1 00:00:04,324 --> 00:00:06,367 Hey, Rick. 2 00:00:06,451 --> 00:00:08,369 I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. 3 00:00:08,453 --> 00:00:10,038 You think you could help me out? 4 00:00:10,121 --> 00:00:11,831 - Whatever. - Well, I mean, traditionally... 5 00:00:11,914 --> 00:00:14,292 science fairs are a father-son thing. 6 00:00:14,375 --> 00:00:17,170 Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing. 7 00:00:17,253 --> 00:00:18,755 Morty, I think it would be fun for you 8 00:00:18,838 --> 00:00:21,591 to work on a science project with your Dad. 9 00:00:23,635 --> 00:00:25,553 Uh... 10 00:00:25,637 --> 00:00:28,306 Yeah, Dad. Why don't we do it together? 11 00:00:28,389 --> 00:00:31,184 Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son. 12 00:00:31,267 --> 00:00:33,394 We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee, 13 00:00:33,478 --> 00:00:35,813 and knock this thing out in two or three days. 14 00:00:37,273 --> 00:00:38,733 What is my purpose? 15 00:00:38,816 --> 00:00:40,985 Pass the butter. 16 00:00:42,487 --> 00:00:44,072 Thank you. 17 00:00:46,991 --> 00:00:48,451 Dad, I need a ride to work. 18 00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:50,328 Maybe Rick can give you a ride. 19 00:00:50,411 --> 00:00:52,205 I'm helping Morty with science. 20 00:00:52,288 --> 00:00:54,207 - I'm busy. - Doing what? 21 00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:56,751 Uh, anything else. 22 00:00:56,834 --> 00:00:58,753 What is my purpose? 23 00:00:58,836 --> 00:01:00,880 You pass butter. 24 00:01:00,963 --> 00:01:02,590 Oh, my god. 25 00:01:02,674 --> 00:01:04,634 Yeah, welcome to the club, pai. 26 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:40,503 Since when do you have a job? 27 00:01:40,586 --> 00:01:41,504 Since last week. 28 00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:43,339 It's part-time at this Little vintage thrift store. 29 00:01:43,423 --> 00:01:45,758 My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man 30 00:01:45,842 --> 00:01:48,052 that treats me nice and values me. 31 00:01:48,136 --> 00:01:49,929 Meow. Can't wait to meet... 32 00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:51,806 this fascinating character. 33 00:01:51,889 --> 00:01:54,434 Please don't. 34 00:01:54,517 --> 00:01:57,311 Oh. Well, when did this stop being Jamba Juice? 35 00:01:57,395 --> 00:01:59,564 I've just recently opened for business, 36 00:01:59,647 --> 00:02:01,733 Mister, um, Goldenfold. 37 00:02:01,816 --> 00:02:03,109 You know my name? 38 00:02:03,192 --> 00:02:04,902 That's disarming. 39 00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:07,739 I also know you long for female company. 40 00:02:07,822 --> 00:02:10,867 You know, it has been Lonely since the divorce. 41 00:02:10,950 --> 00:02:13,786 Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice. 42 00:02:13,870 --> 00:02:17,373 This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. 43 00:02:17,457 --> 00:02:18,833 Free of charge. 44 00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:21,544 One never pays here — not with money. 45 00:02:21,627 --> 00:02:23,546 Nothing to read into there. Thanks! 46 00:02:23,629 --> 00:02:25,590 Sorry I'm late, Mr. Needful. 47 00:02:25,673 --> 00:02:28,843 This is my grandpa, Rick. He was just leaving. 48 00:02:28,926 --> 00:02:29,969 Huh. 49 00:02:30,052 --> 00:02:31,846 Tell me, Rick, what do you desire? 50 00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,848 Eh, I make my own stuff. 51 00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:35,725 So, what are you — like, the devil? 52 00:02:35,808 --> 00:02:37,393 - What? Sorry? - I don't know. 53 00:02:37,477 --> 00:02:40,605 Store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy. 54 00:02:40,688 --> 00:02:42,565 Are you the devil? A demon? Leprechaun? 55 00:02:42,648 --> 00:02:44,442 - Grandpa Rick! - Hey, I'm not judging. 56 00:02:44,525 --> 00:02:46,444 Just like shoot straight. I'm a man of science. 57 00:02:46,527 --> 00:02:49,280 Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this. 58 00:02:49,363 --> 00:02:53,284 This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension. 59 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:03,586 Grandpa, go home and drink. 60 00:03:05,505 --> 00:03:07,423 Why don't we do a model of the solar system? 61 00:03:07,507 --> 00:03:09,425 That's what my Dad did with me when I was your age. 62 00:03:09,509 --> 00:03:11,010 Oh, okay. 63 00:03:11,093 --> 00:03:13,679 You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs 64 00:03:13,763 --> 00:03:16,015 and wormholes and all that weird stuff, 65 00:03:16,098 --> 00:03:17,850 but this is real science. 66 00:03:17,934 --> 00:03:20,019 A man and his boy, making planets. 67 00:03:20,102 --> 00:03:22,605 Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto? 68 00:03:22,688 --> 00:03:24,065 And then Jupiter — 69 00:03:24,148 --> 00:03:26,651 Uh, actuality, I don't think Pluto's a planet. 70 00:03:28,236 --> 00:03:30,029 Of course Pluto's a planet, son. 71 00:03:30,112 --> 00:03:31,906 I learned that in the third grade. 72 00:03:31,989 --> 00:03:33,658 Well, yeah, but you know they changed it. 73 00:03:33,741 --> 00:03:35,618 Morty, nobody changed the planets. 74 00:03:35,701 --> 00:03:38,037 I just goggled it. Pluto's not a planet. 75 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:40,039 They changed it in 2006. 76 00:03:40,122 --> 00:03:42,750 Yeah, I heard about that, Morty. 77 00:03:42,834 --> 00:03:45,628 And I disagree. - You disagree? 78 00:03:45,711 --> 00:03:48,130 That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. 79 00:03:48,214 --> 00:03:49,799 Pluto was a planet. 80 00:03:49,882 --> 00:03:51,467 Some committee of fancy assholes disagree. 81 00:03:51,551 --> 00:03:53,469 I disagree back. Give me a ping-pong ball. 82 00:03:53,553 --> 00:03:55,930 Um, okay. I-l just have to... 83 00:03:56,013 --> 00:03:57,765 Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto? 84 00:03:57,849 --> 00:03:58,975 No. Geez! 85 00:03:59,058 --> 00:04:01,394 I just gotta go to the bathroom. Damn. 86 00:04:01,477 --> 00:04:04,272 Oh. Okay, good. 87 00:04:04,355 --> 00:04:05,940 This is gonna be fun. 88 00:04:07,024 --> 00:04:08,776 Hey, Morty, let me— let me — 89 00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:10,695 let me ask you a question real quick. 90 00:04:10,778 --> 00:04:12,530 Does evil exist, and if so, 91 00:04:12,613 --> 00:04:14,282 can one detect and measure it? 92 00:04:14,365 --> 00:04:16,117 - Um... - Rhetorical question, Morty. 93 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,494 The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius." 94 00:04:18,578 --> 00:04:20,413 Cute. Your sister's boss gave me a microscope 95 00:04:20,496 --> 00:04:21,998 that would have made me retarded. 96 00:04:22,081 --> 00:04:23,791 Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick. 97 00:04:23,875 --> 00:04:25,793 I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know? 98 00:04:25,877 --> 00:04:28,170 Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. 99 00:04:28,254 --> 00:04:30,590 I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, 100 00:04:30,673 --> 00:04:32,216 it would have made me mentally retarded. 101 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,677 Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. 102 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,596 I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for 103 00:04:36,679 --> 00:04:39,098 powerful groups that are doing the right thing. 104 00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:40,808 Well, that's retarded. 105 00:04:40,892 --> 00:04:42,685 - What are you talking about? - Apparently, nothing. 106 00:04:42,768 --> 00:04:44,729 You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you? 107 00:04:44,812 --> 00:04:45,813 - No! - It's not. 108 00:04:45,897 --> 00:04:47,315 - Shut up, Rick. - Whoa. 109 00:04:47,398 --> 00:04:48,983 I don't care what anyone says. 110 00:04:49,066 --> 00:04:51,819 If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again. 111 00:04:51,903 --> 00:04:54,739 Planet. Planet, planet, planet. 112 00:04:54,822 --> 00:04:57,241 Stay scientific, Jerry. 113 00:04:58,951 --> 00:05:00,870 This aftershave made women want me, 114 00:05:00,953 --> 00:05:02,872 but it also made me impotent! 115 00:05:02,955 --> 00:05:05,583 A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. 116 00:05:05,666 --> 00:05:07,919 A price for everything. 117 00:05:09,337 --> 00:05:11,631 Oh, my god! 118 00:05:11,714 --> 00:05:14,342 How could I not see this coming? 119 00:05:14,425 --> 00:05:18,095 My lust! 120 00:05:18,179 --> 00:05:20,306 My greed! 121 00:05:20,389 --> 00:05:22,892 I deserved this! 122 00:05:22,975 --> 00:05:25,895 This serum should counteract the negative effects. 123 00:05:25,978 --> 00:05:28,606 Holy cats! Ladies, let's get out of here. 124 00:05:28,689 --> 00:05:30,608 I haven't learned a thing! 125 00:05:30,691 --> 00:05:32,026 Here. 126 00:05:32,109 --> 00:05:33,778 You can have this back. 127 00:05:33,861 --> 00:05:35,029 You didn't use it? 128 00:05:35,112 --> 00:05:36,906 Sure I did — to develop this. 129 00:05:36,989 --> 00:05:38,991 It detects and catalogs all your "Twilight Zone," 130 00:05:39,075 --> 00:05:41,494 Ray Bradbury, "Friday the 13th" The Series 131 00:05:41,577 --> 00:05:43,162 voodoo crap magic. 132 00:05:43,245 --> 00:05:44,664 I thought you might want it so you didn't 133 00:05:44,747 --> 00:05:47,166 accidentally sell anybody, say... 134 00:05:47,249 --> 00:05:49,710 A typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries 135 00:05:49,794 --> 00:05:52,630 and then makes the murders happen in real life? 136 00:05:52,713 --> 00:05:53,589 Ooh. - Be quiet. 137 00:05:53,673 --> 00:05:55,007 Don't you want to make sure 138 00:05:55,091 --> 00:05:56,592 people know what they're getting? 139 00:05:56,676 --> 00:05:58,719 You're not intentionally selling... 140 00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:00,513 Beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty 141 00:06:00,596 --> 00:06:02,765 but also makes them blind? 142 00:06:02,848 --> 00:06:04,767 I find this all quite preposterous. 143 00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:06,769 Oh, I say, good sir. Oh, harrumph. 144 00:06:06,852 --> 00:06:09,730 Oh, oh! 145 00:06:09,814 --> 00:06:11,232 That's beautiful. 146 00:06:11,315 --> 00:06:14,068 You know it's gonna be wearing you in three hours? 147 00:06:14,151 --> 00:06:15,820 Do I need to call the police? 148 00:06:15,903 --> 00:06:17,238 Here, you can use my phone. 149 00:06:17,321 --> 00:06:18,781 Don't worry, it won't make you deaf 150 00:06:18,864 --> 00:06:20,116 because I'm not a hack. 151 00:06:20,199 --> 00:06:21,534 Hey! 152 00:06:23,202 --> 00:06:24,578 You think you're fucking so great! 153 00:06:24,662 --> 00:06:26,455 Stop it! No! 154 00:06:26,539 --> 00:06:28,332 Fuck yeah, man. 155 00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:30,084 Stop it right now! 156 00:06:30,167 --> 00:06:32,169 Grandpa Rick, I like working here. 157 00:06:32,253 --> 00:06:34,338 - You work for the devil. - So what? 158 00:06:34,422 --> 00:06:36,007 - "So what?" - Yes! 159 00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:37,675 So what if he's the devil, Rick? 160 00:06:37,758 --> 00:06:39,343 At least the devil has a job. 161 00:06:39,427 --> 00:06:41,095 At least he's active in the community. 162 00:06:41,178 --> 00:06:42,763 What do you do? 163 00:06:42,847 --> 00:06:44,849 You eat our food and make gadgets. 164 00:06:44,932 --> 00:06:47,226 Buh-bye. 165 00:06:47,309 --> 00:06:48,728 WhOops. 166 00:06:50,730 --> 00:06:52,815 I'm sorry, Mr. Needful. I'll clean that up. 167 00:06:52,898 --> 00:06:54,608 I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady 168 00:06:54,692 --> 00:06:56,277 that came out of it, but — - it's fine. 169 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,237 Summer, you know, your grandfather's right. 170 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,032 This store curses people. That's my business. 171 00:07:01,115 --> 00:07:03,451 Well, yeah. Fast-food gives people diabetes, 172 00:07:03,534 --> 00:07:05,286 and clothing stores have sweatshops. 173 00:07:05,369 --> 00:07:07,496 Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil? 174 00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:09,206 This is my first job. 175 00:07:09,290 --> 00:07:10,916 You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful. 176 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,710 You respect me. 177 00:07:12,793 --> 00:07:15,212 Please, call me "The Devil." 178 00:07:15,296 --> 00:07:17,048 I'd rather not, actually. 179 00:07:17,131 --> 00:07:18,883 Yes, perhaps not during business hours. 180 00:07:18,966 --> 00:07:20,885 I told you, I want to file a declaration 181 00:07:20,968 --> 00:07:23,054 that Pluto is a planet. 182 00:07:23,137 --> 00:07:25,389 Well, then my son's going to fail his science class, 183 00:07:25,473 --> 00:07:27,600 and when that happens, I'm suing you first. 184 00:07:28,809 --> 00:07:30,936 I think I know what the "A" in N.A.S.A. stands for. 185 00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:33,814 - Dad, what's your endgame? - Ain't no game, suck a. 186 00:07:33,898 --> 00:07:35,566 Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets? 187 00:07:35,649 --> 00:07:36,859 It's even easier. 188 00:07:36,942 --> 00:07:40,029 Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake 189 00:07:40,112 --> 00:07:42,031 for saying the sun is round? 190 00:07:42,114 --> 00:07:44,241 Science isn't always easy, Morty. 191 00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:47,453 Whoa! Whoa! 192 00:07:47,536 --> 00:07:49,080 What the hell? 193 00:08:02,384 --> 00:08:04,512 I'm King Flippy Nips, ruler of Pluto. 194 00:08:04,595 --> 00:08:06,847 We discovered you quite by accident 195 00:08:06,931 --> 00:08:09,517 during routine surveillance of your word. 196 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,561 You really gave it to those guys at N.A.S.A. 197 00:08:12,645 --> 00:08:14,063 I was — you know, 198 00:08:14,146 --> 00:08:16,398 sometimes science is about conviction. 199 00:08:16,482 --> 00:08:18,901 It'd like to introduce you to a few people 200 00:08:18,984 --> 00:08:20,903 that very much agree with you. 201 00:08:20,986 --> 00:08:22,738 Oh, I... 202 00:08:22,822 --> 00:08:25,032 Plutonians. 203 00:08:25,116 --> 00:08:27,076 Jerry Smith is a scientist from Earth, 204 00:08:27,159 --> 00:08:30,579 where he's creating a model of our solar system. 205 00:08:30,663 --> 00:08:33,916 Jerry, tell Pluto about your decision. 206 00:08:35,584 --> 00:08:38,129 Um... Pluto's a planet. 207 00:08:39,505 --> 00:08:42,383 Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch! 208 00:08:42,466 --> 00:08:45,928 Oh, man. This is definitely gonna go to his head. 209 00:08:46,011 --> 00:08:49,723 If it's athletic prowess you desire, Principal Vagina, 210 00:08:49,807 --> 00:08:51,600 I might — - I'll take it. 211 00:08:51,684 --> 00:08:52,643 B-But I haven't even — 212 00:08:52,726 --> 00:08:53,727 Thank you very, very much. 213 00:08:53,811 --> 00:08:55,938 Great store. Great place. Bye. 214 00:08:56,021 --> 00:08:57,815 Huh. Okay. 215 00:08:57,898 --> 00:09:00,734 I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather's outburst 216 00:09:00,818 --> 00:09:02,111 would have disrupted business, 217 00:09:02,194 --> 00:09:04,822 but this is the best weekend I've had since Salem. 218 00:09:04,905 --> 00:09:06,824 Nice. "Wholesome Delight" for lunch? 219 00:09:06,907 --> 00:09:08,826 - Is that the vegan place? - Yeah, I love their soup. 220 00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:10,703 I'm kind of soup-ed out. 221 00:09:10,786 --> 00:09:12,621 Mrs. Tate, is it? 222 00:09:12,705 --> 00:09:14,832 What do you desire? 223 00:09:14,915 --> 00:09:17,001 Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey. 224 00:09:17,084 --> 00:09:18,752 Oh, is there a limit? Everything's free, right? 225 00:09:18,836 --> 00:09:22,381 Let's just say you don't pay... with money. 226 00:09:22,464 --> 00:09:24,383 That was perfect. 227 00:09:24,466 --> 00:09:26,385 You pay with the curses, right? 228 00:09:26,468 --> 00:09:27,970 Um... I — well... 229 00:09:28,053 --> 00:09:31,223 But, Mrs. Tate, why do you want cursed items? 230 00:09:31,307 --> 00:09:32,933 Well, I'm going to get the curses removed 231 00:09:33,017 --> 00:09:34,268 at "Curse Purge Plus." 232 00:09:34,351 --> 00:09:36,270 You know, the guy on TV? 233 00:09:36,353 --> 00:09:38,314 What? 234 00:09:38,397 --> 00:09:40,774 Have you acquired creepy specific old stuff 235 00:09:40,858 --> 00:09:42,276 from a mysterious antique or thrift store 236 00:09:42,359 --> 00:09:44,695 that gives you powers but fucks with you 237 00:09:44,778 --> 00:09:45,863 in unforeseeable ways? 238 00:09:45,946 --> 00:09:47,573 Bring it to "'Curse Purge Plus." 239 00:09:47,656 --> 00:09:50,659 I use science to un-curse the items for cash, 240 00:09:50,743 --> 00:09:52,244 and you get to keep the powers. 241 00:09:52,328 --> 00:09:53,537 This guy got mysterious sneakers 242 00:09:53,621 --> 00:09:55,789 to make him run faster, but guess what? 243 00:09:55,873 --> 00:09:57,666 He would have had to run until he died, 244 00:09:57,750 --> 00:09:58,876 making them worthless. 245 00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,544 I removed me curse, making them worth, 246 00:10:00,628 --> 00:10:02,838 like, I don't know, $8 million. 247 00:10:02,922 --> 00:10:04,089 See you at the Olympics. 248 00:10:04,173 --> 00:10:05,591 This eerily intelligent doll 249 00:10:05,674 --> 00:10:07,301 was threatening to murder its family 250 00:10:07,384 --> 00:10:08,719 Now it does the irtaxes. 251 00:10:08,802 --> 00:10:10,346 Everything's deductible. 252 00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:12,056 Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul 253 00:10:12,139 --> 00:10:13,599 Pay for it with money 254 00:10:13,682 --> 00:10:15,935 You know, like how every other store in the world works? 255 00:10:16,018 --> 00:10:18,187 We're located at First and Main in Old Town. 256 00:10:18,270 --> 00:10:19,605 Come on — come on down. 257 00:10:19,688 --> 00:10:20,898 "First and..." 258 00:10:22,274 --> 00:10:24,902 That's right across the street from "Needful Things," 259 00:10:24,985 --> 00:10:27,321 where you can get evil items for free! 260 00:10:27,404 --> 00:10:30,783 Diabolic son of a motherf— 261 00:10:30,866 --> 00:10:32,785 We're back on "Good Morning, Pluto." 262 00:10:32,868 --> 00:10:34,787 And a very good morning it is 263 00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:37,539 for our guest, Earth scientist Jerry Smith, 264 00:10:37,623 --> 00:10:39,750 who's making headlines with his bold announcement 265 00:10:39,833 --> 00:10:41,919 that is what, Jerry? 266 00:10:42,002 --> 00:10:43,587 Pluto is a planet. 267 00:10:43,671 --> 00:10:45,381 Well, how about that. 268 00:10:45,464 --> 00:10:47,383 I love it. 269 00:10:47,466 --> 00:10:49,802 Morty Smith. I'm Scroopy Noopers. 270 00:10:49,885 --> 00:10:51,929 I'm a scientist. Can I show you something? 271 00:10:52,012 --> 00:10:53,806 Uh, I better not. 272 00:10:53,889 --> 00:10:56,267 Right now. 273 00:10:57,309 --> 00:10:58,978 The center of Pluto, Mr. Smith, 274 00:10:59,061 --> 00:11:01,230 is made of a substance called "plutonium." 275 00:11:01,313 --> 00:11:04,942 mines like these suck plutonium up to the cities, 276 00:11:05,025 --> 00:11:07,236 where corporations use it to power everything, 277 00:11:07,319 --> 00:11:10,948 from diamond cars to golden showers. 278 00:11:11,031 --> 00:11:13,951 And the more we remove, the more Pluto shrinks. 279 00:11:14,034 --> 00:11:15,953 There it goes again. 280 00:11:16,036 --> 00:11:17,579 Just shrank a little. 281 00:11:17,663 --> 00:11:18,831 But a few years ago, 282 00:11:18,914 --> 00:11:21,750 your scientists noticed Pluto had gotten so small 283 00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:24,044 they couldn't even call it a "planet" anymore. 284 00:11:24,128 --> 00:11:25,921 Should've been our wake-up call. 285 00:11:26,005 --> 00:11:27,715 But the rich plutonians won't wake up, 286 00:11:27,798 --> 00:11:30,592 and they love your Dad telling everyone Pluto's a planet 287 00:11:30,676 --> 00:11:32,636 because that means they can keep mining 288 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,973 until Pluto goes from planet to asteroid 289 00:11:36,056 --> 00:11:39,268 to meteor, and finally... 290 00:11:39,351 --> 00:11:41,854 poof. - Um, a party? 291 00:11:41,937 --> 00:11:43,314 Is everyone in your family an idiot? 292 00:11:43,397 --> 00:11:45,065 Well, for sure me and my Dad are. 293 00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:46,900 Well, all you have to do 294 00:11:46,984 --> 00:11:48,527 is get him to admit that, 295 00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:51,113 and you could save four billion lives. 296 00:11:51,196 --> 00:11:56,160 Yeah, you know, the thing is my Dad's really insecure. 297 00:11:57,953 --> 00:11:59,413 Hmm. Funny. 298 00:11:59,496 --> 00:12:01,749 Mr. Needful, out of everything in the store, 299 00:12:01,832 --> 00:12:04,460 you'll never guess what we couldn't get rid of. 300 00:12:06,545 --> 00:12:08,088 Oh, my god. 301 00:12:10,215 --> 00:12:11,759 Oh, my god. 302 00:12:11,842 --> 00:12:16,430 I wish this desk was lighter. 303 00:12:16,513 --> 00:12:19,516 I wish this knot was looser. 304 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,310 Come on. 305 00:12:21,393 --> 00:12:23,979 I don't — 306 00:12:25,522 --> 00:12:27,149 Wait, what am I doing? 307 00:12:27,232 --> 00:12:29,360 I wish I knew CPR. 308 00:12:29,443 --> 00:12:30,652 1, 2, 3. 309 00:12:30,736 --> 00:12:32,363 Oh, Jesus. 310 00:12:32,446 --> 00:12:34,615 What a waste of a monkey paw. 311 00:12:34,698 --> 00:12:36,617 Mr. Needful, how could you even think of doing 312 00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,243 something so horrible? 313 00:12:38,327 --> 00:12:39,912 I'm the devil. What should I do 314 00:12:39,995 --> 00:12:42,164 when I fail — get myself an ice cream? 315 00:12:42,247 --> 00:12:43,499 You haven't fatted. 316 00:12:43,582 --> 00:12:45,417 People like Rick are making me obsolete. 317 00:12:45,501 --> 00:12:47,419 I mean, seriously. I may be "the devil," 318 00:12:47,503 --> 00:12:50,130 but your grandpa is the devil. 319 00:12:50,214 --> 00:12:51,590 I just want to go back to hell, 320 00:12:51,673 --> 00:12:53,300 where everyone thinks I'm smart and funny. 321 00:12:53,384 --> 00:12:55,010 No! It's not fair. 322 00:12:55,094 --> 00:12:57,304 Everyone in this town got something they wanted 323 00:12:57,388 --> 00:12:58,472 from you — even Rick. 324 00:12:58,555 --> 00:13:01,642 I was your only friend, and I get nothing? 325 00:13:01,725 --> 00:13:04,603 Okay. I'll give you one thing. Name it. 326 00:13:04,686 --> 00:13:06,939 I want to help you. 327 00:13:07,022 --> 00:13:07,940 Clever twist. 328 00:13:08,023 --> 00:13:10,192 I learned from the best, you old fart. 329 00:13:10,275 --> 00:13:12,319 Now, let's go get you hydrated. 330 00:13:12,403 --> 00:13:14,029 Looks like we've got... 331 00:13:14,113 --> 00:13:16,031 haunted boxing gloves that will make you 332 00:13:16,115 --> 00:13:17,991 the heavyweight champion in 1936, 333 00:13:18,075 --> 00:13:19,952 and then you'll be trapped there, 334 00:13:20,035 --> 00:13:21,453 winning the same fight for eternity. 335 00:13:21,537 --> 00:13:23,414 I can take out the "eternity" and the padding, 336 00:13:23,497 --> 00:13:26,125 and then you'll have some time-traveling mittens. 337 00:13:26,208 --> 00:13:28,127 Oh, look, it's Rosemary's Baby. 338 00:13:28,210 --> 00:13:29,837 How's business? 339 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,713 Here's the last of our inventory. 340 00:13:31,797 --> 00:13:34,675 We're going to file chapter 11 and do some restructuring. 341 00:13:34,758 --> 00:13:36,593 Sounds like code for "You win, Rick." 342 00:13:36,677 --> 00:13:38,554 That was important to you, wasn't it? 343 00:13:38,637 --> 00:13:40,222 Nope. It was important to your dumb devil friend. 344 00:13:40,305 --> 00:13:41,932 To me, this was all just a bit, 345 00:13:42,015 --> 00:13:43,559 like when Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer 346 00:13:43,642 --> 00:13:44,768 for 20 minutes. 347 00:13:44,852 --> 00:13:46,395 He tried to kill himself. 348 00:13:46,478 --> 00:13:48,647 Seriously? Holy crap. 349 00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:50,357 Holy crap. 350 00:13:50,441 --> 00:13:52,151 But you know what, Grandpa Rick? 351 00:13:52,234 --> 00:13:54,111 He's strong, and he's never going to give up. 352 00:13:54,194 --> 00:13:56,655 - Uh-huh, yeah, I don't care. - Oh, I know. 353 00:13:56,738 --> 00:13:58,532 - Everyone knows you don't care. - So? 354 00:13:58,615 --> 00:14:00,534 So have fun not caring. 355 00:14:00,617 --> 00:14:02,286 - I always do. - Good. 356 00:14:02,369 --> 00:14:04,163 - Yeah, it is good. - It's the best. 357 00:14:04,246 --> 00:14:06,248 I'm sure it is. 358 00:14:06,331 --> 00:14:07,833 - Bye. - Later. 359 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:10,252 I'm here to pick up my undead cat and child. 360 00:14:10,335 --> 00:14:12,504 Yeah, uh... give me a sec. 361 00:14:12,588 --> 00:14:14,882 These are the forms for the employee health plan. 362 00:14:14,965 --> 00:14:18,427 All right, yeah, put — put them on my... eh. 363 00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:21,096 I just got bored. 364 00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:23,765 Everybody out. 365 00:14:23,849 --> 00:14:25,726 All right, just one more rally, 366 00:14:25,809 --> 00:14:27,686 then I promise we'll get back to your science project. 367 00:14:27,769 --> 00:14:29,354 Dad, Pluto isn't a planet. 368 00:14:29,438 --> 00:14:31,023 It's shrinking because of corporations. 369 00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:33,025 Yeah, that's what that anti-planet nut job 370 00:14:33,108 --> 00:14:34,985 Scroopy Noopers was screaming about 371 00:14:35,068 --> 00:14:37,112 outside the Ministry of Money's Fundraiser. 372 00:14:37,196 --> 00:14:39,948 Are you telling me four billion Plutonians are wrong? 373 00:14:40,032 --> 00:14:41,658 You said science wasn't easy. 374 00:14:41,742 --> 00:14:43,368 I said science isn't always easy. 375 00:14:43,452 --> 00:14:45,954 Obviously, that means sometimes it is easy. 376 00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:48,165 Let's not debase ourselves with word games, son. 377 00:14:48,248 --> 00:14:49,666 Dad, their whole planet is dying. 378 00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:53,045 Ha! You catted it a planet. Checkmate. 379 00:14:53,128 --> 00:14:54,963 What's up, Pluto? 380 00:14:59,426 --> 00:15:01,220 Mr. Smith, please tell my friend here 381 00:15:01,303 --> 00:15:03,180 what you just told me. Go on. 382 00:15:03,263 --> 00:15:05,641 My very eager mother just served us nine pickles, 383 00:15:05,724 --> 00:15:07,601 and the "pickles" is Pluto. 384 00:15:07,684 --> 00:15:10,312 My god, the man's a genius. 385 00:15:10,395 --> 00:15:12,231 Um, excuse me. 386 00:15:12,314 --> 00:15:14,316 Morty, what? 387 00:15:14,399 --> 00:15:16,193 Dad, what did you think about the recent report 388 00:15:16,276 --> 00:15:18,403 published by The Pluto Science Reader 389 00:15:18,487 --> 00:15:22,950 linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and surface shrinkage 390 00:15:23,033 --> 00:15:26,495 to deep-core plutonium drilling? 391 00:15:26,578 --> 00:15:29,748 Well, son, what did you think 392 00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:31,750 when you were five and you pooped your pants, 393 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:34,002 and you threw your poppy undies out your bedroom window 394 00:15:34,086 --> 00:15:35,754 because you thought it was like 395 00:15:35,837 --> 00:15:37,506 throwing something in the garbage? 396 00:15:38,966 --> 00:15:40,217 I mean, I'm trimming the hedges, 397 00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:41,927 and these things are just hanging there. 398 00:15:42,010 --> 00:15:43,929 Was I supposed to think the poop bunny Left them? 399 00:15:44,012 --> 00:15:46,974 Good one, Dad. 400 00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:49,810 Hey, Morty, you want to go on a... oh. 401 00:15:49,893 --> 00:15:51,770 Hey, Beth. Hello? 402 00:15:51,853 --> 00:15:54,231 Hey, Jerry, you in here being stupid? 403 00:16:00,195 --> 00:16:01,446 Thanks. 404 00:16:01,530 --> 00:16:03,365 Hey, you know, I was thinking, you know, 405 00:16:03,448 --> 00:16:04,658 I might watch a movie. 406 00:16:04,741 --> 00:16:06,285 I am not programmed for friendship. 407 00:16:06,368 --> 00:16:08,370 Suit yourself. 408 00:16:11,456 --> 00:16:12,541 Hey. Hey. 409 00:16:12,624 --> 00:16:13,917 W-W-What's going on? 410 00:16:14,001 --> 00:16:17,254 Um, can you help me do the stupid science fair project? 411 00:16:17,337 --> 00:16:19,214 Whatever. 412 00:16:19,298 --> 00:16:22,509 Jerry, you must be so excited. 413 00:16:22,593 --> 00:16:25,387 The Pluto-bel prize is the highest honor 414 00:16:25,470 --> 00:16:27,598 a scientist can receive. 415 00:16:27,681 --> 00:16:29,600 I'm flattered and humbled. 416 00:16:29,683 --> 00:16:32,394 Oh, I like that. Use that in your speech. 417 00:16:32,477 --> 00:16:34,688 Also, talk about Pluto being a planet. 418 00:16:34,771 --> 00:16:36,398 People like that. 419 00:16:36,481 --> 00:16:38,066 Your highness, we've captured Scroopy Noopers. 420 00:16:38,150 --> 00:16:39,693 You animals! Animals! 421 00:16:39,776 --> 00:16:44,406 Ooh, look who's little journey's come to an end. 422 00:16:44,489 --> 00:16:46,533 Take him to Pluto-namo Bay. 423 00:16:46,617 --> 00:16:49,161 You can't kill the truth, father. 424 00:16:49,244 --> 00:16:51,455 - What? - I can see you're confused. 425 00:16:51,538 --> 00:16:53,332 Pluto-namo Bay is a military prison — 426 00:16:53,415 --> 00:16:55,208 a sort of play on words. 427 00:16:55,292 --> 00:16:56,835 Did he call you "father"? 428 00:16:56,918 --> 00:16:59,379 Scroopy Noopers, the anti-planet nut job, 429 00:16:59,463 --> 00:17:01,048 is your son? 430 00:17:01,131 --> 00:17:03,383 The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry. 431 00:17:03,467 --> 00:17:06,595 Pluto is a cold, cold celestial dwarf. 432 00:17:06,678 --> 00:17:08,847 - It's a what? - Huh? Oh, planet. 433 00:17:10,641 --> 00:17:12,225 "Pluto is a cold, cold planet." 434 00:17:12,309 --> 00:17:14,227 That's what I meant. 435 00:17:14,311 --> 00:17:17,314 Knock them dead out there, you. 436 00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:22,569 Pluto is... 437 00:17:31,495 --> 00:17:34,790 not a planet. 438 00:17:34,873 --> 00:17:37,584 Ow! It's not a planet. 439 00:17:37,668 --> 00:17:40,962 Hey! It's not a planet! 440 00:17:41,046 --> 00:17:44,132 I'm an idiot, and I love my son. 441 00:17:44,216 --> 00:17:46,134 It was a long six hours, 442 00:17:46,218 --> 00:17:48,220 but we've overhauled "Needful Things" 443 00:17:48,303 --> 00:17:49,888 into the globally-compliant web 4.0 444 00:17:49,971 --> 00:17:53,892 "E-nomenon," n33dful.Com, 445 00:17:53,975 --> 00:17:56,687 spelled with threes instead of "E's." 446 00:17:58,438 --> 00:18:02,651 Okay, that's it. We just got bought by Google! 447 00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:05,487 Mm. I'm so proud of you, Lucius. 448 00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:07,989 So, how much did we make? 449 00:18:08,073 --> 00:18:10,033 "We." 450 00:18:10,117 --> 00:18:12,369 This is my business. Security! 451 00:18:12,452 --> 00:18:14,329 You're Zuckerberg-ing me? 452 00:18:14,413 --> 00:18:15,956 I was Zuckerberg-ing people 453 00:18:16,039 --> 00:18:17,666 before Zuckerberg's balls dropped. 454 00:18:17,749 --> 00:18:20,502 I'm the devil, bitch! What, what? 455 00:18:24,005 --> 00:18:26,717 Hey! 456 00:18:29,344 --> 00:18:31,263 - Hey, Morty. - Oh, oh, hey, Dad. 457 00:18:31,346 --> 00:18:34,224 Um, what — what are you doing back from Pluto so quick? 458 00:18:34,307 --> 00:18:37,227 Uh... some people just can't handle the truth. 459 00:18:37,310 --> 00:18:39,229 Especially dummies like me. 460 00:18:39,312 --> 00:18:41,773 Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, 461 00:18:41,857 --> 00:18:45,110 but I promise never to make that your problem again. 462 00:18:45,193 --> 00:18:46,695 Hey, Dad. 463 00:18:46,778 --> 00:18:49,865 Nobody's smarter than Rick, but nobody else is my Dad. 464 00:18:49,948 --> 00:18:51,658 You're a genius at that. 465 00:18:51,742 --> 00:18:53,660 Wow. 466 00:18:53,744 --> 00:18:57,247 That's... humbling and flattering, son. 467 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,249 Thank you. 468 00:18:59,332 --> 00:19:01,543 What say we finish ourselves an eight-planet solar system? 469 00:19:01,626 --> 00:19:03,962 Um... I'm just gonna take this thing in 470 00:19:04,045 --> 00:19:05,964 and get an "A." - Butter. 471 00:19:06,047 --> 00:19:07,674 - But... - You're a genius... 472 00:19:07,758 --> 00:19:08,842 at being my Dad, Dad. 473 00:19:08,925 --> 00:19:10,177 Quit while you're ahead. 474 00:19:10,260 --> 00:19:11,845 And also, knock next time, you know? 475 00:19:11,928 --> 00:19:13,388 I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm 14 — 476 00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:14,973 I got a computer in here, you know? 477 00:19:15,056 --> 00:19:16,808 Oh, I — I think I understand. 478 00:19:16,892 --> 00:19:18,435 You're reality playing with fire 479 00:19:18,518 --> 00:19:19,853 when you burst in here like that, man. 480 00:19:19,936 --> 00:19:21,396 I get it. Say no more. 481 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:22,898 I mean, one of these days, 482 00:19:22,981 --> 00:19:24,691 you know, you're gonna end up seeing something. 483 00:19:24,775 --> 00:19:27,027 I got it! Noted. Good night. 484 00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:33,450 How's your pretend grandpa doing, aka "The Devil"? 485 00:19:33,533 --> 00:19:36,286 - He dumped me. - Oof. Sorry. 486 00:19:36,369 --> 00:19:38,497 Did we learn a lesson here I'm not seeing? 487 00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:39,873 Not sure. 488 00:19:39,956 --> 00:19:41,750 Maybe in a much bigger way, 489 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:44,419 Mr. Needful gave us both what we reality wanted? 490 00:19:44,503 --> 00:19:47,881 Because I was always jealous of you hanging out with Morty, 491 00:19:47,964 --> 00:19:51,009 and you didn't realize how much you valued my approval? 492 00:19:51,092 --> 00:19:53,637 - No, that's dumb. - Yeah, not satisfying. 493 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:55,555 I'll tell you what, though. 494 00:19:55,639 --> 00:19:57,349 If — if — if it's satisfaction you're after, 495 00:19:57,432 --> 00:19:59,059 I think I might have an idea. 496 00:19:59,142 --> 00:20:01,353 Uh-huh. 497 00:20:01,436 --> 00:20:02,938 Uh-huh. 498 00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:04,356 Uh-huh, totally. Let's do it. 499 00:20:04,439 --> 00:20:06,107 ? X gonna give it to ya? ? What? 500 00:20:06,191 --> 00:20:07,859 ? Wait for you to get it on your own, 501 00:20:07,943 --> 00:20:09,611 X gonna deliver to ya? 502 00:20:09,694 --> 00:20:11,613 ? Knock knock, open up the door, it's real? 503 00:20:11,696 --> 00:20:13,907 ? With the non-stop pop pop and stainless steel? 504 00:20:13,990 --> 00:20:16,034 ? Go hard, getting busy with it? 505 00:20:16,117 --> 00:20:17,452 ? But I got such a good heart 506 00:20:17,536 --> 00:20:19,913 that I'll make the mother wonder if he did it? 507 00:20:19,996 --> 00:20:21,540 ? Damn right, and I'll do it again, 508 00:20:21,623 --> 00:20:24,251 'cause I am nice so I gots to win? 509 00:20:24,334 --> 00:20:25,919 ? Break bread with the enemy? 510 00:20:26,002 --> 00:20:27,587 ? But no matter how many cats I break bread with, 511 00:20:27,671 --> 00:20:29,047 I'll break who you — ? 512 00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:30,966 And that's how I took my storefront 513 00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:33,510 into the forefront of the up front. 514 00:20:33,593 --> 00:20:35,178 Thank you, Seattle. 515 00:20:37,013 --> 00:20:39,724 Rick? Summer? 516 00:20:41,476 --> 00:20:42,894 Stupid motherfucker! 517 00:20:42,978 --> 00:20:44,145 You stupid bitch. 518 00:20:44,229 --> 00:20:45,939 Stupid motherfucker! 519 00:20:46,022 --> 00:20:48,149 How do you like that? How do you like that? 520 00:20:51,027 --> 00:20:52,404 W-W-Why? 521 00:20:52,487 --> 00:20:55,031 Because sometimes what you really need is 522 00:20:55,115 --> 00:20:57,701 for someone else to pay a horrible price. 523 00:21:01,288 --> 00:21:02,873 - We did it. - Yeah, bro. 524 00:21:02,956 --> 00:21:05,542 We totally worked it. We did it! 525 00:21:05,625 --> 00:21:07,836 We just putted it off. 526 00:21:07,919 --> 00:21:11,172 Yeah, bro. Yeah. 527 00:21:44,497 --> 00:21:46,833 ? Bitch, please, if the only thing you cats did 528 00:21:46,917 --> 00:21:48,126 was came out to play? 529 00:21:48,209 --> 00:21:49,878 ? Stay out my way, mother? 530 00:21:49,961 --> 00:21:51,880 ? First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll? 531 00:21:51,963 --> 00:21:54,674 ? Then we let it pop, don't let it go? 532 00:21:54,758 --> 00:21:56,885 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya? 533 00:21:56,968 --> 00:21:59,387 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya? 534 00:21:59,471 --> 00:22:02,223 ? First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll? 535 00:22:02,307 --> 00:22:04,601 ? Then we let it pop, don't let it go? 536 00:22:04,684 --> 00:22:07,479 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya? 537 00:22:07,562 --> 00:22:09,314 ? X gonna give it to ya, he gonna give it to ya? 538 00:22:09,397 --> 00:22:11,149 ? Ain't never gave nothing to me? 539 00:22:12,692 --> 00:22:14,110 Did you get any of that? 540 00:22:14,194 --> 00:22:16,154 It's a good-a show!