- Get ready for a Game Changer!
Tonight's guests...
Making his Game Changer debut, it's Luke Field!
Left from right, who cares?
When all directions point to Jess Ross!
Anim-unker, totally ins-unker. It's Rekha Shankar!
And your host, me!
I've been here the whole time.
This is Game Changer,
the only game show where the game changes every show.
I am your host, Sam Reich.
I'm joined, today, by these three lovely contestants.
Now, you all understand how the game works.
- No. - Nope.
- That's right, our players have no idea
what game it is they're about to play.
The only way to learn is by playing.
The only way to win is by learning,
and the only way to begin is by beginning.
So without further ado, let's begin.
Players, there is one rule of our game
and one rule only: don't cry.
- Oh my God!
- You should just kill me now!
Jess was crying before her curtain opened!
- I've got a lot going on in my life, right now!
- Without further ado,
let's begin by giving each of you 10 points
to start out with.
Players, first up, I'd like to see you chop an onion.
- This is so easy. I work at a kitchen.
- Luke taught me how to chop an onion to not cry.
- What's the technique? It's off the grain, or...?
- Not telling you.
- Why?
- The technique is, you stick it in your eyeball!
- Rub it really good!
- Real tight, so that the tears stay out!
- Players, if you would each take a position
in front of your respective onions.
- Hm. - Hmmm.
- Go for it.
- All right.
- Do you have a technique for cutting onions, Luke?
- I'll explain it at the end, after I've won.
- Wow, Luke!
- This is like a Top Chef quickfire.
Can I say Top Chef or are you gonna bleep it?
- You can say Top Chef.
- Oh, I think we have a similar technique.
- Yeah, I have one magic trick, though,
that works all the time.
- Stop bragging.
Did you want a dice? What do you want?
- I want a nice dice.
Not a mince. We don't need to go that far.
Luke looking like he's got a very even cut, over there.
- Are we showing? - Completely dry.
- I'm not done, but I'll show.
- Pretty nice, guys.
- What'd you do with all that middle?
- Go ahead and head back to your podiums.
- Will we be able to wash our hands?
- No.
- Oh, okay.
- I'll say, I'm getting misty-eyed.
- I'm a little misty-eyed.
- Cry cams! What do we got!
They're each zooming in on you right now.
I see some redness in Rekha's eyes for sure.
- There's definitely something happening.
- They were zesty for sure.
- Also, wait a minute.
These motherfuckers have glasses, so do you.
Are you trying to fucking trick me?
- Rekha will never trust me again.
I think all of you managed to get through that unscathed.
- Would you like to know the secret to chopping an onion?
- I would, very much.
- So, most people at home
in their kitchens will chop the ends off of an onion,
but you don't do that.
You slice through the middle
of the top where the little thing is
because by chopping that off,
that is the thing that releases the juices
that makes you cry.
- Oh, that's what I did.
- Yeah, I know and you almost screwed us all.
- I did not!
- Up next, receive a little something from a secret admirer.
- Oh my God.
- What?
- We've got flowers for each of you.
- Stop!
- And chocolates for each of you.
- Aw, this is really cute!
- This is very nice!
Thank you. Thank you!
- Each of those boxes do, in fact,
come from someone in your life that thought this,
in particular, would be nice for you.
- Aw, I know that Kait picked this
'cause it's my favorite kind of chocolate
and my favorite kind of flowers.
And then the other day, she was like,
"You like sunflowers, don't you?"
I was like, yeah.
- Cry cams! Anything?
- This is really cute.
- It's really nice. Nobody knows anything about me.
- I'm so alone that I'm not afraid
that this actually came from a real person.
- No, Luke!
- Luke, that's pretty sad!
- Thank you!
- But nothing.
- I mask it with humor.
- Would you mind laying those down
at the feet of your podiums?
Next up, players.
- Someone's coming on to fuck us 'til we cry!
- Oh my God! - Oh my God!
- You're really taking a wholesome episode
and making it dirty as hell, Rekha!
- Why is that always the twist of these episodes?
- Why is this always the twist?
We're figuring it out slowly.
- Each of you is gonna get a laptop and a set of headphones.
- Oh my God.
A free laptop, I think I will cry.
- Yeah.
- Players, go ahead and hit the space bar
in three, two, one, go.
They are watching the first four or five minutes
of Disney's Up.
- Oh my God.
- Obviously, we could not show you at home Up
because it is a Disney property,
but in case it's been a while for you,
let me tell you what our players are looking at, right now.
A young couple buying their first home.
It's a fixer-upper, so plenty of work is required,
but the couple still makes plenty of time for themselves
and their lives.
They wander up a hill, toward a tree,
underneath which they have regular picnics.
As time goes by, the couple gets older
and they end up wanting a child.
It's only natural but sadly, the woman cannot.
And so, no matter, they turn their sights
toward a happy rest of their lives and plow forward.
Before you know it, they're old and gray,
living in that same house
and as that woman follows that man
up their hill one last time
with the tree with the picnic underneath,
she falls over and ends up in the hospital.
He kisses her on the forehead in her hospital bed,
as we cross fade into her funeral.
The husband, broken, ends up wandering back home
and shutting the door on the house
that he and his wife built together.
- It's so sad!
- Psychotic.
- Cry cams!
Anything?
- I definitely teared up, yeah.
- Jess definitely teared up.
- I have, you know, breath in my lungs that is moving,
but I haven't cried.
- Heart of stone, Rekha!
- I have not cried,
but I'm feeling a lot of feelings, right now.
- It was very sad!
- That is a point away from Jess Ross.
As emotional as that Up sequence is, like,
I think it's important on a human level
because, you know, it's about how quick the time goes by.
- Yeah.
- Speaking of which,
here's some childhood photos of all of you.
- Oh no!
- Jesus!
- Little baby!
- You still make this face!
- That's me.
- You still make that face!
- I do, yeah.
- The music does make it look like we died.
Awww!
- Oh, here comes trouble!
- Oh my God!
- Jess!
- Almost the same haircut.
- Oh, ho! That was beautiful! Genuinely!
- Awww! - Awww!
- That's Zubu and Bugsy!
Oh my God!
That's Betty and Jojo!
Mr. Harfo!
- How many cats did you have?
Oh my God!
- Cry cams!
I think I might've got you there, Luke.
- Does a quiver count as a tear?
- I'm gonna say a quiver counts.
- Dammit! All right.
- I'm gonna take a point away from you, Luke.
- I quivered! Sorry, I quivered!
- Here's a question, are all of your parents still with us
or have any of them passed?
- Yes.
- They are with us.
- Luke, I want you to look into your camera
and I want you to tell one of your parents
what they mean to you.
- I'll do the easier one. Dad.
- Slammed, Dad.
- Dad, you're good old, reliable.
You know, I can always count on you for a ride
from the airport.
You worked really hard your whole life.
I think that's gone unnoticed in our family
and I wanna tell you that I noticed
and that I'm proud to have you as my Dad.
- Aww!
- Very sincere, Luke! Very sincere.
- You asked!
- You know, without breaking, I gotta hand it to you.
- Thank you.
- I'll let you hold on to all those points.
- Whew!
- Jess, same from you. Pick a parent.
- Harry or Coco?
- I'm going Coco!
- Aww!
- Mom, well, you would never watch this.
How can you ever figure out how to find this?
But Mom, I love you so much.
You are my best friend.
You're my favorite person in the entire world.
You put everybody before yourself.
You allowed me and my brother to like,
do the things that we wanted to do and gave up so much
and I just love you so much.
- That's beautiful, Jess.
- Yeah.
- Rekha.
- Dad, you will also never find this.
You don't know what this is
and you don't know what CollegeHumor is
and that's okay.
I appreciate everything you've done.
You've taught me so much about responsibility,
about hard work.
You sacrifice everything for the family
and you ask for nothing in return.
You provide levity to any situation
and I am immensely lucky to have had you
as such a stabilizing force in my life.
- That is so beautiful, all three of you.
You know something? You should be writers.
- You can hire, my Instagram is-
- Next up, it's time for the mailbag!
- Uh oh.
- Oh!
- Rekha, fresh off the presses.
- It is warm.
- It's been in my suit pocket for a minute.
- Ohh, hot, hot!
- Luke.
- Ay ya, ya ya ya!
- Let's begin with Jess.
Would you open that letter up
and read it aloud to us, please?
- Oh my God.
Oh my God, my Mom wrote a letter for this?
This is crazy.
How do I put 35 years of your life
into a hundred words or less?
Well, here it goes.
When you were little, you wore flower tops
with checkered pants, liked your shoes on the wrong feet,
and always kept a bird's nest in your hair.
Growing up, you liked Princess Bride and Braveheart,
I Love Lucy, WrestleMania,
Wall-E, and Se7en.
Oh my God!
- That is quite the spread, Jess!
And it continues to this day
And it continues to this day with Pocahontas
and Joe Bob Briggs.
- Yeah!
- You are open-minded and optimistic
and find the good in everyone,
even if it's only a little good.
You treat everyone with kindness and respect,
whether they're walking down Hollywood Boulevard
without pants, oh my God, Mom.
All right.
Or a celebrity you ran into at the Gelson's.
I love that store, by the way.
You have a great sense of humor.
You are genuine, honest and sincere.
You care about human rights, animal rights,
and the planet we live on.
You're an absolute great listener.
I have called you for many therapy sessions over the years.
You love acting, writing, exercising - very weird - cooking,
and most of all, your Kait and Poppy.
I think you are one
of those very rare people who enjoys the journey.
Oh my God!
So many people have complimented Daddy and me
on how you were raised,
and I always honestly tell them it wasn't us,
you just came that way.
You're a blessing and a joy to me.
I love you more than 1 million words could ever say.
Love, Coco. XOXOXOXOXO.
Okay, wow.
Well, that made me cry for sure.
- Got her!
- You blew it.
We'll take a point away from Jess.
Rekha, let's open your letter.
- I'm shaking.
Dear...
Jess,
I've never had a creative partner before
because I usually prefer writing alone,
but when I write with you,
it feels like there's magic in the air.
You are such a talented, inspiring person
and are so deeply generous with your time, car rides,
feedback and vegan treats.
I think comedy would be a lot better place
with more Jess-es who have really killer points of view
and are also somehow genuine, funny, smart,
excited for other people, and just all around good.
I feel really lucky to have met you and gotten
to do so many sexy projects with you.
You're one of the people
that makes me feel like I do have a community
and a home in LA.
I'm sorry I introduced you to the Bachelor franchise.
Love, Rekha.
- Oh my God.
Are we allowed to hug?
Is anybody gonna be mad at us?
I see where this is all going.
- Let's go ahead and take another point away from Jess.
Luke, I think it's time for your letter.
- Yes, so about a year and a half ago,
I was supposed to be the best man at a wedding
and that, due to circumstances beyond our control,
didn't happen, but I have the best man speech here
that I'd like to read now.
For reference, my friend who I was supposed
to be best man for proposed to their fiance
during a game of D&D, so thematically, this plays.
An adventurer lies bloodied and broken on the ground.
- Oh my God!
- Looming above him, five serpentine heads
of an enormous feral Hydra gnash their teeth
and flick their forked tongues.
The adventurer braces himself as the Hydra lunges at him.
However, the monster's teeth find no purchase.
With a flash of a blade,
one of the heads falls to the ground next to him.
A voice rings out,
"Back, foul beast!"
- Oh my God!
- The adventurer turns
to see the most resplendent armored warrior
to ever stride across the multiverse.
The adventurer watches in awe
as the hero deftly dispatches the Hydra.
The beast slain, she turns and extends a hand
of aid to her battered companion.
The adventurer kneels and addresses her.
"Lady Jessica Ross, I pledge myself to you
and promise always to be your humble servant and friend.
All good things in my life spring forth
from your positive influence.
I wish for everything good to happen for you
and I love you very much.
Lady Jessica pulls the adventurer to his feet
and brings him in close.
Staring intently, seriously into his eyes,
she addresses him.
"Nerd!"
And she was right, as always.
And together, they ride into the sunset.
Two friends, continuing their journey together,
honor-bound to always be there for each other
with mutual respect and love.
P.S. If it wasn't clear, I was the adventurer in the story.
- Awww!
- Oh my God!
- That's definitely a point away
from Luke and from Jess.
- I'll take it, I'll take it.
- Grant O'Brien.
- What? What is happening?
- Grant's already crying!
- I started crying backstage listening to this!
Dear Jess, I have a Google doc
where I jot down ideas for sketches and comedy bits,
what have you.
About a month after you joined the writing staff,
I put a pitch in the document that read,
"God dammit, Jess is stealing my brand!"
The thesis of the video would be that you'd come in
and taken the mantle of horny, bisexual theater kid
from me and that everyone liked you better.
But I never pitched it because the more I thought about it
and thought about you,
the more I realized that you and I aren't as similar
as I first thought.
What I was experiencing was your ability
to make everyone you're with feel invited and feel seen.
What my comedy brain initially read as,
Jess and I have the same vibe, was in fact,
a misread of your gift of making everyone feel welcome,
exactly as they are.
What I was experiencing was your kindness and your grace.
On behalf of the people
that you've worked with professionally,
let me say thank you for bringing that kindness and grace
and warmth and good humor and empathy
and just general good sported-ness to the workplace.
I think that might be rarer than you know.
On days when we started work at five in the morning
or when we got behind and had to play catch up,
or when I was hanging around in a Napoleon costume
with my dick out,
- God, I'm gonna cry, now.
- You always, always made everyone's day easier
by bringing that vibe.
It's appreciated by everyone and it's especially appreciated
by horny bisexual theater kids who don't always feel
as welcome as they are.
- Oh my God.
- You invite everyone in. What a fantastic brand.
- Aww!
- Your pal, Grant.
- Awwww! - Yeah!
- Oh my God, thank you!
- Thank you!
- Lovely, lovely moment.
but that's another point away from Jess.
Mike Trapp.
- Oh my God.
- Jessica Ross, this is your life!
- I'm overwhelmed, right now!
- Dear Jess, I've always admired your courageous honesty.
You're truthful at the times when it's hardest,
the moments when it's easier to stay silent
or agree with the group, and I'm consistently awed by it,
how you're willing to be vulnerable
when others are guarded, earnest when others are cynical,
empathetic when others are flippant.
I've watched it change groups.
It's an openness so authentic and enthusiastic
that others have to join you,
like the crowd following the first dancer
on the dance floor.
I always have the feeling that I'm seeing the real you,
with no artifice or secrets,
and I'm glad the person I see is my friend.
And I'm sorry I didn't get to say this at your wedding
and have to say it at a game show, behind a paywall.
- Thank you, Trapp!
- That's another point away from Jess.
- Got her.
- Got her!
Jess, you're blowing it.
- Yeah, Luke and I are doing pretty well.
- Oh my God.
- Lily Du.
- How is this the episode?
- Okay, this letter is to Rekha?
- Jess, ever since I moved to LA,
you have been nothing but kind and generous to me.
You have given me countless rides,
hosted Game of Thrones nights,
and painted this small painting of my dog Jacuzzi
for absolutely no reason but out of the kindness
of your heart.
You are genuinely such a talented writer and performer
and I can not lie when I say that,
so I can't say that to everyone else in this room
and I will do everything in my power,
of which I currently have none,
to make sure you get to do the kind of work you want to do.
I'm not great at heartfelt words,
so instead, I'm gonna Venmo you $200,
- Oh my God, please don't!
- As money is more valuable than heartfelt words.
I'm gonna do it.
- God.
- I'm gonna make it public.
- Thank you so much.
- That's another point towards Jess.
Katie Marovitch.
- Uh oh!
- Here comes trouble!
- Here comes a rascal!
- Hello.
- I've got a lot of grievances.
- Uh, yeah. Let me ruin this.
Jess, I wanna start by saying don't you dare cry,
and if you are already crying,
you better stop because Sam's not gonna give you any prizes!
Anyway, you are truly a delightful friend.
Our first time meeting was six or seven years ago
when we were put on the same improv team.
I don't remember much from this time,
but I do have a vivid-
I was fuckin' drunk!
Just kidding, but I do have a vivid memory
of getting to your house a little early for practice,
one day, right after learning
that a close childhood friend had died.
I doubt you even remember this,
but the way you comforted me, basically, a stranger,
made a big impression.
Years later, you were the perfect writing partner
while we developed, sorry, and wrote Kingpin Katie together.
I loved how silly we both got on that fourth floor office.
You are kind and generous and talented beyond belief.
And absolutely everyone loves you as soon as they meet you.
You're the kind of person, sorry,
who makes me want to be a better friend
so that people talk about me the same way they talk
about you.
Anyway, I love you and let's get lunch or something soon.
- Are you free Tuesday?
- Sorry to be all business,
but that's another point away from Jess.
Well, uh.
Jess, as it turns out,
when you give people the opportunity,
there are lots of folks who'd like to write you letters.
- Oh my God.
- Okay, I'm ready for this.
- God, let me start over, fuck.
- Oh my God!
- Just ask him if you need a body slate.
- Yeah, if you want a full body slate.
- Dear Jess.
- Yo, what up, Jess!
So grateful that I just get to share how I feel
about you and what you've meant to me over the past years.
- Jess is cackling laughter, sweet potatoes, and vegan egg.
- J is for just the funniest person possible.
- You were like a sister to me.
You're honest, talented, thoughtful.
- You're talented. You're funny. You're smart.
- You're effortlessly funny and talented.
You are one of the funniest, kindest,
most supportive people I've ever met.
So great at everything you put your mind to,
and you're so much fun to be around.
Most of my favorite memories are from high school,
and they include you.
- E is for, everybody feels happier when you're around.
- Jess is a fuckin' comedy machine.
- You are supremely talented and outrageously funny.
- You're one of the most talented comedy writers
that I've ever had the pleasure of working with.
- I knew that you were the best writer out there
and I made it my mission to take you down.
- And I will read on that script,
written by Jessica Ross, I'll get so excited
'cause I know it's gonna be an amazing idea
and I get to act a fool.
- I continue to be in awe of your versatility, sheer talent,
and just, what a beautiful human being you are to be around.
- You can take the flimsiest turd of an idea and turn it,
seemingly effortlessly, into something so hilarious.
- Didn't expect to hear turd in that one.
- Everyone wrote the same number of good sketches,
but you were the only writer who never wrote
any bad sketches.
- Jess is a North star. Without her, we're a little lost.
- S is for sweetie pie.
- We bought tickets to see Interstellar
in the Arclight Dome.
Believe it hit us both way harder than we expected
and it makes me wanna laugh, but at the same time,
it also makes my eyes swell up.
- You always make sure that everyone
around you is getting a chance to be heard.
- I'm so lucky to call you my friend.
I think she calls me her friend or asshole.
- And the other S is for so amazing
that I feel comfortable starting a group chant alone
in my apartment.
We love Jess!
- I really hope you and Kait never leave LA.
- Ever.
We're allowed to leave, but you guys can't.
- No, you gotta stay right here. Mom and Dad.
- Thank you for all the trips, the lasagna, the baked goods,
and help throughout the past seven years.
- I tell you this all the time that I'm so happy
that we're friends.
- Much love.
- Got her. - Got her!
- That's another point away from Jess.
- Does everyone know I've had a hard year?
I'm not just crazy?
- Because a normal person would have remained stone cold
through all that.
And now, someone without whom
this episode wouldn't have been remotely possible,
Kait Thompson.
- You can go ahead and join Jess at her podium.
- Awww!
I know why it's been a hard year,
but for the benefit of our viewers at home,
maybe the two of you could talk
about why it's been a hard year.
- Yeah, well, we're supposed to get married in 2020,
which of course, couldn't happen
'cause of quarantine and everything and.
- Jess, you had back surgery very recently.
- Yeah, I had a herniated disc in my back
and I couldn't walk for awhile.
- For like, months. Like, for months.
For like, almost a year, she couldn't like,
walk around the block.
- When you're like, off your feet for six months,
what do you do?
- Write and-
- Wrote, watched a lot of TV.
- We're watching RuPaul's Drag Race right now.
- Yes.
- It's really good, well, right now
but like, the whole quarantine, basically.
- It gives me an idea.
I would never ask you to have a wedding,
but just so that you're not rusty,
what about like, a little practice wedding?
Just so like, by the time you have a wedding, you know,
you're well-prepared.
- Okay.
- Bow ties, everyone?
Kait and Jess, let's put you right here
in front of the arch.
Katie and Rekha and Luke on this side,
let's put the three of you on the other side.
Very nice.
- You look so cute.
- You know what I just realized is,
we're missing an officiant.
- Oh my God! Oh my God!
I love you so much! Oh my God!
- Bob the Drag Queen, everyone!
- Oh my God, thank you for being here.
- I was in the neighborhood in full drag.
- I really do love you.
I think you're so beautiful and amazing.
- Oh well, thank you.
Listen, I've read some really remarkable things about you
and I know that you two have been engaged since 2018
and I know that 2020 took a lot away from a lot of people.
I know that just recently,
you were able to start walking again,
taking Poppy on some rides.
You bring out a lot of joy and a lot of laughter
to a lot of people's lives.
You make a lot of people's lives happy,
so we're just trying to bring a little bit
of that back to you, today.
So, we're just gonna do a little practice run.
If you're not all cried out,
let's see if we can squeeze some more tears.
So dearly beloved, the category is matrimony.
- Hoo!
- Oh!
- Marriage is a wonderful union
to show people how much you love each other
and more importantly, show the person you love
and spend a wonderful time with them.
Kait, please repeat after me.
I,
- I,
- Kait, take you, Jess
- To be my wife.
- To live together in gorgeous, fierce, lesbian matrimony.
- To live together in gorgeous, fierce, lesbian matrimony!
- To put you purse first.
- To put you-
- I said it!
- To put you purse first.
- To keep you in sickening-ness and in health.
- Forsaking all others,
- Unless you're into that sort of thing.
Say it!
- Unless you're into that sort of thing.
- Jess, please repeat after me.
I, Jess, take you, Kait
- I, Jess, take you, Kait
- To be my wife,
- To live together in gorgeous, fierce, lesbian matrimony.
- To put you purse first.
- To keep you in sickening-ness and in health.
- Forsaking all others,
- Unless you're into that sort of thing.
- And by the power invested in me by CollegeHumor,
may the best women wed!
Good luck and don't fuck it up!
- Thank you!
- That's the end of our game,
but we can take another point away from Jess,
bringing her to 0.
The winner of this episode of Game Changer is clearly Rekha.
- I don't want this.
It feels bad to take a prize for not crying.
I feel like I gotta do some introspection.
Just give it to Jess. Give it to Jess.
Fine.
Kait and Jess, you win a National Park honeymoon,
which we set up for you and paid for.
- You would've hated that!
- I would've hated going alone on that!
- That does it for us, here, at Game Changer.
I'm Sam Reich, reminding you that sometimes,
laughter is the second best medicine.
Good night!