1
00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:16,510
Hey, golf is easy now!

2
00:00:16,585 --> 00:00:19,338
Aah! Golf is hard again!
Golf is hard again!

3
00:00:19,421 --> 00:00:21,469
The view from here
is the same as yours, Jim.

4
00:00:21,548 --> 00:00:23,642
A giant head
has entered Earth's gravity,

5
00:00:23,717 --> 00:00:25,765
triggering climate change
and natural disasters

6
00:00:25,844 --> 00:00:28,768
we thought were impossible for
at least another eight years.

7
00:00:28,847 --> 00:00:30,349
Let's not
make this political, Terry.

8
00:00:30,432 --> 00:00:32,651
Do we know
what this giant head wants?

9
00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:36,233
Show me what you got.

10
00:00:36,313 --> 00:00:41,786
Jim, you heard the... said —
"Show me what you got."

11
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:43,578
Show me what you got.

12
00:00:43,654 --> 00:00:45,748
I want to see what you got.

13
00:00:45,822 --> 00:00:47,574
Oh, boy. Time to go, Morty.

14
00:00:47,658 --> 00:00:48,625
Uh, where?

15
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:49,952
The Pentagon.

16
00:00:50,035 --> 00:00:51,753
I mean, not the Pentagon.

17
00:00:51,828 --> 00:00:53,671
The lame one here on Earth.

18
00:00:58,110 --> 00:01:04,110
Ripped By mstoll

19
00:01:26,321 --> 00:01:27,288
Is it God?

20
00:01:27,364 --> 00:01:28,866
If it's God,
do we get out of school?

21
00:01:28,949 --> 00:01:30,622
It's not God, Summer.

22
00:01:30,701 --> 00:01:32,920
She's allowed to think it's God
if she wants, honey.

23
00:01:32,994 --> 00:01:33,836
Shut up, Jerry.

24
00:01:33,912 --> 00:01:34,788
Okay.

25
00:01:35,789 --> 00:01:37,541
Dad, what do you know
about this?

26
00:01:37,624 --> 00:01:38,876
Morty and I
are going to look into it.

27
00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:40,051
You guys hold tight.

28
00:01:43,046 --> 00:01:45,265
Scary stuff, huh?
Pretty freaky.

29
00:01:45,340 --> 00:01:46,717
Hi.
I'm Morty's math teacher.

30
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,894
I'm also part of the
street team inviting folks

31
00:01:48,969 --> 00:01:51,472
to the church downtown
so we can pray together.

32
00:01:51,555 --> 00:01:52,977
How is praying going to help?

33
00:01:53,056 --> 00:01:55,354
Ma'am, a giant head in the sky
is controlling the weather.

34
00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:57,436
Did you want to play checkers?
Let's be rational!

35
00:01:57,519 --> 00:01:59,521
I'll see you at God's house!

36
00:02:02,858 --> 00:02:05,577
Gentlemen, gentlemen!
One at a time! Simon?

37
00:02:05,652 --> 00:02:07,871
Seti, Norad, and every
broadcaster on the planet

38
00:02:07,946 --> 00:02:10,290
are attempting to show this
being what humanity's got —

39
00:02:10,365 --> 00:02:12,413
String Theory, World History,
the Human Genome —

40
00:02:12,492 --> 00:02:14,494
Have you tried
sending it launch codes?

41
00:02:14,578 --> 00:02:16,751
Mr. President,
what America's got

42
00:02:16,830 --> 00:02:19,504
is 70,000 megatons
of kaboom-boom,

43
00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:22,803
and I say we show it right
up this floating head's ass.

44
00:02:22,878 --> 00:02:24,050
No, you need to let me talk!

45
00:02:24,129 --> 00:02:25,381
Shut up!

46
00:02:25,464 --> 00:02:26,761
Hold it! Don't move!

47
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,684
Stay back! This watch
turns people into snakes!

48
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:33,930
Oh!

49
00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:36,062
Stand down!
Everybody, stand down!

50
00:02:36,141 --> 00:02:38,690
I'm the leader of these people,
and I'm unarmed.

51
00:02:38,769 --> 00:02:41,318
There's no need
for any more snake-makery.

52
00:02:41,396 --> 00:02:42,613
My name is Rick Sanchez.

53
00:02:42,689 --> 00:02:43,906
This here is my grandson, Morty.

54
00:02:43,982 --> 00:02:45,734
- Hi, Morty.
- Hey.

55
00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:47,615
I've seen enough of the Galaxy
to know what we've got here

56
00:02:47,694 --> 00:02:50,072
is a Cromulon
from the Signus Five Expanse.

57
00:02:50,155 --> 00:02:53,034
So you can forget about nukes,
and you can forget about math.

58
00:02:53,116 --> 00:02:54,618
This head won't go away

59
00:02:54,701 --> 00:02:56,624
until Earth
shows them it's got...

60
00:02:56,703 --> 00:02:58,376
a hit song.

61
00:02:58,455 --> 00:02:59,923
- A hit song?
- We can't possibly —

62
00:02:59,998 --> 00:03:02,000
- You mean like Vivaldi?
- No, Frasier.

63
00:03:02,083 --> 00:03:05,508
A live performance of a newly
written, catchy original song.

64
00:03:05,587 --> 00:03:07,055
The Cromulon feed on
the talent and showmanship

65
00:03:07,130 --> 00:03:08,677
of less-evolved
life-forms.

66
00:03:08,757 --> 00:03:10,509
All right, all right.
Thank you, Mr. Sanchez.

67
00:03:10,592 --> 00:03:11,718
Change of plan, people.

68
00:03:11,802 --> 00:03:12,928
Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman,

69
00:03:13,011 --> 00:03:15,890
Billy Corgan,
and The-Dream.

70
00:03:15,972 --> 00:03:16,973
The-Dream?

71
00:03:17,516 --> 00:03:19,063
He wrote "Umbrella"
and "Single Ladies"?

72
00:03:19,142 --> 00:03:20,894
You people
haven't heard of The-Dream?

73
00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:22,900
You're gonna want to put them
on that giant speaker system

74
00:03:22,979 --> 00:03:24,947
at your sonic testing
facility at Area 51.

75
00:03:25,023 --> 00:03:26,400
How do you know about that?

76
00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:27,530
For god's sake, Nathan,

77
00:03:27,609 --> 00:03:28,735
the man turns people
into snakes.

78
00:03:28,819 --> 00:03:30,492
He can use Google maps.

79
00:03:30,570 --> 00:03:32,072
Sir, Pharrell, Newman,
Corgan, and that Dream guy —

80
00:03:32,155 --> 00:03:33,953
- They're all dead.
- What?

81
00:03:34,032 --> 00:03:36,581
How is that possible? Do people
just die when I name them?

82
00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:37,957
The Grammys, sir.

83
00:03:38,036 --> 00:03:40,380
There was an earthquake
and... all the musicians,

84
00:03:40,455 --> 00:03:42,878
all the famous ones...
they're gone.

85
00:03:42,958 --> 00:03:44,130
Dear god.

86
00:03:44,209 --> 00:03:45,131
Hold on, sir.
Just a minute.

87
00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:46,962
Ice-T survived.

88
00:03:47,045 --> 00:03:49,969
He's inbound on an F-15,
E.T.A. two hours.

89
00:03:50,048 --> 00:03:51,595
Good luck,
Mr. President.

90
00:03:51,675 --> 00:03:53,518
Sir, the magnetic poles
are about to reverse.

91
00:03:53,593 --> 00:03:55,687
In two hours, there may not be
an Earth to save.

92
00:03:55,762 --> 00:03:57,890
Sanchez?
Are you a musician?

93
00:03:57,973 --> 00:03:59,725
I dabble,
Mr. President.

94
00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:02,857
Get this man and his grandson
on a Black Hawk to Area 51.

95
00:04:02,936 --> 00:04:06,065
People! Everyone!
Remain calm!

96
00:04:06,147 --> 00:04:09,868
Every crisis of faith is
an opportunity for more faith.

97
00:04:09,943 --> 00:04:12,696
When God deals you an 11,
you don't fold!

98
00:04:12,779 --> 00:04:13,905
You double down!

99
00:04:13,989 --> 00:04:15,866
And always hit on a soft 16.

100
00:04:15,949 --> 00:04:17,542
That means you, Jews.

101
00:04:17,617 --> 00:04:20,086
I beg your pardon, Pastor,
but the last I looked outside,

102
00:04:20,161 --> 00:04:22,960
it seems to be you
that's been dealt the weak hand.

103
00:04:23,039 --> 00:04:24,882
Jews rule!

104
00:04:24,958 --> 00:04:26,881
Nobody?
Okay, tough church.

105
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,132
Hi.
Principal Vagina —

106
00:04:28,211 --> 00:04:30,009
The name's real,
possibly Scandinavian.

107
00:04:30,088 --> 00:04:31,681
I'm just gonna come out
and make this pitch —

108
00:04:31,756 --> 00:04:33,008
The old gods are dead.

109
00:04:33,091 --> 00:04:35,594
Fuck all previous
existing religions.

110
00:04:35,677 --> 00:04:37,850
All hail
the one true God —

111
00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:40,057
The giant head in the sky.

112
00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:41,687
- Children of God!
- Ah-ta-ta-ta!

113
00:04:41,766 --> 00:04:43,018
Bob, Bob, I get it.

114
00:04:43,101 --> 00:04:45,695
But unless this can beat that,

115
00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:47,613
what have you
done for me lately?

116
00:04:47,689 --> 00:04:48,906
So, if you'll all excuse me,

117
00:04:48,982 --> 00:04:50,609
I'm going out onto the sidewalk,

118
00:04:50,692 --> 00:04:52,820
I'm dropping to my knees,
and pledging my eternal soul

119
00:04:52,903 --> 00:04:55,577
to the thing that literally
controls the fucking weather.

120
00:04:55,655 --> 00:04:57,032
Out of my way.

121
00:04:57,115 --> 00:04:58,116
Okay.

122
00:04:58,575 --> 00:05:01,624
If sanity's been restored
to this assembly,

123
00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:05,048
I'd like to talk about the cost
of repairing our new organ.

124
00:05:05,123 --> 00:05:06,670
Sally, the plate, please.

125
00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:08,878
Oh!
This is my favorite part!

126
00:05:10,545 --> 00:05:12,047
Rick, are you really a musician?

127
00:05:12,130 --> 00:05:13,677
Who's not a musician, Morty?

128
00:05:13,757 --> 00:05:15,634
- Me!
- Yeah, not with that attitude.

129
00:05:15,717 --> 00:05:17,594
We're in the drop zone!
I'm the jumpmaster!

130
00:05:17,677 --> 00:05:19,179
My name's Jamey —
With an e-y!

131
00:05:19,262 --> 00:05:20,605
Go, go, go!

132
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,182
B-but —
But we don't have a song!

133
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,563
Giant head in the sky, please
forgive all that we've done.

134
00:05:24,643 --> 00:05:26,645
We're sorry for our
increased levels of emissions

135
00:05:26,728 --> 00:05:28,696
and our racism
and, of course, the amber alerts

136
00:05:28,772 --> 00:05:30,115
I keep ignoring on my phone.

137
00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:32,033
Whoa!

138
00:05:33,818 --> 00:05:36,071
All right, Morty.
Let's get — let's do it.

139
00:05:36,154 --> 00:05:37,952
Why don't you, uh, find a button
on one of those keyboards

140
00:05:38,031 --> 00:05:39,203
and lay down some kind of beat?

141
00:05:39,282 --> 00:05:40,829
Rick, I think
we need to cut our losses.

142
00:05:40,909 --> 00:05:42,582
W-we get our family
and portal out of here!

143
00:05:42,661 --> 00:05:45,005
Morty, good music comes from
people who are relaxed.

144
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:46,957
Just hit a button, Morty!
Give me a beat!

145
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,667
Oh, man. Okay.
All right, um...

146
00:06:03,765 --> 00:06:06,143
Get "Schwifty"?
What the hell is that?

147
00:06:06,226 --> 00:06:09,105
It's our world's best effort.
That's what.

148
00:06:17,696 --> 00:06:19,243
"Mr. Bulldops"?

149
00:06:19,322 --> 00:06:20,744
Don't analyze it, Nathan.
It's working!

150
00:06:28,289 --> 00:06:32,135
and third-level donors
get our all-access family pass.

151
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:34,087
Listen!
The storm is stopping!

152
00:06:39,134 --> 00:06:41,512
Hmm.

153
00:06:42,804 --> 00:06:44,806
Please be kind to us,
for we are but tiny things

154
00:06:44,889 --> 00:06:46,891
with entire bodies,
stuck to your ground.

155
00:06:46,975 --> 00:06:51,902
I like what you got!
Good job!

156
00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:53,982
- Yeah!
- Whoo!

157
00:06:54,232 --> 00:06:55,154
We did it!

158
00:06:57,110 --> 00:06:58,737
What do you know?
He was right!

159
00:06:58,820 --> 00:07:01,073
- Hooray Principal Vagina!
- Yeah, I'll take it.

160
00:07:01,156 --> 00:07:02,248
Now, hold on a second!

161
00:07:02,323 --> 00:07:04,200
Let's be rational about this.

162
00:07:05,243 --> 00:07:06,836
No, I'm —
I'm just saying,

163
00:07:06,911 --> 00:07:09,039
we don't know there's
a cause-effect relationship —

164
00:07:09,122 --> 00:07:10,749
Oh, my god!

165
00:07:10,832 --> 00:07:11,754
What is going on now?

166
00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:13,005
Whoa! Whoa!

167
00:07:20,425 --> 00:07:21,972
What the hell happened?

168
00:07:22,052 --> 00:07:23,895
Mr. President,
you're gonna want to see this.

169
00:07:23,970 --> 00:07:26,189
I think planet Earth
has just been transported.

170
00:07:26,264 --> 00:07:28,892
The Head has left
and sent its children.

171
00:07:28,975 --> 00:07:30,693
Holy crap!

172
00:07:30,769 --> 00:07:33,648
Oh, dear giant Head, we
apologize for that discussion.

173
00:07:33,730 --> 00:07:35,357
It will never happen again.

174
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,158
Oh, dear —
Oh, dear giant Head...

175
00:07:38,902 --> 00:07:40,904
Sir, we started picking up on
a garbled signal.

176
00:07:40,987 --> 00:07:42,159
We're decrypting it now.

177
00:07:43,823 --> 00:07:46,326
We asked them
to show us what they got,

178
00:07:46,409 --> 00:07:48,207
and they did.

179
00:07:48,286 --> 00:07:51,256
Now we'll see which of them
has got the most.

180
00:07:51,331 --> 00:07:55,802
24 hours, 5 planets, 5 songs.

181
00:07:55,877 --> 00:07:58,255
But in the end,
there can only be one...

182
00:07:58,338 --> 00:08:00,215
Planet Music!

183
00:08:00,298 --> 00:08:01,891
All participation
is involuntary.

184
00:08:01,966 --> 00:08:03,218
Disqualified and losing planets

185
00:08:03,301 --> 00:08:05,224
are disintegrated by plasma ray.

186
00:08:05,303 --> 00:08:07,021
Uh, it's probably a bad time
to mention it,

187
00:08:07,097 --> 00:08:10,317
but any astronauts you guys had
in orbit are definitely dead.

188
00:08:12,769 --> 00:08:14,942
Welcome back to "Planet Music"!

189
00:08:15,021 --> 00:08:16,648
First up,
let's hear the latest song

190
00:08:16,731 --> 00:08:20,110
from planet Parblesnops',
The Greeby Bobes!

191
00:08:20,193 --> 00:08:21,820
Show me what you got!

192
00:08:21,903 --> 00:08:24,122
Hold it, hold it.
Stop.

193
00:08:24,197 --> 00:08:26,666
Music isn't about
competition or captivity.

194
00:08:26,741 --> 00:08:28,789
If you love music,
you love freedom.

195
00:08:28,868 --> 00:08:31,667
Let these worlds be free!
Please!

196
00:08:31,746 --> 00:08:33,498
Disqualified.

197
00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:38,966
There's one every season.

198
00:08:39,045 --> 00:08:42,140
Moving on to
planet Arboles Mentirosos.

199
00:08:42,215 --> 00:08:46,766
Arbolian Mentirososians,
show us what you got!

200
00:08:46,845 --> 00:08:48,518
A2, 3, 4!

201
00:08:59,899 --> 00:09:02,152
Rick, Morty, Ice-T,
the timetable's moved up.

202
00:09:02,235 --> 00:09:03,828
Earth's on in six hours.

203
00:09:03,903 --> 00:09:05,997
Like we're not already
under enough pressure?

204
00:09:06,072 --> 00:09:07,949
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Yeah!

205
00:09:08,032 --> 00:09:11,002
Geez, Morty, the guy's just
doing his job. Take it easy.

206
00:09:11,077 --> 00:09:13,921
Rick, Ice-T, could you guys
take it less easy?

207
00:09:13,997 --> 00:09:15,999
We've got six hours
to come up with a song!

208
00:09:16,082 --> 00:09:17,800
Genius happens in
the moment, Morty.

209
00:09:17,876 --> 00:09:19,469
Well, can we at least
go get our family?

210
00:09:19,544 --> 00:09:20,670
You know, so we can
take them wis—

211
00:09:20,753 --> 00:09:22,175
With u—
With us if we lose?

212
00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:23,757
That's planning for
failure, Morty.

213
00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,183
Even dumber
than regular planning.

214
00:09:25,258 --> 00:09:26,259
Balls.

215
00:09:26,593 --> 00:09:28,015
Morty, Morty, stop.
Listen.

216
00:09:28,094 --> 00:09:29,687
There's only so much charge
left in this thing.

217
00:09:29,762 --> 00:09:31,480
If we portal home
from here and back,

218
00:09:31,556 --> 00:09:33,433
we're not gonna have enough
charge left to get off world.

219
00:09:33,516 --> 00:09:34,483
- Get it?
- What?

220
00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:35,776
- Yeah.
- You see?

221
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:37,024
I try to shelter you

222
00:09:37,103 --> 00:09:38,446
from certain realities
Morty,

223
00:09:38,521 --> 00:09:39,898
because if I let you
make me nervous,

224
00:09:39,981 --> 00:09:41,528
then we can't get schwifty.

225
00:09:41,608 --> 00:09:43,736
Stop saying it like
it's a thing! You made it up!

226
00:09:43,818 --> 00:09:45,195
Hey, Morty, could you lick my...

227
00:09:45,278 --> 00:09:46,746
balls, balls...

228
00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:48,448
Rick, cut it out!
It's not funny, Rick!

229
00:09:48,531 --> 00:09:51,205
I've seen enough.
These guys are one-hit wonders.

230
00:09:51,284 --> 00:09:52,536
And what's your plan, General?

231
00:09:52,619 --> 00:09:53,916
We still have
the nuclear option.

232
00:09:53,995 --> 00:09:56,043
On my word,
we can launch a missile

233
00:09:56,122 --> 00:09:58,216
at every one
of those heads in the sky.

234
00:09:58,291 --> 00:10:00,589
Our planet's held captive
on a live game show,

235
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,215
and your solution
is to shoot the audience?

236
00:10:02,295 --> 00:10:04,514
You can put your faith in nukes
if we get through this, General.

237
00:10:04,589 --> 00:10:07,217
Until then, I'll put mine
in Rick and Morty.

238
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:09,803
"Get Schwifty" was a jam.

239
00:10:09,886 --> 00:10:11,888
Hello?
Yes, sir, yeah.

240
00:10:11,971 --> 00:10:13,473
Eh, thank you, sir.
Thank you.

241
00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:15,934
He says he's proud
of what we're doing

242
00:10:16,017 --> 00:10:19,647
and hopes we have
a great ascension festival!

243
00:10:19,729 --> 00:10:20,696
Happy ascension!

244
00:10:20,772 --> 00:10:21,989
Happy ascension!

245
00:10:22,065 --> 00:10:23,942
We should pack up
and leave town now.

246
00:10:24,025 --> 00:10:26,778
I think it's inspiring that our
community is coping with fear

247
00:10:26,861 --> 00:10:29,159
in a way that involves a
festival and homemade ice cream.

248
00:10:29,239 --> 00:10:31,537
If you'd stop being
such an evangelical atheist,

249
00:10:31,616 --> 00:10:33,493
you might
start enjoying yourself.

250
00:10:33,576 --> 00:10:35,078
Whoa!
Look at you!

251
00:10:35,161 --> 00:10:36,708
You're wearing the hat
and everything!

252
00:10:36,788 --> 00:10:38,085
Here's yours!

253
00:10:38,164 --> 00:10:40,212
Mom, do you mind
if I cook dinner tonight?

254
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,259
Yeah, sure.
Wait. What?

255
00:10:42,335 --> 00:10:45,009
I love you guys.
You gave me life.

256
00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:46,715
And it's the will
of the many Heads

257
00:10:46,798 --> 00:10:48,846
that all children
honor their parents.

258
00:10:48,925 --> 00:10:50,222
Dinner sounds nice.

259
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:51,769
Pardon,
Mr. And Mrs. Smith.

260
00:10:51,844 --> 00:10:53,687
Summer, are you
coming to the ascension?

261
00:10:53,763 --> 00:10:56,016
Father, can we please
go to the ascension?

262
00:10:56,099 --> 00:10:57,817
Sure!
Let's go to the ascension.

263
00:10:57,892 --> 00:10:59,064
Wh-wh-what is it?

264
00:10:59,143 --> 00:11:01,271
We hereby send these
unwantables skyward

265
00:11:01,354 --> 00:11:03,903
that they might be inhaled
by the many Heads,

266
00:11:03,982 --> 00:11:07,077
later to be sneezed back to us
as better babies.

267
00:11:07,151 --> 00:11:09,279
Headward, free now to rise.

268
00:11:09,362 --> 00:11:11,285
Headward, free now to rise.

269
00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:12,786
Headward, free now to rise.

270
00:11:12,865 --> 00:11:15,539
Oh, yes! Yes!
Rise to the giant Head!

271
00:11:15,618 --> 00:11:17,165
You are free to be free!

272
00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:19,247
And squeegee comes up
from the garage, right?

273
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,003
But he's got a lobster
in one hand,

274
00:11:21,082 --> 00:11:22,959
the movie tickets in the other,
he's like, "I'm ready!"

275
00:11:24,335 --> 00:11:26,008
You gonna take a lobster
to see "Iron Man 3"?

276
00:11:26,087 --> 00:11:27,964
Ice-T!

277
00:11:28,047 --> 00:11:29,173
Ah, damn.

278
00:11:29,257 --> 00:11:31,259
We're out of
original-flavor Fig Newtons.

279
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:32,685
I should get going anyway.

280
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,012
Wait, wait, wait!
C-come on.

281
00:11:34,095 --> 00:11:36,097
H-hold on a second.
Hold on.

282
00:11:38,141 --> 00:11:39,814
- What?
- Damn.

283
00:11:39,892 --> 00:11:41,986
You didn't tell me you fuck
around with portals and shit.

284
00:11:42,061 --> 00:11:43,153
That's it!

285
00:11:43,229 --> 00:11:44,606
Whoa, whoa, Morty!
Give me that.

286
00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:45,861
You lied! You lied
about the charge!

287
00:11:45,940 --> 00:11:47,237
You were just being lazy!

288
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:48,318
Get back!
Sit down!

289
00:11:48,401 --> 00:11:49,698
Morty, just put it down.

290
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,029
You don't know
what you're doing.

291
00:11:51,112 --> 00:11:52,864
I'm going to go
find mom and dad!

292
00:11:52,947 --> 00:11:53,869
No!

293
00:11:53,948 --> 00:11:54,870
Oh shit.

294
00:11:54,949 --> 00:11:56,246
Oh shit.

295
00:12:08,129 --> 00:12:09,847
Oh shit.

296
00:12:09,922 --> 00:12:11,765
And then Ethan played guitar,
and we learned

297
00:12:11,841 --> 00:12:14,344
the seven contemplations
of the Head by singing them.

298
00:12:14,427 --> 00:12:16,270
It was really fun.

299
00:12:16,346 --> 00:12:17,689
Praise be the Head!

300
00:12:17,764 --> 00:12:20,062
- Praise be the...
- Yeah.

301
00:12:20,141 --> 00:12:21,984
Hi, folks.
Head Priest Vagina.

302
00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:23,858
Thanks for farming
all those potatoes.

303
00:12:23,936 --> 00:12:25,358
It's 6:00 p.m,
so if you're a parent,

304
00:12:25,438 --> 00:12:28,066
you're now entitled to
adoration from your children.

305
00:12:28,149 --> 00:12:29,742
I'm going to start dinner!

306
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,034
I don't know what to say.

307
00:12:31,110 --> 00:12:33,078
Summer
is doing really well here.

308
00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:35,907
She's aced every test
in potato class,

309
00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:38,084
and look how important
potatoes have become.

310
00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:41,880
She's not getting pregnant or
doing drugs or missing curfew.

311
00:12:41,954 --> 00:12:43,956
Please help me.
You can reach me if you try.

312
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,383
Please help me!

313
00:12:45,458 --> 00:12:47,631
That's not our business
as long as Summer is thriving.

314
00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,383
Taco time!

315
00:12:49,462 --> 00:12:51,840
I hope it pleases you
as the Head desires.

316
00:12:51,923 --> 00:12:53,391
That's wonderful, Summer.

317
00:12:53,466 --> 00:12:55,139
We're so proud of you.

318
00:12:55,218 --> 00:12:57,641
But obviously you don't have to
make dinner every night.

319
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,064
Of course I do, silly!

320
00:13:00,139 --> 00:13:03,109
Oh, my god, daddy!
I'm sorry I called you silly!

321
00:13:03,184 --> 00:13:04,731
I'm so sorry!

322
00:13:04,811 --> 00:13:06,233
Heavenly Heads
and cranial creator,

323
00:13:06,312 --> 00:13:08,861
forgive my transgressions
against family and community.

324
00:13:08,940 --> 00:13:11,363
May my chores complete me
as I complete them.

325
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:27,966
Morty.

326
00:13:28,042 --> 00:13:28,838
Birdperson?

327
00:13:28,918 --> 00:13:29,885
You appear to be dying.

328
00:13:29,961 --> 00:13:31,338
I will make efforts
to prevent this

329
00:13:31,421 --> 00:13:32,798
but can promise nothing.

330
00:13:39,053 --> 00:13:41,101
Wh-what do you think, Ice?
Probably a little overdeveloped.

331
00:13:41,180 --> 00:13:43,979
Shit, overdeveloped,
underdeveloped —

332
00:13:44,058 --> 00:13:45,355
A bad song's a bad song.

333
00:13:45,435 --> 00:13:46,903
Well, do you think,
maybe —

334
00:13:46,978 --> 00:13:48,104
Could you give me
some help with it, or...?

335
00:13:48,187 --> 00:13:49,439
Aw, hell no, man.

336
00:13:49,522 --> 00:13:51,365
You do your thing,
but I can't afford to

337
00:13:51,441 --> 00:13:52,863
get my pride wrapped up
in your shame.

338
00:13:52,942 --> 00:13:54,285
You know what I'm saying?

339
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,237
Ice, I don't want to be
a negative Nelly or anything,

340
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,197
but if Morty doesn't
come back with my portal gun

341
00:13:58,281 --> 00:13:59,749
and I eat it out there,

342
00:13:59,824 --> 00:14:01,701
it's, uh, you know,
kind of your problem, too.

343
00:14:01,784 --> 00:14:04,708
Pfft! I ain't worried about
no Earth blowing up, man.

344
00:14:04,787 --> 00:14:06,039
What? Why not?

345
00:14:06,122 --> 00:14:08,966
Yo, this is why.

346
00:14:09,041 --> 00:14:11,089
What the fuck,
you can turn into ice?

347
00:14:11,169 --> 00:14:13,388
My story begins
at the dawn of time

348
00:14:13,463 --> 00:14:16,012
in the faraway realm
of Alphabetrium.

349
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:19,139
There, every being
is a letter of the alphabet.

350
00:14:19,218 --> 00:14:23,223
But I was frozen and exiled
to the cosmos by my elders

351
00:14:23,306 --> 00:14:26,310
as punishment for not
caring enough about anything.

352
00:14:26,392 --> 00:14:28,360
Earth is just
one of my many stops

353
00:14:28,436 --> 00:14:31,189
on a lifelong journey
with no destination.

354
00:14:31,272 --> 00:14:33,866
So you better believe
I don't care if it blows up,

355
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:37,036
because I'll just be
ice floating through space,

356
00:14:37,111 --> 00:14:38,738
like a comet.

357
00:14:38,821 --> 00:14:40,823
Take it from me, Ice,
you can't just

358
00:14:40,907 --> 00:14:43,251
Float around space
not caring about stuff forever.

359
00:14:43,326 --> 00:14:45,078
Pfft.
Man, watch me.

360
00:14:45,161 --> 00:14:46,834
Good luck, Rick.

361
00:14:50,583 --> 00:14:52,210
Okay, things are getting
out of hand.

362
00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:53,886
I better make sure
Rick has everything he needs

363
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,087
to get schwifty.

364
00:14:55,171 --> 00:14:56,923
Oh, for god's sakes.
That's enough.

365
00:14:57,006 --> 00:14:58,383
What the hell are
you doing, Nathan?

366
00:14:58,466 --> 00:15:00,889
I'm the goddamn President
of the United fucking States!

367
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,515
I'm setting the nuclear
option to launch

368
00:15:02,595 --> 00:15:04,518
one minute
into Earth's performance.

369
00:15:04,597 --> 00:15:07,271
And you,
Mr. President...

370
00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:10,354
I hope you like being
hit in the face with a gun.

371
00:15:10,436 --> 00:15:13,280
Wait, wait, wait.
Why — why —

372
00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:17,447
I believe I can access
the history of Rick's gun

373
00:15:17,527 --> 00:15:18,949
and help you get back to him.

374
00:15:19,028 --> 00:15:20,154
But can you help me
get to my family?

375
00:15:20,238 --> 00:15:21,364
You know,
at — at my house?

376
00:15:21,447 --> 00:15:23,370
Is your intention
to abandon Rick

377
00:15:23,449 --> 00:15:24,996
using his own portal gun?

378
00:15:25,076 --> 00:15:27,795
In Bird culture,
this is considered a dick move.

379
00:15:27,870 --> 00:15:29,793
All of Rick's moves
are dick moves!

380
00:15:29,872 --> 00:15:31,089
What —
What am I eating?

381
00:15:31,165 --> 00:15:32,542
Wh-what is this,
bird— birdseed?

382
00:15:32,625 --> 00:15:35,094
It is random debris.
I found it in my carpet.

383
00:15:35,169 --> 00:15:36,546
I don't know what humans eat.

384
00:15:36,629 --> 00:15:38,256
You know what this human eats.

385
00:15:38,339 --> 00:15:39,386
Don't be gross, Tammy.

386
00:15:39,465 --> 00:15:40,887
Bird dick.

387
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:42,344
Tammy, gross.

388
00:15:42,426 --> 00:15:44,144
Birdperson,
you always stick up for Rick,

389
00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,268
but he doesn't care about
anyone but himself.

390
00:15:46,347 --> 00:15:47,940
He doesn't think about
the consequences

391
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,141
of anything he does.

392
00:15:49,225 --> 00:15:50,568
And as a result,
he has the power

393
00:15:50,643 --> 00:15:53,112
to save or destroy
entire worlds.

394
00:15:53,187 --> 00:15:55,406
And he is the reason
you and I know each other...

395
00:15:55,481 --> 00:15:58,109
and the reason I'm alive at all.

396
00:16:01,279 --> 00:16:03,873
What's that?
Who's that baby?

397
00:16:03,948 --> 00:16:06,292
Morty, suppose you could
retrieve your family from Earth

398
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:07,960
but had to abandon Rick.

399
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,413
I could give your loved ones
shelter on Birdworld,

400
00:16:10,496 --> 00:16:13,124
even jobs,
possibly as worm ranchers.

401
00:16:13,207 --> 00:16:15,881
How often do you think
you might look up at the stars

402
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,462
and wonder what might have been

403
00:16:17,545 --> 00:16:19,639
had you just
put your faith in Rick?

404
00:16:21,549 --> 00:16:22,846
That was Chunkytunk with

405
00:16:22,925 --> 00:16:25,223
"Full Ming Mong,
Empty Gorbdork."

406
00:16:25,303 --> 00:16:27,305
Up next, planet Earth!

407
00:16:27,388 --> 00:16:29,106
Oh. god!
We're up?

408
00:16:29,181 --> 00:16:31,559
Jerry and Beth,
your family is a golden example

409
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,895
of what Headism
has to offer the world.

410
00:16:33,978 --> 00:16:36,026
- The world?
- Headism is a hit.

411
00:16:36,105 --> 00:16:37,857
We're taking it worldwide,
and we'd like Jerry to be

412
00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:39,863
our church's
Head of advertising.

413
00:16:39,942 --> 00:16:41,319
You would?

414
00:16:41,402 --> 00:16:43,530
Beth, we'd like to promote you
from horse surgeon

415
00:16:43,613 --> 00:16:46,492
straight past human surgeon
to Head of medicine.

416
00:16:46,574 --> 00:16:48,042
That's my dream!
That's my dream.

417
00:16:48,117 --> 00:16:50,996
Thank you.
This is all so overwhelming.

418
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,375
But, uh...

419
00:16:52,455 --> 00:16:53,581
we can't.
- Absolutely not.

420
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:54,631
I'm sorry?

421
00:16:54,707 --> 00:16:56,505
We've been waiting 16 years

422
00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:58,257
for our daughter to respect us,

423
00:16:58,336 --> 00:17:01,010
but the key is,
it has to be our daughter,

424
00:17:01,088 --> 00:17:03,011
not this person she's become.

425
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,309
We'll take our chances
raising her

426
00:17:05,384 --> 00:17:06,886
without fancy new jobs,

427
00:17:06,969 --> 00:17:09,188
outside of
a potato-based religion.

428
00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:12,392
And you know what? I-I'm sick of
pretending that we're together

429
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:14,352
because of the kids
in the first place.

430
00:17:14,435 --> 00:17:17,609
I married you because
you're the love of my life.

431
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,487
And I'm lucky to have you,
and I never tell you that!

432
00:17:20,566 --> 00:17:23,991
You know, we will come out
of this stronger as a family.

433
00:17:24,070 --> 00:17:26,038
Please don't do this!
Please don't do this!

434
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:28,115
- Summer!
- Summer, listen carefully.

435
00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:30,076
I stole a paper clip,
and I have it in my cheek,

436
00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:31,911
but I don't know what to do
with it, and it hurts.

437
00:17:31,994 --> 00:17:33,086
You're going to be okay.

438
00:17:33,162 --> 00:17:34,505
You will come back as babies.

439
00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:37,129
I am a baby!
I'm a baby now!

440
00:17:37,208 --> 00:17:38,209
Hello?

441
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,052
Is anybody here?

442
00:17:41,379 --> 00:17:43,507
Mr. President!

443
00:17:44,590 --> 00:17:46,092
This is Bluebird!

444
00:17:46,175 --> 00:17:47,392
Code Tango Niner Alpha!

445
00:17:47,468 --> 00:17:49,562
Abort launch!
Abort! Hello?

446
00:17:49,637 --> 00:17:50,934
He's blocked me out.

447
00:17:51,013 --> 00:17:52,230
Sir, I need to get to the stage

448
00:17:52,306 --> 00:17:53,558
and help Rick get Schwifty!

449
00:17:53,641 --> 00:17:55,268
It won't matter
how Schwifty you get, Morty.

450
00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:56,648
The General's got nukes
set to launch

451
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,274
halfway through Earth's song!

452
00:17:58,354 --> 00:18:00,482
Oh, my god!
Uh, c-can you fly a Black Hawk?

453
00:18:00,564 --> 00:18:02,566
Can the Pope's dick
fit through a doughnut?

454
00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:04,618
Uh, I'm... not sure.

455
00:18:04,694 --> 00:18:06,367
Exactly.

456
00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:10,412
Show me what you got!

457
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,002
Uh...

458
00:18:17,623 --> 00:18:20,092
Headward, free now to rise.

459
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,464
Hey, look at the Heads!

460
00:18:21,544 --> 00:18:23,137
Looks like
the Heads are getting angry!

461
00:18:24,088 --> 00:18:25,840
I'm really bad at this, Morty!

462
00:18:25,923 --> 00:18:27,345
There are way too many buttons
in this thing!

463
00:18:27,425 --> 00:18:29,553
Mr. President,
if I've learned one thing today

464
00:18:29,635 --> 00:18:32,309
it's that sometimes
you have to not give a fuck.

465
00:18:34,265 --> 00:18:35,642
Ugh.
Tough crowd.

466
00:18:35,725 --> 00:18:37,318
I'm sure that has —

467
00:18:37,393 --> 00:18:39,737
That has nothing
to do with this.

468
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,190
The Heads are displeased!

469
00:18:43,274 --> 00:18:44,196
Summer!

470
00:18:44,275 --> 00:18:45,197
Um...

471
00:18:48,070 --> 00:18:49,117
Marty!

472
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:50,322
Hooray!

473
00:18:50,406 --> 00:18:51,578
Hooray! Look!

474
00:18:51,657 --> 00:18:52,749
Hooray!

475
00:18:52,825 --> 00:18:54,452
The Heads love this!

476
00:18:54,535 --> 00:18:56,958
They love it when we don't
kill the Smith family!

477
00:18:57,037 --> 00:18:58,539
No!
Stop that!

478
00:18:58,622 --> 00:19:00,920
You're not allowed to interpret
the will of the Heads!

479
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,753
Call off the nuclear strike!
This is the President!

480
00:19:03,836 --> 00:19:05,383
Stop the nuclear missile launch!

481
00:19:05,463 --> 00:19:07,090
Just launch the missiles!

482
00:19:11,552 --> 00:19:13,475
Boo! Not cool!

483
00:19:13,554 --> 00:19:15,477
I'm the only one
that speaks to the Heads!

484
00:19:15,556 --> 00:19:16,557
Disqualified!

485
00:19:16,849 --> 00:19:20,228
The Heads disqualified Vagina!
Get him!

486
00:19:20,311 --> 00:19:21,312
Disqualified!

487
00:19:21,729 --> 00:19:22,730
Disqualified!

488
00:19:32,406 --> 00:19:33,453
Ice-T?

489
00:19:33,532 --> 00:19:36,081
That's right.
It's me — Ice-T.

490
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,753
I care now.

491
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:40,172
You made me care more.

492
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:41,749
With all due respect,

493
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:45,632
I'd like to hear what
Rick and Morty have to play.

494
00:19:45,711 --> 00:19:47,463
What do you say, Rick?

495
00:19:47,546 --> 00:19:50,049
I say, let's do it!

496
00:19:50,132 --> 00:19:51,429
Hooray!

497
00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:52,510
Yeah.

498
00:19:52,885 --> 00:19:54,637
All right.

499
00:19:56,430 --> 00:19:57,807
Here we go.

500
00:20:10,236 --> 00:20:11,237
Sing it with me now!

501
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,789
Oh, my go—

502
00:20:15,574 --> 00:20:16,541
Yeah.

503
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:19,252
All right!

504
00:20:20,746 --> 00:20:25,092
Oh, yeah.
Raised up posterior!

505
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:28,387
After 988 seasons
of "Planet Music,"

506
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:32,683
the Cromulons have decided to
declare Earth the final winner

507
00:20:32,758 --> 00:20:36,103
and bring our musical
reality show to a conclusion.

508
00:20:36,178 --> 00:20:37,179
Goodbye.

509
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:40,683
- Yeah!
- We did it! Yes!

510
00:20:40,766 --> 00:20:42,643
Let's get a music album now!

511
00:20:42,726 --> 00:20:46,481
Did he just say
"Musical Reality Show"?

512
00:20:46,564 --> 00:20:49,408
Yeah, it's possible that
we may have been correlating

513
00:20:49,483 --> 00:20:51,861
some things that weren't
actually related at all.

514
00:20:51,944 --> 00:20:52,945
Help!

515
00:20:53,529 --> 00:20:54,701
We should go get him.

516
00:20:56,490 --> 00:20:58,208
I hope I can call on you and
Rick again if I need you, Morty.

517
00:20:58,284 --> 00:20:59,706
Sure thing.
And I —

518
00:20:59,785 --> 00:21:02,163
I was kind of hoping that I
could get a selfie with you?

519
00:21:02,246 --> 00:21:04,499
Actually, if you try to
tell anyone what happened here,

520
00:21:04,582 --> 00:21:06,550
we'll deny it
and probably worse.

521
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:07,592
Understood.

522
00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:08,760
D-I-I-I-I-ie!

523
00:21:08,836 --> 00:21:10,838
Oh, no, no, no!

524
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,424
Why didn't he turn into a snake?

525
00:21:13,507 --> 00:21:14,850
Trade secret,
Mr. President.

526
00:21:14,925 --> 00:21:16,643
Particle beam in a wristwatch,

527
00:21:16,719 --> 00:21:19,142
snake holster on the leg.

528
00:21:28,230 --> 00:21:29,823
I love this man!

529
00:22:04,224 --> 00:22:06,226
Magnesium-J,
Hydrogen-F...

530
00:22:07,061 --> 00:22:08,062
Father.

531
00:22:08,479 --> 00:22:11,198
Word of your selfless acts
on the Earth planet

532
00:22:11,273 --> 00:22:13,275
have traveled across the galaxy.

533
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:14,702
I have changed.

534
00:22:14,777 --> 00:22:18,202
I am ready to rejoin my brethren
on Alphabetrium.

535
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,281
Very well.

536
00:22:19,365 --> 00:22:22,039
Your exile ends today.

537
00:22:24,536 --> 00:22:27,540
Welcome home,
Water-T.

538
00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:31,252
The Numbericons!
They're attacking!

539
00:22:31,335 --> 00:22:32,962
Battle stations!

540
00:22:33,045 --> 00:22:34,046
Aah!

541
00:22:34,296 --> 00:22:35,218
Father!

542
00:22:35,297 --> 00:22:36,549
I love you, son.

543
00:22:36,632 --> 00:22:40,057
I should have never
turned you to ice.

544
00:22:41,762 --> 00:22:43,810
Water-T,
where are you going?

545
00:22:43,889 --> 00:22:45,391
There's too many of them!

546
00:22:45,474 --> 00:22:48,227
Then I better
crunch the numbers.

547
00:22:48,310 --> 00:22:51,189
- Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

548
00:22:55,609 --> 00:22:56,781
Did you get any of that?

549
00:22:56,860 --> 00:22:58,988
It's-a good show-a.

550
00:23:01,110 --> 00:23:07,110
Ripped By mstoll