1
00:00:03,226 --> 00:00:05,008
It's open!

2
00:00:05,126 --> 00:00:09,596
Look at us. Our group's
first grown-up Christmas party.

3
00:00:09,612 --> 00:00:11,612
Thanks for hosting.
I hope you don't mind.

4
00:00:11,624 --> 00:00:13,129
I brought a few things
just to make the place

5
00:00:13,142 --> 00:00:15,907
look a little less short-term
corporate housing.

6
00:00:15,938 --> 00:00:18,473
Oh, well,
mi casa es su art project.

7
00:00:18,563 --> 00:00:19,813
Cool.

8
00:00:20,182 --> 00:00:23,351
Figured just a little
something there,

9
00:00:23,362 --> 00:00:25,867
a little zhuzh right there.

10
00:00:25,923 --> 00:00:28,418
Just a few things
to add a little Annie.

11
00:00:28,444 --> 00:00:29,819
Annie, do we have to have
another talk

12
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,923
about you wanting
to play house with me?

13
00:00:31,957 --> 00:00:35,759
Sha.
Sha-na-not.

14
00:00:35,833 --> 00:00:38,742
I'm just decorating
for a party.

15
00:00:38,798 --> 00:00:41,476
Oh, I saw these curtains,
and I couldn't resist.

16
00:00:41,488 --> 00:00:42,760
Let's just live with them
for a night.

17
00:00:42,779 --> 00:00:45,793
We can totally return them.
Oh, let's totally return them.

18
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:48,898
Jeff.
Live with them for one night.

19
00:00:48,957 --> 00:00:52,184
Actually, these will also work
for Valentine's Day,

20
00:00:52,209 --> 00:00:54,372
Presidents Day,
whenever people get to see it.

21
00:00:55,118 --> 00:00:58,000
Annie, what is this?

22
00:00:58,106 --> 00:00:59,168
Oh.

23
00:00:59,224 --> 00:01:00,948
I know we said no gifts,

24
00:01:00,969 --> 00:01:03,170
but I couldn't resist.

25
00:01:03,269 --> 00:01:06,156
You realize you've just put your
friends in a very awkward position.

26
00:01:06,175 --> 00:01:08,513
A gift creates obligation.

27
00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:09,929
I don't see it that way.

28
00:01:09,942 --> 00:01:12,567
Well, I do, and I think the
others will too.

29
00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:14,098
Merry Christmas.

30
00:01:14,123 --> 00:01:16,190
I know we said no gifts,
but I couldn't resist.

31
00:01:16,227 --> 00:01:18,395
Oh, who couldn't have seen
that coming?

32
00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:20,245
Oh, Annie, I love
what you did with the place.

33
00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:22,458
It's a work in progress.

34
00:01:22,669 --> 00:01:25,254
Good tidings,
fellow Christmas celebrators.

35
00:01:25,287 --> 00:01:26,543
And to all a good wassailing.

36
00:01:26,561 --> 00:01:29,124
I know we said no gifts,
but we couldn't resist.

37
00:01:29,148 --> 00:01:32,861
There's a real problem
with resistance in this group.

38
00:01:33,194 --> 00:01:36,794
Hi. Thank you all so much for
inviting me to my first Christmas.

39
00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:40,838
Oh, Annie explained to me that
"no gifts" means "bring gifts."

40
00:01:40,869 --> 00:01:42,918
I'm getting it.
No means yes.

41
00:01:45,432 --> 00:01:47,931
So this is Christmas.
Just this.

42
00:01:47,952 --> 00:01:49,646
I was hoping we could do
a Die Hard in a restaurant.

43
00:01:49,670 --> 00:01:50,884
There's a place
called Nakatomi Sushi.

44
00:01:50,921 --> 00:01:53,006
I hear the Hans Grouper
is to die for.

45
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:55,436
Come on, people, it's all spelled out in
your evites. I know you opened them.

46
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,792
Oh, I brought gifts.

47
00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:58,377
Does Annie live here now?

48
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,790
Okay.

49
00:02:00,902 --> 00:02:02,744
Now that we're all here...

50
00:02:02,808 --> 00:02:04,502
Oh, wait.
Where's Pierce?

51
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:06,939
Oh, sensitivity training
with Gilbert.

52
00:02:07,004 --> 00:02:09,305
Apparently watching Invictus
didn't do the trick.

53
00:02:09,376 --> 00:02:10,453
Oh. Okay.

54
00:02:10,471 --> 00:02:12,560
Well, now that we are all here,

55
00:02:12,608 --> 00:02:15,580
I have some good news
and some bad news.

56
00:02:15,598 --> 00:02:17,499
Great.
Black licorice?

57
00:02:17,524 --> 00:02:19,198
I have to start
with the bad news.

58
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:21,293
It's about our history paper.

59
00:02:21,324 --> 00:02:23,998
I heard through back channels
we got a failing grade.

60
00:02:24,035 --> 00:02:25,752
- What?
- Kendra told me.

61
00:02:25,778 --> 00:02:27,727
She does assistant work
for Professor Cornwallis.

62
00:02:27,763 --> 00:02:29,575
I'll bet she does.

63
00:02:29,614 --> 00:02:31,514
We failed?
This is terrible.

64
00:02:31,533 --> 00:02:33,698
I need that paper to graduate.

65
00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:34,894
Who screwed up their section?

66
00:02:34,925 --> 00:02:36,641
- Jeff, it doesn't matter.
- No, it matters to me.

67
00:02:36,681 --> 00:02:39,156
I want to know who cost me
my early graduation.

68
00:02:39,174 --> 00:02:41,052
- I didn't do anything wrong.
- I worked really hard.

69
00:02:41,085 --> 00:02:43,506
Guys, there's no need
to point fingers,

70
00:02:43,518 --> 00:02:45,380
because I haven't told you
the good news.

71
00:02:45,393 --> 00:02:47,183
I invited the professor
to our party tonight.

72
00:02:47,215 --> 00:02:48,982
- Annie!
- What? How is that better?

73
00:02:49,007 --> 00:02:51,261
No, no, Annie's right.
This could work.

74
00:02:51,279 --> 00:02:53,236
I mean, the grade isn't etched
in stone.

75
00:02:53,266 --> 00:02:56,197
I mean, these British guys like
to socialize with their students.

76
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:58,369
We just need to show him
a good time,

77
00:02:58,394 --> 00:03:01,805
laugh at his jokes, love whatever he
loves, and by the end of the night

78
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,435
I bet you we can get that grade
back up to a "C".

79
00:03:04,466 --> 00:03:05,732
Who knows?
Maybe even an "A".

80
00:03:05,763 --> 00:03:06,982
Or something realistic.

81
00:03:07,016 --> 00:03:08,871
And just like that
our pleasant holiday party

82
00:03:08,883 --> 00:03:10,891
turned into a tense,
high-stakes secret mission.

83
00:03:10,922 --> 00:03:13,207
No costumes.
No funny voices.

84
00:03:13,258 --> 00:03:14,892
- Oh.
- Okay.

85
00:03:14,955 --> 00:03:16,618
But, for the purpose
of story symmetry,

86
00:03:16,649 --> 00:03:18,912
I suggest we wait here silently
until the professor arrives.

87
00:03:18,946 --> 00:03:20,911
It's the only real plot point
we need next.

88
00:03:25,975 --> 00:03:27,375
Oh, what...
this is ridic...

89
00:03:52,534 --> 00:03:55,475
4x10
Intro to Knots

90
00:03:56,243 --> 00:03:58,180
Hi!

91
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,691
I'm sorry.
I can't stay long.

92
00:03:59,713 --> 00:04:01,463
I've got my daughter in town.

93
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:03,301
Didn't want to appear rude.

94
00:04:03,564 --> 00:04:06,457
Was I expected to bring a gift?

95
00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:09,629
No.
Nor was anyone else.

96
00:04:09,653 --> 00:04:11,462
Can I show you around,
starting with the bar?

97
00:04:11,493 --> 00:04:13,854
A lovely place.
Very feminine.

98
00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:17,485
Did you hear him use
"feminine" as an insult?

99
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,857
Typical phallo-centric
worldview.

100
00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:23,785
I bet he gave us a failing grade
because he could tell my section

101
00:04:23,804 --> 00:04:26,016
was written
by a strong, independent...

102
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,980
Would you excuse me?
I've just seen an old friend.

103
00:04:27,998 --> 00:04:30,393
Hurry back soon.

104
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:34,257
Hey, Abed,
got you an early Christmas gift.

105
00:04:34,318 --> 00:04:36,919
I know you were bummed about not
doing Die Hard in a restaurant.

106
00:04:36,997 --> 00:04:39,947
And your recent divorce.

107
00:04:39,992 --> 00:04:42,508
Yippee-ki-yay, Father Christmas.

108
00:04:42,525 --> 00:04:45,420
I tried to get you "taking off shoes,"
but I didn't know how to wrap it.

109
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,086
John McClane's tank top?

110
00:04:47,169 --> 00:04:49,771
You're getting really good
at Christmas, Troy.

111
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:52,191
- Ooh, things I've never seen before.
- It's Macallan Eighteen.

112
00:04:52,216 --> 00:04:54,482
I like to serve it neat
if that's okay with you?

113
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:55,688
What, in America?

114
00:04:55,721 --> 00:04:58,085
Don't you mix it
with cherry pop or

115
00:04:58,154 --> 00:05:00,015
Monterey Jack cheese?

116
00:05:00,037 --> 00:05:02,425
Professor,
these are melon slices with ham.

117
00:05:02,444 --> 00:05:04,064
And asparagus
wrapped in salmon.

118
00:05:04,076 --> 00:05:07,069
I see somebody's
been attempting tapas.

119
00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,353
Oh, that would be me.

120
00:05:08,372 --> 00:05:11,309
I think cuisine is like
a window into history.

121
00:05:11,339 --> 00:05:12,640
I believe it was the hun...

122
00:05:12,664 --> 00:05:15,246
Actually, you know,
I was talking to the ladies.

123
00:05:15,264 --> 00:05:16,648
Oh.

124
00:05:16,737 --> 00:05:19,131
Well, I'll let... I'll leave
you three be, all right?

125
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,777
Britta.

126
00:05:21,439 --> 00:05:23,894
Look, the professor
seems to be responding

127
00:05:23,913 --> 00:05:25,320
to things that I don't have,

128
00:05:25,345 --> 00:05:27,242
so you gotta get in there
and jiggle something.

129
00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,162
He hates me.

130
00:05:28,182 --> 00:05:30,186
He called me Broken
Barbie all year.

131
00:05:30,203 --> 00:05:33,902
Well, we're all gonna have to work it
if we're gonna get that grade changed.

132
00:05:34,347 --> 00:05:36,331
Be honest.
Your section sucked, right?

133
00:05:36,359 --> 00:05:39,545
No way. I read an entire book
on the Peloponnesian War.

134
00:05:39,569 --> 00:05:41,457
Wow.
You pronounced it right.

135
00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:44,483
Then someone else had to tank
it for us to get that "F".

136
00:05:44,496 --> 00:05:46,890
Someone else?

137
00:05:47,243 --> 00:05:49,422
- Can you keep a secret?
- Yeah.

138
00:05:49,546 --> 00:05:51,960
- I blew my section off.
- What?

139
00:05:51,978 --> 00:05:55,059
Well, there was a secret Tom Waits
show in town, so I did the math.

140
00:05:55,077 --> 00:05:57,057
There's seven sections
to the paper.

141
00:05:57,088 --> 00:06:00,535
Annie gets an "A", Pierce buys
his from Neil, so that's solid.

142
00:06:00,566 --> 00:06:02,054
And then you guys get
"B's and "C's,

143
00:06:02,066 --> 00:06:04,099
so, I figured if my
section gets an "F",

144
00:06:04,124 --> 00:06:06,327
the worst we could end up
with is a "C-minus."

145
00:06:06,378 --> 00:06:07,988
So you just left
your section blank?

146
00:06:08,007 --> 00:06:09,201
No, of course not.

147
00:06:09,219 --> 00:06:11,628
I copied and pasted the lyrics
to War, What Is It Good For?

148
00:06:11,647 --> 00:06:13,499
- Good God.
- Shh.

149
00:06:13,891 --> 00:06:15,484
Your friends
were counting on you.

150
00:06:15,496 --> 00:06:16,815
Well, that's their fault.

151
00:06:16,846 --> 00:06:21,175
I have carefully cultivated a persona
that screams, "You're on your own."

152
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,062
That's my judgey face.

153
00:06:23,086 --> 00:06:24,594
Noted.
I'll make it right.

154
00:06:24,606 --> 00:06:26,376
I'm going back in.

155
00:06:28,536 --> 00:06:30,811
- How's it going?
- Well, he asked me to get

156
00:06:30,829 --> 00:06:32,874
my fit bum to the kitchen
for a refill,

157
00:06:32,882 --> 00:06:33,982
so that's good, right?

158
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:35,469
Kevin's showing him
a card trick.

159
00:06:35,550 --> 00:06:36,496
What?

160
00:06:36,539 --> 00:06:38,429
Oh, God.

161
00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:39,527
Is this a card?

162
00:06:39,546 --> 00:06:41,586
No, it isn't.
Queen of Hearts.

163
00:06:41,619 --> 00:06:42,900
No, I'm asking, is this a card?

164
00:06:42,918 --> 00:06:45,275
Hey, Kevin, did you know
that we have bubble wrap?

165
00:06:45,354 --> 00:06:47,886
- What?
- Poppy poppy paper.

166
00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:50,629
I so enjoy that.
Do you mind if I pop some?

167
00:06:50,647 --> 00:06:51,992
Oh, go crazy.

168
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:53,282
Changnesia.

169
00:06:53,307 --> 00:06:55,662
I mean,
why do you indulge that idiot?

170
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:57,657
Oh, I, too, was skeptical
at first,

171
00:06:57,675 --> 00:06:59,501
but now I actually have
some sympathy.

172
00:06:59,532 --> 00:07:00,907
I believe
it was Tacitus who said...

173
00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:03,651
You know, Mr. Winger,
your pathetic attempts

174
00:07:03,694 --> 00:07:05,887
to suck up to me
are a wee bit transparent.

175
00:07:05,938 --> 00:07:07,964
I mean, I can only surmise
that it's something to do

176
00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:10,672
with the "C-minus" I gave you
for that final paper.

177
00:07:11,045 --> 00:07:12,092
"C-minus"?

178
00:07:12,116 --> 00:07:13,980
Oh, thank you.
Is this the...

179
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,509
If you'll excuse us.

180
00:07:15,532 --> 00:07:17,626
Annie, he's giving us
a "C-minus."

181
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:20,022
- Right.
- A "C-minus" is not a failing grade.

182
00:07:20,036 --> 00:07:21,297
To me, it is.

183
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:22,806
I'm on a Valedictorian track,

184
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:25,809
and a "C-minus" means I fail
to get Valedictorian.

185
00:07:25,853 --> 00:07:27,634
You ruined our Christmas dinner

186
00:07:27,651 --> 00:07:30,605
so you could be crowned the smartest
person at the dumbest school?

187
00:07:30,637 --> 00:07:32,115
Look, the only reason I agreed

188
00:07:32,133 --> 00:07:34,001
to kiss
that pompous anglo's ass

189
00:07:34,023 --> 00:07:35,909
was because I thought
we were getting an "F".

190
00:07:35,921 --> 00:07:37,434
Good news, Mr. Winger.

191
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,744
You may remove your lips
from my buttocks,

192
00:07:39,762 --> 00:07:43,024
because you have in fact succeeded
in changing your grade.

193
00:07:43,102 --> 00:07:45,083
- It's now an "F".
- What?

194
00:07:45,123 --> 00:07:46,585
You're "F" -ing us?

195
00:07:46,610 --> 00:07:49,575
Professor, if you could
just give us a minute,

196
00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:51,523
this has been
a terrible misunderstanding,

197
00:07:51,548 --> 00:07:55,151
and I'm sure we can get
this whole thing sorted out.

198
00:07:55,764 --> 00:07:57,716
Bedroom.
Now.

199
00:07:59,784 --> 00:08:01,126
Jeff just got us an "F".

200
00:08:01,151 --> 00:08:03,582
- I thought we had an "F".
- No, we were lied to.

201
00:08:03,607 --> 00:08:04,970
This isn't fun.
That guy's creepy.

202
00:08:04,987 --> 00:08:07,623
Yeah, if there's a human version
of Scrooge McDuck, this guy is it.

203
00:08:07,648 --> 00:08:09,627
This wouldn't have happened
if Jeff hadn't taunted him.

204
00:08:09,645 --> 00:08:11,943
No, it wouldn't have happened
if you hadn't decided

205
00:08:11,955 --> 00:08:13,531
a "C-minus" isn't good enough.

206
00:08:13,556 --> 00:08:15,000
When are you gonna grow up
and realize

207
00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:17,335
that grades don't matter
outside of school?

208
00:08:17,361 --> 00:08:20,232
That's a lie they tell dumb people when
they're fitting them for work boots.

209
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,762
All we needed
was a passing grade,

210
00:08:21,787 --> 00:08:25,131
and we had it until you
dragged us into this mess.

211
00:08:26,584 --> 00:08:28,188
- Judgey face.
- All right.

212
00:08:28,194 --> 00:08:29,740
I will talk to him, man to man,

213
00:08:29,747 --> 00:08:31,234
and try to get
our "C-minus" back.

214
00:08:31,247 --> 00:08:31,873
Ah!

215
00:08:31,898 --> 00:08:33,828
Annie, it's the best
we can do right now.

216
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,856
- Let me handle this.
- Let go of me,

217
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:38,016
you big, hairy nutter!

218
00:08:39,156 --> 00:08:40,977
I'm proving my worth
to you guys.

219
00:08:41,034 --> 00:08:43,752
Do you want me to kill him?

220
00:08:48,839 --> 00:08:51,561
- Kevin bad!
- I have Changnesia.

221
00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:52,460
I'm not a dog.

222
00:08:52,485 --> 00:08:54,950
Professor, we're so sorry.

223
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,952
Obviously,
Kevin made a mistake.

224
00:08:56,977 --> 00:08:58,365
Or did he?

225
00:08:58,380 --> 00:08:59,844
Why are you
"or did he" -ing him?

226
00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:02,629
I'm just saying the professor
can't get any more tied up,

227
00:09:02,636 --> 00:09:04,669
and we can't get any less
than an "F",

228
00:09:04,693 --> 00:09:07,144
so let's just take a beat
and think this through.

229
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,136
Okay, this is way better
than Die Hard in a restaurant.

230
00:09:09,154 --> 00:09:12,700
So what exactly
is your plan here, Mr. Winger?

231
00:09:12,759 --> 00:09:15,009
I mean, I'm certainly
not gonna change your grade,

232
00:09:15,052 --> 00:09:17,769
and it'll take several days
to starve me

233
00:09:17,789 --> 00:09:20,875
as I really loaded up
on that dreadful tapas.

234
00:09:20,887 --> 00:09:23,349
Oh, but you already
have changed it, professor.

235
00:09:23,361 --> 00:09:25,192
You just dropped it to an "F",

236
00:09:25,222 --> 00:09:28,681
thereby proving the work on the page
is not the only factor you consider.

237
00:09:28,752 --> 00:09:31,010
And now, thanks to Kevin's
complete misreading

238
00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:34,107
of the situation, we have
our moment of maximum leverage,

239
00:09:34,125 --> 00:09:36,101
so let's just talk
about this "F".

240
00:09:36,138 --> 00:09:39,702
Maybe it can come up
to a "C-minus," or, who knows,

241
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:41,266
perhaps an "A".

242
00:09:41,291 --> 00:09:43,123
This is actually a felony.

243
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:45,460
I mean, I will call the police,

244
00:09:45,474 --> 00:09:47,287
and you will all go to jail.

245
00:09:47,318 --> 00:09:49,186
Let me explain to you
why you won't do that.

246
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:50,434
First, he's tied up.

247
00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,663
First, you're tied up,
and second,

248
00:09:52,690 --> 00:09:55,250
who can really be sure
what happened in this apartment?

249
00:09:55,287 --> 00:09:56,630
Maybe you attacked one of us.

250
00:09:56,651 --> 00:09:59,669
Oh, really?
Where are the signs of struggle?

251
00:10:00,621 --> 00:10:02,135
- Oh.
- You were full of scotch

252
00:10:02,141 --> 00:10:03,615
when things took a dark turn.

253
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:07,684
We'd all heard about your troubles
with co-eds back at Oxford,

254
00:10:07,702 --> 00:10:11,179
but it was becoming
all too real.

255
00:10:11,266 --> 00:10:13,529
As you lumbered around the room,
we had to assume

256
00:10:13,553 --> 00:10:15,877
you were coming after me
or Britta.

257
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,083
Ah-ah-ahem!

258
00:10:17,103 --> 00:10:18,652
Or Shirley,

259
00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:22,628
who I didn't mention earlier, because
she intimidates you sexually.

260
00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:25,518
- Thank you.
- Point being,

261
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,984
let's just take the idea of the police
off the table, shall we, professor?

262
00:10:29,008 --> 00:10:33,498
Fine. You think you can hold this group
together without anyone cracking?

263
00:10:33,523 --> 00:10:34,950
Oh, we're solid.

264
00:10:34,981 --> 00:10:38,665
Empires are always destroyed
from within.

265
00:10:38,707 --> 00:10:43,430
And I can prove it to you from the
comparative comfort of this tacky chair.

266
00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:45,578
I will give an "A" right now

267
00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:47,995
to the first person
that unties me.

268
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:49,207
The rest of you will fail.

269
00:10:52,454 --> 00:10:53,587
Stay where you are.

270
00:10:53,606 --> 00:10:55,787
This is amazing and
possibly all in real time.

271
00:10:55,806 --> 00:10:58,404
Everybody, stop it.
No one listen to him.

272
00:10:58,489 --> 00:11:00,342
The Professor's job
is to make us turn

273
00:11:00,361 --> 00:11:02,710
on one another.
We hold all the cards

274
00:11:02,747 --> 00:11:04,557
as long as we stay united.

275
00:11:04,588 --> 00:11:06,132
And, Kevin, you're one of us.

276
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,400
- Thank you.
- All right.

277
00:11:08,564 --> 00:11:11,777
Who will be the betrayer...

278
00:11:11,853 --> 00:11:14,522
the type-A Lolita,

279
00:11:14,635 --> 00:11:17,211
the put-upon housewife...
- Is that me?

280
00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:20,885
Or how about you,
the odd, emotionless Muslim?

281
00:11:20,954 --> 00:11:23,100
I mean, come on,
you don't deserve an "F".

282
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,251
And you know that,
because of your impairment,

283
00:11:25,263 --> 00:11:27,455
they'll forgive you anyway.

284
00:11:27,481 --> 00:11:29,630
All true, but I'm probably
not your best target.

285
00:11:29,642 --> 00:11:31,261
If you don't mind,
I'd like to get some popcorn.

286
00:11:31,285 --> 00:11:33,011
Typically, it takes a while
for villains to ramp up.

287
00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:34,892
Promise not to monologue
till I get back?

288
00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:36,574
Give it up, professor.
You got nothing.

289
00:11:36,592 --> 00:11:38,966
Oh, I've got plenty.

290
00:11:38,986 --> 00:11:40,777
Why don't we just let him go
and be done with this?

291
00:11:40,802 --> 00:11:42,472
It's Christmas.
We have gifts to unwrap.

292
00:11:42,491 --> 00:11:45,022
Don't you see? We can't now
or someone will get the "A".

293
00:11:45,073 --> 00:11:46,374
No one wants to screw the group.

294
00:11:46,394 --> 00:11:47,764
Oh, you see that, professor?

295
00:11:47,783 --> 00:11:50,983
Your offer actually made it
harder for you to get untied,

296
00:11:51,016 --> 00:11:52,747
because no one wants
to be the betrayer.

297
00:11:52,766 --> 00:11:55,869
Beware the Ides of March,
Mr. Winger.

298
00:11:56,044 --> 00:11:58,717
Everyone wants to be
the betrayer.

299
00:11:58,742 --> 00:12:00,848
What the hell is your game?

300
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,672
I'm trying
to teach you history.

301
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:07,319
Your failure will be the same
as any self-obsessed nation.

302
00:12:07,408 --> 00:12:09,709
You only care about each other
when you're winning.

303
00:12:09,766 --> 00:12:13,111
The Romans loved Rome when it
was raping half the world,

304
00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:15,818
but when Hannibal
came charging over the Alps,

305
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,456
the Romans turned on themselves

306
00:12:17,481 --> 00:12:20,851
as quickly as you can say,
"e pluribus unum."

307
00:12:20,887 --> 00:12:23,152
I'm pretty sure it's "anus."

308
00:12:23,164 --> 00:12:26,505
Usually, the cracks are hidden
within the alliances.

309
00:12:26,686 --> 00:12:27,853
So let's see.

310
00:12:27,893 --> 00:12:29,074
In any group of seven,

311
00:12:29,105 --> 00:12:32,417
there's bound to be
some romantic entanglements.

312
00:12:32,449 --> 00:12:35,121
See, I've noticed
that the damaged blonde

313
00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:37,418
is dating
the childish black one,

314
00:12:37,742 --> 00:12:40,193
I wonder, does anyone
take issue with that pairing?

315
00:12:40,212 --> 00:12:43,451
You're fishing, professor. No one has
anything against Britta and Troy dating.

316
00:12:43,476 --> 00:12:47,115
And that's coming from Jeff,
and we used to date, so...

317
00:12:47,143 --> 00:12:48,997
Britta, information is ammo.

318
00:12:49,016 --> 00:12:50,564
And what we did was not dating.

319
00:12:50,588 --> 00:12:52,717
- Uh.
- Ah. A little friction.

320
00:12:52,742 --> 00:12:54,477
That usually indicates heat.

321
00:12:54,496 --> 00:12:56,400
Heat?
There's no heat.

322
00:12:56,571 --> 00:12:59,255
If there was heat, I'd be nervous, and,
if I was nervous, I'd be rambling,

323
00:12:59,274 --> 00:13:01,207
and I'm definitely not rambling,
so there's no heat.

324
00:13:01,232 --> 00:13:04,037
Ah, well, I think
we found our triangle.

325
00:13:04,131 --> 00:13:06,576
Thank you
and welcome to the party, Troy.

326
00:13:06,607 --> 00:13:09,268
- He knows my name.
- Guys, keep it together.

327
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,119
I missed something great,
didn't I?

328
00:13:21,143 --> 00:13:24,302
Enough. It's time to stop
arsing about and get serious.

329
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,844
So let's hear it
from the one person

330
00:13:26,881 --> 00:13:28,839
who needs that "A" the most

331
00:13:28,886 --> 00:13:32,022
and can't possibly abide
by an "F",

332
00:13:32,048 --> 00:13:36,851
the one person on pace
to become class Valedictorian.

333
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,201
I would never turn
against the group.

334
00:13:39,212 --> 00:13:41,137
I'm not talking
about you, Miss Edison.

335
00:13:41,162 --> 00:13:43,298
What?
Abed?

336
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,366
Jeff?
Is it me?

337
00:13:45,386 --> 00:13:46,960
Oh, my God, Britta?

338
00:13:46,979 --> 00:13:50,273
First of all, it's me, and, second
of all, you put Britta ahead of me?

339
00:13:50,285 --> 00:13:51,510
None taken.

340
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,141
Oh, my God, Shirley.

341
00:13:53,172 --> 00:13:55,991
- Why didn't you ever tell me about it?
- I didn't think it was a competition.

342
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,425
Oh, of course
you'd play it that way

343
00:13:58,456 --> 00:13:59,519
so I wouldn't be expecting...

344
00:13:59,544 --> 00:14:02,214
A church-going mother of three
to be smart, huh?

345
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:06,095
So, Miss Edison,
it's decision time, isn't it?

346
00:14:06,117 --> 00:14:07,742
Annie, don't listen to him.

347
00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:10,669
You know you can't make
Valedictorian with an "F",

348
00:14:10,688 --> 00:14:14,140
and you can eliminate your
competition in one easy step.

349
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,906
What else do you have
to lose, my dear?

350
00:14:17,432 --> 00:14:20,032
I mean, these people,
they're not here to support you.

351
00:14:20,062 --> 00:14:23,698
I mean, they already hate you
for this disaster of a party.

352
00:14:23,719 --> 00:14:25,317
Not this guy.

353
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:26,863
No.

354
00:14:26,888 --> 00:14:27,906
I can't.

355
00:14:27,931 --> 00:14:30,366
Give it up, professor.
You've fired all your bullets.

356
00:14:30,397 --> 00:14:33,920
No, I've got
one more bullet left,

357
00:14:33,984 --> 00:14:36,140
and it's a doozy.

358
00:14:36,162 --> 00:14:38,867
Mr. Winger, would you like
to tell your friends

359
00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:42,882
why they did so poorly on
this paper, or shall I?

360
00:14:42,911 --> 00:14:44,149
- Jeff?
- Jeff?

361
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:45,587
Jeffrey.

362
00:14:47,559 --> 00:14:49,016
I tanked my section.

363
00:14:49,131 --> 00:14:51,186
I knew you guys
would all work hard, so

364
00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:52,550
I just coasted.

365
00:14:52,569 --> 00:14:53,776
- Tom Waits was...
- Ah!

366
00:14:53,788 --> 00:14:55,945
- Ow.
- You cost me Valedictorian.

367
00:14:55,971 --> 00:14:58,255
He cost me Valedictorian.
That was my punch.

368
00:15:02,892 --> 00:15:04,626
Tom Waits!

369
00:15:06,508 --> 00:15:08,651
Oh, my God.

370
00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:11,225
Jeff, do you have
any milk duds?

371
00:15:17,154 --> 00:15:19,048
Jeffrey, I know
you're in there.

372
00:15:19,073 --> 00:15:21,090
I can smell you.

373
00:15:21,332 --> 00:15:23,810
- Did I have the game on too loud?
- Is everything okay?

374
00:15:23,853 --> 00:15:25,102
I was just spending an evening

375
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,694
with my two irresistible lady
friends, Rizzoli and Isles,

376
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,571
when I heard...
wait a minute.

377
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:30,763
What the hell
is going on in here?

378
00:15:30,793 --> 00:15:33,190
- No, don't!
- I can explain.

379
00:15:33,970 --> 00:15:35,680
No explanation necessary.

380
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,636
Next time you decide to have
a party without me, Jeffrey,

381
00:15:38,667 --> 00:15:42,135
at least have the decency
to do it when I'm in spin class.

382
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:47,185
I'm a blast at
holiday-themed parties.

383
00:15:47,204 --> 00:15:50,208
- Where the hell is he?
- Professor? Did he leave?

384
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,138
Why in God's name
would I leave?

385
00:15:53,445 --> 00:15:54,708
This is just getting
interesting.

386
00:15:54,733 --> 00:15:57,789
Now, one of you untied me.

387
00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:59,979
I wonder who it was.

388
00:16:00,004 --> 00:16:02,496
Who is the Benedict Arnold,

389
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,360
the true hero of this story?

390
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:07,721
Oh, no, what's gonna happen when
we find out who betrayed us?

391
00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,714
I wonder why you're so scared.

392
00:16:09,966 --> 00:16:10,939
It wasn't me.

393
00:16:10,955 --> 00:16:12,790
Can we just say
a ghost did it again?

394
00:16:12,815 --> 00:16:15,081
We're gonna find out who
did it when we get our grade.

395
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,563
No, we'll have to find out now.

396
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,681
Otherwise,
the lesson isn't complete.

397
00:16:19,705 --> 00:16:22,195
But the lesson
is complete, professor.

398
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:23,373
You know what you taught us
tonight?

399
00:16:23,392 --> 00:16:26,125
That, yes, empires fall, but

400
00:16:26,316 --> 00:16:27,279
we're no empire.

401
00:16:27,309 --> 00:16:29,759
We're just a bunch
of flawed, selfish people.

402
00:16:29,857 --> 00:16:31,288
And that's not our weakness.

403
00:16:31,495 --> 00:16:32,458
It's our strength.

404
00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:34,019
The one thing
that we can count on

405
00:16:34,044 --> 00:16:36,301
at any given moment
is that the six of us

406
00:16:36,332 --> 00:16:38,669
are paying for a mistake
made by one of us.

407
00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:42,476
And that means, at any given moment,
one of us is screwing up so badly,

408
00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:45,750
that he or she is gonna forgive
whoever screws up next.

409
00:16:45,965 --> 00:16:49,057
Now I'm gonna do something
that Octavian never would...

410
00:16:49,069 --> 00:16:50,598
yeah, I read the book.

411
00:16:50,622 --> 00:16:53,064
I'm gonna say that
whoever untied the professor...

412
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:54,607
I don't give a crap.

413
00:16:54,689 --> 00:16:55,955
Because whoever it was,

414
00:16:55,973 --> 00:17:00,290
I know it was
some flawed, selfish, weak,

415
00:17:00,331 --> 00:17:02,499
hopeless soul like me.

416
00:17:06,104 --> 00:17:08,590
Exactly what the betrayer
would say.

417
00:17:08,809 --> 00:17:11,080
Fine, dick, if it was me,

418
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,258
I'm gonna lose my "A"
by tying you up again.

419
00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:14,226
Ow!

420
00:17:16,246 --> 00:17:18,314
Get over here.

421
00:17:18,402 --> 00:17:20,136
That's hurting.
That's hurting.

422
00:17:21,635 --> 00:17:24,540
Now, if you'll excuse us,
we have some gifts to open.

423
00:17:24,564 --> 00:17:26,813
Ooh, mine first, mine first.

424
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,840
Milady.

425
00:17:29,887 --> 00:17:34,018
Mm, Kevin, did you wrap
these presents yourself?

426
00:17:34,112 --> 00:17:36,611
Once again, I'm not a dog.

427
00:17:37,730 --> 00:17:39,120
Zoink.

428
00:17:39,908 --> 00:17:40,733
Doink.

429
00:17:40,746 --> 00:17:43,152
Kevin, how do you tie a knot?

430
00:17:43,177 --> 00:17:44,560
Really simple.

431
00:17:44,903 --> 00:17:47,916
So you go...

432
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:50,752
Make a little rabbit ear
like so,

433
00:17:50,771 --> 00:17:53,535
then the kids go marching
down the well.

434
00:17:53,635 --> 00:17:55,831
Oh... my... God.

435
00:17:55,843 --> 00:17:58,150
Professor,
you were never tied up.

436
00:17:58,186 --> 00:18:00,154
What?

437
00:18:00,618 --> 00:18:02,311
What do you want me to say?

438
00:18:05,302 --> 00:18:07,392
What do you want me to say?

439
00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:09,480
That I did it
because I'm lonely?

440
00:18:09,513 --> 00:18:12,065
That my daughter isn't in town?

441
00:18:12,101 --> 00:18:16,655
That she never comes to see me because
she finds me too manipulative?

442
00:18:16,914 --> 00:18:19,682
Or you could say you're sorry
for the whole thing.

443
00:18:19,703 --> 00:18:22,887
Yes, I suppose
that would be accurate.

444
00:18:22,905 --> 00:18:25,317
And that, as compensation
for the mental anguish

445
00:18:25,342 --> 00:18:27,389
you caused us,
you'll give us an "A".

446
00:18:27,415 --> 00:18:29,483
Jeff.
Overreaching?

447
00:18:29,503 --> 00:18:30,866
Fair enough.

448
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,576
Maybe you can grade
us separately.

449
00:18:32,588 --> 00:18:35,035
That way, Shirley and Annie
can get their "A" s.

450
00:18:35,054 --> 00:18:37,135
No, Jeffrey,
he can give us an "F"

451
00:18:37,141 --> 00:18:38,614
or you can give us an "A",

452
00:18:38,632 --> 00:18:41,434
but we should all get
the same grade.

453
00:18:41,458 --> 00:18:43,771
God's sake, don't rub it in.

454
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,334
Very well.
Seeing as you saved me

455
00:18:46,351 --> 00:18:50,667
from my yearly Christmas
tradition of plum pudding,

456
00:18:50,692 --> 00:18:53,280
roasted goose,
and updating my suicide note...

457
00:18:54,039 --> 00:18:56,675
I suppose...

458
00:18:56,731 --> 00:18:58,652
I could give you a "C".

459
00:18:58,681 --> 00:19:00,615
- Oh.
- Uh.

460
00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:02,604
Plus.

461
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,860
Merry Christmas.

462
00:19:05,888 --> 00:19:08,473
Merry Christmas.

463
00:19:17,899 --> 00:19:19,518
Annie!

464
00:19:19,820 --> 00:19:22,705
Oh, my God.

465
00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:25,155
Wow.
That's really great.

466
00:19:26,738 --> 00:19:28,402
Oh, poppy poppy paper.

467
00:19:29,666 --> 00:19:31,033
No, there's a gift in there.

468
00:19:32,314 --> 00:19:33,314
Yeah.

469
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,005
Buttered noodles.
My favorite.

470
00:19:35,030 --> 00:19:36,155
Oh!

471
00:19:36,198 --> 00:19:39,403
By the way, I didn't get anyone
gifts, so my gift to you all

472
00:19:39,426 --> 00:19:41,771
is you get to lord it over me
for the next year.

473
00:19:41,790 --> 00:19:44,768
No, stupid, a gift
doesn't create an obligation.

474
00:19:44,786 --> 00:19:46,917
It's the obligation
that's a gift.

475
00:19:47,991 --> 00:19:49,626
I gotta drop a deuce.

476
00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:51,878
See you guys.

477
00:19:54,682 --> 00:19:56,099
Hey, it's Chang.

478
00:19:56,118 --> 00:19:57,671
No, they're not expelled.

479
00:19:57,690 --> 00:19:59,587
I have to do something else.

480
00:20:07,737 --> 00:20:11,844
Oh, how could I have stayed mad
at you, guys?

481
00:20:12,032 --> 00:20:16,001
Here, I was gonna save these
for the real Christmas Day,

482
00:20:16,019 --> 00:20:17,798
but these guys
were getting antsy.

483
00:20:17,811 --> 00:20:19,145
Hi, there.

484
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,116
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.

485
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:22,984
Oh!

486
00:20:23,364 --> 00:20:24,289
August.

487
00:20:24,314 --> 00:20:27,078
And this one is James.

488
00:20:27,214 --> 00:20:29,050
And this one is Fiona.

489
00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:32,495
And these two guys are Jeffrey.

490
00:20:32,513 --> 00:20:33,918
At nice times like this,

491
00:20:33,936 --> 00:20:35,656
I wonder what's happening
in the darkest timeline.

492
00:20:35,688 --> 00:20:36,431
Timeline?

493
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,471
Abed, there are
no dark timelines.

494
00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:46,611
Your honor,
I may not have a right arm,

495
00:20:46,634 --> 00:20:49,158
but I am armed
with what's right.

496
00:20:49,221 --> 00:20:52,444
My client Miss Edison did rob
several drug stores,

497
00:20:52,482 --> 00:20:55,283
and, yes, she did stab
several pharmacists,

498
00:20:55,306 --> 00:20:57,791
but let's talk
about the bigger crime,

499
00:20:57,862 --> 00:21:03,116
that someone so beautiful
has been removed from society.

500
00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:06,422
Miss Edison,
you are hereby released

501
00:21:06,446 --> 00:21:09,221
from Greendale Insane Asylum.

502
00:21:09,558 --> 00:21:11,803
Are you sure you don't have a
problem with our age difference?

503
00:21:11,811 --> 00:21:13,832
Yeah, I wish
you were even younger.

504
00:21:13,844 --> 00:21:15,707
Now, come on,
the others are waiting.

505
00:21:15,748 --> 00:21:18,271
We've got a prime timeline
to destroy.

506
00:21:24,151 --> 00:21:29,151
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther