1 00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:03,751 Really? Hi! 2 00:00:01,957 --> 00:00:03,751 I looked everywhere. 3 00:00:03,751 --> 00:00:05,085 Hey. 4 00:00:03,751 --> 00:00:05,085 Hey. 5 00:00:05,085 --> 00:00:06,420 Happy New Year! 6 00:00:07,838 --> 00:00:09,297 Hi. 7 00:00:11,299 --> 00:00:12,551 Everyone have a good break? 8 00:00:12,551 --> 00:00:14,636 I discovered a new muscle 9 00:00:12,551 --> 00:00:14,636 to work out. 10 00:00:14,636 --> 00:00:17,180 Ladies, you'll thank me 11 00:00:14,636 --> 00:00:17,180 come tank-top season. 12 00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,016 I checked all of 13 00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,016 Pierce's wardrobes 14 00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:20,935 for portals 15 00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:20,935 to magical worlds. 16 00:00:20,935 --> 00:00:22,310 All I found 17 00:00:20,935 --> 00:00:22,310 was something called 18 00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:24,312 Emmanuelle in Space 19 00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:24,312 on laser disc. 20 00:00:24,312 --> 00:00:26,690 I couldn't watch it 21 00:00:24,312 --> 00:00:26,690 but it sounded sexy. 22 00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:28,316 "Laser disc." 23 00:00:28,316 --> 00:00:30,694 I joined a group 24 00:00:28,316 --> 00:00:30,694 that cleans the city. 25 00:00:30,694 --> 00:00:32,988 We picked up litter 26 00:00:30,694 --> 00:00:32,988 and dredged the river. 27 00:00:32,988 --> 00:00:34,406 Dredged it for what? 28 00:00:34,406 --> 00:00:35,741 You know, garbage and stuff. 29 00:00:35,741 --> 00:00:38,118 Tires. Condoms. 30 00:00:35,741 --> 00:00:38,118 Needles. 31 00:00:38,118 --> 00:00:40,287 Ha. At one point 32 00:00:38,118 --> 00:00:40,287 we found a finger. 33 00:00:40,287 --> 00:00:42,873 Why are you using 34 00:00:40,287 --> 00:00:42,873 your I-love-butterflies voice? 35 00:00:42,873 --> 00:00:45,000 What? Am I? 36 00:00:42,873 --> 00:00:45,000 I don't know. 37 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,251 Volunteer work is nice. 38 00:00:46,251 --> 00:00:48,503 You do nice things 39 00:00:46,251 --> 00:00:48,503 with nice people. 40 00:00:48,503 --> 00:00:50,464 Ooh. 41 00:00:50,464 --> 00:00:53,717 Somebody's finding river fingers 42 00:00:50,464 --> 00:00:53,717 with a cute boy. 43 00:00:53,717 --> 00:00:55,928 What? No. 44 00:00:55,928 --> 00:00:58,639 Well, okay, yes, 45 00:00:55,928 --> 00:00:58,639 but it doesn't matter. 46 00:00:58,639 --> 00:01:01,016 It's not like I'm seeing anyone. 47 00:00:58,639 --> 00:01:01,016 There's just a guy. 48 00:01:01,016 --> 00:01:03,602 A guy that goes to Greendale? 49 00:01:01,016 --> 00:01:03,602 Is it the Russian guy 50 00:01:03,602 --> 00:01:05,145 that looks like a short 51 00:01:03,602 --> 00:01:05,145 Johnny Depp? 52 00:01:05,145 --> 00:01:06,981 Is it the guy who looks 53 00:01:05,145 --> 00:01:06,981 like Vince Vaughn 54 00:01:06,981 --> 00:01:08,941 but smells like fish? 55 00:01:06,981 --> 00:01:08,941 I don't wanna talk about it. 56 00:01:08,941 --> 00:01:11,819 I have someone in my life 57 00:01:08,941 --> 00:01:11,819 that I'm happy to talk about. 58 00:01:11,819 --> 00:01:13,153 Again with the Jesus. 59 00:01:13,153 --> 00:01:14,529 Jesus is always in my life. 60 00:01:14,529 --> 00:01:16,323 But things have been 61 00:01:14,529 --> 00:01:16,323 looking better every day 62 00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:17,741 with my ex-husband. 63 00:01:19,618 --> 00:01:22,037 Is it the guy 64 00:01:19,618 --> 00:01:22,037 that looks like Anderson Cooper? 65 00:01:22,037 --> 00:01:23,956 No. 66 00:01:22,037 --> 00:01:23,956 Is it black Michael Chiklis? 67 00:01:23,956 --> 00:01:25,457 No. 68 00:01:23,956 --> 00:01:25,457 White George Foreman? 69 00:01:25,457 --> 00:01:27,668 You guys are talking 70 00:01:25,457 --> 00:01:27,668 about the same person. 71 00:01:27,668 --> 00:01:30,004 He's bi-racial, his name is 72 00:01:27,668 --> 00:01:30,004 David, and he's a human being. 73 00:01:30,004 --> 00:01:33,632 Stop guessing. It's just a 74 00:01:30,004 --> 00:01:33,632 friend. Change the subject. 75 00:01:33,632 --> 00:01:35,968 "Chang" the subject. 76 00:01:33,632 --> 00:01:35,968 Aah! 77 00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:39,805 What are you doing up there? 78 00:01:39,805 --> 00:01:42,432 It's the beginning of a new 79 00:01:39,805 --> 00:01:42,432 semester of anthropology. 80 00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:44,267 I'm here to get 81 00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:44,267 what I was promised. 82 00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:46,436 Sure. Who has 83 00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:46,436 Chang's pile of nothing? 84 00:01:46,436 --> 00:01:49,148 You know what I mean. 85 00:01:46,436 --> 00:01:49,148 I am sick of the runaround. 86 00:01:49,148 --> 00:01:51,108 I'm here to demand an answer 87 00:01:51,108 --> 00:01:52,776 about whether I'm joining 88 00:01:51,108 --> 00:01:52,776 the study group. 89 00:01:52,776 --> 00:01:54,778 If we have to give 90 00:01:52,776 --> 00:01:54,778 an immediate answer, 91 00:01:54,778 --> 00:01:56,113 it would have to be no. 92 00:01:56,113 --> 00:01:58,782 Take your time. 93 00:01:56,113 --> 00:01:58,782 Sleep on it. 94 00:01:58,782 --> 00:02:01,368 Then get back to me, 95 00:01:58,782 --> 00:02:01,368 or else. 96 00:02:04,245 --> 00:02:07,207 Jeff, you did say 97 00:02:04,245 --> 00:02:07,207 we would let him in eventually. 98 00:02:07,207 --> 00:02:09,960 That was before he started 99 00:02:07,207 --> 00:02:09,960 using his name as a pun. 100 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,254 It makes me so Changry. 101 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,254 Oh, God, it's happening to me. 102 00:02:13,254 --> 00:02:15,632 Let's get back to who Annie 103 00:02:13,254 --> 00:02:15,632 loves. Is it Fat Neil? 104 00:02:15,632 --> 00:02:17,217 Bluestreak? 105 00:02:15,632 --> 00:02:17,217 Optimus Prime? 106 00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:18,969 I know some of these 107 00:02:17,217 --> 00:02:18,969 are Transformers. 108 00:02:18,969 --> 00:02:20,846 Who cares? 109 00:02:18,969 --> 00:02:20,846 Let's just study. 110 00:02:20,846 --> 00:02:22,723 We haven't had 111 00:02:20,846 --> 00:02:22,723 our first class yet. 112 00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:24,975 Can we talk about something 113 00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:24,975 other than Annie's love life? 114 00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:27,102 We could talk about 115 00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:27,102 my love life. 116 00:02:27,102 --> 00:02:29,437 Is it Jean Claude Van Overbite? 117 00:02:29,437 --> 00:02:30,772 We should learn 118 00:02:29,437 --> 00:02:30,772 people's names. 119 00:02:30,772 --> 00:02:32,482 I agree with brown 120 00:02:30,772 --> 00:02:32,482 Jamie Lee Curtis. 121 00:02:33,734 --> 00:02:35,194 [THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" 122 00:02:33,734 --> 00:02:35,194 PLAYING] 123 00:03:00,343 --> 00:03:02,054 Duncan's late. 124 00:03:02,054 --> 00:03:04,765 I hope he didn't drive his car 125 00:03:02,054 --> 00:03:04,765 into another marathon. 126 00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:07,142 How can you wanna 127 00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:07,142 date your ex-husband 128 00:03:07,142 --> 00:03:08,518 after what he did to you? 129 00:03:08,518 --> 00:03:10,645 He apologized. 130 00:03:08,518 --> 00:03:10,645 Oh, he apologized. 131 00:03:10,645 --> 00:03:13,148 I guess that completely 132 00:03:10,645 --> 00:03:13,148 un-bangs that stripper. 133 00:03:13,148 --> 00:03:15,358 Well, forgive me 134 00:03:13,148 --> 00:03:15,358 for being forgiving. 135 00:03:15,358 --> 00:03:17,611 Oh, that's right, 136 00:03:15,358 --> 00:03:17,611 you don't know how. 137 00:03:17,611 --> 00:03:20,697 I'm relieved Shirley is seeing 138 00:03:17,611 --> 00:03:20,697 her ex-husband and not Chang. 139 00:03:20,697 --> 00:03:22,323 Why would she be with Chang? 140 00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:24,659 Why do I have to say 141 00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:24,659 everything I'm thinking? 142 00:03:24,659 --> 00:03:27,162 I wish my mouth 143 00:03:24,659 --> 00:03:27,162 was further away from my brain. 144 00:03:27,162 --> 00:03:29,039 I wish my brain 145 00:03:27,162 --> 00:03:29,039 had its own brain. 146 00:03:29,039 --> 00:03:31,208 I wish Chang hadn't had sex 147 00:03:29,039 --> 00:03:31,208 with Shirley. 148 00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:33,127 What? When? 149 00:03:33,127 --> 00:03:35,503 Where? 150 00:03:35,503 --> 00:03:37,839 How? 151 00:03:35,503 --> 00:03:37,839 I can't talk about it. 152 00:03:37,839 --> 00:03:41,093 Troy, I'm your roommate. 153 00:03:37,839 --> 00:03:41,093 I can keep a secret. 154 00:03:41,093 --> 00:03:44,096 Remember that Halloween party 155 00:03:41,093 --> 00:03:44,096 that none of us can remember? 156 00:03:44,096 --> 00:03:46,265 I don't remember anything 157 00:03:44,096 --> 00:03:46,265 we can remember. 158 00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:49,392 Well, Chang left me a message 159 00:03:46,265 --> 00:03:49,392 that night saying they did it. 160 00:03:49,392 --> 00:03:51,311 But you can't tell anybody. 161 00:03:51,311 --> 00:03:53,939 You have my word 162 00:03:51,311 --> 00:03:53,939 as your roommate, 163 00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:56,483 and that is a bond 164 00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:56,483 I will never violate. 165 00:03:58,152 --> 00:04:01,238 You can't tweet it either. 166 00:03:58,152 --> 00:04:01,238 We never discussed new media. 167 00:04:01,238 --> 00:04:02,906 Sorry all that stuff 168 00:04:01,238 --> 00:04:02,906 got dragged out 169 00:04:02,906 --> 00:04:05,242 about me having a crush 170 00:04:02,906 --> 00:04:05,242 on somebody. 171 00:04:05,242 --> 00:04:06,827 Why would you be sorry 172 00:04:05,242 --> 00:04:06,827 about that? 173 00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:09,204 You know, awkward. 174 00:04:09,204 --> 00:04:11,372 You don't think 175 00:04:09,204 --> 00:04:11,372 I actually care, do you? 176 00:04:11,372 --> 00:04:14,334 No, I just didn't want you 177 00:04:11,372 --> 00:04:14,334 to think I thought you cared. 178 00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:18,130 Greetings, welcome to your 179 00:04:14,334 --> 00:04:18,130 second semester of anthropology 180 00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:20,632 where it is about to get real. 181 00:04:20,632 --> 00:04:23,177 Now, I forget 182 00:04:20,632 --> 00:04:23,177 where we left off last year. 183 00:04:23,177 --> 00:04:25,428 Uh... Fat Neil. 184 00:04:23,177 --> 00:04:25,428 The Bronze Age? 185 00:04:25,428 --> 00:04:27,681 Thank you, Fat Neil. 186 00:04:25,428 --> 00:04:27,681 Neil's fine. 187 00:04:27,681 --> 00:04:29,516 Not from an actuarial 188 00:04:27,681 --> 00:04:29,516 standpoint. 189 00:04:29,516 --> 00:04:31,226 Now, please forgive 190 00:04:29,516 --> 00:04:31,226 my lateness, 191 00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:35,105 but I wasn't sure 192 00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:35,105 how to find Greendale sober. 193 00:04:35,105 --> 00:04:39,776 Yes, you heard me right, 194 00:04:35,105 --> 00:04:39,776 I have stopped drinking, 195 00:04:39,776 --> 00:04:41,195 mainly due to the fact 196 00:04:41,195 --> 00:04:42,821 that I could no longer 197 00:04:41,195 --> 00:04:42,821 get an erection. 198 00:04:42,821 --> 00:04:44,198 Now that I'm on the wagon, 199 00:04:44,198 --> 00:04:47,284 you can expect both this class 200 00:04:44,198 --> 00:04:47,284 and my penis 201 00:04:47,284 --> 00:04:50,996 to be more focused 202 00:04:47,284 --> 00:04:50,996 and rewarding. 203 00:04:50,996 --> 00:04:52,998 Also, there's gonna be 204 00:04:50,996 --> 00:04:52,998 more than one diorama. 205 00:04:52,998 --> 00:04:54,749 Ugh. 206 00:04:52,998 --> 00:04:54,749 Lame. 207 00:04:54,749 --> 00:04:57,377 I am so sorry. 208 00:04:57,377 --> 00:05:00,588 I train seeing-eye dogs 209 00:04:57,377 --> 00:05:00,588 and today was graduation. 210 00:05:00,588 --> 00:05:02,757 I couldn't leave without 211 00:05:00,588 --> 00:05:02,757 shaking all their little paws. 212 00:05:02,757 --> 00:05:05,426 Rich. 213 00:05:02,757 --> 00:05:05,426 Jeff. 214 00:05:05,426 --> 00:05:06,845 Rich. 215 00:05:05,426 --> 00:05:06,845 Annie. 216 00:05:06,845 --> 00:05:08,596 Annie? Rich? 217 00:05:08,596 --> 00:05:11,641 You're taking anthropology? 218 00:05:08,596 --> 00:05:11,641 You made it sound so fun. 219 00:05:11,641 --> 00:05:14,019 We spent the holiday break 220 00:05:11,641 --> 00:05:14,019 dredging a river together. 221 00:05:14,019 --> 00:05:15,896 We found... 222 00:05:14,019 --> 00:05:15,896 A finger, yeah. Hmm. 223 00:05:15,896 --> 00:05:19,149 Sounds gruesome, but I'm used 224 00:05:15,896 --> 00:05:19,149 to seeing that kind of thing. 225 00:05:19,149 --> 00:05:21,068 Because I'm a doctor. 226 00:05:21,068 --> 00:05:22,236 That's terrific. 227 00:05:22,236 --> 00:05:24,487 You're valuable. 228 00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:27,366 I can't believe Rich actually 229 00:05:24,487 --> 00:05:27,366 enrolled in our class. 230 00:05:27,366 --> 00:05:28,825 It means he likes me, 231 00:05:27,366 --> 00:05:28,825 right? 232 00:05:28,825 --> 00:05:31,078 Why wouldn't he? 233 00:05:28,825 --> 00:05:31,078 He is so sweet. 234 00:05:31,078 --> 00:05:32,662 Yeah, sweet and wise. 235 00:05:32,662 --> 00:05:34,789 He has lived 236 00:05:32,662 --> 00:05:34,789 such a long, full life. 237 00:05:34,789 --> 00:05:37,209 How old is he again? 238 00:05:34,789 --> 00:05:37,209 Thirty-something. 239 00:05:37,209 --> 00:05:39,378 He has a landline 240 00:05:37,209 --> 00:05:39,378 and uses the word "album." 241 00:05:39,378 --> 00:05:41,462 You don't think 242 00:05:39,378 --> 00:05:41,462 he's too old for me? 243 00:05:41,462 --> 00:05:44,383 No. 244 00:05:41,462 --> 00:05:44,383 No, come on, by that logic, 245 00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:46,718 I wouldn't have a shot 246 00:05:44,383 --> 00:05:46,718 with anybody at this table. 247 00:05:46,718 --> 00:05:48,511 Ugh. 248 00:05:46,718 --> 00:05:48,511 Speaking of creepy, 249 00:05:48,511 --> 00:05:50,722 sober Duncan is worse 250 00:05:48,511 --> 00:05:50,722 than drunk Duncan. 251 00:05:50,722 --> 00:05:53,141 This class is about to 252 00:05:50,722 --> 00:05:53,141 get really hard. 253 00:05:53,141 --> 00:05:55,685 I have an idea about that. 254 00:05:53,141 --> 00:05:55,685 Rich is really smart 255 00:05:55,685 --> 00:05:57,478 and he knows a lot 256 00:05:55,685 --> 00:05:57,478 about anthropology. 257 00:05:57,478 --> 00:05:58,939 If we start 258 00:05:57,478 --> 00:05:58,939 studying with him, 259 00:05:58,939 --> 00:06:01,191 it could help a lot, 260 00:05:58,939 --> 00:06:01,191 plus, you know... 261 00:06:01,191 --> 00:06:04,443 Heh-heh. 262 00:06:01,191 --> 00:06:04,443 Oh, you know what, though? 263 00:06:04,443 --> 00:06:06,196 I just realized. 264 00:06:06,196 --> 00:06:08,865 So unfair to so many people, 265 00:06:06,196 --> 00:06:08,865 right? 266 00:06:08,865 --> 00:06:10,325 Britta, 267 00:06:08,865 --> 00:06:10,325 you're always talking about 268 00:06:10,325 --> 00:06:13,120 how we have no one 269 00:06:10,325 --> 00:06:13,120 of Latin descent. 270 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,830 Pierce, you're looking 271 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:15,830 for someone old enough 272 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:17,207 to find your racism subversive. 273 00:06:17,207 --> 00:06:19,418 I could go on and on. 274 00:06:19,418 --> 00:06:21,753 There's a process. 275 00:06:19,418 --> 00:06:21,753 It takes time. 276 00:06:21,753 --> 00:06:24,463 Well, then I say 277 00:06:21,753 --> 00:06:24,463 we gather all the candidates 278 00:06:24,463 --> 00:06:26,883 and make an informed, 279 00:06:24,463 --> 00:06:26,883 democratic decision. 280 00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:29,010 We can have a mixer, 281 00:06:26,883 --> 00:06:29,010 invite the people 282 00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:30,678 we're submitting 283 00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:30,678 for consideration. 284 00:06:30,678 --> 00:06:31,930 All in favor of tonight? 285 00:06:31,930 --> 00:06:33,390 Oh, I am. 286 00:06:33,390 --> 00:06:34,891 Thank you, I'm finished. 287 00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:37,811 No, I'd say you got 288 00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:37,811 about two more good years. 289 00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:40,939 Oh, everyone, 290 00:06:37,811 --> 00:06:40,939 this is Andre. 291 00:06:40,939 --> 00:06:42,607 My ex-husband 292 00:06:40,939 --> 00:06:42,607 and boyfriend. 293 00:06:42,607 --> 00:06:44,359 He came to spend the day 294 00:06:42,607 --> 00:06:44,359 with me. 295 00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:47,737 Hey, nice to meet you guys. 296 00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:47,737 I've heard a lot about you. 297 00:06:47,737 --> 00:06:49,323 We haven't heard 298 00:06:47,737 --> 00:06:49,323 a lot about you 299 00:06:49,323 --> 00:06:51,408 or what you've done 300 00:06:49,323 --> 00:06:51,408 or with who. 301 00:06:51,408 --> 00:06:53,285 Well, I hope 302 00:06:51,408 --> 00:06:53,285 you give me a chance 303 00:06:53,285 --> 00:06:56,121 to make up for everything 304 00:06:53,285 --> 00:06:56,121 you haven't heard. 305 00:06:56,121 --> 00:06:59,666 Hey, how about a round 306 00:06:56,121 --> 00:06:59,666 of soft serve on me? 307 00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:01,626 Isn't he handsome? 308 00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:05,213 Shirley, I've been fed a lot 309 00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:05,213 of soft serve by a lot of guys. 310 00:07:05,213 --> 00:07:06,756 Sometimes it's rent money, 311 00:07:06,756 --> 00:07:08,467 sometimes it's 312 00:07:06,756 --> 00:07:08,467 Chili Peppers tickets. 313 00:07:08,467 --> 00:07:09,968 And, yeah, I'll admit it, 314 00:07:09,968 --> 00:07:12,220 one time it was a gym bag 315 00:07:09,968 --> 00:07:12,220 full of nickels. 316 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:14,764 But it never lasts 317 00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:14,764 and they never change. 318 00:07:14,764 --> 00:07:17,517 Britta, I'm a grown-ass woman 319 00:07:14,764 --> 00:07:17,517 and I made my decision. 320 00:07:17,517 --> 00:07:18,977 How do you know 321 00:07:17,517 --> 00:07:18,977 it's the right one? 322 00:07:18,977 --> 00:07:20,854 Because I'm pregnant, okay? 323 00:07:24,316 --> 00:07:27,444 I was going to wait 324 00:07:24,316 --> 00:07:27,444 to share my exciting news, 325 00:07:27,444 --> 00:07:29,654 but now's a good time 326 00:07:27,444 --> 00:07:29,654 to tell you 327 00:07:29,654 --> 00:07:31,031 that I am eight weeks along. 328 00:07:31,031 --> 00:07:32,657 Which is a little surprising. 329 00:07:34,117 --> 00:07:35,452 Halloween. 330 00:07:35,452 --> 00:07:37,454 What? 331 00:07:35,452 --> 00:07:37,454 Nothing. 332 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:43,126 Thanks for coming, 333 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:43,126 fellow anthropology students. 334 00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,419 For the first semester, 335 00:07:44,419 --> 00:07:46,629 you knew us as 336 00:07:44,419 --> 00:07:46,629 "that study group." 337 00:07:46,629 --> 00:07:49,090 But tonight, 338 00:07:46,629 --> 00:07:49,090 we wanna get to know you. 339 00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:50,550 Please forgive the spread. 340 00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:52,760 The vending machines 341 00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:52,760 haven't been restocked. 342 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,347 So help yourselves 343 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,347 to Tropical Skittles, 344 00:07:55,347 --> 00:07:56,848 cigarettes or mouth wash. 345 00:07:56,848 --> 00:08:00,810 And have a good time. 346 00:08:01,769 --> 00:08:04,314 Okay. 347 00:08:01,769 --> 00:08:04,314 I have to figure out 348 00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:05,899 if Shirley did it 349 00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:05,899 with her ex-husband 350 00:08:05,899 --> 00:08:07,484 the week after Halloween. 351 00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:09,819 How are you gonna do that? 352 00:08:09,819 --> 00:08:11,196 I got moves. 353 00:08:11,196 --> 00:08:13,865 So bun in the oven. 354 00:08:13,865 --> 00:08:16,451 Guess it's no surprise, 355 00:08:13,865 --> 00:08:16,451 after working on it. 356 00:08:16,451 --> 00:08:18,245 I wouldn't quite say 357 00:08:16,451 --> 00:08:18,245 working on it, 358 00:08:18,245 --> 00:08:20,705 just kind of happens. 359 00:08:18,245 --> 00:08:20,705 Oh, yeah, I do. 360 00:08:20,705 --> 00:08:22,499 Especially 361 00:08:20,705 --> 00:08:22,499 when the season's right. 362 00:08:22,499 --> 00:08:25,502 Oh. Dead leaves. 363 00:08:22,499 --> 00:08:25,502 Pumpkins everywhere. 364 00:08:25,502 --> 00:08:27,879 Nature's Viagra, right? 365 00:08:27,879 --> 00:08:29,797 I guess. 366 00:08:29,797 --> 00:08:31,883 And then when all the pumpkins 367 00:08:29,797 --> 00:08:31,883 just start to rot 368 00:08:31,883 --> 00:08:35,053 and all the children 369 00:08:31,883 --> 00:08:35,053 have removed their outfits 370 00:08:35,053 --> 00:08:38,932 because they've already 371 00:08:35,053 --> 00:08:38,932 gotten their candy. 372 00:08:40,975 --> 00:08:44,020 You know, I'm gonna go talk 373 00:08:40,975 --> 00:08:44,020 to some other people, all right? 374 00:08:48,983 --> 00:08:51,819 So? 375 00:08:48,983 --> 00:08:51,819 His mind is like a fortress. 376 00:08:51,819 --> 00:08:54,822 Why not tell Shirley, 377 00:08:51,819 --> 00:08:54,822 "Look, you slept with Chang," 378 00:08:54,822 --> 00:08:56,450 and let her deal with it? 379 00:08:56,450 --> 00:08:57,992 If someone had sex with Chang 380 00:08:57,992 --> 00:09:00,078 and get to not remember 381 00:08:57,992 --> 00:09:00,078 it happened, 382 00:09:00,078 --> 00:09:01,371 that's a gift from God. 383 00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:03,081 I'm not taking 384 00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:03,081 that away from her. 385 00:09:03,081 --> 00:09:04,499 Here's a good reason. 386 00:09:04,499 --> 00:09:06,751 You ever find parsley 387 00:09:04,499 --> 00:09:06,751 in your teeth 388 00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:08,962 that your friends 389 00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:08,962 hadn't told you about? 390 00:09:08,962 --> 00:09:11,214 Now imagine your teeth 391 00:09:08,962 --> 00:09:11,214 are a uterus, 392 00:09:11,214 --> 00:09:13,425 and the parsley 393 00:09:11,214 --> 00:09:13,425 is a half-Chinese baby. 394 00:09:13,425 --> 00:09:16,386 Hey, guys, 395 00:09:13,425 --> 00:09:16,386 I want you to meet someone. 396 00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:19,514 My name's Quendra, 397 00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:19,514 I spell it with a Q-U. 398 00:09:19,514 --> 00:09:21,849 She's thinking 399 00:09:19,514 --> 00:09:21,849 about taking anthropology. 400 00:09:21,849 --> 00:09:24,394 So maybe she would make 401 00:09:21,849 --> 00:09:24,394 a nice addition or two 402 00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:26,687 to our study group. 403 00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:26,687 Something to consider. 404 00:09:26,687 --> 00:09:28,148 Are you Abed? 405 00:09:28,148 --> 00:09:29,941 I love Star Wars. 406 00:09:29,941 --> 00:09:31,359 That's Troy. 407 00:09:31,359 --> 00:09:32,611 I love footballs. 408 00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:34,362 We're dealing with 409 00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:34,362 heavier things 410 00:09:34,362 --> 00:09:36,030 than your shameless lobbying. 411 00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:37,616 Rich brought kettle corn. 412 00:09:37,616 --> 00:09:40,577 Kettle corn? 413 00:09:37,616 --> 00:09:40,577 That's a fun-time snack. 414 00:09:40,577 --> 00:09:42,662 I make it in my garage. 415 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:47,667 I spell kettle corn 416 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:47,667 with a Q-U. 417 00:09:47,667 --> 00:09:49,127 Well, don't. 418 00:09:49,127 --> 00:09:50,962 What is this? 419 00:09:49,127 --> 00:09:50,962 What's going on? 420 00:09:50,962 --> 00:09:52,380 It's a mixer. 421 00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:53,923 Why is everyone 422 00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:53,923 from anthro class here? 423 00:09:53,923 --> 00:09:56,717 Are you guys picking 424 00:09:53,923 --> 00:09:56,717 a new study group member? 425 00:09:56,717 --> 00:09:59,262 You didn't invite me? 426 00:09:56,717 --> 00:09:59,262 Didn't know how to reach you. 427 00:09:59,262 --> 00:10:01,722 What are you talking about? 428 00:09:59,262 --> 00:10:01,722 I'm everywhere. 429 00:10:01,722 --> 00:10:03,766 We didn't know 430 00:10:01,722 --> 00:10:03,766 how to reach you. 431 00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:06,019 That's not true. 432 00:10:03,766 --> 00:10:06,019 That's a lie. 433 00:10:06,019 --> 00:10:07,937 We didn't know how to reach you. 434 00:10:06,019 --> 00:10:07,937 It's a mixer. 435 00:10:07,937 --> 00:10:11,274 It's a mixer. It's a mixer. 436 00:10:07,937 --> 00:10:11,274 It's a mixer. 437 00:10:12,651 --> 00:10:13,985 Works every time. 438 00:10:13,985 --> 00:10:15,778 This is so good. 439 00:10:17,238 --> 00:10:19,282 Fifty dollars? What a pig. 440 00:10:19,282 --> 00:10:21,117 You can't make this at home. 441 00:10:26,122 --> 00:10:29,209 Jeff, I think 442 00:10:26,122 --> 00:10:29,209 we should vote now. 443 00:10:29,209 --> 00:10:31,085 Most people left 444 00:10:29,209 --> 00:10:31,085 after we ran out of Skittles. 445 00:10:31,085 --> 00:10:33,380 Come on, it's pretty obvious 446 00:10:31,085 --> 00:10:33,380 Rich is the best candidate. 447 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,049 Yeah, looks like he's our guy. 448 00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:36,049 I'll be right there. 449 00:10:37,717 --> 00:10:39,886 This can't be happening. 450 00:10:39,886 --> 00:10:42,305 I agree. 451 00:10:45,975 --> 00:10:47,686 You can't talk, 452 00:10:45,975 --> 00:10:47,686 then do a slow clap. 453 00:10:47,686 --> 00:10:49,187 You don't know that. 454 00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:50,813 But I know this. 455 00:10:50,813 --> 00:10:53,483 Unless you want a front row seat 456 00:10:50,813 --> 00:10:53,483 to Annie loves Richie, 457 00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:57,153 it's time to "Chang" 458 00:10:53,483 --> 00:10:57,153 your point of view. 459 00:10:57,153 --> 00:10:58,738 It's not even clever. 460 00:10:58,738 --> 00:11:01,157 You keep using it 461 00:10:58,738 --> 00:11:01,157 as the word "change." 462 00:11:03,243 --> 00:11:05,786 Okay. Okay. Okay. 463 00:11:05,786 --> 00:11:08,873 Just do me a favor. 464 00:11:08,873 --> 00:11:11,125 Let me do all the talking 465 00:11:08,873 --> 00:11:11,125 and follow my lead. 466 00:11:11,125 --> 00:11:13,169 Deal. 467 00:11:14,546 --> 00:11:16,005 Seriously, 468 00:11:14,546 --> 00:11:16,005 do you have brain damage? 469 00:11:16,005 --> 00:11:18,508 Rich is also board-certified 470 00:11:16,005 --> 00:11:18,508 in pediatrics. 471 00:11:18,508 --> 00:11:21,553 Once a month he flies down 472 00:11:18,508 --> 00:11:21,553 to volunteer in the rainforest 473 00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:23,263 fixing children's 474 00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:23,263 cleft palates 475 00:11:23,263 --> 00:11:25,223 and teaching them 476 00:11:23,263 --> 00:11:25,223 acoustic guitar. 477 00:11:25,223 --> 00:11:26,725 Other than that, well, 478 00:11:26,725 --> 00:11:28,851 his kettle corn 479 00:11:26,725 --> 00:11:28,851 speaks for itself. 480 00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:30,562 I couldn't agree more. 481 00:11:30,562 --> 00:11:32,522 Looks like this is 482 00:11:30,562 --> 00:11:32,522 an open-and-shut case. 483 00:11:32,522 --> 00:11:34,482 Did someone say case? 484 00:11:34,482 --> 00:11:36,067 Because I haven't made mine yet. 485 00:11:36,067 --> 00:11:38,069 What? What's your case? 486 00:11:38,069 --> 00:11:40,779 Ben Chang is my case. 487 00:11:40,779 --> 00:11:42,240 You can't be serious. 488 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,700 Oh, I'm serious, baby. 489 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:46,244 I am Yahoo Serious. 490 00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:46,244 I'm Serious FM. 491 00:11:46,244 --> 00:11:48,329 Welcome to the 492 00:11:46,244 --> 00:11:48,329 World Serious of Seriousness. 493 00:11:48,329 --> 00:11:50,039 Sponsored by Honey Nut Seri-os. 494 00:11:50,039 --> 00:11:51,416 Are you stalling right now? 495 00:11:51,416 --> 00:11:54,544 Stalling? 496 00:11:51,416 --> 00:11:54,544 Ha-ha-ha. 497 00:11:54,544 --> 00:11:56,879 Stalling. 498 00:11:54,544 --> 00:11:56,879 No, Annie. 499 00:11:56,879 --> 00:11:58,548 In fact, you're gonna wish 500 00:11:56,879 --> 00:11:58,548 I was stalling. 501 00:11:58,548 --> 00:12:00,550 Oh, I just got it. Thank you. 502 00:11:58,548 --> 00:12:00,550 Oh. 503 00:12:02,677 --> 00:12:04,178 I wanna say 504 00:12:02,677 --> 00:12:04,178 some names to you. 505 00:12:04,178 --> 00:12:05,513 Want some? 506 00:12:05,513 --> 00:12:07,557 Jeffrey Dahmer. 507 00:12:07,557 --> 00:12:10,310 Ted Bundy. 508 00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,353 Rich. 509 00:12:12,353 --> 00:12:14,648 What do they have in common? 510 00:12:14,648 --> 00:12:17,609 We don't know them very well. 511 00:12:17,609 --> 00:12:20,320 What do we know about Ben Chang? 512 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,489 We know he's nuts. 513 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,489 Let him finish. 514 00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:25,575 We know he's dangerous. 515 00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:25,575 Unpredictable. Selfish. 516 00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:28,119 We know he uses his name 517 00:12:25,575 --> 00:12:28,119 to make bad puns. 518 00:12:28,119 --> 00:12:30,371 Guilty as Chang'd. 519 00:12:28,119 --> 00:12:30,371 When he talks, 520 00:12:30,371 --> 00:12:34,000 he over- and under-emphasizes 521 00:12:30,371 --> 00:12:34,000 words at random. 522 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,377 When he eats, 523 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,377 he holds his fork 524 00:12:36,377 --> 00:12:37,712 like a murderer's knife, 525 00:12:37,712 --> 00:12:40,131 gnawing at 526 00:12:37,712 --> 00:12:40,131 its skewered payload 527 00:12:40,131 --> 00:12:41,840 like a deranged 528 00:12:40,131 --> 00:12:41,840 woodland rodent. 529 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,010 Bring it home. 530 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,010 He smells like Band-Aids. 531 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:46,596 We know he dresses 532 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:46,596 like a Cuban cab driver. 533 00:12:46,596 --> 00:12:47,972 We know he exhibits... 534 00:12:47,972 --> 00:12:50,183 Nay, flaunts, proudly, 535 00:12:50,183 --> 00:12:52,893 obvious symptoms 536 00:12:50,183 --> 00:12:52,893 of over half a dozen disorders 537 00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:55,522 you wouldn't wish 538 00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:55,522 on your worst enemy's pets. 539 00:12:55,522 --> 00:12:56,897 Feel the heat. 540 00:12:56,897 --> 00:12:59,734 We know these things 541 00:12:56,897 --> 00:12:59,734 about Ben Chang. 542 00:12:59,734 --> 00:13:03,321 And so much more than we ever 543 00:12:59,734 --> 00:13:03,321 wanted to know about him. 544 00:13:03,321 --> 00:13:05,490 Why? 545 00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:07,158 Because it's there. 546 00:13:07,158 --> 00:13:09,327 It's on the surface. 547 00:13:09,327 --> 00:13:12,246 What you see 548 00:13:09,327 --> 00:13:12,246 may be what you don't want, 549 00:13:12,246 --> 00:13:15,750 but it's also what you get. 550 00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:18,753 Wow. 551 00:13:18,753 --> 00:13:21,631 Who is this kettle corn 552 00:13:18,753 --> 00:13:21,631 popping phantom? 553 00:13:21,631 --> 00:13:23,341 This human question mark? 554 00:13:23,341 --> 00:13:26,302 This number eight scoop 555 00:13:23,341 --> 00:13:26,302 of vanilla tapioca 556 00:13:26,302 --> 00:13:28,346 with a PhD in Being Swell 557 00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:30,849 and a masters in 558 00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:30,849 Everybody Loves Me? 559 00:13:30,849 --> 00:13:33,184 Who is it? 560 00:13:34,811 --> 00:13:36,895 We may never know. 561 00:13:37,938 --> 00:13:41,900 I only know one thing. 562 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,696 Nobody is this good a person. 563 00:13:46,197 --> 00:13:50,909 And nobody 564 00:13:46,197 --> 00:13:50,909 can get any worse than this. 565 00:13:50,909 --> 00:13:53,204 He's horrible. 566 00:13:54,581 --> 00:13:56,332 Now. 567 00:14:02,881 --> 00:14:05,425 Who's voting for Chang? 568 00:14:06,885 --> 00:14:08,803 Who's voting for Rich? 569 00:14:11,347 --> 00:14:13,224 Uh... 570 00:14:11,347 --> 00:14:13,224 Shirley. 571 00:14:13,224 --> 00:14:15,309 Oh, wow. What you gonna do, 572 00:14:13,224 --> 00:14:15,309 baby? 573 00:14:15,309 --> 00:14:17,270 I don't know. 574 00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:21,274 Shirley, this is the best 575 00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:21,274 kettle corn I've ever had. 576 00:14:21,274 --> 00:14:24,611 If you don't vote for Rich, 577 00:14:21,274 --> 00:14:24,611 I'll shatter your world. 578 00:14:24,611 --> 00:14:27,113 You gonna what? 579 00:14:24,611 --> 00:14:27,113 I'll shatter your world. 580 00:14:27,113 --> 00:14:28,865 I heard you. 581 00:14:27,113 --> 00:14:28,865 I vote for Chang. 582 00:14:28,865 --> 00:14:31,576 Yes, yes. In your face. 583 00:14:28,865 --> 00:14:31,576 Yes. 584 00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:34,454 No. No. 585 00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:34,454 Yes. 586 00:14:34,454 --> 00:14:36,581 Chang and Shirley 587 00:14:34,454 --> 00:14:36,581 had sex on Halloween. 588 00:14:36,581 --> 00:14:38,124 Huh? 589 00:14:36,581 --> 00:14:38,124 What? 590 00:14:38,124 --> 00:14:39,626 What? 591 00:14:38,124 --> 00:14:39,626 What? 592 00:14:39,626 --> 00:14:41,586 You may be pregnant 593 00:14:39,626 --> 00:14:41,586 with his baby. 594 00:14:41,586 --> 00:14:44,464 No, no, no. Mm-mm. 595 00:14:44,464 --> 00:14:45,799 Pierce! 596 00:14:45,799 --> 00:14:47,216 She crossed me. 597 00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:49,343 Is that why 598 00:14:47,216 --> 00:14:49,343 you were interrogating me 599 00:14:49,343 --> 00:14:51,220 about my sexual activity? 600 00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:53,222 Troy? 601 00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:53,222 Chang left me a voicemail 602 00:14:53,222 --> 00:14:56,267 on Halloween 603 00:14:53,222 --> 00:14:56,267 to say that you two did it. 604 00:14:56,267 --> 00:14:58,185 I could hear you 605 00:14:56,267 --> 00:14:58,185 in the background. 606 00:14:58,185 --> 00:15:01,021 Shirley, 607 00:14:58,185 --> 00:15:01,021 what is he talking about? 608 00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:02,690 I don't remember 609 00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:02,690 that night. 610 00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:04,901 Nobody 611 00:15:02,690 --> 00:15:04,901 remembers anything. 612 00:15:04,901 --> 00:15:08,362 Oh. Now I understand 613 00:15:04,901 --> 00:15:08,362 these photos. 614 00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:10,364 Do you mind if I forward these 615 00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:10,364 to my brother? 616 00:15:10,364 --> 00:15:13,493 Oh! I want this man 617 00:15:10,364 --> 00:15:13,493 out of here. 618 00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:15,453 Well, you just voted him in, 619 00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:15,453 so... 620 00:15:15,453 --> 00:15:17,037 What is wrong with you? 621 00:15:17,037 --> 00:15:19,123 Shirley is in crisis. 622 00:15:17,037 --> 00:15:19,123 This isn't silly anymore. 623 00:15:19,123 --> 00:15:20,541 I don't understand. 624 00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:23,085 Just wait, baby. 625 00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:23,085 I don't understand either, 626 00:15:23,085 --> 00:15:25,087 but we can work this out. 627 00:15:23,085 --> 00:15:25,087 We'll figure it out. 628 00:15:28,925 --> 00:15:31,218 Andre, no. 629 00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:36,182 I think that this is 630 00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:36,182 a good time to go. 631 00:15:36,182 --> 00:15:38,768 ANNIE & PIERCE: 632 00:15:36,182 --> 00:15:38,768 Rich, no. 633 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:44,482 You finally did it, 634 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:44,482 Jeff Winger. 635 00:15:44,482 --> 00:15:47,067 You finally hurt this group 636 00:15:44,482 --> 00:15:47,067 in a way that will never heal. 637 00:15:49,779 --> 00:15:51,322 Kettle corn. 638 00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:00,039 There you are. 639 00:16:00,039 --> 00:16:02,333 Can you explain to me 640 00:16:00,039 --> 00:16:02,333 what you've been doing? 641 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:05,753 Well, Annie, when a man loves 642 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:05,753 food and beverages very much, 643 00:16:05,753 --> 00:16:07,672 and they pass 644 00:16:05,753 --> 00:16:07,672 through his system... 645 00:16:07,672 --> 00:16:09,298 I'm not in the mood, Jeff. 646 00:16:09,298 --> 00:16:11,342 Explain your behavior 647 00:16:09,298 --> 00:16:11,342 with Rich today. 648 00:16:11,342 --> 00:16:13,386 Sorry not everyone 649 00:16:11,342 --> 00:16:13,386 is as in love 650 00:16:13,386 --> 00:16:15,763 with Dr. Do-No-Wrong 651 00:16:13,386 --> 00:16:15,763 as you are. 652 00:16:15,763 --> 00:16:17,932 And don't say it's because 653 00:16:15,763 --> 00:16:17,932 I'm jealous of him. 654 00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:19,976 Oh, come on, Jeff. 655 00:16:19,976 --> 00:16:21,227 I'm sick of this. 656 00:16:21,227 --> 00:16:23,270 One minute, 657 00:16:21,227 --> 00:16:23,270 I'm too young to date, 658 00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,481 the next, you're trying 659 00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,481 to get rid of guys I like. 660 00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:27,608 Either you want me, or you 661 00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:27,608 don't. What's it gonna be? 662 00:16:27,608 --> 00:16:29,861 I wish I could give you 663 00:16:27,608 --> 00:16:29,861 an answer that makes sense. 664 00:16:29,861 --> 00:16:31,905 Relationships 665 00:16:29,861 --> 00:16:31,905 are complicated. 666 00:16:31,905 --> 00:16:33,447 And we're in 667 00:16:31,905 --> 00:16:33,447 the men's room. 668 00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:34,991 Fine. 669 00:16:34,991 --> 00:16:37,284 Well, I'm gonna ask Rich out. 670 00:16:37,284 --> 00:16:39,245 Nothing complicated 671 00:16:37,284 --> 00:16:39,245 about that. 672 00:16:42,582 --> 00:16:44,124 There you are. 673 00:16:44,124 --> 00:16:45,919 Did I walk into 674 00:16:44,124 --> 00:16:45,919 the wrong bathroom? 675 00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:48,254 You have to find Andre and talk 676 00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:48,254 to him. Shirley is devastated. 677 00:16:48,254 --> 00:16:50,256 Since when do you want him 678 00:16:48,254 --> 00:16:50,256 in her life? 679 00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:53,342 I'm not a fan of the guy, 680 00:16:50,256 --> 00:16:53,342 but I'm a fan of Shirley 681 00:16:53,342 --> 00:16:55,177 and this is what she wants. 682 00:17:03,394 --> 00:17:04,812 There you are. 683 00:17:11,027 --> 00:17:12,904 Mezzanine? 684 00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:22,246 Hmm. Nice sweater. 685 00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:22,246 Mm. 686 00:17:22,246 --> 00:17:23,623 My dad gave it to me. 687 00:17:24,999 --> 00:17:28,294 So, um... 688 00:17:24,999 --> 00:17:28,294 Look, I'm not mad at Shirley. 689 00:17:28,294 --> 00:17:30,046 You're not? 690 00:17:30,046 --> 00:17:32,924 No, I'm mad at myself. 691 00:17:32,924 --> 00:17:34,968 You know, if I hadn't 692 00:17:32,924 --> 00:17:34,968 left her like I did, 693 00:17:34,968 --> 00:17:37,136 none of this 694 00:17:34,968 --> 00:17:37,136 would've happened. 695 00:17:37,136 --> 00:17:38,846 You ever have something 696 00:17:38,846 --> 00:17:40,264 that you didn't 697 00:17:38,846 --> 00:17:40,264 truly appreciate 698 00:17:40,264 --> 00:17:41,975 until you didn't have it 699 00:17:40,264 --> 00:17:41,975 anymore? 700 00:17:41,975 --> 00:17:45,311 Oh, yeah. Keristina. 701 00:17:45,311 --> 00:17:47,605 Old girlfriend? 702 00:17:45,311 --> 00:17:47,605 Almond facial scrub. 703 00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:49,565 They only make it in Finland. 704 00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:53,277 The old me would have been 705 00:17:49,565 --> 00:17:53,277 long gone by now. 706 00:17:53,277 --> 00:17:55,404 I didn't think 707 00:17:53,277 --> 00:17:55,404 I could ever change 708 00:17:55,404 --> 00:17:58,365 but the love of a good woman 709 00:17:55,404 --> 00:17:58,365 makes anything possible. 710 00:18:01,535 --> 00:18:04,080 Looks like I'm gonna be 711 00:18:01,535 --> 00:18:04,080 a daddy again. 712 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,748 Yeah, but... 713 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,748 Hey. 714 00:18:05,748 --> 00:18:08,167 It doesn't matter 715 00:18:05,748 --> 00:18:08,167 who the baby's father is, 716 00:18:08,167 --> 00:18:10,210 I'm in for the long haul. 717 00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,921 If it's mine, 718 00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:13,881 he's gonna be 719 00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:13,881 a great football player. 720 00:18:13,881 --> 00:18:17,384 And if it's Chang's, 721 00:18:13,881 --> 00:18:17,384 we'll go for golf. 722 00:18:26,811 --> 00:18:29,063 Hey. 723 00:18:26,811 --> 00:18:29,063 Hey. 724 00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:33,109 Annie just texted me. 725 00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:33,109 She asked Rich out. 726 00:18:34,652 --> 00:18:37,488 Cool. 727 00:18:34,652 --> 00:18:37,488 He said no. 728 00:18:37,488 --> 00:18:39,866 He said she's great, 729 00:18:37,488 --> 00:18:39,866 but too young. 730 00:19:13,191 --> 00:19:16,610 Don't say anything until 731 00:19:13,191 --> 00:19:16,610 I've said what I gotta say. 732 00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,905 I've known you 733 00:19:16,610 --> 00:19:18,905 for almost two years now, 734 00:19:18,905 --> 00:19:22,783 and I've never taken you 735 00:19:18,905 --> 00:19:22,783 as seriously as I should have. 736 00:19:22,783 --> 00:19:26,286 You are the strangest, 737 00:19:22,783 --> 00:19:26,286 coolest, 738 00:19:26,286 --> 00:19:29,665 most genuine person 739 00:19:26,286 --> 00:19:29,665 I've ever met, 740 00:19:29,665 --> 00:19:32,960 and the thing 741 00:19:29,665 --> 00:19:32,960 that scares me about you 742 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,129 is how good 743 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,129 you make me wish I was. 744 00:19:37,006 --> 00:19:38,549 Help me, Rich. 745 00:19:38,549 --> 00:19:39,967 Help me become like you. 746 00:19:41,594 --> 00:19:47,433 I mean, 747 00:19:41,594 --> 00:19:47,433 I am so amazing, 748 00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:50,811 but I'm not perfect. 749 00:19:50,811 --> 00:19:53,355 You are. 750 00:19:53,355 --> 00:19:56,275 Give me that power 751 00:19:56,275 --> 00:19:57,735 so I can abuse it. 752 00:19:57,735 --> 00:20:01,822 Heh. Jeff, 753 00:19:57,735 --> 00:20:01,822 you are one funny bunny. 754 00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:03,532 You can't just fake 755 00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:03,532 being good 756 00:20:03,532 --> 00:20:05,325 in order to get away 757 00:20:03,532 --> 00:20:05,325 with doing bad things. 758 00:20:05,325 --> 00:20:06,953 I completely understand. 759 00:20:06,953 --> 00:20:11,457 And do you understand 760 00:20:06,953 --> 00:20:11,457 that I still have to try? 761 00:20:11,457 --> 00:20:16,378 And if you don't help me, 762 00:20:11,457 --> 00:20:16,378 you're a bad person. 763 00:20:17,588 --> 00:20:19,423 You got me there, guy. 764 00:20:19,423 --> 00:20:22,635 Come on in and dry off. 765 00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:25,138 Oh. Smells delicious. 766 00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:25,138 Are you baking? 767 00:20:25,138 --> 00:20:27,265 Yeah, muffin tops. 768 00:20:30,226 --> 00:20:31,560 Today we'll show you 769 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,395 how to make kettle corn 770 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,395 with Dr. Rich. 771 00:20:33,395 --> 00:20:35,773 How do I get 772 00:20:33,395 --> 00:20:35,773 one of those giant spoons? 773 00:20:35,773 --> 00:20:37,984 Well, actually, 774 00:20:35,773 --> 00:20:37,984 I carved this one myself 775 00:20:37,984 --> 00:20:40,653 after lighting struck 776 00:20:37,984 --> 00:20:40,653 an oak tree in my backyard. 777 00:20:40,653 --> 00:20:42,989 And then, I made my nephew 778 00:20:40,653 --> 00:20:42,989 a rocking horse. 779 00:20:42,989 --> 00:20:45,158 That's adorable. 780 00:20:42,989 --> 00:20:45,158 Nice. Smells heavenly. 781 00:20:45,158 --> 00:20:47,243 What sets your kettle corn 782 00:20:45,158 --> 00:20:47,243 apart? 783 00:20:47,243 --> 00:20:48,786 Well, it's a secret ingredient, 784 00:20:48,786 --> 00:20:50,412 a couple extra pinches 785 00:20:48,786 --> 00:20:50,412 of love. 786 00:20:50,412 --> 00:20:52,456 Oh. You can't beat that. 787 00:20:50,412 --> 00:20:52,456 That feels good. 788 00:20:52,456 --> 00:20:53,958 Not this again. 789 00:20:53,958 --> 00:20:56,460 Rich, you know they're doing 790 00:20:53,958 --> 00:20:56,460 a fake morning show. 791 00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:59,338 There are no cameras. 792 00:20:56,460 --> 00:20:59,338 I know. 793 00:20:59,338 --> 00:21:01,340 It's just a fun way 794 00:20:59,338 --> 00:21:01,340 to start the day. 795 00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:04,010 So grab a paddle, partner, 796 00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:04,010 and hop on in here. 797 00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:05,719 You know what, 798 00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:05,719 that does sound... 799 00:21:05,719 --> 00:21:07,763 Yeah.