1 00:00:00,327 --> 00:00:02,747 Okay, a creepy uncle, final offer. 2 00:00:02,747 --> 00:00:04,582 From me and Troy. 3 00:00:04,582 --> 00:00:07,585 When your child's a scavenger of the nuclear wasteland, 4 00:00:07,585 --> 00:00:09,253 water will be worth gold. 5 00:00:09,253 --> 00:00:11,297 We wanted to get a sawed-off shotgun, 6 00:00:11,297 --> 00:00:14,300 but those were pretty expensive already. 7 00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:15,884 You people eat this? 8 00:00:15,884 --> 00:00:17,678 I've never seen that in my life. 9 00:00:17,678 --> 00:00:19,972 You really shouldn't say "you people." 10 00:00:19,972 --> 00:00:23,100 Pierce was having trouble quitting offensive phrases. 11 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,102 We've created a bargaining system. 12 00:00:25,102 --> 00:00:28,314 We traded "you people" for his other favorite phrases. 13 00:00:28,314 --> 00:00:31,525 Yeah, I really got Jewish-personed out of that one. 14 00:00:31,525 --> 00:00:32,817 Here, open mine. 15 00:00:32,817 --> 00:00:35,070 Thank you. 16 00:00:37,948 --> 00:00:42,745 A cigar cutter, Maxim and hot sauce. 17 00:00:42,745 --> 00:00:44,913 It's a theme gift. Yeah, the theme is 18 00:00:44,913 --> 00:00:46,666 "stuff lying around my apartment." 19 00:00:46,666 --> 00:00:50,461 Sorry I'm late. Can I get a ni hao up in this hizzy? 20 00:00:50,461 --> 00:00:53,088 Why is everyone in this school obsessed with race? 21 00:00:53,088 --> 00:00:55,341 White people problems. 22 00:00:55,341 --> 00:00:57,510 Ooh. That looks fun. 23 00:00:57,510 --> 00:00:59,970 Oh, Troy, Abed. Who's that cute guy 24 00:00:59,970 --> 00:01:01,806 that I saw you outside with earlier? 25 00:01:01,806 --> 00:01:03,849 Lukka, our friend. He's in Troy's class. 26 00:01:03,849 --> 00:01:06,893 He's awesome. He has an accent, rolls his cigarettes 27 00:01:06,893 --> 00:01:08,813 and plays the same video games as us. 28 00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:10,022 We like him a lot. 29 00:01:10,022 --> 00:01:12,733 So you're not allowed to bone him. 30 00:01:12,733 --> 00:01:14,777 You just guaranteed she'll bone him. 31 00:01:17,655 --> 00:01:19,072 Who am I kidding? 32 00:01:19,072 --> 00:01:21,200 I should be putting this right on my thighs. 33 00:01:48,477 --> 00:01:50,396 Abed, there's a guy on your 6. 34 00:01:50,396 --> 00:01:51,980 I'm taking out my 9 mm. 35 00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:53,607 Please. In my country, 36 00:01:53,607 --> 00:01:55,984 we give 9 mm to little girl for sweet 16. 37 00:01:55,984 --> 00:01:57,194 Try grenade launcher. 38 00:01:57,194 --> 00:01:58,445 Cool. 39 00:02:01,031 --> 00:02:03,200 Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. 40 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:07,371 Knock, knock. Hey, I was just stopping by. 41 00:02:07,371 --> 00:02:08,539 Oh, is this a bad time? 42 00:02:08,539 --> 00:02:10,416 Yeah. Gentlemen, 43 00:02:10,416 --> 00:02:13,293 that's no way to treat a girl that looks this way. Come in. 44 00:02:13,293 --> 00:02:15,713 I'm Lukka. Britta. 45 00:02:15,713 --> 00:02:17,047 Like Britney Spears? 46 00:02:17,047 --> 00:02:18,507 Exactly like Britney Spears. 47 00:02:25,138 --> 00:02:26,807 Britta was just leaving. 48 00:02:26,807 --> 00:02:28,893 No. Stay. Visit with your friends. 49 00:02:28,893 --> 00:02:31,061 I must go anyway. Ohh. 50 00:02:31,061 --> 00:02:33,397 I'm cooking podvarak. I never had that. 51 00:02:33,397 --> 00:02:34,774 I could make for you. 52 00:02:34,774 --> 00:02:36,901 Ohh. I'll give you my number. 53 00:02:36,901 --> 00:02:39,027 Oh! You are her boyfriends? 54 00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:41,739 No! Ha, ha. I love these guys. 55 00:02:41,739 --> 00:02:43,574 They make funny with their mouths. 56 00:02:43,574 --> 00:02:45,409 Here you go. 57 00:02:45,409 --> 00:02:46,577 I leave. 58 00:02:46,577 --> 00:02:48,662 Okay. 59 00:02:48,662 --> 00:02:50,664 What? He asked me out. 60 00:02:50,664 --> 00:02:52,124 Not allowed. Not allowed? 61 00:02:52,124 --> 00:02:53,709 You'll ruin him. Ruin him? 62 00:02:53,709 --> 00:02:55,920 Stop repeating. Stop re… Remanding me. 63 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,254 Explain why I'll ruin him. 64 00:02:57,254 --> 00:02:59,214 You date guys that we think are cool, 65 00:02:59,214 --> 00:03:00,883 and when you don't like them, 66 00:03:00,883 --> 00:03:03,427 you tell us horrible things about them. 67 00:03:03,427 --> 00:03:04,762 Name one guy. 68 00:03:04,762 --> 00:03:07,013 Carl, Todd, Kyle, Richard. Fred. Tall Kyle. 69 00:03:07,013 --> 00:03:09,224 Jeff. Jeff. Jeff? I ruined Jeff? 70 00:03:09,224 --> 00:03:10,601 Jeff "Nipple Play" Winger? 71 00:03:10,601 --> 00:03:12,812 No, we're still hanging out with him. 72 00:03:12,812 --> 00:03:14,563 How's it going, Jeff? 73 00:03:14,563 --> 00:03:16,356 Promise you won't date Lukka, 74 00:03:16,356 --> 00:03:19,109 I'll give you a sweatshirt I made for paintball. 75 00:03:19,109 --> 00:03:22,028 Pssh! You should've given me one a long time ago. 76 00:03:22,028 --> 00:03:24,197 I kicked your asses. 77 00:03:27,743 --> 00:03:29,244 Don't date Lukka. 78 00:03:30,579 --> 00:03:32,247 Hit my genie bottle? 79 00:03:32,247 --> 00:03:33,624 What the…? What was that? 80 00:03:33,624 --> 00:03:36,168 Oh, oh. Jeff? 81 00:03:36,168 --> 00:03:38,337 I'm hoping you can help me with something. 82 00:03:38,337 --> 00:03:40,756 Sure, let's have a look here. 83 00:03:40,756 --> 00:03:43,175 Pieces of paper stapled together, 84 00:03:43,175 --> 00:03:45,552 a lot of writing. This is as far as I can go. 85 00:03:45,552 --> 00:03:48,639 I don't want you to read it. Help me get Chang to sign it. 86 00:03:48,639 --> 00:03:51,183 It's a little something I had an attorney draw up. 87 00:03:51,183 --> 00:03:53,853 This is a forfeiture of parental rights. 88 00:03:53,853 --> 00:03:55,479 Mm-hm. Better safe than sorry. 89 00:03:55,479 --> 00:03:59,024 Why do you need me to make Chang sign away his baby? 90 00:03:59,024 --> 00:04:00,317 Isn't he living with you? 91 00:04:00,317 --> 00:04:01,568 Not cool. 92 00:04:01,568 --> 00:04:03,946 You have a rapport with him. Not cool. 93 00:04:03,946 --> 00:04:05,990 Besides, as your friend, can I tell you? 94 00:04:05,990 --> 00:04:07,533 Don't poke that bear. 95 00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:08,826 I think, right now, 96 00:04:08,826 --> 00:04:10,703 you're as protected as you can get. 97 00:04:10,703 --> 00:04:13,455 I don't see Chang as being a real hands-on baby-daddy. 98 00:04:13,455 --> 00:04:15,081 Now we're in the business 99 00:04:15,081 --> 00:04:17,668 of knowing what's going on in Chang's head, huh? 100 00:04:24,049 --> 00:04:25,342 Fine, for the child. 101 00:04:25,342 --> 00:04:27,511 God bless you. Not lately. 102 00:04:33,058 --> 00:04:35,394 I'm, um… I'm so sorry, 103 00:04:35,394 --> 00:04:38,814 but could you just not tell Troy and Abed 104 00:04:38,814 --> 00:04:39,982 that we went out tonight? 105 00:04:39,982 --> 00:04:41,608 No problem. It's just… 106 00:04:41,608 --> 00:04:43,569 Um, they're just really worried 107 00:04:43,569 --> 00:04:46,070 if you and I, you know, see each other, 108 00:04:46,070 --> 00:04:48,782 it's gonna affect your friendship with them. 109 00:04:48,782 --> 00:04:51,702 Don't worry. Don't worry. I can keep a secret. 110 00:04:51,702 --> 00:04:54,078 Oh, good. I'm from the Balkans. 111 00:04:54,078 --> 00:04:56,874 There are many things I try not to talk about. 112 00:04:56,874 --> 00:04:58,792 Oh. 113 00:04:58,792 --> 00:05:02,086 Lukka, I knew it. 114 00:05:02,086 --> 00:05:04,088 I knew there was pain in there. 115 00:05:04,088 --> 00:05:05,591 Just so you know, 116 00:05:05,591 --> 00:05:07,843 you can talk to me about anything. 117 00:05:10,094 --> 00:05:12,472 So much killing. 118 00:05:12,472 --> 00:05:15,267 The corpses stacked like firewood. 119 00:05:15,267 --> 00:05:18,020 The rivers red with their blood. 120 00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:19,605 I miss it so much. 121 00:05:19,605 --> 00:05:21,523 Lukka. 122 00:05:21,523 --> 00:05:24,359 Mm. Wait, just, um… Just to clarify. 123 00:05:24,359 --> 00:05:25,694 When you say you miss it, 124 00:05:25,694 --> 00:05:27,696 it's like you have survivor's guilt. 125 00:05:27,696 --> 00:05:29,782 You wish you were back over there, 126 00:05:29,782 --> 00:05:31,366 defending the motherland? 127 00:05:31,366 --> 00:05:34,202 Yes, I miss cleansing our fields and forests 128 00:05:34,202 --> 00:05:36,329 of the unclean people who stole my country. 129 00:05:36,329 --> 00:05:41,167 I miss the smell of the villages burning. Heh. 130 00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:44,922 I miss the way they used to run from our tanks in fear. 131 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,970 Damn it. My neighbor is jazz musician. 132 00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:55,223 Hey, Spencer. Come on, man. I have woman in here. 133 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,645 Great. He really knows how to kill the mood. 134 00:06:04,984 --> 00:06:07,360 What are you doing? Did you look for a job? 135 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,447 I was going to, but I noticed your coffee table was wobbly, 136 00:06:10,447 --> 00:06:13,283 so I decided to fix it. 137 00:06:13,283 --> 00:06:14,701 Agh! 138 00:06:15,452 --> 00:06:18,122 Agh! Must be the floor. 139 00:06:18,122 --> 00:06:20,248 Don't saw the floor. Don't saw anything. 140 00:06:20,248 --> 00:06:22,793 I'm tired of confiscating saws. Give me that. 141 00:06:23,710 --> 00:06:25,838 Take this. 142 00:06:27,673 --> 00:06:29,591 Parental rights? 143 00:06:29,591 --> 00:06:31,217 You're adopting me? 144 00:06:31,217 --> 00:06:33,846 It's from Shirley. It gives her and Andre the baby. 145 00:06:33,846 --> 00:06:36,306 Sign it. 146 00:06:36,306 --> 00:06:37,850 Oh, and if anyone asks, 147 00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:40,102 this was my most convincing speech ever. 148 00:06:45,941 --> 00:06:47,484 Why are you crying? 149 00:06:48,986 --> 00:06:52,238 Ugh. Don't tell me you wanted to be a father. 150 00:06:52,238 --> 00:06:54,282 I don't know. 151 00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:57,036 Maybe. 152 00:06:57,036 --> 00:06:59,997 I mean, what if this is my last chance? 153 00:06:59,997 --> 00:07:03,083 Between you and me, I don't Chang a lot of chicks. 154 00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:05,836 But fathers are responsible. They have jobs. 155 00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:07,629 You crash on people's couches 156 00:07:07,629 --> 00:07:10,423 and twitch in your sleep like a dog dreaming of a rabbit. 157 00:07:10,423 --> 00:07:12,676 It's real. You don't… Wait. 158 00:07:14,302 --> 00:07:17,681 So you're saying if I get a job 159 00:07:17,681 --> 00:07:19,558 and my own apartment, 160 00:07:19,558 --> 00:07:23,562 Shirley might let me be part of my baby's life? 161 00:07:26,314 --> 00:07:27,941 Yes. 162 00:07:27,941 --> 00:07:29,902 That's exactly what I'm saying. 163 00:07:31,653 --> 00:07:34,156 So does that mean I can…? Go for it. 164 00:07:36,616 --> 00:07:38,577 Where do you keep getting these? 165 00:07:44,708 --> 00:07:46,501 Hey, guys. Where are you going? 166 00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:49,088 Grabbing lunch for a video-game session with Lukka. 167 00:07:49,088 --> 00:07:51,715 Fork foods. Don't wanna grease up the troops. 168 00:07:51,715 --> 00:07:53,299 Speaking of Lukka, 169 00:07:53,299 --> 00:07:55,844 how much do you know about him? 170 00:07:55,844 --> 00:07:57,637 Why? You start dating him? 171 00:07:57,637 --> 00:07:59,347 You wanna tell us horrible things? 172 00:07:59,347 --> 00:08:01,641 What? No. Good. Lukka's gonna teach us 173 00:08:01,641 --> 00:08:04,477 how to break the will of an entire village. 174 00:08:04,477 --> 00:08:05,812 That sounds horrific. 175 00:08:05,812 --> 00:08:08,857 Ugh. Girls are so undesensitized. 176 00:08:13,445 --> 00:08:14,821 Jeffrey. 177 00:08:16,031 --> 00:08:17,323 Hey, guys. Hi. 178 00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:19,284 So how'd the talk go with Chang? 179 00:08:19,284 --> 00:08:22,287 About that. I gave my most convincing speech ever 180 00:08:22,287 --> 00:08:23,747 and it didn't take. 181 00:08:23,747 --> 00:08:26,083 Didn't take? We're not giving him a perm, 182 00:08:26,083 --> 00:08:27,667 we just need him to sign. 183 00:08:27,667 --> 00:08:29,711 "Need" is a strong word. 184 00:08:29,711 --> 00:08:31,671 I think Shirley would feel comfortable 185 00:08:31,671 --> 00:08:33,257 if we had something in writing. 186 00:08:33,257 --> 00:08:35,759 However, I believe that we can handle 187 00:08:35,759 --> 00:08:37,636 whatever obstacle comes our way. 188 00:08:37,636 --> 00:08:39,304 Aww. Baby. 189 00:08:39,304 --> 00:08:42,474 Well, good morning, everybody. 190 00:08:42,474 --> 00:08:44,309 Did you see the stock market today? 191 00:08:44,309 --> 00:08:46,728 Up, down, pick a direction. Huh? 192 00:08:46,728 --> 00:08:48,272 I don't know about you, 193 00:08:48,272 --> 00:08:50,899 but I've been circling these want ads all morning. 194 00:08:50,899 --> 00:08:53,819 Now, who wants to take a break and build a birdhouse? 195 00:08:53,819 --> 00:08:55,403 Chang, what's going on? 196 00:08:55,403 --> 00:08:57,906 Just getting my act together. I got a baby coming. 197 00:08:57,906 --> 00:08:59,908 I can almost hear the pitter-patter 198 00:08:59,908 --> 00:09:02,286 of Chinese feet across the treetops. 199 00:09:02,286 --> 00:09:03,703 And when that happens, 200 00:09:03,703 --> 00:09:05,956 I gotta be the best dad I can be. 201 00:09:05,956 --> 00:09:07,749 Right, Jeff? Huh? 202 00:09:07,749 --> 00:09:09,542 Come on, don't leave me hanging, 203 00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:10,794 my main mentor. 204 00:09:10,794 --> 00:09:12,296 Hey, is that a reason to leave? 205 00:09:12,296 --> 00:09:16,216 Hm? Jeffrey. Excuse me. Jeffrey. 206 00:09:16,216 --> 00:09:18,551 Excuse me. Let me ask you a question. 207 00:09:18,551 --> 00:09:23,723 Why do I have to put the VCR on three if Bones is on five? 208 00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,602 Jeff. Jeffrey. 209 00:09:27,602 --> 00:09:31,356 I know you're not gonna make a pregnant woman run. 210 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:36,611 I know you're not gonna make a pregnant woman walk 211 00:09:36,611 --> 00:09:39,531 this distance between us. 212 00:09:39,531 --> 00:09:41,491 So I ask you to help me, 213 00:09:41,491 --> 00:09:44,619 and you take that as an opportunity to get Chang out? 214 00:09:44,619 --> 00:09:47,706 Hey, who am I to stand in the way of someone? 215 00:09:47,706 --> 00:09:49,708 Am I daytime television? Very cute. 216 00:09:49,708 --> 00:09:51,084 How cute's it gonna be 217 00:09:51,084 --> 00:09:53,003 when that lunatic is dangling my baby 218 00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:55,047 over a lion cage on alternate weekends? 219 00:09:55,047 --> 00:09:57,049 Pretty cute. Are they baby lions? 220 00:09:57,049 --> 00:09:59,218 New low, Jeff. Even for you. 221 00:09:59,218 --> 00:10:01,427 Shirley… Mm! 222 00:10:01,427 --> 00:10:04,181 Right. I'm not gonna make a pregnant woman storm off. 223 00:10:04,181 --> 00:10:05,682 Mm-mm. 224 00:10:06,308 --> 00:10:07,726 Look at them run. 225 00:10:07,726 --> 00:10:10,062 They must die like the maggots that they are. 226 00:10:10,062 --> 00:10:11,771 Points for killing villagers. 227 00:10:11,771 --> 00:10:14,733 He's amazing. I thought I knew everything about this game. 228 00:10:15,942 --> 00:10:17,319 Britta. Hi, Lukka. 229 00:10:17,319 --> 00:10:19,279 No! Unbelievable. 230 00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:22,699 Guys, calm down. I'm just here for my 231 00:10:22,699 --> 00:10:25,577 "Trekkies do it in the final frontier" hat. 232 00:10:25,577 --> 00:10:27,246 That's my hat. Really? 233 00:10:27,246 --> 00:10:28,747 Are you sure? Yep. 234 00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:36,088 Hey, Lukka, you are really good at this game, 235 00:10:36,088 --> 00:10:38,757 and there must be a reason 236 00:10:38,757 --> 00:10:40,508 that you are so good at this game. 237 00:10:40,508 --> 00:10:43,011 Though your flirtation technique is hilarious, 238 00:10:43,011 --> 00:10:46,139 it's distracting. Lukka is kicking serious ass right now. 239 00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:48,808 He just set fire to a farmers' market. 240 00:10:48,808 --> 00:10:51,103 Bang, bang, you're dead! Ha-ha-ha. 241 00:10:51,103 --> 00:10:53,272 Save your tears for your dog mother in hell. 242 00:10:55,357 --> 00:10:57,109 Okay, fine. 243 00:10:57,109 --> 00:10:58,735 Wait a minute. 244 00:10:59,736 --> 00:11:02,072 You have DVD Blu-ray disc, 245 00:11:02,072 --> 00:11:04,241 Kickpuncher 3: The Final Kickening? 246 00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:05,533 You let me borrow, no? 247 00:11:05,533 --> 00:11:06,910 Sorry. Thanks to Pierce, 248 00:11:06,910 --> 00:11:09,079 who kept writing "this side up" on my discs, 249 00:11:09,079 --> 00:11:11,957 I have a strict no-lending policy on my DVDs. 250 00:11:11,957 --> 00:11:14,209 What would happen if somebody broke that rule? 251 00:11:14,209 --> 00:11:16,460 They'd be dead to me forever. 252 00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:19,589 Maybe we watch Kickpuncher 3: The Final Kickening together. 253 00:11:19,589 --> 00:11:21,841 Yes, Lukka, maybe we do. 254 00:11:21,841 --> 00:11:27,013 Maybe we do. 255 00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:29,433 Would you please leave? 256 00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:32,518 I don't wanna play anymore. 257 00:11:32,518 --> 00:11:33,979 I feel sick. She's strange. 258 00:11:38,482 --> 00:11:39,943 Can I talk to you for a second? 259 00:11:39,943 --> 00:11:42,446 Can't talk till I see my face in this. 260 00:11:42,446 --> 00:11:45,407 Well, can I give you some advice, dad-to-dad? 261 00:11:45,407 --> 00:11:49,286 Hold on, hold on. Where's my pipe? Okay. 262 00:11:51,788 --> 00:11:53,665 What's on your mind, neighbor? 263 00:11:53,665 --> 00:11:57,002 Look, it's great you're trying to get your life together, 264 00:11:57,002 --> 00:11:59,296 but for your sake and for Shirley's, 265 00:11:59,296 --> 00:12:00,839 you need to relax a little. 266 00:12:00,839 --> 00:12:02,674 Oh, I see what's going on. Yeah? 267 00:12:02,674 --> 00:12:04,009 You're scared. No. 268 00:12:04,009 --> 00:12:05,885 Feel me coming up on your tail, huh? 269 00:12:05,885 --> 00:12:08,054 No, no. Man, listen. 270 00:12:08,054 --> 00:12:09,889 I've been a father for 11 years 271 00:12:09,889 --> 00:12:11,724 and a good one for nine of those. 272 00:12:11,724 --> 00:12:14,518 I'm there when they're sick, pick them up from school. 273 00:12:14,518 --> 00:12:16,021 Help them with their homework. 274 00:12:16,021 --> 00:12:18,648 It's not how you act, it's what you do. 275 00:12:19,316 --> 00:12:20,984 Well, I do. 276 00:12:20,984 --> 00:12:24,029 You think that pool table put aluminum siding on itself? 277 00:12:24,988 --> 00:12:27,115 Yeah, see, 278 00:12:27,115 --> 00:12:29,159 that's not what I'm talking about. 279 00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:31,995 That's too bad. What did that? 280 00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:34,789 I'll go ahead and consider that point missed. 281 00:12:37,625 --> 00:12:40,420 I got your text. Something happened. 282 00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:43,256 My Kickpuncher 3: The Final Kickening DVD is missing. 283 00:12:43,256 --> 00:12:44,674 That's awful. 284 00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:47,052 Somebody took it? Who would…? 285 00:12:47,052 --> 00:12:49,637 Wait, Kickmuncher 3? 286 00:12:49,637 --> 00:12:53,266 Wasn't that the movie that Lukka was…? 287 00:12:53,266 --> 00:12:54,600 You don't think…? 288 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:55,977 Unless… 289 00:12:57,020 --> 00:13:00,232 You don't suppose… However… No. 290 00:13:00,232 --> 00:13:01,733 That would mean that you guys 291 00:13:01,733 --> 00:13:03,943 would have to stop hanging out… No! 292 00:13:05,404 --> 00:13:07,072 We have video of you taking the DVD. 293 00:13:07,072 --> 00:13:09,491 What? Watch, 294 00:13:09,491 --> 00:13:11,117 I got this guy… Lookit. Lookit. 295 00:13:11,117 --> 00:13:16,039 Oh. One more, brother, you get… Yeah. 296 00:13:16,039 --> 00:13:17,874 You have a security camera? 297 00:13:17,874 --> 00:13:19,792 It's for a documentary I'm making. 298 00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:23,004 It's footage of me watching dailies, but it comes in handy. 299 00:13:23,004 --> 00:13:25,757 I don't understand why you would pin it on Lukka. 300 00:13:25,757 --> 00:13:28,134 Now you're just ruining cool guys for fun. 301 00:13:28,134 --> 00:13:30,554 It's just cruelty, Britta, you're inhuman. 302 00:13:30,554 --> 00:13:32,514 You're an inhuman person. A monster. 303 00:13:32,514 --> 00:13:34,349 Lukka's a monster for realsies. 304 00:13:34,349 --> 00:13:37,310 I did this so you'd stop hanging out. He's a war criminal. 305 00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:40,980 You're embarrassing yourself. In what war is he a criminal? 306 00:13:40,980 --> 00:13:43,024 The battle for our affections? 307 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:45,527 Uh, how about the genocide in the Balkans? 308 00:13:45,527 --> 00:13:48,405 Mm, yeah. You would say that. You just got caught red-handed 309 00:13:48,405 --> 00:13:50,865 borrowing a DVD without permission. 310 00:13:53,535 --> 00:13:55,120 You guys have to believe me. 311 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,664 He's so much worse than Tall Kyle. 312 00:14:07,673 --> 00:14:10,718 Hey, jefe. 313 00:14:10,718 --> 00:14:13,054 What are you doing? Who are these tiny people? 314 00:14:13,054 --> 00:14:14,806 I picked up Shirley's kids, 315 00:14:14,806 --> 00:14:16,933 and I'm helping out with their homework. 316 00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:18,602 Hey, kids. Hey. 317 00:14:18,602 --> 00:14:21,521 Hey, watch the cardigan. 318 00:14:21,521 --> 00:14:22,688 What? Why? 319 00:14:22,688 --> 00:14:24,274 To prove I'm a responsible dad. 320 00:14:24,274 --> 00:14:26,359 This proves you're a kidnapper. 321 00:14:26,359 --> 00:14:29,154 I am nuts! Get with the program! 322 00:14:29,154 --> 00:14:30,905 What have I done? I can't believe 323 00:14:30,905 --> 00:14:32,240 I said you could be a father. 324 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,368 I can be. You can't be anything, 325 00:14:35,368 --> 00:14:36,702 you never will. 326 00:14:36,702 --> 00:14:38,371 I pretended to have faith in you 327 00:14:38,371 --> 00:14:40,665 to get you out of my apartment. 328 00:14:40,665 --> 00:14:43,001 Now, call Shirley and beg forgiveness. 329 00:14:43,001 --> 00:14:45,545 Kids, why don't you get your stuff together? 330 00:14:45,545 --> 00:14:47,880 I'll take you home. 331 00:14:49,424 --> 00:14:50,675 Who's Shirley? 332 00:14:50,675 --> 00:14:52,885 Shirley's your mom, dumb-ass. 333 00:14:52,885 --> 00:14:54,220 Our mom's name is Loquanda. 334 00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:56,389 Hey, hey. That's racist. 335 00:14:56,389 --> 00:14:58,808 Wait, is your mom's name really Loquanda? 336 00:14:58,808 --> 00:15:00,726 Yeah. You said you're a friend of hers. 337 00:15:00,726 --> 00:15:02,728 Why didn't you know that, dumb-ass? 338 00:15:02,728 --> 00:15:06,483 I do. I was just playing an educational game with you. 339 00:15:06,483 --> 00:15:08,443 Right. Don't give me that lip. 340 00:15:08,443 --> 00:15:10,403 Kids, you mind waiting in the hallway? 341 00:15:10,403 --> 00:15:13,198 Yeah, no problem. Go ahead. 342 00:15:13,198 --> 00:15:15,074 I want you to understand something. 343 00:15:15,074 --> 00:15:17,202 Yes. You are a horrible human being. 344 00:15:17,202 --> 00:15:19,120 I will never feel sorry for you again. 345 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,955 I don't care what happens to you, 346 00:15:20,955 --> 00:15:24,167 and when I get back, I want you gone. 347 00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:27,504 Believe me. I will definitely be far, far away from here. 348 00:15:32,676 --> 00:15:35,845 Hi, policemen. How much do you pay for anonymous tips 349 00:15:35,845 --> 00:15:37,556 about kidnappings? 350 00:15:38,598 --> 00:15:41,476 Okay, fine. This one's on me. 351 00:15:45,813 --> 00:15:47,190 You're free to go. 352 00:15:47,190 --> 00:15:50,943 Here's your wallet, keys and pasties. 353 00:15:50,943 --> 00:15:53,196 They're nipple guards for running. 354 00:15:53,196 --> 00:15:54,531 Olympic athletes use them. 355 00:15:54,531 --> 00:15:57,283 I worked at a maximum-security prison, 356 00:15:57,283 --> 00:15:59,327 those are the gayest things I've seen. 357 00:15:59,327 --> 00:16:01,496 Well, I find that hard to believe. 358 00:16:01,496 --> 00:16:03,456 Jeffrey, I spoke to the boys' mother, 359 00:16:03,456 --> 00:16:05,709 she's not gonna press charges. Are you okay? 360 00:16:05,709 --> 00:16:08,712 Oh, I'm fine. I spent the night learning arts and crafts 361 00:16:08,712 --> 00:16:09,962 from my cellmate, Chabo. 362 00:16:09,962 --> 00:16:11,756 Did you know you can make an ashtray 363 00:16:11,756 --> 00:16:13,799 using a snitch's forehead? 364 00:16:13,799 --> 00:16:16,052 Yeah. 365 00:16:16,052 --> 00:16:17,970 Look, Shirley, 366 00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:22,267 I'm sorry I tried to capitalize on your situation with Chang. 367 00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:24,269 Apology accepted. 368 00:16:24,269 --> 00:16:26,145 Punishment is time served. 369 00:16:26,145 --> 00:16:27,939 There's no cell that can hold Chang. 370 00:16:27,939 --> 00:16:30,609 Cut it out, get down the hallway. Come on. 371 00:16:30,609 --> 00:16:32,277 Winger. 372 00:16:32,277 --> 00:16:34,946 Thank God you're all right. I've been looking all… 373 00:16:34,946 --> 00:16:36,322 Hey, Tracy, what's up, baby? 374 00:16:36,322 --> 00:16:37,907 Why are they arresting Chang? 375 00:16:37,907 --> 00:16:39,867 Loquanda wasn't pressing charges. 376 00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:42,203 I talked her into going after Chang 377 00:16:42,203 --> 00:16:43,371 for child endangerment. 378 00:16:43,371 --> 00:16:45,039 He could get three to five years. 379 00:16:45,039 --> 00:16:46,625 You sure that's what you want? 380 00:16:46,625 --> 00:16:48,585 Because if we put our heads together, 381 00:16:48,585 --> 00:16:50,629 we could be rid of him for 20 to life. 382 00:16:50,629 --> 00:16:52,338 Really? Oh, absolutely. 383 00:16:52,338 --> 00:16:55,049 I'd testify that he tried to sell those kids to me. 384 00:16:55,049 --> 00:16:57,552 Throw in that he was teaching them Spanish, 385 00:16:57,552 --> 00:16:58,886 any DA worth his salt 386 00:16:58,886 --> 00:17:00,639 could make a case for trafficking. 387 00:17:00,639 --> 00:17:03,182 I like how you're thinking. 388 00:17:03,182 --> 00:17:06,060 What is wrong with you two? Why are you doing this? 389 00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:07,937 I'm doing this for us. 390 00:17:07,937 --> 00:17:09,063 We have a second chance. 391 00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:10,774 I want everything to be perfect. 392 00:17:10,774 --> 00:17:13,485 That's what you wanted the first time around. 393 00:17:13,485 --> 00:17:15,903 You did everything to make everything perfect, 394 00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:18,864 and look what happened. You cheated because I wanted 395 00:17:18,864 --> 00:17:20,283 what was best for our family? 396 00:17:20,283 --> 00:17:22,619 No. I cheated because I was a coward. 397 00:17:22,619 --> 00:17:25,121 You took me back because while I was gone 398 00:17:25,121 --> 00:17:27,957 you learned to accept the bad with the good. 399 00:17:27,957 --> 00:17:29,834 Oh, that's the Greendale effect. 400 00:17:29,834 --> 00:17:32,253 Our school motto is "lower your standards." 401 00:17:32,253 --> 00:17:36,299 Look, I know you are ashamed about what happened with Chang. 402 00:17:36,299 --> 00:17:38,050 Hell, I am too. 403 00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:39,594 But locking that little man up 404 00:17:39,594 --> 00:17:42,305 is not gonna make our lives any less crazy. 405 00:17:42,305 --> 00:17:44,808 It will only make prison crazier. 406 00:17:44,808 --> 00:17:46,100 I guess you're right. 407 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,353 It's impossible to keep the chaos 408 00:17:48,353 --> 00:17:50,980 from your lives. We learned that in that movie we saw 409 00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,398 with all those dinosaurs. 410 00:17:52,398 --> 00:17:55,401 Jurassic Park? No, It's Complicated. 411 00:17:57,903 --> 00:17:59,698 Okay, okay. Time out, okay. 412 00:17:59,698 --> 00:18:01,907 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 413 00:18:01,907 --> 00:18:04,369 I'm sorry to you, you, Officer Baby. 414 00:18:04,369 --> 00:18:06,621 Let's go, buddy. No! 415 00:18:06,621 --> 00:18:08,790 You're coming with me. No! No! 416 00:18:16,881 --> 00:18:18,299 Britta? 417 00:18:18,299 --> 00:18:21,219 What? You guys want me to ruin something for you? 418 00:18:21,219 --> 00:18:23,513 Come on, you're being dramatic. 419 00:18:26,307 --> 00:18:28,893 We asked Lukka a few questions after what you said. 420 00:18:28,893 --> 00:18:30,770 He told us about his time in the army 421 00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:33,398 and the things he did… 422 00:18:33,398 --> 00:18:36,067 I'm never gonna get those images out of my head. 423 00:18:36,067 --> 00:18:39,111 If I go to Balkans, I'm bringing some serious cheat codes. 424 00:18:39,111 --> 00:18:40,822 Why didn't you tell us sooner? 425 00:18:40,822 --> 00:18:42,073 I didn't wanna be the one 426 00:18:42,073 --> 00:18:44,075 to ruin another guy for you guys. 427 00:18:44,075 --> 00:18:45,451 There's a difference 428 00:18:45,451 --> 00:18:47,579 between telling us a guy likes nipple play 429 00:18:47,579 --> 00:18:50,039 and telling us a guy makes hats out of babies. 430 00:18:51,082 --> 00:18:52,542 The reason this happened 431 00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:55,503 is because we've been riding you hard lately. 432 00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:57,839 How about we promise to go easier on you, 433 00:18:57,839 --> 00:19:00,884 if you promise not to tell us about guys you're dating 434 00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:02,761 unless they've committed genocide? 435 00:19:02,761 --> 00:19:06,013 Or if they're left-handed. Wanna know. I'm making a chart. 436 00:19:06,389 --> 00:19:07,807 Deal. 437 00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:13,062 I guess I ruined game night. 438 00:19:13,062 --> 00:19:14,355 I tend to ruin stuff. 439 00:19:14,355 --> 00:19:15,815 Come on. You do not. 440 00:19:15,815 --> 00:19:16,982 Wanna watch Catfish? 441 00:19:16,982 --> 00:19:18,610 That movie where the guy flirts 442 00:19:18,610 --> 00:19:20,486 with the girl online, but it turns out 443 00:19:20,486 --> 00:19:21,987 that it's a fat, old woman? 444 00:19:23,907 --> 00:19:25,784 Oh. Sorry. 445 00:19:25,784 --> 00:19:27,493 It's cool. 446 00:19:27,493 --> 00:19:29,412 Maybe it's about catfish. 447 00:20:06,908 --> 00:20:09,160 Well, this was fun.