1 00:00:05,611 --> 00:00:06,987 Hey, Buzby, how are you today? 2 00:00:07,279 --> 00:00:08,280 Not so great, Bumbleton. 3 00:00:08,572 --> 00:00:09,823 I have a ton of pollen to collect, 4 00:00:10,115 --> 00:00:11,366 but I'm really tired. 5 00:00:11,658 --> 00:00:13,994 Flying a little low? Maybe you should get high. 6 00:00:14,286 --> 00:00:16,538 Who's this? This is Drugs. 7 00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:18,415 Aren't Drugs bad? No way. 8 00:00:18,707 --> 00:00:21,502 Drugs are like special honey. They give you a buzzzz. 9 00:00:21,793 --> 00:00:23,086 Don't call me honey, honey. 10 00:00:23,378 --> 00:00:25,380 Pierce, Drugs doesn't say that. 11 00:00:25,672 --> 00:00:27,758 You know, I don't say anything, by the way. 12 00:00:28,050 --> 00:00:30,427 I mean, I thought this show was about drug awareness. 13 00:00:30,719 --> 00:00:33,222 Who's gonna be aware of a character that has no lines? 14 00:00:33,514 --> 00:00:36,183 Also, I noticed on page 15 I get flushed down the toilet. 15 00:00:36,475 --> 00:00:38,018 Consider yourself lucky. 16 00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:40,145 Annie, question. Is Pierce marijuana, 17 00:00:40,437 --> 00:00:41,688 and does marijuana help people work faster? 18 00:00:41,980 --> 00:00:43,232 I thought it made them custom-paint their vans 19 00:00:43,524 --> 00:00:44,858 and solve mysteries. 20 00:00:45,150 --> 00:00:46,610 Are you sure that my costume is on backwards? 21 00:00:46,902 --> 00:00:49,655 Somehow I felt more confident before. I have a question. 22 00:00:49,947 --> 00:00:52,115 I don't think my character would say "tripping balls." 23 00:00:52,407 --> 00:00:53,909 That's not a question. I don't think my character 24 00:00:54,201 --> 00:00:55,702 would say "tripping balls," okay? 25 00:00:55,994 --> 00:00:58,288 Let's remember why we're doing this. 26 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,707 If our work helps even one kid make better choices, 27 00:01:00,999 --> 00:01:02,543 then it will all be worth it. 28 00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,586 I wish I had seen a show like this when I was younger. 29 00:01:04,878 --> 00:01:06,463 It might have helped me avoid my mistakes. 30 00:01:06,755 --> 00:01:08,215 We're happy to do this for you, Annie, 31 00:01:08,507 --> 00:01:10,759 but I have to say, my school had plenty of shows like this 32 00:01:11,051 --> 00:01:13,470 and I think sitting through them drove me to drugs. 33 00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:15,847 You don't count, Britta. You don't respond to anything appropriately. 34 00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:18,016 Thank you. 35 00:01:18,308 --> 00:01:20,811 Dean dong. Heh, heh, heh. 36 00:01:21,103 --> 00:01:22,479 I'm just checking in to see 37 00:01:22,771 --> 00:01:24,481 how the Greendale Anti-Drug Players are doing. 38 00:01:24,773 --> 00:01:27,693 I talked to the guidance counselor at San Ramon Middle School. 39 00:01:27,985 --> 00:01:31,238 There's gonna be at least 50 little at-risk rugrats 40 00:01:31,530 --> 00:01:33,240 coming here tomorrow for your big world premiere. 41 00:01:33,532 --> 00:01:35,117 - That's terrific. - That's nice. 42 00:01:35,409 --> 00:01:37,995 With any luck, we'll get rid of all those Charleston Chews 43 00:01:38,287 --> 00:01:39,746 in the vending machines. 44 00:01:40,038 --> 00:01:43,584 Dean Pelton, were you hoping to participate in the show? 45 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,085 Oh, I would love to, Annie. 46 00:01:45,377 --> 00:01:47,879 But as you can see from my outfit, I have plans. 47 00:01:48,171 --> 00:01:51,091 So, off to the airport Ramada. 48 00:01:51,383 --> 00:01:54,803 How come he gets a front stinger? 49 00:02:23,415 --> 00:02:25,208 Do you think bees eat their own honey? 50 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,127 I'm sure they've at least tasted it. 51 00:02:27,419 --> 00:02:28,837 This guy keeps texting me. 52 00:02:29,129 --> 00:02:31,506 You don't like him? I don't like flirting in text. 53 00:02:31,798 --> 00:02:34,426 That's like saying you don't work by electric light. 54 00:02:34,718 --> 00:02:36,970 You want an active sex life, part of it's texting. 55 00:02:37,262 --> 00:02:38,805 I don't remember asking your opinion. 56 00:02:39,097 --> 00:02:40,599 Can't talk now. 57 00:02:40,891 --> 00:02:43,727 Shirley, since I might be the father of your unborn child 58 00:02:44,019 --> 00:02:47,606 I made you a mix tape. I hope you like Johnny Gill. 59 00:02:47,898 --> 00:02:50,484 And since you probably don't have a cassette player, 60 00:02:50,776 --> 00:02:53,236 here's a list of used ones on Craigslist. 61 00:02:53,528 --> 00:02:55,197 Britta, are you walking out of this room? 62 00:02:55,489 --> 00:02:58,950 Uh, yeah. 63 00:02:59,242 --> 00:03:01,578 You know you're gonna have to acknowledge him eventually. 64 00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:02,579 Don't know who you're talking about. 65 00:03:02,871 --> 00:03:04,247 Chang. 66 00:03:04,539 --> 00:03:06,458 I know who you're talking about. He doesn't exist. 67 00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,628 Annie. Ooh! 68 00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,380 I'm sorry. Aword? Mm-hm. 69 00:03:11,672 --> 00:03:12,881 I don't know if you know this, 70 00:03:13,173 --> 00:03:15,425 but I did TV commercials for Hawthorne Wipes, 71 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:18,053 family business, in the '50s. Oh. Heh, heh. 72 00:03:18,345 --> 00:03:21,181 I was kind of the Gerber baby of moist towelettes. 73 00:03:21,473 --> 00:03:23,266 Heh, heh. That's great, Pierce. 74 00:03:23,558 --> 00:03:25,519 Yeah. I've done a lot of acting workshops. 75 00:03:25,811 --> 00:03:27,145 Hm. 76 00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:30,023 I do physical comedy, funny dances, 77 00:03:30,315 --> 00:03:31,483 foreign accents. Accents? 78 00:03:31,775 --> 00:03:33,985 Name any country. Russia. 79 00:03:34,277 --> 00:03:36,863 Point being, there are many tools I can bring to the table 80 00:03:37,155 --> 00:03:39,324 that I think the script may be wasting. 81 00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:42,411 Pierce, do you know what I think is really great about this show? 82 00:03:42,703 --> 00:03:45,122 The only real star of it is the message. 83 00:03:45,414 --> 00:03:47,582 Right, of course. Is the message Jeff Winger? 84 00:03:47,874 --> 00:03:49,418 Because he's on every page of this thing, and... 85 00:03:49,710 --> 00:03:52,921 I'll see you tomorrow. You bet. 86 00:03:56,007 --> 00:03:57,300 Britta left her phone. 87 00:03:57,592 --> 00:04:00,053 She's getting a text message. Let me see. 88 00:04:00,345 --> 00:04:02,431 Oh. It's from Marcus. 89 00:04:02,723 --> 00:04:04,057 "I'll be at the show tomorrow night. 90 00:04:04,349 --> 00:04:05,517 "Can't wait to see you. 91 00:04:05,809 --> 00:04:08,437 Are you really wearing a cat costume?" 92 00:04:08,729 --> 00:04:13,442 Well, Marcus, you are in luck. What are you doing? 93 00:04:13,734 --> 00:04:16,194 Dragging Britta kicking and screaming into 1997. 94 00:04:16,486 --> 00:04:17,654 What'd you say? 95 00:04:17,946 --> 00:04:19,197 "There's not much to the cat costume. 96 00:04:19,489 --> 00:04:21,491 But can't wait to show you what's underneath." 97 00:04:23,368 --> 00:04:24,995 How could you think that's a good idea? 98 00:04:25,287 --> 00:04:26,455 I got a better question. 99 00:04:26,747 --> 00:04:28,373 How could it not be a great idea? 100 00:04:48,268 --> 00:04:49,394 Thanks. 101 00:04:49,686 --> 00:04:51,688 Here you go. 102 00:05:10,749 --> 00:05:11,875 Wha...? 103 00:05:14,127 --> 00:05:16,630 Pierce, what are you doing here? 104 00:05:16,922 --> 00:05:19,591 Never mind that. There's a rapist in the hallway. 105 00:05:19,883 --> 00:05:21,468 That's my landlord. 106 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,428 And If he wanted to rape you, you'd be raped. 107 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:24,846 Did you follow me? 108 00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:26,890 Let me answer your question with two of my own. 109 00:05:27,182 --> 00:05:30,227 What are you doing in an apartment above Dildopolis? 110 00:05:30,519 --> 00:05:31,895 And when did they open a second location? 111 00:05:32,187 --> 00:05:34,231 This is where I live. 112 00:05:34,523 --> 00:05:36,316 It just happens to be above a marital aid store. 113 00:05:36,608 --> 00:05:38,777 I don't get it. Aren't everyone's parents rich? 114 00:05:39,069 --> 00:05:40,987 Well, I'm not speaking to my parents. 115 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:42,447 After my nervous breakdown, 116 00:05:42,739 --> 00:05:43,824 my mom wanted to put the problem behind us 117 00:05:44,115 --> 00:05:45,367 and I wanted to deal with it, 118 00:05:45,659 --> 00:05:47,869 so I went to rehab and she cut me off. 119 00:05:48,161 --> 00:05:49,329 What are you living on? I saved. 120 00:05:50,372 --> 00:05:52,833 Every penny from babysitting, every birthday check. 121 00:05:53,124 --> 00:05:55,460 Every dollar from the period fairy when I was a kid. 122 00:05:55,752 --> 00:05:56,837 I guess I thought it would last longer. 123 00:05:57,128 --> 00:05:59,631 Excuse me, what's a period fairy? 124 00:05:59,923 --> 00:06:01,508 The fairy that gives you a dollar 125 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,134 every time you get your period. 126 00:06:03,426 --> 00:06:04,970 Does she still come? Pierce. 127 00:06:05,262 --> 00:06:07,764 You know, you and I are very much alike, Annie. 128 00:06:08,056 --> 00:06:09,850 We're both realists. We're both cute. 129 00:06:10,141 --> 00:06:14,354 And we'd both rather die than let someone else control us. 130 00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:17,399 I see the point of this place now. 131 00:06:17,691 --> 00:06:22,070 This crap hole is a monument to self-reliance. 132 00:06:22,362 --> 00:06:23,446 I found the drapes in a dumpster. 133 00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:25,490 Can you believe it? Heh, heh. Yes. 134 00:06:25,782 --> 00:06:29,411 You know, I wanna help, Annie. Oh, no, no, no, Pierce. 135 00:06:29,703 --> 00:06:33,498 Come on, now. I'm not taking money from you. 136 00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,000 It's not mine. It's yours. 137 00:06:35,292 --> 00:06:37,335 You've earned it for being strong. 138 00:06:37,627 --> 00:06:42,382 It's going to drop into your hands from out of nowhere... 139 00:06:42,674 --> 00:06:44,217 because I was never here. 140 00:06:46,344 --> 00:06:49,931 I'm only taking this because I'm a little worried about making rent 141 00:06:50,223 --> 00:06:51,391 and they told me the procedure for selling eggs takes three weeks. 142 00:06:52,434 --> 00:06:53,935 You save your eggs for a rainy day, 143 00:06:54,227 --> 00:06:55,687 and I'll see you tomorrow. 144 00:06:55,979 --> 00:06:56,938 Pierce? 145 00:07:05,322 --> 00:07:08,116 Hey, why did you follow me here today? 146 00:07:08,408 --> 00:07:13,204 Oh, it was nothing. It seems sort of pointless now. 147 00:07:13,496 --> 00:07:15,165 I guess it was to talk about the play. 148 00:07:15,457 --> 00:07:17,876 And who cares if I don't have any lines? 149 00:07:18,168 --> 00:07:20,670 You know what, Pierce, you should do that line you improvised. 150 00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,213 "Don't call me honey, honey"? 151 00:07:22,505 --> 00:07:24,466 Yeah, that's it, you should do that. 152 00:07:24,758 --> 00:07:27,636 You were the Gerber baby of moist towelettes, right? 153 00:07:27,928 --> 00:07:29,721 Yes. Yes, I was. 154 00:07:30,013 --> 00:07:31,139 And action. 155 00:07:31,431 --> 00:07:34,726 Hello, I'm Cornelius Hawthorne. 156 00:07:35,018 --> 00:07:38,855 One rainy day, my son Pierce and I were taking a stroll 157 00:07:39,147 --> 00:07:41,149 when I discovered the cleansing power 158 00:07:41,441 --> 00:07:44,069 of moist cotton fresh from the field. 159 00:07:44,361 --> 00:07:45,654 Isn't that right, son? 160 00:07:45,946 --> 00:07:47,405 It sure is. 161 00:07:47,697 --> 00:07:49,240 It sure is, Dad. 162 00:07:49,532 --> 00:07:51,451 Pierce, knock it off. 163 00:07:52,494 --> 00:07:54,829 I want to be in the commercial too, father. 164 00:07:55,121 --> 00:07:57,958 Well, then you should've done better in your damn audition. 165 00:07:58,249 --> 00:08:01,544 What's your name, son? Nigel. 166 00:08:01,836 --> 00:08:03,672 You're a good boy, Nigel. 167 00:08:03,964 --> 00:08:06,883 Your father is a lucky man. 168 00:08:12,806 --> 00:08:14,641 Okay, guys, remember, the most important thing 169 00:08:14,933 --> 00:08:16,017 is to have fun. 170 00:08:16,309 --> 00:08:17,727 The second most important thing is to know all your lines and all your blocking 171 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,229 and not mess up a single thing. 172 00:08:19,521 --> 00:08:22,315 Actually, flip those. Here we go, guys. 173 00:08:22,607 --> 00:08:25,652 I took the liberty of juicing up some of our bits. 174 00:08:25,944 --> 00:08:29,072 Um, but... Pierce, you can't just revise Annie's script. 175 00:08:29,364 --> 00:08:31,408 And who uses Wite-Out anymore? 176 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,576 Why don't we look over Pierce's changes 177 00:08:33,868 --> 00:08:35,620 and see if they improve things? 178 00:08:35,912 --> 00:08:38,164 Hey, Crayon, do you know where I can get some drugs? 179 00:08:38,456 --> 00:08:39,416 I need them. 180 00:08:39,708 --> 00:08:41,543 Unfortunately, you can get them anywhere. 181 00:08:41,835 --> 00:08:43,294 - Anywhere? - I'm here. 182 00:08:43,586 --> 00:08:45,046 Zabadazooey. 183 00:08:48,466 --> 00:08:51,386 - Good one. - Ha, ha, ha. 184 00:08:51,678 --> 00:08:52,971 Doesn't seem to hurt anything, 185 00:08:53,263 --> 00:08:55,890 so let's get into costume and break a stinger. 186 00:08:56,182 --> 00:08:57,350 For the bees. 187 00:08:57,642 --> 00:09:00,145 Annie, uh, I don't feel comfortable 188 00:09:00,437 --> 00:09:01,980 with the "zabadazooey" line. 189 00:09:02,272 --> 00:09:04,315 The one you wrote? I got it. 190 00:09:04,607 --> 00:09:06,317 Let's give Jeff the zabadazooey line, 191 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:08,611 and I'll come in with "good one." 192 00:09:08,903 --> 00:09:10,530 Yeah. It's more in my voice. 193 00:09:10,822 --> 00:09:12,532 I'm sure Jeff is gonna reject that idea. 194 00:09:12,824 --> 00:09:14,325 Yeah, you're probably right. 195 00:09:14,617 --> 00:09:17,620 You're the producer. By the way, is this your pen? 196 00:09:17,912 --> 00:09:20,457 I think I put it back in my pocket 197 00:09:20,749 --> 00:09:23,960 after I wrote you that check yesterday. Ahem. 198 00:09:24,252 --> 00:09:26,337 I'll give it to you later. I'll talk to Jeff. 199 00:09:26,629 --> 00:09:28,715 Also, I think it'd be better for my character 200 00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:32,010 if I wear his leatherjacket. 201 00:09:32,302 --> 00:09:36,973 Okay, welcome to Greendale's Drug Awareness Show! 202 00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:42,103 Okay, our volunteers are handing out 203 00:09:42,395 --> 00:09:45,315 drug-free baseballs! Huh? 204 00:09:45,607 --> 00:09:48,026 Next time you think about drugs, 205 00:09:48,318 --> 00:09:50,612 think about baseball instead. 206 00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:53,740 You can't ignore me forever. 207 00:09:56,076 --> 00:09:59,162 Okay, you probably can. 208 00:09:59,454 --> 00:10:02,123 I don't know why you want to. 209 00:10:02,415 --> 00:10:05,543 I don't know if I told you, my nephew Marcus actually goes to San Ramon Middle School, 210 00:10:05,835 --> 00:10:07,462 and he's coming to see the show. 211 00:10:07,754 --> 00:10:09,172 Marcus? Your nephew? 212 00:10:09,464 --> 00:10:11,841 He's 14. I actually thought he didn't even like me. 213 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,552 But he texted me and he said, "Can't wait to see you. 214 00:10:14,844 --> 00:10:16,429 "I've been looking forward to this. 215 00:10:16,721 --> 00:10:18,973 You are the coolest aunt in the world." 216 00:10:19,265 --> 00:10:21,226 I hope that I don't let him down. 217 00:10:21,518 --> 00:10:23,269 You'll be great. What does this mean? 218 00:10:23,561 --> 00:10:25,438 It's eight, an equal sign and a greater than symbol? 219 00:10:25,730 --> 00:10:27,857 Let me see. You better get changed. 220 00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:29,192 I'll hang onto your stuff for you. 221 00:10:29,484 --> 00:10:30,568 Right. 222 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,990 Abed, we screwed up. You know that text we sent? 223 00:10:36,282 --> 00:10:37,617 It was to Britta's nephew. 224 00:10:37,909 --> 00:10:41,162 He sent her an emotipenis. What are we gonna do? 225 00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:48,586 Fine. Screw you, Abed. I can fix this. 226 00:10:48,878 --> 00:10:50,421 "Marcus, I made a mistake. 227 00:10:50,713 --> 00:10:51,881 I texted the wrong person last night." 228 00:10:56,052 --> 00:10:58,138 "You called me by name. It wasn't a mistake. 229 00:10:58,429 --> 00:11:00,098 Don't be afraid." 230 00:11:02,016 --> 00:11:03,226 Screw you, Abed. 231 00:11:03,518 --> 00:11:04,936 "I was drunk. We can't do this." 232 00:11:08,106 --> 00:11:10,275 "I'm drunk too. On lust." 233 00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:12,152 There's a picture. 234 00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:15,613 Oh. That's disappointing. Wow. Who does that? 235 00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:17,073 That's... Bees, you're up. 236 00:11:17,365 --> 00:11:18,992 Cool cats, you're on deck. 237 00:11:19,284 --> 00:11:21,744 - Aren't drugs bad? - No way. 238 00:11:22,036 --> 00:11:25,248 Drugs are like special honey. They give you a buzzzz. 239 00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:27,625 Don't call me honey, honey. 240 00:11:30,170 --> 00:11:32,338 Are you ignoring me because I'm Korean? 241 00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:34,424 You're Chinese. Oh, there's a difference? 242 00:11:34,716 --> 00:11:35,842 Shh! 243 00:11:36,134 --> 00:11:38,344 It's because you're crazy. 244 00:11:38,636 --> 00:11:39,596 There's something wrong with you. 245 00:11:39,888 --> 00:11:42,056 And the idea that I was with you 246 00:11:42,348 --> 00:11:44,225 means there's something wrong with me. 247 00:11:44,517 --> 00:11:45,727 And if this baby... 248 00:11:46,019 --> 00:11:49,022 If you have any humanity at all, 249 00:11:49,314 --> 00:11:50,899 you will not make me think about it. 250 00:11:51,191 --> 00:11:52,692 Shirley, funeral. 251 00:11:59,115 --> 00:12:01,326 Well, that answers my question. 252 00:12:01,618 --> 00:12:05,330 Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin. Hmm. 253 00:12:11,336 --> 00:12:12,629 I'm here. 254 00:12:12,921 --> 00:12:14,088 You're supposed to be on-stage. 255 00:12:14,380 --> 00:12:16,591 I was looking for a lighter. 256 00:12:16,883 --> 00:12:18,468 What are you wearing? This is a funeral. 257 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:20,637 I got this, Annie. Uh... 258 00:12:20,929 --> 00:12:22,430 I can't believe Fluffy's dead. 259 00:12:22,722 --> 00:12:25,975 I know I'm green, but I feel blue. 260 00:12:29,562 --> 00:12:32,815 Look, it's Drugs with a crazy wig and sparklers. 261 00:12:33,107 --> 00:12:34,651 Pokémon! 262 00:12:36,986 --> 00:12:38,863 I don't think that's right, Drugs. 263 00:12:39,155 --> 00:12:41,658 Nobody asked you, Crayon. 264 00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,208 I hope you're proud of yourself. Look what you've done. 265 00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,794 Oh, yeah? Well, look what I'm doing now. 266 00:12:58,091 --> 00:12:59,884 It smells like something died in here. 267 00:13:03,388 --> 00:13:06,266 Should we get the dean, call in a bomb threat? 268 00:13:06,557 --> 00:13:08,059 Should we set off the sprinklers? 269 00:13:08,351 --> 00:13:10,270 It's not that big a deal. The kids are into it. 270 00:13:10,561 --> 00:13:12,772 I don't think they're getting the message. 271 00:13:13,064 --> 00:13:15,441 Do kids ever seem like they're getting the message? 272 00:13:15,733 --> 00:13:18,111 I think it's sinking in. It's your call. 273 00:13:18,403 --> 00:13:20,321 And he's about to get flushed down a toilet 274 00:13:20,613 --> 00:13:22,532 in the next scene. And he'll be done. 275 00:13:24,117 --> 00:13:26,286 I wish I had never even met Drugs. 276 00:13:28,371 --> 00:13:30,373 Who invited the nerd from the beehive? 277 00:13:30,665 --> 00:13:31,749 Ha, ha, ha. 278 00:13:32,041 --> 00:13:33,293 Drugs made you. 279 00:13:37,505 --> 00:13:38,589 How about you leave, Drugs? 280 00:13:40,758 --> 00:13:43,845 Zip, zop, zoo. 281 00:13:48,057 --> 00:13:50,476 They want more. I gotta go back out there. 282 00:13:50,768 --> 00:13:53,021 But, Pierce, you were flushed. That was the story. 283 00:13:53,313 --> 00:13:54,731 That's what's supposed to happen. 284 00:13:55,023 --> 00:13:57,400 Being flushed doesn't mean you're dead. 285 00:13:57,692 --> 00:13:59,152 I could be a floater. 286 00:13:59,444 --> 00:14:01,195 A floater is when you have a number two... 287 00:14:01,487 --> 00:14:03,406 I know what a floater is, Pierce. 288 00:14:03,698 --> 00:14:06,242 It just wouldn't make any sense in the flow of the show. 289 00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:07,785 And it sends a mixed message. 290 00:14:08,077 --> 00:14:09,495 Know what I think is a mixed message? 291 00:14:09,787 --> 00:14:13,041 Yesterday you couldn't pay your rent, and today you can. 292 00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:15,585 Come on, Annie. You and I are alike. 293 00:14:15,877 --> 00:14:17,670 We're independent, we need each other. 294 00:14:23,426 --> 00:14:25,636 Bzzz. Getting rid of Drugs was a great "I-bee-a." 295 00:14:25,928 --> 00:14:28,639 I'm flying higher than I ever have, 296 00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:30,058 thanks to not Drugs. Argh! 297 00:14:30,350 --> 00:14:32,101 Chuck it at his nuts! 298 00:14:32,393 --> 00:14:34,687 - Hey! - Ow! Hey! 299 00:14:34,979 --> 00:14:36,898 Hey! 300 00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:37,857 I'm back. 301 00:14:41,361 --> 00:14:44,405 Ain't no party without Drugs. 302 00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:57,502 I love you, Drugs. 303 00:14:57,794 --> 00:15:00,421 Yo, pass it this way. 304 00:15:03,591 --> 00:15:05,093 We want Drugs! 305 00:15:05,385 --> 00:15:06,677 Listen to that, Dad. 306 00:15:06,969 --> 00:15:10,056 They're high on me. I'm a god. 307 00:15:10,348 --> 00:15:11,557 We want Drugs! 308 00:15:11,849 --> 00:15:13,643 Where's that Nigel now? 309 00:15:13,935 --> 00:15:15,645 And I haven't even used my penis material yet. 310 00:15:15,937 --> 00:15:17,063 Pierce, enough. 311 00:15:17,355 --> 00:15:19,190 We're going back to the original script 312 00:15:19,482 --> 00:15:20,858 and doing some damage control. 313 00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:22,485 Damage? The only damage 314 00:15:22,777 --> 00:15:24,654 is me blowing the roof off the universe. 315 00:15:24,946 --> 00:15:27,115 I am not letting you go back on that stage. 316 00:15:27,407 --> 00:15:29,909 Well, maybe I won't be visiting you late at night anymore 317 00:15:30,201 --> 00:15:31,911 with a generous spirit. 318 00:15:34,372 --> 00:15:39,293 You sick, sick, sad old man. 319 00:15:39,585 --> 00:15:41,087 This is why I didn't wanna take money from my parents. 320 00:15:41,379 --> 00:15:43,047 I don't want anybody pulling my strings. 321 00:15:43,339 --> 00:15:45,925 Wait, wait, is he giving you money? 322 00:15:46,217 --> 00:15:48,469 Not anymore. Pierce bought his way in. 323 00:15:48,761 --> 00:15:50,096 Annie sold out her message. 324 00:15:50,388 --> 00:15:53,057 You've been indulging this maniac? 325 00:15:53,349 --> 00:15:57,228 Yes, I've been indulging this maniac. 326 00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,398 - You're fired. - Fired? 327 00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,191 Next time I'm at Dildopolis, 328 00:16:02,483 --> 00:16:04,152 I will not be coming upstairs to say hi. 329 00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,031 The only reason we did this 330 00:16:09,323 --> 00:16:10,867 was for you and your stupid ideals. 331 00:16:11,159 --> 00:16:12,660 It turns out you don't even have any. 332 00:16:12,952 --> 00:16:14,412 We supported you, Annie. 333 00:16:14,704 --> 00:16:15,955 Yeah, Annie, you're fired. 334 00:16:16,998 --> 00:16:19,459 I'm sorry. 335 00:16:19,750 --> 00:16:23,171 Here's the situation. We've got 50 at-risk pre-teens 336 00:16:23,463 --> 00:16:25,965 armed with baseballs, chanting for drugs, 337 00:16:26,257 --> 00:16:28,217 who just spent intermission eating nothing but 338 00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:29,802 Charleston Chews. Thank God. 339 00:16:30,094 --> 00:16:32,472 Hope you can top Act I, is all I'm saying. 340 00:16:32,763 --> 00:16:34,807 Oh. Hmm. Whoops. 341 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,227 Should we bail? Works for me. 342 00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:40,146 Wait. 343 00:16:41,814 --> 00:16:44,192 Listen to those kids. 344 00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:46,360 We just created 50 potential meth heads. 345 00:16:46,652 --> 00:16:48,571 The least we can do is hit the reset button 346 00:16:48,863 --> 00:16:51,073 and get that number down to the national average. 347 00:16:51,365 --> 00:16:55,953 That's a suicide mission. Did someone say crazy person? 348 00:16:56,245 --> 00:16:57,413 No. No. 349 00:16:57,705 --> 00:16:59,499 Well, I heard it. 350 00:16:59,790 --> 00:17:03,044 We want Drugs! We want Drugs! 351 00:17:03,336 --> 00:17:05,171 Greetings, you little snots. 352 00:17:07,590 --> 00:17:09,050 You're not Drugs. 353 00:17:09,342 --> 00:17:10,718 Oh, but I am. 354 00:17:11,010 --> 00:17:12,762 Disappointed? 355 00:17:13,054 --> 00:17:16,724 Did you expect me to stay the same forever? 356 00:17:17,016 --> 00:17:19,727 Because that's not what Drugs does, baby! 357 00:17:20,019 --> 00:17:23,147 I'm gonna deep-fry your dog and eat your mama's face. 358 00:17:23,439 --> 00:17:24,732 And I'm gonna wear 359 00:17:25,024 --> 00:17:27,443 your little brother's skin like pajamas. 360 00:17:27,735 --> 00:17:33,658 I control your lives and there is nothing you can do. 361 00:17:33,950 --> 00:17:35,284 Let's kill him. 362 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,453 Oh, bring it on, Bow Wow. 363 00:17:37,745 --> 00:17:40,581 - Get him. - Ah! 364 00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:45,586 Is that all you got? I gotta tell you, 365 00:17:45,878 --> 00:17:47,964 this is the greatest chemical-dependency program 366 00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:49,590 I have ever watched. 367 00:17:49,882 --> 00:17:52,677 The way you got the kids to think that they needed drugs. 368 00:17:52,969 --> 00:17:55,763 And then having them realize that dependence was the enemy. 369 00:17:56,055 --> 00:17:57,265 That the price was just too high. 370 00:17:57,557 --> 00:17:58,516 Genius. 371 00:17:58,808 --> 00:18:01,018 So now that the show is over, 372 00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:04,605 what is the plan for these bee costumes? 373 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,359 Hey, Marcus. I'm Jeff. 374 00:18:08,651 --> 00:18:10,820 I'm, like, uh, Britta's boyfriend. 375 00:18:11,112 --> 00:18:13,739 Look, dude, she started it. She's just as into me. 376 00:18:14,031 --> 00:18:15,324 No, listen, I'm not mad. 377 00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:17,952 I was just fooling around and I sent those texts. 378 00:18:18,244 --> 00:18:20,162 Gross. Yeah. 379 00:18:20,454 --> 00:18:22,748 It's disgusting, sending those pictures to your aunt. 380 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,626 More disgusting than what you texted to an underage boy? 381 00:18:25,918 --> 00:18:27,044 I didn't know you were you. 382 00:18:27,336 --> 00:18:28,087 I didn't know you weren't my aunt. 383 00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:30,715 Okay. Let's just call this a draw. 384 00:18:31,007 --> 00:18:33,301 Britta doesn't need to ever know about this. 385 00:18:33,593 --> 00:18:35,886 Okay, I'd be happy to, for a price. 386 00:18:37,722 --> 00:18:39,056 That was brave of you. 387 00:18:39,348 --> 00:18:42,143 I owe you an apology. 388 00:18:42,435 --> 00:18:44,395 It was rude to call you crazy. 389 00:18:44,687 --> 00:18:47,231 Maybe I haven't been giving you enough credit. 390 00:18:47,523 --> 00:18:49,775 Oh, that's really sweet. 391 00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:52,153 Tell you what, why don't I go get Chang, 392 00:18:52,445 --> 00:18:53,446 and you can tell him that yourself. 393 00:18:53,738 --> 00:18:55,906 Heh, heh. 394 00:18:56,198 --> 00:18:57,450 Oh, no. 395 00:18:57,742 --> 00:18:59,493 My God, that was amazing. 396 00:18:59,785 --> 00:19:02,330 Good job, you saved the day. That's amazing. 397 00:19:02,622 --> 00:19:04,081 Way to go, man. Way to go. 398 00:19:04,373 --> 00:19:05,124 They beat the crap out of you. 399 00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,376 That's awesome. 400 00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:08,711 It was okay. I did lots of ad-libbing... 401 00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:12,214 I'm so sorry. Thank you so much. 402 00:19:12,506 --> 00:19:14,800 That was amazing. Even I learned something. 403 00:19:15,092 --> 00:19:17,303 - Oh, Annie. - We did it. 404 00:19:17,595 --> 00:19:19,472 - Group hug, group hug. - Oh, thanks. 405 00:19:19,764 --> 00:19:21,974 - Way to save the day. - Nice work. 406 00:19:22,266 --> 00:19:23,434 Oh, love you. 407 00:19:23,726 --> 00:19:25,144 Did you get hit in the face? 408 00:19:26,187 --> 00:19:28,939 Before you say anything, I want you to know, 409 00:19:29,231 --> 00:19:30,274 even though I did nothing wrong, 410 00:19:30,566 --> 00:19:31,609 I'm still gonna give you money. 411 00:19:31,901 --> 00:19:33,569 No, I can't take your money, Pierce. 412 00:19:33,861 --> 00:19:36,989 I can't go from depending on my parents to depending on you, 413 00:19:37,281 --> 00:19:39,367 which is why I'm gonna get a job. 414 00:19:39,659 --> 00:19:42,328 So you're cutting me off? No. 415 00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:45,247 Pierce, I know you don't depend on anyone, 416 00:19:45,539 --> 00:19:47,625 but you do depend on people depending on you. 417 00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:50,252 So I'm not gonna take your money. 418 00:19:50,544 --> 00:19:53,506 We're still friends? Give me a day. 419 00:19:53,798 --> 00:19:57,718 By the way, your mom was the period fairy, right? 420 00:19:58,010 --> 00:20:00,680 Hey, guys, I found my phone, but has anyone seen my bra? 421 00:20:07,103 --> 00:20:08,396 It's 2 a.m., 422 00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:11,565 time for Dildopolis' Night Owl Deals. 423 00:20:11,857 --> 00:20:13,234 Please be advised, 424 00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:14,944 we will be closed for Presidents' Day. 425 00:20:15,236 --> 00:20:18,447 Just kidding. Dildopolis never closes. 426 00:20:18,739 --> 00:20:22,034 At Dildopolis, your privacy is our top concern. 427 00:20:22,326 --> 00:20:24,829 All store purchases will show up on your credit card 428 00:20:25,121 --> 00:20:27,665 as ABC Dildos, Incorporated. 429 00:20:27,957 --> 00:20:29,083 Shopping till you drop? 430 00:20:29,375 --> 00:20:31,544 Take a load off at our in-store cafe 431 00:20:31,836 --> 00:20:36,340 and enjoy an espresso or our signature cinnamon biscotti.