1
00:00:05,402 --> 00:00:07,445
"Between two groups of people

2
00:00:07,445 --> 00:00:10,323
"who want to make inconsistent
kinds of worlds,

3
00:00:10,323 --> 00:00:12,743
I see no remedy but force."

4
00:00:12,743 --> 00:00:14,536
Oliver Wendell Holmes.

5
00:00:17,039 --> 00:00:19,791
There was a point
where all I saw were feathers.

6
00:00:19,791 --> 00:00:21,793
Then I started swinging.

7
00:00:21,793 --> 00:00:25,296
And then I hit something
and heard someone fall.

8
00:00:27,049 --> 00:00:29,259
Could've been somebody
from my side.

9
00:00:30,802 --> 00:00:33,638
In 2012,
Greendale Community College

10
00:00:33,638 --> 00:00:36,349
was the site of the largest
and longest pillow fight

11
00:00:36,349 --> 00:00:38,143
in community college history.

12
00:00:38,143 --> 00:00:40,979
It shaped and scarred
the landscape of their campus

13
00:00:40,979 --> 00:00:43,815
and forever changed the lives
of those involved.

14
00:00:45,274 --> 00:00:47,152
A health-care administration
student

15
00:00:47,152 --> 00:00:49,529
who turned a storage room
into a sanctuary

16
00:00:49,529 --> 00:00:51,489
for soldiers
with broken glasses

17
00:00:51,489 --> 00:00:53,700
and lightly grazed testicles.

18
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:56,245
A high school dropout
and amateur photographer

19
00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:58,080
whose borrowed camera captured

20
00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:03,043
some of the war's blurriest,
most poorly framed moments.

21
00:01:03,043 --> 00:01:04,836
A disgraced former lawyer

22
00:01:04,836 --> 00:01:07,214
whose words would inspire
tens of students

23
00:01:07,214 --> 00:01:08,924
to take up pillows and fight,

24
00:01:08,924 --> 00:01:12,219
most likely to avoid
an upcoming test.

25
00:01:12,219 --> 00:01:15,513
A loving wife and mother who
would prove to be as skilled

26
00:01:15,513 --> 00:01:19,309
at kicking asses
as she was at wiping them.

27
00:01:19,309 --> 00:01:22,187
The dried-up heir
to a moist towelette empire

28
00:01:22,187 --> 00:01:23,814
who would prove to be

29
00:01:23,814 --> 00:01:26,900
the dried-up heir
to a moist towelette empire.

30
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:28,693
The sensitive
high school quarterback

31
00:01:28,693 --> 00:01:31,529
who became commander-in-chief
of his own army.

32
00:01:31,529 --> 00:01:33,073
He would later say of the war,

33
00:01:33,073 --> 00:01:36,576
"It was awesome,
but also, it wasn't."

34
00:01:36,576 --> 00:01:39,288
And his socially dysfunctional
best friend

35
00:01:39,288 --> 00:01:40,998
turned bitter rival,

36
00:01:40,998 --> 00:01:44,042
an uncompromising tactical
mastermind feared by all,

37
00:01:44,042 --> 00:01:46,044
yet unable
to pay parking tickets

38
00:01:46,044 --> 00:01:47,504
or know left from right

39
00:01:47,504 --> 00:01:49,589
without mouthing
the Pledge of Allegiance.

40
00:01:49,589 --> 00:01:51,300
The rift in their friendship

41
00:01:51,300 --> 00:01:54,261
would carry the school into
a conflict lasting days,

42
00:01:54,261 --> 00:01:55,720
costing hundreds of dollars

43
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,682
and resulting
in over 12 transfers.

44
00:01:58,682 --> 00:02:00,851
There are people who say,

45
00:02:00,851 --> 00:02:04,188
"I don't get it.
So it was a pillow fight."

46
00:02:04,188 --> 00:02:08,525
To which I say:
"You weren't there."

47
00:02:12,487 --> 00:02:15,032
Jeffrey, you have to come
mediate Troy and Abed.

48
00:02:15,032 --> 00:02:16,407
They look up to you.

49
00:02:16,407 --> 00:02:18,910
What's with the film crew?
Don't worry.

50
00:02:18,910 --> 00:02:21,079
If there's one thing
I've learned at this place,

51
00:02:21,079 --> 00:02:22,789
it's that a film crew
means disaster.

52
00:02:22,789 --> 00:02:25,876
They are here to document
Greendale's Guinness Record,

53
00:02:25,876 --> 00:02:28,086
which you are
gonna make sure we get

54
00:02:28,086 --> 00:02:29,587
by talking to Troy and Abed.

55
00:02:29,587 --> 00:02:32,132
This is your fault.
No.

56
00:02:32,132 --> 00:02:33,383
Your fault.
Your fault.

57
00:02:33,383 --> 00:02:35,552
Okay, I've got
good news for you.

58
00:02:35,552 --> 00:02:39,014
Neither of you has to apologize,
what you're doing is ridiculous.

59
00:02:39,014 --> 00:02:40,640
So here's the solution
I'm pitching:

60
00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,768
I'm giving you two
imaginary friendship hats

61
00:02:43,768 --> 00:02:47,314
that automatically make you
friends again. Are we done?

62
00:02:47,314 --> 00:02:49,983
Jeff, this matter's a little
more serious than that.

63
00:02:49,983 --> 00:02:53,070
No, it's not. You're children
acting like grown-ups.

64
00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:55,364
Fine. Don't pretend
it's anything but that.

65
00:02:56,614 --> 00:02:58,616
Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir,

66
00:02:58,616 --> 00:03:00,952
friends so close,
they once graced the cover

67
00:03:00,952 --> 00:03:05,165
of Friends Weekly, a pretend
magazine of their own design.

68
00:03:05,165 --> 00:03:06,917
Earlier that day,

69
00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:09,418
they begin construction
on a fort made of pillows.

70
00:03:09,418 --> 00:03:12,047
Its name: New Fluffytown.

71
00:03:12,047 --> 00:03:15,342
Its goal: to be a newer,
fluffier town than Fluffytown,

72
00:03:15,342 --> 00:03:17,886
their blanket fort
from the previous year.

73
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,889
New Fluffytown
didn't care who you were.

74
00:03:20,889 --> 00:03:24,768
You were surrounded by
softness.

75
00:03:24,768 --> 00:03:27,645
It's just like
crawling through a hug.

76
00:03:27,645 --> 00:03:33,693
Well, I guess all hugs
have to come to an end.

77
00:03:33,693 --> 00:03:36,571
When an opportunity arises
for a world record,

78
00:03:36,571 --> 00:03:38,489
it creates a rift.

79
00:03:38,489 --> 00:03:40,409
Troy wants to
go for the record,

80
00:03:40,409 --> 00:03:43,120
using blankets
for rapid expansion.

81
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,080
Abed insists on pillows,

82
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:47,457
declaring world records
to be dumb.

83
00:03:47,457 --> 00:03:49,584
Troy declares
the declaration lame,

84
00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:52,879
stating that thinking records
are dumb is stupid.

85
00:03:52,879 --> 00:03:55,132
He secedes from New Fluffytown

86
00:03:55,132 --> 00:03:57,259
and begins constructing
Blanketsburg

87
00:03:57,259 --> 00:03:58,551
on the other side of campus.

88
00:03:58,551 --> 00:04:00,804
Abed renames his fort
Pillowtown

89
00:04:00,804 --> 00:04:02,680
for the sake of
conceptual symmetry.

90
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:07,227
Both forts expand until both
are in each other's way.

91
00:04:07,227 --> 00:04:09,313
Study Room F, 3 p.m.,

92
00:04:09,313 --> 00:04:11,273
things reach
their boiling point.

93
00:04:11,273 --> 00:04:12,899
You stand back.

94
00:04:12,899 --> 00:04:15,193
Watch it, Star-Burns.
My name is Alex!

95
00:04:16,569 --> 00:04:18,238
A softly lobbed,

96
00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:21,158
hypoallergenic Sealy Select
in a floral print case

97
00:04:21,158 --> 00:04:23,410
collides with a load-bearing
broomstick,

98
00:04:23,410 --> 00:04:26,871
collapsing a queen-sized
section of blanket fort.

99
00:04:26,871 --> 00:04:28,832
You saw that?
They knocked it down.

100
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:34,338
Star-Burns, go.
Excuse me, please.

101
00:04:34,338 --> 00:04:37,590
Hold. Hold.
Jeffrey. Jeffrey, find me.

102
00:04:37,590 --> 00:04:38,842
Get back.
Jeffrey!

103
00:04:38,842 --> 00:04:40,260
It was later named

104
00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:42,346
the Study Room Kerfuffle.

105
00:04:42,346 --> 00:04:43,721
Protect Pillowtown.

106
00:04:43,721 --> 00:04:45,390
Jeffrey. You're not mediating.

107
00:04:45,390 --> 00:04:47,309
Dean, what do you want me
to say, huh?

108
00:04:47,309 --> 00:04:49,019
Some conflicts
are so pointless,

109
00:04:49,019 --> 00:04:50,728
they have to
play themselves out.

110
00:04:50,728 --> 00:04:53,606
Fine. The Legit Republic
of Blanketsburg

111
00:04:53,606 --> 00:04:55,233
says Pillowtown
has until midnight

112
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:56,985
to surrender its territory.

113
00:04:56,985 --> 00:04:59,363
The United Forts of Pillowtown
declines the request.

114
00:04:59,363 --> 00:05:01,239
It's not a request.

115
00:05:01,239 --> 00:05:04,326
I'm giving you an "all tomato."
You give me the whole tomato

116
00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:06,911
or else.
Or else what?

117
00:05:09,539 --> 00:05:10,874
See you at midnight.

118
00:05:10,874 --> 00:05:12,292
Oh, my God.

119
00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:16,880
Do people go to classes?

120
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,049
The deadline divides
friendships,

121
00:05:19,049 --> 00:05:20,884
families, even study groups.

122
00:05:20,884 --> 00:05:22,969
Pierce Hawthorne
takes Troy's side,

123
00:05:22,969 --> 00:05:25,805
citing that Abed is weirder
and more foreign.

124
00:05:25,805 --> 00:05:27,807
Shirley Bennett decides
her allegiance

125
00:05:27,807 --> 00:05:29,976
in a text message
to her husband.

126
00:05:38,943 --> 00:05:42,239
Troy appoints Shirley Bennett
as his second-in-command,

127
00:05:42,239 --> 00:05:45,367
at which point
Pierce switches to Abed's side.

128
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,245
There were those who thought
midnight might come and go.

129
00:05:48,245 --> 00:05:51,664
Nothing would happen. Heh.
Well, I was in Korea.

130
00:05:51,664 --> 00:05:56,627
And I knew the sound of crap
about to hit the fan.

131
00:05:56,627 --> 00:05:58,880
You know what it sounded like?

132
00:06:01,758 --> 00:06:03,176
That's right, Jackson.

133
00:06:04,052 --> 00:06:05,303
Silence.

134
00:06:05,303 --> 00:06:06,721
Midnight comes,

135
00:06:06,721 --> 00:06:08,765
and a campus holds its breath.

136
00:06:08,765 --> 00:06:10,892
There's a lot of blanket
stackers

137
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,770
and pillow packers
thinking it's gonna go down.

138
00:06:13,770 --> 00:06:15,063
But there's a lot of us folks

139
00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:17,190
from the scene
in between saying:

140
00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:18,733
"Hey,
we're looking to chill out,

141
00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:20,360
and lay down
with someone special."

142
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,238
This is Real Neil
with pipes of steel,

143
00:06:23,238 --> 00:06:26,575
signing off with the smooth
sounds of "Daybreak."

144
00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:33,123
I gotta get this on film.

145
00:06:33,123 --> 00:06:35,750
I'm straight trouncing Spaz
in Go Fish.

146
00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:38,378
What are you doing?
Don't record this.

147
00:06:38,378 --> 00:06:40,213
Hey, come on.
Wait, did you hear that?

148
00:06:41,548 --> 00:06:43,632
Oh, my God.
What the hell is that?

149
00:06:43,632 --> 00:06:45,927
12:07 a.m.,

150
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:48,637
Blanketsburg soldiers charge a
pillow fort in the library.

151
00:06:48,637 --> 00:06:51,266
The Pillowtonians move quickly
to defend.

152
00:06:51,266 --> 00:06:53,726
There were no rules in that
first battle.

153
00:06:53,726 --> 00:06:55,644
You hit someone,
and if they went down,

154
00:06:55,644 --> 00:06:57,606
you stop hitting them.

155
00:06:57,606 --> 00:07:01,610
Call that common courtesy.
Then what if they get up?

156
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:05,405
Do you maybe keep hitting them
till they learn to stay down?

157
00:07:05,405 --> 00:07:07,115
We call that common sense.

158
00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:11,495
The battle lasts six minutes.

159
00:07:11,495 --> 00:07:13,746
No territory changes hands.

160
00:07:13,746 --> 00:07:15,832
Blanketsburg
has drawn first blood.

161
00:07:15,832 --> 00:07:18,876
Pillowtown will draw
First Blood, Part II.

162
00:07:18,876 --> 00:07:22,755
Citizens of Blanketsburg,

163
00:07:22,755 --> 00:07:26,759
I ask you now
to prepare for war.

164
00:07:26,759 --> 00:07:31,139
And I ask Garrett to please fix
the microphone on my laptop.

165
00:07:31,139 --> 00:07:33,141
It's doing that thing again.

166
00:07:36,186 --> 00:07:38,021
The United Forts of Pillowtown

167
00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:40,940
and the Legit Republic
of Blanketsburg are at war.

168
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:45,403
Each side attempting to kick
down and replace the other.

169
00:07:45,403 --> 00:07:47,155
The unmoving line
between them

170
00:07:47,155 --> 00:07:49,824
is a campus-wide,
fleece-laden strip

171
00:07:49,824 --> 00:07:53,036
of pillow-to-pillow combat.

172
00:07:53,036 --> 00:07:54,663
Britta Perry attempts
to capture

173
00:07:54,663 --> 00:07:58,249
the war's sublime indignities
on film.

174
00:07:58,249 --> 00:08:01,794
Unfortunately for Britta
and photographers like her,

175
00:08:01,794 --> 00:08:03,921
just because something
is in black and white

176
00:08:03,921 --> 00:08:06,299
doesn't mean it's good.

177
00:08:06,299 --> 00:08:10,136
Rules are agreed upon,
but casualties are inevitable.

178
00:08:11,555 --> 00:08:12,889
Outside the science lab,

179
00:08:12,889 --> 00:08:14,849
at the Battle
of Big Bulletin Board,

180
00:08:14,849 --> 00:08:18,186
Pierce Hawthorne suffers
broken glasses, a hurt finger

181
00:08:18,186 --> 00:08:19,770
and erectile dysfunction.

182
00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:21,314
Which, in his words,

183
00:08:21,314 --> 00:08:24,067
had never happened
ever before that battle.

184
00:08:24,067 --> 00:08:28,405
Pillows, but no sleep
Feathers, but no birds

185
00:08:28,405 --> 00:08:32,116
Pajamas without children
Violence without purpose

186
00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:35,203
I saw Mommy kissing Exxon Mobil

187
00:08:35,203 --> 00:08:39,624
Amanda Johnson. Poet by choice,
lesbian by birth.

188
00:08:39,624 --> 00:08:43,127
Even Jeff Winger, who, before
the war, lacked interest,

189
00:08:43,127 --> 00:08:45,338
has now found a leading role.

190
00:08:45,338 --> 00:08:47,340
Soldiers of Blanketsburg,

191
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:50,385
we fight not because
we want war.

192
00:08:50,385 --> 00:08:53,346
We fight that
we might gain peace.

193
00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:55,599
Yeah!
Winger's critics suggest

194
00:08:55,599 --> 00:08:58,976
he merely improvised
hot-button patriotic dogma

195
00:08:58,976 --> 00:09:02,813
in a Ferris Buellerian attempt
to delay schoolwork.

196
00:09:02,813 --> 00:09:05,233
Winger decries the accusation
as, quote:

197
00:09:05,233 --> 00:09:08,778
"A slanderous betrayal
akin to 9/11," unquote.

198
00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,614
Later, after the war,

199
00:09:10,614 --> 00:09:13,700
he would refer to the theory
as essentially accurate.

200
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,201
Annie Edison provides

201
00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:17,537
humanitarian relief
for both sides.

202
00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:20,915
Her text conversations with
Jeff Winger give us a glimpse

203
00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:22,333
beneath the cushions of war

204
00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:24,835
to the lost pennies
and grody Q-tips

205
00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:26,671
of war's emotional toll.

206
00:09:28,423 --> 00:09:30,425
Jeff, heard from
one of Troy's soldiers

207
00:09:30,425 --> 00:09:32,885
about a speech you gave
to troops at the fort.

208
00:09:32,885 --> 00:09:34,512
Wish this war could be over,

209
00:09:34,512 --> 00:09:36,514
but proud of you
for taking a stance.

210
00:09:36,514 --> 00:09:39,267
Text message, Annie Edison.

211
00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:42,103
Thank you, Annie. I'm proud of
you too, and of us all.

212
00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:43,813
Also wish
the nightmare would end,

213
00:09:43,813 --> 00:09:45,898
using what I'm given
to give what I can.

214
00:09:45,898 --> 00:09:47,817
Jeff Winger.
Jeff,

215
00:09:47,817 --> 00:09:49,778
just heard from one of Abed's
soldiers that you gave

216
00:09:49,778 --> 00:09:51,696
an identical speech to troops
at Pillowtown.

217
00:09:51,696 --> 00:09:54,658
W-T-F? Sad face. Special icon
of a downward thumb.

218
00:09:54,658 --> 00:09:58,202
Annie, okay, you caught me.
I prefer war to homework.

219
00:09:58,202 --> 00:09:59,954
How do you do
that little thumb icon?

220
00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:02,749
I can't find it on my phone.
Jeff Winger.

221
00:10:08,921 --> 00:10:10,965
Piece of sushi,
birthday cake, stop sign,

222
00:10:10,965 --> 00:10:13,176
snowman, umbrella.
Annie Edison.

223
00:10:13,176 --> 00:10:14,844
Pierce Hawthorne,

224
00:10:14,844 --> 00:10:17,221
humiliated in the Battle
of Big Bulletin Board,

225
00:10:17,221 --> 00:10:19,265
wants a chance
to redeem himself.

226
00:10:19,265 --> 00:10:21,810
I've been working on something.
Look at this.

227
00:10:23,603 --> 00:10:25,104
You can build this?

228
00:10:25,104 --> 00:10:27,857
If you'd just give me
the pillows.

229
00:10:27,857 --> 00:10:29,400
I hope to God
we'll never have to use it.

230
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,402
Oh, me too.

231
00:10:31,402 --> 00:10:33,946
Rumors of Hawthorne's weapon
find their way to Troy.

232
00:10:33,946 --> 00:10:37,617
Troy Barnes will take no
chances. He turns to Ben Chang,

233
00:10:37,617 --> 00:10:39,202
Greendale's chief of security,

234
00:10:39,202 --> 00:10:42,079
rumored to be literally
psychotic,

235
00:10:42,079 --> 00:10:45,041
and who has been kept on the
sidelines until this moment.

236
00:10:46,626 --> 00:10:48,961
Attack!

237
00:10:55,426 --> 00:10:59,597
Chang has recruited an army
of preteen security interns

238
00:10:59,597 --> 00:11:01,850
while moonlighting
at a local bar mitzvah.

239
00:11:01,850 --> 00:11:05,395
They were later nicknamed
The Changlourious Basterds,

240
00:11:05,395 --> 00:11:10,191
like Inglourious Baste
but with Chang instead of "In."

241
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,651
I don't get it either.

242
00:11:11,651 --> 00:11:13,570
Most of the soldiers in this war

243
00:11:13,570 --> 00:11:16,072
hadn't fought with
a pillow in years.

244
00:11:16,072 --> 00:11:18,074
These little bastards,

245
00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:20,076
pillow fighting
was a way of life for them.

246
00:11:20,076 --> 00:11:22,203
One of the injured
said they were making

247
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,747
necklaces out of mattress tags.

248
00:11:23,747 --> 00:11:26,750
Things get as
ugly as they can get

249
00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:29,001
while still being
a pillow fight.

250
00:11:29,001 --> 00:11:31,087
Crazy war, huh?

251
00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:33,256
I heard Chang's kids
are really ducking stuff up.

252
00:11:33,256 --> 00:11:35,425
Hey, check it out.
I downloaded that thing.

253
00:11:35,425 --> 00:11:38,219
Birthday cake, birthday cake,
unicorn, woman's shoe.

254
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:41,556
How's the nurse thing going?
No response.

255
00:11:43,099 --> 00:11:45,226
You like pillows?
How do you like these pillows?

256
00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:47,936
The Changlourious Basterds
have turned the war

257
00:11:47,936 --> 00:11:51,315
into a chaotic sea
of high-thread-count terror.

258
00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:53,443
Under advice
from his top general,

259
00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:56,905
Abed sees no choice but to
unleash his doomsday device.

260
00:12:02,326 --> 00:12:05,162
You're gonna die,
you little bastards!

261
00:12:05,162 --> 00:12:06,997
What the heck is that?

262
00:12:06,997 --> 00:12:11,544
He is part-man, part-pillow,
all carnage.

263
00:12:13,337 --> 00:12:15,840
Pierce Hawthorne
has transformed himself

264
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,967
into an unstoppably plush
juggernaut.

265
00:12:18,967 --> 00:12:21,178
Guys, guys, just retreat.
Go, go!

266
00:12:21,178 --> 00:12:23,848
The war won't stop
with First Blood, Part II.

267
00:12:23,848 --> 00:12:25,642
It will escalate to Rambo III.

268
00:12:25,642 --> 00:12:28,269
Which should be called Rambo
First Blood, Part III.

269
00:12:28,269 --> 00:12:30,647
But the Rambo titles
never made sense.

270
00:12:30,647 --> 00:12:32,106
And neither does war.

271
00:12:32,106 --> 00:12:35,526
Abed Nadir,
Facebook status update.

272
00:12:35,526 --> 00:12:37,695
Leonard likes this post.

273
00:12:46,788 --> 00:12:49,081
Why are you ignoring me?
What's the point?

274
00:12:49,081 --> 00:12:50,625
Words don't mean anything.

275
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:52,710
They're things you say
to get what you want.

276
00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:55,045
Well, that's
what conversation is, Annie.

277
00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:56,881
People saying things
to get stuff.

278
00:12:56,881 --> 00:12:59,592
Then maybe
you should just shut up.

279
00:12:59,592 --> 00:13:02,595
Do you ever just write stuff
down in a journal, Jeff?

280
00:13:02,595 --> 00:13:05,222
One you don't show people
or use to get anything with?

281
00:13:05,222 --> 00:13:08,392
A place that's just for you
to sort out the truth?

282
00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:10,311
If I write stuff down
in a Hello Kitty book,

283
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,229
will you like me again?

284
00:13:13,439 --> 00:13:15,692
I'm taking that as yes.

285
00:13:15,692 --> 00:13:18,026
The war brings out the worst
in people.

286
00:13:18,026 --> 00:13:21,447
Worse yet, Troy's forces
intercept an e-mail

287
00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:23,616
written by Abed
to his commanders,

288
00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:25,660
outlining Troy's weaknesses.

289
00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:31,374
He gets distracted
by loud noises,

290
00:13:31,374 --> 00:13:33,250
the color red, smooth jazz,

291
00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:35,545
shiny things, food smells,
music boxes,

292
00:13:35,545 --> 00:13:38,923
bell-bottoms, boobs, dogs,
anyone saying, "Look."

293
00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:43,636
His greatest vulnerability
is his emotional frailty.

294
00:13:43,636 --> 00:13:45,179
It's incredibly easy
to make him cry,

295
00:13:45,179 --> 00:13:46,848
and he's ashamed of that.

296
00:13:46,848 --> 00:13:48,432
Get away!
Unfortunately,

297
00:13:48,432 --> 00:13:49,851
the only photographer there

298
00:13:49,851 --> 00:13:52,645
to capture the scene
is Britta Perry.

299
00:13:52,645 --> 00:13:54,397
Yeah, gee.

300
00:13:54,397 --> 00:13:55,899
There's a good one.

301
00:13:55,899 --> 00:13:57,734
Pictured here lying down,

302
00:13:57,734 --> 00:14:01,404
Troy's does not take Abed's
e-mail lying down.

303
00:14:01,404 --> 00:14:04,615
Hey, dick, read your dumb
e-mail. Really enjoyed it.

304
00:14:04,615 --> 00:14:06,910
Guess what. You may have been
my best friend,

305
00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:08,786
but we both know
I was your first friend.

306
00:14:08,786 --> 00:14:11,581
What you don't know
because you have mental issues

307
00:14:11,581 --> 00:14:13,624
is that you're never going
to have another friend,

308
00:14:13,624 --> 00:14:15,251
because, all caps,

309
00:14:15,251 --> 00:14:18,254
nobody else will ever have
my patience with you.

310
00:14:18,254 --> 00:14:21,674
Troy Barnes.
Four-part text message.

311
00:14:21,674 --> 00:14:25,803
These two were hurting
each other's feelings.

312
00:14:25,803 --> 00:14:28,765
And I thought
about what Annie said,

313
00:14:28,765 --> 00:14:33,352
and then I thought about what I
might do to make things right.

314
00:14:33,352 --> 00:14:35,104
At 8 p.m. of the second night,

315
00:14:35,104 --> 00:14:37,648
both sides
are honoring a cease-fire

316
00:14:37,648 --> 00:14:38,983
so that the infantry can watch

317
00:14:38,983 --> 00:14:41,778
the hit TV show
Ski, Shoot, Sing,

318
00:14:41,778 --> 00:14:44,697
a combination biathlon
singing competition,

319
00:14:44,697 --> 00:14:46,449
no fun to watch time-shifted,

320
00:14:46,449 --> 00:14:48,785
because you'd be the last
to know who won.

321
00:14:48,785 --> 00:14:52,121
During the cease-fire,
Jeff summons Troy and Abed

322
00:14:52,121 --> 00:14:55,083
to a secret summit meeting.
This has to stop.

323
00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,043
Tell him.
What about your e-mail?

324
00:14:57,043 --> 00:14:59,169
You weren't supposed
to think those things.

325
00:14:59,169 --> 00:15:03,257
Guys, look at yourselves.
You didn't used to be like this.

326
00:15:03,257 --> 00:15:05,509
You were Troy and Abed.

327
00:15:05,509 --> 00:15:07,762
Things used to be easy.
He's right.

328
00:15:09,097 --> 00:15:11,474
Our friendship is dead.
What?

329
00:15:11,474 --> 00:15:14,060
We should agree that
whoever wins this war

330
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,645
can stay in the apartment.

331
00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:18,314
Loser has to find a new place.
Agreed.

332
00:15:22,485 --> 00:15:24,862
Uh, I wanted that
to go different.

333
00:15:28,825 --> 00:15:32,369
The North Cafeteria, named
after Admiral William North,

334
00:15:32,369 --> 00:15:35,331
is located in the western
portion of East Hall,

335
00:15:35,331 --> 00:15:37,917
gateway to the western half
of North Hall,

336
00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:39,752
named not after William North,

337
00:15:39,752 --> 00:15:42,005
but for its position above
the south wall.

338
00:15:42,005 --> 00:15:43,714
It is the most contested

339
00:15:43,714 --> 00:15:46,300
and confusing battlefield on
Greendale's campus,

340
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,552
next to English Memorial
Spanish Center,

341
00:15:48,552 --> 00:15:50,304
named after English Memorial,

342
00:15:50,304 --> 00:15:52,765
a Portuguese sailor
that discovered Greendale

343
00:15:52,765 --> 00:15:55,559
while looking for a fountain
that cured syphilis.

344
00:15:55,559 --> 00:15:57,394
In a fit of hurt feelings,

345
00:15:57,394 --> 00:16:00,523
Troy redirects most of his
infantry to the cafeteria.

346
00:16:00,523 --> 00:16:04,902
They arrive at the same time
as a hundred Pillowtown troops.

347
00:16:08,739 --> 00:16:12,994
Just after dawn,
the end of the war begins.

348
00:16:12,994 --> 00:16:14,704
Here we go!

349
00:16:35,975 --> 00:16:37,894
Pillow fight!

350
00:16:37,894 --> 00:16:40,646
Ha! Okay, I'm out.

351
00:16:40,646 --> 00:16:44,233
Okay, okay. I'm dead. I'm dead.
Hey! Come on, get up.

352
00:16:45,359 --> 00:16:47,862
Go!

353
00:16:50,614 --> 00:16:52,200
I'm gonna eat you, you little…

354
00:17:03,961 --> 00:17:05,254
Okay.

355
00:17:06,255 --> 00:17:08,465
Get off me, you…

356
00:17:08,465 --> 00:17:10,134
I can't get mixed up!

357
00:17:10,134 --> 00:17:12,095
I can't get mixed up!

358
00:17:13,679 --> 00:17:16,057
Oh, man.

359
00:17:17,266 --> 00:17:18,935
Well, that's it.

360
00:17:18,935 --> 00:17:21,270
I just heard from the Guinness
rep. He's not coming.

361
00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:23,397
He's been fired,
in what he described

362
00:17:23,397 --> 00:17:25,315
as the world's biggest mistake.

363
00:17:25,315 --> 00:17:27,693
I doubt that
will make the next edition.

364
00:17:27,693 --> 00:17:29,195
Anyway, it's over.

365
00:17:29,195 --> 00:17:32,489
What a colossal waste
of two and a half days.

366
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,620
The war has no more reason
to continue,

367
00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:41,540
and yet it does
between the two that began it.

368
00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:43,834
They just kept fighting.

369
00:17:43,834 --> 00:17:46,837
Like, for hours.

370
00:17:48,839 --> 00:17:51,175
Come on, let's wrap this up.
I don't wanna.

371
00:17:51,175 --> 00:17:52,843
Me neither.
Why not?

372
00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:54,929
This is the last thing
we ever do together.

373
00:17:54,929 --> 00:17:57,181
We can't stop.
Doesn't that kind of

374
00:17:57,181 --> 00:18:00,143
solve your problem, the
realization you like each other

375
00:18:00,143 --> 00:18:03,187
so much, you'd hit each other
with pillows forever?

376
00:18:03,187 --> 00:18:06,398
Knowing that doesn't
feel like enough anymore.

377
00:18:06,398 --> 00:18:09,193
Yeah. We're grown-ups now.
We have grown-up problems.

378
00:18:09,193 --> 00:18:11,195
That's very clear.

379
00:18:13,405 --> 00:18:15,574
Unless you use

380
00:18:15,574 --> 00:18:17,910
those magical friendship hats
that I got for you.

381
00:18:17,910 --> 00:18:19,411
We're not stupid, Jeffrey.

382
00:18:19,411 --> 00:18:21,747
We know you made those
sarcastically.

383
00:18:21,747 --> 00:18:25,084
Yes, yes. And I will roll
my eyes at both of you

384
00:18:25,084 --> 00:18:29,088
when I put them on your heads,
because that's the way I am.

385
00:18:29,088 --> 00:18:31,465
But that's not the way
you have to be.

386
00:18:41,391 --> 00:18:44,061
We might be interested.
Okay, then.

387
00:18:46,105 --> 00:18:48,524
Here's your magical friendship
hat, and…

388
00:18:48,524 --> 00:18:50,359
Jeff.
What?

389
00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:54,238
You left the magical friendship
hats at the dean's office.

390
00:18:54,238 --> 00:18:58,701
Right. Of course.
I'll go get them.

391
00:18:58,701 --> 00:19:01,162
So Jeff went out
and stayed out long enough

392
00:19:01,162 --> 00:19:03,998
to make them believe
he had gone to the office.

393
00:19:03,998 --> 00:19:05,666
That was a nice touch. Heh.

394
00:19:09,086 --> 00:19:11,672
Here you go.

395
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:13,924
Lucky no one grabbed them, huh?

396
00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:19,763
Britta Perry is there

397
00:19:19,763 --> 00:19:23,184
to immortalize the moment
on film accidentally,

398
00:19:23,184 --> 00:19:25,144
while trying to get a picture
of the light

399
00:19:25,144 --> 00:19:27,813
hitting a stack of nearby
waffles.

400
00:19:27,813 --> 00:19:30,191
Pierce, take that off.
I can't hear you.

401
00:19:30,191 --> 00:19:33,236
Your cheeks are in the way.
First entry in my journal.

402
00:19:33,236 --> 00:19:34,904
Today I had to run and get

403
00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:37,114
two imaginary friendship hats
from an office.

404
00:19:37,114 --> 00:19:40,617
I could've walked around and
come back, but for some reason

405
00:19:40,617 --> 00:19:43,871
I actually went all the way
back to where they were.

406
00:19:43,871 --> 00:19:45,998
One was crumpled up.
That was Troy's.

407
00:19:45,998 --> 00:19:48,292
The other was a little dusty.
That was Abed's.

408
00:19:48,292 --> 00:19:51,337
I fixed them up, even though
I was the only one watching,

409
00:19:51,337 --> 00:19:53,756
because I settled
on a truth today

410
00:19:53,756 --> 00:19:55,341
that's always going to be true.

411
00:19:55,341 --> 00:19:57,843
I would do anything
for my friends,

412
00:19:57,843 --> 00:20:00,554
which I think is how everyone
in the world feels,

413
00:20:00,554 --> 00:20:03,599
which finally makes me
understand war.

414
00:20:05,184 --> 00:20:06,894
Guys,

415
00:20:08,562 --> 00:20:10,314
I wasn't gonna show this
to anyone,

416
00:20:10,314 --> 00:20:12,024
but, uh,
it's pretty profound.

417
00:20:12,024 --> 00:20:14,151
I kind of nailed it.
If you want,

418
00:20:14,151 --> 00:20:15,778
I can read it
in the documentary.

419
00:20:15,778 --> 00:20:17,988
That is,
unless you get Tom Hanks.

420
00:20:17,988 --> 00:20:20,824
We tried to get Tom Hanks,
but he's too expensive.

421
00:20:20,824 --> 00:20:23,535
We used the people involved
for their own voiceover.

422
00:20:23,535 --> 00:20:25,288
Yeah, and I nailed that too.

423
00:20:25,288 --> 00:20:27,123
Why are you here,
same time as me?

424
00:20:27,123 --> 00:20:30,126
Tight schedule.
Were you in The Cape?

425
00:20:30,126 --> 00:20:31,877
No.

426
00:20:32,962 --> 00:20:34,504
Wow.

427
00:20:34,504 --> 00:20:36,840
I've got goose bumps.
Me too. A great story.

428
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,467
I was on the edge of my seat.

429
00:20:38,467 --> 00:20:41,053
Wanna know what struck me
while I was watching?

430
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:43,513
You can't get quality
programming anywhere

431
00:20:43,513 --> 00:20:45,975
but right here.
Was thinking that same thing.

432
00:20:45,975 --> 00:20:48,477
You can't get Troy and Abed:
Pillows and Blankets.

433
00:20:48,477 --> 00:20:51,439
Or these great specials like
Craig Pelton: A Year in Paris.

434
00:20:51,439 --> 00:20:54,150
From Labs to Riches:
The Annie's Boobs Story.

435
00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:55,776
Or That's Enter-Chang-ment.

436
00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:58,279
We know you hate
these constant pledge drives.

437
00:20:58,279 --> 00:21:00,072
We know you hate them.

438
00:21:00,072 --> 00:21:02,699
We don't like doing them either.
I'd rather be at home.

439
00:21:02,699 --> 00:21:04,243
Taking a warm bath,
with my wife.

440
00:21:04,243 --> 00:21:05,995
Oh, brother,
not this one again.

441
00:21:05,995 --> 00:21:09,665
Heh, heh. But if you wanna help
Greendale Campus Television

442
00:21:09,665 --> 00:21:11,625
stay on the air,
keep the lights on,

443
00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:13,752
we are literally this close
to losing our fund…