1 00:00:04,289 --> 00:00:05,415 Cynthia... 2 00:00:05,498 --> 00:00:07,125 Oh, my god. No. No. 3 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,127 - I told you. - Hold on. 4 00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,129 will you please... 5 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,922 not marry me? I chose Veronica. 6 00:00:13,006 --> 00:00:14,174 - What? - Yes! 7 00:00:14,257 --> 00:00:16,176 - Hold it. - Why would he chose Veronica? 8 00:00:16,259 --> 00:00:17,844 Because he loves her? 9 00:00:17,927 --> 00:00:19,262 Well, if it's any consolation, Summer, 10 00:00:19,345 --> 00:00:21,097 none of it mattered and the entire show was stupid. 11 00:00:21,181 --> 00:00:22,557 Okay, I've got an idea, Rick. 12 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,559 You show us your concept of good TV, 13 00:00:24,642 --> 00:00:26,478 and we'll crap all over that. 14 00:00:26,561 --> 00:00:29,147 Thought you'd never ask. 15 00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,398 Hey. 16 00:00:30,482 --> 00:00:32,400 Oh, cool. Is that crystallized xanthanite? 17 00:00:32,484 --> 00:00:34,360 It conducts electrons across dimensions. 18 00:00:34,444 --> 00:00:36,279 20%% accurate as usual, Morty. 19 00:00:36,362 --> 00:00:37,780 The important thing being, 20 00:00:37,864 --> 00:00:39,741 I just upgraded our cable package 21 00:00:39,824 --> 00:00:41,993 with programing from every conceivable reality. 22 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,578 Wait. Does that mean we get Showtime Extreme? 23 00:00:43,661 --> 00:00:45,371 How about Showtime Extreme in a world 24 00:00:45,455 --> 00:00:47,040 where man evolved from corn? 25 00:00:47,123 --> 00:00:49,042 We're not so different We're both corn of action. 26 00:00:49,125 --> 00:00:51,085 Yeah, but one of us is dead corn! 27 00:00:51,169 --> 00:00:52,462 Boring. 28 00:00:52,545 --> 00:00:54,464 Summer you just spent three months 29 00:00:54,547 --> 00:00:56,424 watching a man choose a fake wife. 30 00:00:56,508 --> 00:00:58,426 So, what, it'd be better if the people were corn? 31 00:00:58,510 --> 00:01:00,053 Jerry, you don't get it. 32 00:01:00,136 --> 00:01:03,306 This is infinite TV from infinite universes. 33 00:01:03,389 --> 00:01:05,099 Look. - This shit is delicious. 34 00:01:05,183 --> 00:01:08,144 A movie about a guy eating shit. 35 00:01:08,228 --> 00:01:10,188 A violent antique show. 36 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,606 It's a pl-pleasure to have you. 37 00:01:11,689 --> 00:01:13,525 The pleasure's all mine. 38 00:01:13,608 --> 00:01:15,610 Letterman from a time line where Jerry's famous. 39 00:01:15,693 --> 00:01:17,320 - Wait! - What in the hell? 40 00:01:17,403 --> 00:01:18,947 I agree. Where is this going? 41 00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:20,532 No, the other thing! Go back. 42 00:01:20,615 --> 00:01:22,075 Really? All right, fine. 43 00:01:22,158 --> 00:01:24,577 Glen, this court order says you can't eat shit any more. 44 00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:26,579 All right, Jerry. 45 00:01:26,663 --> 00:01:28,414 When you're right, you're right. 46 00:01:28,498 --> 00:01:29,791 Now I'm hooked. 47 00:02:01,739 --> 00:02:03,700 Coming up next on "Shmloo's the Shmloss," 48 00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:05,326 Shmiony has a nightmare. 49 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:08,371 - Shmlantha! Shmiona! - Amazing — a dimension 50 00:02:08,454 --> 00:02:10,373 where all proper nouns begin with "Shmia." 51 00:02:10,456 --> 00:02:12,875 Shmla — Shmlangela? 52 00:02:12,959 --> 00:02:14,544 Shmlonathan? 53 00:02:14,627 --> 00:02:16,838 All right, that actuality got old pretty quick. 54 00:02:16,921 --> 00:02:18,381 Rick! 55 00:02:18,464 --> 00:02:20,633 Will you please go back to me on "David Letterman"? 56 00:02:20,717 --> 00:02:22,385 Infinity's a big number, Jerry. 57 00:02:22,468 --> 00:02:23,886 I don't remember the channel. 58 00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:25,471 Ah! Go back! Go back! 59 00:02:25,555 --> 00:02:27,974 - Geez. - You speak me true-true. 60 00:02:28,057 --> 00:02:30,310 Oh, my god. Dad's in "Cloud Atlas"! 61 00:02:30,393 --> 00:02:33,104 I'm in "Cloud Atlas"! What's "Cloud Atlas"? 62 00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:34,731 Sometimes, small true-true 63 00:02:34,814 --> 00:02:36,733 different than the big true-true. 64 00:02:36,816 --> 00:02:38,276 How is this possible? 65 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,570 Infinite time lines, infinite possibilities, 66 00:02:40,653 --> 00:02:42,530 including a time line where Jerry's a movie star. 67 00:02:42,614 --> 00:02:44,115 Look, you guys are getting excited 68 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:45,867 about the wrong aspect of this device. 69 00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:47,535 Wha — look at this. 70 00:02:47,619 --> 00:02:50,204 And now, another quick mystery 71 00:02:50,288 --> 00:02:52,040 I just want to know who could have done this. 72 00:02:52,123 --> 00:02:54,042 It's a travesty - I did 73 00:02:54,125 --> 00:02:55,460 See this knife and all the blood on it? 74 00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:56,753 Her. my fingerprints. 75 00:02:56,836 --> 00:02:59,130 Guilty I sentence you to life in prison. 76 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:00,715 Her. another quick mystery 77 00:03:00,798 --> 00:03:02,717 - My mother's dead - And I killed her 78 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,427 Her. the weapon, and cuff me. 79 00:03:04,510 --> 00:03:05,720 Thank you very much. 80 00:03:05,803 --> 00:03:07,347 Guilty Sentenced to murder. 81 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,725 - Her. another. - I'm the killer. 82 00:03:10,808 --> 00:03:13,394 Oh, wow, that one was really quick, wasn't it? 83 00:03:13,478 --> 00:03:15,938 Now, who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows 84 00:03:16,022 --> 00:03:18,191 from different dimensions, and — and then who wants 85 00:03:18,274 --> 00:03:20,777 to narcissistic ally obsess about their alternate selves? 86 00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:23,446 I want to obsess about myself. 87 00:03:23,529 --> 00:03:25,448 Here, these scan your retinas 88 00:03:25,531 --> 00:03:27,450 and let you view parallel time lines 89 00:03:27,533 --> 00:03:29,327 through genetically matching versions of your eyes. 90 00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,328 Go fetch. 91 00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,288 - This is so cool. - Ladies first. 92 00:03:32,372 --> 00:03:33,498 I'm proud of you, Morty. 93 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,625 Hey, man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. 94 00:03:35,708 --> 00:03:37,543 Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo. 95 00:03:37,627 --> 00:03:38,878 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson, 96 00:03:38,961 --> 00:03:41,214 here at Ants In My Eyes Johnson's electronics. 97 00:03:41,297 --> 00:03:43,299 I mean, there so many ants in my eyes. 98 00:03:43,383 --> 00:03:46,344 And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios, I think 99 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:49,639 I can't — I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock 100 00:03:49,722 --> 00:03:51,349 because I can't see anything. 101 00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:54,185 Our prices, I hope, aren't too low 102 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,854 Checkout this refrigerator, only$200. 103 00:03:56,938 --> 00:03:58,731 What about this microwave? Only $100. 104 00:03:58,815 --> 00:04:00,358 That's fair. 105 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,819 I'm Ants in My Eyes Johnson. Everything's black. 106 00:04:02,902 --> 00:04:04,278 I can't see a thing. 107 00:04:04,362 --> 00:04:06,280 And also, I can't feel anything either. 108 00:04:06,364 --> 00:04:07,407 Did I mention that? 109 00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:09,992 But that's not as catchy as having ants in your eyes, 110 00:04:10,076 --> 00:04:12,620 so that always goes, you know, off by me wayside. 111 00:04:12,704 --> 00:04:14,789 I can't feel. It's a very rare disease. 112 00:04:14,872 --> 00:04:16,499 All my— all my nerves, 113 00:04:16,582 --> 00:04:18,835 they don't allow for the sensation of touch, 114 00:04:18,918 --> 00:04:20,795 so I never know what's going on. 115 00:04:20,878 --> 00:04:22,797 Am I standing, sitting? I don't know 116 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,341 Are we sure we wanna look at our own alternate lives? 117 00:04:25,425 --> 00:04:27,677 You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee. 118 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,804 Give me those. 119 00:04:29,887 --> 00:04:30,888 What do you see? 120 00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:33,891 Whiteness — pure whiteness. 121 00:04:35,893 --> 00:04:37,562 You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. 122 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,021 I love doing cocaine with you. 123 00:04:39,105 --> 00:04:42,108 Whoa, I love doing cocaine with you, too, Johnny Depp. 124 00:04:42,191 --> 00:04:45,194 Haven't we spent enough time on you? 125 00:04:45,278 --> 00:04:47,947 I'm performing surgery... 126 00:04:48,030 --> 00:04:49,949 but not on a horse — on a human. 127 00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:51,576 That's great, Beth. 128 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,828 You always wanted to be a real surgeon. 129 00:04:53,911 --> 00:04:55,830 I am a real surgeon. 130 00:04:55,913 --> 00:04:57,540 Uh... Summer's turn. 131 00:04:57,623 --> 00:04:59,542 Finally. 132 00:04:59,625 --> 00:05:01,544 I don't see anything. 133 00:05:01,627 --> 00:05:03,296 Well, you should select a different time line. 134 00:05:03,379 --> 00:05:05,298 I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, 135 00:05:05,381 --> 00:05:06,799 there's a chance you weren't even born. 136 00:05:06,883 --> 00:05:09,302 That came out wrong. That came out very wrong. 137 00:05:09,385 --> 00:05:12,889 Fine. I'll find a world where you bothered to have me. 138 00:05:16,017 --> 00:05:18,060 We're playing Yahtzee. 139 00:05:18,144 --> 00:05:19,812 Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee. 140 00:05:19,896 --> 00:05:21,481 It's a fun game for fun families. 141 00:05:21,564 --> 00:05:23,733 Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second? 142 00:05:23,816 --> 00:05:27,153 It's a 45-horsepower with antilock brakes, 143 00:05:27,236 --> 00:05:30,323 and it's the official car of"Mr. Sneezy 3D." 144 00:05:30,406 --> 00:05:33,117 It's the brand-new SneezyXL. 145 00:05:33,201 --> 00:05:35,995 The horn, when you hon kit, makes a sneeze noise. 146 00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:39,165 It's polite, it's right, 147 00:05:39,248 --> 00:05:44,212 and it's Sneezy Deezy Mc... Deluxe. 148 00:05:44,295 --> 00:05:45,880 I'm Mr. Sneezy 149 00:05:45,963 --> 00:05:48,424 Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions 150 00:05:48,508 --> 00:05:50,343 has a somewhat looser feel to it. 151 00:05:50,426 --> 00:05:53,179 Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. 152 00:05:53,262 --> 00:05:55,807 It's In theaters now Coming this Summer. 153 00:05:55,890 --> 00:05:58,309 Two brothers In a van, 154 00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,769 and then a meteor hits. 155 00:05:59,852 --> 00:06:02,021 And they ran as fast as they could 156 00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:03,898 from giant cat monsters. 157 00:06:03,981 --> 00:06:05,817 And then a giant tornado came. 158 00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:11,197 And that's when things got knocked into 12th gear 159 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:14,075 A Mexican armada shows up, 160 00:06:14,158 --> 00:06:17,411 with weapons made from t-tomatoes. 161 00:06:17,495 --> 00:06:19,664 And you better bet your bottom dollar 162 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:23,417 that these two brothers know how to handle business 163 00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:27,380 in "Alien Invasion Tomato Monster 164 00:06:27,463 --> 00:06:28,714 Mexican Armada Brothers, 165 00:06:28,798 --> 00:06:30,800 Who are Just Regular Brothers, 166 00:06:30,883 --> 00:06:33,052 running in a Van from an Asteroid 167 00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:37,098 and All Sort of The Movie. "' 168 00:06:37,181 --> 00:06:39,100 holding. There's more. 169 00:06:39,183 --> 00:06:41,519 Old women are coming, and they're also In me movie. 170 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,396 And they're gonna come 171 00:06:43,479 --> 00:06:45,940 and cross attack these two brothers. 172 00:06:46,023 --> 00:06:47,525 But let's get back to the brothers, 173 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:50,528 because they're — they have a strong bond 174 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,821 You don't want to know about it here, 175 00:06:51,904 --> 00:06:53,489 but I'll tell you one thing. 176 00:06:53,573 --> 00:06:55,741 The moon — it comes crashing into Earth. 177 00:06:55,825 --> 00:06:57,702 And what do you do then? 178 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,496 It's two brothers and— and they're gonna — 179 00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:02,498 It's called"Two Brothers." "Two Brothers." 180 00:07:02,582 --> 00:07:04,667 It's just called "Two Brothers." 181 00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,919 Holy crap. I am winning a Nobel prize. 182 00:07:07,003 --> 00:07:09,088 Come on. Time's up. 183 00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:10,798 I'm taming a lion. 184 00:07:10,882 --> 00:07:12,925 No, wait. There are film cameras. 185 00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:15,553 I might be a lion tamer in a movie. 186 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:17,263 You get the idea. I work with lions. 187 00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:21,851 Ohh, we're not playing Yahtzee! 188 00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:24,145 We're playing Chutes and Ladders. 189 00:07:24,228 --> 00:07:26,856 Seems like when I exist, life gets a little more — 190 00:07:26,939 --> 00:07:28,524 I don't know — predictable? 191 00:07:28,608 --> 00:07:30,568 When two people create a life together, 192 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,571 they set aside their previous lives as individuals. 193 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,197 Give me a break. 194 00:07:35,281 --> 00:07:37,950 We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night. 195 00:07:38,034 --> 00:07:39,285 Oh, I get it. 196 00:07:39,368 --> 00:07:41,454 Now that you know you could have had it better, 197 00:07:41,537 --> 00:07:43,873 you resent me for holding you back. 198 00:07:43,956 --> 00:07:46,459 Well, now that we know you think the tables are turning, 199 00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,377 we know you thought there were unturned tables. 200 00:07:48,461 --> 00:07:50,338 What are you talking about? 201 00:07:50,421 --> 00:07:52,006 All this time, you've been thinking, "what if that loser, 202 00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:54,300 Jerry, hadn't talked me out of the abortion?" 203 00:07:54,383 --> 00:07:56,385 - Um... - Well, now you know. 204 00:07:56,469 --> 00:07:57,511 You'd be a doctor. Whoop-de-do. 205 00:07:57,595 --> 00:07:59,180 You'd also be drinking wine alone 206 00:07:59,263 --> 00:08:01,432 in a house full of exotic birds. 207 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:04,268 And I'd be on DiCaprio's yacht, banging Kristen Stewart. 208 00:08:04,352 --> 00:08:06,687 You thought about getting an abortion? 209 00:08:06,771 --> 00:08:08,147 Everyone thinks about it. 210 00:08:08,230 --> 00:08:10,149 Obviously, I'm the version of me that didn't do it, 211 00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:13,235 so you're welcome. - Yeah, you're welcome. 212 00:08:13,319 --> 00:08:14,904 Yeah, thank you guys so much. 213 00:08:14,987 --> 00:08:16,614 It's a real treat to be raised by parents 214 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:18,366 that forced themselves to be together 215 00:08:18,449 --> 00:08:20,076 instead of being happy. 216 00:08:20,159 --> 00:08:22,244 Hey, do we have any wafer cookies? 217 00:08:22,328 --> 00:08:23,579 Mmm! 218 00:08:23,663 --> 00:08:24,747 Oh, boy. 219 00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,248 Looks like you guys have been checking out alternate lives 220 00:08:26,332 --> 00:08:28,084 and realizing you don't have it as good, huh? 221 00:08:28,167 --> 00:08:29,335 That's too bad. 222 00:08:29,418 --> 00:08:31,003 You know, me and Morty are having a blast. 223 00:08:31,087 --> 00:08:32,672 We just discovered a show called "Ball Fondlers." 224 00:08:32,755 --> 00:08:34,632 I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything, 225 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,635 but you guys clearly backed the wrong conceptual horse. 226 00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:53,067 - I'm in heaven right now. - The best day of my life. 227 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:54,819 So, now what do we do? 228 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,946 That show "Ball Fondlers" sounded kind of interesting. 229 00:08:57,029 --> 00:08:58,656 - Dad! - What? 230 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,950 They're having fun in there. What do you guys want from me? 231 00:09:01,033 --> 00:09:02,952 Every family on this block has to wonder 232 00:09:03,035 --> 00:09:04,662 if they're together by choice. 233 00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,539 Our family just has inter dimensional goggles 234 00:09:06,622 --> 00:09:08,958 to show us for a fact that we're not. 235 00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:11,627 - Well, I'm leaving. - You can't leave. You're 17. 236 00:09:11,711 --> 00:09:13,212 Yeah, and I'm not pregnant. 237 00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:16,173 I'm gonna have better judgment than you guys had at my age. 238 00:09:16,257 --> 00:09:18,634 I'm gonna move to the southwest and... 239 00:09:18,718 --> 00:09:21,804 I don't know, do something with turquoise. 240 00:09:21,887 --> 00:09:25,808 It's "Saturday Night Live," 241 00:09:25,891 --> 00:09:28,477 starring apiece of toast, 242 00:09:28,561 --> 00:09:30,813 two guys with handlebar mustaches, 243 00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:33,733 a man painted silver who makes robot noises, 244 00:09:33,816 --> 00:09:35,568 GarMa NarNar, 245 00:09:35,651 --> 00:09:38,279 three., um, um, um... 246 00:09:38,362 --> 00:09:40,114 I'll get back to that one, 247 00:09:40,197 --> 00:09:41,824 a hole in the wall 248 00:09:41,907 --> 00:09:43,993 where the men can see I tail, 249 00:09:44,076 --> 00:09:48,289 and, returning for his 25th consecutive year, 250 00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:51,709 Bobby Moynlhan! 251 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,252 Interesting fun fact — 252 00:09:53,335 --> 00:09:55,838 Moynihan and a piece of toast hate each other. 253 00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:58,841 Apparently, they've got some real creative differences. 254 00:09:58,924 --> 00:10:00,259 Hey, are you tired of real doors 255 00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:01,927 cluttering up your house, 256 00:10:02,011 --> 00:10:03,596 where you open them and you actuality go somewhere, 257 00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:04,972 and you go into another room? 258 00:10:05,056 --> 00:10:07,558 Get on down to Real Fake Doors. That's us. 259 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,018 Flila whole room up with them. 260 00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:10,269 See, watch. Check this out 261 00:10:10,352 --> 00:10:11,395 Won't open. 262 00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:12,521 Won't open. 263 00:10:12,605 --> 00:10:13,856 Not this one. 264 00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:15,024 Not this one. 265 00:10:15,107 --> 00:10:16,108 None of them open. 266 00:10:16,192 --> 00:10:17,818 Fake doors.com is our website, 267 00:10:17,902 --> 00:10:20,821 so check it out for a lot of really great deals 268 00:10:20,905 --> 00:10:24,116 on fake do-o-o-o-rs! 269 00:10:30,331 --> 00:10:32,124 Hey, wait a minute, Rick. 270 00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:33,584 I thought this was a commercial. 271 00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,294 What's going on? - Relax, Morty. 272 00:10:35,377 --> 00:10:39,048 Don't — don't worry about it. Let's just see where this goes. 273 00:10:39,131 --> 00:10:41,175 Step on it! We all got places to be! 274 00:10:41,258 --> 00:10:43,594 Son of a bitch. 275 00:10:45,387 --> 00:10:47,223 Oh, that must be where he lives. 276 00:10:47,306 --> 00:10:48,641 Okay. 277 00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:52,269 Huh. He's making himself a sandwich now. 278 00:10:54,939 --> 00:10:56,816 Hey, everybody So, this is my house. 279 00:10:56,899 --> 00:10:59,151 Just made a sandwich — peanut butt erand jelly. 280 00:10:59,235 --> 00:11:01,070 Still here, still selling fake doors. 281 00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:02,196 What? 282 00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:04,240 Oh, my god. It's still the commercial. 283 00:11:04,323 --> 00:11:06,242 We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe. 284 00:11:06,325 --> 00:11:08,619 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 285 00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,913 Callus up and order some fake doors today. 286 00:11:10,996 --> 00:11:12,790 Don't even hesitate, don't even worry, 287 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:13,833 and don't even — 288 00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:15,042 All right, I'm bored. Change it. 289 00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:16,877 Wait, wait, Rick. Hold on, hold on. 290 00:11:16,961 --> 00:11:18,087 That's our slogan. 291 00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:20,381 See it on the bottom of the screen below our name. 292 00:11:20,464 --> 00:11:22,508 Her. another.. slogan right below that one. 293 00:11:22,591 --> 00:11:25,094 What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. 294 00:11:25,177 --> 00:11:27,096 Get in here quick, get out quicker 295 00:11:27,179 --> 00:11:28,889 with an arm of fake doors in your arms. 296 00:11:28,973 --> 00:11:31,392 Okay, okay, you can change it. 297 00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:33,936 I hate Mamumanums-days, 298 00:11:34,019 --> 00:11:36,438 and I really could go for some enchiladas. 299 00:11:36,522 --> 00:11:38,858 Hey, Rick, that's pretty cool. 300 00:11:38,941 --> 00:11:41,777 It's just like Garfield, only instead it's Gazorpazorpfield. 301 00:11:41,861 --> 00:11:44,488 Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where those sex robots came from? 302 00:11:44,572 --> 00:11:46,532 Remember that whole thing? 303 00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:48,534 Yeah. Hey, that's a pretty — pretty — 304 00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:50,077 That's true. That's right. 305 00:11:50,161 --> 00:11:52,746 Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield. 306 00:11:52,830 --> 00:11:54,748 Hey, John. It's me, Gazorpazorpfield 307 00:11:54,832 --> 00:11:56,584 Boy fuck you, John, 308 00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:59,336 you fuck in'dumb, stupid idiot 309 00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:02,339 Come on, br0ken! Go easy on me, huh? 310 00:12:02,423 --> 00:12:05,134 You dumb, stupid, weak, 311 00:12:05,217 --> 00:12:08,262 pathetic, white, white, 312 00:12:08,345 --> 00:12:10,598 uh... guilt — 313 00:12:10,681 --> 00:12:13,017 white-gulltmilquetoast 314 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,060 piece of human garbage. 315 00:12:15,144 --> 00:12:16,395 Geez, Gazorpazorpfield, that's — 316 00:12:16,478 --> 00:12:18,022 you know, you're pretty mean to me, 317 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,273 but that takes me cake. 318 00:12:19,356 --> 00:12:20,941 I don't give a fuck. 319 00:12:21,025 --> 00:12:23,235 I'm Gazorpazorp-fuck in'-field, bitch. 320 00:12:23,319 --> 00:12:25,571 Now give me my fucking enchiladas. 321 00:12:25,654 --> 00:12:27,865 Hey, Rick, you know, did they use Bill Murray for this? 322 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,408 Sounds a lot like Bill Murray. 323 00:12:29,491 --> 00:12:30,868 No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music. 324 00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,536 In this reality, he's still alive. 325 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:34,371 Oh, okay. Was his name "Lorenzo Music"? 326 00:12:34,455 --> 00:12:35,915 Yeah, I'm pretty sure. 327 00:12:35,998 --> 00:12:37,875 He also did the voice of that one guy from "Ghostbusters," 328 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,002 which is really strange because it's the same character 329 00:12:40,085 --> 00:12:41,212 Bill Murray played in the movie. 330 00:12:41,295 --> 00:12:42,671 But then, when they made the movie, 331 00:12:42,755 --> 00:12:44,798 Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp— 332 00:12:44,882 --> 00:12:46,800 - or Garfield, I mean. - That's pretty cool, Rick. 333 00:12:46,884 --> 00:12:48,719 So all that happened in this reality, too? 334 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:49,887 I don't know. 335 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,430 Just making conversation with you, Morty. 336 00:12:51,513 --> 00:12:52,890 What, you think I'm a — I'm — 337 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,017 I know everything about everything? 338 00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:57,186 Did you really talk me out of the abortion? 339 00:12:57,269 --> 00:13:00,439 Well, we — we blew a tire on the way to the clinic. 340 00:13:00,522 --> 00:13:03,817 I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids. 341 00:13:03,901 --> 00:13:07,321 And now the first kid is going to do something with turquoise. 342 00:13:07,404 --> 00:13:09,448 Which is either code for crystal meth 343 00:13:09,531 --> 00:13:11,325 or a gateway to it. 344 00:13:11,408 --> 00:13:13,452 So we didn't do the kids any favors. 345 00:13:13,535 --> 00:13:16,330 So we should stay together for each other and ourselves, 346 00:13:16,413 --> 00:13:18,207 or... 347 00:13:18,290 --> 00:13:20,125 Or... 348 00:13:21,418 --> 00:13:24,546 Man, woman, and now Trunk man? 349 00:13:24,630 --> 00:13:26,465 We know science has created men that have a trunk 350 00:13:26,548 --> 00:13:28,092 that allows them to have sex with both 351 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,177 male and femal partners. 352 00:13:30,261 --> 00:13:32,471 But we don't like the idea of these people getting married 353 00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:35,266 Put a line in the sand, everybody 354 00:13:35,349 --> 00:13:37,059 Vote "'no'on proposition XW2. 355 00:13:37,142 --> 00:13:39,478 The act that says trunk people can get married 356 00:13:39,561 --> 00:13:40,854 Who needs it? 357 00:13:40,938 --> 00:13:42,356 Not on my watch. 358 00:13:42,439 --> 00:13:46,235 Paid for by Michael Denny and The Denny Singers. 359 00:13:46,318 --> 00:13:48,362 Hi I'm a trunk person, and I want — 360 00:13:48,445 --> 00:13:51,115 I feel love In my heart, too, just like you. 361 00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,950 I wanna be able to express that love 362 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,743 with both a man and a woman. 363 00:13:54,827 --> 00:13:56,245 And I won't be able to 364 00:13:56,328 --> 00:13:58,580 if Denny and The Denny Singers get their way. 365 00:13:58,664 --> 00:14:01,083 Hey, let the trunk people have sex and get married, huh? 366 00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:03,794 Paid for by trunk people. 367 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,963 Oh, I love me strawberry sniggles. 368 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,090 Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me 369 00:14:08,173 --> 00:14:11,385 and tries to steal my strawberry smiggles. 370 00:14:11,468 --> 00:14:12,845 I'm gonna eat every last one of them, 371 00:14:12,928 --> 00:14:14,847 because — and then they'll be In my stomach, 372 00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:16,932 and nobody will ever be able to eat them. 373 00:14:17,016 --> 00:14:19,393 Except for me, because they'll be all inside my stomach. 374 00:14:19,476 --> 00:14:23,772 Um, my name is Mr. Top hat Jones, 375 00:14:23,856 --> 00:14:25,607 and God forbid anyone ever take mysner— 376 00:14:25,691 --> 00:14:27,401 Little-people snibbles. 377 00:14:27,484 --> 00:14:28,902 I'm keeping them all for me. 378 00:14:28,986 --> 00:14:30,946 Mmm. Mmm. 379 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,990 Last bite. Mmm. 380 00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,992 Oh, now they're all resting comfortably in my stomach. 381 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,535 Ooh, am I feeling good 382 00:14:36,618 --> 00:14:38,829 No! Get away from me! Get away from me! 383 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,831 There no more strawberry snibbles — no! 384 00:14:42,583 --> 00:14:44,418 Jesus Christ! 385 00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:46,086 Jesus Christ! It hurts! 386 00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:47,588 My entral's are out! 387 00:14:47,671 --> 00:14:49,131 Why would you even want to eat these? 388 00:14:49,214 --> 00:14:51,300 They're soaked with my stomach acid 389 00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:53,552 Oh, Jesus Christ, lord, savior, 390 00:14:53,635 --> 00:14:55,429 and spirit, save me. 391 00:14:55,512 --> 00:14:57,139 Take me to the light 392 00:14:57,222 --> 00:14:58,891 Oh, my god I see demons. 393 00:14:58,974 --> 00:15:00,434 I see demons are coming l 394 00:15:00,517 --> 00:15:02,144 Geez, Rick. Oh, my god. 395 00:15:02,227 --> 00:15:03,520 That's some pretty hard-core stuff, 396 00:15:03,604 --> 00:15:05,522 you know, for a cereal commercial. 397 00:15:05,606 --> 00:15:08,108 Well, Morty — I mean, you wanna sell boxes of cereal, 398 00:15:08,192 --> 00:15:09,902 you gotta pump the gas a little. 399 00:15:09,985 --> 00:15:11,612 Pedal to the metal, Morty. 400 00:15:11,695 --> 00:15:15,032 In a world where muscular Mannles are coming 401 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,700 and they're coming strong, 402 00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:20,329 there's only three. unmuscular Michaels. 403 00:15:20,412 --> 00:15:22,581 Get down. Hurry Run. 404 00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:28,337 And that's when real Turbulent Juice is coming, 405 00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:31,048 and you got to take care of it 406 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,467 With Turbulent Juice, turbulent tables, 407 00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:37,221 no room is safe from the turbulent power 408 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,348 of Turbulent Juice. 409 00:15:39,431 --> 00:15:41,350 - What in the hell? - Sex sells, Morty. 410 00:15:41,433 --> 00:15:43,352 Sex sells what? 411 00:15:43,435 --> 00:15:45,938 Was that a movie or, like, does it clean stuff? 412 00:15:46,021 --> 00:15:47,439 Hey, Dad. 413 00:15:47,523 --> 00:15:48,941 - God. - What's going on? 414 00:15:49,024 --> 00:15:50,734 Well, your mother and I are gonna be spending 415 00:15:50,818 --> 00:15:52,361 some time apart, Morty. 416 00:15:52,444 --> 00:15:54,363 And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy. 417 00:15:54,446 --> 00:15:57,199 - What? - Speaking of what, 418 00:15:57,282 --> 00:16:00,577 Morty, what should we watch next? 419 00:16:00,661 --> 00:16:02,413 What about this? 420 00:16:02,496 --> 00:16:04,373 Baby legs, you're a good detective. 421 00:16:04,456 --> 00:16:06,917 But not good enough, because of your baby legs. 422 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,919 So I'm partnering you up with Regular logs. 423 00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,379 Hey, there. 424 00:16:10,462 --> 00:16:12,381 Detective, I'm — this is upsetting to me 425 00:16:12,464 --> 00:16:15,217 because I feel like I don't need no regular-log partner. 426 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:17,010 Baby logs, don't talk back to me. 427 00:16:17,094 --> 00:16:18,512 Good luck, you two. 428 00:16:18,595 --> 00:16:20,556 There a criminal to kill. 429 00:16:20,639 --> 00:16:22,599 Wow, you sure found this guy quick. 430 00:16:22,683 --> 00:16:24,601 Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective. 431 00:16:24,685 --> 00:16:26,395 Look, Baby legs. It's the criminal. 432 00:16:26,478 --> 00:16:28,147 Oh, fuck it I'm the killer I'm running. 433 00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:29,231 I'm running real quick. 434 00:16:29,314 --> 00:16:31,233 Baby logs, here we go! 435 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,779 That's the sound I make when I'm trying to run fast 436 00:16:37,656 --> 00:16:39,408 All right, I'm not gonna get him. 437 00:16:39,491 --> 00:16:41,410 I just learned a real valuable lesson. 438 00:16:41,493 --> 00:16:43,120 I'm coming, Baby legs. 439 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,997 I'm... Regular legs. 440 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,623 We got him. 441 00:16:46,707 --> 00:16:48,292 Hey, that was good teamwork 442 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,169 Baby logs and Regular legs, 443 00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:52,171 I'm proud of you two for. Working together. 444 00:16:52,254 --> 00:16:54,173 And, Baby legs, I know it was hard for you 445 00:16:54,256 --> 00:16:56,633 to come to me conclusion that you need a partner, 446 00:16:56,717 --> 00:16:58,218 but I'm proud of you that you did it. 447 00:16:58,302 --> 00:16:59,261 Hey, thanks, Chief. 448 00:16:59,344 --> 00:17:01,013 Now get the fuck out of here. 449 00:17:01,096 --> 00:17:02,598 Pretty cool, huh, Morty? 450 00:17:02,681 --> 00:17:04,183 Oh. - I thought it was cool. 451 00:17:04,266 --> 00:17:07,644 I don't give a fuck what you think, Jerry. 452 00:17:11,106 --> 00:17:14,526 Hey, uh, y-you doing okay? 453 00:17:14,610 --> 00:17:16,195 I kind of know how you feel, Summer. 454 00:17:16,278 --> 00:17:18,071 No, you don't. You're the Little brother. 455 00:17:18,155 --> 00:17:19,823 You're not the cause of your parents misery. 456 00:17:19,907 --> 00:17:22,576 You're just a symptom of it. 457 00:17:22,659 --> 00:17:24,578 - Can I show you something? - Morty, no offense... 458 00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:26,663 but a drawing of me you made when you were eight 459 00:17:26,747 --> 00:17:28,332 isn't gonna make me feel like less of an accident. 460 00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,168 That out there? That's my grave. 461 00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,879 - Wait, what? - On one of our adventures... 462 00:17:33,962 --> 00:17:36,673 Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world, 463 00:17:36,757 --> 00:17:39,676 so we bailed on that reality, and we came to this one. 464 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,179 Because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed. 465 00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,389 And in this one, we were dead. 466 00:17:44,473 --> 00:17:46,266 So we came here and — and we buried ourselves, 467 00:17:46,350 --> 00:17:48,185 and we took their place. 468 00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,312 And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast 469 00:17:50,395 --> 00:17:54,191 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse. 470 00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,026 So you're not my brother? 471 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,736 I'm better than your brother. 472 00:17:57,819 --> 00:17:59,446 I'm a version of your brother you can trust 473 00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:01,448 when he says "don't run." 474 00:18:01,532 --> 00:18:04,076 Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. 475 00:18:04,159 --> 00:18:06,495 Everybody's gonna die. 476 00:18:06,578 --> 00:18:10,249 Come watch TV. 477 00:18:10,332 --> 00:18:12,584 Mrs. Sullivan always planned 478 00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:15,087 to leave everything to her cats. 479 00:18:15,170 --> 00:18:18,590 But sometimes, plans need a heloingpaw 480 00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:22,219 What are the kitties to do 481 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,513 but buckle together and work as a team? 482 00:18:24,596 --> 00:18:27,474 Mrs. Sullivan, I — please, forgive me for being forward, 483 00:18:27,558 --> 00:18:29,017 but your eyes are so beautiful. 484 00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:32,729 Wait. This is an actual movie? 485 00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:35,232 This fall, sparks will fly... 486 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,653 Mrs. Sullivan. Ohh. 487 00:18:39,736 --> 00:18:41,780 between one guy who can't get a break... 488 00:18:41,863 --> 00:18:44,116 There. Something about you, Mrs. Sullivan. 489 00:18:44,199 --> 00:18:46,994 and nine cats who break ail the rules. 490 00:18:48,287 --> 00:18:49,913 "Last Will and Testi-meow: 491 00:18:49,997 --> 00:18:52,499 Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House II." 492 00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,960 Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job. 493 00:18:55,043 --> 00:18:56,795 Written and directed by Jerry Smith. 494 00:18:56,878 --> 00:18:59,256 I wrote and directed that? What am I, nuts? 495 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,216 Oh, hey, Morty. You just missed a preview 496 00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:02,843 for your Dad's "Citizen Kane." 497 00:19:02,926 --> 00:19:04,303 Doesn't matter. 498 00:19:04,386 --> 00:19:05,971 Hey, if your mother and I had to split custody, 499 00:19:06,054 --> 00:19:07,598 who would you guys chose? 500 00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:09,266 Doesn't matter. 501 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:12,060 Breaking news —Academy Award-Winning actor Jerry Smith 502 00:19:12,144 --> 00:19:14,813 is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit 503 00:19:14,896 --> 00:19:16,857 after suffering an apparent breakdown. 504 00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:18,567 Don't even think about it. 505 00:19:18,650 --> 00:19:20,569 Come on. Are you kidding me, Jerry? 506 00:19:20,652 --> 00:19:22,487 It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap. 507 00:19:22,571 --> 00:19:26,199 It's my life, and we're watching it. 508 00:19:26,283 --> 00:19:29,828 You did it, Beth. You really nailed it. 509 00:19:29,911 --> 00:19:34,249 You're a surgeon — a human surgeon. 510 00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:37,169 Yay, you win. 511 00:19:37,252 --> 00:19:38,837 Where the hell am I going? 512 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,006 Wh— What are you asking me for, Jerry? 513 00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:43,175 I'm sitting here trying to figure out 514 00:19:43,258 --> 00:19:44,843 why the cops don't just take you out. 515 00:19:44,926 --> 00:19:47,012 I mean they got a clear shot to your head. 516 00:19:47,095 --> 00:19:49,473 I can't believe our tax dollars pay for this. 517 00:19:57,689 --> 00:19:59,024 Jerry? 518 00:19:59,107 --> 00:20:01,360 Jerry Smith? 519 00:20:01,443 --> 00:20:04,029 Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. 520 00:20:04,112 --> 00:20:05,989 I hate acting. I hate cocaine. 521 00:20:06,073 --> 00:20:07,574 I hate Kristen Stewart. 522 00:20:07,658 --> 00:20:09,326 I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion, 523 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:13,830 and I've never stopped thinking about what might have been. 524 00:20:13,914 --> 00:20:18,460 ? Give me a name? 525 00:20:18,543 --> 00:20:24,216 ? Hear my faith? 526 00:20:24,299 --> 00:20:29,304 ? Seal my fate? 527 00:20:31,014 --> 00:20:36,728 ? And when you breathe? 528 00:20:36,812 --> 00:20:39,231 ? You breathe for two? 529 00:20:39,314 --> 00:20:40,941 Hey, "Bail Fondlers"? Huh, "Ball Fondiers"? 530 00:20:41,024 --> 00:20:42,651 Yeah, I could go for some "Ball Fondiers." 531 00:20:42,734 --> 00:20:44,194 Yeah, "Ball Fondlers." 532 00:20:45,779 --> 00:20:47,739 Aah! 533 00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:21,815 Ha ha, Hamster in Butt World Weather is done, 534 00:21:21,898 --> 00:21:23,525 and now it's sports time coming up. 535 00:21:23,608 --> 00:21:25,402 - Oh, hello, there. - Good day to you, miss. 536 00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,362 So, the hamsters live 537 00:21:27,446 --> 00:21:28,822 inside the rectums of those people? 538 00:21:28,905 --> 00:21:30,532 Yes, sweetie. That's where the live. 539 00:21:30,615 --> 00:21:31,950 Well, how does that work? 540 00:21:32,033 --> 00:21:33,952 I mean, do the butts look like Little apartments inside? 541 00:21:34,035 --> 00:21:35,537 Yeah, and can they leave the butt 542 00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:37,247 and, like, walk around on their own? 543 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:39,958 I don't know. I'm watching the same thing you guys are. 544 00:21:40,041 --> 00:21:41,835 Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt 545 00:21:41,918 --> 00:21:43,462 and the person wanders off, 546 00:21:43,545 --> 00:21:45,130 how would they find their butt person again? 547 00:21:45,213 --> 00:21:47,132 I don't know, Summer. I can't even hear the TV. 548 00:21:47,215 --> 00:21:48,592 All right, that's it. 549 00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:50,051 We're just gonna go there so you idiots 550 00:21:50,135 --> 00:21:51,845 can ask your stupid questions all day. 551 00:21:51,928 --> 00:21:54,097 Ooh, family vacation! 552 00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:09,905 Did you get any of that? 553 00:22:09,988 --> 00:22:11,948 It's a good-a show!