1 00:00:02,321 --> 00:00:04,368 Well... See you after the break. 2 00:00:04,397 --> 00:00:06,140 What are you all doing for Thanksgiving? 3 00:00:06,163 --> 00:00:07,597 I'm having Andre's whole family over, 4 00:00:07,610 --> 00:00:10,058 though he'll be stuck working at the stereo store for Black Friday. 5 00:00:10,082 --> 00:00:12,157 Oh, sure, you get to say that, but... 6 00:00:12,264 --> 00:00:14,433 we're stuck calling it "Jew Friday." 7 00:00:14,489 --> 00:00:17,991 Ugh, I'll be with my family, fielding the same old questions. 8 00:00:18,053 --> 00:00:20,191 "How's community college?" "What's your major?" 9 00:00:20,215 --> 00:00:21,441 "Are those real?" 10 00:00:21,501 --> 00:00:22,423 My aunt's boyfriend. 11 00:00:22,435 --> 00:00:24,638 "Oh, my family's a normal religion, 12 00:00:24,656 --> 00:00:26,223 "so I have to talk to them for five minutes 13 00:00:26,245 --> 00:00:29,330 before I get a casserole that's all marshmallow." 14 00:00:29,432 --> 00:00:31,593 - That's you. - Brainstorm. 15 00:00:31,606 --> 00:00:33,076 Why don't you all come over to my house? 16 00:00:33,094 --> 00:00:34,151 I'll have plenty of food. 17 00:00:34,169 --> 00:00:35,272 - That would be great. - Marshmallows. 18 00:00:35,297 --> 00:00:37,147 - Sounds good to me. - I was going to microwave buttered noodles, 19 00:00:37,165 --> 00:00:38,348 but this sounds equally promising. 20 00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:39,479 - I'm in. - Oh, goody. 21 00:00:39,491 --> 00:00:41,471 Well, you know, you're all welcome, of course. 22 00:00:41,638 --> 00:00:43,607 - I'm in. - Or, you know, Jeff or whoever. 23 00:00:43,638 --> 00:00:44,607 Can't. Plans. 24 00:00:44,632 --> 00:00:45,813 Well, if you change your mind, 25 00:00:45,825 --> 00:00:47,801 I can't think of anyone who would enjoy having you more. 26 00:00:47,813 --> 00:00:50,537 How-Dean, pilgrims. 27 00:00:50,571 --> 00:00:52,043 - Is that... - John Wayne, yes. 28 00:00:52,048 --> 00:00:53,268 Oh, good, you got it. 29 00:00:53,309 --> 00:00:57,132 Anyhoo, I just thought I'd mosey on over here, 30 00:00:57,161 --> 00:00:59,702 invite you all to Greendale's annual 31 00:00:59,714 --> 00:01:02,486 Thanks-living potluck dinner, 32 00:01:02,517 --> 00:01:05,385 where we remember all we have to be thankful for. 33 00:01:05,497 --> 00:01:07,019 There may be a statistical link 34 00:01:07,037 --> 00:01:09,533 to enrollment at Greendale and holiday suicide. 35 00:01:09,601 --> 00:01:11,302 - Oh. - Just a shoelace... 36 00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,405 and belt-free night full of fun. 37 00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:14,685 You should all drop by. 38 00:01:14,703 --> 00:01:16,315 Or Jeff. Or whoever. 39 00:01:16,340 --> 00:01:17,744 Oh, he can't. He has plans. 40 00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:18,569 Oh, right, 41 00:01:18,586 --> 00:01:20,164 you are spending Thanksgiving with your father. 42 00:01:21,292 --> 00:01:23,633 I thought I told you to stop reading my email. 43 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:26,793 Yeah, well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets. 44 00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:29,582 How am I supposed to keep track of what you tell me in confidence 45 00:01:29,599 --> 00:01:32,344 and what I hear through you walls with a glass to my ear? 46 00:01:35,790 --> 00:01:37,397 Fine. Close your mouths. 47 00:01:37,409 --> 00:01:39,727 I'm having Thanksgiving with my estranged father. 48 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,702 - Can we move on now? - Makes sense. 49 00:01:41,860 --> 00:01:43,133 Jeff's at a point in his life 50 00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,453 where he needs a strong father figure to come out to. 51 00:01:45,465 --> 00:01:47,699 Jeff, this is huge news. 52 00:01:47,799 --> 00:01:48,795 Huger news. 53 00:01:48,828 --> 00:01:51,616 Was this decision made after our Halloween conversation? 54 00:01:51,628 --> 00:01:54,463 Yes, after. Not because of. 55 00:01:54,495 --> 00:01:56,275 I'll take it. 56 00:01:58,032 --> 00:02:00,011 You had that teed up? 57 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,577 When I say "thera," you say "pist." 58 00:02:02,596 --> 00:02:03,679 - Thera... - pist. 59 00:02:03,698 --> 00:02:04,934 Thera... 60 00:02:04,952 --> 00:02:06,002 Thanks for the support, guys. 61 00:02:06,024 --> 00:02:09,178 Oh, the support has just begun. 62 00:02:09,408 --> 00:02:11,142 What do you want me to bring to papa Winger's house, 63 00:02:11,163 --> 00:02:12,836 some vegan pumpkin pie? 64 00:02:12,849 --> 00:02:14,580 Britta, you're not coming. 65 00:02:14,598 --> 00:02:16,669 Fine, regular pumpkin pie. 66 00:02:16,826 --> 00:02:19,873 Jeff, you're going to need me when things get messy and emotional. 67 00:02:19,904 --> 00:02:21,383 The only thing that's going to get messy and emotional 68 00:02:21,414 --> 00:02:23,298 is Troy, when he realizes there are yams 69 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,533 underneath those marshmallows. 70 00:02:24,569 --> 00:02:26,570 I knew it was too good to be true. 71 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:29,117 Jeff, speaking not just as your friend 72 00:02:29,157 --> 00:02:31,791 but as an avid daytime TV watcher, 73 00:02:31,824 --> 00:02:35,927 these parent-child reunions can get intense. 74 00:02:35,978 --> 00:02:37,595 Chairs might be thrown. 75 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,003 Weaves might be pulled. 76 00:02:39,021 --> 00:02:40,241 Or I could just go in there, 77 00:02:40,271 --> 00:02:43,541 show him how awesome I am, no thanks to him, meet my half-brother... 78 00:02:43,599 --> 00:02:46,129 And then, boom. Closure. 79 00:02:46,452 --> 00:02:48,069 Your dad has another son? 80 00:02:48,094 --> 00:02:49,609 Yeah. So, clearly, he's moved on. 81 00:02:49,647 --> 00:02:51,182 Why can't I? Close your mouths. 82 00:02:51,207 --> 00:02:53,323 Look, I appreciate your concern, 83 00:02:53,335 --> 00:02:55,686 but really, the most helpful thing you can do 84 00:02:55,714 --> 00:02:56,681 is stay out of my business. 85 00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:58,926 Oh, can you say that last part again? 86 00:02:59,152 --> 00:03:01,203 These walls are entirely too thick. 87 00:03:24,643 --> 00:03:28,643 4x05 Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations 88 00:03:51,395 --> 00:03:53,631 Oh! Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. 89 00:03:53,656 --> 00:03:54,512 - Hey. - Hi. 90 00:03:54,531 --> 00:03:56,599 Let's carve that jive turkey! 91 00:03:56,924 --> 00:03:59,048 - Got that out of your system? - Yeah. 92 00:03:59,078 --> 00:04:00,828 Then I'm so happy to welcome you all to my home. 93 00:04:00,859 --> 00:04:03,523 - Oh, thank you. - Hello, come in. 94 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:06,024 Take your coats off. Make yourself comfortable. 95 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,575 Browse the available literature 96 00:04:07,587 --> 00:04:09,114 about Jesus Christ as your personal savior. 97 00:04:09,138 --> 00:04:10,924 Or not. No agenda. 98 00:04:11,423 --> 00:04:13,211 Are you going to pass some apps soon, 99 00:04:13,223 --> 00:04:15,573 or do I have to die of starvation to prove a point? 100 00:04:15,591 --> 00:04:16,561 Oh, everybody, 101 00:04:16,579 --> 00:04:18,020 this is Mr. Bennett, my father-in-law. 102 00:04:18,045 --> 00:04:19,695 Dad, these are my friends from college. 103 00:04:20,889 --> 00:04:22,948 Oh, yeah. That's Andre's people. 104 00:04:22,973 --> 00:04:25,712 They're a bunch of characters. That's a good one, dad. 105 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:27,971 - Oh, I brought something. - Oh. 106 00:04:28,875 --> 00:04:30,192 Dip. 107 00:04:30,309 --> 00:04:32,941 Oh, Abed, why is this seven layer dip so puffy? 108 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,552 Oh, it's been in the fridge for two years. 109 00:04:34,564 --> 00:04:35,775 I was saving it for a special occasion. 110 00:04:35,781 --> 00:04:37,800 Oh, that's so thoughtful. 111 00:04:37,825 --> 00:04:40,851 I'm going to put this on a nice platter with some crackers in the trash. 112 00:04:40,870 --> 00:04:41,837 Where's Britta? 113 00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,817 Hey, Jeff. What's up? 114 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,690 What's up is closure. 115 00:04:45,746 --> 00:04:48,331 I met my dad, we talked things out as men. 116 00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:49,785 I think I'm ready to move on. 117 00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:51,116 Really, in 20 minutes? 118 00:04:51,728 --> 00:04:55,726 Fine. Look, I couldn't do it. 119 00:04:55,785 --> 00:04:57,886 I was at the front door, totally in control, 120 00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,782 and then I started thinking about all that stuff you said 121 00:04:59,809 --> 00:05:03,867 about messiness, and it threw me off my game. 122 00:05:04,043 --> 00:05:05,160 You know, the irony is, 123 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,837 after all your pestering that I deal with my daddy issues, 124 00:05:07,926 --> 00:05:10,191 you're the reason I'm not meeting my father. 125 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:13,041 Or maybe I'm the reason you'll come here after all. 126 00:05:13,081 --> 00:05:14,198 Britta, I... 127 00:05:14,237 --> 00:05:17,089 Wait. What do you mean by "here"? 128 00:05:17,228 --> 00:05:18,646 Your dad's house, 129 00:05:18,665 --> 00:05:22,218 where I kind of, sort of, am. 130 00:05:22,952 --> 00:05:24,559 Yeah, thanks, Sharon. 131 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,140 I never thought about it that way. 132 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,778 Batman is sort of gay. 133 00:05:27,806 --> 00:05:29,303 Be right back. 134 00:05:30,115 --> 00:05:31,669 What is going on? 135 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,689 Why is Thanksgiving so terrible? 136 00:05:33,726 --> 00:05:34,858 I know. 137 00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:38,089 The tension, the backbiting, the judgmental comments. 138 00:05:38,140 --> 00:05:40,604 This makes Thanksgiving with my family look... 139 00:05:40,685 --> 00:05:42,139 eh, still pretty bad. 140 00:05:42,172 --> 00:05:44,190 I said Batman was gay. 141 00:05:44,221 --> 00:05:45,996 Ugh. Sheesh. 142 00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:48,909 You ask one lady if she's Tyler Perry in drag, 143 00:05:48,928 --> 00:05:50,362 and suddenly, you're the bad guy. 144 00:05:50,390 --> 00:05:52,642 It's a reference. That's my humor. 145 00:05:52,655 --> 00:05:54,042 Abed gets it. 146 00:05:54,071 --> 00:05:56,291 Oh, you're all hiding out in here. 147 00:05:56,376 --> 00:05:59,294 - We're not hiding. - You know us, hide away. 148 00:05:59,319 --> 00:06:00,500 Well, be careful. 149 00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:03,469 You might be giving the impression that you prefer the cold garage 150 00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:06,066 to the warm heart of my hospitality. 151 00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:08,234 What? As if. 152 00:06:08,247 --> 00:06:09,147 Yay. 153 00:06:09,163 --> 00:06:10,244 Uh-huh. Okay. 154 00:06:10,273 --> 00:06:13,117 Well, hurry back soon. 155 00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:15,000 This is the Jonestown of dinners. 156 00:06:15,012 --> 00:06:16,138 I feel like I'm in jail. 157 00:06:16,169 --> 00:06:18,421 And you know what happens to guys like me in jail. 158 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,780 They get really into push-ups, 159 00:06:19,798 --> 00:06:23,213 and I am fine with my upper body the way it is! 160 00:06:24,681 --> 00:06:26,149 It did feel like a prison, 161 00:06:26,175 --> 00:06:29,093 and that meant only one thing made sense, conceptually. 162 00:06:29,131 --> 00:06:30,448 We had to break out. 163 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,557 And someone with the gravitas of Morgan Freeman had to narrate it. 164 00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:35,549 We need to do a prison break. 165 00:06:41,332 --> 00:06:42,600 Happy Thanksgiving? 166 00:06:42,617 --> 00:06:44,255 You really "you'd" this one, huh? 167 00:06:44,274 --> 00:06:46,519 Okay, yes, I meddled against your wishes, 168 00:06:46,537 --> 00:06:48,411 and yes, I got this address from the Dean, 169 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,192 but hey. 170 00:06:49,210 --> 00:06:52,143 You had a moment of doubt, and here I am to help you through it. 171 00:06:52,155 --> 00:06:54,438 Psychology tells us there are no accidents. 172 00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:55,107 Oh, really? 173 00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:56,665 What about car accidents, Tara Reid, 174 00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:58,294 or the Hindenburg? 175 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,233 Here goes nothing. 176 00:07:04,407 --> 00:07:05,651 Hello, William. 177 00:07:11,656 --> 00:07:15,197 So, uh... how about we make a couple of ground rules? 178 00:07:15,203 --> 00:07:18,070 Actually, that sounds good. Okay. No hugs. 179 00:07:18,165 --> 00:07:19,856 Wouldn't want one. No apologies. 180 00:07:19,881 --> 00:07:21,864 Wouldn't accept one. No calling you "dad." 181 00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,748 - No expectations. - No B.S. 182 00:07:23,781 --> 00:07:24,677 - Drink? - Scotch. 183 00:07:24,696 --> 00:07:26,047 - 18? - Neat. 184 00:07:26,142 --> 00:07:27,212 I just want to acknowledge 185 00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:29,818 that there are a lot of emotions flowing right now, 186 00:07:29,837 --> 00:07:32,789 and you two are probably feeling a strong impulse 187 00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:36,651 to sleep with each other, and hey, that's normal. 188 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:40,327 Wow. I'll get the drinks. 189 00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:43,685 So, how about that? No muss, no fuss. 190 00:07:43,709 --> 00:07:46,811 Jeff, I urge you not to run from the muss and fuss. 191 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,460 Hi. 192 00:07:49,944 --> 00:07:50,977 Hi. 193 00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:52,487 You must be my half-brother. 194 00:07:53,187 --> 00:07:55,968 Oh, your hands are so much bigger than mine. 195 00:07:56,105 --> 00:07:57,939 Your nail beds are perfect. 196 00:07:57,981 --> 00:07:59,374 I can't do it. I can't. 197 00:07:59,399 --> 00:08:00,213 Oh, God. 198 00:08:00,231 --> 00:08:01,991 Oh, it's coming up. 199 00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:03,348 When I get upset, I vomit. 200 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,949 Oh, I see you've met Willy Junior. 201 00:08:05,981 --> 00:08:08,887 You said he wasn't going to replace me. 202 00:08:08,978 --> 00:08:11,529 He's the Schwarzenegger. I'm the DeVito. 203 00:08:11,561 --> 00:08:12,745 I get it. 204 00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:16,465 Okay, fellas, let's get right into it. 205 00:08:16,477 --> 00:08:19,984 I think the big question on everyone's mind is 206 00:08:20,635 --> 00:08:22,836 why don't I go help Willy Junior? 207 00:08:22,908 --> 00:08:24,241 Hmm? 208 00:08:26,703 --> 00:08:28,842 One thing was clear to me and the rest of the crew. 209 00:08:28,850 --> 00:08:31,238 Bennett lockup was not where we belonged. 210 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,538 We belonged in the sun, with the wind in our hair, 211 00:08:33,563 --> 00:08:35,859 or maybe at a Bennigan's, enjoying a Turkey O'Toole. 212 00:08:35,946 --> 00:08:37,613 We should tunnel out. 213 00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,488 Abed, Shirley is our friend, and we're guests in her home. 214 00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:42,201 We need a plan that won't hurt her feelings, 215 00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:43,927 or damage her property. 216 00:08:43,973 --> 00:08:46,090 Definitely don't look behind that poster, then. 217 00:08:46,399 --> 00:08:48,005 I could pretend to have a stroke. 218 00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:50,140 Do a gibberish foreign language. 219 00:08:50,202 --> 00:08:53,116 What if I did a gibberish foreign language like Star Wars? 220 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,327 You'd like that, I bet. Dick. 221 00:08:55,464 --> 00:08:58,060 Look, I'm sure we'll figure out a way out of here. 222 00:08:58,095 --> 00:09:01,090 What's important right now is that we stick together. 223 00:09:01,503 --> 00:09:03,637 - Yeah. - Oh, there you are. 224 00:09:03,657 --> 00:09:05,085 Who wants a pre-dinner snack? 225 00:09:05,117 --> 00:09:06,573 Oh! 226 00:09:06,591 --> 00:09:08,042 Oh, pumpkin, what's wrong? 227 00:09:08,076 --> 00:09:11,028 Oh, it's too embarrassing 228 00:09:11,073 --> 00:09:12,840 to talk about in front of the guys, 229 00:09:12,858 --> 00:09:15,078 know what I mean, girlfriend? - Oh, sweetie. 230 00:09:15,119 --> 00:09:16,940 Do you have your monthly shame? 231 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,891 Do you want to lie down in Elijah's room? 232 00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:21,219 Oh, I don't think that's going to cut it. 233 00:09:21,237 --> 00:09:23,364 I probably need to go home and call Dr. Collins. 234 00:09:23,382 --> 00:09:25,315 - It's that bad. - Oh, well, you know, 235 00:09:25,327 --> 00:09:27,030 my sister-in-law's a gynecologist, 236 00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:28,127 and she's right in the other room. 237 00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:31,053 There's no need to bother your doctor on a holiday. 238 00:09:31,272 --> 00:09:32,542 Go ahead. Mm-hmm. 239 00:09:32,571 --> 00:09:35,765 I'd like to tell you Annie avoided Shirley's doctor sister-in-law, 240 00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,553 but this ain't no fairy tale. 241 00:09:37,903 --> 00:09:39,804 This is Thanksgiving. 242 00:09:40,186 --> 00:09:42,022 Let's see, what else? 243 00:09:42,177 --> 00:09:45,257 You've got some diabetes, on my mother's side. 244 00:09:45,431 --> 00:09:46,381 Good to know. 245 00:09:46,445 --> 00:09:47,358 I like your hair. 246 00:09:47,376 --> 00:09:49,506 The presence of it, I mean. 247 00:09:49,540 --> 00:09:52,606 So I have a question, 248 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,669 and it's been weighing on me pretty heavily. 249 00:09:54,739 --> 00:09:57,686 At your age, in the bedroom... 250 00:09:58,201 --> 00:10:00,886 Oh, yeah. It's all good. 251 00:10:01,049 --> 00:10:02,907 - Yeah? - Real good. 252 00:10:03,078 --> 00:10:05,536 Look at them. Bonding. 253 00:10:05,650 --> 00:10:08,472 Probably laughing 'cause I can't grow a beard. 254 00:10:08,503 --> 00:10:09,647 I have an idea. 255 00:10:09,670 --> 00:10:11,529 Why don't we use these dinner rolls 256 00:10:11,541 --> 00:10:13,618 to do some "roll" play? 257 00:10:14,705 --> 00:10:15,789 I see what I did there. 258 00:10:15,813 --> 00:10:17,152 Okay. 259 00:10:17,336 --> 00:10:20,780 This roll, this is me. 260 00:10:21,326 --> 00:10:22,515 He's crying. 261 00:10:22,527 --> 00:10:25,095 Good. That's really good. 262 00:10:25,267 --> 00:10:27,735 So, uh, what do you do? 263 00:10:27,768 --> 00:10:30,303 I'm a lawyer who faked a bachelor's degree 264 00:10:30,321 --> 00:10:32,994 and practiced law for seven years before I got caught. 265 00:10:34,378 --> 00:10:35,712 I like your hustle. 266 00:10:35,763 --> 00:10:39,694 Reminds me of the summer I was Ralph Lauren out in St. tropez. 267 00:10:39,719 --> 00:10:42,296 '83, I'm on a boat with, uh... 268 00:10:42,612 --> 00:10:43,963 Damn it, Willy! 269 00:10:43,981 --> 00:10:46,176 - I'm expressing. - Knock it off. 270 00:10:46,189 --> 00:10:49,290 Why can't you just swallow it, like any normal person? 271 00:10:49,312 --> 00:10:52,199 Oh! Oh, right. Like your new son. 272 00:10:52,224 --> 00:10:55,788 Like mister... mister I've got my shirt... 273 00:10:55,807 --> 00:10:57,772 I don't know a lot of personal details about you yet. 274 00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:58,828 Well, my name's Jeff. 275 00:10:58,852 --> 00:11:01,754 Don't help me, mister helper guy. 276 00:11:01,949 --> 00:11:03,426 First mom dies, now this? 277 00:11:03,444 --> 00:11:05,348 Hey, she died 20 years ago, Willy. 278 00:11:05,367 --> 00:11:07,489 He keeps singing the same old song. 279 00:11:07,508 --> 00:11:09,650 Wow. She died on you. 280 00:11:09,749 --> 00:11:11,417 Here I thought you'd become father of the year, 281 00:11:11,442 --> 00:11:12,985 but you just got stuck. 282 00:11:13,010 --> 00:11:16,188 Yeah, well, look, I don't have to tell you I'm not a natural caretaker, 283 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,728 but with Willy, you know, I-I checked all the boxes, 284 00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:22,614 and he still turned out softer than wet cheese. 285 00:11:22,656 --> 00:11:24,098 I don't get it. 286 00:11:24,366 --> 00:11:27,549 He keeps saying he's going to move out next week, since '03. 287 00:11:27,584 --> 00:11:29,852 Oh, man, I couldn't wait to get out. 288 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,324 I got my own place when I was 18. 289 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:34,075 I was the same way. 290 00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:37,438 So who's ready to eat? 291 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,196 Jeff, you care to carve the turkey? 292 00:11:40,229 --> 00:11:41,657 I knew it! 293 00:11:41,682 --> 00:11:43,313 You love him more than me. 294 00:11:43,427 --> 00:11:45,755 I'll show you. I'll run away. 295 00:11:45,774 --> 00:11:48,759 Oh, please. Hey, be my guest. 296 00:11:48,805 --> 00:11:52,340 You run away, and I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight. 297 00:11:54,327 --> 00:11:56,763 Oh, now, I'm sorry you guys had to see that, 298 00:11:56,782 --> 00:11:58,691 but maybe you could shrink his head, 299 00:11:58,703 --> 00:12:00,629 since you're here for some reason. 300 00:12:00,665 --> 00:12:03,623 Yes. I can do this. 301 00:12:03,831 --> 00:12:06,201 Show me on the dinner roll where you're hurt! 302 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,207 And that's how it went for the afternoon. 303 00:12:09,231 --> 00:12:12,042 This tag team turkey day became our routine. 304 00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,677 We endured the indignities as best we could. 305 00:12:14,758 --> 00:12:16,993 Cousins fighting, complaints about the food, 306 00:12:17,014 --> 00:12:19,443 listening to a nephew do Borat for a full hour. 307 00:12:19,576 --> 00:12:22,227 We figured out ways to steal away from time to time, 308 00:12:22,502 --> 00:12:24,964 saying we had to pee, had to get ice, 309 00:12:24,989 --> 00:12:26,690 had to do a jewish thing in the other room. 310 00:12:28,824 --> 00:12:31,656 I became known as the guy who could get you things 311 00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:36,313 piece of gum, playing cards, 312 00:12:36,363 --> 00:12:39,133 some novelty glasses I found in a box marked "crap." 313 00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:42,161 In those brief, tranquil moments, we felt human. 314 00:12:42,201 --> 00:12:43,668 We felt free. 315 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:46,825 But sooner or later, our warden would come knocking. 316 00:12:47,312 --> 00:12:50,198 Mostly, we just waited for our time to be served, 317 00:12:50,389 --> 00:12:52,639 but some didn't take kindly to waiting. 318 00:12:53,118 --> 00:12:54,596 Some didn't have much time left. 319 00:12:54,665 --> 00:12:56,859 Enough. Amateur hour is over. 320 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:59,479 I'm going in there, pretend to break a hip, 321 00:12:59,507 --> 00:13:03,926 and we'll be sipping Sambuca at skeepers in no time. 322 00:13:08,373 --> 00:13:10,557 Whoa. He tripped on the rug. 323 00:13:10,588 --> 00:13:11,904 Wait, now he's getting up. 324 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,192 He's walking around dazed like he's got a head injury. 325 00:13:14,257 --> 00:13:16,346 Oh, groin into the corner of the table. 326 00:13:16,364 --> 00:13:17,697 This might actually work. 327 00:13:17,723 --> 00:13:18,690 Ow. 328 00:13:19,605 --> 00:13:21,957 Wait, wait, why are people laughing? 329 00:13:23,604 --> 00:13:26,874 Let's see, I need a broom, a rake, or two rakes... 330 00:13:26,886 --> 00:13:28,935 Pierce, you were supposed to pretend to injure yourself 331 00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:30,340 so we could leave. 332 00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:31,708 Leave? 333 00:13:31,881 --> 00:13:34,450 This is my showtime at the Apollo. 334 00:13:34,494 --> 00:13:36,027 I'm killing out there. 335 00:13:37,528 --> 00:13:41,045 Pierce was our last hope, or so we thought. 336 00:13:42,084 --> 00:13:44,892 It seemed Troy Barnes had a plan. 337 00:13:44,904 --> 00:13:46,023 What if we got sick? 338 00:13:46,047 --> 00:13:48,444 No. No more faking illnesses. 339 00:13:48,462 --> 00:13:51,905 Not fake sick. Real sick. 340 00:13:59,597 --> 00:14:03,508 And that's when I told my old firm to shove it. 341 00:14:04,832 --> 00:14:06,643 I've always been more of a free agent, anyway. 342 00:14:06,656 --> 00:14:08,574 Yeah, I can see that about you. 343 00:14:08,789 --> 00:14:11,343 You seem like a self-made man. 344 00:14:11,582 --> 00:14:14,017 Well, I kind of had to be. 345 00:14:14,124 --> 00:14:16,833 Look, if it's okay with you, I'd like to break a rule. 346 00:14:16,865 --> 00:14:18,512 I know we said "no mushy stuff," 347 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:22,011 but for what it's worth, I'm proud of you. 348 00:14:22,259 --> 00:14:24,609 Wow. Thanks. 349 00:14:24,887 --> 00:14:26,644 Makes you think. 350 00:14:27,114 --> 00:14:28,517 Wait, what do you mean? 351 00:14:28,529 --> 00:14:31,574 Well, look, I mean, you've seen how Willy turned out. 352 00:14:31,586 --> 00:14:33,821 I mean, I haven't done that kid any favors. 353 00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:35,574 And so I look at you, 354 00:14:35,636 --> 00:14:38,797 so self-reliant and well-adjusted, 355 00:14:38,822 --> 00:14:41,207 and I think maybe I did something right. 356 00:14:41,370 --> 00:14:43,315 You did something right? 357 00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:46,415 Well, let me say that different. Uh, 358 00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,765 the universe is a constantly expanding... 359 00:14:48,777 --> 00:14:49,840 Stop. 360 00:14:49,883 --> 00:14:51,646 I get the impulse, but that's not going to work here. 361 00:14:51,664 --> 00:14:53,057 No, I just mean that, uh, 362 00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,714 we are defined by what happens to us, 363 00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:59,780 and me leaving seems to have made you independent, 364 00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:01,383 made you strong. 365 00:15:01,591 --> 00:15:04,933 With all due respect, which is none, 366 00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:06,721 go to hell. 367 00:15:06,815 --> 00:15:08,665 So tunneling out is off the table? 368 00:15:09,084 --> 00:15:12,140 Who's hungry for turkey? 369 00:15:12,249 --> 00:15:13,749 Shirley, we were just... 370 00:15:13,762 --> 00:15:14,701 About to... 371 00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,306 Eat garbage dip. 372 00:15:16,394 --> 00:15:18,671 Why did I have to go third? 373 00:15:18,690 --> 00:15:21,076 Look, I get it. You want to leave. 374 00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,830 Shirley, we're sorry. 375 00:15:22,848 --> 00:15:25,283 No, I'm sorry. 376 00:15:25,687 --> 00:15:28,249 To be honest, I invited you as a bit of a buffer. 377 00:15:28,287 --> 00:15:30,879 With Andre's family, I'm always the butt of the joke, 378 00:15:30,899 --> 00:15:32,679 and with Andre gone this year, 379 00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:36,794 I thought I could tip the scales in my favor by having a few friends around. 380 00:15:36,972 --> 00:15:39,423 That was wrong of me. 381 00:15:39,599 --> 00:15:41,105 See you Monday. 382 00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:46,426 I can't believe none of us noticed she was having such a hard time. 383 00:15:46,490 --> 00:15:48,208 We can't leave. 384 00:15:48,233 --> 00:15:49,621 Funny thing about prison. 385 00:15:49,663 --> 00:15:51,780 Sometimes the person you thought was your warden 386 00:15:51,806 --> 00:15:53,574 turns out to be a fellow prisoner, 387 00:15:53,588 --> 00:15:55,521 which doesn't really line up with the whole Shawshank thing, 388 00:15:55,546 --> 00:15:57,951 but maybe we've always been doing more of a Prison Break. 389 00:15:58,170 --> 00:15:59,181 The show. 390 00:16:08,151 --> 00:16:11,736 - Whoa, what are you doing in my car? - Take me with you. 391 00:16:11,936 --> 00:16:13,250 Teach me what you know. 392 00:16:13,275 --> 00:16:15,209 What in the cat's cradle is happening? 393 00:16:15,237 --> 00:16:16,359 Dad hates me. 394 00:16:16,371 --> 00:16:17,884 What do you care what that guy thinks? 395 00:16:17,902 --> 00:16:18,834 He's a dick. 396 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:21,050 See, that's what I need to learn! 397 00:16:21,092 --> 00:16:23,910 How to be all dead inside with muscles on top, 398 00:16:23,944 --> 00:16:25,836 not all emotional and flabby. 399 00:16:25,855 --> 00:16:28,990 Yeah, but you are emotional, and if you pretend you're not, 400 00:16:29,002 --> 00:16:31,372 you're only letting him off the hook for being a terrible father, 401 00:16:31,403 --> 00:16:33,251 which he is and always has been. 402 00:16:33,269 --> 00:16:35,541 I mean, he meant the world to you, 403 00:16:35,547 --> 00:16:37,664 and you meant nothing to him, 404 00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:41,630 and if you run away now, he'll never know. 405 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,630 He should know. 406 00:16:45,684 --> 00:16:47,341 Britta's the worst. 407 00:16:48,043 --> 00:16:49,143 Ow! Jeez. 408 00:16:51,536 --> 00:16:53,520 Oh. I thought you guys left. 409 00:16:53,552 --> 00:16:54,882 We started as your buffer, 410 00:16:54,915 --> 00:16:56,095 but we're busting you out of here now. 411 00:16:56,135 --> 00:16:56,852 Mm-hmm. 412 00:16:56,864 --> 00:16:59,149 I drew a map of your house on my stomach. 413 00:16:59,168 --> 00:17:01,288 Uh, I know what my house looks like. 414 00:17:01,331 --> 00:17:02,917 That's what I said. 415 00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:05,033 Look, if we act fast, we can get through this plan, 416 00:17:05,045 --> 00:17:07,683 which is to put you in the trash can, take you out like trash, 417 00:17:07,713 --> 00:17:08,613 but we got to dress you like a baby. 418 00:17:09,693 --> 00:17:12,638 Thank you so much for doing this, but I'm not going anywhere. 419 00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:15,048 Those people up there, they may be rude, they may be pushy, 420 00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:16,953 they may have come to some wrongheaded conclusions 421 00:17:16,984 --> 00:17:18,403 about Batman and Robin... 422 00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:19,504 Oh, thank you. 423 00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:20,955 But they're my family, 424 00:17:20,967 --> 00:17:23,659 and family means putting up with each other even when it's hard. 425 00:17:23,701 --> 00:17:26,181 You guys can go. I'll be fine. 426 00:17:27,016 --> 00:17:29,887 Actually, we're going to stay. 427 00:17:30,030 --> 00:17:31,414 - Oh. - Yeah. 428 00:17:31,486 --> 00:17:32,769 Family sticks it out. 429 00:17:32,789 --> 00:17:34,491 That's ni... 430 00:17:37,508 --> 00:17:39,444 Okay, full disclosure. 431 00:17:39,468 --> 00:17:42,419 We're hiding out from that crazy white guy. 432 00:17:43,739 --> 00:17:45,059 You came back! 433 00:17:45,244 --> 00:17:46,179 I'm sorry. 434 00:17:46,197 --> 00:17:48,410 You should take some credit for who I've become. 435 00:17:48,475 --> 00:17:49,396 Okay. 436 00:17:49,421 --> 00:17:52,555 So, let me tell you how I turned out, 437 00:17:52,587 --> 00:17:56,137 just so you're crystal clear on your impact. 438 00:17:56,963 --> 00:17:59,696 I am not well-adjusted. 439 00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:03,200 More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. 440 00:18:03,492 --> 00:18:05,403 I'm constantly texting, 441 00:18:05,541 --> 00:18:07,192 and there's no one at the other end. 442 00:18:07,447 --> 00:18:08,741 I'm just a grown man 443 00:18:08,766 --> 00:18:11,489 who can't even look his own friends in the eye for too long 444 00:18:11,519 --> 00:18:13,727 because I'm afraid that they'll see 445 00:18:13,758 --> 00:18:15,026 that I am broken. 446 00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:17,392 So you get credit for that. 447 00:18:17,411 --> 00:18:18,367 Oh, come on, now... 448 00:18:18,385 --> 00:18:20,453 One time, when I was in seventh grade, 449 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,556 I told everybody at school that I had appendicitis. 450 00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:25,797 I wanted someone to worry about me. 451 00:18:26,067 --> 00:18:28,759 But when Beth Brannon asked to see the scar, 452 00:18:28,896 --> 00:18:30,103 I didn't want to get found out, 453 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:34,647 so I took mom's scissors, and I made one. 454 00:18:34,804 --> 00:18:37,492 It hurt like hell, but it was worth it. 455 00:18:37,516 --> 00:18:40,770 Because I got 17 cards, 456 00:18:40,944 --> 00:18:43,486 and I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 457 00:18:43,542 --> 00:18:45,009 22 years later 458 00:18:45,023 --> 00:18:47,389 because it proves that someone, 459 00:18:47,414 --> 00:18:49,868 at some point, cared about me. 460 00:18:49,913 --> 00:18:51,758 You want to see the scar? 461 00:18:53,562 --> 00:18:56,051 So you get credit for that, too. 462 00:18:56,366 --> 00:18:58,017 This is me. 463 00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:01,584 Look, Jeff, I, uh... 464 00:19:03,217 --> 00:19:03,961 Daddy! 465 00:19:03,974 --> 00:19:07,109 Are you faking a heart attack? 466 00:19:07,259 --> 00:19:09,427 Kind of a Hail Mary. 467 00:19:10,438 --> 00:19:12,200 Happy Thanksgiving, dad. 468 00:19:19,185 --> 00:19:22,413 Look, you're probably feeling a very strong urge 469 00:19:22,438 --> 00:19:25,001 to sleep with me right now, and that is normal. 470 00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:27,069 Sha. 471 00:19:27,505 --> 00:19:30,497 Britta, thank you. 472 00:19:31,310 --> 00:19:33,011 You were right. 473 00:19:33,518 --> 00:19:35,620 You're not going to get all "jock jams" on me, are you? 474 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,629 No, of course not. 475 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,626 I left my boom box at school. 476 00:19:39,861 --> 00:19:42,360 Oh. Jeez. 477 00:19:42,819 --> 00:19:44,103 You got to stop doing that. 478 00:19:44,149 --> 00:19:46,520 Thank you. Come here, brother. 479 00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:47,972 - Oh. - Come here, brother. 480 00:19:47,997 --> 00:19:48,766 Wow. 481 00:19:48,791 --> 00:19:50,542 Why don't you save some for Christmas, buddy, okay? 482 00:19:50,574 --> 00:19:53,547 And then Pierce did whiteface over blackface. 483 00:19:53,566 --> 00:19:54,624 No one was amused. 484 00:19:54,636 --> 00:19:56,570 It's meta. Abed gets it. 485 00:19:56,594 --> 00:19:59,346 So, Troy, how was your first real Thanksgiving? 486 00:19:59,375 --> 00:20:00,425 No offense to Shirley, 487 00:20:00,437 --> 00:20:01,956 but I don't see what the fuss is about. 488 00:20:01,994 --> 00:20:04,378 Thanksgiving's the wors... 489 00:20:04,479 --> 00:20:05,762 Oh! 490 00:20:05,774 --> 00:20:08,053 I heard your Thanksgiving wasn't much better than mine, 491 00:20:08,104 --> 00:20:11,993 so I thought we could take some time and be grateful for our real family. 492 00:20:12,187 --> 00:20:13,781 The one we chose. 493 00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:16,543 - So pretty. - Sit, sit, sit. 494 00:20:17,042 --> 00:20:18,944 We never got to do a Shawshank homage, 495 00:20:19,032 --> 00:20:21,116 not the way I wanted to. 496 00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:23,514 Maybe the hardest prisons to break out of 497 00:20:23,552 --> 00:20:25,870 are the ones without locks. 498 00:20:26,231 --> 00:20:28,254 Wait, that doesn't make any sense. 499 00:20:28,507 --> 00:20:30,931 After that day, Jeff seemed like a man unburdened. 500 00:20:31,028 --> 00:20:32,868 He told me about seeing his father again, 501 00:20:32,905 --> 00:20:34,463 about how leaving there felt like breaking free 502 00:20:34,481 --> 00:20:36,649 of an emotional prison he'd been in for years. 503 00:20:36,712 --> 00:20:38,830 Something about shackles on his heart? 504 00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:40,594 To be honest, I stopped listening. 505 00:20:40,616 --> 00:20:42,016 I was thinking about Christmas. 506 00:20:42,029 --> 00:20:43,329 I hope we do Die Hard. 507 00:20:43,355 --> 00:20:44,641 I hope it's in a restaurant. 508 00:20:44,686 --> 00:20:47,188 I hope it lays out as cleanly as it does in my dreams. 509 00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,704 I hope it's cool. 510 00:20:48,736 --> 00:20:49,843 Cool, cool, cool. 511 00:20:49,934 --> 00:20:51,224 - Cheers. - Cheers. 512 00:20:51,248 --> 00:20:54,036 Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, including you, Dean. 513 00:21:19,265 --> 00:21:20,795 Oh, my. 514 00:21:23,042 --> 00:21:25,546 I'll have to remember this for next year.