1 00:00:01,188 --> 00:00:04,157 At 60 percent less fat and 20 percent less price... 2 00:00:04,325 --> 00:00:07,920 the only thing Kolb Family's Family Pack Ham Packs... 3 00:00:08,129 --> 00:00:10,188 don't have less of is flavor. 4 00:00:10,431 --> 00:00:12,490 Ham, girl! 5 00:00:12,666 --> 00:00:14,964 Family Pack Ham Packs from Kolb Family Farms... 6 00:00:15,136 --> 00:00:19,095 - ... the family that's pleased to meat you. - Ham, girl! 7 00:00:19,273 --> 00:00:20,535 You don't know his name... 8 00:00:20,774 --> 00:00:23,675 but you know what he says and you love how he says it. 9 00:00:23,911 --> 00:00:25,811 - Ham, girl. - Ham, girl. 10 00:00:26,013 --> 00:00:27,344 - Ham, girl! - Ham, girl! 11 00:00:27,548 --> 00:00:30,984 - Ham, girl! - Ham, girl! 12 00:00:31,152 --> 00:00:33,848 So who is the man who started it all? 13 00:00:34,054 --> 00:00:37,319 Ben Chang, and we have him here with us today. 14 00:00:37,491 --> 00:00:41,951 - You are the "ham, girl" guy. - Heh, heh. Yes, I am the "ham, girl" guy. 15 00:00:42,163 --> 00:00:43,221 How did this happen? 16 00:00:43,464 --> 00:00:46,524 Well, I just kept auditioning, you know, kept working hard. 17 00:00:46,734 --> 00:00:51,000 - And now Spielberg is calling. - Ha, ha, ha. Not, uh... 18 00:00:51,205 --> 00:00:53,969 You know, I don't go by phone calls. I go by contracts. 19 00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:56,302 But Spielberg is interested in you... 20 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:59,638 for the Color Blue in the new Play-Doh movie. Is that right? 21 00:00:59,847 --> 00:01:01,371 Well, maybe, you know. Maybe. 22 00:01:01,582 --> 00:01:06,144 But like I always say, you know, life is a roller coaster. 23 00:01:06,353 --> 00:01:09,220 You were a teacher at a community college in Colorado. 24 00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:13,019 Did you, one day in class, say, "Class dismissed. I'm headed to Hollywood"? 25 00:01:13,194 --> 00:01:15,719 I mean, how did your students react to that? 26 00:01:15,963 --> 00:01:19,558 Well, you know, I haven't spoken to them really. I, um... 27 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:22,466 - There's not much for me back there. - No friends? 28 00:01:23,070 --> 00:01:24,833 You know, I was kind of a loner. 29 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,266 People made fun of me for it, but I just kept my head down... 30 00:01:29,476 --> 00:01:31,068 and stayed focused on my work. 31 00:01:31,278 --> 00:01:33,746 Well, they're not making fun of you now, are they? 32 00:01:33,981 --> 00:01:35,005 No, they are not. 33 00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:36,342 Can I get a "ham, girl"? 34 00:01:36,550 --> 00:01:41,044 Ham, girl! You know, I don't know if that was... 35 00:01:41,255 --> 00:01:45,385 And there it is, ladies and gentlemen. From community college to something... 36 00:01:45,559 --> 00:01:47,686 - ... a little bit better. - Turn it off. 37 00:01:47,861 --> 00:01:50,921 Ben Chang is on a rocket ship to eternal validation. 38 00:01:51,131 --> 00:01:52,689 Turn it off. 39 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,800 Thanks so much for being... 40 00:01:57,371 --> 00:02:00,704 Well, it's been three weeks. I'm having his car towed. 41 00:02:33,073 --> 00:02:34,802 - Here you go. - To Chang. 42 00:02:34,975 --> 00:02:37,569 May your success be brief and your colds last months. 43 00:02:37,745 --> 00:02:39,679 - Jeff... - Hey. You get out of Greendale... 44 00:02:39,847 --> 00:02:41,747 or you get me in your corner. You don't get both. 45 00:02:41,915 --> 00:02:43,940 - Ham, girl. - Who would have predicted... 46 00:02:44,118 --> 00:02:45,415 Chang becoming famous? 47 00:02:45,619 --> 00:02:47,985 I did, remember? Only I thought it would be for... 48 00:02:48,155 --> 00:02:49,247 - Eating someone. - Yeah. 49 00:02:49,490 --> 00:02:52,584 - Yeah. - Think that Spielberg stuff is happening? 50 00:02:52,793 --> 00:02:53,919 How could that happen? 51 00:02:54,128 --> 00:02:57,586 That would mean the world was insane. 52 00:02:57,798 --> 00:03:00,062 Ham, girl. 53 00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:03,759 Not to be crass, but there is an upside to this financially. 54 00:03:03,971 --> 00:03:07,270 Chang's absence lowers our insurance premiums 6 percent. 55 00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:10,272 There's nothing but upsides to him leaving. 56 00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:12,468 We all just feel a little short-changed. 57 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,205 We invested so much in him when no one else would. 58 00:03:15,382 --> 00:03:17,373 Because we all assumed he was so insane... 59 00:03:17,584 --> 00:03:19,347 he would die if we kicked him out. 60 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:23,217 And this whole time it turns out we were holding him back. 61 00:03:23,457 --> 00:03:24,788 We thought he was bedrock... 62 00:03:24,992 --> 00:03:28,291 but it turns out he was the ceiling of a cavern filled with us. 63 00:03:28,495 --> 00:03:30,326 I've already forgotten his name. 64 00:03:30,531 --> 00:03:33,022 Did you ever really know his name? 65 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,135 Chinese fellow, right? Whose name was some kind of noise? 66 00:03:36,303 --> 00:03:37,634 Clang? Blang? Meringue? 67 00:03:37,805 --> 00:03:40,365 Looks like I'm the only one that's not glad he's gone. 68 00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:42,133 At least I can finally clear some space on my hard drive. 69 00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:43,571 Leonard's been in there... 70 00:03:43,744 --> 00:03:46,907 but I can stand guard if you want to use the women's room. 71 00:03:47,381 --> 00:03:50,578 No, I was shooting a movie with Chang before he booked "ham, girl." 72 00:03:50,751 --> 00:03:54,517 I haven't heard from him since so I assume the footage is useless. 73 00:03:54,688 --> 00:03:56,087 Did he sign a release form? 74 00:03:56,256 --> 00:03:58,986 I make all my actors sign releases before we do anything. 75 00:03:59,159 --> 00:04:01,150 You never know who is going to... 76 00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:04,490 The school owns a movie starring the "ham, girl" guy. 77 00:04:04,698 --> 00:04:07,394 Soon to be Spielberg's "ham, girl" guy. 78 00:04:08,902 --> 00:04:12,497 - There's no way to finish it though. - What have I told you about quitting? 79 00:04:12,706 --> 00:04:14,833 That it's sometimes the only way to survive. 80 00:04:15,042 --> 00:04:19,035 Well, don't forget I said "sometimes." 81 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,673 Yolanda, the mayor's up my ass. I want justice. 82 00:04:23,884 --> 00:04:25,545 Get him in here! 83 00:04:27,454 --> 00:04:29,388 Is that right? Should I be angry? 84 00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:32,923 The hero is Police Justice. I had a former cop help me with dialogue. 85 00:04:33,093 --> 00:04:36,392 - I'm gonna punch you in the heart. - Cops aren't great with dialogue. 86 00:04:36,563 --> 00:04:39,623 - I don't think police should be heroes. - Britta, pay your rent. 87 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,030 I'm sorry, Abed. I need more information. 88 00:04:42,202 --> 00:04:44,363 You know, what's my motivation? Am I married? 89 00:04:44,571 --> 00:04:45,970 I need more to go on. 90 00:04:46,206 --> 00:04:47,639 - Can we get lunch? - Okay, cut. 91 00:04:47,808 --> 00:04:51,266 That's all. Chang found out McRib was back, we lost the rest of the day. 92 00:04:51,445 --> 00:04:53,379 - Great actor, huge McRib problem. - Hm. 93 00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:58,483 Everybody, this is my friend I told you about. Maury. 94 00:04:58,685 --> 00:05:02,212 A Hollywood film producer whose doctor ordered him to live in Colorado... 95 00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:06,587 due to a medical condition. Tell them. - My blood nitrogen levels are through... 96 00:05:06,794 --> 00:05:09,262 - Oh, no, no. The other thing. - Oh, right. 97 00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:13,093 If you can cut an 81 -minute movie that arguable stars the "Ham, girl" guy... 98 00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:16,100 I can guarantee distribution and a fast turnaround deal. 99 00:05:16,270 --> 00:05:19,137 People do it with old footage from recently-famous actors. 100 00:05:19,339 --> 00:05:22,968 Have you seen Vin Diesel in 1996's Happy Pants? 101 00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:25,235 - No. - Well, neither has Vin Diesel... 102 00:05:25,446 --> 00:05:28,904 but his roommate from film school saw 500 grand. 103 00:05:29,082 --> 00:05:32,609 I can't just burn up my cop drama. My only chance at the success I need... 104 00:05:32,786 --> 00:05:34,344 before I'm allowed to make weird stuff for money. 105 00:05:34,521 --> 00:05:36,682 My American Graffiti. Elephant Man, Four Rooms... 106 00:05:36,857 --> 00:05:40,190 - The Robert Rodriguez segment. - Why does it have to be a police movie? 107 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,352 People don't even like police now. They like dinosaurs, aliens. 108 00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,521 Anything Chris Pratt can join forces with. 109 00:05:45,732 --> 00:05:47,825 I have three minutes of footage and He's clearly a police chief... 110 00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:49,525 behind a desk in New York. - Is he? 111 00:05:49,736 --> 00:05:51,601 Or is it Space York? Or is it a dinosaur desk? 112 00:05:51,805 --> 00:05:55,502 How do I know? You just have to add CG. That's what they do with Chris Pratt. 113 00:05:55,742 --> 00:05:59,007 They put him in a regular scene and then they add some gagoos. 114 00:05:59,246 --> 00:06:01,373 I have a few CG models of some gagoos. 115 00:06:01,548 --> 00:06:03,539 I got fired from a mouthwash commercial... 116 00:06:03,784 --> 00:06:07,515 but I successfully won back the rights to my gingivitis monster. 117 00:06:07,754 --> 00:06:12,384 Also, I don't know if it helps, but when I moved into my RV, I found this. 118 00:06:12,659 --> 00:06:14,320 Now, you notice anything strange? 119 00:06:15,996 --> 00:06:17,793 There's no green three in billiards. 120 00:06:17,998 --> 00:06:21,490 Now, there's a green six and a green 14, but never a green three. 121 00:06:21,702 --> 00:06:24,899 So, what sport is this from? 122 00:06:25,138 --> 00:06:27,333 And why was it in my RV? 123 00:06:30,077 --> 00:06:32,875 Anyway, I can do some CG for the movie. 124 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,243 You'll need a Chris Pratt. I'll do it if I have to. I can slouch. 125 00:06:36,416 --> 00:06:39,647 Can't believe you are the ones pitching me this and I'm saying no. 126 00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:42,721 You're not saying no. I mean, legally I can't force you. 127 00:06:42,890 --> 00:06:46,519 But I can do a morning announcement that'll make everyone hate you forever. 128 00:06:46,693 --> 00:06:50,527 Technically, Abed, you would be robbing the school for half a million dollars... 129 00:06:50,697 --> 00:06:51,823 by not making this. 130 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:54,296 - But what movie? - Have you not been listening? 131 00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:58,403 The movie about the "Ham, girl" guy in his space office, fighting some gagoos... 132 00:06:58,572 --> 00:07:01,700 led by a Chris Pratt type played by Jeffrey without his shirt. 133 00:07:01,909 --> 00:07:04,400 - It shoots this weekend. - Yeah. 134 00:07:04,945 --> 00:07:07,505 Okay. But I get final cut. It has to be a good movie. 135 00:07:07,714 --> 00:07:10,376 You have to finish that cut by Monday, even if it's bad. 136 00:07:10,584 --> 00:07:12,575 But it has to be good by my standards. 137 00:07:12,819 --> 00:07:16,186 Absolutely, and also if it's terrible, nobody will notice or care. 138 00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:17,880 We're gonna make a good movie? 139 00:07:18,091 --> 00:07:20,457 Definitely, or a bad one. Probably a bad one. 140 00:07:20,694 --> 00:07:22,025 We're all on the same page. 141 00:07:22,229 --> 00:07:23,253 - Yeah. - I guess so. 142 00:07:23,463 --> 00:07:24,623 All right. Guys. 143 00:07:24,865 --> 00:07:28,767 - So let's crap out this piece of crap. - That attitude concerns me. 144 00:07:36,276 --> 00:07:38,369 I need more information... 145 00:07:41,848 --> 00:07:44,544 What's my motivation? 146 00:07:54,494 --> 00:07:56,860 I need more to go on. 147 00:07:57,164 --> 00:07:58,859 My name is Chief Starr! 148 00:07:59,066 --> 00:08:01,432 And I'm in the stars! 149 00:08:01,635 --> 00:08:03,000 And I'm the hero. 150 00:08:03,236 --> 00:08:05,670 I deserve better. 151 00:08:06,239 --> 00:08:08,935 You're a very gifted pilot, Chief Starr. 152 00:08:11,144 --> 00:08:14,272 I'm the mayor of Outer Space. Why are we changing course? 153 00:08:14,481 --> 00:08:15,607 The mayor's up my ass! 154 00:08:15,816 --> 00:08:18,148 Father! I love him! 155 00:08:22,155 --> 00:08:23,349 What in the space...? 156 00:08:23,523 --> 00:08:24,854 Yooba-dooba-dooba. 157 00:08:25,025 --> 00:08:27,687 - We're under attack! - By whom, GlipGlop? 158 00:08:28,295 --> 00:08:29,319 Okay. Cut! 159 00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:31,963 - Why are we cutting? - Felt good to me. Moving on? 160 00:08:32,466 --> 00:08:35,196 - Just a couple of adjustments. - You get two. 161 00:08:35,402 --> 00:08:38,030 Move when the ship gets hit. It looks weird when you stand still. 162 00:08:38,271 --> 00:08:40,136 Britta, it sounds weird when you use good grammar. 163 00:08:40,307 --> 00:08:43,299 - My character can't have good grammar? - Not in a space battle. 164 00:08:43,477 --> 00:08:46,173 Everything else sounds natural, like I'm a space senator. 165 00:08:46,346 --> 00:08:49,008 Mayor. I'm matching your dialogue to what I have from Chang. 166 00:08:49,216 --> 00:08:50,706 - What are my lines? - You don't have any. 167 00:08:50,951 --> 00:08:53,112 - You're the backup Chang. - But we have Chang's footage. 168 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,844 This shot matches the back of Chang's shot. 169 00:08:55,022 --> 00:08:56,683 Chang is Chief Starr, he's the pilot of a spaceship. 170 00:08:56,857 --> 00:08:58,620 - You're Princess Meridian. - Brittana. 171 00:08:58,825 --> 00:09:02,727 Jeff is her father, the mayor of Space, and you guys are under attack. Action. 172 00:09:04,431 --> 00:09:06,524 What in the space...? 173 00:09:08,035 --> 00:09:09,400 We're under attack! 174 00:09:09,569 --> 00:09:11,469 Cut. Where are you guys seeing GlipGlop? 175 00:09:11,672 --> 00:09:14,732 - You said GlipGlop was the tennis ball. - Garrett's not GlipGlop? 176 00:09:14,941 --> 00:09:18,240 If I was GlipGlop, why would I be holding a tennis ball on a stick? 177 00:09:18,445 --> 00:09:21,039 Why wear a blouse? It's sci-fi, it doesn't matter. 178 00:09:21,214 --> 00:09:23,580 Please don't say that. I know you don't mean that. 179 00:09:23,750 --> 00:09:27,083 The tennis ball is GlipGlop and please stumble in the same direction. 180 00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:28,312 Go! Action! Bang! 181 00:09:29,990 --> 00:09:31,685 What in space...? 182 00:09:31,892 --> 00:09:34,019 Yooba-dooba-dooba. We're under attack! 183 00:09:34,227 --> 00:09:36,161 Who by? Who attack? 184 00:09:36,363 --> 00:09:38,024 Me princess. 185 00:09:38,231 --> 00:09:39,459 It's the Sporborfians! 186 00:09:44,237 --> 00:09:46,364 Okay. I'm ready. 187 00:09:46,573 --> 00:09:47,597 Are you ready? 188 00:09:50,477 --> 00:09:52,240 Are we rolling? 189 00:09:53,413 --> 00:09:54,539 Are we rolling? 190 00:09:54,748 --> 00:09:55,840 We're rolling! 191 00:10:05,358 --> 00:10:07,485 Get to the escape pods. 192 00:10:07,694 --> 00:10:09,355 For real? You picked that outfit? 193 00:10:09,563 --> 00:10:11,793 - Britta! I... - It's Meridian. Keep going. 194 00:10:12,032 --> 00:10:14,796 Insane. And what is your name, Exploitia? 195 00:10:15,035 --> 00:10:16,696 Scorpio Nine. 196 00:10:16,903 --> 00:10:18,632 I'm a pleasure droid. 197 00:10:18,872 --> 00:10:21,602 - No. I'm an assassin? - You're both. Keep going. 198 00:10:21,775 --> 00:10:24,141 She was a pleasure droid, turned into an assassin. 199 00:10:24,311 --> 00:10:26,074 She's my other daughter. Your sister. 200 00:10:26,246 --> 00:10:28,146 Get to the escape pods. 201 00:10:28,381 --> 00:10:30,872 And then we go. This way. 202 00:10:32,652 --> 00:10:34,552 Check on Chief Starr, Jeff. 203 00:10:34,888 --> 00:10:35,946 Chief Starr? 204 00:10:36,156 --> 00:10:37,214 What? 205 00:10:37,424 --> 00:10:40,154 - I'll see you in hell. - What? 206 00:10:40,393 --> 00:10:43,590 Mayor, your ass is grass. 207 00:10:43,797 --> 00:10:45,424 Okay, cut. 208 00:10:50,403 --> 00:10:53,600 - There are some things that we could... - Okay, moving on, people! 209 00:10:56,176 --> 00:10:57,302 Okay, moving on! 210 00:10:57,544 --> 00:11:00,809 Next shot, Space Station Faculty Lounge, thank you. 211 00:11:01,047 --> 00:11:03,675 Abed. We need to move a little faster, I think. 212 00:11:03,917 --> 00:11:07,148 - Can I explain something? - Wish you'd look at what I was wearing... 213 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,847 and let that be all the explanation you need about our standards. 214 00:11:11,057 --> 00:11:14,026 You understand sci-fi films aren't improvised over a weekend... 215 00:11:14,194 --> 00:11:16,185 with a cast and crew that doesn't care? 216 00:11:16,363 --> 00:11:20,094 We care about finishing. And this has to be finished by Monday... 217 00:11:20,267 --> 00:11:22,633 so you back into a level of quality from there. 218 00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,670 Let me use a metaphor I can understand. 219 00:11:25,872 --> 00:11:27,169 Every day I work out. 220 00:11:27,340 --> 00:11:29,604 - Really? - Because I'm not an artist like you... 221 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:32,438 but this is a kind of canvas. 222 00:11:32,646 --> 00:11:36,377 I work on it with equipment, but I will never really be done. 223 00:11:36,616 --> 00:11:39,483 - Could be if you wanted. You're... - This will never be done. 224 00:11:39,653 --> 00:11:42,816 Chris Pratt's never gonna stop, is he? He'll always be mocking me. 225 00:11:43,023 --> 00:11:46,481 So I can never stop. Just like you'll never stop making movies. 226 00:11:46,693 --> 00:11:49,457 But I don't stay on one treadmill my entire life... 227 00:11:49,629 --> 00:11:52,189 staring at commercials for movies with Chris Pratt. 228 00:11:52,365 --> 00:11:54,595 I take my work into the world. 229 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,462 I "premiere" it. 230 00:11:56,670 --> 00:12:00,003 I share it with the public. Don't stay in the gym, Abed. 231 00:12:00,207 --> 00:12:03,540 Get this session done, get out there and get your shirt off. Got it? 232 00:12:04,144 --> 00:12:06,704 Yes? Yes. 233 00:12:10,016 --> 00:12:11,984 I'm ready. Let's do this. 234 00:12:33,139 --> 00:12:35,869 I understand you're looking for you friend? 235 00:12:36,076 --> 00:12:38,442 - Yeah. - I'm Minotaur Man. 236 00:12:38,678 --> 00:12:42,580 - What? - Friends are hard to come by in space. 237 00:12:42,782 --> 00:12:47,048 You'd better take this for protection. 238 00:12:50,523 --> 00:12:53,014 The sound you hear coming from that gun I gave you... 239 00:12:53,226 --> 00:12:57,060 is 40,000 hyper-watts of laser. Ha, ha, ha. 240 00:12:57,464 --> 00:12:59,762 Oh, don't worry about that. I can put that back. 241 00:12:59,966 --> 00:13:03,163 Sometimes my eye falls off because I'm a robot. 242 00:13:03,603 --> 00:13:05,935 - Ah! - Watch out! 243 00:13:06,172 --> 00:13:07,730 Ah! 244 00:13:17,984 --> 00:13:19,451 How about this bar? 245 00:13:19,686 --> 00:13:23,213 Everyone here is so accustomed to violence. Ha, ha. 246 00:13:23,423 --> 00:13:26,085 I need... I need to know... 247 00:13:26,293 --> 00:13:27,988 - Where your friends are? - Yeah. 248 00:13:28,228 --> 00:13:29,695 You're not gonna like this. 249 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:34,424 Your friends have been taken prisoner by Master... Master... 250 00:13:34,634 --> 00:13:35,692 Dracula. 251 00:13:44,144 --> 00:13:48,911 Wild west, baby. Space version of the wild west. Ha, ha, ha. 252 00:13:50,617 --> 00:13:51,675 Cut. 253 00:13:53,954 --> 00:13:55,615 Okay. 254 00:13:55,822 --> 00:13:56,948 My eye fell off. 255 00:13:57,157 --> 00:13:58,419 But I... I covered. 256 00:14:07,734 --> 00:14:09,326 Unh. Unh. 257 00:14:09,502 --> 00:14:11,834 - Perfect. Moving on. Hallway. - Yes! 258 00:14:18,778 --> 00:14:20,541 Take that! 259 00:14:22,515 --> 00:14:23,539 This is crazy. 260 00:14:24,784 --> 00:14:26,752 Here, let me do this. 261 00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:27,977 What are you doing? 262 00:14:28,188 --> 00:14:31,351 You make everything harder for all women when you do that. 263 00:14:31,558 --> 00:14:32,786 I'm improvising. 264 00:14:32,993 --> 00:14:34,187 Improvise pockets! 265 00:14:34,394 --> 00:14:36,885 Pay your rent or shut up! 266 00:14:41,034 --> 00:14:42,501 Laser bomb! 267 00:14:54,848 --> 00:14:57,646 Yooba-dooba-dooba! GlipGlop like. 268 00:14:58,051 --> 00:14:59,678 Yooba-dooba-dooba. 269 00:14:59,853 --> 00:15:03,016 Yooba-dooba-dooba. Yooba-dooba-dooba. 270 00:15:04,891 --> 00:15:07,223 So the robot also says, "Yooba-dooba"? 271 00:15:08,495 --> 00:15:11,931 I'm not complaining, it's just that everyone who's not a person is saying: 272 00:15:12,098 --> 00:15:14,862 - "Yooba-dooba" - Maybe it's because I'm a spy. 273 00:15:15,668 --> 00:15:17,295 He's a spy! 274 00:15:17,504 --> 00:15:18,937 I'm an evil spy. 275 00:15:19,506 --> 00:15:20,905 GlipGlop is a spy! 276 00:15:23,076 --> 00:15:24,805 GlipGlop's a spy? 277 00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,535 We went with it. 278 00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:29,377 Okay, shot, shot. 279 00:15:29,582 --> 00:15:32,244 Okay, now that... Now that he's dead... 280 00:15:32,419 --> 00:15:35,252 and there's one robot left, let's go through the thing. 281 00:15:35,422 --> 00:15:36,446 Go. 282 00:15:36,689 --> 00:15:39,852 Yooba-dooba-dooba. Yooba-dooba-dooba. 283 00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,050 Yooba-dooba-dooba. 284 00:15:43,763 --> 00:15:46,095 Whoa! 285 00:15:46,433 --> 00:15:47,923 Ah! 286 00:15:52,739 --> 00:15:55,037 Space garbage. 287 00:15:55,241 --> 00:15:57,232 - Look! - Ah! 288 00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:58,741 We're gonna get crushed. 289 00:15:58,912 --> 00:16:01,210 And is there a monster? 290 00:16:02,615 --> 00:16:04,708 - Eeh! - Ah! 291 00:16:04,918 --> 00:16:06,647 But so what? We're gonna get crushed. 292 00:16:08,254 --> 00:16:11,781 - Uh... I love you? - I love you. 293 00:16:11,991 --> 00:16:13,288 That's your daughter. 294 00:16:13,493 --> 00:16:16,428 - You're my daughter. - You said we were sisters, dumb-ass. 295 00:16:16,629 --> 00:16:19,928 That's hot. It's like Chinatown in space. 296 00:16:24,137 --> 00:16:27,072 - And I'm the hero? - Yay! 297 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,908 - Let's do this. - Yeah! Ha, ha, ha. 298 00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,475 They're saved! Ha, ha. 299 00:16:35,381 --> 00:16:36,939 I feel the force. 300 00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,310 What? 301 00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:41,180 I don't feel the force, I'm not allowed to. 302 00:16:41,421 --> 00:16:43,946 What do I feel? 303 00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:47,487 I feel Dracula force. 304 00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:50,756 I feel Dracula signals. 305 00:16:52,432 --> 00:16:54,127 Your ass is mine. 306 00:16:57,537 --> 00:17:01,439 That last stunt you pulled put six of my best guys in the hospital, maniac. 307 00:17:01,641 --> 00:17:04,508 I'm more than a maniac. 308 00:17:04,844 --> 00:17:07,142 I'm Dracula. 309 00:17:21,227 --> 00:17:22,285 Jesus Chr... 310 00:17:22,495 --> 00:17:24,053 Jesus Christ. Oh, my God! 311 00:17:24,297 --> 00:17:25,696 Jesus Christ, they shot him. 312 00:17:27,634 --> 00:17:29,067 Who am I? 313 00:17:29,302 --> 00:17:30,792 What's my motivation? 314 00:17:31,004 --> 00:17:35,031 Why am I doing or saying anything I'm saying or doing? 315 00:17:35,241 --> 00:17:39,041 I need more... I need more than what I'm getting. 316 00:17:55,028 --> 00:17:57,826 Oh! It's incredible. It's incredible. 317 00:17:58,031 --> 00:17:59,464 Congratulations. 318 00:18:00,266 --> 00:18:02,200 - How long is it? - Eighty-seven minutes. 319 00:18:02,869 --> 00:18:05,030 Get it to 8-1. That means 81. 320 00:18:05,205 --> 00:18:07,571 I'll make some calls, we'll premiere this thing... 321 00:18:07,774 --> 00:18:10,834 - ... and we'll get your school a check. - Oh. 322 00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:17,440 - So which six minutes should we cut? - Oh. 323 00:18:17,617 --> 00:18:19,608 Jeff's death scene probably, right? Yeah. 324 00:18:19,852 --> 00:18:21,547 - Mine? - Yeah, in the space dungeon? 325 00:18:21,721 --> 00:18:24,554 - There's no Chang in that. - How long is Jeff's death scene? 326 00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:27,215 Yeah, how long is it? We're really zeroing in on it. 327 00:18:28,628 --> 00:18:30,425 Do you think I'm frightened? 328 00:18:30,863 --> 00:18:34,128 These chains were forged from the iron of Ganymede. 329 00:18:41,241 --> 00:18:45,803 I'm not gonna tell you where he is. I'd rather die. 330 00:18:46,145 --> 00:18:48,978 Hm. Seems pretty important he doesn't give up Chang. 331 00:18:49,148 --> 00:18:52,413 Otherwise the last thing he says to him is, "I'll see you in hell." 332 00:18:52,585 --> 00:18:56,521 - Uh... - It's not really a movie about him. 333 00:18:56,723 --> 00:18:58,953 - Yeah. - Well, what about your steel drum solo? 334 00:18:59,125 --> 00:19:00,786 I don't think we should lose that. 335 00:19:01,027 --> 00:19:03,757 What about the weird wedding ritual on GlipGlop's planet, huh? 336 00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:06,398 Um, okay, let's not throw out the baby... 337 00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:09,831 with the bathwater. - We're not cutting a frame of GlipGlop. 338 00:19:10,036 --> 00:19:12,596 That's like cutting Cowboy out of Midnight Cowboy. 339 00:19:12,805 --> 00:19:15,899 Jeff's death scene is six minutes, 30 seconds. 340 00:19:16,109 --> 00:19:18,577 - There you go. - Okay, cool. Easy enough. 341 00:19:18,745 --> 00:19:21,111 Um, should we...? Before we finish editing... 342 00:19:21,314 --> 00:19:24,147 should we get those hornets out of the garbage? 343 00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:26,841 The swarming hornets? 344 00:19:31,124 --> 00:19:33,991 - Is that serious? - Is he doing a bit? 345 00:19:34,327 --> 00:19:35,817 That's a long bit. 346 00:19:36,062 --> 00:19:37,154 Oh, he's serious. 347 00:19:37,363 --> 00:19:41,163 I mean, let's face it. It's pretty obvious when he's acting. 348 00:19:45,071 --> 00:19:46,629 Let's do this. 349 00:19:46,839 --> 00:19:48,466 Yo, yo, yo, howdy. 350 00:19:48,675 --> 00:19:51,143 Welcome to Kyle Beiderman's editing tutorials. 351 00:19:51,344 --> 00:19:52,436 I'm Kyle Beiderman. 352 00:19:52,645 --> 00:19:53,976 Yeah, that Kyle Beiderman. 353 00:19:55,381 --> 00:19:56,643 Leave me alone, Abed. 354 00:19:56,849 --> 00:19:59,317 Once I watch this tutorial on how editing works... 355 00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:02,955 I'm gonna save this movie without removing its soul. 356 00:20:03,356 --> 00:20:06,291 Step one, how to correctly label your files. 357 00:20:06,459 --> 00:20:08,290 No, no. Who cares about labeling files? 358 00:20:08,494 --> 00:20:09,825 Teach me to edit. 359 00:20:11,664 --> 00:20:13,598 What the hell was that? 360 00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:20,237 - You stay away. This is my movie too. - Not even a movie. It's a piece of crap. 361 00:20:20,406 --> 00:20:23,398 - Doesn't mean it can't be good. - It's basically what it means. 362 00:20:23,609 --> 00:20:26,134 You stay away, Abed. I'm not kidding. 363 00:20:26,346 --> 00:20:28,246 I'm huge and I have zero blood sugar. 364 00:20:28,481 --> 00:20:31,973 I will kill you in these Frisbees and nobody will ever find you. 365 00:20:32,752 --> 00:20:35,414 Okay, so now let's get familiar with the user interface. 366 00:20:35,655 --> 00:20:37,384 No! Just teach me to edit! 367 00:20:37,623 --> 00:20:39,614 - Boing-tanga! - Argh! 368 00:20:43,029 --> 00:20:46,021 I'm going to kill you! 369 00:20:46,232 --> 00:20:48,496 - You're killing me. - I told you. 370 00:20:48,701 --> 00:20:50,066 You're literally killing me. 371 00:20:50,269 --> 00:20:51,930 - For real? - Yes. 372 00:20:57,076 --> 00:20:58,737 Are you nuts? 373 00:20:58,945 --> 00:21:00,207 What is wrong with you? 374 00:21:00,413 --> 00:21:03,439 Every single one of you is gonna leave here except for me. 375 00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:05,708 Troy, Shirley. 376 00:21:05,918 --> 00:21:07,385 Annie's gonna be president. 377 00:21:07,587 --> 00:21:09,418 Even Pierce got to die. 378 00:21:09,655 --> 00:21:11,555 Now Chang goes to Hollywood... 379 00:21:11,724 --> 00:21:14,522 so we force you to make the crappiest movie of all time... 380 00:21:14,694 --> 00:21:18,095 then force you to make it crappier. We watch it, it's not even bad. 381 00:21:18,264 --> 00:21:23,031 The part I accidentally got most excited about is the seven minutes we can cut. 382 00:21:23,202 --> 00:21:25,796 - You know what that means? - I'm a genius. We knew that. 383 00:21:26,038 --> 00:21:27,767 I finally know in my heart... 384 00:21:27,974 --> 00:21:31,375 that I will literally be the last one of us here. 385 00:21:32,111 --> 00:21:35,945 And I know they gave digital muscles to Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy. 386 00:21:36,182 --> 00:21:37,706 I watched Parks and Rec. 387 00:21:37,884 --> 00:21:40,114 - There's no scientific explanation for... - Jeff. 388 00:21:43,689 --> 00:21:47,125 You helped me learn something about filmmaking we need to apply to life. 389 00:21:47,293 --> 00:21:49,921 It's okay to plan stuff, figure out what we did wrong. 390 00:21:50,096 --> 00:21:53,588 Plans are randomly gonna fall apart, lessons are randomly gonna be wrong. 391 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,791 If we keep the cameras rolling and shoot a lot of crap... 392 00:21:56,002 --> 00:22:00,063 eventually Annie is going to reach down her shirt and pull out a laser bomb. 393 00:22:00,273 --> 00:22:05,768 I didn't write that. We didn't plan that. God made that happen. 394 00:22:05,978 --> 00:22:08,105 God made this movie... 395 00:22:08,581 --> 00:22:10,242 and it's dumb. 396 00:22:10,450 --> 00:22:11,940 And we're dumb for being in it. 397 00:22:12,618 --> 00:22:15,109 Life is a big, dumb, pointless movie with no story... 398 00:22:15,288 --> 00:22:17,449 and an abrupt ending where the hero gets shot by Dracula... 399 00:22:17,623 --> 00:22:20,251 in the middle of a lunch order during an outtake... 400 00:22:20,426 --> 00:22:22,451 but somewhere, every once in a while... 401 00:22:22,662 --> 00:22:24,960 Annie reaches down her shirt. 402 00:22:32,638 --> 00:22:36,005 So we keep the cameras rolling. We edit out the parts we don't like... 403 00:22:36,175 --> 00:22:39,838 and we stop thinking about Chris Pratt so much because it is not healthy. 404 00:22:48,955 --> 00:22:50,115 Will you do me a favor? 405 00:22:50,323 --> 00:22:52,848 I never tell anybody about our private conversations. 406 00:22:53,059 --> 00:22:55,254 Let's cut my stupid scene out of this of crap. 407 00:22:57,663 --> 00:23:01,394 - And won't we need to add 30 seconds? - I have an idea about that. 408 00:23:01,634 --> 00:23:02,999 Who am I? 409 00:23:03,202 --> 00:23:04,692 What's my motivation? 410 00:23:04,904 --> 00:23:09,034 Why am I doing or saying anything I'm saying or doing. 411 00:23:09,275 --> 00:23:12,904 I need more... I need more than what I'm getting. 412 00:23:15,014 --> 00:23:16,811 Aw. 413 00:23:19,318 --> 00:23:21,980 Hello, Chief Starr. 414 00:23:24,924 --> 00:23:27,188 I told you I'd see you in hell. 415 00:23:28,828 --> 00:23:31,820 - And look who else is here. - Yooba-dooba-dooba! 416 00:23:38,604 --> 00:23:41,402 - Yeah! - Yeah, Abed! 417 00:23:41,574 --> 00:23:43,542 Yow! Ha, ha, ha. 418 00:23:45,444 --> 00:23:47,173 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 419 00:23:47,613 --> 00:23:50,173 Oh, great job, you guys, on the new ending. 420 00:23:50,383 --> 00:23:53,250 And I like that the guy actually saw him in hell. 421 00:23:53,452 --> 00:23:54,578 Right? 422 00:23:56,188 --> 00:23:58,952 Hold on, phone call from the distributor. 423 00:24:00,059 --> 00:24:02,687 Get ready for a big check. 424 00:24:02,895 --> 00:24:04,260 Hello? 425 00:24:04,463 --> 00:24:06,954 Wait. Calm down. 426 00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:08,357 What's Chapter 11? 427 00:24:09,035 --> 00:24:10,059 Wait... 428 00:24:10,269 --> 00:24:12,601 What's YouTube? Wait, what's broadband? 429 00:24:13,272 --> 00:24:16,207 - What's digital? - I don't have a good feeling about that. 430 00:24:16,409 --> 00:24:19,105 I don't have a good feeling about Chang staying bankable. 431 00:24:19,278 --> 00:24:20,609 Did you see this news story? 432 00:24:21,113 --> 00:24:23,980 I'll never look at a hot air balloon in the same way again. 433 00:24:24,216 --> 00:24:26,377 - Or James Franco's ball. - Ugh. 434 00:24:26,586 --> 00:24:28,383 No. 435 00:24:28,588 --> 00:24:32,388 I'll tell you what I do have Bring it in. 436 00:24:32,558 --> 00:24:34,458 - Aw. - Come here, guys. 437 00:24:35,227 --> 00:24:37,354 - Guys, we do the thing. - We did it. 438 00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:40,999 Yooba-dooba-dooba! Yooba-dooba! 439 00:24:41,233 --> 00:24:43,497 All right. One more for safety, Ben. 440 00:24:43,736 --> 00:24:44,998 What do you mean? 441 00:24:45,237 --> 00:24:48,229 I just don't know if we got the line, "Hold on, Slinky." 442 00:24:48,441 --> 00:24:49,931 Let's move on. 443 00:24:50,142 --> 00:24:52,303 I think... Can...? Can we get one more? 444 00:24:52,511 --> 00:24:54,570 You got it. Come on. 445 00:24:54,780 --> 00:24:56,873 Hold on, Slinky. Let's go. 446 00:24:57,083 --> 00:24:59,745 I think it was fine, but Steven's kind of a stickler. 447 00:24:59,952 --> 00:25:02,648 Tell Steven Spielberg to lick my butt. 448 00:25:02,888 --> 00:25:04,947 Well, he's right here, so... 449 00:25:07,193 --> 00:25:08,888 Hey, Steven. 450 00:25:09,395 --> 00:25:11,022 Spielberg. 451 00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:12,897 Can you give us a sec? 452 00:25:13,099 --> 00:25:14,123 Yes. 453 00:25:24,176 --> 00:25:25,700 - Ben? - Yup? 454 00:25:25,945 --> 00:25:27,936 So I... I guess we're good for today. 455 00:25:28,114 --> 00:25:30,708 Great job. You were right. We got everything we need... 456 00:25:30,950 --> 00:25:33,510 and there's a small door in the back. 457 00:25:33,719 --> 00:25:37,849 Back of the booth there, that will take you, you know, outside... 458 00:25:38,057 --> 00:25:39,957 and we'll talk soon. 459 00:25:40,159 --> 00:25:42,559 - I don't go the way I came? - You do not. 460 00:25:42,795 --> 00:25:46,492 There's a little door back there and it goes right on out. 461 00:25:46,699 --> 00:25:48,326 Thank you so much. 462 00:25:48,534 --> 00:25:49,865 Okay. 463 00:25:52,805 --> 00:25:54,295 Okay. 464 00:26:10,022 --> 00:26:12,650 - Okay, Randall, are you ready? - Yep. 465 00:26:15,728 --> 00:26:20,165 Which brings us to the issue of our cosmetology department... 466 00:26:20,366 --> 00:26:23,164 who, once again, find themselves... 467 00:26:40,252 --> 00:26:43,619 Who once again find themselves nearing the end of the semester... 468 00:26:43,856 --> 00:26:47,690 without any free haircut volunteers. 469 00:26:55,501 --> 00:26:59,631 That may be due to last semester's lice scare. 470 00:26:59,872 --> 00:27:02,397 Totally. Yep. 471 00:27:04,810 --> 00:27:07,540 "Guaranteed No Lice." 472 00:27:07,747 --> 00:27:10,648 - Something like that. - That would open you up to lawsuits. 473 00:27:11,250 --> 00:27:13,241 "Son, we live in a world that has walls... 474 00:27:13,419 --> 00:27:16,286 and those walls have to be guarded by men with hair clippers." 475 00:27:20,025 --> 00:27:21,583 - Pink Floyd. - Ugh. 476 00:27:21,794 --> 00:27:23,421 - You're the worst. - What? 477 00:27:23,629 --> 00:27:25,961 - Oh, she is the worst. - Terrible. 478 00:27:26,132 --> 00:27:29,295 - I can't believe she said that. - Have you seen any movie? Name one. 479 00:27:29,468 --> 00:27:31,663 - It's an unrelated thought... - Britta's the worst! 480 00:27:35,975 --> 00:27:39,103 - Seriously, what happened to you? - I don't know. 481 00:27:46,620 --> 00:27:54,620 Ripped By mstoll