1 00:00:23,019 --> 00:00:25,767 Jeez, Chavo, you look like a giant baby on film. 2 00:00:25,767 --> 00:00:27,608 Make sure that little red light's blinking. 3 00:00:27,608 --> 00:00:30,178 Thank you for that amazing advice. 4 00:00:30,178 --> 00:00:31,880 Thank you for being so sarcastic. 5 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,181 Take it easy. 6 00:00:42,304 --> 00:00:43,639 Ready? 7 00:00:43,639 --> 00:00:46,475 I am currently standing less than 200 meters 8 00:00:46,475 --> 00:00:49,779 from where Chavo here cowered like a bitch in a bush, 9 00:00:49,779 --> 00:00:52,216 but somehow managed to get a picture 10 00:00:52,216 --> 00:00:54,418 of this thing's right calf and buttock 11 00:00:54,418 --> 00:00:55,786 before it disappeared into the bush. 12 00:00:55,786 --> 00:00:57,456 And here's a fact: If I go down, 13 00:00:57,456 --> 00:00:58,890 you're like a dog without a bone, chica. 14 00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:01,227 Dude, I would pick up that camera and forge ahead 15 00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:02,862 like Denzel picked up the flag in Glory. 16 00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,832 There have been a spate of recent sightings 17 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,634 of what has locally gained traction 18 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,404 as a Bigfoot-type creature. But wait, there's more. 19 00:01:09,404 --> 00:01:11,273 Yeah, show them the transmitter. 20 00:01:11,273 --> 00:01:15,578 We have planted a number of these motivational devices 21 00:01:15,578 --> 00:01:18,382 in order to entice our favorite squatch 22 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,317 into giving us a little encore. 23 00:01:20,317 --> 00:01:21,852 Calm down, Chavo. 24 00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,688 I know how much you love dark meat and technology. 25 00:01:23,688 --> 00:01:26,592 Careful, that's a $200 tracking device in there. 26 00:01:28,862 --> 00:01:30,596 What the hell is that? 27 00:01:30,596 --> 00:01:32,545 Would you stop it? That is a ridiculous sound. 28 00:01:32,545 --> 00:01:33,900 Forget you, Shawn. 29 00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,469 You know I'm allergic to pine needles 30 00:01:35,469 --> 00:01:37,805 and most types of dirt. Plus, it's raining now. 31 00:01:37,805 --> 00:01:39,941 If I don't start smelling slow-roasting brisket 32 00:01:39,941 --> 00:01:41,443 in the next two minutes, we're turning around. 33 00:01:41,443 --> 00:01:43,745 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shawn frigging Spencer? 34 00:01:43,745 --> 00:01:46,182 You really came. This is the boobs. 35 00:01:46,182 --> 00:01:48,319 Uh, Kate, favor. 36 00:01:48,319 --> 00:01:50,354 Wow, you look just like your picture on the blog spot. 37 00:01:50,354 --> 00:01:51,722 I thought it was a screen cap 38 00:01:51,722 --> 00:01:53,458 of Angelina Jolie in Original Sin. 39 00:01:53,458 --> 00:01:56,328 Shawn, who are these people, and why do they know your name? 40 00:01:56,328 --> 00:01:57,463 We know your name too, Pootie Tang. 41 00:01:57,463 --> 00:01:58,831 Wa da ta. 42 00:01:58,831 --> 00:02:01,300 Oh, Gus, we're just joking with you 43 00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:02,730 because you're sweet enough to melt 44 00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:03,770 and drizzle on two scoops of me. 45 00:02:03,770 --> 00:02:06,641 This is Chi-Chi... uh, Chavo. 46 00:02:06,641 --> 00:02:07,975 He hid in a bush when he heard you guys coming 47 00:02:07,975 --> 00:02:09,510 because he thought you guys were Bigfoot 48 00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:11,447 and he forgot to take his Midol this morning. 49 00:02:11,447 --> 00:02:13,582 Okay, I was going for a low, ominous angle, 50 00:02:13,582 --> 00:02:16,319 - and also, I don't have ovaries. - That's debatable. 51 00:02:16,319 --> 00:02:19,256 - Uh, Bigfoot? - Yeah, Bigfoot. 52 00:02:19,256 --> 00:02:21,359 Uh, did Shawn not tell you the deal, or... 53 00:02:21,359 --> 00:02:23,829 What deal? We're on our way to the Sassy Quatch. 54 00:02:23,829 --> 00:02:26,097 It's a secret barbecue hut built into the side of a cave 55 00:02:26,097 --> 00:02:27,800 that almost nobody knows about. 56 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,337 It has the best tasting corn pudding in all of... 57 00:02:31,337 --> 00:02:33,874 Shawn, you son of a bitch. Why do you have a camera? 58 00:02:33,874 --> 00:02:36,478 Uh, well, buddy, if I'd told you the truth, 59 00:02:36,478 --> 00:02:37,946 you wouldn't have come. 60 00:02:37,946 --> 00:02:39,781 Here's the thing. I, uh... I stumbled 61 00:02:39,781 --> 00:02:42,518 upon Kate and Chavo's blog when I was messing around 62 00:02:42,518 --> 00:02:44,520 on the Harry and the Hendersons fan site. 63 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:45,822 - Turns out... - Shawn... 64 00:02:45,822 --> 00:02:47,557 John Lithgow is never writing you back. 65 00:02:47,557 --> 00:02:48,859 He's never even heard of that site. 66 00:02:48,859 --> 00:02:50,762 - Okay, that is your opinion. - Look. 67 00:02:50,762 --> 00:02:52,463 If Shawn can help us find the beast 68 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,733 by using his gift, and we can catch it all on camera, 69 00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:57,536 we will win the Student Academy Award. 70 00:02:57,536 --> 00:02:59,072 Dude, the Student Academy Award. 71 00:02:59,072 --> 00:03:01,641 Oh, no. No, no, no. 72 00:03:01,641 --> 00:03:03,477 I will not get eaten by a bear 73 00:03:03,477 --> 00:03:05,913 to prove that Bigfoot does not exist. Nope. 74 00:03:05,913 --> 00:03:08,517 No bears eating me. Not today, not ever. 75 00:03:08,517 --> 00:03:09,951 - Not even in your dreams. - Okay. 76 00:03:09,951 --> 00:03:11,454 - You just jinxed yourself. - Suck it, Shawn. 77 00:03:11,454 --> 00:03:12,989 At least stick around and let us show you 78 00:03:12,989 --> 00:03:14,924 the Bigfoot blind we built. It's totally rad. 79 00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:17,628 And we have a mondo stash of beef jerky there. 80 00:03:17,628 --> 00:03:20,632 - Dude, they have meat here. - Lots of meat. 81 00:03:20,632 --> 00:03:22,667 Fine. I will stay only long enough 82 00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:24,670 to refuel and put something in my stomach. 83 00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:26,038 I'm famished, and I'm starting 84 00:03:26,038 --> 00:03:27,673 to see floating protozoa and whatnot. 85 00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:29,109 I know exactly what you're talking about. 86 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,011 Okay, great. Chi-Chi, why don't you, uh, 87 00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,581 grab some wood for the fire and I'll show the boys the blind. 88 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,383 Almost there, boys. 89 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,920 What do you think? 90 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,655 You think that's her natural gait? 91 00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:41,423 All right, look. 92 00:03:41,423 --> 00:03:43,059 I'm sorry I lied, okay? But let's be honest. 93 00:03:43,059 --> 00:03:44,627 Shame on you for believing 94 00:03:44,627 --> 00:03:46,162 there was a place called the Sassy Quatch 95 00:03:46,162 --> 00:03:47,698 built into the side of a cave in the first place. 96 00:03:47,698 --> 00:03:49,133 Man, you know all I heard 97 00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:51,503 were the key words "dry rub" and "pone." 98 00:03:51,503 --> 00:03:52,938 What are we doing out here, Shawn? 99 00:03:52,938 --> 00:03:54,473 We're not gonna be able to help these fools. 100 00:03:54,473 --> 00:03:56,742 You can say that again. Hold up. 101 00:03:56,742 --> 00:03:57,977 We should both be on camera for this. 102 00:03:57,977 --> 00:03:59,379 It's important for story drive. 103 00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:01,748 - What? - Come on, dudes. 104 00:04:01,748 --> 00:04:02,950 What is more interesting than a documentary 105 00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:04,586 about finding Bigfoot? 106 00:04:04,586 --> 00:04:05,954 Anything but Capturing the Friedmans. 107 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,022 A documentary about a documentary 108 00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:10,459 about finding Bigfoot that fails. 109 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,194 I will slap you in the teat, Shawn. 110 00:04:12,194 --> 00:04:15,165 Oh, think about it, Gus. They're making Don Quixote. 111 00:04:15,165 --> 00:04:16,733 We're making Lost in la Mancha. 112 00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,569 - Oh, my God. - We have never won anything. 113 00:04:18,569 --> 00:04:19,971 Especially you. 114 00:04:19,971 --> 00:04:21,038 Now who do you think's gonna win 115 00:04:21,038 --> 00:04:22,541 that Student Academy Award now? 116 00:04:22,541 --> 00:04:26,045 Here's a hint: us. 117 00:04:26,045 --> 00:04:27,981 Now pull out your phone and start shooting some b-roll. 118 00:04:27,981 --> 00:04:31,218 Come on, guys, chop-chop. Gus to the world. 119 00:04:31,218 --> 00:04:33,921 Here's a news flash, Shawn: We are not students. 120 00:04:33,921 --> 00:04:35,824 Here's another one: This is the worst idea 121 00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:39,428 you've come up with since Odwallapalooza. 122 00:04:39,428 --> 00:04:43,066 Okay, first of all, organic juices and weird elixirs 123 00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:44,835 that are alive are the future, Gus. 124 00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:47,004 Just like milk was the future back in the '50s. 125 00:04:47,004 --> 00:04:48,873 And "B," yesterday, I enrolled you 126 00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:50,842 in something called hermeneutics at UCSB. 127 00:04:50,842 --> 00:04:52,111 I think it's the study of the Munsters, 128 00:04:52,111 --> 00:04:53,145 - so we should be fine. - You did not. 129 00:04:53,145 --> 00:04:54,780 I sure did. 130 00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:56,683 Shawn, hermeneutics is the study of theory. 131 00:04:56,683 --> 00:04:58,752 - Well, that feels redundant. - Oh, my gosh. 132 00:04:58,752 --> 00:05:01,489 I could have an exam on Friday. I need to find a syllabus. 133 00:05:01,489 --> 00:05:03,190 Pretty dope little setup, huh? 134 00:05:03,190 --> 00:05:05,894 Chavo did it in, like, 15 minutes. 135 00:05:05,894 --> 00:05:08,597 You just helped yourself, huh? 136 00:05:08,597 --> 00:05:11,467 So, Kate, what's the story with you and Chavo? 137 00:05:11,467 --> 00:05:14,071 It's just a business relationship, 138 00:05:14,071 --> 00:05:16,173 or are you guys lovers in the nighttime? 139 00:05:16,173 --> 00:05:18,543 Man, I think we should all be lovers in the nighttime. 140 00:05:18,543 --> 00:05:21,212 The human libido is way too powerful to be governed 141 00:05:21,212 --> 00:05:25,885 by a set of rudimentary laws or a button fly. 142 00:05:25,885 --> 00:05:28,288 Life's not The Notebook, you know? 143 00:05:28,288 --> 00:05:32,460 It's Wild Orchid. It's Last Tango in Paris. 144 00:05:32,460 --> 00:05:35,998 It's Jungle Fever. 145 00:05:35,998 --> 00:05:38,867 Holy hell! 146 00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,068 He's real. 147 00:05:42,206 --> 00:05:44,742 Oh, my God, are you seeing this? 148 00:05:44,742 --> 00:05:47,678 Dude, dude, dude! 149 00:05:47,678 --> 00:05:50,849 Shawn, if we get out of here alive, I will kill you. 150 00:05:50,849 --> 00:05:52,050 So what's my incentive to live? 151 00:06:49,391 --> 00:06:50,926 She's gonna get eaten, Shawn. 152 00:06:50,926 --> 00:06:53,562 She's gonna get eaten and then we're gonna get eaten. 153 00:06:53,562 --> 00:06:56,499 Would you... where... would you relax? 154 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,267 Breathe. 155 00:06:58,267 --> 00:06:59,336 Think about what's happening. 156 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,671 Where's Chavo? 157 00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,740 - He's gathering timber. - Wrong. 158 00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:04,542 He just changed into a giant dog suit 159 00:07:04,542 --> 00:07:05,877 and came around that corner 160 00:07:05,877 --> 00:07:07,580 with a big fake emu over his shoulder. 161 00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:09,715 - It wasn't an emu. - This is brilliant, Gus. 162 00:07:09,715 --> 00:07:11,885 We're no longer making a documentary about a failure. 163 00:07:11,885 --> 00:07:13,954 We're making a documentary about a hoax. 164 00:07:13,954 --> 00:07:15,781 They're circulating the rumors on their blog, 165 00:07:15,781 --> 00:07:17,258 doctoring that photo, 166 00:07:17,258 --> 00:07:19,127 and spreading it all over the Internet. 167 00:07:19,127 --> 00:07:23,165 Okay, fine, fine. 168 00:07:23,165 --> 00:07:24,834 You're probably right. 169 00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:26,870 But there are still bears out here, Shawn. 170 00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:29,540 Black bears that feel no kinship to black men. 171 00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:31,275 - Hey. - Aah! 172 00:07:31,275 --> 00:07:33,712 Sorry, uh, I don't have a long enough lens. 173 00:07:33,712 --> 00:07:34,980 Plus, Bigfoot won't come out of the cave. 174 00:07:34,980 --> 00:07:36,548 I-I think we need to get closer. 175 00:07:36,548 --> 00:07:38,885 Actually, Kate, I am... I am sensing 176 00:07:38,885 --> 00:07:41,821 that our best bet is to head back to the camp, 177 00:07:41,821 --> 00:07:43,423 get some more supplies, 178 00:07:43,423 --> 00:07:45,325 and come back with Chavo. 179 00:07:45,325 --> 00:07:46,728 - Power in numbers. - All right. 180 00:07:46,728 --> 00:07:48,476 Yeah, it's hard not to get a little excited 181 00:07:48,476 --> 00:07:49,737 about all this. 182 00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,667 We understand. But let's be smart. 183 00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:54,003 Plus, Chavo will be able to speak the creature's language. 184 00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:55,539 How do you know Squatch is Latino? 185 00:07:55,539 --> 00:07:57,007 How do you know he isn't? 186 00:07:57,007 --> 00:08:01,479 Well, gee, I wonder where Chavo could be. 187 00:08:01,479 --> 00:08:02,914 I'm here, I'm here. 188 00:08:02,914 --> 00:08:04,783 Where's the firewood, Chavo? 189 00:08:04,783 --> 00:08:06,752 Mira, I heard something, like a muffled scream 190 00:08:06,752 --> 00:08:07,920 coming from the other direction. 191 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,556 Yeah? 192 00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:11,057 Well, guess what we motherfrigging saw. It! 193 00:08:11,057 --> 00:08:13,394 Dude, it trudged towards that cave, 194 00:08:13,394 --> 00:08:14,929 and you can totally see it from the blind. 195 00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:17,899 But we didn't want you to miss anything, Chavo, 196 00:08:17,899 --> 00:08:20,402 so we figured we'd all go back together 197 00:08:20,402 --> 00:08:22,638 as a group so we can see each other. 198 00:08:22,638 --> 00:08:24,607 Oh, I got it. And thank you. 199 00:08:24,607 --> 00:08:27,010 Oh, wait till you see it, baby, oh, my God. 200 00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:28,478 I am so turned on right now. 201 00:08:28,478 --> 00:08:29,580 - Yeah? - Yeah, we'll be right back. 202 00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:31,449 - We will? - Yes. 203 00:08:31,449 --> 00:08:34,854 Are they going off to do what I think they're gonna do? 204 00:08:34,854 --> 00:08:35,955 Make a new plan because we're on to them? 205 00:08:35,955 --> 00:08:37,723 They better. 206 00:08:37,723 --> 00:08:40,694 I don't think that's what they... oh, my gosh. 207 00:08:40,694 --> 00:08:43,431 Shawn, I think she's going to... she is. 208 00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:47,335 Gus, I need to snoop around this tent, okay? 209 00:08:47,335 --> 00:08:49,671 - Be my lookout. - Okay. 210 00:08:49,671 --> 00:08:53,376 Viva Mexico, Chavo. 211 00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:56,881 What do we got here? 212 00:08:56,881 --> 00:08:58,382 Huh, that's clever. 213 00:09:02,421 --> 00:09:03,621 What the... 214 00:09:05,993 --> 00:09:09,328 This girl is not messing around. 215 00:09:09,328 --> 00:09:11,398 What is... 216 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,937 Wait a minute, who's the big dot? 217 00:09:15,937 --> 00:09:18,440 I'm the big dot? Then what the hell is that? 218 00:09:21,044 --> 00:09:22,578 Whoa, whoa! 219 00:09:22,578 --> 00:09:26,049 Um, Gus, what's going on out there, man? 220 00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:29,253 Talk to me, Gus. Gus? 221 00:09:29,253 --> 00:09:31,055 Dude, what the heck? 222 00:09:31,055 --> 00:09:32,991 In a tree. Crazy, right? 223 00:09:32,991 --> 00:09:35,127 It's still warm. 224 00:09:35,127 --> 00:09:37,764 I think that turkey leg was meant for Bigfoot, Gus. 225 00:09:37,764 --> 00:09:39,332 So they went to the trouble of setting food traps 226 00:09:39,332 --> 00:09:40,834 with tracking devices. 227 00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:42,403 Man, they're really committing to this hoax. 228 00:09:42,403 --> 00:09:45,040 Wait, I swallowed a transmitter, Shawn. 229 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,609 What if my body rejects the alloys in the composite? 230 00:09:47,609 --> 00:09:49,478 - You'll poop it out, it's fine. - What? 231 00:09:49,478 --> 00:09:52,014 All right, you guys ready to make some cinematic history? 232 00:09:52,014 --> 00:09:55,786 Get rid of that thing! 233 00:09:55,786 --> 00:09:57,722 I rarely order flan. 234 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,670 If it's there for the table, sure, I'll partake, 235 00:09:59,670 --> 00:10:01,859 but chances are, something else on the menu's gonna grab me. 236 00:10:01,859 --> 00:10:03,648 Well, then you just haven't had good flan. 237 00:10:03,648 --> 00:10:05,664 Uh, good flan, bad flan. 238 00:10:05,664 --> 00:10:07,968 Bottom line: It's eggy. Period. 239 00:10:07,968 --> 00:10:09,602 - Ugh. - It can be eggy. 240 00:10:09,602 --> 00:10:11,439 Oh, man, I should've peed back at camp. 241 00:10:11,439 --> 00:10:12,740 My molars are floating. 242 00:10:12,740 --> 00:10:14,041 All right, well, just make it quick. 243 00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:16,778 Give me the camera. 244 00:10:16,778 --> 00:10:19,381 You know, he's got the bladder of a six-year-old girl, 245 00:10:19,381 --> 00:10:20,750 but he can hold most of the tantric positions 246 00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:21,918 for, like, 45 frigging minutes. 247 00:10:21,918 --> 00:10:23,453 - Wow, that's something. - Yes. 248 00:10:23,453 --> 00:10:24,955 - We have to go too. - Yeah, we got to pee. 249 00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:27,023 We are gonna catch him putting on the costume, Gus. 250 00:10:27,023 --> 00:10:29,094 We're gonna hide, we're gonna get the whole thing on camera, 251 00:10:29,094 --> 00:10:30,929 and then we're gonna keep playing along. 252 00:10:30,929 --> 00:10:32,564 Now pull out your phone and start shooting. 253 00:10:32,564 --> 00:10:34,667 We want as many choices as possible in the editing room. 254 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,296 You bet. This is actually kind of fun. 255 00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:43,277 Try and get some geography. 256 00:10:47,784 --> 00:10:50,453 Shawn? He looks like he's peeing. 257 00:10:50,453 --> 00:10:52,122 Where is the big furry dog suit? 258 00:10:52,122 --> 00:10:54,057 I'm filming a man who's peeing, Shawn. 259 00:10:54,057 --> 00:10:57,661 This isn't right. 260 00:10:57,661 --> 00:10:59,598 Who's there? 261 00:10:59,598 --> 00:11:02,167 I've got pepper spray and Chinese throwing stars. 262 00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:04,370 I mean... I'm... I'm a ninja. 263 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,512 - What are you guys doing here? - We had to go too. 264 00:11:11,512 --> 00:11:13,782 What... so you just left Kate alone at the blind? 265 00:11:13,782 --> 00:11:15,050 It's not like anybody can see her. 266 00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:16,352 I mean, isn't that the concept? 267 00:11:16,352 --> 00:11:17,787 It's a blind. 268 00:11:17,787 --> 00:11:19,388 Gus, you shouldn't hold it like that. 269 00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,891 You're gonna get black bars on both sides. 270 00:11:20,891 --> 00:11:22,893 Oh, oh, right. 271 00:11:22,893 --> 00:11:23,613 Katie? 272 00:11:28,934 --> 00:11:31,103 Oh, he saw me, and I saw him! 273 00:11:31,103 --> 00:11:32,971 - We made eye... eye contact. - Who saw you? 274 00:11:32,971 --> 00:11:34,941 - Who you think, Chavo? - What the... 275 00:11:43,419 --> 00:11:44,920 Aah! Oh, my God! 276 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,855 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 277 00:11:46,855 --> 00:11:48,391 Oh, my God! Oh, crap! 278 00:11:48,391 --> 00:11:49,659 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 279 00:11:49,659 --> 00:11:51,929 - Oh, my God! - Aah! 280 00:11:58,571 --> 00:12:01,440 Gus, you okay? 281 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,409 I'm okay. I'm okay! 282 00:12:03,409 --> 00:12:04,409 Aah! 283 00:12:05,813 --> 00:12:07,514 Gus! 284 00:12:09,651 --> 00:12:10,985 Great move. Great juke, Gus. 285 00:12:10,985 --> 00:12:13,589 I-I can't say I feel 100% right now, Shawn. 286 00:12:13,589 --> 00:12:14,490 We lost the monster and everyone lived. 287 00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:15,858 Even Chavo. 288 00:12:15,858 --> 00:12:17,426 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 289 00:12:17,426 --> 00:12:18,394 Hey, I've got some rope in my backpack. 290 00:12:18,394 --> 00:12:19,829 I got a flashlight. 291 00:12:19,829 --> 00:12:21,898 So what, am I fodder here? I'm expendable? 292 00:12:21,898 --> 00:12:24,168 - Hang on, Nutella. - Don't worry, Gus. 293 00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:25,736 It's not like you're in the catacombs. 294 00:12:25,736 --> 00:12:28,373 Catch the flashlight, Gus. 295 00:12:36,518 --> 00:12:37,958 - Whoa. - Ew. 296 00:12:41,390 --> 00:12:42,690 Aah! 297 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:44,660 I take that back, Gus. 298 00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,562 You're in, like, a miniature version 299 00:12:46,562 --> 00:12:48,498 of the catacombs. 300 00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:54,479 - Ah! It stings. - Tell you what. 301 00:12:54,479 --> 00:12:56,381 Later on, you can put one on me, 302 00:12:56,381 --> 00:12:58,250 and then rip it off super hard. 303 00:12:58,250 --> 00:12:59,919 Kate... 304 00:12:59,919 --> 00:13:02,889 You're very open and sensual and European-seeming. 305 00:13:02,889 --> 00:13:04,958 - I grew up on a commune... - That's awesome. 306 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:07,228 But I'm in a fully committed relationship, 307 00:13:07,228 --> 00:13:09,330 and my lady and her illegitimate son, 308 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,300 they count on me to make responsible decisions 309 00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,834 in the clutch. 310 00:13:12,834 --> 00:13:15,939 That makes me sad. And also really hot. 311 00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:18,508 Hey, uh, I don't mean to set off any alarms here, 312 00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,244 but am I the only one who's troubled 313 00:13:20,244 --> 00:13:21,946 by the three corpses in the hole? 314 00:13:21,946 --> 00:13:23,414 It seems pretty cut and dry to me. 315 00:13:23,414 --> 00:13:24,983 We found Bigfoot's private pantry. 316 00:13:24,983 --> 00:13:27,385 Now we've just got to go back and wait for snack time. 317 00:13:27,385 --> 00:13:28,688 Or we could be snack time. 318 00:13:28,688 --> 00:13:30,723 Uh-uh, nope, not today. 319 00:13:30,723 --> 00:13:32,526 Shawn and I will be leaving now. 320 00:13:32,526 --> 00:13:34,528 Thank you all very much. It's been real. 321 00:13:34,528 --> 00:13:37,365 Wait, Shawn, I thought this is what you wanted, man. 322 00:13:37,365 --> 00:13:38,766 The stuff we're getting is epic. We're gonna make history. 323 00:13:38,766 --> 00:13:40,501 Nope. 324 00:13:40,501 --> 00:13:42,271 He'll want me first. I'm the sweetest. 325 00:13:42,271 --> 00:13:43,939 What are you saying, he's gonna start with dessert? 326 00:13:43,939 --> 00:13:47,577 Ooh, good point, maybe not. Chavo's toast though. 327 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,915 - Son of a bitch. - Lassie? Jules? 328 00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,817 I've never been so excited to see you ever. 329 00:13:52,817 --> 00:13:54,820 Come on, hug it out. Hug it out. 330 00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,456 I would rather spend all day at the mall with McNab. 331 00:13:57,456 --> 00:13:58,758 Hey, what are you guys doing here? 332 00:13:58,758 --> 00:14:00,393 What are we doing here? 333 00:14:00,393 --> 00:14:01,461 We got a call from a couple of hikers 334 00:14:01,461 --> 00:14:03,030 about an abandoned blue echo 335 00:14:03,030 --> 00:14:05,366 on the side of the road with Gus's license plate. 336 00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,402 You didn't mention anything about a day trip. 337 00:14:07,402 --> 00:14:09,471 - You two are po-po? - That's right, Los Lobos. 338 00:14:09,471 --> 00:14:10,772 So get that camera out of my face. 339 00:14:10,772 --> 00:14:12,408 This had better be good, Spencer. 340 00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:14,010 I just shined these shoes. That and the fact 341 00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:15,979 that you and Guster aren't dead, I am borderline furious. 342 00:14:15,979 --> 00:14:18,582 Okay, listen, listen. This is Kate and Chavo. 343 00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:20,385 They are film students making a documentary 344 00:14:20,385 --> 00:14:23,721 about finding Bigfoot right here in these woods. 345 00:14:23,721 --> 00:14:27,326 They hired me to help them track the beast psychically. 346 00:14:27,326 --> 00:14:28,294 Hired? No, you volunteered. 347 00:14:28,294 --> 00:14:29,696 We're not paying you caca. 348 00:14:29,696 --> 00:14:32,299 Needless to say, we tracked the beast 349 00:14:32,299 --> 00:14:33,701 to its domicile. 350 00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:35,303 It was startled, it gave chase. 351 00:14:35,303 --> 00:14:36,971 We barely made it out with our lives. 352 00:14:36,971 --> 00:14:38,507 But we did unearth a catacomb 353 00:14:38,507 --> 00:14:40,475 filled with the corpses of his victims, 354 00:14:40,475 --> 00:14:42,378 which he will presumably be eating later 355 00:14:42,378 --> 00:14:43,813 - along with Gus for dessert. - What? 356 00:14:43,813 --> 00:14:45,281 And we got the whole thing on camera. 357 00:14:45,281 --> 00:14:46,583 That is 0% funny, Shawn. 358 00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:48,091 Please let me shoot your boyfriend. 359 00:14:48,091 --> 00:14:49,920 Just a flesh wound, something he can walk away from. 360 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,456 - Please. - Boyfriend? 361 00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:53,525 This monogamy is really starting to bum me out. 362 00:14:53,525 --> 00:14:54,592 You say you got all this on camera? 363 00:14:54,592 --> 00:14:55,928 Yes, we did. 364 00:14:55,928 --> 00:14:58,998 No, way. Come on, Lassie. 365 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:01,435 - You saw the footage. - Impossible. 366 00:15:01,435 --> 00:15:03,638 I know. It's shocking, really. 367 00:15:03,638 --> 00:15:05,673 But no corpses can only mean one thing: 368 00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:07,442 It's the zombie apocalypse. 369 00:15:07,442 --> 00:15:08,944 Well, perhaps it's for the best right here in the woods 370 00:15:08,944 --> 00:15:10,779 - away from the populous. - That can't be. 371 00:15:10,779 --> 00:15:13,650 They were cold and ashy and pale and dead. 372 00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:16,921 I think it is painfully clear what is going on here. 373 00:15:16,921 --> 00:15:20,057 You two Nimrods have orchestrated a little hoax 374 00:15:20,057 --> 00:15:22,127 so that your film's not a total waste of time, 375 00:15:22,127 --> 00:15:23,729 and you found the perfect two chowderheads to fall for it. 376 00:15:23,729 --> 00:15:25,465 That's not true. 377 00:15:25,465 --> 00:15:27,172 Lassie, that's what we thought at first. 378 00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:29,802 - But it doesn't add up anymore. - Think about it, Spencer. 379 00:15:29,802 --> 00:15:33,040 Put your finger to your head and use your brain. 380 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,642 They got a couple of their bong buddies 381 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:35,910 to crawl in the hole and play dead. 382 00:15:35,910 --> 00:15:37,779 You got hosed. 383 00:15:37,779 --> 00:15:41,917 But now they have gone too far, because my time is money. 384 00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:44,087 Wait a minute. How come we're ruling out the theory 385 00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:45,856 that the yeti moved his food stash 386 00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:48,192 - because we found it? - Yeti is incorrect. 387 00:15:48,192 --> 00:15:50,661 They live in much snowier climates like Hoth. 388 00:15:50,661 --> 00:15:51,997 You're right. My bad. 389 00:15:51,997 --> 00:15:54,433 Plus, I found it by accident, Lassie. 390 00:15:54,433 --> 00:15:56,736 I had to tumble all the way down a ridge to find it. 391 00:15:56,736 --> 00:15:59,139 Gus has a point. I mean, the hole was covered. 392 00:15:59,139 --> 00:16:00,908 I don't think those bodies were meant to be found. 393 00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:04,545 O'Hara, I forbid you to buy into this load of crap. 394 00:16:04,545 --> 00:16:06,815 We should arrest them and go back to the city. 395 00:16:06,815 --> 00:16:08,984 Uh, I am sensing these bodies did not get up 396 00:16:08,984 --> 00:16:10,787 and walk away on their own. 397 00:16:10,787 --> 00:16:13,791 Which also puts the kibosh on Lassie's zombie theory. 398 00:16:13,791 --> 00:16:16,026 You see... they were dragged. 399 00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:18,630 Ha! Chupalo! 400 00:16:18,630 --> 00:16:19,998 What does that mean? 401 00:16:19,998 --> 00:16:22,635 You tell me what that means right now. 402 00:16:22,635 --> 00:16:24,837 Well, this is quite a haul. 403 00:16:24,837 --> 00:16:26,706 Well, this can't be right. 404 00:16:26,706 --> 00:16:28,141 According to the tracking device, 405 00:16:28,141 --> 00:16:30,544 Bigfoot is... one of us. 406 00:16:30,544 --> 00:16:31,879 Stop saying Bigfoot like he's real. 407 00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:33,181 Gus ate a giant turkey leg 408 00:16:33,181 --> 00:16:34,816 - with a transmitter in it. - Aw, come on. 409 00:16:34,816 --> 00:16:36,418 It wasn't weird to you that it was just sitting 410 00:16:36,418 --> 00:16:37,553 in a freaking tree? 411 00:16:37,553 --> 00:16:39,521 Someone would have us believe 412 00:16:39,521 --> 00:16:41,524 that these bodies went into the drink, 413 00:16:41,524 --> 00:16:43,626 which means we've got to dredge this creek 414 00:16:43,626 --> 00:16:46,997 and bring in some serious SBPD manpower. 415 00:16:46,997 --> 00:16:48,767 Now you two film geeks... 416 00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:50,969 Think long and hard about what you say next. 417 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:53,539 Playtime is over. I will not be toyed with. 418 00:16:58,213 --> 00:17:00,814 Son of a... God! 419 00:17:00,814 --> 00:17:01,775 Oh, my... 420 00:17:03,619 --> 00:17:05,053 Aah! Aah! 421 00:17:05,053 --> 00:17:06,555 Aah! 422 00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:13,630 Oh, God! 423 00:17:13,630 --> 00:17:15,700 Don't fight the current! 424 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:19,571 Try to grab onto something! I'm coming! 425 00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:20,973 Where... where you going? 426 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,841 Don't worry about it, Shawn. You do you. 427 00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:24,644 There he is! Come on, we can go down here. 428 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:25,745 - Come on. - Oh. 429 00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:30,184 That's what you get for calling me Los Lobos. 430 00:17:30,184 --> 00:17:34,222 Dude, this is a total bonus. 431 00:17:34,222 --> 00:17:36,592 - Aah! - What can I do to help? 432 00:17:36,592 --> 00:17:40,897 - Stay back, Chavo! - I was hoping you'd say that. 433 00:17:46,939 --> 00:17:48,540 Lassie, grab the branch! 434 00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:50,776 It's right in front of you. 435 00:17:50,776 --> 00:17:53,178 - Thank you, O'Hara! - Yes! Good work! 436 00:17:53,178 --> 00:17:56,182 Jules, you're amazing! 437 00:17:56,182 --> 00:17:57,817 Hang on, Lassie, we'll have you out of there 438 00:17:57,817 --> 00:18:00,688 in no time! 439 00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:02,056 Hey! 440 00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:03,792 That lady hawk stole my camera! 441 00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:04,927 How do you know it's a female? 442 00:18:04,927 --> 00:18:06,528 She's circling around. 443 00:18:06,528 --> 00:18:08,197 I think my whole leg just came off. 444 00:18:08,197 --> 00:18:10,833 Lassie, she's coming back this way. 445 00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,870 I think she's gonna drop it. 446 00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:14,138 Catch it! You have to catch it! 447 00:18:14,138 --> 00:18:15,706 Catch it! 448 00:18:19,612 --> 00:18:21,881 That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen. 449 00:18:21,881 --> 00:18:24,651 - Or at least top eight. - Wow. Wow. 450 00:18:24,651 --> 00:18:26,620 All right, that's the best 451 00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:27,955 we're gonna do for now, partner. 452 00:18:27,955 --> 00:18:29,657 Stepped in a bear trap. 453 00:18:29,657 --> 00:18:31,826 Oh, what is this? 454 00:18:31,826 --> 00:18:35,164 This is so humiliating. I can't tell Marlowe the truth. 455 00:18:35,164 --> 00:18:37,566 I've got to come up with a cover story. 456 00:18:37,566 --> 00:18:38,902 Do you mind? 457 00:18:38,902 --> 00:18:40,337 Does anybody know where we are? 458 00:18:40,337 --> 00:18:42,106 Because I certainly don't, and this sucks. 459 00:18:42,106 --> 00:18:43,608 Yeah, agreed. 460 00:18:43,608 --> 00:18:45,109 We can follow the river up a ways, 461 00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:47,079 but the tracks won't be good once the sun goes down. 462 00:18:47,079 --> 00:18:48,580 Didn't you guys bring a map? 463 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:50,782 - I kicked it into the creek. - You did what? 464 00:18:50,782 --> 00:18:52,971 That's the stupidest thing you could've done, Chavo. 465 00:18:52,971 --> 00:18:54,954 I was just kidding. 466 00:18:54,954 --> 00:18:57,725 We actually never had a map. 467 00:18:57,725 --> 00:18:59,861 Think you can move on that leg? 468 00:18:59,861 --> 00:19:01,630 Not very fast. 469 00:19:01,630 --> 00:19:03,365 Damn it to hell! 470 00:19:03,365 --> 00:19:04,734 It's like we're in Bridge on the River Kwai 471 00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:06,235 but you get to be Bill Holden. 472 00:19:06,235 --> 00:19:07,803 We're gonna freeze our pinones off. 473 00:19:07,803 --> 00:19:09,740 Okay. 474 00:19:09,740 --> 00:19:11,208 We are gonna set up camp for the night. 475 00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:13,144 We're gonna back ourselves up to the water 476 00:19:13,144 --> 00:19:15,179 so that we don't have to worry about a 360-degree perimeter. 477 00:19:15,179 --> 00:19:16,748 We will build a fire. 478 00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:18,951 At first light, I will find my way out of here, 479 00:19:18,951 --> 00:19:20,052 and I will come back with the cavalry. 480 00:19:20,052 --> 00:19:21,955 Absolutely not. 481 00:19:21,955 --> 00:19:23,690 I'm not letting you go by yourself. 482 00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:25,993 Shawn, everyone has to stay here with Lassiter. 483 00:19:25,993 --> 00:19:28,663 - I'll be twice as fast on my own. - What about me, Juliet? 484 00:19:28,663 --> 00:19:29,830 I'm at least twice as fast as Shawn. 485 00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:31,299 - That is a lie. - Shh! 486 00:19:31,299 --> 00:19:33,087 I'm not trying to be here all night, Juliet. 487 00:19:33,087 --> 00:19:34,403 No, Detective O'Hara's right. 488 00:19:34,403 --> 00:19:36,606 Ow! No, I'm fine. 489 00:19:36,606 --> 00:19:38,174 Fine. 490 00:19:38,174 --> 00:19:39,843 I'm certainly no gonna sleep a wink tonight, 491 00:19:39,843 --> 00:19:42,613 so I'll set up a perimeter and take watch. 492 00:19:42,613 --> 00:19:44,649 O'Hara will set up camp and protect the herd. 493 00:19:44,649 --> 00:19:46,251 Wait. Please take one of the cameras with you. 494 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,688 It would mean the world to us. 495 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:52,192 If you, uh, see anything, just point and shoot. 496 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,293 What do I look like to you? 497 00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,895 The love child 498 00:19:54,895 --> 00:19:58,599 of Matthew Perry and... Tony Randall. 499 00:19:58,599 --> 00:19:59,849 Here. 500 00:20:01,337 --> 00:20:06,376 It's gonna get balls-cold out tonight. 501 00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:09,714 - What kind of wool is this? - It's an angora blend, I think. 502 00:20:09,714 --> 00:20:14,119 - It's delightful. - I know, right? 503 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:15,721 Just point and shoot. 504 00:20:15,721 --> 00:20:20,126 This fire is very, very impressive. 505 00:20:20,126 --> 00:20:23,931 I had no idea that you were so rugged and outdoorsy. 506 00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:26,066 Well, that is because you steadfastly refuse 507 00:20:26,066 --> 00:20:27,936 to go hiking, camping, 508 00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:30,371 or mountain biking with me, Shawn. 509 00:20:30,371 --> 00:20:33,309 Because look what happens, Jules. 510 00:20:33,309 --> 00:20:35,077 Mother nature was not meant for us. 511 00:20:35,077 --> 00:20:39,850 It was meant for the animals and Jeff Probst. 512 00:20:39,850 --> 00:20:41,358 And you know what? Not really Probst, 513 00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:43,821 because everyone knows that after wrap, 514 00:20:43,821 --> 00:20:46,191 - he goes to the Marriott. - Man... 515 00:20:46,191 --> 00:20:49,329 I love the outdoors more than anything. 516 00:20:49,329 --> 00:20:51,030 We're all animals. 517 00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:54,702 Hey, have you guys ever seen Cannibal Holocaust? 518 00:20:54,702 --> 00:20:56,804 Nothing's beeping on the Bigfoot tracker. 519 00:20:56,804 --> 00:20:57,805 Huh? 520 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,712 Oh, my God. 521 00:21:02,712 --> 00:21:05,314 That's what you ran off to do? 522 00:21:05,314 --> 00:21:08,152 How... wait. What did you use... 523 00:21:08,152 --> 00:21:12,290 We're not talking about this, Shawn, ever. 524 00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:14,993 You can all suck it. 525 00:21:18,865 --> 00:21:19,946 Stay put. 526 00:21:28,076 --> 00:21:29,277 So... cold. 527 00:21:32,115 --> 00:21:35,852 My ankle's a little worse off than I let on. 528 00:21:35,852 --> 00:21:40,758 I've lost quite a lot of blood. 529 00:21:40,758 --> 00:21:44,062 It's time to be honest. 530 00:21:44,062 --> 00:21:48,010 I'm no hero. Not tonight. 531 00:22:21,108 --> 00:22:25,814 I would like to apologize. 532 00:22:25,814 --> 00:22:29,919 I'm sorry, Marlowe. 533 00:22:29,919 --> 00:22:32,955 Sorry I wasn't strong enough. 534 00:22:32,955 --> 00:22:36,860 Mom, Althea... 535 00:22:36,860 --> 00:22:38,596 I just want to say once and for all 536 00:22:38,596 --> 00:22:42,835 that your happiness is my happiness. 537 00:22:42,835 --> 00:22:45,170 I won't be making any more off-color LPGA jokes 538 00:22:45,170 --> 00:22:46,940 during the holidays. 539 00:23:13,873 --> 00:23:15,608 Hey, guys. Hi. 540 00:23:15,608 --> 00:23:17,143 Yeah, how 'bout we don't attract attention 541 00:23:17,143 --> 00:23:18,979 to ourselves by singing a song? 542 00:23:20,793 --> 00:23:24,385 I'm going to die out here. 543 00:23:26,623 --> 00:23:32,095 O'Hara, you are the best partner 544 00:23:32,095 --> 00:23:35,266 that I have ever, ever... 545 00:24:01,263 --> 00:24:03,198 That is not possible. 546 00:24:03,198 --> 00:24:05,166 Oh, my gosh. 547 00:24:05,166 --> 00:24:06,837 Bigfoot took Lassie. 548 00:24:07,132 --> 00:24:10,640 Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, this is really happening. 549 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,243 What are we gonna do? 550 00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:17,849 I-I think there's only one thing to do here. 551 00:24:21,964 --> 00:24:25,201 Carlton Lassiter was a decent man. 552 00:24:25,201 --> 00:24:28,238 I'll, uh... I'll never forget the time he chased Gus 553 00:24:28,238 --> 00:24:29,807 with a samurai sword. 554 00:24:29,807 --> 00:24:32,844 He just about took his head off. 555 00:24:32,844 --> 00:24:34,846 Although we may have not always seen eye to eye, 556 00:24:34,846 --> 00:24:39,418 he did have a genuine interest in upholding the law. 557 00:24:39,418 --> 00:24:43,957 And of course he had the sweet, sweet stern bush. 558 00:24:43,957 --> 00:24:45,326 Gus, you want to add anything to that? 559 00:24:45,326 --> 00:24:47,295 - No. - Stop. 560 00:24:47,295 --> 00:24:49,331 Look, Carlton is not dead. 561 00:24:49,331 --> 00:24:51,834 He can't be, I won't let him. You understand? 562 00:24:51,834 --> 00:24:53,435 Okay, now we're going to find him, 563 00:24:53,435 --> 00:24:54,804 and then we're all going to get out of here. 564 00:24:54,804 --> 00:24:56,739 Chi-Chi, how are we doing on battery? 565 00:24:56,739 --> 00:24:58,409 Uh, half, and we still have auxiliary. 566 00:24:58,409 --> 00:25:00,544 Nice, we're ready when you are. 567 00:25:00,544 --> 00:25:01,879 Jules, you're upset. 568 00:25:01,879 --> 00:25:03,582 Why are you filming this, Shawn? 569 00:25:03,582 --> 00:25:05,617 You're emotional, and if this was me saying, 570 00:25:05,617 --> 00:25:08,654 "Hey, let's go poke the hornet's nest with one of Gus's shoes," 571 00:25:08,654 --> 00:25:11,291 you would say no, and you would force me to be reasonable. 572 00:25:11,291 --> 00:25:13,961 - Shawn, I smell barbecue. - No, you don't, buddy. 573 00:25:13,961 --> 00:25:15,563 You're just... you're distressed, 574 00:25:15,563 --> 00:25:17,532 and you're projecting a delusion of grandeur. 575 00:25:17,532 --> 00:25:18,800 - No. - Grandeur. 576 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,170 No, it's smoked meat, and it's fresh. 577 00:25:21,170 --> 00:25:24,441 It's freshly smoked meat. 578 00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:26,343 That's the direction Carlton was taken. 579 00:25:26,343 --> 00:25:27,911 Let's go! Everybody, now! 580 00:25:27,911 --> 00:25:29,814 He sure knows a lot about smoked meat. 581 00:25:29,814 --> 00:25:31,916 What are we doing? What... Chavo. 582 00:25:31,916 --> 00:25:34,186 - This is the boobs, man. - No. 583 00:25:34,186 --> 00:25:35,854 No, this is not the boobs. 584 00:25:35,854 --> 00:25:38,558 Shawn, I said stay behind me. 585 00:25:38,558 --> 00:25:40,793 Three, two... 586 00:25:40,793 --> 00:25:43,864 We are currently tracking the monster in an attempt 587 00:25:43,864 --> 00:25:46,001 to also find the remains of one of our own. 588 00:25:46,001 --> 00:25:48,303 - That is overstated. - Fix it in post. 589 00:25:48,303 --> 00:25:50,573 Needless to say, we have risked everything 590 00:25:50,573 --> 00:25:52,575 in order to bring the truth behind this legend 591 00:25:52,575 --> 00:25:54,544 to the rest of the free speaking world. 592 00:25:54,544 --> 00:25:55,946 Boom, I don't care how long it's been 593 00:25:55,946 --> 00:25:57,648 since I busted out the super sniffer. 594 00:25:57,648 --> 00:26:00,518 It's like riding a bike with my nostrils and cilia. 595 00:26:00,518 --> 00:26:02,220 Look over there. That's the same cave 596 00:26:02,220 --> 00:26:04,323 we could see from the blind, which means... 597 00:26:04,323 --> 00:26:06,325 - We've gone in a big circle. - Shh! 598 00:26:06,325 --> 00:26:07,693 Stay with me, all of you. 599 00:26:14,436 --> 00:26:15,156 Uh-oh. 600 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,907 Oh, my God, those are Carlton's clothes. 601 00:26:18,907 --> 00:26:21,744 Homes got roasted rotisserie style. 602 00:26:21,744 --> 00:26:24,547 Okay, uh, in lieu of everything 603 00:26:24,547 --> 00:26:27,451 that we've been through with that man... 604 00:26:27,451 --> 00:26:29,553 I can't believe I'm about to say this... 605 00:26:29,553 --> 00:26:32,958 Lassie does smell absolutely delicious. Gus? 606 00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:36,028 Amen. He's been dry-rubbed. Ow! 607 00:26:36,028 --> 00:26:37,863 What's the matter with you two? 608 00:26:37,863 --> 00:26:39,299 Look, I refuse to believe that there isn't 609 00:26:39,299 --> 00:26:40,901 a rational explanation for all of this, 610 00:26:40,901 --> 00:26:43,538 and I highly doubt that Bigfoot is dry-rubbing his dinner 611 00:26:43,538 --> 00:26:45,673 - with barbecue sauce. - Of course he isn't. 612 00:26:45,673 --> 00:26:47,943 It's apples and oranges. The operative word is "dry," 613 00:26:47,943 --> 00:26:49,745 - meaning "no sauce." - Look. 614 00:26:49,745 --> 00:26:52,148 The show must go on, right? We got to get inside that cave. 615 00:27:00,393 --> 00:27:02,361 All right, I'm sensing he's not in there. 616 00:27:02,361 --> 00:27:05,231 I'm also sensing that Bigfoot might have a green thumb. 617 00:27:05,231 --> 00:27:07,433 Which is weird, because he's Bigfoot. 618 00:27:09,738 --> 00:27:12,272 Huh, these seeds all took really well. 619 00:27:21,351 --> 00:27:24,821 Huh, well, this is surprisingly cozy. 620 00:27:24,821 --> 00:27:27,492 What is that? Is that a solar panel? 621 00:27:27,492 --> 00:27:30,662 - Carlton. - He's here! He's alive! 622 00:27:30,662 --> 00:27:33,666 Carlton, talk to me. Tell me you're okay. 623 00:27:34,079 --> 00:27:36,281 Ooh, I don't know. I may have jumped the gun. 624 00:27:36,281 --> 00:27:38,717 - Is that just his torso? - You are all heartless! 625 00:27:38,717 --> 00:27:42,094 - Oh, hey, guys. - Carlton. 626 00:27:42,409 --> 00:27:44,411 Oh, my God, we all thought that... 627 00:27:44,411 --> 00:27:46,513 - They thought. - No, I'm fine. 628 00:27:46,513 --> 00:27:48,423 We were gonna come find you right after brunch. 629 00:27:48,423 --> 00:27:49,173 We? 630 00:27:50,519 --> 00:27:52,720 - Aah! - Aah! 631 00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,945 - Aah! - Don't shoot! I'm unarmed! 632 00:27:55,945 --> 00:27:57,594 Dear God, you can speak. 633 00:27:57,594 --> 00:27:59,763 Show me your hands! 634 00:27:59,763 --> 00:28:02,900 He's okay, O'Hara. 635 00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:03,968 Okay, I may have fibbed a little bit 636 00:28:03,968 --> 00:28:05,773 right out of the gates there. 637 00:28:05,773 --> 00:28:07,385 I'm armed, but I'm not dangerous. 638 00:28:07,385 --> 00:28:08,753 You look dangerous. 639 00:28:08,753 --> 00:28:10,055 I mean, I'm really dangerous. 640 00:28:10,055 --> 00:28:12,525 I'm just not vengeful or vindictive. 641 00:28:12,525 --> 00:28:13,873 It's okay, Ed. They're with me. 642 00:28:14,522 --> 00:28:16,496 Carlton, what is going on here? 643 00:28:16,496 --> 00:28:19,534 O'Hara, this here is Big Ed Dixon. 644 00:28:19,534 --> 00:28:21,636 He saved my life. Truth is... 645 00:28:21,636 --> 00:28:23,939 my ankle was a lot worse off than I admitted. 646 00:28:23,939 --> 00:28:25,674 I bled profusely, and at some point in the night, 647 00:28:25,674 --> 00:28:26,742 I passed out. 648 00:28:26,742 --> 00:28:28,879 Hey, you found my shoe! 649 00:28:28,879 --> 00:28:30,981 I found the trap with blood on it, 650 00:28:30,981 --> 00:28:33,551 saw Carlton, put two and two together, 651 00:28:33,551 --> 00:28:35,753 and felt horrible. It was my trap. 652 00:28:35,753 --> 00:28:36,922 Big Ed picked me up like a baby fawn 653 00:28:36,922 --> 00:28:38,557 and brought me back here. 654 00:28:38,557 --> 00:28:40,827 He cleaned up my ankle, redressed my wound. 655 00:28:40,827 --> 00:28:42,028 What's with the furry costume? 656 00:28:42,028 --> 00:28:43,830 And what are you doing out here? 657 00:28:43,830 --> 00:28:46,133 I've been living in these woods for over a decade. 658 00:28:46,133 --> 00:28:49,036 Sad truth is, I just lost faith in the human race. 659 00:28:49,036 --> 00:28:51,806 Now, I was an army ranger back in the day, 660 00:28:51,806 --> 00:28:55,578 so I knew I could exist at one with nature. 661 00:28:55,578 --> 00:28:58,448 I don't have to open the paper every morning and get depressed. 662 00:28:58,448 --> 00:29:00,183 You lost faith in humanity. 663 00:29:00,183 --> 00:29:02,019 You know, Gus and I thought 664 00:29:02,019 --> 00:29:03,755 about doing the same thing after we saw The Village, 665 00:29:03,755 --> 00:29:05,822 but then we didn't because that movie was horrible. 666 00:29:05,822 --> 00:29:09,261 In any event, I created this pelt suit for camouflage. 667 00:29:09,261 --> 00:29:10,963 It allows me to hunt and move about 668 00:29:10,963 --> 00:29:13,934 without disturbing the natural order of things. 669 00:29:13,934 --> 00:29:16,771 - Plus, I burn easily. - God, you're like predator. 670 00:29:16,771 --> 00:29:19,674 But totally doable. 671 00:29:19,674 --> 00:29:22,611 Well, I can't thank you enough for saving my partner, 672 00:29:22,611 --> 00:29:25,104 and I really hate to be a buzzkill here, 673 00:29:25,104 --> 00:29:27,505 but there are still three bodies that are unaccounted for. 674 00:29:27,505 --> 00:29:28,873 I suppose you wouldn't know anything about that, 675 00:29:28,873 --> 00:29:29,995 would you, Mr. Dixon? 676 00:29:29,995 --> 00:29:32,731 No, ma'am, I wouldn't hurt a fly. 677 00:29:32,731 --> 00:29:34,367 Anybody hungry? 678 00:29:34,367 --> 00:29:36,135 - Oh, yeah. - Yes. 679 00:29:36,135 --> 00:29:38,539 I've been smoking some venison outside all morning. 680 00:29:38,539 --> 00:29:42,143 Trust me, my dry-rub is the best thing you'll ever taste. 681 00:29:42,143 --> 00:29:44,012 Affirmative. 682 00:29:44,012 --> 00:29:46,515 Uh, so it smells. 683 00:29:46,515 --> 00:29:50,386 Oh, my God. You're unbelievable. 684 00:29:50,386 --> 00:29:52,256 - What? - Don't you "what?" me. 685 00:29:52,256 --> 00:29:54,424 Show me your teeth. 686 00:29:54,424 --> 00:29:56,908 You sampled the meat. It's stuck in your teeth. 687 00:29:56,908 --> 00:29:59,865 You tasted the meat when we all thought it was Lassie? 688 00:29:59,865 --> 00:30:02,201 So what, Shawn? What difference does it make? 689 00:30:02,201 --> 00:30:03,970 You're the one who said, "He smells delicious." 690 00:30:03,970 --> 00:30:06,573 I was trying to put a positive spin on a horrific event. 691 00:30:06,573 --> 00:30:07,974 I certainly wasn't gonna partake. 692 00:30:07,974 --> 00:30:09,577 I can feel my ribs, Shawn. 693 00:30:09,577 --> 00:30:11,345 Gus, it hasn't even been 24 hours. 694 00:30:11,345 --> 00:30:14,116 Okay, okay, there's plenty of meat for everyone, 695 00:30:14,116 --> 00:30:16,218 and none of it's human, okay? 696 00:30:16,218 --> 00:30:17,987 I'm gonna hoof it up to the ranger station, 697 00:30:17,987 --> 00:30:19,989 get an ATV back in here for Carlton. 698 00:30:19,989 --> 00:30:22,559 I just need to get out of this suit. 699 00:30:22,559 --> 00:30:25,229 Speaking of suits, yours should be dry by now, Carlton. 700 00:30:25,229 --> 00:30:26,631 Thanks, Ed. 701 00:30:26,631 --> 00:30:29,100 Oh, this is like crack made out of deer. 702 00:30:29,100 --> 00:30:30,403 Where is Shawn? 703 00:30:30,403 --> 00:30:32,571 Probably in the back, snooping around. 704 00:30:32,571 --> 00:30:34,641 You guys aren't at all suspicious of Ed? 705 00:30:34,641 --> 00:30:36,276 You didn't seem to have any trouble eating his food. 706 00:30:36,276 --> 00:30:37,026 Ow! 707 00:30:37,912 --> 00:30:41,883 Spencer, you better not be snooping back there! 708 00:30:41,883 --> 00:30:45,020 Pretty bare bones, huh, Ed? 709 00:30:45,020 --> 00:30:47,122 Well, what do we have there? 710 00:30:57,503 --> 00:31:00,238 I'm just saying, dude's been living here for how long? 711 00:31:00,238 --> 00:31:02,408 And he's never seen or heard anything? 712 00:31:02,408 --> 00:31:04,544 - Come on, son. - Ed Dixon's an angel 713 00:31:04,544 --> 00:31:06,547 in wolf's, bear's, and elk's clothing. 714 00:31:06,547 --> 00:31:08,014 Why would he nurse me back to health 715 00:31:08,014 --> 00:31:09,417 if he was a cold-blooded killer, Guster? 716 00:31:09,417 --> 00:31:10,919 It doesn't make sense. He's a real man. 717 00:31:10,919 --> 00:31:12,354 He's two men. 718 00:31:12,354 --> 00:31:14,557 Seven feet and what? Like, 400 pounds? 719 00:31:14,557 --> 00:31:16,359 Did you get a load of those meat hooks? 720 00:31:16,359 --> 00:31:19,752 - Can you imagine? - Imagine what? 721 00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:46,095 Hey, you guys, you should get in here. 722 00:31:46,095 --> 00:31:48,834 Damn it, Spencer, I told you not to... 723 00:31:50,735 --> 00:31:53,036 I found these buried in the bottom 724 00:31:53,036 --> 00:31:54,572 of Ed's foot locker, soaking wet. 725 00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:56,957 - It's Jimmy del Ray. - Titus Clackum. 726 00:31:56,957 --> 00:31:58,347 Both went missing two weeks ago. 727 00:31:58,347 --> 00:32:00,146 The trail went ice-cold. They're associated 728 00:32:00,146 --> 00:32:01,433 with the Serbian crime syndicate up north. 729 00:32:01,433 --> 00:32:03,091 These guys have taken contract killing 730 00:32:03,091 --> 00:32:05,060 - to a whole new level. - What did I tell you? 731 00:32:05,060 --> 00:32:07,096 Big Ed is taking out the trash for mobsters 732 00:32:07,096 --> 00:32:09,031 - who don't even speak English. - We don't know that for sure. 733 00:32:09,031 --> 00:32:10,433 I mean, they're bound to have accents. 734 00:32:10,433 --> 00:32:12,803 Wait, there were three bodies in that hole. 735 00:32:12,803 --> 00:32:14,605 - A woman? - Not necessarily. 736 00:32:17,510 --> 00:32:18,510 Aah! 737 00:32:19,846 --> 00:32:21,814 I am sensing it was a girl 738 00:32:21,814 --> 00:32:23,750 with a dragon tattoo on the calf. 739 00:32:23,750 --> 00:32:25,778 A dragon eating something bloody and heart-shaped. 740 00:32:25,778 --> 00:32:27,587 - Heart. - Eva Kirilenko. 741 00:32:27,587 --> 00:32:29,323 I've certainly booked her enough times. 742 00:32:29,323 --> 00:32:31,192 Hooker/stripper, and guess where she worked the pole. 743 00:32:31,192 --> 00:32:32,661 Clackum's. I'll be damned. 744 00:32:32,661 --> 00:32:34,162 She must've gotten mixed up in his business. 745 00:32:34,162 --> 00:32:35,531 She should've stuck to hooking. 746 00:32:35,531 --> 00:32:37,100 All right, there it is. 747 00:32:37,100 --> 00:32:38,601 We know who the dead people are, 748 00:32:38,601 --> 00:32:40,370 and we know who killed them, and we're in his house. 749 00:32:40,370 --> 00:32:41,705 Dixon, though? I mean it doesn't even 750 00:32:41,705 --> 00:32:43,107 sort of sound like Serbian name. 751 00:32:43,107 --> 00:32:45,309 Unless he changed it from Dixonovich. 752 00:32:45,309 --> 00:32:48,013 We need to get out of here. 753 00:32:51,018 --> 00:32:52,351 Oh! Aah! 754 00:32:55,056 --> 00:32:56,177 You care to explain these? 755 00:32:56,177 --> 00:32:58,225 I found those netting salmon. 756 00:32:58,225 --> 00:33:00,061 I'm afraid you're gonna have to come with us, Ed. 757 00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:02,063 I'm afraid you're not gonna make it 758 00:33:02,063 --> 00:33:04,266 out of here alive, Carlton. 759 00:33:10,575 --> 00:33:12,359 Um, Ed? 760 00:33:13,932 --> 00:33:15,980 I have a pulse. He's still alive. 761 00:33:15,980 --> 00:33:17,435 But I don't think he's gonna make it. 762 00:33:17,435 --> 00:33:18,937 - Damn it. - So does this mean 763 00:33:18,937 --> 00:33:21,316 - that Big Ed isn't a killer? - Yeah, probably, Kate. 764 00:33:21,316 --> 00:33:22,870 But I don't think now's the time to make your move. 765 00:33:22,870 --> 00:33:24,097 It's got to be the Serbians. 766 00:33:24,097 --> 00:33:26,082 Aw, come on, man. Don't tell me that. 767 00:33:26,082 --> 00:33:27,740 How do we know Ed wasn't already working for them? 768 00:33:27,740 --> 00:33:30,054 Because he saved my life, and he served our country, 769 00:33:30,054 --> 00:33:31,622 and he lost his wife, and he's got a garden, Guster. 770 00:33:31,622 --> 00:33:33,424 Why would the Serbs be out here? 771 00:33:33,424 --> 00:33:35,060 How would they have known Gus was gonna uncover those bodies? 772 00:33:35,060 --> 00:33:36,761 Right. I didn't do it on purpose. 773 00:33:36,761 --> 00:33:38,898 Wait. 774 00:33:38,898 --> 00:33:40,666 - The pictures on the blog. - What about them? 775 00:33:40,666 --> 00:33:42,769 You guys have been posting pictures on your blog 776 00:33:42,769 --> 00:33:44,538 all over these woods this week. 777 00:33:44,538 --> 00:33:47,075 The Serbs are bound to have people keeping tabs on the area. 778 00:33:47,075 --> 00:33:49,477 You basically advertised that you were out here. 779 00:33:49,477 --> 00:33:51,113 Which means they knew their dumping ground 780 00:33:51,113 --> 00:33:52,815 has been compromised, so they sent out some mule 781 00:33:52,815 --> 00:33:54,416 to tie up the loose ends and move the bodies. 782 00:33:54,416 --> 00:33:56,753 - Including me? - No, Gus, you're probably okay. 783 00:33:56,753 --> 00:33:57,988 Of course including you. 784 00:33:57,988 --> 00:34:00,925 Everyone, all of us, and poor Big Ed. 785 00:34:00,925 --> 00:34:02,660 He made it all the way back here to warn us, 786 00:34:02,660 --> 00:34:04,061 that brave sumbitch. 787 00:34:04,061 --> 00:34:05,697 Or they let him go 788 00:34:05,697 --> 00:34:07,633 so they could track him and see where he goes. 789 00:34:07,633 --> 00:34:09,821 So some cold-blooded Serbians are coming to kill us? 790 00:34:09,821 --> 00:34:12,205 Has the Student Academy Award ever been won posthumously? 791 00:34:12,205 --> 00:34:14,775 - We need to get out of here. - Gus, no, it's too dangerous. 792 00:34:14,775 --> 00:34:16,076 That's like leading lambs to slaughter. 793 00:34:16,076 --> 00:34:17,846 O'Hara's right. 794 00:34:17,846 --> 00:34:19,514 If they want a fight, we'll give them a fight. 795 00:34:19,514 --> 00:34:21,650 - I'm really more of a lover. - We know. 796 00:34:21,650 --> 00:34:22,952 So what the hell are we gonna do? 797 00:34:22,952 --> 00:34:25,721 Well, look around this place. 798 00:34:30,161 --> 00:34:31,929 Let's get ready. 799 00:34:31,929 --> 00:34:34,900 You do realize we're in grave danger, right, Chavo? 800 00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:37,569 - People need to know. - What does that even mean? 801 00:34:37,569 --> 00:34:39,539 I have no idea. It's just a default excuse 802 00:34:39,539 --> 00:34:40,974 people give in found-footage movies 803 00:34:40,974 --> 00:34:43,744 for why they keep shooting no matter what happens. 804 00:34:43,744 --> 00:34:46,914 You guys are using me like a chest of drawers, aren't you? 805 00:34:46,914 --> 00:34:50,152 - Try to relax, Ed. - Ow, that's wrong. 806 00:34:50,152 --> 00:34:52,755 Go pro or go home. 807 00:34:56,661 --> 00:34:58,962 All right. 808 00:34:58,962 --> 00:35:00,898 I think we've done all we can do for tonight. 809 00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:02,634 With any luck, sundown will come without incident. 810 00:35:02,634 --> 00:35:04,102 We can head out of here at first light. 811 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,205 I'll be keeping watch out here, you guys stay 812 00:35:06,205 --> 00:35:08,541 in the back with Lassiter, and take your cues from him. 813 00:35:08,541 --> 00:35:11,545 We are light on firearms, but he's got a gun in the back, 814 00:35:11,545 --> 00:35:15,016 and God knows what he used to do with that morning star. 815 00:35:15,016 --> 00:35:16,884 I'm sorry it's come to this, 816 00:35:16,884 --> 00:35:19,254 but we will make it out of here if we work together. 817 00:35:19,254 --> 00:35:21,824 Yeah, you know what? We're sorry too. 818 00:35:21,824 --> 00:35:23,226 No, we're not. 819 00:35:23,226 --> 00:35:25,995 - Chi-Chi! Chi-Chi! Dude! - Take cover! 820 00:35:25,995 --> 00:35:27,765 Get in the cabin now! 821 00:35:27,765 --> 00:35:29,333 - Chi-Chi! - Aah! Flip the table over! 822 00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:32,270 - Gus, flip the table! - Oh, my God! 823 00:35:32,270 --> 00:35:34,606 - What about the camera? - Kate, what are you doing? 824 00:35:34,606 --> 00:35:36,943 People need to know! 825 00:35:36,943 --> 00:35:38,711 - Oh! - Katie! 826 00:35:38,711 --> 00:35:39,711 Oof! 827 00:35:41,549 --> 00:35:43,183 Dude, she tried the Denzel. 828 00:35:43,183 --> 00:35:44,753 - We're gonna get shot, Shawn! - Where did Jules go? 829 00:35:44,753 --> 00:35:46,060 I can't just leave her out here. 830 00:35:46,060 --> 00:35:47,756 At least she has a gun. 831 00:35:47,756 --> 00:35:50,226 It's the Serbs! 832 00:35:52,863 --> 00:35:53,704 Ah! Ah! 833 00:35:55,566 --> 00:35:57,567 Holy living Mary. 834 00:35:59,138 --> 00:36:00,671 What do you think that means? 835 00:36:00,671 --> 00:36:03,609 It means we need to get out of here, Shawn. 836 00:36:03,609 --> 00:36:05,611 Shawn! Gus! Where'd you guys go? 837 00:36:05,611 --> 00:36:06,780 - Shawn! - Lassie! 838 00:36:06,780 --> 00:36:08,748 Jules knows how to shoot a crossbow! 839 00:36:12,254 --> 00:36:14,522 Everybody get down! 840 00:36:20,297 --> 00:36:21,531 This is insane! 841 00:36:23,433 --> 00:36:24,635 - Holy crap! - Uh, Kate. 842 00:36:28,707 --> 00:36:30,275 What are you doing, Lassie? Shoot that dude. 843 00:36:30,275 --> 00:36:32,878 - You stay down and shut up. - Uh... somebody help us. 844 00:36:32,878 --> 00:36:34,947 Come to papa, you son of a bitch. 845 00:36:34,947 --> 00:36:35,667 Katie? 846 00:36:37,351 --> 00:36:40,220 Um... help? Somebody help us! 847 00:36:40,220 --> 00:36:41,769 - Katie? - Somebody! Somebody help us! 848 00:36:44,693 --> 00:36:47,129 Thank you! Thanks! Where's the other one? 849 00:36:47,129 --> 00:36:49,198 Lassie, you got him. You totally shot that dude. 850 00:36:49,198 --> 00:36:51,701 Of course I got him. Don't be an idiot. 851 00:36:51,701 --> 00:36:53,136 Where's O'Hara? 852 00:36:53,136 --> 00:36:56,207 I can't see anything to the west. 853 00:36:56,207 --> 00:36:59,578 This could be my last meal, Shawn. 854 00:36:59,578 --> 00:37:00,912 Whoa! 855 00:37:00,912 --> 00:37:03,683 Carlton, cover me! 856 00:37:07,822 --> 00:37:09,122 Chavo, Kate, I need you guys 857 00:37:09,122 --> 00:37:10,691 to apply pressure to each other's wounds. 858 00:37:10,691 --> 00:37:12,293 - Can you do that? - Chavo, how you holding up? 859 00:37:12,293 --> 00:37:15,196 - I peed. I'm still peeing. - Oh, Chavo, God! My hair! 860 00:37:17,367 --> 00:37:19,335 Carlton! Shawn! 861 00:37:19,335 --> 00:37:23,206 Oh, my God! He shot Lassie! 862 00:37:23,206 --> 00:37:25,008 This is gonna be so hard on my son. 863 00:37:25,008 --> 00:37:28,312 - You don't have a son. - You know what I mean, Shawn. 864 00:37:37,524 --> 00:37:41,095 Ed, you're alive. Thank you. 865 00:37:41,095 --> 00:37:42,663 No problem. 866 00:37:42,663 --> 00:37:45,634 I feel... woozy. 867 00:37:48,739 --> 00:37:50,973 - Jules, you're so badass. - What happened? 868 00:37:50,973 --> 00:37:53,677 That dead Serb shot Lassie. 869 00:37:53,677 --> 00:37:56,147 Carlton? Oh, come on. Talk to me, Carlton. 870 00:37:58,751 --> 00:38:01,268 This really hasn't been my day, O'Hara. 871 00:38:06,166 --> 00:38:07,966 It's a damn shame. 872 00:38:07,966 --> 00:38:09,912 Here lies Big Ed Dixon. 873 00:38:09,912 --> 00:38:12,472 He was a gentle giant with a sensitive soul 874 00:38:12,472 --> 00:38:15,409 and an impressive armament of medieval weaponry. 875 00:38:15,409 --> 00:38:16,811 If it wasn't for him, 876 00:38:16,811 --> 00:38:18,513 - Gus would be dead. - So would you, Shawn. 877 00:38:18,513 --> 00:38:19,648 Now that remains open for debate. 878 00:38:19,648 --> 00:38:21,082 There is no debate. 879 00:38:21,082 --> 00:38:22,852 Bang, bang, I'm dead, you're dead. 880 00:38:22,852 --> 00:38:24,800 I would've thrown the camera at his face, Gus. 881 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:26,890 Oh, please, there's no way you would've thrown... aah! 882 00:38:26,890 --> 00:38:28,330 - Ow! - What? 883 00:38:30,863 --> 00:38:33,198 Doesn't anybody check for a pulse anymore? 884 00:38:33,198 --> 00:38:35,099 Oh, my gosh. You're still alive. 885 00:38:35,099 --> 00:38:36,669 I-I-I'm sorry. I didn't know, Ed. 886 00:38:36,669 --> 00:38:39,038 Hold on. I need an EMT over here right now! 887 00:38:39,038 --> 00:38:41,475 Ed Dixon is alive! Hang in there, Ed. 888 00:38:41,475 --> 00:38:42,843 We're gonna get you to the hospital stat. 889 00:38:42,843 --> 00:38:44,979 Um, I kind of turned my back 890 00:38:44,979 --> 00:38:46,581 on modern medicine ten years ago. 891 00:38:46,581 --> 00:38:48,115 I'm fine. 892 00:38:48,115 --> 00:38:50,652 Can you just pull this axe out of my spine, please? 893 00:38:50,652 --> 00:38:52,789 Uh, I think you might want to make an exception for this one. 894 00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:54,691 You don't want to get a staph infection. 895 00:38:54,691 --> 00:38:56,960 Yeah, I suppose so. 896 00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,197 I'm getting woozy. 897 00:39:00,197 --> 00:39:03,568 Didn't anybody hear me? Ed Dixon is alive! 898 00:39:42,150 --> 00:39:44,718 That's pretty much it, guys. That's... that's our film. 899 00:39:44,718 --> 00:39:47,656 - Did that just say "Seacrest"? - Yeah, you know what, Chavo? 900 00:39:47,656 --> 00:39:49,692 I realized, uh, while I was doing the credits 901 00:39:49,692 --> 00:39:51,561 that I don't know your last name. 902 00:39:51,561 --> 00:39:55,332 I mean, I assume it's something like "Cortez" or "Jinjosa," 903 00:39:55,332 --> 00:39:58,035 or "Ponce de Leon," but, uh, I wasn't positive, 904 00:39:58,035 --> 00:40:00,004 so I just, uh... I went with something safe. 905 00:40:00,004 --> 00:40:01,973 - That is safe. - It's genius, Shawn. 906 00:40:01,973 --> 00:40:03,776 That is the best film I have seen 907 00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:05,544 since Love and Basketball. 908 00:40:05,544 --> 00:40:07,013 Wow, that's... 909 00:40:07,013 --> 00:40:08,582 Oh, um, I really liked 910 00:40:08,582 --> 00:40:10,584 some of the nice editing choices you made. 911 00:40:10,584 --> 00:40:12,253 The dissolve was great. And, ooh! 912 00:40:12,253 --> 00:40:14,589 The... the flashback? Nice touch. 913 00:40:14,589 --> 00:40:18,293 Well, uh, that flashback is actually how it... 914 00:40:18,293 --> 00:40:20,730 how it looks in my head, this psychic brain of mine. 915 00:40:20,730 --> 00:40:23,099 I thought it might be nice to give you guys a little peek 916 00:40:23,099 --> 00:40:24,969 into the process that I am a slave to. 917 00:40:24,969 --> 00:40:26,937 Interesting. 918 00:40:26,937 --> 00:40:29,174 Please remove your arm from around my shoulder this second. 919 00:40:29,174 --> 00:40:30,809 You got it, chief. 920 00:40:30,809 --> 00:40:32,877 Yes, well, you're all very lucky to be alive. 921 00:40:32,877 --> 00:40:34,814 The Serbians don't mess around. 922 00:40:34,814 --> 00:40:37,618 Especially when they're wearing masks and speaking Serbian. 923 00:40:37,618 --> 00:40:38,919 Well said, pop. 924 00:40:38,919 --> 00:40:40,821 I'm also happy to report 925 00:40:40,821 --> 00:40:43,291 that Big Ed will make a full recovery. 926 00:40:43,291 --> 00:40:44,993 - Mm-hmm. - God love him. 927 00:40:44,993 --> 00:40:46,629 And if I may just add that, 928 00:40:46,629 --> 00:40:47,963 while I'm not particularly pleased 929 00:40:47,963 --> 00:40:50,232 with how I'm portrayed in this film, 930 00:40:50,232 --> 00:40:53,637 Detective O'Hara's heroics cannot be overstated. 931 00:40:53,637 --> 00:40:55,840 Yeah! 932 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:57,408 Shawn, thanks for putting this all together. 933 00:40:57,408 --> 00:40:59,811 It was the least we can do. I mean, after all, 934 00:40:59,811 --> 00:41:01,913 you are giving up your Student Academy Award 935 00:41:01,913 --> 00:41:03,415 by offering up this footage as evidence. 936 00:41:03,415 --> 00:41:05,284 Hopefully it will bring you some comfort to know 937 00:41:05,284 --> 00:41:06,819 that the remaining killer will be prosecuted 938 00:41:06,819 --> 00:41:08,355 to the full extent of the law. 939 00:41:08,355 --> 00:41:10,324 Well, it all worked out about as well as it could 940 00:41:10,324 --> 00:41:12,927 considering that most of you have gunshot wounds. 941 00:41:12,927 --> 00:41:16,431 You ever been shot, papa bear? 942 00:41:16,431 --> 00:41:19,568 Yeah. Yeah, as a matter of fact, I have. 943 00:41:19,568 --> 00:41:21,972 Wow. That's super hot. 944 00:41:21,972 --> 00:41:24,675 Okay, well, you know, some of us do have to get back 945 00:41:24,675 --> 00:41:27,345 to running a precinct, so... 946 00:41:27,345 --> 00:41:29,313 I appreciate that, Karen, but you're the one 947 00:41:29,313 --> 00:41:32,317 that does the heavy lifting around here. 948 00:41:32,317 --> 00:41:34,788 Drive safe, if you drove. 949 00:41:39,127 --> 00:41:41,295 "Gopher"? You credited me as "Gopher"? 950 00:41:41,295 --> 00:41:42,730 You must be out of your damn mind, Shawn. 951 00:41:42,730 --> 00:41:43,899 I put my life on the line. 952 00:41:43,899 --> 00:41:46,001 I was supposed to be C-camera operator 953 00:41:46,001 --> 00:41:47,837 and co-producer. We had a deal. 954 00:41:47,837 --> 00:41:49,338 Not to mention my points on the back end. 955 00:41:49,338 --> 00:41:51,040 You're right. This is an outrage. 956 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,825 I'm gonna take this up with post. 957 00:41:52,825 --> 00:41:53,977 Cool. 958 00:41:53,977 --> 00:41:56,590 Wait a second, you are post. Get back here, Shawn!