Happy Friday. What are you doing this weekend?
who am I doing this weekend? The question is,
he's forgotten. It's nobody. He's asking because
at the animal hospital. I'm volunteering
Aw. Animal hospital?
That makes sense. The animals are patients.
letting me work off Dr. Zizmor's
Daniel's surgery. the cost of
You won't spend money on a phone,
for your geriatric cat? but you got Lasik
the one eye, Jeff. He only has
I can't exactly buy him a cat monocle, can I?
It's pretentious.
And for your information, this is a Totorola.
Troy and I will be having a special Saturday night,
Oh! It came! as in Dark Knight.
Our limited-edition, $299 Dark Knight DVD
commentary and autograph, with bonus footage,
message of up to four words! including a personalized
"Abed is Batman now, Christian Bale."
From the man himself. It's official.
May I have that back? Thank you.
If you see this lying out, I'm using it,
so don't take it and dump it out.
Is this about your noodles?
I didn't say that.
Yeah!
Into your face!
Your tears reveal your weakness!
What is it with foosball? They've been at it for weeks.
It's more important over there. They're European.
Foosball's the soccer of ping-pong.
I can't take it anymore. Eats it! Eats it!
Gentlemen, Let them be.
Clarence Thaddeus Foos. my name is
Fletcher Morton Foos, My grandfather,
invented this game for one purpose,
to have the loudest, dumbest thing happen.
of foosball is completed. Now it has. The game
You're free to return
to your hearing-impaired families.
We'll stop if you can score a point on us.
Tempting, but then wouldn't I be playing foosball?
And, if so, how would I not be a loud, weird knob?
touching the foosenschaften. Free shot. I'm not even
Sorry, Luftballons. I'm above it.
Boo-yah!
a word to describe I wish there was
at viewing misfortune. the pleasure I feel
It's the face of a broken man.
Jeff. Smile.
Uh, uh… Ooh!
They come in a six-pack. They, uh…
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
It can be here ♪ d Somebody said
Tied up dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
Oh…
Buttered noodles.
I'm allowed to throw out the dust, right?
Yeah.
What's wrong?
I… I…
Why?
I stepped on it.
I was dusting the TV. Why?
I can get a new one before he gets home.
Oh, sure, Annie. And then we just have to record
fake exclusive commentary by Christian Bale.
Go ahead, you first. This scene was a challenge
Stop it! That's not an option! to all involved…
is irreplaceably awesome! The disc
a different disc, and… What if we got
Know how many sitcoms have done the "secretly replace
a broken, priceless item" thing? 'Cause Abed does.
Abed knows everything,
You think you can think your way out of this
with your thinkiness, but don't think too much.
You just have to confess.
Okay? Okay.
We shot this on location…
He's right. Won't work.
What are you doing? Jeffrey?
Hmm? Oh. You know, I just thought
next time those Deutsch bags try to show off,
maybe I can catch them by surprise.
You don't need to worry what foreigners think.
That's your birthright as an American.
Okay.
Small confession.
I used to love foosball.
after-school game It was a great
for a lonely kid with no dad.
Just masculine enough
without having to know how to throw or catch.
I have seen you throw. And it was fun.
Till I started getting bullied by people like those Germans.
So I quit.
the right thing. Well, you did
Foosball is a vile game for vile people.
You wouldn't get it.
not a fresh-baked-pie thing. It's a guy thing,
Well, I might get it a little.
You don't know me.
Ho…ly… crap.
I think I figured out the viewing order.
Original version, director's cut,
director's cut with commentary, original version cool-down.
Mm-hm. Yeah, we'll see.
Oh, my God, you guys. We've been robbed!
Oh, man. I can't believe we got robbed.
You have to teach me. Shirley, Shirley.
those evil power Krauts. Please, help me beat
Don't you get it, Jeff?
that are good at foosball. They're not evil people
They are good at foosball because they're evil.
It's an evil game that brings out the worst in us,
like out-of-town weddings
where the reception's in the same place.
Great. After three years of religious advice
and carb-laden pastries,
you finally have one thing I actually need, and…
I'm sorry.
Um, that was rude.
so important to me. It shouldn't be
I'll see you Monday. I'll, uh…
Jeff…
Tomorrow, dawn,
be in the student lounge.
Shirley, you are the best.
please forgive me. Dear Lord,
have mercy on him. And please
The stakes have never been higher.
I found your YouTube page. Shut up, Leonard.
in reviewing frozen pizza? What's the point
You're talking about it.
Well, that is true.
the key to winning foosball Now, Jeffrey,
is to tap into your darkness, so promise you won't judge
the side of me that might come out.
perfectly blunt with you. Shirley, I'm gonna be
The few times you've been a little bad
I've liked you most. are the times
Remember making fun Really?
of Britta's boyfriend's nipples? They were tiny.
Remember what you did to Pierce's hoagie?
That was so disturbing, I almost proposed.
show me how to dominate. Now, come on,
hands on the grips. All right, Winger,
I'm coming up on your right side in three, two, one!
Know why you can't stop me? I'm not playing a game.
For you, it's winning and losing.
it's life and death. Unh! For me,
That's how I win. That's where you have to go.
No more thought, no more feeling.
Kill or be killed. Kill or be killed, little man.
Think when this mattered, before you got to be too cool. Unh!
Stop acting like you're not ashamed.
Follow that shame to the fear.
Follow that fear to the rage.
You put that rage… Aah!
Up your ass, turkey. Ha-ha!
There's only two ways off this table,
kill or be killed. Say it.
Say it, mumbles! Kill or be killed.
Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Yeah!
You called me turkey.
I love it.
Sorry we couldn't get a car over here until now.
Our captain was killed on duty last night.
My God, I'm so sorry.
Yeah. Good man.
Leaves behind two kids and a pregnant wife.
So you're missing a Batman DVD?
extended cut wasn't insured. My Dark Knight extended
No sign of forced entry on your door or windows.
Sure it wasn't misplaced?
Some of my jewelry's missing. Someone broke in.
You sure about that, Annie?
Mm-hm. My necklace.
It was gold. White gold.
And my name engraved in Hebrew. With emeralds.
It was a bat mitzvah gift from my nana.
She was a Rockette. She married a count.
He loved her for her mind. He was blind.
Good color for the report, but I got to be honest,
small stuff like this almost never turns up.
We'll be in touch. Oh, no, Abed.
You look familiar. Did I pretend to shoot a guy in front of you
to teach you about gun safety?
I'm really good at faces.
I guess the only upside is
it's brought us closer as roommates.
Something doesn't add up. There was no forced entry.
Had to be an inside job. We don't know that.
pharmaceuticals, laptops, Instead of taking cash,
they take my Batman DVD and one piece of ornate jewelry?
It's smoke. Nana gave it.
It's a ruse, a lie. Hmm?
what happened here. I think I know
The landlord did it. Abed, I…
keys to every apartment, means. It all makes sense. Rick has
He knows when we're coming and going, opportunity.
And he dressed as The Joker for Halloween, motive.
Something's got to be done. Hmm.
Oh, let's not leap to thing-doing.
Right, Annie?
Double strike.
Got it. Back blast.
Boom! Viper shot.
Nailed it! Oh, look.
You do like foosball. How cute.
You just have to practice with your mama.
What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be making
weird art movies or well-engineered cars?
We came to play. Take that back!
We're using it, strudel-brain. Get away from our table.
Nice. Then play us for it.
Monday morning. Fine.
Only let's make it interesting.
The losers never use this table again.
that things have now become Oh, you are so on
very much like Donkey Kong.
We're gonna kick das butt.
Thank you. Nice.
Enough Teutonic punnery.
Monday morning, you get this.
Were you guys walking with a soccer ball
just so you could do that?
They left the ball and everything.
They were literally walking around with it like a prop.
That's like a $25 bit, and it's not even that good.
You have got to come clean.
I don't know what he's doing, but it feels dramatic.
I'm sure he's moved on to some other obsession.
Oh, look, fun. The police are powerless.
I must take justice into my own hands.
operate above the law. Men like Rick
But there's something else above the law.
Bats.
And me.
anything drastic. Abed, don't do
Maybe we should just take a step back and…
Aw, is that the grappling hook I got you for Christmas?
The night beckons.
Its black fingers curl and uncurl,
going, like, "Hey, come here."
Abed, wait! Wait. I did it.
I stepped on your DVD, and it broke,
and I staged a break-in to cover it up.
If that were true, you would've come forward a long time ago.
You're lying to keep me out of danger.
But there can be no peace
while crime spits and dances on the grave of justice
to the hot beats and infectious rhythms of all that is wrong.
Oh! Just…
Use your foot. Ooh!
You're okay. Okay. Ooh!
Troy! What are we gonna do? Now you're open to input?
I'm following him.
supposed to tone us down. You moving in here was
So, Shirley, tell me,
your talent ever stop playing? how does someone with
I don't want to talk about that. We're like best friends now.
Don't back away from this. Open up to me.
Okay, well.
When I was a kid, I had anger, Jeff.
And foosball was a release. Real bad anger.
But I didn't just beat people. I broke 'em.
this table over at this YMCA, One time I was running
and I was really giving it to this kid,
no offense. He started crying. this skinny white boy,
They always started crying.
to take it all the way. This boy made me want
I started jabbing him with the rods until…
the boy peed himself.
Everybody laughed. I laughed.
the game lost its flavor. But after that,
a boy pee his pants, Once you make
where your life is headed. you start thinking about
Jeff, what's wrong?
Your ass is mine! Gonna kill you!
You're such a punk! You like being beat by a girl?
Yes!
What are you crying for? Your mama cannot help you,
I know your daddy ain't around,
or you wouldn't play like a bitch.
Ha!
Ooh!
Oh, my goodness gracious. Is that what I think?
all the way to tinkletown. I just beat this kid
Tinkletown. Tinkletown.
You were Big Cheddar?
Who told you that…
Oh, dear lord.
You're Tinkletown?
Don't call me that!
All your fake sweetness and religion
is just a veil covering a horrible monster.
Mountain Dew that day! And I had a lot of
there's an 80% chance Sam, Ziggy says
until you bone these hippies. you can't leave Woodstock
Oh, boy.
You know what I came for, scum. Where is it?
In the closet, man. In the closet.
Abed, stop it! Get him!
They're in the closet. I mean, stop it.
Just don't hurt me, Batman. I knew I'd get caught.
Closet.
Women's shoes?
But Rick doesn't have a wife. Or women's feet.
Wait. My summertime ballet flats?
I thought I lost these.
Does he have the DVD? Is it there?
The what? The DVD.
He has it, all right.
And it looks like he broke it.
Who are you?
something to say, If you had
in the text message? why not put it
I wasn't sure what to say.
you did to me, Big Cheddar? Do you understand what
Please, don't call me that. Why not? It's what you are.
A mean, nasty bully.
I was 12 years old.
I had to change schools. I peed!
I changed everything.
My clothes, my hair, my personality,
because of you.
What a waste.
I wish I could take a picture of you
to my 10-year-old self. and send it
Watch it, Winger.
You don't have a trademark on self-pity.
I will defend myself.
Good. Bring the cheddar… Big Cheddar.
I'll put you on the express train back to tinkletown!
Ah! Die! Ha! Never!
Argh!
No, you get it. You get it.
You need the advantage. Wrong. Wrong!
Every game I ever won, I won fairly.
my value. You took that away! Foosball was how I measured
Try sprouting three feet Why do think I had to?
just when boys are about to look at you.
Everyone stopped liking me. This game is all I had.
It's all I had. Well, that's stupid.
You're a perfectly fine person.
So are you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry, Jeff.
to be sorry for, Shirley. You don't have anything
Rick has agreed to stay out of your apartment
as long as you stay out of his.
I'm getting tired of saying this.
if you'd invest in a shoe safe. These things wouldn't happen
That's it? We just live upstairs from this…
guy that's really into footwear?
Sweetie, you're a renter. Look forward to owning a house.
Be glad he's not into heads. Thanks for your help, officer.
I get out of school around 4:00. If you should ever need me,
your room, and that's okay? This guys sleeps outside
One thing I don't understand.
Why would Rick deny taking my DVD?
And why break it?
Maybe he stepped on it by accident
really, really bad. and felt really,
All the more reason to confess.
Not everybody's perfect, Abed. Batman. And I am.
Well, Batman,
on behalf of all of us that aren't perfect,
can I just say I'm sorry I broke your DVD?
Apology accepted.
I wouldn't mention it to Abed. That guy's pretty ruthless.
And that's coming from Batman.
Hey, guys.
have you been? Abed, where
Troy, really?
Aw, black in the house! Let it go.
My hand is cramping. It's fine.
Oh.
Hey, Freudenkatzen.
Ready for your schpankin'?
Let's shut 'em down. Just like we practiced?
Let's dance, David Bowie.
Get the ball, Karl.
and stop yelling at me. I'm trying,
Stop being such a Schwein!
We've played enough. Aren't you playing foosball?
We're gonna go see a movie.
are those two so close? Since when
Well, this is November 29th,
and I'm Leonard,
and today I'm reviewing
Eugenio's Four Cheese Frozen Pizza.
That's 5.99 at Kroger's.
I've tried it before, and we'll see.
Mmm!
Mmm, the cheese is good.
The sauce is good too.
It's definitely a buy.
Eugenio's Four Cheese Frozen Pizza.
See you next time. A buy.
And you're about to get shot ♪ d I'm as high as hell