1 00:00:01,986 --> 00:00:03,904 Why did I go Greendale? 2 00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:07,240 So I can keep my job and get busy with my education. 3 00:00:09,534 --> 00:00:11,244 To meet different people. 4 00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,371 Because Greendale's a slam dunk. 5 00:00:14,957 --> 00:00:17,709 Why should you go Greendale? So why should you… 6 00:00:17,709 --> 00:00:21,379 the most advanced typing class That's easy. Greendale has 7 00:00:21,379 --> 00:00:22,965 in the Southwestern area. 8 00:00:22,965 --> 00:00:25,174 And now, you can register by fax. 9 00:00:25,174 --> 00:00:27,678 Go, Greendale, go! Go, Greendale! 10 00:00:27,678 --> 00:00:29,888 That, as you probably know, 11 00:00:29,888 --> 00:00:31,932 commercial for our school. is the currently-running 12 00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:35,102 marathons of Fantasy Island. I see it during late-night 13 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:38,313 It's the result of targeting. That's not an accident. 14 00:00:38,313 --> 00:00:40,691 Greendale's school board But now, 15 00:00:40,691 --> 00:00:43,777 has given me a budget of $2000 16 00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,488 Are you sure it should change? to update our little ad. 17 00:00:46,488 --> 00:00:48,323 I chose Greendale over City College 18 00:00:48,323 --> 00:00:50,492 that one dude goes… because of the way 19 00:00:50,492 --> 00:00:52,201 Okay. 20 00:00:52,201 --> 00:00:54,705 You know I love to be seen agreeing with you, Troy. 21 00:00:54,705 --> 00:00:56,456 our chance to make But this is 22 00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:59,084 Greendale's most reasonable dreams come true. 23 00:00:59,084 --> 00:01:01,419 And I need your help, all of you. 24 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:05,507 That's okay, Jeffrey. You can say no. 25 00:01:05,507 --> 00:01:08,593 its students. It mainly gives. This school asks little of 26 00:01:08,593 --> 00:01:12,139 I feel like you guys might know what I'm talking about. 27 00:01:14,016 --> 00:01:15,433 How can we help? 28 00:01:15,433 --> 00:01:17,186 Oh, thanks for asking. 29 00:01:17,186 --> 00:01:19,604 Greendale's brightest, I've chosen you, 30 00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:22,399 most coincidentally diverse, Hispanics notwithstanding, 31 00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:25,027 study group to star in our commercial. 32 00:01:25,027 --> 00:01:26,778 Ooh. Pick a character. 33 00:01:26,778 --> 00:01:29,406 We start this weekend. Oh, we get to be on TV! 34 00:01:29,406 --> 00:01:32,034 If we're shooting this weekend, why are these cameras here? 35 00:01:32,034 --> 00:01:35,162 Abed, true to form, has decided to do the weird thing 36 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,998 and film a documentary instead of helping. 37 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:41,752 Trying to make this commercial may cost the dean his sanity. 38 00:01:41,752 --> 00:01:43,921 My camera follows the fire, not the smoke. 39 00:01:43,921 --> 00:01:47,091 Ever seen Hearts of Darkness? Way better than Apocalypse Now. 40 00:01:47,091 --> 00:01:49,134 What's the catering sitch going to be? 41 00:01:49,134 --> 00:01:52,303 This isn't Hollywood. If it was, these glasses would be tinted 42 00:01:52,303 --> 00:01:54,932 Stevie Nicks. No catering. and I'd be friends with 43 00:01:54,932 --> 00:01:57,684 my trailer till there's food. Outrageous. I'm not leaving 44 00:01:57,684 --> 00:02:00,687 You don't have a trailer. Then I'll rent a trailer. 45 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,523 I have the one I don't have. And I won't leave it till 46 00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,275 not a circus freak. I'm an actor, 47 00:02:05,275 --> 00:02:08,570 I needed to go that way. Oh, no. 48 00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:10,405 Eh, I'll loop around. 49 00:02:14,325 --> 00:02:17,579 To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope 50 00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:25,045 Tied up dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up 51 00:02:37,599 --> 00:02:40,518 All right, let's rehearse this mamajama. 52 00:02:40,518 --> 00:02:43,063 Does everyone know who they are? 53 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:45,774 Where's my script girl? Supervisor. I'm behind you. 54 00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,985 Supervisor Girl. Thank you, 55 00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:49,736 Faster than a locomotive. 56 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:52,864 A script supervisor tells everyone to stay on script 57 00:02:52,864 --> 00:02:56,493 prevent logical inconsistencies. and keeps careful notes to 58 00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:58,912 So, basically, the star. 59 00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,414 We open on a typical day at Greendale, 60 00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:04,375 only the students look happy and you can't smell that smell. 61 00:03:04,375 --> 00:03:07,212 Troy? "Why do I go Greendale?" 62 00:03:07,212 --> 00:03:10,507 "With three kids, you better believe every penny counts." 63 00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:12,383 "To meet different people." 64 00:03:12,383 --> 00:03:15,971 If you're comfortable with that. And then, you and Troy hug… 65 00:03:15,971 --> 00:03:17,681 Of course. Troy and I are buds. 66 00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:19,432 Best buds. Air buds, even. 67 00:03:23,187 --> 00:03:25,272 Feeling stupid. 68 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:27,941 And then, the camera pans, and enter Dean Pelton. 69 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,401 the role of the dean. I got stuck with 70 00:03:30,401 --> 00:03:33,280 how much of a dean I can be. So I'm going to show him 71 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,449 And I've got a feeling I won't make the cut. 72 00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:39,328 Welcome to Dean-dale Community Colle-dean. 73 00:03:39,328 --> 00:03:43,623 Honk, honk. Dean-a-lee-doo. I'm a silly goose. 74 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,042 Look at me. Stop. 75 00:03:45,042 --> 00:03:48,628 This is my sister's outfit. Jeffrey, stop. 76 00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:51,006 Save some for the screen. You've hit gold. 77 00:03:51,006 --> 00:03:53,091 Scene Six is up first. All right, people, 78 00:03:53,091 --> 00:03:54,968 Pierce is coming back. I don't think 79 00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,553 Can someone fill in as the pencil? 80 00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:59,389 of stage and star, Pierce, screen 81 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:02,309 will not leave this trailer until he gets a trailer. 82 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,978 I'm not leaving that trailer until there's catering. 83 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:06,938 And I'm not eating the food until… 84 00:04:06,938 --> 00:04:08,481 And action. 85 00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,150 Why go Greendale? 86 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:14,238 Just because, just dean it! Dean machine. 87 00:04:14,238 --> 00:04:17,199 Got dean, got much… And cut. 88 00:04:17,199 --> 00:04:18,783 Oh, a star is born. 89 00:04:18,783 --> 00:04:21,245 I suggested to the dean we shoot my scenes 90 00:04:21,245 --> 00:04:23,454 the Luis Guzmán statue in front of 91 00:04:23,454 --> 00:04:25,290 has no legal right because the dean 92 00:04:25,290 --> 00:04:27,000 to broadcast Guzmán's image, 93 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,378 which means every shot will be unusable. 94 00:04:29,378 --> 00:04:32,297 I put a call in to Guzmán's lawyers to alert them. 95 00:04:32,297 --> 00:04:35,259 mile to avoid doing something. I'm willing to go the extra 96 00:04:35,259 --> 00:04:36,467 Like sex with women. 97 00:04:36,467 --> 00:04:38,553 Shut up. You smell like Mentholyptus. 98 00:04:38,553 --> 00:04:39,930 What are you even doing here? 99 00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:42,807 breaking into the TV game. I'm thinking about 100 00:04:42,807 --> 00:04:45,602 Since it's apparently sticking around. 101 00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:47,687 I don't want to wake up in 30 years 102 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,689 and wonder, "What if?" 103 00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:52,401 "Because this full-time mama ain't breaking the bank 104 00:04:52,401 --> 00:04:54,111 expensive tuition." with your 105 00:04:54,111 --> 00:04:56,905 Shirley, the voice. Okay, cut. 106 00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,865 Can you make it, um… 107 00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,701 it would be more s… I thought 108 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:04,704 What's another word that means happy-threatening? 109 00:05:04,704 --> 00:05:07,291 The word he's looking for is "sassy." 110 00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:10,085 He better pray he don't find it. 111 00:05:10,085 --> 00:05:12,545 Get this shot, we are done. 112 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:14,756 Your phone is ringing. Oh. 113 00:05:14,756 --> 00:05:16,716 Dean Deaning. Dean Pelton? 114 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,593 It's Luis Guzmán. How you doing? 115 00:05:18,593 --> 00:05:21,054 a commercial for Greendale I hear you're making 116 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,932 to use my face or something? and need permission 117 00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:26,476 Well, I, um… Uh… 118 00:05:26,476 --> 00:05:28,312 Why not use the real thing? 119 00:05:28,312 --> 00:05:29,854 I'm sorry? 120 00:05:29,854 --> 00:05:31,815 in your commercial. I'd love to be 121 00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:34,443 Wowee! 122 00:05:34,443 --> 00:05:38,529 wants to be in my commercial. A real big-time celebrity 123 00:05:38,529 --> 00:05:40,324 Wowee. 124 00:05:40,324 --> 00:05:42,533 wants to be in my commercial. A real celebrity 125 00:05:42,533 --> 00:05:44,077 Come on down. That's cool. 126 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,954 to finish this movie, But I've got 127 00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:48,915 a couple of weeks, all right? so I can't come for 128 00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:50,625 Mr. Guzmán, Luis, thank you. 129 00:05:50,625 --> 00:05:53,044 And can I just say, I loved you in… 130 00:05:54,796 --> 00:05:56,547 In… 131 00:06:00,844 --> 00:06:02,179 IMDb. 132 00:06:03,305 --> 00:06:05,182 See you soon, man. 133 00:06:05,182 --> 00:06:07,267 That was tragic. 134 00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,894 mean well, they really do. The students here 135 00:06:09,894 --> 00:06:13,148 But what Greendale has always needed is a miracle. 136 00:06:13,148 --> 00:06:14,858 This is it. 137 00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:17,068 This is how I get to put Greendale on the map. 138 00:06:17,068 --> 00:06:19,654 I thought this commercial was going to be okay. 139 00:06:19,654 --> 00:06:22,949 Well, guess what? It just officially became great. 140 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,493 Let me give you a little rundown 141 00:06:24,493 --> 00:06:26,161 of this commercial's great elements. 142 00:06:26,161 --> 00:06:29,164 Luis Guzmán is in it. 143 00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:34,503 will you excuse me? I'm sorry, 144 00:06:34,503 --> 00:06:37,797 Everyone gather around, quick announcement. 145 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,216 Come on around. 146 00:06:39,216 --> 00:06:42,551 Everything that we shot so far is worthless. 147 00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:45,096 we're starting over tomorrow. I've thrown it out, and 148 00:06:45,096 --> 00:06:47,057 Because… Why? 149 00:06:47,057 --> 00:06:51,102 the commercial now, so… Luis Guzmán is in 150 00:06:51,102 --> 00:06:52,812 Yeah. For realsies. 151 00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:56,274 I'm rewriting all of your parts. Everyone, go home. 152 00:06:57,775 --> 00:07:01,488 locked into something here. Except for you. You have 153 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,865 your character needs… And the only thing 154 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,369 is more screen time. 155 00:07:07,369 --> 00:07:10,497 Great that he got a celebrity, but why reshoot everything? 156 00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:13,375 Perfectionism. The dean's first step down a road 157 00:07:13,375 --> 00:07:15,043 that ends in self-destruction. 158 00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:17,212 That sounds horrible. 159 00:07:17,212 --> 00:07:20,048 Actually, I might end up taking this to some festivals. 160 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,807 taken over the school. The production has 161 00:07:29,807 --> 00:07:31,309 Classes are shut down. 162 00:07:31,309 --> 00:07:33,437 The Quilting Club is being forced to sew costumes. 163 00:07:33,437 --> 00:07:37,357 one brunette, one with asthma. Two females, 5'10", 164 00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,817 He's also using the PA for casting calls. 165 00:07:39,817 --> 00:07:42,946 everyone have their new script? Okay, everyone… Does 166 00:07:42,946 --> 00:07:45,907 to be a book reading a book. Uh, it says I'm supposed 167 00:07:45,907 --> 00:07:47,325 That doesn't make sense. 168 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,124 What's this? 169 00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:56,126 Scene four. 170 00:07:56,126 --> 00:07:58,211 Last night, I had an epiphany. 171 00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,338 I'm ready to step this mother up a notch. 172 00:08:00,338 --> 00:08:02,215 This commercial is going to push every button, 173 00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,802 starting with the one so hot, it will sizzle your finger… 174 00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:07,512 Race. 175 00:08:07,512 --> 00:08:09,306 And action. 176 00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:11,724 different people." "To meet 177 00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:14,060 Cut! I'm coming in. 178 00:08:18,773 --> 00:08:22,235 a 400-year-old dagger I am trying to pull 179 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,863 out of this nation's heart, and you two are hugging. 180 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,618 Her, I understand, but you? 181 00:08:29,618 --> 00:08:32,745 You didn't. Let's take it again! What did I do? 182 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:36,082 different people." "To meet 183 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:40,044 "To meet different people." Again. 184 00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:42,797 I need more! More! 185 00:08:42,797 --> 00:08:45,842 Wrong! Fight the power! Fight it with your hugs. 186 00:08:45,842 --> 00:08:49,513 Tear down those walls. 187 00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:52,807 Get this wrong one more time, I'm segregating the school. 188 00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:55,268 different people." "To meet 189 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,770 You can't even do it when we're helping! 190 00:08:57,770 --> 00:09:00,524 Somebody help her! 191 00:09:00,524 --> 00:09:03,734 "To meet different people!" Stop saying I'm different! 192 00:09:03,734 --> 00:09:06,655 12 hours on this scene. Dean, we've spent 193 00:09:06,655 --> 00:09:09,115 Maybe it's time to move on to something else. 194 00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:12,410 I'm in Psych 101, and even I don't know what's happening. 195 00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:14,954 The dean is going insane and taking you with him. 196 00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:17,332 If you know that, then do something! 197 00:09:17,332 --> 00:09:20,627 I'm doing everything I can. I only have so many cameras. 198 00:09:22,753 --> 00:09:24,797 Aah! No! 199 00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:28,009 in this thing for no reason. I've spent an entire day 200 00:09:28,009 --> 00:09:30,261 What if the shoot drags on for another day? 201 00:09:30,261 --> 00:09:32,013 Or, God forbid, two. 202 00:09:34,516 --> 00:09:36,351 And action, and move. 203 00:09:36,351 --> 00:09:38,603 ain't breaking the bank…" "This mama 204 00:09:38,603 --> 00:09:40,313 Cut, cut, cut… Garrett, 205 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:43,066 you're not taking advantage of the motion-capture technology. 206 00:09:43,066 --> 00:09:45,318 I forgot what I am again. You have to move. 207 00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:48,321 Oh, for crying out… You are a microscope! 208 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,240 No, that's a toilet. 209 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,617 That's clearly a frog who can't get out of a box. 210 00:09:52,617 --> 00:09:54,703 Jeff thinks he has it bad? 211 00:09:54,703 --> 00:09:57,288 I have to wear my Jeff wig As Jeff's understudy, 212 00:09:57,288 --> 00:10:00,166 on top of my Chang hair and my bald cap on top of that. 213 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,712 There's no air getting through. I'm literally dying. 214 00:10:03,712 --> 00:10:06,047 But you'll never hear my story. 215 00:10:06,047 --> 00:10:08,425 I mean, now you heard it, but… That was close. 216 00:10:08,425 --> 00:10:11,094 You sure you can't work faster? 217 00:10:11,094 --> 00:10:12,845 for perfection. Nobody asked 218 00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,723 what you're getting. Perfection is 219 00:10:14,723 --> 00:10:16,725 If you don't like it, you can fire me. 220 00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:18,809 If we don't like it, at this point, 221 00:10:18,809 --> 00:10:20,311 we definitely will fire you. 222 00:10:20,311 --> 00:10:23,732 That's how I like it. Ha! Good! 223 00:10:23,732 --> 00:10:25,650 I'm surrounded by assassins. 224 00:10:25,650 --> 00:10:28,027 My own school's paper has turned on me. 225 00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,529 But when this is all over, 226 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,864 I'll have a commercial with Luis Guzmán in it, 227 00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:35,201 their words and their fears and all they'll have are 228 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:36,953 embarrassing photos and whatever 229 00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:38,871 from my two-faced mother. they can get 230 00:10:38,871 --> 00:10:42,083 Garrett, I've got two men in diapers here. 231 00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:44,794 I know one is playing the dawn of a new era in education, 232 00:10:44,794 --> 00:10:46,504 but I've got nothing on the other. 233 00:10:46,504 --> 00:10:47,964 I'm just a guest of the dean's. 234 00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:50,133 go that way, then. Both of you 235 00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:52,594 his seventh epiphany, The dean had 236 00:10:52,594 --> 00:10:54,596 an epiphany of my own. which has given me 237 00:10:54,596 --> 00:10:57,599 The dean is a genius. He has to be. 238 00:10:57,599 --> 00:11:00,518 weeks of my life to an idiot. If he isn't, I've given two 239 00:11:00,518 --> 00:11:04,564 Therefore the dean is a genius. That is unacceptable. 240 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:07,734 protecting his vision. And I will die 241 00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,487 Are you familiar with Stockholm Syndrome? 242 00:11:10,487 --> 00:11:13,239 created? If not, I don't care. Is it something the dean 243 00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,866 but the dean won't let us. We wanna go, 244 00:11:15,866 --> 00:11:17,952 played this the smartest. I think Pierce 245 00:11:17,952 --> 00:11:21,164 He's probably watching Forensic Files and eating popcorn. 246 00:11:26,461 --> 00:11:28,797 Well, about time. 247 00:11:28,797 --> 00:11:30,757 Hey, that's for Luis Guzmán. 248 00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:34,969 my trailer, he can have it back. Well, when you get me 249 00:11:34,969 --> 00:11:37,472 as nice as this one. And make it 250 00:11:37,472 --> 00:11:39,432 Dean? Hey, dean! Hey, dean. 251 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,643 Pierce mistook me for the dean. 252 00:11:41,643 --> 00:11:44,895 I want windows. How did that feel? 253 00:11:44,895 --> 00:11:47,106 I've become a stranger to myself. 254 00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:50,819 I've always been bald. I'm bald now. 255 00:11:50,819 --> 00:11:52,987 I merely dreamt of having hair. 256 00:11:52,987 --> 00:11:55,490 And now the bald man is awake. 257 00:11:55,490 --> 00:11:57,241 Jeff? 258 00:11:57,241 --> 00:11:58,785 It's time. 259 00:12:02,497 --> 00:12:05,667 Lights, camera, dean. 260 00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:07,627 Action. 261 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:11,047 Why go Greendale? Just because! 262 00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:13,216 Cut. Cut. 263 00:12:15,552 --> 00:12:17,387 Lose the bald cap. 264 00:12:17,387 --> 00:12:19,180 I don't like it. What? 265 00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:21,307 It's hokey, it's fake. Take it off. 266 00:12:24,728 --> 00:12:25,894 No. 267 00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:32,193 I beg your pardon, actor? 268 00:12:32,193 --> 00:12:36,197 I have worn this stupid thing for 12 days. 269 00:12:36,197 --> 00:12:39,534 Well, that's your mistake. I have made bald friends. 270 00:12:39,534 --> 00:12:41,870 Because it's a lie. It's Hollywood crap. 271 00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:44,205 And I won't allow it in my commercial. 272 00:12:44,205 --> 00:12:47,208 You're not bald. 273 00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:49,377 Yes, I am. 274 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:52,672 you're wrong for the part! Well, then, 275 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,174 Understudy! 276 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,223 That's it. 277 00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:04,016 That's reality. 278 00:13:05,268 --> 00:13:06,644 Winger, you're done. Go home. 279 00:13:06,644 --> 00:13:08,438 Go home. 280 00:13:08,438 --> 00:13:11,107 I don't know why, 281 00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:12,817 but this is the last straw. 282 00:13:12,817 --> 00:13:14,569 psychology major, As a licensed 283 00:13:14,569 --> 00:13:18,155 I am declaring this production a violation of human rights. 284 00:13:18,155 --> 00:13:21,492 You have made us prisoners of your insanity. 285 00:13:21,492 --> 00:13:24,328 If the dean wants his role Shut your face, Britta. 286 00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:28,249 to be played by a Chinese man in a blond wig… 287 00:13:28,249 --> 00:13:29,709 you are insane. Oh, my God, 288 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:32,670 of hearing complaints I'm sick and tired 289 00:13:32,670 --> 00:13:34,714 that I'm forcing people to be here. 290 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:39,343 Anyone who doesn't want to help me can leave! 291 00:13:51,815 --> 00:13:53,107 Abed, stop! 292 00:13:53,107 --> 00:13:54,692 Okay. 293 00:13:54,692 --> 00:13:56,026 Keep rolling. 294 00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,415 Hello? Hello. 295 00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:10,959 Hello? 296 00:14:18,633 --> 00:14:21,761 Hello, it's me. Luis Guzmán. 297 00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:24,722 Hi. Hello! 298 00:14:24,722 --> 00:14:28,935 Hi, Mr. Guzmán, Dean/Director Craig Pelton. 299 00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:31,187 Sorry, I've been editing. 300 00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:32,647 It's a little bit of a mess. 301 00:14:35,107 --> 00:14:36,400 What the is that? 302 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,861 Oh, that's a possum. 303 00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:39,403 Once you spend time with them, 304 00:14:39,403 --> 00:14:42,114 you see they're just like big gentle rats. 305 00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:46,285 I'm no one. Who's the guy? 306 00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:49,079 He's a little bit odd. That's Abed. 307 00:14:49,079 --> 00:14:50,790 Now, without further ado, 308 00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:54,794 you will be starring in. here is the commercial 309 00:14:57,005 --> 00:14:59,007 Why do I go Greendale? 310 00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:07,390 What's in the box? 311 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,104 I got to make a phone call. 312 00:15:14,104 --> 00:15:15,481 I had to tell this dean 313 00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,316 I couldn't do his commercial. 314 00:15:17,316 --> 00:15:19,569 He didn't take that too well either. 315 00:15:19,569 --> 00:15:22,196 Y'all gotta help this dude. Aren't you his friends? 316 00:15:22,196 --> 00:15:24,532 I'm more of a fly on the wall. 317 00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:26,283 What is go… 318 00:15:26,283 --> 00:15:27,660 What? 319 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,913 in my commercial, You won't be 320 00:15:29,913 --> 00:15:32,206 his stupid documentary? but you'll be in 321 00:15:32,206 --> 00:15:33,875 is follow people. All he does 322 00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:35,752 Hearts of Darkness? Haven't you seen 323 00:15:35,752 --> 00:15:39,422 Way better than… I want you off my campus. 324 00:15:39,422 --> 00:15:41,215 I already got rid of your trailer. 325 00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:42,383 I had a trailer? 326 00:15:42,383 --> 00:15:44,510 Can anyone hear me? 327 00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:47,931 I will walk off this production. I will quit! 328 00:15:47,931 --> 00:15:49,306 Hello? 329 00:15:49,306 --> 00:15:51,350 I come here to shoot this for Greendale. 330 00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,102 That's what you had on the script. 331 00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:55,772 I thought it was good. That script was terrible. 332 00:15:55,772 --> 00:15:57,231 Of course you'd think that. 333 00:15:57,231 --> 00:15:58,608 You went here. 334 00:16:01,736 --> 00:16:03,738 Oh, I get it. 335 00:16:05,114 --> 00:16:07,533 You're worse than crazy. 336 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,535 You're ashamed of your school. 337 00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:12,496 And that statue of me, that's just wrong, man. 338 00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:13,873 The bronze adds 10 pounds. 339 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,708 It's not going to be perfect. Nah, man… 340 00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,335 I'm just saying, Screw you. 341 00:16:18,335 --> 00:16:20,546 don't worship the people leaving Greendale. 342 00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,590 Worship the people that are here. 343 00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:25,885 It changes people's lives. Worship this place. 344 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:29,138 Look, I loved my time here. I got laid like crazy. 345 00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:31,223 That's way before Boogie Nights too. 346 00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:35,227 a special school. Look, this is 347 00:16:38,355 --> 00:16:40,524 You don't deserve to be here. 348 00:16:48,116 --> 00:16:49,575 Are you still filming, Abed? 349 00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:52,161 Yeah. Try not to address me. I'm not here. 350 00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:55,331 Neither am I. 351 00:16:56,624 --> 00:16:59,209 I don't think I can finish my commercial. 352 00:17:00,711 --> 00:17:03,006 But I think I know how your documentary ends. 353 00:17:06,676 --> 00:17:10,638 of Greendale Community College. Hi, I'm Craig Pelton, dean 354 00:17:13,057 --> 00:17:15,392 I have failed this school. 355 00:17:15,392 --> 00:17:16,769 I have failed it 356 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:19,355 because I thought I was better than Greendale. 357 00:17:19,355 --> 00:17:21,315 to a university, See, I went 358 00:17:21,315 --> 00:17:24,318 so I thought it was my job to improve this place. 359 00:17:24,318 --> 00:17:26,946 But it turns out the only thing wrong with Greendale 360 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,824 by an insecure wreck is that it's run 361 00:17:29,824 --> 00:17:32,409 and two talent shows a year who holds five dances 362 00:17:32,409 --> 00:17:35,287 the school isn't good enough. because he's afraid that 363 00:17:36,539 --> 00:17:38,124 But Greendale is good enough 364 00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:40,001 because it accepts me for what I'm not. 365 00:17:40,001 --> 00:17:42,586 Greendale is the best school 366 00:17:42,586 --> 00:17:44,005 in the entire world, 367 00:17:44,005 --> 00:17:46,799 what I've done to it. and I'm so sorry 368 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:50,427 And I'm sorry what I've done to the ice-cream machine. 369 00:17:52,722 --> 00:17:57,643 Please, no one eat out of it until you clean the nozzles. 370 00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:59,812 The janitor knows how. 371 00:18:01,397 --> 00:18:03,149 I'm horrible. 372 00:18:03,149 --> 00:18:05,442 I'm horrible. 373 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:09,572 Gentlemen, what I'm about to show you 374 00:18:09,572 --> 00:18:11,824 is not the commercial you paid me to create. 375 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,283 What I am about to show you 376 00:18:13,283 --> 00:18:14,994 is a glimpse into my mind and soul. 377 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,996 Hold your questions until the end. 378 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,831 I know you will have a lot of them, 379 00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:22,043 if you'd rather I just leave. but I'll understand 380 00:18:26,296 --> 00:18:29,967 Why do I go Greendale? The dean is a genius. 381 00:18:29,967 --> 00:18:32,011 To meet different people. 382 00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:34,972 every penny counts. With three kids, 383 00:18:34,972 --> 00:18:37,767 I loved my time here. I got laid like crazy. 384 00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:40,186 Why should you… Why should you… 385 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:42,646 Why should you go to Greendale? 386 00:18:42,646 --> 00:18:47,235 Greendale is the best school in the entire world. 387 00:18:47,235 --> 00:18:50,071 Go, Greendale, go! Go, Greendale! 388 00:18:52,115 --> 00:18:55,534 Better than good. Good enough. It's good. You know what? 389 00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:59,580 Is there more of the crazy Chinese guy? He pops. 390 00:18:59,580 --> 00:19:02,666 commercial. I didn't make that. I'm confused. That's not my 391 00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:05,669 Yeah, okay, Zemeckis, it moved through you. 392 00:19:05,669 --> 00:19:07,546 Anyway, congratulations. 393 00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:10,507 That should last us another 16 years. 394 00:19:10,507 --> 00:19:12,635 So, uh, what's next? 395 00:19:12,635 --> 00:19:14,804 Chump's Rusty Bucket? Quarter taps. 396 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,852 You did mostly. Did you do this? 397 00:19:21,852 --> 00:19:24,105 You got the footage you needed on the first day. 398 00:19:24,105 --> 00:19:26,690 I added a little bit of mine to fill in the gaps. 399 00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:30,527 I thought you were a fly on the wall. 400 00:19:30,527 --> 00:19:33,114 Some flies are too awesome for the wall. 401 00:19:33,114 --> 00:19:35,032 supposed to be objective Documentarians are 402 00:19:35,032 --> 00:19:37,034 any effect on the story. to avoid having 403 00:19:37,034 --> 00:19:38,744 more effect than anyone Yet we have 404 00:19:38,744 --> 00:19:41,289 because we decide to tell it. And we decide how it ends. 405 00:19:41,289 --> 00:19:43,166 yet another sad one Will your story be 406 00:19:43,166 --> 00:19:45,584 who just wanted to be happy? of yet another man 407 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:48,378 Or will your story acknowledge the very nature of stories 408 00:19:48,378 --> 00:19:50,256 that sharing the sad ones and embrace 409 00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:52,008 make them happy? can sometimes 410 00:19:52,008 --> 00:19:56,095 Ugh! Before you say anything… 411 00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:59,849 Nope, I've got nothing. Can you just forgive me? 412 00:20:04,812 --> 00:20:07,564 Yep. 413 00:20:07,564 --> 00:20:09,441 Why? 414 00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:11,443 Because we've all been there. 415 00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:13,112 Which is why we're all here. 416 00:20:18,201 --> 00:20:20,286 Aww! 417 00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:22,830 I'm a good dean? 418 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:25,291 Yeah. 419 00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:29,419 a live possum out of my office? Can someone help me get 420 00:20:29,419 --> 00:20:31,005 We could do that. 421 00:20:31,005 --> 00:20:33,507 jumping and skittering. It just keeps 422 00:20:33,507 --> 00:20:37,220 And you think you're prepared, and then it skitters again. 423 00:20:38,512 --> 00:20:41,057 Okay, scene's over. Hmm? 424 00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,778 in 20 minutes, Mr. Garlin. They'll be ready for you 425 00:20:54,778 --> 00:20:56,739 Great. 426 00:20:56,739 --> 00:20:58,407 I'm a star! 427 00:20:59,533 --> 00:21:01,244 Give me that. 428 00:21:01,244 --> 00:21:03,579 I will not be mitigated. 429 00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:10,086 Okay, you know what? 430 00:21:10,086 --> 00:21:11,795 out of this trailer I'm not coming 431 00:21:11,795 --> 00:21:13,339 a new trailer. until I get 432 00:21:16,592 --> 00:21:18,468 And get me a granola bar!