1 00:00:05,366 --> 00:00:06,833 Abed. 2 00:00:07,034 --> 00:00:09,195 - What are you doing? - Freelancing. 3 00:00:10,237 --> 00:00:12,102 You're not a spy for the city are you? 4 00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:14,867 They have footage of my classroom and pronounced me... 5 00:00:15,076 --> 00:00:17,101 no worse than the teachers that work hard. 6 00:00:17,344 --> 00:00:19,471 Can't say who I'm working for. It's a surprise. 7 00:00:19,713 --> 00:00:21,943 Well, don't get in the way. 8 00:00:22,149 --> 00:00:25,448 You know the rules. Sooner you ignore me, sooner I stop being a factor. 9 00:00:25,653 --> 00:00:28,247 All right, people. Yesterday... 10 00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:33,223 I wrote the word "law" on the board. 11 00:00:33,427 --> 00:00:37,124 This time, don't erase it. And maybe tomorrow we'll get even further. 12 00:00:37,364 --> 00:00:40,663 Now I'm told Garrett has prepared a presentation for extra credit? 13 00:00:40,901 --> 00:00:42,732 By the way, everyone gets the credit... 14 00:00:42,937 --> 00:00:45,770 because I'm not sure how much to encourage this. Go ahead. 15 00:00:45,973 --> 00:00:47,406 Thank you. 16 00:00:50,644 --> 00:00:52,942 My presentation is about marriage law. 17 00:00:54,615 --> 00:00:56,674 This is me, Garrett. 18 00:00:56,917 --> 00:00:58,680 I'm in your class. 19 00:00:59,653 --> 00:01:01,120 This is Stacy. 20 00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,290 She is in our class as well. 21 00:01:05,426 --> 00:01:07,189 This is what I want. 22 00:01:08,162 --> 00:01:09,629 Oh, Garrett. 23 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,662 Stacy... 24 00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:13,600 will you marry me? 25 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,965 Yes. Yes, Garrett. Yes, I will. 26 00:01:22,176 --> 00:01:23,939 Oh, Garrett. 27 00:01:26,947 --> 00:01:28,938 Garrett and I have been seeing each other... 28 00:01:29,116 --> 00:01:31,107 for 16 months, two weeks and four days. 29 00:01:31,318 --> 00:01:33,309 We met at the school store, Pencils N' Such. 30 00:01:33,654 --> 00:01:35,212 He said he was there for the such. 31 00:01:35,456 --> 00:01:37,822 I remember I was sweating a lot and breathing heavy. 32 00:01:38,025 --> 00:01:40,459 My heart felt like it was going to burst in my chest. 33 00:01:40,661 --> 00:01:43,357 The day I met Stacy, those symptoms actually declined. 34 00:01:45,499 --> 00:01:46,796 Are you quite done? 35 00:01:47,001 --> 00:01:48,969 Yeah. Garrett wanted the proposal recorded. 36 00:01:49,170 --> 00:01:51,730 - Thought his family might want proof. - Now what are you shooting? 37 00:01:51,972 --> 00:01:53,701 You had a strange look on your face. 38 00:01:53,874 --> 00:01:55,637 - You're noticing faces now? - Mm-hm. 39 00:01:55,809 --> 00:01:58,073 Aren't you still smelling hair to tell Frankie from Annie? 40 00:01:58,245 --> 00:02:00,440 - Yeah. - Well, it's official. 41 00:02:00,648 --> 00:02:01,740 I'm getting laid. 42 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:32,060 Ripped By mstoll 43 00:02:33,113 --> 00:02:35,411 What are you doing? 44 00:02:37,218 --> 00:02:38,515 Stop. 45 00:02:38,719 --> 00:02:40,584 Hey, stop. 46 00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:42,722 If you don't put that silly thing away... 47 00:02:42,923 --> 00:02:45,483 I swear, I'm gonna stop loving you. 48 00:02:45,693 --> 00:02:47,627 Oh, that's it. 49 00:02:52,032 --> 00:02:53,863 Happy birthday. 50 00:02:54,068 --> 00:02:55,558 What are you two doing? 51 00:02:55,769 --> 00:02:57,737 We're doing Annie's missing lover footage. 52 00:02:57,938 --> 00:03:01,374 You know in movies where the hero's wife or girlfriend is dead or missing. 53 00:03:01,575 --> 00:03:04,601 So he sits in the dark and he watches her in a home movie... 54 00:03:04,812 --> 00:03:06,507 - Or a hologram. - Or hologram. 55 00:03:06,714 --> 00:03:10,707 - Over and over, she's always beautiful, full of love to the point of being stupid? 56 00:03:10,918 --> 00:03:13,216 We're making that for me in case I get kidnapped or murdered. 57 00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:14,546 Super healthy, guys. 58 00:03:14,755 --> 00:03:18,088 The health department called, they don't want anything back. 59 00:03:18,892 --> 00:03:20,723 - Britta don't look at the camera. - Heh, heh, heh. 60 00:03:20,894 --> 00:03:22,156 Okay, look at the camera. 61 00:03:22,396 --> 00:03:23,624 Today's Garrett's wedding. 62 00:03:23,831 --> 00:03:26,664 For those who don't know Garrett, he's a guy we don't know... 63 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:30,097 that we've known for six years at school. The funny-looking guy. 64 00:03:30,304 --> 00:03:31,828 Britta, mean. 65 00:03:32,072 --> 00:03:33,266 Sorry. 66 00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,840 The eccentric-looking guy? 67 00:03:36,076 --> 00:03:39,842 "What's happening? Everything's going wrong?" That guy. 68 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,105 Remember we said we were cleaning? 69 00:03:42,283 --> 00:03:44,649 Remember about Abed's documentary? 70 00:03:44,852 --> 00:03:47,946 His documentary is about what we're doing. And we're cleaning. 71 00:03:48,155 --> 00:03:52,353 Yeah, but if we're both cleaning, then there's nobody to explain why. 72 00:03:52,593 --> 00:03:55,153 She doesn't understand filmmaking. I lived in New York. 73 00:03:55,362 --> 00:03:57,262 What else should I talk about? 74 00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:03,803 We've volunteered our apartment as a staging area... 75 00:04:04,004 --> 00:04:07,633 where our friends can get ready. And keep each other on time. 76 00:04:07,841 --> 00:04:10,332 The thing to understand about our friends... 77 00:04:10,577 --> 00:04:14,513 is that "friends" isn't an adequate label. 78 00:04:14,715 --> 00:04:19,448 We're an intensely, intimately-bonded crew. 79 00:04:19,653 --> 00:04:21,883 Oh, I can't. No, no. 80 00:04:22,122 --> 00:04:24,522 Do you want flashy and forward... 81 00:04:24,725 --> 00:04:27,785 or cherry and classic? - Do you have black? 82 00:04:29,196 --> 00:04:32,495 That's a no. That beleaguered sigh means, "No, I can't have black nails." 83 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:34,861 - Don't look at the camera. - You absolutely can. 84 00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:37,536 And we all will when our bodies decompose. 85 00:04:37,738 --> 00:04:40,502 - Don't "Jim" the camera like that. - "Jim the camera"? 86 00:04:40,708 --> 00:04:45,145 The color black hasn't had anything to do with death or edginess since '89. 87 00:04:45,346 --> 00:04:48,372 - My accountant has black nails. - Your what? 88 00:04:48,615 --> 00:04:50,981 Don't jump on that. My accountant. Figure of speech. 89 00:04:51,185 --> 00:04:53,517 It's a form of speech called making things up. 90 00:04:54,922 --> 00:04:57,720 - Abed, can you get that? - I can film you getting it. 91 00:04:58,025 --> 00:04:59,652 - It's open. - Is it? 92 00:04:59,860 --> 00:05:01,384 I don't know, let's see. 93 00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:04,522 - Frankie! - Oh! 94 00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:07,565 So I didn't put on my wedding clothes, like you said. 95 00:05:07,768 --> 00:05:10,396 So we can get dressed together and be girls together. 96 00:05:11,004 --> 00:05:12,437 This is gonna be fun. 97 00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:16,532 Annie and Britta told me to come over... 98 00:05:16,710 --> 00:05:19,873 and get ready with them for Garrett's wedding. I didn't say no. 99 00:05:20,047 --> 00:05:22,242 Who says no to something like that? 100 00:05:22,449 --> 00:05:26,351 A cold, off-putting, incompatible person. 101 00:05:26,553 --> 00:05:30,785 The kind of person that turns a sleepover into a stoning. 102 00:05:31,024 --> 00:05:34,050 I had, um, rocks thrown at me. 103 00:05:34,261 --> 00:05:37,662 Biblical, igneous, jagged, hateful... 104 00:05:37,865 --> 00:05:40,698 pointy, ninja rocks, and that's not gonna happen again. 105 00:05:43,871 --> 00:05:45,930 What have you been up to? 106 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,530 I think you already asked that. 107 00:05:48,742 --> 00:05:50,676 - Did you answer? - Didn't I? 108 00:05:50,878 --> 00:05:53,745 - I think I did. - I don't think you did. 109 00:05:53,947 --> 00:05:56,415 Oh, that's not like me. 110 00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,244 Well, maybe you're nervous. 111 00:05:58,452 --> 00:05:59,680 No. 112 00:05:59,887 --> 00:06:00,945 No. 113 00:06:01,188 --> 00:06:03,679 Why don't we just say that if you did answer, we forgot. 114 00:06:03,891 --> 00:06:06,052 - So we're asking again. - Oh. 115 00:06:06,226 --> 00:06:09,423 I have been working. Um... 116 00:06:09,596 --> 00:06:12,690 And I've been tending to my personal affairs. 117 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:14,390 Mm... 118 00:06:18,605 --> 00:06:21,574 My, uh... I don't know if mentioned... 119 00:06:21,775 --> 00:06:25,472 one of my sisters is, well, you know, one of them is deceased. 120 00:06:25,712 --> 00:06:27,339 And the other is... 121 00:06:31,084 --> 00:06:33,109 mentally retarded. 122 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,414 - Panty raid! Ha, ha, ha. - Oh! 123 00:06:36,590 --> 00:06:38,524 When I say, "drink," you say, "now." 124 00:06:38,759 --> 00:06:40,158 - Drink. Drink. - Now. Now. 125 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,987 When I say, "drink," you say, "now." 126 00:06:42,162 --> 00:06:43,220 - Drink! - Now! 127 00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:44,954 - Drink! - Now! 128 00:06:46,366 --> 00:06:49,665 What are you guys doing? We gotta go. The wedding starts in 40 minutes. 129 00:06:49,837 --> 00:06:52,499 - Oh! - Oh! We padded the time. 130 00:06:52,739 --> 00:06:56,607 We lied to you because we knew you'd be late, so we lied to you about the time. 131 00:06:56,810 --> 00:06:58,243 - Yes! - Ah. 132 00:06:58,445 --> 00:07:00,845 You don't need perfect people to make a perfect team. 133 00:07:01,048 --> 00:07:03,642 You need people whose flaws feed into each other. 134 00:07:03,851 --> 00:07:06,445 It's, uh... What do you call it? Um... 135 00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:08,052 - Co-dependence. - Synergy. 136 00:07:08,288 --> 00:07:11,519 For instance, something Britta hates doing but Annie loves doing. 137 00:07:11,758 --> 00:07:13,658 Or something that Annie hates doing... 138 00:07:13,861 --> 00:07:17,627 but she does it anyways because what she really loves is to feel useful. 139 00:07:17,831 --> 00:07:20,493 You literally just defined co-dependence. 140 00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,362 Here's to synergy. 141 00:07:23,203 --> 00:07:25,296 - Oh, look at you, you little helper. - Oh! 142 00:07:25,506 --> 00:07:26,632 Okay. 143 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:30,708 Do you, Garrett, take Jack Nicholson to be your lawfully-wedded wife? 144 00:07:32,779 --> 00:07:34,644 - I do. - Ha, ha, ha. 145 00:07:35,048 --> 00:07:39,041 - I do, Johnny. - Yeah! 146 00:07:39,219 --> 00:07:40,652 We invented a new game. 147 00:07:40,854 --> 00:07:43,015 Celebrity Garrett Marriage. 148 00:07:43,423 --> 00:07:46,221 Christian Slater to be your lawfully-wedded wife. 149 00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:48,394 I do. 150 00:07:49,363 --> 00:07:51,923 - I do. - Ugh. 151 00:07:52,099 --> 00:07:54,158 - He's playing Nicholson. - Listen to him. 152 00:07:54,368 --> 00:07:56,700 We were genius to pad the time margin. 153 00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:58,997 We have three more hours to play. 154 00:07:59,206 --> 00:08:01,572 - Okay. Do you, Garrett... - Mm-hm. 155 00:08:01,808 --> 00:08:05,335 take Aubrey Plaza to be your wife? 156 00:08:05,546 --> 00:08:07,207 I do. 157 00:08:07,414 --> 00:08:09,939 I do. - Heh, heh, heh. 158 00:08:10,117 --> 00:08:12,312 Wait, what do you mean three more hours? 159 00:08:12,519 --> 00:08:14,612 How is that even possible? 160 00:08:16,690 --> 00:08:20,319 - What times is the wedding? - Wait, what time is it now? 161 00:08:20,527 --> 00:08:22,256 - We're late! - We're late! 162 00:08:29,236 --> 00:08:30,863 - What? - We'll drive together. 163 00:08:31,038 --> 00:08:32,528 - We are not. - It's been settled. 164 00:08:32,739 --> 00:08:34,206 Nothing was settled. 165 00:08:37,744 --> 00:08:39,473 They left me home alone. 166 00:08:39,713 --> 00:08:42,204 I'm home alone! 167 00:08:42,416 --> 00:08:44,475 - Well, not really. - What? 168 00:08:46,653 --> 00:08:49,622 What the hell are you doing? Come on. Let's go, go, go! 169 00:08:49,856 --> 00:08:51,551 - Okay. - Geez. 170 00:08:53,493 --> 00:08:56,053 - Abed, you too. Come on. - Oh, yeah. 171 00:08:59,399 --> 00:09:03,233 We are here to witness the union of Garrett and Stacy... 172 00:09:03,437 --> 00:09:04,768 in the eyes of... 173 00:09:04,972 --> 00:09:07,941 Well, in the eyes of whatever power you choose. 174 00:09:08,141 --> 00:09:11,907 Personally, I find the notion of choosing to be needlessly limited. 175 00:09:12,112 --> 00:09:14,945 What if I'm capable of total contradiction? 176 00:09:15,148 --> 00:09:18,640 What if science and religion were mine... 177 00:09:18,885 --> 00:09:21,149 to wield as I choose? 178 00:09:21,388 --> 00:09:23,185 What if I'm God? 179 00:09:23,423 --> 00:09:25,653 What if I'm... 180 00:09:25,892 --> 00:09:27,792 God? 181 00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:32,458 It is likely that I am not. 182 00:09:32,666 --> 00:09:37,330 But I think it's totally out of line to take that possibility off of the table. 183 00:09:37,537 --> 00:09:40,506 Now, I understand that vows have been written? 184 00:09:40,707 --> 00:09:43,301 Stacy, when I first saw you... 185 00:09:43,510 --> 00:09:45,637 looking at you made me feel good. 186 00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,404 Touching you felt better. 187 00:09:47,614 --> 00:09:50,606 And knowing you made me realize that without you... 188 00:09:50,817 --> 00:09:53,149 I am incomplete. 189 00:09:53,353 --> 00:09:56,413 - I know I look pretty complete. - Heh, heh, heh. 190 00:09:56,556 --> 00:09:58,854 Somebody over there laughed at that the wrong way. 191 00:09:59,626 --> 00:10:02,322 You are my body and my soul. 192 00:10:02,529 --> 00:10:04,429 You are my favorite video game. 193 00:10:04,631 --> 00:10:07,156 Guys. Come on. Guys. Guys. Guys. 194 00:10:08,135 --> 00:10:10,467 - Everybody's looking at us. - Shh! 195 00:10:10,637 --> 00:10:13,834 - Your "shh" was louder than what I said. - Shh. 196 00:10:14,007 --> 00:10:18,444 - Shh! - Shh! 197 00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:20,044 Welcome. 198 00:10:20,347 --> 00:10:23,373 Everyone back there, you're welcome. Please join us. 199 00:10:23,817 --> 00:10:26,149 Any of those people could be God. 200 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,488 - Over there? - Yeah. 201 00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:38,686 Garrett, since we met, you have felt so familiar. 202 00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:41,231 I love making sandwiches with you. 203 00:10:41,468 --> 00:10:43,766 I love folding towels with you. 204 00:10:44,004 --> 00:10:46,996 I love giving you your pain killers at the end of the day. 205 00:10:47,207 --> 00:10:48,902 Aw. 206 00:10:49,076 --> 00:10:51,567 Well, that's... Those aren't really vows. 207 00:10:51,778 --> 00:10:55,077 - A list of things you love about me. - I'm so sorry. 208 00:10:55,282 --> 00:10:57,182 - It's okay. - Garrett... 209 00:10:57,384 --> 00:11:00,410 do you take Stacy to be your lawfully-wedded wife? 210 00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:01,678 - I do. - Heh, heh, heh. 211 00:11:01,888 --> 00:11:05,619 Stacy, do you take Garrett to be your lawfully-wedded husband... 212 00:11:05,859 --> 00:11:10,523 to have and to hold, and to honor? - Yes. Yes, I do. 213 00:11:17,704 --> 00:11:21,367 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. And Mrs. Garrett Lambert. 214 00:11:21,575 --> 00:11:23,372 Garrett, you may kiss Mrs. Garrett. 215 00:11:35,288 --> 00:11:38,018 Where the party at? Oh. 216 00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:42,753 Okay, let's endure this. 217 00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:44,294 Are we nailing today or what? 218 00:11:44,531 --> 00:11:46,726 Who would've thought Barrett's wedding would be the best day? 219 00:11:46,933 --> 00:11:50,096 Definitely not Garrett, since his name's not Barrett. 220 00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:52,431 - Oopsie. Me say wrong name. - Oh, racist. 221 00:11:52,639 --> 00:11:54,971 - Oh, no, you a racist. - You guys are racist. 222 00:11:55,175 --> 00:11:57,541 - Everyone from here to there is racist. - Yeah. 223 00:11:59,613 --> 00:12:01,672 Oh. 224 00:12:01,848 --> 00:12:03,839 - Hi. - Having a good time? 225 00:12:04,084 --> 00:12:05,551 - Yes. - Are you Garrett's mom? 226 00:12:05,752 --> 00:12:07,913 - I sure am. - Aw. 227 00:12:08,088 --> 00:12:11,854 I think you guys could maybe take a step back. 228 00:12:12,092 --> 00:12:16,119 Gain a little perspective so you don't wreck the whole night... 229 00:12:16,329 --> 00:12:17,921 for some wonderful people. 230 00:12:19,065 --> 00:12:23,593 You came to a wedding in the middle of the vows through a bush. 231 00:12:24,137 --> 00:12:26,264 I'm not Dr. Phil... 232 00:12:26,673 --> 00:12:30,837 but I don't want my son to kill himself. So do what you gotta do. 233 00:12:31,444 --> 00:12:33,071 Yeah. 234 00:12:35,682 --> 00:12:37,445 Ooh... 235 00:12:37,617 --> 00:12:39,585 - Holy crap. - What have we done? 236 00:12:39,786 --> 00:12:41,811 Okay, we just got checked. 237 00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,353 And it was pretty deserved. 238 00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:46,218 We're not gonna stand here and lick our wounds either. 239 00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:47,653 Jeff is right. 240 00:12:47,861 --> 00:12:50,796 And that chipper, passive-aggressive lady, she's right too. 241 00:12:50,997 --> 00:12:52,988 So let's spread out and... 242 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,395 Be the best wedding guests... 243 00:12:55,635 --> 00:12:57,626 anyone has ever seen. 244 00:12:57,838 --> 00:13:00,238 - Yes. - Not gonna overthink. Just gonna try it. 245 00:13:00,473 --> 00:13:01,667 Yes, yes, yes. 246 00:13:01,842 --> 00:13:03,503 - Hey. - Mazel tov. 247 00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:07,009 So a stranger walked over to our very proud group... 248 00:13:07,214 --> 00:13:09,705 and smashed our pride into pieces with a hammer... 249 00:13:09,916 --> 00:13:12,180 which definitely felt like a disaster. 250 00:13:12,385 --> 00:13:15,650 Then I started to pick up the pieces of our pride. 251 00:13:15,856 --> 00:13:18,017 And, weirdly enough... 252 00:13:18,225 --> 00:13:22,355 the first piece I picked up was my own pride, all of it. 253 00:13:22,562 --> 00:13:27,499 It's like groups and people in groups can never be complete at the same time. 254 00:13:28,335 --> 00:13:30,064 Does that make any sense? 255 00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:32,060 No? 256 00:13:32,739 --> 00:13:34,934 Well, that's your problem. 257 00:13:35,508 --> 00:13:36,736 I love you, Abed. 258 00:13:36,943 --> 00:13:38,774 Do I know how to be a good wedding guest? 259 00:13:39,012 --> 00:13:42,038 Yes, I do. A little too well. That's the problem. 260 00:13:42,382 --> 00:13:44,441 My name is Elroy Patashnik... 261 00:13:44,684 --> 00:13:46,777 and from 2006 to 2009... 262 00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:49,215 I was addicted to encouraging white people. 263 00:13:49,422 --> 00:13:51,083 All right. 264 00:13:51,291 --> 00:13:53,225 Now there's a man who knows his meatballs. 265 00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:55,287 - It started as survival. - Thank you. 266 00:13:55,528 --> 00:13:58,463 The tech industry in the 90s, this face, this voice... 267 00:13:58,698 --> 00:14:01,531 They'll either help you or hold you back. So you tap the gas. 268 00:14:01,735 --> 00:14:04,101 Because, well, why tap the brake? 269 00:14:04,304 --> 00:14:05,737 Oh, you know. 270 00:14:05,939 --> 00:14:08,066 You know what you're doing. 271 00:14:08,275 --> 00:14:11,802 This man knows exactly what he's doing. Heh, heh, heh. 272 00:14:11,978 --> 00:14:13,912 I learned the cheat code. 273 00:14:14,114 --> 00:14:17,208 White people like encouragement. It really doesn't matter what for. 274 00:14:17,417 --> 00:14:18,975 Now, that's a container for liquid. 275 00:14:19,219 --> 00:14:20,413 Never felt like a sell-out. 276 00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:23,714 I never laughed at anything unfunny, never said anything untrue. 277 00:14:23,924 --> 00:14:25,551 The thing is... 278 00:14:26,259 --> 00:14:28,557 and this will sound racist... 279 00:14:28,762 --> 00:14:32,095 white people are discouraged, and discouraging to each other. 280 00:14:32,299 --> 00:14:35,291 Sweetie, you're getting meatball juice everywhere but your plate. 281 00:14:35,502 --> 00:14:37,436 Doing better than you with your asparagus. 282 00:14:37,637 --> 00:14:41,403 Oh, now that's the way to handle a meatball. Heh, heh. 283 00:14:41,574 --> 00:14:43,064 And look at you. 284 00:14:43,276 --> 00:14:44,800 - Working that asparagus. - Heh, heh. 285 00:14:45,011 --> 00:14:49,345 So the day you start telling them, "Hey, just do what you're doing." 286 00:14:49,749 --> 00:14:51,580 - I love you. - I love you. 287 00:14:51,785 --> 00:14:53,980 You feel like a superhero. 288 00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,745 What's the danger? Why'd I stop? 289 00:14:56,957 --> 00:14:58,254 Well... 290 00:14:58,458 --> 00:15:01,291 same as with anything else that makes you feel good. 291 00:15:01,494 --> 00:15:03,155 If you don't put a lid on it... 292 00:15:16,943 --> 00:15:18,433 There's no lid. 293 00:15:18,645 --> 00:15:21,637 Stacy has a 90-year-old meemaw here. 294 00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:23,543 I pushed her around the dance floor. 295 00:15:23,783 --> 00:15:26,115 - I think she liked it. - No, that's Polly. 296 00:15:26,319 --> 00:15:29,550 No, great-Aunt Polly is Garrett's side. 297 00:15:29,789 --> 00:15:31,279 I haven't met her. 298 00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:33,891 Oh, my God. Do you think she saw me pushing meemaw? 299 00:15:34,127 --> 00:15:36,027 Now she's wondering what's wrong with her? 300 00:15:36,262 --> 00:15:37,320 - I'll be back. - Annie. 301 00:15:37,530 --> 00:15:40,966 The world will still need you after you finish your cake. 302 00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:44,261 - Am I that bad? - We have the same dragon. 303 00:15:44,471 --> 00:15:48,532 Eventually, you will slay it, or train it, or dissolve in its stomach. 304 00:15:48,775 --> 00:15:51,369 Its name is "helping others." 305 00:15:51,578 --> 00:15:55,571 - If I train it, can I give it a cooler name? - If you do, you can do anything you want. 306 00:15:55,815 --> 00:15:59,774 If you slay it, I don't know. I guess you get a new dragon named "Yourself." 307 00:15:59,986 --> 00:16:02,784 - And then you'd be Jeff Winger. - Heh, heh. Yeah. 308 00:16:02,989 --> 00:16:04,422 That guy needs help. 309 00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:13,923 What would you name your dragon? I think we need a list of dragon names. 310 00:16:14,167 --> 00:16:15,225 Yeah. 311 00:16:15,402 --> 00:16:17,529 "Then we need to get you away from Jeff"'... 312 00:16:17,737 --> 00:16:21,696 is what I wanted to say. But how is that my business? 313 00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:26,673 You don't show these to people when you finish them? 314 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:29,508 - No. - Okay, good. Heh. 315 00:16:32,886 --> 00:16:35,013 So then why do you make them again? 316 00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:38,213 It relaxes me. It's like knitting, with less discipline. 317 00:16:38,591 --> 00:16:40,923 Princess Fire Breath. Sir Pent. 318 00:16:41,127 --> 00:16:44,528 Dr. Rachel Spinetail. Holly Hot Breath. Ugh. 319 00:16:44,731 --> 00:16:46,858 Jimmy Talon. Christian Scale. 320 00:16:47,033 --> 00:16:49,058 I got into a bit of a celebrity pun-barrel. 321 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:53,330 Carson Scaly, Jude Claw, Ariana Puffington. 322 00:16:53,773 --> 00:16:56,139 Hi. Are these your biggest ice cubes? 323 00:16:56,376 --> 00:16:59,345 No, you're boisterous. Where is my brother? 324 00:17:00,947 --> 00:17:02,881 There has been a plot twist... 325 00:17:03,049 --> 00:17:05,779 in the story of our comeback as wedding guests. 326 00:17:05,985 --> 00:17:09,648 Garrett's older brother, Bones, has relapsed during his weekend pass... 327 00:17:09,889 --> 00:17:12,915 and will be unable to do the best man toast. 328 00:17:14,561 --> 00:17:19,123 So I took Garrett's mom aside and told her after our behavior today... 329 00:17:19,365 --> 00:17:21,265 it was the least I could do for them. 330 00:17:21,468 --> 00:17:24,733 And I'm not gonna Winger speech it. This is a thing of substance. 331 00:17:25,071 --> 00:17:28,165 We pooled all the inside info based on all the mingling... 332 00:17:28,408 --> 00:17:31,673 and this toast is rocket-fueled selflessness. 333 00:17:31,911 --> 00:17:35,642 And this wedding's going to regret the day it thought we'd make it about us. 334 00:17:35,815 --> 00:17:38,477 Because we're about to be the first guests in history... 335 00:17:38,685 --> 00:17:41,381 to out-toast the entire ♪ wedding party. 336 00:17:41,588 --> 00:17:43,317 God, I love my job. 337 00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:46,287 Wait, this isn't my job. God, I love myself. 338 00:17:46,493 --> 00:17:48,654 That was Stacy's... 339 00:17:48,995 --> 00:17:51,828 first time. 340 00:17:53,533 --> 00:17:56,934 But it's not gonna be her last time, right, Garrett? 341 00:17:58,037 --> 00:18:00,335 So many classic toast errors. 342 00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:03,771 A fire hydrant could follow this. Heh, heh. 343 00:18:03,977 --> 00:18:06,309 And please, keep painting. 344 00:18:06,513 --> 00:18:08,447 Don't let Garrett... Don't... Hey. 345 00:18:08,648 --> 00:18:10,946 Don't let Garrett keep you from painting. 346 00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:12,175 Okay, I'm done. 347 00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:15,182 Okay. Stacy's friend Andi, everybody. 348 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,220 Next up, we have a replacement best man. 349 00:18:17,457 --> 00:18:20,551 Garrett's friend from Greendale College, Jeffrey Winger. 350 00:18:20,793 --> 00:18:23,819 There's a lot of things I can say about this couple. 351 00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:26,294 They're both in my class at Greendale. 352 00:18:26,499 --> 00:18:29,366 And like all my students, I give them until about June. 353 00:18:31,838 --> 00:18:33,533 No, you guys will be fine forever. 354 00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:37,733 As long as Stacy never lets Andi babysit. Heh, heh, heh. 355 00:18:37,944 --> 00:18:39,844 - Or go near a child. - Ha, ha, ha. 356 00:18:40,013 --> 00:18:43,574 Or be in the same town as a pair of scissors. 357 00:18:43,983 --> 00:18:47,146 - This girl's a wreck. - Ha, ha, ha. 358 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,652 - He's being too mean. - No, he's reading the room. 359 00:18:49,856 --> 00:18:53,690 - Andi was a bummer. They needed this. - Two people merging their lives. 360 00:18:53,893 --> 00:18:55,087 But that means... 361 00:18:55,328 --> 00:18:58,855 two families are leaving here tonight as one. 362 00:18:59,065 --> 00:19:00,327 That's a big deal. 363 00:19:00,533 --> 00:19:03,559 Now, my friends and I came here tonight as outsiders. 364 00:19:03,770 --> 00:19:05,738 But thanks to some good advice... 365 00:19:05,972 --> 00:19:10,705 we spent the night learning about these two clans of outsiders. 366 00:19:11,744 --> 00:19:15,111 We learned that Garrett's Uncle Tony is a photographer. 367 00:19:15,348 --> 00:19:19,717 Uncle Tony, did you know Stacy's friend Lawrence makes and sells frames? 368 00:19:19,919 --> 00:19:22,285 Look each other up, get some business going. 369 00:19:22,522 --> 00:19:26,253 Oh, and Garett's neighbor Don loves vintage cars. 370 00:19:26,492 --> 00:19:29,222 Stacy's chiropractor Susan brought her dad... 371 00:19:29,429 --> 00:19:33,763 and guess what? Her dad worked in an automobile factory in the '60s. 372 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,365 Yeah, I know. 373 00:19:35,568 --> 00:19:39,060 These are the things you learn being the biggest jerks at a wedding. 374 00:19:39,272 --> 00:19:41,399 Here's another golden nugget in the gravel. 375 00:19:41,608 --> 00:19:44,304 Some of you have worked the dance floor... 376 00:19:44,544 --> 00:19:48,275 with Garrett's divine great-Aunt Polly, 90 years young. 377 00:19:49,148 --> 00:19:52,709 And some of you chatted with Stacy's meemaw. 378 00:19:52,919 --> 00:19:55,410 Also 90 years young. 379 00:19:57,323 --> 00:20:01,020 Now, I don't know if they've even met before tonight. 380 00:20:01,227 --> 00:20:02,785 But we did learn... 381 00:20:03,029 --> 00:20:05,623 that both of them were born... 382 00:20:05,832 --> 00:20:09,563 in the same town, Sheridan, Wyoming. 383 00:20:09,769 --> 00:20:13,637 Now, Garrett and Stacy, would you mind getting them both out here? 384 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,535 All right, yeah. 385 00:20:15,742 --> 00:20:17,801 I know Aunt Polly's here. 386 00:20:18,044 --> 00:20:19,671 Isn't she beautiful? 387 00:20:21,914 --> 00:20:25,441 Okay, who has got eyes on meemaw? 388 00:20:27,654 --> 00:20:29,554 This is meemaw. 389 00:20:29,756 --> 00:20:32,156 Oh, this is meemaw. 390 00:20:32,358 --> 00:20:35,555 Okay, I feel like an idiot. I'm so, so sorry. 391 00:20:35,762 --> 00:20:38,253 Garrett, where's Aunt Polly? 392 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:42,961 Okay. Uh... 393 00:20:43,336 --> 00:20:46,169 Now I don't feel as stupid. 394 00:20:46,372 --> 00:20:49,170 Because either someone here is lying... 395 00:20:49,375 --> 00:20:52,139 or this family's a lot closer than we thought. 396 00:21:00,987 --> 00:21:02,113 And now... 397 00:21:02,322 --> 00:21:06,349 this is a man that knows how to marry his cousin. 398 00:21:09,362 --> 00:21:10,727 Oh! 399 00:21:22,342 --> 00:21:25,004 None of this would've happened if I wasn't trying to help. 400 00:21:25,211 --> 00:21:28,146 None of this would've happened if I didn't help you with your helpfulness. 401 00:21:28,348 --> 00:21:30,213 Don't torture yourself with that logic. 402 00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:32,350 None of us would have met if Hitler hadn't been born. 403 00:21:32,552 --> 00:21:35,316 And none of Britta's arguments would have a default analogy. 404 00:21:35,521 --> 00:21:37,853 - Excuse me? - He's saying you go to Hitler a lot. 405 00:21:38,057 --> 00:21:41,857 - What are you, Hitler, Hitler? - Britta, we're all the worst right now. 406 00:21:42,061 --> 00:21:44,222 - Take a day off. - I did. 407 00:21:44,397 --> 00:21:47,264 Between us ruining the ceremony and ruining the reception... 408 00:21:47,433 --> 00:21:50,425 when we were all just individual people, I wasn't the worst. 409 00:21:50,636 --> 00:21:52,228 I'm only the worst with you guys. 410 00:21:52,405 --> 00:21:53,429 - Me too. - Me too. 411 00:21:53,673 --> 00:21:55,504 I was a good dean before you guys. 412 00:21:55,708 --> 00:21:58,336 - You can't disprove it. - I relapsed because of you guys. 413 00:21:58,544 --> 00:22:01,069 Oh, it's not that big a deal. White people problems. 414 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,908 I like this group. I'm at my best when I'm with you guys. 415 00:22:04,150 --> 00:22:08,018 Well, that clinches it. Separate cabs? Separate cabs? Separate cabs? 416 00:22:08,221 --> 00:22:09,449 Hi. 417 00:22:09,689 --> 00:22:13,181 For those still with us, we won't be cutting the cake or dancing. 418 00:22:13,393 --> 00:22:16,021 I believe there was a guy in a Homer Simpson costume... 419 00:22:16,229 --> 00:22:18,959 that was gonna surprise me. That won't be necessary. 420 00:22:19,766 --> 00:22:22,394 Drive safe. And thank you for coming. 421 00:22:22,602 --> 00:22:24,229 What are you going to do? 422 00:22:24,437 --> 00:22:25,665 Chang. 423 00:22:25,872 --> 00:22:28,170 - We're going home. - Are you gonna stay married? 424 00:22:28,374 --> 00:22:29,534 Chang. 425 00:22:29,742 --> 00:22:34,611 We consulted with a lawyer, and it is legal in this state to marry your cousin. 426 00:22:34,814 --> 00:22:38,545 But after talking to our family, we feel an annulment is warranted. 427 00:22:38,751 --> 00:22:41,185 - What? No, screw that. No, no. - Chang, get back here. 428 00:22:41,387 --> 00:22:42,411 Screw you guys. 429 00:22:42,622 --> 00:22:46,058 This family is so screwed up, you thought you were two different families. 430 00:22:46,259 --> 00:22:48,750 Now that you know you're not, you can't wait to leave. 431 00:22:48,961 --> 00:22:51,486 And you want this guy to do what? Forget he's in love? 432 00:22:51,697 --> 00:22:52,721 For you? 433 00:22:52,932 --> 00:22:55,127 You want him to take one for this crappy team? 434 00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:57,495 - Let him finish. - They were letting me finish. 435 00:22:57,737 --> 00:23:00,604 - I know. I was being sarcastic. - Okay, you know... 436 00:23:06,312 --> 00:23:09,247 Garrett, who loves you here more than Stacy? 437 00:23:10,850 --> 00:23:13,011 - Nobody. - Stacy... 438 00:23:13,252 --> 00:23:16,119 is it your fault Garrett's your cousin? - No. 439 00:23:16,322 --> 00:23:18,950 Is anyone here going to make less fun of these two? 440 00:23:19,158 --> 00:23:21,854 Or be better friends to them no matter what they do? 441 00:23:22,094 --> 00:23:23,118 No. 442 00:23:23,629 --> 00:23:26,257 It's you against the world, and you will not win. 443 00:23:26,466 --> 00:23:29,128 But you get to make your moves... 444 00:23:29,335 --> 00:23:30,996 not them. 445 00:23:37,510 --> 00:23:38,977 Stacy? 446 00:23:41,747 --> 00:23:44,773 - Will you be my legally-incestuous wife? - Yes. 447 00:23:44,984 --> 00:23:47,680 Everyone stay and eat cake, or go to hell! 448 00:23:50,490 --> 00:23:53,482 - Yeah. Way to go, buddy. - Make it last, baby. 449 00:23:54,193 --> 00:23:57,651 - I did it, I did it. This is about me. - Ha, ha, ha. 450 00:23:57,830 --> 00:24:00,355 I didn't think I could do it, but I did. 451 00:24:04,070 --> 00:24:07,369 Smile! Smile! Garrett, look up. 452 00:24:16,816 --> 00:24:19,307 Ugh. So much Jim-ing. 453 00:24:24,891 --> 00:24:27,325 Wow, what an episode of Community. 454 00:24:27,527 --> 00:24:30,928 Hi, I'm Briggs Hatton, credited author of this week's episode. 455 00:24:31,163 --> 00:24:34,189 You might have noticed an emphasis on the topic of incest. 456 00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:35,561 Well, that's no accident. 457 00:24:35,735 --> 00:24:39,501 For the past two years, when not serving as writer's assistant on Community... 458 00:24:39,705 --> 00:24:43,072 I've researched incest on the Internet. What I found surprised me. 459 00:24:43,309 --> 00:24:45,573 Did you know first cousins can have children... 460 00:24:45,745 --> 00:24:47,872 without risk of birth defects or disease? 461 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,208 That's a quote directly from The New York Times, April 4th, 2002. 462 00:24:51,417 --> 00:24:56,582 Despite this fact, state laws on incest remain inconsistent and outdated. 463 00:24:56,822 --> 00:24:59,256 I mean, I can make love to my cousin in Nebraska. 464 00:24:59,425 --> 00:25:03,122 If I take her on a date in South Dakota, I'm looking at 15 years prison time. 465 00:25:03,362 --> 00:25:06,058 I told the Community writers, "Attention must be paid." 466 00:25:06,232 --> 00:25:08,928 They said they'd allow me to address it on one condition. 467 00:25:09,135 --> 00:25:13,071 At the end of the episode, I must appear and identify myself as writer. 468 00:25:13,272 --> 00:25:16,105 Look, I'm not trying to tell you how to feel about incest. 469 00:25:16,275 --> 00:25:19,870 I'm just letting you know there's more to it than you've been told. 470 00:25:20,079 --> 00:25:21,376 I'm Briggs Hatton. 471 00:25:21,581 --> 00:25:24,880 I wrote the Community season six incest episode. 472 00:25:25,084 --> 00:25:26,752 Goodnight. 473 00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:39,560 Ripped By mstoll