1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:05,468 "Always scare, Daniel-san. Miyagi hate fighting." 2 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,665 Miyagi hate fighting. 3 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,204 - Line? - "Yeah, but you like karate." 4 00:00:10,377 --> 00:00:12,868 Right, right. Yeah, but you like karate though. 5 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,613 "So?" 6 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:18,346 - Line? - Chang, the audition's at 3. 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,283 Well, maybe I shouldn't go. Maybe I'm a bad actor. 8 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,218 Being good is a fraction of acting. 9 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:26,018 It takes discipline and confidence. 10 00:00:26,193 --> 00:00:28,058 Discipline. Confidence. 11 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,856 Okay, from the top. 12 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:33,193 "Always scare, Daniel-san. Miyagi hate fighting." 13 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,732 Line. 14 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:36,164 I heard Karate Kid quotes? 15 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:40,137 Chang is auditioning for a stage adaptation of Karate Kid downtown. 16 00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,605 Yeah, and it's for the part of Daniel LaRusso. 17 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,802 - You got a problem with that, racist? - No. You're acting now? 18 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,508 Yeah. You got a problem with that? 19 00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,979 I'm clear. 20 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,642 They took my snake and they turned it into a plumber. 21 00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,481 They made the eggs into barrels... 22 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,647 the pine tree into a gorilla, but I recognize my design. 23 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,793 "Donkey Kong," my ass. 24 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,359 That's "Construction Snake." 25 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:03,053 I don't practice law anymore. 26 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:06,597 - But we have a case, right? - Isn't everyone you'd be suing dead? 27 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:07,825 That's not cool, man. 28 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:10,061 Why would a tree throw eggs at a snake? 29 00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:13,673 - Why would a plumber fight a monkey? - I don't know. I don't know. 30 00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:16,435 - The Wi-Fi is broken. - What happened to "Good morning"? 31 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:19,340 - It's a bad morning. No Wi-Fi. - Yeah, we need Wi-Fi. 32 00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:22,141 Okay, let's not get carried away. We need oxygen. 33 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,944 We have oxygen. We need Wi-Fi. 34 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,181 Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi. 35 00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,083 Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi! 36 00:01:29,557 --> 00:01:33,357 Okay, enough. All right? Look what I'm doing. Look. 37 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:37,122 "Fix Wi-Fi." 38 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:39,766 Okay? Boom and boom. 39 00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:43,761 All right, I am trying to find the IT lady. 40 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:46,634 My e-mails to her get bounced back to me in Aramaic. 41 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,742 And when I call, I hear an undulating high-pitched whistle... 42 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:53,243 that makes my nose bleed. - Well, sounds like a bad IT lady, right? 43 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:56,110 - Frankie, hire a new IT lady. - I'm handy with technology. 44 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:58,877 I'm assuming it's the same. Smaller holes, more bytes? 45 00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:00,714 - What are we up to now, mega? - Tera. 46 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,484 Tera. 47 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,623 They did it, those bastards. They finally did it. 48 00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:09,888 - Hire Elroy. Elroy, you're the IT lady. - Can I be his assistant? 49 00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:11,827 - Not for money. - Can I be his friend? 50 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:15,628 Elroy, Abed is your friend. Now the real reason I came by. 51 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:17,895 I'm dying. 52 00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,735 Not really, but imagine how bad you'd feel... 53 00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:25,902 for complaining about the Wi-Fi. Here's the real reason. 54 00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,244 Too short? 55 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,241 It is too short? 56 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:35,013 It's not too short? Ugh, you people are no help. 57 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:06,100 Ripped By mstoll 58 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,683 - School board coming. - Oh, God. 59 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:13,020 - School board, you're surrounded. - If this is about the bonfire... 60 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,128 it'll go out when the weather breaks. - We come in peace. 61 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:20,991 We've had our ups and downs, but as of right now, we love the school. 62 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:25,104 - And love what you're doing with it. - What? Why? 63 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,301 What would you think about moving up? 64 00:03:27,474 --> 00:03:29,772 - You know, joining us on the board. - Me? 65 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,506 - I would love to. - Awesome. 66 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,342 - Awesome. - One more thing. 67 00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:38,610 You're, uh, gay, right? 68 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:41,880 I mean, like, openly gay? 69 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:47,990 Uh, I'm not openly anything, and gay doesn't begin to cover it, no. 70 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:52,896 Oh, I get it. This is about the uproar over you guys canceling... 71 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,331 the pride parade for a school-board parade. 72 00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:58,335 - Those guys get to dress fancy all year. - No, no, no. 73 00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:01,338 - We have one day! - No, this isn't about that. 74 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:04,602 This is about adding a new face to the board. 75 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,246 But if that new face happened to be openly gay... 76 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,882 it would be because we're so tolerant. 77 00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:13,816 And always were. But that's for us to deal with. 78 00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,478 The question you have to ask is: 79 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,885 "Am I openly gay?" 80 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:21,221 Because if you are, that gayness could be a rocket. 81 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,090 Thrusting you to new gay heights. 82 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:27,893 And if you're not, well, there's a lot of gay guys out there. 83 00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,004 I assume that's a selling point of the lifestyle. 84 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:34,868 - I never thought about it that way. - Well, I have. 85 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:38,239 Cutting women out of sex? It's genius. 86 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,093 This should lead to the router. 87 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,832 - Back up, back up, back up. - What...? What's going on? 88 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,136 A bird's nest, with babies. It must be there because of the heat. 89 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,279 Reason my mom took my half brother to Arizona. 90 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:15,938 That's why the Wi-Fi is down. We'll have to move it. 91 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,277 If you move them, the mother won't come back. 92 00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:20,920 Those birds aren't the new IT lady. I am. 93 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:24,080 - I'll move it carefully. - The mother won't come back. 94 00:05:25,225 --> 00:05:29,161 Kid, animals have been murdering each other for 3 billion years. 95 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:33,060 Birds have had their 15 million in the spotlight, same as lizards and plants. 96 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,794 And they all just use it to murder, eat, screw and not invent Wi-Fi. 97 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:40,034 We may end up saving this world, or blowing it to hell... 98 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,299 or making a new one. 99 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,342 But we can't do any of it while scheduling our evolution... 100 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,275 around the needs of the least lucky birds. 101 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,042 Are you a demon? Did Clive Barker write you? 102 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,244 Anyone who finds that nest will come to the same decision. 103 00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,821 And you don't have to get mean. 104 00:05:56,990 --> 00:06:00,482 Mean? You just did a baby-bird murder monologue. 105 00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:04,358 Maybe they're close to leaving. Can you stall by doing what real IT people do? 106 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,862 - What's that? - Exactly. 107 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,362 I've got one year to make it all work... 108 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,735 and that's what I'm gonna do. Make it work. All of it. 109 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:16,876 This place is intimidating. 110 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,443 You're gonna do great. 111 00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:22,514 Next up, Ben Chang for the role of Daniel LaRusso. 112 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,454 Ah. Thank you. 113 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,816 Daniel-san, why you want learn karate? 114 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,014 Hang on a second. 115 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,182 - Sorry, I can do better. - Zip it. 116 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:37,057 - Who are you? - Oh, I'm Annie, a friend of Chang's. 117 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,859 You mind coming up here and reading with your friend? 118 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,335 Okay. If it helps. 119 00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,402 Um... 120 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,977 "Daniel-San, why you want...?" 121 00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,581 Okay. No, sorry. No. 122 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,014 You read Daniel-San. You read Miyagi. 123 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,551 Um... 124 00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:04,282 We'll do scene seven, Miyagi's office. 125 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,523 Ahem. 126 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,765 - Are you the repairman? - Aye. 127 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,406 - The faucet's really leaky there. - Aye. 128 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,407 When you gonna fix it? 129 00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,109 After. 130 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,179 Heh. After what? 131 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,808 "After" after. 132 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,975 Tell everyone else to go home. 133 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,312 We got the parts! 134 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,148 - Yeah. - Hear, hear. 135 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,949 Parts, plural? 136 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:40,059 Well, yeah, Annie got my part, and I got the Asian part. 137 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,819 Chang, stop. 138 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:45,192 We were cast as Mr. Miyagi and the Karate Kid... 139 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,992 because we're a good team. 140 00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,465 We're a team because one of us is so talented... 141 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,433 she got cast outside her gender... 142 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,073 and the other one got cast because of eye shape. 143 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:57,704 I am not letting you sabotage yourself like this. 144 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,072 Let's say you're right... 145 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:02,113 and like Sidney Poitier or Meg Ryan before you... 146 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,840 you were cast for race. 147 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:09,244 It's what the actor does with the role they get that matters. All right? 148 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,515 You're right. 149 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,160 All right, IT lady, how goes it? 150 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,091 - I found your problem. - And? 151 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,764 I'll need a little time to fix it. 152 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,869 Wow, need time to fix it. 153 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:27,598 You sound just like you work in IT. I've got some interesting news. 154 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:31,141 The school board offered me a position. 155 00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,040 - Great. - Congratulations. 156 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,649 Well, I got a part in a play, and we were sort of talking about that... 157 00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,614 so read the room, Pelton. 158 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:40,650 Are you gonna take the job? 159 00:08:40,821 --> 00:08:44,917 I don't know. There's a catch. Heh, heh. 160 00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:48,954 Jeffrey, Frankie, could I see you in my office, please? 161 00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:51,862 They want you to be a token homosexual? 162 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:55,263 It's a form of progress. Thirty years ago, the most power... 163 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:58,131 the openly gay could achieve was the center square. 164 00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,500 But I'm not just gay. 165 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:01,732 What does that mean? 166 00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:05,639 If coming out is a magic show, and gayness is a rabbit out of a hat... 167 00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:09,304 I'm one of those never-ending handkerchiefs. 168 00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:11,644 The sad truth, Craig? 169 00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:15,686 Anything other than straight is plenty gay for a school board. 170 00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,346 The most important point is... 171 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,992 are you prepared to make your sexuality... 172 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,185 Which is nobody's business. 173 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:25,798 - An aspect of your role in society? 174 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,524 I know I'm not, so I don't. 175 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,295 Oh? 176 00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:31,096 When a person becomes symbolic... 177 00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,932 they gain symbolic power... - Gay? 178 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:36,166 at the price of independent power. - Maybe? 179 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:37,833 Yep, that's an excellent point. 180 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,512 It could be good for Greendale... 181 00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,774 for one of our own to be on the school board. 182 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:46,146 The fact you'd be leaving a few items off your list of turn-ons... 183 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:50,646 I mean, the goal in politics isn't transparency, it's winning. 184 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,587 That's why politicians always win. 185 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,592 They do always win, don't they? Now I get a chance to win. 186 00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,492 I could change the system from the inside out. 187 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,830 And all I have to do is pare down my sexuality... 188 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,062 to simple gayness, which is heavily in the mix. 189 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,398 There you go. 190 00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:08,940 Get ready, America. 191 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,804 Dean Pelton is coming out... 192 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:14,913 as approximately two-sevenths of what he is. Heh, heh. 193 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,843 Come on. Don't leave me hanging. 194 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:22,079 There we go. 195 00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,254 - I am so curious. - Oh! 196 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,916 - Intellectually. - Oh, Jeffrey. 197 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,955 All right, this is a pretty basic scene. 198 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,565 No real subtext. Let's just get it up on its feet. 199 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:37,693 There's no wrong answers. Okay? Great. Go. 200 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,434 Hey, come fix faucet. 201 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:54,351 - Oh! Karate. Learn from book? - Yeah. 202 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:58,252 And a few classes back at the Y in Jersey, where I'm from. 203 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:01,724 - What happened eye? - Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. 204 00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,487 I guess there are wrong answers. 205 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,290 - Quick adjustment, Ben? - Yeah? 206 00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,593 Act better. Act better. Thanks. 207 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:09,997 Annie, you're doing great. 208 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,604 - Keep doing what you're doing. - Can I ask about my moti...? 209 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,798 To keep me from puking is your motivation. 210 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,967 Stop making me wanna quit theater and kill myself. Go. 211 00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:19,544 After "what happen eye?" 212 00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:22,240 Oh. Okay. 213 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,980 Hey, I fell off my bike. 214 00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:26,278 Mm. 215 00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,580 - Lucky no hurt hand. - Okay. 216 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,650 Can I see this toolbox? 217 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:35,492 Ah. Great. This is good. Got it. 218 00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,091 Ah! 219 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:42,891 I got distracted because the tools were doing a better job than you. 220 00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:45,629 "What happen eye?" Say it! 221 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,865 - What happen eye? - Liar. 222 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,168 Stop lying to me. Say it. 223 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,971 - What happen eye? - What happen actor? 224 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,008 Are you crying? 225 00:11:56,183 --> 00:12:00,210 You cry when I tell you to cry. So reabsorb that disgusting droplet... 226 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,981 of salt and bad choices back into your doughy body. 227 00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,818 Then call your mother to see if you can be reabsorbed... 228 00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:07,584 back into her doughy body. 229 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:11,424 Or I will take that tear, I'll freeze it and stab you in the eye with it... 230 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:14,089 you waste of a soul-shaped hole forgotten by God. 231 00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:17,662 Okay. 232 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,500 - What should I...? - Don't change a thing. You're perfect. 233 00:12:20,674 --> 00:12:22,301 Unless you want to. 234 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,340 Okay. 235 00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:32,516 All right. I'm Rich Countee. This is my man, Carl. 236 00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:35,052 - We work on the school board. - Yeah, we do. 237 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:39,158 We have some exciting news for you. Your own Dean Craig Pelton... 238 00:12:39,326 --> 00:12:43,319 has been selected to join the board of Colorado Community Colleges. 239 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,727 - I'll just... Go... Go ahead, Dean. Talk. - Yeah. 240 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,258 Hello, Greendale. 241 00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:54,239 As you know, this is something I've wanted for a very long time. 242 00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:58,138 I wanted to thank all the people at Greendale that helped me achieve this. 243 00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:02,077 And my partner, Domingo. 244 00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:04,615 - Very proud of my Craig. - That's... 245 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,581 Oh! Ah, ha, ha, ha. 246 00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,979 And now, let's open it up to some questions. 247 00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:13,387 As a gay dean, what is your opinion about the recent controversy... 248 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,551 surrounding the canceled pride parade? 249 00:13:15,729 --> 00:13:18,197 Do you think you were selected to join the board... 250 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:20,128 because of your sexual preferences? 251 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,700 Whoa, I would just like to say that we are very proud... 252 00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:26,236 to have Mr. Pelton on the board, whatever his lifestyle may be. 253 00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:31,400 Which happens to be gay. Which is great, but irrelevant. 254 00:13:31,778 --> 00:13:33,143 It gets better. 255 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,479 Oh, good. 256 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:40,950 We're so happy. Ha, ha, ha. 257 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,055 - I feel like scum. - Gay people are scum? 258 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:46,454 Don't play that card with me. I make gayness look like Mormonism. 259 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,287 I don't like being this dishonest. 260 00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,622 Dean, I wanna say thanks for doing this. 261 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,028 I never knew. I mean, people talked, but I wasn't sure. 262 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,327 It doesn't have anything to do with my work... 263 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,334 Yeah, but it's helpful to me, you know? 264 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:02,635 And to a lot of us. So thank you. 265 00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,974 Hmm... 266 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,846 Confine yourself to your role, Domingo. 267 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,747 And lose the attitude. 268 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,873 Oh, Daniel-San, you much humor. 269 00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,678 Okay, let's stop there. 270 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,719 I'm not gonna hit you and it's not because it's illegal. 271 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,298 And it's not because I'm afraid you know karate... 272 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:04,801 because there is nothing about your performance that is believable. 273 00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:08,668 See, we only hit things that affect us. 274 00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:11,242 I don't hit water or old mayonnaise... 275 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,039 or the air after a fart has dissipated... 276 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,081 and I'm not hitting you. 277 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,411 You are the worst actor I've ever directed... 278 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,419 and I directed both Wahlbergs! 279 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,681 From the top! 280 00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:26,758 Danny does a bit with the floor sanders, Miyagi is amused... 281 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,919 and Kenny gets me another goddamn cup of coffee with six Splendas in it. 282 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:40,934 He's so mean to Chang. I don't know what to do. 283 00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:43,371 You could just drop out of the play. 284 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:46,171 Well, you know, I could. 285 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:47,836 Or Chang could. 286 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,976 I mean, the director's not being mean to me. 287 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,051 But you talked Chang into auditioning... 288 00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,949 and then you got his part and now he's suffering. 289 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:59,752 - You're right. I should threaten to quit. - Or just quit. 290 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,416 Well, if I threaten to quit... 291 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:04,688 maybe that will be enough for him to stop abusing Chang. 292 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:08,232 I was kind of born to act, Britta. 293 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:12,531 When I do it, I can feel it pleasing the universe. 294 00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,967 That's dramatic. 295 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,967 See? 296 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,577 If they're sparrows, they'll fly in less than 12 days. 297 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,846 If they're albatrosses, we're in trouble. 298 00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:34,590 Albatrosses have a 270-day fledging period. 299 00:16:40,934 --> 00:16:43,232 Thanks for guarding the nest with me. 300 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,362 Uh-oh. 301 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,632 This is what you do when you're working? 302 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,569 - Must be nice. - All right, look. 303 00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,975 There's a bird's nest in the router. If you wanna fire me, fire me. 304 00:16:55,148 --> 00:17:00,484 Either way, until those birds are gone, nobody gets any closer. 305 00:17:00,954 --> 00:17:04,219 Well, of course not. If you move them, the mother won't come back. 306 00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,415 Keep up the good work. 307 00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,220 Hm. 308 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:14,667 Show me wax on. 309 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:18,167 This is the worst acting I've ever seen in my life. 310 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,103 Show me wax off. 311 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:24,243 The ghost of your father just turned his back on you. 312 00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:27,311 Your ancestors are clawing their way... 313 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,641 deeper into the earth to get away from you. 314 00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,681 You make me embarrassed to have thumbs. 315 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,978 I can see air quotes around you. 316 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:37,055 Show me paint fence. 317 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,554 Knock, knock. Anybody home? 318 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,057 Oh, look, there's nobody here. Oh, it's so dusty. 319 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,196 It's almost like nobody's been here in years. There's a note. 320 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,427 "Never let me act!" 321 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,263 Mr. Lundergard, I'm sorry, but I cannot stand by while you do this. 322 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:52,961 That's fine. You can go. 323 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,505 I'm not bluffing. 324 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,542 You can't make an actor more talented by yelling at them. 325 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:02,010 And if you don't stop, your lead character is gonna walk. 326 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,506 Lead? 327 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,682 You play Danny LaRusso. 328 00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,548 Well, I'm the Karate Kid. 329 00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:12,321 The Karate Kid is about Kesuke Miyagi... 330 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,359 an immigrant who fought his own people in World War II... 331 00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,895 while his wife lost a child in an internment camp. 332 00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:22,592 Noriyuki Morita was nominated for an Academy Award for his performance. 333 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,704 Ralph Macchio showed up. 334 00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,703 I cast you because your measurements... 335 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,104 allow me to use the wardrobe from last year. 336 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:33,109 I cast Ben because he has the sadness and talent... 337 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,076 that could make this show great... 338 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:38,649 if I have to physically drill into his chest... 339 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,582 and suck it out with a straw! 340 00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:45,121 So you can take a flying kick at a rolling doughnut. 341 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,849 You're fired. 342 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,124 But I'm talented too, right? 343 00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,887 What? No. Really? 344 00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,062 Really? Oh, my God. 345 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,929 You're, like, doing a terrible Vinnie Barbarino up here. 346 00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,662 I know you're not capable of anything better... 347 00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:02,205 so that's why I've been so nice to you. Take care, Annie. 348 00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:04,873 Yikes, right? Whew! 349 00:19:05,044 --> 00:19:06,875 What a diva. 350 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,274 Thanks for sticking up for me. 351 00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,544 No problem? 352 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,612 From now on, she's dead to us. 353 00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:21,923 Hey, Gay Dean, we got a problem here. You reading the local papers? 354 00:19:22,095 --> 00:19:26,930 You've shut down the campus Wi-Fi until a nest of baby birds can grow? 355 00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,898 - That's a little too gay. - I didn't do it because I'm gay. 356 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,195 Wait, I'm not gay. 357 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,271 Whoa, that did not just get said to us. 358 00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,634 You're gay. You're openly gay, and we love it. 359 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:39,175 We're dealing with more flak from conservatives for appointing you... 360 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,939 than we did from gays for not having one of you. 361 00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:44,379 Yeah, and the gays aren't coming to your side. 362 00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,849 Know why? Because the whole point is to get a job by being gay... 363 00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:51,684 and then to do as good a job as the normals. That's what the gays want. 364 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:55,294 They don't want a gay dean who acts like a weird gay monster. 365 00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,624 - I'm not a gay dean. - Whoa, not cool, man. 366 00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,892 - Don't bring us into your web of lies. - Well... 367 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:05,037 - Now what do you want me to do? - Figure it out, Gay Dean. 368 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,435 Figure it out. 369 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,778 - Hey, Domingo. - Hey, what's up? 370 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:19,218 Guys, the school needs Wi-Fi, and my job is to run the school. 371 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,649 The school doesn't need baby birds. 372 00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,915 - The nest needs to be moved. - You are not crossing this line. 373 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,150 I'm taping this. This is on video. 374 00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,795 - Guys. - This is two white security guards... 375 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:34,092 versus one unarmed black man and two baby birds. 376 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:35,794 Your move. 377 00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,333 Stand down. Stand down. 378 00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:40,495 No security, no weapons... 379 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,197 just one unarmed black man... 380 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:47,506 versus one unarmed openly gay dean. 381 00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,749 Now, move that nest, please. 382 00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:58,516 Just a hair back, Domingo. It's like you're breathing for me. 383 00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:41,865 Thank you so much. 384 00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:44,397 You are an inspiration. 385 00:21:59,085 --> 00:22:00,416 Ahem. 386 00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:02,716 I've called this press conference... 387 00:22:02,889 --> 00:22:05,551 because I have been less than honest with the public. 388 00:22:06,092 --> 00:22:09,459 You know me as the openly gay dean of Greendale Community College... 389 00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:13,759 but that doesn't even begin to describe what I really am. 390 00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:16,026 I belong to one of the most marginalized... 391 00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:20,639 and least openly honest groups in America. 392 00:22:22,308 --> 00:22:24,333 I am... 393 00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:27,036 a politician. 394 00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:28,475 Now, what does that mean? 395 00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:30,980 Are politicians like you? Well, we look like you. 396 00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:33,983 But we will say and do whatever we have to... 397 00:22:34,153 --> 00:22:36,485 in order to acquire and keep our jobs. 398 00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:39,625 It means nothing I say... 399 00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:43,751 and very few of the things I think can be trusted. 400 00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:48,960 I am tired of being in this particular closet... 401 00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,763 so I am coming out now. 402 00:22:53,139 --> 00:22:56,506 I only hope that you can accept... 403 00:22:56,676 --> 00:23:00,669 an openly political person on your board. 404 00:23:01,013 --> 00:23:02,674 If not... 405 00:23:03,349 --> 00:23:05,374 I understand. 406 00:23:05,818 --> 00:23:07,479 Thank you. 407 00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:16,253 It's faster if I get to my office this way. We don't need pictures of this. 408 00:23:16,429 --> 00:23:19,023 I can't believe he got kicked off the school board... 409 00:23:19,198 --> 00:23:20,825 for admitting he's political. 410 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,992 Yeah, some groups take longer than others to gain acceptance. 411 00:23:24,170 --> 00:23:27,731 We like our politicians in the closet because we're afraid, deep down... 412 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:31,206 we're all a little political. - Any of you smell a bird murderer? 413 00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:32,605 I came here to apologize. 414 00:23:32,778 --> 00:23:35,338 I hope your apology comes with a beak, hollow bones... 415 00:23:35,515 --> 00:23:38,109 and a special magnet in its head it uses to migrate. 416 00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:40,184 - You skipped wings. - Insects have wings! 417 00:23:40,353 --> 00:23:42,184 - I'm sorry. - I'm sorry, Abed. 418 00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:45,216 I lost myself in a role. It won't happen again. 419 00:23:45,391 --> 00:23:47,985 Two of them died. There's one left. He's hanging on... 420 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,822 but I'm worried he's turning into a symbol of my own innocence. 421 00:23:50,997 --> 00:23:52,692 Oh... 422 00:23:53,566 --> 00:23:57,593 - Isn't Chang's play tonight? - If you go, you're supporting abuse. 423 00:23:57,770 --> 00:23:59,169 - Oh, dial it back, Annie. - Oh! 424 00:23:59,338 --> 00:24:02,671 I'm definitely in. It'll be interesting to see how his fake crying... 425 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:06,539 is different from his real crying. - I'm a big fan of the performing arts. 426 00:24:06,712 --> 00:24:08,612 But I'll go to Chang's play anyway. 427 00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:10,476 Karate Kid adaptation? Karate Kid adaptation? 428 00:24:10,650 --> 00:24:13,949 Karate Kid adaptation? Karate Kid adaptation? Karate Kid adaptation? 429 00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:27,856 Ahem. 430 00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:31,367 Karate Kid adaptation? Okay. Ah! I might. 431 00:24:31,537 --> 00:24:33,027 I'm catching up. 432 00:24:37,543 --> 00:24:39,408 Directors have a saying. 433 00:24:39,912 --> 00:24:44,440 Actors are worthless, empty-headed homunculi. 434 00:24:44,617 --> 00:24:48,713 But the right one in the right role... 435 00:24:48,888 --> 00:24:51,049 can change the world. Hm. 436 00:24:51,624 --> 00:24:55,321 I have found the right one. He's found the right role. 437 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:58,759 And tonight, your world changes. 438 00:24:58,931 --> 00:25:00,228 You're welcome. 439 00:25:16,315 --> 00:25:18,715 - He replaced me with Annie Kim? - Shh. 440 00:25:18,884 --> 00:25:20,181 - Hyaa! - Ow! 441 00:25:20,486 --> 00:25:21,953 Sorry. You okay? 442 00:25:23,422 --> 00:25:26,289 You must be the new people in Apartment 20. 443 00:25:26,459 --> 00:25:28,017 What was that, karate? 444 00:25:28,194 --> 00:25:29,752 - Yeah, you know. - Yeah, you know. 445 00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:32,762 Hey, me and my friends are gonna have a party at the beach. 446 00:25:32,932 --> 00:25:33,956 You should come. 447 00:25:35,101 --> 00:25:37,501 - Hey, are you the repairman? - Aye. 448 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:39,137 Faucet's really leaking there. 449 00:25:39,939 --> 00:25:42,601 - Aye. - When are you gonna fix it? 450 00:25:43,009 --> 00:25:44,306 After. 451 00:25:44,477 --> 00:25:46,468 After what? 452 00:25:46,646 --> 00:25:47,977 "After" after. 453 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:53,177 Come ask leave boy alone to train. 454 00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:57,482 You got a lot of nerve, old man. But I like that. I like that. 455 00:25:57,657 --> 00:25:59,386 Name a place. 456 00:25:59,558 --> 00:26:00,650 Tournament. 457 00:26:04,830 --> 00:26:06,661 Sergeant Miyagi. Yes, sir. 458 00:26:06,832 --> 00:26:10,495 Regret to inform wife, sir. 459 00:26:13,472 --> 00:26:17,169 Complication at birth, sir. 460 00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:23,014 No doctor in camp. 461 00:26:24,684 --> 00:26:26,845 Why she d...? 462 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:28,714 Why she d...? 463 00:26:30,222 --> 00:26:32,486 - Please forgive me. - Shh. 464 00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:38,287 No need fight anymore. You proved point. 465 00:26:38,464 --> 00:26:40,864 What, that I could take a beating? 466 00:26:41,367 --> 00:26:45,997 Every time I see those guys, they'll know they got the best of me. 467 00:26:47,373 --> 00:26:49,000 Close eye. 468 00:27:05,391 --> 00:27:07,382 Get up, Daniel. 469 00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:09,288 Get up. 470 00:27:18,037 --> 00:27:19,868 Yeah! 471 00:27:20,039 --> 00:27:21,529 Yeah, woot, woot! Ha, ha! 472 00:27:21,941 --> 00:27:23,568 You're all right, LaRusso. 473 00:27:25,111 --> 00:27:26,476 We did it, Mr. Miyagi. 474 00:27:26,645 --> 00:27:28,442 We did it. 475 00:27:33,452 --> 00:27:36,387 - I'm speechless. - I forgot Chang was up there. 476 00:27:36,555 --> 00:27:38,284 Me too. It's such a relief... 477 00:27:38,457 --> 00:27:41,449 to be able to support him out of something other than fear. 478 00:27:41,627 --> 00:27:43,288 Guess all that suffering paid off. 479 00:27:43,462 --> 00:27:45,953 You have to wonder if it wouldn't have been better... 480 00:27:46,132 --> 00:27:48,293 for Daniel to get beat up even more. 481 00:27:48,467 --> 00:27:51,595 I am at a total loss about what lesson to learn from any of this. 482 00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:52,999 Maybe that's the lesson. 483 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:54,571 Mmm... 484 00:27:54,740 --> 00:27:58,141 - I lost a button. - Maybe we all lost a button. 485 00:27:59,945 --> 00:28:01,310 Hey. Hey, guys. 486 00:28:02,882 --> 00:28:05,077 Thank you so much. 487 00:28:05,584 --> 00:28:09,850 - Hey. Thank you for making me do this. - You're welcome. Congratulations. 488 00:28:11,157 --> 00:28:13,284 - I'm jealous. - Oh, no, no. Don't be. 489 00:28:13,459 --> 00:28:14,824 I sit in my dressing room... 490 00:28:14,994 --> 00:28:18,157 and all I dream about is a white picket fence and the dog. 491 00:28:18,330 --> 00:28:20,298 I don't have those either. 492 00:28:21,801 --> 00:28:22,961 Chang, let's go. 493 00:28:23,135 --> 00:28:26,400 I guess all the actors go to some sort of actor bar together, heh, heh! 494 00:28:26,572 --> 00:28:28,437 I'll see you guys in school. Bye. 495 00:28:31,644 --> 00:28:33,271 What are you talking to them for? 496 00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:40,946 Hey, I know this great bar for people that don't hate themselves. 497 00:28:41,287 --> 00:28:42,982 What do you say? 498 00:28:43,589 --> 00:28:45,284 Milady. 499 00:28:46,592 --> 00:28:48,583 Milord. Ha! 500 00:28:53,165 --> 00:28:54,496 We're gathered here today... 501 00:28:54,667 --> 00:28:57,431 to celebrate the release of this bird into these skies. 502 00:28:57,603 --> 00:29:01,232 That its now fully-formed wings may find purchase upon the four winds. 503 00:29:01,407 --> 00:29:04,376 If anyone would like to say something, now is the time. 504 00:29:05,911 --> 00:29:07,276 Oh! Uh... 505 00:29:07,446 --> 00:29:10,904 I'll always remember how you kept me from getting e-mail for a week. 506 00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:12,710 And that chirp you do when you want more bread. 507 00:29:14,186 --> 00:29:15,210 Yeah, that one. 508 00:29:15,387 --> 00:29:18,720 Now, everyone, please put on your cat masks and finger wings. 509 00:29:23,062 --> 00:29:26,930 With these cat masks, we remind you that this place can no longer be home. 510 00:29:27,099 --> 00:29:29,158 But with the fluttering of these wings... 511 00:29:29,335 --> 00:29:33,135 we symbolically join your flight into the natural world. Wings, everyone. 512 00:29:38,010 --> 00:29:40,444 Okay, you can go now. 513 00:29:40,613 --> 00:29:41,807 Off you go. 514 00:29:41,981 --> 00:29:45,041 Time to go, little bird. That's just the way it is. 515 00:29:51,390 --> 00:29:53,221 - It's done. - You did the right thing. 516 00:29:53,392 --> 00:29:56,088 Thanks to you, that bird has his whole life ahead of him. 517 00:29:56,262 --> 00:30:00,528 To fly, meet lady birds, even start a bird family. You made a difference. 518 00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:02,793 Oh, Abed. 519 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:25,600 Ripped By mstoll