1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:03,454 Ah, should be on. 2 00:00:04,079 --> 00:00:05,997 Okay. Ah. 3 00:00:06,039 --> 00:00:10,085 Um, my name is Alex Osborne, 4 00:00:10,127 --> 00:00:11,961 and if you're watching this, 5 00:00:12,003 --> 00:00:13,756 it means I'm dead. 6 00:00:13,798 --> 00:00:15,257 Or I'm just showing you. 7 00:00:15,299 --> 00:00:18,510 Uh, but I'm probably dead. 8 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:21,971 To my ex-wife Magda, I leave herpes. 9 00:00:22,013 --> 00:00:24,099 But she knows that, it's dealt with. 10 00:00:24,141 --> 00:00:26,226 As for my collection of Styx albums, 11 00:00:26,268 --> 00:00:27,812 I leave that to no one. 12 00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:31,482 Because that's who appreciated Styx as much as me. 13 00:00:31,523 --> 00:00:34,234 Finally, there's a kid named Abed who makes movies 14 00:00:34,276 --> 00:00:37,529 at my community college, and to him I leave the task 15 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,532 of creating a video tribute of my life. 16 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,911 What follows is some general purpose footage that he can use. 17 00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:50,584 Where did you get this? 18 00:00:50,626 --> 00:00:52,419 Some one-armed guy with a scar on his face dropped it off. 19 00:00:52,461 --> 00:00:53,629 He said he was Star-Burns' lawyer. 20 00:00:53,671 --> 00:00:54,922 How one-armed was he? 21 00:00:54,964 --> 00:00:56,256 Tell me when to stop. 22 00:00:58,676 --> 00:01:00,928 It was the other arm. You guys! 23 00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:03,096 I feel oddly compelled to fulfill his request. 24 00:01:03,138 --> 00:01:04,932 Would you guys help me write obituary copy? 25 00:01:04,974 --> 00:01:08,519 You mean like, "Star-Burns died how he lived. In a meth lab explosion"? 26 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,938 Can we turn this off? I'm not as comfortable with death as you guys. 27 00:01:10,980 --> 00:01:12,230 He's in a better place now. 28 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:13,357 Yeah. The Blu-ray shelf. 29 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,443 What is that? 30 00:01:16,485 --> 00:01:18,028 Star-burns also left me his ashes. 31 00:01:18,069 --> 00:01:19,404 He requested they be burnt. 32 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,739 I don't think he knows how ashes work. 33 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,032 The small one's his lizard. 34 00:01:22,073 --> 00:01:23,492 If we rub that, 35 00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:25,327 will he come out and do celebrity impressions? 36 00:01:25,369 --> 00:01:27,621 I don't think so. Then I want it out of here. 37 00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:02,072 You guys, how long are we going to avoid talking 38 00:02:02,113 --> 00:02:04,491 about this really serious thing that's happened? 39 00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:06,827 Is it always about the holocaust with you people? 40 00:02:06,869 --> 00:02:10,121 I'm talking about Star-Burns, you know, dying. 41 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:12,666 I know it's sad, but death is a natural part of life 42 00:02:12,708 --> 00:02:14,001 and by the time I finish this sentence, 43 00:02:14,043 --> 00:02:15,419 100 people will have died in China. 44 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,757 Why did you stop talking? 45 00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:21,174 I have to call my pen pal. 46 00:02:21,216 --> 00:02:22,718 Star-Burns was a good man. 47 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,595 He barely sued me that time I ran over his foot. 48 00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:26,889 I say we honor Star-Burns by discussing him 49 00:02:26,931 --> 00:02:28,390 the same amount we did when he was alive. 50 00:02:28,432 --> 00:02:30,684 Jeff, have some respect. 51 00:02:30,726 --> 00:02:32,811 He might have been a scuzzy weirdo 52 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,813 who shaved his sideburns into star shapes… 53 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:35,981 Pai Mai? 54 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,316 It's Troy. Are you okay? 55 00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:40,861 Okay, good, I gotta go. This costs $7. 56 00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:45,490 But he was also a classmate, a kinda sorta friend sometimes 57 00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:47,743 and above all, a human being. 58 00:02:47,785 --> 00:02:49,160 He touched all our lives. 59 00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:50,328 Annie has a point. 60 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,372 The death of a peer, especially at our age, 61 00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:54,792 can trigger a whole range of emotions. 62 00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:56,752 As a psychologist Student. 63 00:02:56,794 --> 00:02:58,754 I hereby offer my licensed Unlicensed. 64 00:02:58,796 --> 00:02:59,922 services as a grief counselor. 65 00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:02,007 Grief causer. If anyone needs to talk, 66 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:04,426 the doctor is in. Not even close. 67 00:03:04,468 --> 00:03:07,136 Britta, I could use some help dealing with my grief. 68 00:03:07,178 --> 00:03:08,346 Great. Yeah. 69 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,307 I was hoping you'd say that, because 70 00:03:11,182 --> 00:03:13,142 I came prepared. 71 00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:16,229 You seemed smarter than me when I met you. 72 00:03:16,271 --> 00:03:18,941 Thank you. For the purposes of this exercise, 73 00:03:18,983 --> 00:03:21,401 I am Star-Burns. 74 00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:23,988 Tell me the things you never got a chance to say to me. 75 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,576 Come on, guys, you can ask me anything. 76 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,954 What's heaven like? 77 00:03:31,996 --> 00:03:33,789 Uh, I don't know. Glittery. 78 00:03:33,831 --> 00:03:34,915 Ask me something else. 79 00:03:34,957 --> 00:03:36,500 Have you seen Tim Russert? 80 00:03:36,541 --> 00:03:39,128 Guys, you are doing this wrong. Ask me something personal. 81 00:03:39,169 --> 00:03:40,420 Star-Burns, I didn't know you that well, 82 00:03:40,462 --> 00:03:41,839 but why did you smell exactly like salami? 83 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,299 Abed. I got one. Where's my comb? 84 00:03:44,341 --> 00:03:45,801 I don't know. Yep, it's him. 85 00:03:45,843 --> 00:03:47,845 Why did you tape that switchblade to your ankle? 86 00:03:47,886 --> 00:03:49,387 Why did you always poop with the stall door open? 87 00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:50,597 Is it true you made out with Britta? 88 00:03:50,639 --> 00:03:51,974 I don't see how that's relevant. 89 00:03:52,016 --> 00:03:53,600 It was fat Neil's black light party. 90 00:03:53,642 --> 00:03:55,894 Vicki saw you. If that's true… 91 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:59,815 If. Maybe it was because she was really drunk 92 00:03:59,857 --> 00:04:02,734 and she had just found out that her first boyfriend was getting married. 93 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,445 If you guys are gonna do this wrong, then I'm gonna take these off. 94 00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:06,905 Ow! 95 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,033 Okay, grief counseling is growing on me. 96 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:17,833 Ben chang is here. 97 00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,668 Ah, send him in. 98 00:04:23,213 --> 00:04:25,382 Ben, how's it Deaning? Can't com-Chang. 99 00:04:25,423 --> 00:04:27,509 Just needed you to sign this. 100 00:04:27,551 --> 00:04:29,011 Okay. 101 00:04:29,053 --> 00:04:32,681 Let's just give this a little look-a-roo. 102 00:04:33,682 --> 00:04:36,101 "Request for increased security." 103 00:04:36,143 --> 00:04:37,644 "Cool new uniforms." I like that. 104 00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:40,355 "Power to enact martial law," Not so much. 105 00:04:40,397 --> 00:04:43,400 "Indefinite detention, pepper spray, 106 00:04:43,441 --> 00:04:47,278 "involuntary cavity searches, no soft-serve"? 107 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:49,198 All liquids and gels must be in sealed bottles 108 00:04:49,239 --> 00:04:50,699 no larger than three ounces. 109 00:04:50,741 --> 00:04:53,493 I'm sorry, Chang, this stuff is too extreme. 110 00:04:53,535 --> 00:04:55,829 This is a community college, not an inner-city high school. 111 00:04:55,871 --> 00:04:58,123 It's a community college where a degenerate 112 00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,291 just blew himself up with stolen lab equipment. 113 00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,460 To be fair, it was the crystal meth 114 00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:05,296 inside the stolen lab equipment that blew him up. 115 00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,298 That's the problem with you civilian suits. 116 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,259 You want the results but you don't want to know 117 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,552 how the sausage gets made. 118 00:05:10,594 --> 00:05:12,512 Well, I'll tell you how the sausage gets made. 119 00:05:12,554 --> 00:05:14,890 It's a lot of ground meat and it gets stuffed into a casing 120 00:05:14,932 --> 00:05:17,893 that looks like a cross between a dude's dong and a poop. 121 00:05:17,935 --> 00:05:20,062 I don't know how that helps me, but please leave. 122 00:05:20,104 --> 00:05:21,939 Fine, but you will regret this. 123 00:05:21,980 --> 00:05:23,273 I doubt it. 124 00:05:25,316 --> 00:05:26,443 This just came for you. 125 00:05:29,571 --> 00:05:31,198 Great. 126 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,367 I have to give more bad news to Jeff and his study group. 127 00:05:34,409 --> 00:05:36,285 Hold my calls, I have to pick an outfit. 128 00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:42,793 Who wants to dance? 129 00:05:44,293 --> 00:05:45,796 Nice work, everyone. 130 00:05:45,837 --> 00:05:49,049 Now think about that last little puppy in that basket 131 00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:51,260 out of all those puppies. 132 00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:54,554 And now, he's catching fire too. 133 00:05:54,596 --> 00:05:57,432 Britta! 134 00:05:57,474 --> 00:05:59,350 Why are you making us feel these things? 135 00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:02,479 We need to bring our emotions to the surface and explore them. 136 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,022 Does it always have to be puppies though? 137 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,649 Oh, come on, everybody. 138 00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:07,484 This is a completely unnecessary process. 139 00:06:07,525 --> 00:06:09,402 What Jeff's doing right now is called denial 140 00:06:09,444 --> 00:06:11,446 and it is the first of five stages of grief 141 00:06:11,488 --> 00:06:13,531 that ends with acceptance. 142 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:15,324 Name any other stage. What are you, my final? 143 00:06:15,366 --> 00:06:17,286 Maybe we don't need grief counseling. 144 00:06:17,326 --> 00:06:19,163 But seems like the least we could do 145 00:06:19,204 --> 00:06:20,914 is have a memorial or something. 146 00:06:20,956 --> 00:06:23,041 Oh, yes, we could have a little service 147 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:24,459 and I could bring some of my brownies 148 00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:26,253 and I guess someone should sing Ave Maria. 149 00:06:26,295 --> 00:06:28,046 I mean, I can do it. Whatever. 150 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,673 Sure, why not drag it out for weeks? 151 00:06:29,714 --> 00:06:31,758 Why not wallow for the rest of our lives 152 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,718 and never get anything done? 153 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,014 Or we could just admit the simple fact that one day, 154 00:06:37,055 --> 00:06:40,558 something is in your life and one day, it's not. 155 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,770 Dean-jour, mes amis! 156 00:06:43,812 --> 00:06:45,189 Unfortunately, due to the whole 157 00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,191 Star-Burns meth lab explosion, 158 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:49,193 professor Kane has resigned, 159 00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,736 and you biology class has been can-can-cancelled. 160 00:06:54,405 --> 00:06:55,824 Your grade is now an incomplete. 161 00:06:55,866 --> 00:06:57,742 You'll have to make up the credit in the summer. 162 00:07:01,872 --> 00:07:03,414 My summer is gone? 163 00:07:06,335 --> 00:07:07,794 No. 164 00:07:08,586 --> 00:07:11,381 No! 165 00:07:12,841 --> 00:07:16,053 Well, I had a little Rockette kick-line thing planned, but… 166 00:07:45,749 --> 00:07:49,836 Okay. That was Garrett singing, um, Ave Maria? 167 00:07:49,878 --> 00:07:52,047 Ave Maria! 168 00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:54,049 Uh, now, Shirley, I understand you wanted 169 00:07:54,091 --> 00:07:56,009 to sing something as well? No, thank you. 170 00:07:56,051 --> 00:07:58,553 Okay, then let's move on to the eulogies. 171 00:07:58,595 --> 00:08:02,266 Does anyone have anything they wanna say in the memory of Star-Burns? 172 00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:06,686 Oh! Because his sideburns were shaped like stars. 173 00:08:06,728 --> 00:08:08,980 I just got it. I just got that. 174 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,690 Anything at all. 175 00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:13,651 This is a safe place to say what you're feeling. 176 00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:16,029 I'll say something. Oh, oh. 177 00:08:20,575 --> 00:08:23,453 After learning about Star-Burns' death, 178 00:08:23,494 --> 00:08:26,706 I personally went through the stages of grief 179 00:08:26,748 --> 00:08:28,541 and have now arrived 180 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:30,877 at the final one, acceptance. 181 00:08:30,919 --> 00:08:32,254 Whoo! Closure! 182 00:08:32,296 --> 00:08:34,339 Acceptance that this place, 183 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:38,468 this fallujah of higher learning 184 00:08:38,509 --> 00:08:41,512 is a prison from which none of us will ever escape. 185 00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:43,223 Okay, Jeffrey, now we're mixing metaphors here… 186 00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:45,016 And it turns out 187 00:08:46,143 --> 00:08:49,687 that Star-Burns, this man in this urn, 188 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,107 was a hero to us the whole time 189 00:08:52,149 --> 00:08:53,858 because he did the one thing 190 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,569 that none of us ever tried to do. 191 00:08:57,321 --> 00:08:58,488 He got out. 192 00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:03,660 And then he exploded. 193 00:09:03,701 --> 00:09:06,330 Because Greendale hates its students. 194 00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:09,207 No. No. It sucks the lives from their bodies 195 00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,961 and forces their desiccated husks to attend summer school. 196 00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:16,256 Okay, Jeffrey, this is a funeral. Let's keep it light. 197 00:09:16,298 --> 00:09:17,966 Annie, Annie, maybe you could say 198 00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:20,218 something nice about Star-Burns. 199 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,137 Get some sugar to go with that spice. 200 00:09:22,179 --> 00:09:23,721 Way to go, Jeff. 201 00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:31,062 Star-Burns or Alex, as he like to be called, 202 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,106 was a human being. 203 00:09:33,148 --> 00:09:35,066 A Greendale human being. 204 00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:36,526 Like me. 205 00:09:38,528 --> 00:09:42,324 I've given this place my childhood, 206 00:09:42,366 --> 00:09:44,868 my enthusiasm, and my loyalty, 207 00:09:44,909 --> 00:09:47,745 and in return, Greendale has warped me 208 00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,914 like a barbie in a microwave. 209 00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:53,543 Our school flag is an anus! 210 00:09:53,584 --> 00:09:55,212 You were the guys who drew it. 211 00:09:55,253 --> 00:09:59,132 We're not even the best community college in our community. 212 00:09:59,174 --> 00:10:01,843 Let that sink in. 213 00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:06,139 And the cherry on top on this total lack of sundae, 214 00:10:06,181 --> 00:10:11,269 I'm failing a remedial biology class on a technicality 215 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,523 all because you don't know how to run a school. 216 00:10:14,564 --> 00:10:16,858 Oh, that's… Shame on you, Dean. 217 00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,819 Shame on you! 218 00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:21,571 Edison out. 219 00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:32,165 Wow. Let's maybe not drop the $50 mics, okay, guys? 220 00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:34,084 Shirley, you love Jesus. 221 00:10:34,125 --> 00:10:35,919 I think we all could use 222 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,713 some good old-fashioned religion right now. 223 00:10:41,049 --> 00:10:43,093 Well, uh, all right. 224 00:10:43,134 --> 00:10:47,097 Um, Star-Burns, I'm told, um, was a drug dealer. 225 00:10:47,138 --> 00:10:49,224 Which, of course, is not good behavior. 226 00:10:49,266 --> 00:10:51,309 Which… But he… It was a business. 227 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:53,562 Um, he had an entrepreneurial spirit. 228 00:10:53,603 --> 00:10:55,397 Amen. 229 00:10:55,439 --> 00:10:57,566 I had an entrepreneurial spirit. 230 00:10:57,607 --> 00:10:59,276 I had dreams. 231 00:10:59,317 --> 00:11:03,071 Dreams of opening a sandwich shop in this cafeteria. 232 00:11:03,113 --> 00:11:05,615 And Greendale listened to those dreams, 233 00:11:05,656 --> 00:11:06,741 and stole them. 234 00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:10,912 And sold them to Subway. 235 00:11:16,293 --> 00:11:17,752 Worst wake ever. 236 00:11:17,794 --> 00:11:19,879 I'm starting to get nervous about this. 237 00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:22,715 Yep, it'd be nice to have some protection, right? 238 00:11:22,757 --> 00:11:24,633 Think maybe it's about time you signed this? 239 00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:30,681 Just promise me you'll use restraint. 240 00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:31,849 Yep. Every type we got. 241 00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:36,605 Gentlemen! All hail Chang! 242 00:11:36,645 --> 00:11:38,940 This is the day we've been waiting for. 243 00:11:38,982 --> 00:11:40,150 Suit up! 244 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,120 Peace. Boo boo boo. 245 00:11:52,162 --> 00:11:55,081 No, no, no, no, no, no, oh, no, you don't. 246 00:11:56,874 --> 00:12:00,170 Look, I don't know how this got out of hand either. 247 00:12:00,211 --> 00:12:04,090 But as a student who's been at Greendale for over a decade, 248 00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:08,136 I think I've earned the right to say a few final words. 249 00:12:08,178 --> 00:12:09,846 Let him talk! 250 00:12:11,306 --> 00:12:13,933 I'm sorry. Thank you, thank you. 251 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,438 Let's burn this mother down! 252 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,524 Yeah! 253 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,692 Helter skelter! 254 00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:26,279 No, no, no! 255 00:12:32,369 --> 00:12:35,704 I'm gonna take everything but onions and olives. 256 00:12:35,746 --> 00:12:38,625 I know my comb's in here, you son of a bitch! 257 00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,260 Look, tiny riot gear. 258 00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,595 Aw! 259 00:12:58,520 --> 00:12:59,812 It's so peppery! 260 00:13:02,399 --> 00:13:03,858 Oh, no. 261 00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:21,042 Strange, I'm not finding any pepper spray on you. 262 00:13:21,084 --> 00:13:22,502 Well, check harder. 263 00:13:22,544 --> 00:13:24,795 It's not like I'm crying because I was chased 264 00:13:24,837 --> 00:13:27,257 by the gang of scary 12-year-olds. 265 00:13:27,298 --> 00:13:29,634 No entry, we're guarding general Chang's prisoners. 266 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,135 Okay, this is my school, 267 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:33,263 and I will enter whatever I want. 268 00:13:33,304 --> 00:13:36,182 Well, Subway has threatened to pull out of Greendale 269 00:13:36,224 --> 00:13:38,101 and the school board is furious. 270 00:13:38,142 --> 00:13:40,604 Tomorrow, they are having a hearing to investigate 271 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:45,774 the ringleaders of the riot, aka the Greendale Seven. 272 00:13:46,109 --> 00:13:47,611 Catchy. 273 00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:49,820 How about Pierce Hawthorne and the Greendale Six? 274 00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:52,031 Pierce! How about the Greendale Five? 275 00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:54,409 I'm such a bad dean. 276 00:13:54,451 --> 00:13:56,369 No, you're not. 277 00:13:56,411 --> 00:13:57,912 Well, you are. But… 278 00:13:58,913 --> 00:14:00,624 We're worse students. 279 00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:02,083 While you tried to save Greendale, 280 00:14:02,125 --> 00:14:04,168 we trashed the school like a TV commercial 281 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:06,129 where the teacher banned skittles. 282 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:08,339 That's sweet of you to say, Jeffrey. 283 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,882 But it doesn't change the fact 284 00:14:09,924 --> 00:14:13,762 that we're all Ted Danson at Whoopie Goldberg's roast. 285 00:14:13,802 --> 00:14:16,514 What if we all back each other up to the board 286 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:20,602 and explain the we were all experiencing "funeral crazies"? 287 00:14:20,644 --> 00:14:23,480 I can say that's a thing because I'm a psych major. 288 00:14:23,521 --> 00:14:26,899 They're still going to need a fall guy. 289 00:14:26,941 --> 00:14:28,652 How about the crazy man 290 00:14:28,693 --> 00:14:32,155 who commanded a bunch of preteens to spray poison in our faces? 291 00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:35,700 You know what? 292 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,827 It was right under our noses, wasn't it? 293 00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:40,789 Group hug. 294 00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,707 Where I'm between Jeff and Troy. 295 00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,168 Here we go… Oop, you're walking away from the hug. 296 00:14:51,882 --> 00:14:53,092 Hey there, Ben. 297 00:14:53,134 --> 00:14:55,136 Would you mind scooching from my desk? 298 00:14:55,178 --> 00:14:57,263 Got some testimony to prepare 299 00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:59,766 for the school board meeting tomorrowsies. 300 00:14:59,808 --> 00:15:03,853 That testimony wouldn't happen to involve pinning the riot on me. 301 00:15:03,894 --> 00:15:06,397 Ben, I'm sorry, but this has gone too far. 302 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,066 I regret issuing those extraordinary powers to you. 303 00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,444 I regret letting this child army get out of hand. 304 00:15:11,486 --> 00:15:14,030 I regret giving you that unasked for adult back rub 305 00:15:14,071 --> 00:15:15,699 when you were asleep that once. 306 00:15:17,408 --> 00:15:18,409 I think we're gonna have to let you go. 307 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,119 Nuh-uh, ain't happening. 308 00:15:20,161 --> 00:15:22,246 I always knew this day would come. 309 00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:25,458 Now the only person getting replaced around here is you. 310 00:15:28,503 --> 00:15:30,171 Oh, my god, it's me. 311 00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:32,298 I will… 312 00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:38,638 The single worst wake riot this district has ever seen. 313 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,140 And we've seen our share. 314 00:15:41,182 --> 00:15:45,770 Tables, chairs, floors, ceilings, all affected. 315 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:50,024 A campus already in mourning is pushed into chaos. 316 00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:52,109 And sitting here facing me now, 317 00:15:52,151 --> 00:15:54,404 the so-called Greendale Seven. 318 00:15:54,445 --> 00:15:58,867 Reportedly responsible for inciting the entire chain of events. 319 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,912 This is some pretty serious stuff. 320 00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:06,875 Sir. 321 00:16:06,916 --> 00:16:11,087 Although my friends and I behaved somewhat irresponsibly, 322 00:16:11,128 --> 00:16:13,923 we shouldn't forget about the circumstances on campus. 323 00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:17,343 We had just lost a classmate. 324 00:16:17,385 --> 00:16:20,137 And a lizard, Your Majesty. 325 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:26,269 It was an emotional time and we acted emotionally. 326 00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:30,022 But the real question is, how did the school respond? 327 00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:33,067 The riot was exacerbated 328 00:16:33,109 --> 00:16:35,236 by the school security staff's 329 00:16:35,278 --> 00:16:38,030 heavy-handed and, frankly, insane response. 330 00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:40,366 Hey, everyone. 331 00:16:40,408 --> 00:16:41,992 Oh, so sorry to pop in like this. 332 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,286 I really hope I'm not interrupting. 333 00:16:43,327 --> 00:16:45,872 Just wanted to see how everything's going, 334 00:16:45,914 --> 00:16:47,248 and those are for you fellows. 335 00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,459 I never forget a face or a favorite cookie. 336 00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:51,502 And I brought extras, because I know how Richie 337 00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,963 got into that last basket I brought. 338 00:16:54,004 --> 00:16:55,965 Probably good to have a backup. 339 00:16:56,006 --> 00:16:58,927 I did. I did get into them pretty good. 340 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,345 So everything going okay? 341 00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,306 Or are you guys going to trash this building too? 342 00:17:03,347 --> 00:17:05,475 Yeah, we were just going over the charges. 343 00:17:05,516 --> 00:17:07,769 Seems like you had your hands full with these individuals. 344 00:17:07,811 --> 00:17:09,312 This is crazy. 345 00:17:09,353 --> 00:17:11,606 You guys are really buying this? Excuse me? 346 00:17:11,648 --> 00:17:14,525 Chang is a psychopathic wannabe warlord 347 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,861 with an army of prepubescent thugs. 348 00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:20,824 He was living in the school's air vent system with a monkey! 349 00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,116 That's not… 350 00:17:22,158 --> 00:17:23,827 Well, where's the dean? He'll tell you. 351 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:26,078 Hey, guys. Can't stay, gotta run, 352 00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,790 but, uh, these troublemakers have got to go. 353 00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:33,252 I think I've heard enough, 354 00:17:33,294 --> 00:17:35,713 and I don't see what choice I have. 355 00:17:36,297 --> 00:17:37,757 Greendale Seven. 356 00:17:37,799 --> 00:17:39,550 Jeff Winger, Annie Edison, 357 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,929 Pierce Hawthorne, Britta Perry, Shirley Bennet, 358 00:17:42,971 --> 00:17:45,598 Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes, 359 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:49,936 you are hereby expelled from Greendale community college. 360 00:17:49,978 --> 00:17:52,104 May god have mercy on your souls. 361 00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,817 Rusty Bucket? Rusty Bucket? 362 00:17:55,859 --> 00:17:57,067 Rusty Bucket? Yep. 363 00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,362 Okay, transform and roll out. 364 00:18:07,036 --> 00:18:09,956 13 years of college down the drain. 365 00:18:09,998 --> 00:18:11,290 I was gonna be the first one in my family 366 00:18:11,332 --> 00:18:13,543 to graduate from community college. 367 00:18:13,584 --> 00:18:16,671 Everyone else graduated from normal college. 368 00:18:16,713 --> 00:18:19,799 Now they're really gonna give me a hard time. 369 00:18:19,841 --> 00:18:23,135 You're drinking? Yeah, well, my life can't get double ruined. 370 00:18:23,177 --> 00:18:25,221 Can't believe we're expelled. 371 00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:26,681 Greendale was our home. 372 00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:28,182 Britta, isn't it time for you to explain 373 00:18:28,224 --> 00:18:29,600 that every failure is also an opportunity? 374 00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:32,269 Whatever, I'm the worst. I'm also the worst. 375 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,814 Not gonna argue, but I am gonna forgive you. 376 00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:37,650 That's the pizza. 377 00:18:37,692 --> 00:18:39,276 Roll a die to see who gets it? 378 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,779 I'll get it. 379 00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,949 You guys remember our housewarming party? 380 00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:47,493 What would have happened if I had just let Jeff roll the die that night? 381 00:18:47,535 --> 00:18:49,829 I assumed this was the best timeline, but what if it's the darkest? 382 00:18:49,871 --> 00:18:52,373 Well, I don't think anyone knows what you're talking about, 383 00:18:52,415 --> 00:18:54,500 but it does seem like things couldn't get any worse. 384 00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:03,092 No. 385 00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:06,220 We're all gonna get through this. 386 00:19:06,262 --> 00:19:08,598 We're all alive and we're all fine. 387 00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:11,726 And Britta, you're not the worst. 388 00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:14,103 You're the best. 389 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:18,900 He's right. Things are bad. 390 00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,652 But we're together. 391 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:22,946 That makes this the perfect timeline. 392 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:25,155 Wait. There are other timelines? 393 00:19:33,081 --> 00:19:34,540 Pizza time.