1 00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:04,251 Jeff, we've known each other a long time, right? 2 00:00:04,293 --> 00:00:05,835 You've come to respect me. 3 00:00:05,877 --> 00:00:09,298 Sure. Well, get ready to stop. 4 00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:11,717 Please help me seduce Britta 5 00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:14,637 now that you've finished doing it with her. Please, please… 6 00:00:14,679 --> 00:00:16,180 Do you even really like Britta? 7 00:00:16,221 --> 00:00:17,973 It seems like you like her because she doesn't like you. 8 00:00:18,015 --> 00:00:20,225 Have you met the women that do like me, Jeff? 9 00:00:20,267 --> 00:00:22,227 Neither have I, but trust me, they're bad people. 10 00:00:22,269 --> 00:00:25,981 Fine. To get near Britta, think like Britta. 11 00:00:26,023 --> 00:00:27,692 Grab one of those free papers for hippies on the quad, 12 00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:28,984 go to the calendar page, 13 00:00:29,026 --> 00:00:31,153 and find a cause so tragic… 14 00:00:31,195 --> 00:00:32,488 Are you writing this down? 15 00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:35,199 Okay, we have confirmation that all the bones 16 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,867 have been removed from the football field. 17 00:00:36,908 --> 00:00:38,202 And we agree that teachers should get 18 00:00:38,243 --> 00:00:40,287 a 10-minute head start at the job fair. 19 00:00:40,329 --> 00:00:41,622 Any other items? 20 00:00:42,623 --> 00:00:44,375 It's Friday night. 21 00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:45,875 What's everybody doing? 22 00:00:45,917 --> 00:00:49,254 Oh, there's a benefit show at the Forefront Theater 23 00:00:49,296 --> 00:00:52,174 in Riverside for starving children 24 00:00:52,216 --> 00:00:53,634 with cleft palates. 25 00:00:53,676 --> 00:00:55,302 Aw. 26 00:00:55,344 --> 00:00:56,804 I'm gonna crash the premiere of the Kickpuncher reboot 27 00:00:56,846 --> 00:00:57,888 dressed like classic Kickpuncher. 28 00:00:59,306 --> 00:01:00,974 They shouldn't have redesigned that costume. 29 00:01:01,016 --> 00:01:02,934 Keep your heads in the sand if you want. 30 00:01:02,976 --> 00:01:06,313 Professor Duncan, I didn't know that cause interested you. 31 00:01:06,355 --> 00:01:08,566 Well, it's starving children with cleft palates, Britta. 32 00:01:08,607 --> 00:01:11,569 What part would you have me be disinterested in? 33 00:01:11,610 --> 00:01:12,903 Forefront theater? Mmm-hmm. 34 00:01:12,944 --> 00:01:15,197 What time? I'm going. 35 00:01:15,239 --> 00:01:17,282 I'm going too. Me too. 36 00:01:17,324 --> 00:01:20,160 Kids with cleft palates should have extra food, not less. 37 00:01:20,202 --> 00:01:21,787 I'm in. 38 00:01:21,829 --> 00:01:25,583 I have dinner plans. 39 00:01:27,042 --> 00:01:28,669 Yeah, make sure it's a hearty meal. 40 00:01:28,711 --> 00:01:30,838 Oh, boo. Help me out here. 41 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,715 Um, well, uh… 42 00:01:32,757 --> 00:01:37,094 Pfft, are you really the one that needs help here, Winger? 43 00:01:37,135 --> 00:01:39,346 Yeah, should we write a check to the Jeff foundation? 44 00:01:39,388 --> 00:01:41,891 Okay. Maybe I'll go too. 45 00:01:41,931 --> 00:01:43,684 Well, it's the least you can do. 46 00:01:43,726 --> 00:01:45,644 Yeah, feels good to help. 47 00:01:45,686 --> 00:01:47,563 God bless you. 48 00:01:48,397 --> 00:01:51,525 Cool, so 7:30? 49 00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:21,847 Did you get it? I don't think I got it. 50 00:02:21,889 --> 00:02:23,808 Well, the ants were people. 51 00:02:23,849 --> 00:02:25,684 The queen ant was an oil company. 52 00:02:25,726 --> 00:02:28,145 Okay, so it was about our marginalized perceptions 53 00:02:28,186 --> 00:02:31,106 as drones being born into a corporate hive-mind? 54 00:02:31,148 --> 00:02:32,232 Yeah. Hmm. 55 00:02:32,274 --> 00:02:33,734 Wow. 56 00:02:33,776 --> 00:02:35,402 McDonald's? Oh, I was just thinking about that. 57 00:02:35,444 --> 00:02:36,654 Mmm. Mmm-hmm, hungry. 58 00:02:36,695 --> 00:02:37,947 Hello? 59 00:02:37,988 --> 00:02:39,657 Okay, Alessandra, I can't talk right now. 60 00:02:39,698 --> 00:02:41,325 I just got out of a show. 61 00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:43,201 Okay, hold on. 62 00:02:45,329 --> 00:02:47,706 Well? 63 00:02:47,748 --> 00:02:49,917 Look, if you're gonna just yell at me, why… 64 00:02:49,959 --> 00:02:52,043 Why are you doing this? 65 00:02:52,085 --> 00:02:54,588 This is not happening to you, okay? 66 00:02:54,630 --> 00:02:56,507 It's happening to us! 67 00:02:56,548 --> 00:02:58,717 Well, you called me! 68 00:02:58,759 --> 00:03:02,262 Well, then let me be the one to do this! 69 00:03:14,483 --> 00:03:16,109 Uh, my mother used to tell a story 70 00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:17,862 about how she killed a chicken. 71 00:03:21,239 --> 00:03:23,951 Hong Kong, 1964. 72 00:03:23,993 --> 00:03:25,577 So you like the theatre, Ian? 73 00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:26,954 Oh, are you kidding? 74 00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:30,123 I spent half my days at university in wigs and tights. 75 00:03:30,165 --> 00:03:31,959 You don't do that without befriending some actors. 76 00:03:33,711 --> 00:03:34,962 Oh, my God, Michael. 77 00:03:35,004 --> 00:03:37,130 I know Michael from my anarchist days. 78 00:03:37,172 --> 00:03:39,675 God, he's gonna smell the sellout on me. 79 00:03:42,636 --> 00:03:44,429 Hey. How's it goin'? 80 00:03:44,471 --> 00:03:45,639 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 81 00:03:45,681 --> 00:03:47,098 What's going on? 82 00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:48,433 I don't like this "my-kale" guy. 83 00:03:48,475 --> 00:03:49,685 I don't think he likes himself, 84 00:03:49,727 --> 00:03:51,395 or he'd pronounce it "Michael." 85 00:03:51,436 --> 00:03:53,689 Isn't she great? She's everything I love about America. 86 00:03:53,731 --> 00:03:57,192 Bold, opinionated, just past her peak, 87 00:03:57,234 --> 00:04:00,070 and starting to realize that she has to settle for less. 88 00:04:00,111 --> 00:04:02,239 And the moment she needs a shoulder to cry on, 89 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,365 bam. 90 00:04:03,407 --> 00:04:04,950 Huh? The Duncan handkerchief. 91 00:04:04,992 --> 00:04:06,493 Well, I'm out. 92 00:04:06,535 --> 00:04:08,328 Have fun circling my former lover, 93 00:04:08,370 --> 00:04:11,415 waiting for her to cry. 94 00:04:11,456 --> 00:04:12,791 I tried to make that sound good, 95 00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:14,418 but that's what you're doin'. 96 00:04:14,459 --> 00:04:16,587 Eh. 97 00:04:16,628 --> 00:04:20,131 Uh, you're all heroes tonight for making a difference, 98 00:04:20,173 --> 00:04:23,635 but I want to introduce one of my heroes. 99 00:04:23,677 --> 00:04:25,054 Britta Perry. Oh. 100 00:04:27,347 --> 00:04:31,685 She is the bravest, most passionate activist 101 00:04:31,727 --> 00:04:34,187 I have ever had the honor of imitating. 102 00:04:34,229 --> 00:04:36,231 So, hey, buy her a drink. 103 00:04:37,315 --> 00:04:38,901 Anything you wanna add, Britta? 104 00:04:38,943 --> 00:04:41,361 Oh. Wow, um, I'm not a hero. 105 00:04:41,403 --> 00:04:43,948 I'm a high school dropout and a bartender, 106 00:04:43,989 --> 00:04:45,532 so don't listen to me. 107 00:04:47,993 --> 00:04:49,703 Or anyone. 108 00:04:49,745 --> 00:04:51,622 Just listen to yourself, 109 00:04:51,663 --> 00:04:54,541 and make sure you tell yourself the truth. 110 00:04:56,543 --> 00:04:59,254 Well, it was… It was great seeing you, so… 111 00:04:59,296 --> 00:05:00,464 I might stay for one drink. 112 00:05:00,505 --> 00:05:02,758 Why? I like to drink. 113 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,009 Oh, really? Yeah. 114 00:05:04,051 --> 00:05:05,427 I have a serious problem. 115 00:05:05,469 --> 00:05:07,012 That had better be true. 116 00:05:13,936 --> 00:05:15,938 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 117 00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:27,157 I am Kickpuncher. 118 00:05:27,198 --> 00:05:29,534 You are in violation of future law. 119 00:05:31,787 --> 00:05:33,455 Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! 120 00:05:33,497 --> 00:05:34,790 Pew! Pew! 121 00:05:39,252 --> 00:05:41,505 Oh. Damn it, come on. 122 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,052 What are you doing? What? 123 00:05:47,928 --> 00:05:49,513 What… What are you doing? 124 00:05:49,554 --> 00:05:51,222 Making a costume for a movie premiere. 125 00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:52,724 Annie banned glue guns from the apartment 126 00:05:52,766 --> 00:05:54,392 after an incident so hilarious that even describing it 127 00:05:54,434 --> 00:05:55,978 would narratively eclipse what's happening here. 128 00:05:56,020 --> 00:05:58,105 What's happening here? You and me bonding. 129 00:05:58,147 --> 00:05:59,815 Check it out. 130 00:06:02,776 --> 00:06:04,903 Tell me the truth. If you were a post-apocalyptic survivor… 131 00:06:04,945 --> 00:06:08,073 I would raise goats, hoard cinnamon, and travel only at night. 132 00:06:08,115 --> 00:06:10,868 But, please, I have some work to do here. 133 00:06:10,909 --> 00:06:11,994 Just one thing. Watch this. 134 00:06:12,036 --> 00:06:14,203 Initiate ballistic foam. 135 00:06:26,884 --> 00:06:28,135 Oops. 136 00:06:28,177 --> 00:06:30,137 What the hell? Sorry. 137 00:06:30,179 --> 00:06:32,639 You just destroyed five hours of work! 138 00:06:32,681 --> 00:06:34,474 I'll clean it up. No, you don't touch it! 139 00:06:39,146 --> 00:06:40,397 I know this is bad timing, 140 00:06:40,438 --> 00:06:42,649 but I should go if I'm gonna make the movie, so… 141 00:06:45,276 --> 00:06:46,904 What are you doing? Oh. 142 00:06:46,945 --> 00:06:49,364 Something nobody ever does. 143 00:06:49,406 --> 00:06:50,991 Teaching you consequences. 144 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,828 But I have to go. But you can't. 145 00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:56,329 Huh, isn't that crazy? 146 00:06:56,371 --> 00:06:58,247 You ever been grounded? You ever been punished? 147 00:06:58,289 --> 00:07:00,209 Do you have any idea what it feels like 148 00:07:00,249 --> 00:07:01,668 to be refused something? 149 00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:04,295 I know what it feels like when people try to control me. 150 00:07:04,337 --> 00:07:05,463 You should know it never goes their way. 151 00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:06,965 Ooh. 152 00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:09,634 And what "kicky-punch" movie is that from? 153 00:07:09,676 --> 00:07:11,011 The ones you've seen 154 00:07:11,053 --> 00:07:13,013 or the one I'm gonna watch you miss? 155 00:07:20,645 --> 00:07:22,397 I said I was sorry. 156 00:07:22,439 --> 00:07:24,357 I'm sorry I punched my landlord, 157 00:07:24,399 --> 00:07:26,484 but I'm not gettin' my deposit back. 158 00:07:26,526 --> 00:07:27,903 That's an example of you being punished 159 00:07:27,945 --> 00:07:29,113 for choosing to hurt someone. 160 00:07:29,154 --> 00:07:30,447 I wrecked your papers by accident. 161 00:07:30,488 --> 00:07:33,158 You chose to spray this crap on purpose 162 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,244 because you didn't care what happened. 163 00:07:35,285 --> 00:07:36,369 You know, let me tell you something. 164 00:07:36,411 --> 00:07:38,122 For five years, I have watched people 165 00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:39,873 walk around on your eggshells. 166 00:07:39,915 --> 00:07:43,293 "Oh, Abed. He's so imaginative, so magical. 167 00:07:43,334 --> 00:07:45,045 "Everybody hide their hamburgers! 168 00:07:45,087 --> 00:07:48,173 "If Abed sees a hamburger, we'll all travel in time. 169 00:07:48,215 --> 00:07:50,134 "Let's eat cookies and ice cream 170 00:07:50,175 --> 00:07:52,385 "and dress in pajamas in the middle of the day." 171 00:07:52,427 --> 00:07:55,305 I watched my third wife die! 172 00:07:58,391 --> 00:08:00,227 You think I'm spoiled? 173 00:08:00,269 --> 00:08:02,020 And you think I'm spoiled because it's never occurred 174 00:08:02,062 --> 00:08:03,981 to anyone to do this? 175 00:08:04,022 --> 00:08:05,732 You're not the Marco Polo of bullying me. 176 00:08:05,774 --> 00:08:07,734 You're just another tourist taking pictures of a great, big wall. 177 00:08:07,776 --> 00:08:09,360 Oh, you're gonna make me cry. 178 00:08:09,402 --> 00:08:10,821 When's the last time someone physically limited you? 179 00:08:10,862 --> 00:08:12,239 Oh, just now. 180 00:08:12,281 --> 00:08:14,908 You physically ruined my drawings. 181 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:18,328 Drawings of what? 182 00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:21,372 You're an artist? 183 00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:25,210 I destroyed something valuable? 184 00:08:29,339 --> 00:08:30,590 Looked like you were doodling chickens. 185 00:08:31,341 --> 00:08:32,634 He is a duck! 186 00:08:32,676 --> 00:08:34,219 Uh-oh. 187 00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:38,556 Hey! 188 00:08:39,474 --> 00:08:41,185 You're not allowed in there. 189 00:08:41,226 --> 00:08:43,394 Well, I just did a one-man show 190 00:08:43,436 --> 00:08:45,147 for a little audience that would beg to disagree. 191 00:08:45,189 --> 00:08:48,066 Audience? In there? 192 00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:50,694 We haven't had a single person or performance 193 00:08:50,735 --> 00:08:54,823 in that theater since the 1997 fire. 194 00:08:54,865 --> 00:08:56,783 24 people died. 195 00:08:58,451 --> 00:09:00,120 So what have you guys been up to? 196 00:09:00,162 --> 00:09:01,454 Well, this. Raising money. 197 00:09:01,496 --> 00:09:03,248 Organizing. Trying to make a difference. 198 00:09:03,290 --> 00:09:06,293 I'm impressed, and embarrassed. I sold out. 199 00:09:06,335 --> 00:09:07,794 We sold out. You did not sell out. 200 00:09:07,836 --> 00:09:10,672 I'm going to community college to start a career. 201 00:09:10,714 --> 00:09:11,965 We're in real estate. 202 00:09:12,007 --> 00:09:14,301 We own the building we're standing in. 203 00:09:14,343 --> 00:09:16,386 Wow. You guys did sell out! 204 00:09:16,427 --> 00:09:18,429 I know! 205 00:09:18,471 --> 00:09:20,640 I should introduce myself to her friends. 206 00:09:20,682 --> 00:09:21,975 I knew it! 207 00:09:22,017 --> 00:09:23,601 You don't have a drinking problem! 208 00:09:23,643 --> 00:09:26,146 You have feelings for Britta, you disgusting monster! 209 00:09:26,188 --> 00:09:27,939 Fine. Yes. 210 00:09:27,981 --> 00:09:29,107 Something about everybody liking her turns me on. 211 00:09:29,149 --> 00:09:30,525 Ugh. It's a problem I have. 212 00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:32,944 I hated Reese's pieces before ET. Ate them, sorry. 213 00:09:32,986 --> 00:09:34,321 You're a bad friend! 214 00:09:34,363 --> 00:09:36,198 That's not fair! 215 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,909 Wait, that's really not fair. You're a terrible friend. 216 00:09:38,950 --> 00:09:40,410 She was mine first. 217 00:09:40,451 --> 00:09:41,619 And it's not like she belongs to anybody. 218 00:09:41,661 --> 00:09:42,954 Oh, here we go. 219 00:09:42,996 --> 00:09:45,249 "Love isn't a game," say the guys that always win. 220 00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:47,417 And now, you're going to go pull a Dane Cook 221 00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:49,127 in one of those three movies he was in 222 00:09:49,169 --> 00:09:51,421 about Dane Cook getting laid by accident. 223 00:09:51,462 --> 00:09:54,549 Only it's not a Dane Cook movie, Jeff, 224 00:09:54,591 --> 00:09:58,220 because this time, someone's watching me. 225 00:09:58,262 --> 00:10:01,056 Your friend, British Jason Biggs. 226 00:10:01,098 --> 00:10:04,434 If you never call me Dane Cook again, I'll stand down. 227 00:10:05,143 --> 00:10:06,228 For an hour. 228 00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:08,438 Okay. An hour. 229 00:10:13,068 --> 00:10:14,278 Are your duck drawings a secret? 230 00:10:14,319 --> 00:10:15,904 Is that why you do 'em when nobody's around? 231 00:10:15,946 --> 00:10:17,530 Not that it's any of your business, 232 00:10:17,572 --> 00:10:19,991 but I am a cartoonist in my spare time. 233 00:10:20,033 --> 00:10:22,744 My cartoon's about a duck. I was drawing him. 234 00:10:22,786 --> 00:10:25,247 Does the duck have a name? Does he have powers? 235 00:10:25,289 --> 00:10:27,540 I'm not pitching to you. 236 00:10:27,582 --> 00:10:28,959 You're afraid I won't like it. 237 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,335 Sure. 238 00:10:30,377 --> 00:10:32,712 I've been a cab driver, a soldier, a cop, 239 00:10:32,754 --> 00:10:35,548 but what terrifies me the most is the opinion 240 00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:37,675 of a manchild in cardboard pants. 241 00:10:37,717 --> 00:10:40,553 Kickpuncher was a cop before he became a cyborg. 242 00:10:40,595 --> 00:10:43,598 So you were a cop before you became this. 243 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:48,186 And what were you before this? Were you normal? 244 00:10:48,228 --> 00:10:51,148 Or do you act like this because somebody stuffed you in a locker? 245 00:10:51,189 --> 00:10:52,899 Is that the idea? Other way around. 246 00:10:54,276 --> 00:10:55,277 What else do you want to know about me? 247 00:10:55,319 --> 00:10:56,527 What makes you stop talking. 248 00:10:56,569 --> 00:10:58,196 Letting me go. After you miss your movie. 249 00:10:58,238 --> 00:11:00,073 Because you want me to suffer. 250 00:11:00,115 --> 00:11:02,742 For destroying your duck cartoons? 251 00:11:02,784 --> 00:11:03,952 The ones you're ashamed of? 252 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,519 Uh, which one were you laughing at? 253 00:11:32,647 --> 00:11:34,649 No, no, no, no, no! Stop that! 254 00:11:34,691 --> 00:11:36,151 You're ghosts! 255 00:11:36,193 --> 00:11:37,694 We're ghosts? 256 00:11:37,735 --> 00:11:40,113 The janitor out there told me you died in 1997. 257 00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:41,990 Janitor? 258 00:11:44,075 --> 00:11:45,952 Hey! 259 00:11:45,994 --> 00:11:48,038 Those guys in there told me that you're the one that died in a fire 260 00:11:48,079 --> 00:11:49,289 and you're a ghost! 261 00:11:49,331 --> 00:11:51,916 And you just believed 'em? 262 00:11:51,958 --> 00:11:54,627 You just believed a bunch of ghosts? 263 00:12:02,177 --> 00:12:04,095 Have you guys 264 00:12:04,137 --> 00:12:07,598 seen that billboard on Water Street for Consensual perfume? 265 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,518 The one with the man chasing the woman through the grass 266 00:12:09,558 --> 00:12:11,144 and it says, "Proven in its field"? 267 00:12:11,186 --> 00:12:12,354 Yeah, proven in its field 268 00:12:12,396 --> 00:12:14,647 and in labs on the eyeballs of rabbits. 269 00:12:14,689 --> 00:12:17,484 We should make it say that! Who's got the spray paint? 270 00:12:19,236 --> 00:12:20,820 No, guys, I'm serious! 271 00:12:20,862 --> 00:12:22,864 Doug and Janet, you're on lookout. 272 00:12:22,906 --> 00:12:26,076 Michael works the ladder. I will banksy that mother! 273 00:12:26,117 --> 00:12:28,870 Come on, guys, we gotta start taking risks again. 274 00:12:28,912 --> 00:12:31,956 Well, that's convenient for the one with nothing to lose. 275 00:12:34,501 --> 00:12:38,713 Oh, so the person with the least wealth has the least valid argument? 276 00:12:38,755 --> 00:12:40,549 That's convenient. 277 00:12:40,589 --> 00:12:43,718 Britta, how many people have you fed this year besides yourself? 278 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:44,886 Oh, Janet… No, look. 279 00:12:44,928 --> 00:12:47,013 I've spent enough time feeling bad. 280 00:12:50,975 --> 00:12:52,519 Fight the power! 281 00:13:05,574 --> 00:13:07,242 Would you like to go… 282 00:13:07,284 --> 00:13:08,743 Yeah. Yeah? 283 00:13:09,286 --> 00:13:10,912 Oh, my God. 284 00:13:25,051 --> 00:13:26,677 These are really good. 285 00:13:26,719 --> 00:13:29,806 It helps me to see why you were so upset. 286 00:13:29,847 --> 00:13:31,349 Did I ruin anything as good as what's in here? 287 00:13:31,391 --> 00:13:33,310 Ah, just practice drawings. 288 00:13:33,351 --> 00:13:36,396 I have to practice drawing the duck from different angles. 289 00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:39,065 It's hard when his back's turned three quarters because of the beak. 290 00:13:39,107 --> 00:13:40,442 Well… 291 00:13:41,734 --> 00:13:43,111 I'm a real jerk for wrecking it. 292 00:13:43,153 --> 00:13:44,613 Ah, you didn't do it on purpose. 293 00:13:44,653 --> 00:13:45,863 That doesn't excuse my behavior. 294 00:13:45,905 --> 00:13:47,616 No, I appreciate that. 295 00:13:47,656 --> 00:13:49,658 It's a good apology. You're a good kid. 296 00:13:52,078 --> 00:13:55,540 All right. Well… 297 00:13:55,582 --> 00:13:57,542 I can see from the clock that if I hit all the green lights… 298 00:13:57,584 --> 00:13:58,751 I'm sorry, I can't let you go. 299 00:13:58,793 --> 00:14:00,504 That'd undercut the larger lesson. 300 00:14:00,545 --> 00:14:02,088 Yes, the lesson being that you're very talented. 301 00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:04,007 But I have this thing. I can't walk into a movie… 302 00:14:04,048 --> 00:14:05,592 You're not going to the movie. 303 00:14:09,053 --> 00:14:10,054 Yes, I am. 304 00:14:10,096 --> 00:14:11,889 You need this. Let me go! 305 00:14:11,931 --> 00:14:14,309 This is you learning. 306 00:14:14,351 --> 00:14:16,311 You're a bad person and a bad cartoonist. 307 00:14:16,353 --> 00:14:18,855 You go ahead. Hurt my feelings. 308 00:14:18,896 --> 00:14:20,231 Oh! You have feelings, huh? 309 00:14:20,273 --> 00:14:21,899 Have you considered putting them into your work? 310 00:14:21,941 --> 00:14:24,027 Your cartoons are monuments to joylessness, 311 00:14:24,068 --> 00:14:25,778 nervously assembled jokes based on nothing from your life 312 00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:26,988 or anyone's life! 313 00:14:27,030 --> 00:14:28,323 You're furious at me for being creative 314 00:14:28,365 --> 00:14:29,658 because you want to be able to create. 315 00:14:29,699 --> 00:14:31,326 You have all this rage and shame and loneliness, 316 00:14:31,368 --> 00:14:32,952 which I don't even know how to feel much less understand, 317 00:14:32,994 --> 00:14:34,329 and you decide to put what on paper? 318 00:14:34,371 --> 00:14:36,456 A duck. Jim the duck. You think I'm crazy. 319 00:14:36,498 --> 00:14:37,666 You think there's something wrong with me. 320 00:14:37,707 --> 00:14:38,708 Jim the duck? 321 00:14:38,749 --> 00:14:40,418 Publishers are interested! 322 00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:42,546 Oh! Yeah, well, publishers are stupid. 323 00:14:42,587 --> 00:14:43,672 Either that or you're misinterpreting what was probably a form letter. 324 00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:44,922 You shut up. You shut up. 325 00:14:44,964 --> 00:14:46,341 Now you shut up. You shut up. 326 00:14:46,383 --> 00:14:47,758 Oh, are we yelling? Are we yelling right now? 327 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,135 Self-centered… Yelling! I'm yelling! 328 00:14:49,177 --> 00:14:50,761 Yelling! I'm yelling, I'm yelling, I'm yelling! 329 00:14:50,803 --> 00:14:53,181 And you're not talented! You made me miss my movie! 330 00:14:57,143 --> 00:14:58,645 You made me Miss my movie. 331 00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:14,494 In the words of your hacky duck, "What the hell?" 332 00:15:20,875 --> 00:15:22,419 Do you like music? 333 00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:23,920 Everyone likes music. 334 00:15:23,961 --> 00:15:26,089 What are you, a fish? 335 00:15:26,130 --> 00:15:29,634 I have… Ooh, I tell you what we could listen to. 336 00:15:29,676 --> 00:15:32,345 Do you know Rimples and Splikket? 337 00:15:32,387 --> 00:15:34,556 They were the British Laurel and Hardy. 338 00:15:37,517 --> 00:15:40,019 Most of their stuff is timeless, but you do need to know 339 00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:42,021 that the prime minister went to Oxford, 340 00:15:42,063 --> 00:15:45,442 not Cambridge, as the sketch implies. 341 00:15:45,483 --> 00:15:46,735 Are they speaking English? 342 00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:50,071 Okay. '80s German techno it is. 343 00:15:52,031 --> 00:15:53,408 Do you have any friends? 344 00:15:53,450 --> 00:15:54,951 I'm sorry? 345 00:15:54,992 --> 00:15:57,287 I've been defining myself with reactions 346 00:15:57,328 --> 00:15:59,706 to and from other people my whole life. 347 00:15:59,748 --> 00:16:02,584 Now I feel worthless just because I'm worthless 348 00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:04,127 in relation to my friends, 349 00:16:04,168 --> 00:16:06,588 which means they're not my friends. 350 00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:07,964 Who are your friends? 351 00:16:08,005 --> 00:16:09,716 Well, there's my neighbor, Pat. 352 00:16:09,758 --> 00:16:11,842 I try to stay on his good side. I owe him money. 353 00:16:11,884 --> 00:16:14,262 Uh, Jeff. I'd call you a friend. 354 00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:16,139 Well, in fact, I'd call you a… 355 00:16:16,180 --> 00:16:17,307 Oh, that's right. 356 00:16:17,348 --> 00:16:18,725 You and Jeff have actually known each other 357 00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:20,477 longer than anybody, huh? 358 00:16:20,518 --> 00:16:22,479 I always forget that. 359 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:23,854 I guess 'cause you guys don't really act like friends. 360 00:16:26,941 --> 00:16:29,819 Yeah, I guess not so much. 361 00:16:31,404 --> 00:16:32,822 Where are we going? 362 00:16:35,659 --> 00:16:40,871 Well, I think you should go home 363 00:16:40,913 --> 00:16:44,959 because you're having an existential crisis, 364 00:16:45,001 --> 00:16:46,961 and the best lesson you could take away from it 365 00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:50,881 is that you are someone, even when you're by yourself. 366 00:16:50,923 --> 00:16:53,301 I think you're right. Thank you. 367 00:16:53,343 --> 00:16:54,885 And please don't take offense at this, 368 00:16:54,927 --> 00:16:56,887 but thank you for not hitting on me. 369 00:16:56,929 --> 00:17:00,057 I was just vulnerable enough to do something really stupid. 370 00:17:02,101 --> 00:17:03,728 What's wrong? Nothing. Nothing. 371 00:17:03,770 --> 00:17:05,480 It's nothing. It's the… 372 00:17:05,522 --> 00:17:08,650 The stupid steering wheel is on the wrong side of the car. 373 00:17:14,155 --> 00:17:16,825 What are you doing here? I want to show you something. 374 00:17:20,787 --> 00:17:23,039 What's this? 375 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,166 It's a script I wrote about a cop on the edge. 376 00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:27,418 Troy thought it was hilarious. 377 00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,212 I didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a comedy. 378 00:17:29,253 --> 00:17:30,630 Why are you giving this to me? 379 00:17:30,672 --> 00:17:32,465 I know all the tricks and tropes of filmmaking, 380 00:17:32,507 --> 00:17:33,633 but what I'm missing is what I think 381 00:17:33,675 --> 00:17:35,635 the critics call "substance," 382 00:17:35,677 --> 00:17:37,387 which is you more than me. 383 00:17:37,428 --> 00:17:39,096 You want to be film partners? 384 00:17:46,855 --> 00:17:49,940 "It's time for justice. Police justice." 385 00:17:49,982 --> 00:17:53,027 Wait, the character's name is "Police Justice"? 386 00:17:53,069 --> 00:17:54,070 Mmm-hmm. 387 00:17:54,111 --> 00:17:56,322 Yeah, I think I may be able to help. 388 00:17:57,532 --> 00:17:58,949 I'm sorry for the stuff I said. 389 00:18:01,952 --> 00:18:03,204 Me too. 390 00:18:03,996 --> 00:18:05,164 Sit down. 391 00:18:11,254 --> 00:18:12,296 You drink Scotch? 392 00:18:12,338 --> 00:18:13,964 No. You're gonna. 393 00:18:16,593 --> 00:18:18,928 Hey, handsome. This stool taken? 394 00:18:20,096 --> 00:18:21,264 Struck out, huh? 395 00:18:21,305 --> 00:18:23,266 If that makes you feel better. 396 00:18:23,307 --> 00:18:27,896 Or maybe I just realized that I was spending the whole night 397 00:18:27,937 --> 00:18:29,898 getting to third base with the wrong person. 398 00:18:32,316 --> 00:18:33,818 You're a good friend, 399 00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:36,320 and I don't say that often enough. 400 00:18:36,362 --> 00:18:37,906 That's really nice. 401 00:18:37,947 --> 00:18:39,783 But you can't have sex with me. 402 00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:41,785 How about we have these drinks 403 00:18:41,826 --> 00:18:45,872 and then not have sex, with anyone, together? 404 00:18:45,914 --> 00:18:47,123 Sounds good. 405 00:18:48,165 --> 00:18:49,959 Cheers. 406 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,420 So a 9-millimeter's actually better than a 10-millimeter? 407 00:18:52,462 --> 00:18:53,963 Millimeter don't make no difference. 408 00:18:54,004 --> 00:18:55,882 Bullets just kinda kill you. 409 00:18:55,924 --> 00:18:57,383 "Bullets just kinda kill you." 410 00:18:57,425 --> 00:18:58,968 Are you quoting something? Can I use that? 411 00:18:59,218 --> 00:19:00,678 Yeah. 412 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:01,930 You left your handkerchief at my place last night. 413 00:19:01,971 --> 00:19:03,973 Ah! We had a boys' night. 414 00:19:04,014 --> 00:19:06,726 A bottle of booze, an argument about sports cars. 415 00:19:06,768 --> 00:19:09,687 And I cut my hand trying to prove that I can whittle. 416 00:19:09,729 --> 00:19:10,897 Me too. 417 00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:13,733 Oh, hey. 418 00:19:13,775 --> 00:19:14,943 How was your night? Great. 419 00:19:14,984 --> 00:19:18,404 I had a monumental evening by myself. 420 00:19:18,446 --> 00:19:21,157 Oh! Oh, almost feel left out. 421 00:19:21,198 --> 00:19:23,493 Well, we've had our share of focus lately. 422 00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:24,994 Mmm-hmm. Speak for yourself. 423 00:19:26,245 --> 00:19:27,622 Uh-oh. 424 00:19:27,664 --> 00:19:29,916 I'm fine. I just, um… 425 00:19:31,041 --> 00:19:33,002 Do you guys believe in ghosts? 426 00:19:33,753 --> 00:19:35,880 And if you do, do you believe 427 00:19:35,922 --> 00:19:38,341 what those ghosts tell you about other ghosts? 428 00:19:38,382 --> 00:19:40,802 Chang, you cannot be on the committee 429 00:19:40,844 --> 00:19:43,012 if you're going to be actively insane. 430 00:19:43,053 --> 00:19:46,683 I'm not insane. I swear. I just, um… 431 00:19:46,724 --> 00:19:48,977 Had a weird experience at the theater last night. 432 00:19:49,018 --> 00:19:50,895 You were there? Yeah, you were there? 433 00:19:50,937 --> 00:19:52,062 What do you mean? Of course I was. 434 00:19:52,104 --> 00:19:53,773 Huh, I guess we just didn't see you. 435 00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:58,528 Well, the ants were people. 436 00:19:58,569 --> 00:20:00,822 The queen ant was an oil company. 437 00:20:04,701 --> 00:20:06,118 What if I don't exist? 438 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,745 Oh, I got this. 439 00:20:07,787 --> 00:20:09,998 I had a very similar night last night. 440 00:20:10,039 --> 00:20:13,250 Go home, light some candles, and take a bath. 441 00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:15,085 Okay, coolsies. 442 00:20:42,030 --> 00:20:43,865 Hey! 443 00:20:43,907 --> 00:20:45,616 I was thinking off-campus lunch. 444 00:20:45,658 --> 00:20:47,326 What's that Tex-Mex place you mentioned? 445 00:20:47,368 --> 00:20:50,120 Salsa Von Taco's? Read my mind! 446 00:20:50,162 --> 00:20:51,455 Oh. 447 00:20:53,583 --> 00:20:55,251 No, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. 448 00:20:55,292 --> 00:20:56,961 No, no, no, no, no. 449 00:20:57,003 --> 00:20:58,796 Nah. Oh, okay. Yeah. 450 00:20:58,838 --> 00:21:00,423 Oh. No, wha… Let's… 451 00:21:00,464 --> 00:21:01,716 No. No, no, no. 452 00:21:01,758 --> 00:21:03,009 Well, okay. Ah. 453 00:21:03,051 --> 00:21:04,218 You… You just… Eh… 454 00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:05,929 Ah. Oh, okay. Ah. 455 00:21:05,970 --> 00:21:08,556 I… I just don't like being left behind! 456 00:21:08,598 --> 00:21:11,183 My father got drunk in pubs and left me in my room with nothing! 457 00:21:11,225 --> 00:21:12,685 So did mine! 458 00:21:12,727 --> 00:21:13,937 Oh, why would he do that? 459 00:21:13,978 --> 00:21:15,271 Why do they do that? 460 00:21:15,312 --> 00:21:16,647 Why? 461 00:21:16,689 --> 00:21:18,649 Why do they do that? 462 00:21:20,484 --> 00:21:22,236 I won't go to that Tex-Mex place. 463 00:21:22,278 --> 00:21:24,906 Oh, that's all I wanted you to say. 464 00:21:24,948 --> 00:21:26,365 Hmm? Hmm? 465 00:21:27,283 --> 00:21:28,283 Did you get any of that?