1 00:00:02,355 --> 00:00:05,900 Pierce, you made us all drive out to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. 2 00:00:05,941 --> 00:00:07,360 You could at least tell us why. 3 00:00:07,402 --> 00:00:09,237 Hey, I know as much as you. 4 00:00:09,278 --> 00:00:11,030 I got a letter from the executor of my father's estate. 5 00:00:11,072 --> 00:00:13,074 It said to come out here with my seven closest friends. 6 00:00:13,115 --> 00:00:14,325 You brought six. 7 00:00:14,367 --> 00:00:15,493 Well, who else was he gonna bring? 8 00:00:15,535 --> 00:00:16,521 LeVar Burton was a maybe. 9 00:00:16,536 --> 00:00:17,870 Mr. Hawthorne. 10 00:00:17,912 --> 00:00:19,788 I apologize. Gilbert. 11 00:00:19,830 --> 00:00:21,957 Even from the grave, my father's got you 12 00:00:21,999 --> 00:00:23,918 by the short and curly salt and pepperies. 13 00:00:24,919 --> 00:00:26,879 My name is Gilbert Lawson. 14 00:00:26,921 --> 00:00:30,091 I was Cornelius Hawthorne's assistant for over 30 years, 15 00:00:30,132 --> 00:00:31,384 and before that, I was just the teenager 16 00:00:31,426 --> 00:00:33,094 who read the Bible to him in the bath. 17 00:00:33,135 --> 00:00:34,512 Ew. All right, all right. 18 00:00:34,554 --> 00:00:37,390 It's inheritance time. How 'bout that check, soul brother? 19 00:00:37,432 --> 00:00:38,766 Your father did leave you something, 20 00:00:38,807 --> 00:00:40,560 but it's more of an activity. 21 00:00:40,601 --> 00:00:42,811 Thank you for keeping it as creepy as possible. 22 00:00:42,853 --> 00:00:44,397 This looks like a multi-player gaming interface. 23 00:00:44,439 --> 00:00:45,773 I've heard enough. 24 00:00:45,814 --> 00:00:48,984 Oh, that diabolical old fossil face. 25 00:00:49,026 --> 00:00:53,114 I asked him for money to invest in video games back in 1979. 26 00:00:53,155 --> 00:00:55,324 Cornelius spent over 30 years developing a video game for you. 27 00:00:56,242 --> 00:00:57,701 It was his dying wish 28 00:00:57,743 --> 00:00:59,995 that you and seven of your closest friends would play it. 29 00:01:00,037 --> 00:01:01,414 LeVar Burton was a maybe. 30 00:01:01,456 --> 00:01:02,873 So, please, choose a seat. 31 00:01:02,915 --> 00:01:04,792 Cool. 32 00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:08,170 So a 100-year-old man designed a 30-year-old video game? 33 00:01:08,212 --> 00:01:09,547 This I've got to see. 34 00:01:09,589 --> 00:01:10,672 Once you're seated behind your computers, 35 00:01:10,714 --> 00:01:12,592 a photograph of you will be taken 36 00:01:12,633 --> 00:01:14,843 and an avatar will be made from your likeness. 37 00:01:14,885 --> 00:01:16,178 I didn't bring my likeness. 38 00:01:17,888 --> 00:01:19,515 Don't smile. 39 00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:21,976 All right, everyone, let's begin. 40 00:01:55,301 --> 00:01:56,469 Nice! Cool. 41 00:01:56,511 --> 00:01:58,179 Old school. Cool, cool, cool. 42 00:01:58,220 --> 00:02:00,389 Which one is me? I assume nothing because I'm not racist. 43 00:02:00,431 --> 00:02:02,600 Aww! We're adorable! 44 00:02:02,642 --> 00:02:04,477 Why did this thing take photos 45 00:02:04,519 --> 00:02:06,228 if it was going to completely fabricate random body shapes? 46 00:02:06,270 --> 00:02:08,397 That's what I'm saying! My hair looks good, though. 47 00:02:09,482 --> 00:02:10,525 Orange button is jump. 48 00:02:12,943 --> 00:02:14,403 Whee! 49 00:02:14,445 --> 00:02:16,030 Which guy am I? 50 00:02:16,071 --> 00:02:17,114 There's a door here. 51 00:02:18,533 --> 00:02:20,117 Peace. Love. What's that? 52 00:02:20,159 --> 00:02:21,994 I think it's a hippie. Peace. Love. 53 00:02:22,036 --> 00:02:24,372 Aww! Annie, stop "awing" Everything. 54 00:02:24,413 --> 00:02:26,582 Don't be jaded. He's saying "peace." 55 00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:27,749 Hello. Sex. 56 00:02:27,791 --> 00:02:30,294 Did he say "sex"? Drugs. Sex. 57 00:02:30,336 --> 00:02:31,546 Oh, my God. 58 00:02:31,587 --> 00:02:32,630 Hold on, I'm coming. 59 00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:35,090 Oh! Oh! Ow! Ow! Darn! Shoot! 60 00:02:35,132 --> 00:02:36,217 Dang it. Um… 61 00:02:36,258 --> 00:02:37,593 Jeff, you just murdered Annie. 62 00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,136 Well, better than doing nothing! 63 00:02:39,178 --> 00:02:40,762 I'm not sure that's the case. That's debatable. 64 00:02:40,804 --> 00:02:41,805 You guys, help me. 65 00:02:41,847 --> 00:02:43,057 The way you helped Annie? 66 00:02:43,098 --> 00:02:45,226 Sex. 67 00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:45,961 Before we engage, we should hang back and study their tactics. 68 00:02:45,976 --> 00:02:47,186 What? 69 00:02:47,228 --> 00:02:48,688 Group sex. Oh, my God! 70 00:02:49,605 --> 00:02:51,190 Oh, cool, I'm alive. 71 00:02:51,232 --> 00:02:53,568 Pierce? This game makes no sense. 72 00:02:53,609 --> 00:02:54,734 What happened to you? 73 00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:56,404 I don't want to talk about it. 74 00:02:56,445 --> 00:02:59,615 Pierce, point the joystick right. 75 00:02:59,657 --> 00:03:01,450 So I'm supposed to just guess that? 76 00:03:01,492 --> 00:03:02,702 Where are the instructions? 77 00:03:04,995 --> 00:03:07,373 Take that! Take that! Yeah, we rule! 78 00:03:07,415 --> 00:03:08,748 Oh, you guys are alive. 79 00:03:08,790 --> 00:03:10,167 You re-spawn in the study room when you die. 80 00:03:10,209 --> 00:03:11,195 Here, I'll show you. 81 00:03:11,210 --> 00:03:13,045 Hey! Jeffrey! Shame on you! 82 00:03:13,087 --> 00:03:15,089 "Hang back and study their tactics"? 83 00:03:15,130 --> 00:03:16,424 Let him get it out of his system. 84 00:03:16,465 --> 00:03:18,718 Ah, forget it. Let's just keep moving. 85 00:03:28,936 --> 00:03:30,479 Now what? 86 00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:32,273 Welcome to Hawkthorne. 87 00:03:32,314 --> 00:03:34,024 That's dad's voice. Dad? 88 00:03:34,066 --> 00:03:36,985 Piercinald, in 1980, 89 00:03:37,027 --> 00:03:39,697 you said that video games, not moist towelettes, 90 00:03:39,739 --> 00:03:41,616 were the business of the future. 91 00:03:41,657 --> 00:03:44,868 Today, moist towelettes are stocked in every supermarket, 92 00:03:44,910 --> 00:03:47,246 while arcade after arcade closes. 93 00:03:47,288 --> 00:03:48,372 He's got a point. 94 00:03:48,414 --> 00:03:49,998 Nevertheless, I designed this game 95 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,500 to be played upon my death 96 00:03:51,542 --> 00:03:53,669 by you and whatever cabal of fruits, 97 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,379 junkies, and sluts you call your friends. 98 00:03:55,421 --> 00:03:56,756 Her name is Britta. 99 00:03:56,797 --> 00:03:58,299 Only one player can win. 100 00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:01,761 The first to reach my throne inside Castle Hawkthorne. 101 00:04:01,802 --> 00:04:04,888 Their reward, Pierce, will be your inheritance. 102 00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:06,348 What? His inheritance? What? 103 00:04:06,390 --> 00:04:09,268 So you see, Pierce, turns out you were right. 104 00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:11,103 Video games are important. 105 00:04:13,648 --> 00:04:16,275 Worst son ever! 106 00:04:16,317 --> 00:04:19,236 Well, great. How do I fight you guys? Which button fights? 107 00:04:19,278 --> 00:04:20,488 Pierce, stop. 108 00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:22,615 Pierce, relax. 109 00:04:22,657 --> 00:04:23,907 Pierce, stay in the game, stay in the game. 110 00:04:23,949 --> 00:04:25,075 Pierce, calm down. 111 00:04:25,117 --> 00:04:26,910 Nobody's gonna fight you. Why not? 112 00:04:26,952 --> 00:04:29,288 Because when you're friends with someone for three years, 113 00:04:29,330 --> 00:04:31,290 it's weird to steal their family's money. 114 00:04:31,332 --> 00:04:32,833 And there wouldn't be a lot of sport in beating you. 115 00:04:32,874 --> 00:04:34,627 Look at yourself. Yeah, he's right. 116 00:04:34,669 --> 00:04:35,711 You're playing the game wrong. 117 00:04:36,878 --> 00:04:38,339 Why is Harry Belafonte in here? 118 00:04:38,380 --> 00:04:40,132 It's Gilbert. 119 00:04:40,174 --> 00:04:42,134 You're not supposed to cooperate, you're supposed to compete. 120 00:04:42,176 --> 00:04:44,928 Thanks for the advice, but I think we can choose how we want to play. 121 00:04:44,970 --> 00:04:46,013 I suppose we can. 122 00:04:46,054 --> 00:04:47,556 Is he being ominous? 123 00:04:47,598 --> 00:04:49,224 Why are you being ominous? 124 00:04:50,225 --> 00:04:51,602 Whoa. We can pick stuff up? 125 00:04:51,644 --> 00:04:53,395 This game is more complex than you can imagine. 126 00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:55,981 And aside from its programmers, 127 00:04:56,023 --> 00:04:57,733 who have all been deported back to China, 128 00:04:57,775 --> 00:05:00,194 I'm the one who knows how it works. 129 00:05:01,612 --> 00:05:03,030 Run, run! He's gonna throw a knife! 130 00:05:03,071 --> 00:05:04,239 Go! He's gonna throw a knife! 131 00:05:04,281 --> 00:05:05,449 Jump! Jump! 132 00:05:06,867 --> 00:05:07,993 Wah! 133 00:05:10,329 --> 00:05:12,498 Wait! What are you…? 134 00:05:12,540 --> 00:05:14,834 He's a psychopath! He's suffo… 135 00:05:17,503 --> 00:05:19,630 Yeah. 136 00:05:19,672 --> 00:05:21,131 Hey, look, buddy, I know it must have sucked 137 00:05:21,173 --> 00:05:23,384 being Colonel Sanders' manservant and all, 138 00:05:23,425 --> 00:05:24,885 but Pierce is technically our friend, 139 00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:26,554 and we're not gonna watch you screw him over. 140 00:05:26,595 --> 00:05:29,348 Perhaps you should be asking yourselves how you intend to stop me. 141 00:05:29,390 --> 00:05:32,351 How about if we come over there and kick your ass? 142 00:05:32,393 --> 00:05:33,477 Go get him, Troy. 143 00:05:33,519 --> 00:05:34,603 Be my guest. 144 00:05:34,645 --> 00:05:36,605 But 30 seconds after you leave your chairs, 145 00:05:36,647 --> 00:05:39,608 the weight sensors will recognize it as an automatic forfeit. 146 00:05:39,650 --> 00:05:41,318 Weight sensors? Weight sensors? 147 00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:44,363 That's it. Let's get that jag! 148 00:05:44,405 --> 00:05:46,407 Yeah! Get him! 149 00:05:46,448 --> 00:05:47,658 Kick that hippie's ass! 150 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:48,950 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 151 00:05:48,992 --> 00:05:50,910 Let's go! Move, move, move! 152 00:05:54,707 --> 00:05:55,999 I think he left a note. 153 00:05:56,041 --> 00:05:57,376 What? 154 00:05:57,418 --> 00:05:58,836 "After you've squandered the last of your savings, 155 00:05:58,878 --> 00:06:00,588 "I'll watch you writhe, penniless, in the gutter, 156 00:06:00,629 --> 00:06:03,006 "through a telescope in the penthouse office of Hawthorne tower." 157 00:06:03,048 --> 00:06:04,508 You can leave notes. 158 00:06:04,550 --> 00:06:05,925 This game is incredible. 159 00:06:07,261 --> 00:06:08,470 Pierce? 160 00:06:09,597 --> 00:06:10,806 No, Pierce! Please, no! 161 00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:11,973 We need you! 162 00:06:12,015 --> 00:06:13,225 Just let me die. 163 00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:16,520 Pierce, so Gilbert knows a couple tricks. Big deal. 164 00:06:16,562 --> 00:06:18,146 We outnumber him. 165 00:06:18,188 --> 00:06:20,357 And most importantly, while he's fighting for greed, 166 00:06:20,399 --> 00:06:21,983 we're fighting for friendship, 167 00:06:22,025 --> 00:06:24,445 which means we can't lose, okay? 168 00:06:24,486 --> 00:06:26,196 Okay. Okay! 169 00:06:29,825 --> 00:06:31,493 I guess there's no hug button. 170 00:06:34,914 --> 00:06:36,791 Everybody keep Pierce protected. 171 00:06:36,832 --> 00:06:39,919 We have to get him to the throne of Hawkthorne before Gilbert. 172 00:06:39,959 --> 00:06:41,754 And don't forget, when you die, 173 00:06:41,796 --> 00:06:43,380 you go all the way back to the study room. 174 00:06:43,422 --> 00:06:45,716 So…don't die. 175 00:06:45,758 --> 00:06:47,551 Good pep talk, Jeff. 176 00:06:47,593 --> 00:06:48,968 Yeah, I used to love dying, 177 00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:50,345 but that speech really turned me around. 178 00:06:50,387 --> 00:06:52,097 Whatever. 179 00:06:54,015 --> 00:06:55,559 What's that? Kill it! 180 00:06:55,601 --> 00:06:57,227 It's a girl milking a cow, Pierce. 181 00:06:57,269 --> 00:06:58,562 I'll check it out. I owe Jeff that. 182 00:06:58,604 --> 00:06:59,730 I wasn't gonna say it. 183 00:07:03,275 --> 00:07:05,068 Lesbian. Shh! 184 00:07:11,533 --> 00:07:12,701 Cool. 185 00:07:21,794 --> 00:07:23,838 I'm picking up on some hidden symbolism. 186 00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:25,297 Right, "white crystal." 187 00:07:25,339 --> 00:07:27,048 You think dad was into meth? 188 00:07:27,090 --> 00:07:29,217 You can usually get supplies in a town like this. 189 00:07:29,259 --> 00:07:30,886 Man, why can't my mom be here? 190 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,596 She always said my video game knowledge would come in handy. 191 00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:33,931 I never believed her. 192 00:07:33,973 --> 00:07:35,641 Everybody split up and take a hut. 193 00:07:35,683 --> 00:07:38,686 Our only chance of beating Gilbert is to cover more ground. 194 00:07:42,815 --> 00:07:44,817 I have information on the following topics. 195 00:07:46,109 --> 00:07:47,987 Holy crap. 196 00:07:48,028 --> 00:07:49,864 Where have you been my whole life? 197 00:07:52,533 --> 00:07:54,618 I buy and sell weapons and armor. 198 00:07:55,828 --> 00:07:57,287 Cool. We need weapons. 199 00:07:59,247 --> 00:08:02,083 Well, what's free? Can we have a torch? 200 00:08:02,125 --> 00:08:03,502 Thief! Thief! Annie, put it back. 201 00:08:03,544 --> 00:08:05,045 Sorry. Sorry. 202 00:08:06,005 --> 00:08:07,297 Arr! Arr! 203 00:08:07,339 --> 00:08:08,465 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 204 00:08:08,507 --> 00:08:09,633 Oh, oh! Oh, no! Oh, my God. 205 00:08:09,675 --> 00:08:11,385 What are you doing? It was an accident! 206 00:08:11,426 --> 00:08:12,678 Arrr! He's dying! 207 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:13,664 Arrrrrr! All right, hold on, hold on! 208 00:08:13,679 --> 00:08:15,973 Arrr! Arrr! 209 00:08:16,015 --> 00:08:17,516 Now what are you doing? 210 00:08:17,558 --> 00:08:18,684 He was suffering! 211 00:08:18,726 --> 00:08:21,436 Yeah, from axe wounds! 212 00:08:21,478 --> 00:08:23,313 Well, if this isn't worth any points, what is? 213 00:08:23,355 --> 00:08:24,481 You're asking me? 214 00:08:24,523 --> 00:08:26,191 I'm still looking for a pong paddle. 215 00:08:28,109 --> 00:08:30,153 Oh, now we're talking. 216 00:08:30,195 --> 00:08:32,072 Check the desk. I'll check the dresser. 217 00:08:32,113 --> 00:08:33,323 How do I straighten that painting? 218 00:08:33,365 --> 00:08:35,659 You can't. Stop playing like a girl. 219 00:08:38,495 --> 00:08:39,705 Stop playing like a girl? 220 00:08:39,747 --> 00:08:41,665 Here's the thing about women, Jeff. 221 00:08:41,707 --> 00:08:43,876 We don't hack and slash our way through life 222 00:08:43,918 --> 00:08:46,003 because we're one with life. 223 00:08:46,045 --> 00:08:47,087 Help me hide the body. 224 00:08:47,128 --> 00:08:48,797 Oh, my Lord. Oh, my Lord. 225 00:08:48,839 --> 00:08:50,966 Shirley, these things happen in video games. 226 00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,342 They do? Yes. 227 00:08:52,384 --> 00:08:54,386 We can't get hung up on real world morality. 228 00:08:54,428 --> 00:08:56,013 We need to survive and win. 229 00:08:58,306 --> 00:08:59,307 Aah! Help! 230 00:08:59,349 --> 00:09:01,184 Oh, crap! Guard the door. 231 00:09:01,226 --> 00:09:02,603 What? 232 00:09:02,644 --> 00:09:04,021 Shirley! 233 00:09:04,063 --> 00:09:05,230 No witnesses! 234 00:09:05,272 --> 00:09:06,732 Grab everything you can carry. 235 00:09:06,774 --> 00:09:08,275 I'll check upstairs for any more family. 236 00:09:08,316 --> 00:09:09,818 Don't give me that look. These are your loose ends. 237 00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:11,194 I'm just tying 'em up. 238 00:09:12,029 --> 00:09:13,447 This is so cool. 239 00:09:13,488 --> 00:09:14,740 Where are your clothes? 240 00:09:14,782 --> 00:09:15,824 Pierce taught me poker. 241 00:09:15,866 --> 00:09:17,451 I'm not good at it. 242 00:09:17,492 --> 00:09:18,493 You still talking to this girl? 243 00:09:18,535 --> 00:09:20,454 Yeah, she only has three moves 244 00:09:20,495 --> 00:09:21,663 that you activate with basic patterns of stimulus. 245 00:09:21,705 --> 00:09:22,873 I've never felt this way before. 246 00:09:22,915 --> 00:09:24,750 Abed, don't get weird. 247 00:09:24,792 --> 00:09:26,126 Oh, I won't. She's not ready for anything serious, 248 00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:27,795 but she wants me to meet her family. 249 00:09:27,836 --> 00:09:28,963 My father is the blacksmith. 250 00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:30,005 Her father's a blacksmith. 251 00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:32,507 Hello! Everybody go shopping? 252 00:09:32,549 --> 00:09:33,801 That's all we did. 253 00:09:34,509 --> 00:09:35,719 Is that hut on fire? 254 00:09:35,761 --> 00:09:37,846 Oh, my. What an unexplained tragedy. 255 00:09:39,681 --> 00:09:41,224 Don't we look comfy at a cauldron. 256 00:09:41,266 --> 00:09:42,977 Check it out. 257 00:09:44,686 --> 00:09:46,814 Ooh, see, I'll put all of this in here, 258 00:09:46,855 --> 00:09:48,482 and then that, and then I'll hit this. 259 00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:50,233 What is it? 260 00:09:50,275 --> 00:09:51,986 I assume, like, a strength potion. 261 00:09:52,027 --> 00:09:53,445 Then I assume it's poison. 262 00:09:53,487 --> 00:09:55,114 You're just jealous because we found a world 263 00:09:55,155 --> 00:09:57,198 where I know what I'm doing. 264 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:00,077 This place is 20 cat turds and a Pixies poster from being your apartment. 265 00:10:02,997 --> 00:10:04,164 What's with the St. Pauli girl? 266 00:10:04,205 --> 00:10:05,415 Hilda's parents lived there. 267 00:10:05,457 --> 00:10:06,583 Now she has no family. 268 00:10:06,625 --> 00:10:08,085 She'll be forced to marry a male villager 269 00:10:08,127 --> 00:10:10,796 or take her chances in the wilderness. 270 00:10:10,838 --> 00:10:13,007 What kind of game is this? 271 00:10:13,048 --> 00:10:14,341 Oh, crap, it's Gilbert. 272 00:10:14,382 --> 00:10:15,383 Well, well, well. 273 00:10:15,425 --> 00:10:17,427 Looks like someone's one step behind. 274 00:10:17,469 --> 00:10:19,513 Yeah, if you're looking for equipment, tough luck. 275 00:10:19,554 --> 00:10:22,099 The store was lost in a freak accident. 276 00:10:22,141 --> 00:10:23,684 I hardly need equipment, young lady. 277 00:10:23,725 --> 00:10:27,562 While you were shopping, I gained enough levels to do this. 278 00:10:27,604 --> 00:10:28,897 Uh-huh, come on and bring it! 279 00:10:28,939 --> 00:10:30,774 He's shooting lightning and I'm naked! 280 00:10:30,816 --> 00:10:32,484 Get behind us! We have armor! 281 00:10:36,030 --> 00:10:38,198 Oh, great! Gilbert! 282 00:10:38,239 --> 00:10:39,825 Oh, great! Evil Jedi lightning Gilbert! 283 00:10:42,577 --> 00:10:45,330 Britta, drink that super strength potion you made. 284 00:10:45,372 --> 00:10:46,498 Oh, right, right, right, right. 285 00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,333 Hurry up, Britta! I'm trying, I'm trying! 286 00:10:50,335 --> 00:10:52,629 Damn it, I thought we could count on Britta to not screw up drinking. 287 00:10:52,671 --> 00:10:54,214 This'll be fun. 288 00:10:56,383 --> 00:10:57,968 What the hell? 289 00:10:58,010 --> 00:11:00,637 Here's hoping we can count on her to screw up making potions. 290 00:11:08,854 --> 00:11:10,313 Unbelievable. 291 00:11:10,355 --> 00:11:13,316 Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won, 292 00:11:13,358 --> 00:11:15,276 and I lost my pants to a pair of nines. 293 00:11:20,908 --> 00:11:22,241 Very well. 294 00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:25,037 Let's play. 295 00:11:35,881 --> 00:11:37,591 Abed, are you sure about this? 296 00:11:37,632 --> 00:11:39,843 Yeah. It just feels like the right thing to do. 297 00:11:39,885 --> 00:11:41,511 Hey, I made it back. 298 00:11:41,553 --> 00:11:43,764 You guys never died. How did you beat Gilbert? 299 00:11:43,805 --> 00:11:45,348 Oh, you know. Teamwork. 300 00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:46,725 We were headed for the black caves 301 00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,060 to find the white crystal. 302 00:11:48,102 --> 00:11:49,519 We were just saying goodbye to Abed. 303 00:11:49,561 --> 00:11:50,729 I'm gonna stay here in the village with Hilda 304 00:11:50,771 --> 00:11:51,855 and help her rebuild her life. 305 00:11:51,897 --> 00:11:53,481 Abed, she's a program. 306 00:11:53,523 --> 00:11:55,192 People have said similar things about me. 307 00:11:55,234 --> 00:11:57,736 Uh-oh. He's playing the rain man card. Let's bounce. 308 00:11:57,778 --> 00:11:59,278 I've got an inheritance to win. 309 00:12:05,577 --> 00:12:06,870 Offensive. Called it. 310 00:12:06,912 --> 00:12:08,287 Shut up, Britta. 311 00:12:11,374 --> 00:12:12,834 You did great in there, Jeff. 312 00:12:12,876 --> 00:12:14,544 Shut up, Pierce. 313 00:12:18,590 --> 00:12:21,760 Okay, duck. Stay ducked. 314 00:12:21,802 --> 00:12:23,262 Okay, unduck. 315 00:12:23,302 --> 00:12:25,013 Okay, now jump. 316 00:12:25,055 --> 00:12:26,556 I think we're almost there. 317 00:12:26,598 --> 00:12:28,683 Thank God. This cave is the worst. 318 00:12:28,725 --> 00:12:30,393 I know, I don't know what's more offensive… 319 00:12:30,435 --> 00:12:32,938 The actual racism or the insulting notion 320 00:12:32,980 --> 00:12:34,606 that it might somehow rub off on us. 321 00:12:34,648 --> 00:12:36,817 Look out! Jive turkeys! 322 00:12:36,858 --> 00:12:38,317 Kill them before they start multiplying! 323 00:12:40,528 --> 00:12:43,115 Yeah, suck on this! Take that, jive turkey! 324 00:12:50,205 --> 00:12:51,957 All right! The white crystal! 325 00:12:53,083 --> 00:12:54,835 Get it! Get it! 326 00:12:54,876 --> 00:12:56,837 I'll take it. I've earned it by having friends. 327 00:13:00,174 --> 00:13:02,050 This is it. 328 00:13:02,092 --> 00:13:03,135 It certainly is. 329 00:13:03,177 --> 00:13:04,469 No, man! You again? 330 00:13:04,511 --> 00:13:05,595 Now I'll have that crystal. 331 00:13:05,637 --> 00:13:07,014 I think you'll have this. 332 00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:08,598 Whoops. 333 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:09,933 Arrows! 334 00:13:11,810 --> 00:13:13,478 What? Come on! 335 00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:16,523 Where'd you get all that stuff? 336 00:13:16,564 --> 00:13:18,525 You've only been alive for an hour. 337 00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:24,990 Well, that was not fair. 338 00:13:25,032 --> 00:13:26,407 What the hell, Gilbert? 339 00:13:26,449 --> 00:13:28,869 You're cheating, which I have no problem with, 340 00:13:28,910 --> 00:13:30,745 but you're getting caught, and that's not cool! 341 00:13:30,787 --> 00:13:31,872 Yeah, don't be a knob. 342 00:13:31,913 --> 00:13:34,333 That inheritance is rightfully mine! 343 00:13:34,415 --> 00:13:36,001 Rightfully? I'm his son. 344 00:13:36,043 --> 00:13:38,253 So am I. 345 00:13:39,713 --> 00:13:40,714 Oh. 346 00:13:40,755 --> 00:13:43,382 What? That can't be true. 347 00:13:44,051 --> 00:13:45,802 You're half…white. 348 00:13:45,844 --> 00:13:47,095 Nice save. 349 00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:49,890 Do you remember your childhood nanny, Etta? 350 00:13:49,931 --> 00:13:51,432 Well, Etta had a hot cousin. 351 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,477 My mother. 352 00:13:54,519 --> 00:13:56,479 So you see, Pierce, 353 00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,233 I am your half-brother, 354 00:13:59,274 --> 00:14:02,527 and I am more your father's son than you ever were, 355 00:14:02,569 --> 00:14:04,403 so shut up and play the game. 356 00:14:05,488 --> 00:14:07,949 Why you… Let's go, Pierce. 357 00:14:09,951 --> 00:14:12,162 Okay, look, I know things seem hopeless 358 00:14:12,204 --> 00:14:14,206 because he's all the way to the castle with the crystal 359 00:14:14,248 --> 00:14:15,874 and we're starting over, 360 00:14:15,916 --> 00:14:17,084 but here's the thing… 361 00:14:17,125 --> 00:14:18,668 We're better at this game now. 362 00:14:18,710 --> 00:14:21,504 We've died and been reborn, and that makes us heroes. 363 00:14:21,546 --> 00:14:23,298 Let's get him! 364 00:14:42,692 --> 00:14:45,279 I guess the fact that we're still playing means he hasn't won yet. 365 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,155 Yeah, but what's the point? 366 00:14:47,197 --> 00:14:49,408 He'll just keep cheating until he wins. 367 00:14:49,449 --> 00:14:51,826 Why are all the trees cut down? 368 00:14:53,453 --> 00:14:55,830 Isn't this where Abed's village was? 369 00:14:57,291 --> 00:14:59,042 Hello, old friends. Abed! 370 00:14:59,084 --> 00:15:00,084 You remember Hilda. 371 00:15:02,421 --> 00:15:04,131 Did she just say your name? 372 00:15:04,172 --> 00:15:05,799 Yeah, if you max out a character's trust 373 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,175 and affection levels, you can gain access 374 00:15:07,217 --> 00:15:09,177 to a front-end scripting language. Watch. 375 00:15:12,306 --> 00:15:13,390 Cool, cool, cool! 376 00:15:13,432 --> 00:15:14,849 She can make babies for me. 377 00:15:14,891 --> 00:15:16,017 Oh, and I can't? 378 00:15:16,059 --> 00:15:17,644 I can't. 379 00:15:17,685 --> 00:15:19,062 Come on inside. I built this from scratch. 380 00:15:19,104 --> 00:15:20,188 Check out my castle. 381 00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:21,231 Oh, it's nice. Wow. 382 00:15:21,273 --> 00:15:22,523 I hope this isn't blood gold. 383 00:15:22,565 --> 00:15:24,276 This is my family. 384 00:15:24,318 --> 00:15:26,320 Baby Abed has my eyes and her bonnet. 385 00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:28,280 Each baby is capable of executing custom code, 386 00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:29,530 which means you can write a code 387 00:15:29,572 --> 00:15:30,782 that makes one baby tell another baby what to do, 388 00:15:30,824 --> 00:15:32,284 much like real children on a playground. 389 00:15:32,326 --> 00:15:33,618 Oh, Abed, but… 390 00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:35,536 Annie, let's find the tin man's heart later. 391 00:15:35,578 --> 00:15:37,289 Abed, how much stuff do you have here 392 00:15:37,331 --> 00:15:38,498 and what can we make with it? 393 00:15:38,539 --> 00:15:40,667 That depends. On? 394 00:15:40,708 --> 00:15:41,793 On what you can imagine. 395 00:15:41,835 --> 00:15:43,044 Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 396 00:15:47,924 --> 00:15:49,717 Welcome. 397 00:15:49,759 --> 00:15:52,720 You are the first to make it to the throne of Hawkthorne. 398 00:15:52,762 --> 00:15:54,889 Let me take a look at you. 399 00:15:54,931 --> 00:15:56,724 According to your complexion, 400 00:15:56,766 --> 00:15:59,853 I think you might be Gilbert Lawson. 401 00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:02,189 Is this true? 402 00:16:02,230 --> 00:16:04,065 Just a moment. Hello, Gilbert. 403 00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:06,443 Due to the nature of our relationship, 404 00:16:06,485 --> 00:16:08,362 I'll need your electronic signature 405 00:16:08,403 --> 00:16:10,071 on this legally-binding agreement. 406 00:16:11,698 --> 00:16:13,825 It dictates that you will never, ever 407 00:16:13,867 --> 00:16:15,452 besmirch the Hawthorne name 408 00:16:15,494 --> 00:16:17,204 with any outlandish notions 409 00:16:17,245 --> 00:16:19,456 regarding your genealogical origins. 410 00:16:19,498 --> 00:16:21,416 You are the bastard offspring 411 00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:22,750 of a colored seductress 412 00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:25,128 and an unknown, weak-willed miscegenist… 413 00:16:32,969 --> 00:16:36,014 It's a simple question, Gilbert. 414 00:16:36,056 --> 00:16:38,141 Do you agree? 415 00:16:40,643 --> 00:16:43,104 Thank you for being honest, Gilbert. 416 00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:46,566 No! 417 00:16:46,607 --> 00:16:48,609 I'm your son! 418 00:16:48,651 --> 00:16:50,404 I'm sorry, Gilbert. 419 00:16:50,445 --> 00:16:53,031 I always knew you'd disappoint me. 420 00:16:53,073 --> 00:16:54,782 Cool, cool, cool! Cool, cool, cool! 421 00:16:54,824 --> 00:16:56,117 Cool, cool, cool! 422 00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:58,370 Ah, I see you've chosen teamwork. 423 00:16:58,412 --> 00:17:00,705 A coward's strategy. 424 00:17:00,747 --> 00:17:03,124 I will upgrade your challenge accordingly. 425 00:17:09,672 --> 00:17:13,593 I bequeath my fortune to no inferiors. 426 00:17:16,804 --> 00:17:18,223 Yeah! Attack! 427 00:17:18,265 --> 00:17:20,434 What's this now? 428 00:17:20,475 --> 00:17:22,810 Whoo-hoo, hoo-hoo! Here we go! 429 00:17:22,852 --> 00:17:25,272 Get him! Aim for the joints! 430 00:17:25,313 --> 00:17:26,314 Cool, cool, cool! Cool, cool, cool! 431 00:17:26,356 --> 00:17:27,566 Take that! Get him! 432 00:17:27,607 --> 00:17:28,900 Die, racism! 433 00:17:33,696 --> 00:17:35,240 Yeah! 434 00:17:39,327 --> 00:17:41,204 Take that! 435 00:17:41,246 --> 00:17:42,456 Aah! 436 00:17:42,497 --> 00:17:44,040 Aah! Oh, no! Aah! 437 00:17:45,584 --> 00:17:49,463 Hey! Look at me now, Dad! 438 00:17:52,048 --> 00:17:53,550 Aah! 439 00:18:04,894 --> 00:18:08,022 I suppose you're wondering, player, 440 00:18:08,064 --> 00:18:11,651 why record myself breathing weird 441 00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:15,405 and letting you destroy me. 442 00:18:16,656 --> 00:18:20,827 Because I am a man of honor. 443 00:18:20,868 --> 00:18:25,457 So you've earned the pleasure of my death. 444 00:18:25,499 --> 00:18:27,167 But I didn't. 445 00:18:27,208 --> 00:18:28,709 I'm not the one that beat you. 446 00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:29,919 Yes, you are. 447 00:18:32,046 --> 00:18:33,548 We're forfeiting. 448 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:36,050 Warning. Player forfeit in 30 seconds. 449 00:18:36,092 --> 00:18:37,302 Gilbert, you're right. 450 00:18:37,344 --> 00:18:38,886 You were more his son than me. 451 00:18:38,928 --> 00:18:40,430 You took all his crap 452 00:18:40,472 --> 00:18:42,349 and you didn't even get to take his name. 453 00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:46,769 He once sat on me in church just so he could see better. 454 00:18:46,811 --> 00:18:49,523 We've only been playing this game a couple of hours. 455 00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:52,317 You've been playing it your whole life, 456 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:54,235 and now it's time for your reward, brother. 457 00:18:55,736 --> 00:18:57,697 So get in there and kill our dad. 458 00:18:58,739 --> 00:19:00,492 Thank you, Pierce. 459 00:19:01,576 --> 00:19:03,244 Wait a second. Here, take this. 460 00:19:03,286 --> 00:19:04,871 Oh! Whoa! 461 00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:06,247 You may need it. Oh, Pierce. 462 00:19:06,289 --> 00:19:08,583 You really don't know how this works, do you? 463 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,669 Are you always carrying that? 464 00:19:10,710 --> 00:19:11,794 Not in the shower. 465 00:19:23,557 --> 00:19:25,725 I'd like to thank you again for today 466 00:19:25,766 --> 00:19:28,102 and offer my apologies for my conduct. 467 00:19:28,144 --> 00:19:29,521 I wasn't myself. 468 00:19:29,563 --> 00:19:32,273 Family can make a person do a lot of crazy things. 469 00:19:32,315 --> 00:19:35,569 I understand. I have an uncle who makes his own pizza. 470 00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:36,944 Don't worry about it. Yeah, totally. 471 00:19:36,986 --> 00:19:39,406 If it would make it up to any of you in any way, 472 00:19:39,447 --> 00:19:40,865 there's a bar in town called Skeepers, 473 00:19:40,907 --> 00:19:42,783 and I hear they make a specialty drink… 474 00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:45,620 A margarita, in fact, and it's served in a glass 475 00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:48,206 an entire yard long. 476 00:19:48,248 --> 00:19:49,832 My treat. Score. 477 00:19:49,874 --> 00:19:52,043 This is the greatest day of my life. 478 00:19:52,085 --> 00:19:54,170 I've always wanted to have a brother. 479 00:19:55,422 --> 00:19:57,382 Hey, hey, settle a bet. 480 00:19:57,424 --> 00:20:01,344 The word "mulatto," Is it okay or just borderline? 481 00:20:01,386 --> 00:20:02,721 We apologize for him. 482 00:20:02,762 --> 00:20:03,846 Oh, that's okay. He's family. 483 00:20:15,483 --> 00:20:17,944 Hilda, my love, I said I'd come back for you. 484 00:20:23,742 --> 00:20:25,368 I don't know. 485 00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:26,494 I just think that in a parallel universe, 486 00:20:26,536 --> 00:20:28,829 blorgons are… Hold on. 487 00:20:28,871 --> 00:20:32,375 A baby. I wasn't expecting this. 488 00:20:32,417 --> 00:20:34,377 Guess we'll have to support it. 489 00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:36,504 I guess I could get some kind of job, maybe at Beans and More. 490 00:20:36,546 --> 00:20:37,964 I'll probably have to work double shifts, but… 491 00:20:38,005 --> 00:20:40,216 Oh, I see. 492 00:20:40,258 --> 00:20:41,926 While you're off, climbing the ladder at Beans and More, 493 00:20:41,968 --> 00:20:43,094 I'll just stay home and raise him alone. 494 00:20:43,136 --> 00:20:44,554 That's fine. I'll just give up on my dreams. 495 00:20:44,596 --> 00:20:46,306 Here we go. What? 496 00:20:46,347 --> 00:20:48,391 He needs to learn a strong man can cry. 497 00:20:56,524 --> 00:20:57,984 So, what were you saying about blorgons? 498 00:20:58,025 --> 00:20:59,653 Blorgons… In this other universe, 499 00:20:59,694 --> 00:21:01,028 they're actually called glorbons.