(orchestra tuning)
(uplifting orchestral music)
- Good evening, theater nerds.
Welcome to "Play It by Ear," the musical improv show.
I'm your host, Mano Agapion.
Please join me in welcoming today's amazing cast!
We've got Jess McKenna.
- Wow! - What?
- Zach Reino!
No way!
John Hartman!
And Alice Stanley!
Hi, very nice to meet you, cast.
- Mano, we've been friends for years.
- Yeah, no, Jennifer, I know.
- Oh shoot, oh no.
- Is there anyone in your life still that you're like, oh,
they don't know my name and I've let go of it?
- I do think I have very, very old friends
who to this day do not know how my last name is pronounced.
- Totally.
- Wait, I don't know how your last name is pronounced.
- It's Reino like the city.
- It's like if God is called by many different names,
what an ego trip if I can't handle
someone calling me by a different name.
- Whoa. - Yeah.
- That's really centering.
- Yeah, God's real name is Binky.
- Can you imagine how many more people would pray
if it was like, dear Binky, what's up?
- Have you heard the good word of Binky?
- I'm very excited because tonight we present
a noir-inspired musical
set in the gritty streets of the 1940s.
- Oh.
- Follow a hard boiled detective
who navigates a web of lies and deception,
hoping to crack their biggest case ever.
This is The Missing Member.
(saucy jazz music)
- What's it say? Same old story, I bet.
- Yeah, another racehorse gone missing.
Ran the whole race, got off the track, kept on running.
Hasn't been seen since.
- And you've got yesterday's paper there.
I got today's here. There's even more missing today.
- Oh yeah? What's the story? What's the scoop?
- Same horses are still missing, same jewels still missing,
but a couple new people gone missing,
including the mayor himself!
♪ Oh extra, extra, it's the same old tale ♪
♪ Every story's the same ♪
♪ Open up the paper and what do you read ♪
♪ Something's gone missing again ♪
♪ It could be horses or jewels or people or your ♪
♪ Maybe your sanity ♪
♪ But every day there's something else you read about ♪
♪ Going missing ♪
♪ But who's gonna steal our hearts ♪
♪ A very good question ♪
♪ Who's gonna steal our hearts ♪
♪ If you look at the things that have been stolen every day ♪
♪ One theory rises above ♪
♪ Stealing diamonds and horses and people ♪
♪ He's probably just looking for love ♪
♪ Not having love can lead to a life of crime ♪
♪ In the first degree ♪
♪ So if he finds love, will he steal again ♪
♪ Who knows, will it set him free ♪
♪ You got to tell me who's gonna steal our hearts ♪
♪ Who's gonna steal our hearts ♪
♪ And before our jewels and horses ♪
♪ Go down to a count of zero ♪
♪ We're looking around for someone to enter ♪
♪ Who's gonna be a hero ♪
♪ Maybe they're in a fedora ♪
♪ And they're probably wearing a trench coat ♪
♪ And then when we see them ♪
♪ Oh, how our hearts will start to float ♪
♪ And then they might steal our hearts ♪
♪ Steal our hearts ♪
♪ They might steal our hearts ♪
♪ Oh, and now who's that mister ♪
♪ Cutting an impressive shape ♪
♪ Oh so ahead of his time ♪
♪ He's not smoking, that's a vape ♪
♪ Maybe he will return what belongs ♪
♪ And then steal ♪
♪ Our hearts ♪
(Mano applauding) (audience applauding)
Ooh wow, I've never seen him. He's new.
He's new to this part of town.
- Yeah, of course.
I mean, I've been coming to this speakeasy for so long.
Wait, speakeasy? Yeah, we still have those.
- Yeah, sure, yeah, we kept them.
- The thing about crime
is it never changes and it never stays the same.
Whether it's hearts or horses or the mayor,
everyone's taking things only to fill
one sad hole in themselves.
- His thoughts are on the outside of his noggin.
- Oh wow, what a great way to get to know him
even though we're over here.
- Ooh! - Ooh!
- Do you think he can hear us?
- I could hear them, but I wouldn't address them directly.
Why, you might ask? Was it a power play?
Would Darren Vapes do a power play
to people he had never met?
- Darren Vapes?
- I'm getting the vapors over Vapes.
- Well, he would do it if it meant uncovering a crime,
and the thing about crime is,
it's all around us all the time.
The thing about suspects is,
it's every single person you've ever met and ever will meet.
- No, not me.
I'm just an heiress to a thumbtack fortune
who took off to the big city 'cause I didn't like
the way that my family was treating me in Cincinnati.
- Oh, is that all? - Yeah, that's all.
Just an heiress from Cincinnati, heir to a thumbtack fortune
who moved to the bigger city, New York.
- And it couldn't have been me, neither.
A strumpet with a heart of gold.
You see, I've been all around these parts.
I know just about everyone,
but I ain't ever done anything wrong.
- You're saying it couldn't have been
Gwendolyn Tacks or Scarlet Easylay?
- Yeah, and it couldn't have been me.
- It couldn't have been you, Bruce.
- Not me.
I mean, I pretty much do
the run of the mill, breed hamsters.
- Bruce the hamster breeder. - Yeah.
- In this next scene, I think it'd be really fun
if y'all played each other's established characters.
- Thank you for bringing me to this speakeasy.
A speakeasy is a great place to start trying to unravel
a crime, and this city's got plenty of crime.
♪ You see, you've got to put yourself ♪
♪ In the mind of a criminal ♪
♪ Yourself in a criminal mind ♪
♪ Like if I were you and you were me ♪
♪ This sort of thing happens all the time ♪
♪ And I might ask you where you were ♪
♪ On the night of the 14th ♪
♪ And I might ask you, hey ♪
♪ Do you know what the mayor likes to drink ♪
♪ And I'd say, of course I do ♪
♪ For I've hosted him at my mansion in the fall ♪
♪ The mayor's favorite drink is alcohol ♪
♪ And if I were you ♪
♪ I might ask you one more question too ♪
♪ And if I were you ♪
♪ And if I were you I might ask you one more question too ♪
♪ And if I knew the answer already ♪
♪ Well, I'd be a pretty good guess ♪
♪ All of these women before me ♪
♪ Look pretty, rode hard, and put away wet ♪
♪ But I know that I'm asking questions now ♪
♪ Do any of you have an answer ♪
♪ Any of you know where I could breed ♪
♪ Several different types of hamster ♪
♪ And if I were you ♪
- Oh, you.
♪ That would have to be you ♪
♪ And if I were you ♪
♪ I'd ask you a question or two ♪
♪ A question or two ♪
♪ Well, if I was the detective then I'd say some stuff ♪
♪ Just like you guys definitely did ♪
♪ Like if you had a horse, where would you put it ♪
♪ How could a horse you hid ♪
♪ Oh, I hide the horse ♪
♪ Wherever I find someone that's able ♪
♪ And I of course would hide the horse ♪
♪ In my very expensive stable ♪
- And Bruce?
♪ I'd put him in a hamster wheel ♪
♪ Shove him in a hamster wheel ♪
♪ Sawdust on the floor, hide under there ♪
♪ And poof, in a hamster wheel ♪
♪ And if I were you ♪
♪ I'd add a question or two ♪
♪ And if I were you, and if I were you ♪
♪ And if I were you, and you, and you, and you ♪
♪ And you, and you, and you, and you ♪
♪ And you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you ♪
- They're all gone!
- Amazing!
Very good, oh wow!
- Mano, I do think it's time for a signature recap.
- Okay, let's do this.
- All of these people that gathered together
to try to solve this crime have been disappeared.
- I would say you're all very suspicious.
- Yes, that much is true.
- [Mano] I'm not putting anything past Darren Vapes,
a man who has access to vapes in the 1940s.
You're free to go where you will in this next scene,
but I want it to take place in the middle of the night
under some streetlights.
- Oh yeah. - Yeah.
- All right everyone, it's the time we come out to play.
- Oh boy, is it night urchin time?
- The time where we come out
to play stickball in the streets.
- But before we do, let's take a moment
to just enjoy the nighttime in all its splendor.
- Oh yeah.
- And no daylight for people to see our horrible boils.
- No, just the soft, soft glow of the streetlights.
Hm. Hey, anybody got two bits?
- I got a bit.
- And I dreamt up a bit the other night.
- Oh yeah? - I woke up, it wasn't there.
- Aw.
- Well, tell us about it anyway.
- The coin that I dreamed about?
- Oh, I thought you meant like-
- You had a bit like a fun comedy bit to do.
- Yeah, I thought you were going to do a little-
- Like Milton Berle! - Yeah!
- I like this, and I heard Bitcoin,
so I would like this song to be filled
with as many anachronistic things as possible.
♪ I dreamed of a train, but here is the deal ♪
♪ The train, it did not have wheels ♪
- [Both] What?
♪ No wheels at all, it just flew around with magnets ♪
♪ And I was like, ooh, that magnet train ♪
♪ I've really got to have it ♪
♪ I had a dream, I had a dream, that's crazy just as you ♪
♪ I dreamt there was a square ♪
♪ I put in a toaster filled with goo ♪
- What?
♪ And it popped right out and within the square ♪
♪ There was a smaller square ♪
♪ And there was frosting on top ♪
♪ And I ate it and I didn't care ♪
♪ Well, that's crazy ♪
♪ That's crazy ♪
♪ Something like that would never be believed ♪
♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪
♪ It could only happen in your dreams ♪
♪ Well, I had a dream that I wanted to listen to a song ♪
♪ But I did not have the bits to buy that record all along ♪
♪ So I just decided I wanted to hear it ♪
♪ And I put it in a square ♪
♪ And I pushed the button and then that song ♪
♪ Appeared right in my ear ♪
♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪
♪ It would not be believed ♪
♪ No, no, that's crazy ♪
♪ That's crazy ♪
♪ It would only happen in your dreams ♪
♪ Well, I dreamt last night a thing ♪
♪ That I thought that I could raise ♪
♪ I wanted to come up with a brand new dance craze ♪
- Okay.
♪ I wanted something sure to entertain ya ♪
♪ I put my hands out and I called it Macarena ♪
♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪
♪ The kind of thing that could not be believed ♪
♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪
♪ It could only happen in your dreams ♪
- And lots of dreams are obsessed
with us thinking of little squares.
- Hell yeah. Macarena getting its dues.
- Yeah, the jump used to be so satisfying.
- The jump is great. - Really satisfying.
- To be in a whole wedding of an older cousin
and just hear a bunch of people go, hi-ya!
- For this next scene,
I want to see y'all sprinkle in some riddles.
- You'll never get away with this. The city loves its mayor.
- Oh, I'll get away with it. I always get away with it.
- If only you'd come out of the shadows
so I could see your face.
- You'll never see my face.
- You're right, I don't know who you are,
but I'm the mayor of this city, New York City.
It's me, LaGuardia?
- Listen, Mayor LaGuardia!
I've had enough talking about how New York
is great and I heart NY, because who hearts me?
- I don't know! Someone could heart you.
If you'd give them the chance, I'm sure New York
would embrace you like they've embraced me,
Mayor LaGuardia, the little flower.
But have you ever asked yourself this?
What has four legs in the morning?
- [Alice] All right, I'm with you so far.
- Four legs in the morning. - Yeah.
- Two legs at dawn, and three legs at dusk?
- A frog. - What? No, it's-
- Why don't you do just another one?
- Okay. - Okay.
- There's a father and son driving in a car,
and they get in a terrible accident.
- Okay. - They're both rushed-
- It's a polar bear!
- No, they're both rushed to the hospital.
The doctor says,
I can't operate on this child, for he's my son.
How is that possible?
- Listen, I'm tired of all this!
I have been stealing stuff all over this city,
and nobody has caught me!
- You're in the newspaper every day.
I just think you're not getting the attention
that you maybe need.
- Well, if someone really loved me, they would catch me.
- I think someone does love you, or could,
and maybe they're closer to catching you than you think.
- In your next song,
I want you to sustain the longest note you can.
- Do you really think so? - Of course.
- Do you really think someone's after me?
- I know someone's after you.
I've called in all the authorities to hunt you down,
and I know it's only a matter of time.
I just wish...
♪ I wish I could get to know you ♪
♪ Peel back the mystery ♪
♪ I wish I could get to know you ♪
♪ I wish you'd get a little closer to me ♪
♪ I'm your elected official ♪
♪ I like to represent you and your city ♪
♪ But oh, I wish I could get to know ♪
♪ Who's behind this mystery ♪
♪ Then catch me if you can ♪
♪ Ooh, I wish I could ♪
♪ Catch me if you can ♪
♪ You know I would ♪
♪ I'm just a super, super, super, super lonely man ♪
♪ But I would catch you ♪
- ♪ If I can ♪ - ♪ could ♪
- Listen, Mayor. - Ooh.
♪ I've stolen so many things ♪
♪ And none of them will do ♪
♪ So I'm hoping that stealing the most important thing ♪
♪ And that most important thing is you ♪
♪ More than a horse, more than a jewel ♪
♪ More than a person in a band ♪
♪ Catching up with the mayor ♪
♪ Is the biggest steal from one man ♪
♪ Catch me if you can ♪
- It's playful, but try.
♪ Catch me if you can ♪
♪ Oh, I wish I could ♪
♪ I want your attention so bad 'cause I'm a lonely man ♪
♪ So catch me ♪
♪ Catch me ♪
♪ If you ♪
♪ Can ♪
(note sustaining)
(Jess sustaining note)
- They're in here, detective!
I can't see who it is of our suspects, but-
- Sometimes when you can't see anything
is when everything comes to life for the very first time.
I realized something as I burst into that room
where I was told literally the person I was searching for
was there somewhere, that it was time
to really get my head in the game,
truly look around and see what was happening.
By the time I did, it was too late,
and they were gone, I assume.
Yes, right? They're gone now?
- You've been monologuing for a while.
We're cleaning up in here now.
- Hey, what's your name?
- No one's ever asked my name before.
- Really? In your whole life?
No one's ever asked you your name?
- Not yet.
- You got to get out of this town, friend.
It'll chew people up and spit them out
without so much as asking your name,
which it seems it didn't for you.
- He still didn't even really ask it.
- There's no time for that now.
- I'd love if you would maybe just throw me a bone.
- Well, I take it you're the night janitor.
- You'd be wrong. I'm the day janitor filling in at night.
See, you made an assumption,
which means you made an ass out of me.
- I was learning a lot from this man.
I still didn't know his name, and I didn't plan on it.
But I was going to get to the bottom of him.
- Before you sing this beautiful song,
I would like to make sure that this song
has as much alliteration as possible.
- Just what I thought.
This was a man who either didn't have a name
or didn't know what it was.
I had caught him in a lie.
Go ahead. If you got a name, just tell me.
♪ Just let it fly freely ♪
♪ From your face ♪
♪ Fully let it free ♪
♪ Tell me things you've trapped ♪
♪ That are trapped in you ♪
♪ Turreptitiously ♪
♪ And take your time, if time is a thing you desire ♪
♪ Just don't define what's in your mind ♪
♪ A misty, murky mind ♪
♪ Tell me your name ♪
♪ My name's Mandy ♪
♪ Maybe you'll 'member it Monday ♪
♪ Maybe you'll want more Mandy ♪
♪ Than meets the eye ♪
♪ Oh, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy ♪
♪ Is that a mop I see in your handy ♪
♪ It spins so sexually ♪
♪ Such sensual spinning, sexy ♪
♪ Better believe it ♪
♪ I'd better believe ♪
♪ Your bottom dollar ♪
♪ I'm a beau and I believe to go buck wild ♪
♪ Because I said so, Mandy ♪
(back and forth) ♪ Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy ♪
♪ Pretty perfect ♪
♪ You're pretty perfect ♪
♪ Please ♪
♪ You're a pretty, pretty perfect man, perfectly ♪
♪ A perfect man named Mandy ♪
♪ Mandy, Mandy ♪
So you're around in the nighttime a lot.
- Sure. - You see all those kids
hanging around under the stoplights.
- Well, sure. - You see people running off
into the shadows who don't want to be seen.
Real secretive, surreptitious folks secretly skulking,
sneaking, sneaking on by, sneaking into the sky,
flapping their wings, flapping, flying, falcons.
You've seen these little people
that turn into falcons and fly into the sky.
I was on a lot of absinthe last night.
I'm trying to get right from wrong, wrong from right.
What I'm asking is, you seen anything suspicious?
- Sure, sometimes.
- Sometimes, sure?
- Quickly, quiet.
Quite.
Last night, three women of the night,
some of them were with a well known politician.
- How well known? We talking mayor?
Like Mayor LaGuardia, the little flower?
- LaGuardia, and there was another one,
Mayor Newark Airport.
- Mayor LaGuardia and Mayor Newark. And when was this?
- Well, this was two nights ago.
- That's the day before the mayor disappeared.
I guess I have some questions for the second mayor.
- Fine, don't ask about my home life.
- Sorry, yeah.
- Well, I think it's about time for a detour,
something that totally surprises me.
- Listen, I know there was a time
when we didn't have tons of jewels,
and I know that we didn't need jewels to be happy,
but now that I have no jewels, I am so very sad.
- It's so hard to be happy
without all the jewels that we once had that made us happy.
How do they even know that we are the upper crust
if I don't have a ruby resplendent and shining upon my brow?
- Look at us, there's virtually nothing different
between us and that crowd of street urchins
who hangs around outside in the dark.
- I mean, we're inside in the light,
and we have delicious tea from far away,
but there's virtually nothing separating us
from all the rabble outside that keeps shouting,
"Bread, bread!" and throwing rocks at the windows!
- It's so irritating.
- I like this a lot, I just want to make sure this song
has as many designers and brands as possible in it.
(jaunty music)
(all slurping)
♪ When I wear Gautier and Cartier ♪
♪ And a little bit of Tiffany ♪
♪ Then I'm reminded that I don't have to ask ♪
♪ Probing questions of what it is to be me ♪
♪ What is a person and what is a soul ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ What is a person and what is a soul ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ I sometimes have to distract myself ♪
♪ Instead of thinking how I'm an old lady ♪
- [Jess] Yes.
♪ To bridge the gap on my way down ♪
♪ To see my friend who works at the Old Navy ♪
♪ Yes, if I'm feeling like life is so harsh ♪
♪ I must wrap myself up in an Hermès scarf ♪
♪ But if I'm feeling that wind so chill ♪
♪ Also I can have my Kohl's fill ♪
♪ When I'm feeling sad I look to my socks ♪
♪ And put on my shoes, sometimes they're Crocs ♪
♪ And if they are not my Crocs ♪
♪ Well, I'll slip on some Adidas or some Nike Reebok ♪
♪ But we are a soul ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ When I think about me or a soul ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ These horrible questions that we say ♪
♪ Makes me want to go spend a bunch of money at Target ♪
♪ And now I'm thinking about my sad heart ♪
♪ Why not go and blow some more at Walmart ♪
♪ I'm sad when I'm not shopping ♪
♪ And if this burglar is not stopping ♪
♪ Then I am going to be mad ♪
♪ And take it out on the urchins ♪
♪ Thinking about me or a soul ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ When I think about me or a soul ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ Me or a soul ♪
♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪
♪ Do re mi or a soul ♪
♪ Fa la la la ♪
♪ No ♪
(audience applauding)
- Amazing, wow.
I feel like y'all have a lot on your plate,
so I'm curious to see where you want to go.
- Detective, I've been looking for you all over.
I think I have a piece of information
you might find interesting.
- A puzzle is just a big picture with a lot of pieces cut up
and then you put them back together,
and it's the same picture,
but it'll never be quite the same, will it?
All those little lines where it was cut up.
I guess what I'm saying is, I'd love to hear it.
- Okay, listen, my family,
they left me with a lot of money, you know?
And a lot of people have been after it.
A lot of political types, a lot of higher ups, you know?
And, well, there was a big...
There was a big new...
There was a big new piece of...
They wanted some money from me, I don't know,
for business stuff, city stuff.
I didn't get into the details,
but I heard pitches from several parts of the city.
- You're telling me that you had all this money
and everyone came to you to try to get it.
- I gave it to the little flower, Mayor LaGuardia,
and I didn't give it to Mayor Newark.
- And the next day, Mayor LaGuardia disappears
while Mayor Newark Airport
is still out there strutting around.
I notice that his jewels haven't been stolen,
and by my bottom dollar, he's still got his horse.
- And I'll tell you this much.
I can tell you that the mayor loves to drink alcohol,
but I can tell you that Mayor Newark Airport
loves to drink envy.
- This may put you in danger, but I take it
if you're already wrapped up in this spider's web,
well I'd say you're in as much danger as a fly
with a big black widow just going doop-da-doop-da-doop,
getting closer and closer and closer!
- Yeah, I'd say that's about how I feel,
and I'm used to it.
That's what it is to be a rich heiress.
- Absolutely.
What I'm saying is that we set a spider's web of our own.
- And I think I know the perfect people to help us.
Come in here, four little street urchins!
- Well, it's a little bit early for us. Bread!
- It's all right, I'll keep the light dim.
I want the four of you to spread the word
that Gwendolyn Tacks has a big old bunch of money
she's looking to give away,
even bigger than the bunch of money she gave to LaGuardia.
- And it's in a room with a bunch of horses and also jewels,
just to cover our bases.
- Yeah, that's right.
It's in a stable inside a hamster's wheel
and it's surrounded by horses and jewels.
♪ Now, tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪
♪ Spread the word ♪
♪ Tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪
♪ Spread the word ♪
♪ Well, extra, extra ♪
♪ Read all about it ♪
♪ Coming right out of our faces ♪
♪ The horses and jewels and people are missing ♪
♪ All over the places ♪
♪ And if you're missing anything and you're sad ♪
♪ Or whoever, how you feel ♪
♪ Could we get a tip on who's seen ♪
♪ A big-ass hamster wheel ♪
♪ We're telling everyone you know, everyone you know ♪
♪ Spread the word, spread the word ♪
♪ Everyone you know, everyone you know ♪
♪ Spread the word ♪
♪ And if you know what we're saying to you ♪
♪ If it makes some sense ♪
♪ The only thing else that we're searching for ♪
♪ Is a couple of parents ♪
(music slows) ♪ So tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪
♪ Spread the word ♪
♪ Tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪
♪ Spread the word ♪
- Hey, you all looking for parents?
- Yeah, we are. - Well, sure.
- Well, I'm just the night janitor. I usually work at night.
- Okay. - Oh yeah.
- The day janitor's filling in for me.
His home life is a mess, I think he's looking to adopt kids.
- [Alice] Understood.
- To make his home life better.
- Really? - Yes.
- Kids are the answer to any problem you're having at home.
- That's right, I think that you could do it.
♪ He's got a messy, messy home ♪
♪ He and his wife fight all the time ♪
♪ But I think with just two more kids ♪
♪ He would be fine ♪
♪ They're always yelling at each other ♪
♪ About the things they did ♪
♪ But if you want to fix a marriage ♪
♪ All you need is kids ♪
♪ Just get some kids ♪
♪ Well, we'd love to help out ♪
♪ For sure, cleaning up this life ♪
♪ Which is ironic for a janitor ♪
- Yeah.
♪ But we would be happy to do this with you ♪
♪ A roof over our heads would make us less blue ♪
♪ He needs some kids ♪
♪ Follow me to his house ♪
♪ Come on, you kids ♪
♪ Oh, just to check ♪
♪ Well, I'm here, just cleaning my own room ♪
♪ My wife's gone, I hope she comes home soon ♪
♪ Hey, excuse me, I don't mean to bother you ♪
(Alice coughs)
♪ But could you give me love ♪
♪ As long as I don't give you cholera ♪
♪ Well, I could hear love right in that cough ♪
♪ So come on in and dust yourself off ♪
- Yay!
♪ We'll share the disease called family ♪
♪ And it can be you and you and me ♪
♪ I need some kids ♪
♪ I wish the best of you two kids ♪
♪ And there's something in my subconscious ♪
♪ Something that I heard ♪
♪ Oh yeah, I'm also supposed to be spreading a word ♪
♪ Like thanks for all the love you've given me ♪
♪ And all the feels, but do you have a tip ♪
♪ On cleaning a hamster wheel ♪
♪ I've got one in the back, if you'd like to see ♪
♪ I've been saving it for someone, and you walked up to me ♪
♪ So come on back ♪
- Oh my gosh, the biggest hamster wheel I've ever seen!
Whoa, it's huge!
- Pretty nice, huh?
- Whoa.
♪ And one more question, if I am able ♪
♪ Is this surrounding structure technically called a stable ♪
♪ Yes, it's a stable, or it could be a fort ♪
♪ And I should reveal to you ♪
♪ I'm Mayor Newark Airport ♪
- Oh my gosh, you're Mayor Newark Airport!
- Get in the hamster wheel. - Okay!
- You'll never get away with this, Newark.
You'll never get away with this.
- Why? I just keep collecting more and more.
- What or who or when is the missing member?
I don't know, but let's see how it wraps up
in this closing number.
- Hey, Mayor Newark Airport.
You ever thought if you stole everybody and everything
we love in this great beautiful city,
that maybe you'd steal the whole city,
and then the whole city would be here to stop you?
- I hadn't thought about that 'til right now, no.
- Well yeah, if you keep stealing parts of the city,
then you're going to have so much city
that can stand up to you!
- You're right.
- But hey, what if you're forgetting
that you have a place in this city too?
(John scoffs)
I mean, not in this city, but just outside this city,
and that that's really an important part
of what makes our city easy to fly to
from all over the world.
We need you, Newark Airport.
- You need me near, just not too close.
- Yeah, that's right.
We need you nearby, but you just gotta relax
and, well, I think maybe let us all out of here.
- Maybe you're right.
As long as you will come visit me every once in a while.
- Yeah, sure.
- I know I'm not you're favorite, probably, to come to,
but maybe if it's cheap and affordable, you'll come see me.
- By the time I showed up,
this case had pretty much solved itself.
The mayors were friends,
he'd returned all the stolen things,
and even though him and his wife
weren't getting along so well with the kids in the picture,
things actually turned right around.
And the whole family was together,
and the whole city was together, except for Newark Airport,
which technically was just outside the city.
But isn't that what we all are?
Slightly outside of a club that we want to be a member of.
But you, too, can be the last member
of whatever club you set your little eyes on.
Maybe your eyes are pies.
Maybe you're a bird who's got big wings
that flaps into the sky, and maybe you don't know
how much absinthe you've drank today,
but you know that it's just the right amount.
♪ When you're looking for a place or a city ♪
♪ Or a place to put down roots ♪
♪ There might be a couple different things ♪
♪ That you're looking for that are looking right for you ♪
♪ Maybe you wanted walkable ♪
♪ Maybe you want multiple airports ♪
♪ But there's one thing ♪
♪ You should always make sure you are looking out for ♪
♪ Is it a city ♪
♪ That would have me as a member ♪
♪ Is it a city ♪
♪ That would have me as a member ♪
♪ Because as you go through your daily life ♪
♪ And you get stressed looking for love ♪
♪ Find a city that would have you ♪
♪ A city you're a member of ♪
♪ Now everything's been returned back ♪
♪ All the broken little parts ♪
♪ Yeah, the gems are back and the horses are back ♪
♪ And everyone's broken heart ♪
♪ Has been restored better than before ♪
♪ We're a whole new swinging city ♪
♪ And you could be just as happy too ♪
♪ 'Cause everyone else is pretty ♪
♪ Find a city ♪
♪ That would have you as a member ♪
♪ Go find a city ♪
♪ That'll have you as a member ♪
♪ Oh, this stolen heart ♪
♪ And this truth make sure you remember ♪
♪ When you're looking for a city ♪
♪ That would have you ♪
♪ As a member ♪
♪ That'll have you as a member, yeah ♪
- Yes, bravo, another mystery solved,
and another insane episode of Play It by Ear.
Let's give it up one more time
for our incredible performers.
Jess McKenna!
Alice Stanley!
John Hartman!
And Zach Reino!
And, of course, our incredible band,
Gary Grantham and Zach Marsh!
That's curtains for us here at Play It by Ear.
Once again, I'm Mano Agapion, and remember,
if you're ever unprepared, just wing it, bitch.
Buh-bye!
[Alice] Bye! (jaunty music)
(jaunty music continues)