1 00:00:02,097 --> 00:00:04,625 Hey. Get out of my chair, or I'll have you disbarred. 2 00:00:04,636 --> 00:00:06,673 Oh, wait. That already happened. 3 00:00:07,196 --> 00:00:08,633 - Cash. - Tango. 4 00:00:08,644 --> 00:00:10,901 My old partner in my new firm. 5 00:00:13,451 --> 00:00:14,612 Does it get any better? 6 00:00:14,631 --> 00:00:17,619 - Not unless you leave. - Still got it. 7 00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:21,695 So a little birdie told me you're graduating kiddie college. 8 00:00:21,708 --> 00:00:23,545 You must be excited to get that lollipop. 9 00:00:23,605 --> 00:00:24,968 Hey. 10 00:00:25,168 --> 00:00:26,790 - It's a sticker. - Ha. 11 00:00:26,808 --> 00:00:29,226 I know you're busy, not, so allow me to whip it out. 12 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,429 Come work with me. 13 00:00:30,457 --> 00:00:33,588 You'll be a full partner, six figures, corner office, three secretaries. 14 00:00:33,606 --> 00:00:36,076 What's that? Not enough money? I'll double it. Bam, done. 15 00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:37,782 That's how we negotiate. Lunch? 16 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:39,973 Wow. I drive a hard bargain. 17 00:00:39,993 --> 00:00:42,439 But, Mark, aren't you worried I'm a little out of practice? 18 00:00:42,489 --> 00:00:45,230 The only cases I've tried lately are about sandwiches and yams. 19 00:00:45,255 --> 00:00:46,855 Please, you were a better lawyer 20 00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:49,255 when you weren't a lawyer than most lawyers I know. 21 00:00:49,379 --> 00:00:50,729 It's still in you. 22 00:00:51,254 --> 00:00:53,061 I'll give it some thought. 23 00:00:53,079 --> 00:00:55,603 Just shake my hand, idiot. It's simple. 24 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:00,683 I like simple. 25 00:01:00,754 --> 00:01:02,207 Take a look around, Winger. 26 00:01:02,219 --> 00:01:04,439 This is your new old life. 27 00:01:04,541 --> 00:01:07,763 I don't get it. We just had Christmas, and now it's warm outside. 28 00:01:07,785 --> 00:01:10,348 Of course it is, dummy. We just finished fall-spring semester. 29 00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:12,461 - Bring on summer-winter. - I can't wait. 30 00:01:12,479 --> 00:01:14,576 My final film school class is just called opinions. 31 00:01:14,593 --> 00:01:16,799 Professor Taylor is scheduled to teach, but I have a rebuttal. 32 00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:20,506 Lucky. I transferred to forensics late and got the worst classes. 33 00:01:20,525 --> 00:01:23,622 Skull fragment collection, advanced advanced decomp, 34 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,804 and intro to senselessness were all full. 35 00:01:25,839 --> 00:01:27,539 I still have a year of A/C repair left. 36 00:01:27,572 --> 00:01:29,641 I passed all my classes, so now I just do yoga 37 00:01:29,659 --> 00:01:31,029 while the teachers write down my wisdoms. 38 00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,436 Wait a minute. Jeff passed history. 39 00:01:33,454 --> 00:01:34,718 He's graduating early. 40 00:01:34,743 --> 00:01:36,918 I'm totally unprepared to deal with this. 41 00:01:36,937 --> 00:01:38,117 No, Annie, please, don't— 42 00:01:40,113 --> 00:01:42,453 Well, it's official. It's on a banner. 43 00:01:42,464 --> 00:01:43,898 Congratulations, Jeffrey. 44 00:01:43,922 --> 00:01:46,135 You worked hard not to work hard to earn that degree. 45 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:48,508 Yeah, you took so many blow-off classes and pointless electives. 46 00:01:48,523 --> 00:01:50,475 - What did you end up majoring in? - Education. 47 00:01:50,496 --> 00:01:51,680 You had to win, didn't you? 48 00:01:51,702 --> 00:01:53,396 When I was inches from the finish line. 49 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:55,726 Pierce, you have so many credits, they have grand-credits. 50 00:01:55,731 --> 00:01:56,874 Just graduate already. 51 00:01:56,893 --> 00:01:59,793 - When's the graduation ceremony? - Never. It's community college. 52 00:01:59,816 --> 00:02:02,885 You just send in some papers and they stop charging you. 53 00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:04,460 It's moving, in its own way. 54 00:02:04,478 --> 00:02:07,753 So this is it? A banner and some soda Troy forgot to bring? 55 00:02:07,778 --> 00:02:10,991 - No. - As far as graduations go, it's boring but grounded. 56 00:02:11,013 --> 00:02:12,463 I was hoping for more. 57 00:02:12,469 --> 00:02:14,400 Can we at least walk with you to the Dean's office? 58 00:02:14,424 --> 00:02:15,487 What, now? No. 59 00:02:15,499 --> 00:02:18,087 I was just—I was going to mail it in next week, or, you know, whenever. 60 00:02:18,106 --> 00:02:19,209 Don't be silly. 61 00:02:19,228 --> 00:02:21,970 We started as a study group, we'll finish as a study group. 62 00:02:21,988 --> 00:02:24,251 All for one, and one dude we can all leave behind. 63 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,480 Everybody, go quickly. 64 00:02:25,499 --> 00:02:26,234 Go. 65 00:02:26,260 --> 00:02:27,660 - Go, go, go, go, go, go. - Hey. 66 00:02:47,340 --> 00:02:54,427 4x13 Advanced Introduction to Finality 67 00:02:54,585 --> 00:02:57,589 All right, Mr. Winger. Et al. Britta. 68 00:02:57,615 --> 00:03:00,248 Emotions are running high, so I will keep this 69 00:03:00,273 --> 00:03:01,398 tight and short. 70 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,983 - You always do. - I see you have all the necessary paperwork. 71 00:03:03,995 --> 00:03:06,189 Necessary? You asked for proof of inseam. 72 00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:07,831 Ah, Jeffrey. 73 00:03:08,049 --> 00:03:11,525 I'm going to miss our playful, "Get a room already" banter. 74 00:03:11,617 --> 00:03:13,329 - Oh, Dean. - I can come back. 75 00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:14,442 No, I can do this. 76 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,364 Just need to sign the old John Dean-cock 77 00:03:17,383 --> 00:03:19,897 and you will be graduated. 78 00:03:21,398 --> 00:03:23,275 So this is it? 79 00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:24,805 - Mm-hmm. - Huh. 80 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,246 I, uh— 81 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:29,021 I expected a little more pageantry. 82 00:03:29,616 --> 00:03:31,986 - I'm listening. - Annie's right. 83 00:03:32,153 --> 00:03:33,966 We should throw a party to mark the occasion. 84 00:03:34,721 --> 00:03:36,726 - A small one. - The teensiest. 85 00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,862 Just close friends, a small cake— 86 00:03:38,874 --> 00:03:40,774 - Maybe some flowers, an archway— - A string quartet. 87 00:03:40,786 --> 00:03:42,368 Ooh, he could wear a suit. 88 00:03:42,399 --> 00:03:44,605 - Starting to sound like a wedding. - Not a wedding. 89 00:03:44,628 --> 00:03:47,150 Just your average, low-key diploma signing, 90 00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,349 to which you're all cordially invited, tomorrow afternoon. 91 00:03:49,368 --> 00:03:50,211 Tomorrow? 92 00:03:50,217 --> 00:03:52,006 Is that enough time to plan a whole wedding? 93 00:03:52,222 --> 00:03:53,623 - Absolutely. - I'll get my book. 94 00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:58,465 Listen, I can't do a big party. 95 00:03:58,478 --> 00:03:59,333 It's too much. 96 00:03:59,350 --> 00:04:01,811 Oh, I see what's going on here. 97 00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:04,097 This is about you getting cold feet about graduating. 98 00:04:04,109 --> 00:04:05,020 Pshaw. 99 00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:08,101 I've been looking forward to graduation since freshman registration. 100 00:04:08,172 --> 00:04:10,679 I already got a job lined up at my old partner's firm. 101 00:04:10,714 --> 00:04:12,494 Well, then, let them eat cake. 102 00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:13,731 It's just, 103 00:04:13,756 --> 00:04:16,004 I'm worried that the group might not be able 104 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,247 to handle it, you know, emotionally. 105 00:04:18,283 --> 00:04:20,325 Everyone wants you to graduate, Jeff. 106 00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,713 Well, what about Abed? 107 00:04:21,740 --> 00:04:23,766 I mean, the stress of me leaving might send him spiraling. 108 00:04:23,778 --> 00:04:25,308 Come on, give him some more credit. 109 00:04:25,321 --> 00:04:28,321 He's really progressed since he opened up to my therapizing. 110 00:04:28,341 --> 00:04:29,945 Do you remember last year, when he wouldn't stop 111 00:04:29,963 --> 00:04:31,851 talking about that "darkest timeline" thing? 112 00:04:31,856 --> 00:04:35,031 - The one where I lost my arm? - And Pierce died, and Annie went insane, 113 00:04:35,056 --> 00:04:37,126 and he blamed it all on you throwing some dice. 114 00:04:37,139 --> 00:04:39,760 He has not brought that up in months. 115 00:04:40,692 --> 00:04:42,498 You're right, Britta. 116 00:04:43,613 --> 00:04:45,430 I just need to give Abed a chance. 117 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:46,495 Then it's settled. 118 00:04:46,507 --> 00:04:48,423 The six of us will take astronomy next semester. 119 00:04:48,441 --> 00:04:50,979 - So now you're leaving me out. - No, we're leaving Jeff out. 120 00:04:50,985 --> 00:04:53,303 So I'm not even the one who gets left out anymore. 121 00:04:53,338 --> 00:04:55,270 - Everything's Jeff, Jeff— - Jeff. 122 00:04:55,289 --> 00:04:56,441 This seat taken? 123 00:04:57,869 --> 00:05:00,539 So everyone still excited about the big shindig? 124 00:05:00,558 --> 00:05:02,733 Totally. I was worried about the wedding-graduation mash up, 125 00:05:02,745 --> 00:05:04,989 but it's testing really well with women. 126 00:05:05,001 --> 00:05:06,083 Oh, well, that's a load off. 127 00:05:06,108 --> 00:05:09,487 Hey, we should probably figure out who's bringing the soda now, right? 128 00:05:09,513 --> 00:05:12,026 - Just so there's not another hang up. - I brought it. 129 00:05:12,385 --> 00:05:13,752 I-I just drank it all. 130 00:05:13,770 --> 00:05:15,546 It's okay. I've got it covered. 131 00:05:15,552 --> 00:05:17,634 No, no, no. You've already done so much. 132 00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:20,335 Besides, I think I have a fun and fair way 133 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:24,044 to decide which of the six of us will bring the soda. 134 00:05:25,438 --> 00:05:27,523 We'll roll for it. 135 00:05:37,549 --> 00:05:39,417 It didn't land on a number. 136 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,688 That probably means nothing. 137 00:05:40,719 --> 00:05:42,970 - Or it means everything. - Let's hope not. 138 00:05:42,985 --> 00:05:44,387 You know what, I'll bring the soda. 139 00:05:44,406 --> 00:05:46,247 Don't worry, I'll make sure there aren't any more hang-ups. 140 00:05:46,276 --> 00:05:48,931 Must I bear this cross forever? 141 00:05:52,256 --> 00:05:54,310 I was hoping for more. 142 00:06:18,614 --> 00:06:19,711 Catherine? 143 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:23,079 Do not even tell me you dropped that cake. 144 00:06:28,259 --> 00:06:29,590 Parasites. 145 00:06:29,621 --> 00:06:31,637 Hey. What's going on? 146 00:06:31,665 --> 00:06:34,093 Why are you trying to avoid graduating? 147 00:06:34,212 --> 00:06:35,287 I wish I knew. 148 00:06:35,302 --> 00:06:36,765 I think it's because you're scared 149 00:06:36,777 --> 00:06:39,159 to take this law job with your old partner. 150 00:06:39,195 --> 00:06:41,288 But don't let that stop you from graduating. 151 00:06:41,294 --> 00:06:43,000 Take the job, don't take the job. 152 00:06:43,012 --> 00:06:45,836 Either way, your friends are always going to be here to support you. 153 00:06:45,855 --> 00:06:46,920 Good to know. 154 00:06:46,965 --> 00:06:49,065 See you at graduation. 155 00:06:49,854 --> 00:06:52,610 - And they call us the worst. - Took you long enough. 156 00:06:52,652 --> 00:06:54,606 Hey, nobody said you had to travel naked. 157 00:06:54,619 --> 00:06:56,394 Oh. You brought the good one. 158 00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:58,730 You hold that, I'll do the sleeve. 159 00:06:58,755 --> 00:07:00,702 Wait for the click. There— 160 00:07:00,737 --> 00:07:02,596 Ah. Good. 161 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:06,528 Middle finger works great now. 162 00:07:06,754 --> 00:07:08,255 It's worse than I thought. 163 00:07:08,285 --> 00:07:11,036 They made lame Jeff too lame to leave Greendale. 164 00:07:11,070 --> 00:07:12,638 He's got to take that job. 165 00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:14,217 But how do we make him do that? 166 00:07:14,235 --> 00:07:16,265 By turning the study group against him 167 00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:19,722 so he'll run screaming from this rancid cocoon 168 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,753 into the welcoming arms of darkness. 169 00:07:21,768 --> 00:07:24,124 - How hard is that to understand? - It's not. 170 00:07:24,155 --> 00:07:26,543 I just like when you talk down to me like a child. 171 00:07:31,223 --> 00:07:32,812 Oh! Jeff. 172 00:07:32,913 --> 00:07:35,665 It's bad luck to see the graduation before the graduation. 173 00:07:35,677 --> 00:07:37,040 I had to talk to you. 174 00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:39,556 Today is bringing up so many emotions. 175 00:07:39,755 --> 00:07:40,905 It's a lot to take in. 176 00:07:40,939 --> 00:07:43,691 I'm not making you feel nervous about graduating, am I? 177 00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:44,884 Well, 178 00:07:44,909 --> 00:07:47,278 you are making me feel something. 179 00:07:47,715 --> 00:07:50,251 And it's not about graduating. 180 00:07:50,621 --> 00:07:51,977 I'm saying I'm hot for you. 181 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:53,624 Me? 182 00:07:53,927 --> 00:07:55,233 Is this for real? 183 00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:57,610 Is my beating heart for real? 184 00:07:57,867 --> 00:07:58,786 Oh, Annie. 185 00:07:58,804 --> 00:08:00,781 I don't know if it's the beautiful decorations, 186 00:08:00,808 --> 00:08:03,226 or the impending floral archway, 187 00:08:03,348 --> 00:08:07,150 but there's something about this that feels so right. 188 00:08:07,674 --> 00:08:10,121 It's the perfect moment to remember you by. 189 00:08:10,152 --> 00:08:11,724 Remember me by? 190 00:08:11,845 --> 00:08:13,949 - I'm not going anywhere. - Exactly. 191 00:08:13,974 --> 00:08:15,188 You're going nowhere. 192 00:08:15,206 --> 00:08:18,658 I'm about to return to my cool, adult, lawyer life, 193 00:08:18,728 --> 00:08:20,679 and you're going to be stuck here, playing high school. 194 00:08:20,697 --> 00:08:23,266 - Why are you saying this? - So you face the facts. 195 00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,850 Once I graduate, 196 00:08:24,881 --> 00:08:26,438 I'm gone. 197 00:08:30,375 --> 00:08:32,635 Winger, streaking on your last day of school? 198 00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:33,716 Respect. 199 00:08:33,735 --> 00:08:36,380 Oh, so I got the save the date for your graduation. 200 00:08:36,410 --> 00:08:38,711 Should I bring a date, or try to hook up there? 201 00:08:38,739 --> 00:08:41,370 I'm not going to your stupid graduation, jerk. 202 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,333 I can't believe you said those things to me. 203 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:45,077 - What things? - Don't play dumb. 204 00:08:45,096 --> 00:08:47,715 You want to leave? Leave. See if I care. 205 00:08:47,765 --> 00:08:52,009 - What did you do? - I have no earthly idea. 206 00:08:52,395 --> 00:08:54,733 Look up there. 207 00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:00,956 - Hello, Abed. - Hello, Evil Jeff. 208 00:09:00,976 --> 00:09:01,964 What? How did you— 209 00:09:01,993 --> 00:09:03,374 I may not be good with facial expressions, 210 00:09:03,386 --> 00:09:05,492 but I know an evil doppelganger when I see one. 211 00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:07,107 Plus your arm makes a noise every time you move it. 212 00:09:07,132 --> 00:09:08,711 Silence. 213 00:09:08,952 --> 00:09:11,818 - Are you here to kill Jeff? - Oh, you non-evils are so naive. 214 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:16,033 I'm here to save Jeff from the smothering teat of his study group. 215 00:09:16,075 --> 00:09:19,519 - Is that a paintball gun? - You wish. 216 00:09:22,218 --> 00:09:23,762 Cool. 217 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,979 Wait. Cold. 218 00:09:28,976 --> 00:09:30,608 How did I get to the Dean's office? 219 00:09:30,958 --> 00:09:32,762 Hi. 220 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,320 Out of my chair, monkey. 221 00:09:42,283 --> 00:09:44,389 The darkest timeline. 222 00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:50,312 Annie. 223 00:09:53,330 --> 00:09:56,735 Um, okay, let's start with "Huh?" 224 00:09:56,765 --> 00:10:00,146 Jeff, I'm sorry. I made it all up. 225 00:10:00,177 --> 00:10:02,263 I've been so upset about you graduating 226 00:10:02,281 --> 00:10:04,983 that I've gone a little crazy, emotionally. 227 00:10:04,993 --> 00:10:07,106 Oh, good. I thought I was losing my mind. 228 00:10:07,118 --> 00:10:09,197 Make it up to you with a hug? 229 00:10:14,523 --> 00:10:17,147 This breakfast sandwich cart is such a great idea. 230 00:10:17,159 --> 00:10:18,878 It's never too early for Shirley— 231 00:10:18,902 --> 00:10:20,678 to make a boatload off of hung over college kids. 232 00:10:20,709 --> 00:10:23,003 Speaking of great idea having, hear me out. 233 00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:25,675 It's called "The Troy-jan Horse." 234 00:10:25,862 --> 00:10:30,196 It goes bread, lettuce, ham, ham, bacon, chocolate— 235 00:10:30,227 --> 00:10:32,009 Oh, how you doing, the graduate? 236 00:10:32,028 --> 00:10:35,838 Just stopping by to hand out some un-vites to my graduation. 237 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,645 Here's one for the desperate housewife 238 00:10:37,676 --> 00:10:41,481 who spends more time with her pathetic business than with her family. 239 00:10:41,506 --> 00:10:42,556 And you. 240 00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:45,354 If you call a sandwich a "Troy-jan Horse," 241 00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,723 people are going to think there's horse in it. 242 00:10:48,494 --> 00:10:50,213 Oh, my dreams. 243 00:10:50,238 --> 00:10:51,729 Whatever, losers. 244 00:10:51,754 --> 00:10:53,211 See you never. 245 00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:55,084 Where's Abed? 246 00:10:56,926 --> 00:10:58,084 Is anyone here? 247 00:10:58,102 --> 00:11:00,113 Hello, Abed. Welcome to our home. 248 00:11:00,146 --> 00:11:02,364 - Hello, Evil Abed. - It's just Abed now. 249 00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:03,908 After we met, I abandoned my evil goal 250 00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:05,753 to focus on brightening my own timeline instead. 251 00:11:05,786 --> 00:11:07,479 - Do you live here alone? - Yes. 252 00:11:07,503 --> 00:11:09,504 Evil Troy moved out when I gave up the cause. 253 00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:12,724 Now he only listens to Evil Jeff, who sort of took over this year, villain-wise. 254 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:16,198 Jeff left Greendale and became a scummy lawyer again, but the more evil he got, 255 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,952 the more he became tortured by the idea that there's still a good Jeff out there, 256 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,499 being good somewhere. 257 00:11:20,574 --> 00:11:22,887 That's why he forced me to show him how to travel between timelines. 258 00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:24,241 My God. 259 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,754 - This is so cool. - I know. 260 00:11:25,779 --> 00:11:28,087 You have no idea how long I've been waiting to talk to you about it. 261 00:11:28,112 --> 00:11:31,156 Kind of a Superman III meets that Star Trek episode meets season three of The Cape. 262 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:33,127 - The Cape was cancelled. - Not here. 263 00:11:33,140 --> 00:11:35,947 They retooled it for cable, and it's awesome. 264 00:11:36,054 --> 00:11:37,229 Want to see it? 265 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,383 Desperately. But I need to get back to my timeline 266 00:11:39,402 --> 00:11:40,481 and stop Evil Jeff. 267 00:11:40,506 --> 00:11:42,300 So I came to the only person who could help me—me. 268 00:11:42,332 --> 00:11:43,599 I'll get you home, Abed. 269 00:11:43,745 --> 00:11:45,227 But first, 270 00:11:45,258 --> 00:11:47,258 you'll need some supplies. 271 00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,430 Everyone must be running late. 272 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,615 Here, Jeffrey. You're graduated. 273 00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:58,851 Take your precious diploma and just go. 274 00:11:58,869 --> 00:12:00,419 I cannot believe 275 00:12:00,431 --> 00:12:02,883 the hurtful things you said to me in my office. 276 00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:05,623 I'll have you know that wanting a little pageantry in your life 277 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:09,263 isn't a crime or a lifestyle choice. 278 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:16,218 Okay, Annie, something definitely weird is happening. 279 00:12:16,245 --> 00:12:18,285 No one's here, the Dean is mad at me, 280 00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,658 and he is never mad at me, and— 281 00:12:21,022 --> 00:12:22,041 a third reason. 282 00:12:22,065 --> 00:12:23,860 Congratulations, Jeff. 283 00:12:23,939 --> 00:12:26,202 Don't worry about the study group. You can talk to them later. 284 00:12:26,227 --> 00:12:30,239 Why don't you and I go celebrate someplace private and boozy? 285 00:12:30,245 --> 00:12:32,724 Annie, why are you acting like a mistress in a lifetime movie? 286 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:34,542 You're funny. 287 00:12:34,555 --> 00:12:37,419 Oh, sweetheart, you dropped your phone earlier. 288 00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:40,286 You've got a voicemail from a guy named Mark? 289 00:12:40,499 --> 00:12:42,050 - You should call him. - Not now. 290 00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:43,838 I have to find the others and figure this out. 291 00:12:43,855 --> 00:12:45,735 Crap. We're losing him. 292 00:12:46,355 --> 00:12:47,656 - What? - What? 293 00:12:47,674 --> 00:12:48,744 Who are you? 294 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,466 You're me? 295 00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:52,723 - But how? - But how? 296 00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:53,910 Enough of the pleasantries 297 00:12:53,922 --> 00:12:57,310 I've come from the darkest timeline to make sure you take that job. 298 00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,198 It's essential to our future. 299 00:12:59,204 --> 00:13:01,803 - You want it, idiot, so take it. - I can't. 300 00:13:01,837 --> 00:13:05,967 I've spent almost four years here, growing and changing and making dioramas. 301 00:13:05,999 --> 00:13:07,997 - I'm not that guy anymore. - You're wrong. 302 00:13:08,009 --> 00:13:10,638 Greendale may have dulled your killer instinct, 303 00:13:10,650 --> 00:13:12,979 but trust me, it's still in you. 304 00:13:12,991 --> 00:13:16,794 It's time to leave this place and reclaim your proper life. 305 00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:18,178 No. 306 00:13:18,203 --> 00:13:19,947 Not without my study group. 307 00:13:19,972 --> 00:13:22,519 Ugh. Now who's in a lifetime movie? 308 00:13:22,564 --> 00:13:24,942 Then I'll be rid of you another way. 309 00:13:28,745 --> 00:13:33,882 Friendship! 310 00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,793 Mm. Cold. 311 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,822 Well, the subtle approach failed. 312 00:13:42,859 --> 00:13:44,084 What's next? 313 00:13:44,103 --> 00:13:45,671 Explain it slowly. 314 00:13:45,732 --> 00:13:47,858 Need some help? 315 00:13:48,362 --> 00:13:50,953 Let's burn this mother down. 316 00:13:57,432 --> 00:14:00,688 Jeff must be graduating about now. I wonder if anyone's there. 317 00:14:00,719 --> 00:14:01,769 Doubt he cares. 318 00:14:01,791 --> 00:14:03,547 Pierce won't even respond to my texts. 319 00:14:03,573 --> 00:14:05,758 I wonder what terrible things Jeff said about him. 320 00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:07,037 I've got some guesses. 321 00:14:08,344 --> 00:14:09,282 Let me finish. 322 00:14:09,313 --> 00:14:12,746 Look, I know this may sound crazy, and more than a little convenient, 323 00:14:12,758 --> 00:14:15,424 but whatever I said to you, it wasn't me. 324 00:14:15,449 --> 00:14:16,449 It was Evil Jeff. 325 00:14:17,049 --> 00:14:18,237 Come on. 326 00:14:18,255 --> 00:14:20,480 Something happened when I rolled that die. Something terrible. 327 00:14:20,499 --> 00:14:22,131 Something only nerds can understand. 328 00:14:22,155 --> 00:14:22,925 Mm-hmm. 329 00:14:22,944 --> 00:14:24,300 You have to believe me. 330 00:14:24,343 --> 00:14:25,632 They're coming for us. 331 00:14:25,686 --> 00:14:27,104 No. 332 00:14:27,981 --> 00:14:29,738 - We're coming for them. - Abed, where have you been? 333 00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:30,754 The darkest timeline. 334 00:14:30,776 --> 00:14:34,276 You guys never believe me, so this time, I brought proof, the doppeldeaner. 335 00:14:35,347 --> 00:14:37,522 Abed brought me here to prove to all of you— 336 00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:39,027 Whoa. 337 00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:41,331 Actually, I figured that these paintball warping guns would convince you. 338 00:14:41,359 --> 00:14:43,934 Listen up, people. We've got an inter-dimensional battle on our hands. 339 00:14:43,961 --> 00:14:47,821 Our evil counterparts are waging a war, and it's either us or us. 340 00:14:47,857 --> 00:14:49,224 All right. 341 00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,722 Let's light up these dark suckers. 342 00:14:52,332 --> 00:14:53,876 Okay, everyone. Stay sharp. 343 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:56,720 If you see yourself, warp on sight. 344 00:14:56,749 --> 00:14:59,489 I'd like to warp myself to a dairy-free mudslide. 345 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,127 That's just vodka, Shirley. 346 00:15:01,139 --> 00:15:03,393 - I know what it is. - Ah-ha. 347 00:15:03,674 --> 00:15:04,730 Pierce? 348 00:15:04,754 --> 00:15:06,604 - We thought you were dead. - Hell, no. 349 00:15:06,616 --> 00:15:09,086 After I got shot, I faked my death 350 00:15:09,098 --> 00:15:11,570 - to teach you all a lesson. - Lesson about what? 351 00:15:11,604 --> 00:15:13,869 Who can remember? It was more than a year ago. 352 00:15:13,893 --> 00:15:15,199 And yet, 353 00:15:15,213 --> 00:15:18,031 here you all are, planning an invasion without me. 354 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,605 Again, we thought you were dead. 355 00:15:20,623 --> 00:15:23,224 Listen, I-I can help you guys beat the lame study group. 356 00:15:23,241 --> 00:15:24,593 Just tell me how this works. 357 00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:25,459 Fine. 358 00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:27,348 It's complicated, but basically, 359 00:15:27,367 --> 00:15:29,899 the first person to shoot themselves wins. 360 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:32,486 Winner. 361 00:15:32,504 --> 00:15:34,083 Well, that bow tied itself. 362 00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:35,975 Dang, I got hair dye on my coat. 363 00:15:35,985 --> 00:15:37,952 Dang, it's spreading. 364 00:15:37,974 --> 00:15:40,304 Damn it, Britta. Did you shoot yourself too? 365 00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:42,197 - Every time. - Hey. 366 00:15:42,228 --> 00:15:44,597 Don't talk to her like that. 367 00:15:45,061 --> 00:15:48,046 - Every time. - We're here. Scatter. 368 00:15:55,416 --> 00:15:57,076 Get help. 369 00:15:58,513 --> 00:16:01,257 Can't hide forever, lame Annie. 370 00:16:01,288 --> 00:16:02,519 Just let me shoot you. 371 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,662 You'll love the darkest timeline. 372 00:16:04,691 --> 00:16:06,651 We're sleeping with Jeff there. 373 00:16:06,702 --> 00:16:08,271 What? We are? 374 00:16:08,313 --> 00:16:09,741 All the time. 375 00:16:09,759 --> 00:16:12,656 And he loves it. 376 00:16:15,069 --> 00:16:17,078 Nobody sleeps with Jeff. 377 00:16:17,097 --> 00:16:19,358 Not even me. 378 00:16:22,339 --> 00:16:23,756 I've been counting bullets. 379 00:16:23,790 --> 00:16:25,020 One of us is out. 380 00:16:25,038 --> 00:16:26,698 - Is it you? - Yes. 381 00:16:26,788 --> 00:16:28,611 Why would you tell me that? 382 00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,604 To sound intimidating. 383 00:16:32,606 --> 00:16:34,224 Oh. 384 00:16:34,255 --> 00:16:35,952 Almost 385 00:16:35,989 --> 00:16:37,989 worked. 386 00:16:38,639 --> 00:16:40,651 Ballin'. 387 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:47,247 Okay. Only Evil Jeff is left. 388 00:16:47,268 --> 00:16:49,963 - You've got to take him out. What? - Why don't I just give him what he wants? 389 00:16:49,983 --> 00:16:51,534 - You can't give up now. - Why not? 390 00:16:51,559 --> 00:16:52,875 Because it's not real. 391 00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:53,934 Look around, Jeff. 392 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:57,515 Haven't you noticed the vending machines are full of meats and hard-boiled eggs? 393 00:16:58,043 --> 00:17:00,927 Or that all the background students are attractive women? 394 00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:02,966 Hi. 395 00:17:03,381 --> 00:17:04,239 Yeah. 396 00:17:04,372 --> 00:17:06,625 This is a world you've created in your own mind. 397 00:17:06,656 --> 00:17:08,119 The real battle is within. 398 00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,723 You're afraid to graduate because you think 399 00:17:09,735 --> 00:17:11,545 Greendale has changed you too much. 400 00:17:11,570 --> 00:17:14,149 So part of you wants Evil Jeff to win, because then you could go backwards 401 00:17:14,155 --> 00:17:15,880 and pretend you're the same guy you were four years ago. 402 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,513 But you're not. You're stronger. You're better. 403 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,069 You have friends. No, screw that. You have a family. 404 00:17:21,203 --> 00:17:22,610 Wait. 405 00:17:22,967 --> 00:17:25,687 If this is all in my mind, then I don't really need to fight him. 406 00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:27,758 Don't logic this one away from me. 407 00:17:28,072 --> 00:17:31,061 We finally figured out a way to make paintball cool again. 408 00:17:35,132 --> 00:17:36,926 Hey, handsome. 409 00:18:00,618 --> 00:18:02,169 On second thought, 410 00:18:02,195 --> 00:18:03,546 who needs to roll a die? 411 00:18:03,588 --> 00:18:05,254 And who cares if we have soda? 412 00:18:05,287 --> 00:18:07,201 As long as you guys are with me, 413 00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:09,429 I have everything I need to graduate. 414 00:18:09,458 --> 00:18:10,871 Yeah. 415 00:18:10,908 --> 00:18:12,570 Forget soda. 416 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,325 Friends, Greendalians, human beings, 417 00:18:16,343 --> 00:18:17,948 we are gathered here today to honor 418 00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:23,012 that sacred and eternal bond between a student and his Dean. 419 00:18:23,063 --> 00:18:26,094 Neither time nor distance nor screening one's calls 420 00:18:26,113 --> 00:18:29,474 could ever sever what nature herself has ordained. 421 00:18:29,493 --> 00:18:32,013 - When two men are drawn— - I'll take it from here, Craig. 422 00:18:32,032 --> 00:18:34,808 Fair enough. I was reaching. 423 00:18:35,611 --> 00:18:38,646 Three and a half years ago, when I came to Greendale, 424 00:18:38,822 --> 00:18:41,483 - I met six very important people. - Ooh. 425 00:18:41,689 --> 00:18:44,001 Burn on Britta. Sorry, seven. 426 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,498 And meeting these people changed my life. 427 00:18:48,548 --> 00:18:50,003 Yep. 428 00:18:51,623 --> 00:18:53,741 I'm sorry. I-I don't know what to say. 429 00:18:54,707 --> 00:18:55,975 - Yeah, okay. - Whatever. 430 00:18:55,987 --> 00:18:57,941 I'm so used to being the guy 431 00:18:57,975 --> 00:18:59,976 who can talk his way out of anything, 432 00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,887 but what do you say when you don't want a way out? 433 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,083 What you all have done for me is 434 00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:08,839 indescribable. 435 00:19:08,878 --> 00:19:10,508 It's unbelievable. 436 00:19:10,635 --> 00:19:12,991 And my love for you is 437 00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:14,909 immeasurable, 438 00:19:15,118 --> 00:19:17,829 even when you split it seven ways. 439 00:19:20,696 --> 00:19:22,526 Well said, Jeffrey. 440 00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:24,827 If anyone here should have just cause 441 00:19:24,858 --> 00:19:27,644 why Jeffrey Tobias Winger should not be graduated, 442 00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,286 speak now or forever— 443 00:19:31,024 --> 00:19:31,937 Pierce. 444 00:19:31,967 --> 00:19:34,338 You don't have to do this. I'm ready to graduate. 445 00:19:34,369 --> 00:19:35,769 Yeah? 446 00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:37,917 Well, I'm ready to graduate first. 447 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,367 Seems oddly appropriate. 448 00:19:40,392 --> 00:19:41,973 Congratulations, Pierce. 449 00:19:48,171 --> 00:19:49,888 Perfect. 450 00:19:49,916 --> 00:19:51,822 So what's next for Jeffrey Winger? 451 00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:54,519 I'm thinking I might look into some small local firms. 452 00:19:54,537 --> 00:19:56,565 I'm going to use my big mouth to help the little guy. 453 00:19:56,584 --> 00:19:57,665 Aww. 454 00:19:57,684 --> 00:20:00,432 Plus, if I stay in town, I can pop by any time I want. 455 00:20:00,464 --> 00:20:02,699 You know, just to settle any group arguments 456 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,145 about who misses me the most. 457 00:20:04,164 --> 00:20:05,606 Oh— 458 00:20:05,947 --> 00:20:07,279 What do you think? 459 00:20:07,309 --> 00:20:09,177 - To Jeff. - To Jeffrey. 460 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,348 Welcome back. We've got a jam-packed show, so let's get started. 461 00:20:23,376 --> 00:20:25,506 Today, as always, we'll be visited once again 462 00:20:25,518 --> 00:20:28,131 by Greendale's king and supreme lord master, Dean Chang. 463 00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:30,257 Looks like he'll be talking about squash this time. 464 00:20:30,269 --> 00:20:31,841 Oh, I'm super excited for that. 465 00:20:31,866 --> 00:20:33,938 And not only because it's mandatory. 466 00:20:33,956 --> 00:20:35,807 But first, we'll take a spin around the timeline map 467 00:20:35,825 --> 00:20:39,331 and find out what's happening in the universes that parallel ours. 468 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,269 Thanks, us. I'm standing here in timeline five, 469 00:20:43,296 --> 00:20:44,696 where things are pretty much normal. 470 00:20:44,738 --> 00:20:45,444 Normal? 471 00:20:45,456 --> 00:20:47,752 Troy, people are on fire in Nairobi. 472 00:20:47,774 --> 00:20:49,608 You call that normal? 473 00:20:49,642 --> 00:20:51,937 I've become much more conscious of world issues 474 00:20:51,942 --> 00:20:55,202 since Troy and I decided to give our baby an African name. 475 00:20:55,235 --> 00:20:57,403 Isn't that right, Chewbacca? 476 00:20:57,437 --> 00:20:59,297 It means, "He who hunts bounties." 477 00:20:59,419 --> 00:21:00,873 Back to you. 478 00:21:02,108 --> 00:21:04,710 Wow, it sounds like things are really heating up in Nairobi. 479 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:07,566 That's nothing compared to the fire in our studio audience. 480 00:21:07,977 --> 00:21:09,194 Hey, idiots. 481 00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:11,771 How many times have I told you, the show doesn't really exist. 482 00:21:11,808 --> 00:21:13,540 No one's watching. 483 00:21:13,763 --> 00:21:15,481 Duh-doy. We know. 484 00:21:15,558 --> 00:21:16,869 Yeah, we're just messing around. 485 00:21:16,891 --> 00:21:19,379 - See you at lunch, Evil Jeff. - See you at lunch. 486 00:21:25,261 --> 00:21:30,261 Resync for WEB-DL by Norther