1
00:00:01,058 --> 00:00:03,525
And then in the season finale,

2
00:00:03,746 --> 00:00:05,633
they reveal the whole thing
was a dream,

3
00:00:05,651 --> 00:00:07,106
when the Inspector wakes up

4
00:00:07,186 --> 00:00:11,449
next to a very young
and very topless Cheryl Tiegs.

5
00:00:12,469 --> 00:00:14,122
Even Pierce loves
this show now?

6
00:00:14,123 --> 00:00:15,323
It's not Inspector Spacetime.

7
00:00:15,335 --> 00:00:17,392
It's the American version,
and it's a travesty.

8
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:19,057
It's broad, obvious, sexist,
and the timing is...

9
00:00:19,076 --> 00:00:21,182
Honey, I'm dean!

10
00:00:21,226 --> 00:00:22,683
What the hell
is wrong with you?

11
00:00:22,708 --> 00:00:25,708
Oh, Jeffrey, you are too much.

12
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,983
Why, I was doing some
house cleaning the other day...

13
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,032
"Deana Reed" style...
When I realized, "gosh, golly,

14
00:00:31,051 --> 00:00:33,632
it's been ages since we had
a dance."

15
00:00:33,669 --> 00:00:37,541
So, this Friday we are going
back to Greendale's golden age

16
00:00:37,553 --> 00:00:39,803
with an old-fashioned sock hop!

17
00:00:41,134 --> 00:00:42,772
The health department requires
you wear shoes.

18
00:00:43,075 --> 00:00:44,681
What a "coincidean."

19
00:00:44,775 --> 00:00:47,116
You're throwing a dance the
same day the CDC is confiscating

20
00:00:47,128 --> 00:00:48,785
our drinking fountains.
- Well...

21
00:00:48,858 --> 00:00:50,530
Placating students
with a fun event.

22
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:51,849
Classic bread and circuses.

23
00:00:51,990 --> 00:00:53,741
In Ancient Rome, the emperor
would distract the populace

24
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,582
from their problems by allocating
money for free bread and circuses.

25
00:00:56,785 --> 00:00:59,485
I've been making a conscious effort to get
away from filtering everything through TV.

26
00:00:59,503 --> 00:01:02,002
I figured it's time I showed some growth.
It's been three and a half seasons...

27
00:01:02,034 --> 00:01:03,143
Is what the old me
would have said.

28
00:01:03,168 --> 00:01:03,968
- Oh.
- Aww.

29
00:01:03,985 --> 00:01:06,817
Anyhoo, it is
a Sadie Hawkins dance,

30
00:01:06,848 --> 00:01:10,061
which means girls ask the boys.
- Oh, I love those!

31
00:01:10,092 --> 00:01:13,347
So, ladies, get out there
and make yourselves useful.

32
00:01:13,371 --> 00:01:15,352
So you're saying
there's one day a year

33
00:01:15,365 --> 00:01:17,158
when women are free
to choose their own mates.

34
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:19,280
What is this,
cave-person times?

35
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,104
Well, I have already started
on a Sadie Hawkins banner,

36
00:01:22,117 --> 00:01:23,948
so this thing is
pretty much set in stone.

37
00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:25,659
Well, then maybe I'll throw
my own dance,

38
00:01:25,678 --> 00:01:28,716
one that doesn't conform
to your oppressive gender norms.

39
00:01:28,737 --> 00:01:30,042
Give me a break.

40
00:01:30,073 --> 00:01:34,097
You think a dance can just
be thrown together Willy-nilly?

41
00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:36,041
You think I decide to just do

42
00:01:36,047 --> 00:01:38,512
a rain forest theme
and buy palm fronds

43
00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:39,706
and rig the sprinkler system
to...

44
00:01:39,717 --> 00:01:41,111
Hold on,
I gotta write this down.

45
00:02:04,502 --> 00:02:07,808
4x08
Herstory of Dance

46
00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:10,935
So, Britta, you're gonna
throw a protest dance?

47
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,329
Is that a thing?

48
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:13,511
It is now.

49
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:15,691
And instead of Sadie Hawkins,

50
00:02:15,759 --> 00:02:18,495
my dance will honor
a real feminist icon,

51
00:02:18,527 --> 00:02:20,245
someone who worked
for women's rights

52
00:02:20,257 --> 00:02:24,432
every day of the year...
Sophie B. Hawkins.

53
00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,791
- Oh...
- It wasn't really...

54
00:02:26,987 --> 00:02:29,369
You know what, Britta,
you're right.

55
00:02:29,613 --> 00:02:31,332
A Sophie B. Hawkins dance

56
00:02:31,355 --> 00:02:32,952
is just what
this school needs...

57
00:02:33,077 --> 00:02:34,219
Thanks, Jeff.

58
00:02:34,264 --> 00:02:38,353
To celebrate Sophie B. Hawkins
and all her accomplishments.

59
00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:40,728
Jeez, Winger, who's throwing
this dance, me or you?

60
00:02:40,753 --> 00:02:44,261
Um, Britta, I think you meant
to say Susan B. Anthony,

61
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,883
not Sophie B. Hawkins.

62
00:02:45,929 --> 00:02:47,680
Britta for the whoops!

63
00:02:47,904 --> 00:02:49,681
Didn't you have a cat named
Susan B. Anthony?

64
00:02:49,699 --> 00:02:50,919
How did you manage
to "Britta" that?

65
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:53,866
I didn't "Britta" anything.
I meant Sophie B. Hawkins.

66
00:02:53,897 --> 00:02:56,740
Really?
Your plan was to throw a dance

67
00:02:56,771 --> 00:02:59,779
honoring the singer of
Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover?

68
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:00,752
And As I Lay Me Down,

69
00:03:00,777 --> 00:03:02,889
which in my opinion
is the far superior song.

70
00:03:02,914 --> 00:03:04,189
- Ooh, that is a good song.
- Yeah.

71
00:03:04,249 --> 00:03:05,653
Yes.

72
00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:09,079
I am throwing
a Sophie B. Hawkins dance.

73
00:03:09,753 --> 00:03:12,189
And it is gonna be amazing,

74
00:03:12,214 --> 00:03:14,812
and when people come
they're gonna be like,

75
00:03:14,837 --> 00:03:17,846
"damn! She straight
'Britta'd' this!"

76
00:03:17,858 --> 00:03:21,172
Because, that's right,
I'm taking it back!

77
00:03:25,882 --> 00:03:27,570
You're really doing this?

78
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,815
Look, as someone who faked being
a lawyer for seven years

79
00:03:29,839 --> 00:03:31,606
I appreciate your commitment
to the bit,

80
00:03:31,624 --> 00:03:33,387
but just admit you were wrong.

81
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,568
So you can say I "Britta'd" it?

82
00:03:34,597 --> 00:03:36,595
Yes, of course.
That goes without saying.

83
00:03:36,637 --> 00:03:38,878
But come on,
it was a small mistake.

84
00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:42,146
Call this off before it becomes
a full-scale "Brit-astrophe."

85
00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,567
- I coined that.
- Jeff,

86
00:03:43,630 --> 00:03:44,972
if you don't want
to come to my dance

87
00:03:44,984 --> 00:03:47,057
you are free to go
to the Sadie Hawkins dance,

88
00:03:47,071 --> 00:03:50,756
which will be happening at the
same time across the cafeteria.

89
00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:54,453
- Our school has limited venue options.
- Oh, I wouldn't miss it.

90
00:03:54,857 --> 00:03:57,413
Oh, and one last thing...
You do realize

91
00:03:57,431 --> 00:03:59,785
that if you call it
a Sophie B. Hawkins dance

92
00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:03,635
people will expect Sophie B. Hawkins
to actually be there, right?

93
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,084
Yes.

94
00:04:07,332 --> 00:04:10,026
And when she comes
I'm gonna be like,

95
00:04:10,045 --> 00:04:13,193
"I will remember you
doubting me."

96
00:04:13,304 --> 00:04:15,539
That's a Sarah Mclachlan song.

97
00:04:17,436 --> 00:04:20,655
So, Abed, I was thinking
about what you said,

98
00:04:20,684 --> 00:04:22,844
about showing growth,
and I was thinking

99
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,827
maybe one way to do that is
to meet new people and...

100
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,490
- Where's this going?
- Can I set you up with a date

101
00:04:27,518 --> 00:04:29,546
for the Sadie Hawkins day dance?
- A blind date.

102
00:04:29,588 --> 00:04:31,864
I've always thought of myself
as more of an acquired taste... but...

103
00:04:32,065 --> 00:04:32,847
Okay.

104
00:04:32,865 --> 00:04:34,308
Ooh, if you're open to meeting

105
00:04:34,326 --> 00:04:36,126
someone, there's a number
of eligible young ladies

106
00:04:36,145 --> 00:04:37,601
in my church.
- Shirley!

107
00:04:37,618 --> 00:04:39,575
I'm already finding
a date for Abed.

108
00:04:39,624 --> 00:04:41,128
- I asked first.
- There's no reason we can't

109
00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,574
both help Abed find someone.
Why don't we each pick a girl

110
00:04:43,593 --> 00:04:46,289
and then let Abed decide,
instead of making it a competition.

111
00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:47,367
That's exactly a competition.

112
00:04:47,385 --> 00:04:49,293
- So it is.
- Only for the loser.

113
00:04:51,756 --> 00:04:52,769
I need the computer.

114
00:04:52,788 --> 00:04:54,787
Pierce, there are, like,
dozens of computers.

115
00:04:54,806 --> 00:04:56,225
Yeah, but my email is
on this one.

116
00:04:56,294 --> 00:04:58,845
- Pierce!
- Jeez, what's up your butt?

117
00:04:58,954 --> 00:05:01,473
I may have lied this morning
about meeting Sophie B. Hawkins

118
00:05:01,498 --> 00:05:03,393
because I didn't want Jeff
to make fun of me,

119
00:05:03,412 --> 00:05:05,209
and then I may have lied
to cover that lie,

120
00:05:05,227 --> 00:05:06,689
and now I'm in deep...

121
00:05:07,172 --> 00:05:08,172
lies.

122
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:11,071
So what?
So you told a lie, big deal.

123
00:05:11,109 --> 00:05:13,866
The important thing
is never to admit it.

124
00:05:13,891 --> 00:05:15,722
Actually, I was thinking
about coming clean.

125
00:05:15,777 --> 00:05:17,588
And give Winger
the satisfaction?

126
00:05:17,626 --> 00:05:19,071
Hell, no.

127
00:05:19,095 --> 00:05:21,720
Besides, anything could happen
between now and that dance.

128
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,214
An asteroid could hit.

129
00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:26,785
Do you want to be the schmuck who
apologizes just before the world ends?

130
00:05:27,013 --> 00:05:30,039
That kind of makes sense.
Thank you.

131
00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:31,189
Damn right it makes sense.

132
00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:33,618
You're talking
to the wisest man on campus.

133
00:05:33,894 --> 00:05:35,767
Now seriously,
I need to get to my email.

134
00:05:35,785 --> 00:05:37,518
The post office
is about to close.

135
00:05:37,843 --> 00:05:38,768
Pierce!

136
00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:41,607
Guys, check out my friend Britta's
Sophie B. Hawkins dance.

137
00:05:41,635 --> 00:05:43,504
I'll be spinning the hits
from yesterday and today,

138
00:05:43,529 --> 00:05:46,018
which are basically the same
to me since I have Changnesia.

139
00:05:46,169 --> 00:05:47,120
That guy's like teflon.

140
00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:49,342
No matter how much awful stuff he does,
he keep getting another chance.

141
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:51,917
Yeah, he's like
the Colin Farrell of people.

142
00:05:52,313 --> 00:05:53,913
You want to help me
with Britta's dance?

143
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:56,051
Could be a chance for classic
Troy and Abed hijinks.

144
00:05:56,076 --> 00:05:57,914
In the interest of growth
I'm trying to avoid hijinks,

145
00:05:57,945 --> 00:05:59,946
as well as capers, romps,
and exploits.

146
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,818
Escapades are a gray area.

147
00:06:01,843 --> 00:06:04,416
Abed. This is Kat.

148
00:06:04,428 --> 00:06:05,781
Hi, Kat.
Nice to meet you.

149
00:06:05,963 --> 00:06:08,364
She wants to ask you something.

150
00:06:09,204 --> 00:06:10,971
Isn't she perfect for Abed?

151
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,922
She's like one of those quirky
girls from the movies.

152
00:06:12,947 --> 00:06:16,308
I saw her in the cafeteria trying
to pay for lunch with a song.

153
00:06:20,941 --> 00:06:22,770
I asked if you'd go
to the Sadie Hawkins dance

154
00:06:22,788 --> 00:06:24,761
with me into the balloon.

155
00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:25,970
Could you hear it?

156
00:06:25,989 --> 00:06:27,508
Sure, I'd be happy
to go with you.

157
00:06:27,883 --> 00:06:29,780
Super duper mister Cooper!

158
00:06:33,952 --> 00:06:35,090
Nice.

159
00:06:35,171 --> 00:06:37,465
So, you chose the girl
I picked.

160
00:06:37,688 --> 00:06:38,274
It's cool.

161
00:06:38,293 --> 00:06:40,372
Not like it was a competition
or anything.

162
00:06:40,903 --> 00:06:44,036
Just be gentle when you tell
Shirley that she was the loser.

163
00:06:44,262 --> 00:06:45,506
Or do you want me to tell her?

164
00:06:45,553 --> 00:06:47,387
It's cool.
I'll handle it.

165
00:06:49,258 --> 00:06:50,780
So, was that girl an alien

166
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,877
or a toddler with
a growing disease?

167
00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:54,565
Hello, Abed.

168
00:06:54,624 --> 00:06:56,245
I talked to a lovely girl
at my church

169
00:06:56,276 --> 00:06:58,325
and she'd be happy to go
to the dance with you.

170
00:06:58,344 --> 00:06:59,385
I appreciate it, Shirley,
but I...

171
00:06:59,402 --> 00:07:00,886
I hope you will
at least consider it,

172
00:07:00,899 --> 00:07:03,405
and not just because saying "no"
would crush this poor girl,

173
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:06,584
but because I don't want you to miss out
on the opportunity of a lifetime.

174
00:07:07,079 --> 00:07:08,162
You're right.

175
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,377
I'd love to go to
Britta's dance with her.

176
00:07:09,411 --> 00:07:11,412
Oh, goody!
I'll set it up.

177
00:07:11,433 --> 00:07:14,603
Oh, I hope this doesn't hurt
Annie's feelings.

178
00:07:14,622 --> 00:07:15,933
Maybe I should go tell her.

179
00:07:16,008 --> 00:07:17,298
No need.
I'll handle it.

180
00:07:17,317 --> 00:07:20,334
- Oh, okay.
- Bye-bye.

181
00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:23,106
At the risk of discovering
I'm living two parallel lives

182
00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,211
like that guy in Awake,

183
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,676
don't you already have a date
to the dance?

184
00:07:25,701 --> 00:07:27,359
Yep.
Now I have two, which means

185
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:30,025
I can do the classic two dates
in one night sitcom trope.

186
00:07:30,187 --> 00:07:31,932
I'll get to wear two outfits.
Mix up their names.

187
00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:34,063
- Maybe hide under a table.
- What about growth?

188
00:07:34,081 --> 00:07:35,394
I tried to go in
a more grounded direction,

189
00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,998
but I still ended up in a
comically implausible situation.

190
00:07:38,341 --> 00:07:39,340
It's like Shirley said,

191
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,715
it's a once in a lifetime
opportunity for hijinks.

192
00:07:41,771 --> 00:07:42,743
I can't pass it up.

193
00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:44,980
It seems like you already passed up
a great opportunity for hijinks.

194
00:07:45,011 --> 00:07:45,748
I did?

195
00:07:45,779 --> 00:07:47,482
Uh, duh doy!
Britta's dance?

196
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,006
You think two dates is crazy?

197
00:07:49,022 --> 00:07:52,535
Planning a dance is hijinks
city, population hijinks.

198
00:07:52,744 --> 00:07:54,607
Troy, I need your help.

199
00:07:54,744 --> 00:07:56,790
Get some ice?

200
00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,489
Wacwacky ice.
The ice will be wacky.

201
00:08:08,390 --> 00:08:10,124
Thank you for the corsage.

202
00:08:10,159 --> 00:08:13,012
Oh, it matches your carnation.
How cute.

203
00:08:13,042 --> 00:08:14,140
Oh, I'm glad you like it.

204
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,909
I was afraid you'd think
it was old-fashioned.

205
00:08:16,021 --> 00:08:19,790
I like old-fashioned.
I find it refreshing.

206
00:08:20,330 --> 00:08:22,699
Speaking of refreshing,
I'm gonna get us some punch.

207
00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:24,884
- Be right back.
- Oh!

208
00:08:27,138 --> 00:08:28,547
Hi, I'm Kevin.

209
00:08:28,572 --> 00:08:30,761
Apparently I'm your DJ tonight.

210
00:08:30,773 --> 00:08:33,789
Uh, I really don't know what
I'm doing, so...

211
00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:36,349
If you have a request,
please be specific.

212
00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:37,387
I have Changnesia.

213
00:08:43,019 --> 00:08:44,117
Can I help you?

214
00:08:44,141 --> 00:08:45,502
Oh, I just wanted to try on
a different look.

215
00:08:45,514 --> 00:08:47,106
I'm pretty indecisive,
so I may be back here

216
00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:48,339
a few times, if that's okay.

217
00:08:48,357 --> 00:08:49,999
- Mm-hmm.
- Cool.

218
00:08:50,148 --> 00:08:52,430
I'm also gonna need to check
this Gideon's Bible

219
00:08:52,681 --> 00:08:55,016
and this jelly bean
kaleidoscope.

220
00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:57,225
- Icebreakers.
- Mm.

221
00:08:57,885 --> 00:08:59,759
Hey, Britta.
Where's Sophie B.?

222
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:02,704
Is she backstage drinking Zima
and counting her beanie babies?

223
00:09:02,717 --> 00:09:04,457
Sorry, I can't divulge that.

224
00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:06,020
Stars and their privacy,
you know.

225
00:09:06,032 --> 00:09:07,975
But she'll definitely be here?

226
00:09:08,026 --> 00:09:09,780
Oh, yeah.
Sophie be coming.

227
00:09:09,805 --> 00:09:12,495
So it just be coincidence
that somebody posted

228
00:09:12,513 --> 00:09:14,288
a craigslist ad an hour ago

229
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,231
that says, "looking for
Sophie B. Hawkins,

230
00:09:17,255 --> 00:09:19,719
"or convincing
Sophie B. Hawkins impersonator

231
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,458
to play community college
dance tonight.

232
00:09:22,494 --> 00:09:23,912
Very little money."

233
00:09:24,158 --> 00:09:26,330
It's weird
how in demand she is.

234
00:09:26,543 --> 00:09:28,705
Good thing we booked her early.

235
00:09:29,441 --> 00:09:31,493
Britta, we're running low
on chips.

236
00:09:31,512 --> 00:09:32,343
Here's what I'm thinking.

237
00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:33,895
I go over
to the Sadie Hawkins dance

238
00:09:33,914 --> 00:09:36,003
as the snack inspector,
doing random spot checks,

239
00:09:36,015 --> 00:09:37,415
and confiscate their chips.

240
00:09:37,433 --> 00:09:39,415
All I need is a disguise.

241
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,764
Or you could just go
to the supply closet

242
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:42,770
and get some more chips.

243
00:09:42,814 --> 00:09:45,874
Okay, but I-I still need
to use the moustache probably.

244
00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:51,254
Here, in lieu of flowers

245
00:09:51,288 --> 00:09:53,273
I got you this.
It's quirky.

246
00:09:53,419 --> 00:09:54,636
Thanks, guv'nor!

247
00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:57,572
I'll just put it
in me invisible sack.

248
00:09:59,154 --> 00:10:00,972
Okay, I'm gonna get us
some punch.

249
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:05,875
Hey!

250
00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:07,703
How are things going with you
and Jessica?

251
00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:10,348
Are you two— as they say on TV—
making a connection?

252
00:10:10,397 --> 00:10:13,019
Unless that means sex, in which
case I hope you are not.

253
00:10:13,161 --> 00:10:14,107
Things are great.

254
00:10:14,219 --> 00:10:16,153
Actually, Jessica did mention
that she's cold.

255
00:10:16,191 --> 00:10:17,326
- Could she borrow your sweater?
- Oh.

256
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,228
Maybe the purple one you wore last week.
I didn't see you wear it home,

257
00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:20,809
so I think it's still in your locker
next to your umbrella.

258
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:22,972
- I guess I could check.
- Could you?

259
00:10:22,991 --> 00:10:25,332
- That'd be great.
- Okay.

260
00:10:27,030 --> 00:10:27,993
Hey, roomie.

261
00:10:28,038 --> 00:10:29,075
What do you think of Kat?

262
00:10:29,081 --> 00:10:30,986
Did she tell you she plays
the saw?

263
00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:32,760
I thought she was
in an all-girl kazoo band?

264
00:10:32,779 --> 00:10:34,970
They need a rhythm section,
duh.

265
00:10:35,027 --> 00:10:37,485
Well, keep me posted.
I'm gonna go say hi to Britta.

266
00:10:37,573 --> 00:10:38,798
No, don't!

267
00:10:39,130 --> 00:10:40,523
Because you have something
in your teeth.

268
00:10:40,554 --> 00:10:41,418
A lot of somethings.

269
00:10:41,461 --> 00:10:43,218
I do?
What is it?

270
00:10:43,249 --> 00:10:45,235
Ooh, I can't tell in this light.
But it's definitely there.

271
00:10:45,254 --> 00:10:46,624
You should probably check it out
in the bathroom.

272
00:10:46,643 --> 00:10:47,977
Maybe the second floor one?
Better light.

273
00:10:47,989 --> 00:10:49,660
I will.
Thank you.

274
00:10:49,863 --> 00:10:51,814
You're a good friend.

275
00:11:00,803 --> 00:11:02,436
Hello, Jeffrey.

276
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:04,735
Are you enjoying the sock hop?

277
00:11:04,835 --> 00:11:07,346
A sock hop Britta has
all but "Britta'd"

278
00:11:07,486 --> 00:11:09,325
by not "Britta-ing"
her own dance.

279
00:11:09,349 --> 00:11:10,866
Well, the night is young.

280
00:11:10,891 --> 00:11:11,761
- Mm.
- By the way,

281
00:11:11,789 --> 00:11:13,602
I'm surprised you let her share
the cafeteria with you.

282
00:11:13,621 --> 00:11:15,972
Oh, I didn't want to.
But once she guaranteed

283
00:11:15,990 --> 00:11:18,167
the presence of a certain
someone, I couldn't say no.

284
00:11:19,237 --> 00:11:21,468
I wouldn't get your hopes
up for Sophie B...

285
00:11:21,821 --> 00:11:24,456
- Oh, it's me.
- Shall we dance? Whoop.

286
00:11:26,624 --> 00:11:28,447
- Are you reading the Bible?
- No spoilers.

287
00:11:28,472 --> 00:11:31,252
I'm really hoping that things
turn around for this job guy.

288
00:11:32,027 --> 00:11:33,689
So, how do I look?

289
00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:35,786
Good.
Except you gotta lose the hat.

290
00:11:35,826 --> 00:11:37,842
It doesn't go with
the minister's daughter.

291
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:42,610
You know what I'm doing.

292
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,706
Yeah.
You're on two dates at once.

293
00:11:44,723 --> 00:11:46,323
I've been watching you
since you came in.

294
00:11:46,432 --> 00:11:48,018
I'm not good with faces.
Is that a judgmental face

295
00:11:48,036 --> 00:11:50,459
or a happy face?
- I think it's awesome.

296
00:11:50,465 --> 00:11:53,498
It's one of my favorite bits,
like when a dog acts embarrassed,

297
00:11:53,549 --> 00:11:55,037
or when a guy
chases after the girl

298
00:11:55,049 --> 00:11:57,206
and then does that big public
declaration of love.

299
00:11:57,375 --> 00:11:59,825
It's not realistic. It's taking something
private and turning it into a performance.

300
00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:01,088
Well, I think
the dog's trained.

301
00:12:01,107 --> 00:12:03,425
No, I was talking about
the public declaration of love...

302
00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:06,751
- Oh, you're messing with me.
- Yes, I was.

303
00:12:07,037 --> 00:12:09,918
So this thing's turning out to be a little
tougher than I thought. You wanna help?

304
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,749
I'd like to,
but I've still got like

305
00:12:11,780 --> 00:12:14,094
1,200 pages left of this Bible.
Yes, of course I would.

306
00:12:14,118 --> 00:12:15,800
Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.

307
00:12:15,876 --> 00:12:17,190
Tonight's Sadie Hawkins dance

308
00:12:17,209 --> 00:12:19,920
is brought to you
by Hawthorne Wipes.

309
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:22,407
For the little lady who knows
her place in the kitchen.

310
00:12:22,511 --> 00:12:24,984
And tonight's
Sophie B. Hawkins dance

311
00:12:25,003 --> 00:12:27,705
is brought to you
by Hawthorne Wipes.

312
00:12:27,726 --> 00:12:30,733
Perfect for cleaning the
dashboard of your '92 Subaru.

313
00:12:32,361 --> 00:12:35,749
Ah, quite a turnout, Britta.

314
00:12:35,816 --> 00:12:39,196
Yep. Didn't know Sophie B.
Hawkins was so big at Greendale.

315
00:12:39,215 --> 00:12:42,016
Oh, yeah.
A large percentage of Greendale

316
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:44,612
students sort of gave up
in the mid '90s,

317
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:45,863
so for many of them

318
00:12:45,888 --> 00:12:48,735
Sophie B. Hawkins is the most
recent music they're aware of.

319
00:12:48,747 --> 00:12:52,612
I mean, her coming here is gonna
be a huge boost to their spirits.

320
00:12:52,643 --> 00:12:53,525
Great.

321
00:12:53,551 --> 00:12:56,388
Whereas, her not showing up

322
00:12:56,450 --> 00:12:58,978
would be enough
to push these people

323
00:12:59,010 --> 00:13:00,891
to such a dark place
and really question

324
00:13:00,928 --> 00:13:04,407
whether life is worth living
at all.

325
00:13:05,165 --> 00:13:07,480
Okay, bye-bye.

326
00:13:08,132 --> 00:13:11,004
So, how long have you been
doing Bible studies?

327
00:13:11,670 --> 00:13:13,335
I mean, making miniature hats
out of duct tape?

328
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,927
- Oh, duct tape hat...
- Oh!

329
00:13:18,577 --> 00:13:19,265
Ah!

330
00:13:19,284 --> 00:13:21,006
So you've never seen any
of the Star Wars movies?

331
00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:22,874
We were taught popular films
were the work of the devil.

332
00:13:22,893 --> 00:13:24,443
Well, if you're talking about
the Phantom Menace,

333
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,043
you were taught right.

334
00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:29,364
- Telegram.
- Ooh, yeah, it's urgent.

335
00:13:29,412 --> 00:13:30,899
Be right back.

336
00:13:32,372 --> 00:13:34,751
Pierce, Sophie B. Hawkins
isn't coming.

337
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,143
Everyone's gonna know
I'm a liar.

338
00:13:36,168 --> 00:13:38,446
- Help me.
- Oh, Britta.

339
00:13:38,528 --> 00:13:40,280
Let me tell you a story about
a friend of mine

340
00:13:40,298 --> 00:13:41,952
that everyone called a liar.

341
00:13:42,126 --> 00:13:43,626
His name was Bernie Madoff.

342
00:13:43,668 --> 00:13:45,260
Pierce!
He was a liar.

343
00:13:45,284 --> 00:13:47,957
He stole billions of dollars
from his clients.

344
00:13:48,380 --> 00:13:50,765
Has this been confirmed?

345
00:13:51,014 --> 00:13:54,153
Oh, my God.
I "Britta'd" it.

346
00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:58,128
Bernie?

347
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:01,978
- Oh, hi, Shirley.
- Hello, Annie.

348
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:05,527
Abed seems to be having a good
time, which is all that matters.

349
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,729
You're right.

350
00:14:06,756 --> 00:14:08,488
Looks like he made
the right choice.

351
00:14:08,507 --> 00:14:10,207
He certainly did.

352
00:14:10,244 --> 00:14:12,757
So, we agree.
The best woman won.

353
00:14:12,781 --> 00:14:15,212
She certainly did.

354
00:14:15,933 --> 00:14:17,383
He's on two dates, isn't he?

355
00:14:17,605 --> 00:14:19,723
He certainly is.

356
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:23,492
This is the most fun I've ever
had on a work study gig.

357
00:14:23,527 --> 00:14:25,115
And I used to run
the frozen yogurt machine

358
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:26,577
before that old guy broke it.

359
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:27,630
There's been
so many close calls.

360
00:14:27,642 --> 00:14:29,436
I keep forgetting details,
using the wrong names,

361
00:14:29,456 --> 00:14:31,881
- having to duck behind plants.
- Aah!

362
00:14:31,912 --> 00:14:33,143
This night has been perfect.

363
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,769
Oh, what else is on the list?

364
00:14:34,969 --> 00:14:37,187
Oh!
- Sorry.

365
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:46,039
If this were a movie, this would
be the part where we kiss.

366
00:14:46,811 --> 00:14:47,943
You're right.

367
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:50,951
Except we're doing a sitcom trope,
so it'd be totally out of place.

368
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,415
Time to go get caught and make an
impassioned plea to the girl I really like.

369
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,484
I think I'm gonna go with Jessica.

370
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:55,671
She seems to be
the audience favorite.

371
00:14:55,707 --> 00:14:57,561
Okay, bye.

372
00:15:05,032 --> 00:15:05,771
Uh-oh.

373
00:15:05,783 --> 00:15:07,652
Did you really think
you'd get away with this?

374
00:15:07,677 --> 00:15:09,649
- Let me explain.
- What about wanting to grow?

375
00:15:09,674 --> 00:15:13,793
Or was that just a lie so you could do
another world-famous Abed TV adventure?

376
00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,374
These are real people
you're messing with.

377
00:15:15,406 --> 00:15:17,903
Kat is over there hula-hooping
all by herself.

378
00:15:17,942 --> 00:15:21,648
Abed, in the real world people
can actually get hurt.

379
00:15:23,999 --> 00:15:28,530
Oh, this is great.
So, I got a request for,

380
00:15:28,571 --> 00:15:31,078
"You suck at this.
Get off the stage."

381
00:15:31,109 --> 00:15:33,243
Okay, I don't know if that's
the band or the song.

382
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,732
Again, apologies.
Changnesia.

383
00:15:37,011 --> 00:15:38,756
Well, it blew up in my face,

384
00:15:38,794 --> 00:15:41,180
in a slightly different way than
I planned.

385
00:15:41,624 --> 00:15:44,054
- Can I help you?
- Where's Rachel?

386
00:15:44,085 --> 00:15:45,976
- She said she had to go.
- Where?

387
00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:47,521
I don't know.
She seemed upset.

388
00:15:47,552 --> 00:15:49,243
She ran out of here without
tagging half this stuff.

389
00:15:49,261 --> 00:15:51,026
I mean, whose water wings
are these?

390
00:15:52,311 --> 00:15:53,617
Come back here!

391
00:15:53,638 --> 00:15:55,556
Never mind.

392
00:16:05,182 --> 00:16:06,183
Sorry.

393
00:16:06,214 --> 00:16:07,569
I did mean what
I said about growth.

394
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,781
But then you were both so intent on
getting me dates, I couldn't help myself.

395
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:12,571
It was wrong, and hurtful.

396
00:16:12,608 --> 00:16:13,709
I see that now.

397
00:16:13,838 --> 00:16:16,707
Well, maybe setting you up
was a bad idea.

398
00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:19,879
Yeah, I guess neither of our
girls were really right for you.

399
00:16:19,949 --> 00:16:22,815
The worst part is that I met
a girl tonight that I really do like.

400
00:16:22,836 --> 00:16:25,517
But I was so busy chasing one trope,
I missed the trope right under my nose...

401
00:16:25,561 --> 00:16:27,980
That the girl I liked all along
was under my nose.

402
00:16:28,242 --> 00:16:30,442
And now I've screwed things up.
I don't know if I can make them right.

403
00:16:30,473 --> 00:16:31,324
Aww.

404
00:16:31,342 --> 00:16:33,252
Wait.
This one's real, right?

405
00:16:33,269 --> 00:16:34,086
Yeah, I'm really sad.

406
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:35,349
Aww.

407
00:16:35,597 --> 00:16:37,485
Well, go find her, dummy.

408
00:16:37,533 --> 00:16:39,660
Yeah, haven't you ever seen
a movie?

409
00:16:40,596 --> 00:16:44,137
Sophie! Sophie! Sophie!

410
00:16:44,157 --> 00:16:46,537
Sophie. Sophie. Sophie.

411
00:16:46,568 --> 00:16:48,585
I hate to say I told you so,

412
00:16:48,615 --> 00:16:50,456
but I'm gonna say it
to Britta's face.

413
00:16:50,538 --> 00:16:53,209
Sophie! Sophie! Sophie!

414
00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,068
What is the nature of hope?

415
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:57,002
Sophie's not coming, guys.

416
00:16:59,564 --> 00:17:01,402
Boo! Boo!

417
00:17:01,427 --> 00:17:03,162
Looks like someone
underestimated

418
00:17:03,181 --> 00:17:05,186
the time it takes
to plan a dance.

419
00:17:06,997 --> 00:17:09,014
Hey, hey, hey!
It's Sophie B. Hawkins!

420
00:17:19,871 --> 00:17:23,189
Good evening!
I'm Sophie B. Hawkins.

421
00:17:23,575 --> 00:17:25,070
I think you know this one.

422
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:27,417
Oh, man.

423
00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:40,815
Did you do this?

424
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:42,799
If it's possible
to make something happen

425
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,352
by willing it,
then, yes, I did.

426
00:18:09,045 --> 00:18:10,529
Pardon me, Sophie.

427
00:18:10,575 --> 00:18:12,975
I have something to say.

428
00:18:14,549 --> 00:18:17,831
There was a girl here tonight.
Her name was Rachel.

429
00:18:18,453 --> 00:18:20,054
I met her,
and it was very pleasant.

430
00:18:20,513 --> 00:18:22,664
And I made a mistake.

431
00:18:24,826 --> 00:18:27,395
And now I'd very much like to continue
this conversation in private.

432
00:18:27,868 --> 00:18:30,130
Wow, viva lost love.

433
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:42,534
- You came back.
- That was pretty embarrassing.

434
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:44,548
- I had to...
- Hmm.

435
00:18:44,592 --> 00:18:47,021
It was.
But I'm glad I did it.

436
00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:49,498
So, would you like
to go out sometime?

437
00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:50,775
I would like that.

438
00:18:50,823 --> 00:18:53,132
Do you want to pretend like you're
just going out with me on a bet?

439
00:18:53,157 --> 00:18:54,795
- Oh, I'd like that very much.
- Mm-hmm.

440
00:18:54,819 --> 00:18:56,351
But maybe we should try
normal first.

441
00:18:56,389 --> 00:18:59,311
- Sure.
- Oh!

442
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,981
- I prefer As I Lay Me Down.
- Me too.

443
00:19:06,576 --> 00:19:08,210
I can't believe
she pulled this off.

444
00:19:08,228 --> 00:19:09,328
I know.

445
00:19:09,362 --> 00:19:11,990
According to dean law,
I must now give her my amulet.

446
00:19:12,493 --> 00:19:14,363
- What?
- Hmm?

447
00:19:15,010 --> 00:19:18,362
Well, she had a little help
from a wise old man

448
00:19:18,394 --> 00:19:20,550
who was the official supplier
of moist towelettes

449
00:19:20,574 --> 00:19:23,960
to the lilith fair between
1997 and 1999.

450
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:25,960
I knew it.
You're safe.

451
00:19:28,135 --> 00:19:29,838
You did this?
But why?

452
00:19:29,855 --> 00:19:32,559
Because, in the face
of all logic and reason,

453
00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:35,581
Britta didn't back down.
That makes no sense.

454
00:19:35,593 --> 00:19:37,898
Also, I didn't like the way you
were being such a jerk to her.

455
00:19:37,917 --> 00:19:38,908
Well, she was acting crazy.

456
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:40,780
Yeah, but what choice
did she have?

457
00:19:40,817 --> 00:19:44,069
You make fun of her, you use her
name as a synonym for screwing up.

458
00:19:44,123 --> 00:19:46,173
Cut her some slack, Jeff.

459
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:48,521
She helped you reconcile
with your dad.

460
00:19:48,776 --> 00:19:51,377
For Pete's sake,
let her be happy.

461
00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:09,094
"I know it's probably
impossible to read my texts

462
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,830
"without them sounding
sarcastic, but...

463
00:20:11,849 --> 00:20:15,098
I assure you, "this one is
as earnest as they come.

464
00:20:15,241 --> 00:20:18,105
"Congratulations on
an awesome dance.

465
00:20:18,117 --> 00:20:20,772
You Britta'd the hell out
of this thing."

466
00:20:50,464 --> 00:20:52,803
Can you do one where you
wish you had ice cream?

467
00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:57,238
That's so good.

468
00:20:57,263 --> 00:21:00,104
Okay, can you do one where
you wish I was Batman?

469
00:21:00,147 --> 00:21:02,741
Fine. But this is the last one.

470
00:21:06,239 --> 00:21:07,812
- I love you so much!
- That is so good!

471
00:21:07,836 --> 00:21:10,608
Alright, alright. You guys are taking
advantage of Mrs. Sophie Hawkins.

472
00:21:10,633 --> 00:21:13,528
- But... I was gonna...
- No. But you nothing. She's an artist.

473
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:16,062
She's not here to do your bidding.

474
00:21:16,087 --> 00:21:17,476
Sorry about that.

475
00:21:17,519 --> 00:21:20,608
Now if you could just sing,
"Dean I Wish I Was Your Lover"

476
00:21:20,644 --> 00:21:23,203
with these new lyrics.
It's for my voicemail.

477
00:21:23,228 --> 00:21:25,626
- Who's Jeff Winger?
- Just sing the damn song!

478
00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:30,922
Norther