1 00:00:01,300 --> 00:00:03,719 Okay, we'll get an estimate on adding grass 2 00:00:03,761 --> 00:00:05,220 to the soccer field. 3 00:00:05,262 --> 00:00:06,555 Good meeting. 4 00:00:06,597 --> 00:00:07,848 Oh, Jeff, what time's dinner? 5 00:00:09,099 --> 00:00:10,976 Uh, dinner? 6 00:00:11,018 --> 00:00:12,812 Jeff, you didn't invite Shirley? 7 00:00:12,852 --> 00:00:14,438 Well, it's Tuesday. 8 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,898 Shirley always goes to Elijah's karate practice on Tuesdays. 9 00:00:16,940 --> 00:00:18,233 It's okay. 10 00:00:18,275 --> 00:00:20,277 Part of making sacrifices for my loved ones 11 00:00:20,319 --> 00:00:23,531 is not expecting my loved ones to make sacrifices. 12 00:00:23,947 --> 00:00:25,907 Aw. 13 00:00:25,949 --> 00:00:27,785 I can do tomorrow. I can't 14 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:28,869 I'm free on Fridays and Mondays… 15 00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:30,329 We're not moving it! 16 00:00:32,373 --> 00:00:34,958 When Shirley can have dinner, we'll have another dinner, 17 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,044 because it's just dinner. 18 00:00:37,085 --> 00:00:39,087 And there's no need to manipulate each other. 19 00:00:39,129 --> 00:00:40,922 You know that's what you do. 20 00:00:40,964 --> 00:00:43,676 You know you're doing it now 21 00:00:43,718 --> 00:00:45,260 with that face. 22 00:00:45,302 --> 00:00:46,470 You don't like my face? 23 00:00:46,512 --> 00:00:48,222 Aw! 24 00:00:50,641 --> 00:00:52,601 Hello, save Greendale committee. 25 00:00:52,643 --> 00:00:54,978 This is David and Bixel. 26 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:56,605 They're app designers. 27 00:00:56,647 --> 00:00:58,232 They'd like to beta test 28 00:00:58,273 --> 00:01:00,818 their latest social-networking app on our campus, 29 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,611 which could be good for us. 30 00:01:02,653 --> 00:01:04,405 Look what Facebook did for Harvard, right? 31 00:01:04,446 --> 00:01:07,282 Hey, guys. Bixel and I would like to introduce you 32 00:01:07,324 --> 00:01:09,660 to a little app called meowmeowbeenz. 33 00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:10,786 Ooh. 34 00:01:10,828 --> 00:01:12,246 Meowmeowbeenz lets you say 35 00:01:12,287 --> 00:01:13,330 how much you like, 36 00:01:13,372 --> 00:01:14,456 who you like, 37 00:01:14,498 --> 00:01:15,999 when you like, 38 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:18,627 all from a standard non-boost mobile phone. 39 00:01:18,669 --> 00:01:20,462 Let's see how it works. 40 00:01:20,504 --> 00:01:23,799 Bixel, what did you think of the way the dean introduced us? 41 00:01:23,841 --> 00:01:25,175 I thought he did great. 42 00:01:25,217 --> 00:01:27,678 That's why I'm giving him five meowmeowbeenz. 43 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,471 Aw. 44 00:01:29,513 --> 00:01:30,723 Well, Bixel, I'm sorry, 45 00:01:30,765 --> 00:01:33,308 but I thought his intro was just okay. 46 00:01:34,602 --> 00:01:36,771 That's why I'm gonna give him 47 00:01:36,812 --> 00:01:39,899 two out of five meowmeowbeenz. 48 00:01:39,939 --> 00:01:41,941 My meowmeowbeenz. 49 00:01:41,983 --> 00:01:45,028 With meowmeowbeenz, students can rate teachers. 50 00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:46,655 Teachers can rate students. 51 00:01:46,697 --> 00:01:49,533 Everyone and anyone can rate each other. 52 00:01:49,575 --> 00:01:50,910 Meowmeowbeenz. 53 00:01:52,035 --> 00:01:53,412 You know… 54 00:01:54,246 --> 00:01:55,581 I could… 55 00:01:56,957 --> 00:01:58,834 I fought for this country, 56 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,630 and I know you don't get to pick and choose 57 00:02:02,671 --> 00:02:04,715 the parts you fight for, but I know… 58 00:02:06,425 --> 00:02:07,968 I should go number two soon. 59 00:02:41,836 --> 00:02:43,796 Hurry up! I'm late for human rights class. 60 00:02:43,838 --> 00:02:45,923 I'm sorry. 61 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:48,049 Why is Star-Burns carrying Garrett's books? 62 00:02:48,091 --> 00:02:50,177 It's like toast bossing crackers around. 63 00:02:50,218 --> 00:02:51,762 I mean, I guess. 64 00:02:51,804 --> 00:02:53,681 Garrett's got three meowmeowbeenz. Star- Burns is a two. 65 00:02:53,722 --> 00:02:56,015 Are you telling me people are actually using this stupid app? 66 00:02:56,057 --> 00:02:57,726 It's addictively effective. No, it's effectively stupid. 67 00:02:57,768 --> 00:03:00,395 There already was a rating system in place called 68 00:03:00,437 --> 00:03:02,731 "cool people get more," and it was working fine. 69 00:03:02,773 --> 00:03:04,942 Meowmeowbeenz takes everything subjective and unspoken 70 00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:06,318 about human interaction and reduces it 71 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,612 to explicit, objective numbers. 72 00:03:08,654 --> 00:03:10,029 I've never felt more alive. 73 00:03:10,071 --> 00:03:12,658 As long as you're happy, I'm unsettled. 74 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:14,702 Hey, guys. 75 00:03:15,536 --> 00:03:16,662 What happened to you? 76 00:03:16,704 --> 00:03:18,497 I sat on a toilet so long, my feet fell asleep, 77 00:03:18,539 --> 00:03:21,458 then I noticed limping was getting meowmeowbeenz, 78 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:23,711 so I just kind of started committing. 79 00:03:23,752 --> 00:03:26,338 Did you understand a word he said? Mmm-hmm. 80 00:03:36,598 --> 00:03:37,975 Hey, here you go. 81 00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:39,351 Here you go. 82 00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:42,563 Nobody is gonna down-vote a guy on his birthday. 83 00:03:42,604 --> 00:03:44,147 Wait. Are you using meowmeowbeenz? 84 00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:45,816 If you can't kill it, join it. 85 00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,943 When you get older, you're gonna see the warning signs. 86 00:03:47,985 --> 00:03:51,613 Mark Zuckerberg is Fidel Castro in flip-flops. 87 00:03:51,655 --> 00:03:55,409 Meowmeowbeenz is gonna make East Berlin look like Woodstock. 88 00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:57,452 You take my word for that. 89 00:03:57,494 --> 00:04:00,080 Do you own stock in Trivial Pursuit's baby boom edition? 90 00:04:02,833 --> 00:04:04,125 Britta. What… 91 00:04:04,167 --> 00:04:05,794 Please tell me you're not using this app. 92 00:04:05,836 --> 00:04:07,838 Uh, I liked the idea at first, 93 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,172 giving a voice to the unheard, 94 00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:11,008 but then Annie just told me 95 00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,677 that the rating system is exponentially weighted. 96 00:04:13,719 --> 00:04:15,136 As your ratings go up, 97 00:04:15,178 --> 00:04:17,138 your ratings of other people become more important. 98 00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:18,223 No. 99 00:04:18,265 --> 00:04:20,100 It just means the more others like you, 100 00:04:20,141 --> 00:04:21,727 the more likeable you can make others. It makes sense to me. 101 00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:23,353 You know who else it made sense to? 102 00:04:23,395 --> 00:04:25,773 Say "Hitler" one more time, and I'm giving you a two. 103 00:04:25,814 --> 00:04:27,816 Jeff, are you not registered? 104 00:04:27,858 --> 00:04:29,443 The longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be to get your number up. 105 00:04:29,484 --> 00:04:30,945 Annie! 106 00:04:30,986 --> 00:04:32,153 Listen to yourself. 107 00:04:32,195 --> 00:04:33,363 You're learning its language. 108 00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:35,657 You're letting a video game play you. 109 00:04:35,699 --> 00:04:36,867 I got to set these people straight. 110 00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:38,243 Hey, hey, uh… 111 00:04:40,161 --> 00:04:42,831 Students of Greendale! 112 00:04:42,873 --> 00:04:46,085 We don't have to worship a calculator! 113 00:04:46,126 --> 00:04:48,796 There is no formula for people! 114 00:04:51,131 --> 00:04:53,174 Oh. 115 00:04:53,216 --> 00:04:55,970 You're punishing me for being alive! 116 00:04:56,011 --> 00:04:58,138 That's the general idea, baby. 117 00:05:00,641 --> 00:05:02,142 You're gonna think I'm joking, 118 00:05:02,183 --> 00:05:03,769 but you were getting through to me more 119 00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:05,854 with mustard on your lip. Oh, shut up. 120 00:05:05,896 --> 00:05:08,231 He's not kidding, Britta. I thought I was imagining it. 121 00:05:08,273 --> 00:05:09,483 When you had mustard on your lip, 122 00:05:09,524 --> 00:05:11,276 I was more open to your opinion. 123 00:05:11,318 --> 00:05:14,822 Maybe it dilutes or distracts from your excessive intensity. 124 00:05:14,863 --> 00:05:17,407 Maybe it dilutes or distracts from your stupid butt. 125 00:05:18,826 --> 00:05:19,994 How you doing, Rog? 126 00:05:20,035 --> 00:05:22,621 Hey, charlotte. I see what you did there. 127 00:05:22,663 --> 00:05:25,124 Vicki, I love this. 128 00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:27,542 Shirley's a five. 129 00:05:28,043 --> 00:05:29,252 How? 130 00:05:29,294 --> 00:05:31,630 She's nice to people, Jeff. You know Shirley. 131 00:05:31,672 --> 00:05:33,381 Oh, Vicki, thank you. 132 00:05:33,423 --> 00:05:35,843 Did you just give me four meowmeowbeenz? 133 00:05:35,884 --> 00:05:37,427 Um… 134 00:05:37,469 --> 00:05:40,179 I love my four from Vicki. 135 00:05:41,723 --> 00:05:43,182 No! 136 00:05:43,642 --> 00:05:45,393 Stop it! 137 00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:46,645 I didn't mean it. 138 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:49,773 Yeah. 139 00:05:49,815 --> 00:05:51,190 I do know Shirley. 140 00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:57,447 We should be having brownies. 141 00:05:57,489 --> 00:05:58,532 I'm going to help Shirley. 142 00:05:58,573 --> 00:05:59,825 Not a bad idea for you, Britta. 143 00:05:59,867 --> 00:06:01,326 She could make you a two again. 144 00:06:01,368 --> 00:06:03,286 Screw your twos, and screw meowmeowbeenz. 145 00:06:03,328 --> 00:06:05,164 I know that's your one talking. 146 00:06:07,332 --> 00:06:08,416 What are you doing? 147 00:06:08,458 --> 00:06:10,460 Registering for meowmeowbeenz. 148 00:06:10,502 --> 00:06:12,921 I'm gonna become a five and expose this thing for the sham it is. 149 00:06:12,963 --> 00:06:15,298 Oh, now you're speaking my language. 150 00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:18,301 That's unintentional, trust me. Mmm. 151 00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:20,428 Just make sure you know the real reason you're doing something, 152 00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:22,181 or you'll fail before you start. 153 00:06:23,057 --> 00:06:24,349 That's actually a good point. 154 00:06:24,391 --> 00:06:25,809 It is? Why? 155 00:06:28,645 --> 00:06:30,229 Oh, come on! 156 00:06:34,776 --> 00:06:37,196 So I'm like, "That's two cups," and she's like, "What?" 157 00:06:37,278 --> 00:06:39,698 I'm like, "Two cups, balls back, tops off." 158 00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:44,203 All right, Trent, Mulch, 159 00:06:44,243 --> 00:06:47,998 Dave, Herpie, Clutch, Dirt mouth, Rope, 160 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,542 Tingles, Catwoman, Steve. 161 00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:52,127 All right, keep it floppy. 162 00:06:52,169 --> 00:06:54,004 Haul it, ball it, never call it. 163 00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:55,296 Girls are objects. 164 00:06:55,338 --> 00:06:56,338 Yeah! 165 00:07:01,095 --> 00:07:04,639 Two meowmeowbeenz. 166 00:07:04,681 --> 00:07:05,891 Congratulations. 167 00:07:05,933 --> 00:07:07,517 Abed was just explaining 168 00:07:07,559 --> 00:07:08,685 that the fives get to choose 169 00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:10,229 what setting the air conditioning is on. 170 00:07:10,270 --> 00:07:12,439 Yep. 171 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,067 Is it me, or are more people wearing gray. 172 00:07:15,109 --> 00:07:16,401 I feel like I'm in a commercial, 173 00:07:16,443 --> 00:07:17,694 and someone's about to hand me a starburst. 174 00:07:17,736 --> 00:07:19,571 Threes and twos tend to wear neutral colors. 175 00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:21,364 Looking like you want to move up can get you moved down. 176 00:07:21,406 --> 00:07:22,392 Abed, hey. 177 00:07:22,407 --> 00:07:23,450 Hi. Come on. Come here. 178 00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,245 Those are other threes. 179 00:07:26,286 --> 00:07:27,495 We talk about how we're glad we're not twos. 180 00:07:29,706 --> 00:07:31,332 Small talk, guys. 181 00:07:31,374 --> 00:07:32,375 I make small talk now. 182 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,045 Hello, Jeffrey. 183 00:07:35,087 --> 00:07:36,379 I see you decided to join meowmeowbeenz. 184 00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:37,965 Oh, it's a great tool for living. 185 00:07:38,006 --> 00:07:39,049 You look great. 186 00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:40,217 You look great. 187 00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:41,342 You know what you're doing. 188 00:07:41,384 --> 00:07:42,761 You know what you're doing. 189 00:07:42,803 --> 00:07:44,263 I'm watching you, okay? 190 00:07:44,304 --> 00:07:46,014 Mmm, mmm. Mmm, mmm. 191 00:07:47,390 --> 00:07:50,018 Yeah, you'll be watching my hinder, mama, 192 00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:52,980 and choking on its billowing plume of highly rated dust. 193 00:08:09,246 --> 00:08:11,290 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 194 00:08:11,331 --> 00:08:12,874 Fours and above only. 195 00:08:12,916 --> 00:08:14,001 These are snacks for the fives. 196 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,378 Yeah? You're a two. 197 00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:21,424 Leonard, would you rather a three serve the fives food? 198 00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:22,509 No. 199 00:08:24,636 --> 00:08:26,054 It is no secret 200 00:08:26,096 --> 00:08:27,639 that the threes and twos 201 00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:30,225 are growing suspicious of the fours and fives. 202 00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:33,854 All I know is that it's my birthday. 203 00:08:33,895 --> 00:08:36,273 What if we give these people 204 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,691 something to believe in again? 205 00:08:37,732 --> 00:08:39,193 Koogler? 206 00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,361 Hey. I know what you guys think of me, okay? 207 00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:42,946 "Hey, it's Koogler." 208 00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:44,531 You know. "He's cool." 209 00:08:44,572 --> 00:08:47,034 "He likes to get laid. He's not that old." 210 00:08:47,075 --> 00:08:48,743 But I'm a five 211 00:08:48,785 --> 00:08:50,078 because I know what the twos and the threes need. 212 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,371 What do we all need? 213 00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:53,790 Entertainment. 214 00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:55,542 A talent show. 215 00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:58,378 An event where threes and twos can rise and fall. 216 00:08:58,419 --> 00:09:00,797 It helps people believe in the system. 217 00:09:00,839 --> 00:09:02,632 Give my spot to someone else. I don't want to be a five. 218 00:09:02,674 --> 00:09:04,634 I was happy as a three. I'm miserable. 219 00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:06,636 Oh, dear Abed. 220 00:09:06,678 --> 00:09:08,305 So humble. 221 00:09:12,059 --> 00:09:14,102 You people are monsters. 222 00:09:14,144 --> 00:09:15,478 Well, if there's nothing else, then… 223 00:09:16,688 --> 00:09:18,065 Speak. 224 00:09:18,106 --> 00:09:19,316 Headline items… 225 00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:21,193 a few twos broke into a supply closet 226 00:09:21,235 --> 00:09:22,861 and stole a box of peanut butter. 227 00:09:22,903 --> 00:09:24,946 The futurization of the campus decor is almost complete. 228 00:09:24,988 --> 00:09:28,700 And a few hours ago, Jeff winger became a four. 229 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,244 That's nice. 230 00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,006 You there, girl. 231 00:09:43,048 --> 00:09:44,216 How many meowmeowbeenz? 232 00:09:44,258 --> 00:09:46,509 Two! 233 00:09:47,886 --> 00:09:49,971 Two? Are you lost, two? 234 00:09:50,013 --> 00:09:52,974 Yes. Are you lost, two? 235 00:09:53,016 --> 00:09:54,434 I'll escort her to the common area. 236 00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:56,770 You're a four? 237 00:09:56,811 --> 00:09:57,797 I don't recognize you. 238 00:09:57,812 --> 00:09:58,855 He's new beenz. 239 00:10:00,023 --> 00:10:02,317 Bye-bye, new beenz. 240 00:10:02,359 --> 00:10:05,486 Threes and twos must leave building one after 7:00. 241 00:10:05,528 --> 00:10:08,198 Building one after 7:00 is fours only. 242 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,408 What are you doing here? 243 00:10:09,449 --> 00:10:10,742 How goes the revolution? 244 00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,327 I can't break a four. 245 00:10:12,369 --> 00:10:13,494 It's impossible to get any higher 246 00:10:13,536 --> 00:10:14,955 without half the fives in your corner. 247 00:10:14,996 --> 00:10:16,123 They got this thing locked up. 248 00:10:16,164 --> 00:10:17,291 Yeah, but they're nervous. 249 00:10:17,332 --> 00:10:18,541 They're hosting a talent show 250 00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:20,585 to prove that anyone can be a five. 251 00:10:20,627 --> 00:10:23,338 If you enter it, you'll be center stage with all eyes on you, 252 00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:26,716 and you can tell everyone this isn't democracy. 253 00:10:26,758 --> 00:10:27,842 This is tyranny. 254 00:10:29,052 --> 00:10:30,595 I'm sorry. Can you put some mustard… 255 00:10:30,637 --> 00:10:33,974 I shouldn't have to put mustard on my face for this to make sense. 256 00:10:34,015 --> 00:10:35,892 You know we have to take this system down. 257 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,985 You know… 258 00:10:45,026 --> 00:10:46,486 I once loved a two. 259 00:10:48,029 --> 00:10:49,489 Matthew… 260 00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:52,075 He was my everything. 261 00:10:53,952 --> 00:10:55,996 But numbers change. 262 00:11:00,792 --> 00:11:02,502 I'll keep your secret, new beenz. 263 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,013 It says you're next. 264 00:11:13,054 --> 00:11:15,140 Now, Jeffrey, I beg you not to take this risk. 265 00:11:15,182 --> 00:11:16,557 You know what they say. 266 00:11:16,599 --> 00:11:18,477 Fives have lives, fours have chores, 267 00:11:18,517 --> 00:11:20,312 threes have fleas, twos have blues, 268 00:11:20,354 --> 00:11:22,814 and ones don't get a rhyme because they're garbage. 269 00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:24,523 Craig, I got this. 270 00:11:34,826 --> 00:11:36,077 No! 271 00:11:36,119 --> 00:11:37,120 No, please! 272 00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:38,788 Not the outlands! 273 00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:39,873 Please! 274 00:11:39,914 --> 00:11:41,124 Boo on you! 275 00:11:41,166 --> 00:11:43,168 The fives have spoken! 276 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,546 And you, uh… 277 00:11:47,588 --> 00:11:50,175 Are not very good and… 278 00:11:52,386 --> 00:11:53,970 What? 279 00:11:54,012 --> 00:11:55,514 No! Please! 280 00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:57,849 I'm just not very good at public speaking and… 281 00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,062 Last chance, Jeffrey. 282 00:12:02,103 --> 00:12:03,562 Showtime. 283 00:12:14,241 --> 00:12:15,950 My name is Jeff Winger. 284 00:12:15,992 --> 00:12:18,078 I recently became a four. 285 00:12:18,119 --> 00:12:20,080 Funny thing is, 286 00:12:20,121 --> 00:12:21,664 when I was a two, 287 00:12:22,707 --> 00:12:24,876 I didn't actually have any less. 288 00:12:27,462 --> 00:12:30,424 But I did have a lot of crazy friends. 289 00:12:30,465 --> 00:12:33,134 Hey, my name's Tommy Talouca. 290 00:12:33,176 --> 00:12:36,012 I'm from hallway c. I'm a two! 291 00:12:36,054 --> 00:12:37,805 I got to get to the cafeteria 292 00:12:37,847 --> 00:12:39,974 before they run out of apples! 293 00:12:41,435 --> 00:12:43,811 What is with twos and apples? 294 00:12:43,853 --> 00:12:45,688 You're given three kinds of fruit. 295 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:47,606 Mix it up. 296 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:51,236 Then you become a four. 297 00:12:51,278 --> 00:12:53,947 And you get that, uh… That four walk. 298 00:12:53,988 --> 00:12:55,949 You know what I'm talking about? It's like this. 299 00:12:55,990 --> 00:12:57,033 It's like one of these. 300 00:12:58,659 --> 00:13:00,870 And they got a little trail of twos behind them, 301 00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:03,790 and they're like "Hey, is there an apple up there?" 302 00:13:05,624 --> 00:13:07,626 Oh, 303 00:13:08,336 --> 00:13:10,922 Wow. What else is going on? 304 00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,924 He's killing it. 305 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,218 There came a time 306 00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,720 when I has to aks myself, 307 00:13:17,762 --> 00:13:21,141 did I even want to be a three? 308 00:13:21,182 --> 00:13:25,186 Or did I just hate myself for being a two? 309 00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:26,979 I don't know. 310 00:13:28,273 --> 00:13:29,899 All I know is… 311 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:33,194 I sure do love them apples! 312 00:13:51,505 --> 00:13:53,047 Oh, The Koog approogs. 313 00:13:53,089 --> 00:13:54,673 That's a five! 314 00:13:59,929 --> 00:14:00,972 Yeah! 315 00:14:04,683 --> 00:14:08,480 Meow meow meow meow meow! 316 00:14:08,522 --> 00:14:11,525 Review. Review. Meow meow meow meow meow! 317 00:14:11,566 --> 00:14:12,567 Down here, guys. 318 00:14:13,943 --> 00:14:14,944 Yeah, yeah. 319 00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:16,112 Can I get a picture? 320 00:14:16,154 --> 00:14:18,448 I want my future kids to know this happened. 321 00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:20,158 I admire your optimism, Garrett. 322 00:14:22,702 --> 00:14:24,287 What the hell? I don't want to hear it. 323 00:14:24,329 --> 00:14:26,331 I got this far because I need to take Shirley down. 324 00:14:26,373 --> 00:14:28,542 What about everyone else? Look around you, Britta. 325 00:14:28,583 --> 00:14:30,001 Everyone wanted this. 326 00:14:31,378 --> 00:14:32,712 Fives only, ma'am. 327 00:14:32,753 --> 00:14:34,922 Oh, great. Come on. 328 00:14:34,964 --> 00:14:37,676 You… You think this system's gonna last forever? 329 00:14:37,717 --> 00:14:39,302 I'm gonna free people's minds. 330 00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:41,680 I'm a psych major. Words are my weapons. 331 00:14:41,721 --> 00:14:44,182 I'm a security guard. Weapons are my weapons. 332 00:14:54,025 --> 00:14:57,778 Welcome, fives, to the inaugural fancy future dance. 333 00:15:08,707 --> 00:15:11,042 I'm glad you don't think making Jeff a five was a mistake 334 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,293 like everybody else. 335 00:15:12,335 --> 00:15:13,670 I believe in taking risks. 336 00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,755 Yeah! Jeff's really cool. 337 00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:18,508 Couldn't help but notice 338 00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,218 that Shirley didn't clap with the rest of you 339 00:15:20,260 --> 00:15:22,095 after my performance. 340 00:15:22,136 --> 00:15:23,971 Is she always so different? 341 00:15:24,013 --> 00:15:25,724 If you talk to me, I can't concentrate on the dance moves. 342 00:15:25,765 --> 00:15:27,934 You don't believe the rumors, do you, Koogler, 343 00:15:27,975 --> 00:15:29,852 that Jeff manipulated his way to the top? 344 00:15:29,894 --> 00:15:32,522 Shirley, I can hear what you're saying. 345 00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:35,692 You're trying to manipulate someone into thinking I'm manipulative. 346 00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,485 I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about. 347 00:15:37,527 --> 00:15:39,279 No one ever knows what you're talking about 348 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,821 because you never say what you mean. 349 00:15:40,863 --> 00:15:42,031 Do you want to have this conversation, 350 00:15:42,073 --> 00:15:43,991 or do you want to just keep flexing your veiny arms 351 00:15:44,033 --> 00:15:45,076 and throwing out apples? 352 00:15:46,827 --> 00:15:49,038 Tranquility is advancement. 353 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,374 A happy three is a future four. 354 00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:52,792 Twos and threes, 355 00:15:52,833 --> 00:15:55,169 you're accepting a life you don't have to live! 356 00:15:57,756 --> 00:15:59,799 Stand up for yourselves! 357 00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:01,884 Really? 358 00:16:03,844 --> 00:16:05,346 Ugh, fine. 359 00:16:05,388 --> 00:16:06,847 Give me that. Hey! 360 00:16:11,185 --> 00:16:13,229 You're all alive! 361 00:16:13,271 --> 00:16:16,524 You are all alive! 362 00:16:16,566 --> 00:16:21,070 Look at the mustard on my face, but listen to my words. 363 00:16:21,112 --> 00:16:22,614 You're one of the angriest, most vindictive… 364 00:16:22,656 --> 00:16:23,906 You're the angry one, 365 00:16:23,948 --> 00:16:25,199 because the rules got changed on you, Winger. 366 00:16:25,241 --> 00:16:27,368 You can't just be cool and be in charge now. 367 00:16:27,410 --> 00:16:29,537 No, you have to gossip and give out food 368 00:16:29,579 --> 00:16:30,747 and make people feel guilty. 369 00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:32,332 Okay, yeah. I bust my ass 370 00:16:32,373 --> 00:16:34,917 making a world full of selfish idiots remember my name! 371 00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:36,461 Fine. Call it hard work, 372 00:16:36,503 --> 00:16:38,797 but don't tell me the system measures who's nice. 373 00:16:38,838 --> 00:16:40,423 Actually, it kind of does. 374 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,764 Security, banish them to the outlands 375 00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:49,056 with the rest of the ones! 376 00:16:49,098 --> 00:16:50,224 Oh, no! 377 00:16:50,266 --> 00:16:51,434 Ow! 378 00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:53,227 Okay, okay, okay. No! No! 379 00:16:53,269 --> 00:16:55,980 Ladies and gentlemen, please put your tray tables 380 00:16:56,022 --> 00:16:57,732 in their party positions… 381 00:16:58,899 --> 00:17:01,235 So sayeth captain Koogler. 382 00:17:01,277 --> 00:17:04,322 Actually, keep the tray tables where they are, Koogler. 383 00:17:04,364 --> 00:17:06,574 The rule of the fives is over! 384 00:17:06,616 --> 00:17:09,285 Long live the reviewlution! 385 00:17:09,327 --> 00:17:10,911 No! 386 00:17:10,953 --> 00:17:12,163 That comes down? 387 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,748 Okay, okay, all right, all right, 388 00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:15,208 All right, all right! Whoa! 389 00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:27,721 Happy? Are you happy? 390 00:17:27,762 --> 00:17:29,806 Look, I knew you couldn't go to that stupid dinner. 391 00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,015 That's why I didn't invite you. 392 00:17:31,057 --> 00:17:33,184 It's nice to be invited anyway. 393 00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,769 Sure, if you're a control freak. 394 00:17:34,811 --> 00:17:36,521 Oh, and you clearly hate control. 395 00:17:36,563 --> 00:17:37,772 No. 396 00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:39,649 I love it. 397 00:17:41,735 --> 00:17:43,319 I guess it's easy to pretend 398 00:17:43,361 --> 00:17:45,697 that you don't when you got it. 399 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:48,157 You'd think we'd be better friends 400 00:17:48,199 --> 00:17:51,285 because we're both such big fans of the same thing. 401 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,372 You there! Ones! 402 00:17:54,414 --> 00:17:56,957 You are permitted back indoors 403 00:17:56,999 --> 00:18:00,503 by decree of Britta, the mother of ones. 404 00:18:01,838 --> 00:18:04,424 And do I hear correctly that as a five, 405 00:18:04,465 --> 00:18:07,552 you felt you could park in handicap spots? 406 00:18:07,594 --> 00:18:10,847 Well, you see, that's just part of the Koogler style. 407 00:18:10,889 --> 00:18:13,140 It's human crap style. 408 00:18:13,182 --> 00:18:14,559 Rate him! 409 00:18:17,186 --> 00:18:18,438 Okay, well, that's low. 410 00:18:21,315 --> 00:18:25,194 All fives must be cleansed of their five filth 411 00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:26,905 and reduced to oneness. 412 00:18:28,406 --> 00:18:29,657 Jeff. Hey, Shirley. 413 00:18:29,699 --> 00:18:30,825 I'm not a five anymore. 414 00:18:30,867 --> 00:18:32,285 I'm a one like everyone else. 415 00:18:32,326 --> 00:18:33,703 I'm like everyone else. 416 00:18:33,745 --> 00:18:35,329 Who's next? 417 00:18:35,371 --> 00:18:37,498 All right, time to pull the plug. Mmm. 418 00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:40,293 Oh, great mother of ones, 419 00:18:40,334 --> 00:18:42,128 Mustard-faced savior, 420 00:18:42,169 --> 00:18:44,505 there is still a five hiding among us 421 00:18:44,547 --> 00:18:45,799 that has not been cleansed. 422 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:46,966 Nonsense. 423 00:18:47,007 --> 00:18:49,343 All fives were reduced to oneness 424 00:18:49,385 --> 00:18:52,012 in the great purge of about two minutes ago. 425 00:18:52,054 --> 00:18:53,848 This five cheats. 426 00:18:53,890 --> 00:18:55,767 It never registered, 427 00:18:55,809 --> 00:18:58,978 yet was given a five from outside the system. 428 00:19:01,188 --> 00:19:02,899 Behold… 429 00:19:02,941 --> 00:19:05,192 The meowmeowbeenz app. 430 00:19:05,234 --> 00:19:07,403 Its beta test ended days ago. 431 00:19:07,445 --> 00:19:09,530 It's now available in the app store… 432 00:19:09,572 --> 00:19:11,031 99 cents. 433 00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:13,159 Five stars. 434 00:19:14,034 --> 00:19:15,829 This five lied to us, 435 00:19:15,870 --> 00:19:18,915 used us, judged us, 436 00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:21,626 yet exempts itself from judgment. 437 00:19:23,753 --> 00:19:26,464 And I'm pretty sure it's selling our information to spammers 438 00:19:26,506 --> 00:19:28,549 because I am getting a lot more email, 439 00:19:28,591 --> 00:19:32,846 and trust me, my penis needs no enlargement. 440 00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:36,390 So how do you cleanse a five that's unregistered? 441 00:19:36,432 --> 00:19:37,725 Delete it. 442 00:19:47,694 --> 00:19:49,904 By the way, guys, it's a Saturday. 443 00:19:49,946 --> 00:19:51,739 Um, you're all in school for nothing. 444 00:19:51,781 --> 00:19:52,866 Go home and get some sleep. 445 00:19:55,493 --> 00:19:57,119 No! 446 00:19:57,161 --> 00:19:58,162 No. Wait. 447 00:19:58,204 --> 00:20:00,039 No, don't go! Where are you going? 448 00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:04,377 No. 449 00:20:06,086 --> 00:20:07,380 Attention, Greendale. 450 00:20:07,421 --> 00:20:09,590 I'd like to propose we basically forget 451 00:20:09,632 --> 00:20:11,926 everything that happened over the last few days. 452 00:20:11,968 --> 00:20:14,261 And I don't anticipate a lot of pushback on that. 453 00:20:14,303 --> 00:20:15,596 I think we're all pretty embarrassed. 454 00:20:15,638 --> 00:20:17,682 Hey, there. Oh, hey. 455 00:20:17,724 --> 00:20:20,643 So I was thinking about checking out this new restaurant tonight. 456 00:20:20,685 --> 00:20:22,645 Oh, that's sweet, but I can't tonight. 457 00:20:22,687 --> 00:20:25,439 Not even takeout? 458 00:20:25,481 --> 00:20:26,733 We could eat in the study room. 459 00:20:26,774 --> 00:20:29,360 Oh, I think I have time for that. 460 00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,237 Jeffrey. 461 00:20:31,278 --> 00:20:33,531 What? 462 00:20:33,573 --> 00:20:35,366 I'm not gonna take it off. 463 00:20:35,408 --> 00:20:38,411 I still got two days left on the rental. 464 00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:45,835 Every once in a while, a film comes along 465 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:48,796 that takes a serious look at higher education. 466 00:20:50,089 --> 00:20:51,424 This is not one of them. 467 00:20:51,465 --> 00:20:53,217 Gentlemen… 468 00:20:53,259 --> 00:20:54,761 Assume the party. 469 00:20:54,802 --> 00:20:56,136 This summer… 470 00:20:56,178 --> 00:20:57,555 Fun has a new name. 471 00:20:57,597 --> 00:20:58,848 Koogler? Koogler! 472 00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:00,140 Koogler. Koogler! 473 00:21:00,182 --> 00:21:01,183 Koogler! 474 00:21:01,225 --> 00:21:02,685 Koogler! Koogler! 475 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:06,146 Hope you don't mind if I play through. 476 00:21:06,188 --> 00:21:08,566 Hammer Road Pictures invites you to meet the man… 477 00:21:08,608 --> 00:21:09,692 The myth… 478 00:21:09,734 --> 00:21:11,402 I'm photocopying my rear end. 479 00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:12,820 The Koogler. 480 00:21:12,862 --> 00:21:14,072 Koogler. 481 00:21:14,154 --> 00:21:15,782 I guess I have what you might call 482 00:21:15,823 --> 00:21:18,367 an aversion to education. 483 00:21:19,493 --> 00:21:21,203 Do you even have a career plan? 484 00:21:21,245 --> 00:21:23,330 Yeah, uh, does getting laid count? 485 00:21:23,372 --> 00:21:24,665 No! 486 00:21:24,707 --> 00:21:27,418 Mitchell d. Hurwitz is Koogler… 487 00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:29,295 Rated R. 488 00:21:29,336 --> 00:21:30,336 Did you get any of that?