1
00:00:16,537 --> 00:00:19,870
I'm gonna go get a shovel
because theater is dead.

2
00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:21,406
Shh.

3
00:00:29,617 --> 00:00:32,415
- Hi, Star-Burns.
- Oh! Todd.

4
00:00:32,586 --> 00:00:35,419
You know you don't have to creep
around to be weird, right?

5
00:00:35,589 --> 00:00:36,749
You're weird at picnics.

6
00:00:36,924 --> 00:00:39,051
Did you hear about the paintball game?

7
00:00:39,226 --> 00:00:41,751
I heard there was no paintball.
I heard it's banned.

8
00:00:41,929 --> 00:00:44,022
Well, you can't believe
everything you hear.

9
00:00:44,198 --> 00:00:46,257
Okay, you just asked
if I heard something...

10
00:00:46,434 --> 00:00:48,925
and now you're invalidating
the whole...

11
00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:38,847
Do you know why I beat you, Todd?

12
00:01:39,019 --> 00:01:42,785
Seriously? You don't?
Because I don't either, that was insane.

13
00:01:42,957 --> 00:01:44,356
I'm 50 here.

14
00:01:44,525 --> 00:01:47,961
I think I could win this year.
I think I could go all the way.

15
00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:51,690
Actually, you'll be settling for silver.

16
00:02:05,020 --> 00:02:11,020
Ripped By mstoll

17
00:02:27,168 --> 00:02:30,262
Names. You give me names
or you're expelled, that simple.

18
00:02:30,437 --> 00:02:33,565
I told you, I don't know nothing
about no secret paintball games.

19
00:02:33,741 --> 00:02:36,073
This is from huffing paint, I swear.

20
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,835
Escort Alex Osbourne off campus.

21
00:02:38,012 --> 00:02:42,381
Hey, hey, hold your horse panties.
You didn't tell me you knew my name.

22
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:45,849
Look, I was about to take Todd out
and then we both got shot.

23
00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:50,252
The guy was invisible, a ghost.
Uses silver paint.

24
00:02:50,424 --> 00:02:53,018
- A ghost. So no name?
- I'd call him Silver Ghost...

25
00:02:53,194 --> 00:02:57,028
but it's probably already taken by
an indie comic book or a terrible tequila.

26
00:02:57,198 --> 00:02:58,961
Bye forever, Star-Burns.

27
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,101
No, no. No, no, no.

28
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,498
- Frankie.
- I respect that you are my boss...

29
00:03:03,671 --> 00:03:06,834
so either fire me or let me handle this,
and go to your office.

30
00:03:08,842 --> 00:03:11,470
I wanna give your paintball friends
a message, Jeff.

31
00:03:11,645 --> 00:03:14,239
- Good morning.
- This era is over.

32
00:03:14,415 --> 00:03:16,747
It was fun while it lasted,
but now Mommy's home.

33
00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:19,715
Everybody with a gun
will be expelled or fired.

34
00:03:19,887 --> 00:03:22,879
Don't worry, my boys and I will
get this cleaned up in no time.

35
00:03:23,057 --> 00:03:25,548
Thank you. Jeff do you know
Deputy Custodian Lapari?

36
00:03:25,726 --> 00:03:27,057
We haven't had the pleasure.

37
00:03:27,228 --> 00:03:30,891
Mr. Winger's caused me nothing but pain
over the years with his paintballing.

38
00:03:31,065 --> 00:03:33,898
- I'm sorry. I quit that, that's behind me.
- Sure it is.

39
00:03:35,736 --> 00:03:37,795
Handling turds has rubbed off on him.

40
00:03:37,972 --> 00:03:41,703
Lapari is gonna be honored this week
at the Gala for a Cleaner Greendale.

41
00:03:41,875 --> 00:03:44,036
- I'd like you to introduce him.
- Why would I?

42
00:03:44,211 --> 00:03:46,076
You're the de facto leader of Greendale.

43
00:03:46,247 --> 00:03:49,512
If you gave a speech coming out
against paintball, it might end it.

44
00:03:49,683 --> 00:03:51,583
No, no, just because I'm not playing...

45
00:03:51,752 --> 00:03:54,653
doesn't mean I'm the weenie
that tells people not to.

46
00:03:54,822 --> 00:03:58,280
Please?
If not for Greendale then for me?

47
00:04:01,795 --> 00:04:04,025
I'll think about it.

48
00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:08,895
- I was a different guy back then.
- Never mind.

49
00:04:09,069 --> 00:04:10,297
Well, Frankie's upset.

50
00:04:10,471 --> 00:04:12,564
Did she break up with someone?
Which gender?

51
00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:16,039
- I don't care, but everybody else does.
- She's upset about paintball.

52
00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:19,805
- Paint? Ball?
- Occasionally our campus erupts...

53
00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:22,881
into a postmodern homage
to action-adventure mythology...

54
00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:25,518
mischaracterized by the ignorant
as parody.

55
00:04:25,686 --> 00:04:28,587
Apparently,
now that Frankie's declared it illegal...

56
00:04:28,756 --> 00:04:31,623
it's gone underground
and is still happening as we speak.

57
00:04:31,792 --> 00:04:32,816
Maybe for freshmen.

58
00:04:32,993 --> 00:04:35,120
But we've kind of done it to death, right?

59
00:04:35,296 --> 00:04:38,697
Done it, nailed it.
I won a few times, no?

60
00:04:38,866 --> 00:04:42,233
- Who keeps track of that? Lame.
- I'm thinking mostly about Frankie.

61
00:04:42,403 --> 00:04:44,701
She's our friend
and cares about this school.

62
00:04:44,872 --> 00:04:48,899
I think it'd break her heart if she caught
any of us undermining her goals.

63
00:04:49,076 --> 00:04:50,134
Yeah, agreed.

64
00:04:50,311 --> 00:04:52,176
Reasonable agreement.
You're both right.

65
00:04:52,346 --> 00:04:54,541
Meeting adjourned I guess.
This is good.

66
00:04:54,715 --> 00:04:57,411
I'm glad we all agree not to do this.

67
00:04:57,584 --> 00:05:00,451
It's gonna make it a lot easier
for me to beat you.

68
00:05:01,355 --> 00:05:02,583
What the hell?

69
00:05:03,691 --> 00:05:05,090
They killed me.

70
00:05:05,993 --> 00:05:08,188
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Don't do anything stupid.

71
00:05:08,362 --> 00:05:10,421
- Do something stupid.
- I thought we weren't playing.

72
00:05:10,597 --> 00:05:11,962
- Is this an alliance?
- Is it?

73
00:05:12,132 --> 00:05:13,827
- What's paintball?
- Cut the crap.

74
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:15,866
- Stop that. What are you doing?
- Uhn!

75
00:05:16,036 --> 00:05:17,094
Go back to class.

76
00:05:17,271 --> 00:05:20,035
- Winger's playing paintball.
- No, he's not.

77
00:05:20,207 --> 00:05:22,368
Think about it or don't,
but don't do it.

78
00:05:31,552 --> 00:05:34,043
- Uhn! Uhn!
- Grow up.

79
00:05:36,857 --> 00:05:40,190
- What are you doing? I'm not playing.
- For a guy who's not playing...

80
00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:43,194
you're shooting a bunch of mothers.
- That was instinct.

81
00:05:43,364 --> 00:05:46,026
I can't help being a bad-ass.
But I am not playing.

82
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,760
- Okay, so let's make this painless.
- Take it easy.

83
00:05:48,936 --> 00:05:51,769
- Leave her alone.
- Knock it off, Frankie is coming.

84
00:05:51,939 --> 00:05:54,635
What is important to you people?

85
00:05:56,410 --> 00:05:59,379
Jeff Winger shot me.

86
00:06:01,215 --> 00:06:03,445
Do I use echolocation to navigate?

87
00:06:03,617 --> 00:06:05,380
Why'd you ask that?
You're not a bat.

88
00:06:05,552 --> 00:06:06,814
Hello.

89
00:06:06,987 --> 00:06:08,318
- Hi, Frankie.
- Frankie.

90
00:06:08,489 --> 00:06:12,755
Jeff, a student just passed by me
and said you shot him, with paint.

91
00:06:13,794 --> 00:06:15,728
Uh... Okay.

92
00:06:15,896 --> 00:06:19,024
So you are definitely
not playing paintball.

93
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,761
- No.
- Frankie, I've been cool up until now...

94
00:06:21,935 --> 00:06:25,393
but I gotta tell you, I'm starting
to get offended by your suspicion.

95
00:06:25,572 --> 00:06:26,596
Well...

96
00:06:26,774 --> 00:06:29,140
Well is a hole in the ground
when you're thirsty.

97
00:06:29,309 --> 00:06:31,607
I'm telling you,
I ain't playing no paintball.

98
00:06:31,779 --> 00:06:34,373
- Bam!
- Okay.

99
00:06:34,548 --> 00:06:35,776
Take it easy, guys.

100
00:06:35,949 --> 00:06:39,282
And for what it's worth, thank you
for teaching me the cool new way...

101
00:06:39,453 --> 00:06:42,388
to respond to people saying
the word "well." Ha-ha.

102
00:06:42,556 --> 00:06:44,421
- All right, guys.
- Bye, Franks.

103
00:06:44,591 --> 00:06:45,956
- Bye, Frankie.
- Take it easy.

104
00:06:46,126 --> 00:06:47,593
- Bye.
- See you.

105
00:06:49,396 --> 00:06:52,024
- Will you stop doing that?
- Don't hate the player.

106
00:06:52,199 --> 00:06:56,659
Colloquialisms aside, Annie's right.
The thing to hate this year is the game.

107
00:06:56,837 --> 00:06:58,270
Can I show you all something?

108
00:07:00,474 --> 00:07:03,910
This game is being run anonymously
through a server, but who set it up?

109
00:07:04,077 --> 00:07:06,773
They haven't left a clue, which is
a big clue, because if they're this good...

110
00:07:06,947 --> 00:07:09,040
- Why are they here?
- Whoever's running it...

111
00:07:09,216 --> 00:07:13,016
is offering a cash prize to the winner,
more evidence they don't go here.

112
00:07:13,187 --> 00:07:15,553
And they seem to have
their own man in the game.

113
00:07:15,722 --> 00:07:19,089
You've heard about a mysterious player
using silver paintballs.

114
00:07:19,259 --> 00:07:20,920
Well, look at these IP addresses.

115
00:07:21,094 --> 00:07:24,257
If that means what I think it means,
we're dealing with gibberish.

116
00:07:24,431 --> 00:07:26,922
- Those are mine.
- That's a student or teacher...

117
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,568
opening an encrypted tunnel
to an off-campus site.

118
00:07:29,736 --> 00:07:30,862
I do that all the time.

119
00:07:31,038 --> 00:07:33,700
- I save it all for Saturday night.
- Right, no big deal.

120
00:07:33,874 --> 00:07:36,468
Unless you always do it immediately
before a player...

121
00:07:36,643 --> 00:07:39,612
is taken out with silver paintballs
by an unknown shooter.

122
00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:42,977
And unless the IP address
that you're connecting to is this one.

123
00:07:44,384 --> 00:07:46,648
- Of course.
- Who's the silver-paintballs guy?

124
00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:48,481
Spy, assassin, mercenary...

125
00:07:48,655 --> 00:07:51,647
a bad person walking among us
laughing, laughing quietly...

126
00:07:51,825 --> 00:07:54,316
then pretending he was looking
at something funny.

127
00:07:54,495 --> 00:07:56,360
I suppose you all should be in trouble.

128
00:07:58,198 --> 00:07:59,688
But desperate deans...

129
00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:01,961
But...

130
00:08:02,970 --> 00:08:04,403
But desperate...

131
00:08:07,708 --> 00:08:09,039
But des...

132
00:08:11,778 --> 00:08:14,246
But desperate deans calls
for dean-sperate measures.

133
00:08:14,414 --> 00:08:17,645
From here on out, you work for me.

134
00:08:19,553 --> 00:08:21,714
Everything you're saying
just proves my point.

135
00:08:21,889 --> 00:08:24,380
That the only way to lose this game
is to play it.

136
00:08:24,558 --> 00:08:26,719
I say we do the honest thing
and tell Frankie.

137
00:08:26,894 --> 00:08:29,260
The school's playing and losing.
Frankie included.

138
00:08:29,429 --> 00:08:32,830
If we play to win, we not only
take City College's money...

139
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,299
we can expose Silver Ballz
and City College and save Greendale.

140
00:08:36,470 --> 00:08:39,268
- Which is basically saving Frankie.
- So we lay low...

141
00:08:39,439 --> 00:08:41,566
and try to find out
who Silver Ballz is.

142
00:08:41,742 --> 00:08:44,108
To be clear,
we did not vote on that name.

143
00:08:44,278 --> 00:08:46,508
Here's a name you don't have to vote on.

144
00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:49,012
You just became the Secret Dean Force.

145
00:08:49,182 --> 00:08:50,672
The Dean Boys. Task Force Dean.

146
00:08:50,851 --> 00:08:53,615
His Dean's Secret People.
I know the word "Dean" is in it.

147
00:08:54,054 --> 00:08:57,285
Because when the politicians fail
and the peace talks fall apart...

148
00:08:57,457 --> 00:09:00,085
when it seems like all is lost...

149
00:09:00,260 --> 00:09:02,922
and nobody really needs
the dean anymore...

150
00:09:03,096 --> 00:09:07,226
because Frankie's here,
that's when you go in.

151
00:09:07,401 --> 00:09:12,134
The last bastion of a bygone era
when people respected me.

152
00:09:16,376 --> 00:09:19,470
Dean Force. One.

153
00:09:22,282 --> 00:09:24,807
If you're gonna hang around,
we could use some water.

154
00:09:24,985 --> 00:09:26,282
On it.

155
00:09:31,091 --> 00:09:34,390
"Club Club."
The last club I thought I'd ever join.

156
00:09:34,561 --> 00:09:37,189
Your target is a small-time
paintball munitions dealer.

157
00:09:37,364 --> 00:09:41,824
All we know is he's a white male over 30,
and his street name is Fun Dad.

158
00:09:42,002 --> 00:09:44,197
All right, is everybody
in this club ready...

159
00:09:44,371 --> 00:09:46,532
to party the way they do in clubs?

160
00:09:49,476 --> 00:09:52,343
Connor, stop horsing around with Billy,
and party.

161
00:09:52,512 --> 00:09:54,639
The DJ might be the guy
from MeowMeowBeenz.

162
00:09:54,815 --> 00:09:57,807
We need clean intelligence, Abed.
No references, no callbacks.

163
00:09:57,985 --> 00:10:00,351
Excuse me, good sir,
if I could have the mic.

164
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:05,685
Attention shoppers, there's a sale
on partying in my pants aisle...

165
00:10:05,859 --> 00:10:07,554
everything in my pants must go.

166
00:10:07,728 --> 00:10:10,356
Well, not everything, that doesn't...
You know what I...

167
00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:12,657
- Koogler.
- Aladdin.

168
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:14,460
I thought your name was Fun Dad.

169
00:10:14,635 --> 00:10:17,502
- No...
- That was easy. I need ammunition.

170
00:10:17,671 --> 00:10:19,502
- Are you a narc?
- Why would I answer honestly?

171
00:10:19,673 --> 00:10:22,335
Good point.
That's how most people answer, so...

172
00:10:22,509 --> 00:10:24,739
It's a bad question.
We just get so many narcs.

173
00:10:24,911 --> 00:10:28,711
Don't forget there's a sign-up sheet
on the back wall for "Club Club" Club.

174
00:10:28,882 --> 00:10:31,874
Listen, I'm so glad, Omar,
that you're interested in paintball.

175
00:10:32,052 --> 00:10:33,952
I have to tell you,
no shooting in here.

176
00:10:34,121 --> 00:10:36,885
The first rule of Club Club
is that we are not a fight club.

177
00:10:37,057 --> 00:10:39,321
The second rule is that
if you're a hot lady...

178
00:10:39,493 --> 00:10:41,393
you have to have sex with me.

179
00:10:41,561 --> 00:10:44,359
Then there's a bunch of rules
that they've been adding...

180
00:10:44,531 --> 00:10:47,523
because of the lawsuits
based on that second rule...

181
00:10:47,701 --> 00:10:50,693
which I'm not allowed to call a rule,
that was my screw-up.

182
00:10:50,871 --> 00:10:53,863
Let me show you what I got here.
These are Blue Travelers.

183
00:10:54,041 --> 00:10:58,205
I think I've got
some Sarcastic Mellow Yellows in here.

184
00:10:58,378 --> 00:11:00,869
Those are great.
And these are Green Meanies.

185
00:11:01,048 --> 00:11:04,609
They explode on contact
and they mark your target with paint.

186
00:11:04,785 --> 00:11:06,343
That's every paintball.

187
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,250
You know your stuff.
Why don't I give you a pro discount?

188
00:11:09,423 --> 00:11:14,156
I'm thinking something more exotic.
Something in silver?

189
00:11:15,696 --> 00:11:17,323
Yeah.

190
00:11:17,497 --> 00:11:19,522
Okay, great, I think that's a great idea.

191
00:11:25,972 --> 00:11:29,203
If you wanna stay in the game, talk.

192
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:32,402
Okay, look,
if you're a narc, you can't play...

193
00:11:32,579 --> 00:11:37,607
and if you're playing,
I do accept sex for ammo.

194
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,752
Or beer, right? But not bitcoin.

195
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:43,219
I mean, I believe in it.
I think I feel like I need it to stabilize.

196
00:11:43,390 --> 00:11:46,826
Who is Silver Man?

197
00:11:46,993 --> 00:11:49,120
My accountant?
Well, how do you know David?

198
00:11:49,296 --> 00:11:51,389
You know what I mean.
Who buys silver ammo?

199
00:11:51,565 --> 00:11:55,592
I can't. Look, if I tell you that,
I'm pretendsies dead.

200
00:12:06,446 --> 00:12:08,812
- Koogler?
- They got him.

201
00:12:08,982 --> 00:12:10,415
That's good.

202
00:12:10,884 --> 00:12:12,875
Then he won't be needing this.

203
00:12:14,721 --> 00:12:18,680
Koogler's thumb drive is actually
a hardware encryption key.

204
00:12:18,859 --> 00:12:20,383
Can it be unencrypted?

205
00:12:20,794 --> 00:12:23,024
No, you use it to decrypt
something encrypted.

206
00:12:23,196 --> 00:12:24,720
A key with a lock on it.

207
00:12:24,898 --> 00:12:27,560
I'll give our enemy this, they're clever.

208
00:12:28,235 --> 00:12:29,759
Why did they pair us together?

209
00:12:30,437 --> 00:12:34,032
Look, a message chain
between Koogler and Silver Ballz.

210
00:12:34,207 --> 00:12:36,266
Now, he's ordering a huge
batch of ammo...

211
00:12:36,443 --> 00:12:38,934
and stressing that he needs it
before the gala.

212
00:12:39,112 --> 00:12:40,841
- City College is...
- Oh...

213
00:12:41,548 --> 00:12:44,642
City College is going
to crash Frankie's gala.

214
00:12:44,818 --> 00:12:48,276
And here's where Silver Ballz
decides on silver balls.

215
00:12:48,455 --> 00:12:52,482
"Which color will look coolest
against a navy-blue jumpsuit?"

216
00:12:52,659 --> 00:12:56,322
Who wears a jumpsuit
to a black-tie gala?

217
00:12:56,997 --> 00:12:59,124
The guest of honor.

218
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,500
Is your Internet not working?
It's one photo. It's taking an hour.

219
00:13:04,671 --> 00:13:08,471
You have keystrokes programmed to...?
Eesh. That's dorky.

220
00:13:08,642 --> 00:13:10,610
Looks like we'll be renting formal wear.

221
00:13:10,777 --> 00:13:12,745
I'll measure Jeffrey.

222
00:13:16,983 --> 00:13:19,474
Mr. Winger. You clean up nice.

223
00:13:19,653 --> 00:13:21,644
Oh, come on. I'm always good-Iooking.

224
00:13:21,822 --> 00:13:23,517
This seems ambitious.

225
00:13:24,024 --> 00:13:28,552
Well, the monorail is more symbolic
of our potential than it is potential.

226
00:13:28,728 --> 00:13:31,424
And none of our buildings
will ever be shaped like this.

227
00:13:31,598 --> 00:13:34,226
But with a little work,
this is how we could feel.

228
00:13:34,868 --> 00:13:36,096
You should be proud.

229
00:13:36,269 --> 00:13:39,796
Thank you, Jeff, for supporting this.

230
00:13:41,074 --> 00:13:42,371
Why is that in your ear?

231
00:13:42,976 --> 00:13:46,070
Oh, I'm raising awareness
of Armenian American stereotypes.

232
00:13:46,246 --> 00:13:48,237
Bale to Belfry, let's check in.

233
00:13:48,415 --> 00:13:53,216
Should stereotypes have
their awareness raised?

234
00:13:53,386 --> 00:13:57,015
Oh, good Lord,
I'm questioning you again. Why?

235
00:13:57,190 --> 00:14:00,125
Follow your bliss, sir. You've earned it.

236
00:14:00,293 --> 00:14:04,389
Keaton to Belfry. I need us all to make
sure we are very, very careful here.

237
00:14:04,564 --> 00:14:08,500
Why don't you set a good example
by keeping your mind on the mission?

238
00:14:08,668 --> 00:14:10,033
And your eyes on the prize.

239
00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:14,136
Prize is secure, Keaton out.

240
00:14:14,307 --> 00:14:16,867
West to Belfry, entrances secure.

241
00:14:17,043 --> 00:14:18,738
Keaton to Kilmer, status?

242
00:14:18,912 --> 00:14:19,970
Kilmer to Belfry.

243
00:14:20,146 --> 00:14:23,343
I'm currently examining a spoon,
only I'm not really examining it.

244
00:14:23,516 --> 00:14:27,646
I'm using it as cover while watching
a somewhat suspicious waiter.

245
00:14:27,821 --> 00:14:29,516
Voice of Deidrich Bader to Belfry.

246
00:14:29,689 --> 00:14:32,988
I've checked the custodial wing for the
third time. Can I join the mission now?

247
00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:35,719
Negative, continue to check
the custodial wing...

248
00:14:35,896 --> 00:14:38,797
and then check the perimeter
of the inside of your office.

249
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:40,432
Okay.

250
00:14:42,369 --> 00:14:45,065
And for the record,
I feel very vulnerable without a gun.

251
00:14:46,539 --> 00:14:49,804
Ugh. Is that the only song
that plays in this thing?

252
00:14:50,777 --> 00:14:54,178
Hey there, dean. New custodian.

253
00:14:55,248 --> 00:14:57,216
- Dean.
- Dean.

254
00:14:57,384 --> 00:14:59,614
- Dean.
- Dean.

255
00:15:11,331 --> 00:15:14,095
Clooney to Belfry,
I've got a bogey with a gun.

256
00:15:14,467 --> 00:15:15,661
Excuse me?

257
00:15:15,835 --> 00:15:18,303
I wasn't talking to you.
I was ordering dinner.

258
00:15:18,471 --> 00:15:21,736
Yes, hello,
can I get a bogey with a gun...

259
00:15:21,908 --> 00:15:26,208
no pickles and three orders of gun.

260
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:31,107
Damn it. Clooney slopped the bogey
and now he's headed for the kitchen.

261
00:15:33,153 --> 00:15:35,485
- Should we go?
- We don't know it's our man.

262
00:15:35,655 --> 00:15:39,421
Kilmer, Clooney, do nothing unless
you can do it quietly and calmly.

263
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,188
- What the hell?
- Nothing.

264
00:15:43,363 --> 00:15:45,661
- Are you ready?
- Yes.

265
00:15:47,534 --> 00:15:49,092
- Clooney to Kilmer.
- What?

266
00:15:49,269 --> 00:15:51,362
- Should I come in now?
- No.

267
00:15:51,538 --> 00:15:54,132
No, you can't ever come in, ever.
You're sloppy.

268
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:58,503
- Excuse me, can have a word with you?
- About what?

269
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:05,076
Well, there's been some reports
about a paintball game on campus.

270
00:16:05,251 --> 00:16:07,776
Oh, you better believe
the kitchen boys are playing.

271
00:16:07,954 --> 00:16:10,388
And this year,
we got a new winning strategy.

272
00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,653
Let the idiots come to you.

273
00:16:12,826 --> 00:16:14,919
Oh, really? Ha-ha-ha.

274
00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:18,823
Oh, Britta, you can come in now.

275
00:16:37,884 --> 00:16:38,942
- Aah!
- Uhn!

276
00:16:43,523 --> 00:16:44,649
I'm sorry.

277
00:16:56,302 --> 00:16:59,271
I stand before you,
one of Greendale's biggest perpetrators...

278
00:16:59,439 --> 00:17:01,532
of paint-related mayhem...

279
00:17:01,708 --> 00:17:05,804
and I am happy to say that those days
are fully behind our school.

280
00:17:05,979 --> 00:17:09,506
Looking back on those dark days,
it's clear that the only heroes...

281
00:17:09,682 --> 00:17:11,775
were the janitors
and the custodians...

282
00:17:11,951 --> 00:17:14,044
- ... left to clean up our messes.
- My rolls.

283
00:17:23,596 --> 00:17:24,688
Stop.

284
00:17:32,038 --> 00:17:35,166
So it is with great shame
and poetic irony...

285
00:17:35,341 --> 00:17:38,799
that I present
the Custodial Innovation Award...

286
00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:41,037
to Vice Custodian Lapari.

287
00:17:44,484 --> 00:17:46,816
- What are you doing in there?
- Jeff, focus.

288
00:17:46,986 --> 00:17:48,010
- You all right?
- Yes.

289
00:17:48,188 --> 00:17:49,655
It wasn't our guy.

290
00:17:49,823 --> 00:17:52,883
The assassin is not
in the kitchen, he's still at large.

291
00:17:53,059 --> 00:17:57,758
And now let's all enact what I hope
will become a yearly tradition...

292
00:17:57,931 --> 00:18:00,627
the popping of the balloons.
- What?

293
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:09,140
Stay calm. Check your zones.

294
00:18:13,113 --> 00:18:14,307
- Who's that?
- Where?

295
00:18:14,481 --> 00:18:16,506
- Where?
- I don't see anything.

296
00:18:16,683 --> 00:18:18,651
There.

297
00:18:42,976 --> 00:18:44,170
I'm sorry.

298
00:18:54,521 --> 00:18:55,818
It's the custodians.

299
00:18:55,989 --> 00:18:59,891
Greendale's custodial staff is running
the underground paintball tournament.

300
00:19:00,059 --> 00:19:03,028
Probably with City College money.

301
00:19:03,196 --> 00:19:05,994
The people that clean Greendale
don't want a cleaner Greendale.

302
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:10,034
They want Greendale to be afraid
of itself and reliant on them.

303
00:19:12,038 --> 00:19:16,634
Oh, what an exciting story. We've got
a real-life M. Night "Shyamala-yan" here.

304
00:19:16,809 --> 00:19:17,867
It's "Shyamalan."

305
00:19:18,044 --> 00:19:22,640
Unfortunately, as with his stories,
I don't anticipate yours holding up.

306
00:19:22,815 --> 00:19:25,010
- Easy target.
- Who's heckling me?

307
00:19:25,818 --> 00:19:27,547
Oh, of course, it's the Indian guy.

308
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,813
- I'm Arabic.
- Gah.

309
00:19:30,223 --> 00:19:32,623
Okay, let's go with that.

310
00:19:32,792 --> 00:19:36,421
Anyway, you know what goes great
with crazy stories? Evidence.

311
00:19:36,596 --> 00:19:38,826
You're the evidence.
Come back to our side...

312
00:19:38,998 --> 00:19:41,694
and tell the truth
so City College can be exposed.

313
00:19:41,868 --> 00:19:44,234
Or I could leave
and get a job at City College...

314
00:19:44,404 --> 00:19:48,704
where their payphones aren't only
herpe-free, they're actually removed.

315
00:19:48,875 --> 00:19:52,572
You think City College will take you
if you lose their paintball prize money?

316
00:19:52,745 --> 00:19:54,940
I don't know how many men
you have left...

317
00:19:55,114 --> 00:19:58,709
but if you're leaving this room,
it needs to be a small army.

318
00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:06,258
Okay, I agree.

319
00:20:16,169 --> 00:20:17,761
No!

320
00:20:19,639 --> 00:20:20,697
Look out!

321
00:20:34,654 --> 00:20:37,214
- Oh.
- Uhn!

322
00:20:46,032 --> 00:20:49,058
- No!
- No!

323
00:20:56,743 --> 00:20:58,005
Damn it.

324
00:21:00,046 --> 00:21:02,480
- We're the last ones left?
- Cover me.

325
00:21:02,649 --> 00:21:04,776
Dreams do come true.

326
00:21:10,290 --> 00:21:12,520
Okay, we got him.
He went into a supply closet.

327
00:21:12,692 --> 00:21:16,093
I know, I guess to a custodian,
a supply closet is like a location.

328
00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:24,834
I'm relieved. I thought this was
gonna be a whole gauntlet.

329
00:21:25,004 --> 00:21:26,130
My heart was not in it.

330
00:21:26,306 --> 00:21:29,469
I mean, I shot a disabled kid.
I can't do this anymore.

331
00:21:29,642 --> 00:21:32,475
- What are you looking at?
- This isn't a closet.

332
00:21:46,025 --> 00:21:48,493
It's really nice of you guys to visit.

333
00:21:48,661 --> 00:21:50,754
Not that you ever would
have done it intentionally.

334
00:21:53,032 --> 00:21:54,795
Your steamy pipes can't stop us.

335
00:21:55,301 --> 00:21:59,135
Well, it would be a pretty bad
museum exhibit if it could.

336
00:21:59,706 --> 00:22:01,003
Give it up, Lapari.

337
00:22:01,174 --> 00:22:05,008
Hey, dean, I have a microphone,
you have a beer, God has a plan.

338
00:22:07,113 --> 00:22:08,239
I have a beer?

339
00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:11,815
It's an old stand-up line
for using on hecklers. Keep moving.

340
00:22:11,984 --> 00:22:14,145
Did you do stand-up?

341
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,720
Is that how you became a custodian?

342
00:22:16,889 --> 00:22:19,949
Listen, man, I was there in the '90s...

343
00:22:20,126 --> 00:22:25,621
I did a few open-mic nights,
saw what karaoke did.

344
00:22:26,733 --> 00:22:28,200
It wasn't cool, man.

345
00:22:28,368 --> 00:22:31,303
We're not so different,
you and I, dean.

346
00:22:31,471 --> 00:22:34,269
Don't you see we're both
in the same situation?

347
00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:36,967
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

348
00:22:39,712 --> 00:22:43,773
Screw it. Shoot them all. One of them
is him. Shoot every single one.

349
00:22:50,890 --> 00:22:54,087
- He's not back here.
- Okay, reload.

350
00:22:54,260 --> 00:22:57,752
There must be a mop jousting bridge
over sawdust canyon.

351
00:22:57,930 --> 00:23:01,127
We're both dinosaurs roaring
in vain at the mammals.

352
00:23:01,300 --> 00:23:03,097
What'd you think was gonna happen...

353
00:23:03,269 --> 00:23:05,362
when you let Frankie Dart
into our world?

354
00:23:05,538 --> 00:23:08,701
How much more clean can she make
this school before she notices...

355
00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:11,844
the dirtiest thing of all about it?

356
00:23:12,011 --> 00:23:14,002
You think I'm a villain, but I'm not.

357
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:18,776
I'm defending a place
where we all get to be our own heroes.

358
00:23:18,951 --> 00:23:21,044
We're all here because...

359
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:23,950
none of us can have nice things.
Aah!

360
00:23:24,123 --> 00:23:27,786
I thought you guys were mannequins.
What a backfire.

361
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,952
Is the money real?
No matter who wins?

362
00:23:32,098 --> 00:23:34,089
Dean, what are you doing?

363
00:23:34,567 --> 00:23:36,296
What are you thinking about?

364
00:23:36,469 --> 00:23:37,800
I don't know, I don't know.

365
00:23:37,970 --> 00:23:41,098
He's right, Jeffrey.
A cleaner Greendale?

366
00:23:41,274 --> 00:23:43,902
- It's like a healthier cigarette.
- Yes, a carrot stick.

367
00:23:44,076 --> 00:23:46,544
- Frankie can make us a carrot stick.
- We're tobacco.

368
00:23:46,712 --> 00:23:49,146
No, we are not tobacco.
We're Robert Downey Jr.

369
00:23:49,315 --> 00:23:53,012
He was so high, he was crawling
into peoples' windows. Now he's Iron Man.

370
00:23:53,186 --> 00:23:56,644
We self-destruct like this because
we'd rather be heroes and villains...

371
00:23:56,823 --> 00:24:00,350
than just kind of sucky people
that need to work at getting less sucky.

372
00:24:00,526 --> 00:24:01,720
She will forgive us.

373
00:24:02,328 --> 00:24:05,855
I know her, I like her,
and if she fires either of you, I'll quit.

374
00:24:06,032 --> 00:24:11,095
She's not the enemy, she can help us,
we just have to cool it.

375
00:24:13,573 --> 00:24:16,565
It's true, what he said.

376
00:24:16,742 --> 00:24:21,975
If you guys lower your guns,
I'm not gonna throw you a party...

377
00:24:22,148 --> 00:24:24,742
but I'm not gonna
get anyone fired either.

378
00:24:31,791 --> 00:24:34,624
I'll see you Monday. Idiots.

379
00:24:39,265 --> 00:24:41,665
- So who wins, what do we...?
- Okay...

380
00:24:41,834 --> 00:24:45,395
on the count of three we're gonna
shoot ourselves in the foot.

381
00:24:47,740 --> 00:24:52,507
One, two...

382
00:25:05,791 --> 00:25:08,385
I'll see you guys on Monday.

383
00:25:10,963 --> 00:25:13,193
And the pope looks at the giraffe
and says:

384
00:25:13,366 --> 00:25:17,564
"I'm in the room..."
Sorry, I can't remember the whole joke.

385
00:25:17,737 --> 00:25:20,399
It's okay. It sounds very funny
based on the last line.

386
00:25:20,573 --> 00:25:22,564
Frankie's gonna be here soon.
Get ready.

387
00:25:22,742 --> 00:25:24,767
We're not still doing this, are we?

388
00:25:24,944 --> 00:25:28,710
We promised every day for a week.
Do you want her to quit?

389
00:25:30,950 --> 00:25:35,387
- Good morning, everyone.
- Waah.

390
00:25:36,088 --> 00:25:39,353
So where did we leave off last time?
Yes, sir?

391
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,661
"I like big trucks.
I saw a fire truck today."

392
00:25:43,829 --> 00:25:45,956
Interesting. Anyone care to comment?
Elroy?

393
00:25:46,132 --> 00:25:47,793
I made a stinky.

394
00:25:47,967 --> 00:25:49,628
Worth considering. Next item.

395
00:25:49,802 --> 00:25:52,566
- How do you pronounce "ba-sketty"?
- Spaghetti. What else?

396
00:25:52,738 --> 00:25:55,707
- Can we go to the zoo?
- That raises a very important point.

397
00:25:55,875 --> 00:25:57,604
We can do anything we want, if...

398
00:25:57,777 --> 00:26:00,041
And this is very important.
If we grow up.

399
00:26:00,212 --> 00:26:02,112
- All in favor?
- Waah.

400
00:26:06,085 --> 00:26:09,213
Then she starts singing
about all the places she's been.

401
00:26:09,388 --> 00:26:14,257
Which, by the way, seems to be
a total of two, one of which is old D.C.

402
00:26:14,427 --> 00:26:16,588
Old D.C.

403
00:26:16,762 --> 00:26:19,731
Okay, fine, Vicki. You're a music major,
not a history major.

404
00:26:20,399 --> 00:26:23,391
And the whole mother thing.
The two big feathers in her cap...

405
00:26:23,569 --> 00:26:25,901
are that she hasn't let
anything change her...

406
00:26:26,072 --> 00:26:29,564
a triumph she shares
with most animals and all dirt...

407
00:26:29,742 --> 00:26:31,505
and the fact that her mother died.

408
00:26:31,677 --> 00:26:34,771
Which is like the one thing
all mothers do.

409
00:26:35,581 --> 00:26:39,073
I mean, was she a good mother,
did she collect stamps, did she race cars?

410
00:26:39,251 --> 00:26:41,082
We don't know.
We don't know her name.

411
00:26:41,253 --> 00:26:44,780
If you asked Vicki the color of her
mother's eyes, she would say, "Dead."

412
00:26:44,957 --> 00:26:47,357
Or maybe she'd say,
"Seven dollars a seat."

413
00:26:49,161 --> 00:26:53,996
Damn, man, I am telling you,
nobody is safe. Nobody is safe.

414
00:26:54,166 --> 00:26:55,895
Blue.

415
00:27:03,542 --> 00:27:06,136
They were a very pale shade of blue.

416
00:27:08,214 --> 00:27:11,650
I'm sorry my show didn't honor
her memory properly.

417
00:27:11,817 --> 00:27:14,285
I'll try to make it up to you.

418
00:27:14,453 --> 00:27:17,616
Actually, we both will...

419
00:27:17,790 --> 00:27:20,384
at the premiere of our new show.

420
00:27:20,559 --> 00:27:23,289
Vicki and Garrett.

421
00:27:25,631 --> 00:27:28,122
And let's have a hand
for Vicki's mother, everybody.

422
00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:31,667
Yeah, stand up, Connie.
Vicki's mother. Vicki's mother.

423
00:27:35,241 --> 00:27:38,301
We'd rather you boo,
it means you felt something.

424
00:27:38,477 --> 00:27:40,001
That's right, you can boo.

425
00:27:40,179 --> 00:27:43,080
- Andy Kaufman loved booing.
- Mm-hm.

426
00:27:44,850 --> 00:27:48,342
Then again, we did put
a fair share of work into this.

427
00:27:48,521 --> 00:27:50,056
You don't have to be dicks.

428
00:27:54,520 --> 00:28:02,520
Ripped By mstoll