1 00:00:03,374 --> 00:00:05,292 Wait. Ah. 2 00:00:07,085 --> 00:00:08,420 Pyoo! 3 00:00:08,462 --> 00:00:09,921 I never thought I'd miss it. 4 00:00:09,963 --> 00:00:11,716 How come I'm not best friends with anyone in the group? 5 00:00:11,757 --> 00:00:13,217 Aw! 6 00:00:13,258 --> 00:00:14,677 Don't patronize me. 7 00:00:14,719 --> 00:00:16,178 Oh. 8 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:20,850 Just letting the students know 9 00:00:20,932 --> 00:00:22,768 that if you're on campus this weekend, 10 00:00:22,810 --> 00:00:24,019 you'll have to park on the street 11 00:00:24,061 --> 00:00:25,688 because of the carnival. 12 00:00:25,730 --> 00:00:28,566 On an unrelated note, I'm into trains now. 13 00:00:28,607 --> 00:00:29,983 A real carnival? 14 00:00:30,025 --> 00:00:32,361 Is the company called Red Beard's Amusements? 15 00:00:32,403 --> 00:00:33,696 Name rings a bell. 16 00:00:33,738 --> 00:00:35,155 But with me, that could mean anything. 17 00:00:35,197 --> 00:00:37,074 I wonder. 18 00:00:37,115 --> 00:00:39,326 I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a carnival. 19 00:00:42,413 --> 00:00:43,831 I'm sorry, Britta. 20 00:00:43,873 --> 00:00:45,708 Some things are funny because they make no sense. 21 00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:48,126 And that is not one of them. 22 00:00:48,168 --> 00:00:51,380 Well, it looks like my news has incited some doings. 23 00:00:51,422 --> 00:00:53,924 And if that's not my job, what is? 24 00:00:53,965 --> 00:00:55,885 Choo choo! 25 00:00:55,926 --> 00:00:58,637 Well, you're also supposed to… 26 00:00:58,679 --> 00:01:01,348 Eh. Administrate the school. 27 00:01:01,390 --> 00:01:04,226 So, Britta, tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend. 28 00:01:04,268 --> 00:01:05,811 Why, so you all can get a big laugh? 29 00:01:05,853 --> 00:01:06,978 Yeah. I'd love to have a laugh. 30 00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:08,606 The exact reason. 31 00:01:08,647 --> 00:01:10,482 Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. 32 00:01:10,524 --> 00:01:11,942 And if it entertains you guys, 33 00:01:11,983 --> 00:01:13,235 that's great because we're friends. 34 00:01:14,695 --> 00:01:16,196 His name is Blade and… 35 00:01:17,197 --> 00:01:18,990 What? Oh, no, Britta! 36 00:01:19,032 --> 00:01:21,201 She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh, 37 00:01:21,243 --> 00:01:23,621 and we're still laughing. That's how funny it is! 38 00:01:23,662 --> 00:01:25,289 His name is Blade. Is that legal? 39 00:01:25,330 --> 00:01:26,749 Shouldn't New Line Cinema be suing him? 40 00:01:26,791 --> 00:01:29,710 He was called that before that stupid movie. 41 00:01:29,752 --> 00:01:31,670 He was called that before the fantastic movie. 42 00:01:31,712 --> 00:01:33,464 And it was a Marvel Comic in 1973. 43 00:01:33,505 --> 00:01:34,491 Well, nerd alert. 44 00:01:34,506 --> 00:01:36,049 Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert. 45 00:01:37,802 --> 00:01:39,678 Her love life makes Pierce seem with it. 46 00:01:40,596 --> 00:01:41,889 Her pain unifies us. 47 00:01:41,931 --> 00:01:44,349 She has the King Arthur of bad taste in men. 48 00:01:44,391 --> 00:01:46,101 I'm glad you guys are reacting this way. 49 00:01:46,143 --> 00:01:49,020 I need to be reminded that he is the worst on Earth. 50 00:01:49,062 --> 00:01:51,064 Because if he comes through town and calls me, 51 00:01:51,106 --> 00:01:53,024 I will be there in five minutes. 52 00:01:53,066 --> 00:01:54,902 I don't understand. Uh, Andre much? 53 00:01:54,944 --> 00:01:56,779 Okay, I understand. I don't. 54 00:01:56,821 --> 00:01:57,947 You will. What's that mean? 55 00:01:57,988 --> 00:01:59,990 He's hung. Oh, God! 56 00:02:00,031 --> 00:02:01,074 Pierce, you're disgusting. 57 00:02:01,116 --> 00:02:03,201 Just like that I'm disgusting again. 58 00:02:03,243 --> 00:02:05,955 I was one of the gang. It was in my hand. 59 00:02:05,996 --> 00:02:07,289 Sometimes, a woman meets a man 60 00:02:07,331 --> 00:02:09,040 that she just can't shake from her system 61 00:02:09,082 --> 00:02:11,209 no matter much she knows better. 62 00:02:11,251 --> 00:02:13,504 I lucked out with Andre, but God help me. 63 00:02:13,545 --> 00:02:15,339 As you all know, there's not a lot he couldn't get away with. 64 00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:18,300 So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy 65 00:02:18,342 --> 00:02:20,636 who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie? 66 00:02:20,678 --> 00:02:22,972 A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie. 67 00:02:23,013 --> 00:02:26,224 No, I don't believe in love because of this guy… 68 00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:28,477 named after a kickboxing vampire movie. 69 00:02:28,519 --> 00:02:30,187 Oh, Britta! 70 00:02:30,228 --> 00:02:31,563 Oh, sweetie. 71 00:02:31,605 --> 00:02:34,149 You wanna watch Blade tonight? Yes. 72 00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:03,012 Ugh, I love that I have a locker now. 73 00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,930 All that wasted time going to my car 74 00:03:04,972 --> 00:03:07,307 for mid-afternoon wardrobe adjustments. 75 00:03:07,349 --> 00:03:09,685 What do you think? Stick with what's working? 76 00:03:09,727 --> 00:03:10,713 You're gonna change your shirt? 77 00:03:10,728 --> 00:03:12,187 Not if it's working. 78 00:03:12,229 --> 00:03:14,439 It's not working. Yeah. 79 00:03:14,481 --> 00:03:17,150 You're right. I knew it. 80 00:03:17,192 --> 00:03:19,987 I'll have what she's having. Hey, grow up, lady! 81 00:03:20,029 --> 00:03:22,031 Annie! His shirt wasn't working! 82 00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:24,950 I need your help. It is Blade's carnival that's coming. 83 00:03:24,992 --> 00:03:26,785 He's working the BB gun duck-shooting gallery. 84 00:03:26,827 --> 00:03:28,537 I guess he finally got the promotion. 85 00:03:28,579 --> 00:03:29,663 And he will call me. 86 00:03:29,705 --> 00:03:30,998 And left unattended, 87 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,082 I will end up doing him like a crossword, 88 00:03:33,124 --> 00:03:34,585 and I will regret it. 89 00:03:34,626 --> 00:03:36,211 So I need you to take my phone, 90 00:03:36,253 --> 00:03:37,629 and don't give it back until Monday! 91 00:03:37,671 --> 00:03:38,714 Of course. Okay. 92 00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:40,090 For real? Pipe it! 93 00:03:40,131 --> 00:03:42,426 And I need to stay with you this weekend. 94 00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:44,803 Not just stay with you, I need to be on lockdown. 95 00:03:44,845 --> 00:03:47,890 You were a pillhead, so think of Blade as Adderall. 96 00:03:47,932 --> 00:03:49,683 And handcuff me to the radiator 97 00:03:49,725 --> 00:03:51,852 like a mother-flipping carny-banging werewolf. 98 00:03:51,894 --> 00:03:53,270 I got this. I got this. 99 00:03:53,311 --> 00:03:54,479 Our apartment has central heating, 100 00:03:54,521 --> 00:03:56,398 but I get the idea… Stay strong. 101 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,650 Man, I wonder how many women I've affected this way. 102 00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:04,949 Whoo whoo! 103 00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:07,659 All aboard the human being railway! 104 00:04:07,701 --> 00:04:09,703 Next stop, spo… 105 00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:10,996 I'll get to the point. 106 00:04:11,038 --> 00:04:12,539 I'd like your student Troy Barnes 107 00:04:12,581 --> 00:04:14,917 enrolled in the air conditioning repair program immediately. 108 00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:18,462 Oh, a wonderful opportunity for a young man of… 109 00:04:18,503 --> 00:04:20,047 Urban race. 110 00:04:20,089 --> 00:04:22,883 Yet try as I might, I'm unable to make him see it that way. 111 00:04:22,925 --> 00:04:25,886 I need you to change his mind. 112 00:04:25,928 --> 00:04:28,097 But if he's not interested, what can I do? 113 00:04:28,138 --> 00:04:30,432 Dean, have we forgotten that your school 114 00:04:30,474 --> 00:04:32,851 is under the AC Repair School's thumb? 115 00:04:32,893 --> 00:04:34,686 Uh, we have not. 116 00:04:34,728 --> 00:04:38,023 Then mine is not to tell you how to do what I want done. 117 00:04:38,065 --> 00:04:40,943 Mine is to want and to say my want. 118 00:04:42,069 --> 00:04:44,279 Yours is to know and to do. 119 00:04:44,321 --> 00:04:45,781 I know exactly what to do. 120 00:04:48,993 --> 00:04:53,831 Natalie, could you get me a, um, book on how to do things? 121 00:04:53,872 --> 00:04:55,791 You know what, just make me a scotch and soda. 122 00:04:55,833 --> 00:04:57,835 Make it yourself! I don't know how. 123 00:04:59,169 --> 00:05:00,879 I love Blade's special blade weapons. 124 00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:03,173 Yeah, see that sword? It has two blades. 125 00:05:03,214 --> 00:05:05,216 One blade is silver, the other blade is infused with garlic. 126 00:05:05,258 --> 00:05:07,344 I should check my messages. No. 127 00:05:07,385 --> 00:05:09,471 Guys, could we maybe watch a different movie 128 00:05:09,513 --> 00:05:11,682 or just stop saying that word six times per minute? 129 00:05:11,723 --> 00:05:13,017 What word? Blade. 130 00:05:13,058 --> 00:05:14,685 Oh, because of Britta's ex-boyfriend. 131 00:05:14,726 --> 00:05:16,770 Can you check my messages for me and tell me if he called? 132 00:05:16,812 --> 00:05:17,813 I don't think that's a good idea. 133 00:05:17,855 --> 00:05:19,106 What if my mother died? 134 00:05:19,148 --> 00:05:20,231 You guys are really talking over Blade. 135 00:05:21,358 --> 00:05:23,401 Not cool! Annie, subdue your guest. 136 00:05:23,443 --> 00:05:25,236 Annie, think for one second. 137 00:05:25,278 --> 00:05:27,865 You have my phone, and you're not even checking it. 138 00:05:27,906 --> 00:05:28,851 What if my mother is dying? 139 00:05:28,866 --> 00:05:30,325 This is junkie talk. 140 00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:31,576 You just wanna know where your phone's hidden. 141 00:05:31,618 --> 00:05:33,411 I just wanna know if my mother is dying. 142 00:05:33,453 --> 00:05:36,040 It's a simple yes or no. I'll cover my eyes. 143 00:05:36,081 --> 00:05:37,457 You go check my phone and say, 144 00:05:37,499 --> 00:05:38,834 "No, your mother isn't dying" 145 00:05:38,876 --> 00:05:40,585 or "Yes, your mother is dying," 146 00:05:40,627 --> 00:05:42,379 and then we go back to watching the film. 147 00:05:56,267 --> 00:05:57,811 Give it to me! 148 00:05:57,853 --> 00:05:59,771 That's right, Britta. It's a banana. 149 00:05:59,813 --> 00:06:02,357 Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet? 150 00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:04,818 Read the banana, Britta. 151 00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:06,904 "You are a lying junkie." 152 00:06:06,945 --> 00:06:08,530 I'm sure those words hurt. 153 00:06:08,572 --> 00:06:10,239 But you wouldn't be reading them if they weren't true. 154 00:06:10,824 --> 00:06:13,035 I am so weak. 155 00:06:14,912 --> 00:06:17,664 But we are not defined by our limitations. 156 00:06:17,706 --> 00:06:20,249 We are defined by our potentials. 157 00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:21,376 I have the potential to watch Blade. 158 00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:24,504 You two are bad friends! Bad. 159 00:06:24,546 --> 00:06:26,590 That's unfair. What about you guys? 160 00:06:26,631 --> 00:06:27,883 Okay, you don't like our movie, 161 00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:29,051 we can't say the word "Blade," 162 00:06:29,093 --> 00:06:30,468 there's phones in the refrigerator. 163 00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:31,929 Oops. 164 00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:34,014 Troy, Abed! Let me see if he called! 165 00:06:34,056 --> 00:06:36,433 I have a right to know! You're monsters! 166 00:06:36,474 --> 00:06:39,268 You're Hitlers! You're racist pedophiles! 167 00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:41,021 You're the opposites of batman! 168 00:06:41,063 --> 00:06:42,355 You don't know what that means. 169 00:06:42,397 --> 00:06:44,649 Gonna rip out your throats and eat your… 170 00:06:44,691 --> 00:06:46,317 Still think the lock was overkill? 171 00:06:46,359 --> 00:06:48,445 No. 172 00:06:48,486 --> 00:06:49,905 There's phones in the refrigerator. 173 00:06:49,947 --> 00:06:51,364 It's you. 174 00:06:59,790 --> 00:07:01,458 I need help reacting to something. 175 00:07:01,499 --> 00:07:02,626 Hi! 176 00:07:06,671 --> 00:07:08,799 Remember it's just a quick peek at Blade. 177 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,050 You tell anyone we did this, 178 00:07:10,092 --> 00:07:11,760 I will stop letting you do things with me 179 00:07:11,802 --> 00:07:13,595 I'm afraid to tell anyone about. 180 00:07:13,637 --> 00:07:15,472 Hey, I get it. You wanna take a look at Britta's ex-boyfriend. 181 00:07:15,513 --> 00:07:19,101 If you did it by yourself, you'd be weird. 182 00:07:19,143 --> 00:07:20,185 You're the only one that really understands me. 183 00:07:20,227 --> 00:07:21,213 Oh, funky. 184 00:07:21,228 --> 00:07:22,771 Ha! 185 00:07:22,813 --> 00:07:24,355 What, are you guys on a date? 186 00:07:24,397 --> 00:07:26,858 Pretty awkward. Look what Pierce won me. 187 00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:28,777 What is this? 188 00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:30,528 I decided to go outside the group for a best friend. 189 00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:32,197 And you couldn't do better than Chang? 190 00:07:32,239 --> 00:07:34,407 You take that back! He could do plenty better than me. 191 00:07:34,449 --> 00:07:36,160 I was the first to say yes. 192 00:07:36,201 --> 00:07:37,786 Well, have fun forcing life. 193 00:07:37,828 --> 00:07:38,912 We will. 194 00:07:40,164 --> 00:07:41,290 What do you wanna do next? 195 00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:42,707 Cotton candy? Russian roulette? 196 00:07:42,749 --> 00:07:44,501 What did you say? Cotton candy sounds great. 197 00:07:46,878 --> 00:07:48,379 Oh, thank you. 198 00:07:53,468 --> 00:07:55,262 That's it? Huh. 199 00:07:55,304 --> 00:07:57,347 Hmm. He's not as good-looking as you. 200 00:07:57,388 --> 00:07:58,849 I wasn't fishing for that. No, no, no. 201 00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:01,476 I offered it freely. Come on, I wanna go on a ride. 202 00:08:01,518 --> 00:08:02,560 This is a window for me. 203 00:08:02,602 --> 00:08:04,354 I spent my carnival years pregnant. 204 00:08:04,395 --> 00:08:06,731 Shirley, I'm not jealous. I just wanted to see what the deal was. 205 00:08:06,773 --> 00:08:08,942 Obviously the deal is he's a dirtball, 206 00:08:08,984 --> 00:08:11,028 Britta hates herself, voila. 207 00:08:11,069 --> 00:08:12,196 What do you wanna do? 208 00:08:12,237 --> 00:08:13,571 I'd like to go on a ride. 209 00:08:13,613 --> 00:08:14,948 Let's go shoot some ducks. 210 00:08:14,990 --> 00:08:16,366 Jeffrey! 211 00:08:17,575 --> 00:08:18,910 Eight of clubs. I win. 212 00:08:18,952 --> 00:08:20,996 Nice! 213 00:08:21,038 --> 00:08:22,998 How are you feeling? 214 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,374 Good. 215 00:08:24,415 --> 00:08:26,376 Great, actually. Thank you, Annie. 216 00:08:26,417 --> 00:08:27,836 I could've never done this without you. 217 00:08:27,878 --> 00:08:29,462 I'm glad to be able to help you. 218 00:08:29,504 --> 00:08:31,215 I want you to know… And I've never said these words… 219 00:08:31,256 --> 00:08:32,966 But I've always felt them. 220 00:08:33,008 --> 00:08:34,467 You're a sister to me. 221 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:37,179 Britta! 222 00:08:38,471 --> 00:08:39,597 Whoo! 223 00:08:40,891 --> 00:08:42,642 Hey, little sis, 224 00:08:42,684 --> 00:08:44,186 do you think you could trust me to have my phone back now? 225 00:08:44,228 --> 00:08:45,770 I've got my email on there, 226 00:08:45,812 --> 00:08:47,898 my calendar, homework assignments. 227 00:08:47,939 --> 00:08:49,482 I'm kinda screwed without it. 228 00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:52,194 You're not just manipulating me, right? 229 00:08:52,236 --> 00:08:54,696 Oh, because of… Oh, jeez. 230 00:08:54,738 --> 00:08:57,032 Yeah, whatever. That's over, Annie. 231 00:08:57,074 --> 00:08:58,325 Seriously. 232 00:08:58,367 --> 00:08:59,784 Okay, I have it right here. 233 00:09:01,036 --> 00:09:02,620 It's a gateway to further trust. 234 00:09:02,662 --> 00:09:03,997 Perfect. Thank you. 235 00:09:04,039 --> 00:09:06,583 Love the gateway. Honoring the gateway. 236 00:09:09,086 --> 00:09:11,004 I have to call my doctor for some results. 237 00:09:11,046 --> 00:09:13,382 Don't worry, I'm fine. It's just a little personal. 238 00:09:13,423 --> 00:09:16,551 You need privacy, sure thing. I'll check on you later. 239 00:09:16,593 --> 00:09:18,428 Bye. Thank you, sweetie. 240 00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,060 Boy, this guy doesn't give vampires 241 00:09:25,102 --> 00:09:26,561 a square inch of leeway. 242 00:09:26,603 --> 00:09:27,979 He's harsh. 243 00:09:30,732 --> 00:09:32,234 What's wrong, Annie? 244 00:09:32,276 --> 00:09:34,069 You came out of the bedroom smiling, 245 00:09:34,111 --> 00:09:36,071 and then your smile faded as you leaned against the door. 246 00:09:36,113 --> 00:09:37,572 I gave Britta her phone. 247 00:09:37,614 --> 00:09:38,990 You did? Why? 248 00:09:39,032 --> 00:09:41,659 She needs to feel trust to recover, or she'll relapse. 249 00:09:41,701 --> 00:09:43,536 She's gonna relapse because you gave her her phone. 250 00:09:43,578 --> 00:09:46,706 No, I secretly switched Blade's number in her phone to my number. 251 00:09:46,748 --> 00:09:48,208 So if she tries to get in touch with him, 252 00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:49,584 it'll come to me. That's diabolical. 253 00:09:49,626 --> 00:09:51,628 Yeah, you're just like Blade, man. 254 00:09:51,669 --> 00:09:52,879 Straight up. 255 00:09:52,921 --> 00:09:54,423 I just hope she can find the strength to… 256 00:09:56,841 --> 00:09:58,302 She's probably just telling him 257 00:09:58,343 --> 00:10:00,971 she's dying to feel the warmth of his… 258 00:10:01,012 --> 00:10:02,847 Are you kidding me? 259 00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:05,058 She said we were sisters. 260 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,684 I am so sad right now. 261 00:10:07,936 --> 00:10:10,814 And she is so codependent! 262 00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:12,983 And such a bad speller. 263 00:10:18,571 --> 00:10:20,657 Nice shootin'. Tough luck. 264 00:10:20,698 --> 00:10:23,243 Thanks. I'll go another round. 265 00:10:23,285 --> 00:10:25,745 There's room in our bed for three bears, right, honey? 266 00:10:25,787 --> 00:10:27,872 And then some, sugar. 267 00:10:27,914 --> 00:10:29,499 You're very nice for a man named… 268 00:10:29,540 --> 00:10:30,959 What'd you say it was? Blade? 269 00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:32,336 Yup. 270 00:10:32,377 --> 00:10:34,421 But that's a carnival name though, right? 271 00:10:34,463 --> 00:10:36,214 A nom de corn dog? 272 00:10:36,256 --> 00:10:37,966 Why would I have a carnival name? 273 00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:38,994 Your parents named you Blade? 274 00:10:39,009 --> 00:10:40,218 Apparently. 275 00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:43,180 Well, you seem okay with it. 276 00:10:43,221 --> 00:10:45,182 Not much to do about it. 277 00:10:45,223 --> 00:10:46,266 You could change it. 278 00:10:46,308 --> 00:10:49,478 To what? Templeton Ferrari III? 279 00:10:49,519 --> 00:10:50,728 Won't change how mustard tastes. 280 00:10:51,604 --> 00:10:52,897 I'll be right back. 281 00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:56,026 Huh. Won't change how mustard tastes. 282 00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,944 I get it. I see the appeal. 283 00:10:57,986 --> 00:11:00,030 He's relaxed, he's cool. 284 00:11:00,071 --> 00:11:01,198 Not as cool as you. 285 00:11:03,574 --> 00:11:06,036 Mr. Blade. I want three more rounds. 286 00:11:06,077 --> 00:11:07,371 Jeffrey! 287 00:11:07,412 --> 00:11:08,413 Not gonna change the way mustard tastes. 288 00:11:08,455 --> 00:11:10,207 Oh, and you're so cool, Shirley. 289 00:11:10,248 --> 00:11:11,500 Sometimes I am. 290 00:11:14,461 --> 00:11:15,920 How many times are they gonna do that? 291 00:11:15,962 --> 00:11:17,506 Aw, this is it, isn't it? 292 00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:18,882 We're becoming best friends. 293 00:11:18,923 --> 00:11:20,842 I think so. I think so. 294 00:11:32,561 --> 00:11:35,648 Oh, my God! One after the other! 295 00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:38,193 "I'm texting to tell you I'm not texting you anymore. 296 00:11:38,235 --> 00:11:40,362 "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. 297 00:11:40,404 --> 00:11:42,571 "Are you mad at me now? 298 00:11:42,613 --> 00:11:45,033 "Fine. I guess you don't wanna know our two-year-old." 299 00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:47,452 Can we please just put it under a stack of mattresses or something? 300 00:11:47,494 --> 00:11:48,912 I don't know. When is she gonna take a hint? 301 00:11:48,953 --> 00:11:51,081 Britta's attracted to unavailable men. 302 00:11:51,122 --> 00:11:52,874 Dean, why are you here? 303 00:11:52,916 --> 00:11:54,000 Ouch. 304 00:11:54,042 --> 00:11:56,961 Fine. Let's make him available. 305 00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:58,880 What are you doing? Ending this. 306 00:11:58,922 --> 00:12:00,798 "Leave me alone." 307 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,175 No! 308 00:12:02,217 --> 00:12:03,592 That's so much worse. 309 00:12:05,136 --> 00:12:06,595 See? She stopped. 310 00:12:12,185 --> 00:12:13,770 She's calling him? 311 00:12:13,811 --> 00:12:14,854 She was born in the '80s. 312 00:12:14,896 --> 00:12:16,440 She still uses her phone as a phone. 313 00:12:16,481 --> 00:12:18,191 Uh-oh. That's fine, it's fine. 314 00:12:18,233 --> 00:12:20,360 We just won't answer it. Won't it go to your voicemail? 315 00:12:23,113 --> 00:12:24,613 Hello? Blade? 316 00:12:33,039 --> 00:12:34,082 There you go. 317 00:12:34,124 --> 00:12:35,542 I don't know! 318 00:12:35,584 --> 00:12:38,295 Change your settings so it doesn't go to voicemail. 319 00:12:38,336 --> 00:12:40,046 Too late. 320 00:12:40,088 --> 00:12:42,631 You guys act like a carnival. Be a carnival. 321 00:12:42,673 --> 00:12:44,468 Now! 322 00:12:44,509 --> 00:12:46,677 Step right up! Ding, ding, ding! 323 00:12:46,719 --> 00:12:47,845 Get your popcorn here. 324 00:12:47,887 --> 00:12:50,639 Hello? Busy, babe. 325 00:12:50,681 --> 00:12:52,892 Blade, just wait. Wait, Bla… 326 00:12:53,977 --> 00:12:56,813 I told you not to call me at work! 327 00:12:58,189 --> 00:13:01,650 "I'm sorry, I forgot. Don't be mad at me." 328 00:13:01,692 --> 00:13:03,820 She's whipped by an imaginary douche. 329 00:13:03,861 --> 00:13:06,615 Hey, don't knock it till you try it. 330 00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,699 I got my fake bachelor's degree, 331 00:13:08,741 --> 00:13:10,535 and then I cheated on the LSAT. 332 00:13:10,577 --> 00:13:12,329 You're probably wondering, how do you cheat on the LSAT? 333 00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:13,955 How? 334 00:13:13,997 --> 00:13:15,582 A magician never reveals his secrets, my friend. 335 00:13:15,624 --> 00:13:16,665 Ah. 336 00:13:20,211 --> 00:13:22,172 Yeah! In your face! 337 00:13:22,213 --> 00:13:23,840 Good job. 338 00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:25,842 Uh, give me the big one! Yeah, that's the one. 339 00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:28,219 Yeah. 340 00:13:28,261 --> 00:13:29,678 Not too shabby, huh? 341 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,722 Yeah, you really did it, baby. 342 00:13:31,764 --> 00:13:34,601 So you dropped out of high school and joined the carnival. 343 00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:36,603 And 15 years later, here you are. 344 00:13:36,645 --> 00:13:38,355 Jeffrey! Guess that's about it. 345 00:13:38,396 --> 00:13:39,856 So what's the record? 346 00:13:39,897 --> 00:13:41,441 What's the best anyone's ever done in this booth? 347 00:13:41,483 --> 00:13:43,443 I guess eight ducks. 348 00:13:43,485 --> 00:13:45,236 All right, one more round. One more round. 349 00:13:45,278 --> 00:13:47,155 Jeff? Honey? 350 00:13:47,197 --> 00:13:48,739 Will you excuse us just for a moment, please? 351 00:13:48,781 --> 00:13:50,699 Certainly. Can you get over here? 352 00:13:54,037 --> 00:13:56,456 What is your end game here? I don't know. 353 00:13:56,498 --> 00:13:58,458 I wanna know. Wanna know what? 354 00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:00,709 I wanna know what drove Britta crazy about him. 355 00:14:00,751 --> 00:14:02,795 Are you jealous? Are you in love with Britta? 356 00:14:02,837 --> 00:14:04,589 No, I am not in love with Britta. 357 00:14:04,631 --> 00:14:07,008 And yes, I'm insanely jealous of him. What's his secret? 358 00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:09,344 Why do you wanna know the secret to making a woman psycho? 359 00:14:09,386 --> 00:14:10,761 Why do we wanna know how to blow up the Earth 360 00:14:10,803 --> 00:14:12,681 or grow a human ear on a mouse? 361 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,641 In case we have to, Shirley. 362 00:14:14,683 --> 00:14:16,059 In case we have to. 363 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,935 I'm going to find Pierce. 364 00:14:17,977 --> 00:14:19,396 Good! 365 00:14:19,437 --> 00:14:21,481 One of those bears is mine! 366 00:14:21,523 --> 00:14:23,650 So this is best friendship. 367 00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,360 Something else, isn't it? 368 00:14:25,402 --> 00:14:26,777 How do we keep it going? 369 00:14:26,819 --> 00:14:28,446 How do we know we won't get into a fight? 370 00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:29,989 I say we just let it happen. 371 00:14:30,031 --> 00:14:31,782 Don't tell me what to do! 372 00:14:31,824 --> 00:14:33,201 What's your problem? What's yours? 373 00:14:33,243 --> 00:14:34,785 I'm outta here! 374 00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:09,613 Blade, 'sup? Message. 375 00:15:09,654 --> 00:15:12,616 Okay. We can stop worrying about voicemail now. 376 00:15:12,657 --> 00:15:14,409 Back to the matter at hand. 377 00:15:14,451 --> 00:15:15,744 Now what are you doing? 378 00:15:15,785 --> 00:15:18,037 Dean, why are you here? Yikes. 379 00:15:18,079 --> 00:15:20,457 I figured it out. I know exactly what to do. 380 00:15:20,498 --> 00:15:23,460 I'm just gonna be really, really, really mean to her. 381 00:15:23,501 --> 00:15:24,753 Uh. 382 00:15:24,794 --> 00:15:25,962 What don't you get about the concept? 383 00:15:26,003 --> 00:15:29,006 Britta likes guys who are mean to her. 384 00:15:29,048 --> 00:15:31,050 She doesn't like herself. 385 00:15:31,092 --> 00:15:32,802 Give me the phone. 386 00:15:40,101 --> 00:15:42,312 What did you say? Something nice. 387 00:15:42,353 --> 00:15:44,105 Don't worry about it. 388 00:15:44,147 --> 00:15:45,982 I'm deleting it from your phone. 389 00:15:48,693 --> 00:15:50,903 Hi. What's up? 390 00:15:50,945 --> 00:15:52,280 You guys still watching movies? 391 00:15:56,117 --> 00:15:57,452 Hi, Dean. Why are you here? 392 00:15:57,494 --> 00:15:59,412 Hi, Britta. And ouch. 393 00:15:59,454 --> 00:16:01,205 And you don't know anything about carpentry. 394 00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:02,582 Nope. Or aquariums… 395 00:16:02,624 --> 00:16:04,000 Freshwater or saltwater. 396 00:16:04,041 --> 00:16:06,419 Do you have a big weiner? Nope. 397 00:16:06,461 --> 00:16:07,962 I don't get it, Blade! 398 00:16:08,004 --> 00:16:11,048 What's your secret? Why do I wanna impress you? 399 00:16:11,090 --> 00:16:15,011 Are you dumb or smart? Are you a loser or winner? 400 00:16:15,052 --> 00:16:16,680 Or are you just a human mirror? 401 00:16:16,721 --> 00:16:19,265 Do we all see what we wanna see in you? 402 00:16:19,307 --> 00:16:21,434 A magician never reveals, right? 403 00:16:23,102 --> 00:16:24,187 Right. 404 00:16:25,647 --> 00:16:26,856 Later. 405 00:16:28,566 --> 00:16:31,152 Okay. 406 00:16:31,194 --> 00:16:34,614 You dropped over 300 bucks on my booth, so I'll tell ya. 407 00:16:35,365 --> 00:16:36,741 You wanna know my secret? 408 00:16:37,534 --> 00:16:38,827 Yes. 409 00:16:40,161 --> 00:16:41,579 Yes, I do. 410 00:16:47,126 --> 00:16:48,127 What are you doing? 411 00:16:48,169 --> 00:16:49,796 I wanna know. 412 00:16:49,838 --> 00:16:51,881 Okay, I'm sorry. 413 00:16:51,922 --> 00:16:54,843 I was texting with Blade, but it's over now. 414 00:16:54,884 --> 00:16:56,720 He's a loser. 415 00:17:00,139 --> 00:17:01,349 Good night. 416 00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:04,519 Uh, uh, uh… Troy! 417 00:17:04,561 --> 00:17:07,605 You should really join the air conditioning repair program. 418 00:17:07,647 --> 00:17:09,399 No. Well, that didn't work. 419 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,901 That's what I get for improvising. Good night. 420 00:17:14,529 --> 00:17:18,115 So I don't get it. He's a vampire, but he can walk around during the day? 421 00:17:18,157 --> 00:17:22,203 What is wrong with you? Huh? 422 00:17:22,245 --> 00:17:24,789 You weren't texting Blade, you were texting us. 423 00:17:24,831 --> 00:17:26,750 I switched Blade's number in your phone to mine. 424 00:17:26,791 --> 00:17:29,419 You tricked me? You tricked me! 425 00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:32,004 You ask for my help, you tell me I'm your sister, 426 00:17:32,046 --> 00:17:35,299 I do everything I can to make you hate this turd, 427 00:17:35,341 --> 00:17:38,469 and the first nice thing he says, and you're over him? 428 00:17:38,511 --> 00:17:40,889 Who hurt you? 429 00:17:40,930 --> 00:17:42,640 And why didn't it stick? 430 00:17:42,682 --> 00:17:45,476 I was texting with you guys this whole time? 431 00:17:46,811 --> 00:17:50,440 So Blade isn't a loser! 432 00:17:50,481 --> 00:17:52,692 Uh-oh. No, let her go. 433 00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:54,277 Lost cause, man. 434 00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:57,864 Jeff! What are you doing here? 435 00:17:57,906 --> 00:18:00,533 I just got back from the carnival, where I met Blade. 436 00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:01,477 Is he okay? How is he? 437 00:18:01,492 --> 00:18:02,827 He's brain damaged. 438 00:18:02,869 --> 00:18:04,495 Well, let's not be petty. No, I'm serious. 439 00:18:04,537 --> 00:18:05,872 He showed me the scar. 440 00:18:05,914 --> 00:18:08,165 Ten years ago, before he even met you, 441 00:18:08,207 --> 00:18:10,209 a loose bolt flew off a Ferris wheel 442 00:18:10,251 --> 00:18:12,044 and imbedded in his skull, 443 00:18:12,086 --> 00:18:17,216 destroying the part of his brain that feels shame. 444 00:18:17,258 --> 00:18:20,553 He's basically irresistible to people for the same reason 445 00:18:20,595 --> 00:18:23,932 he can pretty much only work at a carnival. 446 00:18:23,973 --> 00:18:26,476 He has nothing to prove or disprove 447 00:18:26,517 --> 00:18:28,686 about himself or to himself. 448 00:18:29,437 --> 00:18:30,688 He has no shame. 449 00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:32,148 Why wouldn't he have told me that? 450 00:18:32,189 --> 00:18:33,733 Because he didn't care if you knew. 451 00:18:33,775 --> 00:18:35,902 That is so like him. 452 00:18:35,944 --> 00:18:38,905 I have to go to him. No, woman. 453 00:18:38,947 --> 00:18:41,991 None of us have to "go to" anyone. 454 00:18:42,032 --> 00:18:43,827 And the idea we do is a mental illness 455 00:18:43,868 --> 00:18:46,871 we contracted from breath mint commercials and Sandra Bullock. 456 00:18:46,913 --> 00:18:48,915 We can't keep going to each other 457 00:18:48,957 --> 00:18:53,294 until we learn to go to ourselves. 458 00:18:53,336 --> 00:18:56,673 Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else's job 459 00:18:56,714 --> 00:18:59,425 and just stop hating ourselves. 460 00:19:07,934 --> 00:19:10,311 Annie, I want you to take my phone. 461 00:19:10,353 --> 00:19:11,896 Do not let me call Chang. 462 00:19:11,938 --> 00:19:14,315 I'm locking myself in your room. 463 00:19:16,943 --> 00:19:18,277 What are you guys doing out here? 464 00:19:18,319 --> 00:19:19,988 Self-actualizing. 465 00:19:20,029 --> 00:19:21,531 Well, it's loud. 466 00:19:21,572 --> 00:19:22,572 Come watch Blade. 467 00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:25,034 Okay. 468 00:19:58,818 --> 00:20:01,029 This movie is fantastic. 469 00:20:05,992 --> 00:20:07,660 Ah. 470 00:20:07,702 --> 00:20:09,245 Y'all ever notice that cold spot in the hallway? 471 00:20:09,286 --> 00:20:12,582 Oh, yeah! That thing is freezing! 472 00:20:12,623 --> 00:20:14,667 You know what could learn a lesson from that cold spot? 473 00:20:14,709 --> 00:20:16,711 The air conditioning unit in my living room. 474 00:20:18,421 --> 00:20:20,924 Ladies and gentlemen, so yesterday, typical Sunday. 475 00:20:20,965 --> 00:20:22,383 I was hanging out in my Dreamatorium. 476 00:20:22,425 --> 00:20:23,718 Whoo! 477 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,219 This ever happen to you guys? 478 00:20:25,261 --> 00:20:27,179 I couldn't remember where I imagined the door. 479 00:20:27,221 --> 00:20:29,139 Then I realized 480 00:20:29,181 --> 00:20:31,475 I was in an actual bathroom. 481 00:20:34,062 --> 00:20:35,772 Uh, no offense, but this material 482 00:20:35,813 --> 00:20:37,607 seems pretty specific to your apartment. 483 00:20:37,648 --> 00:20:39,776 I don't think it'll work at an open mic. 484 00:20:45,656 --> 00:20:46,950 Y'all ever notice the difference 485 00:20:46,991 --> 00:20:49,077 between me and Troy brushing our teeth? 486 00:20:49,118 --> 00:20:52,162 I brush my teeth like this. 487 00:20:52,204 --> 00:20:54,624 Troy brushes his teeth like this. 488 00:20:55,291 --> 00:20:57,126 I do! 489 00:20:57,167 --> 00:20:59,503 I do! I brush my teeth just like that. 490 00:20:59,545 --> 00:21:01,047 Now you know what I'm gonna talk about next. 491 00:21:01,089 --> 00:21:02,590 Toaster oven! Toaster oven! 492 00:21:02,632 --> 00:21:03,632 It's from his album.