1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,493 Oh, my God. 2 00:00:01,493 --> 00:00:03,328 Thank you. What is it, dean? 3 00:00:03,328 --> 00:00:05,372 Oh, ha-ha, I have exciting news. 4 00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:06,998 Vice president Joe Biden 5 00:00:06,998 --> 00:00:09,876 has been visiting community colleges across the country 6 00:00:09,876 --> 00:00:13,755 as part of his Biden Time Talking About Teaching tour. 7 00:00:13,755 --> 00:00:15,799 Hmm. Folksy, yet progressive. 8 00:00:15,799 --> 00:00:17,091 It does walk that line. 9 00:00:17,091 --> 00:00:18,510 Anyway, his tour is taking him 10 00:00:18,510 --> 00:00:20,220 in this neck of the woods, 11 00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:23,181 and at 5:00 p.m. today, he is stopping by Greendale. 12 00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:25,475 Eat that, city college and wash it down 13 00:00:25,475 --> 00:00:27,435 with a nice tall glass of suck it. 14 00:00:27,435 --> 00:00:29,437 The vice president is coming. 15 00:00:29,437 --> 00:00:30,564 That explains the people 16 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,607 covertly surveilling the campus. 17 00:00:32,607 --> 00:00:33,859 Must be Secret Service. 18 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,569 Will your reality ever come out 19 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:36,944 on Blu-ray so we can enjoy it? 20 00:00:36,944 --> 00:00:39,656 We've been made. Only problem, 21 00:00:39,656 --> 00:00:42,826 Mr. Biden is supposed to be meeting with the dean, hmm, 22 00:00:42,826 --> 00:00:44,828 and the head of our student government 23 00:00:44,828 --> 00:00:46,872 which doesn't exist. 24 00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:50,792 So we have seven hours to elect a student president. 25 00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:52,794 Ah. What am I gonna wear? 26 00:00:52,794 --> 00:00:56,464 I mean, I could borrow my sister's Uncle Sam outfit. 27 00:00:56,464 --> 00:00:57,923 It's tailored for ladies, 28 00:00:57,923 --> 00:01:00,886 but what else can I do on such short notice? 29 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:03,263 Well, you cannot dress up like Uncle Sam. 30 00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,557 Or admit you don't have a sister. 31 00:01:05,557 --> 00:01:08,017 We're electing a student president. I wanna run. 32 00:01:08,017 --> 00:01:10,520 I have so many ideas for improving the school. 33 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,147 Improving Greendale takes more than ideas, Annie. 34 00:01:13,147 --> 00:01:15,233 It takes time, gasoline, matches. 35 00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:17,110 Mm. Nice. 36 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:18,904 Jeff, some of us care 37 00:01:18,904 --> 00:01:21,948 about more than just fixing our hair and sculpting our abs. 38 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,158 Wow, you got me pegged. 39 00:01:24,158 --> 00:01:25,786 Democracy. What a ruse. 40 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,579 There's no such thing as a system 41 00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:29,122 in which the masses… 42 00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:30,749 Everyone wants you to shut up. 43 00:01:30,749 --> 00:01:32,918 And yet I won't. Case in point. 44 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:06,618 We tend to take democracy for granted in America. 45 00:02:06,618 --> 00:02:10,163 But the fact is, men have fought and died 46 00:02:10,163 --> 00:02:14,668 for the sacred right we exercise today. 47 00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:17,921 So anyone who wants to be president, 48 00:02:17,921 --> 00:02:20,381 line up by the ice cream machine. 49 00:02:20,381 --> 00:02:23,551 Your applause will determine who gets into the primaries. 50 00:02:23,551 --> 00:02:27,012 And yes, this is a ladies' Uncle Sam outfit. 51 00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:28,431 It's my sister's. 52 00:02:28,431 --> 00:02:30,224 It was last minute. I had no choice. 53 00:02:30,224 --> 00:02:31,935 I wonder if that's the same sister 54 00:02:31,935 --> 00:02:34,688 that tweets to ask if I think her brother's cute. 55 00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,399 What happened to that pile of campaign fliers? 56 00:02:38,399 --> 00:02:40,527 I hung them all up. 57 00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:43,154 Real nice. 58 00:02:43,154 --> 00:02:44,865 Is it too much to ask you to pitch in? 59 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,534 I'm sorry, Annie. I'm not the worker bee type. 60 00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:49,160 I'm more of a silverback gorilla 61 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,454 with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark, 62 00:02:51,454 --> 00:02:53,247 and quiet dignity of a tortoise. 63 00:02:53,247 --> 00:02:56,334 All right, first up is this fella. Let's go, come on. 64 00:02:56,334 --> 00:02:58,545 All right, tell everybody your name. 65 00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:00,005 Garrett. Okay, Garrett. 66 00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:02,048 And why do you wanna be president? 67 00:03:02,048 --> 00:03:05,010 I wanted ice cream, so I got in line… 68 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:08,013 Okay, okay. He wanted ice cream. 69 00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:10,891 So, what do we say, gang? Does he make it to the next round? 70 00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,976 By applause. 71 00:03:12,976 --> 00:03:15,228 Oh, we've got our first nominee. 72 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:16,730 The bar has been set. 73 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,983 All right, stand to the side. Stand to the side. 74 00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:23,069 At least worker bees can set aside their egos 75 00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:25,405 and join together to support a larger cause. 76 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:29,409 Oh, right, because politics are all about larger causes. 77 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:32,746 Face it, Annie. Politics are all about ego, 78 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,289 popularity and parlor tricks. 79 00:03:35,289 --> 00:03:36,541 Don't kid a lawyer. 80 00:03:36,541 --> 00:03:39,961 Well, if I see one, I won't. 81 00:03:41,128 --> 00:03:43,924 Oh, it's a girl. Look at this. 82 00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,717 She's got a yellow shirt and a hat. 83 00:03:45,717 --> 00:03:46,968 Who are you, sweetie? 84 00:03:46,968 --> 00:03:48,678 Uh… Vicki. 85 00:03:48,678 --> 00:03:50,304 Who's up for some Vicki? 86 00:03:50,304 --> 00:03:53,182 Abed Nadir, I'm Special Agent Robin Vohlers. 87 00:03:53,182 --> 00:03:55,852 This is Special Agent Keenlan of the Secret Service. 88 00:03:55,852 --> 00:03:58,312 Will you submit to a search of your belongings? 89 00:03:58,312 --> 00:03:59,689 Sure. 90 00:04:01,816 --> 00:04:04,652 How did you notice the campus was being observed? 91 00:04:04,652 --> 00:04:06,821 I guess I noticed because I'm used to being 92 00:04:06,821 --> 00:04:08,197 the only observer. Well, 93 00:04:08,197 --> 00:04:09,991 we're not used to being noticed. 94 00:04:09,991 --> 00:04:12,118 That sounds a little sad. 95 00:04:13,745 --> 00:04:15,872 He's clean. 96 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,583 Although I could issue a warning 97 00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:20,668 for this bootleg of The Last Airbender. 98 00:04:20,668 --> 00:04:22,754 Where were you a week ago? 99 00:04:25,423 --> 00:04:26,925 You can keep it. 100 00:04:26,925 --> 00:04:29,135 Well, another one makes the cut. 101 00:04:29,135 --> 00:04:30,470 Congratulations, Leonard. 102 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,139 Pbbt! Oh, yes, wonderful. 103 00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:36,434 Next up, Annie Edison. 104 00:04:38,853 --> 00:04:40,647 My name is Annie Edison. 105 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,941 And if elected, I promise to make Greendale 106 00:04:42,941 --> 00:04:45,443 the signature community college 107 00:04:45,443 --> 00:04:47,403 of the entire western three quarters 108 00:04:47,403 --> 00:04:48,655 of the Greendale area. 109 00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,865 Annie! 110 00:04:52,283 --> 00:04:54,494 Looks like you're in the running, Annie. 111 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:57,831 Looks like it is hard not to be. Next up. 112 00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,625 I'm sorry, I got the heat, I gotta go. 113 00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:05,170 I believe that humankind need not be governed. 114 00:05:08,424 --> 00:05:10,635 I don't care. 115 00:05:10,635 --> 00:05:12,804 Well, it's good to know there's a floor 116 00:05:12,804 --> 00:05:14,014 on this thing. So… 117 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:15,682 Thank you, Ms. Perry. Okay. 118 00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:18,018 Oh, Annie, I'm so proud of you. 119 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,020 Thanks. People love you. 120 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,105 I believe this campus is a good place, 121 00:05:22,105 --> 00:05:23,606 filled with good people 122 00:05:23,606 --> 00:05:26,400 who just need someone to protect their interests. 123 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,153 Jeff Winger. 124 00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,113 Oh. 125 00:05:30,113 --> 00:05:33,116 My name is Jeff. I'm no politician. 126 00:05:33,116 --> 00:05:35,160 I'm just a fella. 127 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,953 I think that beer should be cold 128 00:05:36,953 --> 00:05:38,371 and boots should be dusty. 129 00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:42,000 I think 9/11 was bad. And freedom, 130 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,461 well, I think that's just a little bit better. 131 00:05:45,461 --> 00:05:47,672 Yeah. 132 00:05:47,672 --> 00:05:49,174 Whoo! 133 00:05:53,011 --> 00:05:54,554 Yeah. 134 00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,065 Countdown has begun. 135 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,192 Tonight, one student will be president, 136 00:06:07,192 --> 00:06:08,776 while the rest will simply be. 137 00:06:08,776 --> 00:06:10,737 For Greendale Campus TV, I'm Abed Nadir. 138 00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:14,074 I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes. That's my name. 139 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,742 As we head into the first round, 140 00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,242 there are eight candidates. 141 00:06:17,242 --> 00:06:19,620 Annie Edison. Smart, attractive. 142 00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:22,082 Leonard Rodriguez. Did he change his name? 143 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:25,210 He's trying to court the Hispanics. Alex Osbourne. 144 00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:26,627 Creepy, seems Greek, 145 00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:28,504 possible drug dealer. Jeff Winger. 146 00:06:28,504 --> 00:06:30,215 They call him Hot Wings. 147 00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,675 Magnitude. He's a one-man party. 148 00:06:32,675 --> 00:06:34,719 Pierce Hawthorne. The wizard of wet wipes. 149 00:06:34,719 --> 00:06:37,430 He's got night terrors. Garrett. 150 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:40,600 That guy's just a mess. It's like God spilled a person. 151 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,018 And Vicki. 152 00:06:42,018 --> 00:06:43,895 Yellow shirt, hat, girl. 153 00:06:43,895 --> 00:06:47,273 You know, you gotta ask yourself right now, Abed, 154 00:06:47,273 --> 00:06:49,859 what's up with politics? You're right, Troy. 155 00:06:49,859 --> 00:06:51,819 I hear they're getting ready to start. 156 00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:54,447 We'll turn it over to coverage of the debates. 157 00:06:58,201 --> 00:06:59,827 Who's that? 158 00:06:59,827 --> 00:07:02,163 Special Agent Vohlers. U.S. Secret Service. 159 00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:04,958 Do you just constantly have your own side adventures? 160 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,793 Yep. 161 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:09,170 Me too. 162 00:07:13,549 --> 00:07:15,843 Knock it off. You're not running sincerely. 163 00:07:15,843 --> 00:07:18,429 You're not even interested in student government. 164 00:07:18,429 --> 00:07:20,223 I know, and yet, the people love me. 165 00:07:20,223 --> 00:07:22,642 It's almost as if politics were a huge joke. 166 00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,393 Okay, look. 167 00:07:24,393 --> 00:07:26,353 I'm sorry I asked you to hang my fliers, 168 00:07:26,353 --> 00:07:28,815 but I suggest you drop out right now 169 00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,608 because not only will I beat you, 170 00:07:30,608 --> 00:07:32,068 I will make you cry. 171 00:07:32,068 --> 00:07:34,988 Oh, I feel a slight ego blowing in from the east. 172 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,364 Gonna feel my foot blowing in from the south. 173 00:07:37,364 --> 00:07:38,616 Bring it on, Ponce de Leon. 174 00:07:38,616 --> 00:07:41,202 I'm gonna, Greg Muldunna. 175 00:07:41,202 --> 00:07:43,913 It's a real guy. He owns a mattress store downtown. 176 00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:46,082 You can look it up. 177 00:07:46,749 --> 00:07:49,627 Hey, Vicki. Psst. 178 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:52,379 Vicki, look at me. Psst. 179 00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:55,175 I'm going to crush you. Pierce. 180 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,509 Stop that. 181 00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,178 I'm gonna eat your brains, Vicki. 182 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,680 Gonna slurp them out of that melon you call a head. 183 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,640 A reminder to all candidates, 184 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,517 your microphones are currently on. 185 00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:05,726 Well, they better be 186 00:08:05,726 --> 00:08:07,228 because I'm on fire up here. 187 00:08:07,228 --> 00:08:09,189 You freak people out, you know that? 188 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,773 You look weird. 189 00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,067 Because of your overbite. 190 00:08:13,067 --> 00:08:15,528 Okay, let's just get started. 191 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:18,156 Welcome to the Greendale Community College 192 00:08:18,156 --> 00:08:19,740 presidential debate. 193 00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:23,410 Candidates, if elected, what will you do? 194 00:08:23,953 --> 00:08:25,496 Oh, Annie. 195 00:08:25,496 --> 00:08:27,999 I'm running on a platform of school improvement. 196 00:08:27,999 --> 00:08:30,417 If I'm elected, the black mold will be removed 197 00:08:30,417 --> 00:08:32,212 from the east stairwell. 198 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,298 The assailant known only as The Ass Crack Bandit 199 00:08:35,298 --> 00:08:36,674 will be brought to justice. 200 00:08:36,674 --> 00:08:38,801 And I will balance the school's budget 201 00:08:38,801 --> 00:08:41,262 by eliminating administrative redundancies. 202 00:08:43,681 --> 00:08:46,767 Okay. I'm in the room. Thank you, Ms. Edison. 203 00:08:46,767 --> 00:08:48,061 Mr. Winger? 204 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,979 Well, that's an important question. 205 00:08:49,979 --> 00:08:52,857 And it's important to students like Jeremy, 206 00:08:52,857 --> 00:08:55,526 who told me that he is majoring in astronomy 207 00:08:55,526 --> 00:08:57,695 and is supporting two children. 208 00:08:57,695 --> 00:09:00,406 It's an important question to Maria, 209 00:09:00,406 --> 00:09:03,326 who's a beautiful Latina born in Nicaragua 210 00:09:03,326 --> 00:09:04,618 working in the cafeteria. 211 00:09:04,618 --> 00:09:06,954 Yeah. What will I do, dean? 212 00:09:06,954 --> 00:09:08,706 Well, these people don't want me 213 00:09:08,706 --> 00:09:10,083 to say what I'll do. 214 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:13,169 They want me to do what I'll say. 215 00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:16,089 Aw. 216 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,424 They love it when you shuffle the words around. 217 00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:20,843 Go, Jeff. Magnitude? 218 00:09:20,843 --> 00:09:22,136 Pop, pop. 219 00:09:22,136 --> 00:09:23,304 Oh, no. 220 00:09:25,306 --> 00:09:26,599 Same question. 221 00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:28,059 Same answer. 222 00:09:28,059 --> 00:09:29,269 Pop. Pop. 223 00:09:31,645 --> 00:09:34,899 A few questions? Okay. 224 00:09:34,899 --> 00:09:37,735 Was there a specific reason you had to repeat first grade? 225 00:09:37,735 --> 00:09:39,486 I didn't know how to use scissors. 226 00:09:39,486 --> 00:09:41,197 I sat in the middle of the seesaw. 227 00:09:41,197 --> 00:09:44,075 I found the distinction between duck and goose arbitrary. 228 00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:46,077 Couldn't you just pick the sixth kid? 229 00:09:46,077 --> 00:09:47,412 That's what I… 230 00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:48,746 Would have done. 231 00:09:48,746 --> 00:09:50,790 I went with four. 232 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:55,795 Jeez, get a room, you two. 233 00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,172 Pierce Hawthorne, your platform? 234 00:09:58,172 --> 00:09:59,882 My platform will be one high enough 235 00:09:59,882 --> 00:10:01,426 to push Vicki off to her death. 236 00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:04,595 Ugh! Vicki? 237 00:10:04,595 --> 00:10:06,389 Looks like Vicki is out of the race. 238 00:10:06,389 --> 00:10:08,975 Well, then I am too. I was only here to get back at her 239 00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,517 for not lending me a pencil. 240 00:10:10,517 --> 00:10:12,728 Oh. Wow. Well… 241 00:10:12,728 --> 00:10:14,605 Can we get back on track here? 242 00:10:14,605 --> 00:10:18,776 I just wanna get the black mold out of the east stairwell. 243 00:10:18,776 --> 00:10:22,655 I just want to clean up Greendale. 244 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:24,657 Are you saying Greendale is dirty? 245 00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:27,076 Oh, boo. Boo. 246 00:10:27,076 --> 00:10:29,162 Well, 247 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,538 of course it's dirty. Everyone knows that. 248 00:10:31,538 --> 00:10:34,667 I don't, Annie. I think it's clean. 249 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,669 I think it's the cleanest school 250 00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:39,213 in the entire country. You know it is. 251 00:10:39,213 --> 00:10:41,590 Jeff Winger's got this thing in the bag. 252 00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:45,094 Sure does. Say what you will, but people just like the guy. 253 00:10:45,094 --> 00:10:48,848 Read my lips. 254 00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:54,728 No matter what you're told, we have to clean the mold. 255 00:10:54,728 --> 00:10:58,607 No matter what you're told, we have to clean the mold. 256 00:10:58,607 --> 00:11:00,860 That's right, people. 257 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:05,530 No matter what you're told, we have to clean the mold. 258 00:11:05,530 --> 00:11:08,284 No matter what you're… This is interesting, 259 00:11:08,284 --> 00:11:10,828 Annie Edison has reduced her platform to one issue 260 00:11:10,828 --> 00:11:12,913 and turned that issue into a sound bite. 261 00:11:12,913 --> 00:11:15,208 And it rhymes. People love it. 262 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:16,917 This election's become a race. 263 00:11:16,917 --> 00:11:18,211 According to our polls, 264 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:20,087 the campus is almost evenly divided. 265 00:11:20,087 --> 00:11:21,672 Keep in mind the margin of error 266 00:11:21,672 --> 00:11:23,590 is about 98 percent. Could be higher. 267 00:11:23,590 --> 00:11:25,801 We don't even know how to do margins of error. 268 00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,594 We're taking a break. Stay tuned. 269 00:11:27,594 --> 00:11:30,014 They have to. It's closed-circuit television. 270 00:11:30,014 --> 00:11:34,060 Don't know what that means. And we're out. 271 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:38,314 Apple juice, please? Freshly squeezed, or so help me God. 272 00:11:38,314 --> 00:11:40,233 Abed, those guys in the suits 273 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,027 are trashing your dorm room real bad, bro. 274 00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,912 What are you doing? Random spot check. 275 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:55,998 Stay out of our way. Nothing suspicious. 276 00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:57,708 Glenn, bring the car around. 277 00:12:01,586 --> 00:12:02,838 What are you looking for? 278 00:12:02,838 --> 00:12:04,882 Fertilizer, car battery, PVC piping. 279 00:12:04,882 --> 00:12:06,133 Anything suspicious. 280 00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:08,886 Because you think I'm suspicious? 281 00:12:08,886 --> 00:12:12,348 Or you wish I was suspicious so that you would have 282 00:12:12,348 --> 00:12:14,392 an excuse to see me. This was a spot check. 283 00:12:14,392 --> 00:12:17,270 Do you like me? That's not really relevant. 284 00:12:18,187 --> 00:12:19,688 That's close enough. 285 00:12:20,398 --> 00:12:22,858 Are you sure? 286 00:12:22,858 --> 00:12:25,194 You smell like nice soap. 287 00:12:25,194 --> 00:12:26,611 I have to go. 288 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,242 I'm sorry you weren't a more obvious 289 00:12:31,242 --> 00:12:33,660 potential threat to the country. 290 00:12:37,831 --> 00:12:41,043 People are pretty excited about this black mold issue. 291 00:12:41,043 --> 00:12:42,587 For my closing statement, 292 00:12:42,587 --> 00:12:44,755 I'm thinking about smashing a watermelon. 293 00:12:44,755 --> 00:12:46,673 If I admit politics are stupid, 294 00:12:46,673 --> 00:12:48,468 will you stop making them stupid? 295 00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,885 You're gonna split the vote, 296 00:12:49,885 --> 00:12:51,762 Star-Burns is gonna end up president. 297 00:12:51,762 --> 00:12:53,722 I'm trying to get something done. 298 00:12:53,722 --> 00:12:56,183 And you deserve to be allowed to do it? 299 00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:58,436 You're entitled to be president? 300 00:12:58,436 --> 00:13:01,105 The gloves are coming off. You understand me? 301 00:13:01,105 --> 00:13:03,190 I have an audio-visual presentation. 302 00:13:03,190 --> 00:13:04,400 Wow, I'm shaking. 303 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,402 You should be. You should be. 304 00:13:06,402 --> 00:13:10,490 All right, let us resume. Star-Burns, 305 00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:13,117 we haven't heard from you on this black mold issue. 306 00:13:13,117 --> 00:13:15,702 Yeah, I actually withdraw my candidacy. 307 00:13:15,702 --> 00:13:18,498 I fear a political career will shine a negative light 308 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,082 on my drug dealing. Thank you. 309 00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:22,209 Boo. 310 00:13:22,209 --> 00:13:25,129 Dean, before this election stops being about the issues, 311 00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:27,548 I have a question for my opponents. 312 00:13:27,548 --> 00:13:29,175 What's your favorite color? 313 00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:30,635 Mine's a three-way tie. 314 00:13:30,635 --> 00:13:34,347 Red, white and blue. 315 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,350 Magnitude, a response? 316 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,311 I think you know, dean. 317 00:13:40,311 --> 00:13:42,229 Pop, pop. 318 00:13:42,229 --> 00:13:46,984 I set him up. 319 00:13:46,984 --> 00:13:49,612 I have an audio-visual presentation, dean. 320 00:13:49,612 --> 00:13:52,532 Oh, that sounds interesting. What's your presentation? 321 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,867 My presentation is a copy of Jeff Winger's 322 00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:58,412 1997 audition tape for MTV's The Real World. 323 00:13:58,412 --> 00:13:59,830 What? What? 324 00:13:59,830 --> 00:14:03,125 Let's just roll it. Thanks. 325 00:14:04,084 --> 00:14:05,836 I'm Jeff Winger 326 00:14:05,836 --> 00:14:08,422 and I'd love to be on MTV's Real World: Seattle. 327 00:14:08,422 --> 00:14:09,923 So check this out. 328 00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:26,982 Where did you get that? 329 00:14:26,982 --> 00:14:28,484 Folks, who do you want 330 00:14:28,484 --> 00:14:31,320 shaking Joe Biden's hand at 5 p.m.? 331 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,030 Me or…? 332 00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:36,867 Shut up. I was like 19. 333 00:14:36,867 --> 00:14:39,370 We've all been 19, Jeff, and none of us did this. 334 00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:41,038 None of us. 335 00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:45,459 Pop, pop. 336 00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:48,295 I hate you. I hate this school. 337 00:14:48,295 --> 00:14:50,464 And I hope you all get black mold poisoning. 338 00:14:50,464 --> 00:14:51,716 Oh, Jeffrey, no. 339 00:14:51,716 --> 00:14:54,051 I hate you! I hate you! 340 00:14:54,051 --> 00:14:55,844 No, Jeffrey, no. 341 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:06,647 Are you in here? 342 00:15:06,647 --> 00:15:08,649 Yeah, to be alone. 343 00:15:08,649 --> 00:15:11,569 I've already established the men's room doesn't work. 344 00:15:11,569 --> 00:15:13,654 You have an apartment. 345 00:15:13,654 --> 00:15:15,781 There are people in the parking lot 346 00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:19,993 singing that song. I went too far. I'm sorry. 347 00:15:19,993 --> 00:15:21,787 I didn't know it would be that bad. 348 00:15:21,787 --> 00:15:23,748 You knew. You didn't care. 349 00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:27,876 But don't apologize. I got what I deserved. 350 00:15:27,876 --> 00:15:32,172 I am a gross, jaded adult with control issues 351 00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:35,175 that couldn't let a young, bright, idealistic kid 352 00:15:35,175 --> 00:15:37,386 run for president. 353 00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:41,724 Wait, isn't there a final round of debates? 354 00:15:41,724 --> 00:15:44,143 Yeah. I… 355 00:15:45,018 --> 00:15:46,437 You guys. You're missing it. 356 00:15:46,437 --> 00:15:49,022 Troy, I'm out. Me too. 357 00:15:49,022 --> 00:15:50,316 I withdrew my candidacy. 358 00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:52,276 Nobody that treats a friend the way I did 359 00:15:52,276 --> 00:15:54,236 is fit to represent the student body. 360 00:15:54,236 --> 00:15:57,698 Yeah, I know you're both out. I'm saying you're missing it. 361 00:15:57,698 --> 00:16:00,993 It's the political showdown of the century. Come on. 362 00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:03,329 Pop. Pop. Pbbt! 363 00:16:03,329 --> 00:16:04,580 Pop. Pop. 364 00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:05,706 Pbbt! 365 00:16:05,706 --> 00:16:07,040 Pop. Pop. 366 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:08,917 Pbbt! Pop. Pop. 367 00:16:08,917 --> 00:16:12,171 You should've stayed. You're the only real candidate. 368 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:15,675 I was just another jerk trying to win a contest. 369 00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,301 You were right the whole time. 370 00:16:17,301 --> 00:16:18,469 I just couldn't admit it 371 00:16:18,469 --> 00:16:20,513 until I saw you running away crying. 372 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,055 Yay. 373 00:16:22,055 --> 00:16:24,975 I care what you think about me, you know? 374 00:16:24,975 --> 00:16:26,185 Yeah, well, 375 00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:28,103 I care what you think about me. 376 00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:29,480 That's why this happened. 377 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,856 Okay, well… 378 00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,860 Resolved, then. 379 00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:36,654 Resolved. 380 00:16:39,406 --> 00:16:43,202 When we seek to destroy others, we often hurt ourself 381 00:16:44,995 --> 00:16:48,207 because it is the self that wants to be destroyed. 382 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:52,336 Pierce, you're not usually so poignant. 383 00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:55,381 Well, Vicki finally lent me her pencil. 384 00:16:55,381 --> 00:16:58,467 Oh, my God, Pierce. Go to the health center. 385 00:16:58,467 --> 00:17:00,886 Yeah. 386 00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:03,389 We've reached the end of election road. 387 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,307 Arguments made, pops popped. 388 00:17:05,307 --> 00:17:07,810 Hearts have been stirred, perhaps broken. 389 00:17:07,810 --> 00:17:10,145 The only thing that remains is to tally the vote 390 00:17:10,145 --> 00:17:12,481 in this matchup between the youthful, 391 00:17:12,481 --> 00:17:14,149 charismatic Magnitude 392 00:17:14,149 --> 00:17:15,901 and Leonard Rodriguez. 393 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:18,278 Two men fighting for the same piece of earth. 394 00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:20,197 One recently born, one soon to die. 395 00:17:20,197 --> 00:17:23,617 A competition reflecting the pointlessness of life. 396 00:17:23,617 --> 00:17:25,703 Pull up, Abed. You're in a nose dive. 397 00:17:25,703 --> 00:17:28,664 I'm told that Dean Pelton is prepared to announce a winner. 398 00:17:28,664 --> 00:17:30,624 We take you live to across the room. 399 00:17:30,624 --> 00:17:32,959 Okay. Here we go. 400 00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,712 Thank you, Sergio. 401 00:17:34,712 --> 00:17:40,384 With 11 votes cast… Eleven, come on, people. 402 00:17:40,384 --> 00:17:44,179 The landslide winner of the student election 403 00:17:44,179 --> 00:17:48,350 with seven votes is 404 00:17:48,350 --> 00:17:50,436 South Park. 405 00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:52,354 Okay. You know what? 406 00:17:52,354 --> 00:17:55,065 I recall this is why we abolished student government 407 00:17:55,065 --> 00:17:56,442 in the first place. 408 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,194 This is exactly what happened 10 years ago. 409 00:17:59,194 --> 00:18:02,948 Hey, how hard is it to get rid of black mold? 410 00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:05,701 What do we need, buckets and sponges? 411 00:18:05,701 --> 00:18:07,912 I don't actually know. 412 00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:12,082 I'll look it up. Milady. 413 00:18:12,082 --> 00:18:13,876 Well, there you have it. 414 00:18:13,876 --> 00:18:17,212 In a shocking upset, Comedy Central series South Park 415 00:18:17,212 --> 00:18:20,173 has been elected president of the Greendale student body. 416 00:18:20,173 --> 00:18:22,342 Not that shocking to me, I voted for it. 417 00:18:22,342 --> 00:18:24,678 For real? Me too. 418 00:18:24,678 --> 00:18:26,680 We can never stop being friends. 419 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,725 As we begin gearing up for next year's election, 420 00:18:29,725 --> 00:18:31,435 for GCTV, I'm Abed Nadir saying: 421 00:18:31,435 --> 00:18:33,186 Did you know you could make napalm 422 00:18:33,186 --> 00:18:35,063 out of dish soap and cat food? 423 00:18:35,063 --> 00:18:37,107 What? Why would you say that? 424 00:18:37,107 --> 00:18:38,400 Hmm? 425 00:18:45,198 --> 00:18:48,034 Vohlers. Yeah. 426 00:18:49,411 --> 00:18:51,789 Sir, we're gonna have to move on to city college. 427 00:18:51,789 --> 00:18:54,207 There's an elevated threat level at Greendale. 428 00:18:54,207 --> 00:18:57,461 But don't worry. I'll check it out. Personally. 429 00:18:57,461 --> 00:18:59,379 Whatever. 430 00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:05,594 I just had a dream that I was a regular president. 431 00:19:10,265 --> 00:19:12,852 You've done so much for our city. 432 00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:17,523 Kickpuncher, is there anything that we can give you? 433 00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:23,403 Don't call me Kickpuncher. Call me David. 434 00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:36,959 This was fun. 435 00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:39,545 Maybe you can observe me having dinner next time. 436 00:19:39,545 --> 00:19:41,338 Honk twice for yes, once for no. 437 00:19:44,174 --> 00:19:45,801 Cool. 438 00:19:46,677 --> 00:19:48,554 Cool, cool, cool.