1 00:00:38,802 --> 00:00:40,888 Why does being a librarian make her hotter? 2 00:00:40,888 --> 00:00:43,724 They're keepers of knowledge, she answers questions. 3 00:00:43,724 --> 00:00:46,768 Like "Will you marry me?" and "Why are there still libraries?" 4 00:00:46,768 --> 00:00:48,770 I wanna be a book. She could pick me up, 5 00:00:48,770 --> 00:00:50,648 flip through my pages, 6 00:00:50,648 --> 00:00:52,358 make sure nobody drew wieners in me. 7 00:00:52,358 --> 00:00:55,194 Mm-hm. Hey, maybe if we're too loud, she'll shush us. 8 00:00:55,194 --> 00:00:57,112 Okay. Books! 9 00:00:57,946 --> 00:00:59,657 Pretend like you're asleep. 10 00:01:02,326 --> 00:01:05,329 Jeff, what do you do when you and your best friend 11 00:01:05,329 --> 00:01:08,249 wanna ask the same girl to the dance, but neither have dibs? 12 00:01:08,249 --> 00:01:10,125 You both fell in love at first sight. 13 00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:11,793 I don't believe in dibs, 14 00:01:11,793 --> 00:01:14,630 love at first sight, love, best friends or doing things, 15 00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:16,632 but it's good you brought this to me. 16 00:01:16,632 --> 00:01:17,925 Open your heart. 17 00:01:17,925 --> 00:01:19,801 What if I don't? I miss the deadline? 18 00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:22,137 Valentine's, Crapentine's. 19 00:01:23,055 --> 00:01:24,806 Opening my heart is on my list. 20 00:01:26,475 --> 00:01:28,436 Pierce, what was that? 21 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,938 Gum. Why aren't you chewing? 22 00:01:30,938 --> 00:01:33,857 Because I'm using my mouth for this dumb conversation. 23 00:01:37,653 --> 00:01:39,321 Bye. 24 00:01:39,321 --> 00:01:42,617 That's my friend, Page. She's cool, but whatever. 25 00:01:42,617 --> 00:01:45,202 She's cute. Oh, Troy. Heh. 26 00:01:45,202 --> 00:01:47,747 Before you go barking up that tree, 27 00:01:47,747 --> 00:01:49,081 she might not be interested. 28 00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:51,667 Why wouldn't she be…? Oh. 29 00:01:51,667 --> 00:01:55,296 Is she a friend of Ellen? 30 00:01:55,296 --> 00:01:57,506 Yes, Annie, but you can say the word. 31 00:01:57,506 --> 00:02:00,884 Page is a lesbian. 32 00:02:05,264 --> 00:02:07,849 Pierce, as someone who's been calling me a lesbian 33 00:02:07,849 --> 00:02:09,268 for the last year and a half, 34 00:02:09,268 --> 00:02:11,353 I'm sure you don't have anything to say 35 00:02:11,353 --> 00:02:13,314 about me being friends with one. 36 00:02:13,314 --> 00:02:15,065 Nothing off the cuff. 37 00:02:15,065 --> 00:02:18,402 What I do have is a prepared statement. 38 00:02:55,063 --> 00:02:59,401 "And in summation, good luck 39 00:02:59,401 --> 00:03:02,237 and bon appétit." 40 00:03:04,365 --> 00:03:08,285 Many, many paragraphs of that were oddly supportive. 41 00:03:08,285 --> 00:03:11,246 Wait till you hear the one I have for you. 42 00:03:14,082 --> 00:03:15,751 Okay, I know that wasn't gum. 43 00:03:15,751 --> 00:03:18,754 You're right. It was an awesome exit pill. 44 00:03:18,754 --> 00:03:20,673 Zip, zop, zooey. 45 00:03:21,674 --> 00:03:24,426 Bye. 46 00:03:32,393 --> 00:03:34,770 We gotta do something about those painkillers. 47 00:03:34,770 --> 00:03:36,647 He's recovering from broken legs. 48 00:03:36,647 --> 00:03:38,482 He sure is. Dude can moonwalk. 49 00:03:38,482 --> 00:03:40,442 He's almost through his prescription. 50 00:03:40,442 --> 00:03:43,070 He's a baby boomer. They invented drugs. 51 00:03:43,070 --> 00:03:44,739 Yeah, they also invented TV. 52 00:03:44,739 --> 00:03:46,741 Have you seen him control one of those? 53 00:03:46,741 --> 00:03:48,492 Intervention? Intervention? 54 00:03:48,492 --> 00:03:49,702 Count me out. 55 00:03:49,702 --> 00:03:51,078 We can't. He listens to you. 56 00:03:51,078 --> 00:03:52,747 And the Bare-naked Ladies. 57 00:03:52,747 --> 00:03:54,415 Get their dumb asses to help you. 58 00:03:54,415 --> 00:03:56,709 Back it up. 59 00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:59,211 Okay, Jeff, you are clearly in a bad space today, 60 00:03:59,211 --> 00:04:00,838 but Pierce is our friend 61 00:04:00,838 --> 00:04:03,674 and the Bare-naked Ladies are triple platinum. Are you? 62 00:04:03,674 --> 00:04:06,093 Why does everyone leap to defend 63 00:04:06,093 --> 00:04:07,511 that band so aggressively? 64 00:04:07,511 --> 00:04:09,221 How much do we have to go through 65 00:04:09,221 --> 00:04:11,515 before my friendship stops being questioned? 66 00:04:11,515 --> 00:04:14,560 Maybe friendship is about going through a lot of stuff. 67 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,855 And maybe BNL has two Billboard Awards to your zero. 68 00:04:17,855 --> 00:04:19,774 Oh, okay, they're "BNL" now? 69 00:04:19,774 --> 00:04:22,192 We need a shorthand for the Bare-naked Ladies. 70 00:04:22,192 --> 00:04:23,944 That's how fundamental they are. 71 00:04:23,944 --> 00:04:26,029 Fundamental. You know what Pierce 72 00:04:26,029 --> 00:04:27,948 probably needs more than anything? 73 00:04:27,948 --> 00:04:30,910 Some space. Maybe I do too. 74 00:04:30,910 --> 00:04:32,411 Maybe we all need some space 75 00:04:32,411 --> 00:04:34,288 to pull the knife out of the back 76 00:04:34,288 --> 00:04:37,541 of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid-'90s, 77 00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:38,959 you selfish, jaded ass. 78 00:04:38,959 --> 00:04:40,920 This is a fight. 79 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,589 We are fighting. 80 00:04:44,965 --> 00:04:48,135 Jeff. Hello. I hear you're fighting with your group. 81 00:04:48,135 --> 00:04:49,720 Correct. You won't know this, 82 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,765 being American, but tonight, Liverpool are playing… 83 00:04:52,765 --> 00:04:54,099 Manchester United. 84 00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:56,059 I'm a stylish American, professor. 85 00:04:56,059 --> 00:04:58,854 I've been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004. 86 00:04:58,854 --> 00:05:00,648 Oh, then it's destiny. 87 00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:03,442 God gave you a British friend and a massive TV for a reason. 88 00:05:03,442 --> 00:05:06,236 Oh, it's Valentine's day. Even though we're fighting, 89 00:05:06,236 --> 00:05:08,447 I did promise the group I'd go to the dance. 90 00:05:08,447 --> 00:05:10,574 You promised the study group? Whip crack. 91 00:05:10,574 --> 00:05:12,200 I'll see you at 6:30, 92 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,912 or as the English call it, gravedigger's biscuits. 93 00:05:14,912 --> 00:05:16,872 Okay? 94 00:05:16,872 --> 00:05:20,793 Ha! 95 00:05:23,545 --> 00:05:26,799 That moonwalk back there was streets ahead, buddy. 96 00:05:26,799 --> 00:05:28,550 Hey, thanks, buddy. 97 00:05:28,550 --> 00:05:29,760 Hey, Pierce. 98 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:31,804 Hey, it's you. Yeah, 99 00:05:31,804 --> 00:05:34,348 the tiny man you see when you take enough pills. 100 00:05:34,348 --> 00:05:36,642 We have a good time, don't we, Pierce? 101 00:05:36,642 --> 00:05:37,893 I ain't hurting. 102 00:05:37,893 --> 00:05:39,603 And you wanna keep this going, right? 103 00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:41,396 Because I'm sure you've noticed, 104 00:05:41,396 --> 00:05:43,231 the prescription is almost done. 105 00:05:43,231 --> 00:05:46,318 Heh, heh. I don't think the doctor… 106 00:05:46,318 --> 00:05:47,653 You know, he won't… 107 00:05:47,653 --> 00:05:49,363 Pierce, if doctors are so smart, 108 00:05:49,363 --> 00:05:51,239 why are there millions of them? 109 00:05:52,407 --> 00:05:54,201 Look in your hand. 110 00:05:56,996 --> 00:05:59,289 It's Valentine's, buddy. 111 00:05:59,289 --> 00:06:01,834 Be mine. 112 00:06:03,585 --> 00:06:05,004 Ahem. 113 00:06:05,004 --> 00:06:07,756 Mariah, Abed Nadir. My associate, Troy Barnes. 114 00:06:07,756 --> 00:06:09,132 Charmed, I'm sure. 115 00:06:09,132 --> 00:06:11,176 You're the guys who keep staring at me 116 00:06:11,176 --> 00:06:12,427 and yelling out "books"? 117 00:06:12,427 --> 00:06:15,096 The very same. We're both interested 118 00:06:15,096 --> 00:06:17,683 in taking you to the dance. We are also best friends. 119 00:06:17,683 --> 00:06:19,852 It is important we protect that friendship 120 00:06:19,852 --> 00:06:21,478 from the stresses of courting. 121 00:06:21,478 --> 00:06:23,146 So we're trying to be direct. 122 00:06:23,146 --> 00:06:25,106 Will you go to the dance with one of us, 123 00:06:25,106 --> 00:06:27,192 and if so, which one? 124 00:06:27,192 --> 00:06:29,194 We need to get something straight first. 125 00:06:29,194 --> 00:06:32,239 This is the cutest thing that's ever happened to me. 126 00:06:32,239 --> 00:06:34,825 But I don't know either one of you. 127 00:06:34,825 --> 00:06:36,702 Give us a moment. 128 00:06:40,831 --> 00:06:42,791 New proposal: Get to know us at the dance 129 00:06:42,791 --> 00:06:45,460 and decide which of us you'd like to see again. 130 00:06:45,460 --> 00:06:46,712 Okay, deal. 131 00:06:46,712 --> 00:06:48,129 Nice. 132 00:06:48,129 --> 00:06:49,631 What's in the briefcase? 133 00:06:49,631 --> 00:06:52,426 Oh, tacos. 134 00:06:52,426 --> 00:06:53,677 You want one? 135 00:06:53,677 --> 00:06:54,845 No. 136 00:06:54,845 --> 00:06:56,805 Great, we really wanted them. 137 00:06:56,805 --> 00:06:58,640 Yeah, we're gonna eat them. 138 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,309 So, like, would you change clothes in front of her? 139 00:07:01,309 --> 00:07:03,020 Annie, 140 00:07:03,020 --> 00:07:05,940 I know your lack of world experience creates curiosity, 141 00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:07,190 but questions like that 142 00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:08,943 can make you seem a bit homophobic. 143 00:07:08,943 --> 00:07:10,903 It's homophobic to ask? 144 00:07:10,903 --> 00:07:13,614 If you have to ask if it's homophobic to ask questions, 145 00:07:13,614 --> 00:07:16,075 haven't you already answered your own question? 146 00:07:16,075 --> 00:07:19,118 Have I? Don't know. Not a homophobe. 147 00:07:19,118 --> 00:07:20,871 Oh. 148 00:07:20,871 --> 00:07:22,790 Oh, there's Page. 149 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:26,085 Should I ask her 500 questions about being a lesbian? 150 00:07:26,085 --> 00:07:28,336 Or should I just treat her like a normal person? 151 00:07:28,336 --> 00:07:31,757 That's a question you can ask. 152 00:07:33,174 --> 00:07:35,677 Hey, how are you? What's going on? 153 00:07:36,762 --> 00:07:40,181 Hey. Hi. 154 00:07:40,181 --> 00:07:42,726 I'm not a lesbian. Oh. 155 00:07:42,726 --> 00:07:44,519 I'm not either. Oh. 156 00:07:44,519 --> 00:07:46,855 But it's cool that you're friends with one. 157 00:07:46,855 --> 00:07:49,232 Oh. Page isn't a lesbian. 158 00:07:49,232 --> 00:07:51,234 She just likes hanging out with Britta. 159 00:07:51,234 --> 00:07:54,071 It makes her feel cool to have a lesbian friend. Heh, heh. 160 00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:55,823 But Britta's not a lesbian. 161 00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:58,533 She thinks that Page is. 162 00:08:01,703 --> 00:08:03,455 Guess what, Annie. 163 00:08:03,455 --> 00:08:06,458 Page and I are going to the dance together. 164 00:08:06,458 --> 00:08:08,418 Hope I stay straight, right? 165 00:08:10,504 --> 00:08:13,381 My friend's a tad homophobic, so I was doing a bit. 166 00:08:13,381 --> 00:08:15,216 Oh… Heh. 167 00:08:17,427 --> 00:08:19,387 Bye. 168 00:08:21,556 --> 00:08:23,308 Pretty exciting first half. 169 00:08:23,308 --> 00:08:25,811 Yeah, zero-zero. Electrifying. 170 00:08:25,811 --> 00:08:28,939 Worried that your six-headed ball and chain will be calling? 171 00:08:28,939 --> 00:08:31,441 Fine. 172 00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:36,113 That's better, you big slut. 173 00:08:42,786 --> 00:08:44,371 It's Chang. 174 00:08:44,371 --> 00:08:45,622 Chang? Why? 175 00:08:45,622 --> 00:08:48,291 I don't know. I can hear you guys. 176 00:08:48,291 --> 00:08:49,793 What are you doing here? 177 00:08:49,793 --> 00:08:51,252 How do you know where I live? 178 00:08:51,252 --> 00:08:53,005 I can answer both of those questions 179 00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:55,090 by returning your driver's license. 180 00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:01,013 Ah. There it is. 181 00:09:01,013 --> 00:09:02,931 Man U versus Liverpool. 182 00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:06,309 For God's sakes, let him in. He's wearing the right colors. 183 00:09:06,309 --> 00:09:07,811 Come in. 184 00:09:07,811 --> 00:09:09,063 Don't mind if I Chang. 185 00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:11,815 Hey, hey. Hey, man, check this out. 186 00:09:11,815 --> 00:09:14,484 Ya-tah! 187 00:09:23,827 --> 00:09:26,955 The thing I was going to show you guys was pretty cool. 188 00:09:26,955 --> 00:09:28,999 I'm ignoring you and watching soccer. 189 00:09:28,999 --> 00:09:30,500 Just sit down, Chang. 190 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,836 There's space for three fannies on this sofa. 191 00:09:32,836 --> 00:09:34,963 In England, fanny means "vagina," right? 192 00:09:34,963 --> 00:09:37,091 In England, everything means "vagina." 193 00:09:39,426 --> 00:09:41,011 I'm gonna make it up to you. 194 00:09:41,011 --> 00:09:44,431 Even though, like I said, weird place to put a lamp. 195 00:09:44,431 --> 00:09:46,141 But let me order a pizza. 196 00:09:46,141 --> 00:09:47,475 Ooh, I love pizza. 197 00:09:47,475 --> 00:09:49,686 In England, we call them "Italian fannies." 198 00:09:49,686 --> 00:09:51,980 I'm hooking us up. Celly. 199 00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:53,481 Uh, go use the landline. 200 00:09:53,481 --> 00:09:56,110 Landline? Okay, Grandma Bell. 201 00:09:57,986 --> 00:10:01,489 Star-Burns. It's Chang. 202 00:10:01,489 --> 00:10:03,700 Remember that pizza you owe me? 203 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:05,869 Well, it's time to pay up. 204 00:10:05,869 --> 00:10:09,664 Party at Winger's tonight. 205 00:10:09,664 --> 00:10:11,083 Yeah, you can tell people. 206 00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:13,376 Cool. Cool. 207 00:10:13,376 --> 00:10:15,754 Wingding at Wingers. Wingding at Wingers. 208 00:10:15,754 --> 00:10:17,131 So, Mariah, 209 00:10:17,131 --> 00:10:19,382 what you get with me is the complete package. 210 00:10:19,382 --> 00:10:21,635 HBO, Showtime, Starz, Starz Black. 211 00:10:21,635 --> 00:10:23,303 Sounds expensive. 212 00:10:23,303 --> 00:10:26,556 If you go with me, you can expect this on the dance floor. 213 00:10:31,728 --> 00:10:34,898 Go, go, go. 214 00:10:39,444 --> 00:10:41,238 I feel like everyone's staring. 215 00:10:41,238 --> 00:10:42,405 Not that I care. 216 00:10:42,405 --> 00:10:44,116 Well, of course they're staring. 217 00:10:44,116 --> 00:10:46,409 They've probably never seen a straight girl 218 00:10:46,409 --> 00:10:48,369 and a lesbian so comfortable together. 219 00:10:48,369 --> 00:10:50,956 Exactly. 220 00:10:50,956 --> 00:10:52,666 Those two were talking about us. 221 00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:55,669 Well, let's give them something to really talk about. 222 00:10:56,711 --> 00:10:58,546 Let's do it. Okay. 223 00:11:02,217 --> 00:11:05,095 Excuse us. Thanks. Sorry. 224 00:11:13,812 --> 00:11:15,314 Cool music, huh? 225 00:11:20,110 --> 00:11:21,528 Oh, nice call, ref. 226 00:11:21,528 --> 00:11:23,446 Bite my banger. 227 00:11:23,446 --> 00:11:26,033 Jeff, something's up with your toothbrush, man. 228 00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,327 What the hell? I had to get cleaned up. 229 00:11:28,327 --> 00:11:29,953 Why? 230 00:11:31,079 --> 00:11:32,998 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 231 00:11:32,998 --> 00:11:34,749 Pizza time. 232 00:11:34,749 --> 00:11:37,169 Leonard? Where are the white women at? 233 00:11:37,169 --> 00:11:39,420 No. There are no white women here, Leonard. 234 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:40,588 This is not a party. 235 00:11:40,588 --> 00:11:42,216 Don't tell that to Magnitude. 236 00:11:42,216 --> 00:11:43,675 Who's Magnitude? 237 00:11:43,675 --> 00:11:46,678 Yo, yo, yo. Pop, pop! 238 00:11:46,678 --> 00:11:49,514 Ha, ha, ha! Pop, pop! Bam! 239 00:11:49,514 --> 00:11:50,682 Bam! 240 00:11:50,682 --> 00:11:52,433 Come on in. What's up? 241 00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:54,978 Oh, yeah, dog. Looking good. 242 00:11:54,978 --> 00:11:58,606 That is my analysis of the Saw movie franchise. 243 00:11:58,606 --> 00:11:59,900 That about does it. 244 00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:02,277 So I think it's time for you to choose. 245 00:12:04,821 --> 00:12:07,282 Abed, could you get us some punch? 246 00:12:07,282 --> 00:12:08,700 On it. 247 00:12:09,743 --> 00:12:11,995 You guys are really cute together. 248 00:12:12,996 --> 00:12:14,497 Thank you. 249 00:12:14,497 --> 00:12:17,709 But, you know, having to actually choose, I… 250 00:12:17,709 --> 00:12:19,336 Hey, we both agreed to this. 251 00:12:19,336 --> 00:12:21,462 We're both comfortable with each other. 252 00:12:21,462 --> 00:12:23,631 So I won't be… No, I choose you, Troy. 253 00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:26,593 Psssh. Punch. 254 00:12:26,593 --> 00:12:29,179 Hey, Abed. Hey. 255 00:12:29,179 --> 00:12:33,225 I, um… She just, uh… She chose me. 256 00:12:34,475 --> 00:12:36,519 Cool. You can have this, then. 257 00:12:36,519 --> 00:12:38,855 Thank you, Mariah. Have a great night. 258 00:12:46,196 --> 00:12:49,283 Great. Pierce? 259 00:12:49,283 --> 00:12:51,159 You go straight to hell! 260 00:12:51,159 --> 00:12:52,619 Wha…? Uh… 261 00:12:52,619 --> 00:12:54,662 Heh. Oh, I'm sorry. 262 00:12:54,662 --> 00:12:56,331 I don't know, 263 00:12:56,331 --> 00:12:59,084 I've been going through all these mood swings lately. 264 00:12:59,084 --> 00:13:01,628 You understand we care about you, right? 265 00:13:03,630 --> 00:13:05,673 Okay. 266 00:13:06,967 --> 00:13:09,136 Well, look. Here's the deal. 267 00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:12,222 I am not sharing you with them. 268 00:13:12,222 --> 00:13:13,848 So before this goes further, 269 00:13:15,016 --> 00:13:18,561 you have a choice to make, my friend. 270 00:13:20,439 --> 00:13:22,399 Ha, ha! Look at the lesbians. 271 00:13:25,568 --> 00:13:26,861 Lesbians! 272 00:13:26,861 --> 00:13:28,863 Screw you. Screw you. 273 00:13:30,824 --> 00:13:32,033 Heh. Heh. 274 00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:33,701 I… No, no. 275 00:13:33,701 --> 00:13:36,079 I don't care what they say. Oh, I don't either. 276 00:13:36,079 --> 00:13:38,081 I wish it wasn't such an issue for them. 277 00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:40,167 Yeah, but that starts with us. 278 00:13:41,376 --> 00:13:43,295 That starts with us. 279 00:13:57,142 --> 00:13:59,311 I've never done this before. Me neither. 280 00:13:59,311 --> 00:14:01,771 Wait, what? Wait, what? 281 00:14:01,771 --> 00:14:03,857 Bring it. 282 00:14:03,857 --> 00:14:08,862 So curious about one thing. 283 00:14:08,862 --> 00:14:10,238 What was wrong with Abed? 284 00:14:10,238 --> 00:14:11,781 Well, I mean, 285 00:14:11,781 --> 00:14:14,117 he did talk about the Saw movies for two hours. 286 00:14:14,117 --> 00:14:17,371 But there are eight of them and they're two hours apiece. 287 00:14:17,371 --> 00:14:19,289 The first one did redefine the genre… 288 00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:21,875 Troy, I would love to be his friend. 289 00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:23,751 I know you would, it's incredible. 290 00:14:23,751 --> 00:14:25,337 But romantically, he's… 291 00:14:26,421 --> 00:14:28,382 You know. 292 00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:34,471 I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! 293 00:14:34,471 --> 00:14:37,015 What happened? She called you weird. 294 00:14:37,015 --> 00:14:38,933 I am weird. Not as weird as her. 295 00:14:38,933 --> 00:14:41,019 Who the hell is Nicholas Nickleby? 296 00:14:41,019 --> 00:14:43,021 She wouldn't shut up about it. 297 00:14:43,021 --> 00:14:44,981 Hm. I know. 298 00:14:46,483 --> 00:14:49,110 There's someone out there for us. 299 00:14:50,153 --> 00:14:51,488 Happy Valentine's Day. 300 00:14:51,488 --> 00:14:53,407 It is now. 301 00:15:01,789 --> 00:15:04,209 Ignore her. Okay. 302 00:15:06,753 --> 00:15:10,173 It's weird, but I've never heard of Magnitude before tonight. 303 00:15:10,173 --> 00:15:11,799 He's a one-man party. 304 00:15:11,799 --> 00:15:14,010 You're always busy with your study group. 305 00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,845 Well, he's not with them tonight. 306 00:15:15,845 --> 00:15:17,680 Ha, ha, ha. Oh, yeah! 307 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,849 I thought you quit drinking, Duncan. 308 00:15:19,849 --> 00:15:21,476 False alarm on that one. 309 00:15:21,476 --> 00:15:22,894 Oh, yeah. 310 00:15:22,894 --> 00:15:24,854 Pop, pop. 311 00:15:24,854 --> 00:15:26,898 Pop, pop. Pop, pop. 312 00:15:26,898 --> 00:15:28,608 Pop, pop. Pop, pop… 313 00:15:28,608 --> 00:15:30,651 Yo! Yo! Yo… 314 00:15:33,613 --> 00:15:35,490 I never said I was a lesbian. 315 00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,242 Why didn't you just ask me? 316 00:15:37,242 --> 00:15:38,618 What am I, a homophobe? 317 00:15:38,618 --> 00:15:40,912 I don't care about people's preferences. 318 00:15:40,912 --> 00:15:42,622 You so care. 319 00:15:42,622 --> 00:15:45,584 You were hanging out with me because you thought I was gay. 320 00:15:45,584 --> 00:15:47,668 So, what you were doing with me? 321 00:15:47,668 --> 00:15:50,713 Hey, what does it matter, you know? We're both just humans 322 00:15:50,713 --> 00:15:53,174 trying to make our way through this crazy world. 323 00:15:53,174 --> 00:15:55,051 You're the worst. 324 00:15:55,051 --> 00:15:56,553 What? For the record, 325 00:15:56,553 --> 00:15:58,221 I never thought you were cool. 326 00:15:58,221 --> 00:16:00,181 I only thought you were a lesbian. 327 00:16:08,815 --> 00:16:10,233 Page is straight. 328 00:16:11,192 --> 00:16:12,611 Really? 329 00:16:13,694 --> 00:16:16,697 Well, when she was gay, 330 00:16:16,697 --> 00:16:19,409 I thought it was really cool of you to make out with her. 331 00:16:19,409 --> 00:16:22,454 Thanks, Annie. 332 00:16:24,038 --> 00:16:25,999 Come on. Kiss her! 333 00:16:26,916 --> 00:16:28,668 Annie. 334 00:16:32,922 --> 00:16:35,634 Oh, thanks, man. Just leave those. 335 00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:39,053 I'll get them in the morning. Oh, it's okay. 336 00:16:40,013 --> 00:16:41,640 Are you wearing my underwear? 337 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,017 Oh. I needed a pair while I did some laundry here. 338 00:16:44,017 --> 00:16:46,311 I don't have a washing machine. 339 00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,148 What the hell? 340 00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:51,941 Don't get mad, don't get mad. 341 00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,902 I'm homeless, Jeff. 342 00:16:54,902 --> 00:16:57,071 When my wife found out about Shirley and me, 343 00:16:57,071 --> 00:16:59,658 she kicked me out. For good this time. 344 00:16:59,658 --> 00:17:03,036 My whole life is in this dishwasher, man. 345 00:17:03,036 --> 00:17:07,582 Well, some of it's also soaking in your bathtub. 346 00:17:07,582 --> 00:17:09,501 Oh, so wasted and sleepy. 347 00:17:09,501 --> 00:17:12,003 You know, I should probably just crash here 348 00:17:12,003 --> 00:17:14,005 and, you know, I can start looking 349 00:17:14,005 --> 00:17:15,423 for a place in the morning. 350 00:17:16,633 --> 00:17:17,842 What? 351 00:17:17,842 --> 00:17:19,636 You orchestrated this entire party 352 00:17:19,636 --> 00:17:21,638 so you could weasel into staying here. 353 00:17:21,638 --> 00:17:23,097 You weren't gonna notice. 354 00:17:23,097 --> 00:17:24,724 Don't kill the messenger, 355 00:17:24,724 --> 00:17:27,686 but you have four hermit crabs in your bathroom sink. 356 00:17:27,686 --> 00:17:30,480 You'll fall in love with them. I named one Jeff. 357 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,232 How long were you gonna stay? 358 00:17:32,232 --> 00:17:34,775 Just a month, three tops. 359 00:17:35,902 --> 00:17:37,862 I mean, how long is our lease? 360 00:17:39,531 --> 00:17:41,949 Uh… Uh… 361 00:17:46,787 --> 00:17:48,665 Way to go, idiots! 362 00:17:54,087 --> 00:17:56,339 All right, everybody out. I'm not kidding. 363 00:17:56,339 --> 00:17:58,425 It's been very interesting 364 00:17:58,425 --> 00:18:01,511 getting to know you all much, much better. 365 00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:05,599 Star-Burns. Leonard. Magnitude. Pop, pop. 366 00:18:05,599 --> 00:18:08,142 Swizzle. Scandalous. C Dubbs. 367 00:18:08,142 --> 00:18:11,020 Tim. Mighty D, Glisten. 368 00:18:11,020 --> 00:18:14,524 Good night, everyone. Faster. Move it. Thank you. 369 00:18:14,524 --> 00:18:17,736 Well, I hope you found tonight therapeutic. 370 00:18:17,736 --> 00:18:21,239 Because I would love to pretend that that was my plan. 371 00:18:21,239 --> 00:18:22,865 I actually started to have fun 372 00:18:22,865 --> 00:18:24,618 until that maniac tried to move in. 373 00:18:24,618 --> 00:18:27,828 What is it about me that makes broken people flock to me? 374 00:18:27,828 --> 00:18:29,414 Is it my height? 375 00:18:29,414 --> 00:18:32,125 Do huddled masses mistake me for the Statue of Liberty? 376 00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:35,211 I don't know, but being as how you are halfway through 377 00:18:35,211 --> 00:18:36,963 your second year at Greendale, 378 00:18:36,963 --> 00:18:39,674 you may want to either stop resisting, 379 00:18:39,674 --> 00:18:42,677 or admit that you're actually starting to enjoy it. 380 00:18:42,677 --> 00:18:43,928 Well, you assume I enjoy it 381 00:18:43,928 --> 00:18:46,013 because you think you'd enjoy it. 382 00:18:46,013 --> 00:18:49,850 It's true, I am very lonely. 383 00:18:51,852 --> 00:18:53,730 You want a nice little taste 384 00:18:53,730 --> 00:18:55,898 of what you're missing in a relationship 385 00:18:55,898 --> 00:18:57,108 with six nutcases? 386 00:18:57,108 --> 00:18:58,859 Yeah. Let's turn on my phone 387 00:18:58,859 --> 00:19:01,988 and listen to the 39 messages they left tonight. 388 00:19:01,988 --> 00:19:03,740 Hello. 389 00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:06,075 You have no new messages. 390 00:19:06,951 --> 00:19:10,288 Hm. That's… 391 00:19:11,914 --> 00:19:13,416 Since you got it turned on, 392 00:19:13,416 --> 00:19:15,669 why don't you call me a cab and then pay for it? 393 00:19:15,669 --> 00:19:17,754 They must be in some kind of trouble. 394 00:19:18,797 --> 00:19:22,008 Ah. What a relief that would be. 395 00:19:23,593 --> 00:19:25,219 Tell you what. If you need me, 396 00:19:25,219 --> 00:19:28,348 I'm gonna be waiting for my cab down here. 397 00:19:29,265 --> 00:19:31,601 I'll have a special nap. 398 00:19:57,918 --> 00:20:00,338 Thanks, bro, I'll be gone in the morning. 399 00:20:00,338 --> 00:20:02,256 Yeah, whatever. 400 00:20:02,256 --> 00:20:05,009 Okay, maybe I'll stay a while. 401 00:20:07,470 --> 00:20:10,056 Thirsty. Don't push it. 402 00:20:10,056 --> 00:20:11,766 All right. 403 00:20:11,766 --> 00:20:13,685 It might not shock you guys 404 00:20:13,685 --> 00:20:16,020 to hear the real reason we had a fight today. 405 00:20:17,355 --> 00:20:19,315 It wasn't about the Barenaked Ladies. 406 00:20:19,315 --> 00:20:22,026 Although I do have some unresolved issues there. 407 00:20:22,026 --> 00:20:24,779 Caring about a person can be scary. 408 00:20:24,779 --> 00:20:27,365 Caring about six people can be a horrifying, 409 00:20:27,365 --> 00:20:28,658 embarrassing nightmare. 410 00:20:28,658 --> 00:20:30,326 At least for me. 411 00:20:30,326 --> 00:20:34,414 But if I can't say it today, when can I say it? 412 00:20:34,414 --> 00:20:36,207 I love you guys. 413 00:20:36,207 --> 00:20:39,460 Oh, and Pierce? Take it from an expert. 414 00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:42,630 These knuckleheads are right outside your heart. 415 00:20:42,630 --> 00:20:44,382 Let them in. 416 00:20:44,382 --> 00:20:46,593 Before it's too late. 417 00:20:47,677 --> 00:20:49,637 Happy Valentine's Day. 418 00:20:57,228 --> 00:21:00,398 Be mine. Right. Yes. 419 00:21:03,943 --> 00:21:06,571 Love you. Amazing. 420 00:21:10,784 --> 00:21:12,911 You're cute? Hm. 421 00:21:12,911 --> 00:21:14,579 No, wait. 422 00:21:15,955 --> 00:21:18,499 Kiss me. There has got to be a way 423 00:21:18,499 --> 00:21:21,085 to make money off of this. 424 00:21:23,922 --> 00:21:25,840 I've been cheating. 425 00:21:28,718 --> 00:21:32,138 No, it says, "E-mail me."