1
00:00:00,958 --> 00:00:03,753
So cellular mitosis
is what?

2
00:00:03,794 --> 00:00:04,920
I miss Troy.

3
00:00:04,962 --> 00:00:06,756
Wrong, and stop
guessing that.

4
00:00:06,797 --> 00:00:08,257
Annie.
I'm worried
about Abed.

5
00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:09,967
He hasn't
left the apartment
since Troy moved out.

6
00:00:10,008 --> 00:00:11,927
He won't even play
in the Dreamatorium.

7
00:00:11,969 --> 00:00:13,011
Sorry, not "play."

8
00:00:13,053 --> 00:00:14,555
"Render imaginated
dreamscapes."

9
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:17,683
Guys, we just finished
retaking biology all summer,

10
00:00:17,725 --> 00:00:19,851
and if I don't
pass this final,
it was for nothing.

11
00:00:19,893 --> 00:00:21,312
Can we stay on target?

12
00:00:21,353 --> 00:00:23,564
Did someone say
"sexy construction worker"?

13
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,399
Ooh!
Stay… Stay on target.

14
00:00:25,441 --> 00:00:29,987
I'm dressed like this
because I'm building
to big news.

15
00:00:30,028 --> 00:00:32,906
Subway has officially ended
its agreement with Greendale,

16
00:00:32,948 --> 00:00:34,575
and the restaurant
I've chosen

17
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:38,746
to occupy
the cafeteria kiosk is…

18
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,248
Shirley's Sandwiches!

19
00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,626
I just need one of you
to sign this

20
00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:45,336
as the official owner
of the business.

21
00:00:45,377 --> 00:00:47,296
Ooh,
we should both sign it,
we're 50-50 partners.

22
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:49,632
But there's
only one dotted line
on the form, so…

23
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:51,258
Oh, well, Pierce can…
Me.

24
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,468
Hey!
I paid for it.

25
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:53,803
Well, there'd be no "it"
to pay for

26
00:00:53,844 --> 00:00:55,262
if I hadn't done
all the work.

27
00:00:55,304 --> 00:00:58,808
My goodness, this molehill
is becoming a mountain.

28
00:00:58,849 --> 00:01:01,852
You guys work it out,
while I put together
an alpine costume.

29
00:01:01,893 --> 00:01:04,104
I knew eventually
you'd try to box me out

30
00:01:04,146 --> 00:01:06,315
of my own business,
just like
Hawthorne Wipes did.

31
00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:08,275
I'm not
letting you guilt me

32
00:01:08,317 --> 00:01:09,860
into letting you
call yourself the owner
of my company.

33
00:01:11,278 --> 00:01:12,571
Jeff! Hello?

34
00:01:12,613 --> 00:01:14,782
Get involved.
No.

35
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:17,326
I am here to replace
my fake bachelor's

36
00:01:17,368 --> 00:01:19,704
so I can get back
to my life as a lawyer.

37
00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:21,706
Nobody else is sacrificing
their interests.

38
00:01:21,747 --> 00:01:23,123
Don't ask me to
sacrifice mine.

39
00:01:23,165 --> 00:01:24,165
Don't ask me
to sacrifice mine.

40
00:01:25,376 --> 00:01:26,376
That's you just now.

41
00:01:28,878 --> 00:01:31,881
Okay, so name
the stages of mitosis.

42
00:01:31,923 --> 00:01:33,217
Ooh, I gotta go.

43
00:01:33,258 --> 00:01:34,301
Unbelievable.

44
00:01:34,343 --> 00:01:36,220
Today is Abed's
first therapy session.

45
00:01:36,261 --> 00:01:38,888
His what?
He's been feeling
extra vulnerable lately

46
00:01:38,930 --> 00:01:41,350
having lost Troy
to the air conditioning
repair school,

47
00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:44,770
so he's finally
gonna let me practice
my psych skills on him.

48
00:01:44,812 --> 00:01:46,146
Give me some credit,
Winger.

49
00:01:46,188 --> 00:01:47,565
What's the worst
that could happen?

50
00:01:47,606 --> 00:01:49,107
Classic tee-up.

51
00:01:49,149 --> 00:01:51,068
Shut up, Leonard,
I know about
your crooked wang.

52
00:01:51,109 --> 00:01:53,070
No such thing
as bad press.

53
00:01:57,533 --> 00:01:59,326
Hey, Abed.

54
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:07,710
This can't be good.

55
00:02:36,488 --> 00:02:38,741
There are those who ask,

56
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:40,951
why connect
the capillary tube

57
00:02:40,992 --> 00:02:43,788
directly to
the compressor valve?

58
00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:45,330
Oh, sure,
why not just attach it

59
00:02:45,372 --> 00:02:46,791
to the moisture
accumulator?

60
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,502
Hey, Troy.
We boring you?

61
00:02:50,544 --> 00:02:51,530
I miss my friends.

62
00:02:51,545 --> 00:02:53,088
He misses his friends.

63
00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:55,048
Aw.

64
00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:58,636
Mr. Barnes,
gather your things
and come with me.

65
00:03:00,387 --> 00:03:02,389
Now!

66
00:03:02,431 --> 00:03:04,974
The Sun Chamber.
A shameful relic

67
00:03:05,016 --> 00:03:07,144
from a savage chapter
of our history.

68
00:03:07,185 --> 00:03:09,730
Repairmen would duel
each other inside,

69
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:13,651
losers succumbing
to heat exhaustion,
or worse.

70
00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:16,111
Troy, there is a prophesy.

71
00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:17,529
I miss Abed so much.

72
00:03:17,571 --> 00:03:20,491
I'm ashamed to confess
that I once thought

73
00:03:21,366 --> 00:03:23,786
that this might be me.

74
00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:26,831
Now I realize
that it's you.

75
00:03:26,872 --> 00:03:28,998
You are
the true repairman, Troy.

76
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:32,001
You fix not only
air conditioners,

77
00:03:32,043 --> 00:03:33,754
but the men
who fix them.

78
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:38,759
It's a trade school.
It's a two-year degree

79
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:41,219
in boxes that
make rooms cold.

80
00:03:41,261 --> 00:03:43,848
Sir, there's been
a flow duct rupture
in quadrant four.

81
00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:45,056
I'll handle it.

82
00:03:45,098 --> 00:03:47,309
This is your destiny,
Mr. Barnes.

83
00:03:47,351 --> 00:03:51,355
The true repairman
will repair man.

84
00:03:56,777 --> 00:03:58,654
Abed.

85
00:03:58,696 --> 00:04:00,113
I'm not talking to you
because I'm not crazy.

86
00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:01,782
Think of it
as inner dialogue.

87
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:04,242
I'm reading the novelization
of Chronicles of Riddick.

88
00:04:04,284 --> 00:04:06,411
Can you honestly tell me
that's a saner decision?

89
00:04:06,453 --> 00:04:08,706
You're worried
you'll go crazy
without Troy.

90
00:04:08,747 --> 00:04:10,875
That's why you're gonna
let Britta fix you, right?

91
00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,292
Because you think
you're broken,

92
00:04:12,334 --> 00:04:13,669
you're gonna get diagnosed
by someone who said

93
00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:15,713
her favorite superhero
was X Man?

94
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:18,256
I'm a little scared.
Things are bad.

95
00:04:18,298 --> 00:04:19,383
When the world
gets bad enough, Abed,

96
00:04:19,424 --> 00:04:21,635
the good go crazy.
But the smart…

97
00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:24,722
They go bad.

98
00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:28,183
Come on in here,
let's talk about it.

99
00:04:28,225 --> 00:04:29,768
I think it's safer
if I talk to Britta.

100
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:31,228
I think it's even safer
if I talk to her first.

101
00:04:33,772 --> 00:04:35,482
Hello.

102
00:04:35,524 --> 00:04:37,401
Are you here to help me
with biology,

103
00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:39,110
or get me to help you?

104
00:04:39,152 --> 00:04:41,906
Bi-ol-o-gy.
Are you lying?

105
00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:44,074
Hard to break the word "yes"
into lilting syllables, huh?

106
00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:46,785
Ye-es?

107
00:04:46,827 --> 00:04:48,537
Look, Pierce and I
are so close

108
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:49,621
to getting the sandwich
shop going.

109
00:04:49,663 --> 00:04:50,956
I just need you
to help…
Look.

110
00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:52,708
You want one piece
of free advice?

111
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,084
Let Pierce cool down.

112
00:04:54,125 --> 00:04:55,878
You know how crazy
and paranoid he can get.

113
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,923
A-ha! Crazy?
Paranoid? Impotent?

114
00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:01,091
Cellular…
I knew you'd run
to Jeff,

115
00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:03,093
and turn him
against me.
Mitosis.

116
00:05:03,134 --> 00:05:05,095
Guys,
why are we yelling?

117
00:05:05,136 --> 00:05:06,889
You sign that paper,
I'll sue.

118
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:10,809
Well, hold on.
This will be settled
in Greendale Court, 3:00 p.m.

119
00:05:10,851 --> 00:05:12,895
Obviously, Shirley
has her counsel,

120
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:15,105
and I get to dress
like a judge.

121
00:05:15,146 --> 00:05:16,732
I was born
in a courtroom,

122
00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,609
sued it for
my own placenta,
and won.

123
00:05:19,735 --> 00:05:20,945
Now I'm calling
my lawyer.

124
00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:26,116
My biology final
is at 5:00.

125
00:05:27,993 --> 00:05:30,161
I'm available
from 3:00 to 4:00.

126
00:05:30,203 --> 00:05:32,205
I'll see you in court.

127
00:05:32,247 --> 00:05:34,625
Hello, Abed?
Ready to get therapized?

128
00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:37,419
Abed?

129
00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:47,136
Hello, Britta.

130
00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:52,601
Come in.

131
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:54,436
He's dead?

132
00:05:54,478 --> 00:05:55,938
What's going on?

133
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,065
Vice Dean Laybourne
was repairing
a flow duct rupture,

134
00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:00,025
and he inhaled
a lethal dose of Freon.

135
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,868
May his breeze
join the wind.

136
00:06:13,747 --> 00:06:16,374
Okay, so mitosis
is when cells divide…

137
00:06:16,416 --> 00:06:18,251
I wonder who Pierce
is gonna get
to represent him.

138
00:06:18,293 --> 00:06:20,504
I promise,
whoever Pierce brings

139
00:06:20,545 --> 00:06:22,923
won't be prepared for me.
That's the Winger guaran…

140
00:06:22,965 --> 00:06:24,842
Is that the cold-blooded
former colleague

141
00:06:24,883 --> 00:06:26,217
that got you fired
from your old law firm

142
00:06:26,259 --> 00:06:27,719
by ratting on you
to the State Bar?

143
00:06:27,761 --> 00:06:29,680
Tee.

144
00:06:35,268 --> 00:06:36,854
So is this
a conflict of interest?

145
00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:38,897
You know,
Alan working at your
former firm and all?

146
00:06:38,939 --> 00:06:40,941
Hey, Pierce just did you
the biggest favor
of your life.

147
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:43,360
He hired a guy
I've spent the last
two years fantasizing

148
00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:44,695
about stabbing
in the… Sundance!

149
00:06:44,736 --> 00:06:46,321
Tango!
Hey.

150
00:06:47,447 --> 00:06:50,617
So, the case
of the Sandwich signature.

151
00:06:50,659 --> 00:06:51,660
What are you doing here?

152
00:06:51,702 --> 00:06:52,953
I mean, me,
I have to, but you?

153
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,454
Hawthorne's a cash cow,

154
00:06:54,496 --> 00:06:57,041
and old a-con here
is tugging at that teat.

155
00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:59,877
That's money.

156
00:06:59,918 --> 00:07:01,170
Money.

157
00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:02,629
Please stop that.

158
00:07:02,671 --> 00:07:04,673
So, full disclosure.

159
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:10,220
The firm would really like
to keep vitamin P
in its medicine chest.

160
00:07:10,261 --> 00:07:12,430
Full disclosure.
I really want to be
done by 4:00.

161
00:07:12,472 --> 00:07:14,975
Oh, that's the Jeff
wing basket
I remember loving.

162
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,226
Hey, just go easy
on Shirley.

163
00:07:16,267 --> 00:07:17,895
Scout's honor,
Sinead O'Connor.

164
00:07:17,936 --> 00:07:21,481
Oy-yay, oy-yay,
the honorable
Craig Pelton presiding.

165
00:07:21,523 --> 00:07:24,943
First off,
there's one decision

166
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:27,112
I'll need
your help making.

167
00:07:27,154 --> 00:07:29,614
Judging Amy
or Judge Judy?

168
00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:31,950
You say your name
is Evil Abed,

169
00:07:31,992 --> 00:07:34,870
which does not throw me,
because I'm a therapist.

170
00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:36,454
So let's talk
about evil.

171
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:43,294
You know what?
Maybe I should talk
to Good Abed instead.

172
00:07:43,336 --> 00:07:45,380
Where I come from,
his name is Lame Abed.

173
00:07:45,422 --> 00:07:47,966
And you come from…
The darkest timeline.

174
00:07:48,008 --> 00:07:49,634
You might call it
the Britta of timelines,

175
00:07:49,676 --> 00:07:51,220
where everything
is the worst.

176
00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:53,931
Jeff has one arm there.
Annie shot Pierce.
Troy can't speak…

177
00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:55,682
Ah! Now we're
getting somewhere.

178
00:07:55,724 --> 00:07:58,435
I think Lame Abed
sent you to talk

179
00:07:58,476 --> 00:08:00,979
because you're
more equipped
to deal with fear.

180
00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:03,023
That's the lame way
of seeing it, yes.

181
00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:05,067
Here's the truth.

182
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:06,693
I've crossed
into your dark timeline,

183
00:08:06,735 --> 00:08:07,778
and now I'm going
to darken it.

184
00:08:07,819 --> 00:08:09,320
How?

185
00:08:09,362 --> 00:08:10,697
Tell me about
your parents, Britta.

186
00:08:11,406 --> 00:08:14,076
Um… No?

187
00:08:16,954 --> 00:08:18,205
Barnes, you should be
in the chapel.

188
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,873
We lost a great
man today.

189
00:08:19,915 --> 00:08:21,792
Yeah, he was the best,
wasn't he?

190
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:23,043
That's why
I don't understand

191
00:08:23,085 --> 00:08:26,046
how he could rupture
a Freon line.

192
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:27,256
That's kind of
a rookie mistake.

193
00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:29,216
I'm sure it was just
a faulty valve.

194
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,675
My first order
as Vice Dean,

195
00:08:30,717 --> 00:08:31,927
I'm gonna have them
all replaced.

196
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,553
So you're
Vice Dean now?

197
00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:35,430
Why the sudden interest
in air conditioning repair?

198
00:08:35,472 --> 00:08:36,416
I thought you missed
your friends.

199
00:08:36,431 --> 00:08:38,475
I do.
Then go be with them.

200
00:08:38,516 --> 00:08:40,144
I'm releasing you.

201
00:08:40,185 --> 00:08:41,895
But you…
Good-bye, Troy.

202
00:08:47,025 --> 00:08:50,237
Miss Edison,
do you recognize
the baby in that picture?

203
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,239
That's Shirley's baby Ben.

204
00:08:52,281 --> 00:08:55,450
Would you think less
of Shirley Bennett

205
00:08:55,492 --> 00:08:59,204
if she offered
to sell Ben on Craigslist

206
00:08:59,246 --> 00:09:01,414
for a chance
to bump it with Denzel?

207
00:09:01,456 --> 00:09:03,416
That was a joke
for my cousin.

208
00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:05,460
Damn those Facebook
privacy settings.

209
00:09:05,502 --> 00:09:06,920
Jeff, do something.
He's got nothing.

210
00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:08,379
I'm sure she didn't
mean that.

211
00:09:08,421 --> 00:09:12,592
Or perhaps she doesn't
even love that baby,

212
00:09:12,634 --> 00:09:16,346
because she spent
most of last year
not even knowing

213
00:09:16,387 --> 00:09:18,307
who the father is.
Objection.

214
00:09:18,348 --> 00:09:19,724
Establishing character,
Your Honor.

215
00:09:19,766 --> 00:09:21,852
This woman is clearly unfit
to own a sandwich shop.

216
00:09:21,893 --> 00:09:23,353
Alan, come on.

217
00:09:23,687 --> 00:09:24,980
No furths.

218
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:30,527
I thought you said
you were gonna go easy.

219
00:09:30,568 --> 00:09:32,029
Felt easy to me.

220
00:09:34,531 --> 00:09:35,615
What was he wearing?

221
00:09:35,657 --> 00:09:37,408
He was dressed
as a dinosaur.

222
00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:39,328
Is that why you dropped
out of high school?
I don't know.

223
00:09:39,369 --> 00:09:40,370
Are those even
real glasses?

224
00:09:40,411 --> 00:09:41,579
No.

225
00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,832
Ah, do you
feel that, Britta?

226
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:45,834
Your timeline's
10% darker now.

227
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,878
This was 10%?

228
00:09:47,919 --> 00:09:49,754
Do you know what kind
of person becomes
a psychologist, Britta?

229
00:09:49,796 --> 00:09:51,298
A person that wishes,
deep down,

230
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,133
that everyone more special
than them was sick,

231
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:56,094
because "healthy"
sounds so much more
exciting than "boring."

232
00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:57,762
You're average,
Britta Perry.

233
00:09:57,804 --> 00:10:00,098
You're every kid
on the playground
that didn't get picked on.

234
00:10:00,140 --> 00:10:02,893
You're a business
casual potted plant,
a human white sale.

235
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:05,812
You're VH1, RoboCop 2,
and Back to the Future III.

236
00:10:05,854 --> 00:10:07,898
You're the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.

237
00:10:07,939 --> 00:10:09,191
Actually, that
sounds delicious.

238
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,109
I'm the center slice
of a square cheese pizza.

239
00:10:11,151 --> 00:10:12,694
You're Jim Belushi.

240
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:16,656
Ah. 12%.

241
00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:20,493
Where are you going?

242
00:10:20,535 --> 00:10:22,453
To make this timeline
the darkest of all.

243
00:10:22,495 --> 00:10:24,664
Starting with
your lame hero,
Jeff Winger.

244
00:10:24,706 --> 00:10:26,541
I don't suppose Lame Abed
owns a bone saw.

245
00:10:44,601 --> 00:10:47,062
So, Pierce,
you're seeking
full ownership

246
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,563
of Shirley's Sandwiches.

247
00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:51,733
After all,
you did provide 100%
of the financing.

248
00:10:51,775 --> 00:10:53,068
Correct.

249
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:56,071
You really did?
Oh, damn it.

250
00:10:56,113 --> 00:10:57,822
Jeez, I came to
this thing unprepared.

251
00:10:57,864 --> 00:11:01,451
I mean,
I… I guess it's my job
to somehow tarnish you

252
00:11:01,492 --> 00:11:04,037
in the eyes
of the court, but, uh…

253
00:11:04,079 --> 00:11:05,247
Let me check my notes.

254
00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:06,539
Take your time.

255
00:11:06,581 --> 00:11:07,999
Thanks.

256
00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:10,794
Hey, uh, while
I'm doing this…

257
00:11:10,835 --> 00:11:12,879
Does anybody know
any funny jokes?

258
00:11:12,921 --> 00:11:14,381
I do.

259
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,968
An Irish and a Jew walk
into a Chinese laundry

260
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:19,344
with a gay duck.

261
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,055
All right, okay!
Oh, right!

262
00:11:22,097 --> 00:11:23,681
So you're telling me
they're not good
at basketball?

263
00:11:23,723 --> 00:11:25,058
I have no questions,
Your Honor.

264
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,654
Mommy!

265
00:11:37,695 --> 00:11:38,989
Cruel.
Cruel, cruel, cruel.

266
00:11:39,030 --> 00:11:41,158
In the name
of the five winds…

267
00:11:41,199 --> 00:11:44,161
East, west, north,

268
00:11:44,202 --> 00:11:46,371
the one we keep secret,
and south,

269
00:11:46,413 --> 00:11:49,124
I hereby proclaim you…

270
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,583
This ceremony is a lie.

271
00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:51,960
And having
a special room for it

272
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,586
is a waste
of valuable floor space.

273
00:11:53,628 --> 00:11:55,672
You are no longer
a student here.

274
00:11:55,713 --> 00:11:58,591
And we use this room
for yoga on weekends.

275
00:11:58,633 --> 00:12:00,927
Remove him.
I am the truest repairman.

276
00:12:00,969 --> 00:12:03,180
The truest repairman.

277
00:12:03,221 --> 00:12:05,098
And this man
is a dishonor

278
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:06,557
to making air conditioners
work good.

279
00:12:06,599 --> 00:12:07,642
And I have the right
to challenge him…

280
00:12:09,144 --> 00:12:10,812
In the Sun Chamber.

281
00:12:11,938 --> 00:12:13,773
Holy crap.

282
00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:16,109
Your Less Than Honor,
can I call a recess?

283
00:12:16,151 --> 00:12:18,028
Ooh, yay,
costume change.

284
00:12:18,069 --> 00:12:19,528
Court briefly adjourned.

285
00:12:20,571 --> 00:12:22,324
What are you trying
to do, Winger?

286
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,326
Zealously represent
your client?

287
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:27,578
Let me make things
a little easier for you.

288
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:29,456
Figure out a way
to throw this case,

289
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,375
or figure out
where you're gonna work

290
00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:32,917
when you get out of here,
because I don't know

291
00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:35,045
where it's gonna be
if it's not for us.

292
00:12:35,086 --> 00:12:37,588
That's right, Jeff.
I went there.

293
00:12:37,630 --> 00:12:40,258
You drove me there.
Miss Daisy's in the house,

294
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,135
thanks for the ride,
sorry about slavery.

295
00:12:42,177 --> 00:12:43,594
Don't oversell
your clout, Alan.

296
00:12:43,636 --> 00:12:45,430
You're partner because
I sold you to Ted.

297
00:12:45,472 --> 00:12:47,391
Ted respects me…
Ted's gone.

298
00:12:47,432 --> 00:12:48,683
He got too old,

299
00:12:48,725 --> 00:12:50,559
couldn't swim
with the sharks,
and got eaten.

300
00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:52,270
That makes no sense.
He started the firm.

301
00:12:52,312 --> 00:12:53,980
You can't lose
your own firm.

302
00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:56,816
You can if you're dead.
That shark thing
was not a metaphor.

303
00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:58,527
I'm the big dog now.

304
00:12:58,567 --> 00:13:01,238
So, you want
the last three years

305
00:13:01,279 --> 00:13:03,781
in this toilet
to have a point?

306
00:13:03,823 --> 00:13:05,867
Then I'm the guy
you got to make happy.

307
00:13:05,909 --> 00:13:07,744
Or, you know,
you could finish up
your big win here.

308
00:13:07,785 --> 00:13:11,331
Court is in session.
Blind justice presiding…

309
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:13,417
Aah! Oh, my God!
Ooh!

310
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:16,878
Oh!
Oh, one more recess.

311
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,381
I hit the corner
right on a fresh tattoo.

312
00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,634
Well, boys and girls,

313
00:13:23,676 --> 00:13:26,804
I hope you brought
your popsicles,

314
00:13:26,846 --> 00:13:31,435
because it's about
to get scalding hot

315
00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:34,521
in the Sun Chamber.

316
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:37,315
You already
know the rules…

317
00:13:37,357 --> 00:13:41,111
Because there aren't any!

318
00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:43,654
Jeez, Dennis,
are you on coke?

319
00:13:43,696 --> 00:13:45,449
Take that crap off
and sit down.

320
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:50,537
Sorry about that.
Of course there are rules.

321
00:13:50,579 --> 00:13:52,539
Two men are sealed
in the chamber,

322
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:54,082
each with
a broken unit.

323
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:57,461
The heat will increase
until one man yields
or dies.

324
00:13:57,502 --> 00:13:59,337
Begin!

325
00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:13,560
You're just in time for
Jeff's closing statements.

326
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,812
Who cares?
Everything is terrible.

327
00:14:15,853 --> 00:14:18,106
Oh, no. Have you been
watching Dance Moms again?

328
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:20,525
I'm thinking
of dyeing my hair.

329
00:14:22,402 --> 00:14:23,653
Evil Abed,
what are you doing?

330
00:14:23,694 --> 00:14:24,988
I'm going to cut off
Jeff Winger's arm.

331
00:14:25,029 --> 00:14:26,072
I won't let you.
That's horrible.

332
00:14:26,114 --> 00:14:28,199
Don't you mean dark?
Welcome to my world.

333
00:14:35,748 --> 00:14:37,917
Psst! Jeff! Winger!

334
00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:45,842
Jeffrey, this is a…
a terrible situation for me
to have put you in.

335
00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:48,428
A guy like Alan isn't above
making trouble for you

336
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,679
at your old firm.
Shirley, I…

337
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,681
It's not worth
your career.

338
00:14:52,723 --> 00:14:54,225
I want you to have
what you want.

339
00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:58,563
Thank you, Shirley.
Settle down.

340
00:14:58,605 --> 00:15:01,274
Okay, Jeffrey, let's have
your closing statement.

341
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:35,016
Your Honor…

342
00:15:35,058 --> 00:15:37,310
I have no closing statement,
because I'm throwing
the case.

343
00:15:37,352 --> 00:15:39,270
No, no, it's okay.

344
00:15:39,312 --> 00:15:40,689
It's fine,
don't worry.

345
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,649
My client, Shirley Bennett,
my friend of three years,

346
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,401
she told me
that it was okay.

347
00:15:44,442 --> 00:15:47,571
She said what I want
was more important.

348
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,241
She's right, right?

349
00:15:52,116 --> 00:15:53,577
I mean, guys like me,

350
00:15:53,618 --> 00:15:55,328
we'll tell you
there's no right or wrong.

351
00:15:55,370 --> 00:15:57,247
There's no real truth.

352
00:15:58,748 --> 00:16:01,125
I'll kill you.
I'll kill you
just like I killed him.

353
00:16:02,752 --> 00:16:04,879
And as long as
we all believe that,

354
00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:07,257
guys like me
can never lose.

355
00:16:07,298 --> 00:16:09,092
Was that out loud?

356
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:11,928
Because the truth is…

357
00:16:11,969 --> 00:16:14,805
I'm lying when I say
there is no truth.

358
00:16:14,847 --> 00:16:18,851
The truth is…
The pathetically, stupidly,

359
00:16:18,893 --> 00:16:22,564
inconveniently obvious
truth is…

360
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:25,108
Helping only
ourselves is bad,

361
00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:27,110
and helping
each other is good.

362
00:16:28,319 --> 00:16:30,697
Now I just wanted
to get out of here,

363
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,616
pass biology,
and be a lawyer again

364
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:33,866
instead of
helping Shirley.

365
00:16:33,908 --> 00:16:35,201
That was bad.

366
00:16:35,243 --> 00:16:36,745
And my former colleague

367
00:16:36,786 --> 00:16:40,624
wanted so badly
to keep his rich client

368
00:16:40,665 --> 00:16:42,500
that he just asked me
to roll over

369
00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:44,085
in exchange
for my old job.

370
00:16:45,545 --> 00:16:49,215
So I guess we all walked
in here pretty bad.

371
00:16:49,257 --> 00:16:50,800
But now…

372
00:16:52,093 --> 00:16:54,887
Shirley's gone good.
Shirley's helping me.

373
00:16:54,929 --> 00:16:56,347
It's that easy.

374
00:16:56,389 --> 00:16:59,601
You just stop thinking
about what's good for you,

375
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:02,687
and start thinking
about what's good
for someone else.

376
00:17:12,238 --> 00:17:15,700
And you can change
the whole game
with one move.

377
00:17:21,956 --> 00:17:24,793
Now if you like this idea,
you can make it true

378
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:28,379
by doing something good
for everyone here.

379
00:17:28,421 --> 00:17:31,424
Throw this case
out of court.
It's dumb.

380
00:17:31,466 --> 00:17:33,176
That is all.

381
00:17:34,427 --> 00:17:36,053
I withdraw my case.

382
00:17:36,095 --> 00:17:37,681
Why didn't you
just do some

383
00:17:37,722 --> 00:17:39,432
inspirational speech
about friendship?

384
00:17:39,474 --> 00:17:40,975
You're fired.

385
00:17:47,898 --> 00:17:50,401
Way to go, soft serve.
You're finished.

386
00:17:50,443 --> 00:17:53,070
By the way,
never got a chance
to tell you this,

387
00:17:53,112 --> 00:17:54,864
but it was me
who turned you in
to the State Bar.

388
00:17:55,406 --> 00:17:56,825
I know.

389
00:17:57,908 --> 00:17:59,869
And I never got
a chance to thank you.

390
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:01,871
This place
has made you so gay.

391
00:18:01,912 --> 00:18:05,249
Hey! Don't use "gay"
as a derogatory term.

392
00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:06,417
Booyah, good person.

393
00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:12,882
Gentlemen, take this man
to the infinite labyrinth
of eternal ice.

394
00:18:12,923 --> 00:18:14,718
Yes!
No!

395
00:18:14,759 --> 00:18:18,471
No, take him
to the police.

396
00:18:18,513 --> 00:18:21,015
He murdered someone.
Take him to jail.

397
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:24,143
You guys are weird.

398
00:18:24,185 --> 00:18:25,478
Jeff, that was great.

399
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,522
You were like
a white Blair Underwood.

400
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:28,732
Shirley, if you're willing,
I think we should let

401
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,233
Jeff sign
the sandwich shop form.

402
00:18:30,274 --> 00:18:31,442
Yeah, you could
represent both of us.

403
00:18:31,484 --> 00:18:32,777
You know,
like our attorney.

404
00:18:32,819 --> 00:18:35,739
My God, Pierce!
You had your
first good idea.

405
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:38,491
Thank you.
Britta, I'm so sorry.

406
00:18:38,533 --> 00:18:39,950
It doesn't matter,
Abed.

407
00:18:39,992 --> 00:18:41,870
I should've never
played therapist
with you.

408
00:18:41,911 --> 00:18:43,705
I'll change my major
just one more time.

409
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,623
But you can't.
You cured me.

410
00:18:45,665 --> 00:18:47,625
I mean, I'm not cured.
I'm willing to admit
I definitely need therapy.

411
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:49,460
You're the only
kind of shrink
I could ever trust.

412
00:18:49,502 --> 00:18:51,337
The kind
with as little control
over my mind as me.

413
00:18:54,215 --> 00:18:55,341
Mind if I cut in?

414
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:56,926
Troy!

415
00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:00,889
You're back.

416
00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:03,725
Yeah, I made a new rule
that the air conditioning
repair school

417
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:05,476
has to act like
a regular school.

418
00:19:05,518 --> 00:19:07,186
I can do that
because I'm their messiah.

419
00:19:07,228 --> 00:19:09,564
Cool. I went crazy
and I wanted to
cut off Jeff's arm.

420
00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:11,482
I missed you
so much, buddy.

421
00:19:16,153 --> 00:19:17,864
So, Jeff,
we still best friends?

422
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:24,788
All right.

423
00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:29,083
Cellular mitosis.
What is it?

424
00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,487
Hello, everybody.
I'm Leonard.

425
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:44,617
I'm here today to review
Let's Potato Chips.

426
00:20:44,659 --> 00:20:46,285
$1.79 at Kroger's.

427
00:20:47,286 --> 00:20:48,997
Ah.

428
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:50,623
Get this sucker open…

429
00:20:50,665 --> 00:20:52,375
Ah, there we are.

430
00:20:52,416 --> 00:20:55,336
Now, I've already had
some of these,

431
00:20:55,378 --> 00:20:57,046
but let's see.

432
00:20:58,088 --> 00:21:01,050
Mmm! Crispy. Mmm-hmm.

433
00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:02,635
Salty, not too greasy.

434
00:21:04,094 --> 00:21:07,056
That one's
shaped like a duck.

435
00:21:07,097 --> 00:21:10,142
Well, I guess
that's definitely a buy.

436
00:21:10,184 --> 00:21:12,144
That's it.

437
00:21:12,186 --> 00:21:15,648
Let's Potato Chips are good,
and they're a buy.