1
00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:02,807
Greendale Community College

2
00:00:02,848 --> 00:00:04,057
is represented
by two separate,

3
00:00:04,099 --> 00:00:06,560
yet equally important
types of people:

4
00:00:06,602 --> 00:00:09,271
The goofballs
that run around
stirring up trouble,

5
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:11,857
and the eggheads
that make a big
deal out of it.

6
00:00:11,899 --> 00:00:13,984
These are their stories.

7
00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:15,068
You'll be better off
without her.

8
00:00:15,110 --> 00:00:17,613
She was perfect.
Warm, smart, beautiful.

9
00:00:17,655 --> 00:00:21,032
I'm never gonna
find another dental
hygienist like that.

10
00:00:21,074 --> 00:00:22,326
Well, you should
stop hitting on her.

11
00:00:22,367 --> 00:00:24,994
Hey, she's the one
putting her hands
in my mouth.

12
00:00:25,663 --> 00:00:26,914
Hey!

13
00:00:26,956 --> 00:00:27,998
Over here.

14
00:00:31,376 --> 00:00:33,504
Move along,
nothing to see here.

15
00:00:33,545 --> 00:00:35,130
That's the first time
those words have
actually been true.

16
00:00:35,172 --> 00:00:36,924
Ms. Edison,
when you called me
down here at midnight,

17
00:00:36,966 --> 00:00:38,592
I expected
more than a yam.

18
00:00:38,634 --> 00:00:40,594
Specifically since you said,
"There's been a murder."

19
00:00:40,636 --> 00:00:41,804
Our yam was murdered.

20
00:00:41,846 --> 00:00:43,430
If it's any consolation,
she got me here

21
00:00:43,472 --> 00:00:45,223
on a very misleading
text message.

22
00:00:45,265 --> 00:00:47,267
Jeff, technically,
you are about to be screwed
in the biology room

23
00:00:47,309 --> 00:00:49,018
because our final project
has been destroyed.

24
00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:51,229
All right, look,
I'm sorry for your loss.

25
00:00:51,271 --> 00:00:53,524
I know you guys put
the work in, so you'll
get a passing grade.

26
00:00:53,565 --> 00:00:55,025
A passing grade?

27
00:00:55,066 --> 00:00:56,276
Like a C?

28
00:00:56,318 --> 00:00:58,570
Why don't I just
get pregnant at
a bus station?

29
00:00:58,612 --> 00:01:00,656
That was going to be
an A+ yam.

30
00:01:00,698 --> 00:01:03,951
I can't give an A+
to everyone whose yam
falls off a counter.

31
00:01:03,993 --> 00:01:06,036
Somebody did this to us.

32
00:01:06,077 --> 00:01:08,413
In science,
we call that a hypothesis.

33
00:01:08,455 --> 00:01:10,833
You find something
to back it up
and we can talk.

34
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:12,835
Now if you'll excuse me,
I was watching Mama's Family.

35
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What happened?
Our yam was killed.

36
00:01:17,339 --> 00:01:19,508
But Professor Kane says
we can still get an A
If we figure out who did it.

37
00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:21,051
He did not say that.
He basically did.

38
00:01:21,092 --> 00:01:22,970
You let me handle
the nitty-gritty.

39
00:01:23,012 --> 00:01:24,972
In the meantime,
I need somebody
to drum up suspects.

40
00:01:25,014 --> 00:01:27,975
I can help you with that.
I watch crime shows
when I'm bored.

41
00:01:28,017 --> 00:01:29,393
You boys,
canvas for witnesses,

42
00:01:29,434 --> 00:01:31,687
establish a time frame
and motive
and bring me a suspect.

43
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You've got 48 hours
before the trail runs cold,

44
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so start with the last person
to see that yam alive.

45
00:01:34,899 --> 00:01:36,358
Yes, ma'am.
Understood.

46
00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:39,444
It's been a long 15 years.

47
00:01:39,486 --> 00:01:41,739
Looks like
it's gonna be a late night.

48
00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:43,114
How'd we manage
to pull the short straw?

49
00:01:43,156 --> 00:01:45,158
It's not a short straw.

50
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,076
It's a hot potato.

51
00:01:47,118 --> 00:01:50,497
Yeah, well,
looks pretty cold to me.

52
00:01:51,874 --> 00:01:53,834
Cold? Or dead?

53
00:01:54,919 --> 00:01:55,961
Survey says…

54
00:01:56,003 --> 00:01:57,212
We can't both
do the zinger.

55
00:01:57,254 --> 00:01:58,380
Sorry.

56
00:02:37,252 --> 00:02:39,212
Okay, okay, 5-to-1
on the black guy.

57
00:02:39,254 --> 00:02:41,214
That's offensive.
Fine, 6-to-1.

58
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Hello, boys.

59
00:02:42,424 --> 00:02:44,051
Youth! Scatter!

60
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:47,429
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down, Pierce.

61
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,474
Mind if we ask you
a couple of questions?

62
00:02:50,515 --> 00:02:52,684
Sure, I always say
you guys should ask
me more questions.

63
00:02:52,726 --> 00:02:54,436
Did you water
our biology yam
last night?

64
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,897
Of course I watered it.
It was my turn, wasn't it?

65
00:02:56,939 --> 00:02:58,107
I hold up my end.

66
00:02:58,147 --> 00:03:00,609
Did you hold it
or drop it?

67
00:03:00,651 --> 00:03:03,403
Okay, whoa,
I had nothing
to do with that.

68
00:03:03,445 --> 00:03:05,447
I…I couldn't even
get in the room.

69
00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,992
Make up your mind, Pierce.
Did you water the yam
or weren't you there?

70
00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:10,119
Okay, I lied
about watering it.

71
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I got there too late,
the doors were
already locked.

72
00:03:12,203 --> 00:03:13,872
Why were you late?

73
00:03:13,914 --> 00:03:16,291
I…fell asleep
in a sunbeam.

74
00:03:16,333 --> 00:03:17,960
Likely story.
Actually it is.

75
00:03:18,002 --> 00:03:19,419
I used to live with him,
it's kind of adorable.

76
00:03:19,461 --> 00:03:21,379
Look, why are you
looking at me for this?

77
00:03:21,421 --> 00:03:23,172
It was my yam too.

78
00:03:23,214 --> 00:03:25,092
You should be
talking to somebody
who would wanna hurt us.

79
00:03:25,134 --> 00:03:26,635
And who's that?
Duh-doy!

80
00:03:26,677 --> 00:03:27,928
Todd.

81
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,349
Last night,
I was home by 9:15,

82
00:03:32,390 --> 00:03:35,268
helped Elly with her
geography and then
went straight to bed.

83
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:36,937
Sounds like you keep
a pretty tight schedule.

84
00:03:36,979 --> 00:03:39,397
A valuable side effect
of military service.

85
00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:41,900
In Iraq,
keeping a tight schedule
saved lives.

86
00:03:43,027 --> 00:03:44,611
Ah,
what happened, Todd?

87
00:03:44,653 --> 00:03:46,030
Cut yourself
on an extra sharp
Oscar Wilde play?

88
00:03:46,071 --> 00:03:47,739
Oh, this?
It's a burn.

89
00:03:47,781 --> 00:03:49,199
Home Ec class. Muffin.

90
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,450
What kind of muffin?

91
00:03:50,492 --> 00:03:51,785
Blueberry.
Why not raisin?

92
00:03:51,827 --> 00:03:53,286
That wasn't the assignment.

93
00:03:53,328 --> 00:03:54,579
You can dance
all day, Todd,

94
00:03:54,621 --> 00:03:56,247
but sooner or later,
the music's gonna change.

95
00:03:56,289 --> 00:03:59,751
Look, even if
I wanted to hurt
your yam, I couldn't.

96
00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:02,754
I went by the bio room at 8:10
to chart my yam's growth,

97
00:04:02,796 --> 00:04:03,964
the door was already locked.

98
00:04:04,006 --> 00:04:04,950
There's a lot of that
going around.

99
00:04:04,965 --> 00:04:06,591
Oh, yeah.
It's true.

100
00:04:06,633 --> 00:04:08,886
I had to take
a picture of my yam
through the door.

101
00:04:08,927 --> 00:04:10,095
See?

102
00:04:10,137 --> 00:04:12,347
Your yam was fine
when I left.

103
00:04:14,808 --> 00:04:18,311
I transferred or "downloaded"
Todd's photograph
to this computer

104
00:04:18,353 --> 00:04:20,438
and as you'll see,
with a few adjustments,

105
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,232
I can make the entire image…

106
00:04:23,984 --> 00:04:25,610
Old West color.

107
00:04:27,404 --> 00:04:28,989
I don't know.
I thought it was cool.

108
00:04:29,031 --> 00:04:30,199
Britta, zoom in there.

109
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There's a clock on the wall.

110
00:04:31,909 --> 00:04:33,368
Eight plus two times five…

111
00:04:33,410 --> 00:04:34,494
Ten after 8:00.

112
00:04:34,536 --> 00:04:35,829
I'm gifted in other ways.

113
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That jibes
with everyone else
we talked to.

114
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It seems like
the classroom door
gets locked at 8:00.

115
00:04:39,332 --> 00:04:41,001
Which means whoever
did the crime…

116
00:04:41,043 --> 00:04:44,004
Got in there before
the doors were locked
and stayed there for hours.

117
00:04:44,046 --> 00:04:45,422
I was gonna say,
"had a key".

118
00:04:45,463 --> 00:04:47,091
Last year, I came in
after hours a couple
of times

119
00:04:47,132 --> 00:04:49,300
to finish a pinata
for Advanced Spanish.

120
00:04:49,342 --> 00:04:51,220
I had to borrow a key
from the front office.

121
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And sign a log.

122
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I can also help.

123
00:04:54,098 --> 00:04:55,473
As a psych major,
I could…

124
00:04:57,184 --> 00:04:58,852
Any student
can check out a key

125
00:04:58,894 --> 00:05:01,563
as long as they're
currently taking classes
and show school ID.

126
00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:03,815
The guy we're looking for
had a key to the bio room
Monday night.

127
00:05:03,857 --> 00:05:06,151
Monday night?
Rings a bell.

128
00:05:06,193 --> 00:05:08,070
I'll check the log.

129
00:05:08,112 --> 00:05:10,655
Sorry, this place is a mess.

130
00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:13,450
Is this about your yam?
I heard about that.

131
00:05:13,491 --> 00:05:15,744
It's a damn shame.
Mine just bloomed yesterday.

132
00:05:15,786 --> 00:05:17,454
Congratulations.

133
00:05:17,495 --> 00:05:20,373
Ooh, there she is.

134
00:05:23,043 --> 00:05:26,337
Monday night,
one biology room key
checked out by…

135
00:05:28,465 --> 00:05:29,800
Magnitude.

136
00:05:32,385 --> 00:05:33,553
So you're saying you
did check out a key,

137
00:05:33,595 --> 00:05:35,264
but it was inside
your backpack

138
00:05:35,305 --> 00:05:36,431
when someone
stole it off a table
in the library

139
00:05:36,473 --> 00:05:37,724
while you were
using the bathroom

140
00:05:37,766 --> 00:05:38,934
and you haven't
seen it since.

141
00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:40,309
Pop-pop!

142
00:05:42,562 --> 00:05:45,023
Perfect,
so now we gotta solve
a robbery too.

143
00:05:45,065 --> 00:05:47,484
Well, whoever did it
likes to steal backpacks
off tables in the library.

144
00:05:47,525 --> 00:05:49,611
Only one way to catch
a dirtbag like that.

145
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:57,744
Well, time to visit
the restroom.

146
00:06:19,933 --> 00:06:21,852
I found that backpack.

147
00:06:21,893 --> 00:06:25,189
Hey, idiot,
guess what.

148
00:06:25,230 --> 00:06:26,773
We don't care
about the backpack.

149
00:06:28,942 --> 00:06:30,568
Dead yam, big deal.

150
00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:31,987
Order some ketchup.

151
00:06:32,029 --> 00:06:33,655
That doesn't make sense.
You don't order ketchup.

152
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:34,781
It's a condiment!

153
00:06:34,823 --> 00:06:36,158
Troy, Troy,
hey, walk it off!

154
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:37,742
Troy, walk it off!

155
00:06:37,784 --> 00:06:39,036
Sorry, my friend,
he's a bad cop.

156
00:06:39,077 --> 00:06:40,245
Yeah.
I'm a good cop.

157
00:06:40,287 --> 00:06:41,746
Oh, good.
You can trust me.

158
00:06:41,788 --> 00:06:43,498
Okay, well… Hey!

159
00:06:43,540 --> 00:06:45,374
I'm not falling for that.

160
00:06:45,416 --> 00:06:47,252
And you got nothing on me.

161
00:06:47,294 --> 00:06:49,462
And I don't have to stay here,
'cause you're not cops.

162
00:06:54,218 --> 00:06:55,969
He's right.
You're not cops.

163
00:06:56,011 --> 00:06:58,222
I'd say our hands are tied,
but we basically
have no hands.

164
00:06:58,263 --> 00:06:59,388
But he's our man
though, right?

165
00:06:59,430 --> 00:07:01,350
Well, he ain't innocent.

166
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:03,476
Look, I'll try
to keep him busy.

167
00:07:03,518 --> 00:07:07,231
You guys go to the lab,
see if they figured out
how our yam met its masher.

168
00:07:07,272 --> 00:07:09,858
I can, both,
see and hear you.

169
00:07:11,776 --> 00:07:14,445
The yam's vascular cylinder
is completely disintegrated.

170
00:07:14,487 --> 00:07:16,240
Any possibility
it happened naturally?

171
00:07:16,281 --> 00:07:18,616
Sure, if the gardener's
Joseph Mengele.

172
00:07:18,658 --> 00:07:19,993
Look at the root system.

173
00:07:20,035 --> 00:07:21,745
This level of smushing

174
00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:24,164
is consistent with
someone stepping on the yam
after it was dropped.

175
00:07:24,206 --> 00:07:25,957
So whoever did this
was angry.

176
00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:29,253
Hey, I just cut 'em open.
You want motive,
talk to a shrink.

177
00:07:29,294 --> 00:07:32,297
What I can tell you
is that for a raw yam
to get it this bad,

178
00:07:32,339 --> 00:07:34,258
you need more than gravity.

179
00:07:34,299 --> 00:07:35,425
You need a boot.

180
00:07:39,263 --> 00:07:41,056
We have to tell
Professor Kane.

181
00:07:41,098 --> 00:07:42,682
There's nothing here
to connect to Star-Burns.
He'd have to confess.

182
00:07:42,724 --> 00:07:44,309
Oh, yeah, sure.

183
00:07:44,351 --> 00:07:45,977
Maybe if we ask him nice,
he'll write us
a love letter too.

184
00:07:46,019 --> 00:07:49,773
Well, whoever
did do this does
owe you guys a letter.

185
00:07:49,814 --> 00:07:51,108
An A.

186
00:07:53,735 --> 00:07:56,071
This yam was
about to bloom.

187
00:07:57,739 --> 00:07:58,865
Damn.

188
00:07:59,616 --> 00:08:00,700
We named the yam "Pam."

189
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,079
It rhymed.

190
00:08:06,456 --> 00:08:08,666
Even if we could prove
that Star-Burns stole
Magnitude's key,

191
00:08:08,708 --> 00:08:09,751
it's not enough.

192
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:11,128
But we know
Star-Burns did it.

193
00:08:11,169 --> 00:08:13,338
Keep the change, Garrett.

194
00:08:13,380 --> 00:08:14,505
You know what?
Keep the hot dog.

195
00:08:14,547 --> 00:08:15,590
You're telling me
after all this,

196
00:08:15,632 --> 00:08:17,050
our suspect's
gonna slip away

197
00:08:17,092 --> 00:08:19,136
on the technicality
that we're not police?

198
00:08:19,177 --> 00:08:21,138
Okay, look,
you don't need authority
to get a confession.

199
00:08:21,179 --> 00:08:23,098
You need leverage.
Something to hold
over his head.

200
00:08:23,140 --> 00:08:24,515
Like what?
He's Star-Burns.

201
00:08:24,557 --> 00:08:25,683
Break into his locker.

202
00:08:25,725 --> 00:08:26,810
You'll find enough dirt
to bury him.

203
00:08:26,851 --> 00:08:28,812
Jeff, that's not ethical.

204
00:08:28,853 --> 00:08:31,564
Oh, so now you're
finding your softness?

205
00:08:31,606 --> 00:08:32,816
I say do what
you have to do.

206
00:08:32,857 --> 00:08:34,192
It's too late
to get compassionate.

207
00:08:34,234 --> 00:08:36,153
We only have time
to get justice.

208
00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:38,863
I really shouldn't
be doing this.

209
00:08:38,905 --> 00:08:40,657
And you're sure you heard
a kitten meowing in here?

210
00:08:40,698 --> 00:08:42,617
Not anymore,
so hurry up.

211
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:45,495
Whoa, Nelly!

212
00:08:50,541 --> 00:08:52,336
Clean up on aisle Busted.

213
00:08:56,547 --> 00:08:58,842
Why do they always…
Why do they always…

214
00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:00,427
You go ahead.
Why do they always run?

215
00:09:00,469 --> 00:09:01,552
There you go.

216
00:09:03,888 --> 00:09:06,141
Move!
Not police business!

217
00:09:06,183 --> 00:09:08,143
Hey, knock much?

218
00:09:09,894 --> 00:09:10,979
Kiss me!
What?

219
00:09:11,021 --> 00:09:12,063
I'll explain later.
No.

220
00:09:12,105 --> 00:09:13,273
I'll explain later.

221
00:09:13,315 --> 00:09:14,774
The explanation
isn't the issue.

222
00:09:16,318 --> 00:09:18,069
Oh, all right, all right.

223
00:09:18,111 --> 00:09:21,406
Look, I…I swiped some
beakers for the meth lab

224
00:09:21,448 --> 00:09:23,241
that I'm building
in the trunk of my car.

225
00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:26,328
But that's it.
I didn't kill any yam.

226
00:09:26,370 --> 00:09:27,620
Tell it
to the biology professor.

227
00:09:27,662 --> 00:09:30,248
Oh, now wait!
I know who did it.

228
00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:32,167
I left the door open
and someone came in.

229
00:09:32,209 --> 00:09:34,085
He dropped your yam.

230
00:09:34,127 --> 00:09:35,753
Will you tell
our teacher who it was?

231
00:09:35,795 --> 00:09:37,339
If you promise
I won't get in trouble

232
00:09:37,381 --> 00:09:38,840
for stealing that
meth lab stuff.

233
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,050
Sure, whatever.
Fine.

234
00:09:40,091 --> 00:09:41,426
Pinky swear?

235
00:09:44,554 --> 00:09:46,431
It was the guy with
the weird head.

236
00:09:46,473 --> 00:09:47,598
The army guy.

237
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:49,100
I heard the jar break

238
00:09:49,142 --> 00:09:51,561
and then I saw him
running out of the room
holding his hand.

239
00:09:51,602 --> 00:09:54,105
Looked like he cut himself.

240
00:09:57,025 --> 00:10:00,153
Well, well, well.
Look at this, Abed.

241
00:10:00,195 --> 00:10:01,988
He weaves baskets and lies.

242
00:10:02,030 --> 00:10:03,114
What's this about?

243
00:10:03,156 --> 00:10:04,782
It's about the killing
of our biology yam.

244
00:10:04,824 --> 00:10:06,201
Will you please
come with us?

245
00:10:06,243 --> 00:10:07,785
But I'm in the middle
of making a handle.

246
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:09,746
He wants it the hard way.
Tell him what Shirley said.

247
00:10:09,787 --> 00:10:12,082
Todd Jacobson,
you have the right to do
whatever you want.

248
00:10:12,123 --> 00:10:14,459
Nothing you say or do
can be used against you
by anyone,

249
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,295
but we'd really like it
if you came with us.
Please and thank you.

250
00:10:19,589 --> 00:10:21,425
Make it quick, folks.
I have a class
in five minutes

251
00:10:21,466 --> 00:10:22,675
and none of you
guys are in it.

252
00:10:22,717 --> 00:10:25,095
After conducting
a full investigation,

253
00:10:25,136 --> 00:10:28,056
my study group now has
definitive proof that Todd,

254
00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:30,641
with malice of forethought,
smashed our yam.

255
00:10:30,683 --> 00:10:32,852
That's a serious allegation.
I hope you can back it up.

256
00:10:32,894 --> 00:10:34,812
We can place him
in the building Monday night.

257
00:10:34,854 --> 00:10:36,773
He has a mysterious
bandage on his hand,

258
00:10:36,814 --> 00:10:39,650
and we have and eyewitness
who saw Todd drop
the jar and flee.

259
00:10:39,692 --> 00:10:41,361
Well, Todd, what do
you have to say?

260
00:10:41,403 --> 00:10:42,779
I just wanna…

261
00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:44,531
Don't answer that, soldier!

262
00:10:44,573 --> 00:10:46,116
This man is
an American hero.

263
00:10:46,157 --> 00:10:47,867
And who are you?

264
00:10:47,909 --> 00:10:49,660
I'm Lieutenant
Colonel Archwood,
United States Army.

265
00:10:49,702 --> 00:10:52,038
I had the pleasure
of commanding this
young man in Iraq.

266
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,498
I'm staying
on his couch
this weekend

267
00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:55,041
while I'm in town
for a wedding.

268
00:10:55,083 --> 00:10:58,086
I am a licensed attorney,
a veteran of two wars,

269
00:10:58,128 --> 00:11:01,381
and I'd like to know
why in hell he's
being harassed.

270
00:11:02,632 --> 00:11:04,884
Mr. Winger,
what is the intention here?

271
00:11:04,926 --> 00:11:07,929
Simple.
When Todd smashed our yam,
he stole an A from us.

272
00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:09,222
We want it back.

273
00:11:09,264 --> 00:11:11,308
You mean
if he smashed the yam.

274
00:11:11,349 --> 00:11:13,810
All you have is the word
of this Mr. Star-Burns,

275
00:11:13,851 --> 00:11:16,354
who offers up no explanation
as to why he was at the scene.

276
00:11:16,396 --> 00:11:17,688
How about it, Jeffrey?

277
00:11:17,730 --> 00:11:19,524
What was Star-Burns
doing there?

278
00:11:19,566 --> 00:11:21,109
We agreed to withhold
that information

279
00:11:21,151 --> 00:11:23,612
as part of a pinky swear
with the witness.

280
00:11:23,652 --> 00:11:25,113
A pinky swear?

281
00:11:25,155 --> 00:11:27,824
This is ludicrous.
This whole school
is ludicrous.

282
00:11:27,865 --> 00:11:29,867
Who honors
the pinky swear
of a degenerate

283
00:11:29,909 --> 00:11:31,744
over the word
of a decorated soldier?

284
00:11:31,786 --> 00:11:34,080
I'm inclined to agree
with the man in uniform.

285
00:11:34,122 --> 00:11:35,748
Shocker.
Jeffrey.

286
00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,627
Tell us what Star-Burns
was doing in that classroom,

287
00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:40,795
or your group
can take an F.

288
00:11:40,837 --> 00:11:42,422
Hold up, hold up, hold up.

289
00:11:42,464 --> 00:11:44,382
I grade my students.

290
00:11:44,424 --> 00:11:46,301
Now, what Star-Face
was doing there
is irrelevant.

291
00:11:46,343 --> 00:11:48,428
What matters
is what he saw.

292
00:11:48,470 --> 00:11:50,013
I'm upholding
the pinky swear.

293
00:11:50,054 --> 00:11:51,431
What?

294
00:11:51,473 --> 00:11:53,308
Yo, man, you spent
your life in the army.

295
00:11:53,350 --> 00:11:55,226
I spent mine in prison.

296
00:11:55,268 --> 00:11:58,647
Two places where
a man's word is only
as good as his uniform.

297
00:11:58,687 --> 00:12:00,773
Now out here,
it's supposed to be different.

298
00:12:00,815 --> 00:12:02,817
And in my class,
it will be.

299
00:12:02,859 --> 00:12:04,444
You two can plead
your case to the class

300
00:12:04,486 --> 00:12:05,820
and let them
decide your grades.

301
00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:08,948
Professor…

302
00:12:09,698 --> 00:12:10,950
Thank you.

303
00:12:10,992 --> 00:12:12,952
It's not a favor,
Mr. Winger.

304
00:12:12,994 --> 00:12:14,204
A man's gotta have a code.

305
00:12:14,621 --> 00:12:16,331
Awesome.

306
00:12:16,373 --> 00:12:18,041
See you in class.

307
00:12:22,711 --> 00:12:24,047
Uniform.
Oh!

308
00:12:24,088 --> 00:12:25,074
Jeez.

309
00:12:25,089 --> 00:12:27,175
Yeah.

310
00:12:27,217 --> 00:12:28,717
Shirley did some
more digging.

311
00:12:28,759 --> 00:12:30,761
Turns out Todd's yam
never even sprouted.

312
00:12:30,803 --> 00:12:32,514
Goes to motive.

313
00:12:32,556 --> 00:12:35,099
And Star-Burns puts Todd
in the classroom at 8:10.

314
00:12:35,141 --> 00:12:36,851
Opportunity.

315
00:12:36,893 --> 00:12:38,353
Add to that a cut
on the hand
and the Winger charm,

316
00:12:38,395 --> 00:12:40,063
we might get an A++.

317
00:12:40,104 --> 00:12:41,356
We still have
a lot of work to do.

318
00:12:41,398 --> 00:12:42,815
Oh, I think you've
done enough.

319
00:12:42,857 --> 00:12:44,693
Colonel Archwood
got to Star-Burns.

320
00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:46,486
Threatened to involve
the real cops.

321
00:12:46,528 --> 00:12:47,778
Now Star-Burns
is in the wind.

322
00:12:49,364 --> 00:12:50,532
He's our only witness.

323
00:12:50,574 --> 00:12:52,200
That what
you guys do in here?

324
00:12:52,242 --> 00:12:53,742
You push your little papers
and you make your
little speeches,

325
00:12:53,784 --> 00:12:55,704
and in the end
another dirtbag walks?

326
00:12:55,744 --> 00:12:57,121
Huh? Huh?

327
00:12:57,997 --> 00:12:59,790
Abed! Abed!

328
00:12:59,832 --> 00:13:01,750
Abed! Walk it off!

329
00:13:01,792 --> 00:13:03,211
Walk it off!

330
00:13:05,463 --> 00:13:07,507
I'm sorry about my partner.

331
00:13:07,549 --> 00:13:09,467
He…he's been on edge
ever since we switched.

332
00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:13,888
You.

333
00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:16,182
Annie, that class
already hates us.

334
00:13:16,224 --> 00:13:18,476
If we go in there
without a case,
they'll fail us.

335
00:13:18,518 --> 00:13:20,061
We have proof
our yam was murdered

336
00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:22,230
and now you find
your softness?

337
00:13:22,272 --> 00:13:24,148
It's eat or be eaten
when that's convenient,

338
00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:26,443
but when the going gets tough,
Winger gets nervous, huh?

339
00:13:26,484 --> 00:13:27,985
We have no case, Annie.

340
00:13:28,027 --> 00:13:30,196
It's too late
to get one, Jeff.

341
00:13:30,238 --> 00:13:32,532
We only have time
to get justice.

342
00:13:35,993 --> 00:13:38,413
Tell us what
happened next, Todd.

343
00:13:38,455 --> 00:13:42,917
I disarmed the IED
and returned the child
to his mother.

344
00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:46,212
She offered to give me
her only possession,
a wooden chair,

345
00:13:46,254 --> 00:13:47,380
but I refused.

346
00:13:47,422 --> 00:13:49,006
I was only doing my duty

347
00:13:49,048 --> 00:13:52,302
and we had plenty
of chairs at the base.

348
00:13:52,343 --> 00:13:54,345
And for your valor, you were
awarded a Bronze Star.

349
00:13:54,387 --> 00:13:56,473
In fact, you have
an absolutely glowing
service record.

350
00:13:56,514 --> 00:13:57,682
Don't you, Private?

351
00:13:57,724 --> 00:13:58,849
I do my best.

352
00:13:58,891 --> 00:14:00,935
You do more
than that, soldier.

353
00:14:00,977 --> 00:14:03,020
Certainly more
than this witness

354
00:14:03,062 --> 00:14:04,689
who supposedly
saw you kill the yam.

355
00:14:04,731 --> 00:14:07,066
A man who,
for all we know,

356
00:14:07,108 --> 00:14:09,319
is a holocaust-denying,
9/11 pedophile.

357
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:10,861
Objection.
Withdrawn.

358
00:14:12,113 --> 00:14:13,448
One last question.

359
00:14:13,490 --> 00:14:15,992
Did you intentionally
break into the biology room

360
00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:17,661
with the express purpose

361
00:14:17,702 --> 00:14:20,163
of killing
the study group's yam?

362
00:14:20,204 --> 00:14:21,372
No, sir, I did not.

363
00:14:21,414 --> 00:14:22,582
Thank you, soldier.

364
00:14:22,624 --> 00:14:24,250
And god bless your testimony.

365
00:14:26,377 --> 00:14:27,878
Your witness.

366
00:14:30,881 --> 00:14:32,759
Tell me, Todd,

367
00:14:32,801 --> 00:14:34,552
do you consider
yourself a hero?

368
00:14:34,594 --> 00:14:36,680
Oh, no.
Of course not.

369
00:14:36,721 --> 00:14:38,598
A hero doesn't call
himself a hero.

370
00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,309
A hero gets called a hero
because of what he does.

371
00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:42,393
And with your
impressive record,

372
00:14:42,435 --> 00:14:43,978
not even I could
deny you the title.

373
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:46,022
Objection, she's clearly
ramping up to something.

374
00:14:46,063 --> 00:14:47,774
Objection, that's not
a real objection.

375
00:14:47,816 --> 00:14:49,609
Objection, I hate
the both of you.

376
00:14:49,651 --> 00:14:52,069
You may proceed, Ms. Edison,
but do so with caution.

377
00:14:52,111 --> 00:14:54,781
Need I remind you
this is not a courtroom?

378
00:14:54,823 --> 00:14:56,324
I spent the majority
of last night

379
00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:58,075
going over your records
with Mr. Winger,

380
00:14:58,117 --> 00:15:02,121
scouring them for
the slightest mistake,
the tiniest slip up.

381
00:15:02,163 --> 00:15:05,500
And I gotta tell you, Todd.
Couldn't find a thing.

382
00:15:05,542 --> 00:15:08,002
Not one little smudge.

383
00:15:08,044 --> 00:15:13,424
Except, of course,
for one pesky yam
that just wouldn't grow.

384
00:15:13,466 --> 00:15:15,552
That had to weigh
on your soul,
didn't it, Todd?

385
00:15:15,593 --> 00:15:17,053
Maybe a little.
A little?

386
00:15:17,094 --> 00:15:21,098
A big orange splotch
on your perfect record?

387
00:15:21,140 --> 00:15:23,518
I bet that pissed you
right off, didn't it?

388
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,102
Is that why
you hit your wife?

389
00:15:25,144 --> 00:15:26,479
Withdrawn.

390
00:15:26,521 --> 00:15:28,606
Is that why you drink
and pop pills? Withdrawn.

391
00:15:28,648 --> 00:15:30,274
Are you a virgin?
Withdrawn.

392
00:15:30,316 --> 00:15:31,901
Did you…

393
00:15:33,152 --> 00:15:37,073
kill our yam to settle
the score, huh?

394
00:15:37,114 --> 00:15:40,034
Did stomping on its roots
make you feel like a big man?

395
00:15:40,076 --> 00:15:42,537
No, it didn't.
I mean, I didn't…

396
00:15:42,579 --> 00:15:44,121
Todd, zip it.

397
00:15:44,163 --> 00:15:46,791
No, you zip it,
Uncle Knobby.

398
00:15:46,833 --> 00:15:49,043
I'm not fighting
your wars anymore.

399
00:15:49,085 --> 00:15:50,211
Listen to me, Todd.

400
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:53,381
I know how scary
a failing grade can be,

401
00:15:53,423 --> 00:15:56,676
but this one dead yam
won't tarnish your record.

402
00:15:56,718 --> 00:16:00,388
What will tarnish it
is lying to your class,

403
00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:02,348
to your teacher,
and to me.

404
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:05,017
The American citizen
you've sworn to protect.

405
00:16:06,018 --> 00:16:07,604
Come on, Todd.

406
00:16:07,645 --> 00:16:09,898
Stop disappointing me.

407
00:16:09,939 --> 00:16:13,651
Defuse the IED
of dishonesty.

408
00:16:15,945 --> 00:16:17,071
It was an accident.

409
00:16:18,322 --> 00:16:20,491
I just wanted
to look at your yam,

410
00:16:20,533 --> 00:16:23,620
but when I picked up the jar,
it burnt me and I dropped it.

411
00:16:24,370 --> 00:16:25,872
Booyah!

412
00:16:25,914 --> 00:16:28,583
That's how it's done!

413
00:16:32,629 --> 00:16:35,089
Todd…
Woo-hoo!

414
00:16:35,131 --> 00:16:36,466
I'm telling your mother.

415
00:16:36,507 --> 00:16:39,385
That's right.
Always have
an exit strategy.

416
00:16:43,473 --> 00:16:45,475
I think I've heard enough.

417
00:16:45,516 --> 00:16:48,269
Professor Kane,
may we have a sidebar
in your office?

418
00:16:52,565 --> 00:16:53,775
I want a mistrial.

419
00:16:53,817 --> 00:16:55,443
Just give us a C,
give Todd a C.

420
00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:57,361
Excuse me?
What?

421
00:16:57,403 --> 00:17:00,615
Can we take a sidebar
in this sidebar?

422
00:17:00,657 --> 00:17:02,492
Jeff, we're about
to get our A.

423
00:17:02,533 --> 00:17:03,701
Todd didn't do it.

424
00:17:03,743 --> 00:17:05,202
Um, he just confessed, dummy.

425
00:17:05,244 --> 00:17:07,079
He said the jar burned him?

426
00:17:07,121 --> 00:17:10,166
It doesn't make any sense.
People don't
half-confess to crimes.

427
00:17:10,207 --> 00:17:13,294
Look, when we started this,
you were after the truth.

428
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:16,547
And then I convinced you
it was more important to win.

429
00:17:16,589 --> 00:17:18,382
Don't be like me.

430
00:17:18,424 --> 00:17:20,885
A man's got to have a code.

431
00:17:20,927 --> 00:17:23,554
I can only assume there is
a female equivalent to that.

432
00:17:23,596 --> 00:17:25,765
A codette or something.
But…

433
00:17:25,807 --> 00:17:27,224
It's not worth
getting an A

434
00:17:27,266 --> 00:17:29,018
if an innocent man
might get an F.

435
00:17:32,062 --> 00:17:34,023
Okay, I heard all of that
and I accept.

436
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:38,486
All right.

437
00:17:38,528 --> 00:17:41,906
After speaking
to the wronged parties,
I've decided to…

438
00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:44,701
Uh, if it pleases
the bio class,

439
00:17:44,742 --> 00:17:45,952
I have closing arguments.

440
00:17:45,994 --> 00:17:47,077
Of course you do.

441
00:17:48,872 --> 00:17:53,543
Why was it so hard
for all of us to grow a yam?

442
00:17:55,419 --> 00:17:58,923
It's just a stupid yam
in a stupid jar.

443
00:17:58,965 --> 00:18:02,593
We're all fully-grown
adults failing
a kindergarten project.

444
00:18:02,635 --> 00:18:04,345
Can I object?
I'll allow it.

445
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:05,930
Sustained.

446
00:18:05,972 --> 00:18:08,766
And all this time
we assumed
our yam was targeted,

447
00:18:08,808 --> 00:18:11,853
that someone had stomped
its roots maliciously.

448
00:18:11,895 --> 00:18:13,855
But what if…

449
00:18:13,897 --> 00:18:17,274
What if our yam's roots
were dead before
they hit the ground?

450
00:18:19,068 --> 00:18:20,862
Hey, that's mine!
Look at it.

451
00:18:20,904 --> 00:18:22,071
Everyone look.

452
00:18:22,112 --> 00:18:24,365
Smushed without
being stepped on.

453
00:18:25,491 --> 00:18:27,535
Because it didn't
have to be stepped on.

454
00:18:27,577 --> 00:18:29,412
Because it was boiled.

455
00:18:31,039 --> 00:18:34,792
Someone has been
pouring boiling water
into our jars at night.

456
00:18:34,834 --> 00:18:38,170
No one noticed
because the water
cooled off by morning.

457
00:18:38,212 --> 00:18:41,298
Boiling water
is the icicle stabbing
of yam-killing.

458
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:44,928
Ooh, but that didn't…

459
00:18:46,888 --> 00:18:48,806
This yam isn't boiled.

460
00:18:48,848 --> 00:18:50,140
Vicki?

461
00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:52,142
I don't…
I didn't do it, I swear!

462
00:18:52,184 --> 00:18:53,853
I boiled the yams.

463
00:18:53,895 --> 00:18:55,980
Vicki's yam never sprouted
and I didn't want her to fail,

464
00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:57,398
so I threw off
the grading curve

465
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:58,858
so she wouldn't have
to go to summer school

466
00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,819
and we can finally have
sex in my parents' cabin.

467
00:19:01,861 --> 00:19:03,696
God forgive me,
I did it for love!

468
00:19:05,239 --> 00:19:07,116
Holy crap.

469
00:19:07,157 --> 00:19:10,703
We are definitely
dissecting pine cones
next year.

470
00:19:10,745 --> 00:19:13,581
Neil has agreed
to retake biology
over the summer

471
00:19:13,623 --> 00:19:16,417
and his status
as keymaster
has been revoked.

472
00:19:16,459 --> 00:19:19,253
After all the politics
and procedure,
in the end,

473
00:19:19,295 --> 00:19:21,255
the case really
was about biology.

474
00:19:21,297 --> 00:19:23,507
Told you it was
an important subject.

475
00:19:25,509 --> 00:19:26,928
Hello?

476
00:19:33,101 --> 00:19:34,602
I understand.

477
00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:42,151
Star-Burns got rear-ended
and the meth lab
in his trunk exploded.

478
00:19:43,527 --> 00:19:44,904
He's dead.

479
00:19:53,079 --> 00:19:54,831
Abed?
Yeah?

480
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,917
Why don't we have
bunk bed conversations?

481
00:19:57,959 --> 00:19:59,209
I don't know.

482
00:19:59,251 --> 00:20:01,420
We're best friends,
we share a bunk bed.

483
00:20:01,462 --> 00:20:03,464
Seems like we should be
having them all the time.

484
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:04,715
You start.

485
00:20:04,757 --> 00:20:07,885
Okay. Why do you think
they call them "bunk beds"?

486
00:20:07,927 --> 00:20:09,762
Where's the word "bunk"
come from?

487
00:20:09,804 --> 00:20:13,057
I don't know.
I think it comes
from the word "bunker."

488
00:20:13,099 --> 00:20:15,852
So when is your apartment
done being fumigated?

489
00:20:15,893 --> 00:20:17,895
Oh, it was done
about a week ago.

490
00:20:17,937 --> 00:20:18,980
Then why are
you still here?

491
00:20:19,022 --> 00:20:21,149
I brought you
some warm milk.

492
00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:22,566
Oh.

493
00:20:22,608 --> 00:20:23,943
There you go.

494
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,042
Sweet deans.

495
00:20:39,083 --> 00:20:40,710
That's nice…

496
00:20:40,751 --> 00:20:42,170
I guess.