1 00:00:01,470 --> 00:00:05,700 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 2 00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:12,620 Tickets, please. 3 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,470 Barkeep. A drink for my colleague. 4 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:21,489 Do I know you? 5 00:00:21,490 --> 00:00:23,559 I know the only reason to travel by train 6 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:24,910 is to travel with weapons. 7 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:26,649 And we all know that at the end of this line, 8 00:00:26,650 --> 00:00:29,155 there's only one creature worth killing. 9 00:00:29,156 --> 00:00:32,090 The man in the white coat. 10 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,830 May as well take turns exchanging stories. 11 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,650 Mine begins on planet Ramamama. 12 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:39,820 Lower him into acid. 13 00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:44,779 Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid. 14 00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:46,779 Is he dissolved? 15 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,504 At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer. 16 00:00:49,505 --> 00:00:51,789 I really don't like the attitude around here. 17 00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,359 It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude. 18 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,510 Who are you? 19 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,015 How did you reach my sanctum? 20 00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:02,510 All right, this is going in circles. 21 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,660 Seize him! 22 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,269 - Aah! - Aah! 23 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:15,760 - Aah! - Aah! 24 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:22,820 Very well. 25 00:01:22,830 --> 00:01:24,400 Now I will fight you. 26 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,250 Anyway, he tells a different version of the story 27 00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:29,970 where I start crying or something. 28 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:32,210 That's why he has to die. 29 00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,630 'Cause he's a liar. 30 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:34,659 So... 31 00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:36,850 why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez? 32 00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:38,250 Okay, I don't know who that is. 33 00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:39,990 I don't accept your weird leap in logic 34 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,170 that has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. 35 00:01:42,180 --> 00:01:43,360 And even if I did, 36 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,838 why would we take turns telling stories 37 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,348 about it like little girls at a sleepover? 38 00:01:46,350 --> 00:01:48,040 If you're trying to be hurtful, 39 00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:49,590 you're doing a good job. 40 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:50,759 I'll take his turn. 41 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:52,730 Here's why I'm going to kill Rick Sanchez. 42 00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:55,530 - You guys have fun with this. - Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun 43 00:01:55,540 --> 00:01:57,300 rising over a giant beach. 44 00:01:57,310 --> 00:01:58,740 Whew. 45 00:01:58,750 --> 00:02:00,630 By then, of course, he had left toys 46 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,830 and flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive. 47 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:05,792 Ah, a newcomer! I suppose you think 48 00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:06,990 you have a better story 49 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,819 about how Rick Sanchez saved Space Christmas. 50 00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:13,549 What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession? 51 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,349 I think the best way to answer that 52 00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:17,410 is with my Christmas Rick Tale. 53 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,419 Whoo! 54 00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:22,189 Could've used Rudolph tonight! 55 00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:24,040 Oh, thank God. I'm not too late. 56 00:02:24,050 --> 00:02:25,348 I don't know how to thank you, Goomby. 57 00:02:25,350 --> 00:02:27,970 No need. You just go in there and have a nice time. 58 00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,470 I will. Thanks. 59 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,279 Hey. 60 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,823 Merry Christmas, Goomby. 61 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,359 Merry Christmas, Rick. 62 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,989 Oh. Uh... 63 00:02:38,990 --> 00:02:40,069 Oh, it's okay. 64 00:02:40,070 --> 00:02:41,750 I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was... 65 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,169 No. Um, um, I can ask. 66 00:02:43,170 --> 00:02:44,339 No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden. 67 00:02:44,340 --> 00:02:45,909 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just... 68 00:02:45,910 --> 00:02:47,199 there's a lot of people. Family. 69 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,398 - I get it. - You know? You're not mad? 70 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,719 Totally fine. Bye. 71 00:02:57,430 --> 00:02:59,090 That... Okay, none of my business, 72 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:00,318 but he didn't even save Christmas in that story. 73 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,118 - Oh, how dare you! - That doesn't mean I'm invested. 74 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,269 Tell your Christmas Rick story! 75 00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,030 Step the hell back! Back! 76 00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:13,650 You start teeing up a Rick Sanchez vignette, 77 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:14,868 and you'll be doing it through two holes. 78 00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:17,068 I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train. 79 00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:18,799 - Do you remember getting on it? - No. 80 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:19,950 First thing I remember is... 81 00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:22,990 Tickets, please. 82 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,330 So, why did you date Rick Sanchez? 83 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,290 - What? - Oh, you don't have to pretend 84 00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:31,570 you didn't date him. We all did. 85 00:03:31,580 --> 00:03:33,560 We get it. Low point in your life, 86 00:03:33,570 --> 00:03:35,589 rebound from an ex, et cetera. 87 00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:36,800 No, really, who? 88 00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:39,129 Oh, exactly. 89 00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:43,057 In fact, and get this, when he met my family... 90 00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,709 Aah! 91 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:48,209 Leah! Leah, check it out. 92 00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:49,930 Where'd you meet this, um... 93 00:03:49,940 --> 00:03:51,023 sprite? 94 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,549 He's actually a human. 95 00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:56,190 But he invented portal tech? 96 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,862 I am the concept of time. 97 00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:58,989 Jesus! 98 00:03:59,010 --> 00:04:00,049 I warned you not to do that. 99 00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:01,790 - I wasn't trying. - You don't have to. 100 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,250 The train is obviously amplifying 101 00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:05,009 and linking unrelated narrative fields. 102 00:04:05,010 --> 00:04:06,029 Uh-huh... 103 00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:08,610 Morty? I told you if you found me again, 104 00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:09,799 identify yourself. 105 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,440 I didn't know it was you. 106 00:04:11,450 --> 00:04:12,829 How did you not recognize me? 107 00:04:12,830 --> 00:04:14,253 Didn't you create the disguises? 108 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,169 When I create shit, it works, Morty. 109 00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:17,309 It's called being talented. 110 00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:18,632 Why can't we find the engine? 111 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,809 It's not a real train, it's a story device. 112 00:04:20,810 --> 00:04:23,170 Literally. A literal literary device 113 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,479 quite literally metaphorically containing us. 114 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,933 - A simulation. - Worse. An anthology. 115 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,561 Okay, so how... how do we hijack it? 116 00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:31,080 Oh, Morty, it's been hijacked 117 00:04:31,090 --> 00:04:32,218 for at least two full minutes. 118 00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:34,570 Are you not hearing this insane conversation? 119 00:04:34,580 --> 00:04:37,259 Okay, Tickets Please Guy, stop the anthology. 120 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:39,309 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do Interdimensional Cable, 121 00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:41,239 not some uptight, overwritten... 122 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,779 - Rick? - God damn! 123 00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:44,229 Tickets, please. 124 00:04:44,230 --> 00:04:47,243 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, so many tickets at this point. 125 00:04:47,244 --> 00:04:49,699 Jesus! The Tickets Please guy is cut! 126 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:51,409 He... he... he's... he's got those things. 127 00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:53,500 W-what do you call them. Uhm, gutters. 128 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,978 - Morty, gross! - That's what people call them. 129 00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:56,609 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture 130 00:04:56,610 --> 00:04:58,739 so watery in such volumes that... 131 00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:00,450 Hey, hey, hey, stay back. I'll kick you. 132 00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:02,190 I-I'll kick your shin, bro. 133 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,310 - Aaah! - Hey! 134 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,940 I'll cook and eat your ticket-taking 135 00:05:05,950 --> 00:05:07,980 Hey, I found a ticket. 136 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:11,859 Wow, you are just... ladies and gentlemen, 137 00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,769 the Jackie Chan of human shielding. 138 00:05:13,770 --> 00:05:15,410 Who takes the time to get this good at... 139 00:05:15,420 --> 00:05:16,420 this. 140 00:05:16,430 --> 00:05:17,830 - Aaah. - Structural breach. 141 00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,028 Losing continuity. 142 00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:20,237 Morty, hold on to something. 143 00:05:20,238 --> 00:05:22,120 Keep your head inside. 144 00:05:22,130 --> 00:05:24,580 Aaah! 145 00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:29,120 Share with your sister, Josh. 146 00:05:29,130 --> 00:05:30,139 Just because it's your birthday 147 00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:31,298 doesn't mean you can be an asshole. 148 00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:34,039 - You okay, Dad? - Is this real? 149 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,389 I doubt it, but you get what you get 150 00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:36,638 when you eat dinner in an arcade. 151 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,819 I mean are you real, is life real? 152 00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:39,959 Okay, I'm calling the nurse 153 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,175 because you are not doing this tonight. 154 00:05:41,176 --> 00:05:42,200 You're God damn right 155 00:05:42,210 --> 00:05:44,379 - I'm not because... - You are not doing this tonight! 156 00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:45,799 This isn't real life! 157 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,159 - Dad? Oh, my God! - Honey. Sweetie. 158 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:48,438 - What's happening? - Give me your tickets. 159 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,610 I... I need tickets. 160 00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:52,970 Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts! 161 00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:54,021 Aaaah! 162 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:56,814 Aaah! 163 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,486 Emergency continuity deployed. 164 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,399 - This could come in handy. - Can't we just ride out the... 165 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,159 you, I'd rather die. 166 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,459 Train cops! Hands in the air! 167 00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:11,869 Tee up a story about Rick Sanchez! 168 00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:13,419 - He is Rick! - Jesus Christ! 169 00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:14,770 Is that the Tickets Please Guy? 170 00:06:14,780 --> 00:06:16,140 Well, just the stub. 171 00:06:16,150 --> 00:06:17,450 - Too soon! - Too soon! 172 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,320 Don't move! Too soon! 173 00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:23,467 So, what did the Train Cops do wrong? 174 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,510 Shot... people? 175 00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:26,843 - Shot passengers. - Wrong. 176 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:29,209 The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure. 177 00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,639 Lethal response was permitted, 178 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,969 but not with him holding that tank. 179 00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:34,728 Let's take a look at what they should have done. 180 00:06:34,730 --> 00:06:35,919 Train cops! Hands in the air! 181 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,160 - Drop the tank! Drop it! - Drop it! Drop the tank. 182 00:06:41,380 --> 00:06:42,510 Sorry to nitpick, sir, 183 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,770 but if there was a continuity explosion, 184 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,160 isn't there always one? 185 00:06:46,170 --> 00:06:48,199 And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere? 186 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,119 What? No, you idiot, that... it's... 187 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,246 It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen. 188 00:06:52,247 --> 00:06:54,539 - That's what you think. - Hey. How'd you get here? 189 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:56,419 Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere? 190 00:06:56,420 --> 00:06:57,539 these guys. 191 00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:03,119 Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed. 192 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,520 Yeah, it's a real free-for-all. 193 00:07:04,530 --> 00:07:05,530 Here we go. 194 00:07:05,540 --> 00:07:07,424 Of course this thing is just a circle. 195 00:07:07,425 --> 00:07:09,540 You'd think it was so God damn complicated... 196 00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,990 Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were. 197 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,728 God, imagine if that had been the whole thing. 198 00:07:13,730 --> 00:07:17,429 So now we're here, and the engine must be here. 199 00:07:17,430 --> 00:07:19,199 I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits 200 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,959 that start failing around here 201 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:22,620 so we can pay a heavy price 202 00:07:22,630 --> 00:07:24,269 for re-entering at this threshold. 203 00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:25,639 We have to leave the train? 204 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,369 We don't have to do anything, Morty. 205 00:07:27,370 --> 00:07:28,839 This is just a structural guide. 206 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:30,950 We're obviously gonna impart our own style. 207 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,459 I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick. 208 00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:33,769 Shut up, Morty. You're 14. 209 00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:35,159 You watch videos of people on YouTube 210 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,839 reacting to YouTube. 211 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,292 I'll be the judge of when we get too meta. 212 00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:39,349 Holy 213 00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:40,609 - How is he still breathing? - Aah! 214 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,940 He's suspended in disbelief, slowly dying 215 00:07:42,950 --> 00:07:45,379 while living out an alternative non-diagetic reality. 216 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:47,259 Geez, what a horrible way to die. 217 00:07:47,260 --> 00:07:48,398 You don't know the half of it. 218 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,809 Oh! 219 00:07:49,810 --> 00:07:51,929 You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick. 220 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:52,988 That one was organic, though. 221 00:07:52,990 --> 00:07:54,650 That's because you're naturally funny. 222 00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:56,828 That... that's good old-fashioned fun right there, you know? 223 00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:58,428 W-w-we don't need to over-think, okay? 224 00:07:58,430 --> 00:08:00,220 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded, 225 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,272 fully immersive from here on out. 226 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,620 - Right after this. - W-what's happening? 227 00:08:04,630 --> 00:08:06,010 Going into an act break. 228 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,620 Sure, that was a great moment, 229 00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:29,059 but it was hardly the best time 230 00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:30,590 Rick and Morty were musical. 231 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,950 - Who can forget the t... - Hey. 232 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,128 You guys think there's something weird 233 00:08:33,130 --> 00:08:34,299 about this train? 234 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:35,338 We've been here a really long time 235 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,578 and nobody's taken our tickets. 236 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:38,434 Aaah! 237 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,396 Aaaah! 238 00:08:41,410 --> 00:08:43,639 The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder 239 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,484 the horrific figure known to children as Floaty Blood Man. 240 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,071 But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth. 241 00:08:49,072 --> 00:08:51,109 For Cutesy Name News, I'm Uncle Nibbles. 242 00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,590 I can't believe Floaty Bloody Man is real. 243 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,579 He's more than real, he's my new god. 244 00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:57,530 - Check it. - Is that brand-new, 245 00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,629 - or is the blood just... - Accurately depicted, yeah. 246 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:01,610 His followers believe the entire universe 247 00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:03,620 is Floaty Bloody Man's nightmare as he dies 248 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,220 in a time-dilated reality. 249 00:09:05,230 --> 00:09:07,171 - So we could go at any minute. - No. 250 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,159 I'm part of the Floaty Nogasm Brotherhood. 251 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:10,529 We believe we're keeping him alive 252 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,970 by redirecting our suppressed sexual energies. 253 00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:14,469 You're staying a virgin 254 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:17,039 just to keep the universe existing? 255 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:20,630 - That's... so attractive. - It is? 256 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,470 Okay, look, let's just do it once. 257 00:09:26,690 --> 00:09:28,360 Sorry. 258 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,113 Aaah! 259 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,819 - Happy now? - He was suffering. 260 00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:34,599 Keep moving. We have to get to the return threshold 261 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,950 before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero. 262 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,059 Why would you put ticking clock... 263 00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:39,228 Because if it's too easy to get there, 264 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,239 we'll never get there. 265 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,540 If you don't want to be meta stop, deconstructing shit. 266 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,449 That's the thematic seal. 267 00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:46,169 Gotta find a way to disrupt it. 268 00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:49,310 Okay, Morty, tell a story unrelated to us. 269 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,463 - Uh, what do... - Stop thinking and do it! 270 00:09:51,464 --> 00:09:53,383 Uh, okay, uh, there was this... 271 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,920 My name is Mike Johnson. That's good coffee. 272 00:09:55,930 --> 00:09:58,056 Better get that door. 273 00:09:58,057 --> 00:09:59,970 Iiiiiiii, hello. 274 00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:01,160 I want your cookies. 275 00:10:01,170 --> 00:10:02,849 I'm hungry, I want your cookies. 276 00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:04,310 Scorpions, scorpions. 277 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,269 There's scorpions outside. Get inside. 278 00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:07,709 What do they want from us? 279 00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:08,729 They want food. 280 00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,483 - Me too. - Okay, just stop. 281 00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,000 I'm not a writer, okay? 282 00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:14,108 Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid. 283 00:10:14,110 --> 00:10:15,339 I just failed to predict how well 284 00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:16,699 that would mesh with the theme. 285 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,080 Think. Think. 286 00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:19,599 What kind of story would we never... 287 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,780 Morty, do you know what the Bechdel Test is? 288 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:23,169 - The what? - For God's sake, Morty, 289 00:10:23,170 --> 00:10:24,929 the formula for measuring female agency 290 00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,030 in a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist Allison... 291 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,877 what the hell are they teaching you in that school? 292 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,630 - Other stuff! - Then you've killed us both! 293 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,609 Why is lesbian part of her job title? 294 00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:34,051 Oh, now you're progressive? 295 00:10:34,052 --> 00:10:35,950 - What is the test? - You have to tell... 296 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,089 Morty, Morty. 297 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,619 Two women. They both have to have names 298 00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:45,643 and talk to each other about something... 299 00:10:45,644 --> 00:10:47,170 - Rick! - ... other than a man... 300 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:48,565 Oh, Rick, listen to me. 301 00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:49,870 Once upon a time, 302 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,110 my mom and my sister... Listen to me! 303 00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:56,290 Mom, can I try your tea? 304 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:58,030 Yes, Summer. 305 00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,750 Yes. Try my tea. 306 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,119 It's so good. It's so warm. 307 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,220 Mom, can I talk to you 308 00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,749 about my special time? 309 00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,860 It's okay. I have one, too. 310 00:11:07,870 --> 00:11:09,250 Mine is heavy today. 311 00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:10,919 Mine is never light. 312 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,789 I love you ever since you were... 313 00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:14,089 mailed to me. 314 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,710 By a doctor woman. 315 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,630 Your special time is your power. 316 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:19,553 It makes you strong like a boob. 317 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:20,764 Strong against what? 318 00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:22,890 Scorpions. Female Scorpions. 319 00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:24,720 They're attacking outside. Come on. 320 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:29,220 Fight them with your heavy special time. 321 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:30,260 You do it, too. 322 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,289 - Hello? - Hello? 323 00:11:39,290 --> 00:11:42,410 I'm that Supreme Court lady, and you did it. 324 00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:43,995 - We did it! - We did it! 325 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,859 Great job, Morty. 326 00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,296 A feminist masterpiece. Hey, look. 327 00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:00,129 Guess who's got two penises and all the agency? 328 00:12:00,130 --> 00:12:02,130 Rick and Morty. 329 00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:03,310 Story Lord. 330 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,590 I should've known you were behind this, and I did. 331 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,930 - Who is this guy? - Ugh. 332 00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:08,809 He's like a Matrix Space Frasier. 333 00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:10,218 Let's get this fight over with, nerd. 334 00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:11,272 I've got to do. 335 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:12,730 You of all people know, Rick, 336 00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:15,402 there can be no destination without a journey. 337 00:12:15,410 --> 00:12:17,446 I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport. 338 00:12:17,447 --> 00:12:20,149 Oh, of course. No rules for you. 339 00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:21,720 Spiraling through the multiverse, 340 00:12:21,730 --> 00:12:24,739 burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters, 341 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:27,309 so we may as well pull out our and rub them 342 00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:29,999 on fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth, 343 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,410 but we're using your gross, dirty 344 00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:33,499 Must be nice. 345 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,629 Nobody's stopping you. 346 00:12:34,630 --> 00:12:36,709 True. Not anymore. 347 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,339 - Goddamn! - We already did this. 348 00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,509 Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well. 349 00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,509 Just how I adventure, dawg. 350 00:12:43,510 --> 00:12:44,519 This is more impressive 351 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:45,668 than the Tickets Please Guy, though. 352 00:12:45,670 --> 00:12:47,642 You are like 90% gutter. 353 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:50,240 It's called discipline. Watch this. 354 00:12:51,610 --> 00:12:52,830 - God damn. - Geez! 355 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,930 - Do we have to fight him? - I don't want to. 356 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,258 We surrender. We're not fighting. 357 00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:57,519 Ow! 358 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,550 Ow! 359 00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,180 kick your ass. 360 00:13:00,190 --> 00:13:01,238 Ow! 361 00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:02,819 Oh! 362 00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:04,910 Hey! Get back in your egg! 363 00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:07,978 - What the... - Don't worry, Morty! 364 00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,060 Nothing out there is canon! 365 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,918 - We've got a pulse. - Stay with me, Private. 366 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,599 Smith, listen to me. You were exposed 367 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,599 to a chemical that is altering your mind. 368 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,049 To beat it, you have to hold on... 369 00:13:17,050 --> 00:13:19,739 - We're losing him. - Aliens. Sarge? 370 00:13:19,740 --> 00:13:22,259 Morty, never forget the highest truth of all... 371 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,900 you're getting your ass kicked on a train. 372 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,759 Professor Sanchez? 373 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:27,810 Did it work? 374 00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:29,220 I wouldn't say that, Marcus. 375 00:13:29,230 --> 00:13:31,520 I'd say it worked. 376 00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:35,089 100% time dilation and total immersion. 377 00:13:35,090 --> 00:13:36,180 Define "total." 378 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,139 Marcus, I've been back in reality for three hours, 379 00:13:38,140 --> 00:13:40,520 and I still have memories of a completely different life. 380 00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:42,520 I-I-I was a scientist still. 381 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,299 I-I-I was... I-I-I had developed 382 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:47,259 inter-dimensional travel, I-I-I-I had a daughter. 383 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,950 I-I didn't have a mustache. 384 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,789 I-I was kinda funny sometimes, 385 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,120 mostly burping. 386 00:13:53,130 --> 00:13:54,739 No more secret testing. 387 00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:56,042 I can help people now. 388 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:57,379 You've helped people. 389 00:13:57,380 --> 00:13:58,540 I've hurt more. 390 00:13:59,210 --> 00:14:01,050 - Aaah! - P-P-Professor Sanchez. 391 00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:03,593 I-I'm Morty Smith from the... the... the the 241st. 392 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,330 They... they... put your pill in our food. 393 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:06,950 - It... it works. - Call the police! 394 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,699 It's okay. It's okay. It's not real. 395 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,349 N-n-n-n-nothing's real. 396 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,061 - I'm sorry, son. - I-i-it's okay. You aren't real. 397 00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:17,759 God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff. 398 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,400 In you go. 399 00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:21,770 - What's happening? - The reason I brought you here. 400 00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:23,199 I'll now fuel my anthology 401 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,529 with your limitless potential, 402 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,759 propelling it to its final stop... 403 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,451 beyond the fifth wall. 404 00:14:30,820 --> 00:14:33,430 You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless. 405 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,699 You'll never breakthe fifth wall before you've burnt us out. 406 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,589 Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win. 407 00:14:38,590 --> 00:14:40,050 Rick, w-what's he doing? 408 00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:42,799 He's trying to tap into us, Morty. Resist. 409 00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:45,478 I can't believe you're finally headed off to college. 410 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,319 Yeah, you know, it really felt like you were gonna be 17 forever. 411 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,339 For, like, 16 years, at least. 412 00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,560 I can't believe I'm tearing up over this. 413 00:14:52,570 --> 00:14:55,059 Jesus, Rick, you know, you've really softened up. 414 00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:56,499 It's a human moment, Morty. 415 00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:58,105 It's a human moment. 416 00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,816 - Aaah! - Aaah! It hurts! 417 00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:08,319 Abradolph Lincoler? I thought you were dead. 418 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,220 I'm very much alive, and I need your help. 419 00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:12,279 Yeah! 420 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,290 He's taking the good stuff, Morty. 421 00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:15,819 Wait, is... is any of this canon? 422 00:15:15,820 --> 00:15:17,009 It could have been. 423 00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:18,159 Oh, dear. 424 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,046 Are there things Rick Sanchez holds sacred after all? 425 00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:29,549 How did you find us? 426 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,050 I trusted you! 427 00:15:32,060 --> 00:15:34,790 Don't blame others for your bad decisions. 428 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,520 Resist, Morty! 429 00:15:37,530 --> 00:15:39,070 Resist before he burns us out! 430 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:40,729 Oh, too late now! 431 00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:41,879 What's wrong, Rick? 432 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,235 Don't you want to see how your story ends? 433 00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,470 Holy, Rick. What do we... 434 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,848 There... there... there's now way out! 435 00:16:00,850 --> 00:16:01,850 You're right, Morty. 436 00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:03,999 Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out. 437 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,049 Like it's hopeless. 438 00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:07,673 But remember, there's always someone there for us. 439 00:16:07,674 --> 00:16:09,050 - Who? - My best friend 440 00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:11,261 and personal savior, Jesus Christ. 441 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,049 What? You... you don't believe in God. 442 00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,379 But He believes in us, Morty. 443 00:16:14,380 --> 00:16:16,279 You know, I thought I was the inventor, 444 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,579 but the greatest invention of all 445 00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:19,119 is the free gift of Eternal Life. 446 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:20,929 Is this... are you with me? 447 00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:22,059 Oh, trust me, Morty. 448 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,619 I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life. 449 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:26,859 But it's never too late to accept Christ. 450 00:16:26,860 --> 00:16:28,559 Jesus is always knocking at the door. 451 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,699 All we have to do is open it 452 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,329 - and let Him into our hearts. - How? 453 00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:32,769 I'm so glad you asked, Morty. 454 00:16:32,770 --> 00:16:34,879 Just close your eyes and go to Him in prayer. 455 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:35,899 Like this. 456 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:37,209 - Heavenly Father. - Heavenly Father. 457 00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:39,278 Thank you for sending your only begotten son. 458 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,690 What a second, no! What are you doing? 459 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,920 Jesus, I accept you into my heart. 460 00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:45,199 No! This sucks. 461 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,044 Stop! You guys would never do this. 462 00:16:47,045 --> 00:16:48,549 Fill me with your Spirit. 463 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:49,928 Make me a shining city on a hill for you. 464 00:16:49,930 --> 00:16:52,090 - No! No! - Make me born again. 465 00:16:52,100 --> 00:16:53,760 - No! - In Jesus's name, we pray. 466 00:16:53,770 --> 00:16:54,770 - Amen. - Amen. 467 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,789 - Amen! - You did it! 468 00:16:56,790 --> 00:16:58,219 - Way to go, Morty! - Crossy. 469 00:16:58,220 --> 00:16:59,489 Bible-Saurus. You made it. 470 00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:01,563 We wouldn't miss this for anything! 471 00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:02,897 You said it, Mr. Celery. 472 00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,779 What the is all of this? 473 00:17:04,780 --> 00:17:06,669 Greatest story ever told, Story Lord. 474 00:17:06,670 --> 00:17:08,529 No, it's not. It's awful! 475 00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:11,540 I beg your pardon? 476 00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:13,574 Ah! 477 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:14,909 Goddamn. 478 00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:17,279 My Lord and my God! 479 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,579 - No! No! It sucks in here. - Let's get the outta here. 480 00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,679 Go, now. 481 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,079 Ugh. We're safe, Morty. 482 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,759 Nobody ever wanted to see that shit. 483 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,649 Wh-what's gonna happen to Story Lord? 484 00:17:25,650 --> 00:17:27,899 He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell... 485 00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:29,250 - the Bible. - I don't know. 486 00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:31,110 Some people actually like that stuff. 487 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,400 Seems kind of cynical. 488 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:34,359 I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know? 489 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,109 Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally 490 00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:37,559 saved by Jesus Christ. 491 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,400 Tell me in any way how that's offensive. 492 00:17:39,410 --> 00:17:40,550 This was a little confusing, 493 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,099 but I guess it brought us closer together, you know? 494 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:44,459 Tested our demons. 495 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:46,250 Made us believe in ourselves more than ever. 496 00:17:46,260 --> 00:17:47,500 Yeah. You're right, Morty. 497 00:17:47,510 --> 00:17:49,369 We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way 498 00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:51,000 and now we can just be ourselves. 499 00:17:51,010 --> 00:17:53,822 Now what do you say we bring this train into the station. 500 00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:06,159 Oh. 501 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,961 So what do you think? 502 00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,379 Wow. Where did you get this thing? 503 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,000 The Citadel of Ricks Gift Shop. 504 00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:12,310 Do you really like it? 505 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,799 I didn't think you'd even care. 506 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,029 What? Morty. No. I love it. 507 00:18:16,030 --> 00:18:17,739 You did the most important thing. 508 00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:19,030 You... you bought something. 509 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,499 - What? - You bought something. 510 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,139 With money. God. I love money so much, Morty. 511 00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:25,239 - Are you being sarcastic? - Merchandise, Morty. 512 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,959 Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise. 513 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:29,629 And you did it. You went into a store... 514 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:32,359 an actual honest to God store... and you bought something. 515 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,408 You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints. 516 00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:36,539 You... you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws 517 00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:38,920 of capitalism and said "Yes, daddy, please." 518 00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:41,030 And I'm... I'm so proud of you. 519 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,508 I only wish you could've bought more. 520 00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:44,999 I... I love buying things so much, Morty. 521 00:18:45,010 --> 00:18:46,270 Rick, are... are you... 522 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,709 do you need to go to the hospital? 523 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,860 I love you, Morty. Give Grandpa a kiss. 524 00:18:49,870 --> 00:18:51,699 Give... give... gimme... give Grandpa a kiss. 525 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:52,930 Lips if you want. What... 526 00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:53,948 whatever you're comfortable with. 527 00:18:53,950 --> 00:18:54,970 Some cultures do that. 528 00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:57,769 That was sweet. Thank you. 529 00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,239 I... I love you. You're my little buddy. 530 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,720 Okay. 531 00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:03,449 Let's watch some Interdimensional Cable. 532 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,239 So you're saying my father 533 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:11,800 and His kingdom... 534 00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:14,659 Well, yes... it's based on the fusion 535 00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:16,530 of a Sumerian god named "Ya" 536 00:19:16,540 --> 00:19:18,860 and a Mesopotamian god named "Way." 537 00:19:18,870 --> 00:19:21,650 And we're in a toy train? 538 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:22,970 Yes. 539 00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:24,359 It's enough to really make you question 540 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,469 all of existence, isn't it? 541 00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:28,969 So what do you think you're gonna do about it? 542 00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:32,169 I'm gonna do what I've always done. 543 00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,209 I'm gonna get the outta here. 544 00:19:34,210 --> 00:19:38,594 Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight! 545 00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:42,928 Hey, what the Morty? The train you got me 546 00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:44,650 just completely derailed itself. 547 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:45,759 There's blood all over the windows on it. 548 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,199 Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick. I guess I'll return it. 549 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,639 Return... Are you insane? 550 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,819 Did you hear nothing I said? 551 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,025 Buy another one, Morty. 552 00:19:52,030 --> 00:19:53,119 Consume, Morty. 553 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:55,529 Nobody's out there shopping with this virus. 554 00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,029 Where's your wallet? 555 00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:02,020 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 556 00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:30,028 Tired of the same boring adventures 557 00:20:30,030 --> 00:20:31,159 with your dogshit Morty? 558 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,339 - Yeah! - Aw. Geez. 559 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:34,651 Then get ready for the Citadel of Rick's Story Train. 560 00:20:34,652 --> 00:20:36,500 Story Train. Story Train. 561 00:20:36,510 --> 00:20:37,728 The Citadel of Rick's Story Train 562 00:20:37,730 --> 00:20:39,862 comes with car after car of enemies, lovers, 563 00:20:39,863 --> 00:20:42,489 and Goomby, all grappling with the nature of who you truly are. 564 00:20:42,490 --> 00:20:44,230 Rick is a god! Tickets Please. 565 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,994 Whoa! Watch out! It's Story Lord! 566 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,080 Damn. He's jacked. 567 00:20:47,090 --> 00:20:48,400 Pure gutter. 568 00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:49,859 And of course, what story would be complete 569 00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:52,085 without the engineer of the Greatest Story Ever Told. 570 00:20:52,090 --> 00:20:54,220 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - I have come not to judge 571 00:20:54,230 --> 00:20:55,629 the world, but to save it. 572 00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,038 And the best part is, the fun never ends. 573 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,970 Thanks to the Rick-patented anthology generator, 574 00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:00,470 you'll never run out of new stories 575 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,269 - and people to tell them. - Are they alive? 576 00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:04,000 Of course. But not in any ways that matter. 577 00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:06,307 They. Have. No. Souls. 578 00:21:06,310 --> 00:21:08,009 Puppets. Of. Fate. 579 00:21:08,010 --> 00:21:09,138 The Story Train. Available now 580 00:21:09,140 --> 00:21:10,699 in The Citadel of Ricks. Buy it ironically. 581 00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:11,959 Buy it sincerely. Just buy it. 582 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,308 Not buying it is an act of buying it. 583 00:21:13,310 --> 00:21:14,710 Buy it now. Look it up. It's real. 584 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,830 www.story-train.com. 585 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,039 On the Internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train. 586 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,200 We want you to buy the train.