1 00:00:03,395 --> 00:00:06,147 with that last collar, babe. I really made my bones 2 00:00:06,147 --> 00:00:07,399 Today's the day. 3 00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:09,359 a guard this morning. You woke up with 4 00:00:09,359 --> 00:00:13,822 But tonight, you're going to bed with a detective. 5 00:00:16,324 --> 00:00:19,160 you get some rest, okay? Okay, 6 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,788 Probably need it. 7 00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:32,674 Here's Ben dressed like a dragon. 8 00:00:32,674 --> 00:00:33,842 Aww. 9 00:00:33,842 --> 00:00:35,135 Here's me and Abed 10 00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:36,595 dressed as Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy. 11 00:00:36,595 --> 00:00:38,013 Aww. 12 00:00:38,013 --> 00:00:39,264 Who's Nick Nolte? 13 00:00:39,264 --> 00:00:40,933 Aww. 14 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:43,727 Abed, can I borrow some change for the water fountain? 15 00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:45,646 Yeah. Here you go. Change? 16 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,984 Hey, Dean. Hmm? 17 00:00:49,984 --> 00:00:52,360 What are you doing? Nothing after lunch. 18 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,446 And I can skip lunch if you want… Oh. 19 00:00:54,446 --> 00:00:55,906 That. 20 00:00:55,906 --> 00:00:58,199 and it saves on water, too. Keeps tuition down 21 00:00:58,199 --> 00:01:00,160 gonna pay to drink water. Nobody's 22 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,996 Actually it's a two drink-minimum. 23 00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,872 It'll be reflected in your tuition. 24 00:01:03,872 --> 00:01:05,874 Thanks for the new digs. Hey, Dean. 25 00:01:05,874 --> 00:01:08,460 what we talked about? Ah, eh, remember 26 00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:11,463 We have to keep this whole living situation kind of quiet. 27 00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:13,381 You know, on the dean-low. 28 00:01:13,381 --> 00:01:15,258 I'm barely there. Sure, you know, 29 00:01:15,258 --> 00:01:16,885 I'm married to the job. 30 00:01:16,885 --> 00:01:19,554 I found in the boiler room. And to a mannequin leg 31 00:01:19,554 --> 00:01:21,306 Homewrecker. 32 00:01:21,306 --> 00:01:22,808 Your first major lab assignment 33 00:01:22,808 --> 00:01:24,309 is to construct a terrarium. 34 00:01:24,309 --> 00:01:25,811 Sort of like a diorama. 35 00:01:27,729 --> 00:01:30,482 weird reactions to stuff. You guys have 36 00:01:31,441 --> 00:01:32,860 Hey, can I ask you something? 37 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,862 This is unrelated. 38 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,613 just finished spending As someone who 39 00:01:36,613 --> 00:01:38,239 the majority of his life in prison, 40 00:01:38,239 --> 00:01:41,785 what happened with Legos? They used to be simple. 41 00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:43,829 Oh, come on, I know you know what I'm talking about. 42 00:01:43,829 --> 00:01:45,246 Legos were simple. 43 00:01:48,583 --> 00:01:51,753 Something happened out here while I was inside. 44 00:01:51,753 --> 00:01:54,756 Harry Potter Le Star Wars Legos. 45 00:01:54,756 --> 00:01:57,843 tiny little blocks. Complicated kits, 46 00:01:58,969 --> 00:02:00,470 I mean, I'm not saying it's bad, 47 00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:03,223 I just wanna know what happened. 48 00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,474 All right, fine. 49 00:02:04,474 --> 00:02:06,434 are due tomorrow. Your terrariums 50 00:02:06,434 --> 00:02:08,269 And everyone look across the table 51 00:02:08,269 --> 00:02:10,271 in front of you. at the person 52 00:02:10,271 --> 00:02:13,316 for the rest of the semester. That's your lab partner 53 00:02:13,316 --> 00:02:14,609 Saddle up. 54 00:02:16,319 --> 00:02:18,405 Who are these people? 55 00:02:22,117 --> 00:02:25,120 To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope 56 00:02:28,707 --> 00:02:32,627 Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up 57 00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:42,137 They all just fade away d d One by one 58 00:02:45,182 --> 00:02:48,309 Um, hello, please, Professor Kane? 59 00:02:48,309 --> 00:02:49,937 Yes? 60 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:52,480 I know you haven't been here at Greendale very long, 61 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,482 but, um, we're a study group. 62 00:02:54,482 --> 00:02:56,860 We've been through a lot. It's kind of a thing. 63 00:02:56,860 --> 00:02:58,528 You heard of the space bus. Paintball. 64 00:02:58,528 --> 00:03:01,031 I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom, 65 00:03:01,031 --> 00:03:02,657 and these are the only guys I've ever told. 66 00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:03,992 Yeah, we're like a family. 67 00:03:03,992 --> 00:03:05,535 Second paintball. We love each other. 68 00:03:05,535 --> 00:03:07,495 What is happening at this school? 69 00:03:07,495 --> 00:03:09,998 I have so many conversations that make no sense. 70 00:03:09,998 --> 00:03:14,002 partner up amongst ourselves. Uh, we'd really prefer to 71 00:03:14,002 --> 00:03:15,420 I don't care. Go ahead. 72 00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:18,090 You will not regret this. 73 00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,674 It's not you, it's me. 74 00:03:19,674 --> 00:03:21,300 to protect us both I'm just trying 75 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:22,636 from more pain down the road. 76 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,221 a developmental disorder. I may have 77 00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:27,057 on Breaking Bad, so… I need to catch up 78 00:03:27,057 --> 00:03:28,683 I'm so sorry. 79 00:03:28,683 --> 00:03:30,185 a developmental disorder. I have 80 00:03:30,185 --> 00:03:32,062 Star Wars, Star Wars. Cool, cool, cool. 81 00:03:32,062 --> 00:03:33,563 You understand. 82 00:03:33,563 --> 00:03:35,983 You're also, quite frankly, a very weird-looking man. 83 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:39,360 I don't know you, but I just don't trust you. 84 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,988 And I don't think I could grow to like you. 85 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,697 The point of what I'm trying to tell you, Todd, 86 00:03:42,697 --> 00:03:44,574 is that I don't want to be your lab partner. 87 00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:46,118 No offense. None taken. 88 00:03:46,118 --> 00:03:48,287 you wanna be with your friends. I understand, 89 00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:50,705 Don't tell me what I'm feeling or thinking. It's petty. 90 00:03:50,705 --> 00:03:51,706 Goodbye, Todd. 91 00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:55,710 gonna divide the… Okay, how are we 92 00:03:58,255 --> 00:04:00,090 Todd, buddy! Hey, Todd! 93 00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:01,300 You passed the test. 94 00:04:03,969 --> 00:04:06,096 I've been walking my beat a long time, sir. 95 00:04:06,096 --> 00:04:07,555 A long time. 96 00:04:07,555 --> 00:04:09,641 I've kept my head down, paid my dues. 97 00:04:09,641 --> 00:04:11,935 I'm ready to make detective. And, well, I think 98 00:04:11,935 --> 00:04:13,561 You've only been here a month. 99 00:04:13,561 --> 00:04:15,647 You really haven't done much of anything. 100 00:04:15,647 --> 00:04:18,733 as security guard detective. And there's no such thing 101 00:04:18,733 --> 00:04:21,111 We don't solve crimes. 102 00:04:21,111 --> 00:04:22,988 We barely prevent them. 103 00:04:22,988 --> 00:04:24,865 You wanna detect something? 104 00:04:25,949 --> 00:04:27,575 Do it on your own time. 105 00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,122 Maybe I will. 106 00:04:32,122 --> 00:04:34,958 Maybe I will. 107 00:04:34,958 --> 00:04:39,087 My own words rang in my head like a bell inside a head. 108 00:04:39,087 --> 00:04:40,755 Maybe I was crazy. 109 00:04:40,755 --> 00:04:44,926 Or maybe, just maybe, I was a detective. 110 00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,013 Hey. 111 00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:49,181 What? 112 00:04:49,181 --> 00:04:51,266 Looking for something? No. 113 00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:54,061 but her eyes said otherwise. She said she wasn't, 114 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,604 legs that went all the way She was all dame, 115 00:04:56,604 --> 00:04:58,065 to the bottom of her torso. 116 00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,108 The kind of arms that had elbows. 117 00:05:00,108 --> 00:05:03,486 Um, did you just call me in here to stare at me? 118 00:05:09,951 --> 00:05:12,620 I could tell that somebody, The way she left, 119 00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:15,707 or something had really put the scare on her. 120 00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:17,667 But what? Why? 121 00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:19,211 Stapler. 122 00:05:19,211 --> 00:05:20,545 Was I crazy? 123 00:05:20,545 --> 00:05:22,297 somehow connected? Or were they 124 00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:24,966 I can't believe it. 125 00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:27,219 This is the first time there hasn't been a beetle in here. 126 00:05:27,219 --> 00:05:29,596 Should we move outside? Uh-huh. 127 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:31,265 Did you even hear what I said? 128 00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,100 Seriously? Uh-huh. 129 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,476 Is this what it's gonna be like working together? 130 00:05:35,476 --> 00:05:37,979 I lost three followers? What? 131 00:05:37,979 --> 00:05:39,940 can't handle the truth Man, people just 132 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,276 about Ben Sherman's winter collection. 133 00:05:45,570 --> 00:05:47,697 Roommates, study group, lab partners. 134 00:05:47,697 --> 00:05:49,657 We really are gonna spend all our time together. 135 00:05:49,657 --> 00:05:50,951 How awesome is that? 136 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,369 what else is awesome? Very. You know 137 00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:53,661 the Hong Kong movie Last night I saw 138 00:05:53,661 --> 00:05:54,829 is based on. Kickpuncher 139 00:05:54,829 --> 00:05:56,706 Yeah, I know, I was there. 140 00:05:56,706 --> 00:05:58,792 Did you see the scene where Kickpuncher kick-punches 141 00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,086 Yeah. Both of them. 200 guys with one kick-punch? 142 00:06:02,921 --> 00:06:04,089 Oh. 143 00:06:05,257 --> 00:06:07,466 We spend too much time together. 144 00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:08,760 Jinx. 145 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,553 with his cupcake. Here's Ben 146 00:06:11,679 --> 00:06:13,348 a few seconds later And here he is 147 00:06:13,348 --> 00:06:15,767 when he was crying because he dropped his cupcake. 148 00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:17,644 with another cupcake. And here he is 149 00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,813 Wait, these are out of order. That's the same cupcake. 150 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:23,024 these pictures are adorable. Oh, Shirley, 151 00:06:23,024 --> 00:06:24,483 And comprehensive. 152 00:06:24,483 --> 00:06:26,820 sugar is like baby meth? But did you know that 153 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,571 That's what my homeopath said. 154 00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:31,532 should mind his own business. Well, maybe your gay friend 155 00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:36,371 "Forget about the girl," I told myself. 156 00:06:36,371 --> 00:06:39,124 like a lobster claw letting go "Let her go, 157 00:06:39,124 --> 00:06:42,043 of a small balloon for lobsters." 158 00:06:42,043 --> 00:06:43,920 Still, I had a hunch. 159 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,422 Hmm. 160 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:47,548 A matchbook. 161 00:06:47,548 --> 00:06:49,717 Something about it seemed clue-y. 162 00:06:49,717 --> 00:06:52,679 "Arizona Matchbook Company." 163 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:54,097 Arizona. 164 00:06:54,097 --> 00:06:57,017 Arizona backwards is still Arizona! 165 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:59,060 It's a palomino! 166 00:06:59,060 --> 00:07:00,228 Maybe I was crazy 167 00:07:00,228 --> 00:07:03,648 I was finally sane. or maybe 168 00:07:05,566 --> 00:07:08,069 keep staring at me? Why does this guy 169 00:07:13,408 --> 00:07:15,535 What are you doing here? Britta. 170 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:17,287 getting some air. Oh, I was just 171 00:07:17,287 --> 00:07:19,956 And wondering something. Me too. 172 00:07:19,956 --> 00:07:21,249 I was wondering something, too. 173 00:07:21,249 --> 00:07:23,210 No, you first. Tell me. 174 00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,129 I was wondering, what would it be like if we were partners? 175 00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:27,422 What's going on here? 176 00:07:27,422 --> 00:07:28,923 of changing partners? Were you thinking 177 00:07:28,923 --> 00:07:30,591 of changing partners? Who's thinking 178 00:07:30,591 --> 00:07:32,260 Were you gonna bail on me? 179 00:07:32,260 --> 00:07:35,013 No. No one here is thinking of changing partners. No, sir. 180 00:07:35,013 --> 00:07:36,264 I am! 181 00:07:36,264 --> 00:07:39,142 While he was spying, I found a turtle. 182 00:07:39,142 --> 00:07:41,769 I should be the only one here It's not fair that 183 00:07:41,769 --> 00:07:44,772 saddled with a total waste of space loser. 184 00:07:44,772 --> 00:07:47,108 No offense, Todd. None taken. 185 00:07:47,108 --> 00:07:49,944 Why should you all get the exact partner you wanted? 186 00:07:49,944 --> 00:07:51,488 That's right. 187 00:07:51,488 --> 00:07:54,199 It's totally not fair that we saddled Pierce with Todd. 188 00:07:54,199 --> 00:07:56,910 We should probably choose again. I mean, just to be fair. 189 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,995 Let's go to the study room So it's agreed. 190 00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:01,081 problem once and for all. and deal with this Todd 191 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:02,707 Okay. 192 00:08:02,707 --> 00:08:04,834 Um, did you want me to come? 193 00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:07,462 "the Todd problem." Um, it's called 194 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:19,807 Okay, we just have to come up with a fair way 195 00:08:19,807 --> 00:08:23,895 to decide who is gonna be stuck for an entire semester 196 00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:26,731 with this…random. 197 00:08:26,731 --> 00:08:29,401 This, uh…non-grouper. 198 00:08:29,401 --> 00:08:31,194 No offense, Todd. None taken. 199 00:08:31,194 --> 00:08:32,737 I'm happy to work with whoever. 200 00:08:32,737 --> 00:08:35,240 to decide this fairly. There's only one way 201 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,033 We go boy-girl, boy-girl. 202 00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:39,244 But everyone has to have a different hair color. 203 00:08:39,244 --> 00:08:41,204 a different high school. And be from 204 00:08:41,204 --> 00:08:43,498 And be a different race. 205 00:08:43,498 --> 00:08:45,542 I guess I'd be with…Britta. 206 00:08:45,542 --> 00:08:47,252 I guess my hands are tied. 207 00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:49,087 concept intrigues me The hair color 208 00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:50,797 I distinguish you anyway. because it's how 209 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,507 arrange by age, But what if we 210 00:08:52,507 --> 00:08:54,468 so the young people can work while the old people sleep. 211 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,803 Um, I was just wondering who you considered old, 212 00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,972 to remind you again because I'd like 213 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,015 the same age as Jeff. that I'm just about 214 00:09:01,015 --> 00:09:02,601 I was counting Jeff as old too. Hey! 215 00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:04,185 That's all right then. 216 00:09:04,185 --> 00:09:06,980 how my age has anything to… I just don't understand 217 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,898 Oh, for heaven's sake, Pierce! 218 00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:11,568 I was thinking the thing that would be most beneficial… 219 00:09:11,568 --> 00:09:13,320 - You know, for the group. - would be to 220 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,989 lowest GPAs with the highest. pair the people with the 221 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,449 Hmm. Interesting. 222 00:09:17,449 --> 00:09:19,534 carrying the lowest? The highest 223 00:09:19,534 --> 00:09:21,328 you might want that. I can see how 224 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,703 You know what, Annie? 225 00:09:22,703 --> 00:09:24,914 Pew, pew, pew, pew… 226 00:09:24,914 --> 00:09:28,502 Pew, pew, pew… Wait. Wait, no. 227 00:09:28,502 --> 00:09:30,378 Does anyone else have kids? 228 00:09:30,378 --> 00:09:33,507 Because I have a gorgeous little newborn that I'd like to get… 229 00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:36,134 talking to Shirley about kids. Oh, perfect! You'll enjoy 230 00:09:36,134 --> 00:09:38,928 Uh-uh, don't go trying to pawn Todd off on me. 231 00:09:38,928 --> 00:09:40,263 Again, none taken. 232 00:09:40,263 --> 00:09:41,973 Guys, our terrariums are due tomorrow 233 00:09:41,973 --> 00:09:43,183 and it's already 9. 234 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,351 Okay, let's make this simple 235 00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,477 and do it like student housing. 236 00:09:45,477 --> 00:09:47,812 lab partner preferences Write down 237 00:09:47,812 --> 00:09:50,607 Abed, you're a computer. from one to eight. 238 00:09:50,607 --> 00:09:52,775 You figure out a way to put us in our optimal pairings. 239 00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:55,820 And before you all go putting Todd down last, 240 00:09:55,820 --> 00:09:58,281 he comes with a turtle. don't forget 241 00:09:58,281 --> 00:09:59,740 You're halfway done. 242 00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:01,034 How does that sound? 243 00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:03,995 Somebody wake up Pierce. 244 00:10:03,995 --> 00:10:05,997 Matchbook Company. Hello, Arizona 245 00:10:05,997 --> 00:10:07,874 I had to get some answers. 246 00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:10,877 fish needs a bicycle…a lot. And I needed answers like a 247 00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:12,629 Hello? Hello? 248 00:10:12,629 --> 00:10:14,755 interested in your matchbooks. Yeah, I am, uh, 249 00:10:14,755 --> 00:10:16,216 to place an order? Would you like 250 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,801 I had to think fast. 251 00:10:18,801 --> 00:10:20,845 Get away from my desk. Yes. 252 00:10:20,845 --> 00:10:23,014 You've been walking around I'll call you back. 253 00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:25,392 asking people weird questions and then staring at them 254 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,685 moving your lips? while slightly 255 00:10:26,685 --> 00:10:28,186 I had to think fast. 256 00:10:28,186 --> 00:10:29,354 No. 257 00:10:29,354 --> 00:10:31,523 Ben… 258 00:10:31,523 --> 00:10:33,525 might be getting to you. I think this job 259 00:10:33,525 --> 00:10:35,610 to take some time off. I think you need 260 00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,696 Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? 261 00:10:37,696 --> 00:10:39,822 Very much so. 262 00:10:39,822 --> 00:10:41,449 Yes. 263 00:10:41,449 --> 00:10:43,034 All right, yep. 264 00:10:43,034 --> 00:10:45,119 Annie's gonna be with Shirley. According to my system, 265 00:10:45,119 --> 00:10:46,787 Troy is with Britta. Pierce is with me. 266 00:10:46,787 --> 00:10:49,666 Okay, let's get to work. And Jeff is with Todd. 267 00:10:49,666 --> 00:10:53,628 Uh, wait. Um, how did I end up with Todd? 268 00:10:53,628 --> 00:10:55,213 I mean, no offense, but he wasn't exactly 269 00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:57,048 at the top of my list. None taken. 270 00:10:57,048 --> 00:10:59,426 We're supposed to trust it? The algorithm dictated. 271 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,010 You're questioning my algorithm? 272 00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:02,512 Is your algorithm above questioning? 273 00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:04,805 Will you tell us how you chose? Not necessarily. 274 00:11:04,805 --> 00:11:06,516 I used the ballots to rank everyone by popularity. 275 00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:08,184 with the least popular. I put the most popular 276 00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:10,228 It would maximize audience appeal. 277 00:11:10,228 --> 00:11:12,313 So I was number one, Oh, I see. 278 00:11:12,313 --> 00:11:14,315 and he was obviously number eight. No offense, Todd. 279 00:11:14,315 --> 00:11:15,567 were four and five. You and Todd 280 00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:17,277 I was four? 281 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:18,737 I was five? Todd was four. 282 00:11:18,737 --> 00:11:20,029 Well, that's insane! 283 00:11:20,029 --> 00:11:22,574 We don't even know him. He's a stranger. 284 00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:24,992 Jeez, Jeff. It has feelings. 285 00:11:24,992 --> 00:11:27,328 Wait, so we all know Annie was number one, 286 00:11:27,328 --> 00:11:29,122 because she'd do all the work. 287 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:32,751 And Shirley was her partner, so… 288 00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:35,128 But that means… So you all put… 289 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,756 I just worked it out. 290 00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,675 I'm more popular than someone! 291 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,304 Getting the matchbooks shipped to me 292 00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,930 the same day wasn't easy. 293 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:47,932 the company money. I had to pay 294 00:11:47,932 --> 00:11:50,017 I used Nunez's card. 295 00:11:50,017 --> 00:11:52,520 the detective awards. He'd thank me at 296 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:56,650 Somewhere, somehow, I was gonna find what I was looking for. 297 00:12:09,663 --> 00:12:12,415 Mother of God. Holy Mary, 298 00:12:12,415 --> 00:12:14,417 Was I crazy? 299 00:12:14,417 --> 00:12:16,169 the verge of something? Or was I on 300 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,171 My mind reeled with thoughts. 301 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,214 Stand-up premises. Voices. 302 00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:22,175 Why don't they just make tires out of pavement 303 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,260 so you can drive on anything? What's up with buttons? 304 00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:26,262 What would happen if Nicholson was a gynecologist? 305 00:12:26,262 --> 00:12:28,807 There was something there. Heh-heh-heh. 306 00:12:28,807 --> 00:12:30,517 I need a notepad. 307 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,976 Maybe a blazer. 308 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,898 I don't know when I'll be home. Honey, I… 309 00:12:37,898 --> 00:12:40,777 How could you guys hate me more than Pierce? 310 00:12:40,777 --> 00:12:42,487 Or anything more than Pierce? 311 00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:44,698 Thin ice, Shirley. My friends and I 312 00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:47,367 are not gonna let you drive a wedge between us. 313 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,951 Shirley has a point. 314 00:12:48,951 --> 00:12:51,371 like a butt convention. This list stinks 315 00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,248 How else could you explain Troy being so unpopular? 316 00:12:54,248 --> 00:12:57,210 the popular one in our pairing. Uh, I think I was 317 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,877 Oh, Troy. 318 00:13:02,131 --> 00:13:04,718 Fine, why don't I just go work with Todd? 319 00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:08,054 Hey, that's cool, whatever gets this project done. 320 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,557 what a great guy. Oh, wow, 321 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,017 like him so much more than me. I can see why all of you 322 00:13:13,017 --> 00:13:16,646 one wants to carry you all year. Jeff, maybe it's just that no 323 00:13:16,646 --> 00:13:19,607 Gee, you're right, Annie, it's not personal. 324 00:13:19,607 --> 00:13:21,442 people really like you. It's not like 325 00:13:21,442 --> 00:13:23,444 You're just a good grade in a tight sweater. 326 00:13:23,444 --> 00:13:25,739 You're just a bad grade in a tight sweater. 327 00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:27,532 are you always texting? And who the hell 328 00:13:27,532 --> 00:13:28,991 Everyone you know is here. 329 00:13:28,991 --> 00:13:30,744 Okay, let's all just take a breath… 330 00:13:30,744 --> 00:13:32,746 Don't get your number four stink on this, Todd. 331 00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:34,288 Okay, let's focus. 332 00:13:34,288 --> 00:13:38,501 We're all the same people we were 12 hours ago. 333 00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:40,837 Maybe we should just revert to our original pairings. 334 00:13:40,837 --> 00:13:42,589 But I thought you didn't want to carry Jeff. 335 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,382 Oh, you just don't want to work with Shirley. 336 00:13:44,382 --> 00:13:46,551 Oh! You too, Brute? 337 00:13:46,551 --> 00:13:49,345 You're a creationist! It's just… 338 00:13:49,345 --> 00:13:51,222 You're so religious. What? 339 00:13:51,222 --> 00:13:53,182 How are you gonna do science experiments 340 00:13:53,182 --> 00:13:54,768 believe in science? if you don't even 341 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:57,061 Just because someone's religious doesn't mean 342 00:13:57,061 --> 00:13:59,856 they have a problem with science. And certainly, 343 00:13:59,856 --> 00:14:02,483 course at a community college if an introductory biology 344 00:14:02,483 --> 00:14:05,862 can refute 2,000 years of miracles… 345 00:14:05,862 --> 00:14:08,531 And what about Britta? She's not gonna dissect anything. 346 00:14:08,531 --> 00:14:11,492 dissect anything with a face. Fine, you got me, I won't 347 00:14:11,492 --> 00:14:12,951 What about worms? 348 00:14:12,951 --> 00:14:14,579 tiny little faces? Do they have 349 00:14:14,579 --> 00:14:16,205 you're the stupidest! This is why 350 00:14:16,205 --> 00:14:18,917 If loving worms is stupid, I don't wanna be smart. 351 00:14:18,917 --> 00:14:21,127 and you can't be. It is, 352 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,588 figured it all out. Guys, I just 353 00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:25,673 Jeff is gonna heal us. Pierce, wake up, 354 00:14:25,673 --> 00:14:28,092 at this totally wrong. We have been looking 355 00:14:28,092 --> 00:14:30,887 There's no way I'm unpopular. 356 00:14:30,887 --> 00:14:33,180 One of you monsters just put me last 357 00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:35,182 in a petty attempt to humble me. 358 00:14:36,851 --> 00:14:40,396 I just had a terrible nightmare that Jeff was a pompous ass. 359 00:14:40,396 --> 00:14:41,773 Also, Todd was there. 360 00:14:41,773 --> 00:14:43,190 Uh, no offense, Todd. 361 00:14:52,116 --> 00:14:54,702 where it didn't belong. I'd poked my nose 362 00:14:54,702 --> 00:14:58,581 Someone, or something, had sent me a message. 363 00:14:59,457 --> 00:15:01,542 Veronica. 364 00:15:01,542 --> 00:15:04,170 gotten mixed up in all this. It's my fault she had 365 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,592 Uh-uh, Todd. 366 00:15:09,592 --> 00:15:11,302 I heard a fire alarm. Pretty sure 367 00:15:11,302 --> 00:15:13,012 Nobody's going home until we see those ballots. 368 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:15,055 See the ballots? Are you crazy? 369 00:15:15,055 --> 00:15:17,517 I say let's lay our cards on the table 370 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:19,769 and see what everyone really thinks of each other. 371 00:15:19,769 --> 00:15:21,437 Get behind me, Abed. 372 00:15:22,897 --> 00:15:24,398 Jeff, stop it! 373 00:15:24,398 --> 00:15:25,733 Give it to me! Pass! 374 00:15:25,733 --> 00:15:27,193 Get back, get back! Give it! 375 00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,069 I am doing this for all of us. 376 00:15:29,069 --> 00:15:31,071 her marijuana lighter. Oh, no, she's got 377 00:15:31,071 --> 00:15:32,866 Don't! 378 00:15:32,866 --> 00:15:36,076 The turtle is in there! No! 379 00:15:36,076 --> 00:15:38,412 I am so sorry! Oh, my God, 380 00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:42,458 with you people? What is wrong 381 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,962 Huh? 382 00:15:45,962 --> 00:15:49,048 supposed to be friends! I thought you were 383 00:15:49,048 --> 00:15:52,259 I thought you were supposed to love each other! 384 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:56,472 Your love is weird. 385 00:15:56,472 --> 00:15:58,265 And toxic! 386 00:15:58,265 --> 00:16:01,435 everything it touches! And it destroys 387 00:16:01,435 --> 00:16:04,438 I no longer care about grades. 388 00:16:04,438 --> 00:16:08,860 graduating from college, Or biology. Or finally 389 00:16:08,860 --> 00:16:11,237 like I promised my dying father. 390 00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:14,824 I'm going home. 391 00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:18,369 I'm gonna hold my wife and my child close. 392 00:16:18,369 --> 00:16:22,456 And I am gonna finally take my insulin shot! 393 00:16:23,958 --> 00:16:26,252 Offense taken. 394 00:16:29,213 --> 00:16:30,882 Offense taken. 395 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,180 he is right about one thing. Well, 396 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:40,099 You're all terrible people. 397 00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:41,976 this stupid assignment. And I don't care about 398 00:16:41,976 --> 00:16:43,728 I'm going home. 399 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,690 I'm going to biology class. No, I'm not, 400 00:16:47,690 --> 00:16:49,275 It starts in 15 minutes. 401 00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,489 And eventually, this caterpillar 402 00:16:55,489 --> 00:16:57,700 will come out of its cocoon. And then… 403 00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,744 Pop, pop! 404 00:17:02,997 --> 00:17:05,083 Nice work, you two. 405 00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:07,585 You know they're laughing at you, right? 406 00:17:07,585 --> 00:17:08,920 I mean, that's my theory. 407 00:17:10,504 --> 00:17:12,882 Now, super group. 408 00:17:12,882 --> 00:17:15,676 a sorry lack of terrariums. I can't help but notice 409 00:17:15,676 --> 00:17:17,095 We didn't have time to finish. 410 00:17:17,095 --> 00:17:18,888 Here's mine. 411 00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:20,932 have time to do that? When did you even 412 00:17:20,932 --> 00:17:22,016 You're pathological. 413 00:17:22,016 --> 00:17:23,893 It's too late for flattery. 414 00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:26,520 Professor, obviously this isn't working out. You're just gonna 415 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,023 with our original lab partners. have to put us 416 00:17:29,023 --> 00:17:31,109 I don't have to do anything. 417 00:17:31,109 --> 00:17:32,860 Not after you broke my boy Todd. 418 00:17:32,860 --> 00:17:34,988 crying this morning. That man called me 419 00:17:34,988 --> 00:17:37,031 You know he fought in Iraq, right? 420 00:17:37,031 --> 00:17:39,742 We had a name for people like you in prison. 421 00:17:39,742 --> 00:17:41,744 "the mean clique." We called you 422 00:17:41,744 --> 00:17:44,538 But I have a solution. 423 00:17:44,538 --> 00:17:46,749 will share a microscope, All seven of you 424 00:17:46,749 --> 00:17:49,543 one bench, and one grade that I will average. 425 00:17:49,543 --> 00:17:51,129 Everyone else gets their own stuff. 426 00:17:51,129 --> 00:17:53,380 So can we get an extension on the first assignment? 427 00:17:53,380 --> 00:17:54,799 No. You all fail. 428 00:17:59,386 --> 00:18:01,639 Oh, my God. 429 00:18:01,639 --> 00:18:03,057 How did this happen? 430 00:18:03,057 --> 00:18:04,767 And did I miss the firemen? 431 00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:07,145 the explanation is simple. Dean, 432 00:18:07,145 --> 00:18:09,105 It's all connected. 433 00:18:09,105 --> 00:18:11,065 A web of conspiracy that goes 434 00:18:11,065 --> 00:18:14,318 all the way to the top of Arizona. 435 00:18:14,318 --> 00:18:16,821 All…right. 436 00:18:16,821 --> 00:18:19,699 Hey, somebody's been squatting in the utility closet. 437 00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:22,994 There's a hot plate back there, thousands of matches. 438 00:18:22,994 --> 00:18:24,537 we're looking at dozens I mean, 439 00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:28,290 and fire code violations. of major health 440 00:18:29,792 --> 00:18:32,003 to get the police involved. I think we're gonna have 441 00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,254 And that's when it hit me. 442 00:18:34,254 --> 00:18:36,215 really big trouble. I was in 443 00:18:37,424 --> 00:18:39,802 Dean. Dean? Hmm? 444 00:18:39,802 --> 00:18:42,513 Oh, uh…no. 445 00:18:42,513 --> 00:18:44,098 No need to get the cops. 446 00:18:44,098 --> 00:18:48,728 With a conspiracy this big, they're probably involved. 447 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,646 What Chang says What? 448 00:18:50,646 --> 00:18:52,940 makes a lot of sense, and, um… 449 00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:55,776 Okay, you know what? I quit. 450 00:18:55,776 --> 00:18:58,154 with the not getting paid, I mean, I can deal 451 00:18:58,154 --> 00:19:01,532 at you enabling this man. but I draw the line 452 00:19:01,532 --> 00:19:05,327 I mean, I'm seriously concerned that he's mentally ill. 453 00:19:05,327 --> 00:19:07,080 And it's not funny at all. 454 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,622 The top of Arizona… It's scary. 455 00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:09,999 I needed to know more 456 00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:11,417 Was it a high mesa? about those firemen. 457 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,086 Or a state of mind? Were they diverse? 458 00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:16,089 I was gonna have to climb it. Could I buy a calendar? 459 00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:19,050 Okay, screw this. I-I quit. 460 00:19:23,721 --> 00:19:26,807 Well, it seems that Greendale owes you a debt of gratitude. 461 00:19:26,807 --> 00:19:29,852 the new head of security? How would you like to be 462 00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:31,311 I had to think fast. 463 00:19:31,311 --> 00:19:32,479 Yes. 464 00:19:32,479 --> 00:19:35,608 I don't know, was I crazy? 465 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,944 Or was I just doing right by the school? 466 00:19:50,372 --> 00:19:52,458 This is awkward, isn't it? 467 00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:54,252 I think it's pretty clear You know, 468 00:19:54,252 --> 00:19:56,712 what destroyed the balance in our study group's ecosystem. 469 00:19:56,712 --> 00:19:58,631 Ranking one person above another. 470 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,591 Letting our differences get the best of us. 471 00:20:00,591 --> 00:20:02,718 Racism? No. 472 00:20:02,718 --> 00:20:04,511 Todd. 473 00:20:04,511 --> 00:20:06,931 Todd! 474 00:20:06,931 --> 00:20:08,474 Did you see the head on that guy? 475 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,060 What was wrong with him? "None taken." 476 00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:13,229 Not to be unchristian, but that boy sucked. 477 00:20:13,229 --> 00:20:14,521 I missed this. 478 00:20:14,521 --> 00:20:15,982 Aww! 479 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:19,777 He wouldn't shut up. And his dumb baby! 480 00:20:19,777 --> 00:20:22,071 Change your own diaper, right? 481 00:20:22,071 --> 00:20:24,531 Get yourself a bottle. 482 00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:41,299 are really personal. These questions 483 00:20:41,299 --> 00:20:43,009 Are you sure this is anonymous? 484 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:46,053 evaluations for my psych class. Yeah, they're just practice 485 00:20:47,180 --> 00:20:49,056 Who did a butt? All right. 486 00:20:49,056 --> 00:20:51,309 And I don't know. They're boobs. 487 00:20:51,309 --> 00:20:53,060 Take it again. 488 00:20:53,060 --> 00:20:55,604 Somebody drew a penis. All right. 489 00:20:55,604 --> 00:20:57,982 Oh! And another penis. 490 00:20:57,982 --> 00:21:01,485 Penis, penis, penis. Very mature, guys. 491 00:21:01,485 --> 00:21:03,403 Me neither. I didn't draw a penis. 492 00:21:05,906 --> 00:21:08,659 normally filled out tests. Yeah, these are all 493 00:21:08,659 --> 00:21:10,744 Ha-ha! Gotcha! 494 00:21:10,744 --> 00:21:13,580 This was also a test, and you all penised. 495 00:21:14,456 --> 00:21:15,875 Passed. 496 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,877 Maybe I need to take one. 497 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,129 Not a penis. A test.