1 00:00:03,284 --> 00:00:05,445 - Why did Frankie call us here? - I don't know. 2 00:00:05,619 --> 00:00:08,611 Some financial prospect that could put the school in the black. 3 00:00:08,789 --> 00:00:12,418 Which always confuses me because black means bad. 4 00:00:12,593 --> 00:00:14,493 When it's a cat or a banana... 5 00:00:14,662 --> 00:00:18,154 or a shirt that makes you think you've lost more weight than you have. 6 00:00:18,365 --> 00:00:21,596 - Nice save. Sorry about that, man. - Huh? 7 00:00:21,769 --> 00:00:23,964 What? Did someone use the word "black"... 8 00:00:24,138 --> 00:00:26,470 and now you want me to give you the all clear? 9 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,132 Please tell me that won't be my role. I have a brain the size of Jupiter. 10 00:00:30,311 --> 00:00:32,336 - I'm nobody's fourth Ghostbuster. - No. 11 00:00:32,513 --> 00:00:34,777 I promise this group does not think that way. 12 00:00:34,949 --> 00:00:38,316 In fact, before you got here, they had two... 13 00:00:38,486 --> 00:00:39,510 No. 14 00:00:39,687 --> 00:00:43,123 They had to often step back and remind themselves... 15 00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,781 that they weren't one collective ray of light. 16 00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:48,488 Is this a cult? 17 00:00:48,662 --> 00:00:49,788 Are you gonna eat me? 18 00:00:49,964 --> 00:00:52,125 No. We're fine. I lived in New York. 19 00:00:52,299 --> 00:00:54,460 Speaking of which, midterms are over... 20 00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:57,536 and I was thinking we could have a party at our apartment. 21 00:00:57,705 --> 00:00:59,798 - Abed? Annie? - You can have a party. 22 00:00:59,974 --> 00:01:01,168 - Yes! - You can't have a rager. 23 00:01:01,342 --> 00:01:03,503 We have a rule against more than eight guests. 24 00:01:03,677 --> 00:01:06,111 Eight guests? That's not "not a rager." 25 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,542 That's not a party. 26 00:01:07,715 --> 00:01:09,273 - Nice grammar. - Okay. 27 00:01:09,450 --> 00:01:13,181 You have a rule against parties, which I'm sure is a record for uptightness. 28 00:01:13,354 --> 00:01:14,514 So let's celebrate that. 29 00:01:14,688 --> 00:01:17,452 I'll bring the booze and more than eight guests. 30 00:01:17,625 --> 00:01:19,115 Britta, you just moved in. 31 00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:21,488 You don't even have a real bedroom. 32 00:01:21,662 --> 00:01:22,822 You're a coucher. 33 00:01:22,997 --> 00:01:26,330 She sleeps on the couch. She's a coucher. 34 00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,559 - So I get nothing? - You get a couch. 35 00:01:28,736 --> 00:01:29,794 You get a home. 36 00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:32,905 - There's no government to overthrow. - I'm not overthrowing. 37 00:01:33,073 --> 00:01:35,564 - You're overthrowing if I say so. - Nice irony. 38 00:01:35,743 --> 00:01:38,871 Can we focus on this? Because now this is happening. 39 00:01:41,081 --> 00:01:43,072 Hello, everyone. Don't be alarmed. 40 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:47,744 I'm attending our meeting using what's called a telepresence robot. 41 00:01:47,955 --> 00:01:50,150 I resent the idea that this would alarm me. 42 00:01:50,324 --> 00:01:53,157 These bots have been revolutionizing the private sector... 43 00:01:53,327 --> 00:01:57,821 and now, the state of Colorado has come to us with a unique... 44 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:04,080 Ripped By mstoll 45 00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:06,996 - Proposition. - Seamless, Frankie. 46 00:02:07,174 --> 00:02:09,608 The department of corrections will pay us money... 47 00:02:09,777 --> 00:02:12,507 if we allow a small, manageable number of inmates... 48 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,410 to attend Greendale using these. 49 00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:18,279 Now, hold on, are you trying to tell me that prisoners... 50 00:02:18,485 --> 00:02:21,113 would use these things to come to our school? 51 00:02:21,288 --> 00:02:23,848 That's the black guy in every sci-fi movie. 52 00:02:24,058 --> 00:02:25,082 I'll allow it. 53 00:02:25,259 --> 00:02:28,057 Wait. Prisoners? Rolling around the school? 54 00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:30,288 - With students? - They'll rape us. 55 00:02:30,497 --> 00:02:31,589 They'll rape us all. 56 00:02:31,765 --> 00:02:33,232 They can't rape you... 57 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:37,097 because their genitals will be hundreds of miles away. 58 00:02:37,271 --> 00:02:38,295 From each other? 59 00:02:39,106 --> 00:02:41,768 This is an attempt at rehabilitation. 60 00:02:41,942 --> 00:02:44,911 The prison is looking for ways to expose their inmates... 61 00:02:45,079 --> 00:02:47,445 to a real world academic environment. 62 00:02:47,615 --> 00:02:50,311 Okay, I've heard enough. I'm responsible for this school. 63 00:02:50,517 --> 00:02:53,384 I won't have hardened criminals exposing themselves to it. 64 00:02:53,554 --> 00:02:55,419 That's the response they're getting. 65 00:02:55,589 --> 00:03:00,652 Which is why the state is offering a $300,000 incentive. 66 00:03:00,828 --> 00:03:03,228 We'll do it. Dean, do it, $300,000 for the school. 67 00:03:03,397 --> 00:03:05,627 - They're convicts. - They're iPads on sticks. 68 00:03:05,799 --> 00:03:09,257 As someone that got paid to keep people out, let me tell you... 69 00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:11,233 Hey, guys. I'm moon walking. 70 00:03:11,405 --> 00:03:15,273 - Not every bad guy ends up in prison and not every prisoner is a bad guy. 71 00:03:15,442 --> 00:03:17,501 - Who's this guy? - Three hundred thousand. 72 00:03:17,678 --> 00:03:18,736 - Oh, yeah. - Jeffrey. 73 00:03:18,912 --> 00:03:21,779 You know ordinarily I'd do anything you say. 74 00:03:21,949 --> 00:03:23,644 - Do it. - Let's do it. 75 00:03:23,817 --> 00:03:24,977 I walked into that one. 76 00:03:25,152 --> 00:03:27,120 Gross. Who farted? 77 00:03:27,288 --> 00:03:28,687 Oh, wait, never mind. 78 00:04:00,654 --> 00:04:02,383 I'm so glad you talked me into this. 79 00:04:02,589 --> 00:04:04,523 Three hundred thousand dollars. 80 00:04:04,692 --> 00:04:07,718 Look at us, running the school together. 81 00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:10,363 If I'm running the school, pay me more. 82 00:04:10,531 --> 00:04:15,059 What if I made you professor emeritus? We could have a little ceremony... 83 00:04:15,235 --> 00:04:16,827 - Does it pay more? - No. 84 00:04:17,004 --> 00:04:19,802 Then give me what the ceremony would cost. 85 00:04:19,973 --> 00:04:21,964 Okay, folks, welcome. 86 00:04:22,142 --> 00:04:26,875 I believe you all have maps of our campus. This is your Dean. Dean? 87 00:04:27,047 --> 00:04:30,141 Now, if I see any race gangs forming... 88 00:04:30,317 --> 00:04:34,253 I will have no choice but to adjust the contrast on your screens... 89 00:04:34,421 --> 00:04:36,184 until you all look the same. 90 00:04:36,357 --> 00:04:39,884 And we have a very strict no-bullying policy... 91 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:44,520 that relates directly to me, so be nice. To me. 92 00:04:44,698 --> 00:04:45,892 No need to be nervous. 93 00:04:46,066 --> 00:04:48,557 We're all here because we done some bad stuff. 94 00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:53,230 - But we ain't here to do any more. - Aw. That's very folksy, thank you. 95 00:04:53,407 --> 00:04:58,777 So I guess just roll forth and rehabilitate. 96 00:05:03,650 --> 00:05:05,845 They can see us and we can see them. 97 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:14,620 All right, knock it off. 98 00:05:14,795 --> 00:05:17,730 No one at this school should pick on any class of people. 99 00:05:17,898 --> 00:05:20,731 It's like watching magicians bully jugglers. 100 00:05:20,901 --> 00:05:22,766 - What's your name? - Willy. 101 00:05:22,936 --> 00:05:24,062 Willy. Take a seat. 102 00:05:27,608 --> 00:05:30,236 I'm Mr. Jeff Winger. I teach Fundamentals of Law. 103 00:05:30,411 --> 00:05:33,073 Does that mean you can teach me how to get out? 104 00:05:33,247 --> 00:05:34,976 - Ha, ha, ha. - Probably not. I was a phony lawyer. 105 00:05:35,182 --> 00:05:37,616 I got caught and now I teach a pretty phony class. 106 00:05:37,785 --> 00:05:41,118 It's an automatic A, but you might learn a thing or two. 107 00:05:41,288 --> 00:05:44,280 And I mean literally a thing or two. Cool? 108 00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:47,256 - And they call me the criminal. - Heh, heh, heh. 109 00:05:47,428 --> 00:05:53,162 Trust me, I know the main difference between us is an orange jumpsuit. 110 00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:55,995 - But you have an iPad. - Ha, ha, ha. 111 00:05:56,203 --> 00:05:58,728 Yeah, and I'm a murderer. 112 00:06:02,509 --> 00:06:05,239 Now, now, don't worry. I ain't proud of it. 113 00:06:05,779 --> 00:06:08,976 I just don't hide it. You know, once you take another man's life... 114 00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:10,514 you carry it with you. 115 00:06:12,719 --> 00:06:15,153 You carrying any murders, Mr. Winger? 116 00:06:18,292 --> 00:06:20,260 I am not. 117 00:06:20,427 --> 00:06:23,328 I hear you have to have strong feelings for someone you kill. 118 00:06:23,497 --> 00:06:25,021 I reserve that stuff for myself. 119 00:06:28,535 --> 00:06:29,968 All right. 120 00:06:30,137 --> 00:06:31,502 That's enough law. 121 00:06:31,672 --> 00:06:33,697 Who wants to watch Planet Earth? 122 00:06:33,874 --> 00:06:35,705 Oh, look. 123 00:06:35,876 --> 00:06:38,436 Ice worlds. 124 00:06:38,612 --> 00:06:41,137 Oh, the majesty. 125 00:06:41,315 --> 00:06:44,443 Rhinos and elephants and flamingos. 126 00:06:46,353 --> 00:06:48,719 Hey, Abed. 127 00:06:48,889 --> 00:06:51,619 Haven't you been in our apartment longer than Annie? 128 00:06:51,792 --> 00:06:53,817 Yeah. I remember when she first moved in. 129 00:06:53,994 --> 00:06:57,521 I was so worried about pacing I was constantly laying groundwork for gags. 130 00:06:57,698 --> 00:06:58,722 Hey, Annie. 131 00:06:58,899 --> 00:07:02,130 I'd like to make this moment worth popping back to from the future. 132 00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:03,735 I don't know what that means. 133 00:07:05,172 --> 00:07:06,867 There. Don't worry, it'll pay off. 134 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,166 Hey, Troy. 135 00:07:08,342 --> 00:07:10,674 Glad I kicked that habit. It was getting joyless. 136 00:07:10,844 --> 00:07:12,675 What I'm saying is, by Annie's logic... 137 00:07:12,846 --> 00:07:15,679 You're saying I could overrule Annie, let you have a party. 138 00:07:15,849 --> 00:07:17,646 I don't get anything out of parties. 139 00:07:17,818 --> 00:07:21,686 They're conventions for every subject too boring to have their own convention. 140 00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:25,723 The police showed up when you made Leonard take off his clothes. 141 00:07:25,893 --> 00:07:30,091 That was for my movie Reverse Godzilla. I thought it might make a good popback. 142 00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:34,700 I make movies, Annie makes rules, you make parties. 143 00:07:34,868 --> 00:07:38,861 Her rules cancel out your parties, but I'm not involved. I just make movies. 144 00:07:57,758 --> 00:07:58,952 Evening, Mr. Winger. 145 00:08:01,194 --> 00:08:03,287 Willy. You're here late. 146 00:08:03,463 --> 00:08:07,263 Taking some night classes. Trying to take full advantage, you know? 147 00:08:08,101 --> 00:08:11,036 Is this your car? It's nice. 148 00:08:11,204 --> 00:08:13,695 Looks like you're taking full advantage too. 149 00:08:13,874 --> 00:08:15,398 Yeah. It's a real dream gig. 150 00:08:15,576 --> 00:08:16,702 Sarcasm. 151 00:08:17,210 --> 00:08:19,906 Slick words. Cock of the walk. 152 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,139 What are categories in Prison Jeopardy? 153 00:08:23,784 --> 00:08:26,082 Hey, you mind helping me out with something? 154 00:08:26,253 --> 00:08:28,744 I lost a ball-bearing and it rolled down them stairs. 155 00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:32,323 - "Lost a ball bearing"? - Mm-hm. Down them stairs. 156 00:08:32,492 --> 00:08:35,552 You want me to look down these stairs. Okay. 157 00:08:45,272 --> 00:08:46,796 Did you just try to murder me? 158 00:08:51,478 --> 00:08:53,173 Are you trying to murder me? 159 00:08:55,148 --> 00:08:58,584 You're trying as hard as you can right now to kill me. 160 00:09:03,123 --> 00:09:07,492 Okay, well, uh, I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow... 161 00:09:08,929 --> 00:09:11,022 guy who tried to murder me. 162 00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:14,429 Oh, I'll see you in class tomorrow, Mr. Winger. 163 00:09:15,469 --> 00:09:17,130 I will see you... 164 00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:21,131 Yeah, I'll see you... 165 00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:28,880 Oh, I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Winger. 166 00:09:35,522 --> 00:09:37,615 Um... 167 00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:41,859 So we are having a party? 168 00:09:42,029 --> 00:09:43,792 Annie, you know me better than that. 169 00:09:43,964 --> 00:09:45,192 This is all set dressing. 170 00:09:45,365 --> 00:09:48,357 I'm helping Abed produce his next film. 171 00:09:49,703 --> 00:09:54,333 "Britta's Party, Based On a True Story of Fun and No Rules. " 172 00:09:54,508 --> 00:09:55,998 "Fade in before a party. 173 00:09:56,176 --> 00:09:59,577 People start coming over. Way more than eight. 174 00:09:59,746 --> 00:10:00,838 It becomes a rager. 175 00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:04,006 Everyone has a great time and parties like there's no tomorrow. 176 00:10:04,184 --> 00:10:06,675 Then they leave. Sophia cleans up. The end." 177 00:10:06,853 --> 00:10:09,413 We're very interested in you for the role of Sophia. 178 00:10:09,589 --> 00:10:10,988 I see the stakes of Can't Hardly Wait... 179 00:10:11,158 --> 00:10:12,489 the subversive raunch of Risky Business... 180 00:10:12,659 --> 00:10:15,059 and the mumbly pointlessness of everything after 2003. 181 00:10:15,228 --> 00:10:16,388 - But real. - Totally real. 182 00:10:16,563 --> 00:10:19,054 The first movie to capture the heart of a real party: 183 00:10:19,232 --> 00:10:22,395 The sensation that there's no tomorrow. The transcendence of time. 184 00:10:22,569 --> 00:10:24,434 Bravo, Britta. Very clever. 185 00:10:24,604 --> 00:10:28,267 Me? Don't look at me. I could never green light a project this big. 186 00:10:28,475 --> 00:10:30,773 I moved in third. I am a coucher. 187 00:10:30,977 --> 00:10:33,070 - She's a coucher. - I sleep... 188 00:10:33,246 --> 00:10:34,679 - ... on a couch! - On a couch! 189 00:10:34,848 --> 00:10:36,679 She's a coucher! Look out! Look out! 190 00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:39,114 Who is it? It's a coucher! Oh, boy. 191 00:10:39,286 --> 00:10:40,753 Okay. 192 00:10:40,987 --> 00:10:43,285 - Good night. - Good night. 193 00:10:45,859 --> 00:10:46,917 Aw. 194 00:10:47,694 --> 00:10:51,391 Before this is over, you'll beg for my forgiveness. 195 00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:05,938 So we have an ultimately low stakes... 196 00:11:06,113 --> 00:11:09,082 but nonetheless creepy problem with one of our Wi-Felons. 197 00:11:09,249 --> 00:11:10,910 - You mean Willy. - Yes. 198 00:11:11,084 --> 00:11:13,746 What else did he do? Steal the driver's ed simulator? 199 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,913 - Did he start an illegal game of solitaire? - Jeffrey, he's in the room. 200 00:11:18,091 --> 00:11:19,422 Hey, Mr. Winger. 201 00:11:19,593 --> 00:11:22,960 - Why is he on your laptop? - He came to me for a chat this morning. 202 00:11:23,130 --> 00:11:27,066 He's here for an education, Jeffrey, and he reports to the prison. 203 00:11:27,234 --> 00:11:30,795 Could you do a little more in your class than show Planet Earth? 204 00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:33,269 You're telling on me? 205 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:37,638 - He tried to murder me last night. - What? Now, hold on. 206 00:11:37,811 --> 00:11:40,780 Now, where I'm from, you accuse somebody of something... 207 00:11:40,947 --> 00:11:43,575 you better have evidence or he better be a minority. 208 00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:46,241 - He tried to push me down stairs. - That's ridiculous. 209 00:11:46,419 --> 00:11:49,752 It was ridiculous. This is not someone who should be with students. 210 00:11:49,923 --> 00:11:52,153 And you're seriously taking his word over mine? 211 00:11:52,325 --> 00:11:54,122 Have you ever killed anyone, Jeffrey? 212 00:11:54,294 --> 00:11:58,958 Why would an actual murderer wanna kill a community college teacher? 213 00:11:59,132 --> 00:12:00,963 Now I'm not worth murdering? 214 00:12:01,134 --> 00:12:03,500 - Why would I lie? - Isn't that your specialty? 215 00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:07,606 You're a raconteur. You charm people with your slick and fancy words. 216 00:12:07,774 --> 00:12:10,766 Willy, Willy just charms them. 217 00:12:11,711 --> 00:12:12,973 Oh, my God. 218 00:12:13,146 --> 00:12:15,842 Ha, ha. I should leave you two alone. I've got classes. 219 00:12:16,016 --> 00:12:17,677 Some of us came here to work. 220 00:12:17,851 --> 00:12:19,682 Jealousy isn't a crime, Jeffrey. 221 00:12:19,853 --> 00:12:23,345 But costing the school $300,000 will be. 222 00:12:23,523 --> 00:12:24,820 So be a good teacher. 223 00:12:24,991 --> 00:12:27,585 Especially when Willy's watching. 224 00:12:32,199 --> 00:12:36,192 - Which is why they call it "yard juice." - Hm. 225 00:12:36,369 --> 00:12:38,667 - Next question? - Do you get to pick your number? 226 00:12:38,839 --> 00:12:41,330 Does anyone get their head stuck between the bars? 227 00:12:41,508 --> 00:12:42,998 We call it getting metal ears. 228 00:12:43,176 --> 00:12:46,976 Oh, hi, Mr. Winger. Thought we'd sneak in a little learning before the movie. 229 00:12:47,147 --> 00:12:48,580 Well, there's no movie today. 230 00:12:48,748 --> 00:12:52,707 - So everyone roll to your seat areas. - Yes, sir. 231 00:12:52,886 --> 00:12:56,185 So, law. 232 00:12:56,356 --> 00:12:59,052 Law is, simply put, an agreement we all make... 233 00:12:59,226 --> 00:13:02,525 to do our best to stay out of each other's way. 234 00:13:02,696 --> 00:13:05,221 Is there a more technical definition, Mr. Winger? 235 00:13:05,398 --> 00:13:06,990 Well, I wouldn't know, Willy. 236 00:13:07,167 --> 00:13:10,534 I don't cotton much to fancy words and book study. 237 00:13:10,704 --> 00:13:14,572 - It's not how I got to where I am. - How did you get to be where you are? 238 00:13:14,741 --> 00:13:15,765 Where were you born? 239 00:13:15,942 --> 00:13:20,777 Mr. Winger was born in dirt, Willy. 240 00:13:20,947 --> 00:13:22,437 Same as you, I'm sure. 241 00:13:22,649 --> 00:13:26,346 And I had my face held down in that dirt by the kings of dirt. 242 00:13:26,519 --> 00:13:30,114 And now they're still there, ruling over dirt... 243 00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:33,782 and I got out. 244 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,451 By talking. By lying. 245 00:13:36,663 --> 00:13:41,760 Well, in case you haven't noticed, it seems to beat being a bully. 246 00:13:45,538 --> 00:13:46,766 Garrett? 247 00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:49,807 Mr. Winger, when did you stop being funny? 248 00:13:51,544 --> 00:13:55,605 I mean, am I wrong, or does he seem really intense here? 249 00:13:55,782 --> 00:13:58,649 You're born in the dirt, you'll die in the dirt. 250 00:13:58,818 --> 00:14:00,809 Who are the kings of the dirt? 251 00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:07,549 Everyone's so charmed by him because he's a violent criminal. 252 00:14:07,727 --> 00:14:09,422 But he's also a petty sociopath... 253 00:14:09,596 --> 00:14:12,463 and the more I try to point that out, the pettier I look. 254 00:14:12,632 --> 00:14:14,998 Weren't you the one who championed this program? 255 00:14:15,201 --> 00:14:18,398 Shouldn't have worn that petard if you didn't want to be hoisted. 256 00:14:18,571 --> 00:14:20,232 What do you think the expression... 257 00:14:20,407 --> 00:14:22,637 "hoisted by your own petard" is referencing? 258 00:14:22,809 --> 00:14:26,643 I guess I assumed that in the old days, a petard was a special outfit... 259 00:14:26,813 --> 00:14:30,010 like a leotard, with a lot of fancy buckles and loops on it... 260 00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:34,016 and that rich people would wear them when they were feeling especially smug. 261 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:37,246 But then poor people could tie a rope to one of the loops... 262 00:14:37,424 --> 00:14:40,325 and hoist them up a pole and then let them dangle there... 263 00:14:40,493 --> 00:14:42,290 as punishment for being cocky. 264 00:14:42,462 --> 00:14:44,862 Never look it up. Your explanation is way better. 265 00:14:45,031 --> 00:14:48,797 But also the next time a friend comes by with their problems... 266 00:14:48,969 --> 00:14:51,802 maybe lay off the I-told-you-so's. 267 00:14:51,972 --> 00:14:53,837 Jeff, we're having a Britta party here. 268 00:14:54,007 --> 00:14:57,443 Could you be a little bit less of a buzzkill? 269 00:14:59,379 --> 00:15:02,507 That was great. Now, party like there's no tomorrow. 270 00:15:02,682 --> 00:15:05,549 - What? - There's no tomorrow. Party like it. 271 00:15:10,857 --> 00:15:12,552 Huh. Uh... 272 00:15:16,029 --> 00:15:19,897 Okay. Why don't you just do some business in the background for now? 273 00:15:21,267 --> 00:15:22,495 Hi, everybody. 274 00:15:22,669 --> 00:15:25,661 No, don't worry. We're not here to bust up your party. 275 00:15:25,839 --> 00:15:27,830 I know most of you are, like, 30. 276 00:15:28,008 --> 00:15:31,171 We're here because Frankie Dart has exciting news. 277 00:15:31,344 --> 00:15:36,748 You have all been very cooperative with this inmate education program. 278 00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:39,976 The department of corrections is very, very happy. 279 00:15:40,153 --> 00:15:42,917 Which means Greendale is gonna be rich. 280 00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:44,649 Whoo! 281 00:15:44,824 --> 00:15:47,816 So don't tell anybody, but we smuggled in a few guests... 282 00:15:47,994 --> 00:15:49,985 to the party to celebrate with us. 283 00:15:50,163 --> 00:15:52,825 - Did someone order a prison break? - Whoo! 284 00:15:54,334 --> 00:15:56,598 Plenty of convicts to go around. 285 00:16:01,674 --> 00:16:04,074 Take them to the dance floor. 286 00:16:06,813 --> 00:16:09,748 Pass them around. That's Willy. Pass him. 287 00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:11,781 Yeah! Ha, ha. 288 00:16:11,951 --> 00:16:15,819 Over here. Pass Willy. Pass me Willy. Ha, ha, ha. 289 00:16:16,556 --> 00:16:19,218 - Oh! Whoo! - Here you go, Willy. 290 00:16:22,095 --> 00:16:25,292 Keep doing that. Keep doing that. 291 00:16:25,465 --> 00:16:26,557 Whoo-hoo! 292 00:16:42,449 --> 00:16:45,282 - Try dancing harder. Ah-ah-ooh-ah. 293 00:16:45,452 --> 00:16:49,752 Is that as hard as you can dance? You're at a party. You're celebrating. 294 00:16:49,923 --> 00:16:53,222 - Abed. It's 6 in the morning. - Okay, thanks. 295 00:16:54,727 --> 00:16:56,592 Do you think you've gotten enough shots? 296 00:16:56,763 --> 00:16:59,231 Nobody's partied like there's no tomorrow yet. 297 00:16:59,399 --> 00:17:01,128 That's okay. 298 00:17:03,369 --> 00:17:04,893 Are you joking? 299 00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:07,801 This is the reason I signed on. It's a performance issue. 300 00:17:07,974 --> 00:17:09,464 This needed some real actors. 301 00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:12,373 - Well, lesson learned. - Yeah. 302 00:17:13,513 --> 00:17:15,947 Okay, from the top and action. 303 00:17:16,116 --> 00:17:17,947 What? 304 00:17:18,118 --> 00:17:19,676 Who are these people? 305 00:17:19,886 --> 00:17:23,822 Go, go, go. Good, Dean. Good, Frankie. 306 00:17:23,990 --> 00:17:27,517 Party. Party. No tomorrow, guys. Come on. 307 00:17:31,431 --> 00:17:33,023 Hey, Mr. Winger. 308 00:17:33,199 --> 00:17:36,794 You know, I was thinking for class today maybe you could... 309 00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:38,028 Hey, what's going on? 310 00:17:38,204 --> 00:17:40,672 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, careful now, put me down. 311 00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:45,944 Well, Willy, look at me. 312 00:17:46,112 --> 00:17:47,545 I'm a murderer. 313 00:17:47,714 --> 00:17:51,309 Can I be as cool as you now? Huh? 314 00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:53,179 Willy? 315 00:17:53,353 --> 00:17:55,617 No, no, no! 316 00:17:55,788 --> 00:17:57,619 Willy, talk to me. 317 00:17:57,790 --> 00:17:59,223 Talk to me. 318 00:17:59,425 --> 00:18:02,189 - I can't see anything. - Willy. 319 00:18:02,362 --> 00:18:03,954 Focus on my voice. 320 00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:06,792 - I'm losing you. - You're not losing me. 321 00:18:06,966 --> 00:18:10,629 You are going to a better place with a stronger signal. 322 00:18:11,938 --> 00:18:13,371 Willy? 323 00:18:13,540 --> 00:18:14,564 Willy. 324 00:18:15,141 --> 00:18:16,870 Willy! 325 00:18:17,043 --> 00:18:19,034 - What's going on here? - He started it. 326 00:18:20,079 --> 00:18:21,376 Jeffrey. 327 00:18:21,548 --> 00:18:22,742 You are on sabbatical. 328 00:18:22,949 --> 00:18:24,644 - You can't do that. - Yes, I can. 329 00:18:24,817 --> 00:18:26,717 Two weeks paid sabbatical. 330 00:18:26,886 --> 00:18:28,080 Get him out of here. 331 00:18:28,254 --> 00:18:29,881 He's banned from the campus. 332 00:18:30,056 --> 00:18:31,921 You are on sabbatical! 333 00:18:32,091 --> 00:18:35,720 - You're on sabbatical, sir. - Yeah, I'll go on my own. With dignity. 334 00:18:35,895 --> 00:18:39,228 - Something you should look up. - I can't look it up! 335 00:18:39,399 --> 00:18:41,264 You destroyed my device. 336 00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:42,491 And my heart. 337 00:18:42,669 --> 00:18:44,728 You destroyed his device and his heart, sir. 338 00:18:44,904 --> 00:18:46,496 Yeah. I'm going. 339 00:18:47,340 --> 00:18:48,705 Willy! 340 00:18:49,542 --> 00:18:51,601 Willy! 341 00:18:57,417 --> 00:19:00,614 Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find a parking spot for my house. 342 00:19:00,787 --> 00:19:03,415 It must be so cool living in a vehicle. 343 00:19:03,590 --> 00:19:06,787 - Wait, where's your poop go? - A tank. 344 00:19:06,993 --> 00:19:08,961 Gross. Get a house. 345 00:19:09,128 --> 00:19:12,291 - Ben, aren't you homeless? - Yeah, but I poop in a house. 346 00:19:12,498 --> 00:19:15,092 - Whose? - Nice try. 347 00:19:18,071 --> 00:19:20,562 - Annie. - Britta. 348 00:19:21,241 --> 00:19:24,608 - How's your movie coming? - Amazing. Abed's a genius. 349 00:19:24,777 --> 00:19:26,745 Having a hard time deciding what to cut. 350 00:19:26,913 --> 00:19:30,713 It's going to be in two volumes and it's hard to sleep but it's worth it... 351 00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:35,911 because it's a movie about a party. 352 00:19:37,056 --> 00:19:39,786 - Would you like my help? - Yes. 353 00:19:39,959 --> 00:19:41,392 Have you learned anything? 354 00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:45,053 Don't question rules. Rules are good. I'm bad. All hail Annie. 355 00:19:45,231 --> 00:19:47,631 - Thank you. - Damn. 356 00:19:48,601 --> 00:19:51,399 How nice of you to show up. We moved here for you. 357 00:19:51,571 --> 00:19:54,335 I didn't ask for this. Have your meeting at school without me. 358 00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:56,804 Dean's using the study room for the ceremony. 359 00:19:56,976 --> 00:19:58,773 - What the... Ceremony? - You don't know? 360 00:19:58,945 --> 00:20:01,311 The dean is making that convict into a professor. 361 00:20:01,481 --> 00:20:03,108 - What? - Why do you care? 362 00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:06,810 Because the dean is doing this to prove something and it's really stupid. 363 00:20:06,986 --> 00:20:09,147 The guy's dangerous and he's manipulating him. 364 00:20:09,322 --> 00:20:11,483 Isn't that what you usually do? 365 00:20:11,658 --> 00:20:13,956 No. I mean, yes, but not like that. 366 00:20:14,127 --> 00:20:16,095 I lie to the dean for personal gain. 367 00:20:16,262 --> 00:20:21,427 Wouldn't use him emotionally, I wouldn't mislead him, I wouldn't hurt him. 368 00:20:21,601 --> 00:20:25,503 Have you ever thought of saying that to the dean? 369 00:20:27,273 --> 00:20:29,764 Jeff, go to him. 370 00:20:29,942 --> 00:20:31,773 Going to him. 371 00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,044 Wait. That's the whole point. 372 00:20:34,213 --> 00:20:36,306 I can't go to him. I can't get on campus. 373 00:20:36,949 --> 00:20:38,473 And yet murderers can. 374 00:20:38,651 --> 00:20:42,143 - What have I done? - Murderers can get on campus. 375 00:20:43,589 --> 00:20:45,614 I'll need a broom, a remote control car... 376 00:20:45,792 --> 00:20:49,284 an iPad and an elaborate, gyroscopically-stabilized servomotor. 377 00:20:49,462 --> 00:20:51,225 Dude. We're trying to help Jeff here. 378 00:20:51,397 --> 00:20:53,957 You're acting kind of spoiled right now. 379 00:20:54,133 --> 00:21:00,868 Party, party, party. 380 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,099 Cut! 381 00:21:03,543 --> 00:21:05,534 Abed. 382 00:21:05,712 --> 00:21:07,703 Britta has something to say. 383 00:21:12,051 --> 00:21:14,246 My script is misleading. 384 00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:17,048 It's impossible to party like there's no tomorrow. 385 00:21:21,327 --> 00:21:24,728 - But it's based on a true... - It's based on my desire to have a party. 386 00:21:25,231 --> 00:21:27,893 Parties are just booze, low lights and loud music... 387 00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:30,035 so people can feel more, see less... 388 00:21:30,203 --> 00:21:33,172 and not have to listen to each other or themselves. 389 00:21:34,574 --> 00:21:37,134 That's stupid. Parties are stupid. 390 00:21:38,578 --> 00:21:42,639 I'm stupid. You're shooting a stupid movie. 391 00:21:44,684 --> 00:21:47,244 - That's a wrap. - Ugh. 392 00:21:48,254 --> 00:21:49,414 Go on. We're done here. 393 00:21:53,059 --> 00:21:54,651 Bye. 394 00:22:01,267 --> 00:22:03,735 What's gonna happen to me? 395 00:22:06,672 --> 00:22:11,109 You're going to be punished in ways you won't understand... 396 00:22:11,277 --> 00:22:15,043 for longer than you'll think is rational or possible. 397 00:22:15,214 --> 00:22:20,083 But then one day, you'll do something he likes and he'll stop. 398 00:22:20,253 --> 00:22:24,087 And eventually you'll either adapt or lose your mind. 399 00:22:24,257 --> 00:22:25,554 Okay. 400 00:22:27,827 --> 00:22:29,488 Girls? 401 00:22:29,695 --> 00:22:31,560 Girls. 402 00:22:34,233 --> 00:22:36,224 As a prison warden, I know all too well... 403 00:22:36,402 --> 00:22:39,428 how rare stories of true rehabilitation can be. 404 00:22:39,605 --> 00:22:42,506 But this dean and this prisoner stand here together today... 405 00:22:42,708 --> 00:22:44,437 to prove that the dream is real. 406 00:22:46,212 --> 00:22:48,407 - I'm here for the ceremony. - Last name? 407 00:22:48,581 --> 00:22:51,015 042098. 408 00:22:53,085 --> 00:22:55,076 Okay, go on. 409 00:22:56,823 --> 00:23:00,816 - Hi. I'm here for the ceremony. - Have a nice night, sir. 410 00:23:04,997 --> 00:23:07,465 Dean Craig Pelton, do you accept responsibility... 411 00:23:07,633 --> 00:23:09,999 for any damage incurred by hiring a felon? 412 00:23:11,037 --> 00:23:12,265 I do. 413 00:23:12,438 --> 00:23:15,532 Willy Sebret Smith, do you accept that the 13th Amendment... 414 00:23:15,741 --> 00:23:18,039 abolished slavery for everyone but convicts... 415 00:23:18,244 --> 00:23:21,645 and that we have no choice but to pay you 13 cents per hour or less? 416 00:23:21,814 --> 00:23:23,645 - I do. - Aw. 417 00:23:23,816 --> 00:23:25,977 Let us make official this symbolic union... 418 00:23:26,152 --> 00:23:27,483 Hold it. 419 00:23:27,653 --> 00:23:31,817 Dean, I agree there's no reason you shouldn't give this guy my job. 420 00:23:31,991 --> 00:23:33,515 Save it. I don't wanna hear it. 421 00:23:33,693 --> 00:23:38,027 Don't do it before I tell you some things I've been getting away with not saying. 422 00:23:38,197 --> 00:23:40,563 - Somebody get this maniac out of... - Quiet, Willy. 423 00:23:40,766 --> 00:23:42,859 Let's do this by prison rules. 424 00:23:43,035 --> 00:23:44,229 Say what you have to say. 425 00:23:44,403 --> 00:23:47,201 Dean. I like my job. 426 00:23:47,373 --> 00:23:49,170 I don't mind coming to work here. 427 00:23:49,342 --> 00:23:52,743 I feel kind of guilty when I pretend to be sick. 428 00:23:52,912 --> 00:23:54,971 And I try to steal as little as possible. 429 00:23:55,147 --> 00:23:59,208 Just the basics. Pens, coffee filters, toilet paper... 430 00:23:59,385 --> 00:24:03,321 and one time an overhead projector and a roll of carpet. 431 00:24:03,489 --> 00:24:07,220 But I don't lead you on and I never will. 432 00:24:07,393 --> 00:24:09,918 I'm not just a pretty face that murders people... 433 00:24:10,096 --> 00:24:11,996 and tells you what you wanna hear. 434 00:24:12,665 --> 00:24:14,326 I'm less than that. 435 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:20,097 I'm a gorgeous face that works for you and considers you a friend. 436 00:24:20,306 --> 00:24:21,398 - Oh, Jeffrey. - Aw. 437 00:24:21,574 --> 00:24:25,567 Now, to be fair, you guys know Willy's an innocent man, right? 438 00:24:25,745 --> 00:24:27,076 You shut your mouth, warden. 439 00:24:27,246 --> 00:24:30,374 No, it's true. His appeal is in motion. There's new DNA evidence. 440 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:32,848 He's a good fella, wrongfully convicted. 441 00:24:33,052 --> 00:24:36,180 You're not a murderer? 442 00:24:36,355 --> 00:24:40,587 - I can explain. - Ha, ha! Oh how the mighty have fallen. 443 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,285 Son of a bitch! 444 00:24:44,864 --> 00:24:47,890 Wait. Let's do this by community-college rules. 445 00:24:48,067 --> 00:24:50,627 Fight! Fight! Fight! 446 00:24:57,143 --> 00:24:59,577 - Ha, ha! - Ugh! 447 00:24:59,779 --> 00:25:01,804 Go, brooms! Go! 448 00:25:01,981 --> 00:25:04,449 - Bring it on. - Argh! 449 00:25:04,617 --> 00:25:07,211 - It's so violent. - You punch like a girl! 450 00:25:10,156 --> 00:25:12,989 Yeah, this is what you got? Here's what I got. 451 00:25:13,159 --> 00:25:15,457 Come on. Let's do it. 452 00:25:15,628 --> 00:25:16,856 Ah! 453 00:25:19,065 --> 00:25:20,657 Jeffrey! 454 00:25:22,068 --> 00:25:24,434 - Now who's fallen? - Hey, Willy. 455 00:25:26,772 --> 00:25:28,637 Hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa... 456 00:25:29,442 --> 00:25:30,466 Whoa! 457 00:25:34,013 --> 00:25:35,640 Thanks, Dean. 458 00:25:36,415 --> 00:25:41,114 Dean. Dean. Oh, come on. 459 00:25:41,287 --> 00:25:44,484 No, no. No. Stop. 460 00:25:45,491 --> 00:25:47,482 Way to go, Mr. Winger. 461 00:25:47,660 --> 00:25:48,820 Way to go. 462 00:25:48,995 --> 00:25:52,396 Everybody, I am not participating in this. 463 00:25:53,132 --> 00:25:55,430 What the hell kind of school is this? 464 00:25:58,170 --> 00:26:00,331 Okay, thanks for coming on short notice. 465 00:26:00,506 --> 00:26:02,974 - Is everyone here? - I think so. 466 00:26:03,142 --> 00:26:05,133 It's hard to tell without side cameras. 467 00:26:05,311 --> 00:26:07,779 Wait, why am I moving? 468 00:26:07,947 --> 00:26:09,642 Is my custom background working? 469 00:26:09,815 --> 00:26:11,112 Wait... I can't... 470 00:26:11,283 --> 00:26:13,774 W- A-S-D to move. It's been the same since the invention of the keyboard. 471 00:26:13,953 --> 00:26:16,513 - Okay, nerd. - As you've heard... 472 00:26:16,689 --> 00:26:19,157 the rehabilitation program has been aborted... 473 00:26:19,325 --> 00:26:23,352 so we lost that money, but we no longer have to build 67 ramps... 474 00:26:23,529 --> 00:26:25,156 - ... so we should break even. 475 00:26:25,331 --> 00:26:27,060 Can you all hear that? 476 00:26:27,233 --> 00:26:30,361 There's a kid outside throwing tennis balls against my RV. 477 00:26:30,536 --> 00:26:34,973 Think I'm... And your... Coffee sho... Corporate thieves... 478 00:26:35,141 --> 00:26:38,167 Was it necessary for us to use these things for this meeting? 479 00:26:38,344 --> 00:26:41,404 There's something wrong with mine. I'll get a better connection. 480 00:26:41,580 --> 00:26:46,244 It wasn't entirely necessary but the prison is selling these units... 481 00:26:46,452 --> 00:26:49,683 at a discount so I thought I'd run their offer by the school. 482 00:26:49,855 --> 00:26:52,585 - What are you doing? Get out. - Mine's broken. 483 00:26:52,758 --> 00:26:55,056 No, it's not. There's a janitor on it right now. 484 00:26:57,596 --> 00:27:01,760 - I think Britta's being arrested. - I have every right to be here. 485 00:27:01,967 --> 00:27:03,366 - scared of you, but I'm not. 486 00:27:03,536 --> 00:27:05,163 All right. That's it. 487 00:27:05,337 --> 00:27:07,669 Do you know how much windows cost, John McEnroe? 488 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,865 - Get off my lap. - Stop fighting technology. 489 00:27:10,042 --> 00:27:12,010 I vote yes. We should get these. They're cool. 490 00:27:12,178 --> 00:27:14,544 I vote no. People shouldn't be everywhere at once. 491 00:27:14,714 --> 00:27:17,979 - We need to do our own thing. - Chang, where are you? 492 00:27:19,118 --> 00:27:21,712 - Doing my own thing. - Why is there tile behind you? 493 00:27:21,887 --> 00:27:25,687 Please tell me you're not doing the thing I think you're doing. 494 00:27:25,858 --> 00:27:27,621 That's the same tile we have in our bathroom. 495 00:27:27,793 --> 00:27:30,421 - What? Chang. - I gotta go. 496 00:27:30,596 --> 00:27:32,427 Oh, my God. 497 00:27:32,598 --> 00:27:35,192 - Yeah, I gotta go too. - Oh, Jeffrey. 498 00:27:35,367 --> 00:27:38,131 - We're passing on their offer? - No. They're just amateurs. 499 00:27:38,304 --> 00:27:40,101 Initiating override protocol. 500 00:27:41,574 --> 00:27:43,940 - All in favor of this purchase? - Affirmative. 501 00:27:44,110 --> 00:27:47,273 Very well. Abeds, commence with world domination. 502 00:27:47,446 --> 00:27:51,382 Eradicate. Eradicate. Eradicate. 503 00:27:51,550 --> 00:27:53,450 Eradicate. Eradicate. 504 00:27:53,619 --> 00:27:57,757 Eradicate. Eradicate. Eradicate. 505 00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:10,580 Ripped By mstoll