a tent. 222 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,989 It is a new kind of tent, 223 00:09:11,990 --> 00:09:15,359 with special gutters to funnel the rain, and a door. 224 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:16,590 It's a house! 225 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,470 No houses! No doors! 226 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:20,400 Once you have doors, you have indoors. 227 00:09:20,410 --> 00:09:23,770 Once you have indoors, you won't want to camp anymore. 228 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:26,980 Then why do they not camp? 229 00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:28,739 Because they're bad. 230 00:09:28,740 --> 00:09:30,860 Bad. Bad. Bad. 231 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,659 Bad. Bad. Bad. 232 00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:35,049 Oh, my God. Maybe Dad was right. 233 00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:36,679 Maybe we have no life skills. 234 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,719 I've definitely drank more pee than I care to remember. 235 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,379 I'm just gonna sit down. 236 00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,999 If I die, don't eat my ass. That'd be weird. 237 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,810 Uh, Summer? 238 00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:50,589 Damn, you think they got infected 239 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,090 by a mind slug or something? 240 00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,238 Probably drove through a nebula 241 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,640 that made them see their own fears. 242 00:09:58,580 --> 00:09:59,800 Whoa! 243 00:09:59,810 --> 00:10:01,307 These controls. 244 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,369 It's just like my video game controllers. 245 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,990 I just wish I could read these symbols. 246 00:10:08,780 --> 00:10:11,909 This looks just like Tricia's bong. 247 00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:13,819 Morty, I think these tubes might contain 248 00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:15,446 all of their collective knowledge. 249 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,210 - Mm! - Well? 250 00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:25,206 I think we got this, bro. 251 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,010 Beth, you wanna do the honors? 252 00:10:28,020 --> 00:10:29,799 What? Really? Wow. Okay. 253 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,180 - Here we go. 254 00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:34,750 If you told me six days ago I'd be christening 255 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,139 a generation ship for my half-rock children, 256 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:38,510 I would've called you crazy. 257 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,819 But I guess that's the lesson... crazy things happen 258 00:10:40,820 --> 00:10:43,307 when you put in the work. Salud! 259 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,559 Fucking Doopnar! Sing something! 260 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,990 - Great toast, Dad. - Thanks, sweetie. 261 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,030 Damn, listen to those pipes. 262 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,489 You sure these kids are yours? 263 00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:54,189 What, you've never heard me sing karaoke? 264 00:10:54,190 --> 00:10:56,129 I'm... I'm pretty good when someone's in my register, 265 00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:57,859 like the guy that sings "Circle of Life." 266 00:10:57,860 --> 00:10:59,789 Can't remember his name. Dresses up weird. 267 00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:02,759 Look at this. Everyone's happy. 268 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,499 They're about to go into space. 269 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:06,580 I know things haven't always been great with us, 270 00:11:06,590 --> 00:11:08,879 but we do make a pretty good team. 271 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,999 Uh, Rick? Can we talk? 272 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,949 Kinda in the middle of a breakthrough with my daughter. 273 00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:15,210 Go ahead, Dad. Gaia deserves some time, too. 274 00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:18,460 - They're your kids. - Yes, about that. 275 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:22,139 Pam! It's good to see you, baby! 276 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,640 Um, Gaia? You know this guy? 277 00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,639 Ha! You call her Gaia? So lame. 278 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,310 Is that... God? 279 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,519 Rick. The kids. I messed up. 280 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,889 - You're not their father. - Little ones! 281 00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:34,900 Daddy's here! 282 00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:37,169 I'm sending some fog down. 283 00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:39,780 - Feel my presence through the fog! - Ooh! 284 00:11:39,790 --> 00:11:41,860 Beth! What the fuck. Don't touch it! 285 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:44,569 You gotta be kidding me. God is the father? 286 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,430 No hard feelings, okay? 287 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,019 We thought they were yours, you know, 288 00:11:48,020 --> 00:11:50,019 because they're so small. 289 00:11:50,020 --> 00:11:52,319 Oh, wow. No hard feelings. Y-You hear that, Beth? 290 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,759 Guy swoops in after we raised his whole civilization 291 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,939 and tells us he forgives us. What a fucking mooch! 292 00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:59,359 Don't push me, asshole! 293 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,829 Rick, I think you should go. 294 00:12:01,830 --> 00:12:04,369 Seriously? You really want this pile of dry ice 295 00:12:04,370 --> 00:12:05,423 to raise your kids? 296 00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:07,609 Stop acting like you did a good job. 297 00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:10,730 You made my kids soft and empty inside. 298 00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:13,050 This city is a monument to nothing! 299 00:12:13,060 --> 00:12:14,307 Where is their faith? 300 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:15,650 Reggie is right. 301 00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:17,870 The children are not ready to leave. 302 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,190 He can give them more. 303 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,189 I mean, maybe we should just bail, Dad. 304 00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:23,589 At least this guy is immortal and can stick around. 305 00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:25,589 Bullshit. They're my kids! We're staying! 306 00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,259 Bad! Bad! 307 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,864 See? Now, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about. 308 00:12:29,870 --> 00:12:33,599 - Bad! Bad! - Jerry! Oh, my God! Is that you? 309 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,493 - What the hell are you doing? - Camping. 310 00:12:35,494 --> 00:12:37,399 Oh, look, Jerry finally found his people. 311 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,372 All it took was a deep enough drip pan. 312 00:12:39,373 --> 00:12:41,769 You labeled these creatures "unproductive," 313 00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:44,087 but I have given them more purpose than ever. 314 00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,090 Oh, yeah? They filing your unemployment forms? 315 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,389 His tongue is sharp, but it cannot whittle. 316 00:12:48,390 --> 00:12:50,429 The Great Roughing of It is at hand. 317 00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:52,330 You will now join the One Family 318 00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:53,959 on its Eternal Getaway. 319 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,529 Or join the embers over which we hold marshmallows 320 00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,199 at just the right distance. 321 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,590 Six inches! Until it gets golden brown! 322 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,370 Don't let it start on fire! 323 00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,240 The carbon is bad for you! 324 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:09,570 What's happening? 325 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,170 My children, I give you my power. 326 00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:14,319 Use it to take what is yours. 327 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,709 Oh, this motherfucker. Raise the walls! 328 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:23,125 Walls can't stop us, Rick. We are chosen. 329 00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:24,210 Sha-boom-boom! 330 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,459 Sorry! Sorry! 331 00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:28,009 Just trying to get the hang of this thing. 332 00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:30,299 Nice choice of chosen people, G-diddles. 333 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:32,279 I guess you'll be playing the "mysterious ways" card 334 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:33,870 - on that one. - You wanna go, bro? 335 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,471 I'll kick your ass myself. 336 00:13:35,472 --> 00:13:36,809 Oh, dude, don't tempt me. 337 00:13:36,810 --> 00:13:38,569 When I'm done with you, you'll need a staff 338 00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:40,109 to un-part your fucking face. 339 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,729 Guys. Please. Not in front of the kids. 340 00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,479 Did you for real just try to smite me? 341 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,193 Siri, triangulate source of power. 342 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,350 Got you now, you son of a bitch. 343 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,589 Sweetie, you handle the hippies. 344 00:13:52,590 --> 00:13:53,959 I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh. 345 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,076 - Kick his ass, Dad! - Bear witness. 346 00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:05,129 Now you see my true form. 347 00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:09,172 The clouds were simply a shape more appealing to Gaia's mind. 348 00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:11,139 No shit. Any form is more appealing than this. 349 00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:13,170 You look like Kid Rock fucked Zeus. 350 00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:15,119 Oh, seriously, you expect me to fight you like this? 351 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,309 You're the size of four Empire State Buildings. 352 00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:20,389 All right, motherfucker. Let's go. 353 00:14:36,630 --> 00:14:40,078 Aaah! Aah! 354 00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:42,205 Ha-ha! You like that? 355 00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:44,090 - Ohh! - Here comes some pain! 356 00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:46,500 Ohh! 357 00:14:58,670 --> 00:15:00,380 Ow! 358 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,720 Ow! 359 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:11,250 And... that last one should be... 360 00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:12,710 the start button. 361 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,369 Perfect. I guess we're ready. 362 00:15:14,370 --> 00:15:16,439 Let's show Mom and Dad what video games 363 00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,699 and partying are all about. 364 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,049 Jesus Christ, was that the wings? 365 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,019 This is not like a video game! 366 00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:34,089 - It's not like a video game at all! - Oh, my God, make it stop! Make it stop! 367 00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:37,349 - How do I make it stop? - I don't know. I'm fucking high! 368 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:39,459 Aah! 369 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,470 Oh, God, now I'm high, too! 370 00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:49,650 - Jerry, that's enough. - Oh, hey, babe. 371 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:52,275 You like these plagues I'm unleashing on your asses? 372 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,350 No, they're lame. It's not a great sign 373 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,571 that your army's on the same side as disease. 374 00:15:56,572 --> 00:15:59,960 Sorry we aren't modern enough to sort people by value 375 00:15:59,970 --> 00:16:02,493 and shit the losers through a mean butt tube! 376 00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:08,049 Just admit this is about you wanting to feel needed! 377 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,089 Says the woman who sold out her family 378 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:12,509 for an ounce of approval from her drunk father! 379 00:16:12,510 --> 00:16:14,489 Well, maybe he drinks because it isn't easy 380 00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:15,849 to be more powerful than God. 381 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,059 Well, if it's god power 382 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,899 that gets you going, light some candles 383 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,810 and put on the Billy Ocean because Moses is home 384 00:16:21,820 --> 00:16:23,990 and he's ready to burn some bush! 385 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,609 Sha-boom-boom! 386 00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:28,600 Ohh! Fuck! 387 00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:30,839 Ow! All right, all right, stop. 388 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,854 - Come on, bitch! - Look, you win, okay? 389 00:16:32,855 --> 00:16:34,320 Ju... I don't care about the kids. 390 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:36,079 Smite them, raise them to fuck sheep. 391 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,679 Just keep the city, okay? 392 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:38,938 My daughter and I built that thing. 393 00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:41,449 - It's important to her. - No, bro. I'm a Zeus. 394 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:43,919 I can literally do anything. 395 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,589 Think I'm gonna hang around and raise kids? 396 00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:50,739 The only lesson they need is right here... fear. 397 00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:52,969 And it looks like school's out, bitch. 398 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,920 I-I think you mean school's in. 399 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,458 What are... What are you talking about? 400 00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:57,609 I-If you're teaching fear, 401 00:16:57,610 --> 00:17:00,009 then choking me... school would be in. 402 00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:02,290 Fine. School's in, bitch. 403 00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:05,129 Oh. 404 00:17:05,130 --> 00:17:06,349 What the fuck. 405 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,649 Ohh! Are we dead? D-Did we die? 406 00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,029 I don't ever want to be high again. 407 00:17:16,030 --> 00:17:17,319 I-I got scared straight. 408 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,789 Oh, my God, I got scared straight. 409 00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:20,159 Fuck. Dad was right. 410 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,399 We... We think we know everything, 411 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:22,760 but maybe we're the ones who suck. 412 00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:26,492 You kids are my fucking heroes! 413 00:17:26,493 --> 00:17:28,930 You saved Grandpa's life! I fucking love you so much! 414 00:17:28,940 --> 00:17:30,220 - Papa! - Papa! 415 00:17:30,230 --> 00:17:32,190 We played video games and got high! We did wrong! 416 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,979 - We did wrong! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, little boopas. 417 00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:36,921 Come on, now. You kids, you did real good here. 418 00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:38,099 You did good. 419 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,849 Getting high and playing video games is the best, 420 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:40,920 I swear to fucking God. 421 00:17:40,930 --> 00:17:42,118 But Mom and Dad are gonna be mad. 422 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,179 No, hey, hey, look, no. 423 00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:45,809 Fuck your mom and dad. Your parents are a bag of dicks. 424 00:17:45,810 --> 00:17:47,819 Getting high and playing video games is the best, 425 00:17:47,820 --> 00:17:49,749 and I will never sell you out, ever. 426 00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:50,778 Now, we got to get out of here 427 00:17:50,780 --> 00:17:52,178 before this guy falls out of the sky. 428 00:17:52,180 --> 00:17:53,369 He's generating an ionic cloud 429 00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:54,710 from his own belief system. 430 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,450 Holy shit. Summer, were you smoking this? 431 00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:59,080 You were basically inhaling brake fluid. Jesus! 432 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:02,859 Mm, yeah. 433 00:18:08,390 --> 00:18:11,039 It's over, Beth. Tell your people to lower the gates 434 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,909 and pack their moisture-wicking shirts. 435 00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:14,739 Incoming! 436 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,230 Jerry! 437 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,470 Beth! Just hold on! 438 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,230 I'm losing my grip! 439 00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,730 - Jerry. - Squeeb? 440 00:18:30,740 --> 00:18:33,590 Use the s'more, Jerry. 441 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,889 - Ow! You stabbed my hand! - Sorry! Sorry! 442 00:18:39,770 --> 00:18:41,699 Should... Should we make love? 443 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:42,810 Jerry, I love you, 444 00:18:42,820 --> 00:18:45,150 but I can literally smell your balls from here. 445 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,189 Oh, wow. 446 00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,879 Ask God for a flood next time. It'll come with a shower. 447 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,160 Noted. 448 00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:52,749 Aw, geez, that... that poor guy. 449 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,279 Can you maybe not tell Mom and Dad? 450 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,779 Relax, it's just a Zeus. If this was the real God, it... 451 00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:59,044 it'd be a completely different story. 452 00:18:59,045 --> 00:19:01,919 Rick! What did you do? 453 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:03,419 I mean, gravity did most of it. 454 00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:06,594 - So, you, technically. - I told you to leave! 455 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,629 Yeah, well, you also asked me to raise your kids. 456 00:19:08,630 --> 00:19:11,229 Uh, not sure if you heard the phrase, "pick a lane," but... 457 00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:12,849 You killed their father! 458 00:19:12,850 --> 00:19:14,769 Father or not, he was a lying piece of shit. 459 00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:16,599 I don't care who else stuffed your crust, 460 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,030 but I'm the guy that showed up. 461 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:19,110 But I mean, if you want, 462 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,692 I can still power-wash his guts off the tower and maybe... 463 00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:23,020 Get oooout! 464 00:19:23,030 --> 00:19:24,390 Okay, yeah, she's pissed. 465 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,289 I mean, you killed her slam piece, Grandpa. 466 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,800 I don't blame her. 467 00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,674 See? You put the fire stick to the wood, and, voil? 468 00:19:44,675 --> 00:19:45,679 Campfire. 469 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,690 You have known about this the whole time? 470 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:49,468 I'm not gonna waste my time building you an ark, 471 00:19:49,470 --> 00:19:50,730 but if your mom gets clingy, 472 00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,169 you can use this to get some space. 473 00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:54,641 Is that all you want to say to your children before you leave? 474 00:19:54,642 --> 00:19:57,520 Oh, yeah, uh, don't ask me for money. 475 00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,179 I mean, Gaia's not gonna raise those guys 476 00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:04,049 to hunt us down, right? 477 00:20:04,050 --> 00:20:06,149 Oh, most definitely. I put a tracker on their ship. 478 00:20:06,150 --> 00:20:07,909 I'll blow it up if they come anywhere near me. 479 00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:09,869 Well, kids, never thought I'd say this, 480 00:20:09,870 --> 00:20:12,059 - but, Summer, you were right. - Wait, what? 481 00:20:12,060 --> 00:20:14,289 I thought I wanted to teach you guys about tents, 482 00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:16,459 but really, I just wanted to feel important. 483 00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:18,170 I guess sometimes teenagers do know 484 00:20:18,180 --> 00:20:20,329 what they're talking about, even if it's mean. 485 00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:23,369 Right, but didn't you, like, go into god-mode and fight Mom? 486 00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:25,509 Love is the only power that matters, Morty. 487 00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:27,869 No, you had actual power, and you did jack shit. 488 00:20:27,870 --> 00:20:29,090 That was a divine staff. 489 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:30,887 You could've cured cancer or raised the dead. 490 00:20:30,888 --> 00:20:33,649 - Instead you made bugs. - Well, I was impressed, Dad. 491 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,230 He saved my life, no thanks to you. 492 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,149 Your kids got high on alien mist 493 00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:41,729 and drove the ship into that Zeus guy's head. 494 00:20:41,730 --> 00:20:42,998 - Basically murdered him. - Grandpa! 495 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,008 - What the hell? - Come on! 496 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,538 What? You did. I mean, not to cast the first stone, 497 00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:48,169 but, Beth and Jerry, pretty terrible parenting on your part. 498 00:20:48,170 --> 00:20:49,859 Did you know Summer huffed a K-Zax Array? 499 00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:51,390 She basically smoked "The Ring." 500 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,980 Most pilots die after three days. 501 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:54,190 And Morty, the fucking moron, 502 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,369 he thought the ship worked like a game controller. 503 00:20:56,370 --> 00:20:58,199 What in the Disney Channel fuck is that? 504 00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,839 Maybe help him with homework next time. 505 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,705 He's clearly crying for help. 506 00:21:01,706 --> 00:21:05,379 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 507 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,285 Planets Only. Planets Only. Planets Only. 508 00:21:36,290 --> 00:21:39,260 Entire systems of steamy, lush globes 509 00:21:39,270 --> 00:21:42,079 and barely habitable celestial objects 510 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,469 are drifting through the void just for you. 511 00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,570 - Planets Only. - Let's terraform. 512 00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:49,959 - Or colonize me as I am. - Planets Only. 513 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,049 Oops, there's a hole in my ozone. 514 00:21:52,050 --> 00:21:54,030 I didn't put it there. Did you? 515 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,910 I can't fill it by myself. 516 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,270 I'm not smart enough. 517 00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:59,950 Young, dumb, and orbiting the sun. 518 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,129 The greenhouse is in full effect at Planets Only. 519 00:22:03,130 --> 00:22:06,144 Oh, I want you to split my Pangea into distinct continents. 520 00:22:06,145 --> 00:22:08,670 I don't have hydrostatic equilibrium yet. 521 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,369 Is that something you can learn? 522 00:22:10,370 --> 00:22:13,460 You get the idea. 523 00:22:13,470 --> 00:22:14,479 Phew! 524 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,449 I was watching over your shoulder for a full minute. 525 00:22:16,450 --> 00:22:17,979 So? I was watching because it's funny. 526 00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:19,359 It's... It's... They... They... They're planets, 527 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,550 but they're sexy. It's a comedic premise. 528 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,289 - Yeah. - Planets Only. 529 00:22:24,290 --> 00:22:25,835 Planets Only.