Last season, on Psych...
We've been discussing creating a new position, a liaison,
working with other departments, agencies, outside help...
Psychics?
You gotta do something quick. I can't hold it for long.
I got you.
- I accept. - Excuse me?
The job, the job you offered me, Karen...
I accept.
It's great to be back.
Okay, I'm warning you guys.
Gus knows karate.
Um, I don't know karate.
- Yes, you do. - I study wushu.
- It's Chinese. - Okay, dude, trust me.
Karate sounds more intimidating.
I've only had two lessons.
That's two more lessons than they've had.
Come on, man. My dad wouldn't let me take karate,
So now you got to do this.
- You do it. - You do it.
I don't fire people well. You know that.
- You wanted the assistant. - I wanted a girl.
He's the only one that would take the job, Shawn.
What does that say about us?
We'll do good cop/bad cop.
- Who's bad cop? - You.
You're the unscrupulous, penny-pinching boss
With a chip on your shoulder and mommy issues.
I'm the nurturing-confidant type,
Who's like, "dude, Gus is a jerk,
"but I've got your back.
Together we'll take that sucker down."
Nope.
Together, then.
Fine.
Ken!
And it turns out business is just a little slower
Than expected.
You guys hired me four days ago.
Much slower.
The thing is, my dad got a job at the police station, right?
So we assumed that we'd get more cases.
He assumed. I called this from a mile away.
Exactly. Wait.
Holy crap, you're doing good cop.
I know.
Did somebody move my desk?
I didn't see anyone.
How many days a week are you here?
Two, three, depends.
I just deal with the consultants.
But you don't tell me what to do, right?
I'm not sure.
I am. You don't.
Think of it
Like Santa Barbara's having a slow news day,
But with murder and stuff.
- And like the real-estate market,
Crime will always trend upwards.
The only thing we know for sure,
It's gonna pick up.
- And that real estate is a sound long-term investment.
But mostly that crime's gonna pick up
And that's a guarantee.
Mr. Chiang. Mr. Chiang.
Can I get a photo of you and your family
For the Santa Barbara courier?
Thank you. Thank you, sir. It's a great honor.
Hey, that's Arthur Chiang.
I know. Can you believe it?
Ladies and gentlemen, please have your raffle tickets ready
When entering the Chinatown festival.
Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com
Buzz, she didn't come back on Monday?
No. Not yet.
Just let our people do their work.
If and when we get the ransom call,
We will determine our course of action.
Mr. Chiang...
I'm the resident psychic here.
My name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner Jonathan Jacob jingly Smith.
You're saying his name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?
That's correct, sir. We used to share the name.
I changed mine because of all the people shouting
When I went out.
I don't remember calling you, Mr. Spencer.
Didn't have to, chief.
This case called me. It called collect.
That's right, which was odd,
Because I'm also on Twitter, and the cases usually tweet me.
Now, let's be honest, chief.
Kidnapping is my thing.
This case is tailor-made for a psychic.
Well, I guess it does make a little bit of sense.
Karen, you called Shawn in?
- The case called me. - Collect.
Naturally, this is your call, Henry.
You now oversee our consultants.
So this would officially be your first hire.
Okay, then.
My answer is no.
What?
May I speak to you in private?
All right, what the hell was that about?
It's my job to determine if we need a consultant,
And right now I don't see the need for one.
You have had five opportunities to hire us.
Now, what is this really about?
Are you familiar with the term "persona non Grata"?
Why are we talking about food?
Shawn, there's a reason
They created the position I'm in.
You burned a lot of bridges around here.
- Here we go. - You made a lot
Of sloppy mistakes.
You're gonna have to earn your way back.
Things are gonna be different now.
- So unfair. - Is it?
My results speak for themselves.
You just hold me to a different standard.
- I-I do not.
You buried my Easter eggs five feet underground.
And I left loose dirt to indicate a fresh dig.
Yeah, under a camouflaged tarp
Covered with bricks and broken glass.
That was the giveaway!
Oh, pard... pardon me for trying
To challenge you.
It took me three weeks
"to close" the egg investigation.
I was eight.
Yeah, well, just so you know,
There's still two eggs you haven't found.
You're sick.
- Well? What happened? - Two things...
One, we're getting him fired. Two, we're on the case.
After all that, you convinced him to hire us?
Define convinced.
Buzz...
Have we searched the kidnapped girl's apartment?
- Uh, they just finished. - Great.
We'll need that address. Oh, you guys got hired
On the case. Eh, define hired.
Shawn, the police have already been here.
She was kidnapped on the other side of town.
It's been hours, Gus. Still no ransom demand.
I'm telling you, this is not
Your standard kidnapping.
God, everything's so neat. Maybe she's a neat person.
Or maybe she's hiding something.
Look at this closet.
It's full of new purchases.
Please tell me we're taking that to the police.
We are...
Just not the ones working this case.
- Bring that to Lassiter. - What would be the fun in that?
I want you for this.
Chief wouldn't hire you guys, huh?
- Look, I got case-blocked by my own father, okay?
Don't you think it's time you got back up on the horse?
It's a temporary reassignment.
It's pretty common for cops
When they experience something traumatic.
Look, I know the whole yin thing was difficult
For everybody, but at this point,
It just feels like you're hiding here at this giant post office.
It's city hall, Shawn.
We have a city hall?
I just need a little time.
And I am perfectly content staying off of this case.
Oh, really? Did you know how there's no ransom note?
Did you know that Bekki Chiang stands to inherit
Approximately $20 million and is already being groomed
For an ambassadorship at 19?
Not my case. It's Lassiter's.
What?
- It's an old Hong Kong 50-cent piece.
- Which dynasty? - 1978.
There is one other thing.
It's counterfeit.
A smart rich girl with a secret
Holding on to counterfeit money?
And just what are you doing here?
- The Mayor asked to see me. - Clearly we don't believe that.
Well, you're free to believe what you want.
Please don't say that to Gus.
Now he'll just tell you
That Michael Jackson isn't dead.
He learned how to fake his death from Lisa Marie.
Which implies that Elvis is still alive.
Elvis died two years ago.
Is there no end to your gullibility?
I told you that two years ago.
- No. - He was a cashier
In a shoe shop, Shawn. No, Gus, no. No.
I'm not having this conversation with you now or ever.
We're not sure what the deal with the wrapping
On the hand is.
And he... he leapt a wall into the crowd,
So he's athletic.
Kept his face covered the whole time.
Couldn't get a clear shot of him.
It's almost as if he knew there were cameras there.
Carlton, I have a lot of work
To do here, so if you wouldn't mind...
Oh, my God, we're on the same page.
You were trying to lure her out of this dungeon
By using details from the case.
- I am not. - See, it's not just me.
You're concerned about her insisting on staying down here...
The unreturned phone calls
And the ever-so-slight darkening of the hair.
I hadn't noticed.
- I like it. - Thank you, Gus.
/Now, would you guys please just leave me alone?
Way to go, Spencer. You are not on this case.
What? Lassie, we've clearly crossed a threshold.
Tomorrow we should wear matching jumpsuits...
Nay, t-shirts.
I'll be thing one. You be thing two.
- Excuse me. - Wait.
Before you go, one question...
Who would counterfeit a 50-cent piece,
Honk Kong, 978 dynasty? 1978.
Ooh, that makes so much more sense.
You can't seriously tell me you think the triads
Are involved in this? Triads?
- Athletes. - Chinese gangs.
Athletic gangs of Chinese men.
Very serious gangs.
How do we speak with these triads?
You don't speak with them. They're an underground society.
You're saying I need to make an appointment.
Spencer, look, there are different gangs
Within the triads. What are we talking about?
Are we talking about the golden triad,
The dragon triad? Regular.
I think we're primarily interested in medium.
Venti. Venti is large.
Well, then not venti. We'll speak with both gangs.
No. Spencer, you will stay away from these people.
They are legitimately dangerous,
And those two gangs have been on the verge of war for years.
Now, if you'll excuse me, the free information train
Has left the station.
You'll just have to figure it all out for yourself.
Please. Like we can't do that.
- We need information. - Whoa, wait.
You guys aren't here to pay me for my last day?
- I believe I did pay you. - We didn't pay him anything.
We paid him in gratitude and life lessons.
I knew I shouldn't have opened this door.
Ken, don't think of it
As not being paid for your last day.
Think of it as a surprise two-year vacation.
- Unpaid. - We will hire you back.
- Someday. - Probably not soon, though.
Why are you guys here?
We need information on counterfeiting Hong Kong coins.
And the Chinese mafia.
And we need you to explain the ending
Of crouching tiger, hidden dragon to us.
What?
You guys think that 'cause I'm Asian,
I'm supposed to know all this stuff.
That's borderline racist, man.
- No. - Racist. No, I hardly think so.
Inappropriate? Yes.
- Insulting? - Sure.
- Stereotyping? - Sure.
- Not racist. - Maybe a little racist.
Gus, please.
Now, Ken,
How many triads do you know, and/or are you one of them?
- Wow. - Okay, that definitely crossed
The line. Just tell us what you know,
And we will get out of your parents' house.
Okay, the only thing I can think of is there's this place
Where the golden triads used to hang out.
Okay, and the only reason I know that
Is because my mother used to forbid me to go there.
Gus, all I'm saying is that sometimes
Your jokes don't land.
Okay, Shawn, you want to impose some restrictions on me,
Then I want to go over some rules too.
What rules?
In the past, you've offered me up
As some sort of sacrificial lamb
To the situation. Name one.
Wait. Never mind. You're right.
New rule... from now on,
Any cover story or fake I.D. Must be run past me
And approved. Approved?
In writing three days in advance.
- Gus, you're kidding, right? - No, Shawn.
I need the proper amount of time to concoct my alter ego
That best complements yours and the situation.
I don't know where I'm gonna be living
In three days. That's the deal, Shawn.
Take it or leave it.
So he is a pharmaceutical salesman
Who moonlights at a psychic Detective agency,
And once at camp, he wet his pants.
- Water splashed on my pants. - I'm sorry. You guys are cops?
Nope, not cops, though sometimes we work with cops
And occasionally against them.
Look, if this was Saturday, I'd have a much better story.
Right now all I want to do is talk to some triads.
Either kind.
You guys know you're gonna get killed.
You know what? You're absolutely right.
What were we thinking?
Gus? Yes. See what I mean?
See what you mean? We got lucky.
We have been following this guy forever.
If he's a triad,
He is the most boring gang member of all time.
I think Ken gave us a fake lead to pay you back
For asking him for a loan.
- It was a short-term loan, Gus, with interest.
The interest was life lessons, Shawn.
Whoa. Those are some heavy firearms.
Something's going down.
Run back to the psych office, grab our ninja costumes.
How could that possibly help us?
- We'll need to get closer. - No, we are staying here.
Gus, ten seconds ago, you were complaining
About being bored.
Now, suddenly, it's too exciting?
It'd be great to get some consistency
From you emotionally.
Shawn, if something illegal is going on,
Then it's our duty to call Lassiter
And let him get shot.
Golden triads cut f hands.
One at a time, which, technically,
Means we have four opportunities.
I'm not moving.
They won't even know we're here.
I blame you.
I think he said something about taking us to see the boss.
If only I had time to submit a fake identity for approval.
Do not mock me when I'm about to be killed, Shawn.
You know I bond with authority.
This is a win for us.
I will talk my way out of it. How?
You know how much I love Yao ming.
That's got to count for something.
Just leave me out of this.
Okay, first of all,
This is some sort of huge misunderstanding.
I know and respect that you are a very busy man.
Running a crime syndicate is a full-time job.
And we do not want to bother you any more than we have to.
Mr. Chiang.
I know you.
You're the psychic from the police station.
Yes. That's correct.
They hired us on this case.
The chief said they did not.
I don't know why she'd say something like that.
She said it to you.
Yes, she did.
Chief.
That's a little act we do to throw people off.
To throw who off?
Mr. Chiang, I found this coin in your daughter's apartment.
It was pretty well hidden.
My fear is that she's mixed up
With some pretty nasty criminals.
This is my coin.
I gave it to her to symbolize our past.
Now, I will say this to you.
And I will speak slowly so you understand.
She's not mixed up in any of this.
This... Criminal activity?
What you think you see here is not criminal.
It seems pretty criminal to me.
Our mistake.
It's just a handful of buddies hanging out,
Taking some long-distance surveillance photos
And carrying semiautomatic weapons.
You have an idea of who took your daughter, don't you?
- I do not. - And you wouldn't lie to me.
You're a psychic.
You tell me.
Are we free to go?
Go.
All right.
There was, like, a curlicue thing in the end here,
But the whole thing kind of looks like a dragon.
I know this, 'cause I saw something like it once
At a panda express.
Can you tell us what it is or not?
Dude, my parents run a best buy.
I told you.
You didn't know about the best buy.
I told you he would be offended.
- He's not offended. - I am very offended.
He's excited. He's getting a taste
Of the kind of action that you and I get into,
If we hadn't had to let him go
Due to unforeseen circumstances.
Guys. Do you realize
That I've done more work for you since you fired me?
Yes, we do. Have you seen this dragon?
Yeah, I probably saw something like that
Spray-painted on a wall. - Where?
Chinatown.
What? Where in Chinatown?
A martial arts studio.
Why does this have orange chicken sauce all over it?
Oh, because it got me in the mood for some panda express.
Can you tell us what this is?
Dragon triads.
Shawn, what do you want from me?
That's what they were doing.
They were surveilling their sworn enemies.
- Who was doing what? - That doesn't matter.
It also doesn't matter whether we were captured
By these people or not.
The question is, what would happen
If the dragon triad kidnapped someone
From the family of the golden triad?
That's a ridiculous theory, Shawn.
It would never happen. Let's just say it did.
Well, it would start off a gang war.
It's beyond suicide. No, she's right.
The goldens and the dragons can't even be seen
In each other's territory.
Oh! I'm gonna have all of you banned from this building.
Excuse me.
I'm here for a class. This class?
- Yeah, I believe it starts... - In five minutes.
Right. Five minutes from now.
I'm usually ten minutes early, so I'm already feeling behind.
- This class is for five- to eight-year-olds.
Yes. Yes, it is.
And, uh, that's what I call, uh...
Discrimination.
- Discrimination? - Yes.
And eism. Who are you?
I'm his lawyer.
- That's right. - You brought a lawyer?
I keep a lawyer on retainer at all times.
There is so much injustice in the world
That you... you practically can't leave home without one.
And apparently today it paid off.
Right. Okay, well, I will see you in court, then.
Now... perfect. Now, I'll need
A statement from you, and as we plan to try this
In both civil and criminal court,
I'll need the police here as well.
Can I use your phone?
Or do you only let the white people use that?
Who said anything about white people?
You just did.
The words "white people" did not come out of my mouth.
There they are again.
Luckily, I had my hand recorder on for that one.
And by the way,
I am now disclosing
That this conversation is being recorded.
Re... recorded?
Okay, this is crazy.
Crazy? You want to know crazy?
I sued 300 businesses last year alone.
I sued a hot-dog cart and got everything
But the wheels and the buns,
Which I won in the civil case two months later.
Dude.
I think he gets it now.
I know, but the words are coming
Out of my mouth faster than I can think of them.
Bring it home.
Now, if you don't mind,
Before I start snapping evidence photos,
I'm a little parched.
So can you tell me which one
Of these fountains I'm allowed to use?
That one.
I mean...
Y-you pick, sir.
One, two, three, four,
Five, six,
Seven, eight,
Nine, ten.
One, two, three, four...
Hyah!
- Ow! What? - Focus.
- Sorry. - You have no focus. Why?
I... look, it's just...
You want to know the truth?
My dad never let me take karate, okay?
This is not karate.
Right. Okay. But it's pretty much the same thing.
- Not the same thing. - All right.
Now turn your eyes around and follow.
One...
Hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah.
Hyah, hyah. Hai.
And...
- Did you find out anything? - Yes.
- What? - I'm awesome at karate.
- Wushu. - Yeah, yeah, that.
I'm awesome at it. You were in there
For two hours, and all you did was kung fu?
No, we stretched our groins. We meditated.
Did you find out anything about the case, Shawn?
- Yes. - What?
I'm pretty sure upstairs
Is the headquarters for the dragon triad.
I think they might be hiding the girl there,
But that's not important right now.
Not important?
Gus, I kicked a board in half.
- No, you didn't. - You're right. I didn't.
But it splintered. Do you have any idea what this means?
It means I sat outside for two hours
While you fulfilled a childhood dream.
Let's stake this place out tonight.
And I'll need $300 for the initiation fee.
You signed up for class?
They are the bad guys. Upstairs.
Master Wu is not affiliated with these hooligans.
- Chief. - How we doing, O'Hara?
Good.
Great. Great.
- Great. - Great?
- Great. - Great.
You know, there's no shame in feeling what you're feeling.
That yin case is the kind of thing
That can shut a person down.
You too, chief?
Look, I will come back to work when I am ready.
I'm not here to force your hand... just wanted to ask.
I just... they say to take some time.
It's recommended. Of course.
Just make sure you know
When the healing ends and the delaying begins.
Of course.
I will. Thank you.
Great.
So here you go.
Stoplight safety project.
Just track and compare every light in the city,
Cross-reference with each stop sign.
Tell me if two years isn't enough
Of a sample to draw a conclusion.
I'll have McNab bring the rest down later.
Good luck, O'Hara.
That's it. I think that's
Why my dad wouldn't let me take karate when I was a kid, Gus,
Because he knew, he knew I was too good, too dangerous.
One moment, I'd be mastering the high kick.
The next, I'd be holding a beating heart in my hand.
- Uh, Shawn? - What?
- Is that our...? - Kidnapper.
Only one way to find out.
That second-floor window's open.
I saw this in a Jackie Chan movie.
We're gonna climb the building, bouncing from wall to wall.
You can't bounce to the second floor.
Excuse me. I think you're neglecting
My martial arts training.
Are you talking about the one class you had today?
Yes, Gus, I am.
You know what? Just give me a boost.
All right.
Waaah!
We're in.
Hey, man, we know you're the kidnapper.
And we can do this the easy way or the...
You must be out of your damn...
Ah.
Oh. Oh.
We're not with this guy. We never even met.
Actually, we just... we just now met him.
- After we broke in. - Accidentally broke in.
We fell through a window,
Which technically isn't breaking in.
Yeah, and in our defense,
This is the guy that's stealing stuff.
Yeah, he already had the safe open.
Which he didn't have to crack, which means he's a pro.
And he stole a jacket, which is a weird thing to steal.
Agreed. Especially since he already had a sweatshirt.
And it's not even that cold outside.
So you see, we're a couple good Samaritans.
But don't worry. We don't expect a reward.
- Silence! - Look, man, you don't get it!
We don't want to fight you guys...
Even though we're evenly matched.
- Evenly matched? - It's three-on-three.
I've had my lesson. You have your karate.
It's not karate, Shawn.
It's wushu. Wushu sounds more authentic.
It sounds delicious is what it sounds.
- I'm going in. - What?
Waaah!
Gus, those are cleaning supplies.
Maybe we should just chill out
And wait for these guys to kill each other.
He went that way!
I'm trying to stay alive, Shawn.
Gus, that is our kidnapper.
Trust me. I can scale that in a single leap.
What? Shawn!
- W-w-w-waaah!
Shawn.
- We lost him! - He's right behind us.
I'm talking about the guy we're chasing.
I'm talking about the guy chasing us.
Gus, my spiritual senses are out of control.
I can't believe I didn't turn to eastern culture earlier.
Shawn, we got lucky because we hid like little girls.
Gus, don't be the ten tigers of canton.
We've reached a new level.
I rest my case.
Couldn't get a clear shot of him.
It's almost as if he knew there were cameras there.
Dude, that's it.
That's her jacket. We found her.
- I'll call the police. - No, no, no, Gus.
That was so us last week.
We've been riding everyone's coattails this whole time.
I say we take him down now.
What do you mean now? Shawn!
Waaah!
- Are you coming in or what? - I was waiting.
It's been ten minutes. I could be dead already.
If you recall, I didn't want to go
In there in the first place.
So you leave me in there with our suspect?
What was your plan exactly?
I was waiting to hear if there was any screaming.
Then, depending on how bad it sounded,
I would go forward from there.
And if there was any pleading,
That was also a variable.
Holy crap. Are you checking email?
I need to be productive when I get nervous, Shawn.
Just come on. God bless!
Gus, this is sang tan.
His father is the leader of the dragon triad.
This is the lovely Bekki.
And they are in love.
And your father's the leader of the golden triad?
I get it. It's Romeo and Juliet.
Kind of.
Our relationship was discovered.
I had to get her safe.
People die from these kind of indiscretions.
I went to her in the alley, and we ran.
Things got out of control.
You need to tell the police
That this is not a kidnapping.
It's not that simple.
It's pretty simple.
I'm pregnant.
My father will never stand for this.
I've been chosen to take over for him when he retires.
There's no changing that plan.
I just need a day to get some cash
And get some things in order.
You're part Chinese, Shawn. You must understand.
You're damn right I do.
You told him you were Chinese?
Gus, I am part Chinese...
Now.
We'll never make it like this.
Can you help us?
- Of course we will. - Absolutely not.
Let me get this straight, Mr. Spencer.
You're saying that we should stop the investigation.
Yes, indeed.
Chief, I am sensing that there is more going on here
Than meets the eye.
Well, that's certainly a tactic
That we've never tried before.
And what are you also suggesting...
That we cross our fingers and perhaps hope for the best?
I have an idea of what we could do.
Shh. Gus, don't. Don't do it.
Don't... chief. Before, moments ago,
It was fuzzy.
I'm upgrading it to crystal clear.
Wait, I want to be sure.
Yes, crystal clear. This is not a kidnapping.
Really? If it's not a kidnapping,
Why did we just get this?
Wait.
I'm getting something else.
Look, I'm telling you I'm right.
I know she was here. She was standing right here.
I can see it plain as day...
Right next to the man who some believe
To be her kidnapper. How sure are you?
As sure as I am that the guy who just friended Gus online
Is not the guy who played R2-D2.
His name is Kenny Baker, Shawn.
Fine. Why would Kenny Baker want to be friends with you?
Why would Elvira want to be friends with you?
Her name is Cassandra Peterson.
Okay, we found Bekki Chiang's bracelet,
A few other belongings.
She was indeed here, so good work, Mr. Spencer.
- Thank you. - Just a little late.
Chief, look at this.
- What is it? - It's traces of blood.
You were here, weren't you?
- Yeah, a little. - You had to go out
And play psychic, and now the girl might be dead.
Trust me, dad. There are a lot of things in play here.
She didn't get kidnapped. She ran off with the guy.
She's in love with a dragon triad,
And here's the kicker...
Guess who the leader of the golden triads is.
- Arthur Chiang. - You knew that?
Of course I knew that.
Cops have been trying to nail him for years, Shawn.
Why do you think I didn't want to let you in on this case?
Do not say you're protecting me.
I wasn't protecting you.
But these are seriously dangerous people, Shawn.
Dad, you're not listening to me. I've got this.
It's Romeo and Juliet, man. It's West Side story.
I don't know which one is the jets
And which one is the dolphins. Sharks.
That is all that is going on here.
And how exactly do you know all this?
She told me.
She told you. Ah.
Any chance she said it under duress?
I caught them kissing.
Ah. Did he have a gun?
Oh, I'm assuming not.
That's exactly what I'm talking about, Shawn.
You got played, kid. What?
Now go home. You've done enough.
That doesn't even... I know what I saw.
- They lied to us. - They didn't lie.
Maybe they were in it together.
They needed money.
They fleeced you because you're either romantic or stupid.
I know when people are in love.
What now, guys?
You know Romeo and Juliet, right?
DiCaprio and Danes?
- It's a play too. - Sure it is.
What if I said Bekki Chiang got mixed up with the triads,
The golden ones, and fell in love with a dragon?
She didn't get kidnapped.
She's out there making kissy face with her guy pal.
There's a ransom note, Shawn.
Aha! You are following the case.
Only enough to know that you're wrong.
Really? If it's not a kidnapping,
Why did we just get his?
Wait a minute.
That was no ransom note. No money was asked for.
I don't follow you.
That doesn't make any sense, Shawn.
Why would he send a photo that's going to incite a panic?
- Who's he? - Romeo.
- The son. - The son?
- The tan family. - Which one?
- What do you mean "which one"? - There are two.
- Two? - Two sons.
This is sang tan. He's number two in the gang.
Now, this is the other brother. Which one did you meet?
I met them both.
Teno is an enforcer.
He's somewhere in the middle.
This guy's the toughest member of the crew by far.
Why isn't he next in line? He's a big problem.
He crosses territorial lines. This guy likes to poke the bear.
The goldens and the dragons have been at peace for a while.
This guy has a history of inciting trouble.
The only reason teno makes sense as a leader
Is in a time of war between the triads.
And I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Our relationship was discovered.
I had to get her safe.
I do.
And I know who kidnapped the girl.
Shawn, this is a bad idea.
Come on, Gus. We got this. It's the brothers.
And I just realized what you do when brothers are fighting.
What?
You tell their dad.
I still can't believe you called a meeting
With the head of the dragon triads.
Summit meeting.
It was relatively easy after I revealed
I had jaw-dropping information about his two sons.
- Just get to it. - Hi, there...
Mr. Han tan.
Or is it Mr. Tan Han?
See, I get confused,
Because the back of Yao Ming's Jersey says Yao, not ming.
- Shawn. - Let me start off
By saying I love ping-pong
And general Chao's chicken
And your version of checkers.
I find your fire drills to be immensely entertaining.
David Bowie's China girl...
- The naked version. - That goes without saying.
I have also practiced the ancient martial art
Of wushu...
Under the tutelage of your fine people.
- Shawn, get on with it. - I am endearing myself to him.
Stop endearing.
Your son wants to start a war between the triads.
Teno, the mean one.
Maybe you have your own way of differentiating them,
But for me, personally, I think he's the meanest.
Maybe it's the tattoo or just the general demeanor.
Use of brow.
Sometimes you just get a vibe about someone.
Shawn.
Hold that thought.
I don't think he speaks any English.
Oh.
Thank God. I thought it was just me.
What do we do?
I have set plan "b" in motion,
And until then, we're just gonna have to use
The international method of communication.
You're not going to attempt charades, are you?
- One word! - Oh, my gosh.
West Side story.
- That's three words. - Your son sang...
The nice one, dark sweatshirt,
Is in love with Mr. Chiang's daughter,
Also nice. Very nice.
Uh, here's the part you won't like.
She is pregnant, preggers,
With your grandbaby.
There is a Chinese bun in the oven.
She's actually not showing yet. There's not a bump at all.
Safe to say that we're still in the first trimester now.
- Shawn, this is not working. - I am working my butt off.
He's giving me nothing!
- I didn't do anything! - Don't worry.
I can hear plan "b" right outside.
I didn't do anything, man. What are you people doing?
Oh, go suck yourselves.
Thank God you're here, Ken.
- Why am I here? - We need a translator.
- We solved the case. - But we can't tell anybody.
And they can't understand what we're saying.
Dude, I speak nine words of Chinese.
Six of those are numbers.
All right, let's not panic. I think we can use this.
Which numbers do you know? Enough!
I understand you.
You do?
Man, you let...
Mr. Han... Tan... Han...
Shawn.
You have spent ten long years
Working very hard to keep peace
Between yourself and the golden triads.
And your son teno wants to rip it apart.
If you know where he is, you have to tell us.
If I'm found with the kidnapped girl...
The bloodshed will never stop.
We cannot get involved.
Right.
But we can.
So if you know where he is,
You got to give him up.
I'm about to solve a kidnapping. I need you to bring backup.
- Shawn, call Lassiter. - Nope. Not doing it.
- Stop it. I am not coming. - Nope.
It's got to be you. Listen, Jules...
Yin came after me too, okay?
I'm not gonna let this guy keep me from living.
I need you, or I go down alone.
Well, with Gus. You know what I mean.
You all right? He's just outside.
Wake up. Wake up.
We need you. Wake up, sang.
- Gus, what are you doing? - I'm trying to wake him up.
We need him to help us escape. I told you, man.
I've got us covered. Don't say it, Shawn.
You are not a kung fu expert.
Technically, no, not yet.
But I didn't show you this, man.
These are mostly just stretches,
But there's some lethal combinations here on page three.
Teno...
We got you.
I figured it all out. Really?
Yeah, really.
You felt betrayed by your brother here, right?
More than that, you were jealous
That you weren't selected to take over.
See, Sang's a little soft in your eyes, isn't he?
Unfit to lead.
But a war between the triads,
That would be your opportunity to shine...
Teno, the enforcer.
You knew who it was the night we left, isn't that right?
This is the guy that's stealing stuff.
Yeah, the safe was already open.
Which he didn't have to crack, which means he's a pro.
And he stole a jacket, which is a weird thing to steal.
You were the one who discovered that your brother
Was consorting with your most hated enemy.
Our relationship was discovered.
And we led you right to him.
He's right behind us!
You broke into that room, and you took matters
Into your own hands.
'cause luckily kidnapping fell right in your lap.
And all you had to do was snap a ransom photo,
Make up enough evidence to put the blame on your brother there,
And wait.
Wait for a war that you had always wanted to start.
Oh, relax, dude.
- Whoa. With the mouth. - Waaah.
Dude, I have made it through all seven levels
Of Shaq fu on Nintendo.
And Gus can attest to that.
Sang, wake up.
All right, let's do this.
Hwah!
Cha!
Twee!
I execute this properly, no can defend.
You got it, Shawn. You got it.
- Help is on the way! - Ha!
Any minute now, Shawn.
Your sensei teach you how to fight with a stick?
Be like water, Shawn!
I got your back, Shawn!
Crouching tiger, Shawn, crouching tiger!
Help is coming! Help is coming!
Fists of fury!
Wushu finger!
You're not helping!
I'm coming.
Aah!
Oh, man.
Really?
Oh. Good work, Jules.
Yeah, he had just surrendered before you got here.
Um, he surrendered when I walked in, Shawn.
Oh, God.
You know, dad, none of this would have happened
If you just had let me take karate lessons as a kid.
But you know what? I get it.
You saw that I had too much potential, didn't you?
You knew that I would be way too dangerous to train.
Shawn, I didn't let you take karate
Because you had zero control of your body.
I had too much control of my body.
Are you out of your mind?
You used to run around karate-chopping
Everything in the house.
I thought you'd kill yourself. All right.
Agree to disagree. But know this.
From now on, I can handle the rough stuff, okay?
I'm my own person. My body's a weapon.
I don't need you to protect me, okay?
Fair enough.
But in return, you never put me in a position
Of having to lie for you.
This isn't just about you anymore, kid.
I'm a player in this game too.
You find a victim, you find a perpetrator,
You call me first before you put your hand to your head.
- First? - First.
- How about first-ish? - No!
Thanks.
I was about to say the same thing to you.
I might have needed a kick in the pants to get going.
I would never kick you in the pants.
- You didn't give up. - And I'll never give up.
What do you think? Should we hug?
We could.
There you are.
- Rain check. - There you are.
Chief said you were working on a special project.
Thought you could work on these too.
Oh, now you're going to ply me with additional work?
Carlton, these are your taxes. Hey, I'm trying to help you.
And this is how you help me?
Well, you're here, aren't you? It's already working.
My spine might be liquid.
Did you tell the cops
You single-handedly took out teno tan?
That was an assumption that they made.
- From what? - I may have left out two verbs,
An adjective, and the words "Juliet arrived."
But other than that, it was mostly facts.
You realize you have to sign your statement.
Not if we leave right now, I don't.
How about some panda express? Had that last night.
- Pick up stix? - Had that this morning.
- P.F. Chang's? - You know that's right.
52, take two. A-mark.
Roll.
Gus, those are cleaning supplies.
One more time.
Yeah, let's go back and do that again.
He assumed. I called this from a mile away.
Holy crap. You're doing good cop.
Waaah!
W-w-w-waaah!
Waaah!
We can do this the easy way or...
You must be out of your damn...
We can do this the easy way or...
You must be out of your damn...
- What are we waiting for? - Put your seatbelt on, Shawn.
Oh, for crying... just... just start the...
Wow.
That's all we need, right?
Hee!
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