1 00:00:01,820 --> 00:00:03,870 Morty's on Jessica's Instagram again. 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:05,090 Get out of here, jerk! 3 00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,470 What's so embarrassing, Morty? 4 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,390 Sharing it with your family might help. 5 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:09,910 Summer, stop shaming your brother. 6 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,130 Morty, stop being a creepy, perverted cyberstalker. 7 00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:13,690 I'm not cyberstalking! 8 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:16,720 I-I-I just wanted to know where she got this necklace from. 9 00:00:16,730 --> 00:00:17,920 And now I know. 10 00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:20,239 Her... Her... Her grandma left it to her. 11 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:21,249 You're quiet, Rick. 12 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:23,730 Shouldn't you be revealing grandmas aren't real? 13 00:00:23,740 --> 00:00:26,650 Hi. I've placed an auto-response chip in my brain 14 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,790 so I can spend time with my family. 15 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:31,190 But you are spending time with your family. 16 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,050 Thank you for talking to Rick. 17 00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:34,910 Alright, I'm finished with my breakfast 18 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,830 and my Amazon wish list. Let's go, Morty. 19 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,130 I need death crystals from Forbodulon Prime. 20 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,350 Uh... 21 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,470 Dad? There's a way we do this now. 22 00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:47,190 Morty, would you please accompany me 23 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,990 to Forbodulon Prime for death crystals? 24 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,220 Well, thank you for asking. Yes, I will do that. 25 00:00:54,230 --> 00:00:56,630 It is a hot photo. 26 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,260 I think grief flushes your cheeks. 27 00:00:59,270 --> 00:01:01,110 Dad, you hardly put any syrup on. 28 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,770 Honey, stop raising your father's cholesterol 29 00:01:02,780 --> 00:01:04,330 so you can take a hot funeral selfie. 30 00:01:04,340 --> 00:01:06,079 I never get to do anything. 31 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,890 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 32 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,130 Uh, Rick, maybe if we go a little... 33 00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:42,410 Faster? Good idea, Morty. 34 00:01:42,420 --> 00:01:44,699 It'll get us through these asteroids sooner. 35 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,470 Geez, you're really this pissed about my mom making sure 36 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,790 I'm okay with our adventures? 37 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,610 What's next, Morty? What if I want you to jump off 38 00:01:57,620 --> 00:01:58,620 the Empire State Building? 39 00:01:58,630 --> 00:01:59,840 - I have to ask? - Yes? 40 00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:02,429 And you seriously don't see how that's a slippery slope? 41 00:02:02,430 --> 00:02:04,679 Just shut up and help me with these, please. 42 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,450 Why are they called death crystals? 43 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,540 D-Do they kill you? 44 00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:08,640 You're thinking of bullets, Morty. 45 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:11,180 Death crystals show you how you're gonna die. 46 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,930 Jesus Christ! I-I die a million times? 47 00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:20,030 Your future stems from your present, 48 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,150 which, if you're living right, keeps changing. 49 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,619 Truth is, anyone that knows how they're definitely gonna die 50 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:25,779 is either boring as hell 51 00:02:25,780 --> 00:02:26,819 or about to get shot. 52 00:02:26,820 --> 00:02:28,750 Duck! 53 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:29,789 Who are those guys? 54 00:02:29,790 --> 00:02:31,320 Crystal poachers. 55 00:02:31,330 --> 00:02:32,930 There's no lower form of life. 56 00:02:32,940 --> 00:02:35,370 They think the galaxy's their own personal piggy bank. 57 00:02:35,380 --> 00:02:36,970 Wait, then what are we? 58 00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,470 We're Rick and Morty. 59 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,290 You're about to witness the only real use for these crystals. 60 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:43,170 They show you when the other guy's reloading. 61 00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:46,630 Certain death, certain death, certain death, uncertain death. 62 00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:52,460 And certain death, certain death, certain death. 63 00:02:52,470 --> 00:02:54,370 Definitely gonna get shot by this guy; 64 00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:56,670 this is totally my fate; nothing I could possibly do; 65 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,050 okay, now, not so much. 66 00:02:59,060 --> 00:03:00,730 Help me gather these up. 67 00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:09,740 - You just use these to win fights? - I don't use them. 68 00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:12,220 People that spend their life avoiding death are already dead. 69 00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:15,460 They're also rich, and I like to spend my life with their money. 70 00:03:15,470 --> 00:03:16,800 - Oh, my God. - Morty! 71 00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:17,880 Jessica! 72 00:03:17,890 --> 00:03:19,380 Oh! 73 00:03:19,390 --> 00:03:20,600 I love you. 74 00:03:20,610 --> 00:03:22,250 Oh! Whoa! Whoa! 75 00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,900 - Morty. - Oh! Oh! Oh! 76 00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:26,010 I love you. 77 00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:28,770 Jessica. I want to die with Jessica. 78 00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:38,480 - Ahh! - What are you doing? 79 00:03:38,490 --> 00:03:41,000 - Oh, um, c-can I drive? - Why? 80 00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:43,350 The... feel of the open road? 81 00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,460 Alright! Who's this grandson? 82 00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,940 I like his style. 83 00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:50,039 Morty, you know outer space is up, right? 84 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,780 Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh, following... my... instincts. 85 00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:55,540 - Will you just go up? - Stop! 86 00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:57,500 - You're gonna make me die wrong! - Wait a minute, what? 87 00:03:57,510 --> 00:03:58,709 Morty, do you have a death crystal 88 00:03:58,710 --> 00:03:59,929 - in your pocket? - No! Maybe! 89 00:03:59,930 --> 00:04:01,940 You little monster! I thought you were masturbating! 90 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,099 And you took that in stride? 91 00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:04,269 You'd rather I address it? 92 00:04:04,270 --> 00:04:05,270 Why would I be doing it? 93 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,420 Why would you steal a death crystal? 94 00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:08,440 - I want to die old! - Then stop driving! 95 00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:09,560 - No! - You son of a bitch! 96 00:04:09,570 --> 00:04:10,800 Give me the wheel, Morty. 97 00:04:10,810 --> 00:04:12,620 - No. - Goddamn it. 98 00:04:21,830 --> 00:04:23,570 Ohhh, shit. 99 00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:26,100 Oh, oh, oh, oh, 100 00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:28,600 I love you, Morty. 101 00:04:28,610 --> 00:04:31,889 I will avenge my death. 102 00:04:31,890 --> 00:04:33,249 - Holy! - Just kidding. 103 00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:35,520 I'm a crisis detection and correction hologram 104 00:04:35,530 --> 00:04:39,020 generated by a chip that "real" Rick put in your spine. 105 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:41,720 "Real" in quotes because calling density-privileged entities 106 00:04:41,730 --> 00:04:43,480 "real" is incredibly holo-phobic. 107 00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:45,980 Morty, do me a solid... problematic wordplay aside... 108 00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:47,760 grab the gun with the blue handle from the trunk 109 00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:49,940 and get a tissue sample from the corpse. 110 00:04:52,690 --> 00:04:54,380 Alright, now take that to the trunk 111 00:04:54,390 --> 00:04:56,630 and insert it into the clone compiler. 112 00:04:57,830 --> 00:05:00,300 I see you appear to be holding a death crystal 113 00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:02,760 that's guiding your decisions more than I am. 114 00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:03,780 That's your right. 115 00:05:03,790 --> 00:05:06,730 I just want to remind you that some people can't hold anything 116 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,820 and can never die, so that's a little offensive to... 117 00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:12,110 Oh, okay. 118 00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:15,730 Listen, I'm programmed for tolerance, Morty. 119 00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:17,560 So I'm willing to accept that you're doing this 120 00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:19,800 if you're willing to accept that you need to stop. 121 00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:26,050 Accepting. Rerouted. 122 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:28,400 Backup. Data. Operation. 123 00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:30,630 Phoenix. Initiated. 124 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:34,890 What the hell? I axed this protocol. 125 00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,120 What are you doing with my clone? 126 00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:39,340 It's okay. I'm you. 127 00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:41,940 I took my own clone vat offline a couple seasons ago, 128 00:05:41,950 --> 00:05:44,640 so I think my backup got rerouted to your universe. 129 00:05:44,650 --> 00:05:46,880 - I'm sorry. - All good. Happy to help. 130 00:05:46,890 --> 00:05:49,120 By the way, annoying that I even have to ask, 131 00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:53,160 but you are down with fascist dystopias, right? 132 00:05:56,170 --> 00:05:58,870 YYYYYes. 133 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,480 That "yes" was pretty... 134 00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,320 liberal with the letter "Y." 135 00:06:02,330 --> 00:06:04,760 Well, isn't this strange. 136 00:06:04,770 --> 00:06:07,249 I trust, the kind of strange that makes Rick and Morty... 137 00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:08,510 stronger. 138 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,320 Morty, I caught this socialist in my bathrobe. 139 00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:12,060 He wants to give all of our martinis 140 00:06:12,070 --> 00:06:13,070 to a family of immigrants. 141 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,740 Obviously, the most likely imposter 142 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,040 - is the wet, naked clone. - It is obvious. 143 00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:18,560 But it won't be to the police. 144 00:06:18,570 --> 00:06:19,630 Ohh! 145 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,770 'Kay. 146 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:23,040 He was an inferior Rick. He was too political. 147 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,440 I want to have fun, classic Rick-and-Morty adventures 148 00:06:25,450 --> 00:06:26,460 like in the old days. 149 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,560 Then we'll get along fine, Fascist Morty. 150 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:30,840 For starters, I just need to get to Forbodulon Prime... 151 00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:33,180 You will go where I want you to go! 152 00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:37,420 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 153 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:39,480 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 154 00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:41,220 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 155 00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:43,220 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 156 00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:45,580 You don't get out of my face, I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA. 157 00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:48,560 Alright. Okay, regroup, everybody. 158 00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,030 You, too, Berkeley! 159 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,340 Snap out of it. 160 00:06:51,350 --> 00:06:52,880 At least tell me what this death is 161 00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:54,680 that you're so determined to... 162 00:06:54,690 --> 00:06:56,690 Oh. Jessica. 163 00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:01,639 Morty, I love... 164 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:05,650 What? No, no! No, no, no! 165 00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:07,810 I love you. 166 00:07:07,820 --> 00:07:09,710 Damn it! How am I gonna die with her 167 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:10,860 if I can't even talk to her? 168 00:07:10,870 --> 00:07:12,730 Here's an idea, Morty. Throw that thing in the garbage, 169 00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:14,830 stop planning your own death, and talk to whoever you want. 170 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:16,180 Now you just sound like Real Rick. 171 00:07:16,190 --> 00:07:17,620 You're better than that language, Morty. 172 00:07:17,630 --> 00:07:19,590 I ain't better than shit, Jack. 173 00:07:22,930 --> 00:07:24,360 So, uh, w-what are we doing? 174 00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:27,180 Stop asking questions. Stop doing meta-commentary. 175 00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:28,340 Just have fun. 176 00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:30,730 We're going on a simple, fun, classic adventure. 177 00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:32,059 Okay, you know what? It would really help 178 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:35,139 if you could just say anything other than what you don't want. 179 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:37,180 I like Mr. Meeseeks. 180 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,930 Okay, now we're talking. You know what? 181 00:07:38,940 --> 00:07:41,030 I usually keep a Meeseeks box in my glove compartment, 182 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:42,970 so maybe Fascist Rick does, too. 183 00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:44,270 Ah! 184 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:45,300 Well, look at that. 185 00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:47,850 Now we're doing something we've done before. 186 00:07:47,860 --> 00:07:49,200 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! 187 00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:50,650 Kill this Nazi prick! 188 00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:52,030 Can do! 189 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,659 - Come here, you son of a bitch! - No! Stop! 190 00:08:02,490 --> 00:08:04,160 Accepting. Rerouted. 191 00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:06,500 Backup. Data. Operation. 192 00:08:06,510 --> 00:08:09,130 Phoenix. Initiated. 193 00:08:10,210 --> 00:08:12,140 Aw, come on, man. 194 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:14,740 Whoa, are you okay? 195 00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:15,830 Yeah, sorry. 196 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,200 I'm a Rick from another reality. 197 00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:19,250 I-I got uploaded to your clone vat. 198 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:21,180 Hey, don't worry about it, man. I have a dozen. 199 00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:22,820 W-W-What the heck, Rick? 200 00:08:22,830 --> 00:08:24,480 Are you making clones down here? 201 00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:26,660 - Get outta here, Morty! - Stop asking stupid questions, Morty! 202 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,029 You sound like a piece of. 203 00:08:28,030 --> 00:08:29,460 Aw, geez. 204 00:08:29,470 --> 00:08:31,280 So, tell the truth, man. No shame. 205 00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:33,520 You're looking at your shrimp body like "What?" 206 00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:35,460 Ah, is it that obvious? I'm sorry. 207 00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:38,789 Yeah, my original body is more bipedal... uh, ape-descended. 208 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:39,790 Really! Weird. 209 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,220 Does your house look like a tree, or... 210 00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:42,520 No, it looks like this. 211 00:08:42,530 --> 00:08:44,850 It's, like, identical to this, actually. 212 00:08:44,860 --> 00:08:45,880 That is such a mind. 213 00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:47,629 It's all good, man. I'm fine with it. 214 00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:49,280 Honestly, you're doing me a huge favor 215 00:08:49,290 --> 00:08:51,510 by being shrimp instead of fascists. 216 00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:54,090 What? 217 00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,440 Goddamn it! 218 00:08:55,450 --> 00:08:58,010 When did this shit become the default? 219 00:09:00,610 --> 00:09:02,100 Who wants to come up to the board 220 00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:03,850 and show me some basic-ass integers? 221 00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:05,560 - I love you, Morty. - Aah! 222 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:08,530 Morty? Yeah, right. 223 00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,680 That's not an integer! 224 00:09:15,690 --> 00:09:17,190 Apparently, it doesn't matter. 225 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,690 Damn, Morty, you're bad at math, 226 00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,700 but I'm giving you an A-plus in confidence. 227 00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,060 Just doin' what I gotta do. 228 00:09:22,070 --> 00:09:23,530 Extra credit! 229 00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:29,120 I love you, Morty. I love you, Morty. 230 00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:31,120 What's with the strut? You think you own this school? 231 00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:32,580 - Nope! - What if I killed you? 232 00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:34,180 Would you be strutting then? 233 00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,960 Only if the events of the Pixar movie "Coco" are to be believed, 234 00:09:36,970 --> 00:09:38,060 which I doubt. 235 00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,480 I have it on good authority 236 00:09:39,490 --> 00:09:41,140 that you're probably not gonna kill me. 237 00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:42,760 So why don't you do what I do 238 00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,420 and just go with the flow, 239 00:09:44,430 --> 00:09:45,940 nice and Zen, baby. 240 00:09:47,490 --> 00:09:51,339 Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 241 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,069 Ugh! Impotence! 242 00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:57,820 Aah! Impotent rage! 243 00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:00,260 Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 244 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:03,410 You die tomorrow, no matter what. 245 00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:07,540 It's what bullies call a "fait accompli." 246 00:10:07,550 --> 00:10:09,960 - Oh, man! Oh, - Well, well, well. Mm. 247 00:10:09,970 --> 00:10:12,820 Looks like you got yourself in a lick of trouble, huh, Morty? 248 00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:14,820 Okay, okay, look, if you help me not die, 249 00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:16,320 I'll bring Rick back to life. 250 00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:18,320 Why are you pretending to eat chicken? 251 00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:19,440 Excuse me? 252 00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:21,220 This chicken is quite real to me. 253 00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:22,960 - Yeah, okay, but it doesn't have... - Nutrients? 254 00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,519 - Yeah. - What's the last thing you ate? 255 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:27,250 - Baloney and an orange. - So, no holographic foods? 256 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,850 So, to me, you never ate? 257 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,480 Or we could try respecting each other. 258 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:32,600 Will you just show me how to stay alive? 259 00:10:32,610 --> 00:10:34,060 Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal. 260 00:10:34,070 --> 00:10:35,980 Once we bring your Rick back to life, 261 00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:37,600 then I'll help you with the bully. 262 00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:39,880 Go ahead and open the hatch to the subterranean lab. 263 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,780 That's where all the cloning equipment is. 264 00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:45,680 Please tell me you're not hitting that crystal again. 265 00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:49,320 Look, Rick might be the epitome of bloated flesh privilege, 266 00:10:49,330 --> 00:10:51,030 but he's right about one thing. 267 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,299 You're gonna be a lot happier if you focus on the moment, 268 00:10:53,300 --> 00:10:54,860 rather than on how you're gonna die. 269 00:10:54,870 --> 00:10:56,620 I mean, w-who's worried about that, huh? 270 00:10:56,630 --> 00:10:57,940 Sorry, Hologram Rick. 271 00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:00,440 I'm going with the crystal on this one. 272 00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:02,250 Morty. 273 00:11:02,260 --> 00:11:03,930 Oh, alright, okay. 274 00:11:03,940 --> 00:11:06,160 Just because I can't interact with solid matter 275 00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:08,060 means you can just walk all over me? 276 00:11:09,990 --> 00:11:11,640 Dear God. 277 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:18,650 Bist du faschistisch? 278 00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:21,230 Nope. 279 00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:23,770 Finally. 280 00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:25,879 I thought maybe you were pussying out. 281 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:27,190 Hyah! 282 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,210 What the? 283 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,229 Oh, the air's getting thin! 284 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:32,760 Well, well, well, looks like there's a new bully in town! 285 00:11:32,770 --> 00:11:34,780 Lucky for us, he just made bully-bullying 286 00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:36,600 the new bullying! Bully him! 287 00:11:39,170 --> 00:11:41,260 Aah! 288 00:11:41,270 --> 00:11:42,950 We've got an Akira-type situation 289 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,720 going on behind the mall. Over. 290 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,540 Dying with Jessica... 291 00:11:48,130 --> 00:11:50,140 Hey! 292 00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:52,520 What the hell? 293 00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:54,799 Aah! Aah! 294 00:11:58,170 --> 00:12:00,790 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! 295 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,099 Shield me from the law! 296 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:05,010 - Yes, sir! Can do! - Stand down! 297 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:06,679 Look at me! 298 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,120 I... will... die... old! 299 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:26,410 Up next, an unstoppable science-fiction boy 300 00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:28,860 is attacking our nation's final line of defense. 301 00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:30,760 Will we all fall to his deadly touch? 302 00:12:30,770 --> 00:12:32,520 But first, something silly? 303 00:12:32,530 --> 00:12:33,820 What do you mean, "but first"? 304 00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:36,230 I already said "up next." You always do this. 305 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,440 I don't always do shit. Don't gaslight me. 306 00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:39,660 Gaslighting doesn't exist. 307 00:12:39,670 --> 00:12:41,679 You made it up 'cause you're crazy. 308 00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:01,460 Why are you letting me do this? 309 00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:04,520 I do as the crystal guides. 310 00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:08,420 Your Honor, my client was acting in self-defense. 311 00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:10,660 He turned 13 men into piles of ash. 312 00:13:10,670 --> 00:13:13,120 Sit down! Before I sentence you, 313 00:13:13,130 --> 00:13:15,499 is there anything you have to say for yourself? 314 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:22,960 I... w-w-will a-al-sways... 315 00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:30,640 always r-r-remember o-our... 316 00:13:30,650 --> 00:13:36,260 our... our... v-v-t-time... time... 317 00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:41,440 i-in... f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru. 318 00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:44,180 I will always remember our time in Peru, Your Honor. 319 00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:45,440 Your Honor, 320 00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:48,449 as you can see, my client is speaking nonsense. 321 00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:49,619 Stop. 322 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:52,530 Those were my husband's last words. 323 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:56,380 He says that he... l-loves you... 324 00:13:56,390 --> 00:14:01,290 ttt-llll-lit-lit-little... little 325 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:07,660 ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow... 326 00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:08,690 sparrow! 327 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:10,290 He loves you, little sparrow. 328 00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:14,200 He's innocent. Case dismissed. 329 00:14:14,210 --> 00:14:16,760 I'm coming for you, Condor! 330 00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:20,220 Well, I, for one, will not be accepting this verdict. 331 00:14:20,230 --> 00:14:23,140 And this little monster may think he's gotten away, 332 00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,490 but there is something called the court of public opinion 333 00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,470 that still has final say in this country. 334 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,260 Oh, I guess he's coming out of the courthouse now. 335 00:14:29,270 --> 00:14:30,279 Let's go live to that. 336 00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,720 People, I gotta tell you something. 337 00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:47,770 That little boy... 338 00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:50,100 I thought I knew everything about everything. 339 00:14:50,110 --> 00:14:53,160 But something about the tones and frequencies 340 00:14:53,170 --> 00:14:55,280 that just came out of his mouth have made me... 341 00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:57,790 I mean, I think we're just about ready to forgive him 342 00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,440 and move past this whole thing. He's a free young man. 343 00:15:00,450 --> 00:15:03,530 And as far as continuity goes, the reset button's been hit. 344 00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:07,040 Morty! That was a fast trial. 345 00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:09,690 Jess-i-ca? 346 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,820 A bunch of us girls were gonna go skinny-dipping later, 347 00:15:11,830 --> 00:15:12,840 if you wanted to join. 348 00:15:12,850 --> 00:15:15,580 Actually, now, really. We're gonna do it right now. 349 00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:17,380 This is the last conversation I'm having about it 350 00:15:17,390 --> 00:15:18,669 fully clothed. 351 00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:19,820 No, thanks. 352 00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:23,199 I'm... assuming... we... maybe... 353 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,160 get together... in our 40s? 354 00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:28,060 Uh, cool. 355 00:15:28,070 --> 00:15:30,200 Sounds... hot. 356 00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:31,210 Bye. 357 00:15:31,220 --> 00:15:34,250 Must... continue... moving... 358 00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:39,170 in ways... that lead... to dying... with you. 359 00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:44,500 Whoa! Way to use up a clone! 360 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,550 What the, man? 361 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,260 What's the matter with you? Y-Y-You don't talk? 362 00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:49,819 Tarantula got your tongue? 363 00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:54,000 Uh... Heil, Wasp Hitler? 364 00:15:54,010 --> 00:15:55,310 What? What the? 365 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,829 Where's that coming from? 366 00:15:56,830 --> 00:15:59,260 Look, I'm a primate. I-I'm having a hard time. 367 00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:01,079 I'll think or say whatever gets me home. 368 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,220 Well, here's how it works with wasps. 369 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,120 We eat our prey alive, and when we don't, 370 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,790 we lay our eggs in their eyeballs 371 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,540 so that our young can feast on their brains 372 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:09,800 when they hatch. 373 00:16:09,810 --> 00:16:11,509 When you're born that big an asshole, 374 00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:13,599 the least you can do is have a little empathy. 375 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,920 Now, come have dinner with my beautiful family. 376 00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:18,229 And drop the Hitler stuff. 377 00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:20,850 Wasp Morty's been on some crazy message boards. 378 00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:23,680 Aah! Aah! Oh! 379 00:16:23,690 --> 00:16:24,999 Aah! Ow! 380 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,260 Me and my friends want to fly around 381 00:16:26,270 --> 00:16:27,790 and look for something to sting tonight. 382 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,650 You be careful not to waste all your venom. 383 00:16:29,660 --> 00:16:31,410 I'm not a bee, Dad. 384 00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:34,940 Oh, God! Kill me! Please kill me! 385 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:37,840 Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner, could I maybe borrow Morty 386 00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:41,200 to help the lost Rick get back to his primate-based reality? 387 00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:42,910 Morty, are you done with your homework? 388 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,370 - Not all of it. - Sorry, Dad. 389 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,910 Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie. We're all in this together. 390 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,150 We're wasps, not monsters. 391 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,160 Aah! 392 00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:53,759 Huh, guess I don't have it as bad as I thought. 393 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,200 Can you pass the acid? 394 00:16:55,210 --> 00:16:58,720 Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies! 395 00:16:58,730 --> 00:17:00,430 Bonus! 396 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,800 Morty? Morty? 397 00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:07,420 Where is that little? Morty! 398 00:17:07,430 --> 00:17:08,660 Whoa, garage foul. 399 00:17:08,670 --> 00:17:10,320 Who said you could go through my stuff? 400 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,069 W-Where's my Boglin? There you are. 401 00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:14,000 Don't worry, Pop-pop's back. 402 00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:15,660 I'll keep you safe. What the... 403 00:17:15,670 --> 00:17:17,560 He took my Meeseeks boxes! 404 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,940 All that's left are these Kirkland brand Meeseeks boxes. 405 00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:23,480 What do you want? 406 00:17:23,490 --> 00:17:25,960 Damn, your Morty sucks. 407 00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:28,060 Aah, wasps! Why the hell didn't you show Morty 408 00:17:28,070 --> 00:17:29,620 how to bring my body back to life? 409 00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:30,920 Don't tell me you gained sentience 410 00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:32,400 - and tried to take over. - What? 411 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:34,220 That is some A.I., racist, accusatory, 412 00:17:34,230 --> 00:17:36,099 Isaac Asimov bullright there. 413 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,770 Then what happened? Where's my body? 414 00:17:37,780 --> 00:17:39,850 Oh, you're gonna love this. 415 00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:09,130 - I love you, Morty. - This is my life. 416 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:10,679 This is good. 417 00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:15,390 What do ya know? 418 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,730 Our little Morty knows how to scream. 419 00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:18,560 Oh, you're now! I told you! 420 00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:20,070 Get him, Rick! 421 00:18:27,780 --> 00:18:28,820 Aaaah! 422 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,320 Aah! I-I can't see my own death. 423 00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:33,590 H-How am I gonna die? 424 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,360 Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet. 425 00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:36,550 It's gonna be alright. 426 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,320 You don't get to know how you're gonna die. 427 00:18:38,330 --> 00:18:40,720 It's over. Oh, hey. 428 00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:43,169 This ferrofluid's wrapping around my legs. 429 00:18:43,170 --> 00:18:46,880 I can feel! I have mass! 430 00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:49,710 I'm a god now! You're! 431 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:50,730 What the? 432 00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:52,809 I-I thought you were proud to be a hologram! 433 00:18:52,810 --> 00:18:54,733 That's 'cause I had to be one! 434 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:00,850 Shit! 435 00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:02,220 Aaah! 436 00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:05,070 Ugh! Aaah! 437 00:19:11,020 --> 00:19:12,330 There's a lesson here, 438 00:19:12,340 --> 00:19:14,586 and I'm not the one that's gonna figure it out. 439 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,750 Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you 440 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,800 and tried to kill the whole world and stuff. 441 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:21,790 I guess I got to learn how to live in the moment a little more. 442 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,480 Oh, boy, so, you actually learned something today? 443 00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:25,770 What is this, "Full House"? 444 00:19:25,780 --> 00:19:27,210 I was living in the moment all day, 445 00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:28,890 and it kept getting me killed by Nazis. 446 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,299 I think you have to think ahead and live in the moment. 447 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,730 Morty, we saw you on the news. Are you okay? 448 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:34,960 Oh, real nice, Rick. 449 00:19:34,970 --> 00:19:37,430 Turning our son into an Akira? Real nice. 450 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,930 Eat my, Jerry. 451 00:19:38,940 --> 00:19:40,330 He turned himself into Akira. 452 00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:43,170 Oh, I'll eat it, because this is my house, Rick. 453 00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:44,780 - I'll eat any I want. - Gross. 454 00:19:44,790 --> 00:19:46,609 You said the crystals wouldn't hurt anyone, Dad. 455 00:19:46,610 --> 00:19:48,170 This family has a clean start. 456 00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,620 I don't know if adventures fit into my son's life. 457 00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:52,930 I'm fine. Get off Rick's back. 458 00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:55,070 Rick wasn't even here when I was doing all that stuff. 459 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:56,490 That was all on me. 460 00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,220 Well, alright, Morty. 461 00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:01,539 I guess, as long as you're okay, that's all we care about. 462 00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:03,950 I don't want to see any more anime stuff 463 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,910 happening to my son, buster. 464 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,650 That finger has AIDs now. Not my fault. 465 00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:08,920 You skipped HIV? 466 00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:10,000 He's messing with you, sweetie. 467 00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:11,230 But it's tingling! 468 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,760 So, I guess what we learned is to split the diff. 469 00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,590 From now on, Rick and Morty doing a little of this 470 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,870 - and a little of that. - Yeah, sometimes we'll do classic stuff. 471 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,140 You know, other times, we'll do whatever! 472 00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,590 Sometimes we won't even do anything! 473 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,300 Rick and Morty do... not doing anything! 474 00:20:22,310 --> 00:20:23,510 - A hundred years! - Pushing it to the limit. 475 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,040 - Rick and Morty, not sticking to one path. - Rick and Morty, pushing it to the limit. 476 00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:28,220 Trying different things, making sure to keep out of a rut. 477 00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:29,230 Doing stuff. 478 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,870 - Sometimes not doing stuff. - Not even pushing a little bit 479 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,430 - towards the limit. - Doing it alone or together. 480 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,470 Making sure to keep our eyes on the prize. 481 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:35,670 Or not. And you can do 482 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,070 - whatever the you want, Morty. - Sometimes just relaxing. 483 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:38,780 - That's the end. - Wait, wait, what the? 484 00:20:38,790 --> 00:20:40,830 H-Hold on. What the did you just say? 485 00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,210 Nothing. I didn't say anything. 486 00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:43,810 I was just playing along with you guys. 487 00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:45,790 You know I record everything, right? 488 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,210 Garage, isolate Summer's voice and play back. 489 00:20:48,220 --> 00:20:50,080 Oh, and then you guys can get married, 490 00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:51,330 and, like, each other off 491 00:20:51,340 --> 00:20:53,170 in a testosterone-addled third-grade-boy. 492 00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:54,830 What, the hell, Summer? That's disgusting. 493 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,590 Gross, Summer! Jesus Christ! 494 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,870 I was just joking around, you... 495 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:01,610 just seeing if you guys pay any attention to me. 496 00:21:01,620 --> 00:21:03,830 - Just want to be a part of the fun. - Get the out of here! 497 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:04,850 Get out of here, Summer! 498 00:21:04,860 --> 00:21:06,150 - disgusting! - Get out of here! 499 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,010 You ruined the Season 4 premiere! 500 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:10,410 The Season 4 premiere, you ruined it! 501 00:21:10,420 --> 00:21:15,360 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 502 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,470 God, tomorrow's career day. 503 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,920 I don't want to think about what I do when I get out of school. 504 00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,210 I know exactly what I want to do. 505 00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:49,990 I want to work in hospice. 506 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,210 I want to comfort the people who are dying, 507 00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:54,450 who have no one else in their lives... 508 00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:56,260 the real lonely people. 509 00:21:56,270 --> 00:21:58,860 I'm gonna look at their name tags, and I'm gonna say, 510 00:21:58,870 --> 00:22:00,500 "I love you," 511 00:22:00,510 --> 00:22:02,450 followed by whatever it says on their name tag, 512 00:22:02,460 --> 00:22:04,510 over and over. 513 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,340 What the? 514 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:08,530 Hey, Morty, quick favor. 515 00:22:08,540 --> 00:22:10,170 What, cover me in gasoline and spiders? 516 00:22:10,180 --> 00:22:11,880 Fine, yeah, I'm in. 517 00:22:11,890 --> 00:22:13,070 Wasn't my first pitch, 518 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,420 but, hey, not gonna waste this opportunity. 519 00:22:22,890 --> 00:22:24,530 Did you get any of that?