1 00:00:18,903 --> 00:00:22,339 You haven't looked at the new courses. I'm like a kid in a candy store. 2 00:00:22,506 --> 00:00:24,974 Candy lost its appeal now that I work at the store. 3 00:00:25,142 --> 00:00:27,474 Becoming a teacher here gave me diabetes. 4 00:00:27,645 --> 00:00:30,580 I was just saying that. Are you always thirsty, fatigued... 5 00:00:30,748 --> 00:00:33,239 and have blurry vision and your cuts heal slower? 6 00:00:33,417 --> 00:00:36,853 - Those are actual diabetes symptoms. - That's what the doctor said. 7 00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:38,215 So is he treating it? 8 00:00:38,389 --> 00:00:40,949 - I asked him the same thing. - What did he say? 9 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:44,117 "Make an appointment through his office during business hours. 10 00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:47,662 This is his home. His children sleep here." You know doctors. 11 00:00:47,832 --> 00:00:49,060 Oh, my gosh, you guys. 12 00:00:49,233 --> 00:00:52,134 There's a class called Basic Grifting. 13 00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:55,204 Should we all learn how to be grifters together? 14 00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:57,670 - Wait, what do grifters do again? - I got this. 15 00:00:57,842 --> 00:00:59,605 - I'll tell you for 5 bucks. - No. 16 00:01:00,111 --> 00:01:02,807 - You better sign me up. - I've wanted to learn grifting... 17 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:06,313 since I saw The Grifters featuring John Cusack, Anjelica Huston... 18 00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:09,180 and almost no grifting. - Don't take a grifting class. 19 00:01:09,353 --> 00:01:12,516 You're gonna get grifted. More so than by that oceanography class. 20 00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:14,590 Only none of you will get a goldfish. 21 00:01:14,758 --> 00:01:16,658 - Then you'll come back to me. - Why you? 22 00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:21,059 Let's face it, I'm the closest thing that Greendale has to an experienced grifter. 23 00:01:21,232 --> 00:01:26,192 Oh, this is one of those things where Jeff gets jealous of something dumb. 24 00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:28,338 Jeff's jealous of a grifter. Ha-ha-ha. 25 00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,497 Because he wishes he was still a grifter. 26 00:01:32,543 --> 00:01:35,239 That's something I can mock, and I live in an RV. 27 00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:37,039 My table folds down from the wall. 28 00:01:37,214 --> 00:01:39,307 I say we take the grifting class together... 29 00:01:39,483 --> 00:01:41,781 have a great time and rub it in Jeff's face. 30 00:01:41,952 --> 00:01:44,352 Who's in and can you cover me? I'll pay you back. 31 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,990 - I'll get it from your parents. - I'll pay you back. 32 00:01:47,158 --> 00:01:50,787 - And I'll pay back your parents. - Which will be never. 33 00:01:50,961 --> 00:01:53,725 I'll get a high-five from your parents. 34 00:01:54,265 --> 00:01:57,359 Each student should bring a briefcase. I don't have a briefcase. 35 00:01:57,535 --> 00:02:00,936 We're gonna grift with briefcases? Basic, my ass. That's advanced. 36 00:02:01,105 --> 00:02:03,073 - I have a few extra briefcases. - Shocker. 37 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,606 We each need a regulation grifting briefcase. 38 00:02:05,776 --> 00:02:08,244 - It's a grift. - What's a regulation briefcase? 39 00:02:08,412 --> 00:02:11,540 I don't know, but they're provided for only $150. 40 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,977 You're being grifted. 41 00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:15,345 Shut up, Jeff. You're such a negative person. 42 00:02:15,519 --> 00:02:18,147 What do you contribute to this group besides negativity? 43 00:02:18,322 --> 00:02:19,584 Guys, watch this. 44 00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:21,418 - Can I borrow $150? - No. 45 00:02:21,592 --> 00:02:25,426 See? Now, who's gonna come with me and show this guy what's up? 46 00:02:25,596 --> 00:02:28,064 - I'll pay you back. - I'll get it from your parents. 47 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,598 Tell them I spit on their wealth, and thank you. 48 00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:47,050 Ripped By mstoll 49 00:03:11,475 --> 00:03:12,965 Good morning. 50 00:03:13,143 --> 00:03:18,046 My name is Professor Roger DeSalvo, for the time being. 51 00:03:18,682 --> 00:03:20,172 For I use many a pseudonym. 52 00:03:20,351 --> 00:03:24,082 Such as Jeff Goulash, Phillip Switch or Baz Ravish. 53 00:03:24,255 --> 00:03:28,351 For I am a grifter and this is Grifting 101. 54 00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:39,464 Now, which one of you thinks I did that on purpose? 55 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:42,905 Exactly, you think you've seen me fail. 56 00:03:43,073 --> 00:03:45,041 You think you've spotted a weakness. 57 00:03:45,209 --> 00:03:47,837 Let me tell you something. With the flick of a wrist... 58 00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:51,072 I could show you a fool one minute... 59 00:03:52,349 --> 00:03:53,407 or longer. 60 00:03:53,584 --> 00:03:56,610 I see you've got your briefcases. Excellent. Hold them aloft. 61 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,286 Pass them to each other. 62 00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,193 Now pass them back. 63 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:08,726 Do it at speed. 64 00:04:08,899 --> 00:04:10,992 Quicker. Pass them like hell. 65 00:04:12,736 --> 00:04:14,533 Pass them like your sister's dying. 66 00:04:15,673 --> 00:04:19,302 And continue that for about 40 minutes. 67 00:04:21,378 --> 00:04:22,902 Wait. Forty minutes? 68 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,173 - What's your name, my love? - Annie Edison. 69 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,840 Sounds like a real name, not the name of a grifter... 70 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,145 and therefore, not a teacher. 71 00:04:31,055 --> 00:04:32,249 - Ahem. - What? 72 00:04:32,423 --> 00:04:33,720 My name is Slick Pockets Tucker. 73 00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:36,519 - No, it's not. - Correct. What will the next lesson be? 74 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:39,754 The next lesson will be passing two briefcases. 75 00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:42,228 You need to master the art of passing one... 76 00:04:42,399 --> 00:04:45,027 then you can purchase another briefcase. 77 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,727 - What? - You talk too much. Keep passing. 78 00:04:54,144 --> 00:04:55,805 It's a very funny book. 79 00:05:04,254 --> 00:05:05,312 Oh, no. Grifters. 80 00:05:05,489 --> 00:05:08,253 I better watch my french fries, unless... 81 00:05:08,425 --> 00:05:11,121 Counterfeit? Where'd you learn to do that? 82 00:05:11,295 --> 00:05:13,991 - We didn't learn anything. The class is... - A rip-off? 83 00:05:14,164 --> 00:05:15,654 What's another word for that? 84 00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:19,394 - All he did was make us pass briefcases. - He kept trying to sell us stuff. 85 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:23,097 Briefcase-swapping talcum for grifter's palm. Oil for silent switcheroos. 86 00:05:23,273 --> 00:05:25,138 Something called extra believable socks. 87 00:05:25,309 --> 00:05:28,745 Those are actually half off. I kind of feel like I grifted him. 88 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:33,281 So, in a sense, what happened is you took a class about grifting... 89 00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:36,783 and? 90 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:40,549 Jeff, you really need us to say it? 91 00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,319 - You were... - Whoa. Yeah. 92 00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:45,428 I need you to say it. Let me just get settled. 93 00:05:47,498 --> 00:05:48,590 Ah. 94 00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:50,358 Okay, go. 95 00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:52,695 - You were right. - Oh, aah. 96 00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,294 Oh, yeah. 97 00:05:55,305 --> 00:05:56,966 Well, you live and you learn, guys. 98 00:05:57,141 --> 00:05:58,540 Well, you live, anyway. 99 00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:01,109 - So now will you please help us? - Help you? 100 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,644 - We want revenge. - We wanna grift him back. 101 00:06:03,814 --> 00:06:06,214 Grift a grifter? That's as dumb as taking his class. 102 00:06:06,383 --> 00:06:07,680 - Cut your losses. - Jeff... 103 00:06:07,851 --> 00:06:10,843 I begged you not to go down this path, and you made fun of me. 104 00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,683 - You pointed at my face and laughed. - We're sorry. 105 00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:15,290 My feelings are fine. 106 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:18,485 I'm just very lazy, and you gave me an excuse to do nothing. 107 00:06:18,662 --> 00:06:22,462 - I'm not just gonna throw that away. - He's even lazier than you. 108 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,124 Doesn't your species consider that a challenge? 109 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,930 Shouldn't you be having some reverse pissing contest... 110 00:06:28,105 --> 00:06:29,572 to determine who's laziest? 111 00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:32,538 Wait, is that where you suck it back up in your? 112 00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:34,973 Sorry. I've only ever done it the other way. 113 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,669 You mean peeing? 114 00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:39,338 No, I mean in the back. 115 00:06:41,018 --> 00:06:42,679 He hasn't done anything to me. 116 00:06:42,853 --> 00:06:45,947 In fact, he sounds like a pretty good guy. I bet we'd get along. 117 00:06:49,059 --> 00:06:51,550 Good show. Good show. 118 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,258 What show? 119 00:06:54,431 --> 00:06:57,366 I haven't seen that show. All right, all the best. 120 00:06:58,769 --> 00:06:59,895 And you are? 121 00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:02,538 Well, I was the guy with a full bottle of Scotch... 122 00:07:02,706 --> 00:07:05,675 and a high tolerance for foreigners. - Ha-ha-ha. 123 00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:08,539 How robust. I imagine that you're Jeff Winger. 124 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:11,742 Turns out we're going to be office buddies. 125 00:07:11,915 --> 00:07:14,406 Hello there, sir. My name is Roger DeSalvo. 126 00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:17,177 Or is it? You see, I happen to be in the... 127 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,686 Grifting 101. Yes, I've heard about you. 128 00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:23,349 That would be your desk. If you need a mnemonic device... 129 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,961 it's the one without someone's stuff all over it. 130 00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:28,825 Well played. Very well played. 131 00:07:28,999 --> 00:07:30,364 I gotta say... 132 00:07:32,302 --> 00:07:33,599 I admire your style. 133 00:07:33,770 --> 00:07:37,331 Grifting people by selling them grifting lessons? It's genius. 134 00:07:37,508 --> 00:07:39,976 - But I call... - I never said my class was a grift. 135 00:07:40,143 --> 00:07:42,873 Don't worry about me. I'm one of you. Was, anyway. 136 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,070 Do tell. 137 00:07:44,248 --> 00:07:47,945 Well, I worked in one of the top law firms in the city as a lawyer. 138 00:07:48,118 --> 00:07:50,643 But guess what. I'm not a lawyer. 139 00:07:50,821 --> 00:07:53,551 Heh. No, I think you're talking about lying. 140 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:57,421 - Grifting happens to be an art form. - The art of lying. 141 00:07:57,594 --> 00:08:00,563 Let's not get high-handed. Grifting is lying. 142 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:04,565 Okay, so like a string is a sweater. Like paint is the Sistine Chapel. 143 00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:08,933 Sure, grifting includes lying, but only a liar would call grifting lying. 144 00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:11,939 And only a delusional hobo would glorify stealing. 145 00:08:12,109 --> 00:08:13,940 Did you say something that wasn't true? 146 00:08:14,111 --> 00:08:17,808 - Maybe we should phone the museum. - I was on your side. You're an ass. 147 00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:20,108 Well, you're a craftless, artless thug. 148 00:08:20,284 --> 00:08:23,185 And I'm God's paintbrush. No, I am God. 149 00:08:23,353 --> 00:08:26,413 Which pretty much makes me better than you. 150 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,556 You know what? 151 00:08:31,128 --> 00:08:33,426 Let's agree to disagree. 152 00:08:34,865 --> 00:08:35,957 It's not important. 153 00:08:36,133 --> 00:08:38,624 Oh, okay, so you can lie. Yeah? You liar. 154 00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:40,793 Yeah. 155 00:08:44,041 --> 00:08:46,100 I wanna speak to you, you son of a bitch. 156 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,937 What? 157 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:50,436 I love you. 158 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,415 Oh. 159 00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,608 I do too. 160 00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:56,776 Good. 161 00:09:00,691 --> 00:09:03,683 Why are you guys still doing that? 162 00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:07,523 Well, it was homework. And we're getting better, right? 163 00:09:07,698 --> 00:09:10,565 Or the friction has melted the handle to fit into our palms. 164 00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:13,362 There's nothing to get better at. The class is a grift. 165 00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:15,869 The next person that says "grift" is gonna grift. 166 00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:17,870 My God, now it's replacing other words. 167 00:09:18,041 --> 00:09:19,269 All right, I'm in. 168 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,475 Let's grift the son of a bitch. 169 00:09:26,650 --> 00:09:29,346 Why are you cheering? He could be saying anything. 170 00:09:29,519 --> 00:09:33,080 Grift, grift, grift. 171 00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:36,157 Grift, grift, grift. 172 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,113 Good work. I can't remember your name. 173 00:09:58,281 --> 00:10:00,715 Likewise, no idea what your name is. Great job. 174 00:10:00,884 --> 00:10:05,514 All right. I'd say you're pretty close to swapping with briefcases... 175 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:08,715 Ioaded with actual fake money, such as this. 176 00:10:08,892 --> 00:10:12,419 This isn't real money. It's just cut-up newspaper, but it weighs the same. 177 00:10:12,596 --> 00:10:13,995 Costs $5 apiece. 178 00:10:14,164 --> 00:10:15,859 You'll be using 10. 179 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,559 - Telegram for Elroy Patashnik. - I'm Patashnik. 180 00:10:20,237 --> 00:10:22,467 Telegram, sir. 181 00:10:23,607 --> 00:10:28,135 Oh, my God. My Aunt Baba died on vacation while in Africa. 182 00:10:28,311 --> 00:10:29,801 She left me a million dollars. 183 00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:32,414 The African government wants to seize the funds. 184 00:10:32,582 --> 00:10:34,516 Class dismissed. 185 00:10:36,319 --> 00:10:38,253 Not you. 186 00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:43,987 Are you out of your mind? 187 00:10:44,161 --> 00:10:46,152 - What? - The African Telegram. 188 00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:47,762 The Jim Belushi of grifts. 189 00:10:47,931 --> 00:10:49,558 Are you trying to grift me? 190 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:52,600 - I'll cut you in for 14 grand. - Get out. 191 00:10:53,537 --> 00:10:54,561 Out. 192 00:10:57,774 --> 00:10:58,798 One more thing. 193 00:11:00,444 --> 00:11:03,277 - Nice try twice. - Twice? 194 00:11:03,447 --> 00:11:04,971 The fake grift within the grift. 195 00:11:05,148 --> 00:11:07,912 The double bean, if you like. I'm gonna mention a name... 196 00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:11,248 and however you react, I'll know the truth. 197 00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,613 Jeff Winger. 198 00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:16,991 - That's the one. What...? Who? - Who? Jeff Winger? 199 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,252 That's the one. 200 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,794 Out you go. Say hi to him. 201 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:26,099 By the way, Jeff Winger. 202 00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:29,332 Nice try thrice. 203 00:11:32,309 --> 00:11:34,470 Hey. How was grifting class? 204 00:11:34,644 --> 00:11:36,805 Did you teach advanced grifting techniques... 205 00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:39,141 only you could understand? The Brown Betty? 206 00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:41,477 The Texas Well Baby? The Reverse Jim Gaffigan? 207 00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:44,313 Well, I wouldn't teach the African Telegram... 208 00:11:44,488 --> 00:11:48,151 since I'm not a hack, and also since the Internet. 209 00:11:48,325 --> 00:11:50,691 Okay, you caught me. Game over. 210 00:11:50,861 --> 00:11:53,421 - Let's end this competition. - Cheers to that. 211 00:12:01,571 --> 00:12:04,972 Uh... Sir? You... That guy left his lottery ticket on the table. 212 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,575 That was the telegram man. 213 00:12:06,743 --> 00:12:09,303 - No, it wasn't. I mean, what telegram? - Exactly. 214 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:11,504 What telegram? Because the Internet. 215 00:12:11,681 --> 00:12:16,141 You know, that place you obviously went to, to type in the word "grifting." 216 00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:19,554 I'm gonna grift you. I'm gonna grift your ass. 217 00:12:19,723 --> 00:12:21,884 Or is that the grift? 218 00:12:22,058 --> 00:12:24,083 None of it's a grift. It's all nonsense. 219 00:12:24,261 --> 00:12:27,856 Okay, how many times have I told you people... 220 00:12:28,031 --> 00:12:30,056 the faculty lounge is not a bar? 221 00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:32,531 All right, pack it up, people. Come on. 222 00:12:32,702 --> 00:12:35,398 You don't have to go teach a class, but you can't stay here. 223 00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:38,006 Look. Truce. Okay? 224 00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:44,410 Promise no more grifting and promise, if this is worth a million, we'll split it. 225 00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:45,639 You're an idiot. 226 00:12:46,383 --> 00:12:48,442 - Or maybe I'm a genius. - I can answer that. 227 00:12:48,618 --> 00:12:51,451 - You're an idiot. - Can an idiot walk backwards like this... 228 00:12:51,621 --> 00:12:53,555 and not hit anything? - Maybe. 229 00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,850 Or maybe not. 230 00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:59,723 What? 231 00:13:07,204 --> 00:13:08,899 What are you doing here? 232 00:13:09,072 --> 00:13:10,937 This guy is a grifter. 233 00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:12,267 Professor of grifting. 234 00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:15,434 He charges $400, you get two briefcases... 235 00:13:15,612 --> 00:13:18,547 and your ex-boyfriend becomes an obsessive... 236 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:22,515 I didn't know you and Winger were lovers. If he wanted my respect... 237 00:13:22,686 --> 00:13:25,883 he should've opened with that. - Are you trying to be disarming? 238 00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:28,547 - Are you grifting me out of my arms? - I did nothing. 239 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,920 He called himself a grifter. I corrected him. 240 00:13:31,094 --> 00:13:35,463 Yeah, because the truth is so important to the both of you. 241 00:13:35,632 --> 00:13:38,658 So, what's it gonna cost to make you go away? 242 00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:47,368 - Ahem. - Well? 243 00:13:47,811 --> 00:13:48,869 He took the bait. 244 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,069 - Yes. - Yes. 245 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,579 I thought we didn't want him to take the bait. 246 00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:56,378 We're saying the same thing. He didn't take the bait we didn't want taken. 247 00:13:57,287 --> 00:14:00,620 - The African Telegram. - Yeah, which was offered as fake bait... 248 00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:02,951 and taken as such, I.e., not taken. 249 00:14:03,126 --> 00:14:07,119 - Because that made him feel in control. - And by avoiding all visible bait... 250 00:14:07,297 --> 00:14:10,926 he placed himself on the hook of assuming we're planning to grift him. 251 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,659 - I like it. - Yeah. 252 00:14:12,836 --> 00:14:15,134 But we are. So he knows the truth. 253 00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,933 Isn't that the one thing you're not supposed to know... 254 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:19,575 when you're being grifted? 255 00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:23,845 Hmm. He can know a plan all he wants. 256 00:14:24,014 --> 00:14:26,209 But the plan he knows won't be our plan. 257 00:14:26,383 --> 00:14:28,442 - Okay. - Okay. 258 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:33,817 Because our plan is impossible to know? 259 00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:35,958 Because... 260 00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:39,017 Oh, my God. 261 00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:41,288 Jeff is making this up as we go. 262 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,456 Shh! Just knock it off. What do you want from me? 263 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,535 - We wanted you to help us do a grift. - I'm working on it. 264 00:14:47,704 --> 00:14:50,332 - Improvisationally? - They had a plan in The Sting. 265 00:14:50,507 --> 00:14:53,032 If anyone wants to watch it, it knocks out half a day. 266 00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:55,609 Look, do you guys remember when we hugged... 267 00:14:55,779 --> 00:14:57,804 and jumped up and down in the cafeteria? 268 00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,141 Obviously. 269 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:01,807 Having been together virtually nonstop ever since... 270 00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:04,385 at what point do you think I slipped off... 271 00:15:04,554 --> 00:15:08,251 and planned an entire grift then withheld it from you? 272 00:15:08,425 --> 00:15:12,987 At any of the several dozen points when a normal person would say: 273 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:15,154 "By the way, I have no plan." 274 00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:17,698 In The Sting, they withhold stuff from each other. 275 00:15:17,867 --> 00:15:21,667 Or from the audience, for effect. Also, 20 percent of the movie is hand-drawn. 276 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:25,001 - Why don't you marry The Sting? - If we have half-Sting children... 277 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:28,770 when they ask how to grift, I'll tell them to watch their mother. Not you. 278 00:15:28,945 --> 00:15:30,310 You are unbelievable. 279 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,778 - Bad stinger. - Shut up, okay? 280 00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:36,578 You guys, you're... You're always picking on me, all right? 281 00:15:38,555 --> 00:15:43,720 You've really been hammering me lately. All I had was the idea that... 282 00:15:45,562 --> 00:15:47,223 Look, I... I need this. 283 00:15:47,397 --> 00:15:49,558 I need to be better than this guy. 284 00:15:50,734 --> 00:15:53,100 Let me think. 285 00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:57,599 - Abed. - Yeah. 286 00:15:57,774 --> 00:15:59,674 - Did you bring your laptop? - Right here. 287 00:16:01,311 --> 00:16:03,245 What do you wanna do with it? 288 00:16:04,414 --> 00:16:05,472 Watch The Sting. 289 00:16:10,954 --> 00:16:12,683 It's over. 290 00:16:13,023 --> 00:16:14,081 What happened? 291 00:16:14,257 --> 00:16:15,451 Who got shot? Ahem. 292 00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:17,923 What's going on? Was Sting even in it? 293 00:16:18,094 --> 00:16:20,255 - That was terrible. - You slept the whole time. 294 00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,057 The dialogue seeped in my dreams. 295 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:26,066 - My whole brain is long and quiet. - So how did they grift him? 296 00:16:26,703 --> 00:16:30,264 Well, they basically made a fake building and hired a thousand people... 297 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,237 to cooperate in perfect secrecy. 298 00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:33,467 Hmm. 299 00:16:33,643 --> 00:16:36,669 - Should we just do that? - We could watch another grifter movie. 300 00:16:36,846 --> 00:16:39,007 - More activity in Matchstick Men. - Like what? 301 00:16:39,182 --> 00:16:42,618 - At one point, they build a fake hospital. - So much construction. 302 00:16:42,786 --> 00:16:44,754 Oh, God. It's so late. 303 00:16:46,556 --> 00:16:49,616 - You're gonna bail on me, aren't you? - I think we have to, Jeff. 304 00:16:49,793 --> 00:16:51,420 We've tried everything we can. 305 00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,062 Maybe over the weekend, I can make a fake building. 306 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:58,064 But all the briefcases and the swapping and The Sting? I'm not cut out for it. 307 00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,225 I think real grifts only happen in movies. 308 00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:04,339 - Even then, they barely make sense. - Look, I'm old. The Sting is terrible. 309 00:17:04,507 --> 00:17:07,101 Grifting is stupid. The writing's on the wall. 310 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,507 - So that's it. - There's no shame in this, Jeff. 311 00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,738 Oh, I don't know about that. 312 00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:14,810 Well, this is a scene to behold. 313 00:17:14,984 --> 00:17:18,147 Huddled in the closet, watching The Sting like gypsies. 314 00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:19,413 Roger. 315 00:17:19,923 --> 00:17:21,151 We surrender. 316 00:17:21,324 --> 00:17:22,723 You were right. 317 00:17:22,892 --> 00:17:23,950 I'm no grifter. 318 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,523 No, I was wrong. 319 00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:29,130 If you remember, I called you a thug. 320 00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:31,164 Thugs fight. 321 00:17:31,334 --> 00:17:32,460 You're more... 322 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:39,203 No, I can't think of a metaphor pathetic enough to suit you, Jeff Winger. 323 00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:41,809 I'm reminded of something Oscar Wilde once said... 324 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:43,969 when he compared sheep to wolves. 325 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,705 Screw it. 326 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:47,806 Britta. 327 00:17:49,719 --> 00:17:52,381 You hit me. With a woman's hand. 328 00:17:52,555 --> 00:17:54,386 You Midwestern floozy. 329 00:17:54,557 --> 00:17:55,717 I lived in New York. 330 00:17:55,892 --> 00:17:56,984 Aah! 331 00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,879 Yeah, right, he's grifting us. 332 00:18:26,389 --> 00:18:28,949 Ugh. Grift blood. Someone taste it. 333 00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:31,093 I'm sure it's karo syrup and food dye. 334 00:18:31,261 --> 00:18:34,094 I mean, I would, but my diabetes. 335 00:18:42,839 --> 00:18:46,570 - 19, 20, 21. 336 00:18:46,743 --> 00:18:51,373 Are you counting the amount of money or the number of stacks? 337 00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,213 Um... 338 00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:58,485 - I have to start over. - I'll do it. Move. 339 00:18:58,655 --> 00:19:03,649 But I want to go on record as being disgusted by this transaction. 340 00:19:03,826 --> 00:19:05,953 Got it. Disgusted. 341 00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:08,996 I'm sorry, love, but would you rather we took this to court? 342 00:19:09,165 --> 00:19:12,134 No, no, no. We appreciate you keeping this between us. 343 00:19:12,302 --> 00:19:13,428 I wanna remind you... 344 00:19:13,603 --> 00:19:16,470 we offer a lot of classes and many of them are cash-only. 345 00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:19,608 Me, take a class here? Talk about a rip-off. 346 00:19:19,776 --> 00:19:20,936 Ha-ha. Oof. 347 00:19:22,111 --> 00:19:24,272 Talk about a ribbing. Ha-ha. 348 00:19:24,447 --> 00:19:25,937 What the hell am I doing? 349 00:19:26,115 --> 00:19:30,279 You know, so far, Frankie's disgusted and that's it. 350 00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:32,478 Seems like a waste of a record. 351 00:19:32,655 --> 00:19:35,647 - I'm so sorry, guys. This is all my fault. - Don't be. 352 00:19:35,825 --> 00:19:38,055 I'm the one who got into a pissing match. 353 00:19:38,228 --> 00:19:39,957 - With a jerk. - You're a jerk. 354 00:19:40,129 --> 00:19:41,619 - You're a jerk. - You're a jerk. 355 00:19:41,798 --> 00:19:43,095 You're all jerks. 356 00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,564 And this whole school can suck a big one. 357 00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,930 And you can put that in your record. 358 00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:50,265 I'm sorry, guys. I'm bound by my station. 359 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,964 Speaking on that topic. Britta. 360 00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:54,632 This is all your fault and you're expelled. 361 00:19:54,811 --> 00:19:56,836 - No, dean... - Let... Let me handle this. 362 00:19:57,013 --> 00:19:58,981 Pelton, you can't do that. 363 00:19:59,549 --> 00:20:02,643 Britta's the heart of this group. She started it. 364 00:20:02,819 --> 00:20:06,778 As a... As a fake biology group... 365 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:10,323 so that she could have sex with Troy. 366 00:20:10,493 --> 00:20:12,222 - No, no, no. - That's exactly it. 367 00:20:12,395 --> 00:20:14,056 Okay. Don't let me handle it. 368 00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:15,822 - No. - You can't expel Britta. 369 00:20:15,999 --> 00:20:19,526 She's been here six years. Three more and she'll have her two-year degree. 370 00:20:19,702 --> 00:20:21,465 Britta keeps me grounded in reality. 371 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:24,471 You can't expel her with four week-isodes left in a seaso-mester. 372 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,973 - It's starting. - It's okay, guys. It's okay. 373 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,911 All right. Fifty thousand. 374 00:20:30,079 --> 00:20:34,311 And I'll just put this in here. Mm, mm. 375 00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:36,141 - Give it to me. - Yep. 376 00:20:37,186 --> 00:20:39,552 Don't help me anyone. Oh. 377 00:20:39,722 --> 00:20:41,485 - Turn me around. - Ugh. 378 00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:47,992 Come on, you guys. 379 00:20:48,164 --> 00:20:50,029 I'll see you later. 380 00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:55,633 Hey. 381 00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,139 The plan was to meet later. 382 00:21:05,415 --> 00:21:08,350 So, what's it gonna cost to make you go away? 383 00:21:08,885 --> 00:21:12,446 There's a way we could end this very quickly and make a bit of money. 384 00:21:12,622 --> 00:21:15,318 I don't like it. But keep talking. 385 00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:19,350 Yes, that was the plan. And your plan was probably to never show up. 386 00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:22,987 Clever girl. Don't trust anyone. 387 00:21:34,010 --> 00:21:36,308 Hang on. Did you have to hit me for real? 388 00:21:36,479 --> 00:21:37,878 Have to? No. 389 00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,379 Mm. Now that you're expelled... 390 00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:42,882 you might consider a career in grifting. 391 00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:45,043 - You're quite good at it. - I don't know. 392 00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,189 How does one go through life like that? 393 00:21:48,558 --> 00:21:50,253 Well... 394 00:21:51,194 --> 00:21:54,652 follow me and I'll show you. - Oh, shut up. 395 00:21:58,601 --> 00:22:01,593 I only agreed to any of this to get you away from Greendale... 396 00:22:01,771 --> 00:22:03,238 and out of Jeff's hair. 397 00:22:03,406 --> 00:22:06,671 He's an idiot, but I hate watching him spin out trying to beat you. 398 00:22:06,843 --> 00:22:09,778 - Oh, you sentimental fool. - No. 399 00:22:09,946 --> 00:22:12,915 Later. At the motel. 400 00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:14,743 The motel. Hmm. 401 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,493 I am the king. 402 00:22:36,739 --> 00:22:38,297 No. 403 00:22:42,245 --> 00:22:43,439 What the hell? 404 00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:44,739 Oh, shut up. 405 00:22:49,485 --> 00:22:51,783 The only reason I agreed to any of this... 406 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:56,015 was to get you away from Greendale and out of Jeff's hair. 407 00:22:58,127 --> 00:22:59,219 What the...? 408 00:23:00,229 --> 00:23:01,719 You two. Come back here. 409 00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:06,158 Briefcases. 410 00:23:06,769 --> 00:23:07,827 Coming right through. 411 00:23:08,004 --> 00:23:09,631 Identical briefcases. 412 00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:12,240 What? Why more briefcases? 413 00:23:14,277 --> 00:23:15,710 This is pointless. 414 00:23:15,878 --> 00:23:18,642 I already know she's got my briefcase. 415 00:23:20,750 --> 00:23:22,183 Briefcase parade. 416 00:23:22,351 --> 00:23:23,841 Who the hell are you? 417 00:23:26,889 --> 00:23:28,550 You get back here. 418 00:23:28,724 --> 00:23:30,521 You get back here with my money. 419 00:23:30,693 --> 00:23:32,684 Get back here. 420 00:23:48,644 --> 00:23:51,169 - Oh, Roger. - They stole my money. 421 00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:52,780 - What? - What? 422 00:23:52,949 --> 00:23:55,941 Those briefcases contain my money. They stole $50,000 from me. 423 00:23:56,118 --> 00:23:58,279 Fifty grand, huh? 424 00:23:58,454 --> 00:24:00,922 - You know what he's talking about? - Don't think so. 425 00:24:01,090 --> 00:24:02,887 These are our briefcases. 426 00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:06,093 We're in his class. He sells these supplies, 150 bucks. 427 00:24:06,262 --> 00:24:09,095 - Really, a hun...? Okay. - We are still rolling. 428 00:24:09,265 --> 00:24:12,496 We got pretty good at it too. Check it out. Ow. 429 00:24:12,668 --> 00:24:14,363 - Ow. Sorry. I got it. - Sorry. Okay. 430 00:24:16,272 --> 00:24:20,902 Roger, why were you walking around with $50,000? 431 00:24:21,077 --> 00:24:23,511 - Are you mental? - Hey. Whoa, pal. 432 00:24:23,679 --> 00:24:26,671 That usage may fly in the UK, not in the States. 433 00:24:26,849 --> 00:24:29,909 I have a mentally challenged cousin. 434 00:24:30,086 --> 00:24:31,883 - Sister. - Pics. 435 00:24:32,054 --> 00:24:33,282 - I wanna see pics. - Me too. 436 00:24:33,456 --> 00:24:38,291 You know very well that this school paid me $50,000 in cash... 437 00:24:38,461 --> 00:24:39,723 for these injuries. 438 00:24:39,896 --> 00:24:41,761 You seem to be in pretty good shape now. 439 00:24:41,931 --> 00:24:44,957 Oh, my God. Look at the two of you. 440 00:24:45,134 --> 00:24:47,125 Yeah, he's the reason I became a cop. 441 00:24:47,303 --> 00:24:49,328 You know, a lot of bullies out there. 442 00:24:49,872 --> 00:24:52,602 There are a million witnesses to this. 443 00:24:52,775 --> 00:24:54,367 - Hey, everyone. - Hey, guys. 444 00:24:54,544 --> 00:24:56,102 Hanging out in the cafeteria? 445 00:24:56,279 --> 00:24:58,577 Hi, professor... Oh, what happened to your face? 446 00:24:58,748 --> 00:24:59,806 This is ridiculous. 447 00:24:59,982 --> 00:25:02,883 Oh, she's beautiful. You could be twins. 448 00:25:03,052 --> 00:25:06,317 So the statement I'm hearing here is you're a grifting professor. 449 00:25:06,489 --> 00:25:08,923 - Yeah. - Teaching these people how to grift... 450 00:25:09,091 --> 00:25:11,150 but you're saying they grifted you? 451 00:25:11,327 --> 00:25:13,795 No, you id... I'm not saying that. 452 00:25:13,963 --> 00:25:17,126 They didn't grift me. What they do is not grifting. 453 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,325 They wouldn't even understand the word. 454 00:25:19,502 --> 00:25:23,939 I think we need to take what Roger's saying more seriously. 455 00:25:26,142 --> 00:25:31,170 Because it sounds like he was either the victim of crass, artless thuggery. 456 00:25:31,347 --> 00:25:32,678 - Correct. - In which case... 457 00:25:32,848 --> 00:25:36,045 there really is $50,000 floating around... 458 00:25:36,218 --> 00:25:39,517 that he was given for clearly fake injuries... 459 00:25:39,689 --> 00:25:42,249 and that he, therefore, now owes the school. 460 00:25:42,992 --> 00:25:47,952 - What? - Or Professor DeSalvo was targeted... 461 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:50,530 by a group of people he vastly underestimated. 462 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:54,500 In which case, the money was given and then taken back... 463 00:25:54,670 --> 00:25:56,865 and nobody owes anybody anything. 464 00:25:57,039 --> 00:26:01,738 All he would have to do is admit. 465 00:26:06,649 --> 00:26:07,843 I was grifted. 466 00:26:10,586 --> 00:26:14,181 - Yeah! - Grift, grift, grift. 467 00:26:14,357 --> 00:26:15,619 Grift, grift, grift. 468 00:26:15,791 --> 00:26:17,884 Why are you even here? Who called you? 469 00:26:18,060 --> 00:26:20,824 Nobody. I take macramé after work. 470 00:26:20,997 --> 00:26:22,225 They know that. 471 00:26:22,398 --> 00:26:23,660 Sorry you got grifted. 472 00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,994 Let me know if you wanna press charges... 473 00:26:26,168 --> 00:26:28,398 and if you can think of what those would be. 474 00:26:28,571 --> 00:26:30,835 Professor DeSalvo, under the circumstances... 475 00:26:31,007 --> 00:26:35,205 I'm sure you agree it doesn't make sense for you to keep teaching here. 476 00:26:35,378 --> 00:26:38,370 Yeah, I mean, we kind of know everything there is to know. 477 00:26:38,547 --> 00:26:40,344 You should refund all of their money. 478 00:26:40,516 --> 00:26:42,609 And we should all go get some hot dogs! 479 00:26:42,785 --> 00:26:44,116 Hot dogs! 480 00:26:44,286 --> 00:26:48,552 Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs. 481 00:26:48,724 --> 00:26:54,253 Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs. 482 00:26:54,430 --> 00:26:55,488 Hot dogs... 483 00:26:55,665 --> 00:26:57,656 Wait. We were all in on it the whole time? 484 00:26:57,833 --> 00:26:59,892 You weren't. 485 00:27:00,069 --> 00:27:03,197 - Because I can't be trusted. - Aah! 486 00:27:03,773 --> 00:27:09,678 Hot dogs, hot dogs, hot dogs. 487 00:27:12,581 --> 00:27:14,572 - Telegram for Mr. Winger. - Ridley. 488 00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:17,548 - I returned the telegram man outfit. - Thank you so much. 489 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:21,053 I know how crazy this week's been. You really didn't have to do this. 490 00:27:21,223 --> 00:27:22,554 Are you kidding? I owe you. 491 00:27:22,725 --> 00:27:24,886 - Whatever you need, say the word. - All right. 492 00:27:25,061 --> 00:27:27,723 I could use your help moving a mattress this weekend. 493 00:27:28,798 --> 00:27:29,890 Okay, cool. 494 00:27:30,066 --> 00:27:32,762 - Is that okay? - Let me know. 495 00:27:34,136 --> 00:27:36,161 My name is Ryan Ridley. 496 00:27:36,338 --> 00:27:39,830 Three years ago my life was saved by a stranger at my gym. 497 00:27:40,009 --> 00:27:42,068 I felt like I owed him my life. 498 00:27:42,244 --> 00:27:44,144 Apparently, he agreed. 499 00:27:44,647 --> 00:27:46,239 Now he has me do things. 500 00:27:46,415 --> 00:27:49,578 And I keep hoping and praying that one day I'll do enough... 501 00:27:49,752 --> 00:27:51,151 for him to call us even. 502 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,551 Until then, I'm just a guy from his gym. 503 00:28:10,550 --> 00:28:18,550 Ripped By mstoll