(light orchestral music)
(people coughing)
(lively piano music)
(audience clapping)
- Good evening, theater nerds!
Welcome to "Play It By Ear", the musical improv show.
I'm your host, Mano Agapion!
Please join me in welcoming today's cast.
(upbeat music)
We've got Zach Reino!
(audience clapping)
Jess McKenna.
Oh hey there.
Edgar Blackmon.
- [Mano] Uh oh!
And Ross Bryant.
(Jess laughs)
(Mano laughs)
That's the cuties, that's the gang.
Hi y'all.
- [All] Hi Mano. - Hi.
- Mano did you ever, or did anyone ever do
like those little glamour-y photos in middle school
where you could go with like groups of friends
and be like.
- [Mano] Oh, no.
- Cool.
(Mano, Edgar, and Ross laugh)
- Would you like to pose for
a glamour shot right now? - [Zach] Yeah which camera?
- Let's go Jackie. - This one?
Over there. - Hi Jackie.
(Mano laughs)
- Jeez.
I like how Ross is making himself taller.
- The point is for these to dramatically enhance
your already odd proportions.
(everyone laughs)
That's the way it is in my family photos
where they're all there looking normal
and then a gangly homunculus
(everyone laughing)
like looming nearby.
- Are y'all ready?
- Yes.
- Okay, 'cause we're about to meet performers and artisans
who come together to celebrate the past
while finding community in the present.
Set at a Renaissance faire
(Jess laughs)
this show will feature a mix
of medieval and contemporary music.
Witness the enduring appeal of the Renaissance era
in this performance of "Joust Because".
(Jess laughs) (Zach groans)
(light music)
- Hark, well met!
- Hail and well met, traveler.
- Hark unto ye.
- [Jess] Hark. - [Edgar] Hail.
- Hail, well met.
- Can I just say
that I've been looking forward to this all year?
- Oh yeah, of course, this is my favorite day.
- As soon as the spring ends and the summer starts
I know it's time to travel forward into the past.
(light music) - Yeah I know it's time to dig out my corset
and gather around a maypole with fellow travelers.
- Yes, I've been sharpening my blade all winter,
it's finally time to let it see the gleam of the light.
(Zach laughs)
- And I've been sharpening my wit.
(everyone laughs)
- And I can already taste.
♪ My first bite of a turkey leg ♪
♪ A giant juicy turkey leg ♪
♪ Oh hark titter and behave ♪
♪ That first taste of a turkey leg ♪
♪ We all are all part of the cast ♪
♪ Dwelling here in the present but only at home in the past ♪
♪ But there's only one thing ♪
♪ That could make me drop down and beg ♪
♪ Not the garb or the lingo ♪
♪ But a giant oversized turkey leg ♪ ♪ Turkey leg ♪
♪ The turkey leg ♪
♪ It's always looked so appealing ♪
♪ The turkey leg, the turkey leg ♪
♪ Look out for the rogues who are stealing ♪
♪ They're coming for your turkey leg ♪
♪ Some say they should not be that big ♪
♪ They should not be that grown ♪
♪ It's totally unnatural, must be the result of hormones ♪
♪ And sometimes when I bite in one ♪
♪ I'm like, this actually is not as good ♪
♪ As I was thinking it would be ♪
♪ It's never good as I remember it ♪
♪ But I'm sure that the next one will be so ♪
♪ Every year I do the same and expect a different outcome ♪
♪ That seems like fine, we'll have four turkey legs ♪
♪ For my friends and I to dine ♪
♪ Turkey leg, turkey leg ♪
♪ Turkey leg ♪
♪ Turkey legs for all tonight, tonight ♪
♪ Having turkey legs, turkey legs ♪
♪ It's all downhill after the first bite of a ♪
♪ Turkey leg ♪
(performers moaning)
(audience and Mano clapping) - Only fine.
- [Ross] Mid, mid.
- What a cast of goofs, a bunch of Ren Faire heads indeed.
- Did you ever go to Ren Faires?
- I didn't.
- The Pleasure Faire in Irwindale is great.
- It's not just a Renaissance faire,
it's a Renaissance and Pleasure faire.
- And you'll see like knights, and queens,
and also "Deadpool" will definitely be there.
(Mano spitting) - [Jess] "Spider-Man".
- "Ninja Turtles". - "Ninja Turtles".
- "Star Trek" officers.
- You're reminding me that there are so many things
that have no business being at the Ren Faire,
so I want this next scene to show a little attraction
that should not be at said Ren Faire.
(performers laughing)
- Okay.
(Ross laughs)
- Hark fellow travelers.
- Hark well met.
- Perhaps you can help me with a most perplexing riddle
that I have found.
- Oh sure great wh-- - Before me
are four giant beasts,
beasts of a most pernicious appetite.
They are hungry, they are hungry, they are hippos.
(Mano laughs)
And now four of them.
So like for 10 bucks you guys can play
like Hungry Hungry Hippos and--
- You just have a stall where you just put out
a Hungry Hungry Hippos
and charge people 10 bucks to play it?
- Oh nay, fair lady,
for it is not just hungry hippos,
it is the hungriest and hungriest of hippos.
- For I have never even seen a hippopotamus
with mine own eyes,
only gazed at them in illuminated manuscripts and tomes.
Tell me more of this strange African water beast.
- I feel a song coming on,
and whenever this song does happen
I want it to feature some sort of a strange confession
accompanied by a violin solo.
- What say we play this game?
- Perhaps we do not like this game, perhaps other games
from my vardo we could take out.
(light music)
- Well are these of ye period appropriate
mayhap? - Yes of course of course,
many games each from a faraway place,
each with a different spin, if you will.
- I see you have.
♪ Chutes and Ladders ♪
♪ Perhaps you are a little boy who could not get sadder ♪
♪ But, what's this, your luck has changed ♪
♪ For you now find yourself climbing up a ladder ♪
♪ And then whilst you are partaking of this ride ♪
♪ You spin and perhaps you see yourself going ♪
♪ Going down the slide ♪
♪ Is this immersive ♪
♪ Do you feel you are part of the times ♪
♪ Is this immersive ♪
♪ Not quite, but hey it's fine ♪
♪ Well perhaps it's time for me to try again ♪
♪ This will be immersive my friends ♪
♪ I hope, oh how I hope ♪
♪ That they do not realize ♪
♪ I was at a Toys R Us as it was going out of business ♪
♪ And I had to find some way to use those things ♪
♪ The trash, could that make a man a king? ♪
♪ Ah, yes, I see you've chosen this fabled game ♪
♪ From far off Motihari ♪
♪ It's a game of apologizing ♪
♪ It's a game called Sorry ♪
♪ Yes and now we can see your prodigious hall ♪
♪ We can see ♪
♪ that you have Battleship, Scattergories, Twister, all ♪
♪ It's not immersive ♪
♪ These games from a different time ♪
♪ It's not immersive ♪
♪ But nay, it's not your crime ♪
♪ Close up your stall ♪
♪ And come with us, one and all ♪
♪ For this is not for making your coin ♪
♪ The fair is for enjoying ♪
(Jess laughs)
♪ Yes you're saying I can hang with you ♪
♪ You'll show me fair things we can do ♪
♪ Yes and hark, listen well ♪
♪ Listen well, listen well, listen well, listen ♪
(Mano laughs)
(Zach humming)
♪ These tones are so immersive ♪
♪ They're placing me in the time ♪
♪ We shouldn't be playing games from a box ♪
♪ We should be drinking flagons of wine ♪
♪ Yes things more time appropriate ♪
♪ That's exactly what we should do ♪
♪ So set aside all this trouble, sir ♪
♪ It's time for you to get a clue ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ Thank you, it's time to embark on a game that we call life ♪
♪ Just living all together, side-by-side ♪
♪ And it will be immersive ♪
- I'm Josh by the way,
my name's Josh. - [Jess] Hi.
- [Ross] Hey Josh. Katrina.
- Hi, Katrina.
- [Edgar] Chris! - Chris, hey Chris.
- [Ross] Barry. - Barry.
- Wow, well a lotta stuff's happening at this Ren Faire.
- Well that's what Ren Faires are like, Mano.
- Take us somewhere and I'll interrupt in a bit.
- I can't believe it!
I can't believe it!
Didst thou see what didst transpire
in yon marketplace this morn?
- Oh, I seent it.
(Mano laughs)
- Hungry Hippo, sir?
Though this gentleman departs from this, his stall,
it still doth seem to me as though he is immersive
not within our fair faire of aye, the Renaissance,
but exceedingly of pleasure.
(Mano laughs)
I demand that all and sundry in these environs
be more on theme.
- See, and I am vexed because I have seen games
but I have not seen pleasure.
(Edgar laughs)
- Indeed.
- Sorry I don't wanna interrupt,
do either of you have a phone charger, or?
- A what?
- (groans) Nevermind.
- Excuse me varlot,
if you have mysterious words to speak unto me
do so at your peril,
for to speak words I know not shall dub thee a warlock sir.
- Look man, I'm just looking for my kid,
I'm trying to charge my phone, so do you have a phone charger?
- Fear not, wizard! - Nay!
- As you continue to speak gibberish.
If you find yourself in the pillory under lock and key
know that there is a fine line
between pain and pleasure. - Pleasure.
Strip him of his vestments.
- Wait what?
(upbeat music) - I like where this is going, let's make sure this song
includes a filthy and obscene chorus.
♪ Look all around at what you see ♪
♪ People behaving pleasurably ♪
♪ Yes I don't think I have to explain ♪
♪ A gossamer thin line between pleasure and pain ♪
♪ You probably came to make it last ♪
♪ To dwell a day within the past ♪
♪ To see out here what you could see ♪
♪ But also explore your boundaries ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ Yes, in the past, we liked touching dicks and ass ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ Yes, in the past, we liked touching ♪
♪ Dicks and ass ♪
♪ Think, if you can, if your mind can be saved ♪
♪ The time of kings, queens, crusades, and the plague ♪
♪ But also there where pomp struts ♪
♪ There were also dicks and butts ♪
♪ Oh I know how you feel ♪
♪ This must be so new ♪
- It's new.
♪ But let me bend you over and do something nasty to you ♪
♪ Yes, in the past ♪
♪ It was just about touching dicks and ass ♪
♪ Yes, in the past ♪
♪ It was all about touching dicks and ass ♪
♪ It's so new to me ♪
(Edgar vocalizing) ♪ I feel like I'm under the gun ♪
♪ But this is so new that I'm no longer thinking ♪
♪ Of charging my phone or finding my son ♪
♪ The only thing on my mind ♪
♪ That's encompassing me at this fair ♪
♪ Is the idea, that in the past ♪
♪ There were only touching dicks and derriere ♪
♪ Oh, back in the past, I'm telling you ♪
♪ Oh we don't ask for much ♪
♪ No no no there are mysteries abounding ♪
♪ But be sure dicks are getting touched ♪
♪ Oh yes, with my hands, with my mouth ♪
♪ With my glands ♪
♪ I would touch on your dick and ass ♪
♪ Until I cannot stand ♪
♪ Oh yes ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ In the past we were touching dicks and ass ♪
♪ With consent! ♪
♪ Yes, it goes without saying ♪
♪ But we should say it anyway ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ Yes, in the past, we were ♪
♪ Touching dicks and ♪
♪ Ass ♪
- Hi dad. - Hi Bret.
- Oh hey, oh!
(everyone laughing)
- All right. - Yep yep yep yep.
- Uh, fare thee well. - Fare thee well.
- Well met! I'm Spider-Man.
(Mano laughs)
- Thank you, I wanted to see filth.
- Was that dirty as you hoped?
- There was no mention of taints.
- Oh okay. - Okay challenge accepted.
- Let's see where you take us,
and I'll interrupt with a song prompt.
- Ah ye new friend of Josh,
for this is mine favorite exhibit.
The falconry.
- The falconry, yes.
What's your Renaissance name again?
- Katrina the Carnivorous.
- Okay so still-- - I love turkey leg.
- Still Katrina but you like to eat meat.
- Yeah yeah yeah.
- And I am Josh, king of games.
- Josh, you know like part of coming to the Ren Faire
is like being who you don't get to be at home.
- Yeah, well, at home I play a lotta games.
- So that's why you should try something else on
Like, at home, I'm a vegetarian.
(everyone laughing)
- But here you're
Katrina the carnivorous. - Yeah I spend one day
a year where I, you know
(light music)
I enjoy a little something different, you know?
- I like where this song is going.
I just wanna make sure it includes
both whispering and shouting.
♪ Think about where you are in your day-to-day ♪
♪ And then do the opposite ♪
♪ That's what's most fun out here, it's just a little play ♪
♪ So out here, I eat meat, but home it's only tofu ♪
♪ What about you ♪
♪ What about me ♪
♪ I have to find the secret me inside ♪
♪ The secret me that I could never be until I'm out here ♪
♪ Throw my cares open wide ♪
♪ Find the secret me, find the secret me inside ♪
♪ And let it out wide ♪
♪ Okay so me at home, Josh at home ♪
♪ He's got a boring nine to five ♪
♪ And he plays games to relax ♪
♪ But this Josh is a different kind of guy ♪
♪ That Josh is always following the rules ♪
♪ Every rule that you would believe ♪
♪ But maybe this Josh is a bit of a rogue ♪
♪ He's a falcon thief ♪
♪ Right and normally at home ♪
♪ I'm an actuary who doesn't eat meat ♪
♪ But here I come and eat everything I see ♪
♪ Everything you see ♪
♪ Eat up nom nom nom ♪
♪ Nom nom nom nom ♪ ♪ When I see, oh, some are looking fine ♪
♪ Because that's a part of me ♪
♪ That I can only act like some of the time ♪
♪ You take the secret me inside ♪
♪ And let it out wide ♪
♪ The secret me so secretly shh shh shh shh shh shh shh shh ♪
♪ Keep it inside ♪
♪ Then wide ♪
♪ So help me steal a falcon from that guy ♪
♪ Oh shit, we can get a falcon ♪
♪ I'll just take some of this, what is this, eel pie? ♪
♪ Yeah, that's an eel pie ♪
♪ Put it on my arm and say ♪
(Zach clears throat)
- Spencer, to me!
(Zach groaning)
- Hark!
Aardvark, to me!
♪ Come on bird and come with me ♪
♪ We'll make the escape of the falcon thief♪
♪ Here we go and we run up ♪
- Whoa.
♪ And the falcon just -- ♪
♪ I guess he had a secret me, inside ♪
♪ That bird secretly wanted to fly ♪ ♪ Say goodbye ♪
♪ I guess they're not on a tether ♪
♪ So he must have a way of getting them back ♪
- Aardvark to me!
- Spencer to me!
(Zach and Jess grunt)
♪ Find the secret me ♪
♪ Inside ♪
(Zach and Jess humming)
♪ Now fly ♪
- Well met, traveler. - Hail and well met, traveler.
(Mano laughs)
- Well I have more madness planned for you.
I want this next scene to include
you recreating as many classic works of art as possible
with your poses.
- Josh and I may have stumbled upon an issue,
we stole birds
from the falconry. - I'm the falcon thief now.
- Yeah the falconry duo,
they're pretty intense about anachronisms
and their birds and pleasure.
- Those guys are maybe the most intense people
I've ever seen.
- Quick quick, here they come.
I was just going, I was just kinda trying to blend in.
(Mano laughs)
Did I look like a Mona Lisa?
- You look like a Mona Lisa.
- They're coming quick,
they're gonna see us, unless we hide in a good way! - Wait wait wait,
wait quick.
- Van Gogh's potato peelers.
(Mano laughing)
- I don't know this one.
- The potato eaters I think it is?
- Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.
- Yeah yeah yeah.
- Just act natural, just like it's a regular Sunday
at the park.
(Mano laughs)
In any case if we,
(light music)
do they know that you stole their falcons?
Because they're gonna mete out some Medieval justice on you.
- I don't know if they know that we stole them yet,
they might just think that the birds are doing
you know, their little loops around the fair.
- But they're not,
they're sitting on the bag of hi ho cheerios
that I-- - And I'm gonna tell you
right now those guys aren't just about vengeance,
they're also about like nastiness.
- If you get between them and their blades
their blood's gonna be splattered everywhere.
- We should-- - Splatter!
(Jess and Zach laugh)
(Mano laughs)
♪ All we gotta do is get to the jousting ♪
- Rink, place?
♪ Where the horses are ♪
♪ It's big enough that we can lose them in the crowd ♪
♪ So just help us get over there through this bazaar ♪
♪ All right, well, if we're getting to the jousting arena ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
- Honestly I don't know.
♪ We should try to camouflage ♪
♪ So let's just be art on the way ♪
♪ And then we won't start to be afraid ♪
♪ If we see them Van Gogh by ♪
♪ Then quickly everyone try to hide ♪
♪ If you see them coming down the Rodin ♪
♪ Then, just give them the slip ♪
♪ As fast as you can ♪
♪ Oh and now we're finally on our Mon-way ♪
♪ On our Mon-way ♪
(Zach laughs)
♪ Oh and oh quick, Water Lilies, to save the day ♪
(Mano laughs)
(chimes playing)
♪ This is the art of escape, the art of escape, oh ♪
♪ This is the art of escape, the art of escape ♪
♪ You can do it so quickly, look, pointillism ♪
♪ Isn't this great, because ♪
♪ Ooooh, it's the art of escape ♪
♪ Art of escape, the art of escape ♪
♪ The art of escape, art of es-- ♪
- Oh no we dropped, I dropped my ID,
oh no wait will you hand it to me?
(Jess laughs)
♪ So we will escape from them ♪
♪ As quickly as we can ♪
♪ This is the start of something, the beginning of something ♪
♪ Like the birth of man ♪
♪ Oh, quick, they're coming and the space is small ♪
♪ Let's do it with our charms ♪
♪ And be that one Da Vinci that's about anatomy ♪
♪ And looks like a guy with lots of arms ♪
♪ The art of escape, the art of escape ♪
♪ I think we're almost there, I think we just got out ♪
♪ To the arena of joust ♪
♪ Oh, shit, there they come again ♪
♪ They're circling around the patina ♪
♪ I've got it, let's be Degas's painting ♪
♪ Of those damn ballerinas ♪
- Hold it hold it hold it they're looking at us, hold it.
♪ Hold it just stay right in place ♪
♪ And if we've got to move ♪
♪ Then let's do it in the style ♪
♪ Of a Nude Descending A Staircase ♪
♪ This is the art of escape, the art of escape ♪
♪ The art of escape, the art of escape ♪
♪ The art of escape ♪
- Okay quick, be four Mona Lisas.
- Four Mona Lisas.
(audience clapping)
- Okay great, you want me to interrupt you or keep going?
- Okay.
- Wow that was quick thinking everyone,
really good intro to art history stuff, there.
(Mano laughs)
Well, some of us have been to a couple museums.
- Yes, some of us were just following along.
- Hey, that's all you can do. - Hey.
- Sometimes. - That's all you
can do sometimes.
(Jess and Ross laughing)
- Thank you, so nice of the three of you
to like really take me under your wings
and help a humble falcon thief, such as I.
- Oh no, you put out your arm!
Spencer, he flew right to you!
- Oh no, Spencer go back to the hi ho cheerio.
Away, Spencer!
Away! - Well well well.
- Oh no the falconer, oh no the other falconer,
they're so fucking horny.
- Spencer, to me!
(everyone laughing)
- Oh, gosh, they make it look so good.
- Hi, I'm Josh, I think I'm like a falcon thief.
(Zach and Ross groan)
(Mano laughing)
- This handshake I rebuff!
- Oh no! - I cast my gage
down at you sir. - Oh shit, Josh.
- Oh no no! - I'll give it back.
I'll just give him
his gloves back. - No, no, Josh, Josh.
- Why are you saying my name
so many times? - No Josh
you just accepted a duel!
- Yes. - Very well sir!
Let it be rapiers at sunset.
- Josh this guy's for real,
he's gonna really duel you with rapiers.
- I would like this song to include
as much accurate dancing
from the Renaissance era as possible.
(Jess sighs)
- You just accepted a duel, Josh, and that means it's real.
These falconers, they don't mess around.
(dramatic music) They're the ones that set the tone
for the whole fair. - Wait, does that mean
if you die in the Renaissance faire you die in real life?
- Yes!
- Oh no.
♪ So I have 'til sunset ♪
♪ To learn how to win a duel with a rapier ♪
♪ I mean, honestly, in the abstract, it sounds cool ♪
♪ You're just going for points, no one has to die ♪
♪ But you only have 25 minutes ♪
♪ Oh shit, we're gonna have to fly ♪
♪ 25 minutes to become a sword master ♪
♪ So you better learn faster ♪ ♪ It's gonna be a disaster ♪
♪ 25 minutes to become a sword master ♪
♪ So you better learn faster so you better learn faster ♪
♪ 25 minutes to become a sword master ♪
♪ Learn faster or it'll be a disaster ♪
♪ So just like, real quick though, are we playing for keeps ♪
♪ Like are the rapiers fake, 'cause I don't wanna bleed ♪
♪ Well if you don't want to bleed ♪
♪ Then I'm sorry you'll cry ♪
♪ Because I'm all about accuracy and pleasure ♪
♪ So one of us will have to die ♪
♪ 25 minutes to be a sword master ♪
♪ So you better learn faster, it'll be a disaster ♪
- Well you've learned that really quickly,
but that's not sword play!
(Zach laughs) I was just jumping around!
- That's just jumping around, Josh.
♪ Yes, this is the moment now, our plan is unfurled ♪
♪ Justice has come you will die ♪
♪ And we're also gonna rock your world ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ Well, I will see you at sunset ♪
♪ 25 minutes from now ♪
♪ And hopefully, I won't get stabbed ♪
♪ 'Cause that would make me sad ♪
- Spencer to me!
(Mano laughs)
- Okay me thinks it's time for a tangent.
I wanna see some steam punkers.
(performers making whirring sounds)
(performers mumbling)
- All right, all right.
- Oh, four eel pies I've had.
- I'm running on eel pies and steam me is.
- Choked down eight steam pies I did.
Came here in a dirigible.
Bless, it's the good queen Victoria.
- Oh queen Victoria. - Make it rain.
- Queen Victoria. - Queen.
- Well what's your favorite part about steam then?
- Gotta be the pressure.
- No no. - I love the heat.
- It's the noise for me. - Oh the hiss.
- I love the hiss and the whistles.
- Only thing I like more than steam, cogs and gears.
(light music)
- Oh I love a good cog in here.
- You ever feel like we're disrespected
around a Renaissance Faire?
- Yeah, it's like just
because we ain't got feathers in our caps
and 'cause we got cogs and gears all over
and we're blasting steam--
- [Edgar] And wearing goggles.
- And big mustaches.
- If only they knew,
if only they knew what joy lies in the world
of an alternate timeline wherein steam
was the predominant form of electricity.
- Steam never went away, steam is the king, king is steam.
- Oh yeah say it again, say it again.
- Steam is the king, king is steam!
♪ And god bless the queen, who is also steam ♪
♪ Because steam is the queen, the queen is steam ♪
♪ And also a bit of your dream ♪
♪ Every single thing is full of steam ♪
- Yeah, from the second that it's building.
♪ I can feel the pressure building ♪
♪ That's there to test all the metal ♪
♪ When I apply a bit of heat to the kettle ♪
♪ Once the water is boiling then there's no surprises ♪
♪ You can feel the heat and then the steam rises ♪
♪ The pressure builds, that's what I'm about ♪
♪ And then toot toot the steam comes out ♪
♪ Let me tell you ♪
♪ Everything in this world that gives me joy ♪
♪ Is when that pressure builds up ♪
♪ And it makes that whistling noise ♪
♪ And I know that you're loving every single sensation ♪
♪ And I know that you love it when it's condensation ♪
♪ Because steam is king ♪
♪ And also the king is steam ♪
♪ Steam is the king, and the king is steam ♪
♪ And the queen is the steam, and the steam is queen ♪
♪ And the steam is every fucking thing ♪
- That's right.
♪ Sometimes when I feel pain ♪
♪ I have to jump on this beautiful steam train ♪
♪ And I go from here all the way to Maine ♪
♪ Then I get on that bitch and come back again ♪
♪ Oh listen to me, a chug a choo chug a choo ♪
♪ Every steam, every day, it's just how we do ♪
♪ And everybody from far and near listen here ♪
♪ Steam can be made better with a cog and a gear ♪
♪ Can you picture it ♪
♪ Picture it, you know we're not troubling ♪
♪ As soon as the water is boiling and bubbling ♪
♪ Oh my god, follow me dogs ♪
♪ I love a gear a fly wheel also cogs ♪
♪ Oh hark, hark and well met ♪
♪ If you haven't dealt with steam then you're full of regret ♪
♪ And so we know you prefer your corsets and your ties ♪
♪ But why don't you come and give this wheel a try ♪
♪ Get on this wheel, get with this cog ♪
♪ Stop looking at us sideways ♪
♪ Like we're the ones who's odd ♪
♪ Yeah, hop on this train for a late night tripper ♪
♪ The time of Queen Victoria and Jack the Ripper ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ Yeah living the dream ♪
♪ When everything was run by simple machines ♪
♪ And those simple machines were run by steam ♪
♪ Which is also the queen, y'all know what I mean ♪
♪ Yo, the queen is steam, and the king is steam ♪
♪ 'Cause steam is every fucking thing ♪
(Mano laughs)
- I love that so much because it reminded me
that steam punk is fucking lame.
- Hey, sorry. - You somehow made it cool.
- The views of Mano are not shared
by the views of all the cast of "Play It By Ear".
(Mano laughing)
Mano be careful.
Your cool thing I also think is cool.
- Okay, well, I don't know
what's gonna happen in this wrap up,
I just wanna make sure the song in it
includes the tune of Greensleeves.
- The sun is basically
down Josh. - We got we're
minutes away yeah.
- Thank you Lorenzo for helping me get into the zone.
- It was my pleasure Dartanio.
(Zach laughs)
- Those are their-- - Dartanio and Lorenzo.
- Those are their given names,
that's their name year round,
(Mano laughs)
they have no secret side, this is it.
- Wait say that again.
- They have no secret side, this is it.
- Everyone has a secret side.
We have to get them to admit their secret side
and make them unable to duel.
- Okay we'll do that.
- Okay. - And just don't
die in the meantime.
- Got it. - Try not to die
if you can, as you dance about my sticking blade.
- But we can't be dueling on an empty stomach,
(light music)
which is why I have brought us some delicious fare.
These are special turkey legs
That are very, very...good.
- Well, I've had many a turkey leg in my time.
- Oh yes of course,
I love a smoked turkey leg that tastes more of pork
than it does of poultry.
(Mano laughing)
Lorenzo always starts with a lick yes.
(Ross gagging)
- [Jess] Oh dear.
Oh no!
- Ah yes.
- He Heathcliffed that.
(Mano laughs)
- I'll take that bone if you don't mind.
- [Zach] Wait why?
(Mano laughs)
- That's for later, that's for later.
- Oh yes! - I am in
way over my head! - Josh Josh Josh!
- Now I'm in a dueling mood! - Josh that's it,
there's more than they have blood lust they're horny.
Just remind them that.
♪ The main thing they wanna do is fuck each other ♪
♪ But they always finding a way to get around ♪
♪ Maybe they've never been honest ♪
♪ That they wanna fuck each other ♪
♪ So we have to help them find that secret ♪
♪ And once it's found they're gonna fuck ♪
♪ So they won't give a fuck about you ♪
♪ They're gonna fuck ♪
♪ So they won't give a fuck about you ♪ ♪ Me too ♪
♪ This is a great plan ♪
♪ Keeping them focused on sex is the thing to do ♪
♪ We'll make them fuck so they won't give a fuck about you ♪ ♪ We'll make them fuck so they won't give a fuck about me ♪
- You sir!
♪ Returned my glove today so it is time for action ♪
♪ You stole my falcon sir and I demand satisfaction ♪
♪ Satisfaction is the name of the game you are not wrong ♪
♪ So I will draw my rapier ♪
♪ You also have one and it's quite long ♪
♪ Let's just take a second to admire ♪
♪ The rapier on this man ♪
♪ Have you ever seen such steel ♪
♪ Oh, touch it if you can ♪
♪ Oh, this, this is a mighty blade of yours of passing worth ♪
♪ Notable not just for its length, but also for its girth ♪
♪ They're gonna fuck each other ♪
♪ So they won't give a fuck about killing me ♪ ♪ So they won't give a fuck about killing you ♪
♪ They're gonna fuck each other ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ This is the perfect plan, now for part two ♪
♪ I have sought my pleasure for so long ♪
♪ With dozens and dozens, it's true ♪
♪ I've watched you do it ♪
♪ I've watched you do it on countless occasions too ♪
♪ But what I'm starting to realize as I hear this plea ♪
♪ Is the only one I want pleasure from ♪
♪ Is you to give it to me ♪
♪ They're gonna fuck each other ♪ ♪ Lorenzo! ♪
♪ So they won't give a fuck about killing you ♪ ♪ So they won't give a fuck about killing me ♪
♪ They're just dancing sweetly with each other ♪
♪ This is not how I expected, it's unexpected to me ♪
♪ When I look into your eyes ♪
♪ My heart is broken with love ♪
♪ It's bursting from the inside ♪
♪ Take your blade and thrust it into my soul ♪
♪ Because when you do, you'll make me whole ♪
♪ Finally love is really about to start ♪
♪ You've been touching dicks and butts so long ♪
♪ But you're the first one to touch my heart ♪
♪ Oh perfection ♪ ♪ And now as you see ♪
♪ Here they go ♪
♪ They're gobbling up each other's love ♪
♪ Like Hungry Hungry Hippos ♪
♪ Oh gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble gobble ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ Each other ♪
♪ They're gonna love each ♪
(Zach laughs)
- Josh, Josh, let us set the tone for them
in the way that they would like from their time.
Let's give them the--
- The sexiest song of the time. - The sexiest song of the time.
♪ Here they will fuck each other close ♪
♪ As they've been wanting for ages ♪
♪ And now they rip up their vestments ♪
♪ Like the book of elder pages ♪
♪ This is love we see ♪
♪ From every sword to every key ♪
♪ This is this love they bound ♪
♪ Oh wow how he takes it down ♪
(Jess and Zach humming)
♪ My anger is gone ♪
♪ Yes, that's all botched ♪
♪ Take our birds and fly ♪
♪ But first, they can watch ♪
(Mano laughs)
♪ The birds can always watch ♪
♪ That's what it means to be a bird in the sky ♪
♪ I think what you have truly found ♪
♪ Is true to you from our ♪
♪ Bird's eye view ♪
- Away.
- Okay, daddy, wheelbarrow me.
(Mano laughs)
♪ And they did. ♪
- Put this in your art book!
♪ And they did ♪
- Oh there we go.
♪ And they did ♪
♪ Wheelbarrow each other ♪
- Choo choo!
Choo choo!
(audience clapping)
- Bravo!
Hark and well met.
- Hail and well met.
You're welcome and I'm sorry.
(everyone laughing)
- 'Twas a filthy show indeed.
- Oh and thank you.
- And thank you for watching this.
Let's give it up one more time
(uplifting music) for our incredible performers.
We've got the amazing Jess McKenna, Zach Reino,
Ross Bryant, and Edgar Blackmon,
and of course our incredible band, Marnina Schon,
Gary Grantham, and Scott Passarella.
That's curtain for us here at "Play It By Ear".
Once again I'm Mano Agapion.
And remember, if you're ever unprepared just wing it bitch!
Bye bye.
(upbeat music continues)
(audience cheering)
- [Ross] Okay daddy, wheelbarrow me.
(Mano laughs)
(audience cheering)
- [Jess] Long sword.
(Mano laughing)
(performers talking indistinctly)