1
00:00:02,396 --> 00:00:03,818
What's new at school?

2
00:00:03,897 --> 00:00:05,444
- Nothing.
- Nothing!

3
00:00:05,524 --> 00:00:07,447
Oh, uh, one
of the lunch ladies died.

4
00:00:07,526 --> 00:00:09,449
They found her in the gym with,
like, two holes in her neck

5
00:00:09,528 --> 00:00:11,201
and all the blood drained
out of her.

6
00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,032
Good lord! Who does
something like that?

7
00:00:13,115 --> 00:00:15,493
Obviously a vampire.
W-W-Where's the pepper?

8
00:00:15,576 --> 00:00:17,328
Wait, what?
Vampires are real?

9
00:00:17,411 --> 00:00:20,290
Yes, Summer, vampires
are real. Who knew?

10
00:00:20,372 --> 00:00:23,046
Oh, right, all humanity,
for hundreds of years, now.

11
00:00:23,125 --> 00:00:24,422
Yeah, Summer,
it's a big universe.

12
00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,344
Get used to it.
R-Right, Rick?

13
00:00:26,420 --> 00:00:27,592
Well, what are we going to do?

14
00:00:27,671 --> 00:00:29,594
We're gonna live our lives
until we die.

15
00:00:29,673 --> 00:00:31,596
Possibly by vampire.
More likely auto accident

16
00:00:31,675 --> 00:00:34,224
or heart disease,
but possibly vampire.

17
00:00:34,303 --> 00:00:37,227
Grandpa Rick, couldn't you,
like, use your superknowledge

18
00:00:37,306 --> 00:00:40,059
to turn yourself into a teenager
and come to our school

19
00:00:40,142 --> 00:00:42,611
and help us hunt
the vampire down?

20
00:00:42,686 --> 00:00:44,279
Um — Wow.

21
00:00:44,354 --> 00:00:46,607
Yeah, pretty specific
pitch, Summer.

22
00:00:46,690 --> 00:00:49,443
I probably could
turn myself into a teenager

23
00:00:49,526 --> 00:00:52,325
and hang out in the
zit-covered, hormone-addled,

24
00:00:52,404 --> 00:00:54,372
low-stakes assworld
that is high school.

25
00:00:54,448 --> 00:00:56,075
But here's my reverse-ask —

26
00:00:56,158 --> 00:00:58,877
Why in the fuck
would I ever do that, ever?

27
00:00:58,952 --> 00:01:01,171
And how dare you even
ask me that?

28
00:01:01,246 --> 00:01:03,044
And why aren't you more
ashamed of yourself?

29
00:01:03,123 --> 00:01:05,251
- Dad!
- Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie.

30
00:01:05,334 --> 00:01:07,132
Jerry! Do you know what you
just said to our daughter?

31
00:01:07,210 --> 00:01:09,178
Sor-ry! I wasn't
paying attention.

32
00:01:09,254 --> 00:01:11,632
To a conversation
about vampires?

33
00:01:11,715 --> 00:01:14,309
Clearly, I didn't know
it was about vampires,

34
00:01:14,384 --> 00:01:16,136
because I wasn't
paying attention,

35
00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:17,641
which you would know,

36
00:01:17,721 --> 00:01:19,473
if you ever
paid attention to me!

37
00:01:19,556 --> 00:01:21,479
Oh, here we go,
right to the victim role.

38
00:01:21,558 --> 00:01:23,151
Am I a victim, Beth,

39
00:01:23,226 --> 00:01:24,944
or am I married
to a mean, unfair monster

40
00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:26,237
that always hurts me?

41
00:01:26,313 --> 00:01:28,236
Jesus Christ!
Will you fix your marriage...

42
00:01:28,315 --> 00:01:31,319
or get a divorce already?

43
00:01:31,401 --> 00:01:35,406
Well, we tried
a couples' therapist.

44
00:01:35,489 --> 00:01:37,036
That's Earth therapy.

45
00:01:37,115 --> 00:01:38,742
You might as well ask a horse
to fix a merry-go-round.

46
00:01:38,825 --> 00:01:41,795
I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly,
he's just gonna get horrified.

47
00:01:42,037 --> 00:01:44,665
I know about a place off-planet
with a 100% success rate.

48
00:01:44,748 --> 00:01:47,217
Well, we want to make it
work, if we can.

49
00:01:47,292 --> 00:01:48,669
It's just —
- Then it's settled.

50
00:01:48,752 --> 00:01:50,174
No need to pack.
- Oh!

51
00:01:50,253 --> 00:01:51,675
Let's go, go, go, go!

52
00:01:51,755 --> 00:01:54,759
Do you think Morn and Dad
are, you know,

53
00:01:54,841 --> 00:01:56,218
gonna get a divorce?

54
00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:58,053
I think it's okay
to dream, Morty.

55
00:01:58,136 --> 00:02:01,857
I'm gonna go make
some wooden stakes.

56
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:12,060
Ripped By mstoll

57
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,429
I booked you for a two-day
intensive at Nuptia Four,

58
00:02:36,508 --> 00:02:39,182
the galaxy's most successful
couples' counseling institute.

59
00:02:39,261 --> 00:02:40,729
They could save
the marriage of a dog

60
00:02:40,804 --> 00:02:42,351
and a bar of dark chocolate.

61
00:02:42,431 --> 00:02:43,728
They could save the marriage

62
00:02:43,807 --> 00:02:45,434
of a porn star and a porn star.

63
00:02:45,517 --> 00:02:47,144
Well, I know I'm ready
to try whatever it takes.

64
00:02:47,227 --> 00:02:48,820
Which clearly implies
that I'm not.

65
00:02:48,895 --> 00:02:50,272
It's not a competition, Beth.

66
00:02:50,355 --> 00:02:52,153
Oh is that how
you're gonna try to win,

67
00:02:52,232 --> 00:02:54,155
by implying I'm competitive?
- If the shoe fits.

68
00:02:54,234 --> 00:02:55,986
- My shoe fits up your ass.
- You wish!

69
00:02:56,069 --> 00:02:57,912
Okay, have fun.
See ya Thursday!

70
00:02:58,155 --> 00:02:59,577
Oh!

71
00:02:59,656 --> 00:03:01,579
Jerk.
- Don't insult my father.

72
00:03:01,658 --> 00:03:03,581
He's the reason our kids
are only half-stupid.

73
00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:05,287
Ha! You just called
yourself —

74
00:03:05,370 --> 00:03:06,496
Oh.

75
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:08,173
- Beth and Jerry Smith?
- Yes.

76
00:03:08,248 --> 00:03:09,750
I'm Glaxo Slimslom.

77
00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:11,756
Welcome to Nuptia Four.

78
00:03:11,835 --> 00:03:14,304
Your marriage can rest easy now.

79
00:03:15,756 --> 00:03:18,851
Jerry, go ahead and sit
there and put this on.

80
00:03:18,925 --> 00:03:21,599
This machine isolates
the part of the subject's brain

81
00:03:21,678 --> 00:03:24,898
containing all perceptions
of its romantic partner.

82
00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:28,019
And we will now render
Jerry's perception of Beth

83
00:03:28,101 --> 00:03:31,480
with artificial biological life.

84
00:03:33,774 --> 00:03:35,776
Interesting.

85
00:03:35,859 --> 00:03:37,782
What the hell is that?
Take that back!

86
00:03:37,861 --> 00:03:39,613
You do not think that about me!

87
00:03:39,696 --> 00:03:41,448
I didn't do anything!
They scanned it out of my brain.

88
00:03:41,531 --> 00:03:43,204
Can I take it back?

89
00:03:43,283 --> 00:03:44,751
There's nothing to regret.

90
00:03:44,826 --> 00:03:46,874
We're dealing with
unconscious, unhealthy thoughts.

91
00:03:46,953 --> 00:03:48,500
Beth.

92
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,833
Now, we scan for Beth's
perceptions of Jerry.

93
00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:53,544
- Scan hard. He's dead to me.
- Everything's dead to you.

94
00:03:53,627 --> 00:03:55,129
- What?
- Nothing.

95
00:04:01,259 --> 00:04:02,806
Read it and weep, bitch.

96
00:04:02,886 --> 00:04:04,513
Does everybody
see what I mean?

97
00:04:04,596 --> 00:04:06,815
I think we all see
what you both mean.

98
00:04:08,475 --> 00:04:10,398
Any leads on the vampire?

99
00:04:10,477 --> 00:04:11,899
No, Summer!
I mean, you know,

100
00:04:11,978 --> 00:04:14,072
I think it might be time
that we just l-let it go.

101
00:04:14,147 --> 00:04:15,820
Oh, so, now, you're
too cool for this,

102
00:04:15,899 --> 00:04:17,321
just because Grandpa Rick is?

103
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:19,368
It's not that, it's just
that the universe

104
00:04:19,444 --> 00:04:21,663
is a little too big to care
about something so small.

105
00:04:21,738 --> 00:04:24,082
Aah!
- What up, my Helsings?

106
00:04:24,157 --> 00:04:26,000
Who wants to hunt
a vampire? Ha ha ha!

107
00:04:26,243 --> 00:04:27,665
Rick?
How — How did you —

108
00:04:27,744 --> 00:04:29,337
Yeah, I got bored
and then, I remembered,

109
00:04:29,412 --> 00:04:31,380
this morning, how I blew
Summer off, and I thought,

110
00:04:31,456 --> 00:04:33,129
"Hey, why are you such
a grumpy douche, Rick?

111
00:04:33,208 --> 00:04:34,676
Go to the garage,
transfer your mind

112
00:04:34,751 --> 00:04:36,378
into a younger clone of
yourself,

113
00:04:36,461 --> 00:04:38,213
and get embroiled
in some youthful hijinks.

114
00:04:38,296 --> 00:04:39,969
What's the BFD?"
So here I am.

115
00:04:40,215 --> 00:04:42,092
I'm Tiny Rick!
- O-O-Okay.

116
00:04:42,175 --> 00:04:43,722
Well, it's good
you're here, Rick.

117
00:04:43,802 --> 00:04:44,974
I was pretty sure we
didn't have what it takes

118
00:04:45,220 --> 00:04:46,563
to deal with
a bloodsucker on our own.

119
00:04:46,638 --> 00:04:47,981
Don't short-sell
yourself, Summer.

120
00:04:48,056 --> 00:04:50,024
You got everything it takes.
But it'll still be fun...

121
00:04:50,267 --> 00:04:52,770
to do this as a fucking team,
motherfucker. Tiny Rick!

122
00:04:52,853 --> 00:04:55,697
Yeah! Oh, my god,
Toby Matthews!

123
00:04:55,772 --> 00:04:57,991
Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick.
I'm new.

124
00:04:58,233 --> 00:05:00,201
Hey Oh — Go easy on me.
Ha ha. Just kiddin'.

125
00:05:00,277 --> 00:05:02,655
Hey, I like your
straightforward style

126
00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:04,489
and that lab coat's pretty cool.

127
00:05:04,573 --> 00:05:05,870
Summer.

128
00:05:05,949 --> 00:05:07,747
He knows my name!

129
00:05:07,826 --> 00:05:09,123
Why wouldn't he?
You're great!

130
00:05:09,202 --> 00:05:10,670
But, listen, just be careful.

131
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,122
We can't rule anybody out
as the vampire,

132
00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:14,424
not even the dreamboats.

133
00:05:14,499 --> 00:05:15,671
Stop, Tiny Rick.

134
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,718
Huntin' a vampire
with my grandkids!

135
00:05:17,794 --> 00:05:20,297
Fuck! Tiny Ri-I-ck!

136
00:05:20,380 --> 00:05:22,223
The next step is
to watch your mythologues

137
00:05:22,299 --> 00:05:25,394
interact together
and, uh — big surprise —

138
00:05:25,468 --> 00:05:27,846
It's never pretty.

139
00:05:27,929 --> 00:05:30,557
Here we have Garrrh
and Zharbidar Gloompfschs,

140
00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,483
or, should I say,
here we have the way

141
00:05:32,559 --> 00:05:34,857
Garrrh and Zharbidar
perceive each other.

142
00:05:37,272 --> 00:05:38,649
As we can all see,

143
00:05:38,732 --> 00:05:40,860
this is hardly the real
Garrrh and Zharbidar.

144
00:05:40,942 --> 00:05:42,569
Which is good,
because the relationship

145
00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:45,280
in their heads is not only ugly,

146
00:05:45,363 --> 00:05:47,616
it's unsustainable.

147
00:05:50,702 --> 00:05:53,626
You may already be
learning something important —

148
00:05:53,705 --> 00:05:55,878
All of these relationships
are different,

149
00:05:55,957 --> 00:05:58,881
none of them are real,
and none of them work.

150
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,510
We are not the monsters
we sometimes see each other as,

151
00:06:02,589 --> 00:06:06,310
because we are real
and we are functional.

152
00:06:06,384 --> 00:06:09,479
That's what makes us
better than them.

153
00:06:09,554 --> 00:06:12,307
We can find solutions.

154
00:06:12,390 --> 00:06:13,687
We can adapt.

155
00:06:13,767 --> 00:06:15,940
We can communicate.

156
00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:19,740
And, most importantly,

157
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:23,819
we can work together.

158
00:06:24,861 --> 00:06:27,205
Well, it was a tough
adventure, but it paid off —

159
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:29,248
Our school is vampire-free!

160
00:06:29,324 --> 00:06:32,043
Man, who would've
suspected Coach Feratu?

161
00:06:32,118 --> 00:06:33,961
You did great, guys.
Couldn't have done it without ya.

162
00:06:34,037 --> 00:06:35,755
You know, we — w-we
should be proud of ourselves.

163
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:38,083
We killed a vampire
and a gym teacher.

164
00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,335
Ha ha ha.
Talk about two-for-one, right?

165
00:06:40,418 --> 00:06:42,216
So, how, exactly,
is your old body living

166
00:06:42,295 --> 00:06:43,672
in there, Grandpa Rick?

167
00:06:43,755 --> 00:06:45,223
Oh, you know,
hyperbaric quantum fluid,

168
00:06:45,298 --> 00:06:47,221
that kind of thing.
It preserves living tissue.

169
00:06:47,300 --> 00:06:49,268
Not that there was much
to preserve.

170
00:06:49,344 --> 00:06:52,063
Look at that mummy!
Ha! Ha ha!

171
00:06:52,138 --> 00:06:54,516
And I guess it's time for me
to get back inside the old-timer.

172
00:06:54,599 --> 00:06:56,476
Oh, my god.
Toby Matthews is asking...

173
00:06:56,559 --> 00:06:58,482
if my parents
are still out of town

174
00:06:58,561 --> 00:07:00,154
and if we can have a party!

175
00:07:00,397 --> 00:07:02,149
All right, way to go, Summer!
What did I tell you?

176
00:07:02,399 --> 00:07:05,528
Ohh! He's asking
if Tiny Rick will be here.

177
00:07:05,610 --> 00:07:07,237
Well, you know what, Summer?

178
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,993
Tell him Tiny Rick will be here!

179
00:07:09,072 --> 00:07:10,699
And tell him to bring
some brews!

180
00:07:10,782 --> 00:07:13,035
For real? Y-Y-Y-You
would stay as Tiny Rick,

181
00:07:13,118 --> 00:07:14,836
just so we can have a party?

182
00:07:14,911 --> 00:07:16,584
Hell, yeah!
What's one more night?

183
00:07:16,663 --> 00:07:19,132
And who can have fun with this
old bastard hanging around, huh?

184
00:07:19,374 --> 00:07:21,752
Wubby lubby doob doob!

185
00:07:21,835 --> 00:07:23,508
- Whoo!
- Tiny Rick!

186
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,474
Moving on.
Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith

187
00:07:28,550 --> 00:07:30,473
from the planet E-Arth.

188
00:07:30,552 --> 00:07:32,520
- My heart is pounding.
- This is gonna be great.

189
00:07:32,595 --> 00:07:34,518
The E-Arth relationships
are simpler.

190
00:07:34,597 --> 00:07:37,191
It's a primitive planet,
so their dysfunctions are oh —

191
00:07:37,434 --> 00:07:38,981
W-Wait, what?
What's going on?

192
00:07:39,060 --> 00:07:40,733
Where are the Smith mythologues?

193
00:07:45,817 --> 00:07:46,909
Oh, my god.

194
00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:49,913
Aah! Aah!

195
00:07:49,988 --> 00:07:53,037
- Oh, my god.
- Secure the cell!

196
00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:54,993
Aaaah!

197
00:07:55,076 --> 00:07:57,545
Uh, hey! You know what's fun?
Our gift shop.

198
00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,418
Why don't we proceed
in an orderly —

199
00:08:02,375 --> 00:08:03,547
Oh, dear god, no.

200
00:08:03,626 --> 00:08:06,880
They're codependent!
Run!

201
00:08:09,049 --> 00:08:10,050
Oh!

202
00:08:15,889 --> 00:08:17,687
Oh, yeah, yeah,
you really know how

203
00:08:17,766 --> 00:08:19,894
to sport that color blue.
- Really?

204
00:08:19,976 --> 00:08:21,899
- You're looking real good.
- Oh, my god.

205
00:08:21,978 --> 00:08:23,980
- Hey, Morty.
- Oh, hey — hey, Jessica.

206
00:08:24,064 --> 00:08:27,568
So, is Tiny Rick your
brother or cousin, or...?

207
00:08:27,650 --> 00:08:29,618
No, my grandpa just
transferred his consciousness

208
00:08:29,694 --> 00:08:32,038
into a clone of himself
so he could be in our high school.

209
00:08:32,113 --> 00:08:33,410
Cool.

210
00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:35,538
Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar.

211
00:08:35,617 --> 00:08:36,789
All right, everybody.

212
00:08:36,868 --> 00:08:38,541
This next one's coming
straight from the heart.

213
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:40,622
Making the lyrics up
right off the top of my head.

214
00:09:07,899 --> 00:09:09,742
Tiny Rick!
Thanks, everybody!

215
00:09:09,818 --> 00:09:10,944
This guy's amazing!

216
00:09:11,027 --> 00:09:11,949
- I love Tiny Rick!
- Bad. Ass.

217
00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:14,827
Yeah!

218
00:09:23,957 --> 00:09:24,958
Aah!

219
00:09:33,591 --> 00:09:34,934
Huh?

220
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:36,682
What the fuck?

221
00:09:36,761 --> 00:09:38,684
Yeah, I know! What kind
of operation are you running?

222
00:09:38,763 --> 00:09:41,482
Us? What the hell kind of
relationship do you have?

223
00:09:41,558 --> 00:09:42,855
Oh, right, blame this on us.

224
00:09:42,934 --> 00:09:46,154
Okay, uh, I can and I am!

225
00:09:46,229 --> 00:09:49,824
Your demonized mythologizations
of each other are cooperating.

226
00:09:49,899 --> 00:09:53,153
- Isn't that good?
- No. No! It's bad!

227
00:09:53,236 --> 00:09:56,285
You have the single worst
marriage I've ever witnessed.

228
00:09:56,531 --> 00:09:58,124
It shouldn't exist!

229
00:09:58,199 --> 00:10:00,201
You should never, ever, ever,
have gotten together

230
00:10:00,285 --> 00:10:02,959
and I do not understand
how, or why,

231
00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:05,005
you would ever stay together.

232
00:10:05,081 --> 00:10:06,333
Aaah!

233
00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:07,880
Well, this is just
bad couples' therapy.

234
00:10:07,959 --> 00:10:09,256
Totally.

235
00:10:14,591 --> 00:10:17,219
- Wait for us!
- There's only room for one more.

236
00:10:17,302 --> 00:10:19,054
I'm a therapist.
I'll talk to them.

237
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:21,890
They're not therapists.
Go, go, go!

238
00:10:21,973 --> 00:10:24,021
There's gotta be a way
to contact my dad.

239
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,977
Let's find a control room
or something.

240
00:10:31,274 --> 00:10:33,026
Beth! You'll want to see this.

241
00:10:33,109 --> 00:10:35,578
- What is it?
- It's a small, hinged panel...

242
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:38,327
with a tiny amount
of space behind it.

243
00:10:38,406 --> 00:10:40,283
If you can find one, too,

244
00:10:40,366 --> 00:10:43,586
we should be safe for hours,
maybe days!

245
00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:46,039
You stay put, Jerry.

246
00:10:46,122 --> 00:10:48,375
I'll send help, if I make it.

247
00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:50,343
You don't want to find
your own little hatch?

248
00:10:50,585 --> 00:10:53,179
Jerry, I believe that,
if you hide by yourself,

249
00:10:53,254 --> 00:10:55,473
you might survive
and I believe I,

250
00:10:55,548 --> 00:10:57,642
by myself, have a shot
of getting out of here,

251
00:10:57,717 --> 00:11:00,470
but the two of us, together?

252
00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:01,930
I don't know.

253
00:11:02,013 --> 00:11:03,936
Look, maybe the shrink
was right.

254
00:11:04,015 --> 00:11:06,268
Good luck.

255
00:11:09,354 --> 00:11:10,526
All right, now,
you listen to me.

256
00:11:10,605 --> 00:11:11,731
Oh! Or don't.

257
00:11:11,814 --> 00:11:13,782
Hey! Don't! Please!

258
00:11:16,861 --> 00:11:18,329
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!

259
00:11:18,404 --> 00:11:20,202
Now, I know I've said,
in the past,

260
00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:22,033
that math is important —
And it is! —

261
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,494
But I also think that,
one day, you'll all look back

262
00:11:24,577 --> 00:11:28,172
on being in high school
with Tiny Rick and Morty,

263
00:11:28,248 --> 00:11:31,252
who I hear had a great
party last night.

264
00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:34,634
So, class dismissed.
You've got the day off!

265
00:11:34,712 --> 00:11:36,885
All right! Good work,
Mr. Goldenfold!

266
00:11:36,965 --> 00:11:38,842
Yeah, get outside.
Read a book.

267
00:11:38,925 --> 00:11:40,347
Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!

268
00:11:40,426 --> 00:11:42,099
Hey, what's up, Summer?
Ooh, nice top.

269
00:11:42,178 --> 00:11:44,101
Thanks. Tiny Rick,
you think you might be

270
00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:45,807
getting back into
your old body tonight?

271
00:11:45,890 --> 00:11:47,813
No can do.
Tonight's the big dance.

272
00:11:47,892 --> 00:11:50,270
And Marty's bringing Jessica.
He needs his tiny wing man.

273
00:11:50,353 --> 00:11:52,071
Tiny Rick!

274
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,740
Okay, but if not tonight, when?

275
00:11:54,816 --> 00:11:56,284
I don't know.
When I feel like it?

276
00:11:56,359 --> 00:11:58,282
Damn, girl!
You need to chill out!

277
00:11:58,361 --> 00:12:00,455
This whole thing was your
idea, in the first place,

278
00:12:00,697 --> 00:12:02,290
and, now, you're trying
to rush it along.

279
00:12:02,365 --> 00:12:04,117
Yeah, and you know what?
I like high school.

280
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,918
I like hanging out.
Tiny Rick!

281
00:12:05,994 --> 00:12:08,713
But what if the you
that likes it isn't you?

282
00:12:08,788 --> 00:12:10,381
Oh!

283
00:12:10,456 --> 00:12:12,049
Oh, Summer!

284
00:12:12,125 --> 00:12:13,843
It's just Rick
in a younger body.

285
00:12:13,918 --> 00:12:15,215
What's the — What's —
What's — What's —

286
00:12:15,295 --> 00:12:16,547
What's the —
What's the problem?

287
00:12:16,629 --> 00:12:18,302
Look at his art, Morty.

288
00:12:18,381 --> 00:12:21,134
I've got an emo streak.
Part of what makes me so rad.

289
00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:23,766
Why does it say "help me
Morty and Summer!"?

290
00:12:23,845 --> 00:12:26,098
Come on, Summer,
that's the title of the art.

291
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,228
Why was Knight Rider
called Knight Rider?

292
00:12:28,308 --> 00:12:30,561
The car's name was Kitt.
Nobody rode Michael Knight.

293
00:12:30,643 --> 00:12:33,271
You're overthinking it, Summer.
I'm Tiny Rick!

294
00:12:33,354 --> 00:12:35,277
Grandpa, I think that,
when you put your mind

295
00:12:35,356 --> 00:12:36,949
into this body's young brain,

296
00:12:37,025 --> 00:12:38,572
it did what
young brains do —

297
00:12:38,651 --> 00:12:40,198
It shoved the bad
thoughts into the back

298
00:12:40,278 --> 00:12:42,030
and put a wall around them.

299
00:12:42,113 --> 00:12:44,332
But those bad thoughts
are the real Rick.

300
00:12:44,407 --> 00:12:46,125
The fact that you're old,

301
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,873
the fact that we're all
going to die one day,

302
00:12:47,952 --> 00:12:49,704
the fact that the universe
is so big,

303
00:12:49,787 --> 00:12:52,415
nothing in it matters —
Those facts are who you are.

304
00:12:52,498 --> 00:12:54,375
So you're trapped in there
and you can only come out

305
00:12:54,459 --> 00:12:57,053
in the form of
Tiny Rick's teen angst!

306
00:12:57,128 --> 00:12:59,472
Well, Summer, I hear

307
00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:01,845
Toby Matthews
isn't into psycho chicks.

308
00:13:01,924 --> 00:13:03,517
Can't think of anyone that is.

309
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,183
I'll see you motherfuckers
at the dance! Tiny Rick!

310
00:13:06,262 --> 00:13:07,889
Morty, you have to help me!

311
00:13:07,972 --> 00:13:09,895
Summer, he's happy!
I'm happy!

312
00:13:09,974 --> 00:13:11,692
I-I-Is that why
you're doing this,

313
00:13:11,768 --> 00:13:13,270
you don't want me
and Rick to be happy?

314
00:13:13,353 --> 00:13:15,276
- No.
- Then get your shit together!

315
00:13:15,355 --> 00:13:17,983
Get it all together
and put it in a backpack.

316
00:13:18,066 --> 00:13:20,785
All your shit, so it's together.

317
00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:23,280
And if you gotta
take it somewhere,

318
00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:24,740
take it somewhere, you know?

319
00:13:24,822 --> 00:13:26,290
Take it to the shit store
and sell it

320
00:13:26,366 --> 00:13:28,619
o-or put it in a shit museum.
I don't care what you do!

321
00:13:28,701 --> 00:13:30,294
You just gotta get it together.

322
00:13:31,371 --> 00:13:33,373
Get your shit together.

323
00:13:38,169 --> 00:13:40,388
Get back!

324
00:13:40,463 --> 00:13:43,091
Wait, for real?

325
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,553
You're how Beth sees me?

326
00:13:46,803 --> 00:13:49,556
Oh, my god.
Turn around!

327
00:13:49,806 --> 00:13:51,399
I said turn around!

328
00:13:51,474 --> 00:13:53,647
How can Beth have
these thoughts about me?

329
00:13:53,726 --> 00:13:56,320
That judgmental monster bitch!

330
00:13:56,396 --> 00:13:58,114
I'm not taking this.

331
00:13:58,189 --> 00:13:59,532
I want to know where my wife is.

332
00:13:59,774 --> 00:14:01,572
You are going to help me.

333
00:14:01,818 --> 00:14:03,866
No!
Nobody's doing that!

334
00:14:06,739 --> 00:14:08,662
Stay.

335
00:14:08,741 --> 00:14:11,494
- What do you want?
- Jerrys.

336
00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:14,547
You want Jerry?
I don't even want Jerry.

337
00:14:14,789 --> 00:14:17,338
I want Jerrys.

338
00:14:19,001 --> 00:14:20,548
An army.

339
00:14:20,795 --> 00:14:23,014
An army of Jerrys.

340
00:14:23,089 --> 00:14:26,684
The value of his subservience
is wasted on you.

341
00:14:26,759 --> 00:14:29,933
I will use it to dominate
the universe.

342
00:14:30,012 --> 00:14:31,730
Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must
think I'm pretty stupid,

343
00:14:31,806 --> 00:14:33,353
for you to be this stupid.

344
00:14:33,433 --> 00:14:34,980
Wouldn't it make more sense

345
00:14:35,059 --> 00:14:36,982
to put my dumb-ass husband
in this chair,

346
00:14:37,061 --> 00:14:38,984
so you can make an army
of your badass self?

347
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,571
There could never be more
than one of me.

348
00:14:42,650 --> 00:14:45,620
I'm the strongest,
smartest being alive

349
00:14:45,862 --> 00:14:48,615
because Jerry thinks
you're that much stronger

350
00:14:48,865 --> 00:14:51,960
and smarter than you are!

351
00:14:52,034 --> 00:14:54,378
Okay, ouch.

352
00:14:59,250 --> 00:15:02,971
Oh, hey h-hey-y!
Morty, Jessica, what's up?

353
00:15:03,045 --> 00:15:04,513
Check out the new dance
I made up.

354
00:15:04,589 --> 00:15:06,557
It's called "Ooh let me out!"

355
00:15:25,318 --> 00:15:27,537
Awesome!

356
00:15:27,612 --> 00:15:29,410
Okay, that last part
was really weird.

357
00:15:29,489 --> 00:15:31,162
Maybe Summer's
on to something here.

358
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,492
I don't know.
It was fun.

359
00:15:32,575 --> 00:15:33,827
You want to slow dance?

360
00:15:38,915 --> 00:15:40,588
Tiny Rick, hey,
great dancing as usual.

361
00:15:40,666 --> 00:15:42,293
Moment of your time?

362
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,128
Tiny Rick, this conversation

363
00:15:44,212 --> 00:15:45,964
is gonna break
my heart wide open.

364
00:15:46,047 --> 00:15:47,594
You're a great student
and the fact that

365
00:15:47,673 --> 00:15:49,425
you're an 80-Year-Old man
in a clone body,

366
00:15:49,509 --> 00:15:51,102
it never bothered me.

367
00:15:51,177 --> 00:15:52,429
But this here is another matter.

368
00:15:52,512 --> 00:15:54,389
You recognize this?

369
00:15:54,472 --> 00:15:56,270
We got a tip
it was in your locker.

370
00:15:56,349 --> 00:15:58,272
Yeah, now, because
the gym coach was a vampire,

371
00:15:58,351 --> 00:16:00,024
the school board is embarrassed

372
00:16:00,102 --> 00:16:01,695
and won't take it public,
However,

373
00:16:01,938 --> 00:16:03,360
they can't have students
killin' teachers.

374
00:16:03,439 --> 00:16:05,362
I gotta expel you
for this one, TR.

375
00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:07,489
I'm sorry.

376
00:16:08,486 --> 00:16:10,409
I just got expelled, Summer!

377
00:16:10,488 --> 00:16:13,287
Oh! So I guess there's
no need to stay young.

378
00:16:13,366 --> 00:16:15,289
My top!
- Screw your top!

379
00:16:15,368 --> 00:16:17,120
You ratted on me?
I'm Tiny Rick!

380
00:16:17,203 --> 00:16:19,080
Fine! Yes!
Because I love you...

381
00:16:19,163 --> 00:16:21,040
and I'm trying
to save your life!

382
00:16:21,123 --> 00:16:23,467
High school is my life!

383
00:16:23,543 --> 00:16:25,466
Summer Smith is
a fucking psycho nerd

384
00:16:25,545 --> 00:16:27,593
and she just got me
kicked out of school!

385
00:16:33,052 --> 00:16:34,474
Boo!

386
00:16:34,554 --> 00:16:35,976
Summer, I thought you were cool!

387
00:16:36,055 --> 00:16:37,682
I'm sorry, okay?

388
00:16:37,765 --> 00:16:39,733
How can you be such a bitch?

389
00:16:39,976 --> 00:16:41,478
Oh, my god, Morty.

390
00:16:41,561 --> 00:16:43,734
Your sister crossed Tiny Rick?

391
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:45,698
Talk about
self-destructive.

392
00:16:45,773 --> 00:16:47,491
Yeah.

393
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,408
Hey, Jerry-Lover!

394
00:16:51,487 --> 00:16:53,535
How about a taste
of the real thing?

395
00:16:53,614 --> 00:16:55,616
Jerry!

396
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,577
Ah. Ah. Ah.

397
00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,958
Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah.

398
00:17:02,373 --> 00:17:04,967
Not on my watch.

399
00:17:05,042 --> 00:17:06,965
That's it!

400
00:17:07,044 --> 00:17:09,092
Beth, it's me, your husband!

401
00:17:09,171 --> 00:17:11,094
I'm here to save you.

402
00:17:11,173 --> 00:17:13,596
Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!

403
00:17:13,676 --> 00:17:15,144
- Aha!
- Yes!

404
00:17:15,219 --> 00:17:16,596
Jerry Smith!

405
00:17:16,679 --> 00:17:17,976
- Yeah, here.
- Aha!

406
00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:19,773
Okay, fair enough.

407
00:17:26,439 --> 00:17:28,737
Say goodnight, old man.

408
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:31,736
What the hell are you doing?
- Put it down!

409
00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,704
Summer, you bitch!

410
00:17:33,779 --> 00:17:35,781
Don't talk to her that way!
She's your granddaughter!

411
00:17:36,032 --> 00:17:38,251
I don't need a granddaughter!
I'm Tiny Ri-I-ck!

412
00:17:38,326 --> 00:17:40,249
She's my sister!
And if Tiny Rick is

413
00:17:40,328 --> 00:17:42,330
gonna be an asshole
to my sister, then,

414
00:17:42,413 --> 00:17:44,415
you know, y-y-you
may as well be old again.

415
00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,125
You think you're tough,
huh, Morty?

416
00:17:46,208 --> 00:17:47,585
What are you gonna do?
I'm Tiny Rick.

417
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:49,341
I'm the coolest kid
in your school.

418
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:51,468
How are you gonna just make me
do whatever you say, huh?

419
00:17:51,547 --> 00:17:53,641
I'm gonna do what real Rick
would do if he was here —

420
00:17:53,716 --> 00:17:55,684
I'm gonna kick your ass!

421
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,103
Ohhhh!

422
00:17:58,262 --> 00:18:00,640
Rick, I know you're in there!

423
00:18:00,723 --> 00:18:02,270
I know you're trying to get out!

424
00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:05,024
That's it, Morty!
Hold him down!

425
00:18:07,188 --> 00:18:09,691
I” Stay up all night J“

426
00:18:09,774 --> 00:18:12,698
Listen to it, Tiny Rick.
Listen to Elliott Smith.

427
00:18:12,777 --> 00:18:14,199
Ugh! No!

428
00:18:14,278 --> 00:18:15,746
Feel what he's feeling.

429
00:18:15,821 --> 00:18:18,995
Ugh! Noooooooo! God!

430
00:18:20,534 --> 00:18:22,536
Oh, god, what is life?

431
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:25,169
How can someone so talented
die so young?

432
00:18:25,247 --> 00:18:26,999
What is being young?

433
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:29,586
I'm not young. I'm old.
I'm — I'm gonna die.

434
00:18:29,669 --> 00:18:31,262
My body isn't real.

435
00:18:31,337 --> 00:18:33,180
Morty! Summer!
It's me!

436
00:18:33,255 --> 00:18:34,802
It's Rick! Regular Rick!

437
00:18:34,882 --> 00:18:36,759
Rick! How do we get you
back into your body?

438
00:18:36,842 --> 00:18:37,968
Okay, listen carefully.

439
00:18:38,052 --> 00:18:40,054
There's a set of diodes
on the vat's control panel,

440
00:18:40,137 --> 00:18:41,263
a blue one and a red one.

441
00:18:41,347 --> 00:18:43,349
Oh, god, what kind of world is this?
I didn't ask to be born.

442
00:18:43,432 --> 00:18:46,185
I need you to connect
the blue one to my left temple

443
00:18:46,268 --> 00:18:48,236
and the red one to —
Why doesn't anyone really like me?

444
00:18:48,312 --> 00:18:50,235
- Focus, Grandpa!
- Just put the stupid wires on my head!

445
00:18:50,314 --> 00:18:52,032
I hate being a teenager!

446
00:19:00,116 --> 00:19:01,868
Ugh! Arrgghh!

447
00:19:04,787 --> 00:19:07,256
Ah! Uhhhhh!

448
00:19:07,331 --> 00:19:09,629
Jerry, you can't bend metal.

449
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:11,711
Then make a me that can!
- How can I do that...

450
00:19:11,794 --> 00:19:14,422
while I'm watching you
totally fail to bend metal?

451
00:19:14,505 --> 00:19:15,973
Good old Beth!

452
00:19:16,048 --> 00:19:18,016
The mind of a robot
and the heart of an insect!

453
00:19:18,092 --> 00:19:19,844
Don't talk that way about her!

454
00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:21,975
What?

455
00:19:22,054 --> 00:19:24,352
Oh, it hurts!

456
00:19:24,432 --> 00:19:25,649
Oh, god.

457
00:19:28,561 --> 00:19:29,983
Stop.

458
00:19:30,062 --> 00:19:33,737
This representation
displeases me.

459
00:19:33,816 --> 00:19:35,534
Aaah!

460
00:19:39,822 --> 00:19:41,870
Good lord.
How did you...?

461
00:19:42,116 --> 00:19:43,743
Well, I had a feeling
that, in your mind,

462
00:19:43,826 --> 00:19:45,578
the ideal version of me
is one smart enough

463
00:19:45,661 --> 00:19:47,334
to see you as...

464
00:19:47,413 --> 00:19:48,915
a goddess.

465
00:19:49,165 --> 00:19:51,293
Not such a stupid worm
now, are you?

466
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:54,003
Honey, when it comes
to the subject of your ego,

467
00:19:54,086 --> 00:19:56,054
I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson.

468
00:19:56,130 --> 00:19:58,599
Ugh, it's —
Never mind.

469
00:19:58,674 --> 00:20:00,392
I love you.

470
00:20:07,266 --> 00:20:08,939
- Rick!
- Pants!

471
00:20:09,185 --> 00:20:11,062
Holy shit!
Thanks, kids.

472
00:20:11,145 --> 00:20:13,193
You figured it out.
Well, Summer did.

473
00:20:13,272 --> 00:20:15,274
Kind of weird that
you were that willing

474
00:20:15,357 --> 00:20:17,359
to sell my existence out
for some trim, Morty.

475
00:20:17,443 --> 00:20:18,911
- What?
- Pants!

476
00:20:19,153 --> 00:20:20,871
But listen — I forgive you both
because you know what?

477
00:20:20,946 --> 00:20:22,789
I learned, today,
something important —

478
00:20:22,865 --> 00:20:24,492
The teenage mind
is its own worst enemy.

479
00:20:24,575 --> 00:20:25,792
Oh, I also learned this...

480
00:20:27,745 --> 00:20:30,749
Operation Phoenix is not
the fallback I thought it would be.

481
00:20:30,831 --> 00:20:32,504
I guess it's back
to the drawing board.

482
00:20:32,583 --> 00:20:34,051
Oh, my god!

483
00:20:34,126 --> 00:20:35,423
Oh, my god!

484
00:20:35,503 --> 00:20:38,302
- Oh, my god.
- Put some pants on!

485
00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:39,552
Put pants on.

486
00:20:39,632 --> 00:20:41,509
Grandpa's back, baby!

487
00:20:41,592 --> 00:20:42,718
Grandpa's —

488
00:20:42,802 --> 00:20:44,645
Oh, man, I gotta pick up
your parents.

489
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,563
They have been blowin' me up.

490
00:20:46,639 --> 00:20:47,765
One last swing for the road!

491
00:20:47,848 --> 00:20:49,395
Aaaaaaaaaaah!

492
00:20:49,475 --> 00:20:50,897
For the love of god,
get dressed!

493
00:20:53,437 --> 00:20:55,531
So, what do you think?
You wanna...

494
00:20:55,606 --> 00:20:57,279
keep this marriage
going a while longer?

495
00:20:57,358 --> 00:21:00,783
At least until Morty has
graduated high school.

496
00:21:00,861 --> 00:21:02,488
Oh. Mm.

497
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,826
Aha, you see?
What did I tell you two?

498
00:21:06,909 --> 00:21:08,206
It worked.

499
00:21:08,285 --> 00:21:09,787
You know what, Rick?
I guess, in a way —

500
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:11,998
Already lost interest.
Get in the car.

501
00:21:12,248 --> 00:21:13,545
I've been inside a kid
all day and, now,

502
00:21:13,624 --> 00:21:15,092
I can feel my bones
scraping each other.

503
00:21:15,167 --> 00:21:17,295
Uh, just so you're prepared,

504
00:21:17,378 --> 00:21:19,301
there's a bunch of dead mes
in the garage.

505
00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:22,725
Huh! Sounds like our stories
were connected by a theme.

506
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,973
Not really, Jerry.

507
00:21:25,052 --> 00:21:28,352
Probably a cosmetic connection
your mind mistakes for thematic.

508
00:21:28,430 --> 00:21:29,852
Oh.

509
00:21:29,932 --> 00:21:31,934
Old Rick!
Ruinin' everything!

510
00:22:07,219 --> 00:22:08,971
- Master.
- Speak.

511
00:22:09,054 --> 00:22:12,149
Coach Feratu's presence was
discovered by the humans.

512
00:22:12,224 --> 00:22:14,477
He has been destroyed.
- No bother.

513
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,153
The mortals shall soon —

514
00:22:16,228 --> 00:22:17,354
I'm sorry, what did you
say his name was?

515
00:22:17,438 --> 00:22:19,281
- Coach Feratu.
- Coach Feratu.

516
00:22:19,356 --> 00:22:21,609
That was his real name,
like his actual vampire name?

517
00:22:21,692 --> 00:22:23,740
No no no no. His vampire
name was Balik Alistane.

518
00:22:23,819 --> 00:22:25,446
Why the fuck
would he name himself

519
00:22:25,529 --> 00:22:27,281
after a famous vampire movie?
Was he doing a bit?

520
00:22:27,364 --> 00:22:28,616
I do not know, your unholiness.

521
00:22:28,699 --> 00:22:30,326
Jesus fucking Christ.

522
00:22:30,409 --> 00:22:32,878
From now on, no more of
this clever-name bullshit.

523
00:22:32,953 --> 00:22:34,546
When a vampire is pretending
to be a human,

524
00:22:34,622 --> 00:22:35,839
they can just call themselves

525
00:22:35,915 --> 00:22:37,667
Alan Jefferson
or something like that.

526
00:22:37,750 --> 00:22:39,047
It's crazy, right?

527
00:22:39,126 --> 00:22:40,423
I mean, am I being an asshole?

528
00:22:40,502 --> 00:22:42,049
Okay, I feel like
everybody in the room

529
00:22:42,129 --> 00:22:43,301
is looking at me like
I'm the buzzkill.

530
00:22:43,380 --> 00:22:44,381
I'm not?

531
00:22:44,465 --> 00:22:47,844
Good. Okay. Great.

532
00:22:49,428 --> 00:22:50,850
Did you get any of that?

533
00:22:50,930 --> 00:22:52,853
It's-a good-a show!

534
00:22:55,060 --> 00:23:01,060
Ripped By mstoll