1 00:00:02,039 --> 00:00:03,370 Morty? 2 00:00:04,958 --> 00:00:06,369 - Morty! - Rick? 3 00:00:06,501 --> 00:00:08,833 Hey, Morty? - Rick? 4 00:00:08,962 --> 00:00:11,624 Are you far away, or are you inside something? 5 00:00:11,757 --> 00:00:13,088 Is this a camera? 6 00:00:13,216 --> 00:00:14,752 Is everything a camera? 7 00:00:14,885 --> 00:00:16,501 Morty, the garage, Morty. 8 00:00:16,637 --> 00:00:17,877 Come to the garage! 9 00:00:18,597 --> 00:00:21,214 - Morty? - Rick? W-Where are you? 10 00:00:21,350 --> 00:00:22,465 On my work bench, Morty. 11 00:00:22,601 --> 00:00:24,512 Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me? 12 00:00:24,645 --> 00:00:25,726 Flip the pickle over. 13 00:00:25,854 --> 00:00:26,844 What, I'm gonna touch it, 14 00:00:26,980 --> 00:00:28,436 and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something. 15 00:00:28,565 --> 00:00:30,306 Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. 16 00:00:30,442 --> 00:00:33,230 You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. 17 00:00:33,362 --> 00:00:35,353 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 18 00:00:35,489 --> 00:00:37,651 Boom! Big reveal — I'm a pickle. 19 00:00:37,783 --> 00:00:38,898 What do you think about that? 20 00:00:39,034 --> 00:00:40,741 I turned myself into a pickle! 21 00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:42,735 W-What are you just staring at me for, bro? 22 00:00:42,871 --> 00:00:44,657 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 23 00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:45,905 - And? - And? 24 00:00:46,041 --> 00:00:47,452 What more do you want tacked on to this? 25 00:00:47,584 --> 00:00:50,246 I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job. 26 00:00:50,379 --> 00:00:51,585 - Was it? - Who cares, Morty? 27 00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:53,374 Global acts of terrorism happen every day. 28 00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:55,464 Uh, here's something that's never happened before — 29 00:00:55,592 --> 00:00:56,832 I'm a pickle. 30 00:00:56,968 --> 00:00:59,209 I'm Pickle Rick! 31 00:01:34,923 --> 00:01:37,631 Are you going to, I mean, you know — 32 00:01:37,759 --> 00:01:39,750 Is this the first part of some kind of magic trick? 33 00:01:39,886 --> 00:01:41,752 I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. 34 00:01:41,888 --> 00:01:43,504 One takes brains, the other takes dark eyeliner. 35 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,802 Well, can you move? Can you fly? 36 00:01:45,934 --> 00:01:47,424 Wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could. 37 00:01:47,561 --> 00:01:50,474 All right, well, do pickles live forever or — 38 00:01:50,605 --> 00:01:53,723 Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. 39 00:01:53,859 --> 00:01:55,270 - I'm a pickle. - I-I'm just trying 40 00:01:55,402 --> 00:01:56,984 to figure out why you would do this — 41 00:01:57,112 --> 00:01:58,352 why anyone would do this. 42 00:01:58,488 --> 00:02:00,900 The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, 43 00:02:01,032 --> 00:02:03,114 which they can't, would be because they could, 44 00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:04,108 - which they can't. 45 00:02:04,244 --> 00:02:06,281 Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. 46 00:02:06,413 --> 00:02:08,074 - Where's your grandpa? Right here, sweetie. 47 00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:09,662 - I'm a pickle! - What? 48 00:02:09,791 --> 00:02:11,122 Why would you - Ugh! 49 00:02:11,251 --> 00:02:12,741 Look, we're running late. We have to go. 50 00:02:12,878 --> 00:02:14,039 W-Where are you guys going? 51 00:02:14,171 --> 00:02:16,287 We have an appointment downtown 52 00:02:16,423 --> 00:02:19,336 that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, 53 00:02:19,468 --> 00:02:20,333 including you. 54 00:02:20,469 --> 00:02:23,632 Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. 55 00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:25,630 Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. 56 00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:27,973 I mean, I don't know if I can — Ooh, geez. 57 00:02:28,101 --> 00:02:30,593 Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? 58 00:02:30,729 --> 00:02:32,094 - Morty! - It's okay, Beth. 59 00:02:32,230 --> 00:02:33,561 I understand Morty's suspicion. 60 00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:35,226 I've misled him before. 61 00:02:35,358 --> 00:02:37,690 Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact. 62 00:02:38,403 --> 00:02:41,441 Morty, I assure you, I would never find a way 63 00:02:41,573 --> 00:02:43,564 to get out of family therapy. 64 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,236 I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent 65 00:02:45,368 --> 00:02:46,984 the perception of my air quotes. 66 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,576 Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? 67 00:02:48,705 --> 00:02:49,740 Great question, Summer. 68 00:02:49,873 --> 00:02:52,740 The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. 69 00:02:52,876 --> 00:02:54,708 And it could take hours or even days 70 00:02:54,836 --> 00:02:57,077 before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. 71 00:02:57,214 --> 00:02:58,796 But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me 72 00:02:58,924 --> 00:03:00,460 in a purse or a pocket, you know, 73 00:03:00,592 --> 00:03:01,582 if she really needs me to go. 74 00:03:01,718 --> 00:03:03,834 Nobody needs anything. Okay, it's fine. 75 00:03:03,970 --> 00:03:05,552 I mean, you should just stay here and figure out 76 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:06,966 how to stop being a pickle, okay? 77 00:03:07,098 --> 00:03:09,931 Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid 78 00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:11,346 hanging directly over you? 79 00:03:11,478 --> 00:03:13,810 Also, why is the string attached to it running through 80 00:03:13,939 --> 00:03:15,555 a pair of scissors attached to a timer? 81 00:03:15,690 --> 00:03:18,057 And why is the timer set to 10 minutes from now, 82 00:03:18,193 --> 00:03:20,525 exactly when we would have left for therapy? 83 00:03:21,696 --> 00:03:23,812 Well, Morty, if you must know, 84 00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:26,566 the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion 85 00:03:26,701 --> 00:03:28,442 and, therefore, does not warrant further explanation. 86 00:03:28,578 --> 00:03:31,070 Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. 87 00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:32,571 W-W-What are you doing there, Beth? 88 00:03:32,707 --> 00:03:33,868 W-What are you doing there, sweetie? 89 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,741 Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle 90 00:03:35,877 --> 00:03:37,959 full of liquid unrelated to your situation. 91 00:03:38,088 --> 00:03:39,203 How's that gonna help? 92 00:03:39,339 --> 00:03:40,545 Can't argue with that. 93 00:03:40,674 --> 00:03:41,709 Great. We'll see you later. 94 00:03:41,842 --> 00:03:43,003 Hey, hey, be careful with that. 95 00:03:43,134 --> 00:03:44,124 - It's for something else. 96 00:03:44,261 --> 00:03:45,296 - It's really important, 97 00:03:45,428 --> 00:03:46,259 so don't break it. 98 00:03:47,681 --> 00:03:50,048 Okay, I may have fucked up here. 99 00:03:51,351 --> 00:03:54,184 Dup, an ap, pap' ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. 100 00:03:54,312 --> 00:03:55,928 T-T-Ta h, ta h. 101 00:04:05,699 --> 00:04:07,281 - Oh, great. 102 00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:10,526 Stupid cat. 103 00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:13,612 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like 104 00:04:13,748 --> 00:04:15,159 to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! 105 00:04:15,292 --> 00:04:16,703 I've seen the YouTube videos. I know cats are scared 106 00:04:16,835 --> 00:04:18,951 of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. 107 00:04:19,087 --> 00:04:20,418 - I'm not a snake! 108 00:04:20,547 --> 00:04:21,787 I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! 109 00:04:21,923 --> 00:04:23,004 Whoa! 110 00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:25,215 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 111 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,382 Oh, crap, that sun is bright. 112 00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:31,596 Okay, come on. 113 00:04:31,725 --> 00:04:33,011 This can't really be the way I go out. 114 00:04:33,143 --> 00:04:34,554 This is the mega-genius equivalent 115 00:04:34,686 --> 00:04:36,302 of dying on the toilet. 116 00:04:38,273 --> 00:04:40,640 So hot. 117 00:04:40,775 --> 00:04:42,482 This is how I'm gonna die. 118 00:04:52,203 --> 00:04:54,114 Oh, God, moisture. 119 00:04:54,247 --> 00:04:56,614 Oh, God, the moisture. Dial it back, God. 120 00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,616 Dial it back a little bit here! 121 00:04:58,752 --> 00:04:59,833 Oh! Oh. 122 00:05:03,298 --> 00:05:04,333 Oh, God! 123 00:05:04,466 --> 00:05:06,457 Perpendicular, perpendicular! 124 00:05:06,593 --> 00:05:08,049 Oh, shit! 125 00:05:08,178 --> 00:05:10,260 Oh! Oh! 126 00:05:18,188 --> 00:05:19,804 Oh! 127 00:05:27,781 --> 00:05:29,567 Come on. That's it. 128 00:05:29,699 --> 00:05:31,690 Come get this delicious brine. 129 00:05:31,826 --> 00:05:32,782 Aah! 130 00:05:34,913 --> 00:05:36,824 Come on! Come on, motherfucker! 131 00:05:36,957 --> 00:05:38,163 Come on! 132 00:05:59,604 --> 00:06:01,390 Yes! 133 00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:03,685 How is this even family therapy 134 00:06:03,817 --> 00:06:06,149 if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come? 135 00:06:06,277 --> 00:06:08,359 Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog? 136 00:06:08,488 --> 00:06:10,695 It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. 137 00:06:10,824 --> 00:06:13,441 The family was told to get counseling by your principal, 138 00:06:13,576 --> 00:06:15,192 even though it's not the family that was 139 00:06:15,328 --> 00:06:17,660 huffing pottery glaze in the art room 140 00:06:17,789 --> 00:06:19,405 and desk wetting in history class. 141 00:06:19,541 --> 00:06:21,282 - Oh, the Smith family, 142 00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:22,658 minus a dad. 143 00:06:22,794 --> 00:06:24,501 You're patients of Dr. Wong, too? 144 00:06:24,629 --> 00:06:26,495 Temporarily — by order of the school. 145 00:06:26,631 --> 00:06:29,589 Me too. How long have you all been eating poop? 146 00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:34,044 We... have never... eaten poop. 147 00:06:34,180 --> 00:06:35,636 Uh, me, neither. 148 00:06:35,765 --> 00:06:38,803 Say, where did my family get off to? 149 00:06:38,935 --> 00:06:40,596 Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. 150 00:06:40,729 --> 00:06:42,140 Come on in. 151 00:06:46,568 --> 00:06:49,151 I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us? 152 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,111 He got wrapped up in an experiment. 153 00:06:51,239 --> 00:06:52,855 He's a scientist. 154 00:06:52,991 --> 00:06:55,198 Like, legit, like on a an inter-galactic, 155 00:06:55,326 --> 00:06:56,862 sci-fi level. His work is very — 156 00:06:56,995 --> 00:06:58,201 He turned himself into a pickle. 157 00:06:58,329 --> 00:07:00,411 Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry. 158 00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,326 I suppose that's a good segue 159 00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,746 into our little discipline cases here. 160 00:07:04,878 --> 00:07:07,586 Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? 161 00:07:07,714 --> 00:07:10,627 What? No! What kind of question is that? 162 00:07:10,759 --> 00:07:13,592 The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way. 163 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:15,961 Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. 164 00:07:16,097 --> 00:07:19,385 No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. 165 00:07:19,517 --> 00:07:21,679 He's unpredictable and eccentric. 166 00:07:21,811 --> 00:07:23,927 The whole family is. Speaking of which... 167 00:07:24,064 --> 00:07:26,897 Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, 168 00:07:27,025 --> 00:07:29,062 and let me ask this. 169 00:07:29,194 --> 00:07:32,232 Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? 170 00:07:41,289 --> 00:07:43,326 Wow. Ugh! 171 00:07:46,419 --> 00:07:48,660 Hey, listen, I know this is your world, not mine. 172 00:07:48,797 --> 00:07:50,379 The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back 173 00:07:50,507 --> 00:07:53,670 to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them. 174 00:07:54,469 --> 00:07:56,005 You are one driven rat. 175 00:07:56,137 --> 00:07:59,971 Could you be a little more driven? 176 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:01,841 To the right. 177 00:08:03,269 --> 00:08:04,805 Yes, yes, yes! 178 00:08:04,938 --> 00:08:06,895 Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh! 179 00:08:07,023 --> 00:08:08,889 Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? 180 00:08:09,025 --> 00:08:10,891 Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, 181 00:08:11,027 --> 00:08:12,483 being a dumb fucking rat. 182 00:08:33,216 --> 00:08:35,048 Oh, yeah! 183 00:08:58,533 --> 00:09:00,023 Aaaah! 184 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,742 I didn't say my father is perfect, 185 00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,201 I said his work is important. 186 00:09:03,329 --> 00:09:05,036 And she's saying what's important is 187 00:09:05,165 --> 00:09:07,076 that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here. 188 00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:08,164 Oh, he did not! 189 00:09:08,293 --> 00:09:09,658 Let's do an experiment here. 190 00:09:09,794 --> 00:09:12,035 I get the impression this family values science. 191 00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:14,288 So raise your hand if you feel certain 192 00:09:14,424 --> 00:09:16,165 you know what was in the syringe. 193 00:09:17,427 --> 00:09:19,714 Raise your hand if you know for certain 194 00:09:19,846 --> 00:09:22,929 the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum. 195 00:09:24,851 --> 00:09:26,137 Beth, your hand did a little thing there. 196 00:09:26,269 --> 00:09:27,555 Do you really not see what's happening here? 197 00:09:27,687 --> 00:09:29,553 - Tell me. - Well, Dr. Wong - 198 00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:31,145 by the way, racist name - 199 00:09:31,274 --> 00:09:33,265 obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your 200 00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:35,517 arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run 201 00:09:35,653 --> 00:09:37,735 around what was supposed to be their therapy. 202 00:09:37,864 --> 00:09:41,107 Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other 203 00:09:41,242 --> 00:09:43,108 to the heart of your family's dysfunction. 204 00:09:43,244 --> 00:09:44,985 I think it's possible that you and your father 205 00:09:45,121 --> 00:09:47,283 have a very specific dynamic. 206 00:09:47,415 --> 00:09:48,371 I don't think it's one 207 00:09:48,499 --> 00:09:50,240 that rewards emotion or vulnerability. 208 00:09:50,376 --> 00:09:51,616 I think it may punish them. 209 00:09:51,753 --> 00:09:54,290 I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage 210 00:09:54,422 --> 00:09:56,208 and is infecting your kids with a tendency 211 00:09:56,341 --> 00:09:57,957 to misdirect their feelings. 212 00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,045 Fuck you. 213 00:10:00,178 --> 00:10:01,043 - Mom! - Mom! 214 00:10:01,179 --> 00:10:02,135 Fuck both of you, too. 215 00:10:04,265 --> 00:10:06,472 By the way, you might notice that in spite of 216 00:10:06,601 --> 00:10:08,262 your numerous distinctive features 217 00:10:08,394 --> 00:10:11,853 I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. 218 00:10:11,981 --> 00:10:14,313 That's because, to me, you aren't special. 219 00:10:14,442 --> 00:10:16,604 You were special to rats. Now they're dead. 220 00:10:16,736 --> 00:10:19,023 I guess it was me you should have impressed. 221 00:10:19,155 --> 00:10:20,816 God damn it, I love myself. 222 00:10:31,209 --> 00:10:33,496 Pickle Rick! 223 00:10:47,976 --> 00:10:50,138 Get that parkour. Get that parkour! 224 00:10:53,648 --> 00:10:55,104 - Hey, it's cool. 225 00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:56,348 Just need to find the nearest exit. 226 00:10:56,484 --> 00:10:58,020 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out. 227 00:10:59,988 --> 00:11:00,898 Whoa! 228 00:11:02,532 --> 00:11:04,523 Who in the fuck's toilet is this? 229 00:11:11,332 --> 00:11:12,493 What is it? 230 00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:14,992 A pickle? A rat? Both. 231 00:11:15,128 --> 00:11:16,539 It says it's a scientist. 232 00:11:16,671 --> 00:11:17,832 Where is it? 233 00:11:17,964 --> 00:11:19,671 It seems to be using the air ducts 234 00:11:19,799 --> 00:11:21,289 and the mail tubes to get around. 235 00:11:21,426 --> 00:11:23,963 It's been gathering office supplies, we think, 236 00:11:24,095 --> 00:11:25,256 to build weaponry. 237 00:11:25,388 --> 00:11:27,800 But look what it did on the mezzanine. 238 00:11:27,932 --> 00:11:31,766 It transferred a bottle from the trash to the recycling bin. 239 00:11:31,894 --> 00:11:35,353 Whatever this thing is, it's shaming us. 240 00:11:35,481 --> 00:11:37,939 We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? 241 00:11:38,067 --> 00:11:39,933 32 armed guards. 242 00:11:40,069 --> 00:11:41,730 He killed two. 243 00:11:41,863 --> 00:11:42,898 It's on the phone. 244 00:11:43,031 --> 00:11:45,819 Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. 245 00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:47,236 - Hello. 246 00:11:47,368 --> 00:11:50,235 Hi, um, can you, uh please let me out? 247 00:11:50,371 --> 00:11:51,861 Your mere presence in this building 248 00:11:51,998 --> 00:11:53,739 violates international law. 249 00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:56,867 I couldn't let you out even if you hadn't killed two men. 250 00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:59,119 You should know those men killed themselves. 251 00:11:59,255 --> 00:12:00,871 And how is that? 252 00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:02,873 They didn't let me out. 253 00:12:03,009 --> 00:12:03,714 Solen'ya. 254 00:12:03,843 --> 00:12:05,174 Shut your mouth and do your jobs, 255 00:12:05,303 --> 00:12:06,259 you fucking children! 256 00:12:06,387 --> 00:12:08,219 Uh, is this not a good time or... 257 00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:10,931 Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya” — 258 00:12:11,059 --> 00:12:14,268 the Pickle Man, an old wives' tale. 259 00:12:14,395 --> 00:12:15,885 He crawls from bowls of cold soup 260 00:12:16,022 --> 00:12:18,138 to steal the dreams of wasteful children. 261 00:12:18,274 --> 00:12:19,685 That'd be a lucky break for you. 262 00:12:19,817 --> 00:12:20,932 Go, shoot to kill. 263 00:12:22,612 --> 00:12:23,443 Aaah! 264 00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:37,081 We got him. 265 00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,120 - Ah. 266 00:12:38,252 --> 00:12:39,117 Because this pickle 267 00:12:39,253 --> 00:12:41,290 doesn't care about your children. 268 00:12:42,048 --> 00:12:43,504 And I'm not gonna take their dreams. 269 00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:46,421 I'm gonna take their parents. 270 00:13:03,111 --> 00:13:04,943 Solen'ya! He's coming! 271 00:13:05,071 --> 00:13:07,654 It's because I threw halfway my sandwich! 272 00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:09,443 He's just a pickle! 273 00:13:09,575 --> 00:13:10,610 He's a monster. 274 00:13:10,743 --> 00:13:12,325 He's not the only one. 275 00:13:21,546 --> 00:13:25,335 You can stay dead to the world and die in this room. 276 00:13:25,466 --> 00:13:29,460 Or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom. 277 00:13:29,595 --> 00:13:33,714 There is no freedom while your leader breathes. 278 00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:35,887 Our country is a prison. 279 00:13:36,018 --> 00:13:37,725 Then Catarina is a prisoner. 280 00:13:37,854 --> 00:13:40,221 Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. 281 00:13:40,356 --> 00:13:42,848 She lives, Jaguar. 282 00:13:43,943 --> 00:13:46,355 Where is this pickle? 283 00:13:46,487 --> 00:13:48,649 What do you think is in the syringe, Beth? 284 00:13:48,781 --> 00:13:51,364 You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me. 285 00:13:51,492 --> 00:13:52,903 - Anti-pickle serum. - It's anti-pickle serum. 286 00:13:53,035 --> 00:13:55,902 Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum. 287 00:13:56,038 --> 00:13:59,656 My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases. 288 00:13:59,792 --> 00:14:01,783 They're just angry at me for divorcing their father. 289 00:14:01,919 --> 00:14:03,330 I never said I was angry at you. 290 00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:05,579 That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. 291 00:14:05,715 --> 00:14:07,205 You do it so you don't have to say, 292 00:14:07,341 --> 00:14:09,252 "I'm angry at Mommy," out loud. 293 00:14:09,385 --> 00:14:10,921 Oh, my God! Oh, there — 294 00:14:11,053 --> 00:14:13,044 there's pictures of people eating poop in there! 295 00:14:13,181 --> 00:14:16,924 It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. 296 00:14:17,059 --> 00:14:19,426 Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, 297 00:14:19,562 --> 00:14:20,267 you could ask him - 298 00:14:20,396 --> 00:14:21,682 He won't have to ask for it, okay? 299 00:14:21,814 --> 00:14:23,896 He won't need it. He'll just make more. 300 00:14:24,025 --> 00:14:26,187 He doesn't need anything from anyone. 301 00:14:26,319 --> 00:14:28,651 You admire him for that. 302 00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:30,854 It's better than making your problems 303 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,355 other people's problems. 304 00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:51,420 Oh, come on! 305 00:15:01,729 --> 00:15:04,892 Pickle Man, you should know this isn't personal! 306 00:15:05,024 --> 00:15:06,480 You should know that isn't original. 307 00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:07,565 They have my daughter. 308 00:15:07,693 --> 00:15:09,650 There's nothing I won't do to see her again. 309 00:15:09,779 --> 00:15:11,895 Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, 310 00:15:12,031 --> 00:15:13,692 but killing you gets me to her quicker 311 00:15:13,824 --> 00:15:15,485 than your derivative bullshit. 312 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,326 I never bullshit, Pickle Man. 313 00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,540 This can only end with one of us dead, 314 00:15:24,669 --> 00:15:26,080 and I have never died. 315 00:15:26,212 --> 00:15:27,998 That will be your downfall, Jaguar, 316 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,292 not being open to new experiences. 317 00:15:41,936 --> 00:15:43,973 Is it done? 318 00:15:44,105 --> 00:15:45,391 Jaguar? 319 00:15:45,523 --> 00:15:47,264 Jaguar couldn't make it. 320 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,435 Do it. 321 00:15:48,568 --> 00:15:50,730 Okay, you win, Pickle Man. 322 00:15:50,861 --> 00:15:52,147 I'm unsealing the building. 323 00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,817 No, thanks. I'm coming for you now. 324 00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:57,441 Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds 325 00:15:57,577 --> 00:15:58,817 in a safe on level two. 326 00:15:58,953 --> 00:16:00,068 I'll give you the combination. 327 00:16:00,204 --> 00:16:02,036 That money belongs to the people. 328 00:16:02,164 --> 00:16:04,280 Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! 329 00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:05,407 Do we have a deal? 330 00:16:05,543 --> 00:16:07,409 Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter 331 00:16:07,545 --> 00:16:08,535 when you set her free. 332 00:16:08,671 --> 00:16:09,832 Or I'll be visiting you. 333 00:16:09,964 --> 00:16:11,420 Jaguar's daughter is dead. 334 00:16:11,549 --> 00:16:12,664 Huh, so you're a liar. 335 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,211 Jaguar was an. animal. 336 00:16:14,343 --> 00:16:15,799 You're an intelligent pickle. 337 00:16:15,928 --> 00:16:17,214 We can do business. 338 00:16:17,346 --> 00:16:19,303 I don't think so. See you soon. 339 00:16:19,432 --> 00:16:20,672 - Is the helicopter here? - Yes. 340 00:16:20,808 --> 00:16:23,220 And the police are on the way. What do we tell them? 341 00:16:23,352 --> 00:16:24,308 - Ooh! - Aah! 342 00:16:24,437 --> 00:16:26,098 Tell them we were robbed. 343 00:16:30,776 --> 00:16:32,938 Hey! Hey, what are you doing? 344 00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,526 I'm right here! 345 00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:51,127 Farewell, Solen'ya. 346 00:16:55,343 --> 00:16:57,004 F-158 are scrambled. 347 00:16:57,136 --> 00:16:59,503 This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes. 348 00:16:59,639 --> 00:17:01,050 Well, my daughter is about five away, 349 00:17:01,182 --> 00:17:02,798 and I've got about eight to live. 350 00:17:02,933 --> 00:17:05,174 Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter 351 00:17:05,311 --> 00:17:06,927 I love her, but not for you. 352 00:17:07,063 --> 00:17:08,303 Oh, well, uh, she knows. 353 00:17:08,439 --> 00:17:10,180 I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap. 354 00:17:10,316 --> 00:17:11,647 To the extent that love is an expression 355 00:17:11,776 --> 00:17:14,359 of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines 356 00:17:14,487 --> 00:17:16,148 precludes the necessity of attachment. 357 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,612 In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters 358 00:17:18,741 --> 00:17:22,609 in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants. 359 00:17:22,745 --> 00:17:25,077 Okay. Good luck with that. 360 00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:27,163 Wait. Do I have infinite daughters? 361 00:17:27,291 --> 00:17:30,249 Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. 362 00:17:30,378 --> 00:17:31,664 Nope, just me. 363 00:17:33,214 --> 00:17:34,249 Yeesh! 364 00:17:38,344 --> 00:17:39,834 Am... 365 00:17:39,970 --> 00:17:41,506 afraid... 366 00:17:41,639 --> 00:17:43,050 that my kids will get expelled. 367 00:17:43,182 --> 00:17:44,547 Good. Summer, you go. 368 00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:46,925 I am mad... 369 00:17:47,061 --> 00:17:48,927 that I can't huff enamel 370 00:17:49,063 --> 00:17:51,930 without people assuming it's because my family sucks. 371 00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:55,479 I hope to be seen one day 372 00:17:55,611 --> 00:17:57,397 as someone that just likes getting high. 373 00:17:57,530 --> 00:17:58,361 Good job. 374 00:17:58,489 --> 00:18:00,275 Morty, do you have an "I" statement? 375 00:18:00,408 --> 00:18:03,776 I am sad... 376 00:18:03,911 --> 00:18:05,072 that I peed. 377 00:18:05,204 --> 00:18:08,663 I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet. 378 00:18:08,791 --> 00:18:11,874 Look at this family go. You guys are pros. 379 00:18:12,002 --> 00:18:14,960 What do you guys think about doing this once a week? 380 00:18:16,882 --> 00:18:17,997 Ugh. 381 00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:27,466 - You must be Rick. - Mm-hmm. 382 00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:29,091 I've heard a lot about you today. 383 00:18:29,228 --> 00:18:31,139 Your family is crazy about you. 384 00:18:31,272 --> 00:18:32,854 Your daughter holds you in very high regard. 385 00:18:32,982 --> 00:18:34,268 You're a lucky fella. 386 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,186 Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still 387 00:18:36,318 --> 00:18:37,900 happen to have that syringe in your purse? 388 00:18:41,782 --> 00:18:43,398 Dad... 389 00:18:43,534 --> 00:18:47,949 I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. 390 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:52,119 It's a serum that I need to, uh — to stay alive. 391 00:18:52,251 --> 00:18:55,084 I have had a rough day. 392 00:18:55,212 --> 00:18:58,455 And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. 393 00:18:58,591 --> 00:19:01,458 I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. 394 00:19:01,594 --> 00:19:03,881 By changing you from a pickle to a human. 395 00:19:04,638 --> 00:19:05,628 Yes. 396 00:19:05,765 --> 00:19:07,722 Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? 397 00:19:09,101 --> 00:19:10,967 So I wouldn't have to come here. 398 00:19:11,103 --> 00:19:12,218 Why didn't you want to come here? 399 00:19:12,354 --> 00:19:14,766 Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. 400 00:19:14,899 --> 00:19:16,981 Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy 401 00:19:17,109 --> 00:19:18,565 for a living, and when I don't like something 402 00:19:18,694 --> 00:19:19,855 about the world, I change it. 403 00:19:19,987 --> 00:19:21,944 And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall 404 00:19:22,072 --> 00:19:23,938 to listen to some agent of averageness 405 00:19:24,074 --> 00:19:25,781 explain which words mean which feelings 406 00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:27,366 has ever helped anyone do anything. 407 00:19:27,495 --> 00:19:29,031 I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable 408 00:19:29,163 --> 00:19:30,995 and stop panicking, which is a state of mind 409 00:19:31,123 --> 00:19:32,864 we value in the animals we eat 410 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,582 but not something I want for myself. 411 00:19:34,710 --> 00:19:35,825 I'm not a cow. 412 00:19:35,961 --> 00:19:37,918 I'm a pickle — when I feel like it. 413 00:19:38,047 --> 00:19:40,664 So... you asked. 414 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,007 Rick, the only connection between 415 00:19:43,135 --> 00:19:45,342 your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness 416 00:19:45,471 --> 00:19:48,259 destroying your family is that everyone in your family, 417 00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:51,849 you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. 418 00:19:51,977 --> 00:19:54,435 You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind 419 00:19:54,563 --> 00:19:58,272 as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. 420 00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,811 And I think it's because the only 421 00:19:59,944 --> 00:20:01,935 truly unapproachable concept for you 422 00:20:02,071 --> 00:20:04,938 is that it's your mind within your control. 423 00:20:05,074 --> 00:20:06,735 You chose to come here. 424 00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:09,609 You chose to talk, to belittle my vocation, 425 00:20:09,745 --> 00:20:11,907 just as you chose to become a pickle. 426 00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:13,950 You are the master of your universe, 427 00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:16,666 and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces, 428 00:20:16,794 --> 00:20:19,957 your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. 429 00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:22,626 I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless 430 00:20:22,758 --> 00:20:25,375 by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth 431 00:20:25,511 --> 00:20:26,672 and wipe my ass. 432 00:20:26,804 --> 00:20:28,590 Because the thing about repairing, 433 00:20:28,722 --> 00:20:32,386 maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. 434 00:20:32,518 --> 00:20:34,805 There's no way to do it so wrong, you might die. 435 00:20:34,937 --> 00:20:36,393 It's just work. 436 00:20:36,522 --> 00:20:37,478 And the bottom line is, 437 00:20:37,606 --> 00:20:41,065 some people are okay going to work, and some people... 438 00:20:41,193 --> 00:20:43,434 well, some people would rather die. 439 00:20:43,571 --> 00:20:46,108 Each of us gets to choose. 440 00:20:48,242 --> 00:20:49,983 - That's our time. 441 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:51,359 I'm going to give you guys my card 442 00:20:51,495 --> 00:20:52,530 and hope to hear from you again. 443 00:20:52,663 --> 00:20:54,404 And if you have any friends or family that eat poop 444 00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:57,202 and would like to stop, give them my number. 445 00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:01,411 Um— 446 00:21:01,547 --> 00:21:03,538 I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. 447 00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:05,711 - I - I shouldn't lie to you. - Oh, it's fine. 448 00:21:05,843 --> 00:21:08,130 I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. 449 00:21:08,262 --> 00:21:09,923 But I hope you know that's not what 450 00:21:10,055 --> 00:21:11,637 that session was supposed to be. 451 00:21:11,765 --> 00:21:14,223 Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants 452 00:21:14,351 --> 00:21:16,092 and Summer snorting glue or whatever... 453 00:21:17,271 --> 00:21:20,059 She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. 454 00:21:20,190 --> 00:21:21,305 Well, there was so much more at stake. 455 00:21:22,526 --> 00:21:25,564 I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist. 456 00:21:26,864 --> 00:21:29,105 Are we gonna go back? 457 00:21:29,241 --> 00:21:31,027 Sweetie, could I get — get that syringe now? 458 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,401 Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. 459 00:21:33,537 --> 00:21:35,403 Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony. 460 00:21:35,539 --> 00:21:36,700 Eh. 461 00:21:43,505 --> 00:21:44,336 Jesus. 462 00:21:45,841 --> 00:21:48,208 Jesus Christ. Therapists, man. 463 00:21:48,344 --> 00:21:49,630 Weird breed. 464 00:21:49,762 --> 00:21:51,344 Man, I missed having hands... 465 00:21:51,472 --> 00:21:54,305 and blood and a stomach. 466 00:21:54,433 --> 00:21:55,764 We should get a drink. 467 00:21:55,893 --> 00:21:57,224 Really? Like, go somewhere? 468 00:21:57,353 --> 00:21:59,811 Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. 469 00:21:59,939 --> 00:22:01,555 Absolutely. 470 00:22:02,232 --> 00:22:04,098 I-I liked her. 471 00:22:04,234 --> 00:22:07,192 So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? 472 00:22:07,321 --> 00:22:08,186 Maybe Shoney's? 473 00:22:08,322 --> 00:22:10,233 Yeah, either one. Either one. 474 00:22:42,731 --> 00:22:44,517 You'll never get away with this, Concerto. 475 00:22:44,650 --> 00:22:46,687 That is where you're mistaken, Mr. Sanchez. 476 00:22:46,819 --> 00:22:50,437 This shall be my greatest performance of all time! 477 00:22:53,033 --> 00:22:54,523 This is it, Morty. We're goners. 478 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:55,650 We're not getting out of this one. 479 00:22:55,786 --> 00:22:57,117 After everything we've been through, 480 00:22:57,246 --> 00:22:58,281 this is how we're gonna die. 481 00:22:58,414 --> 00:22:59,870 Make peace with your god. 482 00:22:59,999 --> 00:23:01,865 Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! 483 00:23:02,001 --> 00:23:04,959 And now for the E-splat! 484 00:23:07,381 --> 00:23:08,166 Jaguar! 485 00:23:12,511 --> 00:23:14,377 Who — Who was that, Rick? 486 00:23:14,513 --> 00:23:17,301 That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.