To school each morning ♪ ♪ We're gonna fly
Like a mainstream dream ♪ ♪ We're gonna seem
Two years combined ♪ ♪ Than the first
Jeff. Jeff?
Uh, what was the question? Oh, sorry.
What are we gonna do without Pierce
in the study group this year? I'm sure we'll figure it out.
Speaking of figuring things out,
me and Abed have an announcement. Mm-hm.
living together. Troy and I are
Oh, that's… Oh, that's nice.
We're registered at Linens 'n Things.
We want the things. We have linens.
How you like me now, bitches?
Dean, you seem different.
Are you in a play right now?
I decided it's time Over the summer,
to whip this place into shape.
I'm gonna be a mean, lean, deaning machine.
no more spaceships, No more paintball,
no more trampolines, and no more…
What is that?
It's probably the monkey that lives in the vents.
I named him "Annie's Boobs," after Annie's boobs.
See? This is the kind of national lampoonery
to an end this year. that is coming
Homie don't dean this.
let's get to Biology on time. Okay, guys,
I don't wanna be a screw-up.
Uh, Britta.
We're really doing this without Pierce? So sad.
Yeah, we've parted ways with our closest,
most racist, oldest, oldest, craziest,
and he's not coming back. elderly, crazy friend,
I'm back.
How was your summer? Enlightful, Annie.
of intensive soul-rezoning I underwent three months
at the Laser Lotus Celebrity Center.
I stand before you a more highly evolved Pierce Hawthorne,
that this table has a… one that can accept
Has a sort of magic in it.
Aw.
I'd like to come back.
Yeah. Damn it!
Oh, uh, sorry.
I had the frustrating realization
that you can't come back to the group,
you're not in Biology and it's full.
Couldn't we take something else?
Surely we've evolved beyond
caring what class we take together.
Oh, yeah. Pierce!
I'll do you one better.
I think we've evolved beyond reliance on a group at all.
actual friends now, Aren't we just
no matter where we are?
You know what's magic about this table?
It magically keeps our books from falling on the floor.
The table's for studying, Ah.
but as friends, we've evolved.
Let's use that first breath
super-evolved air of crisp, new,
to declare proudly and in one voice:
"Pierce,
when we see you." we'll see you
Don't tell the monkey I'm living here.
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
They all just fade away d d One by one
I see you added a lizard Oh! Star-Burns,
to your special hat and sideburns.
Yeah. Am I missing anything?
underneath it all, The human being
but no one's interested in that, are they? No.
I hope we did the right thing about Pierce.
He seems like he's changed. Are you nuts?
That's what he wants you to think.
We're better off without him. Trust me.
Excluding Pierce is what drove him crazy.
drove him excluded. Wrong, being crazy
What's wrong? Cougar Town's been moved.
That's never a good sign. Mmm.
Not cool, not cool, not cool.
It's coming back in January. Hey, buddy.
Six seasons and a movie. Six seasons and a movie.
Oh.
This is intro to Biology.
Dr. Marshall Kane, PhD. I'm your professor,
It took me 6205 hours to get my degree,
and I know,
because I was only allowed in the library
Vicente Correctional Facility one hour per day at the San
while serving a sentence of 25 to life.
Now, let's talk about that word.
"Life."
Uh, sorry. It's a new phone. Switching to vibrate.
It's really great. Continue.
I stared at a crack
in my cell for years, in the ground
something grew from it. and one day,
A single blade of grass.
Vibrates louder than the ringer.
Gosh. You know what? Turning it off.
growing from dead stone. Living thing,
Get out!
Oh, it's off, it's off. Out!
I turned it off.
Fine. Okay, fine. I'm leaving.
And don't bother coming back.
Seriously? Hey, dude, Sean Penn called.
He says to dial it back.
I know who Sean Penn is. Sean Penn's an actor…
I've seen Milk. Now get out.
Dude, learn to blend.
monkeys living on campus. I will not tolerate
to run a monkey hotel, If I wanted
I'd install a banana buffet.
I'd use vines as elevators,
and I'd put tail holes in the bathrobes,
all the shower knobs. and I'd lower
Now it's your turn. You've thought this through.
Brainstorm. Idea shower.
Spray your solutions all over me.
Well, we could seal all the vents
and then pump the ducts with some kind of gas
that knocks out monkeys.
Monkey knockout gas!
of grounded, sensible thinking That's the kind
I wanna see this year.
Catherine, who's next?
Vice Dean Laybourne
from Air-Conditioning Repair School annex.
Vice Dean. Dean. New suit, Dean?
New Dean, Vice Dean. New Dean.
used school funds I see that you
for your faculty break room. to buy an espresso machine
I don't recall being consulted on that.
We don't consult you on anything.
That's the problem.
The Air-Conditioning Repair School annex
it's separate from Greendale, seems to think that
but it's an annex.
An appendage, on a body, with a head,
and this head is saying to this appendage,
What you say makes sense, Dean. "Whazzup?"
Tell you what.
to my appendage tomorrow, You bring your head down
and I'll show you "whazzup."
I'll be there.
I think I found something that will help Abed.
Abed, did you know that Cougar Town
of a 1990s British sitcom? is an American adaptation
Cougarton Abbey.
Just been around Cougarton Chapel.
I may be having an awakening.
Come off it, Deirdre.
a butchers at the choir boys. You're having
Better than nothing. Thanks, Britta.
Can you believe that guy,
kicking me out of class like that?
It's gonna be impossible to find a science class
with six open spots.
Why do that? I'm not in Biology anymore.
And neither is Pierce,
still our friends. but you're both
We've evolved.
Right, Jeff?
Yes, we have.
Mm-hm. We all love each other.
We all go to the same school, so, uh…
I guess I'll see ya when I see ya.
Hey, guess what.
I was on the wait list for Biology,
somebody got kicked out,
I am here to study!
Yay!
All hail, Sir Eats-Alone. Shut up, Leonard.
your prescription socks. I heard about
Hope you don't mind, Jeff,
only on Episode Six. got a new show,
You guys got five minutes to eat.
Time flies when you're studying the science of life.
when you joke Time flies
about movies that sound like names for poops.
The Remains of the Day.
Wait a second.
Were you eavesdropping on our study session?
on your goof-off session, I was eavesdropping
the most obvious one. and you missed
No, I said Green Mile.
Operation Dumbo Drop.
Too clever by half, Jeffrey.
Well, I gotta go. All right,
the five minutes. Thanks for
Aw, Jeffrey.
Blimey, the barrister's foreclosed the Abbey.
Fancy a drink, then?
Oi, fetch us a Hemlock.
Um…
Britta? Um…
Why did everyone on Cougarton Abbey just die?
They only ran six episodes.
That's the great thing about British TV.
They give you closure. Oh.
Hey! No, no, no!
a new favorite show! We'll find you
Come on, buddy.
You are human tennis elbow.
You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth.
You are the opposite of Batman.
You don't need them, man.
Exactly. I'll see 'em when I see 'em.
Totally.
We should hang out sometime. Huh? Grab a drink?
Where are you living now? Sure.
The air vents…
I live in the air vents of the school.
I'm free, Jeff. Free!
I gotta get back in that class.
Real Dean coming through… Oh, my goodness, spacious!
Vice Dean…
Is this where Greendale's money is going?
More accurately, Dean,
it's where Greendale's money comes from.
Our air-conditioning program has a job placement rate
five times higher than the rest of your school combined.
Our alumni donations comprise 80 percent
school's budget. of your entire
And you want to know why we think we deserve…
…an espresso machine?
Well, I guess I didn't know. I… Then you never had to, Dean.
You could've lived the rest of your life in blissful ignorance
and died a happy, pansexual imp.
to feel power this year. But you wanted
Well, now, you're going to feel my power
as it surges downward from me, straight through you,
from nostril to rectum, now until the end of time.
And that's "whazzup."
I forgot everything you said before "rectum"!
Wh…?
Who are these guys?
because I think it's time This is my legal team,
a new agreement. we worked out
He doesn't look like a lawyer.
That's a barber.
of that ridiculous goatee. Because I'm also sick
You look like a white Lou Gossett Jr.
Wh…?
a bigger office. You deserve
Biggest office I ever had.
I'm here to apologize, Dr. Kane,
and beg you for a seat in Biology.
You wanna learn about life? Tell you what, NSYNC.
Give up the phone.
Oh, you're asking me for a bribe?
I can't be bought, man. You feel me?
prison was my walls. See,
But you put your walls up.
You, and your phone, and your attitude,
Fruit Loops cologne. and your
Your walls put up so tight, man,
not even a blade of grass could get through.
you wouldn't appreciate it. But even if it did,
come back to my class. That's why you can't
What's your problem with me, man?
And don't act like it's not about me specifically,
because you've been in…
Busted!
Take it easy, Winger. Hey!
It is now that I have this. Everything okay?
This is my ticket to getting back in the group.
Hey! Hey! Eh!
in the group so bad! I wanna be
All right, let's smoke 'em and choke 'em.
No! No! No, no!
Uh-oh.
What is that?
Monkey gas!
Monkey gas?
Oh, my God!
Abed?
All your friends are here.
They wanna talk to you.
How's this different from the way he always is?
This'd be a great time to baptize him.
Abed, maybe this can be your new favorite show.
It's a British sci-fi series
that's been on the air since 1962.
Britta, you've done enough.
a ruiners' club? Why not start
you'd probably ruin it. No, wait,
Then I'd be doing a good job
a ruiners' club. because it's
You ruined my analogy.
Guys, look!
Blimey, Inspector!
wound up this time? Where have we
The question isn't where, Constable, but when.
Inspector, look out! Blorgons!
Eradicate! Eradicate!
This is the best show I've ever seen.
Having fun without me again?
Jeff, what happened? You look 70.
favorite TV show, Jeff. Abed has a new
Inspector Spacetime. It's called
I came here to let you know Can it, boobs!
that your best friend Pierce is the one that got me
kicked out of bio class and the study group.
It was a plan he hatched from the beginning
Professor Kane. with his pal,
But, Jeff, that's a photo I gave our professor
Hawthorne Wipes' of me visiting
spokesman and rap artist Sugar Cube in prison during the '90s.
They look alike. Well, they…
important feature in your eyes. Uh, I guess they share one
That's not fair!
I… I was standing far away,
the prison uniform! and I saw
Oh, Jeffrey! Oh, come on,
obviously I don't mean all Black people are in prison!
Oh! Dang!
Jeff, clearly you have gone off the deep end.
Don't blame him. The table is powerful,
and being cut off from it… Shut the…
I've become agitated.
I apologize.
We'll continue this discourse at a later date.
Good night.
He just needs some space.
the one thing you love! I'm going to kill
I'm gonna kill it!
As long as it breathes,
it controls our lives!
to tell everyone I just came by
this year isn't gonna be that different.
we really won't have any money. With the notable exception,
Have a nice night.
What is with that guy?
Did you find the monkey?
No, but here's the invoice for the gassing.
Okay, as it turns out, I cannot pay this
starting on two weeks ago. or your salaries
But, what I do have are these vouchers
of your choosing. for the classes
my scuba certification. You're lucky I need
Okay, okay.
I'm the one living in your vents.
I have no home and no job.
Does that mean you'll work for room and board?
Okay, I was lying the whole time.
I didn't want the group to evolve.
I just didn't want Pierce around.
I hate him.
it's hard to get past that. But, Jeff, what you did,
out of the study group, I know you're already
that you stop being my friend. but I'm gonna have to ask
Okay, look, everybody, here's the thing,
I am not as evolved as I said I was.
The Biology class was full, so I told Professor Kane
a few thousand dollars I'd pay him
to kick Jeff out.
Pierce! What?
a table with a fire ax Jeff attacked
second craziest in the room. and only managed to be the
Okay, everybody in favor of voting Pierce out?
Stop! Stop!
Pierce isn't crazy.
The table
is magic.
As someone who's been on the other side,
I can tell you,
Chang-filled world out there, it is a scary, lonely,
has sprouted some legs, and sure, this group
but why are we in such a rush to leave the tide pool,
waiting for us on shore when the only things
are the sands of time
and the hungry seagulls of slowly growing apart?
Man, I really need this Biology class.
Pierce.
Professor Kane has never taken a bribe from anyone in his life.
Yeah, I lied, but you seem You feel me?
being the bad guy than me. to have a harder time
You're right. I do.
Which, in a weird way, makes me a pretty bad guy.
Please don't. We're one and the same.
Jeff, but you're still kicked out of Biology.
worried about it. Oh, I'm not
of breaking through. Life has a way
So, uh, here's what I'm thinking.
I'm a drug dealer, right? And you're a scientist,
so couldn't we get, like,
type of thing going? a Breaking Bad
Sorry, Star-Face, you just lost your seat in my class.
There, now the table is good as new.
And so is Abed.
Britta, I'm sorry I was overprotective of Abed.
I'll be more supportive of you. Here's your first chance.
Helping Abed has inspired me to finally declare a major.
study Psychology. I'm gonna
Like in a research capacity?
No, in a hands-on capacity. I'm gonna be a therapist.
Oh.
Hey, hey, hey, keep it down.
There's a new sheriff in town.
Oh, interesting.
So this is the year we all die.
This is our last year. We're all gonna die.