1 00:00:01,265 --> 00:00:02,516 I am the system. 2 00:00:02,558 --> 00:00:04,435 I consume humanity. 3 00:00:04,476 --> 00:00:05,686 There is no escape. 4 00:00:05,728 --> 00:00:07,813 Objection! 5 00:00:20,158 --> 00:00:22,327 Are you a good person being sued, oppressed, or beaten? 6 00:00:22,369 --> 00:00:23,495 I can help, 7 00:00:23,537 --> 00:00:26,498 and that's the Winger guarantee. 8 00:00:26,540 --> 00:00:28,041 Call 555-her… 9 00:00:29,585 --> 00:00:32,003 Maybe you should've spent less money on special effects. 10 00:00:32,045 --> 00:00:34,757 Huh, thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man. 11 00:00:40,471 --> 00:00:43,682 Oh, Jeff Winger! 12 00:00:49,979 --> 00:00:52,524 Relax, Tango. I come in peace. 13 00:00:52,566 --> 00:00:54,151 Way I see it, I screwed you. 14 00:00:54,192 --> 00:00:55,569 I got screwed back. 15 00:00:55,611 --> 00:00:56,737 Now we can bygone the bygones, 16 00:00:56,779 --> 00:00:58,071 because I got a juicy new client 17 00:00:58,113 --> 00:01:00,073 and a bone to throw you. 18 00:01:00,115 --> 00:01:01,659 You hear about that bridge that collapsed upstate? 19 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,702 A human could've said that without salivating. 20 00:01:03,744 --> 00:01:06,664 I represent Marvin Humphries, the engineer who designed it. 21 00:01:06,705 --> 00:01:07,998 He wants to seek damages. 22 00:01:08,039 --> 00:01:09,708 From what? His own pencil? 23 00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:11,126 From the only school reckless enough 24 00:01:11,168 --> 00:01:13,587 to give him a degree in engineering. 25 00:01:13,629 --> 00:01:15,589 City-funded school, 26 00:01:15,631 --> 00:01:17,549 deep government pockets. 27 00:01:17,591 --> 00:01:19,176 Maybe you've heard of it. 28 00:01:19,217 --> 00:01:21,804 Greendale Community College. 29 00:01:21,846 --> 00:01:23,054 Weird choice, by the way, 30 00:01:23,096 --> 00:01:24,389 the bachelor's degree on the wall. 31 00:01:24,431 --> 00:01:25,808 So you're gonna sue my old school 32 00:01:25,850 --> 00:01:27,058 and you're bothering to tell me? 33 00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:28,686 You have access there. 34 00:01:28,727 --> 00:01:30,145 I need Marvin's records to prove 35 00:01:30,187 --> 00:01:32,481 that he was irresponsibly educated. 36 00:01:32,523 --> 00:01:33,983 Well, why don't you just subpoena? 37 00:01:34,023 --> 00:01:37,235 Right, so they can have a shredding party. 38 00:01:37,277 --> 00:01:39,905 See, that's the difference between you and Greendale, Alan. 39 00:01:39,947 --> 00:01:41,323 They wouldn't shred evidence. 40 00:01:41,365 --> 00:01:42,616 It's a good place for good people. 41 00:01:42,658 --> 00:01:44,535 It's a diploma mill. 42 00:01:44,576 --> 00:01:47,078 It turns idiots into bridge-collapsers 43 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,873 and Jeff Winger into an attorney 44 00:01:48,914 --> 00:01:53,711 that thought he could help people? 45 00:01:53,752 --> 00:01:56,338 Jeff, I once saw you convince an arson victim 46 00:01:56,380 --> 00:01:58,716 that he liked his house better burned. 47 00:02:00,133 --> 00:02:03,053 God, look what that school did to you. 48 00:02:03,094 --> 00:02:04,080 It took all your money. 49 00:02:04,095 --> 00:02:05,514 It took four years of your life. 50 00:02:05,556 --> 00:02:06,724 And worst of all, 51 00:02:06,765 --> 00:02:08,225 it took your Winger moves. 52 00:02:08,266 --> 00:02:09,810 I still got my Winger moves. 53 00:02:09,852 --> 00:02:12,103 Prove it. Get me Humphries' records. 54 00:02:12,145 --> 00:02:14,314 Because the next bone you get thrown 55 00:02:14,356 --> 00:02:16,483 might be through a dude's zipper in the warehouse district, 56 00:02:16,525 --> 00:02:18,736 and I can't guarantee you it'll be from me. 57 00:02:18,777 --> 00:02:21,321 Look, I might be broke, desperate, and nearly homeless, 58 00:02:21,363 --> 00:02:23,574 but I still got one thing deep down inside 59 00:02:23,615 --> 00:02:25,701 that gives me power… That was it. 60 00:02:25,743 --> 00:02:27,745 That was all I had. 61 00:02:52,310 --> 00:02:54,438 Welcome back, human beings. 62 00:02:54,479 --> 00:02:57,608 Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale, 63 00:02:57,649 --> 00:03:00,444 ranked America's number two community college 64 00:03:00,485 --> 00:03:03,072 by greendalecommunitycollege.com. 65 00:03:03,112 --> 00:03:05,074 Regarding the recent tragedy surrounding 66 00:03:05,114 --> 00:03:07,409 a certain collapsed bridge, 67 00:03:07,451 --> 00:03:10,203 we will be observing a moment of silence on the quad 68 00:03:10,245 --> 00:03:12,121 followed by four years of silence to the press. 69 00:03:13,582 --> 00:03:15,084 I told you you'd be back. 70 00:03:15,124 --> 00:03:16,543 Shut up, Leonard. I'm not here. 71 00:03:16,585 --> 00:03:18,587 I'm just a figment of your creeping dementia. 72 00:03:26,386 --> 00:03:28,263 Hi. 73 00:03:28,305 --> 00:03:30,057 How would I go about getting records 74 00:03:30,099 --> 00:03:31,266 for certain alumni? 75 00:03:31,308 --> 00:03:32,392 Why would you think a stranger 76 00:03:32,434 --> 00:03:34,645 could just walk in here and do that? 77 00:03:34,686 --> 00:03:37,147 You're, uh, Rita. Rhonda. 78 00:03:37,188 --> 00:03:38,690 I've always regretted not telling you 79 00:03:38,732 --> 00:03:41,401 how much you remind me of my aunt. 80 00:03:44,362 --> 00:03:47,116 It's more disarming than it sounds. 81 00:03:47,157 --> 00:03:50,119 I have a very attractive aunt. 82 00:03:50,201 --> 00:03:51,578 Rhonda, why are you wearing Jeff Winger's… 83 00:03:53,246 --> 00:03:54,498 Jeffrey. 84 00:03:54,539 --> 00:03:56,000 Are you, uh, looking for your friends? 85 00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:57,459 They don't go here anymore. 86 00:03:57,501 --> 00:03:59,169 Maybe you're looking for something 87 00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:00,155 that was in front of you the whole time, just a pitch. 88 00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:01,588 He's asking for records 89 00:04:02,506 --> 00:04:03,757 for a certain alumni. 90 00:04:05,509 --> 00:04:08,095 In the midst of all this Marvin Humphries business, 91 00:04:08,137 --> 00:04:11,723 I doubt this is a coincidence. 92 00:04:11,765 --> 00:04:13,433 You're here to save me, aren't you? 93 00:04:13,475 --> 00:04:14,852 Yes. Oh. 94 00:04:14,893 --> 00:04:16,728 I thought I might contact alumni 95 00:04:16,770 --> 00:04:18,313 to form a committee. 96 00:04:18,355 --> 00:04:20,774 The Save Greendale Committee. Working title. 97 00:04:20,816 --> 00:04:22,943 Jeffrey, I'm gonna cry. 98 00:04:22,985 --> 00:04:25,195 Please don't. Request denied. 99 00:04:25,236 --> 00:04:26,822 Mmm. 100 00:04:26,864 --> 00:04:29,199 Rhonda will let you in the records room. 101 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,242 It's actually your old study room. 102 00:04:31,284 --> 00:04:32,494 After you and your friends left, 103 00:04:32,536 --> 00:04:35,330 it was closed for sentimental reasons. 104 00:04:35,372 --> 00:04:38,208 And asbestos reasons, but it's clean as a whistle now. 105 00:04:42,379 --> 00:04:44,131 "Harassment reports," 106 00:04:44,173 --> 00:04:45,841 "Hazardous waste citations," 107 00:04:45,883 --> 00:04:47,217 "Herpes comma water fountains." 108 00:04:48,135 --> 00:04:50,012 Come on. Where's Humphries? 109 00:04:50,054 --> 00:04:51,304 I see your value now. 110 00:04:51,346 --> 00:04:53,348 Abed, why? "I see your value now." 111 00:04:53,390 --> 00:04:54,975 It's a callback to when we met first season. 112 00:04:55,017 --> 00:04:56,393 And me calling years "seasons" is a callback 113 00:04:56,434 --> 00:04:57,644 to my first season dialogue, and me calling… 114 00:04:57,686 --> 00:04:59,437 Abed, I know what makes you off-putting, 115 00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:00,856 but why are you here? 116 00:05:00,898 --> 00:05:02,232 The dean called me about the Save Greendale Committee. 117 00:05:02,273 --> 00:05:03,817 Can I join? Well, I… 118 00:05:03,859 --> 00:05:05,110 Oh, no. Who else did he call? 119 00:05:05,152 --> 00:05:06,570 Just me. I called everyone else. 120 00:05:11,616 --> 00:05:12,701 Jeff! 121 00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:16,621 Is that cool? It's the coolest. 122 00:05:16,663 --> 00:05:18,832 Jeff, if you wanted to save Greendale, 123 00:05:18,874 --> 00:05:20,375 why didn't you call us first? 124 00:05:20,417 --> 00:05:22,794 Well, you guys just got sprung from this joint, 125 00:05:22,836 --> 00:05:24,963 and I figured you had careers to get started. 126 00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:26,840 Yeah, working hard. Ah, yes. 127 00:05:30,594 --> 00:05:32,096 What have they done to our home? 128 00:05:32,137 --> 00:05:33,555 The table's buried. 129 00:05:36,225 --> 00:05:37,517 I got it. 130 00:05:37,559 --> 00:05:39,144 This is where we became a family. 131 00:05:39,186 --> 00:05:41,146 Jeff made us a family. 132 00:05:42,189 --> 00:05:43,272 We could repilot it. 133 00:05:44,608 --> 00:05:46,110 This could be like Scrubs season nine, 134 00:05:46,151 --> 00:05:47,527 a revamp, a do-over. 135 00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:48,862 Jeff could come back to Greendale as a teacher. 136 00:05:48,904 --> 00:05:50,614 I'm not gonna be a teacher, Abed. That's lame. 137 00:05:51,156 --> 00:05:52,407 Come on. 138 00:05:52,449 --> 00:05:53,951 Sit in your chair. 139 00:05:53,992 --> 00:05:56,120 Complete the table. 140 00:05:56,161 --> 00:05:57,704 We want to help you save Greendale. 141 00:05:57,746 --> 00:05:58,872 Yeah! 142 00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:00,165 Greendale! Greendale! 143 00:06:00,207 --> 00:06:01,750 Greendale! 144 00:06:01,792 --> 00:06:02,834 I got to go to the bathroom. 145 00:06:04,419 --> 00:06:05,921 Mmm, give him space. 146 00:06:05,963 --> 00:06:07,464 Repiloting can be intense. 147 00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:10,092 New people show up. Regulars shift roles or even fall away. 148 00:06:10,134 --> 00:06:12,385 Season nine of Scrubs, Zach Braff was only in the first six episodes. 149 00:06:12,427 --> 00:06:13,845 That son of a bitch. 150 00:06:13,887 --> 00:06:16,223 After everything Scrubs did for him? 151 00:06:16,932 --> 00:06:18,307 I'm sorry. 152 00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:21,478 Vision boarding. 153 00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:24,064 Okay, vision boarding! Oh, hi, Jeffrey. 154 00:06:24,106 --> 00:06:26,024 Dean, I have to warn you about something, 155 00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:27,484 because it's the right thing to do. 156 00:06:27,525 --> 00:06:30,112 But first, why is there a big empty box on your desk 157 00:06:30,154 --> 00:06:31,404 that says "Humphries" on it? 158 00:06:35,366 --> 00:06:37,494 Okay, the press has been calling about Humphries, 159 00:06:37,535 --> 00:06:39,788 and I didn't want any details about his enrollment here 160 00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:41,039 to be spun against us, 161 00:06:41,081 --> 00:06:43,167 so now there are no details. 162 00:06:43,208 --> 00:06:44,333 Oh, ooh. 163 00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,253 That was his thesis. 164 00:06:48,463 --> 00:06:50,423 Okay! So sue me! 165 00:06:50,465 --> 00:06:51,842 This ain't Harvard, Jeffrey. 166 00:06:51,883 --> 00:06:53,635 Okay, my job is 167 00:06:53,677 --> 00:06:56,096 to give a certain number of degrees per year, 168 00:06:56,138 --> 00:06:57,973 or we could get shut down. 169 00:06:58,015 --> 00:06:59,808 And that would be bad because… 170 00:06:59,850 --> 00:07:02,811 Ah, because then I wouldn't have a job. 171 00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:05,147 And, you know, Greendale is a good place for good people. 172 00:07:05,189 --> 00:07:06,481 That whole spiel, huh? 173 00:07:06,982 --> 00:07:08,275 Yeah. 174 00:07:08,317 --> 00:07:10,110 That whole spiel. 175 00:07:13,947 --> 00:07:16,908 Wingblade. Shock me by impressing me. 176 00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:19,369 He shredded Humphries. What? 177 00:07:19,410 --> 00:07:21,955 I told you! How could you let this happen? 178 00:07:21,997 --> 00:07:24,582 Sir, I have to ask you to leave the concierge desk. 179 00:07:26,168 --> 00:07:28,295 Jeff, this case was all I had. 180 00:07:28,337 --> 00:07:29,754 I am screwed! 181 00:07:29,796 --> 00:07:32,465 My wife left. My girlfriend dumped me. 182 00:07:32,507 --> 00:07:34,134 And they're sisters, so now the whole family's pissed. 183 00:07:34,176 --> 00:07:35,844 Shut up. 184 00:07:35,886 --> 00:07:37,221 Bring me all the paperwork for filing a class action. 185 00:07:37,262 --> 00:07:38,680 Letters of intent, engagement, everything. 186 00:07:38,722 --> 00:07:39,764 Multiple copies. 187 00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:42,684 Winger, you just lost our client! 188 00:07:42,726 --> 00:07:44,019 Yeah. 189 00:07:44,061 --> 00:07:46,063 But I can create five new ones. 190 00:07:46,104 --> 00:07:48,273 It's so dusty. Let's get this off the table. 191 00:07:48,315 --> 00:07:50,400 And that's the Winger guarantee. 192 00:07:54,779 --> 00:07:57,574 Okay, maybe we should brainstorm fundraising ideas… 193 00:07:57,615 --> 00:07:59,492 Oh! That aren't bake sales… 194 00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:01,703 Hey. Or opening a zoo where the humans are in cages 195 00:08:01,745 --> 00:08:02,787 and the animals come to visit. 196 00:08:02,829 --> 00:08:04,206 G'oh! 197 00:08:04,248 --> 00:08:06,416 Are you okay, Jeff? You left kind of freaked out. 198 00:08:07,751 --> 00:08:10,087 Well… 199 00:08:10,128 --> 00:08:12,339 I can't stop thinking this school might be in trouble 200 00:08:12,381 --> 00:08:13,840 because of this bridge-collapsing guy. 201 00:08:13,882 --> 00:08:15,592 He's the one making bad bridges. 202 00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:19,096 That's like me blaming owls for how much I suck at analogies. 203 00:08:19,137 --> 00:08:22,349 Sometimes a student will claim, in court, 204 00:08:22,391 --> 00:08:25,227 that their school ruined their life, 205 00:08:25,269 --> 00:08:26,770 and they'll win. 206 00:08:26,811 --> 00:08:28,230 You want to save Greendale? 207 00:08:28,272 --> 00:08:30,440 Make it litigation-proof. How? 208 00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:32,817 Think like the enemy. 209 00:08:32,859 --> 00:08:34,694 How did Greendale damage you, Annie? 210 00:08:34,736 --> 00:08:37,281 It didn't. I love hospital administration. 211 00:08:37,322 --> 00:08:40,367 Is that your job? Well…not yet. 212 00:08:40,409 --> 00:08:43,954 But I administer things to hospitals, 213 00:08:44,495 --> 00:08:45,622 like these. 214 00:08:45,663 --> 00:08:46,873 Pen? 215 00:08:47,791 --> 00:08:49,126 "Futurza"? 216 00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:50,752 They're a rising star in pharmaceuticals. 217 00:08:50,794 --> 00:08:52,212 They invented fibromyalgia 218 00:08:52,254 --> 00:08:54,131 and the cure for fibromyalgia. 219 00:08:54,172 --> 00:08:56,007 You push drugs now? That's ironic. 220 00:08:56,049 --> 00:08:57,926 I push pens, Britta. 221 00:08:57,968 --> 00:08:59,970 Speaking of irony, how's the therapy market? 222 00:09:00,011 --> 00:09:01,888 Depressed? I'm on sabbatical. 223 00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:02,931 You're Jewish? 224 00:09:02,973 --> 00:09:04,224 I'm doing hands-on research 225 00:09:04,266 --> 00:09:06,268 about the psychology of alcoholism. 226 00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:08,061 You're a bartender, aren't you? 227 00:09:08,103 --> 00:09:10,105 Which is basically like a modern-day therapist. 228 00:09:10,147 --> 00:09:11,564 If somebody tells me about a murder, 229 00:09:11,606 --> 00:09:13,024 I can't tell anyone. 230 00:09:13,066 --> 00:09:14,859 Wow, you're even bad at bartending. 231 00:09:14,901 --> 00:09:16,486 What about you? 232 00:09:16,527 --> 00:09:18,905 Abed's working on the next billion-dollar social media app. 233 00:09:18,947 --> 00:09:21,658 And when it takes off, all I got to do is sue him. 234 00:09:21,699 --> 00:09:23,243 It's fool-proof. 235 00:09:23,285 --> 00:09:24,828 You're programming now, Abed? 236 00:09:24,869 --> 00:09:27,247 Didn't get any work with your four-year film degree? 237 00:09:27,289 --> 00:09:28,539 One job, directing a commercial. 238 00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:29,582 Still haven't been paid. 239 00:09:29,624 --> 00:09:30,917 I'll cut you a check tomorrow, 240 00:09:30,959 --> 00:09:33,086 but just so we're clear, you quit. 241 00:09:33,128 --> 00:09:34,671 Creative differences. 242 00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:36,131 I asked you to put the phone number on the screen. 243 00:09:36,173 --> 00:09:38,300 I didn't like the number. 555? It's derivative. 244 00:09:38,342 --> 00:09:39,509 It's the number of my business. 245 00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:40,536 It sounds fake. 246 00:09:40,551 --> 00:09:41,970 How can every number start with 555? 247 00:09:42,012 --> 00:09:43,096 Are there only 10,000 numbers? 248 00:09:43,138 --> 00:09:44,848 Abed, you quit? 249 00:09:44,889 --> 00:09:46,183 You said you got fired. 250 00:09:46,224 --> 00:09:48,059 You haven't paid rent in our apartment in two months. 251 00:09:48,101 --> 00:09:49,353 Well, why don't you sell him a pill 252 00:09:49,394 --> 00:09:50,895 that will help him give up on his dreams? 253 00:09:50,937 --> 00:09:53,106 Relaxabrex doesn't make you give up on your dreams. 254 00:09:53,148 --> 00:09:55,025 That's a side effect. 255 00:09:55,066 --> 00:09:57,777 At least the drugs I sell don't get slurped out of my belly button. 256 00:09:57,819 --> 00:09:59,196 That's only on Tummy Tuesdays! 257 00:09:59,237 --> 00:10:01,072 Oh, it's okay… Oh, I'm sorry… 258 00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:02,282 Andre left again. 259 00:10:05,827 --> 00:10:07,662 It's…it's not like last time. 260 00:10:07,704 --> 00:10:09,706 He's staying with family. 261 00:10:09,747 --> 00:10:12,000 He took the boys. He took the dog. 262 00:10:12,042 --> 00:10:13,460 He took the D.V.R. 263 00:10:13,502 --> 00:10:16,546 166 episodes of Bones just gone. 264 00:10:17,297 --> 00:10:20,050 It was my fault this time. 265 00:10:20,091 --> 00:10:21,092 I cheated on him 266 00:10:22,302 --> 00:10:24,388 with Shirley's sandwiches. 267 00:10:24,429 --> 00:10:25,596 I threw the money into expanding. 268 00:10:25,638 --> 00:10:28,183 I just didn't think I could fail. 269 00:10:32,687 --> 00:10:33,771 Okay. 270 00:10:34,814 --> 00:10:36,691 Well, just so you know, 271 00:10:36,733 --> 00:10:39,319 this is the sort of stuff that someone could use 272 00:10:39,361 --> 00:10:41,571 to make a claim against a school. 273 00:10:47,744 --> 00:10:49,954 I have to go to the bathroom again. 274 00:10:51,164 --> 00:10:52,541 While I'm gone, 275 00:10:52,582 --> 00:10:54,876 I want you to think about what I said 276 00:10:54,918 --> 00:10:56,461 as an exercise. 277 00:11:00,298 --> 00:11:03,009 Do you guys feel weird about doing this without… 278 00:11:03,468 --> 00:11:04,594 Magnitude? 279 00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:13,019 That's everything you asked for. 280 00:11:13,061 --> 00:11:14,438 Who are you flipping? 281 00:11:14,479 --> 00:11:15,897 My friends, 282 00:11:15,939 --> 00:11:18,233 who are now the Save Greendale Committee, 283 00:11:18,275 --> 00:11:19,276 which I created. 284 00:11:19,317 --> 00:11:20,693 Oh. 285 00:11:20,735 --> 00:11:22,070 Classic Winger. 286 00:11:22,112 --> 00:11:24,155 I forgot what it was like to be good at being bad. 287 00:11:24,197 --> 00:11:26,783 So just close the deal and bring it home to daddy, eh? 288 00:11:26,824 --> 00:11:28,993 Oh, sorry, Alan. Change of daddies. 289 00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:30,120 I'll take it from here. 290 00:11:30,161 --> 00:11:31,746 No, no, but it's my case. 291 00:11:31,788 --> 00:11:33,039 Humphries was your case. 292 00:11:33,081 --> 00:11:34,332 Jeff… 293 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:36,960 You're scaring me. Good. 294 00:11:37,001 --> 00:11:38,920 Guys like you should be more scared. 295 00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:42,299 You trust-funded, body-sprayed, Eli-Roth-DVD owner… 296 00:11:42,340 --> 00:11:44,301 You're an amateur monster, Alan, 297 00:11:44,342 --> 00:11:46,136 and you stomp in the grave of a real monster 298 00:11:46,177 --> 00:11:47,887 who was willing to stay buried 299 00:11:47,929 --> 00:11:50,014 because real monsters have shame, 300 00:11:50,056 --> 00:11:52,183 because they wish that… 301 00:11:52,225 --> 00:11:53,310 You're not the monologue. 302 00:11:53,351 --> 00:11:54,685 Give me your tie. What? 303 00:11:54,727 --> 00:11:55,812 No monologue for you. Give me your tie. 304 00:11:58,189 --> 00:12:00,233 That's for making me go to this school. 305 00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:02,611 That's for making the last four years happen. 306 00:12:02,651 --> 00:12:04,362 And now I get to make them un-happen 307 00:12:04,404 --> 00:12:08,074 for me and the only people I care about. 308 00:12:11,911 --> 00:12:14,581 I failed my husband. I failed my kids. 309 00:12:14,623 --> 00:12:16,374 I've failed Bones. 310 00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:18,168 I'm helping to hook a whole new battle 311 00:12:18,209 --> 00:12:19,836 of little Annies on Adderall. 312 00:12:19,877 --> 00:12:21,171 I've been spending so much time with computers, 313 00:12:21,212 --> 00:12:23,089 your tears are just ones and zeroes to me. 314 00:12:23,131 --> 00:12:25,842 Yeah, you were a real Hallmark card before. 315 00:12:25,883 --> 00:12:28,303 I'm much sadder than the rest of you. 316 00:12:29,678 --> 00:12:31,556 I will figure out why later. 317 00:12:31,598 --> 00:12:33,600 Jeff, full disclosure. 318 00:12:34,851 --> 00:12:37,395 Our lives are worse than the day we got here. 319 00:12:37,437 --> 00:12:39,523 Well, that is a serious allegation 320 00:12:39,564 --> 00:12:41,316 to arrive at all by yourselves. 321 00:12:41,358 --> 00:12:43,067 Are you sure? Yes. 322 00:12:43,109 --> 00:12:45,445 And we've come to a decision as a group, 323 00:12:45,487 --> 00:12:48,657 and please don't judge us for suggesting it. 324 00:12:48,697 --> 00:12:50,659 Hey, I'll back you up no matter what. 325 00:12:50,699 --> 00:12:52,243 We decided to re-enroll at Greendale. 326 00:12:52,285 --> 00:12:53,702 What? Are you nuts? 327 00:12:53,744 --> 00:12:55,830 Greendale! Greendale! 328 00:12:55,872 --> 00:12:57,207 Greendale! Greendale! 329 00:12:57,248 --> 00:12:58,248 You guys want to keep it down? 330 00:13:00,335 --> 00:13:01,961 Chang? Kevin? 331 00:13:04,297 --> 00:13:05,549 Chang. 332 00:13:05,590 --> 00:13:06,715 I've dropped the amnesia thing, 333 00:13:06,757 --> 00:13:08,593 copped to my crimes, and went to jail. 334 00:13:08,635 --> 00:13:09,636 Now I'm on work release. 335 00:13:09,678 --> 00:13:11,388 Working as what? Math teacher. 336 00:13:11,429 --> 00:13:12,763 Next, explain the pajamas. 337 00:13:12,805 --> 00:13:14,265 Well, I'm on work release from house arrest, 338 00:13:14,307 --> 00:13:15,168 but I don't have a home. 339 00:13:15,183 --> 00:13:16,434 See this? 340 00:13:16,476 --> 00:13:19,396 This won't let me travel 100 yards from this, 341 00:13:19,437 --> 00:13:21,814 and this only has a 30-yard cord, 342 00:13:21,856 --> 00:13:24,108 so I can only travel… 343 00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:25,360 Whatever. You do the math. 344 00:13:25,402 --> 00:13:26,444 You said you teach math. 345 00:13:26,486 --> 00:13:28,737 Exactly, I teach it. You do it. 346 00:13:30,990 --> 00:13:34,118 Chang was faking his Changnesia? 347 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,413 They seriously rehired a teacher 348 00:13:36,454 --> 00:13:38,373 they fired for trying to burn down the school? 349 00:13:38,415 --> 00:13:40,584 After being rehired as a security guard 350 00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:42,544 after being fired for impersonating a teacher. 351 00:13:42,586 --> 00:13:44,337 That's insane, and I'm Abed. 352 00:13:44,379 --> 00:13:46,339 Worse than insane. Irresponsible. 353 00:13:46,381 --> 00:13:48,299 Evil. I don't believe in evil. 354 00:13:48,341 --> 00:13:51,261 But this school clearly got a finger up its butt as a child. 355 00:13:51,302 --> 00:13:53,096 This place ruins lives. 356 00:13:53,137 --> 00:13:54,889 If that were true, 357 00:13:54,931 --> 00:13:59,018 then what could we possibly do about it? 358 00:14:05,358 --> 00:14:06,859 Make 'em dance, Winger. 359 00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:10,321 Ew, Jeff, what's your evil old legal nemesis doing here? 360 00:14:10,363 --> 00:14:11,780 Nemesis? 361 00:14:12,574 --> 00:14:15,118 No, we were partners again 362 00:14:15,159 --> 00:14:17,245 until I lost my usefulness. 363 00:14:17,287 --> 00:14:19,080 I may be evil, 364 00:14:19,122 --> 00:14:23,000 but your friend here is so much more dangerous. 365 00:14:23,042 --> 00:14:24,669 Tell 'em how it took you 30 minutes 366 00:14:24,711 --> 00:14:26,796 to make them think they wanted to sue their own school. 367 00:14:30,383 --> 00:14:31,593 I did it. 368 00:14:31,635 --> 00:14:32,969 Sorry. 369 00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:35,680 Anyway, I'll leave you to pick up these pieces. 370 00:14:35,722 --> 00:14:37,515 I'm gonna go score some blow. 371 00:14:37,557 --> 00:14:39,892 My dealer's a gym teacher here. 372 00:14:49,277 --> 00:14:50,779 You were lying to us? 373 00:14:50,820 --> 00:14:53,156 I never lied to you. 374 00:14:53,197 --> 00:14:55,784 I showed you the right truth. 375 00:14:55,825 --> 00:14:57,452 Britta, when we met, 376 00:14:57,494 --> 00:14:59,078 you were an eclectic anarchist. 377 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,623 How did you become the group's airhead? 378 00:15:01,665 --> 00:15:03,374 Thank you? And, Shirley, 379 00:15:03,416 --> 00:15:05,502 you've gone from an independent divorcee 380 00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:07,337 striking out on her own 381 00:15:07,378 --> 00:15:10,507 to a bankrupt fry cook hoping for a call from her husband. 382 00:15:10,548 --> 00:15:13,635 Troy, your entire identity has been consumed 383 00:15:13,677 --> 00:15:15,470 by your relationship with another man. 384 00:15:15,512 --> 00:15:17,221 You found my Clive Owen Tumblr. 385 00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:19,641 And what happened to Annie the unstoppable go-getter? 386 00:15:19,683 --> 00:15:21,518 Well, there was that gas leak last year. 387 00:15:21,559 --> 00:15:23,728 Oh, don't blame it all on the gas leak year. 388 00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:25,438 This was a four-year process. 389 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,565 We went in one end as real people 390 00:15:27,607 --> 00:15:30,026 and out the other end as mixed-up cartoons. 391 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,235 Cool. Sure. 392 00:15:31,277 --> 00:15:32,654 This coming from the guy who's had 393 00:15:32,696 --> 00:15:34,405 how many psychotic breaks on campus? 394 00:15:34,447 --> 00:15:35,824 Are we including the gas leak year? 395 00:15:35,865 --> 00:15:38,201 You all came here with a chance to be something, 396 00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:40,286 and you all had that taken away from you. 397 00:15:40,328 --> 00:15:42,246 Get something back. 398 00:15:42,288 --> 00:15:43,748 Seek damages. 399 00:15:45,041 --> 00:15:46,501 Sign here. 400 00:15:46,543 --> 00:15:47,877 But you're our hero. 401 00:15:47,918 --> 00:15:49,713 I mean, in the commercial… 402 00:15:49,754 --> 00:15:51,214 The commercial was a lie. 403 00:15:51,255 --> 00:15:53,090 You staged a robot fight? 404 00:15:53,132 --> 00:15:54,118 Yeah. 405 00:15:54,133 --> 00:15:56,594 In real life, the robot wins. 406 00:16:01,808 --> 00:16:02,892 Troy? 407 00:16:06,396 --> 00:16:08,481 If Jeff didn't change, 408 00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:10,817 then Jeff is right. 409 00:16:10,859 --> 00:16:13,570 Case closed. Let's make some money. 410 00:16:13,611 --> 00:16:15,613 Okay, Jeff, if this is what you really want to do. 411 00:16:16,614 --> 00:16:17,741 I'll sign. 412 00:16:17,782 --> 00:16:19,743 The choice to make is yours. 413 00:16:19,784 --> 00:16:21,452 No, it's yours. 414 00:16:23,496 --> 00:16:25,749 We're putting Greendale in your hands. 415 00:16:34,799 --> 00:16:35,925 Do we all have to say something? 416 00:16:35,966 --> 00:16:37,719 No, you can just sign it. Okay. 417 00:16:39,554 --> 00:16:40,638 You brought us together. 418 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:41,972 With lies. 419 00:16:42,014 --> 00:16:44,392 But what you do is above lying, remember? 420 00:16:44,434 --> 00:16:45,434 You show us the right truth. 421 00:16:48,938 --> 00:16:50,940 You won't regret this. 422 00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:59,156 I'd like to take the study room table in back and burn it. 423 00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:01,576 Burn it? Why? 424 00:17:01,618 --> 00:17:04,579 The same reason I never returned Time Bandits to blockbuster. 425 00:17:05,622 --> 00:17:06,956 Nobody else deserves it. 426 00:17:15,924 --> 00:17:16,966 Jesus! 427 00:17:17,926 --> 00:17:19,844 Looks as if you've lost your way. 428 00:17:19,886 --> 00:17:20,887 Pierce? 429 00:17:20,929 --> 00:17:21,971 Continue on this path, 430 00:17:22,012 --> 00:17:23,598 and you might miss your last chance 431 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,517 to see the Pierce Hawthorne Museum of gender sensitivity 432 00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:29,228 and sexual potency on the central quad. 433 00:17:29,270 --> 00:17:32,022 The museum and this hologram were donated in compliance 434 00:17:32,064 --> 00:17:35,401 with a court order I'm not allowed to discuss. 435 00:17:35,443 --> 00:17:38,321 Let's just say some women can't take a compliment. 436 00:17:38,362 --> 00:17:39,948 Unbelievable. 437 00:17:39,989 --> 00:17:42,700 What I am allowed to discuss is Greendale, 438 00:17:42,742 --> 00:17:44,076 and I'll say this. 439 00:17:44,118 --> 00:17:46,537 Don't turn your back on it. 440 00:17:46,579 --> 00:17:49,165 Take it from a man with no legal right to be there. 441 00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:51,501 You're in a special place. 442 00:17:51,542 --> 00:17:52,961 A crappy place, sure, 443 00:17:53,002 --> 00:17:54,838 but only because it gives crappy people a chance 444 00:17:54,879 --> 00:17:56,923 to sort themselves out. 445 00:17:58,925 --> 00:18:00,802 Did I sound gay at the end? 446 00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:02,052 Do you want to do another take? 447 00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:05,723 Jeffrey, I'm not decent. I know. 448 00:18:05,765 --> 00:18:07,141 These are the signatures 449 00:18:07,183 --> 00:18:09,686 of the five people that are crazy enough 450 00:18:09,727 --> 00:18:11,354 to care about this toilet. 451 00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:13,606 And tonight, I almost got them to sue it. 452 00:18:13,648 --> 00:18:14,899 Heed the warning! 453 00:18:14,941 --> 00:18:16,693 It's not easy being dean, Jeffrey! 454 00:18:16,734 --> 00:18:18,194 Then stop being the dean! 455 00:18:18,235 --> 00:18:20,112 It's my whole ideantity! 456 00:18:20,154 --> 00:18:22,239 I mean, wah, see what I did there? That's proof! 457 00:18:22,281 --> 00:18:24,951 Get your crap together. 458 00:18:24,993 --> 00:18:26,995 Your job is not to hand out degrees. 459 00:18:27,077 --> 00:18:29,330 Your job is to make this a toilet 460 00:18:29,372 --> 00:18:32,291 that people don't have to be crazy to care about. 461 00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:35,294 But you could stay here and help me save the school. 462 00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:36,379 For how much money? 463 00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:37,755 I, I can't offer you any money. 464 00:18:37,797 --> 00:18:39,215 I could offer you a job. 465 00:18:39,256 --> 00:18:40,884 You just described slavery. 466 00:18:40,925 --> 00:18:43,511 I mean, there's nothing in the budget for school saver, 467 00:18:43,553 --> 00:18:47,097 but I could hire you as… 468 00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:51,644 Screw you, Abed. 469 00:18:54,814 --> 00:18:57,066 I'd be depressed right now if these samples from work 470 00:18:57,107 --> 00:18:59,360 weren't giving me a new outlook on life. 471 00:18:59,402 --> 00:19:01,195 If you're interested in learning more, 472 00:19:01,237 --> 00:19:03,364 ask your doctor if Joyvatrex is right for you. 473 00:19:03,406 --> 00:19:04,824 Oh, honey. 474 00:19:04,866 --> 00:19:06,325 If we sue Greendale, 475 00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:07,785 can I be a surprise witness? 476 00:19:07,827 --> 00:19:09,370 Wait. Don't tell me. 477 00:19:09,412 --> 00:19:11,330 Stop! 478 00:19:11,372 --> 00:19:12,498 We shouldn't sue the school. 479 00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:14,291 Oh. Come on! 480 00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:16,669 Are you trying to give us emotional whiplash? 481 00:19:16,711 --> 00:19:19,923 Look, if you feel there's more work to be done on yourselves, 482 00:19:19,964 --> 00:19:23,051 then as crappy as this place is, 483 00:19:23,092 --> 00:19:24,343 it's a place that you can do it. 484 00:19:24,385 --> 00:19:25,469 You got a job teaching here, didn't you? 485 00:19:25,511 --> 00:19:27,513 I don't want to talk about it. 486 00:19:27,555 --> 00:19:30,767 Well, then, I'm getting back into forensic science. 487 00:19:30,808 --> 00:19:32,018 That was my actual dream. 488 00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:33,811 It's my fault I bailed on it. 489 00:19:33,853 --> 00:19:36,105 A film degree doesn't make me a filmmaker. 490 00:19:36,146 --> 00:19:37,314 I need to learn how to work with other people. 491 00:19:37,356 --> 00:19:38,775 I need to figure out who I am. 492 00:19:38,816 --> 00:19:40,192 I'll help you. 493 00:19:40,234 --> 00:19:41,986 Get out of my brain. 494 00:19:42,028 --> 00:19:44,154 I need to learn how to really run a business 495 00:19:44,196 --> 00:19:46,783 by my own standards, not Greendale's. 496 00:19:46,824 --> 00:19:48,534 I'm gonna get a four-year psych degree, 497 00:19:48,576 --> 00:19:49,562 then a master's, 498 00:19:49,577 --> 00:19:51,913 and become a real psychologist. 499 00:19:51,955 --> 00:19:54,624 Or you could find another major. 500 00:19:54,665 --> 00:19:56,000 A real psychologist. 501 00:19:56,042 --> 00:19:57,961 How about English? Psychology. 502 00:19:58,002 --> 00:19:59,712 All right, what's important is, 503 00:19:59,754 --> 00:20:01,881 no matter what, 504 00:20:01,923 --> 00:20:05,051 we'll be trying to talk Britta into doing something different 505 00:20:05,093 --> 00:20:06,094 together. 506 00:20:09,931 --> 00:20:11,808 Burn, hopelessness. 507 00:20:19,107 --> 00:20:20,524 We got this. Oh, my god, be careful! 508 00:20:22,986 --> 00:20:25,529 Little victories count for a lot around here… 509 00:20:27,782 --> 00:20:29,659 Wow, this is good. 510 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,202 Even if you never asked to win in the first place. 511 00:20:33,788 --> 00:20:36,248 And you have to enjoy those nice moments while you can. 512 00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:37,875 See, he does a voice-over wrap-up 513 00:20:37,917 --> 00:20:39,002 at the end of every episode. 514 00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:41,211 Wow. Cool. 515 00:20:41,253 --> 00:20:44,214 Because around here, they never last very long. 516 00:20:45,675 --> 00:20:47,844 Once more. More teachery. 517 00:20:47,885 --> 00:20:49,428 I want to kill myself. 518 00:20:49,470 --> 00:20:50,470 Use that. 519 00:20:57,436 --> 00:20:58,604 Are you a good person? 520 00:20:58,646 --> 00:21:00,189 Yes, unlike you. 521 00:21:00,230 --> 00:21:03,109 I can guarantee the Winger beaten you. 522 00:21:03,151 --> 00:21:04,234 Not anymore.