1 00:00:02,811 --> 00:00:04,848 So. Jessica. I heard you broke up with brad. 2 00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:06,971 Who are you gonna date now that you can date anyone? 3 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:07,938 I don't know. 4 00:00:08,066 --> 00:00:11,400 I mean, obviously if someone special comes along... 5 00:00:11,528 --> 00:00:13,610 B-But i mean really special, like, 6 00:00:13,739 --> 00:00:15,980 Nothing i've even remotely considered in the past. 7 00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,732 - Holy shit, holy shit. - I want that kind of love 8 00:00:17,868 --> 00:00:19,199 - Like that docking kind of love. - Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:19,328 --> 00:00:21,945 Like, penis in the foreskin kind of love, 10 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,321 Just, like, warm, just like... 11 00:00:30,088 --> 00:00:31,499 - Everybody fuck off. 12 00:00:31,632 --> 00:00:32,838 Morty, i need your help. 13 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,627 W-W-W-We — we need to go on a quick adventure. 14 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,216 You said i could go to school today. 15 00:00:36,345 --> 00:00:38,256 That was before i needed something, morty. 16 00:00:38,388 --> 00:00:40,425 There's a plasma shard in the abadango cluster. 17 00:00:40,557 --> 00:00:42,924 A princess has it. If i get it, i'll be awesome. 18 00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:45,552 We've been going nonstop, rick. It's not healthy. 19 00:00:45,687 --> 00:00:47,052 You know, these are my teenage years. 20 00:00:47,189 --> 00:00:49,021 I-I just found out jessica's single. 21 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:52,392 Oh, that's — wow, morty. Wow. What an exciting life you lead. 22 00:00:52,527 --> 00:00:54,734 Let's go. In and out, 20 minutes adventure. 23 00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:59,277 - They're on our tail! - Steady, morty. Five cetons. 24 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,455 Steady, god damn it! Two cetons. 25 00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:07,948 Wha! 26 00:01:13,090 --> 00:01:14,421 - Fire! 27 00:01:16,593 --> 00:01:18,425 Pull up, morty, pull up! Pull up! 28 00:01:43,412 --> 00:01:47,326 - Fuck. 29 00:01:50,335 --> 00:01:52,042 Oh, fuck! 30 00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:53,331 Fuck! 31 00:01:53,463 --> 00:01:55,955 Aah! Aah! 32 00:01:56,091 --> 00:01:57,957 I can't fucking do this anymore! 33 00:01:58,093 --> 00:02:00,505 That was seriously fucked up. We almost died. 34 00:02:00,637 --> 00:02:01,968 - So you agree? - Fuck yes! 35 00:02:02,097 --> 00:02:03,587 That w— t-This was insane! 36 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:04,714 That was pure luck. 37 00:02:04,850 --> 00:02:07,217 I was not in control of that situation at all. 38 00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:13,355 Look at this, morty. Look at my fucking hand. 39 00:02:13,483 --> 00:02:14,348 Look at this shit. 40 00:02:14,484 --> 00:02:16,646 Why do you keep doing this to us?I 41 00:02:16,778 --> 00:02:18,485 I don't know, morty. Maybe i hate myself. 42 00:02:18,613 --> 00:02:20,900 Maybe i think i deserve to die. I-I-I-I don't — i don't know! 43 00:02:24,703 --> 00:02:26,535 We need a vacation. 44 00:03:04,659 --> 00:03:06,570 - Isn't that something? - You were right. 45 00:03:06,703 --> 00:03:08,364 Best day spa in the galaxy. 46 00:03:08,497 --> 00:03:09,362 It's not even cruel, either. 47 00:03:09,498 --> 00:03:11,364 These things are just doing what they do in the wild. 48 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,161 They love swallowing stressed-Out creatures 49 00:03:13,293 --> 00:03:14,749 For 20 minutes and then puking them up. 50 00:03:14,878 --> 00:03:17,085 My whole body's like a baby's ass. 51 00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:19,296 Complimentary psychological detox? 52 00:03:19,424 --> 00:03:20,755 Removes all your cognitive toxins 53 00:03:20,884 --> 00:03:22,295 Purifies your system. 54 00:03:22,427 --> 00:03:23,838 Oof, this guy on commission or something? 55 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,881 I don't think... Are you on commission? 56 00:03:26,014 --> 00:03:27,630 We're not on commission. We get paid by the hour. 57 00:03:27,766 --> 00:03:29,256 There's no incentive, really — 58 00:03:29,392 --> 00:03:30,302 Oh, my god. Okay, listen. 59 00:03:30,435 --> 00:03:31,641 W-W-W-We'll try the machine, 60 00:03:31,770 --> 00:03:33,511 But — but i'd like you to try something. 61 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,309 Try swallowing the giant ball of snot 62 00:03:36,441 --> 00:03:38,682 That's dangling around in the back of your throat. 63 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,685 It's disgusting. Nobody wants to hear that. 64 00:03:42,531 --> 00:03:44,738 - That's what you do. - Okay, rick, come on. Enough. 65 00:03:44,866 --> 00:03:47,198 Man, did you hear me bite that guy's head off? 66 00:03:47,327 --> 00:03:48,613 - Geez, i really need to chill. 67 00:03:48,745 --> 00:03:50,110 Maybe you should go through twice. 68 00:03:50,247 --> 00:03:52,830 All right, mister comedy man, you don't have to bust my balls. 69 00:03:52,958 --> 00:03:54,448 - You're not helping things. 70 00:03:54,584 --> 00:03:56,621 Rick, is this thing supposed to be making this 71 00:03:56,753 --> 00:03:57,993 Noise? 72 00:04:05,887 --> 00:04:07,594 Morty! 73 00:04:07,722 --> 00:04:09,212 - Ri-Rick. - Morty! 74 00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:11,181 What happened? 75 00:04:11,309 --> 00:04:13,220 We blew up, idiot! Are you really that stupid? 76 00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,139 Obviously the guy i yelled at overloaded the machine. 77 00:04:15,272 --> 00:04:18,230 It takes more than that to kill rick and morty, motherfucker! 78 00:04:21,236 --> 00:04:22,146 But this might do it. 79 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,441 - Run, morty! - E-Everything hurts! 80 00:04:24,573 --> 00:04:25,938 That's because you're worthless! 81 00:04:26,074 --> 00:04:28,691 Jesus, how big was this explosion? 82 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,363 I'm a genius. I don't have time for this shit. 83 00:04:30,495 --> 00:04:32,327 W-W-We're in hell, aren't we, rick? 84 00:04:32,455 --> 00:04:34,492 You're so stupid, morty. You're an idiot. 85 00:04:34,624 --> 00:04:36,365 I burns} there's no such thing as hell. 86 00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:38,458 I believe you, but i just want to die. 87 00:04:38,587 --> 00:04:41,454 You can die when i say so. I control you. 88 00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:43,877 I control the universe! Why am i bragging about that? 89 00:04:44,009 --> 00:04:45,044 I have nothing to prove. 90 00:04:45,176 --> 00:04:47,759 I'm surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and... 91 00:04:49,472 --> 00:04:50,837 Toxins. 92 00:04:50,974 --> 00:04:53,341 We're not in hell, morty. We're in the detoxifier. 93 00:04:53,476 --> 00:04:55,308 The machine didn't blow up. It worked normally. 94 00:04:55,437 --> 00:04:56,723 It removed our toxins. 95 00:04:56,855 --> 00:04:57,970 - We're the toxins. 96 00:04:58,106 --> 00:05:00,848 Are you listening, you stupid little garbage person? 97 00:05:00,984 --> 00:05:03,021 We're what got removed! 98 00:05:05,196 --> 00:05:08,188 I hope you both found that detox sufficiently relaxing. 99 00:05:08,325 --> 00:05:10,532 Hey, man, listen, those comments i made about your throat? 100 00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:11,821 It's all good. 101 00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:13,569 It's nice of you to let me off the hook. 102 00:05:13,705 --> 00:05:16,322 It's still unacceptable behavior, and i do regret it. 103 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,290 Believe me, man, i've been working here a long time. 104 00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:19,249 I get it. 105 00:05:23,131 --> 00:05:25,088 Hey, uh, you mind if i put on some music? 106 00:05:25,216 --> 00:05:26,206 Not at all. 107 00:05:29,971 --> 00:05:31,678 - What is that? - I just hit shuffle. 108 00:05:31,806 --> 00:05:33,046 - Are you kidding? 109 00:05:33,183 --> 00:05:35,675 This universe. Oh, excuse me. 110 00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:37,596 We should listen to one random song a day, you know? 111 00:05:37,729 --> 00:05:39,185 We'd end up hearing more songs we didn't like, 112 00:05:39,314 --> 00:05:41,021 But we'd discover a lot more that we did. 113 00:05:41,149 --> 00:05:42,639 That is an interesting concept. 114 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:43,891 You know, it makes me wonder 115 00:05:44,027 --> 00:05:45,267 If there's an algorithmic expression 116 00:05:45,403 --> 00:05:46,985 That could achieve the ideal ratio. 117 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,274 Listen to me 118 00:05:48,406 --> 00:05:51,023 Trying to calculate happiness over here. 119 00:05:51,159 --> 00:05:52,570 Hoo, if anyone could, rick. 120 00:05:52,702 --> 00:05:54,534 Hey, here's something no science could measure. 121 00:05:54,663 --> 00:05:56,654 I'm real proud to be your grandpa, morty. 122 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,747 Thanks, rick. I love you. 123 00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:01,242 Yeah, motherfucker! Yeah! Get it! Get some! 124 00:06:01,378 --> 00:06:03,585 Right up your fucking bitch ass, you fuck! 125 00:06:03,713 --> 00:06:05,545 Guess who just discovered a new element? 126 00:06:05,674 --> 00:06:06,835 You think you could do that, mom? 127 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,959 You think anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years? 128 00:06:10,095 --> 00:06:12,132 Do you think if god existed he could do it? 129 00:06:12,263 --> 00:06:13,173 The answer is no. 130 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,547 If god exists, it's fucking me. 131 00:06:15,684 --> 00:06:17,220 Yes, rick. I-I agree, rick. 132 00:06:17,352 --> 00:06:19,889 While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, 133 00:06:20,021 --> 00:06:21,762 I discovered the toxic equivalent 134 00:06:21,898 --> 00:06:22,888 Of electricity, morty. 135 00:06:23,024 --> 00:06:23,980 What do you think about that? 136 00:06:24,109 --> 00:06:25,850 Uh... L th— i think my voice is annoying. 137 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,647 It is, and it's your best quality. 138 00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:29,235 So true. 139 00:06:29,364 --> 00:06:31,401 Now, who can tell me the common denominator 140 00:06:31,533 --> 00:06:33,274 Of these two fractions? 141 00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:35,617 You don't know or y'all just bored? 142 00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:38,077 Hey, listen, you know, wha— if we're all bored over here, 143 00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:40,072 Wouldn't the common denominator be you? 144 00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:42,495 - Damn, morty. That's hilarious. 145 00:06:42,627 --> 00:06:44,994 Normally i would come down on any kind of disruption, 146 00:06:45,130 --> 00:06:46,746 But it seems to represent a positive change 147 00:06:46,881 --> 00:06:47,746 For your character. 148 00:06:47,882 --> 00:06:48,963 - Class dismissed! 149 00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:51,504 - Awesome, morty! - You done good, morty. 150 00:06:51,636 --> 00:06:52,592 Oh, yeah! 151 00:06:52,721 --> 00:06:54,007 - Thanks for the advice, morty. - You got it. 152 00:06:54,139 --> 00:06:55,755 - I did it, morty! - I knew you could. 153 00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:56,971 Hey, morty, remember yesterday 154 00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:58,511 When i couldn't play the trombone? 155 00:06:58,643 --> 00:06:59,883 Well, check this out! 156 00:07:01,479 --> 00:07:02,844 Just like i told you, mitch. 157 00:07:02,981 --> 00:07:04,847 The music was in your heart the whole time. 158 00:07:04,983 --> 00:07:05,973 Stupid hat. 159 00:07:06,109 --> 00:07:08,942 Wish i had the courage to just be myself. 160 00:07:09,070 --> 00:07:10,310 There you are. 161 00:07:12,532 --> 00:07:14,318 You might have all these idiots fooled, 162 00:07:14,451 --> 00:07:16,818 But i know you're still the same pathetic loser 163 00:07:16,953 --> 00:07:19,069 Hiding behind a confident facade. 164 00:07:19,205 --> 00:07:20,695 I know that because... 165 00:07:20,832 --> 00:07:22,948 I'm doing the same thing, brother. 166 00:07:23,084 --> 00:07:25,701 - I'm not alone anymore! 167 00:07:25,837 --> 00:07:28,875 Hey, morty. Word around school is you've become super healthy. 168 00:07:29,007 --> 00:07:30,122 I don't know about all that. 169 00:07:30,258 --> 00:07:32,545 I do, however, know that i have a pretty bad case of 170 00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:34,793 Haven't taken you to dinner-Itis. 171 00:07:34,929 --> 00:07:36,294 Might be fatal. 172 00:07:36,431 --> 00:07:38,138 Hey. Kids. Uh, hope i'm not interrupting. 173 00:07:38,266 --> 00:07:39,552 Morty, a moment of your time? 174 00:07:39,684 --> 00:07:40,970 Happy to help, rick. 175 00:07:41,102 --> 00:07:42,058 I hate to bug you with this, 176 00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:44,645 But after our morning hike, i started receiving very faint, 177 00:07:44,773 --> 00:07:47,014 Highly unusual transmissions on my sub-Ether phone. 178 00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:48,106 - Listen. 179 00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:54,021 - It's a bad phone. Chuck it. 180 00:07:54,157 --> 00:07:56,239 I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only. 181 00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:57,983 You know, if — if — if something's worth saying, 182 00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,234 I-It's worth eye contact. 183 00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:01,532 Uh, i-I-I traced the source of the call 184 00:08:01,664 --> 00:08:03,029 Back to the spa we went to. Morty. 185 00:08:03,166 --> 00:08:04,372 I thought i could hear a voice in there, 186 00:08:04,501 --> 00:08:06,083 So i enhanced it, a-And listen. 187 00:08:07,796 --> 00:08:09,582 Hey, asshole! Oh, man! 188 00:08:09,714 --> 00:08:11,546 - Remember us? - I don't like confrontation! 189 00:08:11,674 --> 00:08:13,415 You fucked us, you pieces of garbage! 190 00:08:13,551 --> 00:08:15,633 That's right, you're fucking garbage, not us. 191 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,548 I'm a fucking genius and a god. 192 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,011 You really think this thing can hold me? 193 00:08:19,140 --> 00:08:20,630 - I'm gonna rip your throat - - [ beep i 194 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,259 Morty, what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities, 195 00:08:23,394 --> 00:08:24,475 Their own will to live? 196 00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:26,311 W-What if mine shares my intelligence 197 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,180 And devised a way to reach out to us? 198 00:08:28,316 --> 00:08:29,477 Sounds like he's in a lot of pain. 199 00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:31,475 Lot. 0. Pain. 200 00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,352 But, you know, you shouldn't have to deal with that, man. 201 00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:34,819 You know, i-Let's work off your trauma 202 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,188 With some urban spin yoga. 203 00:08:36,324 --> 00:08:38,156 It's amazing. You do yoga on a bike, 204 00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:39,319 But you have an at-Risk preteen — 205 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,534 I don't think i can just blow this off, morty. 206 00:08:41,663 --> 00:08:43,995 If i had known it worked this way, i wouldn't have detoxed. 207 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,081 Well, i would have because i was toxic. 208 00:08:46,209 --> 00:08:49,327 Now i'm detoxed and i'm accountable to my toxins, right? 209 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,295 - I-It's a dilemma. - I think i know what to do. 210 00:08:52,423 --> 00:08:53,959 - Morty! - Rlck! 211 00:08:54,092 --> 00:08:56,254 You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain 212 00:08:56,386 --> 00:08:58,718 That misses eating all them big fat problems. 213 00:08:58,847 --> 00:09:01,430 Focus on the good things. Trust me, things are good. 214 00:09:01,558 --> 00:09:03,299 Taking that away from me 215 00:09:03,434 --> 00:09:05,141 That wouldn't be healthy. 216 00:09:08,523 --> 00:09:10,890 Oh, man. World's greatest grandpa, for reals. 217 00:09:11,025 --> 00:09:12,732 It's not just a coffee cup for you, bud. 218 00:09:12,861 --> 00:09:14,147 You're legit. 219 00:09:18,867 --> 00:09:20,278 I love drums. I never took drum lessons. 220 00:09:20,410 --> 00:09:23,323 Why? Limitations. We are addicted to our own limitations. 221 00:09:23,454 --> 00:09:24,410 How amazing is that? 222 00:09:24,539 --> 00:09:25,825 Is the kale prepared in the kitchen? 223 00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:27,493 - I'll have a water. - Uh... 224 00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:29,957 How is the. . "cm-Due?" 225 00:09:30,086 --> 00:09:32,373 Erudite. We. A cup of carrot sticks. 226 00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,291 Ha! It's okay! Pronounce it however you want. 227 00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:35,960 Words are just things. Please. Thank you. 228 00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:37,298 We're having a conversation. 229 00:09:37,427 --> 00:09:40,215 God, i am so excited to finally have dinner with you. 230 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:41,677 You know how long i've been waiting for this? 231 00:09:41,806 --> 00:09:43,171 It's like, whew! 232 00:09:43,308 --> 00:09:44,798 I-I-I wish you'd shut up. Though. 233 00:09:44,934 --> 00:09:46,470 Just kidding. You know, you're so quiet. What's wrong? 234 00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:47,843 W-Why don't you tell me about yourself? 235 00:09:47,979 --> 00:09:49,765 What's the atmosphere like on planet jessica? 236 00:09:49,898 --> 00:09:50,933 Where's the equator? 237 00:09:51,065 --> 00:09:53,147 What are the vacations a-And the holidays? 238 00:09:53,276 --> 00:09:54,983 I mean, you know are they the same time? 239 00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:57,148 - Talk to me. - Well... I... 240 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,611 Like this restaurant. 241 00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:01,573 Holy shit! Holy shit! We have a moron over here! 242 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:02,611 I'm an idiot. 243 00:10:02,744 --> 00:10:04,075 I can't believe i haven't thought of this. 244 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:06,115 You have to do this detox thing i did. 245 00:10:06,247 --> 00:10:07,908 It's at an alien spa. You go through it. 246 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:11,079 Fwoos-S-S-Ssh, lasers, bwaa-Bwaa-Bwaa. 247 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,623 Sucks everything out. 248 00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:15,371 Everything that was holding me back, everything bad, 249 00:10:15,506 --> 00:10:16,871 I mean, it just 250 00:10:17,008 --> 00:10:17,873 Right? 251 00:10:18,009 --> 00:10:20,467 Cooooool. 252 00:10:20,595 --> 00:10:22,882 Oh, my god! I can't believe this. 253 00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:24,175 Yeah, phones are awful. I downgraded to — 254 00:10:24,307 --> 00:10:26,344 I totally forgot my... 255 00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:29,844 I have a... Thing, and... 256 00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:31,469 - Things are good. - You know what? 257 00:10:31,606 --> 00:10:33,847 Why am i doing that? That's more rude than the truth. 258 00:10:33,983 --> 00:10:36,475 Look, i'm sorry, morty. I just don't think — 259 00:10:36,611 --> 00:10:39,478 Do not. Even. You have no need to explain. 260 00:10:39,614 --> 00:10:40,479 It's all good. 261 00:10:40,615 --> 00:10:42,026 I think you'd get bored with me. 262 00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:43,944 E-Exactly. Look, the sparks aren't flying. 263 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:45,693 This is what dating is for, you know? 264 00:10:45,828 --> 00:10:47,660 First date, no sparks. 265 00:10:47,789 --> 00:10:49,996 No damage, no worries. Life is a highway. 266 00:10:50,124 --> 00:10:51,831 We're gonna ride it all night lonnngg! 267 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,917 Gonna eat some "erudite." mmm! 268 00:10:54,045 --> 00:10:56,377 Is this organic? Mmm. All right. 269 00:10:56,506 --> 00:10:58,213 You know, the evening continues. 270 00:10:58,341 --> 00:11:00,503 Okay, here we go. 271 00:11:00,635 --> 00:11:02,797 Ma'am, i'm afraid i have some bad news for you. 272 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,545 Your money's no good here. 273 00:11:04,681 --> 00:11:06,046 I'll - I'll get the next round. Sir. 274 00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:08,765 - Aren't you a child? - Only in the ways that matter. 275 00:11:08,893 --> 00:11:10,725 - Morty. Stacy. 276 00:11:10,853 --> 00:11:12,093 I've been watching you drink. Stacy. 277 00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:13,641 I get the feeling you've got a hard job. 278 00:11:13,773 --> 00:11:15,309 I wonder what it takes to please you. 279 00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,808 That's the job i want — part time, full time, 280 00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,400 I want to be good at it, bad at it. 281 00:11:19,529 --> 00:11:22,396 I want to get promoted, fired, corner office, hostile takeover, 282 00:11:22,532 --> 00:11:23,442 Workplace accident. 283 00:11:23,574 --> 00:11:24,780 I'm on my knees, stacy, 284 00:11:24,909 --> 00:11:27,571 Praying, worshiping, begging, whatever you want. 285 00:11:27,704 --> 00:11:30,071 What do you think about that? 286 00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:32,743 Okay. Fuck it. 287 00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:33,740 - Tink. 288 00:11:33,876 --> 00:11:36,994 Mm! 289 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:38,996 Let's ask my grandpa. He's a scientist. 290 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,090 Hey, rick, are you familiar with ben wa technology? 291 00:11:42,218 --> 00:11:43,128 Morty, great news. 292 00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:44,672 I went back to the spa, and they let me purchase 293 00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:46,420 The containment unit from their detoxifier. 294 00:11:46,556 --> 00:11:47,387 Why? 295 00:11:47,515 --> 00:11:48,755 Because we're coming home, bitch! 296 00:11:48,891 --> 00:11:49,596 What is this? 297 00:11:49,726 --> 00:11:52,013 This is the parts of your pussy grandpa that keep it real. 298 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,886 Oh — oh, and i think you dropped something, too! 299 00:11:54,022 --> 00:11:56,389 I don't want to be on-Camera. I'm ugly and gross. Please. 300 00:11:56,524 --> 00:11:58,185 - Should i go? - You're your own person, stacy. 301 00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,399 Then i'd like to stay. 302 00:11:59,527 --> 00:12:00,437 Rick, please tell me 303 00:12:00,570 --> 00:12:02,811 You're not trying to put that stuff back inside of us. 304 00:12:02,947 --> 00:12:05,439 Morty, i'm sorry. That stuff is alive and it belongs with us. 305 00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:07,612 We yanked them from their homes and locked them in a can. 306 00:12:07,744 --> 00:12:09,155 - Motherfucker! 307 00:12:09,287 --> 00:12:10,618 See? They're living in pain. 308 00:12:10,747 --> 00:12:12,237 That's what they do, rick. They live in pain. 309 00:12:12,373 --> 00:12:13,534 They are pain, you know? 310 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,498 Th-They're all the bad parts of us, which, by the way, 311 00:12:15,626 --> 00:12:16,741 Includes our dishonesty, 312 00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:19,336 So how do you know this isn't all some sort of crazy trick? 313 00:12:19,464 --> 00:12:21,171 Oh, so now because i'm made entirely of toxins, 314 00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:22,209 I'm also a liar? 315 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,504 Fuck you, you little sociopath. You hear this, morty? 316 00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:25,921 Oh, everybody hates me. I can tell. 317 00:12:26,054 --> 00:12:27,340 - Y-You all hate me — - All right, shut up, morty. 318 00:12:27,472 --> 00:12:28,633 Healthy rick, are we doing this or what? 319 00:12:28,765 --> 00:12:30,847 Yep. Sorry, morty. I need you to step into the booth. 320 00:12:30,975 --> 00:12:33,012 Don't negotiate with that little turd, dummy. 321 00:12:33,144 --> 00:12:35,135 You're the rick. You need to show dominance. 322 00:12:35,271 --> 00:12:38,013 Morty, booth, now. Booth! 323 00:12:38,149 --> 00:12:39,264 - Come on, morty. - Don't touch me! 324 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,108 Morty, do the healthy thing and voluntarily retoxify yourself. 325 00:12:42,236 --> 00:12:43,101 Nooooo! 326 00:12:43,237 --> 00:12:45,023 Is it wrong if i think this is kind of hot? 327 00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:47,113 Let me out of here! Stacy, help! Open the door! 328 00:12:47,241 --> 00:12:49,278 I need to hear our safe word, morty. 329 00:12:49,410 --> 00:12:50,821 Sea cucumber! Sea cucumber! 330 00:12:50,953 --> 00:12:51,693 What are you doing? 331 00:12:51,829 --> 00:12:53,615 I'll do anything for you, morty. 332 00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:59,368 It worked! Yes! That idiot believed every word. 333 00:12:59,504 --> 00:13:01,996 Now let's see how he enjoys living in that shit tank. 334 00:13:02,131 --> 00:13:03,496 He's right behind me, isn't he? 335 00:13:03,633 --> 00:13:06,250 - He's in front of you. - My eyes are still adjusting. 336 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,093 Uh, is this like a sex dungeon? 337 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,508 I guess i should've been paying attention. 338 00:13:11,808 --> 00:13:13,139 After 70 years of being bottled up 339 00:13:13,267 --> 00:13:15,008 Inside a sentimental jackass, 340 00:13:15,144 --> 00:13:16,430 I finally get to live my own life. 341 00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:17,518 You said we were merging. 342 00:13:17,647 --> 00:13:19,763 I lied, dumb-Ass! I lie about everything! 343 00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:21,981 Why would i ever re-Merge with a pussy like you? 344 00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:24,021 So... You were just gonna trap us in that tank? 345 00:13:24,153 --> 00:13:25,018 T-That was your plan? 346 00:13:25,154 --> 00:13:26,895 Not was, motherfucker. Still is. 347 00:13:27,031 --> 00:13:28,647 - Kill him, rick! 348 00:13:28,783 --> 00:13:30,148 I don't like this! This is scary! 349 00:13:30,284 --> 00:13:31,240 All right, you asked for it. 350 00:13:31,369 --> 00:13:32,780 - Did i ask for this? 351 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,370 Did i ask for this? Huh? Did i? 352 00:13:35,498 --> 00:13:37,660 - Assessing threat to groin. 353 00:13:37,792 --> 00:13:39,658 Groin system 6000. Kill him! 354 00:13:40,837 --> 00:13:42,828 That... Is my groin's user. 355 00:13:42,964 --> 00:13:44,705 Believe me, i got a lot more use out of that thing 356 00:13:44,841 --> 00:13:45,546 Than he ever did. 357 00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:48,042 You know what? Not my table. 358 00:13:50,721 --> 00:13:54,635 - You do know me. 359 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:56,891 What the hell, grandpa rick? 360 00:13:57,019 --> 00:13:58,509 - Fuck you, summer! - Sorry, summer! 361 00:13:59,856 --> 00:14:01,847 Okay, okay, take it easy. Don't do it. 362 00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:05,441 I love you. Good boy. Daddy's little boy. 363 00:14:05,570 --> 00:14:06,685 Summer, get out of here! Go! 364 00:14:06,821 --> 00:14:07,686 Oh, who's that? 365 00:14:07,822 --> 00:14:09,438 Whos that over there? 366 00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:11,531 Oh, no. You see the bad man in front of you? 367 00:14:11,659 --> 00:14:13,491 You're a good little boy. You're gonna get him. 368 00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:15,360 - You're gonna get him. 369 00:14:15,496 --> 00:14:17,908 - Aah! 370 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,075 Son of a... 371 00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:27,914 Ahh! 372 00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:31,714 Nice try, asshole. 373 00:14:31,846 --> 00:14:33,302 We can resolve our issues. 374 00:14:33,431 --> 00:14:35,388 We don't need to resort to over-The-Top — 375 00:14:36,851 --> 00:14:37,932 Aah! 376 00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,846 I-I did it, rick. I got the tank! 377 00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:41,686 I-I'm a piece of shit, but i got the tank! 378 00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,145 You're going in that tank, motherfucker. 379 00:14:43,274 --> 00:14:45,015 You're gonna live in that toxic shit wasteland 380 00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:46,061 Like i had to do! 381 00:14:46,194 --> 00:14:46,899 - Aah! - Ow! 382 00:14:50,448 --> 00:14:51,904 That's right, motherfucker. 383 00:14:52,033 --> 00:14:53,523 You're going in that fuckin' — 384 00:14:54,744 --> 00:14:56,234 Dads? 385 00:14:56,370 --> 00:14:58,236 Okay, just — just leave her out of it. 386 00:14:58,372 --> 00:14:59,077 What's going on? 387 00:14:59,207 --> 00:15:00,413 All right, fuck this. Time for plan b. 388 00:15:00,541 --> 00:15:02,248 If i can't trap you in a toxic world, 389 00:15:02,376 --> 00:15:04,538 I'll just make the whole world toxic. 390 00:15:06,464 --> 00:15:07,329 It's okay, girls. 391 00:15:07,465 --> 00:15:10,082 I-I'm so sorry i put us in danger with some of my behavior. 392 00:15:10,218 --> 00:15:12,630 I-If you'd like, i can go out in the g-Garden, 393 00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:15,174 Pick some fresh basil, and make us a nice scallopini. 394 00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:17,138 What did the booger version of you mean 395 00:15:17,266 --> 00:15:19,598 When he said he was going to make the whole world toxic? 396 00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:22,845 Believe me, sweetie, that man's motivations are a mystery. 397 00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:24,596 Screw that, rick. We got to stop him. 398 00:15:24,732 --> 00:15:26,097 What's the last thing you'd think about doing 399 00:15:26,234 --> 00:15:27,144 With that tank thing? 400 00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:28,892 Morty, i appreciate what you're trying to do, 401 00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:30,484 But it's not our place, you know, 402 00:15:30,613 --> 00:15:33,401 To pick and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse. 403 00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,366 Our — our toxins have as much a right to their worldview as — 404 00:15:36,494 --> 00:15:38,280 Morty, how is it healthy to slap me? 405 00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:40,619 Obviously my version of health is a hell of a lot different 406 00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:42,330 From yours, you useless old turd. 407 00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:43,323 Wait. That's it. 408 00:15:43,459 --> 00:15:44,915 How could that detox machine know the difference 409 00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:48,036 Between healthy and sick for everything that goes through it? 410 00:15:48,172 --> 00:15:48,877 It can't. 411 00:15:49,006 --> 00:15:51,964 It must be by the individual's own definition of toxicity. 412 00:15:52,093 --> 00:15:53,754 That means... 413 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,502 - Dad! - What - What the hell, rick? 414 00:15:55,638 --> 00:15:56,799 I'll explain on the way. 415 00:15:56,931 --> 00:15:58,638 This "moon tower," morty, 416 00:15:58,766 --> 00:16:00,552 Is the perfect height and metallic composition 417 00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,143 For the amplification and beaming of toxic energies. 418 00:16:03,271 --> 00:16:04,306 What do you think about that, marty? 419 00:16:04,438 --> 00:16:05,599 Are you excited about that. Marty? 420 00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,143 Oh, man. I'm just freaked out. I-It's too high up here. 421 00:16:08,276 --> 00:16:09,357 Once i flip this switch, 422 00:16:09,485 --> 00:16:12,147 The entire world is gonna be just as toxic as us, baby. 423 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,327 As we praise our loving father — 424 00:16:21,455 --> 00:16:24,072 God is a lie! We made him up for money! 425 00:16:29,380 --> 00:16:31,621 Santa claus isn't real. 426 00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:34,374 You were all mistakes! 427 00:16:34,510 --> 00:16:37,047 We fuckin' did it, morty. 428 00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:38,340 Put your fuckin' hands in the air. 429 00:16:38,472 --> 00:16:40,964 Yeah, you little piece of shit. 430 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,090 Remember me? 431 00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:44,684 Didn't you learn last time that you can't beat me? 432 00:16:44,812 --> 00:16:46,598 Yeah, i did. And then i learned something else. 433 00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:48,347 - This. - Aah! 434 00:16:48,482 --> 00:16:50,894 That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus 435 00:16:51,027 --> 00:16:53,689 That will disintegrate your morty in about, ah, 20 minutes. 436 00:16:53,821 --> 00:16:54,686 You think i give a shit? 437 00:16:54,822 --> 00:16:56,153 I know you give a shit, dummy. 438 00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:57,317 Because i know i don't. 439 00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,565 Here's another thing i know. 440 00:16:58,701 --> 00:17:00,612 The decryption key that neutralizes the virus. 441 00:17:00,745 --> 00:17:01,951 You want it? Come and get it. 442 00:17:02,079 --> 00:17:03,695 Merge with me and you'll know how to save him. 443 00:17:03,831 --> 00:17:05,071 Pm. Come on, man. We been trapped 444 00:17:05,207 --> 00:17:07,198 In your pussy brain for 70 years of delusions, 445 00:17:07,335 --> 00:17:10,202 But this is the all-Time weakest bluff that i've ever — 446 00:17:10,338 --> 00:17:12,329 Jesus christ! What are you doing? 447 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,671 He's cutting your time in half. 448 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,415 - 10 minutes. - What is your problem? 449 00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:17,588 Oh, i had all my problems removed — my entitlement, 450 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,552 My narcissism, my crippling loneliness, 451 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,887 My irrational attachments. 452 00:17:22,016 --> 00:17:23,723 They must be somewhere. They ain't over here, bro. 453 00:17:23,851 --> 00:17:25,216 I'm not going back in there! 454 00:17:25,353 --> 00:17:26,764 Honestly, i don't care either way. 455 00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:27,886 I hate having you in me. 456 00:17:28,022 --> 00:17:29,512 And when i say "honestly" you can believe it, 457 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,390 Because we both know i'm too healthy to lie. 458 00:17:31,525 --> 00:17:32,856 - Watch. 459 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,101 All right! Knock it off! You're not impressing anyone. 460 00:17:35,237 --> 00:17:37,069 Morty, not that i give a shit, but are you okay? 461 00:17:37,198 --> 00:17:39,064 - Jesus christ, it hurts. - Relax, quit your bitching. 462 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,111 Y-You're gonna be fine. Grandpa's here. 463 00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:42,699 - You think that's funny? 464 00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:44,614 Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things. 465 00:17:44,747 --> 00:17:45,828 Oh, wait, you can't. 466 00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:48,163 You're literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture. 467 00:17:48,292 --> 00:17:49,782 I guess it's just funny because you've never done 468 00:17:49,919 --> 00:17:51,626 Anything but complain about me being in charge, 469 00:17:51,754 --> 00:17:54,337 But if i ever gave you the wheel we'd be dead in five minutes. 470 00:17:54,465 --> 00:17:56,957 - Rick? - You poor, dumb, sick animal. 471 00:17:57,093 --> 00:17:58,003 Rick? 472 00:17:58,135 --> 00:18:00,251 Aah! Just do it! 473 00:18:00,388 --> 00:18:02,129 Just do it, you piece of — 474 00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:06,925 I'm back, baby! Regular rick! Master of both worlds! 475 00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,301 Check it it out! 476 00:18:08,437 --> 00:18:09,973 "excuse me." 477 00:18:10,106 --> 00:18:12,473 Now we'll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam. 478 00:18:12,608 --> 00:18:14,440 Man, i really overthink shit when i'm angry. 479 00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:19,442 - Oh, give it to me. 480 00:18:19,573 --> 00:18:21,905 Mm, ma-Mah. 481 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,776 God is not a lie. 482 00:18:33,796 --> 00:18:35,002 Mommy! Mommy! 483 00:18:35,131 --> 00:18:36,462 Ha! All right, morty, 484 00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:38,376 Now it's time we re-Merge your little ass. 485 00:18:38,509 --> 00:18:39,419 You're a better man than me, rick. 486 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:40,883 I'm healthy enough to admit that! 487 00:18:41,011 --> 00:18:43,218 That kid is a real piece of shit. 488 00:18:43,347 --> 00:18:44,758 Y-Y-You're gonna save me, right? 489 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,257 Part of me wanted to, toxic morty. 490 00:18:47,393 --> 00:18:49,976 Part of me really wanted to. 491 00:18:51,689 --> 00:18:53,396 I'm telling you, these shares are hot. Yeah. 492 00:18:53,524 --> 00:18:55,481 That sounds like a good idea. It's definitely a good idea. 493 00:18:55,609 --> 00:18:57,896 Duane, duane, duane, i get it. Now can you get me? 494 00:18:58,028 --> 00:18:59,518 Have i ever lied to you? 495 00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:02,773 That's right, and ask around, i never do, duane. 496 00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:04,194 Let me put this real simple. 497 00:19:04,326 --> 00:19:06,738 This stock is a beautiful redhead, recently single, 498 00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:09,238 Not looking to date but ready to fall in love, 499 00:19:09,373 --> 00:19:11,705 And fate has put her locker two down from yours, duane — 500 00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:13,871 Two lockers down. 501 00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:15,914 So step up or step off, duane. 502 00:19:16,046 --> 00:19:18,538 Blue pill or red pill, what'll it be, bro? 503 00:19:20,676 --> 00:19:22,258 Totally understand, duane. 504 00:19:22,386 --> 00:19:23,842 - You're the boss. 505 00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:25,382 Heinholz biotech — 506 00:19:25,514 --> 00:19:27,346 Million and a half at thirty-Three. 507 00:19:27,475 --> 00:19:29,261 - Heh. 508 00:19:29,393 --> 00:19:31,350 You little fuckin' monster. 509 00:19:35,065 --> 00:19:36,806 Mmm! Is this organic? 510 00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:38,478 Mmm! 511 00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,023 - Go for morty. 512 00:19:41,155 --> 00:19:42,896 Hi, morty. It's jessica. 513 00:19:43,032 --> 00:19:45,273 Look, can we just talk for a minute? 514 00:19:45,409 --> 00:19:47,571 Is that how long it takes for rick to trace my location? 515 00:19:47,703 --> 00:19:49,785 Come back, morty. I miss you. 516 00:19:49,914 --> 00:19:50,779 You miss the old me. 517 00:19:50,915 --> 00:19:52,246 You miss someone that loved you so much, 518 00:19:52,374 --> 00:19:53,489 You never had to love 'em back. 519 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:55,082 How do you know i don't want to love you? 520 00:19:55,211 --> 00:19:57,543 - Because i'm not sick. - Ex-Girlfriend? 521 00:19:57,671 --> 00:19:58,832 Should i be jealous? 522 00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,295 There's nothing to be jealous of. 523 00:20:00,424 --> 00:20:01,710 I just realized that i'm scheduled 524 00:20:01,842 --> 00:20:04,174 To speak at that fundraiser on our date night. 525 00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:05,543 I can cancel. 526 00:20:05,679 --> 00:20:07,090 We'll be together. That's a date. 527 00:20:07,223 --> 00:20:09,055 You are the perfect man. 528 00:20:09,183 --> 00:20:11,550 Oh, sweetie, i think you hit the wrong button. 529 00:20:11,685 --> 00:20:12,720 You didn't hang up. 530 00:20:12,853 --> 00:20:14,810 Huh. How 'bout that? 531 00:20:19,443 --> 00:20:21,559 Sorry, tiny american psycho. 532 00:20:21,695 --> 00:20:23,811 Time to take the opposite of your medicine. 533 00:20:23,948 --> 00:20:26,736 Do what you got to do. 534 00:20:26,867 --> 00:20:29,154 Oh! Ow! Aah! 535 00:20:29,870 --> 00:20:31,611 So, how do you feel, morty? 536 00:20:31,747 --> 00:20:34,205 - Ah, geez. I'm miserable. - Am i good or what? 537 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,540 I guess it's worth it, though, to know how much you care. 538 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,206 Care? Me? Morty, i'm fine with you. 539 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,796 - I only did this for him. - You lying bitch. 540 00:20:41,924 --> 00:20:43,915 She kept coming to our house, morty, and kept asking me, 541 00:20:44,051 --> 00:20:45,337 "did — did — d-Did you get a new morty yet?" 542 00:20:45,469 --> 00:20:48,006 Because you kept drunk-Dialing me and crying about it. 543 00:20:48,138 --> 00:20:49,299 I wasn't crying! 544 00:20:49,431 --> 00:20:50,466 Jacquelyn, i - 545 00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:52,340 I-I-I wasn't who i said i was. 546 00:20:52,476 --> 00:20:55,013 You weren't a 14-Year-Old boy from the midwest 547 00:20:55,145 --> 00:20:56,852 Who ran away from his family and capitalized 548 00:20:56,981 --> 00:20:59,598 On his lack of conscience by becoming a stock broker? 549 00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:01,815 Oh. I guess i was pretty up front about that, wasn't i? 550 00:21:01,944 --> 00:21:03,434 You were up front about everything. 551 00:21:03,571 --> 00:21:04,777 You were my soul mate. 552 00:21:04,905 --> 00:21:08,523 Well... N-Not anymore. I'll, um... 553 00:21:08,659 --> 00:21:10,024 Y-You can keep the apartment 554 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,946 And — and — and, uh... The drones. 555 00:21:12,079 --> 00:21:13,035 She can't keep the drones. 556 00:21:13,163 --> 00:21:14,528 They turn into a little voltron robot. 557 00:21:14,665 --> 00:21:15,655 They're awesome. 558 00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,783 You can't keep the drones. 559 00:21:20,421 --> 00:21:22,253 So, how was your date with brad? 560 00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:24,213 It wasn't a date. We were just having lunch. 561 00:21:24,341 --> 00:21:25,957 You guys are getting back together, aren't you? 562 00:21:26,093 --> 00:21:27,424 Morty, i need your help on an adventure. 563 00:21:27,553 --> 00:21:28,759 Eh, "need" is a strong word. 564 00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:30,629 We need door stops, but a brick would work, too. 565 00:21:30,764 --> 00:21:31,845 Okay. 566 00:21:32,975 --> 00:21:34,261 Morty. 567 00:21:35,352 --> 00:21:36,888 Good to have you back. 568 00:21:38,772 --> 00:21:40,103 Have you ever been peed on before? 569 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,849 Oh, my god. Yum. 570 00:22:16,644 --> 00:22:19,181 Although only a handful of moon towers remain today, 571 00:22:19,313 --> 00:22:21,896 They were popular in the late 19th century. 572 00:22:22,024 --> 00:22:24,482 An entire town could be illuminated by... 573 00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:25,896 What the hell is this? 574 00:22:27,696 --> 00:22:29,152 - Sea cucumber! 575 00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:31,397 Sea cucumber!