0 00:00:00,035 --> 00:00:02,952 (orchestra tuning) 1 00:00:10,403 --> 00:00:14,153 (uplifting orchestral music) 2 00:00:16,427 --> 00:00:18,602 - Good evening, theater nerds. 3 00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:23,486 Welcome to "Play It by Ear," the musical improv show. 4 00:00:23,486 --> 00:00:26,421 I'm your host, Mano Agapion. 5 00:00:26,421 --> 00:00:30,504 Please join me in welcoming today's amazing cast! 6 00:00:32,078 --> 00:00:35,752 We've got Jess McKenna. 7 00:00:35,752 --> 00:00:36,908 - Wow! - What? 8 00:00:36,908 --> 00:00:38,575 - What? - Zach Reino! 9 00:00:41,502 --> 00:00:42,335 No way! 10 00:00:43,516 --> 00:00:46,207 John Hartman! 11 00:00:48,702 --> 00:00:51,235 And Alice Stanley! 12 00:00:54,719 --> 00:00:57,327 Hi, very nice to meet you, cast. 13 00:00:57,327 --> 00:00:58,866 - Mano, we've been friends for years. 14 00:00:58,866 --> 00:01:00,590 - Yeah, no, Jennifer, I know. 15 00:01:00,590 --> 00:01:02,920 - Oh shoot, oh no. 16 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,522 - Is there anyone in your life still that you're like, oh, 17 00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,364 they don't know my name and I've let go of it? 18 00:01:06,364 --> 00:01:08,388 - I do think I have very, very old friends 19 00:01:08,388 --> 00:01:10,621 who to this day do not know how my last name is pronounced. 20 00:01:10,621 --> 00:01:11,454 - Totally. 21 00:01:11,454 --> 00:01:13,441 - Wait, I don't know how your last name is pronounced. 22 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,888 - It's Reino like the city. 23 00:01:14,888 --> 00:01:18,171 - It's like if God is called by many different names, 24 00:01:18,171 --> 00:01:19,907 what an ego trip if I can't handle 25 00:01:19,907 --> 00:01:21,513 someone calling me by a different name. 26 00:01:21,513 --> 00:01:22,808 - Whoa. - Yeah. 27 00:01:22,808 --> 00:01:24,017 - That's really centering. 28 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:25,972 - Yeah, God's real name is Binky. 29 00:01:25,972 --> 00:01:27,322 - Can you imagine how many more people would pray 30 00:01:27,322 --> 00:01:30,664 if it was like, dear Binky, what's up? 31 00:01:30,664 --> 00:01:33,368 - Have you heard the good word of Binky? 32 00:01:33,368 --> 00:01:36,779 - I'm very excited because tonight we present 33 00:01:36,779 --> 00:01:38,696 a noir-inspired musical 34 00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:43,120 set in the gritty streets of the 1940s. 35 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:44,424 - Oh. 36 00:01:44,424 --> 00:01:46,932 - Follow a hard boiled detective 37 00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:50,054 who navigates a web of lies and deception, 38 00:01:50,054 --> 00:01:52,984 hoping to crack their biggest case ever. 39 00:01:52,984 --> 00:01:56,217 This is The Missing Member. 40 00:01:57,418 --> 00:02:00,335 (saucy jazz music) 41 00:02:03,094 --> 00:02:06,200 - What's it say? Same old story, I bet. 42 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,776 - Yeah, another racehorse gone missing. 43 00:02:08,776 --> 00:02:11,102 Ran the whole race, got off the track, kept on running. 44 00:02:11,102 --> 00:02:12,528 Hasn't been seen since. 45 00:02:12,528 --> 00:02:14,109 - And you've got yesterday's paper there. 46 00:02:14,109 --> 00:02:16,067 I got today's here. There's even more missing today. 47 00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:18,482 - Oh yeah? What's the story? What's the scoop? 48 00:02:18,482 --> 00:02:21,862 - Same horses are still missing, same jewels still missing, 49 00:02:21,862 --> 00:02:24,514 but a couple new people gone missing, 50 00:02:24,514 --> 00:02:26,391 including the mayor himself! 51 00:02:26,391 --> 00:02:31,391 ♪ Oh extra, extra, it's the same old tale ♪ 52 00:02:31,521 --> 00:02:35,875 ♪ Every story's the same ♪ 53 00:02:35,875 --> 00:02:40,221 ♪ Open up the paper and what do you read ♪ 54 00:02:40,221 --> 00:02:43,960 ♪ Something's gone missing again ♪ 55 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:48,909 ♪ It could be horses or jewels or people or your ♪ 56 00:02:48,909 --> 00:02:53,008 ♪ Maybe your sanity ♪ 57 00:02:53,008 --> 00:02:57,401 ♪ But every day there's something else you read about ♪ 58 00:02:57,401 --> 00:03:01,112 ♪ Going missing ♪ 59 00:03:01,112 --> 00:03:06,112 ♪ But who's gonna steal our hearts ♪ 60 00:03:07,773 --> 00:03:09,953 ♪ A very good question ♪ 61 00:03:09,953 --> 00:03:14,953 ♪ Who's gonna steal our hearts ♪ 62 00:03:17,687 --> 00:03:22,687 ♪ If you look at the things that have been stolen every day ♪ 63 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:25,865 ♪ One theory rises above ♪ 64 00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:30,656 ♪ Stealing diamonds and horses and people ♪ 65 00:03:30,656 --> 00:03:34,944 ♪ He's probably just looking for love ♪ 66 00:03:34,944 --> 00:03:39,738 ♪ Not having love can lead to a life of crime ♪ 67 00:03:39,738 --> 00:03:42,863 ♪ In the first degree ♪ 68 00:03:42,863 --> 00:03:46,729 ♪ So if he finds love, will he steal again ♪ 69 00:03:46,729 --> 00:03:50,039 ♪ Who knows, will it set him free ♪ 70 00:03:50,039 --> 00:03:55,039 ♪ You got to tell me who's gonna steal our hearts ♪ 71 00:03:59,257 --> 00:04:04,257 ♪ Who's gonna steal our hearts ♪ 72 00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:10,571 ♪ And before our jewels and horses ♪ 73 00:04:10,571 --> 00:04:14,976 ♪ Go down to a count of zero ♪ 74 00:04:14,976 --> 00:04:19,054 ♪ We're looking around for someone to enter ♪ 75 00:04:19,054 --> 00:04:22,894 ♪ Who's gonna be a hero ♪ 76 00:04:22,894 --> 00:04:26,319 ♪ Maybe they're in a fedora ♪ 77 00:04:26,319 --> 00:04:30,587 ♪ And they're probably wearing a trench coat ♪ 78 00:04:30,587 --> 00:04:32,507 ♪ And then when we see them ♪ 79 00:04:32,507 --> 00:04:37,507 ♪ Oh, how our hearts will start to float ♪ 80 00:04:37,747 --> 00:04:42,747 ♪ And then they might steal our hearts ♪ 81 00:04:44,294 --> 00:04:46,265 ♪ Steal our hearts ♪ 82 00:04:46,265 --> 00:04:51,265 ♪ They might steal our hearts ♪ 83 00:04:52,454 --> 00:04:57,454 ♪ Oh, and now who's that mister ♪ 84 00:04:57,814 --> 00:05:02,080 ♪ Cutting an impressive shape ♪ 85 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,280 ♪ Oh so ahead of his time ♪ 86 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:10,280 ♪ He's not smoking, that's a vape ♪ 87 00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:15,890 ♪ Maybe he will return what belongs ♪ 88 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:22,920 ♪ And then steal ♪ 89 00:05:26,374 --> 00:05:31,333 ♪ Our hearts ♪ 90 00:05:36,746 --> 00:05:41,627 (Mano applauding) (audience applauding) 91 00:05:41,627 --> 00:05:44,334 Ooh wow, I've never seen him. He's new. 92 00:05:44,334 --> 00:05:46,174 He's new to this part of town. 93 00:05:46,174 --> 00:05:47,107 - Yeah, of course. 94 00:05:47,107 --> 00:05:49,326 I mean, I've been coming to this speakeasy for so long. 95 00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:50,307 Wait, speakeasy? Yeah, we still have those. 96 00:05:50,307 --> 00:05:52,100 - Yeah, sure, yeah, we kept them. 97 00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,011 - The thing about crime 98 00:05:53,011 --> 00:05:55,691 is it never changes and it never stays the same. 99 00:05:55,691 --> 00:05:57,835 Whether it's hearts or horses or the mayor, 100 00:05:57,835 --> 00:05:59,609 everyone's taking things only to fill 101 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,571 one sad hole in themselves. 102 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,371 - His thoughts are on the outside of his noggin. 103 00:06:04,371 --> 00:06:06,555 - Oh wow, what a great way to get to know him 104 00:06:06,555 --> 00:06:07,785 even though we're over here. 105 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:08,618 - Ooh! - Ooh! 106 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,024 - Do you think he can hear us? 107 00:06:10,024 --> 00:06:13,051 - I could hear them, but I wouldn't address them directly. 108 00:06:13,051 --> 00:06:14,931 Why, you might ask? Was it a power play? 109 00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:16,929 Would Darren Vapes do a power play 110 00:06:16,929 --> 00:06:17,969 to people he had never met? 111 00:06:17,969 --> 00:06:18,802 - Darren Vapes? 112 00:06:18,802 --> 00:06:21,557 - I'm getting the vapors over Vapes. 113 00:06:21,557 --> 00:06:23,784 - Well, he would do it if it meant uncovering a crime, 114 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,237 and the thing about crime is, 115 00:06:25,237 --> 00:06:26,582 it's all around us all the time. 116 00:06:26,582 --> 00:06:29,037 The thing about suspects is, 117 00:06:29,037 --> 00:06:31,569 it's every single person you've ever met and ever will meet. 118 00:06:31,569 --> 00:06:32,971 - No, not me. 119 00:06:32,971 --> 00:06:36,051 I'm just an heiress to a thumbtack fortune 120 00:06:36,051 --> 00:06:38,342 who took off to the big city 'cause I didn't like 121 00:06:38,342 --> 00:06:42,037 the way that my family was treating me in Cincinnati. 122 00:06:42,037 --> 00:06:43,624 - Oh, is that all? - Yeah, that's all. 123 00:06:43,624 --> 00:06:46,531 Just an heiress from Cincinnati, heir to a thumbtack fortune 124 00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:50,037 who moved to the bigger city, New York. 125 00:06:50,037 --> 00:06:52,261 - And it couldn't have been me, neither. 126 00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:54,822 A strumpet with a heart of gold. 127 00:06:54,822 --> 00:06:56,504 You see, I've been all around these parts. 128 00:06:56,504 --> 00:06:57,677 I know just about everyone, 129 00:06:57,677 --> 00:06:59,744 but I ain't ever done anything wrong. 130 00:06:59,744 --> 00:07:01,011 - You're saying it couldn't have been 131 00:07:01,011 --> 00:07:04,164 Gwendolyn Tacks or Scarlet Easylay? 132 00:07:04,164 --> 00:07:06,210 - Yeah, and it couldn't have been me. 133 00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:08,970 - It couldn't have been you, Bruce. 134 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,123 - Not me. 135 00:07:10,123 --> 00:07:11,287 I mean, I pretty much do 136 00:07:11,287 --> 00:07:13,784 the run of the mill, breed hamsters. 137 00:07:13,784 --> 00:07:15,640 - Bruce the hamster breeder. - Yeah. 138 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,375 - In this next scene, I think it'd be really fun 139 00:07:18,375 --> 00:07:22,708 if y'all played each other's established characters. 140 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,961 - Thank you for bringing me to this speakeasy. 141 00:07:26,961 --> 00:07:30,366 A speakeasy is a great place to start trying to unravel 142 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:34,219 a crime, and this city's got plenty of crime. 143 00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:37,280 ♪ You see, you've got to put yourself ♪ 144 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,657 ♪ In the mind of a criminal ♪ 145 00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:42,944 ♪ Yourself in a criminal mind ♪ 146 00:07:42,944 --> 00:07:46,677 ♪ Like if I were you and you were me ♪ 147 00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:49,897 ♪ This sort of thing happens all the time ♪ 148 00:07:49,897 --> 00:07:54,184 ♪ And I might ask you where you were ♪ 149 00:07:54,184 --> 00:07:57,917 ♪ On the night of the 14th ♪ 150 00:07:57,917 --> 00:08:00,455 ♪ And I might ask you, hey ♪ 151 00:08:00,455 --> 00:08:04,533 ♪ Do you know what the mayor likes to drink ♪ 152 00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:07,221 ♪ And I'd say, of course I do ♪ 153 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:12,221 ♪ For I've hosted him at my mansion in the fall ♪ 154 00:08:13,174 --> 00:08:18,174 ♪ The mayor's favorite drink is alcohol ♪ 155 00:08:19,844 --> 00:08:22,891 ♪ And if I were you ♪ 156 00:08:22,891 --> 00:08:27,069 ♪ I might ask you one more question too ♪ 157 00:08:27,069 --> 00:08:28,894 ♪ And if I were you ♪ 158 00:08:28,894 --> 00:08:33,894 ♪ And if I were you I might ask you one more question too ♪ 159 00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:39,045 ♪ And if I knew the answer already ♪ 160 00:08:39,045 --> 00:08:42,852 ♪ Well, I'd be a pretty good guess ♪ 161 00:08:42,852 --> 00:08:45,428 ♪ All of these women before me ♪ 162 00:08:45,428 --> 00:08:49,465 ♪ Look pretty, rode hard, and put away wet ♪ 163 00:08:49,465 --> 00:08:53,526 ♪ But I know that I'm asking questions now ♪ 164 00:08:53,526 --> 00:08:57,331 ♪ Do any of you have an answer ♪ 165 00:08:57,331 --> 00:09:00,933 ♪ Any of you know where I could breed ♪ 166 00:09:00,933 --> 00:09:03,596 ♪ Several different types of hamster ♪ 167 00:09:03,596 --> 00:09:05,084 ♪ And if I were you ♪ 168 00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:05,917 - Oh, you. 169 00:09:06,883 --> 00:09:10,780 ♪ That would have to be you ♪ 170 00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:13,330 ♪ And if I were you ♪ 171 00:09:13,330 --> 00:09:16,177 ♪ I'd ask you a question or two ♪ 172 00:09:16,177 --> 00:09:18,850 ♪ A question or two ♪ 173 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:22,388 ♪ Well, if I was the detective then I'd say some stuff ♪ 174 00:09:22,388 --> 00:09:25,869 ♪ Just like you guys definitely did ♪ 175 00:09:25,869 --> 00:09:30,062 ♪ Like if you had a horse, where would you put it ♪ 176 00:09:30,062 --> 00:09:34,231 ♪ How could a horse you hid ♪ 177 00:09:34,231 --> 00:09:36,934 ♪ Oh, I hide the horse ♪ 178 00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:40,817 ♪ Wherever I find someone that's able ♪ 179 00:09:40,817 --> 00:09:44,518 ♪ And I of course would hide the horse ♪ 180 00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:47,770 ♪ In my very expensive stable ♪ 181 00:09:47,770 --> 00:09:49,167 - And Bruce? 182 00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:53,349 ♪ I'd put him in a hamster wheel ♪ 183 00:09:53,349 --> 00:09:56,107 ♪ Shove him in a hamster wheel ♪ 184 00:09:56,107 --> 00:09:59,236 ♪ Sawdust on the floor, hide under there ♪ 185 00:09:59,236 --> 00:10:02,177 ♪ And poof, in a hamster wheel ♪ 186 00:10:02,177 --> 00:10:06,121 ♪ And if I were you ♪ 187 00:10:06,121 --> 00:10:09,690 ♪ And if I were you ♪ 188 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:13,064 ♪ And if I were you ♪ 189 00:10:13,064 --> 00:10:16,807 ♪ I'd add a question or two ♪ 190 00:10:16,807 --> 00:10:20,436 ♪ And if I were you, and if I were you ♪ 191 00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:24,109 ♪ And if I were you, and if I were you ♪ 192 00:10:24,109 --> 00:10:27,768 ♪ And if I were you, and if I were you ♪ 193 00:10:27,768 --> 00:10:31,313 ♪ And if I were you, and you, and you, and you ♪ 194 00:10:31,313 --> 00:10:35,957 ♪ And if I were you, and you, and you, and you ♪ 195 00:10:35,957 --> 00:10:39,421 ♪ And you, and you, and you, and you ♪ 196 00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:44,421 ♪ And you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you ♪ 197 00:10:45,428 --> 00:10:47,011 - They're all gone! 198 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,208 - Amazing! 199 00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:52,403 Very good, oh wow! 200 00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:55,534 - Mano, I do think it's time for a signature recap. 201 00:10:55,534 --> 00:10:56,774 - Okay, let's do this. 202 00:10:56,774 --> 00:10:58,491 - All of these people that gathered together 203 00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,239 to try to solve this crime have been disappeared. 204 00:11:01,239 --> 00:11:03,011 - I would say you're all very suspicious. 205 00:11:03,011 --> 00:11:03,854 - Yes, that much is true. 206 00:11:03,854 --> 00:11:05,677 - [Mano] I'm not putting anything past Darren Vapes, 207 00:11:05,677 --> 00:11:10,050 a man who has access to vapes in the 1940s. 208 00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:12,902 You're free to go where you will in this next scene, 209 00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:16,874 but I want it to take place in the middle of the night 210 00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:19,069 under some streetlights. 211 00:11:19,069 --> 00:11:20,486 - Oh yeah. - Yeah. 212 00:11:23,146 --> 00:11:26,488 - All right everyone, it's the time we come out to play. 213 00:11:26,488 --> 00:11:28,761 - Oh boy, is it night urchin time? 214 00:11:28,761 --> 00:11:29,865 - The time where we come out 215 00:11:29,865 --> 00:11:31,574 to play stickball in the streets. 216 00:11:31,574 --> 00:11:34,632 - But before we do, let's take a moment 217 00:11:34,632 --> 00:11:37,861 to just enjoy the nighttime in all its splendor. 218 00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:38,859 - Oh yeah. 219 00:11:38,859 --> 00:11:43,232 - And no daylight for people to see our horrible boils. 220 00:11:43,232 --> 00:11:46,533 - No, just the soft, soft glow of the streetlights. 221 00:11:46,533 --> 00:11:49,245 Hm. Hey, anybody got two bits? 222 00:11:49,245 --> 00:11:51,012 - I got a bit. 223 00:11:51,012 --> 00:11:52,920 - And I dreamt up a bit the other night. 224 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,638 - Oh yeah? - I woke up, it wasn't there. 225 00:11:54,638 --> 00:11:55,541 - Aw. 226 00:11:55,541 --> 00:11:57,453 - Well, tell us about it anyway. 227 00:11:57,453 --> 00:11:58,732 - The coin that I dreamed about? 228 00:11:58,732 --> 00:11:59,763 - Oh, I thought you meant like- 229 00:11:59,763 --> 00:12:00,919 - You had a bit like a fun comedy bit to do. 230 00:12:00,919 --> 00:12:02,911 - Yeah, I thought you were going to do a little- 231 00:12:02,911 --> 00:12:04,807 - Like Milton Berle! - Yeah! 232 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,689 - I like this, and I heard Bitcoin, 233 00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:09,759 so I would like this song to be filled 234 00:12:09,759 --> 00:12:13,592 with as many anachronistic things as possible. 235 00:12:15,376 --> 00:12:18,690 ♪ I dreamed of a train, but here is the deal ♪ 236 00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:21,825 ♪ The train, it did not have wheels ♪ 237 00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:22,960 - [Both] What? 238 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,320 ♪ No wheels at all, it just flew around with magnets ♪ 239 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,119 ♪ And I was like, ooh, that magnet train ♪ 240 00:12:28,119 --> 00:12:30,104 ♪ I've really got to have it ♪ 241 00:12:30,104 --> 00:12:33,856 ♪ I had a dream, I had a dream, that's crazy just as you ♪ 242 00:12:33,856 --> 00:12:35,481 ♪ I dreamt there was a square ♪ 243 00:12:35,481 --> 00:12:37,378 ♪ I put in a toaster filled with goo ♪ 244 00:12:37,378 --> 00:12:38,211 - What? 245 00:12:38,211 --> 00:12:39,816 ♪ And it popped right out and within the square ♪ 246 00:12:39,816 --> 00:12:41,775 ♪ There was a smaller square ♪ 247 00:12:41,775 --> 00:12:43,870 ♪ And there was frosting on top ♪ 248 00:12:43,870 --> 00:12:45,710 ♪ And I ate it and I didn't care ♪ 249 00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:47,643 ♪ Well, that's crazy ♪ 250 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,577 ♪ That's crazy ♪ 251 00:12:49,577 --> 00:12:53,310 ♪ Something like that would never be believed ♪ 252 00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:57,177 ♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪ 253 00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:01,228 ♪ It could only happen in your dreams ♪ 254 00:13:01,228 --> 00:13:05,043 ♪ Well, I had a dream that I wanted to listen to a song ♪ 255 00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:09,093 ♪ But I did not have the bits to buy that record all along ♪ 256 00:13:09,093 --> 00:13:11,123 ♪ So I just decided I wanted to hear it ♪ 257 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,817 ♪ And I put it in a square ♪ 258 00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:14,763 ♪ And I pushed the button and then that song ♪ 259 00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:16,749 ♪ Appeared right in my ear ♪ 260 00:13:16,749 --> 00:13:20,683 ♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪ 261 00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:23,441 ♪ It would not be believed ♪ 262 00:13:23,441 --> 00:13:26,362 ♪ No, no, that's crazy ♪ 263 00:13:26,362 --> 00:13:28,563 ♪ That's crazy ♪ 264 00:13:28,563 --> 00:13:32,137 ♪ It would only happen in your dreams ♪ 265 00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:34,350 ♪ Well, I dreamt last night a thing ♪ 266 00:13:34,350 --> 00:13:36,350 ♪ That I thought that I could raise ♪ 267 00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:39,977 ♪ I wanted to come up with a brand new dance craze ♪ 268 00:13:39,977 --> 00:13:40,830 - Okay. 269 00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:44,842 ♪ I wanted something sure to entertain ya ♪ 270 00:13:44,842 --> 00:13:48,257 ♪ I put my hands out and I called it Macarena ♪ 271 00:13:48,257 --> 00:13:52,160 ♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪ 272 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,963 ♪ The kind of thing that could not be believed ♪ 273 00:13:55,963 --> 00:13:59,870 ♪ That's crazy, that's crazy ♪ 274 00:13:59,870 --> 00:14:04,370 ♪ It could only happen in your dreams ♪ 275 00:14:08,094 --> 00:14:09,550 - And lots of dreams are obsessed 276 00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:12,467 with us thinking of little squares. 277 00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:18,177 - Hell yeah. Macarena getting its dues. 278 00:14:18,177 --> 00:14:19,722 - Yeah, the jump used to be so satisfying. 279 00:14:19,722 --> 00:14:21,055 - The jump is great. - Really satisfying. 280 00:14:21,055 --> 00:14:23,865 - To be in a whole wedding of an older cousin 281 00:14:23,865 --> 00:14:27,492 and just hear a bunch of people go, hi-ya! 282 00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,945 - For this next scene, 283 00:14:28,945 --> 00:14:32,695 I want to see y'all sprinkle in some riddles. 284 00:14:37,038 --> 00:14:41,132 - You'll never get away with this. The city loves its mayor. 285 00:14:41,132 --> 00:14:44,794 - Oh, I'll get away with it. I always get away with it. 286 00:14:44,794 --> 00:14:46,382 - If only you'd come out of the shadows 287 00:14:46,382 --> 00:14:47,688 so I could see your face. 288 00:14:47,688 --> 00:14:50,152 - You'll never see my face. 289 00:14:50,152 --> 00:14:51,901 - You're right, I don't know who you are, 290 00:14:51,901 --> 00:14:55,445 but I'm the mayor of this city, New York City. 291 00:14:55,445 --> 00:14:58,745 It's me, LaGuardia? 292 00:14:58,745 --> 00:15:00,672 - Listen, Mayor LaGuardia! 293 00:15:00,672 --> 00:15:02,965 I've had enough talking about how New York 294 00:15:02,965 --> 00:15:07,485 is great and I heart NY, because who hearts me? 295 00:15:07,485 --> 00:15:10,630 - I don't know! Someone could heart you. 296 00:15:10,630 --> 00:15:12,508 If you'd give them the chance, I'm sure New York 297 00:15:12,508 --> 00:15:14,337 would embrace you like they've embraced me, 298 00:15:14,337 --> 00:15:17,257 Mayor LaGuardia, the little flower. 299 00:15:17,257 --> 00:15:19,507 But have you ever asked yourself this? 300 00:15:19,507 --> 00:15:21,377 What has four legs in the morning? 301 00:15:21,377 --> 00:15:23,732 - [Alice] All right, I'm with you so far. 302 00:15:23,732 --> 00:15:26,124 - Four legs in the morning. - Yeah. 303 00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:29,604 - Two legs at dawn, and three legs at dusk? 304 00:15:29,604 --> 00:15:32,137 - A frog. - What? No, it's- 305 00:15:32,137 --> 00:15:33,430 - Why don't you do just another one? 306 00:15:33,430 --> 00:15:34,597 - Okay. - Okay. 307 00:15:35,699 --> 00:15:38,830 - There's a father and son driving in a car, 308 00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:40,329 and they get in a terrible accident. 309 00:15:40,329 --> 00:15:41,469 - Okay. - They're both rushed- 310 00:15:41,469 --> 00:15:42,414 - It's a polar bear! 311 00:15:42,414 --> 00:15:44,017 - No, they're both rushed to the hospital. 312 00:15:44,017 --> 00:15:45,057 The doctor says, 313 00:15:45,057 --> 00:15:48,177 I can't operate on this child, for he's my son. 314 00:15:48,177 --> 00:15:49,404 How is that possible? 315 00:15:49,404 --> 00:15:51,799 - Listen, I'm tired of all this! 316 00:15:51,799 --> 00:15:53,950 I have been stealing stuff all over this city, 317 00:15:53,950 --> 00:15:55,630 and nobody has caught me! 318 00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:57,283 - You're in the newspaper every day. 319 00:15:57,283 --> 00:15:58,830 I just think you're not getting the attention 320 00:15:58,830 --> 00:16:00,682 that you maybe need. 321 00:16:00,682 --> 00:16:03,217 - Well, if someone really loved me, they would catch me. 322 00:16:03,217 --> 00:16:06,230 - I think someone does love you, or could, 323 00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:08,750 and maybe they're closer to catching you than you think. 324 00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,124 - In your next song, 325 00:16:10,124 --> 00:16:13,724 I want you to sustain the longest note you can. 326 00:16:13,724 --> 00:16:15,545 - Do you really think so? - Of course. 327 00:16:15,545 --> 00:16:17,217 - Do you really think someone's after me? 328 00:16:17,217 --> 00:16:18,817 - I know someone's after you. 329 00:16:18,817 --> 00:16:21,507 I've called in all the authorities to hunt you down, 330 00:16:21,507 --> 00:16:24,324 and I know it's only a matter of time. 331 00:16:24,324 --> 00:16:25,491 I just wish... 332 00:16:26,430 --> 00:16:31,150 ♪ I wish I could get to know you ♪ 333 00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:35,604 ♪ Peel back the mystery ♪ 334 00:16:35,604 --> 00:16:39,675 ♪ I wish I could get to know you ♪ 335 00:16:39,675 --> 00:16:44,675 ♪ I wish you'd get a little closer to me ♪ 336 00:16:45,277 --> 00:16:49,524 ♪ I'm your elected official ♪ 337 00:16:49,524 --> 00:16:54,524 ♪ I like to represent you and your city ♪ 338 00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:59,202 ♪ But oh, I wish I could get to know ♪ 339 00:16:59,202 --> 00:17:03,004 ♪ Who's behind this mystery ♪ 340 00:17:03,004 --> 00:17:08,004 ♪ Then catch me if you can ♪ 341 00:17:09,292 --> 00:17:12,357 ♪ Ooh, I wish I could ♪ 342 00:17:12,357 --> 00:17:17,357 ♪ Catch me if you can ♪ 343 00:17:18,198 --> 00:17:20,976 ♪ You know I would ♪ 344 00:17:20,976 --> 00:17:25,976 ♪ I'm just a super, super, super, super lonely man ♪ 345 00:17:28,689 --> 00:17:32,716 ♪ But I would catch you ♪ 346 00:17:32,716 --> 00:17:37,483 - ♪ If I can ♪ - ♪ could ♪ 347 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,592 - Listen, Mayor. - Ooh. 348 00:17:42,815 --> 00:17:46,351 ♪ I've stolen so many things ♪ 349 00:17:46,351 --> 00:17:50,444 ♪ And none of them will do ♪ 350 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:55,338 ♪ So I'm hoping that stealing the most important thing ♪ 351 00:17:55,338 --> 00:17:59,604 ♪ And that most important thing is you ♪ 352 00:17:59,604 --> 00:18:03,977 ♪ More than a horse, more than a jewel ♪ 353 00:18:03,977 --> 00:18:08,159 ♪ More than a person in a band ♪ 354 00:18:08,159 --> 00:18:11,689 ♪ Catching up with the mayor ♪ 355 00:18:11,689 --> 00:18:16,689 ♪ Is the biggest steal from one man ♪ 356 00:18:16,723 --> 00:18:21,723 ♪ Catch me if you can ♪ 357 00:18:22,417 --> 00:18:25,031 - It's playful, but try. 358 00:18:25,031 --> 00:18:30,031 ♪ Catch me if you can ♪ 359 00:18:30,337 --> 00:18:33,041 ♪ Oh, I wish I could ♪ 360 00:18:33,041 --> 00:18:38,041 ♪ I want your attention so bad 'cause I'm a lonely man ♪ 361 00:18:40,868 --> 00:18:45,814 ♪ So catch me ♪ 362 00:18:45,814 --> 00:18:50,091 ♪ Catch me ♪ 363 00:18:50,091 --> 00:18:54,424 ♪ Catch me ♪ 364 00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:59,424 ♪ If you ♪ 365 00:18:59,534 --> 00:19:04,409 ♪ Can ♪ 366 00:19:07,019 --> 00:19:09,852 (note sustaining) 367 00:19:14,489 --> 00:19:17,864 (note sustaining) 368 00:19:22,668 --> 00:19:25,693 (Jess sustaining note) 369 00:19:26,906 --> 00:19:29,323 - They're in here, detective! 370 00:19:30,425 --> 00:19:34,081 I can't see who it is of our suspects, but- 371 00:19:34,081 --> 00:19:35,388 - Sometimes when you can't see anything 372 00:19:35,388 --> 00:19:38,509 is when everything comes to life for the very first time. 373 00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:40,441 I realized something as I burst into that room 374 00:19:40,441 --> 00:19:42,373 where I was told literally the person I was searching for 375 00:19:42,373 --> 00:19:44,188 was there somewhere, that it was time 376 00:19:44,188 --> 00:19:45,388 to really get my head in the game, 377 00:19:45,388 --> 00:19:47,678 truly look around and see what was happening. 378 00:19:47,678 --> 00:19:48,945 By the time I did, it was too late, 379 00:19:48,945 --> 00:19:49,878 and they were gone, I assume. 380 00:19:49,878 --> 00:19:51,462 Yes, right? They're gone now? 381 00:19:51,462 --> 00:19:52,662 - You've been monologuing for a while. 382 00:19:52,662 --> 00:19:55,022 We're cleaning up in here now. 383 00:19:55,022 --> 00:19:56,114 - Hey, what's your name? 384 00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:57,406 - No one's ever asked my name before. 385 00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:58,378 - Really? In your whole life? 386 00:19:58,378 --> 00:19:59,674 No one's ever asked you your name? 387 00:19:59,674 --> 00:20:00,520 - Not yet. 388 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,115 - You got to get out of this town, friend. 389 00:20:02,115 --> 00:20:03,554 It'll chew people up and spit them out 390 00:20:03,554 --> 00:20:04,960 without so much as asking your name, 391 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,287 which it seems it didn't for you. 392 00:20:06,287 --> 00:20:09,233 - He still didn't even really ask it. 393 00:20:09,233 --> 00:20:11,524 - There's no time for that now. 394 00:20:11,524 --> 00:20:14,134 - I'd love if you would maybe just throw me a bone. 395 00:20:14,134 --> 00:20:16,724 - Well, I take it you're the night janitor. 396 00:20:16,724 --> 00:20:20,670 - You'd be wrong. I'm the day janitor filling in at night. 397 00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:22,417 See, you made an assumption, 398 00:20:22,417 --> 00:20:26,084 which means you made an ass out of me. 399 00:20:26,084 --> 00:20:28,150 - I was learning a lot from this man. 400 00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:31,537 I still didn't know his name, and I didn't plan on it. 401 00:20:31,537 --> 00:20:33,112 But I was going to get to the bottom of him. 402 00:20:33,112 --> 00:20:35,617 - Before you sing this beautiful song, 403 00:20:35,617 --> 00:20:37,628 I would like to make sure that this song 404 00:20:37,628 --> 00:20:42,177 has as much alliteration as possible. 405 00:20:42,177 --> 00:20:44,336 - Just what I thought. 406 00:20:44,336 --> 00:20:45,740 This was a man who either didn't have a name 407 00:20:45,740 --> 00:20:47,537 or didn't know what it was. 408 00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:49,416 I had caught him in a lie. 409 00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:53,737 Go ahead. If you got a name, just tell me. 410 00:20:53,737 --> 00:20:58,695 ♪ Just let it fly freely ♪ 411 00:20:58,695 --> 00:21:00,666 ♪ From your face ♪ 412 00:21:00,666 --> 00:21:05,320 ♪ Fully let it free ♪ 413 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,627 ♪ Tell me things you've trapped ♪ 414 00:21:08,627 --> 00:21:12,135 ♪ That are trapped in you ♪ 415 00:21:12,135 --> 00:21:15,468 ♪ Turreptitiously ♪ 416 00:21:15,468 --> 00:21:20,468 ♪ And take your time, if time is a thing you desire ♪ 417 00:21:21,283 --> 00:21:26,016 ♪ Just don't define what's in your mind ♪ 418 00:21:26,016 --> 00:21:29,252 ♪ A misty, murky mind ♪ 419 00:21:29,252 --> 00:21:31,394 ♪ Tell me your name ♪ 420 00:21:31,394 --> 00:21:34,544 ♪ My name's Mandy ♪ 421 00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:39,544 ♪ Maybe you'll 'member it Monday ♪ 422 00:21:39,703 --> 00:21:44,616 ♪ Maybe you'll want more Mandy ♪ 423 00:21:44,616 --> 00:21:46,197 ♪ Than meets the eye ♪ 424 00:21:46,197 --> 00:21:49,955 ♪ Oh, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy ♪ 425 00:21:49,955 --> 00:21:54,955 ♪ Is that a mop I see in your handy ♪ 426 00:21:55,654 --> 00:21:58,367 ♪ It spins so sexually ♪ 427 00:21:58,367 --> 00:22:03,367 ♪ Such sensual spinning, sexy ♪ 428 00:22:03,806 --> 00:22:05,532 ♪ Better believe it ♪ 429 00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:07,487 ♪ I'd better believe ♪ 430 00:22:07,487 --> 00:22:09,947 ♪ Your bottom dollar ♪ 431 00:22:09,947 --> 00:22:14,947 ♪ I'm a beau and I believe to go buck wild ♪ 432 00:22:15,823 --> 00:22:18,938 ♪ Because I said so, Mandy ♪ 433 00:22:18,938 --> 00:22:23,938 (back and forth) ♪ Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy ♪ 434 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:28,217 ♪ Pretty perfect ♪ 435 00:22:28,217 --> 00:22:30,779 ♪ You're pretty perfect ♪ 436 00:22:30,779 --> 00:22:31,612 ♪ Please ♪ 437 00:22:31,612 --> 00:22:36,612 ♪ You're a pretty, pretty perfect man, perfectly ♪ 438 00:22:38,907 --> 00:22:42,837 ♪ A perfect man named Mandy ♪ 439 00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:46,176 ♪ Mandy, Mandy ♪ 440 00:22:46,176 --> 00:22:48,994 So you're around in the nighttime a lot. 441 00:22:48,994 --> 00:22:50,713 - Sure. - You see all those kids 442 00:22:50,713 --> 00:22:52,239 hanging around under the stoplights. 443 00:22:52,239 --> 00:22:54,637 - Well, sure. - You see people running off 444 00:22:54,637 --> 00:22:56,745 into the shadows who don't want to be seen. 445 00:22:56,745 --> 00:23:00,030 Real secretive, surreptitious folks secretly skulking, 446 00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:03,843 sneaking, sneaking on by, sneaking into the sky, 447 00:23:03,843 --> 00:23:07,284 flapping their wings, flapping, flying, falcons. 448 00:23:07,284 --> 00:23:08,559 You've seen these little people 449 00:23:08,559 --> 00:23:10,723 that turn into falcons and fly into the sky. 450 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:13,190 I was on a lot of absinthe last night. 451 00:23:13,190 --> 00:23:15,650 I'm trying to get right from wrong, wrong from right. 452 00:23:15,650 --> 00:23:17,994 What I'm asking is, you seen anything suspicious? 453 00:23:17,994 --> 00:23:19,638 - Sure, sometimes. 454 00:23:19,638 --> 00:23:21,408 - Sometimes, sure? 455 00:23:21,408 --> 00:23:22,825 - Quickly, quiet. 456 00:23:24,078 --> 00:23:24,911 Quite. 457 00:23:26,070 --> 00:23:28,758 Last night, three women of the night, 458 00:23:28,758 --> 00:23:31,240 some of them were with a well known politician. 459 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,753 - How well known? We talking mayor? 460 00:23:32,753 --> 00:23:34,470 Like Mayor LaGuardia, the little flower? 461 00:23:34,470 --> 00:23:35,984 - LaGuardia, and there was another one, 462 00:23:35,984 --> 00:23:37,734 Mayor Newark Airport. 463 00:23:38,664 --> 00:23:41,701 - Mayor LaGuardia and Mayor Newark. And when was this? 464 00:23:41,701 --> 00:23:43,157 - Well, this was two nights ago. 465 00:23:43,157 --> 00:23:45,206 - That's the day before the mayor disappeared. 466 00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:49,866 I guess I have some questions for the second mayor. 467 00:23:49,866 --> 00:23:50,894 - Fine, don't ask about my home life. 468 00:23:50,894 --> 00:23:52,011 - Sorry, yeah. 469 00:23:52,011 --> 00:23:55,977 - Well, I think it's about time for a detour, 470 00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:58,977 something that totally surprises me. 471 00:24:01,895 --> 00:24:04,353 - Listen, I know there was a time 472 00:24:04,353 --> 00:24:06,530 when we didn't have tons of jewels, 473 00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:10,038 and I know that we didn't need jewels to be happy, 474 00:24:10,038 --> 00:24:12,913 but now that I have no jewels, I am so very sad. 475 00:24:12,913 --> 00:24:14,686 - It's so hard to be happy 476 00:24:14,686 --> 00:24:17,441 without all the jewels that we once had that made us happy. 477 00:24:17,441 --> 00:24:20,066 How do they even know that we are the upper crust 478 00:24:20,066 --> 00:24:24,242 if I don't have a ruby resplendent and shining upon my brow? 479 00:24:24,242 --> 00:24:26,835 - Look at us, there's virtually nothing different 480 00:24:26,835 --> 00:24:29,303 between us and that crowd of street urchins 481 00:24:29,303 --> 00:24:31,616 who hangs around outside in the dark. 482 00:24:31,616 --> 00:24:33,128 - I mean, we're inside in the light, 483 00:24:33,128 --> 00:24:35,901 and we have delicious tea from far away, 484 00:24:35,901 --> 00:24:38,289 but there's virtually nothing separating us 485 00:24:38,289 --> 00:24:40,300 from all the rabble outside that keeps shouting, 486 00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:42,648 "Bread, bread!" and throwing rocks at the windows! 487 00:24:42,648 --> 00:24:43,908 - It's so irritating. 488 00:24:43,908 --> 00:24:46,655 - I like this a lot, I just want to make sure this song 489 00:24:46,655 --> 00:24:50,991 has as many designers and brands as possible in it. 490 00:24:50,991 --> 00:24:53,574 (jaunty music) 491 00:24:55,010 --> 00:24:57,593 (all slurping) 492 00:24:58,993 --> 00:25:03,291 ♪ When I wear Gautier and Cartier ♪ 493 00:25:03,291 --> 00:25:07,326 ♪ And a little bit of Tiffany ♪ 494 00:25:07,326 --> 00:25:11,041 ♪ Then I'm reminded that I don't have to ask ♪ 495 00:25:11,041 --> 00:25:15,369 ♪ Probing questions of what it is to be me ♪ 496 00:25:15,369 --> 00:25:19,515 ♪ What is a person and what is a soul ♪ 497 00:25:19,515 --> 00:25:23,592 ♪ No no no no no no no no no no no no no ♪ 498 00:25:23,592 --> 00:25:27,433 ♪ What is a person and what is a soul ♪ 499 00:25:27,433 --> 00:25:30,891 ♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪ 500 00:25:30,891 --> 00:25:34,921 ♪ I sometimes have to distract myself ♪ 501 00:25:34,921 --> 00:25:37,984 ♪ Instead of thinking how I'm an old lady ♪ 502 00:25:37,984 --> 00:25:38,817 - [Jess] Yes. 503 00:25:38,817 --> 00:25:42,597 ♪ To bridge the gap on my way down ♪ 504 00:25:42,597 --> 00:25:46,591 ♪ To see my friend who works at the Old Navy ♪ 505 00:25:46,591 --> 00:25:50,016 ♪ Yes, if I'm feeling like life is so harsh ♪ 506 00:25:50,016 --> 00:25:53,995 ♪ I must wrap myself up in an Hermès scarf ♪ 507 00:25:53,995 --> 00:25:57,961 ♪ But if I'm feeling that wind so chill ♪ 508 00:25:57,961 --> 00:26:01,866 ♪ Also I can have my Kohl's fill ♪ 509 00:26:01,866 --> 00:26:05,602 ♪ When I'm feeling sad I look to my socks ♪ 510 00:26:05,602 --> 00:26:09,306 ♪ And put on my shoes, sometimes they're Crocs ♪ 511 00:26:09,306 --> 00:26:12,676 ♪ And if they are not my Crocs ♪ 512 00:26:12,676 --> 00:26:16,722 ♪ Well, I'll slip on some Adidas or some Nike Reebok ♪ 513 00:26:16,722 --> 00:26:20,941 ♪ But we are a soul ♪ 514 00:26:20,941 --> 00:26:23,691 ♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪ 515 00:26:23,691 --> 00:26:28,502 ♪ When I think about me or a soul ♪ 516 00:26:28,502 --> 00:26:32,000 ♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪ 517 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,773 ♪ These horrible questions that we say ♪ 518 00:26:35,773 --> 00:26:40,295 ♪ Makes me want to go spend a bunch of money at Target ♪ 519 00:26:40,295 --> 00:26:43,321 ♪ And now I'm thinking about my sad heart ♪ 520 00:26:43,321 --> 00:26:47,682 ♪ Why not go and blow some more at Walmart ♪ 521 00:26:47,682 --> 00:26:50,871 ♪ I'm sad when I'm not shopping ♪ 522 00:26:50,871 --> 00:26:54,726 ♪ And if this burglar is not stopping ♪ 523 00:26:54,726 --> 00:26:58,012 ♪ Then I am going to be mad ♪ 524 00:26:58,012 --> 00:27:01,481 ♪ And take it out on the urchins ♪ 525 00:27:01,481 --> 00:27:05,944 ♪ Thinking about me or a soul ♪ 526 00:27:05,944 --> 00:27:08,551 ♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪ 527 00:27:08,551 --> 00:27:13,179 ♪ When I think about me or a soul ♪ 528 00:27:13,179 --> 00:27:16,839 ♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪ 529 00:27:16,839 --> 00:27:18,642 ♪ No no no no no no no no ♪ 530 00:27:18,642 --> 00:27:20,514 ♪ No no no no no no no no ♪ 531 00:27:20,514 --> 00:27:22,412 ♪ No no no no no no no no ♪ 532 00:27:22,412 --> 00:27:24,188 ♪ No no no no no no no no ♪ 533 00:27:24,188 --> 00:27:26,047 ♪ No no no no no no no no ♪ 534 00:27:26,047 --> 00:27:27,794 ♪ No no no no no no no no ♪ 535 00:27:27,794 --> 00:27:31,580 ♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪ 536 00:27:31,580 --> 00:27:35,404 ♪ Me or a soul ♪ 537 00:27:35,404 --> 00:27:38,100 ♪ No no no no no no no no no ♪ 538 00:27:38,100 --> 00:27:42,676 ♪ Do re mi or a soul ♪ 539 00:27:42,676 --> 00:27:46,610 ♪ Fa la la la ♪ 540 00:27:46,610 --> 00:27:51,502 ♪ No ♪ 541 00:27:55,301 --> 00:27:56,926 (audience applauding) 542 00:27:56,926 --> 00:27:59,509 - Amazing, wow. 543 00:27:59,509 --> 00:28:01,596 I feel like y'all have a lot on your plate, 544 00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:03,400 so I'm curious to see where you want to go. 545 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,133 - Detective, I've been looking for you all over. 546 00:28:06,133 --> 00:28:07,839 I think I have a piece of information 547 00:28:07,839 --> 00:28:09,820 you might find interesting. 548 00:28:09,820 --> 00:28:13,177 - A puzzle is just a big picture with a lot of pieces cut up 549 00:28:13,177 --> 00:28:14,139 and then you put them back together, 550 00:28:14,139 --> 00:28:15,273 and it's the same picture, 551 00:28:15,273 --> 00:28:17,869 but it'll never be quite the same, will it? 552 00:28:17,869 --> 00:28:19,699 All those little lines where it was cut up. 553 00:28:19,699 --> 00:28:21,960 I guess what I'm saying is, I'd love to hear it. 554 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,260 - Okay, listen, my family, 555 00:28:25,260 --> 00:28:27,520 they left me with a lot of money, you know? 556 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:28,948 And a lot of people have been after it. 557 00:28:28,948 --> 00:28:32,914 A lot of political types, a lot of higher ups, you know? 558 00:28:32,914 --> 00:28:34,504 And, well, there was a big... 559 00:28:34,504 --> 00:28:36,365 There was a big new... 560 00:28:36,365 --> 00:28:38,639 There was a big new piece of... 561 00:28:38,639 --> 00:28:40,183 They wanted some money from me, I don't know, 562 00:28:40,183 --> 00:28:41,792 for business stuff, city stuff. 563 00:28:41,792 --> 00:28:43,248 I didn't get into the details, 564 00:28:43,248 --> 00:28:46,396 but I heard pitches from several parts of the city. 565 00:28:46,396 --> 00:28:48,836 - You're telling me that you had all this money 566 00:28:48,836 --> 00:28:50,694 and everyone came to you to try to get it. 567 00:28:50,694 --> 00:28:53,495 - I gave it to the little flower, Mayor LaGuardia, 568 00:28:53,495 --> 00:28:55,461 and I didn't give it to Mayor Newark. 569 00:28:55,461 --> 00:28:57,854 - And the next day, Mayor LaGuardia disappears 570 00:28:57,854 --> 00:28:59,504 while Mayor Newark Airport 571 00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:01,265 is still out there strutting around. 572 00:29:01,265 --> 00:29:03,637 I notice that his jewels haven't been stolen, 573 00:29:03,637 --> 00:29:07,034 and by my bottom dollar, he's still got his horse. 574 00:29:07,034 --> 00:29:08,185 - And I'll tell you this much. 575 00:29:08,185 --> 00:29:10,707 I can tell you that the mayor loves to drink alcohol, 576 00:29:10,707 --> 00:29:12,967 but I can tell you that Mayor Newark Airport 577 00:29:12,967 --> 00:29:15,229 loves to drink envy. 578 00:29:15,229 --> 00:29:18,488 - This may put you in danger, but I take it 579 00:29:18,488 --> 00:29:20,804 if you're already wrapped up in this spider's web, 580 00:29:20,804 --> 00:29:23,991 well I'd say you're in as much danger as a fly 581 00:29:23,991 --> 00:29:27,751 with a big black widow just going doop-da-doop-da-doop, 582 00:29:27,751 --> 00:29:29,470 getting closer and closer and closer! 583 00:29:29,470 --> 00:29:30,884 - Yeah, I'd say that's about how I feel, 584 00:29:30,884 --> 00:29:31,871 and I'm used to it. 585 00:29:31,871 --> 00:29:34,036 That's what it is to be a rich heiress. 586 00:29:34,036 --> 00:29:34,869 - Absolutely. 587 00:29:34,869 --> 00:29:37,271 What I'm saying is that we set a spider's web of our own. 588 00:29:37,271 --> 00:29:39,478 - And I think I know the perfect people to help us. 589 00:29:39,478 --> 00:29:42,889 Come in here, four little street urchins! 590 00:29:42,889 --> 00:29:46,871 - Well, it's a little bit early for us. Bread! 591 00:29:46,871 --> 00:29:48,992 - It's all right, I'll keep the light dim. 592 00:29:48,992 --> 00:29:51,357 I want the four of you to spread the word 593 00:29:51,357 --> 00:29:54,747 that Gwendolyn Tacks has a big old bunch of money 594 00:29:54,747 --> 00:29:55,926 she's looking to give away, 595 00:29:55,926 --> 00:29:58,587 even bigger than the bunch of money she gave to LaGuardia. 596 00:29:58,587 --> 00:30:01,237 - And it's in a room with a bunch of horses and also jewels, 597 00:30:01,237 --> 00:30:02,802 just to cover our bases. 598 00:30:02,802 --> 00:30:03,858 - Yeah, that's right. 599 00:30:03,858 --> 00:30:06,783 It's in a stable inside a hamster's wheel 600 00:30:06,783 --> 00:30:09,155 and it's surrounded by horses and jewels. 601 00:30:09,155 --> 00:30:12,510 ♪ Now, tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪ 602 00:30:12,510 --> 00:30:15,783 ♪ Spread the word ♪ 603 00:30:15,783 --> 00:30:18,445 ♪ Tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪ 604 00:30:18,445 --> 00:30:21,690 ♪ Spread the word ♪ 605 00:30:21,690 --> 00:30:23,503 ♪ Well, extra, extra ♪ 606 00:30:23,503 --> 00:30:24,963 ♪ Read all about it ♪ 607 00:30:24,963 --> 00:30:27,694 ♪ Coming right out of our faces ♪ 608 00:30:27,694 --> 00:30:30,459 ♪ The horses and jewels and people are missing ♪ 609 00:30:30,459 --> 00:30:33,049 ♪ All over the places ♪ 610 00:30:33,049 --> 00:30:35,464 ♪ And if you're missing anything and you're sad ♪ 611 00:30:35,464 --> 00:30:38,684 ♪ Or whoever, how you feel ♪ 612 00:30:38,684 --> 00:30:41,335 ♪ Could we get a tip on who's seen ♪ 613 00:30:41,335 --> 00:30:44,025 ♪ A big-ass hamster wheel ♪ 614 00:30:44,025 --> 00:30:46,394 ♪ We're telling everyone you know, everyone you know ♪ 615 00:30:46,394 --> 00:30:49,682 ♪ Spread the word, spread the word ♪ 616 00:30:49,682 --> 00:30:51,832 ♪ Everyone you know, everyone you know ♪ 617 00:30:51,832 --> 00:30:54,841 ♪ Spread the word ♪ 618 00:30:54,841 --> 00:30:57,808 ♪ And if you know what we're saying to you ♪ 619 00:30:57,808 --> 00:31:00,637 ♪ If it makes some sense ♪ 620 00:31:00,637 --> 00:31:03,341 ♪ The only thing else that we're searching for ♪ 621 00:31:03,341 --> 00:31:06,253 ♪ Is a couple of parents ♪ 622 00:31:06,253 --> 00:31:09,787 (music slows) ♪ So tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪ 623 00:31:09,787 --> 00:31:14,421 ♪ Spread the word ♪ 624 00:31:14,421 --> 00:31:18,497 ♪ Tell everyone you know, everyone you know ♪ 625 00:31:18,497 --> 00:31:20,277 ♪ Spread the word ♪ 626 00:31:20,277 --> 00:31:22,551 - Hey, you all looking for parents? 627 00:31:22,551 --> 00:31:24,049 - Yeah, we are. - Well, sure. 628 00:31:24,049 --> 00:31:28,189 - Well, I'm just the night janitor. I usually work at night. 629 00:31:28,189 --> 00:31:29,022 - Okay. - Oh yeah. 630 00:31:29,022 --> 00:31:30,259 - The day janitor's filling in for me. 631 00:31:30,259 --> 00:31:32,829 His home life is a mess, I think he's looking to adopt kids. 632 00:31:32,829 --> 00:31:33,857 - [Alice] Understood. 633 00:31:33,857 --> 00:31:35,712 - To make his home life better. 634 00:31:35,712 --> 00:31:36,574 - Really? - Yes. 635 00:31:36,574 --> 00:31:39,554 - Kids are the answer to any problem you're having at home. 636 00:31:39,554 --> 00:31:42,327 - That's right, I think that you could do it. 637 00:31:42,327 --> 00:31:45,101 ♪ He's got a messy, messy home ♪ 638 00:31:45,101 --> 00:31:47,944 ♪ He and his wife fight all the time ♪ 639 00:31:47,944 --> 00:31:50,814 ♪ But I think with just two more kids ♪ 640 00:31:50,814 --> 00:31:53,048 ♪ He would be fine ♪ 641 00:31:53,048 --> 00:31:56,015 ♪ They're always yelling at each other ♪ 642 00:31:56,015 --> 00:31:58,052 ♪ About the things they did ♪ 643 00:31:58,052 --> 00:32:01,713 ♪ But if you want to fix a marriage ♪ 644 00:32:01,713 --> 00:32:06,713 ♪ All you need is kids ♪ 645 00:32:07,608 --> 00:32:12,608 ♪ Just get some kids ♪ 646 00:32:12,891 --> 00:32:16,390 ♪ Well, we'd love to help out ♪ 647 00:32:16,390 --> 00:32:19,621 ♪ For sure, cleaning up this life ♪ 648 00:32:19,621 --> 00:32:22,312 ♪ Which is ironic for a janitor ♪ 649 00:32:22,312 --> 00:32:23,145 - Yeah. 650 00:32:23,145 --> 00:32:27,348 ♪ But we would be happy to do this with you ♪ 651 00:32:27,348 --> 00:32:31,841 ♪ A roof over our heads would make us less blue ♪ 652 00:32:31,841 --> 00:32:34,915 ♪ He needs some kids ♪ 653 00:32:34,915 --> 00:32:36,491 ♪ Follow me to his house ♪ 654 00:32:36,491 --> 00:32:39,958 ♪ Come on, you kids ♪ 655 00:32:39,958 --> 00:32:42,578 ♪ Oh, just to check ♪ 656 00:32:42,578 --> 00:32:47,578 ♪ Well, I'm here, just cleaning my own room ♪ 657 00:32:47,584 --> 00:32:52,035 ♪ My wife's gone, I hope she comes home soon ♪ 658 00:32:52,035 --> 00:32:55,819 ♪ Hey, excuse me, I don't mean to bother you ♪ 659 00:32:55,819 --> 00:32:56,652 (Alice coughs) 660 00:32:56,652 --> 00:32:58,252 ♪ But could you give me love ♪ 661 00:32:58,252 --> 00:33:01,899 ♪ As long as I don't give you cholera ♪ 662 00:33:01,899 --> 00:33:06,643 ♪ Well, I could hear love right in that cough ♪ 663 00:33:06,643 --> 00:33:09,833 ♪ So come on in and dust yourself off ♪ 664 00:33:09,833 --> 00:33:11,108 - Yay! 665 00:33:11,108 --> 00:33:15,246 ♪ We'll share the disease called family ♪ 666 00:33:15,246 --> 00:33:19,128 ♪ And it can be you and you and me ♪ 667 00:33:19,128 --> 00:33:22,841 ♪ I need some kids ♪ 668 00:33:22,841 --> 00:33:27,841 ♪ I wish the best of you two kids ♪ 669 00:33:28,488 --> 00:33:31,344 ♪ And there's something in my subconscious ♪ 670 00:33:31,344 --> 00:33:33,095 ♪ Something that I heard ♪ 671 00:33:33,095 --> 00:33:37,648 ♪ Oh yeah, I'm also supposed to be spreading a word ♪ 672 00:33:37,648 --> 00:33:40,782 ♪ Like thanks for all the love you've given me ♪ 673 00:33:40,782 --> 00:33:44,446 ♪ And all the feels, but do you have a tip ♪ 674 00:33:44,446 --> 00:33:47,470 ♪ On cleaning a hamster wheel ♪ 675 00:33:47,470 --> 00:33:52,470 ♪ I've got one in the back, if you'd like to see ♪ 676 00:33:52,767 --> 00:33:57,767 ♪ I've been saving it for someone, and you walked up to me ♪ 677 00:33:58,037 --> 00:34:00,870 ♪ So come on back ♪ 678 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:10,364 - Oh my gosh, the biggest hamster wheel I've ever seen! 679 00:34:10,364 --> 00:34:15,120 Whoa, it's huge! 680 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:17,391 - Pretty nice, huh? 681 00:34:17,391 --> 00:34:18,224 - Whoa. 682 00:34:19,271 --> 00:34:24,271 ♪ And one more question, if I am able ♪ 683 00:34:24,804 --> 00:34:29,804 ♪ Is this surrounding structure technically called a stable ♪ 684 00:34:29,850 --> 00:34:34,261 ♪ Yes, it's a stable, or it could be a fort ♪ 685 00:34:34,261 --> 00:34:36,123 ♪ And I should reveal to you ♪ 686 00:34:36,123 --> 00:34:39,272 ♪ I'm Mayor Newark Airport ♪ 687 00:34:39,272 --> 00:34:41,920 - Oh my gosh, you're Mayor Newark Airport! 688 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:44,294 - Get in the hamster wheel. - Okay! 689 00:34:44,294 --> 00:34:46,554 - You'll never get away with this, Newark. 690 00:34:46,554 --> 00:34:48,135 You'll never get away with this. 691 00:34:48,135 --> 00:34:50,728 - Why? I just keep collecting more and more. 692 00:34:50,728 --> 00:34:54,486 - What or who or when is the missing member? 693 00:34:54,486 --> 00:34:57,620 I don't know, but let's see how it wraps up 694 00:34:57,620 --> 00:35:00,083 in this closing number. 695 00:35:00,083 --> 00:35:02,219 - Hey, Mayor Newark Airport. 696 00:35:02,219 --> 00:35:04,594 You ever thought if you stole everybody and everything 697 00:35:04,594 --> 00:35:06,713 we love in this great beautiful city, 698 00:35:06,713 --> 00:35:09,333 that maybe you'd steal the whole city, 699 00:35:09,333 --> 00:35:11,879 and then the whole city would be here to stop you? 700 00:35:11,879 --> 00:35:13,897 - I hadn't thought about that 'til right now, no. 701 00:35:13,897 --> 00:35:16,376 - Well yeah, if you keep stealing parts of the city, 702 00:35:16,376 --> 00:35:17,705 then you're going to have so much city 703 00:35:17,705 --> 00:35:19,779 that can stand up to you! 704 00:35:19,779 --> 00:35:20,716 - You're right. 705 00:35:20,716 --> 00:35:23,828 - But hey, what if you're forgetting 706 00:35:23,828 --> 00:35:25,784 that you have a place in this city too? 707 00:35:25,784 --> 00:35:26,617 (John scoffs) 708 00:35:26,617 --> 00:35:30,099 I mean, not in this city, but just outside this city, 709 00:35:30,099 --> 00:35:32,372 and that that's really an important part 710 00:35:32,372 --> 00:35:35,003 of what makes our city easy to fly to 711 00:35:35,003 --> 00:35:36,732 from all over the world. 712 00:35:36,732 --> 00:35:39,121 We need you, Newark Airport. 713 00:35:39,121 --> 00:35:41,881 - You need me near, just not too close. 714 00:35:41,881 --> 00:35:43,064 - Yeah, that's right. 715 00:35:43,064 --> 00:35:48,051 We need you nearby, but you just gotta relax 716 00:35:48,051 --> 00:35:51,755 and, well, I think maybe let us all out of here. 717 00:35:51,755 --> 00:35:53,740 - Maybe you're right. 718 00:35:53,740 --> 00:35:56,727 As long as you will come visit me every once in a while. 719 00:35:56,727 --> 00:35:57,560 - Yeah, sure. 720 00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,931 - I know I'm not you're favorite, probably, to come to, 721 00:35:59,931 --> 00:36:03,398 but maybe if it's cheap and affordable, you'll come see me. 722 00:36:03,398 --> 00:36:04,936 - By the time I showed up, 723 00:36:04,936 --> 00:36:07,548 this case had pretty much solved itself. 724 00:36:07,548 --> 00:36:08,685 The mayors were friends, 725 00:36:08,685 --> 00:36:10,638 he'd returned all the stolen things, 726 00:36:10,638 --> 00:36:11,800 and even though him and his wife 727 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,933 weren't getting along so well with the kids in the picture, 728 00:36:13,933 --> 00:36:16,221 things actually turned right around. 729 00:36:16,221 --> 00:36:17,580 And the whole family was together, 730 00:36:17,580 --> 00:36:19,920 and the whole city was together, except for Newark Airport, 731 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,623 which technically was just outside the city. 732 00:36:22,623 --> 00:36:24,325 But isn't that what we all are? 733 00:36:24,325 --> 00:36:27,333 Slightly outside of a club that we want to be a member of. 734 00:36:27,333 --> 00:36:29,573 But you, too, can be the last member 735 00:36:29,573 --> 00:36:32,112 of whatever club you set your little eyes on. 736 00:36:32,112 --> 00:36:33,859 Maybe your eyes are pies. 737 00:36:33,859 --> 00:36:35,556 Maybe you're a bird who's got big wings 738 00:36:35,556 --> 00:36:37,602 that flaps into the sky, and maybe you don't know 739 00:36:37,602 --> 00:36:39,678 how much absinthe you've drank today, 740 00:36:39,678 --> 00:36:43,112 but you know that it's just the right amount. 741 00:36:43,112 --> 00:36:46,168 ♪ When you're looking for a place or a city ♪ 742 00:36:46,168 --> 00:36:49,992 ♪ Or a place to put down roots ♪ 743 00:36:49,992 --> 00:36:52,292 ♪ There might be a couple different things ♪ 744 00:36:52,292 --> 00:36:57,292 ♪ That you're looking for that are looking right for you ♪ 745 00:36:57,339 --> 00:37:00,804 ♪ Maybe you wanted walkable ♪ 746 00:37:00,804 --> 00:37:04,507 ♪ Maybe you want multiple airports ♪ 747 00:37:04,507 --> 00:37:05,924 ♪ But there's one thing ♪ 748 00:37:05,924 --> 00:37:10,924 ♪ You should always make sure you are looking out for ♪ 749 00:37:11,196 --> 00:37:14,510 ♪ Is it a city ♪ 750 00:37:14,510 --> 00:37:18,186 ♪ That would have me as a member ♪ 751 00:37:18,186 --> 00:37:21,710 ♪ Is it a city ♪ 752 00:37:21,710 --> 00:37:25,727 ♪ That would have me as a member ♪ 753 00:37:25,727 --> 00:37:29,116 ♪ Because as you go through your daily life ♪ 754 00:37:29,116 --> 00:37:32,820 ♪ And you get stressed looking for love ♪ 755 00:37:32,820 --> 00:37:35,879 ♪ Find a city that would have you ♪ 756 00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:39,867 ♪ A city you're a member of ♪ 757 00:37:39,867 --> 00:37:43,002 ♪ Now everything's been returned back ♪ 758 00:37:43,002 --> 00:37:46,380 ♪ All the broken little parts ♪ 759 00:37:46,380 --> 00:37:50,003 ♪ Yeah, the gems are back and the horses are back ♪ 760 00:37:50,003 --> 00:37:53,857 ♪ And everyone's broken heart ♪ 761 00:37:53,857 --> 00:37:56,936 ♪ Has been restored better than before ♪ 762 00:37:56,936 --> 00:38:00,814 ♪ We're a whole new swinging city ♪ 763 00:38:00,814 --> 00:38:03,832 ♪ And you could be just as happy too ♪ 764 00:38:03,832 --> 00:38:07,303 ♪ 'Cause everyone else is pretty ♪ 765 00:38:07,303 --> 00:38:10,810 ♪ Find a city ♪ 766 00:38:10,810 --> 00:38:13,746 ♪ That would have you as a member ♪ 767 00:38:13,746 --> 00:38:17,614 ♪ Go find a city ♪ 768 00:38:17,614 --> 00:38:21,688 ♪ That'll have you as a member ♪ 769 00:38:21,688 --> 00:38:24,139 ♪ Oh, this stolen heart ♪ 770 00:38:24,139 --> 00:38:27,843 ♪ And this truth make sure you remember ♪ 771 00:38:27,843 --> 00:38:32,843 ♪ When you're looking for a city ♪ 772 00:38:34,289 --> 00:38:38,767 ♪ That would have you ♪ 773 00:38:38,767 --> 00:38:41,267 ♪ As a member ♪ 774 00:38:51,741 --> 00:38:55,882 ♪ That'll have you as a member, yeah ♪ 775 00:38:55,882 --> 00:38:59,783 - Yes, bravo, another mystery solved, 776 00:38:59,783 --> 00:39:03,544 and another insane episode of Play It by Ear. 777 00:39:03,544 --> 00:39:05,129 Let's give it up one more time 778 00:39:05,129 --> 00:39:07,996 for our incredible performers. 779 00:39:07,996 --> 00:39:09,079 Jess McKenna! 780 00:39:11,665 --> 00:39:12,832 Alice Stanley! 781 00:39:14,904 --> 00:39:15,987 John Hartman! 782 00:39:17,962 --> 00:39:19,804 And Zach Reino! 783 00:39:22,009 --> 00:39:24,846 And, of course, our incredible band, 784 00:39:24,846 --> 00:39:27,263 Gary Grantham and Zach Marsh! 785 00:39:28,814 --> 00:39:31,502 That's curtains for us here at Play It by Ear. 786 00:39:31,502 --> 00:39:35,085 Once again, I'm Mano Agapion, and remember, 787 00:39:35,937 --> 00:39:39,804 if you're ever unprepared, just wing it, bitch. 788 00:39:39,804 --> 00:39:41,129 Buh-bye! 789 00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:43,254 [Alice] Bye! (jaunty music) 790 00:39:52,496 --> 00:39:55,913 (jaunty music continues)