1 00:00:06,739 --> 00:00:08,407 Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, 2 00:00:08,449 --> 00:00:11,034 Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra, Cobra. 3 00:00:12,494 --> 00:00:14,121 Cobra! 4 00:00:14,162 --> 00:00:15,915 Destroy the Taj Mahal. 5 00:00:15,956 --> 00:00:17,374 Cobra! 6 00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:25,048 Not if G.I. Joe can help it. 7 00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:26,550 Roadblock, Deep Six. 8 00:00:26,592 --> 00:00:28,469 Hold off those H.I.S.S. tanks. Yo, Joe! 9 00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:31,430 Hat Muffs, Spit Take, shoot down those rattlers. 10 00:00:34,015 --> 00:00:36,226 Um, excuse me, sir. 11 00:00:36,268 --> 00:00:39,480 Why is Cobra attacking a tourist attraction with zero tactical value, 12 00:00:39,521 --> 00:00:41,857 and with all due respect to India, why are we defending it? 13 00:00:41,899 --> 00:00:45,068 Tight Ship, you can overhaul G.I. Joe when you're commander. 14 00:00:45,110 --> 00:00:46,986 Which will clearly happen any day now, 15 00:00:47,028 --> 00:00:48,906 as long as your stay on full display. 16 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:51,032 Whoa, Buzzkill, language. 17 00:00:51,074 --> 00:00:52,701 No, you can't have ice cream for lunch. 18 00:00:52,743 --> 00:00:53,953 Put your brother on the phone. 19 00:00:53,994 --> 00:00:55,329 Three Kids, put down that phone. 20 00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:56,872 We're in the middle of a battle. 21 00:00:56,914 --> 00:00:58,039 Oh, screw you, Flint. 22 00:00:58,081 --> 00:01:00,041 I'm in a battle called having three kids. 23 00:01:01,376 --> 00:01:03,504 Guys, we're a squad. You're making me look bad. 24 00:01:03,545 --> 00:01:06,381 Well, if you're so great, Wingman, show us how it's done. 25 00:01:06,423 --> 00:01:08,008 With pleasure. 26 00:01:13,764 --> 00:01:16,266 We'll meet again, G.I. Joe. 27 00:01:17,685 --> 00:01:19,060 Good shooting, Wingman, 28 00:01:19,102 --> 00:01:20,604 but it looks like Destro's getting away. 29 00:01:20,646 --> 00:01:22,189 Not necessarily, sir. 30 00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:23,357 Jeez! 31 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,777 What? Oh, no. What are you doing? Hey! 32 00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:28,654 Are you crazy? 33 00:01:34,451 --> 00:01:36,954 Yo, Joe! 34 00:01:39,665 --> 00:01:41,208 What? 35 00:01:41,249 --> 00:01:43,585 What, we're we're not saying it together? 36 00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:48,340 Yo, Joe! 37 00:02:14,992 --> 00:02:16,493 G.I. Joe is the code name 38 00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:18,537 for America's daring, awesomely trained, 39 00:02:18,579 --> 00:02:19,830 awesome mission force. 40 00:02:19,872 --> 00:02:21,832 Its purpose to fight Cobra, 41 00:02:21,874 --> 00:02:23,333 because they're terrorists. 42 00:02:23,375 --> 00:02:25,586 Look, I think I'm over-explaining it. 43 00:02:25,627 --> 00:02:28,630 The bad guys are snakes, and the good guys are army people. 44 00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:49,108 Wingman, Three Kids, Buzzkill, Tight Ship, 45 00:02:49,150 --> 00:02:51,236 you stand accused of violence, 46 00:02:51,278 --> 00:02:55,407 suggestive language, and mature situations unbecoming of G.I. Joe. 47 00:02:55,449 --> 00:02:56,617 What say you? 48 00:02:56,658 --> 00:02:58,159 Look, I understand this is the first time 49 00:02:58,201 --> 00:03:01,080 a G.I. Joe has killed anyone in all of recorded history. 50 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,581 However… However, let's be truthful. 51 00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:05,000 This is a very disorganized militia. 52 00:03:05,042 --> 00:03:08,087 Yeah, what's anyone's rank? We're all just dressed like serial killers and strippers. 53 00:03:08,169 --> 00:03:09,421 I have three kids. 54 00:03:09,463 --> 00:03:11,715 You guys are not helping. 55 00:03:11,757 --> 00:03:13,550 Duke, Flint, Scarlett, 56 00:03:13,592 --> 00:03:16,095 yes, it's true I killed Destro. 57 00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:17,805 And I promise not to do it again. 58 00:03:17,846 --> 00:03:19,347 But is it really a crime? 59 00:03:19,389 --> 00:03:21,224 Is Cobra not a ruthless terrorist organization 60 00:03:21,266 --> 00:03:22,893 determined to rule the world? 61 00:03:22,935 --> 00:03:24,478 And if we never kill them, 62 00:03:24,519 --> 00:03:26,897 are we not basically on their side? 63 00:03:26,939 --> 00:03:29,024 And won't this war therefore last forever 64 00:03:29,066 --> 00:03:31,443 unless we finish killing Cobra 65 00:03:31,485 --> 00:03:33,152 or start killing ourselves? 66 00:03:35,405 --> 00:03:37,658 How long are we in here, Cold Shoulder? 67 00:03:37,699 --> 00:03:39,284 Cold Shoulder? 68 00:03:39,326 --> 00:03:40,368 What's with that guy? 69 00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:42,621 "Start killing Cobra or killing ourselves"? 70 00:03:42,663 --> 00:03:44,665 We were in the fourth down. It was a Hail Mary. 71 00:03:44,706 --> 00:03:47,584 This place is a graveyard for G.I. Joe rejects. 72 00:03:47,626 --> 00:03:49,419 Look who's in here. 73 00:03:49,461 --> 00:03:52,464 Deep Dish, Shark Arms, Weird Head, Home Free, 74 00:03:52,506 --> 00:03:54,967 Placeholder, Sleep Apnea, and us! 75 00:03:55,009 --> 00:03:57,636 I have three kids. This is the worst day of my life. 76 00:03:57,678 --> 00:03:59,179 Is it life? 77 00:04:00,472 --> 00:04:02,390 My name is Fourth Wall. 78 00:04:02,432 --> 00:04:04,601 And I believe that what we perceive as life 79 00:04:04,643 --> 00:04:07,771 is actually a syndicated children's cartoon. 80 00:04:07,813 --> 00:04:10,273 What? Shut up, Fourth Wall. 81 00:04:10,315 --> 00:04:12,526 If this were a cartoon, there'd be a word for "cartoon" 82 00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:15,070 in our language, which there isn't. 83 00:04:15,112 --> 00:04:16,822 There'd also be less movement, less detail, 84 00:04:16,864 --> 00:04:18,907 and constant lip-sync mistakes. 85 00:04:18,949 --> 00:04:22,494 What if I told you there was more, a higher reality, 86 00:04:22,536 --> 00:04:24,955 with more than 65 colors and at least three dimensions? 87 00:04:24,997 --> 00:04:27,541 Then I guess someone would have to lock you up with the crazy people. 88 00:04:27,582 --> 00:04:28,959 Oh, good. 89 00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:32,129 I recently infiltrated a secret Cobra dig site, 90 00:04:32,171 --> 00:04:33,922 code name - Greendale. 91 00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:37,342 What did you say? 92 00:04:37,384 --> 00:04:39,887 Cobra has discovered an ancient buried structure 93 00:04:39,928 --> 00:04:41,513 filled with strange things. 94 00:04:41,555 --> 00:04:42,890 Look. 95 00:04:42,931 --> 00:04:45,392 Oh, yeah, look at that. It's a child's toy. 96 00:04:45,433 --> 00:04:47,602 The toy was more real than this at Greendale. 97 00:04:47,644 --> 00:04:49,104 Ow, oof. 98 00:04:49,146 --> 00:04:51,773 What is that word? 99 00:04:51,815 --> 00:04:52,983 Greendale? 100 00:05:03,035 --> 00:05:04,953 Cobra's out to take over the world, 101 00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:06,454 but G.I. Joe is there. 102 00:05:06,496 --> 00:05:08,207 G.I. Joe must be destroyed. 103 00:05:08,248 --> 00:05:09,833 Cobra H.I.S.S. coming for attack! 104 00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:12,293 It's the new G.I. Joe Submachopter, 105 00:05:12,335 --> 00:05:13,378 piloted by Wingman. 106 00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:15,923 Retreat! Yo, Joe! 107 00:05:15,964 --> 00:05:17,507 We are in a toy commercial! 108 00:05:17,549 --> 00:05:20,052 I can't hear you when you're covered in rocks. 109 00:05:20,094 --> 00:05:22,179 It doesn't hurt because it isn't real. 110 00:05:22,221 --> 00:05:23,805 Good job, Wingman. Thank you, Duke. 111 00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:25,849 G.I. Joe is my entire life. 112 00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:27,851 Yo, Joe! 113 00:05:27,893 --> 00:05:29,644 All other figures and vehicles sold separately. 114 00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:32,606 Wingman, what happened? 115 00:05:32,647 --> 00:05:34,274 I don't know. 116 00:05:34,315 --> 00:05:36,275 He clearly has a connection to the non-cartoon reality. 117 00:05:36,317 --> 00:05:37,861 When I mentioned Greenda… Shut up. 118 00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:39,113 Stop saying that word. 119 00:05:39,154 --> 00:05:40,739 You're some kind of demon man. 120 00:05:40,781 --> 00:05:42,824 And… And your outfit is three layers of racist. 121 00:05:42,866 --> 00:05:44,201 Oh, my God, he's having an attack. 122 00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:45,911 Jeff, can you hear us? It's Annie. 123 00:05:45,953 --> 00:05:46,939 What did you just call me? 124 00:05:46,954 --> 00:05:48,580 Jeffrey, do you know where you are? 125 00:05:48,622 --> 00:05:49,915 Be quiet. Leave me alone. 126 00:05:49,957 --> 00:05:52,626 I… I don't belong here. I belong in G.I. Joe. 127 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:55,336 Ow! And don't touch me. Who wears a saw on their arm? 128 00:06:01,676 --> 00:06:03,553 The first time I met Destro, 129 00:06:03,595 --> 00:06:05,304 he asked me if he should have 130 00:06:05,346 --> 00:06:07,641 his entire head coated in chrome. 131 00:06:07,682 --> 00:06:10,393 I said, "No. How would you do that?" 132 00:06:10,435 --> 00:06:11,853 How would that even work? 133 00:06:13,188 --> 00:06:14,940 Look, I'm not good at eulogies 134 00:06:14,982 --> 00:06:16,733 because I've never had to give one. 135 00:06:16,775 --> 00:06:20,319 All I want to know is, how did G.I. Joe do this? 136 00:06:20,361 --> 00:06:23,322 We've been shooting at each other and missing for 20 years. 137 00:06:23,364 --> 00:06:24,350 Now all of a sudden… 138 00:06:24,365 --> 00:06:26,076 Unbelievable. What? 139 00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:27,452 Cobra Commander, 140 00:06:27,494 --> 00:06:29,579 it's Vice Cobra Assistant Commander. 141 00:06:29,621 --> 00:06:32,833 We just got a very interesting energy surge at the Greendale site. 142 00:06:32,874 --> 00:06:35,669 Oh, okay. That's super fascinating. 143 00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:37,587 Um, Destro's dead! 144 00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:40,132 Oh, my gosh, Destro? Were you guys close? 145 00:06:40,174 --> 00:06:42,134 Were we close? Yes! 146 00:06:42,176 --> 00:06:43,510 What kind of a question is… 147 00:06:43,551 --> 00:06:46,180 Okay, fine. I loved him! 148 00:06:46,221 --> 00:06:48,015 Is that what you want to hear? 149 00:06:48,056 --> 00:06:49,683 Called it. 150 00:06:49,724 --> 00:06:52,186 And we are going to find out how this happened, 151 00:06:52,227 --> 00:06:57,024 and G.I. Joe is going to paybra! 152 00:06:57,065 --> 00:06:58,692 I riffed that. 153 00:06:58,733 --> 00:07:00,443 No wrong answers. 154 00:07:00,485 --> 00:07:03,197 It's a condition that comes on when you get to a certain weight. 155 00:07:03,238 --> 00:07:05,532 Oh, I see. So is there a Mr. Tight Ship, or… 156 00:07:05,573 --> 00:07:06,700 Um… 157 00:07:08,243 --> 00:07:09,368 That's a code three. 158 00:07:09,410 --> 00:07:11,371 Cobra forces are infiltrating the base. 159 00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:14,749 Cobra! 160 00:07:14,791 --> 00:07:18,086 Avenge my totally platonic friend! 161 00:07:19,379 --> 00:07:21,215 Oh, great, and we're stuck in here. 162 00:07:21,256 --> 00:07:23,300 We don't have to be. 163 00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:26,761 For 15 years, I have used my trademark tablespoon to excavate a tunnel, 164 00:07:26,803 --> 00:07:29,514 swallowing handfuls of dirt and rock with my meals 165 00:07:29,556 --> 00:07:31,183 and listening only to Smash Mouth 166 00:07:31,225 --> 00:07:32,934 in order to justify this poster. 167 00:07:32,976 --> 00:07:35,145 Now I am within inches of reaching the… 168 00:07:36,771 --> 00:07:38,357 Come on, if we help save the base, 169 00:07:38,398 --> 00:07:40,400 maybe they'll let us be G.I. Joes again. 170 00:07:41,568 --> 00:07:44,112 Battle stations! 171 00:07:44,154 --> 00:07:45,822 Snakes at 6 o' clock. 172 00:07:48,116 --> 00:07:50,493 Okay, now remember, don't kill anybody. 173 00:07:50,535 --> 00:07:52,787 Just lay down a suppressive fire, like this. 174 00:07:54,122 --> 00:07:56,958 Oh, sorry. Sorry! Oh, my gosh! 175 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,503 Oh, God. Oh, man. Oh, darn it. 176 00:08:00,545 --> 00:08:02,339 Yeah, I'd say they're suppressed. 177 00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:05,550 Jeez. Aw, was that a lifeline? Sorry! 178 00:08:05,592 --> 00:08:07,052 Someone's killing people. 179 00:08:07,094 --> 00:08:08,845 It's Wingman! He's escaped! 180 00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,265 Lay down a suppressive fire! 181 00:08:11,306 --> 00:08:13,350 They're suppressive firing at us! 182 00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:15,102 I think we'll be okay. 183 00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:16,978 Remember, this is all just a cartoon about action figures for kids. 184 00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:18,272 Shut up, Fourth Wall, 185 00:08:18,313 --> 00:08:20,148 get into the new G.I. Joe submachopter 186 00:08:20,190 --> 00:08:22,943 with twin rocket launchers and rotating attack jet. 187 00:08:27,447 --> 00:08:29,824 All I want to do is be a good G.I. Joe. 188 00:08:29,866 --> 00:08:31,492 What's wrong with me? 189 00:08:31,534 --> 00:08:33,203 I'm not sure, but I think our answers will be at Greendale. 190 00:08:33,245 --> 00:08:34,621 Ugh. Greendale. 191 00:08:34,662 --> 00:08:36,290 Whoops. 192 00:08:36,331 --> 00:08:37,999 Shouldn't somebody be flying the plane? 193 00:08:38,041 --> 00:08:39,793 It's submachopter. Whatever. 194 00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:41,044 Will somebody grab the stick? 195 00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:42,503 I don't wanna die up here! Oh, lord! 196 00:08:45,966 --> 00:08:48,302 The G.I. Joe mutineers are even worse than Cobra, 197 00:08:48,343 --> 00:08:50,304 because they're traitors. Buzzkill… 198 00:08:50,345 --> 00:08:51,930 All government is a lie. 199 00:08:51,972 --> 00:08:54,224 Tightship… I control everything, or else! 200 00:08:54,266 --> 00:08:56,143 Three Kids… My family comes first. 201 00:08:56,184 --> 00:08:57,852 Fourth Wall… 202 00:08:57,894 --> 00:08:59,479 Doesn't this guy also do the voice for He-Man commercials? 203 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,731 And their nefarious, ruthless leader, Wingman. 204 00:09:01,773 --> 00:09:03,942 Hey, that's not true! I love G.I. Joe! 205 00:09:03,984 --> 00:09:05,777 I don't know, man. Seems like you hate it. 206 00:09:05,819 --> 00:09:07,528 This is all a misunderstanding. 207 00:09:07,570 --> 00:09:09,197 Tell it to the judge. 208 00:09:09,239 --> 00:09:11,199 Everything is sold separately. Assembly required. 209 00:09:11,241 --> 00:09:12,326 Nothing is happening. 210 00:09:13,576 --> 00:09:14,661 Cartoon coffee? 211 00:09:14,702 --> 00:09:16,496 Tightship is piloting the submachopter. 212 00:09:16,537 --> 00:09:18,206 At first it was Buzzkill, but she almost crashed five times, 213 00:09:18,248 --> 00:09:19,666 and when we pointed it out, 214 00:09:19,707 --> 00:09:20,959 she called us sexist and went to the bathroom. 215 00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:22,502 You know she's smoking in there, right? 216 00:09:22,543 --> 00:09:24,338 She broke the detector. That's a federal crime. 217 00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:26,714 I keep having these visions. 218 00:09:26,756 --> 00:09:28,716 Kids, little boys. 219 00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:31,636 Uh, are these visions we should share with the authorities? 220 00:09:31,678 --> 00:09:33,847 I want to go to this Greendale place now. 221 00:09:33,888 --> 00:09:35,598 We're on our way. Do you remember Greendale, Jeffrey? 222 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,642 Why did you call me that? What's with you people? 223 00:09:37,684 --> 00:09:38,893 What do you mean, "You people"? 224 00:09:38,935 --> 00:09:40,312 Oh! Nice. 225 00:09:42,981 --> 00:09:44,816 Sector three, all clear. 226 00:09:44,858 --> 00:09:46,693 That's the entrance to the excavation site. 227 00:09:46,734 --> 00:09:48,736 How do we get past those guards? 228 00:09:48,778 --> 00:09:50,613 I think I got an idea. 229 00:09:53,616 --> 00:09:55,118 Your idea was doing exactly what we did 230 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,661 to those other guards back at headquarters? 231 00:09:56,703 --> 00:09:57,954 It was proven effective. 232 00:09:57,996 --> 00:09:59,498 I don't know, seems kind of cheap. 233 00:09:59,539 --> 00:10:01,291 From an animated perspective, very cheap. 234 00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:02,542 Help me club this hatch open. 235 00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:10,050 I know this place. 236 00:10:10,091 --> 00:10:12,760 It's filling me with a sense of endless hours 237 00:10:12,802 --> 00:10:16,764 for unfair wages and printers that never have toner. 238 00:10:16,806 --> 00:10:18,016 What is this, Major Dick? 239 00:10:18,058 --> 00:10:20,310 That is a request for hazard pay. 240 00:10:20,352 --> 00:10:23,480 Maybe you haven't heard, but we can actually die now. 241 00:10:23,522 --> 00:10:25,023 You know we can't afford this. 242 00:10:25,065 --> 00:10:26,983 Oh, so we can afford to create a new model 243 00:10:27,025 --> 00:10:28,693 of weaponized vehicle once a week, 244 00:10:28,735 --> 00:10:31,321 but we basically get minimum wage to risk our lives. 245 00:10:31,363 --> 00:10:33,698 Well, welcome to Cobra, Ximxam. 246 00:10:33,740 --> 00:10:36,117 Maybe you noticed our logo was a snake? 247 00:10:36,159 --> 00:10:38,328 Suck it up, guys! And while I have your attention, here. 248 00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:39,954 What is this? 249 00:10:39,996 --> 00:10:42,207 We have to lower the salaries. Our insurance is going up. 250 00:10:42,249 --> 00:10:43,500 No way. What? 251 00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,335 Hey, you people can actually die now. 252 00:10:45,377 --> 00:10:46,920 It affects the health plan. 253 00:10:46,961 --> 00:10:49,047 Vice Cobra assistant commander, 254 00:10:49,089 --> 00:10:50,549 we've been infiltrated by Joes! 255 00:10:50,590 --> 00:10:52,217 Well? 256 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,553 Protect me! 257 00:10:54,594 --> 00:10:56,096 Hello, Greendale. 258 00:10:56,137 --> 00:10:58,515 I understand G.I. Joe has breached the perimeter. 259 00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:02,018 Please eliminate them. And please don't forget this Saturday is the Cobra fun run. 260 00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:05,188 If you miss it, you're letting the anti-terrorists win. 261 00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:07,065 Ugh, Overkill. 262 00:11:07,107 --> 00:11:08,442 Yes, it's me. 263 00:11:08,483 --> 00:11:10,068 But which me 264 00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:11,903 is the real me? 265 00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:16,783 Probably the one in the middle. 266 00:11:16,824 --> 00:11:18,201 The middle, right? 267 00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:20,579 Ahhh! Ow, my leg! Ow! 268 00:11:20,619 --> 00:11:22,497 Now, before you fight me, G.I. Joe, 269 00:11:22,539 --> 00:11:23,706 you should be warned. 270 00:11:23,748 --> 00:11:26,293 I, Ximxam, have a twin brother named Mixmax 271 00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,545 that feels all my pain. 272 00:11:28,587 --> 00:11:31,131 And how is that supposed to affect us? 273 00:11:31,172 --> 00:11:33,133 Psychologically? 274 00:11:33,174 --> 00:11:34,426 Ahhh! 275 00:11:34,468 --> 00:11:36,261 Today's soup is a carrot puree 276 00:11:36,303 --> 00:11:38,637 with a… Ow! Damn it! Ahhh! 277 00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:40,765 Sorry. My twin brother is a… 278 00:11:40,807 --> 00:11:42,850 It's pointless to explain. 279 00:11:42,892 --> 00:11:44,769 Hurts so much! Right? 280 00:11:44,811 --> 00:11:47,646 It shredded my meniscus! 281 00:11:47,688 --> 00:11:49,190 Whup! Whup! Whup! 282 00:11:49,232 --> 00:11:50,900 Oh! Ow, ooh, ooh. 283 00:11:50,942 --> 00:11:52,402 Shouldn't have done that. Ooh. 284 00:11:52,444 --> 00:11:54,237 Nope. Don't like that sound. 285 00:11:54,279 --> 00:11:56,655 Incredible. It's as if there's something about this place 286 00:11:56,697 --> 00:11:58,366 that feeds on ambition. 287 00:12:05,664 --> 00:12:08,042 I came from here. 288 00:12:08,084 --> 00:12:09,752 I work here. 289 00:12:09,794 --> 00:12:11,712 My name is Jeff Winger. 290 00:12:11,754 --> 00:12:13,256 And you're Annie. And… And Shirley. 291 00:12:13,298 --> 00:12:14,299 Aw! 292 00:12:14,341 --> 00:12:15,800 And Abed and Britta. 293 00:12:15,842 --> 00:12:17,802 Britta? What kind of lame name is that? 294 00:12:17,844 --> 00:12:20,430 I wanna be Buzzkill because of my awesome saw. 295 00:12:22,098 --> 00:12:24,518 You guys are my friends in real life. 296 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:26,978 This is my imagination or something. 297 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,229 Freeze, everybody! 298 00:12:28,271 --> 00:12:29,257 Don't make me zap you! 299 00:12:29,272 --> 00:12:30,565 Craig, it's me, Jeff. 300 00:12:30,607 --> 00:12:32,484 Jeffrey! Are you okay? 301 00:12:32,526 --> 00:12:34,486 No, he's not. Take it from an expert in delusion. 302 00:12:34,528 --> 00:12:36,404 If Jeff's hallucinating something this cool, 303 00:12:36,446 --> 00:12:38,072 something's wrong, he needs to get back. 304 00:12:38,114 --> 00:12:39,658 Wingman, do you have your wingpack, or is it sold separately? 305 00:12:39,698 --> 00:12:41,034 Here it is. That's good. 306 00:12:41,075 --> 00:12:42,410 My Fourth Wall penetrating powers 307 00:12:42,452 --> 00:12:44,496 combined with this medium's lack of internal logic 308 00:12:44,538 --> 00:12:46,873 should allow me to come up with an oversimplified solution. 309 00:12:46,914 --> 00:12:49,250 I'll be right back. I have to get something. 310 00:12:49,292 --> 00:12:50,918 What? The truth. 311 00:13:03,264 --> 00:13:04,723 Oh, crap. 312 00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:09,437 Ah, Jeff, while you were gone, I figured everything out 313 00:13:09,479 --> 00:13:11,105 and did everything that needs to be done. 314 00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:12,899 This may be your delusion, but I'm still the one on the ball. 315 00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:15,193 I know why I'm here. I'm unconscious. 316 00:13:15,235 --> 00:13:17,736 Jeff Winger's unconscious, because he… 317 00:13:17,778 --> 00:13:20,281 I drank a fifth of scotch. 318 00:13:20,323 --> 00:13:22,701 And I took some pills. 319 00:13:22,741 --> 00:13:25,495 Jeffrey, shame on you. I have three kids. 320 00:13:25,537 --> 00:13:26,829 Are you saying you tried to… 321 00:13:26,871 --> 00:13:28,915 No, they were these stupid youth pills 322 00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:30,791 that I bought in Koreatown. 323 00:13:30,833 --> 00:13:33,878 I took them because it's my birthday and… 324 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,255 I've been lying about my age. 325 00:13:35,296 --> 00:13:36,923 Whoa. 326 00:13:36,964 --> 00:13:38,841 Yeah, it's not something I'm really ready to deal with. 327 00:13:38,883 --> 00:13:41,094 I guess you found a way to deal with it unconsciously through a psychotic break. 328 00:13:41,135 --> 00:13:43,971 Happens to the best of us. Now, these are the three layers of reality. 329 00:13:44,013 --> 00:13:45,599 We are in the cartoon layer. 330 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,475 It's separated from the live action layer 331 00:13:47,517 --> 00:13:49,728 by a dangerous mid-layer called children's toy commercials, 332 00:13:49,768 --> 00:13:51,271 which I believe you're seeing in your visions. 333 00:13:51,312 --> 00:13:53,356 I've modified your wingpack to break this barrier, and… 334 00:13:53,398 --> 00:13:55,233 I'm not going back. 335 00:13:55,275 --> 00:13:56,651 Jeff, you have to go back. 336 00:13:56,693 --> 00:13:59,362 I don't wanna be a middle-aged community college teacher. 337 00:13:59,404 --> 00:14:01,239 I wanna be in G.I. Joe. 338 00:14:01,281 --> 00:14:04,117 I wanna fight for freedom wherever there's trouble forever. 339 00:14:04,158 --> 00:14:06,536 Jeff, that's your 10-year-old self talking. 340 00:14:06,578 --> 00:14:09,163 You've receded into some infantile part of your mind. 341 00:14:09,205 --> 00:14:10,624 Imaginary Britta is right. 342 00:14:10,665 --> 00:14:11,874 And only imaginary Britta. 343 00:14:11,916 --> 00:14:13,627 In these visions you're having, 344 00:14:13,668 --> 00:14:15,462 a giant child is controlling you. You have to get away from him. 345 00:14:15,503 --> 00:14:17,004 I am him! That's the point. 346 00:14:17,046 --> 00:14:20,091 I created this. I chose this. 347 00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:22,218 But do you understand that the real Jeff Winger 348 00:14:22,260 --> 00:14:24,304 is in some kind of actual, real medical jeopardy? 349 00:14:24,345 --> 00:14:25,764 Like the kind in a one-hour drama? 350 00:14:25,805 --> 00:14:28,266 Jeff, please. I don't want you to die. 351 00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:29,517 Can you hear me? 352 00:14:29,559 --> 00:14:31,519 I'm only dying out there, Annie. 353 00:14:31,561 --> 00:14:32,895 In here we're immortal. 354 00:14:32,937 --> 00:14:34,397 Look at the rack I gave you. 355 00:14:34,439 --> 00:14:36,691 Those are gonna stay right where they are for an eternity. 356 00:14:36,733 --> 00:14:37,817 You're welcome. 357 00:14:39,653 --> 00:14:42,238 Yo, Jobra! 358 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,031 "Yo, Jobra"? 359 00:14:44,073 --> 00:14:46,117 We talked it over and realized that since none of us 360 00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:48,328 can kill each other, we might as well team up. 361 00:14:48,369 --> 00:14:50,622 Seeing as we've got a common enemy. 362 00:14:50,664 --> 00:14:51,790 Seize them! 363 00:14:51,831 --> 00:14:53,166 You can't seize me. 364 00:14:53,207 --> 00:14:55,418 I am the creator of your reality. 365 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:58,129 I am Neo in the third act of The Matrix. 366 00:14:58,171 --> 00:15:00,965 I'm also Neo in the first act of the second Matrix. 367 00:15:01,007 --> 00:15:02,759 I didn't get around to seeing the third one, 368 00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,552 but my guess is… Oh! 369 00:15:06,304 --> 00:15:08,723 Cobra and G.I. Joe have finally united. 370 00:15:08,765 --> 00:15:10,057 Do you guys need anything? 371 00:15:10,099 --> 00:15:11,476 We could probably use some milk. 372 00:15:11,518 --> 00:15:13,478 Let's go get some milk for G.I. Joe. 373 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,564 I'll wait it out in this cell until you guys can re-educate me. 374 00:15:16,606 --> 00:15:18,858 Yo, Jobra! 375 00:15:18,899 --> 00:15:21,194 Yo, Jobra. All figures come with their own accessories. 376 00:15:21,235 --> 00:15:22,862 Wingman sold separately or something. 377 00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:29,952 Ah, look who's conscious again. 378 00:15:29,994 --> 00:15:31,996 You're pretty selective with those snake "S's. 379 00:15:32,038 --> 00:15:33,748 What are you, my life coach? 380 00:15:33,790 --> 00:15:36,917 I'd make fun of some physical detail about you, but there aren't any. 381 00:15:36,959 --> 00:15:39,587 You look like some Aryan foosball figure. 382 00:15:39,629 --> 00:15:41,464 Guys, you don't have to keep me prisoner. 383 00:15:41,506 --> 00:15:43,591 I want what you want. 384 00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:45,926 We can't just have you running around, Wingman. You're too powerful. 385 00:15:45,968 --> 00:15:47,762 So let's share the power. 386 00:15:47,804 --> 00:15:49,723 We can be gods here forever. 387 00:15:49,764 --> 00:15:51,891 For realsies? 388 00:15:51,932 --> 00:15:54,185 Absolutely. I don't wanna leave here. 389 00:15:54,227 --> 00:15:57,397 I wanna hang out with you guys and blow stuff up. 390 00:15:57,438 --> 00:15:58,648 Hmm. All right. 391 00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:01,108 Yo, Jobra. 392 00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:02,610 Yo, Jobra. 393 00:16:02,652 --> 00:16:04,487 Yo, Jobra. 394 00:16:04,529 --> 00:16:08,241 Say, do you mind if we ask you a few questions about real life? 395 00:16:08,282 --> 00:16:09,617 No problem. 396 00:16:09,659 --> 00:16:12,203 Ask. So… 397 00:16:12,245 --> 00:16:14,581 What do boobies look like? 398 00:16:14,622 --> 00:16:16,499 Wait. You don't know? 399 00:16:18,292 --> 00:16:20,587 You guys have never seen a naked woman? 400 00:16:20,628 --> 00:16:22,797 You don't have to make us feel bad. 401 00:16:22,839 --> 00:16:25,091 Have you guys ever tasted scotch? 402 00:16:25,132 --> 00:16:27,218 Does scotch liquor exist here? 403 00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:30,889 You know what? 404 00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:34,100 Can I just go to the bathroom real quick? 405 00:16:34,141 --> 00:16:36,185 Sure. It's the second door over there on the right. 406 00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:37,854 Hey! We can't go to the bathroom! 407 00:16:37,896 --> 00:16:40,314 Fool! He's getting away! 408 00:16:53,202 --> 00:16:54,454 This had better work. 409 00:16:54,495 --> 00:16:55,747 No, no, no, wait! 410 00:16:58,833 --> 00:17:00,835 Get off me! I wanna go home! 411 00:17:00,877 --> 00:17:03,630 Take me with you! I want to see women's boobs! 412 00:17:03,671 --> 00:17:04,839 We can't both go! 413 00:17:04,881 --> 00:17:06,925 You're slowing me down! Let go! 414 00:17:10,219 --> 00:17:12,263 I can feel it! Yes! 415 00:17:12,305 --> 00:17:14,641 I can feel reality! 416 00:17:14,682 --> 00:17:17,477 I've never felt so alive! 417 00:17:17,518 --> 00:17:20,688 Because you're fictional! You can't survive this! 418 00:17:20,730 --> 00:17:22,899 Wait, why does my back hurt? 419 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,401 Why do I just have random pains in my body? 420 00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:28,571 Why is my ability to appreciate new music diminishing? 421 00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:35,453 Need to gain speed before… 422 00:17:35,495 --> 00:17:37,747 Wingman is trying to escape G.I. Joe, 423 00:17:37,789 --> 00:17:40,875 and it's up to you to hold him back with your inner child's hand. 424 00:17:40,917 --> 00:17:42,209 Damn it, I didn't make it. 425 00:17:42,251 --> 00:17:44,796 I'm not controlling him! He's doing this himself! 426 00:17:44,838 --> 00:17:46,380 Screw you, kid! 427 00:17:46,422 --> 00:17:48,257 Ow! He burnt my hand. 428 00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:50,426 The Wingman wingpack is not available in stores. 429 00:17:50,468 --> 00:17:51,594 You control the toy. 430 00:17:51,636 --> 00:17:53,471 You control it, my ass. 431 00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:55,765 What is it doing? Making a man of you. 432 00:17:58,518 --> 00:17:59,727 Everything sold separately. 433 00:17:59,769 --> 00:18:01,312 Everyone dies eventually. 434 00:18:01,354 --> 00:18:03,105 Nobody gets out alive. 435 00:18:04,899 --> 00:18:06,317 His eyes are opening. 436 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,027 Yeah, but that happens when people die too. 437 00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:10,321 Jeff! Jeffrey! Wait, Britta, don't slap him! 438 00:18:10,363 --> 00:18:12,406 Jeffrey, it's me, the dean. I'm right here. 439 00:18:12,448 --> 00:18:13,658 Wait, wait, no, no, I think you have to… 440 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,117 Oh, stop it, I'm awake. Oh! 441 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,664 Jeff, you've been keeping your birthday a secret? 442 00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:21,749 Yeah. Most people have cake. 443 00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:24,043 Not a fifth of scotch and what the hell else. 444 00:18:24,084 --> 00:18:26,629 "Age reverse, life extend power"? 445 00:18:31,258 --> 00:18:33,219 This is Korean. 446 00:18:33,260 --> 00:18:35,304 Okay, what am I? Chinese! 447 00:18:35,346 --> 00:18:36,681 Okay, I swear to God I feel Korean. 448 00:18:36,723 --> 00:18:38,808 Guys… 449 00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:40,643 I'm 40. What? 450 00:18:40,685 --> 00:18:41,978 Wow. I'm so sorry. 451 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:43,730 Yeah, we knew that. 452 00:18:43,771 --> 00:18:48,401 You know, I guess we knew that you had to be around 30 when we met. 453 00:18:48,442 --> 00:18:50,486 Yeah, and it has been five years. 454 00:18:50,528 --> 00:18:52,697 And even if he had been 32, we'd have to know he would be… 455 00:18:52,739 --> 00:18:54,073 This isn't helping. 456 00:18:54,114 --> 00:18:55,700 You guys know I'm 38, right? 457 00:18:57,952 --> 00:18:59,412 I'm kidding. 458 00:18:59,453 --> 00:19:00,914 But, Jeff, you shouldn't almost die over a number. 459 00:19:00,955 --> 00:19:02,874 What's important are ranges of numbers. 460 00:19:02,916 --> 00:19:04,208 You're still 18 to 49 for almost a decade. 461 00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:06,085 That's valuable to society. 462 00:19:06,126 --> 00:19:07,837 You have any more of these pills left? 463 00:19:07,879 --> 00:19:09,839 I had the craziest dream. 464 00:19:09,881 --> 00:19:11,716 It was all animated 465 00:19:11,758 --> 00:19:14,427 and a G.I. Joe cartoon, and you were all in it. 466 00:19:14,468 --> 00:19:15,762 In it? How much? 467 00:19:15,803 --> 00:19:17,179 What clothes did you draw me in? 468 00:19:17,221 --> 00:19:18,848 Hmm, fully animated? 469 00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:20,808 But it was all a dream because you were unconscious. 470 00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:23,561 Remember that Christmas when I… Yes! 471 00:19:23,603 --> 00:19:26,397 Jeff, here's your present. 472 00:19:26,439 --> 00:19:29,901 Slim pickings at the hospital gift shop, but we made do. 473 00:19:33,446 --> 00:19:35,155 "It's an old boy." 474 00:19:35,197 --> 00:19:37,033 Yes. He is a old boy. 475 00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:39,159 He's an old boy. 476 00:19:39,201 --> 00:19:41,203 Bring it in, guys. Aw! 477 00:19:41,245 --> 00:19:42,231 Jeff! 478 00:19:42,246 --> 00:19:44,331 Hey, listen, I got a former partner 479 00:19:44,373 --> 00:19:47,794 that's been here since '89 in a coma, so… Hmm. 480 00:19:47,835 --> 00:19:49,879 1889? 481 00:19:49,921 --> 00:19:52,048 Winger, you're funny. 482 00:20:00,723 --> 00:20:02,642 This is cool! Make my name too. 483 00:20:02,683 --> 00:20:05,311 What are you guys, cavemen? Buzzkill! 484 00:20:05,352 --> 00:20:06,771 What you're doing is a waste of spray paint. 485 00:20:06,813 --> 00:20:09,523 We live in a fascist police state disguised as democracy. 486 00:20:09,565 --> 00:20:11,317 You think you're gonna shatter that illusion 487 00:20:11,358 --> 00:20:13,569 by celebrating your own meaningless identities? 488 00:20:13,611 --> 00:20:15,488 Is church over yet? Fourth Wall! 489 00:20:15,529 --> 00:20:17,448 A good syndicated cartoon has a lesson at the end. 490 00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:19,408 But getting heavy-handed or preachy could turn 491 00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:21,577 an entire generation into jaded, sarcastic babies. 492 00:20:21,619 --> 00:20:24,204 Be friendly and direct. And keep the message simple. 493 00:20:24,246 --> 00:20:25,957 Graffiti is bad. Go play sports. 494 00:20:25,999 --> 00:20:27,792 Cool! I get it! 495 00:20:27,834 --> 00:20:29,752 I was trying to hold them to a higher standard. 496 00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:32,505 If the media tells kids what to think, all they'll know is… 497 00:20:32,546 --> 00:20:34,007 And knowing is half the battle. What? 498 00:20:34,048 --> 00:20:36,467 G.I. Joe!